MISENCOUNTER, MISSED UNIVERSE TITLE, AND OTHER STORIES

27 01 2015

THE SENATE Blue Ribbon Committee has issued an arrest order for Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin ‘Junjun’ Binay and five other people for their refusal to appear at its subcommittee hearings. Mayor Junjun Binay told his supporters that he’s so ready to be detained. If that happens, he’ll be placed in a small area with some people, and stay there ‘til someone gives the go signal to let him go. Or as some Makati project bidders call it, “our elevator experience.”

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According to Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay he is so “ready to be detained.” But a teary-eyed Nancy Binay couldn’t control her emotions saying Junjun’s children no longer have a mother – and now, they’re losing their father. Secretary Dinky Soliman was so moved she offered to take the children to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas.

Reacting to the Senate’s arrest order for her brother Junjun, Nancy Binay lamented, “’Yon ang pinakamasakit. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman ‘yong mawalan ng magulang.” To which, taxpayers said, “Kami naman, nawalan ng pera.”

“Misencounter”
Almost 70 members of the PNP Special Action Force were killed in an encounter with MILF and Bangsamoro Islamic Freedom Fighters in Mamasapano, Maguindanao Sunday morning. Reports say some of the bodies were mutilated by the rebels. MILF peace panel chair Mohagher Iqbal said his men acted on “self-defense.” In the MILF dictionary, Self-defense, noun. See massacre.

1NYDNMiss Universe
The new Miss Universe is Paulina Vega of Colombia. Mary Jean Lastimosa was in the Top 10. Binibining Pilipinas director Stella Marquez de Araneta was very proud of what her candidate has achieved. She was quiet about Miss Philippines though.

The final question for the five finalists was, “What is the greatest contribution of your country to the entire world?” Miss Jamaica answered, Usain Bolt and Bob Marley. Miss Netherlands said, “art and history” while Miss USA mentioned something about “helping” other countries. When asked the same question after the show, Miss China answered, “Everything.”

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Manny Pacquiao was one of the judges in this year’s Miss Universe pageant. For the swimsuit, evening gown and Q&A rounds, his scores were 119-108, 118-111 and 120-109 all for Miss Colombia.

When Manny Pacquiao’s name was picked by Miss USA from the bowl, he asked her, “If you were given 30 seconds to deliver a message to global terrorists, what would you say?” Miss USA answered, “a message of hope, love, and peace.” Terrorists who were watching the pageant were further enraged by that cliché of an answer.

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An unconfirmed report said Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell has Filipino roots. As soon as they heard this, the Philippine Azkals offered her a slot in the team.

Miss Jamaica has issued a statement saying she’s a full-blooded Jamaican. She’s not Filipino. Unlike Keith Martin and David Pomeranz.

Death
Australian researchers have developed a “death test” that could predict a person’s chances of dying within the next 30 days. In Metro Manila, we call that “an MRT ride.”

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On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook and Instagram were both down for almost 45 minutes. In that short span of time, companies noted an increase in productivity.

Instagram and Facebook were down for 45 minutes on Tuesday afternoon. Instagram users waited 45 long minutes before they started eating the food on their plate.

For 45 minutes, both Instagram and Facebook were down. Filipino netizens blamed Stella Marquez-Araneta.
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“Nature didn’t need an operation to be beautiful. It just was.”
~Scott Westerfeld, The Uglies Trilogy

Sound Bites
“Hindi pwedeng mag-baby do’n. Self-defense ang nangyari.”
~Mohaqer Iqbal, Chairman, MILF Peace Panel

“Naiyak bigla ako. ‘Yon ang pinakamasakit kasi ngayong gabi matutulog ‘yong pamangkin kong hindi kasama ‘yong ama nila. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman yung mawalan ng magulang.”
~Nancy Binay

“All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

[Photos: Danny Pata/GMA: Binay; Benjie Castro/GMA: Guingona; New York Daily News: Miss Colombia; Getty Images: Pacquiao and Miss Jamaica]





OF RABBITS, ROYALS AND THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT

24 01 2015

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POPE FRANCIS was quoted to have said that Roman Catholics should not breed “like rabbits.” The unprecedented statement shocked pro-life advocates and offended Ramon Revilla Sr.

Tito Sotto, a staunch opponent of the Reproductive Health Law refused to believe that Pope Francis uttered those words. Sotto said the Pope could have been “taken out of context” or the statement was just “an invention.” But that’s just Sotto. The only thing we’re sure of right now is that the statement wasn’t plagiarized.

Rabbits?
The DSWD confirmed reports that almost 500 street dwellers were rounded up and brought to Chateau Royale resort in Nasugbu, Batangas last January 14 and brought back to Manila when Pope Francis had already left. Secretary Dinky Soliman said the homeless were brought there for a training. It was a rewarding experience for the street dwellers who learned so much about housing, socializing, and concealing evidence of abject poverty.

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In what critics described was an effort to “whitewash poverty,” some 500 street dwellers in Manila were rounded up on the eve of the papal visit and brought to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas until Pope Francis had left the country. Or in the words of the DSWD, “coincidence.”

Street dwellers who were interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer said they had nothing to complain about their stay in a Batangas resort during the papal visit. In fact, they appreciated the DSWD’s efforts. They were billeted in spacious rooms, served meals five times a day, attended insightful lectures, and received an ecobagful of goodies. Who are we to judge?

The homeless families are now back in the streets of Manila. They can’t wait for the next papal visit.

Hungry
According to the latest SWS survey, fewer Filipino families experienced hunger. Thanks to the DSWD’s “training” in Batangas.

More Kickbacks?
Former Binay ally and close friend and ex-senior vice president of the Boy Scouts of the Philippines (BSP) Nestor Mercado bared that Vice President Binay, BSP president for 20 years now, got some P200-million in kickbacks in 2010 from the sale of a piece of land owned by the BSP. Mercado said the kickbacks were for Binay’s future presidential campaign. To be fair to Binay, he’s just being a boy scout: Laging handa.

1PacjManny and Harry
Accompanied by his wife Jinkee, 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao finally met with England’s Prince Harry the other day. Over dinner, he said, “Your mom’s very popular. Sad to hear that her marriage to your father did not end well. I’m sorry she’s gone now.” And then Manny replied, “No, she’s still alive!”

Postponed
The Senate Committee on Local Government has approved the proposed postponement of the Sangguniang Kabataan (SK) elections from its original schedule of February 21 to October 2016. When they heard the news, Filipinos were shocked. Meron pa palang SK?!?

Traffic
According to the 2015 Traffic Index, the Philippines is 9th in cities worldwide with the worst traffic condition. That’s just unfair. We should have ranked higher.

Silent Killer
According to a new study, sedentary behavior or sitting will kill us prematurely even if we exercise. So don’t exercise, just sit back and relax. At least, you’ll die doing what you love most.

A study showed that even if we exercise, sitting will kill us prematurely. Congratulations salesladies!

miss uMiss Universe 2015
The 63rd edition of the Miss Universe pageant concludes Monday morning (Manila time) in Florida. Pre-pageant activities were held last week. In the talent portion, Miss China built an illegal structure on the stage.

The Philippines is being represented by pageant veteran Mary Jean Lastimosa. Friends told MJ to remain positive but not too confident despite being a frontrunner. They advised her to think of Mar Roxas.

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Miss Canada’s national costume depicted the nation’s love for ice hockey. The costume even includes a hockey scoreboard. Next year, Miss Philippines will top that by wearing a pair of boxing gloves and draping herself in a basketball court.

This year, reports say, there will only be one question for the five finalists. I heard it will be a tough one. Something like, “Why does God allow children to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction?”
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“A crowded society is a restrictive society; an overcrowded society becomes an authoritarian, repressive and murderous society.”
~Edward Abbey, Postcards from Ed: Dispatches and Salvos from an American Iconoclast

Sound Bites
“Some think, excuse me if I use the word, that in order to be good Catholics, we have to be like rabbits – but no.”
~Pope Francis

Good luck Miss Philippines!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: OCanada.Com: Pope Francis; ANC: Street Dwellers; Manny Pacquiao’s Instagram; Miss Universe Canada, and Miss Universe.Com]





THE PAPAL VISIT: A POSTSCRIPT (WHO AM I TO JUDGE?)

20 01 2015

POPE FRANCIS has left the Philippines. Many Filipinos can now go back to doing what they love most: hating one another.

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Last Sunday morning, Pope Francis visited The Pontifical and Royal University of Santo Tomas, The Catholic University of the Philippines for the “Encounter with the Youth” event. One of the speakers was a former street kid who asked the Pope why God allows children to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction. The Pope said there was no answer to that question. But President Aquino disagreed and said it wasn’t God who’s at fault but the previous administration.

Distractions
In his homily, Pope Francis mentioned about faith and distractions. He said, “We forget to remain, at heart, children of God because of the promise of ephemeral pleasures and superficial pastimes, such as ‘tinkering with gadgets.’ The crowd missed that part of the homily because they were editing some cellphone photos.

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Responding to Pope Francis’s message to Filipinos, Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle said, “Every Filipino wants to go with you.” And then there was a boisterous applause. Tagle continued, “Every Filipino wants to go with you, not to Rome, but to the peripheries.” And then there was silence. Everyone was like, “Ano raw?! Spell!”

In one of his homilies, the Pope said, “The devil is the father of lies.” He didn’t say though if it’s a congressman, a governor, a senator, a mayor, or a vice president. Basta, mag-ama.

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Imelda
Former First Lady Imelda Marcos made an appearance at the mass officiated by Pope Francis in Tacloban City. Moments later, Pope Francis’s visit to the city was cut short, a papal volunteer died in a freak accident, and a private plane skidded off the runway. Go figure.

The infamous Imelda Marcos told reporters that she, in fact, witnessed the collapse of the scaffolding that killed the papal volunteer. Fortunately, the victim’s body was immediately retrieved – unlike the bodies of construction workers at the Manila Film Center.

When sought for comment, Imelda Marcos said, “The message of the Holy Father is about the poor, and I love the poor.” Why wouldn’t she? She helped create them.

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Controversial Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa and other government officials were in the private plane that skidded off the runway in Tacloban City last Saturday. The accident prompted some people to ask Pope Francis, “Holy Father, can you consider that an answered prayer?”

Red Alert
Cellphone signal was a problem in many areas during the five-day papal visit. Signal jamming was apparently part of security. Telcos received several complaints from cellphone users. Smart described the situation as “horrible.” Globe described it as “an ordinary day.”

