13 04 2015

HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON has officially announced that she would seek the US presidency in 2016. When asked if her announcement was made too early, Clinton replied, “It’s actually too late – by Binay’s standards.”

Former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton has declared her intention to run for president in 2016. With her announcement, Hillary expects critics to pounce on her. But she’s unafraid saying she doesn’t own an hacienda and she didn’t benefit from an overpriced building anyway.

In announcing her bid for the US presidency, former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton said, “Everyday Americans need a champion. I want to be that champion.” To which Filipinos replied, “Don’t give Manny Pacquiao the idea. Please.”

In 2012, former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton said she wouldn’t run for president of the United States again. On Monday, she declared her bid for the presidency. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is suing her for copyright infringement.

All-time Low
Vice President Binay’s net satisfaction rating dropped to an all-time low according to the latest SWS survey. From +44 in December, it’s down to +31 in March. Since last year, his numbers have been declining. Even the Court of Appeals was like, “Can’t help you with that. Sorry.”

Online reports say DILG Secretary Mar Roxas is quitting his post this coming June. He didn’t elaborate on the matter but he told the media, “Everyday Filipinos need a champion. I want to be that champion.”

1ClintonSpecial Offer
Vice President Binay wanted DILG Sec. Mar Roxas to be his running mate in 2016. Apparently, Binay follows the dictum, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Reports say President Aquino has advised Sec. Mar Roxas to do something to improve his ratings in the presidential surveys. So this morning, Roxas petitioned the court to allow him to use the surname ‘Binay.’

1ClintonSecond Chance
Aldrin Jeff Cudia, the controversial cadet who was dismissed from the PMA last year has passed the entrance exam at the UP College of Law. If you would recall, the PMA kicked Cudia out “for lying.” Now, he wants to be a lawyer. He’s on the right track. Congratulations!

Delfin Lee
In a letter sent to the Senate, detained real estate developer Delfin Lee of Globe Asiatique accused Vice President Binay of extortion. Lee, who is furious at Binay, is facing charges of syndicated estafa, a non-bailable offense. When asked if he believed in the adage, “Galit ang magnanakaw sa kapwa magnanakaw,” Lee replied, “Correction please! I am not galit!”

The Volunteers Against Crime and Corruption or VACC is studying the possibility of filing murder charges against former PNP Chief Alan Purisima, former SAF chief Getulio Napeñas Jr. and President Aquino. The VACC is demanding justice, accountability, and publicity.

1Clinton‘Milk Tea’ Tragedy
Based on the initial tests conducted by the Food and Drug Administration, no toxic substance was found in the milk tea sample that killed two persons in Sampaloc, Manila last Friday. The tea house has been ordered closed but the son of the owner insists their products are safe to consume. To prove his claim, he’s willing to send unlimited free samples to the Senate and Congress.
“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Sound Bites
“Eh ano ba naman ‘yong magkapatawaran do’n sa ginawa para lang sa taong-bayan, para at sa ikabubuti ng bayan natin.”
~Makati Mayor Junjun Binay on his father’s offer to Mar Roxas to be his running mate

“Whatever happens, I will never tread the crooked path. I will only follow the straight path.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

Have a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Clinton: Reuters; Roxas/Binay: Inquirer.net; Delfin Lee: Rappler; ErgoCha: @JLDeJesusINQ]


23 03 2015

SPEAKING BEFORE some 2,000 members of the Integrated Bar of the Philippines in Cebu, Vice President Binay presented his plans for his first 100 days in office if he becomes president. In his speech, the Vice President called for “the elimination of graft and corruption.” The statement alarmed his allies, and fueled speculations he’s capable of hurting himself.

In his speech during the IBP convention in Cebu, Vice President Binay called for “the elimination of graft and corruption.” To those who say that the Vice President has no sense of humor, sorry to disappoint you.

In Cebu City, Vice President Binay detailed his plans for his first 100 days in office as president. Not to be outdone, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas detailed his plans for his first 100 days as a civilian.

There was a rumor that President Aquino “collapsed” last Friday evening. According to Pulse Asia, the President’s BP dropped to its lowest level since he was elected president.

President Aquino has denied that he collapsed last Friday evening. There’s no truth to the rumor. Everything is normal: soda binge-drinking, smoking, coughing. Nothing to worry about.

Another rumor said the President collapsed, hit his head on something, and when he regained consciousness, he wanted to say sorry for the Mamasapano debacle. That rumor is so NOT true. It will never happen.

It was in fact TV5 reporter JV Lim Arcena who first tweeted about the rumor quoting his unidentified “source.” Apparently, Arcena was fed wrong or misleading information. Or as the President would say, “Nabola si Arcena.”

Makati Standoff
Supporters of Mayor Junjun Binay returned to the Makati City hall quadrangle Sunday following reports that Vice Mayor Kid Peña will attempt to enter the city hall on Monday. It has been an orderly gathering so far. Good day for democracy. And an even better day… for Jollibee. #soldout

According to a Pulse Asia survey, 29 percent of Filipinos were undecided on whether President Aquino should quit his post or not. As for those who took a stand: 42 percent said the President should NOT resign while 29 percent were militants.

A Pulse Asia survey showed 8 in 10 Filipinos were not satisfied with President Aquino’s explanation on the Mamasapano encounter. The other two were his spokesmen.

1kimJeane Returns
Pork barrel queen Janet Napoles’s controversial daughter Jeane is back in the country. Authorities were ordered to track her movements. Agents have been deployed in Fort Sto. Domingo, the Napoles residence, and all branches of Louis Vuitton, Bvlgari, Hermes, Balenciaga, Gucci and Prada.

In an Instagram post, Kris Aquino revealed that her brother Noynoy was “kinikilig.” She’s apparently referring to rumors that the President has been seeing Miss Universe-Philippines Pia Wurtzbach. Critics are not as excited and optimist though. To avoid another heartbreak, they made a checklist for the President: Chocolates, check! Flowers, check! Dinner, check! Reality check.

Twitter’s Birthday
Last Saturday, March 21, Twitter turned 9 years old. To mark this milestone, here are 9 controversial, memorable, fearless, and outrageous tweets from some famous Filipinos:


Wanted: Pogi
Taong 2010 nang makilala ng publiko ang speechwriter ng Pangulo na si Mai Mislang dahil sa kanyang brutally honest tweets habang nasa state visit sa Vietnam ang presidente. Ano na kayang nangyari sa kanya?
A: Naghahanap pa rin ng poging Vietnamese
B: Short-lived ang kasikatan; nag-flop ang mga sumunod na pelikula
C: Ewan. Mukha ba akong interesado?


… ang tanong ng publiko sa kasagsagan ng pananalanta ng Bagyong Sendong sa Visayas? Actress Valerie Concepcion provided the answer. Unwittingly. On Twitter.


She’s Got Balls
Georgina Wilson’s anti-Erap sentiment in 2009 resurfaced in 2014 – offending Estrada’s son, Jake Ejercito. She apologized for offending the Ejercitos but she refused to delete the tweet. Fierce!


Mega Meltdown
There was a time in 2012 when Sharon Cuneta would engage her online critics (mostly, Piolo Pascual sympathizers) in a nasty and angry exchange almost everyday of her not-so-busy-then life. She put the ‘patol’ in patola.


A Villafuerte scion couldn’t, or probably refused to understand the outpouring of love for the late DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo. [The Villafuertes and Robredos were political rivals in Bicol.] He has since apologized for his tweets but not after getting pilloried by netizens.


Korina vs. Maligno
When I tweeted something about Korina Sanchez’s alleged anti-Binay commentary on radio, Nancy Binay replied. We’re still trying to get the side of the maligno. Can’t wait to see its reaction to the comparison.


Miriam vs. LGBT
Miriam Quiambao got flak for saying that being gay is “a lie from the devil.”  Too bad for Miriam, even God wouldn’t confirm the veracity of her statement.


Think before you click.
After a loss, outspoken Don Allado vented his frustrations at the referees by tweeting that games were “fixed” and that it was “a disgrace to be part of the PBA.” Allado was banned from playing for one season. Be careful what you wish for indeed!


Gibberish Jules
In case you didn’t know, Congress’s top absentee Jules Ledesma used to post “WTF was that” tweets such as this one. I wonder if he still does. Ambot!

Happy Birthday Twitter!
“Pride is the mother of arrogance.”
~ Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut

Sound Bites
“For the first time, I was happy that my hair is short because it will show if I have stitches. I tried to feel my head, there’s no bump,”
~President Aquino on rumors he collapsed last week

Have a hassle-free week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino and Binay: Philippine Daily Inquirer; Tweets from the celebrities’ public accounts]


11 03 2015

IN A PRAYER gathering attended by evangelical church leaders in Malacañang on Monday, President Aquino enumerated sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas’s lapses that resulted in the disastrous Mamasapano mission. But he made no mention of the involvement of then suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima in the operation. When sought for reaction, evangelical leaders said, “Let he who is without a long-time friend cast the first stone.”

