11 08 2015

1water‘Dry Season’
Due to Maynilad’s rotating water service interruptions, some areas in Metro Manila and Cavite will go “dry.” The President can relate.

1PBRThe Help
A recent tabloid report said Sen. Grace Poe maltreated a household help in the past. When sought for reaction, Binay opted to keep mum while Mar Roxas opted to let Korina answer the question because she is more familiar with the subject.

The same tabloid report also claimed that Grace Poe checked into a rehab facility for drug addiction. Something that even Toby Tiangco wouldn’t believe saying he didn’t see her ‘inside.’

Saying the Liberal Party cannot stay in power “forever,” Vice President Binay’s spokesman Joey Salgado lambasted LP’s alleged “sinister agenda” to stay in power for 20 years. In other news, the Binays have been in power for almost 30 years now – and Alanis Morissette is so tempted to belt out one of her hit songs.

Makati City announced that Goldilocks Bakeshop was the lone bidder for the contract to supply birthday cakes for Makati’s senior citizens. The popular bakeshop submitted a bid of P8.7M – lower than Makati’s approved budget of P9.3M. The savings will be used to shoulder the hospital expenses of obese and diabetic residents.

1waterAlcohol Tracker
There’s a smartphone app that can help users keep track of how much they have been drinking. A local tabloid says Sen. Grace Poe has downloaded it.

According to the Philippine Statistics Authority, the country’s population is expected to reach 101.6 million this year. Again, the number of Filipinos is expected to surpass 101 million this year. If you are single, what’s your excuse?
[Photos: Maynilad, Makati Cake, Lacierda/Salgado: Inquirer.net; Grace Poe: PhilStar; Alcohol Tracker: SlappMe; Philippine Population: CNN]


23 05 2015

THE CHIEF OF POLICE of Carmona, Cavite was sacked after he was caught on video torturing a suspected thief. For a change, the suspected thief was tortured. Normally, we elect them.

Just days after Abigail Binay described a Binay-Poe tandem in 2016 as “ideal,” Sen. Grace Poe said she doesn’t see herself teaming up with the Vice President because, “Sa istilo ng paninilbihan, marahil ay talagang magkaiba kami. Naniniwala ako sa katapatan at pagiging bukas para mabusisi ng ating mga taumbayan.” She uttered those words because saying “Ayaw ko sa corrupt!” would be rude and libelous.

A day after Grace Poe rejected a Binay-Poe tandem in 2016, Vice President Binay said he’s considering Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte as a potential running mate in next year’s elections. But Duterte says he’s not keen on running for vice president because he doesn’t have millions or billions to wage a nationwide campaign. And Vice President Binay was like, “Maliit na bagay.”

Rejected by Grace Poe, Vice President Binay is after Rodrigo Duterte. Tough-talking Duterte is after robbers and thieves. In the words of Grace Poe, “conflict of interest.”

Campaign Chest
Political analysts say a presidential candidate needs a campaign war chest of about 10 to 15 billion pesos. That’s the amount you need to apply for “the job.” And of course, you have to answer questions like, “Where do you see yourself depositing your loot in six years?”

Liberal Party stalwart and Caloocan City Rep. Edgar Erice says Mar Roxas will not slide down to be Grace Poe’s running mate in 2016. Or as Toby Tiangco put it, “the best news of the week.”

imagesLRT Accident
Two LRT trains collided early Sunday morning. Apparently, power fluctuation affected the signaling system and one of the drivers lost control. I was tempted to make a joke but it would be out of line.

New words like sexting, lolz, emoji, thankx and twerking made it to the latest edition of “Collins Official Scrabble Words.” But that’s kinda expected. You know what’s surprising? People still playing Scrabble these days.

In terms of Internet speed, the Philippines ranks 21st out of 22 countries in Asia. Our Internet connection is so slow, the punchline of this joke is still loading.

imagesThe Big One
When asked to rate the readiness of the MMDA in case of a strong earthquake, Chairman Francis Tolentino said, “50 percent.” To be fair, the MMDA is 100 percent ready for the this year’s MMFF.

Earthquake Movie
As the Philippines prepares for ‘The Big One,’ Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, in a recently uploaded promotional video – invited Filipinos to watch the disaster film ‘San Andreas.’ Well played, Warner Bros. Well played.

Bb. Pilipinas-Universe Pia Wurtzbach told GMA News that she’s loveless right now and has no time for romance as she’s busy preparing for the Miss Universe pageant. In totally unrelated and unverified news, President Aquino has not eaten a meal for a day now and has refused to talk to anybody.

Just Friends
Kris Aquino recently clarified that she and Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista were “never lovers.” To which the public said, “We’re never interested.”

Last May 22, Pac-Man turned 35 years old. And just like an ordinary 35-year-old who won’t stop eating, Pac-Man is probably overweight right now.

Born in 1980, Pac-Man just turned 35. And just like an ordinary 35-year-old, Pac-man still believes in ghosts.
“Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.”
~H. L. Mencken

Sound Bites
“I don’t have money and I don’t want to beg for money. This Vice President … I have to spend but I don’t have the money. I don’t like asking around for money, especially from other politicians because I don’t want to incur debt of gratitude.”
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte on reports that VP Binay considers him as a potential running mate

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Cartoon: ToonPool.com; Binay/Duterte: Rappler; LRT: Dennis Datu/DZMM]


28 04 2015

CITING POLITICAL PRESSURE, Bureau of Customs Chief John Phillip Sevilla quit his post. The incorruptible Sevilla bared that he was being pressured to appoint a member of an influential sect to a key post in the bureau. He objected. So when Malacañang insisted, Sevilla decided to resign. He didn’t finish his term. To add insult to injury, he was given a grade of INC.

For the second time, businessman Alberto Lina was appointed customs commissioner. His appointment to the juicy post was welcomed by his family, his friends, and his 18 companies that continue to do business with the BOC.

John Philip Sevilla has resigned as Customs chief. He was replaced by businessman Alberto Lina. Last Friday, Lina took his oath of office. He swore to perform his duties to God, to our country, and to some extent, to INC.

Nepal Earthquake
More than 4,000 people were killed when a magnitude 7.8 earthquake struck Nepal. A week before the disaster, experts gathered in Kathmandu to plan for “a nightmare waiting to happen.” Apparently, their motto was “Better safe than sorry.” Here in the Philippines, “no concrete measures to address the hazards of a massive quake” have been taken despite experts’ warning that at least 35,000 people would die if a magnitude 7.2 earthquake hits Metro Manila. Which is not surprising since the government’s motto is, “To see is to believe.”

Experts say Metro Manila is NOT so ready for a massive earthquake. Local government officials have other priorities. Maybe we can change that. Beginning today, let’s stop using the term “earthquake” and start calling it “election.”

A Google executive at the base camp of Mount Everest died in an avalanche triggered by the magnitude 7.8 earthquake that struck Nepal. The Google executive was found after a search.

Because she’s “vulnerable,” authorities said, Filipina Mary Jane Veloso became a victim of “deception.” Again, “vulnerable victim of deception.” Politicians have a collective term for that: voters.

Filipina Mary Jane Veloso is still alive. Her execution originally scheduled Tuesday midnight was suspended. That’s the good news. The bad news is ER Ejercito might just do a film about her.

AFP chief of staff Gen. Gregorio Pio Catapang says no ISIS militants operate from the Philippines. But based on intelligence data, there are Abu Sayyaf, BIFF, private armed groups, senators, congressman, governors, mayors, etc.

Liberal Party stalwart Edgar Erice said, “If God will bless us, he will give us Mar Roxas and Grace Poe. If God will punish us, he will give us UNA.” When sought for reaction, God said, “I’m busy. I have a scheduled meeting with Duterte.”

LP stalwart and Caloocan Rep. Edgar Erice says Dingdong Dantes and Isko Moreno are two potential bets for senator of the ruling coalition. In response, God was like, “Talk about punishment!”

According to the latest World Happiness Report, Switzerland is the happiest country in the world. The Philippines was 90th in the happiness index – which was really disappointing considering the fact that we’ve got some of the biggest jokes in the three branches of our government.

