A KRISSY WEEK

28 02 2015

“GOSH! Nakakaloka talaga ang week na ‘to, I swear! Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. You know me naman, right? Wala akong itinatago sa publiko. Ibato n’yo nang lahat na putik o baho sa akin, keri kong lahat ‘yan. ‘Wag n’yo lang akong sasabihang gumagawa ng kwento dahil tinitiyak ko sa inyo: I am not a liar!

Sa mga ‘di pa nakakaalam, up na ‘yong blog ko. Yeahhhh. Kasi nga, multimedia queen ‘di ba? Besides, sobrang dami ko pang kwento sa inyo na hindi ko masabi sa tatlong shows ko dahil wala nang time. Pati nga sa pagtulog, kung anu-ano nang nasasabi ko eh! Share ko lang. This morning, lumapit sina Bimbz at Josh. Sabi nila, “Mom, you’re making daldal while you’re asleep last night.” Sabi ko, “Realllllly? What did I say?” Bimb answered, “You said, ‘I miss Mayor! I miss Mayor!’ You sounded kilig pa nga eh. Do you still love Tito Herbert, Mom?” NAKAKALOKA! Na-stun daw talaga ako. Wala akong naisagot. Aha-ha-ha Pati ba naman sa pagtulog, intriga pa rin?!? Hay naku.

Anyway, to continue. More than a month nang tinitira si Kuya Noy because of what happened in the South. Promise, ang daming opportunists sa world. Everyone’s taking advantage of the situation para pababain ang kapatid ko. Can’t you just wait for 2016? Hellllo!

So heto na nga… while those nega were talking about resignation, coup d’etat, transition council whatever, et cetera and all, naisipan kong mag-post sa blog ng isang bombshell. I’m sure, mababaling ang public attention sa revelation ko. You know naman the masa. Everything Krissy, kinakagat. At least maiiba naman ang topic sa news.

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A day before the EDSA anniv, I wrote a post titled “The State of My Heart.” Bongga ‘di ba? Very SONA! Aha-ha-ha At ang pasabog ko that day, Mayor Bistek offered to marry me before we broke up last year! GRABE!!! BOMBSHELL KUNG BOMBSHELL! CONTROVERSIAL! AN EXCLUSIVE, EXPLOSIVE, EXPOSÉ! WHAT A REVELATION! Bababa ang presyo ng bilihin! Magro-rollback ang halaga ng gasolina! Maaayos ang traffic situation sa Metro Manila! Hihinto ang ikot ng mundo! Et cetera, et cetera!

Or so I thought. The next morning, I asked Darlah.

“Dear… top story ba?”

“Nasa news and showbiz section naman ng ilang websites Krissy pero sakto lang. ‘Di masyado.”

“FINE. Tse!”

And before the day ended, I received a sarcastic text message pa from Mayor. Ang sabi, “Nag-Chinese New Year na, mag-move on ka na.”

Helllllooooo! Mag-move on???? Gusto mong i-screencap ko ang sweet nothings mo via text kapag morning?!? Hmpff! I hate you! Akala mo kung sinong malaki! Ang liit-liit naman! Ay!! Ano ba ‘yong nasabi ko. Sorry! Aha-ha-ha. Promise, ‘di ko pa nakikita. But almost. A-ha-ha-ha!

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MOVING ON… thank you nga pala kay Noy for inviting me to Malacañang last Thursday to meet French President Francois Hollande. Siyempre, fly ako sa palasyo. Palalampasin ko ba naman ang opportunity na ‘to? Minsan lang ‘to ‘no! Baka sa susunod na visit dito ni President Hollande, sina Nancy at Abby Binay na ang sumalubong. Alam mo na! Ayaw ni Korina ng ganyan. Aha-ha-ha

Parang nai-imagine ko na kapag si Mareng Nancy ang sumalubong kay President Hollande.

“Bonsoir Madame!”

“Panganay Monsieur!”

“Nagva-vaque çå vå ng çaque?”

“Oui, nagbi-bake ako ng cake.”

OR SOMETHING like that. Aha-ha-aha. I’m so mean. I love you Nancy. You know naman that our family supports your family ‘di ba. So, don’t take this personally. Love, love, love!

Sanga pala, I want you to know na mahusay ako sa French because my mom spoke French fluently. In fairness, nagamit ko ang mga itinuro niya. She must be so proud of me. I love you mom.

Speaking of moms, last Thursday kasi while I was in Malacañang, Gretchen Fullido, yeah, the other Gretchen, sing-ganda pero ‘di sing mahal, texted me that Jam of Jamich was getting weak na talaga.

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So nagmadali talaga akong pumunta sa St. Luke’s in BGC. ‘Di na ako nagbihis. Yeahh, naka-evening gown pa ako papuntang ospital straight from Malacañang. And of course, I had to take a photo of me sa tabi ng bed ni Jam with his mom and posted this agad on Instagram.

By the way, thank you @carysantiago for that fabulous gown. Bongga ka talaga! I love youuuuu.

Finally, before I end this long kwento… gusto ko lang mag-react sa statement ng isang matandang relative namin.

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She’s been saying negative things about Kuya Noy for so long and matagal-tagal na rin akong nagtitimpi. Unang-una, hindi ka namin kadugo. Nakiki-Cojuangco ka lang. ‘Kita naman sa skin ‘no. Ang layo! EXCUSEZ-MOI! ‘Yan, napa-French tuloy ako sa sobrang inis. Ayoko nang mag-elaborate! Basta ang skin namin nina Ate Ballsy, Ate Pinky, (Ate) Viel and even Kuya Noy, gumagalaw pa. Ewan ko lang ‘yong sa iba d’yan!

And I have to be honest. I was offended when she said na aalis daw siya ng Tarlac kapag tumakbo akong governor. CARE BEARS! Firstly, hindi ako interesadong maging governor ‘no! Helllllo! It’s the Senate or nothing! Secondly, kahit umalis ka pa ng Tarlac, ng Pilipinas o ng Earth, NOBODY WOULD CARE. You were junked by Filipinos last elections remember? HELLLLLOOOO! Kahit yata tumakbo kang walang kalaban, you wouldn’t win! Tse!

Nakaka-stress these people! Palibhasa, ‘di nila mahawakan sa leeg si Noy. Hay naku Krissy… focus on positive things na lang. Blessed ka naman ‘di ba? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE na lang.

FOR MORE CHIKA, visit my blog please. Marami pa akong update about my interrupted romance with Mayor. Promise, malalaman n’yo na ang size ng shoes niya… exclusive! And you know naman what they say kapag malaki o maliit ang sapatos ‘di ba? BASTA!

Darlah, text mo naman si Darren Espanto o. Ask mo kung pwede siyang kumanta sa bahay mamaya. Pampa-good vibes lang. And tell Darren, I have gifts for him, ok? Thanks!
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“The most basic way to get someone’s attention is this: Break a pattern.”
~Chip Heath, Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die

Sound Bites
“Super dedmabels sa mga nega. I have no skeletons in any closet left, hanggang bulalo ko alam n’yo na ang kwento. And sa kadaldalan ko, may anomalya bang magaganap na makakalusot? But politics is not happening this 2016. For now, I am blessed to be an entertainer (host and occasional actress), an endorser, a producer, a website owner, a restaurant franchise owner, an investor, and a mother.”
~Kris Aquino

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Star: Kris/Herbert; PixGood.Com: Tingting; Kris Aquino’s Instagram]





AQUINO & BINAY… LIVE!

17 02 2015

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, the President and the Vice President of the Republic of the Philippines….

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AQUINO: Mga minamahal kong kababayan
BINAY: Mahal ko rin ho kayo mga kababayan. Doble pa.

Nagpasya kaming humarap sa inyo dahil sa mga pangyayari sa ating bansa ngayon.
Kung ako lang ho ang masusunod ay hindi ko gagawin ito. Nakikisama lang talaga ako.

Hindi po lingid sa inyong kaalaman, dumaraan sa matinding krisis ang aking administrasyon.
Technically, bahagi rin po ako ng administrasyon pero hindi ko naman masyadong ramdam ang tinutukoy na krisis.

Masakit pong mapagbintangang nagsisinungaling.
Alam ko ‘yan.

Pinagdududahan na rin nila ang aking mga pahayag.
Relate ako d’yan.

At kinukuwestyon ang aking kredibilidad.
Sanayan lang.

Hanggang ngayon, wala pa ring hinto ang mga puna at batikos.
‘Buti na lang ‘yong sa akin lumamig na.

Sa harap ng pagsubok na ito, isa lang ang tinitiyak ko sa inyo: hindi po ako magnanakaw!
Teka, ba’t naman napunta d’yan ang usapan? ‘Di ba Maguindanao ang isyu? Balik tayo do’n.

Ang mga maka-Kaliwang grupo, panay na panay ang bira sa akin.
Nabasa ko nga sa diyaryo.

Wala ka bang reaksyon sa sinabi ko Manong Jojo?
Hindi ko masyadong narinig ang sinabi mo. Sorry.

Pati mga obispong walang kibo sa corruption ni Arroyo noon, tinitira na rin ako ngayon!
‘Yan ang ‘di ko pa nabasa. No comment muna.

Tama po bang pababain ako sa puwesto? Tama po bang pilitin akong iwan ang sinumpaan kong tungkulin?
Sumagot kayo mga kababayan. Kayo ho yata ang tinatanong, hindi ako.

At kung susundin ko ang kagustuhan nilang ako’y magbitiw, sigurado ba silang matino ang papalit sa akin?
To be fair, wala pa naman silang binabanggit na pangalan. Huwag ka munang manghusga Noy. Hintayin muna natin.

Sa pagkakataong ito, nagpapasalamat ako kay Manong Jojo dahil hindi yata siya sang-ayong ako’y mag-resign.
Mabilis na ang one year Noy. Hindi naman ako gano’n kaatat. Kaya ko namang maghintay.

Manong, hindi ko puwedeng kalimutan ang suporta n’yo sa aking ama’t ina.
Salamat Noy.

Hindi ko rin puwedeng kalimutan ang paglaban natin noon sa kurapsyon sa pamahalaan.
Salamat Noy.

Ano hong nangyari?
Salamat Noy.

Hindi mo sinagot ang tanong ko Manong Jojo.
Hindi ko masyadong naintindihan ang tanong. Nagti-text ako. Pero tama ka. Malalim ang ating pinagsamahan.

Pareho tayong lumaban sa diktadurya.
Pareho tayong lumaban kay Gloria.

Pareho tayong may hacienda.
Gago ka.

Joke lang Manong! What I mean is, malayo na ho ang narating natin pareho. Mula Makati City… biglang naging pangalawang pangulo. Suwerte!
Namatay si Tita Cory, biglang naging presidente. Mas suwerte!

Ang nais ko lang iparating sa mga nanonood ngayon: kitang-kita naman po ninyo – matatag ang ating administrasyon.
Ahhh, kaya pala isinama mo ako rito.

Hindi naman sa gano’n Manong. Sama-sama po nating lalampasan ang krisis na ito.
‘Pag krisis n’yo, kasama ako? ‘Pag krisis ko, akin lang? Gano’n?!

Gano’n na nga ho, este… Inuulit ko, wala ho akong balak bumaba sa puwesto.
Try mo ring mag-isip-isip pa. Baka naman nabibigla ka lang. May time ka pa para mag-decide talaga with finality.

Tatapusin ho natin ang aking termino, at sa 2016, isasalin natin nang maayos ang liderato sa mahahalal na bagong pangulo.
Wow, thank you.

Ay! ‘Wag pakasigurado.
Gago.

