LOST IN TRASLACION

10 01 2015

JANUARY is a very busy month for many Filipinos. After the annual Traslacion of the Black Nazarene on January 9, the five-day Papal Visit is next followed by the Sinulog, Ati-atihan, and Dinagyang Festivals all held in honor of the Sto. Niño. This has been the ‘most Catholic’ January we’ve had in years.

1Noli
Former vice president Noli De Castro, a known devotee of the Black Nazarene joined this year’s ‘Traslacion.’ Kabayan prayed for good health, long life, and the ability to control his emotions when talking to reporters on TV Patrol.

As in previous years, it took the Black Nazarene’s andas or carriage several hours to reach its destination. The procession was very slow-moving. Or as one devotee described it, “EDSA.”

The Traslacion of the Black Nazarene started Friday morning and ended early Saturday morning. The duration of the procession was even longer than the time it took Augustinian missionaries to bring the statue from Mexico to the Philippines in 1607.

1pOPE Rally
According to authorities, two devotees died during the annual procession. If it’s any consolation, they died doing what they loved.

Reports say the fatalities joined the procession to pray for “a better life.” To be fair to the Black Nazarene, they’re in a better place now.

This year’s Black Nazarene procession lasted 19 hours. Or as one MMDA constable put it, “Three diapers.”

Papal Visit
Some lawmakers have reportedly decided to skip the activities in next week’s Papal Visit for fear of being labeled “epal.” While others won’t attend for fear of spontaneous human combustion.

The MMDA has been preparing for the Papal Visit for months. Traffic enforcers are really excited to see the Pope whom they described as “inspiring.” In fact, the Pope and our MMDA personnel have some things in common: they live a simple life; they serve the people, and they’ll be wearing adult diapers this coming week.

1pOPE Rally
Saying the Pope may not be safe in the country, Valenzuela City First District Representative Sherwin Gatchalian has called on the PNP and the AFP to tighten security for this week’s Papal Visit. In response, the PNP and the AFP assured Gatchalian of their preparedness. In fact, they’re as always ready as Gatchalian’s press releases.

Shady
On Friday, President Aquino advised Filipino voters to reject shady politicians in 2016. This has prompted Nancy and Junjun Binay to call the President “racist.”

1pOPE Rally#JesuIsCharlie
The two main suspects in the massacre of 10 journalists and 2 cops in Paris have been killed by French police. Latest reports say Al-Qaeda’s branch in Yemen directed the attack against the Charlie Hebdo publication to “avenge the honor of the Prophet Muhammad.” Even Muhammad was like, “Sige! Namedrop pa!”

Pacman
Reports say Manny Pacquiao will fly to London this month to meet Prince Harry. It will be the first meeting between the two popular personalities. One is a rich, party animal who loves the company of gorgeous women, and the other one is Prince Harry.

The Miss Universe Organization has announced that Manny Pacquiao will be one of the judges in the 63rd Miss Universe pageant in Doral, Florida on January 25. Usually, Miss Universe judges vote for the contestant with experience, poise, intelligence and preparedness for the job. Exactly the opposite of how Sarangani voters elected their congressman.
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“Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”
~Voltaire

Sound Bites
“Yong mga vendor, mga isang kahig isang tuka ‘yan eh. Pabayaan na n’yang makasingit ‘yong mga mahihirap na tao para ‘di sila magnakaw. Medyo hinahanapan kami ng butas eh. Hanapan n’ya kami ng malaking butas. Be an hermano mayor first. Let him try.”
~Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada to Noli De Castro

“The contest has a very noble purpose, you know. The pageant is just another way of paying tribute to God’s unequalled aesthetic ability. Man is God’s masterpiece. So, I’m really excited,”
~Manny Pacquiao on having been named as one of the Miss Universe judges

Have a fun and safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kabayan: Anthony Taberna via @PhilStarNews; Traslacion: AseanKorea.Org; Diapers: GMA News, @Banksy]





DISTRUST

12 12 2014

PAGASA says we should expect cooler days ahead. Apparently, temperatures have dropped. In fact, if the numbers keep dropping, Grace Poe will catch up with it.

1pa
Reacting to Grace Poe’s surge in the latest survey, Binay defender and UNA interim president Toby Tiangco said, “We are truly happy for Grace because we are the true allies and supporters of her father, the late Fernando Poe Jr.” In response, FPJ was like, “Kung maka-namedrop naman ‘tong kumag na ‘to!”

In the latest Pulse Asia survey, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas has dropped to sixth place. From 13 percent in September, his rating fell to only 6 percent in November. Worse, online bashers say his rating wasn’t even wearing a helmet when it fell.

The Plunge
According to Pulse Asia’s latest survey, Vice President Binay suffered a very significant drop in his trust and approval ratings. Or as the Liberal Party calls it, “Christmas gift.”

1BinayRatings
The most notable and biggest drop for Vice President Binay came from Class E, considered to be the poorest of the poor: from 71 percent in September to 46 percent in November. Man does not live by cake alone.

Of the government’s top five officials, Vice President Binay registered the highest disapproval and distrust ratings. You know things are getting f*ckd up for Binay when even Frank Drilon is faring better in the trust department.

Vice President Binay is now the most distrusted top government official. Rumors say the level of distrust has gone so high, some recipients of Binay’s cakes are asking the delivery guy to taste it for them first.

Good Deed
Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay has canceled the annual New Year’s Eve countdown party along Ayala Avenue. The 30-million peso budget will be donated instead to local government units nationwide affected by Typhoon Ruby. That’s a big boost to those LGUs and an even bigger boost to Binay2016.

Papal Visit
Preparations for the upcoming Papal visit are underway. The Vatican says Pope Francis wants to meet with a group of people who needs his prayers the most. Organizers plan to bring him to Batasan Complex.

