DROP, COVER, HOLD

30 07 2015

Untitled
Earthquake Drill
A metro-wide earthquake drill was conducted Thursday, July 30. Government officials participated in the drill including President Aquino, Secretary Roxas, and the DSWD. It was so realistic, their response to the disaster was late.

Earthquake Drill II
On Thursday, July 30, an earthquake drill was held in Metro Manila. During the drill, metro residents were advised to duck (drop), cover and hold on. Incidentally, that’s also the practice of corrupt politicians who are caught stealing.

Earthquake Drill III
During the metro-wide earthquake drill, residents were advised to drop, cover and hold. Curiously, members of the Binay family did something different: Snub. Deny. Retaliate.

Earthquake Drill IV
The Senate and the House of Representatives also joined the drill. They were advised to Control Alt Delete themselves.

Earthquake Drill V
The MMDA initiated the metro-wide earthquake drill. During the drill, several questions were asked such as, ‘What should we do during a strong quake?’ ‘Where should we go after a devastating tremor?’ and, ‘Is Chairman Tolentino really running for senator?’

Untitled
SONA 2015
President Aquino delivered his last State of the Nation Address last July 27. The speech lasted 2 hours and 15 minutes. That’s two hours for his achievements and 15 minutes against Vice President Binay.

President Aquino mentioned Vice President Binay’s name only once – in his opening. But he made up for it by making him the subject of his blind items throughout his speech.

On Target
In an apparent swipe at Vice President Binay, the President said, “Kahit kaliwa’t kanan na ang ebidensiya ng pagbabago, mayroon pa ring kontra sa Daang Matuwid. Kapag sila raw ang naging Pangulo, sigurado, gaganda ang buhay. Eh ‘di wow!” He then acknowledged the newest member of his Communications Group, Vice Ganda.

The Boxer
Congressman Manny Pacquiao was present at President Aquino’s last SONA. Manny had his photo taken with Vice President Binay. The boxer and the punching bag.

1mENU
Anti-Dynasty
In his last SONA, President Aquino said, “Hindi tayo makakasiguro kung malinis ang intensyon ng susunod o kung nanaisin lang nilang habambuhay na maghari-harian para sa sariling interes. Panahon na para ipasa ang isang anti-dynasty law.” Reacting to the President’s statement, Makati Rep. Abigail Binay said, “I don’t feel we are being alluded to.” To which her sister Nancy replied, “Gaga! Tayo ‘yon!”

Anti-Dynasty II
In his last State of the Nation Address, the President said it was time to pass an anti-dynasty law. He just gave Peping and Tingting Cojuango another reason to hate him.

True SONA
Reports say Vice President Binay will deliver “the true” State of the Nation Address soon. Which is somewhat ironic since ‘truth’ is the last thing that comes to mind when the name ‘Binay’ is mentioned.

National Anthem
The State of the Nation Address began with the singing of the national anthem led by Asia’s Got Talent finalist Gwyneth Dorado. Not to be outdone, Vice President Binay’s “true” state of the nation address will begin with the singing of the Gary Valenciano hit “Take Me Out of the Dark.”

The Sisters
Latest reports say the sisters of President Aquino will not support the presidential bid of Vice President Binay, their longtime family friend and political ally. As soon as the Binay siblings heard this, they went online, logged into Facebook, and clicked ‘Unfriend’ at least four times.


Silent Protest
After President Aquino’s speech, militant lawmakers, holding placards, staged a silent protest inside the plenary hall. They were booed and jeered by fellow lawmakers and other attendees. To be fair to them, they neither shouted nor made any noise. Ka Joma Sison’s remote control was in mute mode.

FOI Bill
Last year, House Speaker Feliciano Belmonte was quoted to have said, “Kapag natapos na ang 16th Congress at ‘di pa naipapasa ang FOI Bill, bitayin ninyo ako.” In President Aquino’s last SONA, there was no mention of the FOI Bill. To Belmonte’s loved ones, condolences in advance.
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“The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche

Sound Bites
“Kahit kaliwa’t kanan na ang ebidensiya ng pagbabago, mayroon pa ring kontra sa Daang Matuwid. Ang hirit nila: Mabagal daw tayo. Kapag sila raw ang naging Pangulo, sigurado, gaganda ang buhay. Sa mga medyo may edad po, ang isasagot dito, ‘Ah, ganun?’ sabay taas ng kilay. Para naman sa kabataan, iba na raw po ang tugon nila sa ganoong pahayag, iba na daw po ang uso ngayon eh: ‘E di wow!’,”
~President Aquino, SONA 2015

“We received text messages asking us: How can you support someone so corrupt?”
~ Maria Elena “Ballsy” Aquino-Cruz on Vice President Binay

Keep safe!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos/Videos: Earthquake Drill: @JeromeLantin; President Aquino: Inquirer.Net; Vice President Binay: Makabayan Bloc: Rappler]





LEAKED: SONA 2015 DRAFT – EXCLUSIVE!

25 07 2015

A DRAFT of President Aquino’s Sixth State of the Nation Address was sent to this blogger. Here are [unedited] excerpts of the speech. Exclusive!

State of the Nation Address
of
His Excellency Benigno S. Aquino III
President of the Philippines
To the Congress of the Philippines
[To be delivered at the Session Hall of the House of Representatives, Batasang Pambansa Complex, Quezon City on July 27, 2015]

Bago po ako magsimula, nais ko munang batiin ang ating mga kapatid sa Iglesia ni Cristo sa kanilang ika-isandaan at isang anibersaryo. [Applause]

Ngayon ko lang po ito aaminin: Malaki po ang naitulong sa aking kandidatura ng Iglesia. Mabuti na lang pala at noong 2010 ay buo pa sila. Eh sa susunod na eleksyon, paano na?

**

Sa mga nakikinig at nanonood ngayon ng aking huling State of the Nation Address, gamitin po natin ang hashtag na #PanghulingSONAYan sa Twitter. Kung nahahabaan kayo, ito na lang: #PSYWalangForever.

**

Unang-una, maraming salamat po sa ating Pangalawang Pangulo. Bagamat walang tigil ang batikos mo sa aking administrasyon, hindi mo nalimutang dumalo rito – nagbihis ka, nag-abala ka at ngumiti ka nang ako ay ‘yong makita. Naalala ko tuloy ang kumalat na bigas sa Davao. Fake.

**

Katulad ng aking nabanggit, ito na po ang aking huling State of the Nation Address. [5-minute Applause]

Kung makapalakpak naman kayo parang gustung-gusto n’yo na talaga akong umalis. Bitch.

**

Napakabilis po talaga ng panahon. Parang kailan lang, nananahimik sa Coconut Palace si Manong Jojo dahil namamayagpag siya sa survey. Ngayon, hindi pa man nakapagpa-file ng COC, araw-araw na ang campaign sortie. Palakpakan po natin ang sipag na ipinapakita niya! [Applause]

**

Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang, isang malaking tagumpay ang kampanya natin laban sa katiwalian.