While taking a walk in Madrid, Spain, Sen. Pia Cayetano’s phone was snatched by a bicycle-riding man. When the senator shouted for help, bystanders moved to catch the suspect. The police described the thief as young and remorseless who’s got a bright future in politics.
“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”
~Martin Luther King Jr.

Sound Bites
“We consider Commissioner Sunny Sevilla an honest, competent, no-nonsense professional whose departure will be a great loss to the Bureau of Customs and this administration. It is a sad day when principled professionals deem it untenable to stay in office.”
~Makati Business Club

Bracing for the big one: Is Metro Manila quake-ready?

Be prepared!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: John Philip Sevilla: Inquirer.net; Nepal Quake:On Islam.Net; Erice: Journal.Com; Sen. Pia Cayetano]


13 04 2015

HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON has officially announced that she would seek the US presidency in 2016. When asked if her announcement was made too early, Clinton replied, “It’s actually too late – by Binay’s standards.”

Former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton has declared her intention to run for president in 2016. With her announcement, Hillary expects critics to pounce on her. But she’s unafraid saying she doesn’t own an hacienda and she didn’t benefit from an overpriced building anyway.

In announcing her bid for the US presidency, former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton said, “Everyday Americans need a champion. I want to be that champion.” To which Filipinos replied, “Don’t give Manny Pacquiao the idea. Please.”

In 2012, former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton said she wouldn’t run for president of the United States again. On Monday, she declared her bid for the presidency. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is suing her for copyright infringement.

All-time Low
Vice President Binay’s net satisfaction rating dropped to an all-time low according to the latest SWS survey. From +44 in December, it’s down to +31 in March. Since last year, his numbers have been declining. Even the Court of Appeals was like, “Can’t help you with that. Sorry.”

Online reports say DILG Secretary Mar Roxas is quitting his post this coming June. He didn’t elaborate on the matter but he told the media, “Everyday Filipinos need a champion. I want to be that champion.”

1ClintonSpecial Offer
Vice President Binay wanted DILG Sec. Mar Roxas to be his running mate in 2016. Apparently, Binay follows the dictum, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Reports say President Aquino has advised Sec. Mar Roxas to do something to improve his ratings in the presidential surveys. So this morning, Roxas petitioned the court to allow him to use the surname ‘Binay.’

1ClintonSecond Chance
Aldrin Jeff Cudia, the controversial cadet who was dismissed from the PMA last year has passed the entrance exam at the UP College of Law. If you would recall, the PMA kicked Cudia out “for lying.” Now, he wants to be a lawyer. He’s on the right track. Congratulations!

Delfin Lee
In a letter sent to the Senate, detained real estate developer Delfin Lee of Globe Asiatique accused Vice President Binay of extortion. Lee, who is furious at Binay, is facing charges of syndicated estafa, a non-bailable offense. When asked if he believed in the adage, “Galit ang magnanakaw sa kapwa magnanakaw,” Lee replied, “Correction please! I am not galit!”

The Volunteers Against Crime and Corruption or VACC is studying the possibility of filing murder charges against former PNP Chief Alan Purisima, former SAF chief Getulio Napeñas Jr. and President Aquino. The VACC is demanding justice, accountability, and publicity.

1Clinton‘Milk Tea’ Tragedy
Based on the initial tests conducted by the Food and Drug Administration, no toxic substance was found in the milk tea sample that killed two persons in Sampaloc, Manila last Friday. The tea house has been ordered closed but the son of the owner insists their products are safe to consume. To prove his claim, he’s willing to send unlimited free samples to the Senate and Congress.
“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Sound Bites
“Eh ano ba naman ‘yong magkapatawaran do’n sa ginawa para lang sa taong-bayan, para at sa ikabubuti ng bayan natin.”
~Makati Mayor Junjun Binay on his father’s offer to Mar Roxas to be his running mate

“Whatever happens, I will never tread the crooked path. I will only follow the straight path.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

Have a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Clinton: Reuters; Roxas/Binay: Inquirer.net; Delfin Lee: Rappler; ErgoCha: @JLDeJesusINQ]


23 03 2015

SPEAKING BEFORE some 2,000 members of the Integrated Bar of the Philippines in Cebu, Vice President Binay presented his plans for his first 100 days in office if he becomes president. In his speech, the Vice President called for “the elimination of graft and corruption.” The statement alarmed his allies, and fueled speculations he’s capable of hurting himself.

In his speech during the IBP convention in Cebu, Vice President Binay called for “the elimination of graft and corruption.” To those who say that the Vice President has no sense of humor, sorry to disappoint you.

In Cebu City, Vice President Binay detailed his plans for his first 100 days in office as president. Not to be outdone, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas detailed his plans for his first 100 days as a civilian.

There was a rumor that President Aquino “collapsed” last Friday evening. According to Pulse Asia, the President’s BP dropped to its lowest level since he was elected president.

President Aquino has denied that he collapsed last Friday evening. There’s no truth to the rumor. Everything is normal: soda binge-drinking, smoking, coughing. Nothing to worry about.

Another rumor said the President collapsed, hit his head on something, and when he regained consciousness, he wanted to say sorry for the Mamasapano debacle. That rumor is so NOT true. It will never happen.

It was in fact TV5 reporter JV Lim Arcena who first tweeted about the rumor quoting his unidentified “source.” Apparently, Arcena was fed wrong or misleading information. Or as the President would say, “Nabola si Arcena.”

Makati Standoff
Supporters of Mayor Junjun Binay returned to the Makati City hall quadrangle Sunday following reports that Vice Mayor Kid Peña will attempt to enter the city hall on Monday. It has been an orderly gathering so far. Good day for democracy. And an even better day… for Jollibee. #soldout

According to a Pulse Asia survey, 29 percent of Filipinos were undecided on whether President Aquino should quit his post or not. As for those who took a stand: 42 percent said the President should NOT resign while 29 percent were militants.

A Pulse Asia survey showed 8 in 10 Filipinos were not satisfied with President Aquino’s explanation on the Mamasapano encounter. The other two were his spokesmen.

1kimJeane Returns
Pork barrel queen Janet Napoles’s controversial daughter Jeane is back in the country. Authorities were ordered to track her movements. Agents have been deployed in Fort Sto. Domingo, the Napoles residence, and all branches of Louis Vuitton, Bvlgari, Hermes, Balenciaga, Gucci and Prada.

In an Instagram post, Kris Aquino revealed that her brother Noynoy was “kinikilig.” She’s apparently referring to rumors that the President has been seeing Miss Universe-Philippines Pia Wurtzbach. Critics are not as excited and optimist though. To avoid another heartbreak, they made a checklist for the President: Chocolates, check! Flowers, check! Dinner, check! Reality check.

Twitter’s Birthday
Last Saturday, March 21, Twitter turned 9 years old. To mark this milestone, here are 9 controversial, memorable, fearless, and outrageous tweets from some famous Filipinos:


Wanted: Pogi
Taong 2010 nang makilala ng publiko ang speechwriter ng Pangulo na si Mai Mislang dahil sa kanyang brutally honest tweets habang nasa state visit sa Vietnam ang presidente. Ano na kayang nangyari sa kanya?
A: Naghahanap pa rin ng poging Vietnamese
B: Short-lived ang kasikatan; nag-flop ang mga sumunod na pelikula
C: Ewan. Mukha ba akong interesado?


… ang tanong ng publiko sa kasagsagan ng pananalanta ng Bagyong Sendong sa Visayas? Actress Valerie Concepcion provided the answer. Unwittingly. On Twitter.


She’s Got Balls
Georgina Wilson’s anti-Erap sentiment in 2009 resurfaced in 2014 – offending Estrada’s son, Jake Ejercito. She apologized for offending the Ejercitos but she refused to delete the tweet. Fierce!


Mega Meltdown
There was a time in 2012 when Sharon Cuneta would engage her online critics (mostly, Piolo Pascual sympathizers) in a nasty and angry exchange almost everyday of her not-so-busy-then life. She put the ‘patol’ in patola.