Maraming salamat at magandang gabi po sa inyong lahat.
Sana nga.
————————————————————————————————————————–
“Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start”

~Coldplay, The Scientist

Pic of the Weak
According to the dictionary, an opportunist is a person who exploits circumstances to gain immediate advantage rather than being guided by consistent principles or plans. In other news, unseated Laguna governor ER Ejercito is doing a movie on the Fallen 44.

12Sound Bites
“Ang papel ni Norberto Gonzales, manggulo sa Pilipinas.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes on the alleged coup plot vs. Presidente Aquino

#PrayForEREjercito

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino and Binay: Inquirer.Net;  ER Ejercito’s Facebook via ABS-CBN News]

 





BIRTHDAY BOY

8 02 2015

1NOY
PRESIDENT AQUINO turned 55 on February 8. As he marked his birthday, staunchest critics demanded that he vacate his post. They wanted him to be the #Fallen55.

President Aquino’s closest friends reportedly organized a surprise birthday party for him. Cabinet officials took care of the actual preparations but they got orders from General Purisima.

Rumors have it that the President invited political allies to a birthday dinner. Unfortunately, they didn’t purposely attend ‘coz it’s not on their original schedule.

President Aquino marked two milestones on February 8. He just turned 55. His hair turned 80. Congratulations!

Unconfirmed reports say President Aquino received a new tablet, a new phone, a new pair of shoes, new shirts, new neck ties and new belts from his nieces and nephews. Concerned supporters however, wanted to give him new advisers.

February 8 is President Aquino’s birthday. Also born on February 8 – the Russian inventor of the periodic table of elements, Dmitri Mendeleev. Of course, they’re different. One owed his fame to chemistry, the other owed his fame to genealogy.

The President was born on February 8, 1960. He’s an Aquarian. According to astrologers, Aquarians can sometimes be “insensitive” and “inefficient.” To which, the President said, “Excuse me! I am not insensitive.”

1NOYPurisima
President Aquino has accepted the resignation of suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima. In a televised speech, he confessed it was hard for him to let go of a friend like Purisima. Somebody must tell the President that when it comes to easily ‘letting go’ of some friends, it’s best to get some tips from his sister, Kris.

Last Friday, General Purisima granted GMA News an exclusive, live interview. These days, Purisima would rather enter the territory of the BIFF and the MILF than the lair of ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs anchors and commentators.

Resign!
The leftist Makabayan bloc in Congress wants a change in leadership and calls for the immediate resignation of President Aquino. In related news, the Makabayan bloc has denied rumors it will soon change its name to MakaBinay bloc.

Freeze!
The Sandiganbayan has ordered to freeze Bong Revilla’s alleged ill-gotten wealth worth more than 224 million pesos. When sought for comment, Revilla said “I will file an appeal to defrost it.”

1NOYFake
Investigators in America have discovered that almost 80 percent of the ingredients of popular herbal supplements were fake. And almost 80 percent of supplement users were idiots.

Spanking
Pope Francis was criticized for saying that it’s ok to spank children as long as people do it with dignity. The Pope’s statement brought relief to some Catholic priests who have been spanking altar boys for years.

Pens
The CEO of Microsoft has predicted that in 10 years, the pen will be extinct. And today’s youth were like, “What’s a pen?”

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has predicted that the pen will be extinct in 10 years. To which the sword replied, “Who’s mightier now?”

1NOYOldest Tattoos
Scientists have discovered some of the oldest tattoos ever found on humans on a 5,000-year-old mummy. The mummy which has at least 60 tattoos is believed to be the earliest member of rock group, Kamikazee.
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“People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go.”
~Anonymous

1NOYSound Bites
“He called me at 11:08 PM. ‘Pag hello ko pa lang, nag-sorry s’ya agad. ‘Sorry Kris sa pinagsasabi ng anak ko, ngayon ko lang nalaman, nahihiya ako sa ‘yo, sa pamilya n’yo.” Dinagdag n’ya na naging mabuti at marespeto kaming mga magkakapatid sa kanya. 5X nyang inulit yung salitang SORRY, sorry talaga.”
~Kris Aquino on Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada whose daughter Jerica (by former actress Laarni Enriquez) called her a bully

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino: Inquirer.Net; Purisima: Rappler.Com; Mummy: Marco Samadelli; Jerica Ejercito: NMFNetwork.TV]





DEAR CHARO… ISANG LIHAM MULA KAY KRISSY

3 02 2015

MAALAALA MO KAYA
Episode No. 1183
February 7, 2015

(Before you read the post, click this video for background music.)

“Tao akong hindi mapipigilan ang sarili na ipagtanggol ang mahal ko. I have friends who privately spoke to me about how they wished the President had done things differently. We listened to each other. We may not agree but at least we listened.”

Magandang gabi mga Kapamilya. May mga pagkakataong sinusubok ng tadhana ang ating pagtitimpi. Magsasalita ka ba at ilalabas ang iyong galit o magsusuot na lang ng statement shirt habang nagho-host ng iyong live na programa sa telebisyon?

Ang tampok na kwento natin ngayong gabi ay hango mula sa padalang liham ng isa nating masugid na manonood, si Krissy. Babasahin ko na ang kanyang liham.

WAIT LANG. Hindi ba kayo nagtataka? 2015 na pero may nagpapadala pa rin ng liham? Hindi ba pwedeng mag-email na lang or mag-blog ‘tapos i-tweet ang link? Anyway, ipagpapatuloy ko na…

Dear Charo,

Ordinaryong Huwebes lang ‘yon. Maagang natapos ang aking taping kaya…

Darlah, i-on mo nga ang TV. I think ngayon ang arrival honors for the slain policemen. Is Noy there in Villamor?

Wala Krissy. In fact, tinitira na siya sa social media. Nabasa mo ba ang Instagram posts at tweets?

No way?? Binabatikos na naman ang brother ko??? ‘Asan daw ba kasi si Noy?!

Nasa Santa Rosa raw; sa inauguration ng isang car plant. Sabi ng Malacanang, wala raw talaga sa sked niya ‘yong pagpunta sa Villamor.

Wala naman pala sa sked eh, so bakit sila nagagalit? Hay naku, these people talaga.

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CHARO… pinalampas ko ang maghapong ‘yon at binalewala ang mga puna at batikos kay Noy. Instead, I condoled with the families of the victims. Pero nang sumunod na mga araw, hindi ko na talaga kinaya ang sumbat, paninira, pambabatikos, walang basehang mga atake, at pamemersonal sa kapatid ko. Worse, ilan sa kanila, mga friends ko pa sa showbiz. Nakakaloka. Ulitin mo Charo: NAKAKALOKA!

DARLAH! Have you seen Juday’s post on Instagram? Gosh… the nerve. Magparinig ba! I thought she’s a friend. She even guested on KrisTV to promote Bet On Your Baby ‘di ba? Darlah, unfollow mo nga! Now na!

Yes Krissy. How about Jomari Yllana? May post din siya sa Facebook.

Why? What did he say?

“Ikaw na ang pinaka-tangang presidente sa kasaysayan ng Pilipinas.”

Really?!!???? Jomari posted that? ‘Tapos hyphenated pa talaga ang “pinaka-tanga.” Hay naku! Care bears! ‘Wag na lang nating pansinin Darlah. Wala sigurong ginagawa. Wala naman siyang career ‘di ba? Deadma!

Wait! Julius Babao’s wife has something to say din Krissy.

Saang channel na nga siya? Anyway, go! Read it!

“Mas importante pa sa iyo ang nakaparadang mga kotse kasya sa mga nakaparadang bangkay ng mga bayaning SAF na nagbuwis ng buhay. Ang dahilan mo? ‘Wala sa schedule!’’”

Galit?! ‘k. Unfollow!

You don’t follow her Krissy.

Mas bongga! Wala na? Sila lang ang galit kay Noy?

There’s one more Krissy. ‘Yong idol mong si Regine Velasquez, ang sabi… dapat daw “gracious” si Presidente Noy sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.

She said that?????

Yes Krissy.

How did she say it: “grey-shoes” o “grey-shas?”

Sabi niya, “Grei-shessh.”

Ah, ok. UNFOLLOW! Pati si Ogie, UNFOLLOW! Grei-shessh pala huh! Hmpf!

CHARO, this has been a bad week for the country but an even worse week for me and my brother. For the first time on Instagram, sunud-sunod ang Biblical quotes na ipinost ko. Kinabog ko si Miriam Quiambao. Ito ang screen cap para maniwala ka. Kung ‘di mo mabasa, tumatanda ka na talaga, Charo.

1Q

Pero ayaw talaga nila akong tantanan. Those bashers just won’t stop. Kaya last Sunday, I posted this.

1IG

“Good night IG friends, I love you all!”
“Good night IG bashers, super close na talaga tayo!”

Medyo sarcastic Charo and how childish of me, pero what else can I do? Inaatake na ako ng haters ni Noy, inaatake pa ako ng supporters niya! LAHAT NA LANG SILA. Nakakaloka! That’s the reason why I had to wear this shirt on A&A last Monday.

1shirt

“How beautiful it is to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged.”

Winnerrrrr! Pina-rush ko pa ‘yan para umabot sa show. But guess what? Binatikos pa rin nila ako at hinanapan ng ibang interpretasyon ang nakasulat sa aking shirt! Gano’n ba ako ka-bad?!? Sumagot ka Charo! Do I deserve this loathing? Charo, I just would like to reiterate, hindi EPAL si Noy. Hindi insensitive ang kapatid ko. Ang kapatid ko ay tao, hindi isang demonyo! Some bashers even complained, wala raw compassion si Noy sa mga namatayan. Akala n’yo lang wala! Pero meron! Meron! This will be the last time I am going to talk about this issue Charo. Ako na ang magpapaubaya. Oo, ako na! Ako na ang mag-isa! Ako na ang mag-isang nagtatanggol kay Noy! At the end of the day, kapatid ko pa rin siya. At sino pa bang magdadamayan kundi ang magkakapamilya? I’m sure you’ll agree Charo. Sure na!

DARLAH, matanong nga kita. Be honest. You think, Noy should have been present at Villamor Airbase last Thursday?

Alam mo Krissy, importante rin ‘yong inauguration ng planta sa Laguna. Tama lang na nag-attend siya do’n. Pero mas ok sana kung inuna niya ang pagsalubong sa SAF 44. Mali naman talaga ‘yong excuse na wala sa sked. Hello! Bawal baguhin ang sked? Lilindol kapag binago?! Tama ang sabi ng ilang netizens eh: Pwede bang i-sked ang pagkamatay ng mga pulis? In short, yes, dapat sumalubong si Presidente sa Villamor.

Ano ngang Instagram account mo Darlah?

@DarlahSauler. Why Krissy?

UNFOLLOW! Bye!

(Press mo ulit ang music para mas ramdam ang ending)

CHARO:
Palagi nating ipinapaalala, walang perpektong tao sa mundo. Lahat tayo ay nagkakamali. Ngunit mababawasan ang hapding dulot ng pagkakamaling iyon kung matututo tayong umako ng responsibilidad.

Isang kahungkagan kung ituturing mong kaaway ang lahat nang taong ‘di sumasang-ayon sa iyong pananaw. Sa halip, pakinggan mo ang kanilang mga sinasabi upang matukoy mo rin ang iyong mga kahinaan. Sa pamamagitan nito, magkakaroon ka ng panahong punan ang iyong mga pagkukulang, at pagkakataong ituwid ang mga baluktot na asal.

Ewan ko. Hindi ko alam.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang naging seryoso ang aking closing.

Inuulit ko, mula sa susunod na Sabado ay hindi na po ako tatanggap ng liham na nasa sobre. Mag-email na lang kayo please. Tigilan na natin ang kadramahan ng liham-liham na ‘yan.