Without mentioning the involvement of his longtime friend, General Alan Purisima, the President pinned the blame solely on sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas whom he accused of turning the Mamasapano operation into a “mission impossible.” Talking about mission impossible, this President will self-destruct in 5 seconds.

According to the President, the Mamasapano operation became a “mission impossible.” To have an idea of what a “mission impossible” is, you may ask the President’s PR crisis managers.

Sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas was solely blamed for the Mamasapano mission by President Aquino. But relatives of the SAF44 refused to believe the President’s latest tirade against him. In their defense, who does?

For the nth time, President Aquino blamed sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas for the disastrous Mamasapano operation last January. He blamed Napeñas for “fooling” him. He blamed Napeñas for giving him the wrong information. He blamed Napeñas for not coordinating with the AFP. He blamed Napeñas for not deploying more troops. He blamed Napeñas for going “solo.” And he blamed Napeñas for not following orders. This latest tongue-lashing has prompted Napeñas to request for an NSO-authenticated birth certificate to check if his surname was indeed Napeñas and not Arroyo.

Saying he was “fooled” when fed with wrong information, a defiant President Aquino blamed sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas for the Mamasapano mission. Last Monday, he narrated his version of the operation before an audience of evangelical leaders — who were so impressed they offered him the role of Pontius Pilate in an upcoming senakulo.

Flagdown Rate
The government has ordered taxi operators to implement a 10-peso cut in their flagdown rate starting Monday, March 9. But this early, the LTFRB has been receiving complaints from commuters against cabbies who refused to give them the correct change. Apparently, many cab drivers refused to follow the order. Or as President Aquino would call them, “Napeñas.”

1gnMrs. Clooney
The Arroyo camp reported that George Clooney’s wife, lawyer Amal Alamuddin has brought the case of detained former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to the UN Commission on Human Rights. According to GMA’s lawyer Larry Gadon, Mrs. Clooney is convinced that Arroyo is a victim of political persecution. With that, Amal Alamuddin officially replaces Raymond Fortun as this month’s most hated lawyer.

Amal Alamuddin-Clooney was once the lawyer of former Libyan intelligence chief Abdallah Al Senussi who was jailed for his alleged crimes against humanity. To be fair to Mrs. Arroyo, she’s a lesser evil.

Apple Watch
Apple has released more details about its upcoming smartwatch, the Apple Watch. Depending on the metals used, the Apple Watch will cost from as low as $349 to as high as $17,000. The best feature of the Apple Watch is that every day, it reminds owners to stop wasting their hard-earned money on watches.

A man in Brgy. Biga 2, Silang, Cavite was arrested for having sex with a pregnant cow. The suspect who was high on drugs refused to own up to his mistake and blamed the cow for giving him wrong information and fooling him into thinking that it was a woman.

Unconfirmed reports say the 46-year-old suspect in the rape of a cow in Cavite is keen on hiring Bong Revilla’s spokesperson, Raymond Fortun as lawyer. He expects Fortun to tell the media it was just an “accidental rape.”

A drug addict in Silang, Cavite was arrested for having sex with a cow. In his defense, he screwed an animal – while some politicians in Cavite were screwing taxpayers.

Last Monday, also in Malacañang, President Aquino was asked about his love life. He described it as “below zero” but expressed hope he’d find the one “in God’s time.” To which God replied, “Mission impossible.”
“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.”
~Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

Sound Bites
“Maraming wishful thinking si Napeñas compared to reality. Maliwanag sa akin, binola ako. Madaling maipapakita sa lahat ang ebidensiya: cellphone record, witnesses, et cetera. Sinolo ni Napeñas ang misyon, siya ang nagdesisyon. Ang dami niyang desisyon; may times na ang mga desisyon niya palpak.”
~President Aquino, 3.09.2015

“Sino lang naman ba si Napeñas para itong ganito kalaking operasyon ay solohin niya ang desisyon? Ito’y alam ng kanyang superior, although suspendido pero si (Purisima) ang namamahala. The President was also briefed of this mission.”
~Vitaliano Aguirre, counsel for SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas

“This is the latest development in the shrinking of the man from a credible President to a small-minded bureaucrat trying to erase his fingerprints from a disastrous project.”
~Akbayan Rep. Walden Bello who declared Tuesday his withdrawal support for President Aquino

Have a fun week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino: Malacañang Photo Bureau; Getulio Napeñas: Inquirerdotnet; Amal Alamuddin: Reuters;; Apple.Com; Cow Rape: ABSCBNNews.com]


4 03 2015

A PHOTO OF A DRESS posted online created quite a stir last week. Some say the dress is black and blue while others insist it’s white and gold. The debate only stopped when Jolo Revilla was hospitalized and people started debating whether it was a suicide attempt or an accidental shooting.

The Sandiganbayan allowed Bong Revilla to visit his son Jolo at the Asian Hospital in Muntinlupa. Reports say an emotional Jolo apologized to his father. When you have done something wrong, you usually do that: You say sorry. Unless you’re the President.

Initial reports said the shooting was a suicide attempt. The next day, the Revillas’ lawyer told the press it was an accidental shooting. This unfortunate incident has definitely taught the Revillas some lessons – not just in handling weapons but in handling talent manager Lolit Solis as well.

Lump Sum
Solons have questioned a provision in the proposed Bangsamoro Basic Law that grants the new autonomous region a 27-billion peso annual lump sum. The budget is being compared to PDAF or IRA which has been declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. Here’s a tip: Compel MILF leaders to drop this demand by telling them it’s pork.

Forget about #TheDress that polarized the entire cyberspace. Here’s a more thought-provoking photo. Can you tell if these men were BIFF or MILF? The answer may surprise you.


Former APEC party-list Rep. Edgar Valdez has surrendered to authorities following his indictment in the P10-billion pork barrel scam. But Valdez is not in jail yet. After turning himself in, he asked to be confined at the PNP General Hospital because he’s sick. Or as other corruption suspects would call it, “in keeping with tradition.”

1Tingting vs. Kris
Last February 24, Peping Cojuangco’s wife, Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco said she’d “leave the country” if her niece, Kris Aquino would win an elective post in Tarlac. When asked if she’s running for governor herself, Tingting was tightlipped. And tight-cheeked.

Tingting Cojuangco clarified that her statement on Kris Aquino was just a “figure of expression.” She was just joking – although when you look at her, it was hard to tell.

Sen. Koko Pimentel is reportedly filing a bill seeking to grant tax exemption for multimillionaire Manny Pacquiao in his upcoming superfight against Floyd Mayweather Jr. Pimentel said the country will generate “unprecedented honor and world recognition” because of the “tremendous publicity” that will mark the run-up to the fight. The only thing more “tremendous” than that is the publicity that Pimentel will generate in filing the bill.

According to Forbes, the number of Filipino billionaires ($) has increased to 11. The worst thing about that is we’re not one of them.

Teen Daddy
According to the latest research, children of teenage dads are likely to have low IQ. On the brighter side, they’ll be great DotA players.

Voting 6 to 2, a court in South Korea has ruled that adultery is no longer a crime. The decision was lauded by women’s groups, proponents of individual freedom, and Bong Revilla.

The jealous wife of Vice Mayor Jonah Ungab of Ronda town in Cebu Province is facing frustrated murder charges for attacking her husband’s alleged mistress, 30-year-old lawyer, Jiecel Tiu. Vice Mayor Ungab has made himself scarce after the incident. Rumors say he has flown to South Korea to seek permanent residency.

Mrs. Pearl Ungab, the 47-year-old wife of a mayor in Cebu is facing frustrated murder charges for attacking her husband’s alleged mistress, lawyer Jiecel Tiu (above photo). Mrs. Ungab admitted that she attacked Jiecel with a baseball bat. To which Mrs. Cristina Enrile said, “Thanks for the tip.”
“When people kill themselves, they think they’re ending the pain, but all they’re doing is passing it on to those they will leave behind.”
~Jeannette Walls

Sound Bites
“Papa, I’m sorry.”
~Jolo Revilla to Bong Revilla according to lawyer Raymond Fortun

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Tingting Cojuangco: Inquirerdotnet; BIFF Pic: Mark Navales/GMA News; Jiecel Tiu: Henry Sy: GMA News; Christian Maningo/Cebu Daily News]


28 02 2015

“GOSH! Nakakaloka talaga ang week na ‘to, I swear! Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. You know me naman, right? Wala akong itinatago sa publiko. Ibato n’yo nang lahat na putik o baho sa akin, keri kong lahat ‘yan. ‘Wag n’yo lang akong sasabihang gumagawa ng kwento dahil tinitiyak ko sa inyo: I am not a liar!