Nakapagpakulong tayo ng isang dating pangulo. [Applause]

Nakapagpakulong tayo ng tatlong incumbent senators, ilang dating kongresista, gobernador, mayor! [Applause]

At MAKAPAGPAPAKULONG tayo ng isang bise presidente. All caps ang MAKAPAGPAPAKULONG para intense. [Applause / Standing ovation: LP members]

**

Patuloy po ang paglago ng ekonomiya. At damang-dama ito ng ating mga kababayan. Sa latest survey ng SWS, ang 12.7 percent hunger rate sa second quarter ng taon ang pinakamababa mula 2005. [Applause] Sino nga bang magsasabing naghihirap sina Kulas at Kulasa kung sa unang araw pa lang ay sold out na ang napakamahal na ticket ni Madonna? [Applause]

**

Kitang-kita po naman ang pag-unlad sa ating paligid. Kahit saan ka magpunta, may mga itinatayong istruktura: sa Fort Bonifacio, sa Eastwood, at kahit sa Luneta. May Spratlys pa!

**

Matatag ang ating piso at mababa rin ang inflation rate. Napababa natin ang singil sa kuryente; napababa natin ang presyo ng produktong petrolyo, at sa unang pagkakataon mula 1986, napababa natin ang isang Binay sa puwesto! [Applause]

**

Pinupuri ko ang PNP sa pagpapanatili ng peace and order sa bansa. Naresolba ng kapulisan ang isyu ng carnapping. Nasawata nila ang problema ng kidnapping. And just last Thursday sa compound ng Iglesia ni Cristo, napatunayan pong walang nagaganap na hostage-taking! Mabuhay ang PNP! [Applause]

**

“Justice delayed is justice denied,” sabi nga nila. Dahil ang nasa isip niya ay reporma, napakabilis umaksyon ni Justice Secretary De Lima. Huwag na po tayong lumayo sa ating halimbawa. July 21 ng umaga, dumating si Chris Brown sa Manila. Hindi pa man nagsisimula ang concert niya, may look out order na si Ma’am Leila dahil sa pakiusap ng Iglesia! Palakpakan po natin siya! [Applause]

***

Ako ay naniniwalang makatutulong ang K+12 sa paghubog ng kaisipan ng ating mga mag-aaral. Hindi po totoong pinababayaan ng ating pamahalaan ang edukasyon. Ang edukasyon ay para sa lahat – bata man o matanda. Halimbawa, ‘yang si ER Ejercito wala nang ginawa kundi batikusin ang gobyerno. Ayun, tinuruan natin ng leksyon. Tanggal sa puwesto! Edukasyon! [Applause]

**

Isa sa mga laging ibinabato sa akin: biased daw ako sa aking mga kaibigan at kakampi. Wala pong katotohanan ‘yan. Hindi ba’t kinasuhan na ng Ombudsman ang aking BFF na si Alan Purisima? Bakit putak pa rin nang putak ang aking mga kritiko? Masyado naman kayong bitter! Ano pa bang gusto n’yong gawin ko kay Alan? Iblock ko sa Facebook at Twitter?!?

**

Malaki-laki na rin po ang ating natitipid mula nang tayo ay umupo sa puwesto. Mapalad ang susunod na pangulo dahil may mamanahin siyang pondo. Nang mabasa ko nga ang menu para sa event na ito, nagalit ako sa caterer. Sabi ko, “Para saan po ang wine Ate? Nagtitipid tayo! Palitan mo ng milk tea.” [Applause]

**

Napakalaki na rin ng nabawas sa red tape sa mga ahensya ng gobyerno. Wala nang kukupad-kupad pa! Wala nang patumpik-tumpik pa! Halimbawa, sa Davao City, suspek ka pa lang… ini-execute ka na!

**

Baka sabihin ng ating mga kritiko, kinalimutan na ng gobyerno ang kanayunan. Naku, hindi po. In fact, kapag napag-uusapan ang mga farm to market roads, natatawa na lang po ako. Bakit ka n’yo? Eh kasi po ngayon, mas marami na ang roads kesa sa farm. Subdibisyon na ang mga bukid! Kaunlaran! [Applause]

**

Mahalaga po sa akin ang kalusugan ng bawat Pilipino. Hindi lamang sapat na pagkain ang kailangan natin kundi regular na ehersisyo. Kaya nga po ang mga pasahero ng MRT, pinaglalakad na lang natin sa riles upang mabanat naman ang kanilang buto! Mabuhay ang DOTC! [Applause]

**

May sampung buwan pa po ako sa puwesto. Tuloy pa rin tayo sa pagtahak sa Daang Matuwid. Ako po ang inyong Pangulo na nagsasabing… Walang corrupt, walang manlalamang, walang wangwang! And if I may add, walang makuhang vice presidential candidate. Patay tayo d’yan!
—————————————————————————————————————————————
“Some things you don’t have to promise. You just do.”
~Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

Sound Bites
Gabi-gabi po, bago ako matulog, thank you at nakalampas pa ako ng isang araw. Kung, sabi nga noong bata kami, “finished or not finished, pass your paper” eh dumating na sa akin, palagay ko naman, naramdaman na ninyo kung anong pagbabagong karapatan ng bawat Pilipino ang mangyari. At bahala na kayong ituloy ito.
~President Aquino, SONA 2014

Have a safe week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Rappler.Com]





SUITS AND SONA

22 07 2015

1mENU
Wanted: VP
Without a viable VP candidate for the ruling party, President Aquino courted Sen. Grace Poe for weeks. But if latest reports are to be believed, he was unsuccessful. His losing streak with women continues.

Revenge
Vice President Binay has filed a P200-million damage suit against his perceived enemies: Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales, Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas governor Amado Tetangco and officials of the Anti-Money Laundering Council, two senators, a congressman, former Makati City officials, and the Philippine Daily Inquirer. Binay did not file a case though against his worst enemy: the truth.

Warning
On Wednesday, President Aquino warned against electing dishonest and self-serving leaders – prompting Vice President Binay to reply, “Hindi naman ako affected. Belat.”

1mENU

SONA
President Aquino will deliver his last State of the Nation Address on Monday, July 27. I have heard that the President would be more relaxed since he’s been doing it for years. Incidentally, many SONA attendees are saying the same thing about stealing people’s money.

SONA II
Some 2,700 guests are expected to attend President Aquino’s last State of the Nation Address. The House of Representatives has earmarked at least 2M pesos for catering and reception. A Lower House official said the goal was to not exceed last year’s budget. To achieve this, durian candies will be served for dessert.

Untitled
SONA III
Vice President Binay says he will attend President Aquino’s SONA as “leader of the opposition.” His daughter, Nancy will also attend the SONA as one of the more vocal critics of the administration. As opposed to last year’s SONA in which she attended as a replica of a weather balloon.

SONA IV
Nancy Binay says she plans to auction the gown she wore during last year’s SONA. This early, she has received bids from at least 10 people. All of them are meteorologists.

SONA V
According to Nancy Binay, she’ll be wearing another Randy Ortiz creation on Monday. Apparently, Ortiz hasn’t learned his lesson.

1mENU
SONA VI
The menu for Monday’s State of the Nation Address has been made public. To be served to the rich and the powerful after the President has delivered his last SONA, the menu includes bread sticks with quattro formaggio artichoke dip; cappellini a la puttanesca; shrimp and capsicum vinaigrette in shot glasses, and black angus with soft pan rolls with caper mayonnaise. A reminder of the state of their own, separate nation.