Now it can be told. Security was very tight during the papal visit because, radio DZRH learned, there was indeed a threat to disrupt the event. Thankfully, authorities were able to neutralize… Carlos Celdran.

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Hundreds of thousands of people lined the streets of Manila to get a glimpse of Pope Francis. The people were very emotional – although they were less emotional than TV reporters covering the event.

According to MMDA Chair Francis Tolentino, an estimated 6 million people attended the Pope’s final mass in Manila. But another official pegged the figure at 7 million. President Aquino told CNN’s Christiane Amanpour “it was lower than that.”

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Learnings
Filipinos learned a lot from the five-day pastoral visit of Pope Francis. They learned to be more disciplined, patient and forgiving. They also learned how to pronounce “nunciature.”

Every pastoral visit is a huge event in the Philippines, the largest and predominantly Catholic nation in Asia. Religious gatherings like this revive our hope, our faith, and Jamie Rivera’s singing career.

Free Speech
While en route to the Philippines last Thursday, Pope Francis said, “You cannot make fun of the faith of others.” The Pope said there’s a limit to free speech – especially if you’re an altar boy who wanted to speak out against the Catholic priest who abused you.

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In Other News…
A day after meeting the Pope in Malacañang, a furious Kris Aquino had an exchange with a follower on Instagram. Apparently, the follower opined that Bimby was probably gay. The presidential sister took offense and accused the follower of bullying her son. We don’t know for sure if Bimby’s gay or not but as Pope Francis said, who are we to judge?

Gamer
A 32-year-old Taiwanese man died in an Internet cafe in Kaohsiung after playing computer games for three days. So guys, now you know the limit: two days.

After a three-day gaming binge, a 32-year-old man in Taiwan died in an Internet café. Game Over.
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“All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.”
~Cathy Ladman

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Sound Bites
“Today, with so many means of communication we are overloaded with information. Is that bad? No. It is good and can help. But there is a real danger of living in a way that we accumulate information.”
~Pope Francis, UST, 1.18.2014

Have a holy week! [Whatever that means!] Peace y’all!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: AFP: Pope Francis; AP/Aaron Favila: Tagle/Pope; NBC News: Imelda; Ernie Peñaredondo/Philstar: Private Plane; Official Gazette: Luneta Crowd; Reuters/Eric De Castro; Kris Aquino Instagram]





THE POPE, NOYNOY, BINAY, AND MORE

16 01 2015

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POPE FRANCIS is in the Philippines for a 5-day pastoral and state visit. Or as many Filipino Catholics call it, “Good Behavior Observance Week.”

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On Friday, Pope Francis paid a courtesy call on President Aquino in Malacañang. The Cabinet was in full force including Vice President Binay. Out of gratitude to his gracious hosts, Pope Francis skipped his original plan of performing group exorcism.

During a general audience with Pope Francis, President Aquino, in a speech in Malacañang, mentioned something about injustice. He asked, “If it is a sin to steal, who is the greater sinner: the desperate man in an impossible situation forced to steal to feed his starving family, or the politician with an insatiable greed who, despite not having real material needs, stole from the public coffers?” Among those present in Malacañang were Vice President Binay and former President Joseph Estrada. I have no punchline. I am just saying that they’re both there.

Conversations With the Pope
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“O Noy, last na ‘yang RH Law huh! Baka naman pati ‘yong Divorce Bill, ikampanya mo pa. Sikmuraan na kita. Baka nakakalimutan mo, bouncer ako noong araw.”

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“Miss, dito ba talaga dadaan si Pope? Bakit sina Mar wala rito? ‘Nililigaw mo ‘ko no? Anti-Binay ka ba?”

“Naku Vice, grabe naman kayong manghusga. Atat? ‘Wag ho kayong mag-alala. Kayo ang unang magmamano sa kanya. Ingat. Jooooke!”

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“Santo Papa, humihingi po ako ng tawad sa mga nagawa kong pagkakasala (although biktima lang naman talaga ako ng pulitika). Malapit na po ang 2016. Kakailanganin ko ang inyong awa at habag. Promise, susubukan ko pong iwaksing lahat ang mga nakasanayan kong gawain. Operative word: susubukan. Hindi ko sinasabing kakayanin pero at least may effort. Amen.”

1MarPope
“Santo Papa, huwag po kayong maniwala sa taong naunang humalik sa inyong kamay. Hindi po siya pinupulitika. Shady character lang talaga ‘yon. Pero tama po siya: malapit na ang 2016. Kung mayroon kayong dapat kaawaan, ako po ‘yon dahil ang baba ko pa rin sa survey. ‘Tang-i… Ooops, sorry po! Parang awa n’yo na, konting dasal pa. Amen.”

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“Dear Filipinos, kahit ilang beses pa ako bumalik dito, kung ‘di rin magbabago ang pag-uugali n’yo, wala ring mangyayari. Simulan n’yo ang pagbabago sa inyong mga sarili. Ikaw rin Noy, tama na ang paninisi sa nagdaang administrasyon. One year na lang ang term mo, fault pa rin ni Arroyo? Move on. KthxBye.”

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“Papa Francis, hindi kita kinakaya. Bongga ka talaga! Ang dami mong followers. Pray for me huh! I know I’ve been a good mom and I’m sure happy ka na do’n. Pero you know naman my past ‘di ba? Aha-ha-ha ‘Tsaka remind lang kita, wala pa akong love life. So please, please, please! Pray for me naman para makahanap na ako ng matinong guy. Aha-ha-ha! Kaloka!”

“Mirakulo ang hinihiling mo hija. But I’ll try. Love. Love. Love.”

SAMANTALA…
Sa aking mahal na lalawigang Batangas kung saan ni anino  ni Pope Francis ay ‘di naman dadaan, isang pamilya ng mga pulitiko ang ‘di nakapagpigil na gamitin ang Santo Papa upang ibalandra ang kanilang mga mukha sa kalsada. WALANG PAGBABAGO. #EpalVisit

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“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.”
~Jarod Kintz

Sound Bites
“The courage and daring displayed by the clergy solidified my belief: Especially during the Martial Law years, the Church of the poor and oppressed shone vividly. Hence, there was a true test of faith when many members of the Church, once advocates for the poor, the marginalized, and the helpless, suddenly became silent in the face of the previous administration’s abuses, which we are still trying to rectify to this very day.”
~President Aquino, Malacañang, January 16, 2015

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Malacañang from Rappler; Leviste Photos from Cyberspace; Kris Aquino’s Instagram]





THE AFFAIR, PORN, EPALS, AND OTHER STORIES

13 01 2015

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THE 2015 Golden Globe Awards were held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California the other night. The trophy for best TV drama was awarded to a new series called ‘The Affair.’ [I’m a huge fan of this program.] “The Affair” has a very familiar narrative. It tells the story of a much older, married man who fell in love with a younger, married woman. They’re both in jail now for plunder.

Papal Visit
Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas says Leyte will be the “centerpiece” of Pope Francis’s 5-day visit to the Philippines. Of course, many people are excited to go to Palo or Tacloban City this weekend. Except for President Aquino.

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In preparation for his Philippine visit, Pope Francis is reportedly learning to speak Tagalog. And he’s making significant progress. In fact, he now speaks better Filipino than some members of the Philippine Azkals.

A bit of trivia about Pope Francis. When he was a teenager, one of his lungs was removed following an infection. Yes, the Pope has only one lung and is still very much alive. But that’s nothing compared to many government officials who are still in office even if they’ve got no brain.

Here’s another fascinating fact. Do you know why Pope Francis easily gets along well with so many people – both Catholic and non-Catholic? ‘Coz he’s got a master’s degree in chemistry!

Epal Visit
Tweeted by GMA 7 News reporter Chino Gaston on Monday, this photo of a huge billboard welcoming Pope Francis in Leyte has the names of Cong. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez and his wife, Yedda. Defending her boss from critics, Rachel Santiago, a member of Congressman Romualdez’s staff said the tarp was approved by the archdiocese of Palo. To be fair, the billboard looks good, feels sincere, and smells 2016.

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According to Rachel Santiago, a member of Romualdez’s staff, the tarpaulin with the names of Congressman Romualdez and his wife Yedda, is their way “of welcoming Pope Francis” and “of informing the public of his activities.” In response, Pope Francis said, “So ano’ng kunek ng dalawang names sa visit ko?”

Record Low
Vice President Binay’s net satisfaction rating hits a new record low. When sought for reaction, Binay’s new spokesman, lawyer Rico Paolo Quicho answered, “The Vice President remains focused and committed to fulfill his objective to promote the welfare of the poor and further address the growing needs of the Filipino people.” Quicho received a perfect 10 from the judges and easily advanced to the evening gown competition.

The Sign
The Anti-Money Laundering Council says Jinggoy Estrada “controlled” three bank accounts under the name “Juan Ng.” This, after the AMLC observed that Estrada’s and Ng’s penmanship on issued checks were “very similar.” Jinggoy was furious at the allegation but Erap was more furious at his son’s lack of originality.

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According to Pornhub Insight’s 2014 Year in Review report, Filipinos are among the world’s Top 20 visitors of the popular porn site. But don’t worry Filipinos! Pope Francis will not judge you.

Fined
For cancelled and behind the schedule flights during the Christmas rush last year, local airline Cebu Pacific was fined P52 million by the government. At press time, Cebu Pacific has yet to react on the penalty. Its official statement is delayed.

Nap
According to a recent study, taking a nap at work is good for your body. That probably explains why Sen. Lito Lapid is always healthy.

UntitledBitten
Kris Aquino’s son Bimby was bitten by their pet dog Prada. Luckily, Bimby is now ok but Prada has become super arte; like, grabe.
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“There are so many attention whores out there, prostituting for people’s acknowledgment.”
~Jason Myers, The Mission

Epal Visit
Silang ‘di mapigilang ibalandra ang mga pagmumukha sa bawat oportunidad na makita. Despicable.

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Sound Bites
“‘Yong ibang mga naghahangad na maging prominente rin ang pagkakakilala sa kanila, mas mainam sigurong pumili na lang sila ng ibang okasyon.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma on epaliticians taking advantage of the Papal Visit

Congratulations to everyone who passed the UP College Admission Test (UPCAT)!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: The Affair: Showtime; Papal Visit: Daily Mail; Epal Visit: @ChinoGaston; Bimby: Kris Aquino’s IG]





LOST IN TRASLACION

10 01 2015

JANUARY is a very busy month for many Filipinos. After the annual Traslacion of the Black Nazarene on January 9, the five-day Papal Visit is next followed by the Sinulog, Ati-atihan, and Dinagyang Festivals all held in honor of the Sto. Niño. This has been the ‘most Catholic’ January we’ve had in years.