Sa mga ‘di pa nakakaalam, up na ‘yong blog ko. Yeahhhh. Kasi nga, multimedia queen ‘di ba? Besides, sobrang dami ko pang kwento sa inyo na hindi ko masabi sa tatlong shows ko dahil wala nang time. Pati nga sa pagtulog, kung anu-ano nang nasasabi ko eh! Share ko lang. This morning, lumapit sina Bimbz at Josh. Sabi nila, “Mom, you’re making daldal while you’re asleep last night.” Sabi ko, “Realllllly? What did I say?” Bimb answered, “You said, ‘I miss Mayor! I miss Mayor!’ You sounded kilig pa nga eh. Do you still love Tito Herbert, Mom?” NAKAKALOKA! Na-stun daw talaga ako. Wala akong naisagot. Aha-ha-ha Pati ba naman sa pagtulog, intriga pa rin?!? Hay naku.

Anyway, to continue. More than a month nang tinitira si Kuya Noy because of what happened in the South. Promise, ang daming opportunists sa world. Everyone’s taking advantage of the situation para pababain ang kapatid ko. Can’t you just wait for 2016? Hellllo!

So heto na nga… while those nega were talking about resignation, coup d’etat, transition council whatever, et cetera and all, naisipan kong mag-post sa blog ng isang bombshell. I’m sure, mababaling ang public attention sa revelation ko. You know naman the masa. Everything Krissy, kinakagat. At least maiiba naman ang topic sa news.

A day before the EDSA anniv, I wrote a post titled “The State of My Heart.” Bongga ‘di ba? Very SONA! Aha-ha-ha At ang pasabog ko that day, Mayor Bistek offered to marry me before we broke up last year! GRABE!!! BOMBSHELL KUNG BOMBSHELL! CONTROVERSIAL! AN EXCLUSIVE, EXPLOSIVE, EXPOSÉ! WHAT A REVELATION! Bababa ang presyo ng bilihin! Magro-rollback ang halaga ng gasolina! Maaayos ang traffic situation sa Metro Manila! Hihinto ang ikot ng mundo! Et cetera, et cetera!

Or so I thought. The next morning, I asked Darlah.

“Dear… top story ba?”

“Nasa news and showbiz section naman ng ilang websites Krissy pero sakto lang. ‘Di masyado.”

“FINE. Tse!”

And before the day ended, I received a sarcastic text message pa from Mayor. Ang sabi, “Nag-Chinese New Year na, mag-move on ka na.”

Helllllooooo! Mag-move on???? Gusto mong i-screencap ko ang sweet nothings mo via text kapag morning?!? Hmpff! I hate you! Akala mo kung sinong malaki! Ang liit-liit naman! Ay!! Ano ba ‘yong nasabi ko. Sorry! Aha-ha-ha. Promise, ‘di ko pa nakikita. But almost. A-ha-ha-ha!

MOVING ON… thank you nga pala kay Noy for inviting me to Malacañang last Thursday to meet French President Francois Hollande. Siyempre, fly ako sa palasyo. Palalampasin ko ba naman ang opportunity na ‘to? Minsan lang ‘to ‘no! Baka sa susunod na visit dito ni President Hollande, sina Nancy at Abby Binay na ang sumalubong. Alam mo na! Ayaw ni Korina ng ganyan. Aha-ha-ha

Parang nai-imagine ko na kapag si Mareng Nancy ang sumalubong kay President Hollande.

“Bonsoir Madame!”

“Panganay Monsieur!”

“Nagva-vaque çå vå ng çaque?”

“Oui, nagbi-bake ako ng cake.”

OR SOMETHING like that. Aha-ha-aha. I’m so mean. I love you Nancy. You know naman that our family supports your family ‘di ba. So, don’t take this personally. Love, love, love!

Sanga pala, I want you to know na mahusay ako sa French because my mom spoke French fluently. In fairness, nagamit ko ang mga itinuro niya. She must be so proud of me. I love you mom.

Speaking of moms, last Thursday kasi while I was in Malacañang, Gretchen Fullido, yeah, the other Gretchen, sing-ganda pero ‘di sing mahal, texted me that Jam of Jamich was getting weak na talaga.

So nagmadali talaga akong pumunta sa St. Luke’s in BGC. ‘Di na ako nagbihis. Yeahh, naka-evening gown pa ako papuntang ospital straight from Malacañang. And of course, I had to take a photo of me sa tabi ng bed ni Jam with his mom and posted this agad on Instagram.

By the way, thank you @carysantiago for that fabulous gown. Bongga ka talaga! I love youuuuu.

Finally, before I end this long kwento… gusto ko lang mag-react sa statement ng isang matandang relative namin.

She’s been saying negative things about Kuya Noy for so long and matagal-tagal na rin akong nagtitimpi. Unang-una, hindi ka namin kadugo. Nakiki-Cojuangco ka lang. ‘Kita naman sa skin ‘no. Ang layo! EXCUSEZ-MOI! ‘Yan, napa-French tuloy ako sa sobrang inis. Ayoko nang mag-elaborate! Basta ang skin namin nina Ate Ballsy, Ate Pinky, (Ate) Viel and even Kuya Noy, gumagalaw pa. Ewan ko lang ‘yong sa iba d’yan!

And I have to be honest. I was offended when she said na aalis daw siya ng Tarlac kapag tumakbo akong governor. CARE BEARS! Firstly, hindi ako interesadong maging governor ‘no! Helllllo! It’s the Senate or nothing! Secondly, kahit umalis ka pa ng Tarlac, ng Pilipinas o ng Earth, NOBODY WOULD CARE. You were junked by Filipinos last elections remember? HELLLLLOOOO! Kahit yata tumakbo kang walang kalaban, you wouldn’t win! Tse!

Nakaka-stress these people! Palibhasa, ‘di nila mahawakan sa leeg si Noy. Hay naku Krissy… focus on positive things na lang. Blessed ka naman ‘di ba? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE na lang.

FOR MORE CHIKA, visit my blog please. Marami pa akong update about my interrupted romance with Mayor. Promise, malalaman n’yo na ang size ng shoes niya… exclusive! And you know naman what they say kapag malaki o maliit ang sapatos ‘di ba? BASTA!

Darlah, text mo naman si Darren Espanto o. Ask mo kung pwede siyang kumanta sa bahay mamaya. Pampa-good vibes lang. And tell Darren, I have gifts for him, ok? Thanks!
“The most basic way to get someone’s attention is this: Break a pattern.”
~Chip Heath, Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die

Sound Bites
“Super dedmabels sa mga nega. I have no skeletons in any closet left, hanggang bulalo ko alam n’yo na ang kwento. And sa kadaldalan ko, may anomalya bang magaganap na makakalusot? But politics is not happening this 2016. For now, I am blessed to be an entertainer (host and occasional actress), an endorser, a producer, a website owner, a restaurant franchise owner, an investor, and a mother.”
~Kris Aquino

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Star: Kris/Herbert; PixGood.Com: Tingting; Kris Aquino’s Instagram]


17 02 2015

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, the President and the Vice President of the Republic of the Philippines….

AQUINO: Mga minamahal kong kababayan
BINAY: Mahal ko rin ho kayo mga kababayan. Doble pa.

Nagpasya kaming humarap sa inyo dahil sa mga pangyayari sa ating bansa ngayon.
Kung ako lang ho ang masusunod ay hindi ko gagawin ito. Nakikisama lang talaga ako.

Hindi po lingid sa inyong kaalaman, dumaraan sa matinding krisis ang aking administrasyon.
Technically, bahagi rin po ako ng administrasyon pero hindi ko naman masyadong ramdam ang tinutukoy na krisis.

Masakit pong mapagbintangang nagsisinungaling.
Alam ko ‘yan.

Pinagdududahan na rin nila ang aking mga pahayag.
Relate ako d’yan.

At kinukuwestyon ang aking kredibilidad.
Sanayan lang.

Hanggang ngayon, wala pa ring hinto ang mga puna at batikos.
‘Buti na lang ‘yong sa akin lumamig na.

Sa harap ng pagsubok na ito, isa lang ang tinitiyak ko sa inyo: hindi po ako magnanakaw!
Teka, ba’t naman napunta d’yan ang usapan? ‘Di ba Maguindanao ang isyu? Balik tayo do’n.

Ang mga maka-Kaliwang grupo, panay na panay ang bira sa akin.
Nabasa ko nga sa diyaryo.

Wala ka bang reaksyon sa sinabi ko Manong Jojo?
Hindi ko masyadong narinig ang sinabi mo. Sorry.