MRT Glitches
Commuters are appealing yet again to the DOTC to act on the problems of the MRT-3. On Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning, passengers were forced to walk on the rails and transfer to buses because of defective trains. That’s awful. That’s infuriating. That’s the true state of the nation.

Life in Space
With a budget of $100 Million, a Russian billionaire has teamed with American physicist Stephen Hawking to look for intelligent life in space. Those guys are searching for intelligent life in space; we can’t even find one at the DOTC!
————————————————————————————————————————————————-
“It’s now very common to hear people say, ‘I’m rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. It’s actually nothing more… than a whine. ‘I find that offensive.’ It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what.”
~Stephen Fry

Sound Bites
“Ang hablang panakot ay depensa ng kurakot.”
~Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano on Vice President Binay’s suit against everyone

“Jojo Binay says it was a mistake to declare too early his presidential ambition, thereby inviting his early demolition. It was not prematurity that did him in; it was what he did as mayor. In fact, Jojo Binay ‘s early declaration catapulted him to the top of the surveys even as Mar Roxas’ tenacious timidity kept him at rock bottom.”
~Teddyboy Locsin, Idiot Idea

Have a safe week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino/Poe: Inquirer.Net; SONA Fashion: GMANetwork.com SONA Menu :@TinaPPerez/GMA News]





HUMAN ERROR

19 07 2015

Untitled
Dead
Maguindanao massacre principal accused Andal Ampatuan Sr. died Friday at the age of 74. He has been buried. His funeral convoy included flashy cars, a private army, and a dozen backhoes.

Dead II
Andal Ampatuan Sr., one of the principal accused in the murder of 58 people in Maguindanao in 2009 is dead. He was buried Saturday. An astute politician who never lost an election, Ampatuan is expected to run for the highest seat in hell in 2016.

Dead III
Maguindanao massacre prime suspect Andal Ampatuan Sr. is dead. Just like the victims’ chances of getting justice.

UntitledOne to Sawa
During a campaign sortie in Bacolod City, Vice President Binay said if he became president, he would push for the lifting of term limits of elected officials. Talk about maitim na balak.

Campaign
Vice President Binay drew flak online for giving away rosary-like bracelets with the letter B on the center of the cross. The Vice President’s camp won’t confirm if the letter B stands for “Binay.” His spokespersons are also mum on reports that the B actually stands for “Buwaya.”

Campaign II
In a campaign sortie in Negros Occidental, Nancy Binay gave away cellphones to the crowd. One excited cellphone winner tried dialing 0927-HONESTY (4663789) right away. The voice prompt replied, “Sorry, this phone doesn’t recognize that.”

Untitled
Pluto
NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft successfully completed the flyby of Pluto last July 14. It took NASA nine long years to explore that area in space. Which was still faster compared to the number of years it took the media to finally explore the office of Junjun Binay in Makati City Hall.

2016 Elections
The Commission on Elections has announced the use of malls as voting precincts for the 2016 national elections. Excited trapos were like, “Sana, may sale ng boto!”

Tragic
In a speech before delegates at the National Convention on Family and Life in Lapu-lapu City, Cebu, CBCP president and Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas described same-sex unions as “a tragic error to humanity.” The title of Villegas’s speech was “101 Ways To Offend Catholics and Make Them Leave The Church.”

UntitledBrent-Schooled
Manny Pacquiao has reportedly pulled out his children from Brent School International in Laguna. The kids have been studying at Brent since kindergarten. In fact, Pacquiao’s two older sons, Michael and Jimuel have been overheard conversing in English with British accent according to the Philippine Daily Inquirer. The People’s Champ said his decision to pull them out was aimed at preventing nose bleed in the Pacquiao household.
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“The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning.”
~Adlai Stevenson

Sound Bites
“Itong term na ito ’di talaga ako naniniwala d’yan. Kailangan one to sawa ’yan, hangga’t gusto ng tao. Kaya kung merong amendments sa Constitution, ipapaalis ko ‘yong term limitation.”
~Vice President Binay

“Lahat kami ay sang-ayon na nakasalalay sa tamang liderato ang pagsulong ng ating bansa. Kaya naman nagkasundo kami na ang pinakamahalaga ay isaalang-alang ang boses at gabay ng ating mga kababayan upang masigurong hindi ito mawaldas at mapalakas pa ang maayos na paraan ng pamamalakad ng gobyerno sa darating na susunod na anim na taon.”
~Sen. Grace Poe on her recent dinner with President Aquino, Secretary Roxas and Sen. Chiz Escudero

“The two Congressmen, whose bona fides I do not question, have to be probed by their peers as a guide to future action and prevent a repeat of premature ejaculation, as it were. They were elected to convince their colleagues with their logic in Congress, intramurally, and not use the criminal law elsewhere to subdue them, extramurally, as it were, causing needless departmental tension.”
~Former senator Rene Saguisag on the treason charge filed by party-list solons Lito Atienza and Jonathan De La Cruz agains the government peace panel on the BBL

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Ampatuan: Inquirer.Net; Binay Giveaways: Rappler.com; Pluto Flyby: Space.Com; Pacquiao Family: @JinkeePacquiao/IG]





FAKE

14 07 2015

1PAC
Fake
Two witnesses appeared before the Senate and testified on the alleged “fake rice” discovered in Davao City. One of the witnesses said the rice looked good on display but when cooked, seemed to be fake. The other witness simply described the rice as “like politicians before and after elections.”

1JJBirthday Boy
Suspended Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay celebrated his 38th birthday last July 12. Trivia: Junjun was only eight years old when his family started to rule Makati City. Hence, his new campaign slogan for next year’s elections, “May tutulong, may maaasahan, may forever.”

Birthday Boy II
Happy birthday to suspended Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin Binay Jr. The embattled son of the country’s vice president is now 38 years old. When his family started to rule Makati City, he was just an 8-year-old little Junjun. Makati City voters have been electing the Binays for almost 30 years now – proving yet again that once you go black, you never go back.

1BagatsingWrong Signal
Manila fifth district Rep. Ramon Bagatsing says the TRO against DMCI’s Torre De Manila is bad for business. Some quick facts about Bagatsing: He’s been a congressman of Manila since 2007 and DMCI lawyer for two weeks.

Together Again
Expelled by the Liberal Party just a couple of weeks back over an extramarital affair scandal, Camarines Norte Gov. Edgardo Tallado has reconciled with his wife. The governor’s supporters thanked Mrs. Tallado for thinking about their marriage, their children, and 2016.

LRT Leak
Water from a leaking airconditioning system drenched some passengers of LRT 1 over the weekend. LRT officials said the first-generation model train was procured in Belgium in 1984. It’s been there for 30 long years. Which explains its nickname: Binay.

1PACTragic
Part-time actress, student, and artist Julia Buencamino, the 15-year-old daughter of actors Nonie Buencamino and Shamaine Centenera died of an apparent suicide. Julia’s loved ones are grieving; her friends are in mourning, and netizens are talking as if they’re all experts on suicide, mental health, and human behavior.

Pic of the Week: The Death Row Visit
You had me at “enjoyed.”
1PAC
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“In the beginning, some people try to appear that everything about them is “in black and white,” until later their true colors come out.”
~Anthony Liccione

Sound Bites
“i was 15, assigned female at birth, and i identified as nonbinary (surprise, mom and dad i’ve known i was trans since i was 13) panromantic demisexual, as of this moment.”
~Julia Buencamino on Tumblr

Have a safe week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Fake Rice: PhilNews.Com; Binay: Inquirer.net; Bagatsing: Dailypedia; Tallado: ABSCBN News; Julia Buencamino; Facebook; Pacquiao/Veloso: Facebook]





WALANG PASOK!

