ADULTERY, PUBLICITY AND OTHER STORIES

4 03 2015

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A PHOTO OF A DRESS posted online created quite a stir last week. Some say the dress is black and blue while others insist it’s white and gold. The debate only stopped when Jolo Revilla was hospitalized and people started debating whether it was a suicide attempt or an accidental shooting.

The Sandiganbayan allowed Bong Revilla to visit his son Jolo at the Asian Hospital in Muntinlupa. Reports say an emotional Jolo apologized to his father. When you have done something wrong, you usually do that: You say sorry. Unless you’re the President.

Initial reports said the shooting was a suicide attempt. The next day, the Revillas’ lawyer told the press it was an accidental shooting. This unfortunate incident has definitely taught the Revillas some lessons – not just in handling weapons but in handling talent manager Lolit Solis as well.

Lump Sum
Solons have questioned a provision in the proposed Bangsamoro Basic Law that grants the new autonomous region a 27-billion peso annual lump sum. The budget is being compared to PDAF or IRA which has been declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. Here’s a tip: Compel MILF leaders to drop this demand by telling them it’s pork.

Forget about #TheDress that polarized the entire cyberspace. Here’s a more thought-provoking photo. Can you tell if these men were BIFF or MILF? The answer may surprise you.

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Sick
Former APEC party-list Rep. Edgar Valdez has surrendered to authorities following his indictment in the P10-billion pork barrel scam. But Valdez is not in jail yet. After turning himself in, he asked to be confined at the PNP General Hospital because he’s sick. Or as other corruption suspects would call it, “in keeping with tradition.”

1Tingting vs. Kris
Last February 24, Peping Cojuangco’s wife, Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco said she’d “leave the country” if her niece, Kris Aquino would win an elective post in Tarlac. When asked if she’s running for governor herself, Tingting was tightlipped. And tight-cheeked.

Tingting Cojuangco clarified that her statement on Kris Aquino was just a “figure of expression.” She was just joking – although when you look at her, it was hard to tell.

Millionaire
Sen. Koko Pimentel is reportedly filing a bill seeking to grant tax exemption for multimillionaire Manny Pacquiao in his upcoming superfight against Floyd Mayweather Jr. Pimentel said the country will generate “unprecedented honor and world recognition” because of the “tremendous publicity” that will mark the run-up to the fight. The only thing more “tremendous” than that is the publicity that Pimentel will generate in filing the bill.

1Billionaire
According to Forbes, the number of Filipino billionaires ($) has increased to 11. The worst thing about that is we’re not one of them.

Teen Daddy
According to the latest research, children of teenage dads are likely to have low IQ. On the brighter side, they’ll be great DotA players.

Adultery
Voting 6 to 2, a court in South Korea has ruled that adultery is no longer a crime. The decision was lauded by women’s groups, proponents of individual freedom, and Bong Revilla.

Adulterous
The jealous wife of Vice Mayor Jonah Ungab of Ronda town in Cebu Province is facing frustrated murder charges for attacking her husband’s alleged mistress, 30-year-old lawyer, Jiecel Tiu. Vice Mayor Ungab has made himself scarce after the incident. Rumors say he has flown to South Korea to seek permanent residency.

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Mrs. Pearl Ungab, the 47-year-old wife of a mayor in Cebu is facing frustrated murder charges for attacking her husband’s alleged mistress, lawyer Jiecel Tiu (above photo). Mrs. Ungab admitted that she attacked Jiecel with a baseball bat. To which Mrs. Cristina Enrile said, “Thanks for the tip.”
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“When people kill themselves, they think they’re ending the pain, but all they’re doing is passing it on to those they will leave behind.”
~Jeannette Walls

Sound Bites
“Papa, I’m sorry.”
~Jolo Revilla to Bong Revilla according to lawyer Raymond Fortun

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Tingting Cojuangco: Inquirerdotnet; BIFF Pic: Mark Navales/GMA News; Jiecel Tiu: Henry Sy: GMA News; Christian Maningo/Cebu Daily News]





A KRISSY WEEK

28 02 2015

“GOSH! Nakakaloka talaga ang week na ‘to, I swear! Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. You know me naman, right? Wala akong itinatago sa publiko. Ibato n’yo nang lahat na putik o baho sa akin, keri kong lahat ‘yan. ‘Wag n’yo lang akong sasabihang gumagawa ng kwento dahil tinitiyak ko sa inyo: I am not a liar!