A Villafuerte scion couldn’t, or probably refused to understand the outpouring of love for the late DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo. [The Villafuertes and Robredos were political rivals in Bicol.] He has since apologized for his tweets but not after getting pilloried by netizens.


Korina vs. Maligno
When I tweeted something about Korina Sanchez’s alleged anti-Binay commentary on radio, Nancy Binay replied. We’re still trying to get the side of the maligno. Can’t wait to see its reaction to the comparison.


Miriam vs. LGBT
Miriam Quiambao got flak for saying that being gay is “a lie from the devil.”  Too bad for Miriam, even God wouldn’t confirm the veracity of her statement.


Think before you click.
After a loss, outspoken Don Allado vented his frustrations at the referees by tweeting that games were “fixed” and that it was “a disgrace to be part of the PBA.” Allado was banned from playing for one season. Be careful what you wish for indeed!


Gibberish Jules
In case you didn’t know, Congress’s top absentee Jules Ledesma used to post “WTF was that” tweets such as this one. I wonder if he still does. Ambot!

Happy Birthday Twitter!
“Pride is the mother of arrogance.”
~ Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut

Sound Bites
“For the first time, I was happy that my hair is short because it will show if I have stitches. I tried to feel my head, there’s no bump,”
~President Aquino on rumors he collapsed last week

Have a hassle-free week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino and Binay: Philippine Daily Inquirer; Tweets from the celebrities’ public accounts]


11 03 2015

IN A PRAYER gathering attended by evangelical church leaders in Malacañang on Monday, President Aquino enumerated sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas’s lapses that resulted in the disastrous Mamasapano mission. But he made no mention of the involvement of then suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima in the operation. When sought for reaction, evangelical leaders said, “Let he who is without a long-time friend cast the first stone.”

Without mentioning the involvement of his longtime friend, General Alan Purisima, the President pinned the blame solely on sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas whom he accused of turning the Mamasapano operation into a “mission impossible.” Talking about mission impossible, this President will self-destruct in 5 seconds.

According to the President, the Mamasapano operation became a “mission impossible.” To have an idea of what a “mission impossible” is, you may ask the President’s PR crisis managers.

Sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas was solely blamed for the Mamasapano mission by President Aquino. But relatives of the SAF44 refused to believe the President’s latest tirade against him. In their defense, who does?

For the nth time, President Aquino blamed sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas for the disastrous Mamasapano operation last January. He blamed Napeñas for “fooling” him. He blamed Napeñas for giving him the wrong information. He blamed Napeñas for not coordinating with the AFP. He blamed Napeñas for not deploying more troops. He blamed Napeñas for going “solo.” And he blamed Napeñas for not following orders. This latest tongue-lashing has prompted Napeñas to request for an NSO-authenticated birth certificate to check if his surname was indeed Napeñas and not Arroyo.

Saying he was “fooled” when fed with wrong information, a defiant President Aquino blamed sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas for the Mamasapano mission. Last Monday, he narrated his version of the operation before an audience of evangelical leaders — who were so impressed they offered him the role of Pontius Pilate in an upcoming senakulo.

Flagdown Rate
The government has ordered taxi operators to implement a 10-peso cut in their flagdown rate starting Monday, March 9. But this early, the LTFRB has been receiving complaints from commuters against cabbies who refused to give them the correct change. Apparently, many cab drivers refused to follow the order. Or as President Aquino would call them, “Napeñas.”

1gnMrs. Clooney
The Arroyo camp reported that George Clooney’s wife, lawyer Amal Alamuddin has brought the case of detained former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to the UN Commission on Human Rights. According to GMA’s lawyer Larry Gadon, Mrs. Clooney is convinced that Arroyo is a victim of political persecution. With that, Amal Alamuddin officially replaces Raymond Fortun as this month’s most hated lawyer.

Amal Alamuddin-Clooney was once the lawyer of former Libyan intelligence chief Abdallah Al Senussi who was jailed for his alleged crimes against humanity. To be fair to Mrs. Arroyo, she’s a lesser evil.

Apple Watch
Apple has released more details about its upcoming smartwatch, the Apple Watch. Depending on the metals used, the Apple Watch will cost from as low as $349 to as high as $17,000. The best feature of the Apple Watch is that every day, it reminds owners to stop wasting their hard-earned money on watches.

A man in Brgy. Biga 2, Silang, Cavite was arrested for having sex with a pregnant cow. The suspect who was high on drugs refused to own up to his mistake and blamed the cow for giving him wrong information and fooling him into thinking that it was a woman.

Unconfirmed reports say the 46-year-old suspect in the rape of a cow in Cavite is keen on hiring Bong Revilla’s spokesperson, Raymond Fortun as lawyer. He expects Fortun to tell the media it was just an “accidental rape.”

A drug addict in Silang, Cavite was arrested for having sex with a cow. In his defense, he screwed an animal – while some politicians in Cavite were screwing taxpayers.

Last Monday, also in Malacañang, President Aquino was asked about his love life. He described it as “below zero” but expressed hope he’d find the one “in God’s time.” To which God replied, “Mission impossible.”
“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.”
~Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

Sound Bites
“Maraming wishful thinking si Napeñas compared to reality. Maliwanag sa akin, binola ako. Madaling maipapakita sa lahat ang ebidensiya: cellphone record, witnesses, et cetera. Sinolo ni Napeñas ang misyon, siya ang nagdesisyon. Ang dami niyang desisyon; may times na ang mga desisyon niya palpak.”
~President Aquino, 3.09.2015

“Sino lang naman ba si Napeñas para itong ganito kalaking operasyon ay solohin niya ang desisyon? Ito’y alam ng kanyang superior, although suspendido pero si (Purisima) ang namamahala. The President was also briefed of this mission.”
~Vitaliano Aguirre, counsel for SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas

“This is the latest development in the shrinking of the man from a credible President to a small-minded bureaucrat trying to erase his fingerprints from a disastrous project.”
~Akbayan Rep. Walden Bello who declared Tuesday his withdrawal support for President Aquino

Have a fun week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino: Malacañang Photo Bureau; Getulio Napeñas: Inquirerdotnet; Amal Alamuddin: Reuters;; Apple.Com; Cow Rape: ABSCBNNews.com]

QUIZtion: Current Events Edition 2015

7 03 2015

HOW updated are you? Find out by answering this current events quiz.

1: According to lawyer Raymond Fortun, what did Jolo Revilla tell Bong when the senator visited his son at the Asian Hospital?
A: “Papa, I’m sorry.”
B: “Papa, siguro naman titino ka na after this.”
C: “Papa, it was an accident.”
D: “Papa, should we tell the truth?”

2: Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is the leader of what group?
B: KathNiel Forever-Mindanao Chapter
D: Boko Haram

3: The latest study showed that the average penis size globally is 5.5 inches. At 7.1 inches, the most well hung are the people of Congo while North Koreans have the smallest penis on average, 3.8 inches. What’s the average size for Filipino men?
A: 4”
B: 4.2”
C: 4.5”
D: ‘Wag nang umasa. Wala nang ilalaki pa. It’s just A, B, or C!