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Heaven
In his recent regular weekly address at St. Peter’s Square, Pope Francis declared that animals go to heaven. The statement brought consolation and relief to veterinarians, animal lovers, and congressmen.

Torture
On the occasion of International Human Rights Day, authorities say torture still happens in the Philippines. And it goes by its other name, “traffic.”

Fireworks
Quezon City will strictly limit the sale of fireworks to ensure public safety. Residents are not too happy. They fear that their New Year’s Eve celebration would be very much like the romance between their mayor, Herbert Bautista and Kris Aquino – “wala nang spark.”

1hag
Enjoying Rape
Starlet Nathalie Hart a.k.a. Princess Snell drew flak from netizens for posting a photo on Instagram with the caption, “According to my dads lesson: If rape is inevitable, lay back and enjoy it! #ihavethebestadvicer #mvdadisthebest hahaha” The starlet has since apologized for the “irresponsible” rape post. She has yet to apologize though for raping basic grammar.
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“You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”
~Abraham Lincoln

1MarSound Bites
“All other comments are irrelevant and frankly, reflect more on the people making them.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas reacting to online comments

Have a fun weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer.Net: Presidential Survey GFX; ABS-CBN News: Pulse Asia GFX; iamnathaliehart: IG]





SENATORIABLES AND SAME SEX UNION

18 03 2013

REPORTS SAY both UNA and Team PNoy failed to draw huge crowds in Baguio City. Cold treatment.

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Toby Tiangco said the crowd estimate in the UNA rally was “2,000.” Franklin Drilon said the crowd estimate in the Team PNoy rally was “3,000.” Independent sources said the crowd estimate in both rallies was… “embarrassing.”

Migz vs. Koko
The feud between senatorial candidates Migz Zubiri and Koko Pimentel is getting nastier. Last week, Migz revealed that Koko was a wife beater. Koko and ex-wife Jewel have denied the allegation. And Koko’s supporters are furious. Some of them accuse Zubiri of being a poll cheat and a gossiper… to which Zubiri said, “Excuse me, hindi ako poll cheat!”

Koko Pimentel is studying the possibility of filing a libel case against Migz Zubiri. But Migz says if that happens, he’ll be forced to divulge everything that Jewel Lobaton told him about Koko. The plot thickens. And the voters can’t wait… to reject them both.

untitledSame Sex Marriage
According to a GMA News research, Jack Enrile is probably the only senatorial candidate who supports same sex marriage. He said gays and lesbians should be given “a chance to be happy” – just like any straight octogenarian and his female chief of staff.

Jack Enrile admits he’s pro-same sex marriage. But he denies reports he likes watching ‘Glee.’

Cynthia Villar is against same sex union. She believes that marriage is a sacred sacrament that should only take place between a rich woman and a former fish vendor.

The same report says Jamby Madrigal is against same sex marriage too. That is hilarious.

Bro. Eddie Villanueva says, “darating ang paggunaw sa isang bansa pag ‘yon ay ginawa.” And God was like, “Nag-same sex marriage lang, gunaw agad? ‘Di ba puwede munang magpatawad?”

Of same sex union, JC De los Reyes said, “I respect the human rights of gays and lesbians, but when you allow same sex marriage, there is no purpose whatsoever as to the objective of that.” Ang labo. Period.


When asked the same question, Loren Legarda answered, “I believe in civil union and granting the rights and privileges to lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender.” Thank you candidate No. 19!

And for JV Ejercito, “If we look at the Bible, the marriage of two persons is always man and woman. It’s always been Adam and Eve. Wala namang Adan at Adan. Wala ring Eba at Eba.” Unfortunately, wala ring Joseph and Guia.

According to Koko Pimentel, the idea of same sex marriage in the Philippines “is a joke of a proposal.” To which, gay marriage advocates replied, “Hiyang-hiya naman kami sa success ng marriage mo!”

Trusted
A study conducted by EON Stakeholder Relations and Ateneo Graduate School of Business showed that the ‘Church’ was the most trusted sector in the Philippines. The least trusted was ‘Business.’ I’m confused. Isn’t Church and Business the same?

3binsyVP to Vatican
Vice President Jejomar Binay was chosen by President Aquino to attend Pope Francis’ installation in Vatican City. Binay accepted the assignment to the Holy See to dispel allegations he’s a ‘maligno.’

Reports say Mrs. Elenita Binay, who was with the Vice President, and their son, Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay was barred earlier from leaving the country because of an existing hold departure order in connection with her plunder case. But the Vice President called Justice Secretary Leila De Lima, and dyaraaaan, Mrs. Binay was allowed to board the flight. Moral of the story: You don’t do that to your future First Lady.

Despite an existing hold departure order on Mrs. Binay, Justice Secretary Leila De Lima instructed immigration officials to let her leave the country. Mrs. Binay is lucky ‘coz she’s the Vice President’s wife and even luckier ‘coz she’s not an Arroyo.

The Pope
Pope Francis reportedly called the Philippines, “Islands of Saints.” And look where we are now.

Retired Cebu Archbishop Ricardo Cardinal Vidal said when Pope Francis called the Philippines “Islands of Saints,” he probably meant “islands of holy people.” Pope Francis has no idea.

Pope Francis has only one lung. But that’s nothing compared to many Filipino politicians: wala nang utak, wala pang puso!
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“I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.”
~ Kinky Friedman

Sound Bites
“Alam po ninyo, tatapatin ko kayo, hindi po nakakabata ang pagiging Pangulo ng Pilipinas. May mga nagsasabi ngang kailangan ko nang magbakasyon, dahil nahahalata na raw ang lalim ng aking eye bags at lalo na raw yatang numinipis ang aking buhok.”
~President Aquino, PMA Graduation Speech, March 17

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.








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