THE UNFORGIVEN

11 06 2015

Untitled
THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT of Makati led the celebration of the city’s 345th founding anniversary on Thursday. Yup, 345 – which is also the number of years the Binays have been in power in Makati.

Hardworking
In a press con held Wednesday, Vice President Binay again claimed, “Ampon din po ako.” He said he used to collect kaning-baboy for his uncle’s piggery. This motivated him to work harder. And it paid off. Today, Binay is a multimillionaire who owns an airconditioned piggery.

No, Thanks
Reports say Jinggoy Estrada refused to accept the apology of Eric Dalagan, one of two burglars who broke into his Quezon City home last Saturday. The detained senator narrated, “Pumunta sa kuwarto namin, sa office ng misis ko, and that was when he took some valuables and cash.” Jinggoy wouldn’t comment on reports that he was Dalagan’s role model.

1Jing
Jinggoy Estrada will not forgive the burglars who broke into his home over the weekend. The suspects entered his mansion and took some valuables and cash. In a statement, the detained lawmaker said, “Hindi ko alam kung gawain ito ng matinong tao.” To which, the suspect said, “’Yan din po ang sentimyento ko sa inyo.”

When he was told about the burglary, detained senator Jinggoy Estrada said, “Hindi ko ma-explain ang reaksyon ko; I was really shouting; humihingi ako ng saklolo. I was also helpless.” We can relate.

The suspects who burglarized Jinggoy Estrada’s home defecated in the balcony of the mansion. Giving another meaning to the term “masasama’ng loob.”

Narrating the incident, Jinggoy Estrada said, “Hindi ko ma-express ang reaksyon ko noong Saturday night when my eldest daughter told me na may magnanakaw sa bahay.” He denied rumors though that when his daughter saw a shadow in the kitchen, she yelled, “Dad, have you been released?”

1RLSprint King & Queen
Sprinters Eric Cray and Kayla Richardson ruled the men’s and women’s 100-meter dash at the 28th Southeast Asian Games. Amid the celebration, netizens noticed that the Philippine flag on their uniforms were inverted signifying that the country was in a state of war. This has prompted Beijing to release a very short statement: “Bring it on!”

Filipino-Americans Eric Cray and Kayla Richardson who both grew up in the US, won the gold in the century dash at the 28th Southeast Asian Games in Singapore. Everyone is happy for both of them – except for Toby Tiangco and JV Bautista.

Some sectors have been criticizing sports officials for recruiting Cray and Richardson who both grew up in the US. But Cray said, “If you cherish the traditions of the Philippines, you know it’s a great honor to be able to represent it.” David Pomeranz agreed.

Kidlat
Nancy Binay insisted her father had nothing to do with the recent attacks on Grace Poe. She added, “Wala talaga siyang alam; tamaan na ako ng kidlat ngayon.” When sought for reaction, the ‘lightning’ said, “I don’t want to waste my energy.”

imagesFreedom of Speech
In a recent Social Weather Stations survey, only 54 percent of Filipinos said they have freedom of speech under the current administration. The rest have not discovered Twitter.

New Feature
Apple’s new iPhone feature will track a user’s sexual activity. The feature is called “Browsing history.”

UntitledKrissy Leaving?
Outspoken TV host Kris Aquino said she wants Bimby to experience life in the States so she’s planning to leave for the US in 2016 and stay there for a year. Remember when Kris said that she’s quitting showbiz for Bimby? Me neither.
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“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can’t get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don’t care who you are. What goes around comes around. That’s how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.”
~Jessica Brody, The Karma Club

Sound Bites
“Nando’n pa rin ang aking paniniwalang pagdating ng oras ay dadating ako sa yugtong kokonsiderahin niya ako. Konsiderasyon lang naman.”
~Vice President Binay on the possibility of being endorsed by President Aquino in 2016

Happy 345th founding anniversary Makati!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Burglar: Bernadette Reyes/GMA News; Jinggoy Estrada: ABSCBNNews; SeaGames: Ricky Lerma/Inquirer; Kris/Bimby: Push]





THIEVES

7 06 2015

REPORTS SAY thieves broke into the Quezon City home of Jinggoy Estrada before dawn Saturday. When arrested, one of the thieves said they were just “taking back what’s rightfully ours.”

1jINGGOY
Two men broke into detained senator Jinggoy Estrada’s home in Corinthian Hills, Quezon City. The detained senator was shocked and angered by the incident. And Filipino taxpayers were like, “Now you know the feeling.”

Before dawn Saturday, security personnel discovered thieves inside the Estrada home. Authorities believe it’s not the first time.

Eric Dalagan, a Surigao Del Norte native who was arrested for burglary has apologized to Jinggoy Estrada. The suspected thief then added, “Your turn, sir.”

Adopted, Too
When Binay spokesmen Toby Tiangco and JV Bautista raised the “foundling” and residency issues against Grace Poe, the attacks backfired big time. This prompted Vice President Binay to state that he would never mock the neophyte senator because he, too was adopted as a child. In fact, he said, he had a more difficult childhood than Grace. As a 9-year-old, Jojo Binay was tasked to collect ‘kaning-baboy’ for his uncle’s piggery. It also marked the first time the words “Binay” and “collect” were used together in a sentence.

1GPTT
The Binay camp earlier labeled Sen. Grace Poe as a “foundling.” To be fair, Grace has been keeping her cool and has consistently declined to comment on rumors that Toby Tiangco is a Targaryen.

Sen. Grace Poe is reportedly willing to undergo a DNA test. On condition that Toby Tiangco undergo a drug test.

Rejected Again
Vice President Binay reportedly asked Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada to run as his vice president in 2016. Combining their last names, Binay even came up with the portmanteau, BEst (Binay-ESTrada) to describe their tandem. But like Poe and Duterte, Erap said he’s not interested to be Binay’s running mate. Rumors say Jojo Binay is now courting Francis Escudero. In fact, he has come up with an even “sweeter” portmanteau: JoFran.

Dying
Researchers from a Swedish institute have created an online tool that calculates a person’s risk of dying in the next five years. Among those who were predicted to die in 5 years were people who answered “Yes” to the question, “Are you a small-time street criminal from Davao City?”

1LoiBirthday Mom
Former first lady Loi Ejercito celebrated her birthday last week. Some of the guests couldn’t believe she’s already 85. They thought she’s only in her 60s. To prove her real age, Doktora Loi agreed to submit to carbon dating.

It was a star-studded birthday bash for the 85-year-old former senator. The party’s theme was “the Pleistocene.”

Among the guests were Doktora Loi’s two childhood friends who brought with them their favorite pets: a pair of mastodons.

Former Makati City mayor Elenita Binay who attended the party was introduced by Erap as “the country’s next first lady.” It was just one of a dozen Erap jokes that night.
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“We hang the petty thieves and elect the great ones to public office.”
~Aesop

Briefly Noted: The Early Birds
Politicians with advertisements or political ads that have recently aired on TV and radio. Kung may na-miss ako, please leave their name/s in the comment section. Thank you!

Vice President Binay
Sen. Bongbong Marcos
Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano
Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte
Valenzuela Rep. Sherwin Gatchalian
Former senator Ping Lacson
Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno
Sen. Serge Osmeña III
Leyte Rep. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez
Oriental Mindoro Rep. Reynaldo Umali
PAGIBIG Fund President and CEO Darlene Berberabe
Energy Sec. Jericho Petilla
DILG Sec. Mar Roxas
MMDA Chair Francis Tolentino
TESDA Dir. Gen. Joel Villanueva

A 30-second primetime TV ad costs no less than half a million pesos! You do the math.

Hello 2016!

Sound Bites
“Ang problema nito, I am old. Second, I don’t have the energy anymore. I do not have the money and I don’t want to ask.”
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte on why he’s not running for president

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Burglar: Erika Sauler/Inquirer.net; Grace Poe: Rappler; Toby Tiangco: Inquirer.Net; Loi Ejercito/GMA News]





exPOEsed!