4: According to economists surveyed by Bloomberg, this year’s “all-stars of the global economy” are forecast to grow more than 5 percent in 2015. That’s higher than the predicted worldwide average growth of 3.2 percent. China is expected to be No. 1. What country is ranked second?
A: Kenya
B: Japan
C: South Korea
D: Philippines

ABUSAYYAF5: Who is this man?
A: Bomb-making expert Basit Usman
B: Puregold owner Lucio Co
C: Abu Sayyaf leader Radullan Sahiron
D: Asia’s richest man Sir Ka-Shing

6: On Instagram, Kris Aquino announced that she’s treating members of the Quezon City Police District to free halo-halo in her fast food restaurant. Quezon City cops can avail themselves a total of how many free orders of halo-halo until Easter Sunday?
A: 1000
B: 100
C: 500
D: Order-All-You-Can

7: President Robert Mugabe, the oldest world leader today celebrated his 91st birthday recently with a lavish, multimillion dollar birthday party. Of which country is Mugabe president?
A: Ethiopia
B: Nigeria
C: Zimbabwe
D: Mozambique

8: Who has been tapped to play the role of asylum-seeking CIA leaker Edward Snowden in the movie to be directed by Oliver Stone?
A: Jake Gyllenhaal
B: Shia LaBeouf
C: ER Ejercito
D: Joseph Gordon-Levitt

1Valdez9: Recently indicted for plunder and seven counts of graft, party-list representative Edgar Valdez is now detained at Camp Bagong Diwa. If Bong was Pogi and Jinggoy was Sexy, what code name was used by Janet Napoles for Valdez?
A: Bigote
B: Kuryente
C: Adele Dazeem
D: Browny

10: Ranked 1,741st in the world, which athlete made it to Forbes’ elite list of billionaires?
A: Cristiano Ronaldo
B: Floyd Mayweather Jr.
C: Michael Jordan
D: Tiger Woods

11: If the Bangsamoro Basic Law is approved, how much money will be allocated annually for the envisioned new autonomous Muslim region?
A: P75 billion
B: P10 billion
C: P500 million
D: P50 billion

Jamich12: Paolinne Michelle Liggayu or Mich of the hit Youtube tandem, Jamich once joined what reality talent show?
A: StarStruck Kids
B: PBB Teen Edition 1
C: Star Circle Quest
D: StarStruck
“By bringing current events into the classroom, everyday discussion, and social media, maybe we don’t need to wait for our grandchildren’s questions to remind us we should have paid more attention to current events.”
~Adora Svitak

Have a great weekend!

Answer Key:
1: A.

2: C

3: B

4: D

5: B

6: A

7: C

8: D

9: B

10: C

11: A

12: D

What does your score mean:
12-10 pts: Great! Concerned ka pa pala naman sa nangyayari sa paligid mo.
9-7: Pwede na.
6: Alam mo ‘yong tsamba?
5 or lower: Kung may time kang mag-Facebook, try mo ring magbasa ng balita. Kthxbye.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Jolo/Bong: Raymond Fortun; Valdez: House of Representatives; Lucio Co: Forbes.Com; Mich Liggayu: @iovejamich)


4 03 2015

A PHOTO OF A DRESS posted online created quite a stir last week. Some say the dress is black and blue while others insist it’s white and gold. The debate only stopped when Jolo Revilla was hospitalized and people started debating whether it was a suicide attempt or an accidental shooting.

The Sandiganbayan allowed Bong Revilla to visit his son Jolo at the Asian Hospital in Muntinlupa. Reports say an emotional Jolo apologized to his father. When you have done something wrong, you usually do that: You say sorry. Unless you’re the President.

Initial reports said the shooting was a suicide attempt. The next day, the Revillas’ lawyer told the press it was an accidental shooting. This unfortunate incident has definitely taught the Revillas some lessons – not just in handling weapons but in handling talent manager Lolit Solis as well.

Lump Sum
Solons have questioned a provision in the proposed Bangsamoro Basic Law that grants the new autonomous region a 27-billion peso annual lump sum. The budget is being compared to PDAF or IRA which has been declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. Here’s a tip: Compel MILF leaders to drop this demand by telling them it’s pork.

Forget about #TheDress that polarized the entire cyberspace. Here’s a more thought-provoking photo. Can you tell if these men were BIFF or MILF? The answer may surprise you.


Former APEC party-list Rep. Edgar Valdez has surrendered to authorities following his indictment in the P10-billion pork barrel scam. But Valdez is not in jail yet. After turning himself in, he asked to be confined at the PNP General Hospital because he’s sick. Or as other corruption suspects would call it, “in keeping with tradition.”

1Tingting vs. Kris
Last February 24, Peping Cojuangco’s wife, Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco said she’d “leave the country” if her niece, Kris Aquino would win an elective post in Tarlac. When asked if she’s running for governor herself, Tingting was tightlipped. And tight-cheeked.

Tingting Cojuangco clarified that her statement on Kris Aquino was just a “figure of expression.” She was just joking – although when you look at her, it was hard to tell.

Sen. Koko Pimentel is reportedly filing a bill seeking to grant tax exemption for multimillionaire Manny Pacquiao in his upcoming superfight against Floyd Mayweather Jr. Pimentel said the country will generate “unprecedented honor and world recognition” because of the “tremendous publicity” that will mark the run-up to the fight. The only thing more “tremendous” than that is the publicity that Pimentel will generate in filing the bill.

According to Forbes, the number of Filipino billionaires ($) has increased to 11. The worst thing about that is we’re not one of them.

Teen Daddy
According to the latest research, children of teenage dads are likely to have low IQ. On the brighter side, they’ll be great DotA players.

Voting 6 to 2, a court in South Korea has ruled that adultery is no longer a crime. The decision was lauded by women’s groups, proponents of individual freedom, and Bong Revilla.

The jealous wife of Vice Mayor Jonah Ungab of Ronda town in Cebu Province is facing frustrated murder charges for attacking her husband’s alleged mistress, 30-year-old lawyer, Jiecel Tiu. Vice Mayor Ungab has made himself scarce after the incident. Rumors say he has flown to South Korea to seek permanent residency.

Mrs. Pearl Ungab, the 47-year-old wife of a mayor in Cebu is facing frustrated murder charges for attacking her husband’s alleged mistress, lawyer Jiecel Tiu (above photo). Mrs. Ungab admitted that she attacked Jiecel with a baseball bat. To which Mrs. Cristina Enrile said, “Thanks for the tip.”
“When people kill themselves, they think they’re ending the pain, but all they’re doing is passing it on to those they will leave behind.”
~Jeannette Walls

Sound Bites
“Papa, I’m sorry.”
~Jolo Revilla to Bong Revilla according to lawyer Raymond Fortun

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Tingting Cojuangco: Inquirerdotnet; BIFF Pic: Mark Navales/GMA News; Jiecel Tiu: Henry Sy: GMA News; Christian Maningo/Cebu Daily News]


28 02 2015

“GOSH! Nakakaloka talaga ang week na ‘to, I swear! Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. You know me naman, right? Wala akong itinatago sa publiko. Ibato n’yo nang lahat na putik o baho sa akin, keri kong lahat ‘yan. ‘Wag n’yo lang akong sasabihang gumagawa ng kwento dahil tinitiyak ko sa inyo: I am not a liar!

Sa mga ‘di pa nakakaalam, up na ‘yong blog ko. Yeahhhh. Kasi nga, multimedia queen ‘di ba? Besides, sobrang dami ko pang kwento sa inyo na hindi ko masabi sa tatlong shows ko dahil wala nang time. Pati nga sa pagtulog, kung anu-ano nang nasasabi ko eh! Share ko lang. This morning, lumapit sina Bimbz at Josh. Sabi nila, “Mom, you’re making daldal while you’re asleep last night.” Sabi ko, “Realllllly? What did I say?” Bimb answered, “You said, ‘I miss Mayor! I miss Mayor!’ You sounded kilig pa nga eh. Do you still love Tito Herbert, Mom?” NAKAKALOKA! Na-stun daw talaga ako. Wala akong naisagot. Aha-ha-ha Pati ba naman sa pagtulog, intriga pa rin?!? Hay naku.

Anyway, to continue. More than a month nang tinitira si Kuya Noy because of what happened in the South. Promise, ang daming opportunists sa world. Everyone’s taking advantage of the situation para pababain ang kapatid ko. Can’t you just wait for 2016? Hellllo!

So heto na nga… while those nega were talking about resignation, coup d’etat, transition council whatever, et cetera and all, naisipan kong mag-post sa blog ng isang bombshell. I’m sure, mababaling ang public attention sa revelation ko. You know naman the masa. Everything Krissy, kinakagat. At least maiiba naman ang topic sa news.

A day before the EDSA anniv, I wrote a post titled “The State of My Heart.” Bongga ‘di ba? Very SONA! Aha-ha-ha At ang pasabog ko that day, Mayor Bistek offered to marry me before we broke up last year! GRABE!!! BOMBSHELL KUNG BOMBSHELL! CONTROVERSIAL! AN EXCLUSIVE, EXPLOSIVE, EXPOSÉ! WHAT A REVELATION! Bababa ang presyo ng bilihin! Magro-rollback ang halaga ng gasolina! Maaayos ang traffic situation sa Metro Manila! Hihinto ang ikot ng mundo! Et cetera, et cetera!