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Former vice president Noli De Castro, a known devotee of the Black Nazarene joined this year’s ‘Traslacion.’ Kabayan prayed for good health, long life, and the ability to control his emotions when talking to reporters on TV Patrol.

As in previous years, it took the Black Nazarene’s andas or carriage several hours to reach its destination. The procession was very slow-moving. Or as one devotee described it, “EDSA.”

The Traslacion of the Black Nazarene started Friday morning and ended early Saturday morning. The duration of the procession was even longer than the time it took Augustinian missionaries to bring the statue from Mexico to the Philippines in 1607.

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According to authorities, two devotees died during the annual procession. If it’s any consolation, they died doing what they loved.

Reports say the fatalities joined the procession to pray for “a better life.” To be fair to the Black Nazarene, they’re in a better place now.

This year’s Black Nazarene procession lasted 19 hours. Or as one MMDA constable put it, “Three diapers.”

Papal Visit
Some lawmakers have reportedly decided to skip the activities in next week’s Papal Visit for fear of being labeled “epal.” While others won’t attend for fear of spontaneous human combustion.

The MMDA has been preparing for the Papal Visit for months. Traffic enforcers are really excited to see the Pope whom they described as “inspiring.” In fact, the Pope and our MMDA personnel have some things in common: they live a simple life; they serve the people, and they’ll be wearing adult diapers this coming week.

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Saying the Pope may not be safe in the country, Valenzuela City First District Representative Sherwin Gatchalian has called on the PNP and the AFP to tighten security for this week’s Papal Visit. In response, the PNP and the AFP assured Gatchalian of their preparedness. In fact, they’re as always ready as Gatchalian’s press releases.

Shady
On Friday, President Aquino advised Filipino voters to reject shady politicians in 2016. This has prompted Nancy and Junjun Binay to call the President “racist.”

1pOPE Rally#JesuIsCharlie
The two main suspects in the massacre of 10 journalists and 2 cops in Paris have been killed by French police. Latest reports say Al-Qaeda’s branch in Yemen directed the attack against the Charlie Hebdo publication to “avenge the honor of the Prophet Muhammad.” Even Muhammad was like, “Sige! Namedrop pa!”

Pacman
Reports say Manny Pacquiao will fly to London this month to meet Prince Harry. It will be the first meeting between the two popular personalities. One is a rich, party animal who loves the company of gorgeous women, and the other one is Prince Harry.

The Miss Universe Organization has announced that Manny Pacquiao will be one of the judges in the 63rd Miss Universe pageant in Doral, Florida on January 25. Usually, Miss Universe judges vote for the contestant with experience, poise, intelligence and preparedness for the job. Exactly the opposite of how Sarangani voters elected their congressman.
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“Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”
~Voltaire

Sound Bites
“Yong mga vendor, mga isang kahig isang tuka ‘yan eh. Pabayaan na n’yang makasingit ‘yong mga mahihirap na tao para ‘di sila magnakaw. Medyo hinahanapan kami ng butas eh. Hanapan n’ya kami ng malaking butas. Be an hermano mayor first. Let him try.”
~Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada to Noli De Castro

“The contest has a very noble purpose, you know. The pageant is just another way of paying tribute to God’s unequalled aesthetic ability. Man is God’s masterpiece. So, I’m really excited,”
~Manny Pacquiao on having been named as one of the Miss Universe judges

Have a fun and safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kabayan: Anthony Taberna via @PhilStarNews; Traslacion: AseanKorea.Org; Diapers: GMA News, @Banksy]





THE INTERVIEW [Vice and the President]

6 01 2015

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FOR THE FIRST TIME, ABS-CBN’s top comic Vice Ganda interviewed none other than the president of the Republic of the Philippines. It was a hilariously revealing one-on-one between two persons who are very close to Kris Aquino. But they’re different. One is a currently loveless, UAAP follower (with a complicated love life) who has been rumored to spend in exchange for “some fun.” And the other one is Vice Ganda.

The public was divided on President Aquino’s decision to be interviewed by a comedian like Vice Ganda. Fifty percent liked the idea and watched the show – while the other 50 percent slammed the guesting and watched the entire show anyway.

Reacting to negative comments, Malacañang said the GGV interview “showed the lighter side of the President.” Rumors say Senator Trillanes appealed to Vice Ganda to invite Jejomar Binay as guest so he could show “the darker side of the Vice President.”

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Vice Ganda’s interview with President Aquino was a hit. When the episode ended, televiewers were yelling, “More! More!” Vice Ganda was thrilled. The last time he heard people yelling was right after a screening of ‘The Amazing Praybeyt Benjamin.’ They were shouting, “Refund! Refund!”

During the interview, President Aquino revealed that he was once president of his Biology class in high school. He became club president when his classmate and close friend who was targeting the presidency decided to give way.

Another piece of trivia from the President: He actually loves to sing but he prefers doing it “alone.” Otherwise known as “How to avoid a fight.”

Grammy-winning artist apl.de.ap, President Aquino claims, has told him that he’s got a good singing voice. That’s the good news. The bad news? Bamboo, Sarah and Lea disagreed.

Vice Ganda also asked the president about his thinning hair. President Aquino said “tanggap ko na,” and then revealed the brand of shampoo he uses: Mane ‘N Tail. This just in: The sales of Mane ‘N Tail dropped by 10 percent after that interview.

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When quizzed about his love life, President Aquino said he wanted to settle down with someone younger. That explains why he’s been dating younger women. To be fair, he doesn’t have a choice these days.

For the first time, the President admitted that TV host Grace Lee was his former girlfriend. In the interest of fairness, we should get the side of Grace Lee.

According to President Aquino, he’s been single for several months now but without going into details, revealed that he’s currently seeing someone. Our balding, chain-smoking president who is almost 55 years old has a love life. What’s your excuse?

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Top 5 Questions President Aquino Refused To Answer During His GGV Guesting

1: Kung dalawa na lang ho ang kandidato sa pagka-presidente sa 2016, sina Mar Roxas at Jojo Binay at isa lang ang pipiliin n’yo, bakit ho si Mar Roxas?

2: Kung bibigyan kayo ng pagkakataong ikumpisal kay Pope Francis next week ang isang kasalanan, ano ito at bakit?

3: Naniniwala ho ba kayo sa kasabihang “Love is blind?” Kung hindi, explain Grace Lee.

4: Sa inyong palagay, ano ho ang nararamdaman ngayon ng ibang reporters at media organizations na na-scoopan ko?  Galit o inggit?

And finally…
5: Kung sinasabi po ng maraming tao na basura ang pelikula kong ‘The Amazing Praybeyt Benjamin,’ bakit tawa kayo nang tawa habang pinapanood ito?

Bonus: THE PRESIDENT AND THE VICE.
During the 2013 senatorial campaign, Vice Ganda sat down with President Aquino for an interview. The transcript of that conversation was published in this blog: EXCLUSIVE! Click here for the full article. Here’s an excerpt:

Puro ka naman joke Vice. Start na tayo.

I see. ‘Yong lagay na ‘yon eh hindi pa pala tayo nagsisimula! So ano ho ‘tong ginagawa natin? Rehearsal? Jooooke! Sige po, game na tayo. Unahin na natin ang tanong na alam kong hinihintay ng masa: Ano ho bang real score sa pagitan n’yo ni Bianca Manalo?

Real score?

Hindi ho! Fake score. Ano ho ang fake score sa pagitan n’yo ni Bianca? Chos lang. Siyempre, real score.
—————————————————————————————————————–
“A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.”
~Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

Sound Bites
“Mas bata sana kung puwede para may pag-asa pa naman para magkaanak.”
~President Aquino on settling down with a younger woman

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: ABS-CBN Entertainment /via YouTube; @GGVOfficial AND Roxy Liquigan’s Instagram Account]





HIGHS AND LOWS

3 01 2015

91
IN HIS NEW YEAR’S DAY message, President Aquino said, “Tiwala akong malinaw na sa inyo kung sino ang mga tunay na kakampi ng taumbayan, at kung sino ang nagpapanggap lamang.” To which Vice President Binay replied, “Choppy ka. Choppy. Ikot ka nang konti. Wala akong marinig.”

Hopeful
A majority of Filipinos: 93 percent – say they are entering 2015 with hope. The remaining 7 percent of Filipinos have gotten tired of saying the same thing every year.

Ninety-three percent of Filipinos entered the New Year with hope. As in previous years, Filipinos should expect some highs and some lows in 2015. In fact, starting next week, the government is letting us experience some highs: the MRT and LRT fare hike.

91Fewer
The number of firecracker-related injuries from the recent New Year’s Eve revelry was fewer compared to figures from last year. Observers attributed this positive development to the Health Department’s decision to prevent Dr. Eric Tayag from making another Iwas-Paputok dance video.

Papal Visit
Reports say Pope Francis will be welcomed by President Aquino in Malacañang on January 16. The Pope and the President for the first time together. Wow. It’s the highly-anticipated meeting between an old, celibate devout Catholic, and Pope Francis.

9No Show
American R&B/hip-hop singer-songwriter Chris Brown was a no-show at his scheduled performance at the Philippine Arena on New Year’s Eve. He decided to cancel his appearance at the very last minute. Brown has since denied rumors his decision to not show up was influenced by Toby Tiangco, Jonvic Remulla and JV Bautista.

Cold
Temperature in Baguio continues to drop. Last Friday, temperature fell to 11 degrees Celsius. It’s really cold in Baguio City right now. If the trend continues, temperature could plunge to record lows and the weather’s going to be really cold. Just how cold? You know, like ‘Noynoy Aquino love life’ levels.

Discovery
Archeologists have discovered what they claim to be the oldest prehistoric tool. The artifact is 1.2 million years old and has an engraving that reads, “If found, please return to the owner: Juan Ponce Enrile.”

1TraslacionNazareno
The annual ‘Traslacion’ or procession of the revered Black Nazarene happens next week. Former Manila mayor Alfredo Lim is a known devotee. Incumbent Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada is a known de-bote.