Sa mga ‘di pa nakakaalam, up na ‘yong blog ko. Yeahhhh. Kasi nga, multimedia queen ‘di ba? Besides, sobrang dami ko pang kwento sa inyo na hindi ko masabi sa tatlong shows ko dahil wala nang time. Pati nga sa pagtulog, kung anu-ano nang nasasabi ko eh! Share ko lang. This morning, lumapit sina Bimbz at Josh. Sabi nila, “Mom, you’re making daldal while you’re asleep last night.” Sabi ko, “Realllllly? What did I say?” Bimb answered, “You said, ‘I miss Mayor! I miss Mayor!’ You sounded kilig pa nga eh. Do you still love Tito Herbert, Mom?” NAKAKALOKA! Na-stun daw talaga ako. Wala akong naisagot. Aha-ha-ha Pati ba naman sa pagtulog, intriga pa rin?!? Hay naku.

Anyway, to continue. More than a month nang tinitira si Kuya Noy because of what happened in the South. Promise, ang daming opportunists sa world. Everyone’s taking advantage of the situation para pababain ang kapatid ko. Can’t you just wait for 2016? Hellllo!

So heto na nga… while those nega were talking about resignation, coup d’etat, transition council whatever, et cetera and all, naisipan kong mag-post sa blog ng isang bombshell. I’m sure, mababaling ang public attention sa revelation ko. You know naman the masa. Everything Krissy, kinakagat. At least maiiba naman ang topic sa news.

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A day before the EDSA anniv, I wrote a post titled “The State of My Heart.” Bongga ‘di ba? Very SONA! Aha-ha-ha At ang pasabog ko that day, Mayor Bistek offered to marry me before we broke up last year! GRABE!!! BOMBSHELL KUNG BOMBSHELL! CONTROVERSIAL! AN EXCLUSIVE, EXPLOSIVE, EXPOSÉ! WHAT A REVELATION! Bababa ang presyo ng bilihin! Magro-rollback ang halaga ng gasolina! Maaayos ang traffic situation sa Metro Manila! Hihinto ang ikot ng mundo! Et cetera, et cetera!

Or so I thought. The next morning, I asked Darlah.

“Dear… top story ba?”

“Nasa news and showbiz section naman ng ilang websites Krissy pero sakto lang. ‘Di masyado.”

“FINE. Tse!”

And before the day ended, I received a sarcastic text message pa from Mayor. Ang sabi, “Nag-Chinese New Year na, mag-move on ka na.”

Helllllooooo! Mag-move on???? Gusto mong i-screencap ko ang sweet nothings mo via text kapag morning?!? Hmpff! I hate you! Akala mo kung sinong malaki! Ang liit-liit naman! Ay!! Ano ba ‘yong nasabi ko. Sorry! Aha-ha-ha. Promise, ‘di ko pa nakikita. But almost. A-ha-ha-ha!

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MOVING ON… thank you nga pala kay Noy for inviting me to Malacañang last Thursday to meet French President Francois Hollande. Siyempre, fly ako sa palasyo. Palalampasin ko ba naman ang opportunity na ‘to? Minsan lang ‘to ‘no! Baka sa susunod na visit dito ni President Hollande, sina Nancy at Abby Binay na ang sumalubong. Alam mo na! Ayaw ni Korina ng ganyan. Aha-ha-ha

Parang nai-imagine ko na kapag si Mareng Nancy ang sumalubong kay President Hollande.

“Bonsoir Madame!”

“Panganay Monsieur!”

“Nagva-vaque çå vå ng çaque?”

“Oui, nagbi-bake ako ng cake.”

OR SOMETHING like that. Aha-ha-aha. I’m so mean. I love you Nancy. You know naman that our family supports your family ‘di ba. So, don’t take this personally. Love, love, love!

Sanga pala, I want you to know na mahusay ako sa French because my mom spoke French fluently. In fairness, nagamit ko ang mga itinuro niya. She must be so proud of me. I love you mom.

Speaking of moms, last Thursday kasi while I was in Malacañang, Gretchen Fullido, yeah, the other Gretchen, sing-ganda pero ‘di sing mahal, texted me that Jam of Jamich was getting weak na talaga.

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So nagmadali talaga akong pumunta sa St. Luke’s in BGC. ‘Di na ako nagbihis. Yeahh, naka-evening gown pa ako papuntang ospital straight from Malacañang. And of course, I had to take a photo of me sa tabi ng bed ni Jam with his mom and posted this agad on Instagram.

By the way, thank you @carysantiago for that fabulous gown. Bongga ka talaga! I love youuuuu.

Finally, before I end this long kwento… gusto ko lang mag-react sa statement ng isang matandang relative namin.