10 07 2015

1
THE RAINY SEASON is here again. Time to update our list of typhoons.

Typhoon Noynoy
Walang masyadong ulan. Tuyot na bagyo. Tuwid ang tinatahak na direksyon pero selective ang tinatamaang lugar.

Typhoon Binay
Ilang taon na rin itong nananalanta at tila walang planong umalis ng Philippine Area of Responsbility.

Typhoon Junjun
Buntot siya ng Typhoon Binay. Nagbabadyang manalanta katulad ng naunang bagyo. Gayunman, bahagya itong humina at nagbago ng direksyon kamakailan.

Typhoon Nancy
Mahabang panahong stationary. Dahil ‘di gumagalaw, hindi ito na-detect ng radar. Ngunit nahila ito ng isa pang sama ng panahon kaya’t naging ganap na bagyo.

Typhoon Grace
Kakaiba ang bagyong ito. Nabuo sa loob ng Philippine Area of Responsibility pero kumilos patungong kanluran hanggang sa umabot ng Hilagang Amerika bago nagpasyang muling tahakin ang direksyon ng Pilipinas.

Typhoon Toby
Malakas ang tama ng bagyong ito. Mabuti na lang, kadalasan, sablay. Minsan na rin silang nagpang-abot sa himpapawid ni Typhoon Grace ngunit natakot si Typhoon Toby at umatras.

Tyhoon Baloloy and Typhoon Limlingan
Dalawang bagyong magkasabay nang manalanta. Biglang nawala sa radar pero nananatiling mapanganib.

Tyhoon Duterte
Isa sa pinakamatinding bagyong tumama sa katimugang bahagi ng bansa. Marami-rami na ring casualties ang bagyong ito at walang pagbabago sa kanyang lakas.

Typhoon Mar
Ang bagyong hindi ma-sustain ang strength. Kaya kadalasan, deadma lang ang mga tao sa mga lugar na kanyang tinatahak.

Typhoon Makabayan Bloc
Ang pinaka-consistent na bagyo. Lahat pinababagsak!

Typhoon Kris
Araw-araw, laging laman ng balita ang bagyong ito. Napakaingay! May kidlat, may kulog at kung anu-ano pang pasabog.

Typhoon Pacquiao
Papahina na ang bagyong ito. Praise the Lord. Amen.
————————————————————————————————————————————————
“When all is said and done, the weather and love are the two elements about which one can never be sure.”
~Alice Hoffman

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: The Manila Times]





THE OFFICE

7 07 2015

FOR THE FIRST TIME, some members of the media were allowed inside the office of suspended Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay at Makati City Hall. Televiewers were amazed. Netizens were stunned. And the Binays were like, “Sus! Maliit na bagay.”

1BinayOffice
ABS-CBN and GMA News were allowed inside the office of suspended Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay. After the tour, the media men praised the hospitality shown to them by the concierge and the bellboys.

When asked about Junjun Binay’s daily work schedule prior to his suspension, officer-in-charge and Makati Vice Mayor Romulo Kid Peña denied rumors that Junjun checks in at 2PM and checks out at 12NN the next day.

Top 8 Movie Remakes Inspired By Junjun Binay’s Makati City Hall Office

No. 8: Patayin sa Sindak ang Taxpayers

No. 7: Ganito ang Marcoses Noon, Paano Kami Ngayon

No. 6: Suite Smell of Success

No. 5: Pagputi ng Uwak, Pag-Itim ng Balak

No. 4: The Best Years of Our Lies

No. 3: Tinimbang Ka Ngunit Dupang

No. 2: The Grand Binaypest Hotel

And the No. 1 movie remake inspired by Junjun Binay’s office…

That Thing Called T*ngina

Platform
Observers say Vice President Binay did not mention anything about fighting graft and corruption during the launch of his party, the United Nationalist Alliance last week. But UNA president Toby Tiangco insists the party has an anti-corruption platform. UNA calls it, “Note to self.”

For Life
Pope Francis says the Catholic Church should not have leaders for life. He added that a leader must be ready to resign instead of ruling forever. To which the Binays replied, “Wala pong basagan ng trip.”
———————————————————————————————————————————————–
“We must powder our wigs; that is why so many poor people have no bread.”
~Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Sound Bites
“Mas maraming pang mas mahalagang gagawin ang ating bise-presidente.”
~Nancy Binay explaining her father’s absence at the Senate hearing on July 7. Binay was in Pangasinan campaigning according to Rappler’s Ayee Macaraig

[Photos: Binay Office: Jonathan Cellona/ABSCBN News]





JOKES

3 07 2015

1JJ
Junjun vs. Social Media
Suspended Makati City mayor Junjun Binay has belittled the opinions of people on social media. He said, “Ang dami-daming pwedeng bayaran.” It’s not really difficult to believe him. Because if there’s someone who seems to be an expert on the subject of ‘bayaran,’ it’s Junjun Binay.

1UNA2
UNA Launch
The United Nationalist Alliance was launched last Wednesday, July 1. The gathering gave us a preview of what to expect from Vice President Binay and his allies in politics. For starters, the event was hosted by a popular radio tandem known as Balasubas and Balahura.

1Bagatsing
Pacquiao and UNA
A potential candidate for senator, boxing great Manny Pacquiao attended the launch of UNA at the Makati Coliseum. Pacquiao was once a member of Aquino’s Liberal Party, Villar’s Nacionalista Party, and Pimentel’s PDP-Laban. Now, he’s with Binay’s United Nationalist Alliance. Which isn’t surprising since Pacquiao idolizes Muhammad Ali. He floats like a political butterfly.

1Bagatsing
Rizal and the Congressman
Manila Rep. Amado Bagatsing has a proposed solution to the Torre De Manila problem: turn the Rizal monument by 180 degrees so that the new background would no longer be the controversial DMCI project. Bagatsing is a three-term congressman of Manila. Some say he’s running againt next year as an UNA candidate. Others say he’s running as a joke.

1Bagatsing
Rizal and the Congressman II
Cong. Amado Bagatsing has proposed to turn the Rizal monument around. I don’t know what Bagatsing’s problem is but Ai-Ai De Las Alas has expressed concern and has reportedly offered to help him.

1Bagatsing
Imelda
Former First Lady and incumbent Ilocos Norte Rep. Imelda Marcos celebrated her 86th birthday last Thursday, July 2. Wow. And she still looks fresh! People are suspecting stem cell, a special diet, and formalin.

[Photos: Junjun Binay: GMA News; Binay: Rappler; Pacquiao: Reuters; Bagatsing: Dailypedia.Com; Rizal Monument: Interaksyon; Imelda: Reuters]





#LoveWins #MobRules

1 07 2015

1Bin
ON WEDNESDAY, July 1, suspended Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay temporarily left the city hall. Before leaving, he acknowledged those who showed unwavering support in the last three days: his family, his supporters, and the monobloc chairs.

Temporarily, Vice Mayor Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña will take over for Junjun Binay. Peña has got some big lips to fill.