4 06 2015

CITING RESIDENCY ISSUES, Binay spokesperson Toby Tiangco claims Sen. Grace Poe is not qualified to run for higher office. He showed a document that would allegedly prove this. The title of the document was ‘Panic Button.’

1GPTT
Of late, Vice President Binay’s spokespersons, Toby Tiangco and JV Bautista have been attacking Sen. Grace Poe. Observers lament, “Pati ba naman sa pag-atake, may dummy pa rin?”

On Wednesday, Vice President Binay denied having anything to do with Toby Tiangco’s exposé on Sen. Grace Poe. Defending UNA, Nancy Binay said Tiangco acted on his own. The Binays’ statements prompted the World Health Organization to declare June 2 as the new Global Handwashing Day.

Top 5 Issues To Be Raised About or Against Grace Poe By UNA Interim President Toby Tiangco Soon

No.5: Grace Poe and Chiz Escudero are secret lovers.

No. 4: Grace Poe has tiyanak roots.

No. 3: Grace Poe is a Lannister.

No. 2: Grace Poe and Nancy Binay are sisters; fraternal twins to be exact.

And the No. 1 issue to be raised about or against Grace Poe by UNA’s Toby Tiangco soon…
Grace Poe was born male. Her real name was Bruce Jenner Poe.

1OscarOidaMRT Woes
These days, thousands of MRT passengers have to wait longer in kilometric lines before they could get inside the train since only 7 MRT trains are operational. Originally, there were 60 trains. Last year, the number dropped to 20 then 14, and 9, and now, 7. Apparently, the target was to have zero operational trains. The government is on the right track. Congratulations!

Quitting
Amid allegations of corruption, Sepp Blatter announced that he would resign as president of FIFA, football’s governing body. He made the surprising decision to step down after having a serious talk with his children Nancy, Junjun, and Abigail Blatter.

1VPCaitlyn Jenner
Olympic champion Bruce Jenner has completed his transition from man to woman. Here are some of the reactions to this hot item:
President Aquino: Buhay pa naman siya, ‘di ba? Hindi naman siya namatay.

E.R. Ejercito: Abangan po ninyo ang ang gagawin kong pelikula tungkol sa kanyang katapangan.

Grace Poe: ‘Yan naman ang mahalaga: ang pagiging tapat. ‘Tsaka, qualified naman siya.

Toby Tiangco: Kulang pa ng taon ang pagiging lalaki niya. Hindi siya dapat pinayagang maging babae.

JV Bautista: Dapat tapusin niya muna ang pagiging lalaki niya bago siya mag-ambisyong maging babae.

Vice President Binay: Wala akong kinalaman d’yan.

Tito Sotto: Ibalik sa closet!

Kris Aquino: Nakakaloka!

Biennial Sports Meet
The 28th edition of the Southeast Asian Games is being held in Singapore. In 2009, the country ranked 5th in the medal tally. In 2011, we finished 6th while in 2013, we placed 7th. In case you didn’t know, the goal of our government’s sports program is to put the country at the bottom of the medal standings. So far, so good.

1VPSan Andreas
The disaster film “San Andreas” is still showing in the Philippines. It tells the story of a public servant who abandoned his duty – after a magnitude 9.6 earthquake struck – to save his daughter and estranged wife using government resources.

A similar movie is in the works in the Philippines. In the project, a strong quake will also hit the country but public servants will not abandon their duty. They will choose to stay and continue misusing government resources.
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“Desperation can make a person do surprising things.”
~Veronica Roth, Allegiant

Sound Bites
“Marami nga at may ilang kongresista diyan ang tinitirhan nilang bahay ay iba sa tinatakbuhan o kinakatawan nilang lugar. So sana maghunos-dili ‘ika nga at manalamin ang ilan sa mga nagsasalita.”
~Sen. Chiz Escudero to Binay spokesman Toby Tiangco who’s claiming that Grace Poe cannot run for a higher post due to residency issues

“Hindi ko po kinakailangang magtago sa likod ng isang tagapagsalita.”
~Sen. Grace Poe answering Toby Tiangco’s ‘exposé’

“We are running against ourselves.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay reacting to reports that UNA is afraid of Grace Poe

Have a great day!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Grace Poe: Rappler; Toby Tiangco: Inquirer.Net; MRT: Oscar Oida/GMA News]





DISASTER DRILL

31 05 2015

ON JULY 30, the MMDA will conduct a metro-wide earthquake drill. For five hours (that’s from 3PM to 8PM), there will be no electricity in Metro Manila. Or as Mindanaoans would call it, “ordinary day.”

1C
During the earthquake drill, traffic lights won’t function which may result in traffic jams. Motorists have a term for that – “everyday.”

Mobile phone services will also be shut down. No Instagram. No Twitter. No Facebook. It will be a productive day at the office.

A metro-wide earthquake drill will be conducted on July 30 from 3PM to 8PM. That’s five hours. During the first three hours, there will be search and rescue drills. In the next two hours, there will be free viewing of the film “San Andreas.”

Prepared
According to Phivolcs, Makati is the most earthquake-ready city in Metro Manila. It has four ambulances, a fire truck, a rescue emergency van and an amphibious vehicle. The city has also procured two chainsaws, spreader, cutter, ramp, two circular saws, palm nailers, chipping hammers, demolition hammers and protective gear. Not sure if these are for disasters or for Sonny Trillanes.

1CBack to School
The Department of Education is ready for the opening of School Year 2015-2016. In fact, everything is in place: poor facilities, teacher shortage, and cramped classrooms.

K+12
President Aquino continues to push for the full implementation of the controversial K+12 program. DepEd’s basic education program covers Kindergarten and 12 years – not just 10 – of basic education. K+12 aims “to provide sufficient time for mastery of concepts and skills.” In fact, 12 years may not still be enough. President Aquino was a lawmaker for 12 years before he became president.

Liable
Vice President Binay is hurting. This, after Sen. Grace Poe signed the Senate Blue Ribbon subcommittee report recommending the filing of plunder charges against him. Poe believes that the Binays are liable for the overpricing of the construction of the Makati City Building II. In her defense, who doesn’t?

1C
No Smoking
According to the World Health Organization, tobacco kills six million people every year. In 1988, WHO passed a resolution marking May 31 as World No Tobacco Day – to raise awareness on the health-related risks of smoking. In observance of World No Tobacco Day and to help eliminate tobacco from the face of the earth, President Aquino will light up and smoke an entire pack of cigarettes.

The Department of Health says 240 Filipinos die daily from smoking-related diseases. Tito Sotto refused to believe the figure and demanded to see the death certificates.

Crime Prevention
To combat crime, 32 CCTV cameras were installed at the corner of Edsa and Taft Avenue in Pasay City. The DILG says theft and robbery are rampant in the area. Next week, CCTV cameras will be installed in the Senate, Batasang Pambansa, and city halls.

1CBad Advice
‘Eat Bulaga’ host Tito Sotto got flak from the LGBT community for telling, albeit jokingly, a homosexual father, “Ibalik sa closet!” Critics scored Sotto’s brand of humor and advised him, “Ibalik sa ‘80s!”

Beware!
Reports say there’s a single text message that has the ability to crash an iPhone when opened. The text message goes something like, “Reply YES to receive the latest KathNiel and JaDine updates.”