Bago ako magpaalam, nawa’y mahulaan n’yo ang episode title natin ngayong gabi. Nasa baba ang sagot. Sayang din ang 1000-peso load. Good luck!

Ito po si Charo Santos, maraming salamat at magandang gabi, Kapamilya.
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“INSTAGRAM”
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“Sometimes you just have to know when the battle you’re fighting is one best walked away from, than fought to the cold, bitter end.”
~A.J. Darkholme, Rise of the Morningstar

Sound Bites
“With freedom of speech comes freedom of choice. As I said, just by continuing to read #justsaying posts condemning my brother, I will also end up having my #justsaying piece, hahaba lang. Walang magandang pupuntahan.”
~Kris Aquino /via Instagram

Have a peaceful week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino&Abunda Tonight, Kris Aquino’s Instagram]





NO JOKE

30 01 2015

1z
MALAYSIAN TERRORIST Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan was reportedly killed by the PNP-Special Action Force in Mamasapano, Maguindanao. The PNP-SAF cornered him inside a hut. Marwan was so surprised to see the commandos. Do you know what was the last thing going through Marwan’s head that fateful morning? A bullet.

According to MILF leaders, they’re not aware of Marwan’s presence in their territory. I have no joke. That IS the joke.

Malaysian terrorist Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan is reportedly dead. This must be a hard time for his wife and his four other wives.

Reports say Malaysian terrorist Marwan’s wife Joromee Dongon was the one who told his relatives about his death. According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Joromee used to be the wife of Abu Sayyaf terror group leader Khadaffy Janjalani who was also killed in 2006. Terrorist suitors are now starting to avoid her.

1AH
No-Show
President Aquino was a no-show at the arrival honors Thursday morning for the policemen killed in Maguindanao. Instead, he attended the inauguration of a car plant in Sta. Rosa City, Laguna. But Malacañang refuses to use the term “skipped” or “snubbed” to describe the President’s absence. Yeah, it’s “priorities.”

The hashtag #NasaanAngPangulo became the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter worldwide last Thursday. Netizens were outraged by President Aquino’s absence at Villamor Airbase. But palace spokesman Herminio Coloma said based on their online monitoring, that was not the sentiment of the majority. Apparently, Coloma’s social media team did their monitoring on Friendster, MySpace, and Multiply.

1LN
On Twitter, Black and White Movement’s Leah Navarro, a staunch Noynoy supporter asked, “So how many of those people who dissed the President’s absence from Villamor were actually there to condole?” Netizens replied, “How many of us were actually Presidents?”

Medalya ng Katapangan
On Friday, President Aquino attended the necrological services for the policemen who were killed in Maguindanao. Family members were each given a medal of valor. The medals were presented for their gallant effort to defend the country. Malacañang has denied rumors that a medal will also be given to Leah Navarro for her gallant effort to defend the President.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that a female relative of one of the slain SAF members seemed to have ignored the President at the necrological services. In his defense, he’s gotten used to being ignored by women.

1bin
Massacre
MILF forces are being blamed for the “massacre” of the 44 elite members of the PNP-Special Action Force in Maguindanao. No matter what their leaders say, MILF rebels have really become unpopular right now. To be fair though, President Aquino is more unpopular.

The nation is in mourning. Forty-four members of the PNP Special Action Force are dead – just like Allan Purisima’s chance at redemption.

Speak Out
Vice President Binay said suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima must speak out about the ‘misencounter’ in Maguindanao. The Vice President added, “Mahirap kung lagi kang itinuturo. Baka kaya ayaw mong sumagot kasi totoo ang sinasabi nila.” The Vice President’s statement offended Purisima, Purisima’s wife, and Junjun Binay.

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Arrested
Hundreds of Makati City residents gathered in front of Makati City Hall Thursday morning to show their support for embattled mayor, Junjun Binay who was arrested after being cited for contempt by the Senate. A Binay supporter was overheard saying half of Makati residents were there. The other half were doing something else more productive.

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Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay was reportedly brought to the session hall against his will. The younger Binay’s allies said his human rights were violated. In a presscon, Junjun complained that he suffered bruises. When the #SAF44 heard this, they died… again. Twice.

CPP
The Communist Party of the Philippines whose armed wing, the New People’s Army has been waging war against the government for over four decades has extended its sympathies to the families of the 44 Special Action Force members who were killed in Maguindanao. Oh, the irony.

Headline of the Weak
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“Every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first, it is ridiculed, in the second it is opposed, in the third it is regarded as self-evident.”
~Arthur Schopenhauer

Sound Bites
“All I ask right now is justice, not only for my husband, who was brutally killed but for everyone who fought and fell.”
~Erica Pabalinas, widow of a slain SAF member

“Is it worth it? One international terrorist, equivalent to 44 SAF troopers? I am sure, if you will ask them, it is worth it. Dahil mas maraming buhay and maisasalba at maililigtas nang nawala si Marwan.”
~Chief Supt. Noli Taliño, OIC, PNP-SAF

#TruthFortheFallen44

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: FBI.gov :Marwan; Dennis Sabangan/EPA: Arrival Honors; Leah Navarro’s IG, Philippine Star: Binay Headline: GMA News]





MISENCOUNTER, MISSED UNIVERSE TITLE, AND OTHER STORIES

27 01 2015

THE SENATE Blue Ribbon Committee has issued an arrest order for Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin ‘Junjun’ Binay and five other people for their refusal to appear at its subcommittee hearings. Mayor Junjun Binay told his supporters that he’s so ready to be detained. If that happens, he’ll be placed in a small area with some people, and stay there ‘til someone gives the go signal to let him go. Or as some Makati project bidders call it, “our elevator experience.”

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According to Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay he is so “ready to be detained.” But a teary-eyed Nancy Binay couldn’t control her emotions saying Junjun’s children no longer have a mother – and now, they’re losing their father. Secretary Dinky Soliman was so moved she offered to take the children to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas.

Reacting to the Senate’s arrest order for her brother Junjun, Nancy Binay lamented, “’Yon ang pinakamasakit. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman ‘yong mawalan ng magulang.” To which, taxpayers said, “Kami naman, nawalan ng pera.”

“Misencounter”
Almost 70 members of the PNP Special Action Force were killed in an encounter with MILF and Bangsamoro Islamic Freedom Fighters in Mamasapano, Maguindanao Sunday morning. Reports say some of the bodies were mutilated by the rebels. MILF peace panel chair Mohagher Iqbal said his men acted on “self-defense.” In the MILF dictionary, Self-defense, noun. See massacre.

1NYDNMiss Universe
The new Miss Universe is Paulina Vega of Colombia. Mary Jean Lastimosa was in the Top 10. Binibining Pilipinas director Stella Marquez de Araneta was very proud of what her candidate has achieved. She was quiet about Miss Philippines though.

The final question for the five finalists was, “What is the greatest contribution of your country to the entire world?” Miss Jamaica answered, Usain Bolt and Bob Marley. Miss Netherlands said, “art and history” while Miss USA mentioned something about “helping” other countries. When asked the same question after the show, Miss China answered, “Everything.”

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Manny Pacquiao was one of the judges in this year’s Miss Universe pageant. For the swimsuit, evening gown and Q&A rounds, his scores were 119-108, 118-111 and 120-109 all for Miss Colombia.

When Manny Pacquiao’s name was picked by Miss USA from the bowl, he asked her, “If you were given 30 seconds to deliver a message to global terrorists, what would you say?” Miss USA answered, “a message of hope, love, and peace.” Terrorists who were watching the pageant were further enraged by that cliché of an answer.

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An unconfirmed report said Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell has Filipino roots. As soon as they heard this, the Philippine Azkals offered her a slot in the team.

Miss Jamaica has issued a statement saying she’s a full-blooded Jamaican. She’s not Filipino. Unlike Keith Martin and David Pomeranz.

Death
Australian researchers have developed a “death test” that could predict a person’s chances of dying within the next 30 days. In Metro Manila, we call that “an MRT ride.”

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On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook and Instagram were both down for almost 45 minutes. In that short span of time, companies noted an increase in productivity.

Instagram and Facebook were down for 45 minutes on Tuesday afternoon. Instagram users waited 45 long minutes before they started eating the food on their plate.

For 45 minutes, both Instagram and Facebook were down. Filipino netizens blamed Stella Marquez-Araneta.
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“Nature didn’t need an operation to be beautiful. It just was.”
~Scott Westerfeld, The Uglies Trilogy

Sound Bites
“Hindi pwedeng mag-baby do’n. Self-defense ang nangyari.”
~Mohaqer Iqbal, Chairman, MILF Peace Panel

“Naiyak bigla ako. ‘Yon ang pinakamasakit kasi ngayong gabi matutulog ‘yong pamangkin kong hindi kasama ‘yong ama nila. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman yung mawalan ng magulang.”
~Nancy Binay

“All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

[Photos: Danny Pata/GMA: Binay; Benjie Castro/GMA: Guingona; New York Daily News: Miss Colombia; Getty Images: Pacquiao and Miss Jamaica]





OF RABBITS, ROYALS AND THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT

24 01 2015

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POPE FRANCIS was quoted to have said that Roman Catholics should not breed “like rabbits.” The unprecedented statement shocked pro-life advocates and offended Ramon Revilla Sr.

Tito Sotto, a staunch opponent of the Reproductive Health Law refused to believe that Pope Francis uttered those words. Sotto said the Pope could have been “taken out of context” or the statement was just “an invention.” But that’s just Sotto. The only thing we’re sure of right now is that the statement wasn’t plagiarized.

Rabbits?
The DSWD confirmed reports that almost 500 street dwellers were rounded up and brought to Chateau Royale resort in Nasugbu, Batangas last January 14 and brought back to Manila when Pope Francis had already left. Secretary Dinky Soliman said the homeless were brought there for a training. It was a rewarding experience for the street dwellers who learned so much about housing, socializing, and concealing evidence of abject poverty.

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In what critics described was an effort to “whitewash poverty,” some 500 street dwellers in Manila were rounded up on the eve of the papal visit and brought to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas until Pope Francis had left the country. Or in the words of the DSWD, “coincidence.”

Street dwellers who were interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer said they had nothing to complain about their stay in a Batangas resort during the papal visit. In fact, they appreciated the DSWD’s efforts. They were billeted in spacious rooms, served meals five times a day, attended insightful lectures, and received an ecobagful of goodies. Who are we to judge?

The homeless families are now back in the streets of Manila. They can’t wait for the next papal visit.

Hungry
According to the latest SWS survey, fewer Filipino families experienced hunger. Thanks to the DSWD’s “training” in Batangas.

More Kickbacks?
Former Binay ally and close friend and ex-senior vice president of the Boy Scouts of the Philippines (BSP) Nestor Mercado bared that Vice President Binay, BSP president for 20 years now, got some P200-million in kickbacks in 2010 from the sale of a piece of land owned by the BSP. Mercado said the kickbacks were for Binay’s future presidential campaign. To be fair to Binay, he’s just being a boy scout: Laging handa.

1PacjManny and Harry
Accompanied by his wife Jinkee, 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao finally met with England’s Prince Harry the other day. Over dinner, he said, “Your mom’s very popular. Sad to hear that her marriage to your father did not end well. I’m sorry she’s gone now.” And then Manny replied, “No, she’s still alive!”

Postponed
The Senate Committee on Local Government has approved the proposed postponement of the Sangguniang Kabataan (SK) elections from its original schedule of February 21 to October 2016. When they heard the news, Filipinos were shocked. Meron pa palang SK?!?