1JJDefiant
Refusing to acknowledge the Ombudsman’s suspension order on Tuesday, a defiant Junjun Binay insisted that making him leave was illegal. Like yeah, you can’t just kick out a resident who’s been staying there for almost 30 years.

Confrontation
Vice President Binay confronted the policemen who were deployed to maintain peace and order at the city hall grounds. Senior Superintendent Elmer Jamias, deputy chief for administration for the Southern Police District said the Vice President threatened them. The reports were sketchy but Jamias allegedly heard something like, “Ipapahanap ko ang mga magulang n’yo! Kapag ‘di ko nakita, foundling din kayo! Hindi kayo Pilipino!”

1BinaytoCOP
Ano ang sinasabi ng lalaking may red cap?
A: Sino ba’ng ipinagmamalaki mo? Si Mar Roxas? Pwes… sabihin mo sa amo mo, hindi siya magiging pangulo!

B: Bakit? Ano’ng masama sa sombrero ko? Wala kang pakialam kung ‘di swak ang red sa kulay ng balat ko! Gago!

C: Tandaan mo ‘to! Oras na makabawi ako sa survey, babalikan kita! Babalikan kita!

D: Oo, duhat lang kami. Pero maghanap ka ng prutas sa buong Pilipinas, duhat lang ang maitim! Duhat lang ang maitim! #waley #pilitnapilit #PrayForThisJoke

1HHALoyalists
Binay loyalists trooped to the city hall to show their love for Makati’s First Family. The presence of thousands in the rally was a delight for the mayor, the VP, and Jollibee.

Supporters tried to prevent DILG representatives from serving the suspension order Tuesday morning. TV reports described the rallyists as “kapit-kamay” as they expressed their full support for the “kapit-tuko.”

It’s back to (almost) normal in Makati City. Hundreds of Binay supporters who were asked to barricade the city hall can now go back to doing nothing.

OIC
Vice Mayor Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña is now the city’s officer-in-charge. He was sworn in on Tuesday, June 30. It’s the most controversial swearing-in to happen in Makati City since Mar Roxas’s own swearing on Ayala Avenue.

The Problem
Here’s the problem with Makati City: The guys at the top are rich; the people below them are poor. It’s like a pyramid scheme.

House Speaker?
During a recent visit to Navotas City, Vice President Binay announced that UNA interim president and Navotas Rep. Toby Tiangco would likely be the House Speaker under his administration. The announcement shocked critics and some political observers. They couldn’t believe that Tiangco is now a candidate for the Speakership when they thought he was just a candidate for rehab.

index#LoveWins
The US Supreme Court has ruled that the U.S. Constitution provides same-sex couples the right to marry. Gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states. In the Philippines, the CBCP reiterated its stance against same sex union – totally spoiling the celebration of dozens of Catholic priests.

Stalker Mode
According to a recent study, 88 percent of Facebook users have admitted to spending some time looking at their ex’s profile. The rest have no idea what it feels like to even have an ex.
———————————————————————————————————————————————-
“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”
~Socrates

Sound Bites
“It will never succumb to any perceived pressure or be blinded or deafened by political grandstanding. It will not tolerate open defiance of constitutional processes or calls for mob rule. This is about the right of the Filipino people to hold their public servants to the highest bar of accountability and to bring them before the bar of justice if they are accused of betraying the public trust.”
~Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales

“It’s easier to shout on the streets and burn effigies than to sit down in talks to find long-lasting solutions to end hunger, ignorance and climate change.”
~DepEd Sec. Armin Luistro addressing UP Diliman graduates

Have a fun July!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Monoblock: ANC; Junjun Binay: GMA News; Binay: ABSCBN News]





TAMA NA, SOBRA NA AT IBA PANG DRAMA

25 06 2015

Statement of Vice President Jejomar C. Binay
Coconut Palace, 24 June 2015

Untitled
What the Vice President told us
(What he really wanted to say)

Mga kababayan:
Ngayon ang bagong simula ng laban sa kahirapan.
(Ganito dapat ang opening: i-mention mo agad ang “kahirapan” para maraming maka-relate.)

Nagbitiw po ako sa Gabinete dahil hindi ako makapapayag na ipawalang-saysay at siraan ang aking mga programang pangmasa na nagtagumpay sa Makati at nais kong mapalawak sa buong bansa.
(Original idea ko ‘yang Pantawid Pamilya Program! Ako ang nagpauso niyan sa Makati. In fact, hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin sila makatawid-tawid! Bakit? Dahil naniniwala ako sa kasabihang, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you will lose votes on election day.”)

Hindi ako papayag na magpatuloy ang kawalan ng katarungan sa bansa.
(Ikulong ang mga Binay! Ikulong! Joke lang! Gago!)

Hindi ako papayag na iilan lang ang magtatamasa ng benepisyong nararapat sa karamihan.
(Bigyan ng cake!)

Dapat magkaroon ng pamahalaang nakikinig at tunay na nagmamalasakit, lalo na sa mahihirap.
(Oo, kayo nga. Mga mahihirap! Ito ang tinatawag na “obligatory mention.” Hindi pa ba kayo sanay?)

Isang pamahalaang puspusang nagsisikap upang lumikha ng higit pang trabaho upang bigyan ng ginhawa ang matagal nang nagigipit na taumbayan.
(Tama ang narinig n’yo! Trabaho! Kaya sa halip na tumambay lang kayo sa inyong mga bahay, maki-rally kayo sa harap ng Makati City Hall. Libre na ang meals, kikita pa kayo!)

Isang pamahalaang magbibigay ng pagkakataong guminhawa at umangat ang buhay ng mga mahihirap.
(‘Yong libu-libong mahihirap sa Makati, hindi talaga sila mahihirap. Nagkukunwari lang ang mga ‘yon. Promise.)

Ito rin ang hangarin ng ating mga kababayan: isang pamahalaang kabaliktaran ng manhid at palpak na pamahalaan ngayon.
(Na hindi ko naman mapapansin kung ‘di ako naungusan ni Grace Poe sa surveys. Pero wala na kayong pakialam do’n, mga hindot kayo!)

Ang nakikinabang sa ipinagyayabang na pag-unlad ay iilan lamang, kasama ang mga piling kaibigan at kapartido ng mga nasa puwesto.
(Of course, kabilang na rin ako at ang aking pamilya pero hindi ko siyempre sasabihin ‘yon dahil mawawalan ng impact ang speech na ‘to.)

Marami na akong pinagdaanang pagsubok.
(Hindi po biro ang maupo sa city hall for 29 consecutive years. Marami talagang pagdadaanan.)

Ilang beses akong ikinulong noong panahon ng Martial Law dahil sa paglaban ko para sa kalayaan at demokrasya.
(Pero ang makulong dahil sa alegasyong pagnanakaw ang ‘di ko talaga kaya. Nakakahiya. ‘T*ng-ina.)

Ngayon, sa ilalim ng kasalukuyang administrasyon, ako ay pinagkakaisahang siraan, hamakin, gipitin, tanggalin bilang pangalawang pangulo at ipapakulong pa.
(Aping-api ako, grabe. Hiyang-hiya naman sa akin ang mga bata sa Navotas na walang pamasahe papuntang school kaya’t dumadaan na lamang sa makipot na kanal. Heto ang link, basahin n’yo!)