1CUnlimited
Google has unveiled a free online photo service that will provide unlimited storage of photos. Apparently, Google assumed that thousands of selfies and food pics on Instagram were not annoying enough.
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“Preparation doesn’t assure victory, it assures confidence.”
~Amit Kalantri

“Marami pa ring kababayan natin at sector na hindi sineseryoso [ang earthquake drills]. Unang una, nanonood lang tapos minsan nagtatawanan pa.”
~MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino

“Minsan ho talaga ang mga kritiko natin, sila lang talaga ang anak ng Diyos; sila lang ang magaling. Kaya bahala na ang Diyos sa kanila.”
~President Aquino on the K+12 critics

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Fault: Tremors Instigators.Io; Classroom: Asti Flores/GMA News; Tobaco: Holidays Images; Sotto: Indolent Indio; Napoles Party: Rappler]





WANTED: RUNNING MATE

27 05 2015

1PBR
OPPOSITION COALITION UNA has reportedly begun screening potential candidates for vice president. This, after Sen. Grace Poe and Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte rejected a possible team up with Vice President Binay in 2016.

A written test for interested applicants was leaked online. Here’s a copy of the sample questionnaire.

UNA sa balota!
UNA sa paglilingkod sa masa!

Applicant No. _____

Buong Pangalan: ________________________
Edad: _______
Sex:
[ ] Twice a week [ ] Male [ ] Female
[ ] It’s Complicated [ ] Walang kasarian ang paglilingkod!

May secret bank account sa (markahan lahat na posibleng sagot):
[ ] Switzerland [ ] Cayman Islands [ ] British Virgin Islands
[ ] Others _________________ [ ] Ulol! Wala ako n’yan!

Dating Partidong Kinaaaniban: _____________________
Dahilan ng Pagkalas:
[ ] Wala silang pera
[ ] Wala silang tsansang manalo
[ ] Balimbing lang talaga
[ ] Prinsipyo! (Jooooke!)

Vice-President-Jejomar-Binay
Layunin ng Pagsusulit:
Gaano mo kakilala si Vice President Binay? Karapat-dapat ka bang maging running mate niya? Gaano kalaki ang tiwala mo sa kanya at sa partidong kanyang pinamumunuan? Maaasahan ba namin ang iyong katapatan sa UNA?

Ikaw ay may sampung minuto upang tapusin ang pagsusulit na ito. Start!

1: Bakit gusto mong tumakbo bilang running mate ni Vice President Binay?
A: Naniniwala ako sa kakayahan niyang pamunuan ang bansa.
B: Wala akong masyadong pondo para sa kampanya. At least siya, meron na.
C: Kung mananalo kaming pareho ‘tapos mai-impeach siya in two or three years, #AlamNa.

1B
2: Noong 2010 elections, sumikat ang linyang, “Ang kandidato ko, may B. Ang kandidato mo ba, meron din?” Ano ang ibig sabihin ng B?
A: Baloloy
B: Billions
C: Binay

3: Ano ang masasabi mo sa alegasyong nagpayaman si Vice President Binay noong mayor pa siya ng Makati?
A: Sorry, the number you have dialled is either unattended or out of coverage area. Please try your call later.
B: Pinupulitika lamang siya ng mga kalaban.
C: Can I use a lifeline?

1ct
4: Kung totoong tagahanga ka ni Vice President Binay, dapat nasusubaybayan mo ang kanyang buhay. Tanong: ilang taon nang nakaupo sa city hall ang kanyang pamilya?
A: 29 years
B: 1000 years
C: (Hashtag) #MayForever

5: Alin ang mas mahalaga: kandidatong may karanasan o kandidatong tapat?
A: Thank you so much sir for that wonderful question. Good evening ladies and gentlemen, good evening Makati! You know what sir, in my 50 years of existence, I can say that there is nothing major, major, I mean issue against experienced leaders. Because I’m very confident of VP Binay and the love that he gives me and the people of Makati. So thank God that Binay is here. Thank you. Thank you so much.
B: Alam ko kung ano ang pinupuntirya ng tanong mo: Binay or Poe. May choice ba ako?
C: Karanasan saan? Please elaborate.

1PDIpoor
6: Kumpletuhin ang very catchy jingle ng ating mahal na bise presidente: “Kay Binay gaganda ang _______.”
A: buhay
B: building
C: bigay

7: Vice President Binay, former Makati City Mayor Elenita Binay, Sen. Nancy Binay, Cong. Abigail Binay, and Mayor Junjun Binay. Ano ang stand mo sa isyu ng political dynasty?
A: Walang political dynasty! Ang political dynasty ay nasa puso ng tao, nasa puso nating lahat. Walang political dynasty!
B: Ano bang masama sa sama-samang paglilingkod sa taumbayan? Fault ba nila kung suportado sila ng mga taga-Makati? Kasalanan ba nila kung tuwing eleksyon ay sila lamang ang nananalo? Masisisi ba natin ang pamilyang ‘yan kung suportado sila ng mga maralitang taga-lunsod? Oust Noynoy!
C: Ayaw ko munang sagutin ang tanong na ‘yan. Baka ‘di ako mapiling running mate eh, mahirap na. Next question please.

1B
8: Ano ang ibig sabihin ng N sa acronym na UNA?
A: Nationalist
B: Nognog
C: Nakaw

9: Ang iginagalang nating pangalawang pangulo ay national president din ng isang grupo ng kapuri-puring mga kabataan na dedicated sa kanilang ginagawa. Anong grupo ito?
A: El Gamma Penumbra
B: Boy Scouts of the Philippines
C: Directioners

10: Kung hindi ka mapipiling running mate ng ating mahal na bise presidente sa 2016, sino sa tingin mo ang dapat maging VP candidate ng UNA?
A: Si Gerry Limlingan. Ilang buwan na niyang pinatutunayang never niyang ilalaglag si VP Binay. Super loyal siya.
B: Si Dr. Elenita Binay – para magtala siya ng record bilang kauna-unahang concurrent First Lady at bise presidente ng bansa. Binay-Binay! For the win sa 2016!
C: Si Noynoy Aquino. Opposites attract ‘di ba kaya perfect tandem sila: Inexperienced si Noynoy; experienced si VP; Bagong dugo si Noynoy, beterano si VP; hindi nagnanakaw si Noynoy, beterano si VP.

indexBonus Question
Sa pelikulang ‘Paano Ba Ang Mangarap’ nina Vilma Santos at Christopher De Leon, anong pangalan ang paulit-ulit na binanggit ng hysterical na si Ate Vi? Heto ang bahagi ng linya niya: “Wala akong pakialam! Ibalik mo sa akin si ________. Ibalik mo sa akin ang anak ko! Ibalik mo sa akin si ________. Ahhhhhhhh!” [Nahulog sa hagdan]
A: Jojo
B: Nancy
C: Junjun

Congratulations! Ang iyong pagsusulit ay nagtatapos dito. Hintayin ang tawag ng partido kung ikaw ay uusad sa ikalawang bahagi ng screening: ang panel interview. Again, don’t call us. We’ll call you.

Good luck at maraming salamat sa iyong pagtitiwala kay Vice President Binay at sa ating partido.
UNA sa balota!
UNA sa paglilingkod sa masa!
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“The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, “How is the president?”
~ Will Rogers

july-6_rodSound Bites
“’Pag ako ang presidente, I will warn you I do not covet the position. ‘Pag naging presidente ako, magtago na kayo. ‘Yung 1,000 na ‘yan it would reach 50,000. I will kill all you [expletive] breaking the life of the Filipino miserable. Papatayin ko talaga kayo. D’yan mo makita tataba ‘yung isda sa Manila Bay. D’yan ko kayo itatapon.””
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte

Stay safe. Always.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Binay 1: GMA News; Binay2: PhilStar.Com; Makati City Hall: Christian Bederico on Flickr; Makati poverty: Inquirer.net; Duterte: @mikevchua]





DISASTERS

23 05 2015

index
THE CHIEF OF POLICE of Carmona, Cavite was sacked after he was caught on video torturing a suspected thief. For a change, the suspected thief was tortured. Normally, we elect them.