Traffic
According to the 2015 Traffic Index, the Philippines is 9th in cities worldwide with the worst traffic condition. That’s just unfair. We should have ranked higher.

Silent Killer
According to a new study, sedentary behavior or sitting will kill us prematurely even if we exercise. So don’t exercise, just sit back and relax. At least, you’ll die doing what you love most.

A study showed that even if we exercise, sitting will kill us prematurely. Congratulations salesladies!

miss uMiss Universe 2015
The 63rd edition of the Miss Universe pageant concludes Monday morning (Manila time) in Florida. Pre-pageant activities were held last week. In the talent portion, Miss China built an illegal structure on the stage.

The Philippines is being represented by pageant veteran Mary Jean Lastimosa. Friends told MJ to remain positive but not too confident despite being a frontrunner. They advised her to think of Mar Roxas.

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Miss Canada’s national costume depicted the nation’s love for ice hockey. The costume even includes a hockey scoreboard. Next year, Miss Philippines will top that by wearing a pair of boxing gloves and draping herself in a basketball court.

This year, reports say, there will only be one question for the five finalists. I heard it will be a tough one. Something like, “Why does God allow children to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction?”
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“A crowded society is a restrictive society; an overcrowded society becomes an authoritarian, repressive and murderous society.”
~Edward Abbey, Postcards from Ed: Dispatches and Salvos from an American Iconoclast

Sound Bites
“Some think, excuse me if I use the word, that in order to be good Catholics, we have to be like rabbits – but no.”
~Pope Francis

Good luck Miss Philippines!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: OCanada.Com: Pope Francis; ANC: Street Dwellers; Manny Pacquiao’s Instagram; Miss Universe Canada, and Miss Universe.Com]





THE PAPAL VISIT: A POSTSCRIPT (WHO AM I TO JUDGE?)

20 01 2015

POPE FRANCIS has left the Philippines. Many Filipinos can now go back to doing what they love most: hating one another.

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Last Sunday morning, Pope Francis visited The Pontifical and Royal University of Santo Tomas, The Catholic University of the Philippines for the “Encounter with the Youth” event. One of the speakers was a former street kid who asked the Pope why God allows children to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction. The Pope said there was no answer to that question. But President Aquino disagreed and said it wasn’t God who’s at fault but the previous administration.

Distractions
In his homily, Pope Francis mentioned about faith and distractions. He said, “We forget to remain, at heart, children of God because of the promise of ephemeral pleasures and superficial pastimes, such as ‘tinkering with gadgets.’ The crowd missed that part of the homily because they were editing some cellphone photos.

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Responding to Pope Francis’s message to Filipinos, Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle said, “Every Filipino wants to go with you.” And then there was a boisterous applause. Tagle continued, “Every Filipino wants to go with you, not to Rome, but to the peripheries.” And then there was silence. Everyone was like, “Ano raw?! Spell!”

In one of his homilies, the Pope said, “The devil is the father of lies.” He didn’t say though if it’s a congressman, a governor, a senator, a mayor, or a vice president. Basta, mag-ama.

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Imelda
Former First Lady Imelda Marcos made an appearance at the mass officiated by Pope Francis in Tacloban City. Moments later, Pope Francis’s visit to the city was cut short, a papal volunteer died in a freak accident, and a private plane skidded off the runway. Go figure.

The infamous Imelda Marcos told reporters that she, in fact, witnessed the collapse of the scaffolding that killed the papal volunteer. Fortunately, the victim’s body was immediately retrieved – unlike the bodies of construction workers at the Manila Film Center.

When sought for comment, Imelda Marcos said, “The message of the Holy Father is about the poor, and I love the poor.” Why wouldn’t she? She helped create them.

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Controversial Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa and other government officials were in the private plane that skidded off the runway in Tacloban City last Saturday. The accident prompted some people to ask Pope Francis, “Holy Father, can you consider that an answered prayer?”

Red Alert
Cellphone signal was a problem in many areas during the five-day papal visit. Signal jamming was apparently part of security. Telcos received several complaints from cellphone users. Smart described the situation as “horrible.” Globe described it as “an ordinary day.”

Now it can be told. Security was very tight during the papal visit because, radio DZRH learned, there was indeed a threat to disrupt the event. Thankfully, authorities were able to neutralize… Carlos Celdran.

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Hundreds of thousands of people lined the streets of Manila to get a glimpse of Pope Francis. The people were very emotional – although they were less emotional than TV reporters covering the event.

According to MMDA Chair Francis Tolentino, an estimated 6 million people attended the Pope’s final mass in Manila. But another official pegged the figure at 7 million. President Aquino told CNN’s Christiane Amanpour “it was lower than that.”

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Learnings
Filipinos learned a lot from the five-day pastoral visit of Pope Francis. They learned to be more disciplined, patient and forgiving. They also learned how to pronounce “nunciature.”

Every pastoral visit is a huge event in the Philippines, the largest and predominantly Catholic nation in Asia. Religious gatherings like this revive our hope, our faith, and Jamie Rivera’s singing career.

Free Speech
While en route to the Philippines last Thursday, Pope Francis said, “You cannot make fun of the faith of others.” The Pope said there’s a limit to free speech – especially if you’re an altar boy who wanted to speak out against the Catholic priest who abused you.

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In Other News…
A day after meeting the Pope in Malacañang, a furious Kris Aquino had an exchange with a follower on Instagram. Apparently, the follower opined that Bimby was probably gay. The presidential sister took offense and accused the follower of bullying her son. We don’t know for sure if Bimby’s gay or not but as Pope Francis said, who are we to judge?

Gamer
A 32-year-old Taiwanese man died in an Internet cafe in Kaohsiung after playing computer games for three days. So guys, now you know the limit: two days.

After a three-day gaming binge, a 32-year-old man in Taiwan died in an Internet café. Game Over.
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“All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.”
~Cathy Ladman

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Sound Bites
“Today, with so many means of communication we are overloaded with information. Is that bad? No. It is good and can help. But there is a real danger of living in a way that we accumulate information.”
~Pope Francis, UST, 1.18.2014

Have a holy week! [Whatever that means!] Peace y’all!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: AFP: Pope Francis; AP/Aaron Favila: Tagle/Pope; NBC News: Imelda; Ernie Peñaredondo/Philstar: Private Plane; Official Gazette: Luneta Crowd; Reuters/Eric De Castro; Kris Aquino Instagram]





THE POPE, NOYNOY, BINAY, AND MORE

16 01 2015

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POPE FRANCIS is in the Philippines for a 5-day pastoral and state visit. Or as many Filipino Catholics call it, “Good Behavior Observance Week.”

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On Friday, Pope Francis paid a courtesy call on President Aquino in Malacañang. The Cabinet was in full force including Vice President Binay. Out of gratitude to his gracious hosts, Pope Francis skipped his original plan of performing group exorcism.

During a general audience with Pope Francis, President Aquino, in a speech in Malacañang, mentioned something about injustice. He asked, “If it is a sin to steal, who is the greater sinner: the desperate man in an impossible situation forced to steal to feed his starving family, or the politician with an insatiable greed who, despite not having real material needs, stole from the public coffers?” Among those present in Malacañang were Vice President Binay and former President Joseph Estrada. I have no punchline. I am just saying that they’re both there.

Conversations With the Pope
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“O Noy, last na ‘yang RH Law huh! Baka naman pati ‘yong Divorce Bill, ikampanya mo pa. Sikmuraan na kita. Baka nakakalimutan mo, bouncer ako noong araw.”

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“Miss, dito ba talaga dadaan si Pope? Bakit sina Mar wala rito? ‘Nililigaw mo ‘ko no? Anti-Binay ka ba?”

“Naku Vice, grabe naman kayong manghusga. Atat? ‘Wag ho kayong mag-alala. Kayo ang unang magmamano sa kanya. Ingat. Jooooke!”

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“Santo Papa, humihingi po ako ng tawad sa mga nagawa kong pagkakasala (although biktima lang naman talaga ako ng pulitika). Malapit na po ang 2016. Kakailanganin ko ang inyong awa at habag. Promise, susubukan ko pong iwaksing lahat ang mga nakasanayan kong gawain. Operative word: susubukan. Hindi ko sinasabing kakayanin pero at least may effort. Amen.”

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“Santo Papa, huwag po kayong maniwala sa taong naunang humalik sa inyong kamay. Hindi po siya pinupulitika. Shady character lang talaga ‘yon. Pero tama po siya: malapit na ang 2016. Kung mayroon kayong dapat kaawaan, ako po ‘yon dahil ang baba ko pa rin sa survey. ‘Tang-i… Ooops, sorry po! Parang awa n’yo na, konting dasal pa. Amen.”

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“Dear Filipinos, kahit ilang beses pa ako bumalik dito, kung ‘di rin magbabago ang pag-uugali n’yo, wala ring mangyayari. Simulan n’yo ang pagbabago sa inyong mga sarili. Ikaw rin Noy, tama na ang paninisi sa nagdaang administrasyon. One year na lang ang term mo, fault pa rin ni Arroyo? Move on. KthxBye.”

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“Papa Francis, hindi kita kinakaya. Bongga ka talaga! Ang dami mong followers. Pray for me huh! I know I’ve been a good mom and I’m sure happy ka na do’n. Pero you know naman my past ‘di ba? Aha-ha-ha ‘Tsaka remind lang kita, wala pa akong love life. So please, please, please! Pray for me naman para makahanap na ako ng matinong guy. Aha-ha-ha! Kaloka!”

“Mirakulo ang hinihiling mo hija. But I’ll try. Love. Love. Love.”

SAMANTALA…
Sa aking mahal na lalawigang Batangas kung saan ni anino  ni Pope Francis ay ‘di naman dadaan, isang pamilya ng mga pulitiko ang ‘di nakapagpigil na gamitin ang Santo Papa upang ibalandra ang kanilang mga mukha sa kalsada. WALANG PAGBABAGO. #EpalVisit

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“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.”
~Jarod Kintz

Sound Bites
“The courage and daring displayed by the clergy solidified my belief: Especially during the Martial Law years, the Church of the poor and oppressed shone vividly. Hence, there was a true test of faith when many members of the Church, once advocates for the poor, the marginalized, and the helpless, suddenly became silent in the face of the previous administration’s abuses, which we are still trying to rectify to this very day.”
~President Aquino, Malacañang, January 16, 2015

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Malacañang from Rappler; Leviste Photos from Cyberspace; Kris Aquino’s Instagram]





THE AFFAIR, PORN, EPALS, AND OTHER STORIES

13 01 2015

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THE 2015 Golden Globe Awards were held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California the other night. The trophy for best TV drama was awarded to a new series called ‘The Affair.’ [I’m a huge fan of this program.] “The Affair” has a very familiar narrative. It tells the story of a much older, married man who fell in love with a younger, married woman. They’re both in jail now for plunder.

Papal Visit
Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas says Leyte will be the “centerpiece” of Pope Francis’s 5-day visit to the Philippines. Of course, many people are excited to go to Palo or Tacloban City this weekend. Except for President Aquino.

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In preparation for his Philippine visit, Pope Francis is reportedly learning to speak Tagalog. And he’s making significant progress. In fact, he now speaks better Filipino than some members of the Philippine Azkals.

A bit of trivia about Pope Francis. When he was a teenager, one of his lungs was removed following an infection. Yes, the Pope has only one lung and is still very much alive. But that’s nothing compared to many government officials who are still in office even if they’ve got no brain.

Here’s another fascinating fact. Do you know why Pope Francis easily gets along well with so many people – both Catholic and non-Catholic? ‘Coz he’s got a master’s degree in chemistry!