At habang ako ay ginigipit at inuusig, hinahayaan naman nila ang malawakang anomalya ng kanilang mga kasama at kapartido: ang Disbursement Acceleration Program (DAP), ang Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) ng kanilang mga kakampi, kapartido, at kaibigan.
(In fairness to me, I’m sure sang-ayon kayo sa isang ‘to.)

Ito ang baluktot na hustisya at pamamahala ngayon. Ang umiiral ay selective justice.
(Sinabi na rin ito nina Jinggoy at E.R. Ejercito noon. Inuulit ko lang para mas intense.)

Iba ang hustisya at mga benepisyo ng mga kaibigan at kaalyado ng partidong nasa kapangyarihan. Ngunit, walang hustisya at walang maaasahang benepisyo para sa nakararami lalo na sa mga mahihirap.
(Obligatory mention of the word “mahihirap” No.3. Additional tip: foment class war. Gatungan n’yo pa ang masa para kaawaan nila ang mga sarili nila hanggang sa ituring kang bayani dahil you care for them.)

Mga kababayan,
(Sa gitna ng speech, kailangang i-mention ko uli kayo para makuha ko ang inyong simpatya.)

May hangganan ang pagtitiis ng isang tao.
(Maniwala naman kayo please. Aping-api na ako. As in. Hindi pa ba kayo convinced?)

Tama na! Sobra na!
(#ThrowbackThursday #TitaCoryDays #ilovethe80s #malinispakaminoon #anongnangyari)

Alam nila na marami sa kanilang kandidato ang hindi mananalo sa isang malinis at patas na halalan.
(Ubo! Ubo! Mar! Ubo! Ubo! Mar!)

Nagpapasalamat ako sa ating mga kababayang nagpahayag sa mga survey na sa kabila ng mga paninira, malaki pa rin ang tiwala nila sa akin.
(From 41 percent in June 2014 to just 22 percent in June 2015?!?? Mga walanghiya! Mga balimbing!)

Sa ating mga mahihirap na kababayan, huwag po ninyo akong alalahanin.
(I know you don’t pero kailangang sabihin ko ito to sustain the drama.)

Kakayanin ko ang lahat ng ginagawa at gagawin pa nilang pagpapahirap sa akin.
(Multimillionaire ako, remember? May pambayad ako sa mga abogado. Tse!)

Ngunit hindi ko kayang tiisin na magpatuloy ang kahirapang hinaharap ninyo sa bawat araw.
(‘Pag ‘di pa kayo naantig sa statement na ito, manhid na talaga kayo!)

Sa mga kalaban ko sa pulitika, sinasabi ko sa inyo ngayon: kung ang layunin ninyo ay paatrasin ako sa pagtakbo bilang pangulo sa 2016, nagkakamali kayo. Hindi ako umaatras sa laban.
(Ngayon pa ba ako aatras eh ang laki na ng naipon kong pondo para sa kampanya? Hashtag Ebeng Baloloy! Hashtag Gerry Limlingan!)

At lalong hindi ko iiwanan ang ating mga mahihirap na kababayan.
(Obligatory mention of the word “mahihirap” No. 5. Check!)

Ako po ang inyong pangalawang pangulo, si Jojo Binay, na laging nagsasabi at taas-noong ipinagmamalaki ang pagiging tunay na Pilipino sa puso at gawa.
(I repeat: Tunay na Pilipino. Ewan ko lang ‘yong iba d’yan. Ubo! Ubo! Grace Poe! Ubo! Ubo! Grace Poe!)

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas! Mabuhay ang sambayanang Pilipino!
(Inuulit ko: sambayanang Pilipino. Kaya ‘yong isa d’yan, ‘di kasama sa mga binati ko. Ubo! Ubo! Grace Poe! Ubo! Ubo! Grace Poe!)
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“Without an informed electorate, politicians will continue to use the bottom billion merely for photo opportunities, rather than promoting real transformation.”
~Paul Collier, The Bottom Billion: Why the Poorest Countries Are Failing and What Can Be Done About It

Sound Bites
“Siguro ganyan talaga ang pulitika sa ating bansa. Baka naman napaisip siya na hindi siya mai-endorso natin kaya kailangang ipakita niyang hindi niya kailangan ng endorsement.”
~President Aquino on Binay’s speech

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Danny Pata/GMA News]





THE RESIGNATION LETTER

24 06 2015

VICE PRESIDENT BINAY has quit the Cabinet. Binay’s one-sentence letter to President Aquino was [probably] the shortest resignation letter ever written by a high-ranking Filipino government official. Evidently, Binay couldn’t stand to be part of the Aquino cabinet even for another sentence.

1Binayletter

The Vice President has submitted his irrevocable resignation effective immediately. According to Mood Meter, this news report made the rest of the Cabinet “jubilant.”

The President has reportedly accepted the Vice President’s resignation. Earlier today, at least five drafts of the President’s reply to Binay reached my Inbox. I’m posting all of them here. Exclusive!

No. 5:
15Noy

No. 4:
14Noy

No. 3:
13Noy

No. 2:
12NoyLetter

And No. 1:
1NoyLetter
———————————————————————————————————————-
“The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.”
~Shannon L. Alder

UP NEXT: Vice President Binay’s #Hugot Speech





SAY GRACE

21 06 2015

1GPTT
SENATOR GRACE POE has zoomed past Vice President Binay as the top choice for president according to the recent Pulse Asia and Social Weather Stations surveys. Analysts described Poe’s surge as Toby Tiangco’s biggest accomplishment yet.

From 29 percent in March, Vice President Binay got 22 percent in the latest Pulse Asia survey. Binay lost seven percentage points while Toby Tiangco lost his job.

Vice President Binay has a new spokesman: former Cainta, Rizal mayor and former ABS-CBN reporter, Mon Ilagan. As a reporter, Ilagan was trained to tell only the truth and the facts. I wonder how he’ll adjust to his new job.

According to the Vice President, the results of the recent surveys were a “wakeup call.” To reclaim the top spot, he vows to visit more towns, help more OFWs, and prevent Toby Tiangco from opening his mouth again.

sarmiento-m
Liberal Party secretary-general Mel Senen Sarmiento says DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is “still the man to beat” in 2016 despite placing fourth with only 10 percent in the latest Pulse Asia survey. Sarmiento is the representative of Western Samar in Congress. In high school, he was twice voted as “Most Likely to Rely on Miracles.”

What they actually told the media
(What they really wanted to say)

Sen. Grace Poe
Ako ay nagpapakumbabang nagpapasalamat sa tiwalang ipinagkakaloob ng ating mga kababayan.
(Foundling pala huh. O, loko!)

Sec. Mar Roxas
Personally, I was touched and deeply thankful to the people for the 150 percent rise in their trust in me.
(Tumaas na ng 150 percent pero pang-apat pa rin?? Bwakanangina, ano ba ‘toooo?!)

Mayor Rodrigo Duterte
I am not running. It would be against the wishes of my family.
(‘Pag ‘di kayo tumigil sa paulit-ulit na tanong, ipatutumba ko kayo. Yawa!)

Vice President Binay
Mas determinado akong ipagpatuloy ang aking laban para sa taumbayan.
(Hello. Hello, Toby? Toby, choppy ka. Toby, si VP ‘to. Hayup ka! Tingnan mo ‘tong ginawa mo! Gago!)