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She’s been saying negative things about Kuya Noy for so long and matagal-tagal na rin akong nagtitimpi. Unang-una, hindi ka namin kadugo. Nakiki-Cojuangco ka lang. ‘Kita naman sa skin ‘no. Ang layo! EXCUSEZ-MOI! ‘Yan, napa-French tuloy ako sa sobrang inis. Ayoko nang mag-elaborate! Basta ang skin namin nina Ate Ballsy, Ate Pinky, (Ate) Viel and even Kuya Noy, gumagalaw pa. Ewan ko lang ‘yong sa iba d’yan!

And I have to be honest. I was offended when she said na aalis daw siya ng Tarlac kapag tumakbo akong governor. CARE BEARS! Firstly, hindi ako interesadong maging governor ‘no! Helllllo! It’s the Senate or nothing! Secondly, kahit umalis ka pa ng Tarlac, ng Pilipinas o ng Earth, NOBODY WOULD CARE. You were junked by Filipinos last elections remember? HELLLLLOOOO! Kahit yata tumakbo kang walang kalaban, you wouldn’t win! Tse!

Nakaka-stress these people! Palibhasa, ‘di nila mahawakan sa leeg si Noy. Hay naku Krissy… focus on positive things na lang. Blessed ka naman ‘di ba? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE na lang.

FOR MORE CHIKA, visit my blog please. Marami pa akong update about my interrupted romance with Mayor. Promise, malalaman n’yo na ang size ng shoes niya… exclusive! And you know naman what they say kapag malaki o maliit ang sapatos ‘di ba? BASTA!

Darlah, text mo naman si Darren Espanto o. Ask mo kung pwede siyang kumanta sa bahay mamaya. Pampa-good vibes lang. And tell Darren, I have gifts for him, ok? Thanks!
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“The most basic way to get someone’s attention is this: Break a pattern.”
~Chip Heath, Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die

Sound Bites
“Super dedmabels sa mga nega. I have no skeletons in any closet left, hanggang bulalo ko alam n’yo na ang kwento. And sa kadaldalan ko, may anomalya bang magaganap na makakalusot? But politics is not happening this 2016. For now, I am blessed to be an entertainer (host and occasional actress), an endorser, a producer, a website owner, a restaurant franchise owner, an investor, and a mother.”
~Kris Aquino

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Star: Kris/Herbert; PixGood.Com: Tingting; Kris Aquino’s Instagram]





WEIRD, DIFFERENT

24 02 2015

1xs
THE 87th ACADEMY AWARDS were held Monday morning (Manila time). The biggest winner was the film ‘Birdman,’ a black comedy. ‘Birdman’ tells the story of a man famous for portraying an iconic superhero who has lost his luster. His critics are now calling for his resignation and the formation of a transitional council.

1xs
Eddie Redmayne won the Best Actor Oscar for his compelling performance in the biopic ‘The Theory of Everything.’ It’s about an intelligent man’s physical decline, personal struggles, and the collapse of his marriage. But enough about Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. We should talk about Stephen Hawking instead.

Graham Moore won the Best Adapted Screenplay award for ‘The Imitation Game,’ another biopic. Moore delivered one of the night’s most memorable acceptance speeches. Growing up, he said, he felt weird and he felt different. Now, he’s an Oscar winner. His advice to people was to, “Stay weird, stay different.” Not to be confused with President Aquino’s philosophy in life: “Stay weird, stay indifferent.”

1xsSuperbout
The superbout between undefeated Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao will take place in Las Vegas, Nevada on May 2nd. To prepare for the fight, Pacquiao will take a leave from his TV program and the PBA. However, Pacquiao cannot be absent from Congress because he was never even there in the first place.

Manny Pacquiao will slug it out with undefeated American Floyd Mayweather Jr. in Las Vegas on May 2. Mayweather will definitely be Pacquiao’s toughest opponent yet since Kim Henares.

1RevGotcha!
Bong Revilla strongly denied reports that he left his detention cell at the PNP Custodial Center to attend the birthday party of Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile recently. Unfortunately for Revilla, two photos of him and his sons at the party have surfaced, and Manila Bulletin columnist, Milwida Guevara, a faculty member at the Ateneo De Manila University claimed to have seen him at the celebration. In totally unrelated item, you can’t spell ‘Revilla’ without ‘liar.’

According to Bong Revilla, reports that he was present at the birthday celebration of Senator Enrile were “baseless, malicious and outright lies.” To which, the above photo replied, “Huling-huli na! Nagdi-deny pa! Eh ‘di wow!”