Or so I thought. The next morning, I asked Darlah.

“Dear… top story ba?”

“Nasa news and showbiz section naman ng ilang websites Krissy pero sakto lang. ‘Di masyado.”

“FINE. Tse!”

And before the day ended, I received a sarcastic text message pa from Mayor. Ang sabi, “Nag-Chinese New Year na, mag-move on ka na.”

Helllllooooo! Mag-move on???? Gusto mong i-screencap ko ang sweet nothings mo via text kapag morning?!? Hmpff! I hate you! Akala mo kung sinong malaki! Ang liit-liit naman! Ay!! Ano ba ‘yong nasabi ko. Sorry! Aha-ha-ha. Promise, ‘di ko pa nakikita. But almost. A-ha-ha-ha!

MOVING ON… thank you nga pala kay Noy for inviting me to Malacañang last Thursday to meet French President Francois Hollande. Siyempre, fly ako sa palasyo. Palalampasin ko ba naman ang opportunity na ‘to? Minsan lang ‘to ‘no! Baka sa susunod na visit dito ni President Hollande, sina Nancy at Abby Binay na ang sumalubong. Alam mo na! Ayaw ni Korina ng ganyan. Aha-ha-ha

Parang nai-imagine ko na kapag si Mareng Nancy ang sumalubong kay President Hollande.

“Bonsoir Madame!”

“Panganay Monsieur!”

“Nagva-vaque çå vå ng çaque?”

“Oui, nagbi-bake ako ng cake.”

OR SOMETHING like that. Aha-ha-aha. I’m so mean. I love you Nancy. You know naman that our family supports your family ‘di ba. So, don’t take this personally. Love, love, love!

Sanga pala, I want you to know na mahusay ako sa French because my mom spoke French fluently. In fairness, nagamit ko ang mga itinuro niya. She must be so proud of me. I love you mom.

Speaking of moms, last Thursday kasi while I was in Malacañang, Gretchen Fullido, yeah, the other Gretchen, sing-ganda pero ‘di sing mahal, texted me that Jam of Jamich was getting weak na talaga.

So nagmadali talaga akong pumunta sa St. Luke’s in BGC. ‘Di na ako nagbihis. Yeahh, naka-evening gown pa ako papuntang ospital straight from Malacañang. And of course, I had to take a photo of me sa tabi ng bed ni Jam with his mom and posted this agad on Instagram.

By the way, thank you @carysantiago for that fabulous gown. Bongga ka talaga! I love youuuuu.

Finally, before I end this long kwento… gusto ko lang mag-react sa statement ng isang matandang relative namin.

She’s been saying negative things about Kuya Noy for so long and matagal-tagal na rin akong nagtitimpi. Unang-una, hindi ka namin kadugo. Nakiki-Cojuangco ka lang. ‘Kita naman sa skin ‘no. Ang layo! EXCUSEZ-MOI! ‘Yan, napa-French tuloy ako sa sobrang inis. Ayoko nang mag-elaborate! Basta ang skin namin nina Ate Ballsy, Ate Pinky, (Ate) Viel and even Kuya Noy, gumagalaw pa. Ewan ko lang ‘yong sa iba d’yan!

And I have to be honest. I was offended when she said na aalis daw siya ng Tarlac kapag tumakbo akong governor. CARE BEARS! Firstly, hindi ako interesadong maging governor ‘no! Helllllo! It’s the Senate or nothing! Secondly, kahit umalis ka pa ng Tarlac, ng Pilipinas o ng Earth, NOBODY WOULD CARE. You were junked by Filipinos last elections remember? HELLLLLOOOO! Kahit yata tumakbo kang walang kalaban, you wouldn’t win! Tse!

Nakaka-stress these people! Palibhasa, ‘di nila mahawakan sa leeg si Noy. Hay naku Krissy… focus on positive things na lang. Blessed ka naman ‘di ba? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE na lang.

FOR MORE CHIKA, visit my blog please. Marami pa akong update about my interrupted romance with Mayor. Promise, malalaman n’yo na ang size ng shoes niya… exclusive! And you know naman what they say kapag malaki o maliit ang sapatos ‘di ba? BASTA!

Darlah, text mo naman si Darren Espanto o. Ask mo kung pwede siyang kumanta sa bahay mamaya. Pampa-good vibes lang. And tell Darren, I have gifts for him, ok? Thanks!
“The most basic way to get someone’s attention is this: Break a pattern.”
~Chip Heath, Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die

Sound Bites
“Super dedmabels sa mga nega. I have no skeletons in any closet left, hanggang bulalo ko alam n’yo na ang kwento. And sa kadaldalan ko, may anomalya bang magaganap na makakalusot? But politics is not happening this 2016. For now, I am blessed to be an entertainer (host and occasional actress), an endorser, a producer, a website owner, a restaurant franchise owner, an investor, and a mother.”
~Kris Aquino

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Star: Kris/Herbert; PixGood.Com: Tingting; Kris Aquino’s Instagram]


17 02 2015

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, the President and the Vice President of the Republic of the Philippines….

AQUINO: Mga minamahal kong kababayan
BINAY: Mahal ko rin ho kayo mga kababayan. Doble pa.

Nagpasya kaming humarap sa inyo dahil sa mga pangyayari sa ating bansa ngayon.
Kung ako lang ho ang masusunod ay hindi ko gagawin ito. Nakikisama lang talaga ako.

Hindi po lingid sa inyong kaalaman, dumaraan sa matinding krisis ang aking administrasyon.
Technically, bahagi rin po ako ng administrasyon pero hindi ko naman masyadong ramdam ang tinutukoy na krisis.

Masakit pong mapagbintangang nagsisinungaling.
Alam ko ‘yan.

Pinagdududahan na rin nila ang aking mga pahayag.
Relate ako d’yan.

At kinukuwestyon ang aking kredibilidad.
Sanayan lang.

Hanggang ngayon, wala pa ring hinto ang mga puna at batikos.
‘Buti na lang ‘yong sa akin lumamig na.

Sa harap ng pagsubok na ito, isa lang ang tinitiyak ko sa inyo: hindi po ako magnanakaw!
Teka, ba’t naman napunta d’yan ang usapan? ‘Di ba Maguindanao ang isyu? Balik tayo do’n.

Ang mga maka-Kaliwang grupo, panay na panay ang bira sa akin.
Nabasa ko nga sa diyaryo.

Wala ka bang reaksyon sa sinabi ko Manong Jojo?
Hindi ko masyadong narinig ang sinabi mo. Sorry.

Pati mga obispong walang kibo sa corruption ni Arroyo noon, tinitira na rin ako ngayon!
‘Yan ang ‘di ko pa nabasa. No comment muna.

Tama po bang pababain ako sa puwesto? Tama po bang pilitin akong iwan ang sinumpaan kong tungkulin?
Sumagot kayo mga kababayan. Kayo ho yata ang tinatanong, hindi ako.

At kung susundin ko ang kagustuhan nilang ako’y magbitiw, sigurado ba silang matino ang papalit sa akin?
To be fair, wala pa naman silang binabanggit na pangalan. Huwag ka munang manghusga Noy. Hintayin muna natin.

Sa pagkakataong ito, nagpapasalamat ako kay Manong Jojo dahil hindi yata siya sang-ayong ako’y mag-resign.
Mabilis na ang one year Noy. Hindi naman ako gano’n kaatat. Kaya ko namang maghintay.

Manong, hindi ko puwedeng kalimutan ang suporta n’yo sa aking ama’t ina.
Salamat Noy.

Hindi ko rin puwedeng kalimutan ang paglaban natin noon sa kurapsyon sa pamahalaan.
Salamat Noy.

Ano hong nangyari?
Salamat Noy.

Hindi mo sinagot ang tanong ko Manong Jojo.
Hindi ko masyadong naintindihan ang tanong. Nagti-text ako. Pero tama ka. Malalim ang ating pinagsamahan.