Apology
Facebook has apologized for its Year in Review feature that highlighted even its users’ painful 2014 memories. It has yet to apologize though for its “Seen” feature on Facebook chat.

Facebook gave its users an option to post a computer-generated Year in Review. It’s a recap of stuff you posted on Facebook in 2014 – otherwise known as “Who cares?!”

Second Chance?
Observers believe Kris Aquino is still in love with Herbert Bautista. Last December 28, the Quezon City mayor visited the TV host in her home. During his post-Christmas visit, did you know what Bistek gave Kris? False hope.

MMFF 2014
The Robin Padilla-starrer ‘Bonifacio: Ang Unang Pangulo’ took home the lion’s share of the awards in the recently-concluded MMFF 2014 Awards Night but failed to attract a large audience. Apparently, some moviegoers lost interest in watching the film when a spoiler came out online that the main character would die.

9
The 2014 Metro Manila Film Festival is over. Congratulations to the producers of ‘The Amazing Praybeyt Benjamin’ for yet another successful ‘Trash to Cash’ venture.
———————————————————————————————————————-
“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Sound Bites
“Pansinin naman natin ‘yong pagbawas doon sa overall number of injuries. Magbigay naman tayo ng kaunting kredito na nagkaroon din naman ng positibong epekto ito. Kaya nga lang, mas magiging epektibo kung talagang makikiisa na ang mga mamamayan at iiwas na talaga sa mapanganib na paputok lalo na ‘yong pinagbabawal.”
~Communications Secretary Sonny Coloma on the government’s Iwas Paputok campaign

Happy New Year!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino: RTVM; Firecracker Victim: Aaron Favila/AP; Chris Brown: Direct Lyrics.Com; Traslacion: Andy Bais/FB; APB: Star Cinema]





FEARLESS PREDICTIONS [TAKE A GUESS]

31 12 2014

DAHIL SA MASELANG tema ng mga sumusunod na hula, mananatiling lihim muna ang pagkakakilanlan ng mga taong sangkot. Hulaan n’yo na lang!

Untitled
1: Sa ‘di inaasahang pangyayari, magpapang-abot sa iisang lugar ang misis ng isang pulitiko at ang matagal na nitong ibinabahay na kabit. Bagamat may tensyon, magiging kalmado ang sitwasyon dahil kasama ng kabit ang mga anak nila ng pulitiko. Mag-uusap sina misis at ang kabit na parang walang pagtataksil na nangyari. Awkward. [Hint: Vatican City]

2: Tatanggapin ng isang opisyal ng gobyerno ang alok na pagtakbo sa isang mataas na posisyon. Pagsisisihan niya ito. Kakalkalin ng kanyang mga kalaban ang kanyang personal na buhay. Pagpipiyestahan ng publiko ang kanyang kontrobersyal na buhay-pag-ibig at hahantong ito sa pagco-cool off nila ng kanyang kasintahan. Sad. [Hint: South America]

3: Isang babae ang lalabas upang idetalye ang naging affair nila ng isang may-asawang pulitiko. Kukuwestyunin ang intensyon ng babae at pagbibintangan itong nagpapagamit sa mga kalaban ng pulitiko. Malaking damage sa imahe ng pulitiko ang idudulot ng paglantad ng nasabing babae. Aalukin nila ito ng malaking halaga kapalit ng pananahimik. [Hint: Nativity Scene]

3
4: Magpu-propose sa kanyang girlfriend ang isa pang pulitiko bago matapos ang taon. Sa harap ng marami pang pagdadaanang pagsubok sa pulitika ngayong 2015, kakailanganin niya ang isang taong magpupuno sa kanyang emosyonal at sekswal na pangangailangan. [Hint: Paano Ba Ang Mangarap]

5: Sasamantalahin ng isang personalidad ang tinatamasa niyang kasikatan upang pasukin ang pulitika. Gagamitin din nitong batayan ang mainit na pagtanggap sa isang malaking event recently upang tuluyang makinig sa udyok ng mga nakapaligid sa kanya. Mali ang kanyang magiging desisyon. Ire-reject siya ng mga botante. [Hint: Big Ben]

6: Hindi pa tapos ang kamalasan ng isang pulitikong mula sa isang kilalang angkan. Sasampahan siya ng patung-patong na kasong katiwalian bago matapos ang 2015. Madadamay sa asunto ang kanyang maybahay na nasa larangan din ng pulitika. [Hint: Michael Crichton]

3
7: Aamin ang isang struggling male model sa naging relasyon nila ng isang high-profile male politician. Hindi siya paniniwalaan ng publiko dahil wala sa imahe ng kanyang ex-lover na pulitiko ang papatol sa kapwa lalaki. Ngunit isang sikat na male TV host ang magpapatunay na kahit siya ay niligawan ng nasabing pulitiko. Binasted niya ito. Hindi kaya alam ni misis ang extra-curricular activities ng kanyang mister o nagbubulag-bulagan na lang siya dahil mahal na mahal niya ito? [Hint: Victoria’s Secret]

8: Hindi tutupad sa kasunduan nila noong 2013 ng mas nakababatang pulitiko ang iniidolong politician. Hindi ito magpaparaya sa 2016. Sa halip, isang miyembro ng pamilya nito ang tatakbo sa pwestong matagal nang inaasam ng nakababatang pulitiko. Masama man ang loob, mapipilitang tumakbo sa mas mataas na posisyon si nakababatang pulitiko. Matatalo ito. Lalong sasama ang kanyang loob. [Hint: University of the Philippines]

2
9: Magkakaroon ng Part 2 ang relasyon ng isang pulitiko at ng isang kilalang tao sa lipunan. This time, mas magiging seryoso na si pulitiko. Malapit na kasi ang pagpapa-file ng certificate of candidacy. Malaking tulong ang pagkakaroon ng kasintahang malakas ang hatak sa publiko. [Hint: Baptism]

10: Tuluyang magwawakas ang alyansa nina Influential Politician 1 at Influential Politician 2. Ang magiging mitsa nito ay ang ‘di inaasahang endorsement ni Politician 1 kay Politician 3 – ang mortal na kaaway ni Politician 2. [Hint: January 6]

11: Mali-link ang pangalan ng isang reporter sa kinu-cover nitong popular na pulitiko. Hindi ito ikatutuwa ng misis ni pulitiko at ipagbabawal sa mga events ng kanyang asawa ang nasabing reporter. [Hint: World Capital]

12: Sa isang social media post, a scion of a political family will be more open about his relationship with a guy. Hindi na ito bago. Mas inaabangan ang pag-amin ng kanyang ama. [Hint: Down South]
——————————————————————————————-
“I never assume anything. I anticipate the possibilities and allow my imagination to create the future.”
~Lionel Suggs

photo
Thank You!
According to WordPress’s annual blog report, my readers come from 200 countries. So to all of you – from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe, thanks for keeping me company in 2014!
Happy New Year!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: 1: Jantoo.Com; 4: Lively Lawyer.Com; 7: Polyvore.Com 9: Hiking Artist.Com]





PAGE 2014: A YEAR-ENDER

27 12 2014

A LOOK BACK at the year’s unforgettable moments: triumphs, tragedies and controversies, and the people – good or bad – who made the headlines.

This is… Page 2014: A Year-End Report

1arrest
Story of the Year
The unprecedented arrest of three senators: Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada,
and Juan Ponce Enrile for the crime of plunder

1binays
Exposé of the Year
The alleged anomalies in Makati City involving Vice President Binay,
his family and associates

The Top 7 of 2014

1WWinners
1: The Filipino taxpayers – “Jail to the thief!”
2: Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales and her staff
3: Justice Sec. Leila De Lima and her staff
4: President Aquino – ends the year with the highest trust/approval rating among the top government officials
5: The signing of the Comprehensive Agreement on the Bangsamoro
6: The proponents and supporters of the Reproductive Health Law – upheld as constitutional by the Supreme Court; the proponents of the ‘The Graphic Health Warnings Law’
7: Michael Christian Martinez, the first Southeast Asian figure skater to qualify in the Winter Olympics
Special Mention:
The Voice Kids finalists: Darren, Lyca, Juan Karlos, Darlene
Teen basketball phenom Kobe Paras
Youth Olympics gold medalist Gabriel Luis Moreno (Archery)
The NU Bulldogs and its sports program
Princess Mary Superal, winner of the U.S. Girls’ Junior Golf Championship in Arizona
Alyssa Valdez and the Ateneo Lady Eagles #HeartStrong

1MRTLosers
1: Jinggoy, Bong, Enrile
2: Vice President Binay: Trust and approval ratings plummet / Binay chickens out of debate
3: Janet Napoles and sacked Sandiganbayan Associate Justice Gregory Ong
4: Budget Sec. Butch Abad and other DAP proponents as SC rules: It’s unconstitutional
5: The MRT (Controversies, glitches, accidents, long lines, etc)
6: Arrested: Communist Party of the Philippines Chairman Benito Tiamzon and wife Wilma Tiamzon; retired Major General Jovito Palparan and Globe Asiatique’s Delfin Lee
7: Raided and transferred: Rich inmates at the New Bilibid Prison

1Villains
1: Cedric Lee and friends
2: US Marine Private First Class Joseph Scott Pemberton
3: Tau Gamma Phi Fraternity members for the reported hazing and death of a College of St. Benilde student in June, and another neophyte in Tagkawayan, Quezon last November
4: The SUV driver who hit and dragged an MMDA constable eventually killing him
5: The police-suspects in the EDSA-Mandaluyong robbery-abduction case, and the Biñan cops involved in the ‘Wheel of Torture’ game in a Laguna jail
6: Maserati driver Joseph Russel Abacan who punched and dragged another MMDA constable
7: Daily monstrous traffic in the metro

1bongWTF Was That?!?
1: Bong Revilla’s toy truck (First privilege speech)
2: Bong Revilla’s music video (Second privilege speech)
3: Bong Revilla’s ‘Bible-quoting’ shirt on the day he was arrested
4: ABS-CBN’s #MisteryosongSakit sa Pangasinan report: Hoax alert!
5: Manuel “Boy” Mejorada on his case against Drilon: “Based on Wikipedia” AND Atty. Renato Bondal on the price of Makati cakes: “Hula-hula lang!”
6: Ako Bicol Party-list Representatives Christopher Co and Rodel Batocabe’s “Bawal Sumingit sa Linya” bill
7: Lito Atienza’s proposed measure seeking to ban the airing of Koreanovelas on primetime TV