Napoles Hurt
Reports say pork barrel scam queen Janet Lim-Napoles has asked the Sandiganbayan to prevent the release of her new mug shots because she’s been hurt by comments on the Internet particularly, on social media. Which begs the question, “Why does she have access to the Internet and social media?”

1xsMars One Program
From a field of more than 200,000 candidates, two Filipinas made it to Mars One project’s shortlist of people who wanted to travel to planet Mars. The two Filipinas aced the second round of interviews in which two simple questions were asked: “Are you nuts?” and “What the hell are you thinking?”

New Planet
Scientists have reportedly discovered a rare planet with extreme seasons. It is called Planet Women.

Extremes
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said January 2015 was the second warmest January ever. While February, the month of love has always been the coldest.

1xsXian vs. Salceda
Albay Governor Joey Salceda lashed out at Xian Lim for his alleged rude behavior when he was invited as guest in the province recently. Lim who reportedly refused to wear an Albay tourism promo shirt said, “I’m not here to promote Albay.” Also, Lim was said to be aloof and very cold to Salceda’s staff. Still, Salceda and his staff were lucky they were with Xian only for a day. Imagine what Kim Chiu has to contend with almost everyday.

The governor of Albay, Joey Salceda had a public tiff with Xian Lim. As we all know, Salceda and Xian are very different. One is a feisty, single, hardworking, and respected individual who has been rumored to be gay, and the other one is a governor.
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“They laugh at me because I’m different; I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
~Kurt Cobain

1GMSound Bites
“I tried to commit suicide at 16 and now I’m standing here. I would like for this moment to be for that kid out there who feels like she doesn’t fit in anywhere. You do. Stay weird. Stay different, and then when it’s your turn and you are standing on this stage please pass the same message along.”
~Graham Moore, Winner, Best Adapted Screenplay for ‘The Imitation Game’ – 87th Academy Awards

Peace!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Getty Images: Birdman and Redmayne; Pacquiao/Mayweather: Daily News UK; Bong Revilla: Inquirer.Net; Mars One; Xian/Salceda: Inquirer.Net; Graham Moore: Hitfix.Com]





PEPING, FENG SHUI, AND OTHER STORIES

20 02 2015

AUTHORITIES say there’s no truth to rumors spreading via SMS that terrorists will bomb crowded areas in at least four cities in Metro Manila. It’s a hoax. In fact, the odds of getting killed by terrorists is so much lower than say, your chance of getting killed by riding the MRT.

Philstar_PepingUncle Peping
Former congressman Jose ‘Peping’ Cojuangco wants President Aquino to step down. In calling for his nephew’s resignation, Cojuangco said the government must be reformed. To which, Aquino replied, “You first.”

Former congressman Peping Cojuangco wants his nephew, Noynoy Aquino to step down as president of the Philippines. In response, Aquino was like, “Only if you’ll step down as president of the Philippine Olympic Committee.”

Peping Cojuangco said, “I believe God’s hand is now moving in favor of major reforms this country needs.” When sought for comment on Cojuangco’s statement, God said, “Sino ‘yon?”

NTC_VidalBishops, Too
At least six Catholic bishops have reportedly called for the resignation of President Aquino. Cebu Archbishop Emeritus Cardinal Vidal, in a statement said, “recent developments have made the resignation call even more urgent and imperative.” Of course, President Aquino and Cardinal Vidal are different. One is an old, loveless, sad man whose influence and credibility have clearly diminished, and the other one is President Aquino.

LGBT Rights
According to an SWS survey, 85 percent of Filipinos believe that lesbians and gays have the right to be protected against the Catholic Church, excuse me, discrimination.

Kung Hei Fat Choi!
Feng shui expert Hanz Cua says 2015 is a lucky year for President Aquino. When he heard this, Peping Cojuangco immediately called for reforms in the feng shui industry.

Cua
According to feng shui expert Hanz Cua, President Aquino “will have a very happy love life.” Times like this, that’s exactly what the President needs to hear from people like Hanz Cua: false hope.

The President will have a girlfriend in 2015 according to a feng shui expert. The potential girlfriend has been described as young, beautiful, and a huge fan of Hugh Hefner.

Lent
Ash Wednesday marks the start of Lent. Traditionally, Christians give up something for this annual observance as a sacrifice. Some people give up certain food or drink; others give up habits or something they truly love. President Aquino gave up Alan Purisima in advance.