Rejected
Just days after Abigail Binay described a Binay-Poe tandem in 2016 as “ideal,” Sen. Grace Poe said she doesn’t see herself teaming up with the Vice President because, “Sa istilo ng paninilbihan, marahil ay talagang magkaiba kami. Naniniwala ako sa katapatan at pagiging bukas para mabusisi ng ating mga taumbayan.” She uttered those words because saying “Ayaw ko sa corrupt!” would be rude and libelous.

imagesAlternative
A day after Grace Poe rejected a Binay-Poe tandem in 2016, Vice President Binay said he’s considering Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte as a potential running mate in next year’s elections. But Duterte says he’s not keen on running for vice president because he doesn’t have millions or billions to wage a nationwide campaign. And Vice President Binay was like, “Maliit na bagay.”

Rejected by Grace Poe, Vice President Binay is after Rodrigo Duterte. Tough-talking Duterte is after robbers and thieves. In the words of Grace Poe, “conflict of interest.”

Campaign Chest
Political analysts say a presidential candidate needs a campaign war chest of about 10 to 15 billion pesos. That’s the amount you need to apply for “the job.” And of course, you have to answer questions like, “Where do you see yourself depositing your loot in six years?”

Determined
Liberal Party stalwart and Caloocan City Rep. Edgar Erice says Mar Roxas will not slide down to be Grace Poe’s running mate in 2016. Or as Toby Tiangco put it, “the best news of the week.”

imagesLRT Accident
Two LRT trains collided early Sunday morning. Apparently, power fluctuation affected the signaling system and one of the drivers lost control. I was tempted to make a joke but it would be out of line.

Scrabble
New words like sexting, lolz, emoji, thankx and twerking made it to the latest edition of “Collins Official Scrabble Words.” But that’s kinda expected. You know what’s surprising? People still playing Scrabble these days.

Slow
In terms of Internet speed, the Philippines ranks 21st out of 22 countries in Asia. Our Internet connection is so slow, the punchline of this joke is still loading.

imagesThe Big One
When asked to rate the readiness of the MMDA in case of a strong earthquake, Chairman Francis Tolentino said, “50 percent.” To be fair, the MMDA is 100 percent ready for the this year’s MMFF.

Earthquake Movie
As the Philippines prepares for ‘The Big One,’ Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, in a recently uploaded promotional video – invited Filipinos to watch the disaster film ‘San Andreas.’ Well played, Warner Bros. Well played.

Loveless
Bb. Pilipinas-Universe Pia Wurtzbach told GMA News that she’s loveless right now and has no time for romance as she’s busy preparing for the Miss Universe pageant. In totally unrelated and unverified news, President Aquino has not eaten a meal for a day now and has refused to talk to anybody.

Just Friends
Kris Aquino recently clarified that she and Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista were “never lovers.” To which the public said, “We’re never interested.”

images
Pac-Man
Last May 22, Pac-Man turned 35 years old. And just like an ordinary 35-year-old who won’t stop eating, Pac-Man is probably overweight right now.

Born in 1980, Pac-Man just turned 35. And just like an ordinary 35-year-old, Pac-man still believes in ghosts.
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“Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.”
~H. L. Mencken

Sound Bites
“I don’t have money and I don’t want to beg for money. This Vice President … I have to spend but I don’t have the money. I don’t like asking around for money, especially from other politicians because I don’t want to incur debt of gratitude.”
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte on reports that VP Binay considers him as a potential running mate

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Cartoon: ToonPool.com; Binay/Duterte: Rappler; LRT: Dennis Datu/DZMM]





SHOTS FIRED

19 05 2015

1PBR
IN AN APPARENT DIG at senator Grace Poe, Vice President Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.” Which begs the question, “Why did you let Nancy run?”

“Honest”
Reacting to Vice President Binay’s statement, neophyte senator Grace Poe says it is also important to have “honest leaders.” The Vice President and his UNA spokespersons have yet to respond. Rumors say they’re busy looking up the meaning of the word “honest” in the dictionary – which, some people believe is not in their vocabulary.

Poe-Roxas
Some members of the ruling Liberal Party are reportedly open to the possibility of Mar Roxas sliding down to run for vice president again. There’s no word yet from Korina Sanchez if she’s open to the possibility of becoming an ex-future first lady again.

1ERPoe-Escudero
While LP stalwarts are pushing for a Poe-Roxas tandem, other LP members wanted a Poe-Escudero ticket. Everybody wants to run with Poe. And the party is obviously divided. In contrast, there’s nothing but harmony within the Binay camp. There’s no first choice or second choice for a running mate. Nobody wants to run with the Vice President.

Rematch?
If Mar Roxas decides to run for president, it will be a rematch of sorts between him and Jojo Binay in 2016. If you would recall, Roxas lost to Binay in 2010. Even Compubox scores showed Binay winning. Roxas would later admit in a press con that he was in pain and was actually hurting when he fought Binay. During the campaign, he sustained an injury called ‘NoyBititis.’

The Good Wife
Reports say former Makati City mayor Elenita Binay wants his husband, Vice President Binay to drop his bid for president. In other news, Mrs. Binay will appear as guest on “Celebrity Bluff.”

1ERHeat Index
The weather bureau cautions Metro Manila residents as they face another scorching week. It’s so hot these days, Makati City Hall employees had to gather beside filing cabinets where building contracts and other controversial deals were kept – just to be near something shady.

Heat Index II
The heat index is a measure of human comfort or discomfort due to the combined effects of heat and allegations of graft and corruption.

SALN
The net worth of each senator has been made public. It was based on the 2013 Statement of Assets and Liabilities. Otherwise known as Fiction Writing 101.

Richest
Sen. Cynthia Villar is the richest and only billionaire member of the Senate. She owns subdivisions, buildings, businesses, villages, and Manny Villar.

Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla who are both facing plunder charges are the fourth and fifth richest members of the Senate. According to their SALN, the two senators’ total net worth was 375 million pesos. To which, taxpayers said, “You’re welcome.”

1ERFeminist?
[Have you seen Mad Max: Fury Road? You should!] A popular “men’s rights activist” blog is calling for a boycott of Mad Max: Fury Road saying the high-octane, post-apocalyptic action flick promotes feminist agenda. Which explains the movie’s working title: America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 22.

Going Local
Citing criticisms hurled at MJ Lastimosa’s Colombian-made gown in the 2014 Miss Universe pageant, Parañaque City Representative Eric Olivarez filed a bill seeking to require Filipino beauty queens to wear gowns created by local designers when competing in international pageants. In his bill, the congressman also mentioned that MJ’s national costume could have cost her the Miss Universe crown. Olivarez’s proposed measure is called “The Can’t Move On Act of 2015.”

1ER
When asked to comment on the “relevant” bill filed by Congressman Oivarez, his constituents replied, “Sino ‘yon?”

Fake Priest
The CBCP is warning Catholics about the activities of a fake priest who scammed parishioners in Luzon and Metro Manila. The fake priest officiates masses and solicits money. As opposed to real priests who officiate masses and solicit money.
——————————————————————————————————————–
“To win the people, always cook them some savoury that pleases them.”
~Aristophanes, The Knights

Sound Bites
“I sincerely believe that the issue in this coming election—for the presidency particularly—is experience and competence.”
~Vice President Binay

“Tama naman s’ya. Kailangang may karanasan at kakayanan pero higit sa lahat, katapatan. Sa tingin ko naman hindi ang haba ng serbisyo ang kailangang batayan kung hindi kalidad ng serbisyo at katapatan.”
~Sen. Grace Poe

It’s Your Fault!
Is your residence near the earthquake fault? Here’s a list from Phivolcs /via GMA News. Be prepared!