Epal Visit
Tweeted by GMA 7 News reporter Chino Gaston on Monday, this photo of a huge billboard welcoming Pope Francis in Leyte has the names of Cong. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez and his wife, Yedda. Defending her boss from critics, Rachel Santiago, a member of Congressman Romualdez’s staff said the tarp was approved by the archdiocese of Palo. To be fair, the billboard looks good, feels sincere, and smells 2016.

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According to Rachel Santiago, a member of Romualdez’s staff, the tarpaulin with the names of Congressman Romualdez and his wife Yedda, is their way “of welcoming Pope Francis” and “of informing the public of his activities.” In response, Pope Francis said, “So ano’ng kunek ng dalawang names sa visit ko?”

Record Low
Vice President Binay’s net satisfaction rating hits a new record low. When sought for reaction, Binay’s new spokesman, lawyer Rico Paolo Quicho answered, “The Vice President remains focused and committed to fulfill his objective to promote the welfare of the poor and further address the growing needs of the Filipino people.” Quicho received a perfect 10 from the judges and easily advanced to the evening gown competition.

The Sign
The Anti-Money Laundering Council says Jinggoy Estrada “controlled” three bank accounts under the name “Juan Ng.” This, after the AMLC observed that Estrada’s and Ng’s penmanship on issued checks were “very similar.” Jinggoy was furious at the allegation but Erap was more furious at his son’s lack of originality.

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According to Pornhub Insight’s 2014 Year in Review report, Filipinos are among the world’s Top 20 visitors of the popular porn site. But don’t worry Filipinos! Pope Francis will not judge you.

Fined
For cancelled and behind the schedule flights during the Christmas rush last year, local airline Cebu Pacific was fined P52 million by the government. At press time, Cebu Pacific has yet to react on the penalty. Its official statement is delayed.

Nap
According to a recent study, taking a nap at work is good for your body. That probably explains why Sen. Lito Lapid is always healthy.

UntitledBitten
Kris Aquino’s son Bimby was bitten by their pet dog Prada. Luckily, Bimby is now ok but Prada has become super arte; like, grabe.
————————————————————————————————–
“There are so many attention whores out there, prostituting for people’s acknowledgment.”
~Jason Myers, The Mission

Epal Visit
Silang ‘di mapigilang ibalandra ang mga pagmumukha sa bawat oportunidad na makita. Despicable.

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Sound Bites
“‘Yong ibang mga naghahangad na maging prominente rin ang pagkakakilala sa kanila, mas mainam sigurong pumili na lang sila ng ibang okasyon.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma on epaliticians taking advantage of the Papal Visit

Congratulations to everyone who passed the UP College Admission Test (UPCAT)!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: The Affair: Showtime; Papal Visit: Daily Mail; Epal Visit: @ChinoGaston; Bimby: Kris Aquino’s IG]





THE INTERVIEW [Vice and the President]

6 01 2015

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FOR THE FIRST TIME, ABS-CBN’s top comic Vice Ganda interviewed none other than the president of the Republic of the Philippines. It was a hilariously revealing one-on-one between two persons who are very close to Kris Aquino. But they’re different. One is a currently loveless, UAAP follower (with a complicated love life) who has been rumored to spend in exchange for “some fun.” And the other one is Vice Ganda.

The public was divided on President Aquino’s decision to be interviewed by a comedian like Vice Ganda. Fifty percent liked the idea and watched the show – while the other 50 percent slammed the guesting and watched the entire show anyway.

Reacting to negative comments, Malacañang said the GGV interview “showed the lighter side of the President.” Rumors say Senator Trillanes appealed to Vice Ganda to invite Jejomar Binay as guest so he could show “the darker side of the Vice President.”

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Vice Ganda’s interview with President Aquino was a hit. When the episode ended, televiewers were yelling, “More! More!” Vice Ganda was thrilled. The last time he heard people yelling was right after a screening of ‘The Amazing Praybeyt Benjamin.’ They were shouting, “Refund! Refund!”

During the interview, President Aquino revealed that he was once president of his Biology class in high school. He became club president when his classmate and close friend who was targeting the presidency decided to give way.

Another piece of trivia from the President: He actually loves to sing but he prefers doing it “alone.” Otherwise known as “How to avoid a fight.”

Grammy-winning artist apl.de.ap, President Aquino claims, has told him that he’s got a good singing voice. That’s the good news. The bad news? Bamboo, Sarah and Lea disagreed.

Vice Ganda also asked the president about his thinning hair. President Aquino said “tanggap ko na,” and then revealed the brand of shampoo he uses: Mane ‘N Tail. This just in: The sales of Mane ‘N Tail dropped by 10 percent after that interview.

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When quizzed about his love life, President Aquino said he wanted to settle down with someone younger. That explains why he’s been dating younger women. To be fair, he doesn’t have a choice these days.

For the first time, the President admitted that TV host Grace Lee was his former girlfriend. In the interest of fairness, we should get the side of Grace Lee.

According to President Aquino, he’s been single for several months now but without going into details, revealed that he’s currently seeing someone. Our balding, chain-smoking president who is almost 55 years old has a love life. What’s your excuse?

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Top 5 Questions President Aquino Refused To Answer During His GGV Guesting

1: Kung dalawa na lang ho ang kandidato sa pagka-presidente sa 2016, sina Mar Roxas at Jojo Binay at isa lang ang pipiliin n’yo, bakit ho si Mar Roxas?

2: Kung bibigyan kayo ng pagkakataong ikumpisal kay Pope Francis next week ang isang kasalanan, ano ito at bakit?

3: Naniniwala ho ba kayo sa kasabihang “Love is blind?” Kung hindi, explain Grace Lee.

4: Sa inyong palagay, ano ho ang nararamdaman ngayon ng ibang reporters at media organizations na na-scoopan ko?  Galit o inggit?

And finally…
5: Kung sinasabi po ng maraming tao na basura ang pelikula kong ‘The Amazing Praybeyt Benjamin,’ bakit tawa kayo nang tawa habang pinapanood ito?

Bonus: THE PRESIDENT AND THE VICE.
During the 2013 senatorial campaign, Vice Ganda sat down with President Aquino for an interview. The transcript of that conversation was published in this blog: EXCLUSIVE! Click here for the full article. Here’s an excerpt:

Puro ka naman joke Vice. Start na tayo.

I see. ‘Yong lagay na ‘yon eh hindi pa pala tayo nagsisimula! So ano ho ‘tong ginagawa natin? Rehearsal? Jooooke! Sige po, game na tayo. Unahin na natin ang tanong na alam kong hinihintay ng masa: Ano ho bang real score sa pagitan n’yo ni Bianca Manalo?

Real score?

Hindi ho! Fake score. Ano ho ang fake score sa pagitan n’yo ni Bianca? Chos lang. Siyempre, real score.
—————————————————————————————————————–
“A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.”
~Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

Sound Bites
“Mas bata sana kung puwede para may pag-asa pa naman para magkaanak.”
~President Aquino on settling down with a younger woman

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: ABS-CBN Entertainment /via YouTube; @GGVOfficial AND Roxy Liquigan’s Instagram Account]





HIGHS AND LOWS

3 01 2015

91
IN HIS NEW YEAR’S DAY message, President Aquino said, “Tiwala akong malinaw na sa inyo kung sino ang mga tunay na kakampi ng taumbayan, at kung sino ang nagpapanggap lamang.” To which Vice President Binay replied, “Choppy ka. Choppy. Ikot ka nang konti. Wala akong marinig.”

Hopeful
A majority of Filipinos: 93 percent – say they are entering 2015 with hope. The remaining 7 percent of Filipinos have gotten tired of saying the same thing every year.

Ninety-three percent of Filipinos entered the New Year with hope. As in previous years, Filipinos should expect some highs and some lows in 2015. In fact, starting next week, the government is letting us experience some highs: the MRT and LRT fare hike.

91Fewer
The number of firecracker-related injuries from the recent New Year’s Eve revelry was fewer compared to figures from last year. Observers attributed this positive development to the Health Department’s decision to prevent Dr. Eric Tayag from making another Iwas-Paputok dance video.

Papal Visit
Reports say Pope Francis will be welcomed by President Aquino in Malacañang on January 16. The Pope and the President for the first time together. Wow. It’s the highly-anticipated meeting between an old, celibate devout Catholic, and Pope Francis.

9No Show
American R&B/hip-hop singer-songwriter Chris Brown was a no-show at his scheduled performance at the Philippine Arena on New Year’s Eve. He decided to cancel his appearance at the very last minute. Brown has since denied rumors his decision to not show up was influenced by Toby Tiangco, Jonvic Remulla and JV Bautista.

Cold
Temperature in Baguio continues to drop. Last Friday, temperature fell to 11 degrees Celsius. It’s really cold in Baguio City right now. If the trend continues, temperature could plunge to record lows and the weather’s going to be really cold. Just how cold? You know, like ‘Noynoy Aquino love life’ levels.

Discovery
Archeologists have discovered what they claim to be the oldest prehistoric tool. The artifact is 1.2 million years old and has an engraving that reads, “If found, please return to the owner: Juan Ponce Enrile.”

1TraslacionNazareno
The annual ‘Traslacion’ or procession of the revered Black Nazarene happens next week. Former Manila mayor Alfredo Lim is a known devotee. Incumbent Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada is a known de-bote.

Apology
Facebook has apologized for its Year in Review feature that highlighted even its users’ painful 2014 memories. It has yet to apologize though for its “Seen” feature on Facebook chat.

Facebook gave its users an option to post a computer-generated Year in Review. It’s a recap of stuff you posted on Facebook in 2014 – otherwise known as “Who cares?!”

Second Chance?
Observers believe Kris Aquino is still in love with Herbert Bautista. Last December 28, the Quezon City mayor visited the TV host in her home. During his post-Christmas visit, did you know what Bistek gave Kris? False hope.

MMFF 2014
The Robin Padilla-starrer ‘Bonifacio: Ang Unang Pangulo’ took home the lion’s share of the awards in the recently-concluded MMFF 2014 Awards Night but failed to attract a large audience. Apparently, some moviegoers lost interest in watching the film when a spoiler came out online that the main character would die.

9
The 2014 Metro Manila Film Festival is over. Congratulations to the producers of ‘The Amazing Praybeyt Benjamin’ for yet another successful ‘Trash to Cash’ venture.
———————————————————————————————————————-
“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Sound Bites
“Pansinin naman natin ‘yong pagbawas doon sa overall number of injuries. Magbigay naman tayo ng kaunting kredito na nagkaroon din naman ng positibong epekto ito. Kaya nga lang, mas magiging epektibo kung talagang makikiisa na ang mga mamamayan at iiwas na talaga sa mapanganib na paputok lalo na ‘yong pinagbabawal.”
~Communications Secretary Sonny Coloma on the government’s Iwas Paputok campaign

Happy New Year!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino: RTVM; Firecracker Victim: Aaron Favila/AP; Chris Brown: Direct Lyrics.Com; Traslacion: Andy Bais/FB; APB: Star Cinema]





FEARLESS PREDICTIONS [TAKE A GUESS]

31 12 2014

DAHIL SA MASELANG tema ng mga sumusunod na hula, mananatiling lihim muna ang pagkakakilanlan ng mga taong sangkot. Hulaan n’yo na lang!