Arrested
Former Masbate representative and incumbent governor Rizalina Seachon-Lanete surrendered to authorities Thursday. She is facing plunder and graft charges in connection with the pork barrel scam. Lanete has asked the Sandiganbayan that she be locked up in the PNP Custodial Center in Camp Crame where Jinggoy and Bong Revilla are currently detained. In other news, authorities have denied reports that the PNP Custodial Center will be renamed PNP Crocodile Center.

Final!
The Supreme Court has ruled with finality on the disqualification of former Laguna governor ER Ejercito for overspending in the 2013 elections. He was prevented from taking his post back. When will the Supreme Court prevent him from making movies and cringe-worthy posters?

E.R. Ejercito recently announced his plans of acting in a movie about the Fallen 44. Netizens were divided on the issue. Fifty percent didn’t like idea; the other 50 percent hated it.

CuaPhotoshop
Design and image editing tool Photoshop has just turned 25. Happy birthday Photoshop! And thank you for making so many people feel so much better about themselves.
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“The power-hungry individual follows a path to his own destruction.”
~Adler

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“Why would he do that movie? As a movie actor, I don’t see any good reason to make it as a movie. It could be in bad taste. The tension is still very high. It will only generate animosity. There is nothing to be proud about the incident. I am very much against it.”
~Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada on ER Ejercito’s plan of doing a SAFF44 movie

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philstar.Com: Peping Cojuangco; NTC Facebook: Vidal; Masterhanzcua.com; ViralNova.com: Angelina Jolie; ER Ejercito’s Facebook]





AQUINO & BINAY… LIVE!

17 02 2015

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, the President and the Vice President of the Republic of the Philippines….

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AQUINO: Mga minamahal kong kababayan
BINAY: Mahal ko rin ho kayo mga kababayan. Doble pa.

Nagpasya kaming humarap sa inyo dahil sa mga pangyayari sa ating bansa ngayon.
Kung ako lang ho ang masusunod ay hindi ko gagawin ito. Nakikisama lang talaga ako.

Hindi po lingid sa inyong kaalaman, dumaraan sa matinding krisis ang aking administrasyon.
Technically, bahagi rin po ako ng administrasyon pero hindi ko naman masyadong ramdam ang tinutukoy na krisis.

Masakit pong mapagbintangang nagsisinungaling.
Alam ko ‘yan.

Pinagdududahan na rin nila ang aking mga pahayag.
Relate ako d’yan.

At kinukuwestyon ang aking kredibilidad.
Sanayan lang.

Hanggang ngayon, wala pa ring hinto ang mga puna at batikos.
‘Buti na lang ‘yong sa akin lumamig na.

Sa harap ng pagsubok na ito, isa lang ang tinitiyak ko sa inyo: hindi po ako magnanakaw!
Teka, ba’t naman napunta d’yan ang usapan? ‘Di ba Maguindanao ang isyu? Balik tayo do’n.

Ang mga maka-Kaliwang grupo, panay na panay ang bira sa akin.
Nabasa ko nga sa diyaryo.

Wala ka bang reaksyon sa sinabi ko Manong Jojo?
Hindi ko masyadong narinig ang sinabi mo. Sorry.

Pati mga obispong walang kibo sa corruption ni Arroyo noon, tinitira na rin ako ngayon!
‘Yan ang ‘di ko pa nabasa. No comment muna.

Tama po bang pababain ako sa puwesto? Tama po bang pilitin akong iwan ang sinumpaan kong tungkulin?
Sumagot kayo mga kababayan. Kayo ho yata ang tinatanong, hindi ako.

At kung susundin ko ang kagustuhan nilang ako’y magbitiw, sigurado ba silang matino ang papalit sa akin?
To be fair, wala pa naman silang binabanggit na pangalan. Huwag ka munang manghusga Noy. Hintayin muna natin.

Sa pagkakataong ito, nagpapasalamat ako kay Manong Jojo dahil hindi yata siya sang-ayong ako’y mag-resign.
Mabilis na ang one year Noy. Hindi naman ako gano’n kaatat. Kaya ko namang maghintay.

Manong, hindi ko puwedeng kalimutan ang suporta n’yo sa aking ama’t ina.
Salamat Noy.

Hindi ko rin puwedeng kalimutan ang paglaban natin noon sa kurapsyon sa pamahalaan.
Salamat Noy.

Ano hong nangyari?
Salamat Noy.

Hindi mo sinagot ang tanong ko Manong Jojo.
Hindi ko masyadong naintindihan ang tanong. Nagti-text ako. Pero tama ka. Malalim ang ating pinagsamahan.

Pareho tayong lumaban sa diktadurya.
Pareho tayong lumaban kay Gloria.