1ER

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Poe/Binay/Roxas: Inquirer.Net; Chiz/Roxas: Inquirer.Net; Cartoon: PixShark.com; MJ Lastimosa: Interaksyon]





FROZEN

15 05 2015

KRIS AQUINO announced Friday on Instagram that she’s doing a movie with former almost boyfriend, Herbert Bautista. It will be helmed by Antoinette Jadaone who wrote ‘English Only Please’ – and directed ‘That Thing Called Tadhana.’ The Bistek-Krissy movie has two working titles: ‘That Thing Called Kampanya’ and “Senate Only Please.”

1kris
Ano ang iniisip ng tatlong tao sa picture?
HB: May choice ba ako? Political career ko na ang nakataya rito. Sayang din ang publicity at boto. Bahala na.

AJ: Smile na lang ako. Basta. Ayaw kong mag-elaborate. NO. Hindi n’yo ako mapipilit magsalita. AYAW KO.

KA: Ang bait mo talaga Lord. Lahat nang hilingin ko, ibinibigay mo. Care bears na lang sa mga naiinggit d’yan. #excited #kilig #KathNielvibe #JaDineAngPeg #nagsusumixteen

AMLC vs. Binays
According to the Anti-Money Laundering Council, the Binays’ own firm was also the supplier of the birthday cakes given to senior citizens of Makati City. The AMLC probe only proves that the Binays can have their cake and supply it too.

1kris
The AMLC has noted that the Binays’ trusted aide and alleged dummy, Gerry Limlingan earns only 30,000 pesos a month and yet he maintains bank deposits of almost 2 billion pesos. I wonder what his job is aside from filling out deposit and withdrawal slips.

The Court of Appeals has ordered a freeze on some 200 bank accounts and other assets of Vice President Binay, his kin, alleged dummies, and even former allies turned critics. Vice President Binay says the AMLC report is part of a conspiracy to destroy him. To which, the AMLC said, “What’s there to destroy?”

Punishment
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un reportedly executed his defense chief in public for falling asleep in meetings. The punishment was described by his loyal followers as “fair,” and by Lito Lapid as “harsh.”

1krisTragic
At least 72 factory workers were killed in a fire that hit a footwear factory in Valenzuela City last Wednesday. Curious observers want to know: What caused the fire? Why the huge number of fatalities? Why them, and not those elected officials who stole our money?

Questions
In 2004, FPJ’s citizenship was questioned when he ran for president. Today, the same issue is being used against Sen. Grace Poe who’s performing well in surveys. Poe is upset to hear reports that some groups are planning to question her citizenship. Meanwhile, Vice President Binay is also upset to hear that some groups are planning to question his race.

Mayor Lapid?
In 2016, Sen. Lito Lapid will seek the mayoralty of Angeles City in Pampanga. Voters were shocked. Lito Lapid is still a senator?!?

Calling his previous wins ‘tsamba,’ two-term senator Lito Lapid admits he is not suited for his job as a lawmaker. He has learned his lesson. Hopefully, the voters too.

1krisLifetime Ban
A lifetime ban has been imposed on PBA D-League coach Alvin Pua for punching a referee during a recent game. Pua, who was suspended six games in the past for mauling referees in two separate matches, was also fined half a million pesos. The PBA will ask the Samahang Basketball ng Pilipinas to ban Pua as well. Now jobless as a coach, Pua can now concentrate on his other passion: boxing.

Royal Monkey?
The management of a zoo in Japan has apologized for naming a baby monkey, ‘Charlotte‘ in honor of the new royal baby. Angry Britons suggested another name for the monkey: Camilla.
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“Three groups spend other people’s money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision.”
~Dick Armey

Sound Bites
“Hindi naman ako bagay dito. Tsamba-tsamba lang sa Panginoon at sa tulong ng aking mga kababayan.”
~Lito Lapid admitting that lawmaking wasn’t suited for him

“Siguro ang isang partido ay nanginginig na kasi ang pambato nila ay mababa pagdating sa survey. So desperate, ‘di ba?”
~Nancy Binay on AMLC’s report

Have a fun weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino on Instagram; Binay: GMA News; Fire: Straits Times; Alvin Pua: GMA Network]





SLAM BOOK SERIES: BINAY FTW!

12 05 2015

SOMETHING I started in 2012 at the height of the Corona impeachment trial is making a return this week: this blog’s ‘Slam Book Series.’

And since the 2016 election is just a year away, we will feature the potential candidates for president and vice president. First up: the slam book entry of perceived frontrunner, Vice President Jejomar Binay. This is just for fun. Enjoy!

1

2Faves

3WorstFaves

4Personal

6Rnjpg

15MSG
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“Ambition is a lust that is never quenched, but grows more inflamed and madder by enjoyment.”
~Thomas Otway

Sound Bites
“It is apparent that there is an unscrupulous group that is trying to condition the minds of the public that the Vice President is guilty of a wrongdoing by mere perception without the benefit of a fair and impartial appreciation of the parties’ respective positions.”
~Atty. Rico Quicho on the misreported indictment of VP Binay

Good luck!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Jojo Binay by Sarah Black]





OF REMATCH AND ROYALTY

8 05 2015

1PacmY
FOR FAILING to disclose his injury before Sunday’s fight against Floyd Mayweather Jr., Filipino champion Manny Pacquiao has been slapped with class-action lawsuits which could tarnish his image and legacy. Or as Mayweather would call it, “my proudest accomplishment.”

It turned out that Manny Pacquiao was pretending to be 100 percent healthy when he fought Floyd Mayweather Jr. for 12 rounds. Which wasn’t entirely surprising since Pacquiao has been pretending to be a lawmaker for five years now.

Manny Pacquiao underwent arthroscopic surgery on his injured right shoulder. Dr. Neal ElAttrache, the famed orthopedic surgeon who performed the 90-minute procedure said Pacquiao wouldn’t be able to fight for at least nine months. He’ll be absent from the sport for a long period of time – although being absent from Congress is so much longer.

1PacmY
After the overhyped ‘Fight of the Century,’ Floyd Mayweather Jr. says he no longer wants a rematch. In his defense, who does?

According to Floyd Mayweather Jr., he doesn’t want to give Manny Pacquiao a rematch “because he’s a coward.” A really strong statement from someone who dodged fighting Manny Pacquiao for five years.

Boxing fans are still talking about the Pacquiao-Mayweather bout. They described the ‘Fight of the Century’ as boring. In fact, rapper Jay-Z got so bored watching, by the end of Round 5 he was cheering for Solange Knowles instead.

Food Poisoning
A leftover pancit downed six people in San Carlos City, Pangasinan last Sunday – not dog meat as initially suspected. Even Compubox stats showed it’s the pancit not the dog meat.

1basitBasit Usman
Mindanao-based terrorist Basit Usman is dead. The bomb-making expert had a bounty of 1 million dollars from the United States and 6.3 million pesos from the Philippine government. Initially, the AFP said Usman was killed by one of his bodyguards who wanted the reward money. Later, the AFP clarified that Usman was in fact killed by the MILF – who wanted the reward money even more.

Hereditary
A new study has revealed that sleepwalking runs in the family. While a local study revealed that tax-pocketing runs in political families.

Villar Take 2?
On rumors that former senator Manny Villar is taking a second crack at the presidency in 2016, his partymates are tightlipped. When asked about the same rumor, Sen. Cynthia Villar was tight-faced.

1ThaiRacist
A Thai national is facing deportation for his racist and insulting statements against Filipinos online. In a series of Facebook posts, Prasertsri Kosin a.k.a. Koko Narak described Filipinos as “stupid creatures,” “pignoys,” and “scums of the Earth.” Which begs the question, who allowed him inside Congress in the first place?

Thai national Prasertsri Kosin, who is currently detained at the Bureau of Immigration, is remorseful and apologetic. Filipino immigration personnel have been nice to him. Everyday, they give Kosin a large and free serving of milk tea.