Pareho tayong lumaban sa diktadurya.
Pareho tayong lumaban kay Gloria.

Pareho tayong may hacienda.
Gago ka.

Joke lang Manong! What I mean is, malayo na ho ang narating natin pareho. Mula Makati City… biglang naging pangalawang pangulo. Suwerte!
Namatay si Tita Cory, biglang naging presidente. Mas suwerte!

Ang nais ko lang iparating sa mga nanonood ngayon: kitang-kita naman po ninyo – matatag ang ating administrasyon.
Ahhh, kaya pala isinama mo ako rito.

Hindi naman sa gano’n Manong. Sama-sama po nating lalampasan ang krisis na ito.
‘Pag krisis n’yo, kasama ako? ‘Pag krisis ko, akin lang? Gano’n?!

Gano’n na nga ho, este… Inuulit ko, wala ho akong balak bumaba sa puwesto.
Try mo ring mag-isip-isip pa. Baka naman nabibigla ka lang. May time ka pa para mag-decide talaga with finality.

Tatapusin ho natin ang aking termino, at sa 2016, isasalin natin nang maayos ang liderato sa mahahalal na bagong pangulo.
Wow, thank you.

Ay! ‘Wag pakasigurado.

Maraming salamat at magandang gabi po sa inyong lahat.
Sana nga.
“Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start”

~Coldplay, The Scientist

Pic of the Weak
According to the dictionary, an opportunist is a person who exploits circumstances to gain immediate advantage rather than being guided by consistent principles or plans. In other news, unseated Laguna governor ER Ejercito is doing a movie on the Fallen 44.

12Sound Bites
“Ang papel ni Norberto Gonzales, manggulo sa Pilipinas.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes on the alleged coup plot vs. Presidente Aquino


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino and Binay: Inquirer.Net;  ER Ejercito’s Facebook via ABS-CBN News]



13 02 2015

IN A RECENT Social Weather Stations survey, 58 percent of single women and 37 percent of single men said they do not have a love life. The rest were lying to themselves.

Fifty one percent of Filipinos believe in giving love a second chance. Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada disagreed. For him, love should be given at least seven chances.

According to the same survey, 49 percent of Filipinos said their love life was very happy while the other 40 percent said it could be happier. The remaining 11 percent said, “What love life?”

The SWS survey also revealed that 60 percent of married men have a very happy love life. The other 40 percent wished they were still single.

A study says people who give surprises are appreciated more by their significant other. So if you’re planning to surprise someone on Valentine’s Day, keep it a secret. Do not tell her friends, her family, or Mar Roxas and General Espina.

House That?
Last Wednesday, congressmen started investigating the Maguindanao clash. The hearing was covered live by TV networks and everyone watching agreed: it was worse than the Mamasapano encounter.

The hearing at the Lower House was chaotic. Lawmakers were shouting, heckling, and interrupting one another – as if to remind Filipinos, “This is exactly why you hate us and we don’t care.”

The House of Representatives vowed to conduct a more orderly inquiry on the Mamasapano encounter next week. Certain parameters have been set to ensure an orderly and peaceful probe, e.g. telling the lawmakers that there will be no TV coverage.

Mohagher Iqbal told the Senate that the MILF didn’t know that terrorists Marwan and Basit Usman were in their territory. Here are 44 Reasons Why We Should Believe Mohagher Iqbal’s Statement:











































UntitledCrime and Punishment
Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista reportedly punched and kicked Mark Soque, a handcuffed robbery-rape suspect who was arrested last Thursday. Soque was so lucky he only sustained bruises and even luckier he’s a resident of QC, not Davao City.

If Mark Soque wouldn’t reform himself, Mayor Herbert says harsher punishment awaits the suspect – like forcing him to watch Kris Aquino movies 24/7.

Actresses Angelica Panganiban and Shaina Magdayao are having an ‘encounter’ of sorts online. This after Panganiban talked about Magdayao’s previous relationship with John Lloyd Cruz, Panganiban’s current boyfriend. Some fans are blaming Panganiban for the clash. Others blamed Magdayao. President Aquino blamed PNP SAF chief Getulio Napeñas.

According to the 2015 Global Dating Survey, people have sex after 3.53 dates. Or in the case of President Aquino, just after 2. Two years.
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche

Sound Bites
“What made you violate the terms of your suspension? Nakialam ka eh! Answer! And don’t play words with me. Words are my livelihood.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago to Gen. Alan Purisima

“It was really like palengke.”
~Cong. Cesar Lobregat on the disorderly House inquiry on the Mamasapano clash last Wednesday

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: PDI/Lyn Rillon; PDI: Iqbal; AFunCap.Com; Philshowbiz.Com: Herbert Bautista]


8 02 2015

PRESIDENT AQUINO turned 55 on February 8. As he marked his birthday, staunchest critics demanded that he vacate his post. They wanted him to be the #Fallen55.

President Aquino’s closest friends reportedly organized a surprise birthday party for him. Cabinet officials took care of the actual preparations but they got orders from General Purisima.

Rumors have it that the President invited political allies to a birthday dinner. Unfortunately, they didn’t purposely attend ‘coz it’s not on their original schedule.

President Aquino marked two milestones on February 8. He just turned 55. His hair turned 80. Congratulations!

Unconfirmed reports say President Aquino received a new tablet, a new phone, a new pair of shoes, new shirts, new neck ties and new belts from his nieces and nephews. Concerned supporters however, wanted to give him new advisers.

February 8 is President Aquino’s birthday. Also born on February 8 – the Russian inventor of the periodic table of elements, Dmitri Mendeleev. Of course, they’re different. One owed his fame to chemistry, the other owed his fame to genealogy.

The President was born on February 8, 1960. He’s an Aquarian. According to astrologers, Aquarians can sometimes be “insensitive” and “inefficient.” To which, the President said, “Excuse me! I am not insensitive.”

President Aquino has accepted the resignation of suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima. In a televised speech, he confessed it was hard for him to let go of a friend like Purisima. Somebody must tell the President that when it comes to easily ‘letting go’ of some friends, it’s best to get some tips from his sister, Kris.

Last Friday, General Purisima granted GMA News an exclusive, live interview. These days, Purisima would rather enter the territory of the BIFF and the MILF than the lair of ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs anchors and commentators.

The leftist Makabayan bloc in Congress wants a change in leadership and calls for the immediate resignation of President Aquino. In related news, the Makabayan bloc has denied rumors it will soon change its name to MakaBinay bloc.

The Sandiganbayan has ordered to freeze Bong Revilla’s alleged ill-gotten wealth worth more than 224 million pesos. When sought for comment, Revilla said “I will file an appeal to defrost it.”

Investigators in America have discovered that almost 80 percent of the ingredients of popular herbal supplements were fake. And almost 80 percent of supplement users were idiots.

Pope Francis was criticized for saying that it’s ok to spank children as long as people do it with dignity. The Pope’s statement brought relief to some Catholic priests who have been spanking altar boys for years.

The CEO of Microsoft has predicted that in 10 years, the pen will be extinct. And today’s youth were like, “What’s a pen?”

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has predicted that the pen will be extinct in 10 years. To which the sword replied, “Who’s mightier now?”

1NOYOldest Tattoos
Scientists have discovered some of the oldest tattoos ever found on humans on a 5,000-year-old mummy. The mummy which has at least 60 tattoos is believed to be the earliest member of rock group, Kamikazee.
“People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go.”

1NOYSound Bites
“He called me at 11:08 PM. ‘Pag hello ko pa lang, nag-sorry s’ya agad. ‘Sorry Kris sa pinagsasabi ng anak ko, ngayon ko lang nalaman, nahihiya ako sa ‘yo, sa pamilya n’yo.” Dinagdag n’ya na naging mabuti at marespeto kaming mga magkakapatid sa kanya. 5X nyang inulit yung salitang SORRY, sorry talaga.”
~Kris Aquino on Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada whose daughter Jerica (by former actress Laarni Enriquez) called her a bully

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino: Inquirer.Net; Purisima: Rappler.Com; Mummy: Marco Samadelli; Jerica Ejercito: NMFNetwork.TV]


3 02 2015

Episode No. 1183
February 7, 2015

(Before you read the post, click this video for background music.)