Untitled
1: Sa ‘di inaasahang pangyayari, magpapang-abot sa iisang lugar ang misis ng isang pulitiko at ang matagal na nitong ibinabahay na kabit. Bagamat may tensyon, magiging kalmado ang sitwasyon dahil kasama ng kabit ang mga anak nila ng pulitiko. Mag-uusap sina misis at ang kabit na parang walang pagtataksil na nangyari. Awkward. [Hint: Vatican City]

2: Tatanggapin ng isang opisyal ng gobyerno ang alok na pagtakbo sa isang mataas na posisyon. Pagsisisihan niya ito. Kakalkalin ng kanyang mga kalaban ang kanyang personal na buhay. Pagpipiyestahan ng publiko ang kanyang kontrobersyal na buhay-pag-ibig at hahantong ito sa pagco-cool off nila ng kanyang kasintahan. Sad. [Hint: South America]

3: Isang babae ang lalabas upang idetalye ang naging affair nila ng isang may-asawang pulitiko. Kukuwestyunin ang intensyon ng babae at pagbibintangan itong nagpapagamit sa mga kalaban ng pulitiko. Malaking damage sa imahe ng pulitiko ang idudulot ng paglantad ng nasabing babae. Aalukin nila ito ng malaking halaga kapalit ng pananahimik. [Hint: Nativity Scene]

3
4: Magpu-propose sa kanyang girlfriend ang isa pang pulitiko bago matapos ang taon. Sa harap ng marami pang pagdadaanang pagsubok sa pulitika ngayong 2015, kakailanganin niya ang isang taong magpupuno sa kanyang emosyonal at sekswal na pangangailangan. [Hint: Paano Ba Ang Mangarap]

5: Sasamantalahin ng isang personalidad ang tinatamasa niyang kasikatan upang pasukin ang pulitika. Gagamitin din nitong batayan ang mainit na pagtanggap sa isang malaking event recently upang tuluyang makinig sa udyok ng mga nakapaligid sa kanya. Mali ang kanyang magiging desisyon. Ire-reject siya ng mga botante. [Hint: Big Ben]

6: Hindi pa tapos ang kamalasan ng isang pulitikong mula sa isang kilalang angkan. Sasampahan siya ng patung-patong na kasong katiwalian bago matapos ang 2015. Madadamay sa asunto ang kanyang maybahay na nasa larangan din ng pulitika. [Hint: Michael Crichton]

3
7: Aamin ang isang struggling male model sa naging relasyon nila ng isang high-profile male politician. Hindi siya paniniwalaan ng publiko dahil wala sa imahe ng kanyang ex-lover na pulitiko ang papatol sa kapwa lalaki. Ngunit isang sikat na male TV host ang magpapatunay na kahit siya ay niligawan ng nasabing pulitiko. Binasted niya ito. Hindi kaya alam ni misis ang extra-curricular activities ng kanyang mister o nagbubulag-bulagan na lang siya dahil mahal na mahal niya ito? [Hint: Victoria’s Secret]

8: Hindi tutupad sa kasunduan nila noong 2013 ng mas nakababatang pulitiko ang iniidolong politician. Hindi ito magpaparaya sa 2016. Sa halip, isang miyembro ng pamilya nito ang tatakbo sa pwestong matagal nang inaasam ng nakababatang pulitiko. Masama man ang loob, mapipilitang tumakbo sa mas mataas na posisyon si nakababatang pulitiko. Matatalo ito. Lalong sasama ang kanyang loob. [Hint: University of the Philippines]

2
9: Magkakaroon ng Part 2 ang relasyon ng isang pulitiko at ng isang kilalang tao sa lipunan. This time, mas magiging seryoso na si pulitiko. Malapit na kasi ang pagpapa-file ng certificate of candidacy. Malaking tulong ang pagkakaroon ng kasintahang malakas ang hatak sa publiko. [Hint: Baptism]

10: Tuluyang magwawakas ang alyansa nina Influential Politician 1 at Influential Politician 2. Ang magiging mitsa nito ay ang ‘di inaasahang endorsement ni Politician 1 kay Politician 3 – ang mortal na kaaway ni Politician 2. [Hint: January 6]

11: Mali-link ang pangalan ng isang reporter sa kinu-cover nitong popular na pulitiko. Hindi ito ikatutuwa ng misis ni pulitiko at ipagbabawal sa mga events ng kanyang asawa ang nasabing reporter. [Hint: World Capital]

12: Sa isang social media post, a scion of a political family will be more open about his relationship with a guy. Hindi na ito bago. Mas inaabangan ang pag-amin ng kanyang ama. [Hint: Down South]
——————————————————————————————-
“I never assume anything. I anticipate the possibilities and allow my imagination to create the future.”
~Lionel Suggs

photo
Thank You!
According to WordPress’s annual blog report, my readers come from 200 countries. So to all of you – from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe, thanks for keeping me company in 2014!
Happy New Year!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: 1: Jantoo.Com; 4: Lively Lawyer.Com; 7: Polyvore.Com 9: Hiking Artist.Com]





PAGE 2014: A YEAR-ENDER

27 12 2014

A LOOK BACK at the year’s unforgettable moments: triumphs, tragedies and controversies, and the people – good or bad – who made the headlines.

This is… Page 2014: A Year-End Report

1arrest
Story of the Year
The unprecedented arrest of three senators: Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada,
and Juan Ponce Enrile for the crime of plunder

1binays
Exposé of the Year
The alleged anomalies in Makati City involving Vice President Binay,
his family and associates

The Top 7 of 2014

1WWinners
1: The Filipino taxpayers – “Jail to the thief!”
2: Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales and her staff
3: Justice Sec. Leila De Lima and her staff
4: President Aquino – ends the year with the highest trust/approval rating among the top government officials
5: The signing of the Comprehensive Agreement on the Bangsamoro
6: The proponents and supporters of the Reproductive Health Law – upheld as constitutional by the Supreme Court; the proponents of the ‘The Graphic Health Warnings Law’
7: Michael Christian Martinez, the first Southeast Asian figure skater to qualify in the Winter Olympics
Special Mention:
The Voice Kids finalists: Darren, Lyca, Juan Karlos, Darlene
Teen basketball phenom Kobe Paras
Youth Olympics gold medalist Gabriel Luis Moreno (Archery)
The NU Bulldogs and its sports program
Princess Mary Superal, winner of the U.S. Girls’ Junior Golf Championship in Arizona
Alyssa Valdez and the Ateneo Lady Eagles #HeartStrong

1MRTLosers
1: Jinggoy, Bong, Enrile
2: Vice President Binay: Trust and approval ratings plummet / Binay chickens out of debate
3: Janet Napoles and sacked Sandiganbayan Associate Justice Gregory Ong
4: Budget Sec. Butch Abad and other DAP proponents as SC rules: It’s unconstitutional
5: The MRT (Controversies, glitches, accidents, long lines, etc)
6: Arrested: Communist Party of the Philippines Chairman Benito Tiamzon and wife Wilma Tiamzon; retired Major General Jovito Palparan and Globe Asiatique’s Delfin Lee
7: Raided and transferred: Rich inmates at the New Bilibid Prison

1Villains
1: Cedric Lee and friends
2: US Marine Private First Class Joseph Scott Pemberton
3: Tau Gamma Phi Fraternity members for the reported hazing and death of a College of St. Benilde student in June, and another neophyte in Tagkawayan, Quezon last November
4: The SUV driver who hit and dragged an MMDA constable eventually killing him
5: The police-suspects in the EDSA-Mandaluyong robbery-abduction case, and the Biñan cops involved in the ‘Wheel of Torture’ game in a Laguna jail
6: Maserati driver Joseph Russel Abacan who punched and dragged another MMDA constable
7: Daily monstrous traffic in the metro

1bongWTF Was That?!?
1: Bong Revilla’s toy truck (First privilege speech)
2: Bong Revilla’s music video (Second privilege speech)
3: Bong Revilla’s ‘Bible-quoting’ shirt on the day he was arrested
4: ABS-CBN’s #MisteryosongSakit sa Pangasinan report: Hoax alert!
5: Manuel “Boy” Mejorada on his case against Drilon: “Based on Wikipedia” AND Atty. Renato Bondal on the price of Makati cakes: “Hula-hula lang!”
6: Ako Bicol Party-list Representatives Christopher Co and Rodel Batocabe’s “Bawal Sumingit sa Linya” bill
7: Lito Atienza’s proposed measure seeking to ban the airing of Koreanovelas on primetime TV

1NBAgaw-Eksena!
1: Nancy Binay’s gown
2: DILG Secretary Mar Roxas to a staff member of the Wack Wack Golf and Country Club: “’Tang-i*@! Kailan pa nagkaroon ng ganyang rules!?! ’Tang-i*@! Walang bawal-bawal sa akin!”
3: Anne Curtis to Sam Concepcion: “Why are you here? Who invited you? You are not classy enough to be here!”
4: Mommy Dionisia’s voodoo act vs. boxer Timothy Bradley
5: Bonfire! The UP Fighting Maroons put an end to a 27-game losing streak in the UAAP men’s basketball
6: The sprawling Philippine Arena of the Iglesia Ni Cristo in Bulacan, the largest of its kind in the world
7: Billy Crawford goes berserk in a police station

mirThis Is War!
1: Vice President Binay vs. Sen. Antonio Trillanes, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano, and Sen. Koko Pimentel
2: The Binays vs. former ally, ex-Makati Vice Mayor Nestor Mercado
3: Antonio Tiu vs. the Senate blue ribbon sub-committee
4: Tacloban City Mayor Alfred Romualdez vs. rehab czar Panfilo Lacson
5: Vhong Navarro vs. Cedric Lee
6: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago vs. Cancer
7: Sharon Cuneta vs. her weight

LEILAAhnyareh?
1: The highly-touted Gilas Pilipinas in the Asian Games
2: The Kris Aquino-Herbert Bautista Romance
3: Manny Pacquiao, the basketeer and head coach
4: Nonito Donaire
5: TV5 [Big-name talents like Nora, Sharon and Aga have decided to leave]
6: News anchor Paolo Bediones puts the “bedio” in Bediones
7: BIR’s Shame Campaign

1ERGoing… Going… Gone!
1: PNP Chief Alan Purisima
2: ER Ejercito
3: Naturalized Filipino Andray Blatche [formerly] of Gilas Pilipinas
4: Former Benhur Luy lawyer Levito Baligod
5: Willie Revillame
6: Flappy Bird
7: Nokia, the brand name was ditched by Microsoft from its new smartphones

1MarThe Bashed! [They have become magnets for (online) criticism.]
1: Korina Sanchez and Mar Roxas
2: Nancy Binay
3: Manny Pacquiao, the politician
4: Chicser (a local boy group)
5: Charice
6: Kris Aquino
7: Coach Lea Salonga during the blind auditions

1wed
YES! (Proposals and Weddings – Showbiz Style)
1: Sen. Chiz Escudero and Heart Evangelista
2: Dingdong Dantes and Marian Rivera
3: JC Intal and Bianca Gonzalez
4: Aiza Seguerra and Liza Diño
5: John Prats and Isabel Oli
6: Solenn Heussaff and Nico Bolzico
7: Chito Miranda and Neri Naig
Special Mention:
Yeng Constantino and Victor Asuncion
Nyoy Volante and Mikkie Bradshaw

1MH17
One World
1: Malaysia Airlines’ ill-fated Flights 370 and 17
2: Ebola outbreak
3: The ISIS Attacks
4: Hong Kong’s Umbrella Revolution
5: The Sochi Olympic Games
6: Robin Williams
7: FIFA World Cup

122
#Trending, Fads and Faves
1: Makeup Transformation
2: Ice Bucket Challenge
3: All of Me by John Legend
4: Spotify
5: Flappy Bird
6: Loom Bands
7: The Kramers: Doug, Cheska, Kendra, Scarlett and Gavin
Special Mention:
Paolo Ballesteros

1BWBuzz Words and Phrases
1: Boom panes!
2: Hugot
3: World-class
4: Hacienda Binay
5: Parking Building
6: Bae
7: Nognog

1AIIt Figures
38: The number of women with whom Senator Enrile had had an affair according to his wife, Cristina Castañer-Enrile

13 percent: Vice President Binay’s alleged kickback from each infrastructure project in Makati City according to former close friend, and ex-Makati City vice mayor Nestor Mercado

19: The number of high-profile Bilibid inmates transferred to the NBI headquarters following a recent raid at the NBP

P306.75: The cost of each cake given to birthday and anniversary celebrators in Makati City according to city hall officials

14: The number of days Kris Aquino and Herbert Bautista were “officially” an item.