Pati mga obispong walang kibo sa corruption ni Arroyo noon, tinitira na rin ako ngayon!
‘Yan ang ‘di ko pa nabasa. No comment muna.

Tama po bang pababain ako sa puwesto? Tama po bang pilitin akong iwan ang sinumpaan kong tungkulin?
Sumagot kayo mga kababayan. Kayo ho yata ang tinatanong, hindi ako.

At kung susundin ko ang kagustuhan nilang ako’y magbitiw, sigurado ba silang matino ang papalit sa akin?
To be fair, wala pa naman silang binabanggit na pangalan. Huwag ka munang manghusga Noy. Hintayin muna natin.

Sa pagkakataong ito, nagpapasalamat ako kay Manong Jojo dahil hindi yata siya sang-ayong ako’y mag-resign.
Mabilis na ang one year Noy. Hindi naman ako gano’n kaatat. Kaya ko namang maghintay.

Manong, hindi ko puwedeng kalimutan ang suporta n’yo sa aking ama’t ina.
Salamat Noy.

Hindi ko rin puwedeng kalimutan ang paglaban natin noon sa kurapsyon sa pamahalaan.
Salamat Noy.

Ano hong nangyari?
Salamat Noy.

Hindi mo sinagot ang tanong ko Manong Jojo.
Hindi ko masyadong naintindihan ang tanong. Nagti-text ako. Pero tama ka. Malalim ang ating pinagsamahan.

Pareho tayong lumaban sa diktadurya.
Pareho tayong lumaban kay Gloria.

Pareho tayong may hacienda.
Gago ka.

Joke lang Manong! What I mean is, malayo na ho ang narating natin pareho. Mula Makati City… biglang naging pangalawang pangulo. Suwerte!
Namatay si Tita Cory, biglang naging presidente. Mas suwerte!

Ang nais ko lang iparating sa mga nanonood ngayon: kitang-kita naman po ninyo – matatag ang ating administrasyon.
Ahhh, kaya pala isinama mo ako rito.

Hindi naman sa gano’n Manong. Sama-sama po nating lalampasan ang krisis na ito.
‘Pag krisis n’yo, kasama ako? ‘Pag krisis ko, akin lang? Gano’n?!

Gano’n na nga ho, este… Inuulit ko, wala ho akong balak bumaba sa puwesto.
Try mo ring mag-isip-isip pa. Baka naman nabibigla ka lang. May time ka pa para mag-decide talaga with finality.

Tatapusin ho natin ang aking termino, at sa 2016, isasalin natin nang maayos ang liderato sa mahahalal na bagong pangulo.
Wow, thank you.

Ay! ‘Wag pakasigurado.

Maraming salamat at magandang gabi po sa inyong lahat.
Sana nga.
“Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start”

~Coldplay, The Scientist

Pic of the Weak
According to the dictionary, an opportunist is a person who exploits circumstances to gain immediate advantage rather than being guided by consistent principles or plans. In other news, unseated Laguna governor ER Ejercito is doing a movie on the Fallen 44.

12Sound Bites
“Ang papel ni Norberto Gonzales, manggulo sa Pilipinas.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes on the alleged coup plot vs. Presidente Aquino


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino and Binay: Inquirer.Net;  ER Ejercito’s Facebook via ABS-CBN News]



8 02 2015

PRESIDENT AQUINO turned 55 on February 8. As he marked his birthday, staunchest critics demanded that he vacate his post. They wanted him to be the #Fallen55.

President Aquino’s closest friends reportedly organized a surprise birthday party for him. Cabinet officials took care of the actual preparations but they got orders from General Purisima.

Rumors have it that the President invited political allies to a birthday dinner. Unfortunately, they didn’t purposely attend ‘coz it’s not on their original schedule.

President Aquino marked two milestones on February 8. He just turned 55. His hair turned 80. Congratulations!

Unconfirmed reports say President Aquino received a new tablet, a new phone, a new pair of shoes, new shirts, new neck ties and new belts from his nieces and nephews. Concerned supporters however, wanted to give him new advisers.

February 8 is President Aquino’s birthday. Also born on February 8 – the Russian inventor of the periodic table of elements, Dmitri Mendeleev. Of course, they’re different. One owed his fame to chemistry, the other owed his fame to genealogy.

The President was born on February 8, 1960. He’s an Aquarian. According to astrologers, Aquarians can sometimes be “insensitive” and “inefficient.” To which, the President said, “Excuse me! I am not insensitive.”

President Aquino has accepted the resignation of suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima. In a televised speech, he confessed it was hard for him to let go of a friend like Purisima. Somebody must tell the President that when it comes to easily ‘letting go’ of some friends, it’s best to get some tips from his sister, Kris.

Last Friday, General Purisima granted GMA News an exclusive, live interview. These days, Purisima would rather enter the territory of the BIFF and the MILF than the lair of ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs anchors and commentators.

The leftist Makabayan bloc in Congress wants a change in leadership and calls for the immediate resignation of President Aquino. In related news, the Makabayan bloc has denied rumors it will soon change its name to MakaBinay bloc.

The Sandiganbayan has ordered to freeze Bong Revilla’s alleged ill-gotten wealth worth more than 224 million pesos. When sought for comment, Revilla said “I will file an appeal to defrost it.”

Investigators in America have discovered that almost 80 percent of the ingredients of popular herbal supplements were fake. And almost 80 percent of supplement users were idiots.

Pope Francis was criticized for saying that it’s ok to spank children as long as people do it with dignity. The Pope’s statement brought relief to some Catholic priests who have been spanking altar boys for years.

The CEO of Microsoft has predicted that in 10 years, the pen will be extinct. And today’s youth were like, “What’s a pen?”

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has predicted that the pen will be extinct in 10 years. To which the sword replied, “Who’s mightier now?”

1NOYOldest Tattoos
Scientists have discovered some of the oldest tattoos ever found on humans on a 5,000-year-old mummy. The mummy which has at least 60 tattoos is believed to be the earliest member of rock group, Kamikazee.
“People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go.”

1NOYSound Bites
“He called me at 11:08 PM. ‘Pag hello ko pa lang, nag-sorry s’ya agad. ‘Sorry Kris sa pinagsasabi ng anak ko, ngayon ko lang nalaman, nahihiya ako sa ‘yo, sa pamilya n’yo.” Dinagdag n’ya na naging mabuti at marespeto kaming mga magkakapatid sa kanya. 5X nyang inulit yung salitang SORRY, sorry talaga.”
~Kris Aquino on Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada whose daughter Jerica (by former actress Laarni Enriquez) called her a bully

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino: Inquirer.Net; Purisima: Rappler.Com; Mummy: Marco Samadelli; Jerica Ejercito: NMFNetwork.TV]


3 02 2015

Episode No. 1183
February 7, 2015

(Before you read the post, click this video for background music.)

“Tao akong hindi mapipigilan ang sarili na ipagtanggol ang mahal ko. I have friends who privately spoke to me about how they wished the President had done things differently. We listened to each other. We may not agree but at least we listened.”

Magandang gabi mga Kapamilya. May mga pagkakataong sinusubok ng tadhana ang ating pagtitimpi. Magsasalita ka ba at ilalabas ang iyong galit o magsusuot na lang ng statement shirt habang nagho-host ng iyong live na programa sa telebisyon?

Ang tampok na kwento natin ngayong gabi ay hango mula sa padalang liham ng isa nating masugid na manonood, si Krissy. Babasahin ko na ang kanyang liham.

WAIT LANG. Hindi ba kayo nagtataka? 2015 na pero may nagpapadala pa rin ng liham? Hindi ba pwedeng mag-email na lang or mag-blog ‘tapos i-tweet ang link? Anyway, ipagpapatuloy ko na…

Dear Charo,

Ordinaryong Huwebes lang ‘yon. Maagang natapos ang aking taping kaya…

Darlah, i-on mo nga ang TV. I think ngayon ang arrival honors for the slain policemen. Is Noy there in Villamor?

Wala Krissy. In fact, tinitira na siya sa social media. Nabasa mo ba ang Instagram posts at tweets?

No way?? Binabatikos na naman ang brother ko??? ‘Asan daw ba kasi si Noy?!

Nasa Santa Rosa raw; sa inauguration ng isang car plant. Sabi ng Malacanang, wala raw talaga sa sked niya ‘yong pagpunta sa Villamor.

Wala naman pala sa sked eh, so bakit sila nagagalit? Hay naku, these people talaga.