“Tao akong hindi mapipigilan ang sarili na ipagtanggol ang mahal ko. I have friends who privately spoke to me about how they wished the President had done things differently. We listened to each other. We may not agree but at least we listened.”

Magandang gabi mga Kapamilya. May mga pagkakataong sinusubok ng tadhana ang ating pagtitimpi. Magsasalita ka ba at ilalabas ang iyong galit o magsusuot na lang ng statement shirt habang nagho-host ng iyong live na programa sa telebisyon?

Ang tampok na kwento natin ngayong gabi ay hango mula sa padalang liham ng isa nating masugid na manonood, si Krissy. Babasahin ko na ang kanyang liham.

WAIT LANG. Hindi ba kayo nagtataka? 2015 na pero may nagpapadala pa rin ng liham? Hindi ba pwedeng mag-email na lang or mag-blog ‘tapos i-tweet ang link? Anyway, ipagpapatuloy ko na…

Dear Charo,

Ordinaryong Huwebes lang ‘yon. Maagang natapos ang aking taping kaya…

Darlah, i-on mo nga ang TV. I think ngayon ang arrival honors for the slain policemen. Is Noy there in Villamor?

Wala Krissy. In fact, tinitira na siya sa social media. Nabasa mo ba ang Instagram posts at tweets?

No way?? Binabatikos na naman ang brother ko??? ‘Asan daw ba kasi si Noy?!

Nasa Santa Rosa raw; sa inauguration ng isang car plant. Sabi ng Malacanang, wala raw talaga sa sked niya ‘yong pagpunta sa Villamor.

Wala naman pala sa sked eh, so bakit sila nagagalit? Hay naku, these people talaga.

CHARO… pinalampas ko ang maghapong ‘yon at binalewala ang mga puna at batikos kay Noy. Instead, I condoled with the families of the victims. Pero nang sumunod na mga araw, hindi ko na talaga kinaya ang sumbat, paninira, pambabatikos, walang basehang mga atake, at pamemersonal sa kapatid ko. Worse, ilan sa kanila, mga friends ko pa sa showbiz. Nakakaloka. Ulitin mo Charo: NAKAKALOKA!

DARLAH! Have you seen Juday’s post on Instagram? Gosh… the nerve. Magparinig ba! I thought she’s a friend. She even guested on KrisTV to promote Bet On Your Baby ‘di ba? Darlah, unfollow mo nga! Now na!

Yes Krissy. How about Jomari Yllana? May post din siya sa Facebook.

Why? What did he say?

“Ikaw na ang pinaka-tangang presidente sa kasaysayan ng Pilipinas.”

Really?!!???? Jomari posted that? ‘Tapos hyphenated pa talaga ang “pinaka-tanga.” Hay naku! Care bears! ‘Wag na lang nating pansinin Darlah. Wala sigurong ginagawa. Wala naman siyang career ‘di ba? Deadma!

Wait! Julius Babao’s wife has something to say din Krissy.

Saang channel na nga siya? Anyway, go! Read it!

“Mas importante pa sa iyo ang nakaparadang mga kotse kasya sa mga nakaparadang bangkay ng mga bayaning SAF na nagbuwis ng buhay. Ang dahilan mo? ‘Wala sa schedule!’’”

Galit?! ‘k. Unfollow!

You don’t follow her Krissy.

Mas bongga! Wala na? Sila lang ang galit kay Noy?

There’s one more Krissy. ‘Yong idol mong si Regine Velasquez, ang sabi… dapat daw “gracious” si Presidente Noy sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.

She said that?????

Yes Krissy.

How did she say it: “grey-shoes” o “grey-shas?”

Sabi niya, “Grei-shessh.”

Ah, ok. UNFOLLOW! Pati si Ogie, UNFOLLOW! Grei-shessh pala huh! Hmpf!

CHARO, this has been a bad week for the country but an even worse week for me and my brother. For the first time on Instagram, sunud-sunod ang Biblical quotes na ipinost ko. Kinabog ko si Miriam Quiambao. Ito ang screen cap para maniwala ka. Kung ‘di mo mabasa, tumatanda ka na talaga, Charo.


Pero ayaw talaga nila akong tantanan. Those bashers just won’t stop. Kaya last Sunday, I posted this.


“Good night IG friends, I love you all!”
“Good night IG bashers, super close na talaga tayo!”

Medyo sarcastic Charo and how childish of me, pero what else can I do? Inaatake na ako ng haters ni Noy, inaatake pa ako ng supporters niya! LAHAT NA LANG SILA. Nakakaloka! That’s the reason why I had to wear this shirt on A&A last Monday.


“How beautiful it is to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged.”

Winnerrrrr! Pina-rush ko pa ‘yan para umabot sa show. But guess what? Binatikos pa rin nila ako at hinanapan ng ibang interpretasyon ang nakasulat sa aking shirt! Gano’n ba ako ka-bad?!? Sumagot ka Charo! Do I deserve this loathing? Charo, I just would like to reiterate, hindi EPAL si Noy. Hindi insensitive ang kapatid ko. Ang kapatid ko ay tao, hindi isang demonyo! Some bashers even complained, wala raw compassion si Noy sa mga namatayan. Akala n’yo lang wala! Pero meron! Meron! This will be the last time I am going to talk about this issue Charo. Ako na ang magpapaubaya. Oo, ako na! Ako na ang mag-isa! Ako na ang mag-isang nagtatanggol kay Noy! At the end of the day, kapatid ko pa rin siya. At sino pa bang magdadamayan kundi ang magkakapamilya? I’m sure you’ll agree Charo. Sure na!

DARLAH, matanong nga kita. Be honest. You think, Noy should have been present at Villamor Airbase last Thursday?

Alam mo Krissy, importante rin ‘yong inauguration ng planta sa Laguna. Tama lang na nag-attend siya do’n. Pero mas ok sana kung inuna niya ang pagsalubong sa SAF 44. Mali naman talaga ‘yong excuse na wala sa sked. Hello! Bawal baguhin ang sked? Lilindol kapag binago?! Tama ang sabi ng ilang netizens eh: Pwede bang i-sked ang pagkamatay ng mga pulis? In short, yes, dapat sumalubong si Presidente sa Villamor.

Ano ngang Instagram account mo Darlah?

@DarlahSauler. Why Krissy?


(Press mo ulit ang music para mas ramdam ang ending)

Palagi nating ipinapaalala, walang perpektong tao sa mundo. Lahat tayo ay nagkakamali. Ngunit mababawasan ang hapding dulot ng pagkakamaling iyon kung matututo tayong umako ng responsibilidad.

Isang kahungkagan kung ituturing mong kaaway ang lahat nang taong ‘di sumasang-ayon sa iyong pananaw. Sa halip, pakinggan mo ang kanilang mga sinasabi upang matukoy mo rin ang iyong mga kahinaan. Sa pamamagitan nito, magkakaroon ka ng panahong punan ang iyong mga pagkukulang, at pagkakataong ituwid ang mga baluktot na asal.

Ewan ko. Hindi ko alam.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang naging seryoso ang aking closing.

Inuulit ko, mula sa susunod na Sabado ay hindi na po ako tatanggap ng liham na nasa sobre. Mag-email na lang kayo please. Tigilan na natin ang kadramahan ng liham-liham na ‘yan.

Bago ako magpaalam, nawa’y mahulaan n’yo ang episode title natin ngayong gabi. Nasa baba ang sagot. Sayang din ang 1000-peso load. Good luck!

Ito po si Charo Santos, maraming salamat at magandang gabi, Kapamilya.

