Pareho tayong may hacienda.
Gago ka.

Joke lang Manong! What I mean is, malayo na ho ang narating natin pareho. Mula Makati City… biglang naging pangalawang pangulo. Suwerte!
Namatay si Tita Cory, biglang naging presidente. Mas suwerte!

Ang nais ko lang iparating sa mga nanonood ngayon: kitang-kita naman po ninyo – matatag ang ating administrasyon.
Ahhh, kaya pala isinama mo ako rito.

Hindi naman sa gano’n Manong. Sama-sama po nating lalampasan ang krisis na ito.
‘Pag krisis n’yo, kasama ako? ‘Pag krisis ko, akin lang? Gano’n?!

Gano’n na nga ho, este… Inuulit ko, wala ho akong balak bumaba sa puwesto.
Try mo ring mag-isip-isip pa. Baka naman nabibigla ka lang. May time ka pa para mag-decide talaga with finality.

Tatapusin ho natin ang aking termino, at sa 2016, isasalin natin nang maayos ang liderato sa mahahalal na bagong pangulo.
Wow, thank you.

Ay! ‘Wag pakasigurado.
Gago.

Maraming salamat at magandang gabi po sa inyong lahat.
Sana nga.
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“Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start”

~Coldplay, The Scientist

Pic of the Weak
According to the dictionary, an opportunist is a person who exploits circumstances to gain immediate advantage rather than being guided by consistent principles or plans. In other news, unseated Laguna governor ER Ejercito is doing a movie on the Fallen 44.

12Sound Bites
“Ang papel ni Norberto Gonzales, manggulo sa Pilipinas.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes on the alleged coup plot vs. Presidente Aquino

#PrayForEREjercito

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino and Binay: Inquirer.Net;  ER Ejercito’s Facebook via ABS-CBN News]

 





LOVE & HATE

13 02 2015

Untitled
IN A RECENT Social Weather Stations survey, 58 percent of single women and 37 percent of single men said they do not have a love life. The rest were lying to themselves.

Fifty one percent of Filipinos believe in giving love a second chance. Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada disagreed. For him, love should be given at least seven chances.

According to the same survey, 49 percent of Filipinos said their love life was very happy while the other 40 percent said it could be happier. The remaining 11 percent said, “What love life?”

The SWS survey also revealed that 60 percent of married men have a very happy love life. The other 40 percent wished they were still single.

UntitledSurprises
A study says people who give surprises are appreciated more by their significant other. So if you’re planning to surprise someone on Valentine’s Day, keep it a secret. Do not tell her friends, her family, or Mar Roxas and General Espina.

1HoR
House That?
Last Wednesday, congressmen started investigating the Maguindanao clash. The hearing was covered live by TV networks and everyone watching agreed: it was worse than the Mamasapano encounter.

The hearing at the Lower House was chaotic. Lawmakers were shouting, heckling, and interrupting one another – as if to remind Filipinos, “This is exactly why you hate us and we don’t care.”

The House of Representatives vowed to conduct a more orderly inquiry on the Mamasapano encounter next week. Certain parameters have been set to ensure an orderly and peaceful probe, e.g. telling the lawmakers that there will be no TV coverage.

UntitledClueless?
Mohagher Iqbal told the Senate that the MILF didn’t know that terrorists Marwan and Basit Usman were in their territory. Here are 44 Reasons Why We Should Believe Mohagher Iqbal’s Statement:
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UntitledCrime and Punishment
Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista reportedly punched and kicked Mark Soque, a handcuffed robbery-rape suspect who was arrested last Thursday. Soque was so lucky he only sustained bruises and even luckier he’s a resident of QC, not Davao City.

If Mark Soque wouldn’t reform himself, Mayor Herbert says harsher punishment awaits the suspect – like forcing him to watch Kris Aquino movies 24/7.

Clash
Actresses Angelica Panganiban and Shaina Magdayao are having an ‘encounter’ of sorts online. This after Panganiban talked about Magdayao’s previous relationship with John Lloyd Cruz, Panganiban’s current boyfriend. Some fans are blaming Panganiban for the clash. Others blamed Magdayao. President Aquino blamed PNP SAF chief Getulio Napeñas.