1NBAgaw-Eksena!
1: Nancy Binay’s gown
2: DILG Secretary Mar Roxas to a staff member of the Wack Wack Golf and Country Club: “’Tang-i*@! Kailan pa nagkaroon ng ganyang rules!?! ’Tang-i*@! Walang bawal-bawal sa akin!”
3: Anne Curtis to Sam Concepcion: “Why are you here? Who invited you? You are not classy enough to be here!”
4: Mommy Dionisia’s voodoo act vs. boxer Timothy Bradley
5: Bonfire! The UP Fighting Maroons put an end to a 27-game losing streak in the UAAP men’s basketball
6: The sprawling Philippine Arena of the Iglesia Ni Cristo in Bulacan, the largest of its kind in the world
7: Billy Crawford goes berserk in a police station

mirThis Is War!
1: Vice President Binay vs. Sen. Antonio Trillanes, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano, and Sen. Koko Pimentel
2: The Binays vs. former ally, ex-Makati Vice Mayor Nestor Mercado
3: Antonio Tiu vs. the Senate blue ribbon sub-committee
4: Tacloban City Mayor Alfred Romualdez vs. rehab czar Panfilo Lacson
5: Vhong Navarro vs. Cedric Lee
6: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago vs. Cancer
7: Sharon Cuneta vs. her weight

LEILAAhnyareh?
1: The highly-touted Gilas Pilipinas in the Asian Games
2: The Kris Aquino-Herbert Bautista Romance
3: Manny Pacquiao, the basketeer and head coach
4: Nonito Donaire
5: TV5 [Big-name talents like Nora, Sharon and Aga have decided to leave]
6: News anchor Paolo Bediones puts the “bedio” in Bediones
7: BIR’s Shame Campaign

1ERGoing… Going… Gone!
1: PNP Chief Alan Purisima
2: ER Ejercito
3: Naturalized Filipino Andray Blatche [formerly] of Gilas Pilipinas
4: Former Benhur Luy lawyer Levito Baligod
5: Willie Revillame
6: Flappy Bird
7: Nokia, the brand name was ditched by Microsoft from its new smartphones

1MarThe Bashed! [They have become magnets for (online) criticism.]
1: Korina Sanchez and Mar Roxas
2: Nancy Binay
3: Manny Pacquiao, the politician
4: Chicser (a local boy group)
5: Charice
6: Kris Aquino
7: Coach Lea Salonga during the blind auditions

1wed
YES! (Proposals and Weddings – Showbiz Style)
1: Sen. Chiz Escudero and Heart Evangelista
2: Dingdong Dantes and Marian Rivera
3: JC Intal and Bianca Gonzalez
4: Aiza Seguerra and Liza Diño
5: John Prats and Isabel Oli
6: Solenn Heussaff and Nico Bolzico
7: Chito Miranda and Neri Naig
Special Mention:
Yeng Constantino and Victor Asuncion
Nyoy Volante and Mikkie Bradshaw

1MH17
One World
1: Malaysia Airlines’ ill-fated Flights 370 and 17
2: Ebola outbreak
3: The ISIS Attacks
4: Hong Kong’s Umbrella Revolution
5: The Sochi Olympic Games
6: Robin Williams
7: FIFA World Cup

122
#Trending, Fads and Faves
1: Makeup Transformation
2: Ice Bucket Challenge
3: All of Me by John Legend
4: Spotify
5: Flappy Bird
6: Loom Bands
7: The Kramers: Doug, Cheska, Kendra, Scarlett and Gavin
Special Mention:
Paolo Ballesteros

1BWBuzz Words and Phrases
1: Boom panes!
2: Hugot
3: World-class
4: Hacienda Binay
5: Parking Building
6: Bae
7: Nognog

1AIIt Figures
38: The number of women with whom Senator Enrile had had an affair according to his wife, Cristina Castañer-Enrile

13 percent: Vice President Binay’s alleged kickback from each infrastructure project in Makati City according to former close friend, and ex-Makati City vice mayor Nestor Mercado

19: The number of high-profile Bilibid inmates transferred to the NBI headquarters following a recent raid at the NBP

P306.75: The cost of each cake given to birthday and anniversary celebrators in Makati City according to city hall officials

14: The number of days Kris Aquino and Herbert Bautista were “officially” an item.

7: The final rank of Gilas Pilipinas in the Incheon Asian Games; the country’s worst men’s basketball finish ever in the quadrennial meet

21: The age of Ai-Ai De Las Alas’s current boyfriend – Gerald Sibayan, a former badminton varsity player in DLSU-Manila; she’s 50

indexMore! More!
1: Cases vs. corrupt politicians
2: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s witticisms
3: Sen. Grace Poe-Llamanzares
4: Performances from Rachelle Ann Go
5: Peabody, Emmy and other international recognition for original Filipino TV programs
6: Aquino & Abunda Tonight
7: Comedian Boobay of the game show Celebrity Bluff
Special Mention:
The Legaspi Twins: Mavy and Cassy

Enough Already!
1: “News” articles that should fall under the category, “This should be news because?”
1enzo

1rmt

1CloseSilaOwsDiNga

2: ABS-CBN News.Com’s trademark “Why [insert name of celeb here] trended online” | SERIOUSLY, who gives a flying fuck?!
1Trend

3: Vacuous, pointless, and mostly, bot-generated “trending” topics on Twitter Philippines
1insipid

4: The PMPC Star Awards – unless they institute reforms
4.1 A dime a dozen “media awards” given by just about every school, college, or university in the galaxy to radio/TV programs and personalities

5: That song called Boom Panes.

6: Gullible people who ferociously react to fake news items online, and then re-post it. Think before you click idiots.

7: Toby Tiangco. Period.
Special Mention:
The comedy-commentary part of dzBB’s daily morning newscast

1InMemoriam
In Memoriam: Notable Deaths
1: Entertainment: Mark Gil, Myrna “Tiya Pusit” Villanueva, Tado Jimenez, Roy Alvarez, Roldan Aquino, Ramil Rodriguez, Sampaguita Pictures owner Azucena Vera-Perez, Elaine Gamboa Cuneta, former EB Babes Maico Bartolome (drowned/Bulacan field trip)

2: Sports: Ely Capacio, former UP Maroon and PBA player Bryan Gahol, Olympian Anthony Villanueva, Kurt Bachmann, racecar driver Enzo Pastor

3: Government: Sen. Juan Flavier, Justice Serafin R. Cuevas, Jerry Barican, Raul M. Gonzalez, former senator Vicente Paterno, former NBI Chief Epimaco Velasco, former House Sec. Gen. Roberto P. Nazareno, Jesus T. Tanchanco Sr., Raul I. Goco

4: Media: veteran newscaster Harry Gasser, Manila Bulletin Publisher Don Emilio T. Yap, columnist and radio host Alvin Capino, Johnny “Johnny Midnight” Joseph, Raffy Marcelo

5: Fashion: Paul Herrera, Kenneth Chua, Aureo Alonzo

6: National Artists: Abdulmari Asia Imao, Ildefonso P. Santos, Jr., Francisco Feliciano

7: Claudine Barretto’s showbiz career

Sound Bites: The Quotable Quotes of the Year

1jinggoy
“Malinis ang kunsensya ko. I can look straight into your eyes Tita Ruby, you never brought any money to me.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“The truth will set you free, as they say. So I decided to tell the truth so I don’t have to fear anyone. I don’t have to hide.”
~Socialite Ruby Tuason, close family friend and former Estrada aide

“Wala po akong pakialam kung murahin ako ng buong Pilipinas. Hindi ko kailangan ang palakpak ng buong taong bayan. ‘Di ko kailangang maniwala sila sa akin. And ‘di ako tatakbo sa politics, ‘di ko kailangan ang boto nila. ‘Di rin po ako mag-a-artista o magsho-showbiz, murahin nila ako kung gusto nila.”
~Businessman Cedric Lee

“If this guy would go to Davao and start to unload, pag nakita ko siya in the commission of a crime, I will gladly kill him. Siyempre hihintayin ko siyang lumabas. Pag lumaban ito and he puts up a good fight, I will not hesitate. I will do it for my country.”
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte on alleged rice smuggler David Tan/Davidson Bangayan

5
“I feel like a real champion.”
~Filipino Winter Olympian Michael Christian Martinez moments after making it to the Top 24

“I don’t think it’s an affair anymore. It’s a necessity.”
~Cristina Castañer-Enrile on the reported affair of her husband Juan Ponce Enrile with his chief of staff Gigi Reyes

“So kasalanan lahat ng mga babae? Walang kasalanan si senator kasi lalaki lang siya, natural lang. Gano’n ba?”
~Lawyer Gigi Reyes reacting to Cristina Enrile’s revelations

“Mrs. Enrile has her own reasons for muddling the facts, painting her own picture of her marriage and laying the blame on women, who, she said, were the ones who ‘offered themselves’ to her husband. Excuse me, I certainly did not offer myself to him.”
~ Again, lawyer Gigi Reyes reacting to Cristina Enrile’s revelations

“I apologize if we couldn’t act even faster.”
~President Aquino on the slow government response to Typhoon Yolanda

“Ako, gusto ko ring mag-cleansing sa Senado, kung pwede lang ba dahil non-educable nga sila. Naging propesor ako sa UP but I’ve never seen such a group so resistible to education as the Philippine Senate.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

3
Melanie Marquez: Apart from love, what else do you think we need?
Candidate: Thank you so much for that wonderful question. I think aside from love, all we need is beauty. Well, beauty is not about physical appearance alone. It is about what is inside of you. It is how you share, how you inspire other people, and through that we can achieve unity and it goes on and on and on.
~Bb. Pilipinas 2014

“Why are you here? Who invited you? You are not classy enough to be here!”
~A drunk Anne Curtis to Sam Concepcion

“It’s a triumph of reason over superstition.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago reacting to the SC’s decision on the RH Law

“Kris is too good looking to be dating Herbert. That’s all I have to say about it.”
~Former Makati representative Teddyboy Locsin

“And if the lines are long, we sincerely apologize to our fellow citizens about this difficulty. We are in the process now of acquiring the coaches.”
~Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda to MRT riders

“’Yong MRT lang ba ang puwedeng sakyan doon sa mga rutang dinadaanan nito? Baka naman puwedeng matuklasan ‘yong iba pang mga options. Hindi naman siksikan ‘yong mga bus na ‘yon.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma

“Bakit ako magli-leave of absence? Malinis ang aking konsensya. Wala akong kasalanan. Wala akong ninakaw sa taumbayan.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“Those are suspicions of a wife,”
~Senator Enrile on his estranged wife, Cristina Enrile’s claim that he had an affair with 38 other women

Untitled
“’Tang-i*@! Kailan pa nagkaroon ng ganyang rules!?! ’Tang-i*@! Walang bawal-bawal sa akin!”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas berating a staff of the Wack Wack Golf and Country Club

“Alam ko kapag sinusunug-sunog ka, humahaba ang buhay mo. Ok lang. Keri! I must be in a good place right now, so they can burn me. Go ahead!”
~Kris Aquino reacting to protesting Hacienda Luisita farmers who torched her effigy

“Nagalit na naman ang aking kapatid. Sabi n’ya, nagpapapogi lang ako at his expense. I’ll have to be honest. Jinggoy and I are not close. He’s always furious with me.”
~JV Ejercito after signing the Senate’s pork scam report

“You say you’re happy? I don’t see that. With your face all botoxed and all, I don’t see that.”
~Claudine Barretto to sister Gretchen

“I am astounded to learn that I was supposed to have received a birthday gift from her one time 10 years ago in 2004. This never happened. I did not receive any such gift, in cash or kind, from Ms Napoles or her company nor through emissaries then and up to now.”
~Korina Sanchez

“I vehemently and in the strongest of terms deny knowing Janet Napoles at all and just as strongly deny receiving any gift in whatever form from her.”
~Mike Enriquez

“My God! Kung alam ko lang na ‘yong computer eh Napoles, hindi ko na tinanggap ‘yon. Kaliit-liit naman no’n.”
~Sen. Cynthia Villar whose name was mentioned in the Napoles affidavit

V
“Well sa akin, ‘yong internal bleeding, mahirap idahilan ‘yon; kailangang ipakita din ‘yon.”
~Sen. Sonny Angara on Janet Napoles

“Our patient is human; she has her urges.”
~Dr. Efren Domingo, Janel Napoles’s personal doctor

“Bata pa lamang ako ay natuto na akong maghanap-buhay. Sa biyaya ng Diyos, sa aking tiyaga, sipag at pawis, at sa tulong ng mga taong nakilala ko, ito ay aking napalago hanggang sa aking narating ngayon.”
~Janet Lim-Napoles (Affidavit)

Kris
“Tama na po ang awayan, tigilan na ang pulitika ng paghihiwalay. Tama na ang pambebengga.”
~Bong Revilla, June 9, 2014. Privilege Speech 2

“Kung mayroon man akong hindi napaligaya sa aking privilege speech, tayo ay humihingi ng paumanhin sa kanila. Iyong awitin na iyon ay inihandog ko sa 20 milyong kataong sumuporta sa akin.”
~Bong Revilla to critics of his privilege speecg with music video

“Papaano tayo makakatakbo kung nakakulong tayo? Pero malay mo, for the first time nakakulong pero nanalo pa.”
~Bong Revilla on running for president in 2016

“Lalabas ang katotohanan at maaabswelto tayo dito.”
~Bong Revilla, Imus, Cavite 6.19.2014

“We’re accomplishing what some people said was a near impossible task: to have these big personalities who are perceived as untouchable finally prosecuted.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

Kris
“The mere fact na makukulong na naman ako, tumatayo ng balahibo ko e. Iniisip ko ang mga anak ko.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“Wala pala talagang somewhere down the road para sa inyo and you can’t stop crying because ‘yong future na inakala mo, ‘yong pinagdarasal mo, that future that kept you going, that dream just disappears.”
~Kris Aquino

“We are going to pursue all those people who are instrumental in the heinous murder of this particular individual. This should not continue.”
~Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda on the death of a CSB student due to hazing

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“I’ve said it before, I say it again now. It is stupid, katangahan and kabobohan to allow your body to be beaten to a pulp by so-called brothers who had you convinced they will care for you the rest of your life. Our young are falling prey to and are being devoured by their quest for power via a brotherhood that is fake.”
~Inquirer Ma. Ceres P. Doyo, Frat torturers and their victims are weaklings

“I’ve never been unfaithful.”
~Former senator Kiko Pangilinan when asked by ‘Walang Pasaway’ host Mareng Winnie Monsod if he ever cheated on Sharon Cuneta

“Yes! I have cancer. Now I am entering another dimension of human life.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

“I did [ask Dad] at dineny niya sa akin. Wala daw siyang ninakaw na halagang maski piso daw po.”
~Jack Enrile

“You are shameless. You slept with a man who is not even your husband.”
~ Fr. Romeo Obach to an unwed, teenage mom during a baptismal ceremony in Mandaue City

“I have decided not to accept his resignation. To accept his resignation is to assign to him a wrong and I cannot accept the notion that doing right by our people is wrong.”
~President Aquino on Sec. Butch Abad

“For the past 100 years, itinuturo po ng aming simbahan ang kusang pagkakaloob. Ito naman po ay walang pilitan. Kung anuman ang aming nakalap ay nagagamit lamang para sa mga pangangailangan ng simbahan.”
~Bro. Edwin Zabala, INC spokesperson

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“Hindi n’ya ho ka-level si Senator Trillanes. My father will not stoop down to his level.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“Dito sa Davao, maraming babaeng hipon. When I say Hi, you say pon!”
~Comedian Ramon Bautista hosting an event in Davao City

“Kawawa ang kapatid ko. The senators have the upper hand. Trial court ba ito? Ang feeling ko kulang na lang, ‘yong mga kasamahan ko ukitan ako dito sa noo ko ng M, magnanakaw.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“There’s no truth to it. It doesn’t affect me.”
~Sen. Grace Poe on rumors that Ferdinand Marcos and Rosemarie Sonora (Susan Roces’s sister) are her real parents

“It’s world class.”
~Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay on the allegedly overpriced Makati City Parking Bldg.

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“Me, in Binay’s pocket? I will have my head chopped off before a live audience by anyone who can prove that! Life is too short to waste on sucking up to a dynasty that I’m bent on crushing. No to Binay in 2016! Quote me, please!”
~Activist Mae Paner a.k.a. Juana Change

“Siguro that’s their opinion, ‘di ba? ‘Di ba, parang beauty din ‘yan eh. It’s in the eyes of the beholder. Siguro ganoon din yun sa building, ‘di ba? Para sa kanila, hindi ganoon kagandahan pero sa amin maganda na yan.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

S’yempre, I’m honored, but also I’m relieved that I wasn’t made ninong, ‘di ba?”
~President Aquino on being Chiz Escudero’s best man

I can’t contain myself if I’m under the influence of alcohol.”
~Billy Crawford

“’Wag naman nating lahatin na kasama sa criminal gangs at criminal activities. Ninety nine percent, the overwhelming majority of the police forces, ay ginagawa ang trabaho nila sa mabuting paraan.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

“Sabi niya ‘Ma’am, natanggap ko na ‘yong cake, ang sarap ng cake.’ Parang hindi ko tuloy alam, idi-deny ko ba eh parang tuwang-tuwa s’ya sa cake. Pag deniny ko, baka hindi na matuwa sa akin dahil hindi pala ako ang nag-bake no’n.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“Hindi ko hinanap ‘to talaga, hindi ko hinanap. Dumating na lang siya talaga sa buhay ko.”
~Comedienne Ai Ai delas Alas on her 20-year-old boyfriend from DLSU

“It’s show time!”
~Cedric Lee to Vhong Navarro after his release from jail

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“Maraming nakikisawsaw, hindi lang Gabriela. Alam naman nating malapit na ang election, sila ‘yong maiingay na naghahanap lang ng issue. Ganoon lang kasimple iyon.”
~Richard Gomez on the controversial Coco Martin number in the annual Bench flesh fest

“Kasi gusto n’ya sikat agad siya, ‘yan ang nasa utak niya. Sarili lang niya ang iniisip niya eh.”
~Former PBA star Ramon ‘El Presidente’ Fernandez blasting Gilas Pilipinas head coach Chot Reyes
“My soul is male, but I’m not going to go through that stage where I’m going to change everything.”
~Charice as interviewed by Oprah

“Malinaw ang misyon ng grupong ito: guluhin ang imbestigasyon ng Senate Blue Ribbon Sub-Committee at ilayo ang pansin ng media sa mga isyu ng korupsyon laban sa pamilya Binay. They picked the name Oplan Maligno since they expect the disinformation campaign to gain traction before the Halloween.”
~LP stalwart and Caloocan City Rep. Edgar Erice

“Mr. Erice, stop looking at the mirror. I’m sure naisip n’ya ‘yon no’ng pagtingin n’ya sa salamin at nakita n’ya ang sarili n’ya.”
~UNA’s Toby Tiangco

“Our place in Batangas.”
~Joanna Marie Binay on Instagram

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“Ako ho ang naghamon, wala hong atrasan ‘to kung ako ho ang tatanungin ninyo. Basta’t magkakaharapan po tayo.”
~Vice President Binay

“Ang dahilan ko, mga kababayan, ay dahil marami na akong naririnig. Na siya ay ganito, ako ay mahusay, ako ay debater, ako ay abogado, eh sobra na ang mga salitang ganyan, na kumpirmadong sinabi niya. Eh ayoko naman pong ‘yong pagkakakila n’yo sa akin, mga kababayan, ay mapang-api, mapagsamantala. Na itong isang tao ito ay alam mo namang kawawa, tanga o whatever, pinagsamantalahan ko. So tama na yun. Ayoko na.”
~Vice President Binay

“”For the sake of the country, sana umatras na siya at itigil na ang panloloko sa taumbayan, at kung magtuloy-tuloy siya dahil alam niyang may kikitain siya sa pagka-presidente, sana makita ng mga kababayan natin ang tunay na pagkatao niya.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV

“Ipinapaalala ni Pangulong Aquino ang kahalagahan ng paggawad ng katarungan para sa marami pang nakabinbing [isyu] bunsod ng diktadurya, kabilang na ang human rights violations at alleged ill-gotten wealth.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma reacting to Bongbong Marcos’s call for an end to the “feud” between the Marcos and the Aquino families

“Masyado nang malalim ang atraso ng mga Aquino sa mga Ejercito. Tinanggal na ni Cory Aquino si Erap bilang mayor at presidente. Ngayon naman, tinanggal ako saka si Senator Jinggoy.”
~ER Ejercito, unseated Laguna governor