7: The final rank of Gilas Pilipinas in the Incheon Asian Games; the country’s worst men’s basketball finish ever in the quadrennial meet

21: The age of Ai-Ai De Las Alas’s current boyfriend – Gerald Sibayan, a former badminton varsity player in DLSU-Manila; she’s 50

indexMore! More!
1: Cases vs. corrupt politicians
2: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s witticisms
3: Sen. Grace Poe-Llamanzares
4: Performances from Rachelle Ann Go
5: Peabody, Emmy and other international recognition for original Filipino TV programs
6: Aquino & Abunda Tonight
7: Comedian Boobay of the game show Celebrity Bluff
Special Mention:
The Legaspi Twins: Mavy and Cassy

Enough Already!
1: “News” articles that should fall under the category, “This should be news because?”
1enzo

1rmt

1CloseSilaOwsDiNga

2: ABS-CBN News.Com’s trademark “Why [insert name of celeb here] trended online” | SERIOUSLY, who gives a flying fuck?!
1Trend

3: Vacuous, pointless, and mostly, bot-generated “trending” topics on Twitter Philippines
1insipid

4: The PMPC Star Awards – unless they institute reforms
4.1 A dime a dozen “media awards” given by just about every school, college, or university in the galaxy to radio/TV programs and personalities

5: That song called Boom Panes.

6: Gullible people who ferociously react to fake news items online, and then re-post it. Think before you click idiots.

7: Toby Tiangco. Period.
Special Mention:
The comedy-commentary part of dzBB’s daily morning newscast

1InMemoriam
In Memoriam: Notable Deaths
1: Entertainment: Mark Gil, Myrna “Tiya Pusit” Villanueva, Tado Jimenez, Roy Alvarez, Roldan Aquino, Ramil Rodriguez, Sampaguita Pictures owner Azucena Vera-Perez, Elaine Gamboa Cuneta, former EB Babes Maico Bartolome (drowned/Bulacan field trip)

2: Sports: Ely Capacio, former UP Maroon and PBA player Bryan Gahol, Olympian Anthony Villanueva, Kurt Bachmann, racecar driver Enzo Pastor

3: Government: Sen. Juan Flavier, Justice Serafin R. Cuevas, Jerry Barican, Raul M. Gonzalez, former senator Vicente Paterno, former NBI Chief Epimaco Velasco, former House Sec. Gen. Roberto P. Nazareno, Jesus T. Tanchanco Sr., Raul I. Goco

4: Media: veteran newscaster Harry Gasser, Manila Bulletin Publisher Don Emilio T. Yap, columnist and radio host Alvin Capino, Johnny “Johnny Midnight” Joseph, Raffy Marcelo

5: Fashion: Paul Herrera, Kenneth Chua, Aureo Alonzo

6: National Artists: Abdulmari Asia Imao, Ildefonso P. Santos, Jr., Francisco Feliciano

7: Claudine Barretto’s showbiz career

Sound Bites: The Quotable Quotes of the Year

1jinggoy
“Malinis ang kunsensya ko. I can look straight into your eyes Tita Ruby, you never brought any money to me.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“The truth will set you free, as they say. So I decided to tell the truth so I don’t have to fear anyone. I don’t have to hide.”
~Socialite Ruby Tuason, close family friend and former Estrada aide

“Wala po akong pakialam kung murahin ako ng buong Pilipinas. Hindi ko kailangan ang palakpak ng buong taong bayan. ‘Di ko kailangang maniwala sila sa akin. And ‘di ako tatakbo sa politics, ‘di ko kailangan ang boto nila. ‘Di rin po ako mag-a-artista o magsho-showbiz, murahin nila ako kung gusto nila.”
~Businessman Cedric Lee

“If this guy would go to Davao and start to unload, pag nakita ko siya in the commission of a crime, I will gladly kill him. Siyempre hihintayin ko siyang lumabas. Pag lumaban ito and he puts up a good fight, I will not hesitate. I will do it for my country.”
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte on alleged rice smuggler David Tan/Davidson Bangayan

5
“I feel like a real champion.”
~Filipino Winter Olympian Michael Christian Martinez moments after making it to the Top 24

“I don’t think it’s an affair anymore. It’s a necessity.”
~Cristina Castañer-Enrile on the reported affair of her husband Juan Ponce Enrile with his chief of staff Gigi Reyes

“So kasalanan lahat ng mga babae? Walang kasalanan si senator kasi lalaki lang siya, natural lang. Gano’n ba?”
~Lawyer Gigi Reyes reacting to Cristina Enrile’s revelations

“Mrs. Enrile has her own reasons for muddling the facts, painting her own picture of her marriage and laying the blame on women, who, she said, were the ones who ‘offered themselves’ to her husband. Excuse me, I certainly did not offer myself to him.”
~ Again, lawyer Gigi Reyes reacting to Cristina Enrile’s revelations

“I apologize if we couldn’t act even faster.”
~President Aquino on the slow government response to Typhoon Yolanda

“Ako, gusto ko ring mag-cleansing sa Senado, kung pwede lang ba dahil non-educable nga sila. Naging propesor ako sa UP but I’ve never seen such a group so resistible to education as the Philippine Senate.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

3
Melanie Marquez: Apart from love, what else do you think we need?
Candidate: Thank you so much for that wonderful question. I think aside from love, all we need is beauty. Well, beauty is not about physical appearance alone. It is about what is inside of you. It is how you share, how you inspire other people, and through that we can achieve unity and it goes on and on and on.
~Bb. Pilipinas 2014

“Why are you here? Who invited you? You are not classy enough to be here!”
~A drunk Anne Curtis to Sam Concepcion

“It’s a triumph of reason over superstition.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago reacting to the SC’s decision on the RH Law

“Kris is too good looking to be dating Herbert. That’s all I have to say about it.”
~Former Makati representative Teddyboy Locsin

“And if the lines are long, we sincerely apologize to our fellow citizens about this difficulty. We are in the process now of acquiring the coaches.”
~Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda to MRT riders

“’Yong MRT lang ba ang puwedeng sakyan doon sa mga rutang dinadaanan nito? Baka naman puwedeng matuklasan ‘yong iba pang mga options. Hindi naman siksikan ‘yong mga bus na ‘yon.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma

“Bakit ako magli-leave of absence? Malinis ang aking konsensya. Wala akong kasalanan. Wala akong ninakaw sa taumbayan.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“Those are suspicions of a wife,”
~Senator Enrile on his estranged wife, Cristina Enrile’s claim that he had an affair with 38 other women

Untitled
“’Tang-i*@! Kailan pa nagkaroon ng ganyang rules!?! ’Tang-i*@! Walang bawal-bawal sa akin!”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas berating a staff of the Wack Wack Golf and Country Club

“Alam ko kapag sinusunug-sunog ka, humahaba ang buhay mo. Ok lang. Keri! I must be in a good place right now, so they can burn me. Go ahead!”
~Kris Aquino reacting to protesting Hacienda Luisita farmers who torched her effigy

“Nagalit na naman ang aking kapatid. Sabi n’ya, nagpapapogi lang ako at his expense. I’ll have to be honest. Jinggoy and I are not close. He’s always furious with me.”
~JV Ejercito after signing the Senate’s pork scam report

“You say you’re happy? I don’t see that. With your face all botoxed and all, I don’t see that.”
~Claudine Barretto to sister Gretchen

“I am astounded to learn that I was supposed to have received a birthday gift from her one time 10 years ago in 2004. This never happened. I did not receive any such gift, in cash or kind, from Ms Napoles or her company nor through emissaries then and up to now.”
~Korina Sanchez

“I vehemently and in the strongest of terms deny knowing Janet Napoles at all and just as strongly deny receiving any gift in whatever form from her.”
~Mike Enriquez

“My God! Kung alam ko lang na ‘yong computer eh Napoles, hindi ko na tinanggap ‘yon. Kaliit-liit naman no’n.”
~Sen. Cynthia Villar whose name was mentioned in the Napoles affidavit

V
“Well sa akin, ‘yong internal bleeding, mahirap idahilan ‘yon; kailangang ipakita din ‘yon.”
~Sen. Sonny Angara on Janet Napoles

“Our patient is human; she has her urges.”
~Dr. Efren Domingo, Janel Napoles’s personal doctor

“Bata pa lamang ako ay natuto na akong maghanap-buhay. Sa biyaya ng Diyos, sa aking tiyaga, sipag at pawis, at sa tulong ng mga taong nakilala ko, ito ay aking napalago hanggang sa aking narating ngayon.”
~Janet Lim-Napoles (Affidavit)

Kris
“Tama na po ang awayan, tigilan na ang pulitika ng paghihiwalay. Tama na ang pambebengga.”
~Bong Revilla, June 9, 2014. Privilege Speech 2

“Kung mayroon man akong hindi napaligaya sa aking privilege speech, tayo ay humihingi ng paumanhin sa kanila. Iyong awitin na iyon ay inihandog ko sa 20 milyong kataong sumuporta sa akin.”
~Bong Revilla to critics of his privilege speecg with music video

“Papaano tayo makakatakbo kung nakakulong tayo? Pero malay mo, for the first time nakakulong pero nanalo pa.”
~Bong Revilla on running for president in 2016

“Lalabas ang katotohanan at maaabswelto tayo dito.”
~Bong Revilla, Imus, Cavite 6.19.2014

“We’re accomplishing what some people said was a near impossible task: to have these big personalities who are perceived as untouchable finally prosecuted.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

Kris
“The mere fact na makukulong na naman ako, tumatayo ng balahibo ko e. Iniisip ko ang mga anak ko.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“Wala pala talagang somewhere down the road para sa inyo and you can’t stop crying because ‘yong future na inakala mo, ‘yong pinagdarasal mo, that future that kept you going, that dream just disappears.”
~Kris Aquino

“We are going to pursue all those people who are instrumental in the heinous murder of this particular individual. This should not continue.”
~Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda on the death of a CSB student due to hazing

1wed
“I’ve said it before, I say it again now. It is stupid, katangahan and kabobohan to allow your body to be beaten to a pulp by so-called brothers who had you convinced they will care for you the rest of your life. Our young are falling prey to and are being devoured by their quest for power via a brotherhood that is fake.”
~Inquirer Ma. Ceres P. Doyo, Frat torturers and their victims are weaklings

“I’ve never been unfaithful.”
~Former senator Kiko Pangilinan when asked by ‘Walang Pasaway’ host Mareng Winnie Monsod if he ever cheated on Sharon Cuneta

“Yes! I have cancer. Now I am entering another dimension of human life.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

“I did [ask Dad] at dineny niya sa akin. Wala daw siyang ninakaw na halagang maski piso daw po.”
~Jack Enrile

“You are shameless. You slept with a man who is not even your husband.”
~ Fr. Romeo Obach to an unwed, teenage mom during a baptismal ceremony in Mandaue City

“I have decided not to accept his resignation. To accept his resignation is to assign to him a wrong and I cannot accept the notion that doing right by our people is wrong.”
~President Aquino on Sec. Butch Abad

“For the past 100 years, itinuturo po ng aming simbahan ang kusang pagkakaloob. Ito naman po ay walang pilitan. Kung anuman ang aming nakalap ay nagagamit lamang para sa mga pangangailangan ng simbahan.”
~Bro. Edwin Zabala, INC spokesperson

1BIN
“Hindi n’ya ho ka-level si Senator Trillanes. My father will not stoop down to his level.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“Dito sa Davao, maraming babaeng hipon. When I say Hi, you say pon!”
~Comedian Ramon Bautista hosting an event in Davao City

“Kawawa ang kapatid ko. The senators have the upper hand. Trial court ba ito? Ang feeling ko kulang na lang, ‘yong mga kasamahan ko ukitan ako dito sa noo ko ng M, magnanakaw.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“There’s no truth to it. It doesn’t affect me.”
~Sen. Grace Poe on rumors that Ferdinand Marcos and Rosemarie Sonora (Susan Roces’s sister) are her real parents

“It’s world class.”
~Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay on the allegedly overpriced Makati City Parking Bldg.