1babyRoyal Baby
Prince William and Princess Kate’s new baby has been named Charlotte Elizabeth Diana. Her birth certificate circulated online the other day. Under “Occcupation,” William and Kate wrote: Prince and Princess of United Kingdom. In short, ‘jobless.’

Bigyan ng Jacket!
TV host Willie Revillame is back on TV. His new show which promises to give away millions in cash and other prizes to less-fortunate Filipinos will be launched on May 10. Otherwise known as ‘Mendicancy Promotion Day.’
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“Don’t think money does everything or you are going to end up doing everything for money.”
~Voltaire

Sound Bites
“Nineteen years in the fight game and I’ve had one excuse: ‘Don’t have an excuse.’ Winners win and losers have excuses.”
~Floyd Mayweather Jr.

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pacquiao: TopRank; Pac/May: SkyNews; Basit Usman: AFP; Prasertsri Kosin: GMA News; Royal Baby: BBC]





UNANIMOUS

4 05 2015

1PAC
THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY finally happened Sunday in Las Vegas, Nevada. Boxing aficionados say the fight didn’t live up to the hype. It lasted 12 full rounds but there were no knockdowns. Floyd Mayweather Jr. was the clear winner. The viewers were the clear loser.

Underwhelming
Critics say Manny Pacquiao’s performance against Floyd Mayweather Jr. was disappointing. Although to be fair, his performance in Congress is much worse.

1PacMay Reuters
Statistics
According to Compubox, Floyd Mayweather Jr. outpunched and outlanded Manny Pacquiao in their 12-round fight. The undefeated American clearly outclassed the Filipino champion. Analysts say Mayweather schooled Pacquiao on defense, timely counter-punching, waltz, foxtrot, and samba.

Floyd’s Style
Floyd Mayweather Jr. disappointed a lot of boxing fans with his style. The multimillionaire was avoiding the attacks and was too defensive. Mayweather is the Binay of the boxing world.

Slammed
Boxing fans slammed Floyd Mayweather Jr’s strategy. He won anyway. After the fight, Mayweather immediately received 100 million dollars, and 100 million loud boos.

1CrowdPDIBoring
Viewers called the “Fight of the Century” boring. Both fighters were barely hurt although Mayweather sustained bruises in his reputation.

Unfair
Heartbroken Filipinos refused to accept the result of the fight calling the judges’ unanimous decision “luto” (fixed) and Mayweather, “madaya.” The reaction was a ‘dryrun’ for next year’s election.

1PACMAY
Richest
The fight between Pacquiao and Mayweather for the unified welterweight title is believed to be the richest in history. In close second, the fight for Makati City Hall.

Focus
The Fight of the Century is over. If Manny Pacquiao retires from boxing, he’ll shift his focus to another pastime – lawmaking.

Running
Manny Pacquiao will definitely run in 2016. He should get some tips from Floyd Mayweather Jr.

1PacMay Reuters

Public Viewing
Several local government officials sponsored a public viewing of the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight last Sunday. It was live and it was free. So thank you Governor, thank you Mayor, thank you Kagawad, and most of all, thank you 2016!

Proud Still
The Armed Forces of the Philippines is still proud of reserve Army Lt. Col. Manny Pacquiao. The AFP saw the fight and Chief of Staff Gen. Gregorio Pio Catapang called it “unfair.” Catapang said the military wanted to help Pacquiao but the fight was allegedly kept secret from the AFP.

1PacMay ReutersMommy D
Minutes before Sunday’s main event, Mommy Dionisia was flashed on the screen only once – and wasn’t available for interview immediately after the fight. Rumors say Mommy D will break her silence in a press conference being organized by Migrante.

1PacMay Reuters
Chill
When a relaxed Manny Pacquiao entered the arena smiling, the crowd erupted in cheers. The energetic Pacquiao had the fans on their feet. Seated Mayweather supporters wanted to complain but backed off when they saw Doris Bigornia.

Vagina
Socialite Raymond Gutierrez drew flak from netizens for posting what was perceived to be a ‘sexist’ tweet. While watching the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight, Gutierrez tweeted, “Mayweather clearly has a vagina.” Netizens were shocked. They didn’t expect Raymond to be familiar with the vagina.
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“The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.”
~Robert Green Ingersoll

Sound Bites
“I don’t want a Mayweather rematch anymore. I don’t like him so much.”
~Princess Pacquiao, Manny’s eldest daughter

“He’s a hell of a fighter. Now I see why he is one of the guys at the pinnacle of the sport of boxing.”
~Floyd Mayweather Jr. on Manny Pacquiao

Lessons
The Telegraph – Mayweather versus Pacquiao: Five things we learned

Move on na tayo.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pacquiao/Mayweather: Reuters; Pacquiao Mayweather 3: Chicago Tribune; Pinoy Crowd: Inquirer.net; Mayweather/Belts: Agence France Presse; Pacquiao/Kimmel: Al Bello, Getty Images ]





HEADLINE-GRABBING HEADLINES

29 04 2015

1PDI
FOR “KILLING” Filipina drug convict Mary Jane Veloso in their erroneous print edition headlines Wednesday morning, some local newspapers became the subject of online ridicule.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer has issued an apology and vowed to “revamp newsroom processes to better inform and serve” their readers. We have yet to hear from the other newspapers.

In this day and age, putting out erroneous front-page headlines is the last thing you’d expect from the modern print media. Or maybe not. So what could be next? Here are the…

Top 8 Newspaper Headlines
That Might Surprise Us On or Before Sunday Morning, May 3, 2015

Mayweather undefeated no more:
Pacquiao stops American in 10th

1Abante

MRT, inaasahang titirik sa Lunes, 8:35 ng umaga
Libu-libong pasaherong hindi naniwala sa balita, maiinis

Congratulations Rain or Shine!

Vice President Binay, umamin sa mga kasalanan
Mga kinamkam noong alkalde pa lamang ng Makati, ibabalik

1Standard

Kurapsyon sa Bureau of Customs, tuluyan nang nalutas

Paalam Janet Lim-Napoles

Malakas na lindol sa Metro Manila, tuloy na tuloy na;
Mga militante, sisisihin si Pangulong Aquino

1Standard
Doris Bigornia may aawayin na naman sa concert ni Sam Smith sa May 7
lalaking makakasagutan, nag-draft na ng ipo-post sa Facebook
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“If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.”
~Mark Twain

Sound Bites
“I kept quiet & just prayed. Left & right paulit ulit na walang ginawa, walang effort, walang malasakit, patalsikin, walang nagawa si Noynoy. And I kept quiet w/ the endless attacks against PNoy because that was his reminder to me, but today it is my right & my privilege to say, I AM PROUD of my brother. I AM PROUD OF MY PRESIDENT.”
~Kris Aquino via Instagram

Some Comic Relief

1PDI

Thank you President Widodo!

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer. Mark Angeles, Gerald Magno, Jim Paredes]





PRESSURED

28 04 2015

1sevilla
CITING POLITICAL PRESSURE, Bureau of Customs Chief John Phillip Sevilla quit his post. The incorruptible Sevilla bared that he was being pressured to appoint a member of an influential sect to a key post in the bureau. He objected. So when Malacañang insisted, Sevilla decided to resign. He didn’t finish his term. To add insult to injury, he was given a grade of INC.

For the second time, businessman Alberto Lina was appointed customs commissioner. His appointment to the juicy post was welcomed by his family, his friends, and his 18 companies that continue to do business with the BOC.

John Philip Sevilla has resigned as Customs chief. He was replaced by businessman Alberto Lina. Last Friday, Lina took his oath of office. He swore to perform his duties to God, to our country, and to some extent, to INC.