CHARO… pinalampas ko ang maghapong ‘yon at binalewala ang mga puna at batikos kay Noy. Instead, I condoled with the families of the victims. Pero nang sumunod na mga araw, hindi ko na talaga kinaya ang sumbat, paninira, pambabatikos, walang basehang mga atake, at pamemersonal sa kapatid ko. Worse, ilan sa kanila, mga friends ko pa sa showbiz. Nakakaloka. Ulitin mo Charo: NAKAKALOKA!

DARLAH! Have you seen Juday’s post on Instagram? Gosh… the nerve. Magparinig ba! I thought she’s a friend. She even guested on KrisTV to promote Bet On Your Baby ‘di ba? Darlah, unfollow mo nga! Now na!

Yes Krissy. How about Jomari Yllana? May post din siya sa Facebook.

Why? What did he say?

“Ikaw na ang pinaka-tangang presidente sa kasaysayan ng Pilipinas.”

Really?!!???? Jomari posted that? ‘Tapos hyphenated pa talaga ang “pinaka-tanga.” Hay naku! Care bears! ‘Wag na lang nating pansinin Darlah. Wala sigurong ginagawa. Wala naman siyang career ‘di ba? Deadma!

Wait! Julius Babao’s wife has something to say din Krissy.

Saang channel na nga siya? Anyway, go! Read it!

“Mas importante pa sa iyo ang nakaparadang mga kotse kasya sa mga nakaparadang bangkay ng mga bayaning SAF na nagbuwis ng buhay. Ang dahilan mo? ‘Wala sa schedule!’’”

Galit?! ‘k. Unfollow!

You don’t follow her Krissy.

Mas bongga! Wala na? Sila lang ang galit kay Noy?

There’s one more Krissy. ‘Yong idol mong si Regine Velasquez, ang sabi… dapat daw “gracious” si Presidente Noy sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.

She said that?????

Yes Krissy.

How did she say it: “grey-shoes” o “grey-shas?”

Sabi niya, “Grei-shessh.”

Ah, ok. UNFOLLOW! Pati si Ogie, UNFOLLOW! Grei-shessh pala huh! Hmpf!

CHARO, this has been a bad week for the country but an even worse week for me and my brother. For the first time on Instagram, sunud-sunod ang Biblical quotes na ipinost ko. Kinabog ko si Miriam Quiambao. Ito ang screen cap para maniwala ka. Kung ‘di mo mabasa, tumatanda ka na talaga, Charo.


Pero ayaw talaga nila akong tantanan. Those bashers just won’t stop. Kaya last Sunday, I posted this.


“Good night IG friends, I love you all!”
“Good night IG bashers, super close na talaga tayo!”

Medyo sarcastic Charo and how childish of me, pero what else can I do? Inaatake na ako ng haters ni Noy, inaatake pa ako ng supporters niya! LAHAT NA LANG SILA. Nakakaloka! That’s the reason why I had to wear this shirt on A&A last Monday.


“How beautiful it is to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged.”

Winnerrrrr! Pina-rush ko pa ‘yan para umabot sa show. But guess what? Binatikos pa rin nila ako at hinanapan ng ibang interpretasyon ang nakasulat sa aking shirt! Gano’n ba ako ka-bad?!? Sumagot ka Charo! Do I deserve this loathing? Charo, I just would like to reiterate, hindi EPAL si Noy. Hindi insensitive ang kapatid ko. Ang kapatid ko ay tao, hindi isang demonyo! Some bashers even complained, wala raw compassion si Noy sa mga namatayan. Akala n’yo lang wala! Pero meron! Meron! This will be the last time I am going to talk about this issue Charo. Ako na ang magpapaubaya. Oo, ako na! Ako na ang mag-isa! Ako na ang mag-isang nagtatanggol kay Noy! At the end of the day, kapatid ko pa rin siya. At sino pa bang magdadamayan kundi ang magkakapamilya? I’m sure you’ll agree Charo. Sure na!

DARLAH, matanong nga kita. Be honest. You think, Noy should have been present at Villamor Airbase last Thursday?

Alam mo Krissy, importante rin ‘yong inauguration ng planta sa Laguna. Tama lang na nag-attend siya do’n. Pero mas ok sana kung inuna niya ang pagsalubong sa SAF 44. Mali naman talaga ‘yong excuse na wala sa sked. Hello! Bawal baguhin ang sked? Lilindol kapag binago?! Tama ang sabi ng ilang netizens eh: Pwede bang i-sked ang pagkamatay ng mga pulis? In short, yes, dapat sumalubong si Presidente sa Villamor.

Ano ngang Instagram account mo Darlah?

@DarlahSauler. Why Krissy?


(Press mo ulit ang music para mas ramdam ang ending)

Palagi nating ipinapaalala, walang perpektong tao sa mundo. Lahat tayo ay nagkakamali. Ngunit mababawasan ang hapding dulot ng pagkakamaling iyon kung matututo tayong umako ng responsibilidad.

Isang kahungkagan kung ituturing mong kaaway ang lahat nang taong ‘di sumasang-ayon sa iyong pananaw. Sa halip, pakinggan mo ang kanilang mga sinasabi upang matukoy mo rin ang iyong mga kahinaan. Sa pamamagitan nito, magkakaroon ka ng panahong punan ang iyong mga pagkukulang, at pagkakataong ituwid ang mga baluktot na asal.

Ewan ko. Hindi ko alam.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang naging seryoso ang aking closing.

Inuulit ko, mula sa susunod na Sabado ay hindi na po ako tatanggap ng liham na nasa sobre. Mag-email na lang kayo please. Tigilan na natin ang kadramahan ng liham-liham na ‘yan.

Bago ako magpaalam, nawa’y mahulaan n’yo ang episode title natin ngayong gabi. Nasa baba ang sagot. Sayang din ang 1000-peso load. Good luck!

Ito po si Charo Santos, maraming salamat at magandang gabi, Kapamilya.

















“Sometimes you just have to know when the battle you’re fighting is one best walked away from, than fought to the cold, bitter end.”
~A.J. Darkholme, Rise of the Morningstar

Sound Bites
“With freedom of speech comes freedom of choice. As I said, just by continuing to read #justsaying posts condemning my brother, I will also end up having my #justsaying piece, hahaba lang. Walang magandang pupuntahan.”
~Kris Aquino /via Instagram

Have a peaceful week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino&Abunda Tonight, Kris Aquino’s Instagram]


30 01 2015

MALAYSIAN TERRORIST Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan was reportedly killed by the PNP-Special Action Force in Mamasapano, Maguindanao. The PNP-SAF cornered him inside a hut. Marwan was so surprised to see the commandos. Do you know what was the last thing going through Marwan’s head that fateful morning? A bullet.

According to MILF leaders, they’re not aware of Marwan’s presence in their territory. I have no joke. That IS the joke.

Malaysian terrorist Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan is reportedly dead. This must be a hard time for his wife and his four other wives.

Reports say Malaysian terrorist Marwan’s wife Joromee Dongon was the one who told his relatives about his death. According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Joromee used to be the wife of Abu Sayyaf terror group leader Khadaffy Janjalani who was also killed in 2006. Terrorist suitors are now starting to avoid her.

President Aquino was a no-show at the arrival honors Thursday morning for the policemen killed in Maguindanao. Instead, he attended the inauguration of a car plant in Sta. Rosa City, Laguna. But Malacañang refuses to use the term “skipped” or “snubbed” to describe the President’s absence. Yeah, it’s “priorities.”

The hashtag #NasaanAngPangulo became the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter worldwide last Thursday. Netizens were outraged by President Aquino’s absence at Villamor Airbase. But palace spokesman Herminio Coloma said based on their online monitoring, that was not the sentiment of the majority. Apparently, Coloma’s social media team did their monitoring on Friendster, MySpace, and Multiply.

On Twitter, Black and White Movement’s Leah Navarro, a staunch Noynoy supporter asked, “So how many of those people who dissed the President’s absence from Villamor were actually there to condole?” Netizens replied, “How many of us were actually Presidents?”

Medalya ng Katapangan
On Friday, President Aquino attended the necrological services for the policemen who were killed in Maguindanao. Family members were each given a medal of valor. The medals were presented for their gallant effort to defend the country. Malacañang has denied rumors that a medal will also be given to Leah Navarro for her gallant effort to defend the President.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that a female relative of one of the slain SAF members seemed to have ignored the President at the necrological services. In his defense, he’s gotten used to being ignored by women.

MILF forces are being blamed for the “massacre” of the 44 elite members of the PNP-Special Action Force in Maguindanao. No matter what their leaders say, MILF rebels have really become unpopular right now. To be fair though, President Aquino is more unpopular.

The nation is in mourning. Forty-four members of the PNP Special Action Force are dead – just like Allan Purisima’s chance at redemption.