1Cainta
Last week in Cainta, Rizal…
Question: Ano sinasabi ng mga tao sa picture?
A: Ang hindi lalapit, hindi bibigyan ng bag na may name ni Vice President.
B: Mga bata, smile kayo. Sige na. May mga reporters. Kunwari, masaya kayo’t nakita n’yo kami.
C: O, lapit kayo mga totoy, lapit. ‘Wag kayong matakot. Tao rin kami.

Daddy’s Day
On Sunday, June 21, the world celebrated Father’s Day. Or as Kendall and Kylie Jenner would say, “Ano ‘yon?”

PBB 737
The teen favorite Pinoy Big Brother is on TV again. #PrayForOurYouth

1_12
Frat War
Frat violence erupted again in UP Diliman. Reports say members of the Upsilon Sigma Phi Fraternity attacked four members of the Alpha Sigma Fraternity then fled using a getaway car. Five suspects have been arrested, charged and forced to understand that “It’s already 2015 so stop behaving like you’re in the ‘90s idiots!”
————————————————————————————————————————————–
“Elections belong to the people. It’s their decision. If they decide to turn their back on the fire and burn their behinds, then they will just have to sit on their blisters.”
~Abraham Lincoln

Sound Bites
“Kung mabibigyan pa ako ng ating mga kababayan ng mas higit pang pagtitiwala at pagkakataon, nais ko sanang makapaglingkod bilang pinakamataas na pinuno ng ating Inang Bayan.”
~Former senator Panfilo Lacson

“UP Diliman will act firmly, initiating immediate preventive suspension on students involved in the assault and promptly conduct hearings. We will impose the full penalty for those found guilty, and this is expulsion. There is no place for cowards in UP,”
~UP Diliman Chancellor Dr. Michael Tan

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Grace Poe: Rappler; Tiangco: Inquirer.net; Sarmiento: Congress.Gov; Binay/Cainta: @Team_Inquirer; Frat Men: Katrina Son/GMA News]





GAME OF THRONES

18 06 2015

1JonSnow
FANS OF THE HIT HBO series ‘Game of Thrones’ are still talking about the show’s shocking season ender. One of the most likeable GOT characters, Jon Snow got killed. Aside from Jon Snow, five other characters were murdered in the brutal finalé – described by Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte as “the feel good episode” of the year.

Rumors say Vice President Binay is a fan of ‘Game of Thrones’ and even auditioned once for the role of a White Walker. However, Binay decided to back out when he was cast instead as Tyrion Lannister’s shadow.

1PBR
Yet another unverified report revealed Sen. Grace Poe tried to audition for the role of Sansa Stark. She did not get the role – prompting Binay spokesman Toby Tiangco to say “‘Coz she was more of a ‘wildling.’”

Happy birthday to Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, another GOT fan, I heard! The feisty lawmaker will be perfect for the role of Daenerys Targaryen. You know, the mother of dragons.

The Mayor and the Thief
The mayor of Tanauan City in Batangas ordered a suspected cable thief to walk through the city streets holding a placard with the words, “Ako ay magnanakaw, salot sa lipunan. Huwag akong tularan.” When a small-time suspected criminal is ordered to walk through the streets, it’s called “shaming.” But when it’s a high-profile thief, it’s called “campaign period.”

1Cogeo
Marketing
On Wednesday morning, Vice President Binay visited Cogeo Public Market in Rizal, and distributed wheelchairs to the disabled. Critics say it appears Binay has just started campaigning – which is entirely false ‘coz he started campaigning in 2010.

Full Support
Former Quezon Rep. Danilo Suarez, a staunch GMA ally said the ailing ex-president ordered members of Partido Lakas to support Vice President Binay’s bid for the presidency. A surprised Binay asked, “May Partido Lakas pa pala?”

1DolezalBlack or White
Rachel Dolezal has quit as leader of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People or NAACP-Spokane, Washington chapter after news came out that she misrepresented herself as black. Everyone believed she was a black person until her biological parents came out and revealed that Dolezal was in fact, born white. In an interview following her resignation, Dolezal said, “I identify myself as black.” This case reminds me of our politicians. During elections, they identify themselves as “public servants.”

MRT’s 99 Problems
MRT operations were limited Wednesday morning after a broken track was discovered between Shaw and Boni stations. Just last Monday, passengers were forced to disembark from the train and walk on Guadalupe Bridge when the train stopped at around 6:30PM. For the nth time, the MRT management described it as a “system failure.” Passengers called it a “lifestyle.”

1MRT

And for the 3,694th time, Malacañang said sorry for the glitches at the MRT. Palace spokesman Edwin Lacieda said, “We certainly apologize for the inconvenience to the riding public but we are making sure that all these concerns are being addressed right now.” Also, starting today, a recording of Lacierda’s apology can be accessed online. The next time the MRT bogs down, commuters are encouraged to just listen to it.

NBA Champs
The Golden State Warriors are NBA champs again. The Warriors’ last championship was won 40 years ago. UP last won a UAAP men’s basketball title just 29 years ago. So, heads up, Maroons. Heads up! There’s still hope.

Untitled
Finally, the Golden State Warriors have ended a 40-year title drought. And speaking of drought, President Aquino now holds the record at 55 years.
——————————————————————————————————————————-
“I’m not an old, experienced hand at politics. But I am now seasoned enough to have learned that the hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning.”
~Adlai E. Stevenson

Sound Bites
“I’d rather not even make the playoffs than lose in The Finals.”
~LeBron James after his Cleveland Cavaliers lost to the Golden State Warriors

Congratulations Warriors!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GOT: The Huffington Post; Binay/Poe/Roxas: Inquirer.net; Binay/Cogeo: CNN: Rachel Dolezal: CNN; @JoyCeiLas; MRT: Rich Pangan; Golden State Warriors]





ICYMI: 2015, THE FIRST HALF

14 06 2015

IT’S TIME for the midyear recap again. Ang bilis ng taon! Here are some of my favorite posts from the previous [almost] six months. In case you missed it…


Jinggoy’s Son
Detained senator Jinggoy Estrada was allowed to attend the high school graduation rites of his son at OB Montessori. An ecstatic Jinggoy said, “I’m so proud of him finishing school.” Filipino taxpayers added, “It was all worth it naman pala.”

Taxes
The BIR has a TV ad that shows where your taxes go: infrastructure, education, and social services. Politicians were offended by the apparent snub.

Bullying
Vice President Binay said there should be a law against “bullying public officials.” It will be called “An Act To Prevent Ordinary People From Bullying Those Who Most Certainly Deserve It.”

2016
Political analysts say a presidential candidate needs a campaign war chest of about 10 to 15 billion pesos. That’s the amount you need to apply for “the job.” And of course, you have to answer questions like, “Where do you see yourself depositing your loot in six years?”

President Aquino advised Filipino voters to reject shady politicians in 2016. This has prompted Nancy and Junjun Binay to call the President “racist.”

Several local government officials sponsored a public viewing of the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight last Sunday. It was live and it was free. So thank you Governor, thank you Mayor, thank you Kagawad, and most of all, thank you 2016!

Untitled
In an apparent dig at senator Grace Poe, Vice President Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.” Which begs the question, “Why did you let Nancy run?