1sevilla
Nepal Earthquake
More than 4,000 people were killed when a magnitude 7.8 earthquake struck Nepal. A week before the disaster, experts gathered in Kathmandu to plan for “a nightmare waiting to happen.” Apparently, their motto was “Better safe than sorry.” Here in the Philippines, “no concrete measures to address the hazards of a massive quake” have been taken despite experts’ warning that at least 35,000 people would die if a magnitude 7.2 earthquake hits Metro Manila. Which is not surprising since the government’s motto is, “To see is to believe.”

Experts say Metro Manila is NOT so ready for a massive earthquake. Local government officials have other priorities. Maybe we can change that. Beginning today, let’s stop using the term “earthquake” and start calling it “election.”

A Google executive at the base camp of Mount Everest died in an avalanche triggered by the magnitude 7.8 earthquake that struck Nepal. The Google executive was found after a search.

UntitledVictim
Because she’s “vulnerable,” authorities said, Filipina Mary Jane Veloso became a victim of “deception.” Again, “vulnerable victim of deception.” Politicians have a collective term for that: voters.

Filipina Mary Jane Veloso is still alive. Her execution originally scheduled Tuesday midnight was suspended. That’s the good news. The bad news is ER Ejercito might just do a film about her.

No ISIS
AFP chief of staff Gen. Gregorio Pio Catapang says no ISIS militants operate from the Philippines. But based on intelligence data, there are Abu Sayyaf, BIFF, private armed groups, senators, congressman, governors, mayors, etc.

1sevillaPunishment
Liberal Party stalwart Edgar Erice said, “If God will bless us, he will give us Mar Roxas and Grace Poe. If God will punish us, he will give us UNA.” When sought for reaction, God said, “I’m busy. I have a scheduled meeting with Duterte.”

LP stalwart and Caloocan Rep. Edgar Erice says Dingdong Dantes and Isko Moreno are two potential bets for senator of the ruling coalition. In response, God was like, “Talk about punishment!”

Happiest
According to the latest World Happiness Report, Switzerland is the happiest country in the world. The Philippines was 90th in the happiness index – which was really disappointing considering the fact that we’ve got some of the biggest jokes in the three branches of our government.

1sevillaSnatched
While taking a walk in Madrid, Spain, Sen. Pia Cayetano’s phone was snatched by a bicycle-riding man. When the senator shouted for help, bystanders moved to catch the suspect. The police described the thief as young and remorseless who’s got a bright future in politics.
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“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”
~Martin Luther King Jr.

Sound Bites
“We consider Commissioner Sunny Sevilla an honest, competent, no-nonsense professional whose departure will be a great loss to the Bureau of Customs and this administration. It is a sad day when principled professionals deem it untenable to stay in office.”
~Makati Business Club

Must-Watch
Bracing for the big one: Is Metro Manila quake-ready?

Be prepared!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: John Philip Sevilla: Inquirer.net; Nepal Quake:On Islam.Net; Erice: Journal.Com; Sen. Pia Cayetano]





EXCLUSIVE! KRISSY AND SHAWEE (NAKAKALOKA!)

25 04 2015

Untitled
“HELLLLLOOOO! Nakakaloka! At inulit ko raw talaga ang word na nasa title. Aha-ha-ha! Kasi naman, naloka talaga ako sa mga ganap kahapon. Ganito ‘yon. Na-extend nang bonggang-bongga ang tulog ko. Then, paggising ko ng 1 pm, hilo-hilo pa ako, akala ko Sunday na kaya nagmadali akong pumunta sa ABS for ‘The Buzz.’ Pagdating ko doon, pak! Ako lang ang tao sa studio. MUKHA AKONG TANGA! Aha-ha-ha! At heto pa: late ko na ring na-realize na wala na nga pala kaming show! Aha-ha-ha. Nakakaloka!

Anyway, paglabas ko ng studio, hulaan n’yo kung sinong nakasalubong ko! My gosh! Of all people, siya pa! God, why me?! Aha-ha-ha! Sige na nga, sasabihin ko na kung sino s’ya! Si Mega! Nakakaloka. Napahinto talaga ako. Eh kasi nga ‘di ba?! May mga naging isyu kami before. So nang mabunggo niya ako… wait! In fairness to me huh, kahit naka-heels ako… ‘di ako tumilapon. Aha-ha-ha I’m so mean!!! But swear, it was an awkward moment. Hindi ko alam kung paplastikin ko siya o ako ba ang paplastikin niya. Either way, deserved lang namin both. Aha-ha-ha At dahil ayaw ko namang masabihang suplada… ako na ang unang bumati. Todo-sigaw pa ako huh! In fairness.

Darlaaaaaaaa!

— Heyyyyyyy, hello Krissy!!!

*Beso-beso*

My gosh. MEGA???? Sorry. I thought si Darla ka. My fault. Welcome baaaaaack! We’ve missed youuuuuu! Promiiiiiiiiiise.
— Bahahahahaha

Kumusta naman ang show mo? I mean, show ni Billy?
— Bahahahahaha

Hay naku Shawee, tawa ka lang nang tawa. Kaloka ka.
— Krissy, sorry huh! Pero, bahahahahaha. Hindi ko kasi inexpect na bahahahahaha

SHAWEE! Ano ba?! Tatawa ka na lang ba?
— Fine! ‘To naman! Happy lang ako kasi I am back. Bahahahahaha Glad to see you again Krissy. How’s ‘The Buzz?’

Wala na nga ‘di ba? Natakot yata kay Willie kaya nagpahinga muna.
— So pa’no na ‘yan? Sa’n ka na magda-drama? Bahahahahaha

Excuse me! I have two other shows pa. Ang dapat na tanong mo: ‘pag nawala ang show ni Billy, saan ka na tatawa? Aha-ha-ha!
— Funny ka talaga Krissy bahahahahaha

NO! I’m not kidding. Serious ako. May shows ka pa ba???
— I think I have to go.

Joooke! Aha-ha-ha Ano ka ba naman Mega? Joke lang ‘yon, hellllo!
— Bahahahahaha

Ganito na lang. Para ‘di sayang ang pagpunta ko rito, tara! Kwentuhan na lang tayo para may extra episode kami ni Boy for A&A!

1shawiee
Two weeks ago, naloka tayong lahat nang umamin si Sen. Ralph Recto that he had an affair with another woman. Bongga! Ikaw Shawee, what if one day umamin din si Senator Kiko?
— Bahahahahaha You know what Krissy, si Kiko kasi Bahahahahaha

Gosh! Stop laughing nga muna Shawee. OA na.
— Ok. Alam mo Krissy, may tiwala ako kay Kiko. He’ll never do that. I know my husband very well.

Ganyan din ang sinabi ko noon about James. Promise.
— Iba naman ang ex mo Krissy. At iba ako bilang asawa. Magkaibang-magkaiba tayo!

And what exactly do you mean by that?
— Wala naman. Bahahahahaha Basta ako, maasikaso ako kay Kiko. Lagi ako sa kusina.

Mukha nga.
— And what exactly do you mean by that?

Wala naman. Aha-ha-ha! Moving on, napag-uusapan na namin ito ni Boy. Are you running for public office next year? Sa Pasay ba?
— No, Krissy! I guess politics is not really for me. I’ll support na lang Kiko if ever na tumakbo siya for a Senate seat again.

But why?!? Sayang naman ang pagkakataon. ‘Di ba sabi nila, kapag medyo down ang career mo sa showbiz, try mo naman ang politics.

‘Di ba?!?

Hindi ka sumasagot!!! Sandali, did I offend you? My gosh Shawee, ang tagal na natin sa showbiz para magkapikunan pa tayo. Hayyy. Ni-raise ko lang naman ang possibility na mag-run ka next year. I didn’t mean to
— Mas importante sa akin ang suporta ko sa asawa ko. Again, asawa. Kung ‘di mo narinig, ASAWA. Kung ‘di ka maka-relate, I’m sorry.

NAKAKALOKA KA!!! Awayin ba ‘ko?
— You were never James Yap’s partner. You’re just his wife!