Speak Out
Vice President Binay said suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima must speak out about the ‘misencounter’ in Maguindanao. The Vice President added, “Mahirap kung lagi kang itinuturo. Baka kaya ayaw mong sumagot kasi totoo ang sinasabi nila.” The Vice President’s statement offended Purisima, Purisima’s wife, and Junjun Binay.

Hundreds of Makati City residents gathered in front of Makati City Hall Thursday morning to show their support for embattled mayor, Junjun Binay who was arrested after being cited for contempt by the Senate. A Binay supporter was overheard saying half of Makati residents were there. The other half were doing something else more productive.

Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay was reportedly brought to the session hall against his will. The younger Binay’s allies said his human rights were violated. In a presscon, Junjun complained that he suffered bruises. When the #SAF44 heard this, they died… again. Twice.

The Communist Party of the Philippines whose armed wing, the New People’s Army has been waging war against the government for over four decades has extended its sympathies to the families of the 44 Special Action Force members who were killed in Maguindanao. Oh, the irony.

Headline of the Weak
“Every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first, it is ridiculed, in the second it is opposed, in the third it is regarded as self-evident.”
~Arthur Schopenhauer

Sound Bites
“All I ask right now is justice, not only for my husband, who was brutally killed but for everyone who fought and fell.”
~Erica Pabalinas, widow of a slain SAF member

“Is it worth it? One international terrorist, equivalent to 44 SAF troopers? I am sure, if you will ask them, it is worth it. Dahil mas maraming buhay and maisasalba at maililigtas nang nawala si Marwan.”
~Chief Supt. Noli Taliño, OIC, PNP-SAF


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: FBI.gov :Marwan; Dennis Sabangan/EPA: Arrival Honors; Leah Navarro’s IG, Philippine Star: Binay Headline: GMA News]


27 01 2015

THE SENATE Blue Ribbon Committee has issued an arrest order for Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin ‘Junjun’ Binay and five other people for their refusal to appear at its subcommittee hearings. Mayor Junjun Binay told his supporters that he’s so ready to be detained. If that happens, he’ll be placed in a small area with some people, and stay there ‘til someone gives the go signal to let him go. Or as some Makati project bidders call it, “our elevator experience.”

According to Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay he is so “ready to be detained.” But a teary-eyed Nancy Binay couldn’t control her emotions saying Junjun’s children no longer have a mother – and now, they’re losing their father. Secretary Dinky Soliman was so moved she offered to take the children to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas.

Reacting to the Senate’s arrest order for her brother Junjun, Nancy Binay lamented, “’Yon ang pinakamasakit. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman ‘yong mawalan ng magulang.” To which, taxpayers said, “Kami naman, nawalan ng pera.”

Almost 70 members of the PNP Special Action Force were killed in an encounter with MILF and Bangsamoro Islamic Freedom Fighters in Mamasapano, Maguindanao Sunday morning. Reports say some of the bodies were mutilated by the rebels. MILF peace panel chair Mohagher Iqbal said his men acted on “self-defense.” In the MILF dictionary, Self-defense, noun. See massacre.

1NYDNMiss Universe
The new Miss Universe is Paulina Vega of Colombia. Mary Jean Lastimosa was in the Top 10. Binibining Pilipinas director Stella Marquez de Araneta was very proud of what her candidate has achieved. She was quiet about Miss Philippines though.

The final question for the five finalists was, “What is the greatest contribution of your country to the entire world?” Miss Jamaica answered, Usain Bolt and Bob Marley. Miss Netherlands said, “art and history” while Miss USA mentioned something about “helping” other countries. When asked the same question after the show, Miss China answered, “Everything.”

Manny Pacquiao was one of the judges in this year’s Miss Universe pageant. For the swimsuit, evening gown and Q&A rounds, his scores were 119-108, 118-111 and 120-109 all for Miss Colombia.

When Manny Pacquiao’s name was picked by Miss USA from the bowl, he asked her, “If you were given 30 seconds to deliver a message to global terrorists, what would you say?” Miss USA answered, “a message of hope, love, and peace.” Terrorists who were watching the pageant were further enraged by that cliché of an answer.

An unconfirmed report said Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell has Filipino roots. As soon as they heard this, the Philippine Azkals offered her a slot in the team.

Miss Jamaica has issued a statement saying she’s a full-blooded Jamaican. She’s not Filipino. Unlike Keith Martin and David Pomeranz.

Australian researchers have developed a “death test” that could predict a person’s chances of dying within the next 30 days. In Metro Manila, we call that “an MRT ride.”

On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook and Instagram were both down for almost 45 minutes. In that short span of time, companies noted an increase in productivity.

Instagram and Facebook were down for 45 minutes on Tuesday afternoon. Instagram users waited 45 long minutes before they started eating the food on their plate.

For 45 minutes, both Instagram and Facebook were down. Filipino netizens blamed Stella Marquez-Araneta.
“Nature didn’t need an operation to be beautiful. It just was.”
~Scott Westerfeld, The Uglies Trilogy

Sound Bites
“Hindi pwedeng mag-baby do’n. Self-defense ang nangyari.”
~Mohaqer Iqbal, Chairman, MILF Peace Panel

“Naiyak bigla ako. ‘Yon ang pinakamasakit kasi ngayong gabi matutulog ‘yong pamangkin kong hindi kasama ‘yong ama nila. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman yung mawalan ng magulang.”
~Nancy Binay

“All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

[Photos: Danny Pata/GMA: Binay; Benjie Castro/GMA: Guingona; New York Daily News: Miss Colombia; Getty Images: Pacquiao and Miss Jamaica]


24 01 2015

POPE FRANCIS was quoted to have said that Roman Catholics should not breed “like rabbits.” The unprecedented statement shocked pro-life advocates and offended Ramon Revilla Sr.

Tito Sotto, a staunch opponent of the Reproductive Health Law refused to believe that Pope Francis uttered those words. Sotto said the Pope could have been “taken out of context” or the statement was just “an invention.” But that’s just Sotto. The only thing we’re sure of right now is that the statement wasn’t plagiarized.

The DSWD confirmed reports that almost 500 street dwellers were rounded up and brought to Chateau Royale resort in Nasugbu, Batangas last January 14 and brought back to Manila when Pope Francis had already left. Secretary Dinky Soliman said the homeless were brought there for a training. It was a rewarding experience for the street dwellers who learned so much about housing, socializing, and concealing evidence of abject poverty.

In what critics described was an effort to “whitewash poverty,” some 500 street dwellers in Manila were rounded up on the eve of the papal visit and brought to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas until Pope Francis had left the country. Or in the words of the DSWD, “coincidence.”

Street dwellers who were interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer said they had nothing to complain about their stay in a Batangas resort during the papal visit. In fact, they appreciated the DSWD’s efforts. They were billeted in spacious rooms, served meals five times a day, attended insightful lectures, and received an ecobagful of goodies. Who are we to judge?

The homeless families are now back in the streets of Manila. They can’t wait for the next papal visit.

According to the latest SWS survey, fewer Filipino families experienced hunger. Thanks to the DSWD’s “training” in Batangas.

More Kickbacks?
Former Binay ally and close friend and ex-senior vice president of the Boy Scouts of the Philippines (BSP) Nestor Mercado bared that Vice President Binay, BSP president for 20 years now, got some P200-million in kickbacks in 2010 from the sale of a piece of land owned by the BSP. Mercado said the kickbacks were for Binay’s future presidential campaign. To be fair to Binay, he’s just being a boy scout: Laging handa.

1PacjManny and Harry
Accompanied by his wife Jinkee, 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao finally met with England’s Prince Harry the other day. Over dinner, he said, “Your mom’s very popular. Sad to hear that her marriage to your father did not end well. I’m sorry she’s gone now.” And then Manny replied, “No, she’s still alive!”

The Senate Committee on Local Government has approved the proposed postponement of the Sangguniang Kabataan (SK) elections from its original schedule of February 21 to October 2016. When they heard the news, Filipinos were shocked. Meron pa palang SK?!?

According to the 2015 Traffic Index, the Philippines is 9th in cities worldwide with the worst traffic condition. That’s just unfair. We should have ranked higher.

Silent Killer
According to a new study, sedentary behavior or sitting will kill us prematurely even if we exercise. So don’t exercise, just sit back and relax. At least, you’ll die doing what you love most.

A study showed that even if we exercise, sitting will kill us prematurely. Congratulations salesladies!

miss uMiss Universe 2015
The 63rd edition of the Miss Universe pageant concludes Monday morning (Manila time) in Florida. Pre-pageant activities were held last week. In the talent portion, Miss China built an illegal structure on the stage.

The Philippines is being represented by pageant veteran Mary Jean Lastimosa. Friends told MJ to remain positive but not too confident despite being a frontrunner. They advised her to think of Mar Roxas.