“That’s out of the question. He’s not running for vice president. He prefers to tend to his business than run for vice president.”
~Sen. Cynthia Villar on former senator Manny Villar

“Sana huwag na po nating bigyan ng kulay. Kawawa na nga ho ‘yong tao, nando’n na at sumemplang na nga ho at pasalamat po tayo — pasalamat po kami, at least, hindi ho nasaktan si Secretary Mar.”
~Deputy palace spokesperson Abigail Valte

“All other comments are irrelevant and frankly, reflect more on the people making them.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas reacting to online criticisms

“Based on our study, their removal from the NBP would validate the combined reports of anti-illegal drugs agency that the inmates control the narcotics industry in the country.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

1MPE
“Walang problema kahit malaki ang sa kanya, maliit lang sa akin; advantage s’ya ok lang ‘yan.”
~Manny Pacquiao on Mayweather’s proposed purse split in the event of a super fight
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“News is not just about information from media, it’s the current revelation of the two changing worlds of the good and the dark worlds.”
~ Wayne Chirisa

Happy New Year!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer.Net, PhilStar.Com, Rappler.Com, ABSCBNNews.COm, GMANews.Com, Interaksyon.Com, Gov.Ph, Office of the Vice Presiden, Spin.Ph, Yahoo Philippines, Philippine Entertainment Portal]





THE PRESIDENT’S CHRISTMAS MESSAGE

22 12 2014

Christmas Message
of
His Excellency Benigno S. Aquino III
President of the Philippines
[Taped last December 20, 2014 at the Rizal Ceremonial Hall, Malacañan Palace]

seal2
Mga minamahal kong kababayan,

Kaisa n’yo po ako at ang aking Gabinete gayundin ang mga lingkod-bayan sa ating pamahalaan sa pagdiriwang ng Kapaskuhan.

Sa kabila ng maraming pagsubok na pinagdaanan natin ngayong taon, ako ay humahanga, nagagalak at nagpapasalamat dahil nakatayo pa rin tayong lahat at sama-samang sasalubungin ang isang bagong bukas.

Ang kwento ng Pasko ay hindi nalalayo sa mga pangyayari sa ating paligid.

Ipinakita ng tatlong haring mago ang debosyon sa bagong silang na manunubos sa pamamagitan ng pag-aalay ng mga regalo. Ganyan din po ang ginawa ni Secretary Butch Abad, ang mamahagi, sa abot ng kanyang makakaya at kapangyarihan, ng pondo sa mga mambabatas para sa ikabubuti ng kani-kanilang nasasakupan.

Ang mga haring dumalaw kay Hesus ang dapat nating tularan – hindi ang tatlong taong ‘di ko na papangalanan – sa halip na magbigay ay sila pa ang kumukuha ng salapi ng taumbayan. Ang resulta – magpa-Pasko sila sa kulungan. Salamat sa Sandiganbayan.

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Si Hesukristo ay isinilang sa sabsaban upang maging halimbawa ng kababaang-loob at simpleng pamumuhay. Walang aircon units, walang music studio, walang WiFi, walang jacuzzi at lalong walang sex toy.

Nang maganap ang banal na pagsilang, ang nasa paligid nina Jesus, Maria at Jose ay mga pastol, mga tupa, at mga tuyong tangkay ng halaman at dayami. Walang orchid garden, walang rancho ng kabayo, walang cock farm, walang swimming pool, walang mansion, at lalong walang airconditioned piggery.

Katulad ng mga bituing naging gabay ng mga pantas patungo sa sabsaban, kailangan din po ng mga Pilipino ang patunubay tungo sa magandang kinabukasan. Upang makatiyak na tuwid na daan ang ating tatahakin, hindi lamang isa, hindi lamang dalawa kundi tatlong tala ang kakailanganin. Paki-click na lang po ang image na ito upang makita n’yo ang ibig kong sabihin.

Ngayong Pasko, marapat lamang nating isabuhay at pahalagahan ang mga nagawa ng Panginoon. Gamitin nating ehemplo ang anak niyang si Hesus sa araw-araw nating pamumuhay. Hindi man po sa pagmamalaki, ginagawa ko na po ‘yan. Single si Hesus, single pa rin ako. Ako na ang mabuting Kristiyano!

Sa huli, samahan n’yo po ako sa isang panalangin. Nawa’y ang mga taong nasa panig ng kadiliman ay magising sa katotohanang hindi kailanman magtatagumpay ang kasamaan. To quote John 8:12 And Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Mar my words! Totoo poe ‘yan!

Isang maligayang Pasko at masaganang bagong taon po sa inyong lahat!

1PASKO
P.S. Suportahan po natin ang pelikulang Feng Shui 2 ng kapatid kong si Kris, an official entry to the 2014 Metro Manila Film Festival. Kakaiba po ang ginawa niyang pagtili sa sequel na ‘yan. In short, pinaghirapan po n’ya ang proyekto. Suportahan naman natin. #FengShuiforBestPicture #AwardsForCocoandKris #TopGrosser #Number1 #surena #PraybeytBenjaminBasura #BimbyFortheWinThough

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[Photos: Gov.Ph, CrystalLinks.Com, AlanBandy.Com]





HOPELESS, HOPEFUL

19 12 2014

AN INCUMBENT CONGRESSMAN and two other politicians were found to be the registered owners of several firearms confiscated inside the luxury villa of convicted criminal Peter Co in the New Bilibid Prison. Which explains why when you look up the meaning of the word ‘politician’ in the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary, it says there, “See criminal.”

nava-j
Official records reveal a Walther PPK pistol found inside the ‘kubol’ of drug lord Peter Co is registered under the name of Guimaras Rep. Joaquin Carlos Rahman Nava. Sources say Nava can’t wait to deny his links to the convicted drug lord. The public can’t wait to not believe him.

Bilibid Balladeer
Henry Colanggo, the convicted leader of the Waray-Waray and Ozamiz bank robbery group and one of the inmates living in a luxury villa inside the national penitentiary is also a recording artist. In fact, in the recent PMPC Star Awards for Music, he won Best New Male Recording Artist even besting the talented and very popular rapper-songwriter Abra. The award made Colanggo happy but he made the PMPC ha₱₱ier.

COLLA
Critics say the PMPC had lost its credibility when it gave the award to a convicted robbery gang leader. Which begs the question, what credibility?

Happy, Hopeful Christmas
According to a Social Weather Stations survey, 7 out of 10 Filipinos expect a happy Christmas. The other three were Bong, Jinggoy and Enrile.

In a recent survey, the SWS asked some 1,800 respondents if they were expecting a happy Christmas this year. It’s a YES according to 64 percent of Filipinos in Metro Manila; 72 percent in the rest of Luzon; 71 percent in Mindanao; 72 percent in the Visayas, and 0 percent in the Maximum Security Compound of the New Bilibid Prison.

According to Pulse Asia, 34 percent of Filipinos are expecting a more prosperous Christmas season for their families this year. And the Binays were like, “True!”

The Advice
Speaking before youth members of the Jesus is Lord Church Movement, President Aquino called on the youth to discuss politics and government instead of spending time on selfies and Clash of Clans. Such encouraging words from someone who quit playing video games at the age of 50.

index#EpicFail
Using UP’s grading system, the Senate subcommittee on public services recently conducted an MRT-3 commuters’ survey. Of the 13 stations, four got a [failing] grade of 5.0: Taft Avenue, Shaw Boulevard, Cubao, and GMA-Kamuning. The Santolan-Annapolis station got a 2.75 while Ayala and Magallanes stations were both given a 2.5. The rest received a grade of 3. When UP students were asked about the MRT survey, they said, “It was fun!” When Ateneo students were asked about the same MRT survey, they replied, “What’s MRT?”

Booked
For the first time, US Marine Lance Corporal Joseph Scott Pemberton, the suspect in the murder of transgender Jennifer Laude appeared before the sala of Olongapo City Judge Roline Ginez-Jabalde. Throughout the hearing, Pemberton was noticeably staring at Judge Jabalde, checking if she’s really female.

COLLASimbang Gabi
The annual Simbang Gabi started last Tuesday. Some friends are determined to complete the nine-day series of dawn masses. I’m hoping to see them get promoted to Level 2 Catholic.

Birthday Pope
Last December 17, Pope Francis turned 78. Or as Senator Enrile would say, “So young!”

Online Censorship
The Belarus government has tightened its control of online media. A bill that seeks to shut down online content deemed offensive by the government has been endorsed by Information Minister Titus Sottoshenko.

Stroke
A recent study has revealed that garbled text messages may be a sign of stroke. Unless the “garbled” messages were sent by some Filipinos. They’re just probably jejenese. Eow kua! muZta na poWz! Klala mo p q? Jejeje #kathnielislove #joshanerocksdavao #jejeje

indexThreatened
Sony cancelled the showing of the movie ‘The Interview’ – a political comedy about a fictional plot to kill North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un after hackers believed to be sponsored by North Korea threatened to launch an attack. Maybe these North Korean wackos can do something about the annual MMFF.
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“Equality before the law is probably forever unattainable. It is a noble ideal, but it can never be realized, for what men value in this world is not rights but privileges.”
~ H.L. Mencken

Sound Bites
“Walang problema kahit malaki ang sa kanya, maliit lang sa akin; advantage s’ya ok lang ‘yan.”
~Manny Pacquiao on Mayweather’s proposed purse split in the event of a super fight

“We agree with the prosecution that to allow the accused-movant to leave his detention cell will not only set a bad precedent, but will likewise be regarded as a mockery of the administration of justice.”
~The Sandiganbayan on Jinggoy’s request to spend Christmas in his home.

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: House of Representatives: Nava; Ivory Records: Colanggo; Rappler: MRT; Philippine Star: Simbang Gabi; Sony: The Interview]





PRISON BREAK

16 12 2014

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A SURPRISE DOJ INSPECTION at the New Bilibid Prison Monday shocked the rich inmates, the jail wardens and Justice Secretary Leila De Lima. Luxury quarters for convicted high-profile drug lords and robbers have wide-screen TV sets, WiFi, airconditioning units, a 60-square-meter music studio, a generator set, a strip bar, a jacuzzi and a sauna. But the rich convicts have already denied owning them and identified Antonio Tiu as the real owner.