Intimacy
According to the 2015 Global Dating Survey, people have sex after 3.53 dates. Or in the case of President Aquino, just after 2. Two years.
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“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche

Sound Bites
“What made you violate the terms of your suspension? Nakialam ka eh! Answer! And don’t play words with me. Words are my livelihood.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago to Gen. Alan Purisima

“It was really like palengke.”
~Cong. Cesar Lobregat on the disorderly House inquiry on the Mamasapano clash last Wednesday

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: PDI/Lyn Rillon; PDI: Iqbal; AFunCap.Com; Philshowbiz.Com: Herbert Bautista]





BIRTHDAY BOY

8 02 2015

1NOY
PRESIDENT AQUINO turned 55 on February 8. As he marked his birthday, staunchest critics demanded that he vacate his post. They wanted him to be the #Fallen55.

President Aquino’s closest friends reportedly organized a surprise birthday party for him. Cabinet officials took care of the actual preparations but they got orders from General Purisima.

Rumors have it that the President invited political allies to a birthday dinner. Unfortunately, they didn’t purposely attend ‘coz it’s not on their original schedule.

President Aquino marked two milestones on February 8. He just turned 55. His hair turned 80. Congratulations!

Unconfirmed reports say President Aquino received a new tablet, a new phone, a new pair of shoes, new shirts, new neck ties and new belts from his nieces and nephews. Concerned supporters however, wanted to give him new advisers.

February 8 is President Aquino’s birthday. Also born on February 8 – the Russian inventor of the periodic table of elements, Dmitri Mendeleev. Of course, they’re different. One owed his fame to chemistry, the other owed his fame to genealogy.

The President was born on February 8, 1960. He’s an Aquarian. According to astrologers, Aquarians can sometimes be “insensitive” and “inefficient.” To which, the President said, “Excuse me! I am not insensitive.”

1NOYPurisima
President Aquino has accepted the resignation of suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima. In a televised speech, he confessed it was hard for him to let go of a friend like Purisima. Somebody must tell the President that when it comes to easily ‘letting go’ of some friends, it’s best to get some tips from his sister, Kris.

Last Friday, General Purisima granted GMA News an exclusive, live interview. These days, Purisima would rather enter the territory of the BIFF and the MILF than the lair of ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs anchors and commentators.

Resign!
The leftist Makabayan bloc in Congress wants a change in leadership and calls for the immediate resignation of President Aquino. In related news, the Makabayan bloc has denied rumors it will soon change its name to MakaBinay bloc.

Freeze!
The Sandiganbayan has ordered to freeze Bong Revilla’s alleged ill-gotten wealth worth more than 224 million pesos. When sought for comment, Revilla said “I will file an appeal to defrost it.”

1NOYFake
Investigators in America have discovered that almost 80 percent of the ingredients of popular herbal supplements were fake. And almost 80 percent of supplement users were idiots.

Spanking
Pope Francis was criticized for saying that it’s ok to spank children as long as people do it with dignity. The Pope’s statement brought relief to some Catholic priests who have been spanking altar boys for years.

Pens
The CEO of Microsoft has predicted that in 10 years, the pen will be extinct. And today’s youth were like, “What’s a pen?”

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has predicted that the pen will be extinct in 10 years. To which the sword replied, “Who’s mightier now?”

1NOYOldest Tattoos
Scientists have discovered some of the oldest tattoos ever found on humans on a 5,000-year-old mummy. The mummy which has at least 60 tattoos is believed to be the earliest member of rock group, Kamikazee.
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“People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go.”
~Anonymous

1NOYSound Bites
“He called me at 11:08 PM. ‘Pag hello ko pa lang, nag-sorry s’ya agad. ‘Sorry Kris sa pinagsasabi ng anak ko, ngayon ko lang nalaman, nahihiya ako sa ‘yo, sa pamilya n’yo.” Dinagdag n’ya na naging mabuti at marespeto kaming mga magkakapatid sa kanya. 5X nyang inulit yung salitang SORRY, sorry talaga.”
~Kris Aquino on Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada whose daughter Jerica (by former actress Laarni Enriquez) called her a bully

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino: Inquirer.Net; Purisima: Rappler.Com; Mummy: Marco Samadelli; Jerica Ejercito: NMFNetwork.TV]





DEAR CHARO… ISANG LIHAM MULA KAY KRISSY

3 02 2015

MAALAALA MO KAYA
Episode No. 1183
February 7, 2015

(Before you read the post, click this video for background music.)

“Tao akong hindi mapipigilan ang sarili na ipagtanggol ang mahal ko. I have friends who privately spoke to me about how they wished the President had done things differently. We listened to each other. We may not agree but at least we listened.”

Magandang gabi mga Kapamilya. May mga pagkakataong sinusubok ng tadhana ang ating pagtitimpi. Magsasalita ka ba at ilalabas ang iyong galit o magsusuot na lang ng statement shirt habang nagho-host ng iyong live na programa sa telebisyon?