Miss Canada’s national costume depicted the nation’s love for ice hockey. The costume even includes a hockey scoreboard. Next year, Miss Philippines will top that by wearing a pair of boxing gloves and draping herself in a basketball court.

This year, reports say, there will only be one question for the five finalists. I heard it will be a tough one. Something like, “Why does God allow children to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction?”
“A crowded society is a restrictive society; an overcrowded society becomes an authoritarian, repressive and murderous society.”
~Edward Abbey, Postcards from Ed: Dispatches and Salvos from an American Iconoclast

Sound Bites
“Some think, excuse me if I use the word, that in order to be good Catholics, we have to be like rabbits – but no.”
~Pope Francis

Good luck Miss Philippines!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: OCanada.Com: Pope Francis; ANC: Street Dwellers; Manny Pacquiao’s Instagram; Miss Universe Canada, and Miss Universe.Com]


20 01 2015

POPE FRANCIS has left the Philippines. Many Filipinos can now go back to doing what they love most: hating one another.

Last Sunday morning, Pope Francis visited The Pontifical and Royal University of Santo Tomas, The Catholic University of the Philippines for the “Encounter with the Youth” event. One of the speakers was a former street kid who asked the Pope why God allows children to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction. The Pope said there was no answer to that question. But President Aquino disagreed and said it wasn’t God who’s at fault but the previous administration.

In his homily, Pope Francis mentioned about faith and distractions. He said, “We forget to remain, at heart, children of God because of the promise of ephemeral pleasures and superficial pastimes, such as ‘tinkering with gadgets.’ The crowd missed that part of the homily because they were editing some cellphone photos.

Responding to Pope Francis’s message to Filipinos, Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle said, “Every Filipino wants to go with you.” And then there was a boisterous applause. Tagle continued, “Every Filipino wants to go with you, not to Rome, but to the peripheries.” And then there was silence. Everyone was like, “Ano raw?! Spell!”

In one of his homilies, the Pope said, “The devil is the father of lies.” He didn’t say though if it’s a congressman, a governor, a senator, a mayor, or a vice president. Basta, mag-ama.

Former First Lady Imelda Marcos made an appearance at the mass officiated by Pope Francis in Tacloban City. Moments later, Pope Francis’s visit to the city was cut short, a papal volunteer died in a freak accident, and a private plane skidded off the runway. Go figure.

The infamous Imelda Marcos told reporters that she, in fact, witnessed the collapse of the scaffolding that killed the papal volunteer. Fortunately, the victim’s body was immediately retrieved – unlike the bodies of construction workers at the Manila Film Center.

When sought for comment, Imelda Marcos said, “The message of the Holy Father is about the poor, and I love the poor.” Why wouldn’t she? She helped create them.

Controversial Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa and other government officials were in the private plane that skidded off the runway in Tacloban City last Saturday. The accident prompted some people to ask Pope Francis, “Holy Father, can you consider that an answered prayer?”

Red Alert
Cellphone signal was a problem in many areas during the five-day papal visit. Signal jamming was apparently part of security. Telcos received several complaints from cellphone users. Smart described the situation as “horrible.” Globe described it as “an ordinary day.”

Now it can be told. Security was very tight during the papal visit because, radio DZRH learned, there was indeed a threat to disrupt the event. Thankfully, authorities were able to neutralize… Carlos Celdran.

Hundreds of thousands of people lined the streets of Manila to get a glimpse of Pope Francis. The people were very emotional – although they were less emotional than TV reporters covering the event.

According to MMDA Chair Francis Tolentino, an estimated 6 million people attended the Pope’s final mass in Manila. But another official pegged the figure at 7 million. President Aquino told CNN’s Christiane Amanpour “it was lower than that.”

Filipinos learned a lot from the five-day pastoral visit of Pope Francis. They learned to be more disciplined, patient and forgiving. They also learned how to pronounce “nunciature.”

Every pastoral visit is a huge event in the Philippines, the largest and predominantly Catholic nation in Asia. Religious gatherings like this revive our hope, our faith, and Jamie Rivera’s singing career.

Free Speech
While en route to the Philippines last Thursday, Pope Francis said, “You cannot make fun of the faith of others.” The Pope said there’s a limit to free speech – especially if you’re an altar boy who wanted to speak out against the Catholic priest who abused you.

In Other News…
A day after meeting the Pope in Malacañang, a furious Kris Aquino had an exchange with a follower on Instagram. Apparently, the follower opined that Bimby was probably gay. The presidential sister took offense and accused the follower of bullying her son. We don’t know for sure if Bimby’s gay or not but as Pope Francis said, who are we to judge?

A 32-year-old Taiwanese man died in an Internet cafe in Kaohsiung after playing computer games for three days. So guys, now you know the limit: two days.

After a three-day gaming binge, a 32-year-old man in Taiwan died in an Internet café. Game Over.
“All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.”
~Cathy Ladman

Sound Bites
“Today, with so many means of communication we are overloaded with information. Is that bad? No. It is good and can help. But there is a real danger of living in a way that we accumulate information.”
~Pope Francis, UST, 1.18.2014

Have a holy week! [Whatever that means!] Peace y’all!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: AFP: Pope Francis; AP/Aaron Favila: Tagle/Pope; NBC News: Imelda; Ernie Peñaredondo/Philstar: Private Plane; Official Gazette: Luneta Crowd; Reuters/Eric De Castro; Kris Aquino Instagram]


16 01 2015

POPE FRANCIS is in the Philippines for a 5-day pastoral and state visit. Or as many Filipino Catholics call it, “Good Behavior Observance Week.”

On Friday, Pope Francis paid a courtesy call on President Aquino in Malacañang. The Cabinet was in full force including Vice President Binay. Out of gratitude to his gracious hosts, Pope Francis skipped his original plan of performing group exorcism.

During a general audience with Pope Francis, President Aquino, in a speech in Malacañang, mentioned something about injustice. He asked, “If it is a sin to steal, who is the greater sinner: the desperate man in an impossible situation forced to steal to feed his starving family, or the politician with an insatiable greed who, despite not having real material needs, stole from the public coffers?” Among those present in Malacañang were Vice President Binay and former President Joseph Estrada. I have no punchline. I am just saying that they’re both there.

Conversations With the Pope
“O Noy, last na ‘yang RH Law huh! Baka naman pati ‘yong Divorce Bill, ikampanya mo pa. Sikmuraan na kita. Baka nakakalimutan mo, bouncer ako noong araw.”

“Miss, dito ba talaga dadaan si Pope? Bakit sina Mar wala rito? ‘Nililigaw mo ‘ko no? Anti-Binay ka ba?”

“Naku Vice, grabe naman kayong manghusga. Atat? ‘Wag ho kayong mag-alala. Kayo ang unang magmamano sa kanya. Ingat. Jooooke!”

“Santo Papa, humihingi po ako ng tawad sa mga nagawa kong pagkakasala (although biktima lang naman talaga ako ng pulitika). Malapit na po ang 2016. Kakailanganin ko ang inyong awa at habag. Promise, susubukan ko pong iwaksing lahat ang mga nakasanayan kong gawain. Operative word: susubukan. Hindi ko sinasabing kakayanin pero at least may effort. Amen.”

“Santo Papa, huwag po kayong maniwala sa taong naunang humalik sa inyong kamay. Hindi po siya pinupulitika. Shady character lang talaga ‘yon. Pero tama po siya: malapit na ang 2016. Kung mayroon kayong dapat kaawaan, ako po ‘yon dahil ang baba ko pa rin sa survey. ‘Tang-i… Ooops, sorry po! Parang awa n’yo na, konting dasal pa. Amen.”

“Dear Filipinos, kahit ilang beses pa ako bumalik dito, kung ‘di rin magbabago ang pag-uugali n’yo, wala ring mangyayari. Simulan n’yo ang pagbabago sa inyong mga sarili. Ikaw rin Noy, tama na ang paninisi sa nagdaang administrasyon. One year na lang ang term mo, fault pa rin ni Arroyo? Move on. KthxBye.”

“Papa Francis, hindi kita kinakaya. Bongga ka talaga! Ang dami mong followers. Pray for me huh! I know I’ve been a good mom and I’m sure happy ka na do’n. Pero you know naman my past ‘di ba? Aha-ha-ha ‘Tsaka remind lang kita, wala pa akong love life. So please, please, please! Pray for me naman para makahanap na ako ng matinong guy. Aha-ha-ha! Kaloka!”

“Mirakulo ang hinihiling mo hija. But I’ll try. Love. Love. Love.”