At least 19 convicted criminals at the New Bilibid Prison are staying in luxury villas with flat screen TV sets, WiFi, airconditioning units, CCTV cameras, a 60-square-meter music studio, a generator set, a strip bar, a jacuzzi, and a sauna. Some inmates have Rolex, Cartier, Philip Stein, and Officine Panerai watches while one reportedly owned a diamond-studded Patek Philippe. Even Imelda Marcos puked when she heard the news.

Luxury villas at the national penitentiary in Muntinlupa City have wide-screen TV sets, Playstation 4, WiFi, airconditioning units, a music studio, a generator set, a jacuzzi, a sauna and a strip bar. Or as Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla put it, “Hashtag inggit much.”

According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, the inmates’ quarters “could pass for high-end condominium units.” There were flat screen TV sets, Playstation 4, WiFi, airconditioning units, a music studio, a generator set, a jacuzzi, and a sauna. Take note Mayor Junjun Binay. That’s how you define ‘world-class.’

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Some of the rich inmates who occupied the luxury villas were Peter Co, Eugene Chua, Vicente Sy, George Sy, Tony Co, Willy Chua, Michael Ong, Tom Chua, Jacky King, Willy Sy, and Sam Li Chua. Even Bilibid is now owned by the Chinese.

Found in the luxury ‘kubol’ occupied by convicted drug lord Peter Co were firearms, expensive wine and liquor, cell phones, laptops, a conference table, and a money-counting machine – fueling speculations that Co was not a drug lord but a lawmaker.

High-profile inmate Herbert Colanggo said one of his expensive watches was a gift from an uncle who is a congressman. Colangco is the leader of a robbery gang. Apparently, it runs in the family.

Banned substance like shabu was also confiscated. Bureau of Corrections Director Franklin Bucayu was quoted to have said that some Bilibid personnel “may have facilitated the entry” of the prohibited items. MAY HAVE?!? No, Mr. Bucayu. They just appeared. It’s called magic. Your men are innocent.

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Justice Sec. Leila De Lima and a group of NBI officers, who conducted the inspection, also discovered a life-size inflatable sex doll. To be fair to the inmates, even President Aquino found that one “fascinating.”

Confiscated from Peter Co’s assistant, Jojo Baligad, also a convicted drug lord, was a life-size inflatable sex doll. Now that explains his Relationship Status on Facebook: It’s Complicated.

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The DOJ ordered the suspension of visiting privileges for the 19 inmates – including conjugal visits. Everyone got mad – except for Jojo Baligad.

The high-profile inmates have since been removed from the New Bilibid Prison and were transferred to the NBI headquarters in Manila. Shady NBI personnel thanked the DOJ for providing them “business opportunities.”
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“We cannot expect people to have respect for law and order until we teach respect to those we have entrusted to enforce those laws.”
~Hunter S. Thompson

Sound Bites
“Based on our study, their removal from the NBP would validate the combined reports of anti-illegal drugs agency that the inmates control the narcotics industry in the country.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

Have productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos 1-4: Agence France Presse, GMA News/DZBB, Jen Calimon/TV5; ABS-CBNNews.Com, Philippine Daily Inquirer]





DISTRUST

12 12 2014

PAGASA says we should expect cooler days ahead. Apparently, temperatures have dropped. In fact, if the numbers keep dropping, Grace Poe will catch up with it.

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Reacting to Grace Poe’s surge in the latest survey, Binay defender and UNA interim president Toby Tiangco said, “We are truly happy for Grace because we are the true allies and supporters of her father, the late Fernando Poe Jr.” In response, FPJ was like, “Kung maka-namedrop naman ‘tong kumag na ‘to!”

In the latest Pulse Asia survey, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas has dropped to sixth place. From 13 percent in September, his rating fell to only 6 percent in November. Worse, online bashers say his rating wasn’t even wearing a helmet when it fell.

The Plunge
According to Pulse Asia’s latest survey, Vice President Binay suffered a very significant drop in his trust and approval ratings. Or as the Liberal Party calls it, “Christmas gift.”

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The most notable and biggest drop for Vice President Binay came from Class E, considered to be the poorest of the poor: from 71 percent in September to 46 percent in November. Man does not live by cake alone.

Of the government’s top five officials, Vice President Binay registered the highest disapproval and distrust ratings. You know things are getting f*ckd up for Binay when even Frank Drilon is faring better in the trust department.

Vice President Binay is now the most distrusted top government official. Rumors say the level of distrust has gone so high, some recipients of Binay’s cakes are asking the delivery guy to taste it for them first.

Good Deed
Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay has canceled the annual New Year’s Eve countdown party along Ayala Avenue. The 30-million peso budget will be donated instead to local government units nationwide affected by Typhoon Ruby. That’s a big boost to those LGUs and an even bigger boost to Binay2016.

Papal Visit
Preparations for the upcoming Papal visit are underway. The Vatican says Pope Francis wants to meet with a group of people who needs his prayers the most. Organizers plan to bring him to Batasan Complex.

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Heaven
In his recent regular weekly address at St. Peter’s Square, Pope Francis declared that animals go to heaven. The statement brought consolation and relief to veterinarians, animal lovers, and congressmen.

Torture
On the occasion of International Human Rights Day, authorities say torture still happens in the Philippines. And it goes by its other name, “traffic.”

Fireworks
Quezon City will strictly limit the sale of fireworks to ensure public safety. Residents are not too happy. They fear that their New Year’s Eve celebration would be very much like the romance between their mayor, Herbert Bautista and Kris Aquino – “wala nang spark.”

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Enjoying Rape
Starlet Nathalie Hart a.k.a. Princess Snell drew flak from netizens for posting a photo on Instagram with the caption, “According to my dads lesson: If rape is inevitable, lay back and enjoy it! #ihavethebestadvicer #mvdadisthebest hahaha” The starlet has since apologized for the “irresponsible” rape post. She has yet to apologize though for raping basic grammar.
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“You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”
~Abraham Lincoln

1MarSound Bites
“All other comments are irrelevant and frankly, reflect more on the people making them.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas reacting to online comments

Have a fun weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer.Net: Presidential Survey GFX; ABS-CBN News: Pulse Asia GFX; iamnathaliehart: IG]





RUBY, KORINA, ANACONDA, AND OTHER STORIES

9 12 2014

NATURE has unleashed one of the strongest typhoons this year: Ruby (international name: Hagupit). Again, somebody must tell Mother Nature to stop sending disasters that cause widespread destruction. Many of our politicians and incompetent government officials are already doing that.

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Typhoon Ruby was initially categorized as a super typhoon. People got so scared. Millions had to leave their homes. Even PNP Chief Allan Purisima was seen packing up his things.

Typhoon Ruby spared Metro Manila. Ruby was supposed to directly hit the capital but when she saw EDSA last Friday evening and another MRT technical glitch on Monday morning, Ruby told itself, “You don’t need further destruction.”

While Tyhoon Ruby was pounding Eastern Visayas, a pregnant woman gave birth to a bouncing baby girl at an evacuation center. The proud mother named her baby after the typhoon. Equally proud is the baby’s father, Lindol.

Korina, Again
News anchor Korina Sanchez got flak for making a joke about the typhoon on TV Patrol last week. During the anchors’ banter segment, Ate Koring said she was hoping typhoon Ruby would hit Japan instead of the Philippines since the Japanese were better prepared for it. Angry netizens lashed back at Korina for being “insensitive.” Her husband, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas wasn’t spared by detractors as well. Liberal Party stalwarts hope critics would just hit Korina instead of Mar because she’s better prepared for it.

1MarMar Falls Down
While inspecting typhoon-hit areas in Samar on a motorcycle, DILG Secretary Mar Roxas lost his balance and fell down from the motor vehicle. Roxas was unscathed after the fall but started to worry when he saw the motorcycle’s plate number: MR 2016.

Luckily, Mar Roxas wasn’t hurt. But the DILG chief admitted he was surprised by the unexpected fall. He thought it was 2010 all over again.

Inspired?
According to Rappler, President Aquino “seems smitten” with a pretty flight attendant. The President used to date sexy stars and news personalities. Now, he’s into a flight stewardess. He’s definitely taking things to another level.

Rappler says President Aquino seems smitten with a flight stewardess. Close friends of the girl are advising her to buckle up for a bumpy ride.

Plans
At the 28th Annual Bulong-Pulungan Christmas party held recently, President Aquino said he would not seek another elective post after 2016. Instead, he’s thinking of writing a book. It’s not true though that he plans to call it ‘Diary ng Panget Too’ or ‘56 Years of Solitude.’ But he might consider ‘Eat, Pray, Smoke.’ Let’s wait.

1anagEaten Alive?
Naturalist and wildlife filmmaker Paul Rosolie who announced that he’d let an anaconda ingest him alive before TV cameras disappointed his viewers when he abandoned his mission. He did manage to have his body constricted by the snake but when its jaws began to wrap around his helmet, he decided to back off. Paul Rosolie’s decision angered the public – but was praised by Toby Tiangco, Jonvic Remulla, and JV Bautista.

Widely promoted as a TV show in which a man will be eaten alive by an anaconda, Paul Rosolie’s 2-hour special on Discovery Channel angered viewers when no actual swallowing took place. Instead, he was just shown fighting off the snake – which is very ordinary. Filipinos fight off crocodiles everyday.

More Successful
According to a Harvard Kennedy School of Government study, left-handed people earn less than right-handed people. Unless your name is Manny Pacquiao.

astAsteroid Attack
A Russian scientist reportedly discovered a mountain-sized asteroid that could crash to Earth during its three-year orbital cycle. Korina Sanchez is confident Japan can handle that.

New Words
Last week, new words like ‘man crush,’ ‘duck face,’ ‘hawt,’ and ‘xlnt’ (excellent) were added to the Oxford English Dictionary. And today’s teenagers were like, “What’s a dictionary?”
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“Living things have been doing just that for a long, long time. Through every kind of disaster and setback and catastrophe. We are survivors.”
~ Robert Fulghum

Sound Bites
“Sana huwag na po nating bigyan ng kulay. Kawawa na nga ho ‘yong tao, nando’n na at sumemplang na nga ho at pasalamat po tayo — pasalamat po kami, at least, hindi ho nasaktan si Secretary Mar.”
~Deputy palace spokesperson Abigail Valte

Poll Results
1poll

Goodbye Ruby! Don’t come back.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA News/Eric De Castro: RubyPH; Rappler: Roxas; Discovery Channel; Pixabay: Asteroid GFX]








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