Papal Visit
Pope Francis is in the Philippines for a 5-day pastoral and state visit. Or as many Filipino Catholics call it, “Good Behavior Observance Week.”

Responding to Pope Francis’s message to Filipinos, Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle said, “Every Filipino wants to go with you.” And then there was a boisterous applause. Tagle continued, “Every Filipino wants to go with you, not to Rome, but to the peripheries.” And then there was silence. Everyone was like, “Ano raw?! Spell!”

In one of his homilies, the Pope said, “The devil is the father of lies.” He didn’t say though if it’s a congressman, a governor, a senator, a mayor, or a vice president. Basta, mag-ama.

1Bnay
Now it can be told. Security was very tight during the papal visit because there was indeed a threat to disrupt the event. Thankfully, authorities were able to neutralize… Carlos Celdran.

Filipinos learned a lot from the five-day pastoral visit of Pope Francis. They learned to be more disciplined, patient and forgiving. They also learned how to pronounce “nunciature.”

Statement Shirts
Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Roman Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw” shirt during the Visita Iglesia this coming Holy Week. Or to be more specific, wear a ‘Huwag Kang Mayor,’ ‘Huwag Kang Senador’ or ‘Huwag Kang Congressman’ shirt.

Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw’ shirt this Holy Week. Some politicians took offense and vowed to wear a ‘Huwag Kayong Tumanggap ng Donasyon Mula Sa Amin’ shirt.

Fake Priest
The CBCP is warning Catholics about the activities of a fake priest who scammed parishioners in Luzon and Metro Manila. The fake priest officiates masses and solicits money. As opposed to real priests who officiate masses and solicit money.

Ratings
President Aquino’s approval and trust ratings dropped to their lowest levels since he assumed office in 2010. His numbers have fallen. Worse, ER Ejercito is making a movie about it.

Uncle Peping
Former congressman Jose ‘Peping’ Cojuangco wants President Aquino to step down. He said, “I believe God’s hand is now moving in favor of major reforms this country needs.” When sought for comment on Cojuangco’s statement, God said, “Sino ‘yon?”

miss uMiss Universe
The 63rd edition of the Miss Universe pageant concludes Monday morning (Manila time) in Florida. Pre-pageant activities were held last week. In the talent portion, Miss China built an illegal structure on the stage.

Pia and Noy
Reports say President Aquino is dating newly-crowned Bb. Pilipinas Universe, Pia Wurtzbach. Why not? Pia is well-bred, the President is well-bred. Pia is single, the President is single. Pia is gorgeous, the President is single. Let’s give them a chance.

Slow
In terms of Internet speed, the Philippines ranks 21st out of 22 countries in Asia. Our Internet connection is so slow, the punchline of this joke is still loading.
——————————————————————————————————————————————
“I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.”
~Craig Ferguson

1GPTTSound Bites
“… a foundling found in the Philippines is presumed, in the absence of contrary proof, to have Filipino biological parents. Since Grace Poe was found near a church in Jaro, Iloilo, when she was only a few days old, her parents are presumed to be Filipinos. Therefore, she is a natural-born citizen.”
~Former Supreme Court Chief Justice Artemio Panganiban

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Jinggoy, Grace Poe, Toby Tiangco/Inquirer.Net; Pope Francis: Rappler]





THE UNFORGIVEN

11 06 2015

Untitled
THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT of Makati led the celebration of the city’s 345th founding anniversary on Thursday. Yup, 345 – which is also the number of years the Binays have been in power in Makati.

Hardworking
In a press con held Wednesday, Vice President Binay again claimed, “Ampon din po ako.” He said he used to collect kaning-baboy for his uncle’s piggery. This motivated him to work harder. And it paid off. Today, Binay is a multimillionaire who owns an airconditioned piggery.

No, Thanks
Reports say Jinggoy Estrada refused to accept the apology of Eric Dalagan, one of two burglars who broke into his Quezon City home last Saturday. The detained senator narrated, “Pumunta sa kuwarto namin, sa office ng misis ko, and that was when he took some valuables and cash.” Jinggoy wouldn’t comment on reports that he was Dalagan’s role model.

1Jing
Jinggoy Estrada will not forgive the burglars who broke into his home over the weekend. The suspects entered his mansion and took some valuables and cash. In a statement, the detained lawmaker said, “Hindi ko alam kung gawain ito ng matinong tao.” To which, the suspect said, “’Yan din po ang sentimyento ko sa inyo.”

When he was told about the burglary, detained senator Jinggoy Estrada said, “Hindi ko ma-explain ang reaksyon ko; I was really shouting; humihingi ako ng saklolo. I was also helpless.” We can relate.

The suspects who burglarized Jinggoy Estrada’s home defecated in the balcony of the mansion. Giving another meaning to the term “masasama’ng loob.”

Narrating the incident, Jinggoy Estrada said, “Hindi ko ma-express ang reaksyon ko noong Saturday night when my eldest daughter told me na may magnanakaw sa bahay.” He denied rumors though that when his daughter saw a shadow in the kitchen, she yelled, “Dad, have you been released?”

1RLSprint King & Queen
Sprinters Eric Cray and Kayla Richardson ruled the men’s and women’s 100-meter dash at the 28th Southeast Asian Games. Amid the celebration, netizens noticed that the Philippine flag on their uniforms were inverted signifying that the country was in a state of war. This has prompted Beijing to release a very short statement: “Bring it on!”

Filipino-Americans Eric Cray and Kayla Richardson who both grew up in the US, won the gold in the century dash at the 28th Southeast Asian Games in Singapore. Everyone is happy for both of them – except for Toby Tiangco and JV Bautista.

Some sectors have been criticizing sports officials for recruiting Cray and Richardson who both grew up in the US. But Cray said, “If you cherish the traditions of the Philippines, you know it’s a great honor to be able to represent it.” David Pomeranz agreed.

Kidlat
Nancy Binay insisted her father had nothing to do with the recent attacks on Grace Poe. She added, “Wala talaga siyang alam; tamaan na ako ng kidlat ngayon.” When sought for reaction, the ‘lightning’ said, “I don’t want to waste my energy.”

imagesFreedom of Speech
In a recent Social Weather Stations survey, only 54 percent of Filipinos said they have freedom of speech under the current administration. The rest have not discovered Twitter.

New Feature
Apple’s new iPhone feature will track a user’s sexual activity. The feature is called “Browsing history.”

UntitledKrissy Leaving?
Outspoken TV host Kris Aquino said she wants Bimby to experience life in the States so she’s planning to leave for the US in 2016 and stay there for a year. Remember when Kris said that she’s quitting showbiz for Bimby? Me neither.
————————————————————————————————————————————
“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can’t get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don’t care who you are. What goes around comes around. That’s how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.”
~Jessica Brody, The Karma Club

Sound Bites
“Nando’n pa rin ang aking paniniwalang pagdating ng oras ay dadating ako sa yugtong kokonsiderahin niya ako. Konsiderasyon lang naman.”
~Vice President Binay on the possibility of being endorsed by President Aquino in 2016

Happy 345th founding anniversary Makati!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Burglar: Bernadette Reyes/GMA News; Jinggoy Estrada: ABSCBNNews; SeaGames: Ricky Lerma/Inquirer; Kris/Bimby: Push]








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