“Sometimes you just have to know when the battle you’re fighting is one best walked away from, than fought to the cold, bitter end.”
~A.J. Darkholme, Rise of the Morningstar

Sound Bites
“With freedom of speech comes freedom of choice. As I said, just by continuing to read #justsaying posts condemning my brother, I will also end up having my #justsaying piece, hahaba lang. Walang magandang pupuntahan.”
~Kris Aquino /via Instagram

Have a peaceful week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino&Abunda Tonight, Kris Aquino’s Instagram]


30 01 2015

MALAYSIAN TERRORIST Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan was reportedly killed by the PNP-Special Action Force in Mamasapano, Maguindanao. The PNP-SAF cornered him inside a hut. Marwan was so surprised to see the commandos. Do you know what was the last thing going through Marwan’s head that fateful morning? A bullet.

According to MILF leaders, they’re not aware of Marwan’s presence in their territory. I have no joke. That IS the joke.

Malaysian terrorist Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan is reportedly dead. This must be a hard time for his wife and his four other wives.

Reports say Malaysian terrorist Marwan’s wife Joromee Dongon was the one who told his relatives about his death. According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Joromee used to be the wife of Abu Sayyaf terror group leader Khadaffy Janjalani who was also killed in 2006. Terrorist suitors are now starting to avoid her.

President Aquino was a no-show at the arrival honors Thursday morning for the policemen killed in Maguindanao. Instead, he attended the inauguration of a car plant in Sta. Rosa City, Laguna. But Malacañang refuses to use the term “skipped” or “snubbed” to describe the President’s absence. Yeah, it’s “priorities.”

The hashtag #NasaanAngPangulo became the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter worldwide last Thursday. Netizens were outraged by President Aquino’s absence at Villamor Airbase. But palace spokesman Herminio Coloma said based on their online monitoring, that was not the sentiment of the majority. Apparently, Coloma’s social media team did their monitoring on Friendster, MySpace, and Multiply.

On Twitter, Black and White Movement’s Leah Navarro, a staunch Noynoy supporter asked, “So how many of those people who dissed the President’s absence from Villamor were actually there to condole?” Netizens replied, “How many of us were actually Presidents?”

Medalya ng Katapangan
On Friday, President Aquino attended the necrological services for the policemen who were killed in Maguindanao. Family members were each given a medal of valor. The medals were presented for their gallant effort to defend the country. Malacañang has denied rumors that a medal will also be given to Leah Navarro for her gallant effort to defend the President.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that a female relative of one of the slain SAF members seemed to have ignored the President at the necrological services. In his defense, he’s gotten used to being ignored by women.

MILF forces are being blamed for the “massacre” of the 44 elite members of the PNP-Special Action Force in Maguindanao. No matter what their leaders say, MILF rebels have really become unpopular right now. To be fair though, President Aquino is more unpopular.

The nation is in mourning. Forty-four members of the PNP Special Action Force are dead – just like Allan Purisima’s chance at redemption.

Speak Out
Vice President Binay said suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima must speak out about the ‘misencounter’ in Maguindanao. The Vice President added, “Mahirap kung lagi kang itinuturo. Baka kaya ayaw mong sumagot kasi totoo ang sinasabi nila.” The Vice President’s statement offended Purisima, Purisima’s wife, and Junjun Binay.

Hundreds of Makati City residents gathered in front of Makati City Hall Thursday morning to show their support for embattled mayor, Junjun Binay who was arrested after being cited for contempt by the Senate. A Binay supporter was overheard saying half of Makati residents were there. The other half were doing something else more productive.

Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay was reportedly brought to the session hall against his will. The younger Binay’s allies said his human rights were violated. In a presscon, Junjun complained that he suffered bruises. When the #SAF44 heard this, they died… again. Twice.

The Communist Party of the Philippines whose armed wing, the New People’s Army has been waging war against the government for over four decades has extended its sympathies to the families of the 44 Special Action Force members who were killed in Maguindanao. Oh, the irony.

Headline of the Weak
“Every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first, it is ridiculed, in the second it is opposed, in the third it is regarded as self-evident.”
~Arthur Schopenhauer

Sound Bites
“All I ask right now is justice, not only for my husband, who was brutally killed but for everyone who fought and fell.”
~Erica Pabalinas, widow of a slain SAF member

“Is it worth it? One international terrorist, equivalent to 44 SAF troopers? I am sure, if you will ask them, it is worth it. Dahil mas maraming buhay and maisasalba at maililigtas nang nawala si Marwan.”
~Chief Supt. Noli Taliño, OIC, PNP-SAF


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: FBI.gov :Marwan; Dennis Sabangan/EPA: Arrival Honors; Leah Navarro’s IG, Philippine Star: Binay Headline: GMA News]


27 01 2015

THE SENATE Blue Ribbon Committee has issued an arrest order for Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin ‘Junjun’ Binay and five other people for their refusal to appear at its subcommittee hearings. Mayor Junjun Binay told his supporters that he’s so ready to be detained. If that happens, he’ll be placed in a small area with some people, and stay there ‘til someone gives the go signal to let him go. Or as some Makati project bidders call it, “our elevator experience.”

According to Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay he is so “ready to be detained.” But a teary-eyed Nancy Binay couldn’t control her emotions saying Junjun’s children no longer have a mother – and now, they’re losing their father. Secretary Dinky Soliman was so moved she offered to take the children to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas.

Reacting to the Senate’s arrest order for her brother Junjun, Nancy Binay lamented, “’Yon ang pinakamasakit. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman ‘yong mawalan ng magulang.” To which, taxpayers said, “Kami naman, nawalan ng pera.”

Almost 70 members of the PNP Special Action Force were killed in an encounter with MILF and Bangsamoro Islamic Freedom Fighters in Mamasapano, Maguindanao Sunday morning. Reports say some of the bodies were mutilated by the rebels. MILF peace panel chair Mohagher Iqbal said his men acted on “self-defense.” In the MILF dictionary, Self-defense, noun. See massacre.

1NYDNMiss Universe
The new Miss Universe is Paulina Vega of Colombia. Mary Jean Lastimosa was in the Top 10. Binibining Pilipinas director Stella Marquez de Araneta was very proud of what her candidate has achieved. She was quiet about Miss Philippines though.

The final question for the five finalists was, “What is the greatest contribution of your country to the entire world?” Miss Jamaica answered, Usain Bolt and Bob Marley. Miss Netherlands said, “art and history” while Miss USA mentioned something about “helping” other countries. When asked the same question after the show, Miss China answered, “Everything.”

Manny Pacquiao was one of the judges in this year’s Miss Universe pageant. For the swimsuit, evening gown and Q&A rounds, his scores were 119-108, 118-111 and 120-109 all for Miss Colombia.

When Manny Pacquiao’s name was picked by Miss USA from the bowl, he asked her, “If you were given 30 seconds to deliver a message to global terrorists, what would you say?” Miss USA answered, “a message of hope, love, and peace.” Terrorists who were watching the pageant were further enraged by that cliché of an answer.

An unconfirmed report said Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell has Filipino roots. As soon as they heard this, the Philippine Azkals offered her a slot in the team.

Miss Jamaica has issued a statement saying she’s a full-blooded Jamaican. She’s not Filipino. Unlike Keith Martin and David Pomeranz.

Australian researchers have developed a “death test” that could predict a person’s chances of dying within the next 30 days. In Metro Manila, we call that “an MRT ride.”

On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook and Instagram were both down for almost 45 minutes. In that short span of time, companies noted an increase in productivity.

Instagram and Facebook were down for 45 minutes on Tuesday afternoon. Instagram users waited 45 long minutes before they started eating the food on their plate.

For 45 minutes, both Instagram and Facebook were down. Filipino netizens blamed Stella Marquez-Araneta.
“Nature didn’t need an operation to be beautiful. It just was.”
~Scott Westerfeld, The Uglies Trilogy

Sound Bites
“Hindi pwedeng mag-baby do’n. Self-defense ang nangyari.”
~Mohaqer Iqbal, Chairman, MILF Peace Panel

“Naiyak bigla ako. ‘Yon ang pinakamasakit kasi ngayong gabi matutulog ‘yong pamangkin kong hindi kasama ‘yong ama nila. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman yung mawalan ng magulang.”
~Nancy Binay

“All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

[Photos: Danny Pata/GMA: Binay; Benjie Castro/GMA: Guingona; New York Daily News: Miss Colombia; Getty Images: Pacquiao and Miss Jamaica]


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