Aha-ha-ha! Hindi talaga kita kinakaya!!! Hellllllo! Chill. ‘Di natin kailangang mag-away ‘no! Basta ang importante you’re back as a Kapamilya. Teka, kanina ka pa ‘di tumatawa huh. Are you ok?
— Bahahahahaha I’m fine.

There! Aha-ha-ha Maglaro na nga lang tayo. Remember when we used to be close friends?
— When?

Basta! We used to play this game called This or That. Laruin nga ulit natin. Game?
— Game!

1shawiee
Lights on or Lights off?
— These days? Gusto ni Kiko, lights off. Bahahahaha

Feeling ko para ‘di niya makita ang iyong figure.

Sorry!!!!!! Nadulas lang. I’m just kidding. Ako, lights on. Kasi takot si Bimbz sa dark. Binay or Poe?
— Poe. My kinakapatid. You?

Binay! May hacienda!
— Akala ko ba takot si Bimbz sa dark?

Chowking or McDonald’s? Ako, Chowking! Ikaw, alam ko.
— Both? Bahahahahaha

I knew it! Basta food. Aha-ha-ha Mar or Binay?
— Nakaka-relate ako kay Mar. Lumaki sa sarap… mayaman. Ikaw?

Binay pa rin! Lumaki sa hirap… nagpayaman! I mean, yumaman. Sorry Tito Jojo. Aha-ha-ha Last na ‘to: Sharon Cuneta or Lea Salonga?
— Bahahahahaha! Ang OA naman ng tanong na ‘yan. Sobrang OA.

At least sa ‘yo na nanggaling! Aha-ha-ha Shawee, medyo matagal nang isyu ‘yong pagrereklamo raw ng ilang nanood ng concert ng One Direction dahil nagpayong ka sa MOA Grounds. Natakpan tuloy ang view ng mga nasa likod. Linawin mo nga ‘to.
— Lay off my umbrella! Lay off my umbrella! They purposely did that because I am Sharon Cuneta! What the heyyy! Next time, watch a Lea Salonga concert, watch a Lea Salonga concert!!!!!!! Or better yet, Blakdyak!

Gaya-gaya ka naman eh. Linya ‘yan ni Doris Bigornia ‘di ba? Ano ‘to dubsmash?
— Hindi. Your Reporter Sounds Familiar Bahahahahaha

Untitled
Mabuti pa… since you’re not that busy naman, mag-guest ka sa Krissy TV. You’ll love it there.
— I know. Bahahahaha ‘Pag pinapanood ko nga si Darla, inggit talaga ako.

O, Darla… narinig mo ‘yon? Matakot ka na girl. May iba na akong tagatikim ng food. Aha-ha-ha
— Seryoso ba ‘yan?

Why not? We’re friends naman, ‘di ba?
— Thank you Krissy. Tama talaga ang desisyon kong bumalik dito.

Joooke! I’m just kidding! We’re ok. But we’re not really friends-friends like “Boy and Kris” friends. ‘Tsaka ‘di pwedeng mawala si Darla sa show ‘no!
— I think I have to go na.

Wait, you have to promote Billy’s show muna! Go! Promote na.

Ayaw mo? Fine. Sige, laugh ka na lang.
— Tse! Bahahahahaha

–End of Conversation–
——————————————————————————————————————————–
“The image is one thing and the human being is another. It’s very hard to live up to an image, put it that way.”
~Elvis Presley

UntitledA Must-Read
The story of Mary Jane Veloso, in her own words

In a narrative, Mary Jane Veloso herself tells the story of how she was framed and duped into unknowingly acting as a drug mule

Sound Bites
“There’s a strong push for the promotion of their men to very powerful positions here at the Customs. When these things happen, I become suspicious of their motive. I promised that there would be no politics or/and patronage system in the appointments in the customs bureau. I took that commitment seriously.”
~Resigned Customs Commissioner John Sevilla

Have a fine weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino’s Instagram; Sharon: Interaksyon; Sharon and Kris: Pinoy Parazzi; Mary Jane Veloso: Daily Mail-UK; KrisTV]





IT’S GETTING HOT IN HERE

21 04 2015

1GW
ACCORDING TO THE National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, the first three months of 2015 set new global heat records. It’s so hot these days… Chinese ships in Panatag Shoal thought they’re doing Filipino fishermen a favor by firing water cannons at their vessels.

Guilty!
Oriental Mindoro’s current governor Alfonso Umali and former governor Rodolfo Valencia have been both found guilty of graft and corruption and were sentenced to prison terms of up to 10 years as well as perpetual disqualification from public office. The court has yet to decide though on a motion seeking to punish Mindoreño voters for making stupid choices.

1GW
Alfonso Umali, the incumbent governor of Oriental Mindoro and concurrent treasurer of the ruling Liberal Party has been found guilty of graft and corruption – prompting President Aquino to order an audit of the party’s finances.

Accounts Closed
The Sandiganbayan confirmed that Bong Revilla and Lani Mercado closed five bank accounts when news of the pork barrel scam came out. But Raymond Fortun insists… that’s “accidental.”

Running
Senate President Franklin Drilon revealed that DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is interested in the presidency. The ‘presidency’ however has refused to say if the feeling is mutual.

According to Senator Drilon, the Liberal Party is exerting extra effort to help presumptive LP candidate Mar Roxas improve his poor survey ratings. Some party stalwarts are not sure though if Mar is okay with some of their suggestions like getting a tan and joining the Boy Scouts of the Philippines or the Alpha Phi Omega Fraternity.

1mWThe Promise
Some informal settlers from Makati City who were relocated to the Makati Homeville resettlement area in Calauan, Laguna are complaining. They say the site lacks decent housing units as well as electricity and water supply. But a Makati City executive clarified that the city government promised a relocation site only – not housing units. Or as Sen. Nancy Binay put it, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

Erap’s Birthday
Last April 19, former president and Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada celebrated his 78th birthday. What a life. He was mayor of San Juan for 16 years, senator for 5 years, vice president for 6, and president for 2 ½ years. His biggest achievement however was making Manila voters believe that he’s actually from Manila.

Revised!
Rappler recently discovered that Sen. Bongbong Marcos “made false claims about his undergraduate and graduate degrees” on the resumé uploaded on his official Senate website. When his late father, Ferdinand Marcos heard this, he said, “Anak nga kita.”

1mW
Sen. Bongbong Marcos has apparently revised his online resumé in which he – as Rappler discovered, “made false claims about his undergraduate and graduate degrees.” Last month, visitors of the Senate website started to question the veracity of his resumé entries when they noticed that under the heading ‘Siblings’ – Marcos allegedly wrote, “Grace Poe.”

Supercentenarian
Here’s a shocking report: Researchers say humankind’s first 1000-year-old is likely alive already. Even more shocking, that person is already facing a plunder charge.

indexQuorum
At least a dozen Filipino lawmakers are watching Manny Pacquiao’s megabuck fight in Las Vegas, Nevada. The MGM Grand has in fact reserved a row for Pacquiao’s colleagues. It’s easy to spot the solons inside the arena because their seats have been marked with the words: “There goes your money Filipinos.”
———————————————————————————————————————————-
“With lies you may get ahead in the world — but you can never go back.”
~Russian proverb

Sound Bites
“Doon sa dayalogo bago po sila inilipat, klaro po na ang ikinomit ng Makati ay libreng lupa. It was supposed to be their responsibility to put up their houses.”
~Ryan Barcelo, OIC, DSWD-Makati City

“Si Mar po ang aming kandidato sa Partido Liberal, wala pong alternative.”
~Sen. Franklin Drilon

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Global Warming: Times of India; Valencia/Umali: Inquirer.Net; Makati Homeville: Rappler.com; Bongbong: Inquirer.Net; Pacquiao: WBA News








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