Sa aking mahal na lalawigang Batangas kung saan ni anino  ni Pope Francis ay ‘di naman dadaan, isang pamilya ng mga pulitiko ang ‘di nakapagpigil na gamitin ang Santo Papa upang ibalandra ang kanilang mga mukha sa kalsada. WALANG PAGBABAGO. #EpalVisit

“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.”
~Jarod Kintz

Sound Bites
“The courage and daring displayed by the clergy solidified my belief: Especially during the Martial Law years, the Church of the poor and oppressed shone vividly. Hence, there was a true test of faith when many members of the Church, once advocates for the poor, the marginalized, and the helpless, suddenly became silent in the face of the previous administration’s abuses, which we are still trying to rectify to this very day.”
~President Aquino, Malacañang, January 16, 2015

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Malacañang from Rappler; Leviste Photos from Cyberspace; Kris Aquino’s Instagram]


13 01 2015

THE 2015 Golden Globe Awards were held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California the other night. The trophy for best TV drama was awarded to a new series called ‘The Affair.’ [I’m a huge fan of this program.] “The Affair” has a very familiar narrative. It tells the story of a much older, married man who fell in love with a younger, married woman. They’re both in jail now for plunder.

Papal Visit
Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas says Leyte will be the “centerpiece” of Pope Francis’s 5-day visit to the Philippines. Of course, many people are excited to go to Palo or Tacloban City this weekend. Except for President Aquino.

In preparation for his Philippine visit, Pope Francis is reportedly learning to speak Tagalog. And he’s making significant progress. In fact, he now speaks better Filipino than some members of the Philippine Azkals.

A bit of trivia about Pope Francis. When he was a teenager, one of his lungs was removed following an infection. Yes, the Pope has only one lung and is still very much alive. But that’s nothing compared to many government officials who are still in office even if they’ve got no brain.

Here’s another fascinating fact. Do you know why Pope Francis easily gets along well with so many people – both Catholic and non-Catholic? ‘Coz he’s got a master’s degree in chemistry!

Epal Visit
Tweeted by GMA 7 News reporter Chino Gaston on Monday, this photo of a huge billboard welcoming Pope Francis in Leyte has the names of Cong. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez and his wife, Yedda. Defending her boss from critics, Rachel Santiago, a member of Congressman Romualdez’s staff said the tarp was approved by the archdiocese of Palo. To be fair, the billboard looks good, feels sincere, and smells 2016.

According to Rachel Santiago, a member of Romualdez’s staff, the tarpaulin with the names of Congressman Romualdez and his wife Yedda, is their way “of welcoming Pope Francis” and “of informing the public of his activities.” In response, Pope Francis said, “So ano’ng kunek ng dalawang names sa visit ko?”

Record Low
Vice President Binay’s net satisfaction rating hits a new record low. When sought for reaction, Binay’s new spokesman, lawyer Rico Paolo Quicho answered, “The Vice President remains focused and committed to fulfill his objective to promote the welfare of the poor and further address the growing needs of the Filipino people.” Quicho received a perfect 10 from the judges and easily advanced to the evening gown competition.

The Sign
The Anti-Money Laundering Council says Jinggoy Estrada “controlled” three bank accounts under the name “Juan Ng.” This, after the AMLC observed that Estrada’s and Ng’s penmanship on issued checks were “very similar.” Jinggoy was furious at the allegation but Erap was more furious at his son’s lack of originality.

UntitledTop 20
According to Pornhub Insight’s 2014 Year in Review report, Filipinos are among the world’s Top 20 visitors of the popular porn site. But don’t worry Filipinos! Pope Francis will not judge you.

For cancelled and behind the schedule flights during the Christmas rush last year, local airline Cebu Pacific was fined P52 million by the government. At press time, Cebu Pacific has yet to react on the penalty. Its official statement is delayed.

According to a recent study, taking a nap at work is good for your body. That probably explains why Sen. Lito Lapid is always healthy.

Kris Aquino’s son Bimby was bitten by their pet dog Prada. Luckily, Bimby is now ok but Prada has become super arte; like, grabe.
“There are so many attention whores out there, prostituting for people’s acknowledgment.”
~Jason Myers, The Mission

Epal Visit
Silang ‘di mapigilang ibalandra ang mga pagmumukha sa bawat oportunidad na makita. Despicable.


Sound Bites
“‘Yong ibang mga naghahangad na maging prominente rin ang pagkakakilala sa kanila, mas mainam sigurong pumili na lang sila ng ibang okasyon.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma on epaliticians taking advantage of the Papal Visit

Congratulations to everyone who passed the UP College Admission Test (UPCAT)!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: The Affair: Showtime; Papal Visit: Daily Mail; Epal Visit: @ChinoGaston; Bimby: Kris Aquino’s IG]

THE INTERVIEW [Vice and the President]

6 01 2015

FOR THE FIRST TIME, ABS-CBN’s top comic Vice Ganda interviewed none other than the president of the Republic of the Philippines. It was a hilariously revealing one-on-one between two persons who are very close to Kris Aquino. But they’re different. One is a currently loveless, UAAP follower (with a complicated love life) who has been rumored to spend in exchange for “some fun.” And the other one is Vice Ganda.

The public was divided on President Aquino’s decision to be interviewed by a comedian like Vice Ganda. Fifty percent liked the idea and watched the show – while the other 50 percent slammed the guesting and watched the entire show anyway.

Reacting to negative comments, Malacañang said the GGV interview “showed the lighter side of the President.” Rumors say Senator Trillanes appealed to Vice Ganda to invite Jejomar Binay as guest so he could show “the darker side of the Vice President.”

Vice Ganda’s interview with President Aquino was a hit. When the episode ended, televiewers were yelling, “More! More!” Vice Ganda was thrilled. The last time he heard people yelling was right after a screening of ‘The Amazing Praybeyt Benjamin.’ They were shouting, “Refund! Refund!”

During the interview, President Aquino revealed that he was once president of his Biology class in high school. He became club president when his classmate and close friend who was targeting the presidency decided to give way.

Another piece of trivia from the President: He actually loves to sing but he prefers doing it “alone.” Otherwise known as “How to avoid a fight.”

Grammy-winning artist apl.de.ap, President Aquino claims, has told him that he’s got a good singing voice. That’s the good news. The bad news? Bamboo, Sarah and Lea disagreed.

Vice Ganda also asked the president about his thinning hair. President Aquino said “tanggap ko na,” and then revealed the brand of shampoo he uses: Mane ‘N Tail. This just in: The sales of Mane ‘N Tail dropped by 10 percent after that interview.

When quizzed about his love life, President Aquino said he wanted to settle down with someone younger. That explains why he’s been dating younger women. To be fair, he doesn’t have a choice these days.

For the first time, the President admitted that TV host Grace Lee was his former girlfriend. In the interest of fairness, we should get the side of Grace Lee.

According to President Aquino, he’s been single for several months now but without going into details, revealed that he’s currently seeing someone. Our balding, chain-smoking president who is almost 55 years old has a love life. What’s your excuse?

Top 5 Questions President Aquino Refused To Answer During His GGV Guesting

1: Kung dalawa na lang ho ang kandidato sa pagka-presidente sa 2016, sina Mar Roxas at Jojo Binay at isa lang ang pipiliin n’yo, bakit ho si Mar Roxas?

2: Kung bibigyan kayo ng pagkakataong ikumpisal kay Pope Francis next week ang isang kasalanan, ano ito at bakit?

3: Naniniwala ho ba kayo sa kasabihang “Love is blind?” Kung hindi, explain Grace Lee.

4: Sa inyong palagay, ano ho ang nararamdaman ngayon ng ibang reporters at media organizations na na-scoopan ko?  Galit o inggit?

And finally…
5: Kung sinasabi po ng maraming tao na basura ang pelikula kong ‘The Amazing Praybeyt Benjamin,’ bakit tawa kayo nang tawa habang pinapanood ito?

During the 2013 senatorial campaign, Vice Ganda sat down with President Aquino for an interview. The transcript of that conversation was published in this blog: EXCLUSIVE! Click here for the full article. Here’s an excerpt:

Puro ka naman joke Vice. Start na tayo.

I see. ‘Yong lagay na ‘yon eh hindi pa pala tayo nagsisimula! So ano ho ‘tong ginagawa natin? Rehearsal? Jooooke! Sige po, game na tayo. Unahin na natin ang tanong na alam kong hinihintay ng masa: Ano ho bang real score sa pagitan n’yo ni Bianca Manalo?

Real score?

Hindi ho! Fake score. Ano ho ang fake score sa pagitan n’yo ni Bianca? Chos lang. Siyempre, real score.
“A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.”
~Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

Sound Bites
“Mas bata sana kung puwede para may pag-asa pa naman para magkaanak.”
~President Aquino on settling down with a younger woman

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: ABS-CBN Entertainment /via YouTube; @GGVOfficial AND Roxy Liquigan’s Instagram Account]


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