1JC
“Me, in Binay’s pocket? I will have my head chopped off before a live audience by anyone who can prove that! Life is too short to waste on sucking up to a dynasty that I’m bent on crushing. No to Binay in 2016! Quote me, please!”
~Activist Mae Paner a.k.a. Juana Change

“Siguro that’s their opinion, ‘di ba? ‘Di ba, parang beauty din ‘yan eh. It’s in the eyes of the beholder. Siguro ganoon din yun sa building, ‘di ba? Para sa kanila, hindi ganoon kagandahan pero sa amin maganda na yan.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

S’yempre, I’m honored, but also I’m relieved that I wasn’t made ninong, ‘di ba?”
~President Aquino on being Chiz Escudero’s best man

I can’t contain myself if I’m under the influence of alcohol.”
~Billy Crawford

“’Wag naman nating lahatin na kasama sa criminal gangs at criminal activities. Ninety nine percent, the overwhelming majority of the police forces, ay ginagawa ang trabaho nila sa mabuting paraan.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

“Sabi niya ‘Ma’am, natanggap ko na ‘yong cake, ang sarap ng cake.’ Parang hindi ko tuloy alam, idi-deny ko ba eh parang tuwang-tuwa s’ya sa cake. Pag deniny ko, baka hindi na matuwa sa akin dahil hindi pala ako ang nag-bake no’n.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“Hindi ko hinanap ‘to talaga, hindi ko hinanap. Dumating na lang siya talaga sa buhay ko.”
~Comedienne Ai Ai delas Alas on her 20-year-old boyfriend from DLSU

“It’s show time!”
~Cedric Lee to Vhong Navarro after his release from jail

1SASA
“Maraming nakikisawsaw, hindi lang Gabriela. Alam naman nating malapit na ang election, sila ‘yong maiingay na naghahanap lang ng issue. Ganoon lang kasimple iyon.”
~Richard Gomez on the controversial Coco Martin number in the annual Bench flesh fest

“Kasi gusto n’ya sikat agad siya, ‘yan ang nasa utak niya. Sarili lang niya ang iniisip niya eh.”
~Former PBA star Ramon ‘El Presidente’ Fernandez blasting Gilas Pilipinas head coach Chot Reyes
“My soul is male, but I’m not going to go through that stage where I’m going to change everything.”
~Charice as interviewed by Oprah

“Malinaw ang misyon ng grupong ito: guluhin ang imbestigasyon ng Senate Blue Ribbon Sub-Committee at ilayo ang pansin ng media sa mga isyu ng korupsyon laban sa pamilya Binay. They picked the name Oplan Maligno since they expect the disinformation campaign to gain traction before the Halloween.”
~LP stalwart and Caloocan City Rep. Edgar Erice

“Mr. Erice, stop looking at the mirror. I’m sure naisip n’ya ‘yon no’ng pagtingin n’ya sa salamin at nakita n’ya ang sarili n’ya.”
~UNA’s Toby Tiangco

“Our place in Batangas.”
~Joanna Marie Binay on Instagram

11BINAY ESTATE3
“Ako ho ang naghamon, wala hong atrasan ‘to kung ako ho ang tatanungin ninyo. Basta’t magkakaharapan po tayo.”
~Vice President Binay

“Ang dahilan ko, mga kababayan, ay dahil marami na akong naririnig. Na siya ay ganito, ako ay mahusay, ako ay debater, ako ay abogado, eh sobra na ang mga salitang ganyan, na kumpirmadong sinabi niya. Eh ayoko naman pong ‘yong pagkakakila n’yo sa akin, mga kababayan, ay mapang-api, mapagsamantala. Na itong isang tao ito ay alam mo namang kawawa, tanga o whatever, pinagsamantalahan ko. So tama na yun. Ayoko na.”
~Vice President Binay

“”For the sake of the country, sana umatras na siya at itigil na ang panloloko sa taumbayan, at kung magtuloy-tuloy siya dahil alam niyang may kikitain siya sa pagka-presidente, sana makita ng mga kababayan natin ang tunay na pagkatao niya.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV

“Ipinapaalala ni Pangulong Aquino ang kahalagahan ng paggawad ng katarungan para sa marami pang nakabinbing [isyu] bunsod ng diktadurya, kabilang na ang human rights violations at alleged ill-gotten wealth.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma reacting to Bongbong Marcos’s call for an end to the “feud” between the Marcos and the Aquino families

“Masyado nang malalim ang atraso ng mga Aquino sa mga Ejercito. Tinanggal na ni Cory Aquino si Erap bilang mayor at presidente. Ngayon naman, tinanggal ako saka si Senator Jinggoy.”
~ER Ejercito, unseated Laguna governor

“That’s out of the question. He’s not running for vice president. He prefers to tend to his business than run for vice president.”
~Sen. Cynthia Villar on former senator Manny Villar

“Sana huwag na po nating bigyan ng kulay. Kawawa na nga ho ‘yong tao, nando’n na at sumemplang na nga ho at pasalamat po tayo — pasalamat po kami, at least, hindi ho nasaktan si Secretary Mar.”
~Deputy palace spokesperson Abigail Valte

“All other comments are irrelevant and frankly, reflect more on the people making them.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas reacting to online criticisms

“Based on our study, their removal from the NBP would validate the combined reports of anti-illegal drugs agency that the inmates control the narcotics industry in the country.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

1MPE
“Walang problema kahit malaki ang sa kanya, maliit lang sa akin; advantage s’ya ok lang ‘yan.”
~Manny Pacquiao on Mayweather’s proposed purse split in the event of a super fight
—————————————————————————————————-
“News is not just about information from media, it’s the current revelation of the two changing worlds of the good and the dark worlds.”
~ Wayne Chirisa

Happy New Year!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer.Net, PhilStar.Com, Rappler.Com, ABSCBNNews.COm, GMANews.Com, Interaksyon.Com, Gov.Ph, Office of the Vice Presiden, Spin.Ph, Yahoo Philippines, Philippine Entertainment Portal]





HOPELESS, HOPEFUL

19 12 2014

AN INCUMBENT CONGRESSMAN and two other politicians were found to be the registered owners of several firearms confiscated inside the luxury villa of convicted criminal Peter Co in the New Bilibid Prison. Which explains why when you look up the meaning of the word ‘politician’ in the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary, it says there, “See criminal.”

nava-j
Official records reveal a Walther PPK pistol found inside the ‘kubol’ of drug lord Peter Co is registered under the name of Guimaras Rep. Joaquin Carlos Rahman Nava. Sources say Nava can’t wait to deny his links to the convicted drug lord. The public can’t wait to not believe him.

Bilibid Balladeer
Henry Colanggo, the convicted leader of the Waray-Waray and Ozamiz bank robbery group and one of the inmates living in a luxury villa inside the national penitentiary is also a recording artist. In fact, in the recent PMPC Star Awards for Music, he won Best New Male Recording Artist even besting the talented and very popular rapper-songwriter Abra. The award made Colanggo happy but he made the PMPC ha₱₱ier.

COLLA
Critics say the PMPC had lost its credibility when it gave the award to a convicted robbery gang leader. Which begs the question, what credibility?

Happy, Hopeful Christmas
According to a Social Weather Stations survey, 7 out of 10 Filipinos expect a happy Christmas. The other three were Bong, Jinggoy and Enrile.

In a recent survey, the SWS asked some 1,800 respondents if they were expecting a happy Christmas this year. It’s a YES according to 64 percent of Filipinos in Metro Manila; 72 percent in the rest of Luzon; 71 percent in Mindanao; 72 percent in the Visayas, and 0 percent in the Maximum Security Compound of the New Bilibid Prison.

According to Pulse Asia, 34 percent of Filipinos are expecting a more prosperous Christmas season for their families this year. And the Binays were like, “True!”

The Advice
Speaking before youth members of the Jesus is Lord Church Movement, President Aquino called on the youth to discuss politics and government instead of spending time on selfies and Clash of Clans. Such encouraging words from someone who quit playing video games at the age of 50.

index#EpicFail
Using UP’s grading system, the Senate subcommittee on public services recently conducted an MRT-3 commuters’ survey. Of the 13 stations, four got a [failing] grade of 5.0: Taft Avenue, Shaw Boulevard, Cubao, and GMA-Kamuning. The Santolan-Annapolis station got a 2.75 while Ayala and Magallanes stations were both given a 2.5. The rest received a grade of 3. When UP students were asked about the MRT survey, they said, “It was fun!” When Ateneo students were asked about the same MRT survey, they replied, “What’s MRT?”

Booked
For the first time, US Marine Lance Corporal Joseph Scott Pemberton, the suspect in the murder of transgender Jennifer Laude appeared before the sala of Olongapo City Judge Roline Ginez-Jabalde. Throughout the hearing, Pemberton was noticeably staring at Judge Jabalde, checking if she’s really female.

COLLASimbang Gabi
The annual Simbang Gabi started last Tuesday. Some friends are determined to complete the nine-day series of dawn masses. I’m hoping to see them get promoted to Level 2 Catholic.

Birthday Pope
Last December 17, Pope Francis turned 78. Or as Senator Enrile would say, “So young!”

Online Censorship
The Belarus government has tightened its control of online media. A bill that seeks to shut down online content deemed offensive by the government has been endorsed by Information Minister Titus Sottoshenko.

Stroke
A recent study has revealed that garbled text messages may be a sign of stroke. Unless the “garbled” messages were sent by some Filipinos. They’re just probably jejenese. Eow kua! muZta na poWz! Klala mo p q? Jejeje #kathnielislove #joshanerocksdavao #jejeje

indexThreatened
Sony cancelled the showing of the movie ‘The Interview’ – a political comedy about a fictional plot to kill North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un after hackers believed to be sponsored by North Korea threatened to launch an attack. Maybe these North Korean wackos can do something about the annual MMFF.
——————————————————————————————————————
“Equality before the law is probably forever unattainable. It is a noble ideal, but it can never be realized, for what men value in this world is not rights but privileges.”
~ H.L. Mencken

Sound Bites
“Walang problema kahit malaki ang sa kanya, maliit lang sa akin; advantage s’ya ok lang ‘yan.”
~Manny Pacquiao on Mayweather’s proposed purse split in the event of a super fight

“We agree with the prosecution that to allow the accused-movant to leave his detention cell will not only set a bad precedent, but will likewise be regarded as a mockery of the administration of justice.”
~The Sandiganbayan on Jinggoy’s request to spend Christmas in his home.

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: House of Representatives: Nava; Ivory Records: Colanggo; Rappler: MRT; Philippine Star: Simbang Gabi; Sony: The Interview]








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