Ang tampok na kwento natin ngayong gabi ay hango mula sa padalang liham ng isa nating masugid na manonood, si Krissy. Babasahin ko na ang kanyang liham.

WAIT LANG. Hindi ba kayo nagtataka? 2015 na pero may nagpapadala pa rin ng liham? Hindi ba pwedeng mag-email na lang or mag-blog ‘tapos i-tweet ang link? Anyway, ipagpapatuloy ko na…

Dear Charo,

Ordinaryong Huwebes lang ‘yon. Maagang natapos ang aking taping kaya…

Darlah, i-on mo nga ang TV. I think ngayon ang arrival honors for the slain policemen. Is Noy there in Villamor?

Wala Krissy. In fact, tinitira na siya sa social media. Nabasa mo ba ang Instagram posts at tweets?

No way?? Binabatikos na naman ang brother ko??? ‘Asan daw ba kasi si Noy?!

Nasa Santa Rosa raw; sa inauguration ng isang car plant. Sabi ng Malacanang, wala raw talaga sa sked niya ‘yong pagpunta sa Villamor.

Wala naman pala sa sked eh, so bakit sila nagagalit? Hay naku, these people talaga.

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CHARO… pinalampas ko ang maghapong ‘yon at binalewala ang mga puna at batikos kay Noy. Instead, I condoled with the families of the victims. Pero nang sumunod na mga araw, hindi ko na talaga kinaya ang sumbat, paninira, pambabatikos, walang basehang mga atake, at pamemersonal sa kapatid ko. Worse, ilan sa kanila, mga friends ko pa sa showbiz. Nakakaloka. Ulitin mo Charo: NAKAKALOKA!

DARLAH! Have you seen Juday’s post on Instagram? Gosh… the nerve. Magparinig ba! I thought she’s a friend. She even guested on KrisTV to promote Bet On Your Baby ‘di ba? Darlah, unfollow mo nga! Now na!

Yes Krissy. How about Jomari Yllana? May post din siya sa Facebook.

Why? What did he say?

“Ikaw na ang pinaka-tangang presidente sa kasaysayan ng Pilipinas.”

Really?!!???? Jomari posted that? ‘Tapos hyphenated pa talaga ang “pinaka-tanga.” Hay naku! Care bears! ‘Wag na lang nating pansinin Darlah. Wala sigurong ginagawa. Wala naman siyang career ‘di ba? Deadma!

Wait! Julius Babao’s wife has something to say din Krissy.

Saang channel na nga siya? Anyway, go! Read it!

“Mas importante pa sa iyo ang nakaparadang mga kotse kasya sa mga nakaparadang bangkay ng mga bayaning SAF na nagbuwis ng buhay. Ang dahilan mo? ‘Wala sa schedule!’’”

Galit?! ‘k. Unfollow!

You don’t follow her Krissy.

Mas bongga! Wala na? Sila lang ang galit kay Noy?

There’s one more Krissy. ‘Yong idol mong si Regine Velasquez, ang sabi… dapat daw “gracious” si Presidente Noy sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.

She said that?????

Yes Krissy.

How did she say it: “grey-shoes” o “grey-shas?”

Sabi niya, “Grei-shessh.”

Ah, ok. UNFOLLOW! Pati si Ogie, UNFOLLOW! Grei-shessh pala huh! Hmpf!

CHARO, this has been a bad week for the country but an even worse week for me and my brother. For the first time on Instagram, sunud-sunod ang Biblical quotes na ipinost ko. Kinabog ko si Miriam Quiambao. Ito ang screen cap para maniwala ka. Kung ‘di mo mabasa, tumatanda ka na talaga, Charo.

1Q

Pero ayaw talaga nila akong tantanan. Those bashers just won’t stop. Kaya last Sunday, I posted this.

1IG

“Good night IG friends, I love you all!”
“Good night IG bashers, super close na talaga tayo!”

Medyo sarcastic Charo and how childish of me, pero what else can I do? Inaatake na ako ng haters ni Noy, inaatake pa ako ng supporters niya! LAHAT NA LANG SILA. Nakakaloka! That’s the reason why I had to wear this shirt on A&A last Monday.

1shirt

“How beautiful it is to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged.”

Winnerrrrr! Pina-rush ko pa ‘yan para umabot sa show. But guess what? Binatikos pa rin nila ako at hinanapan ng ibang interpretasyon ang nakasulat sa aking shirt! Gano’n ba ako ka-bad?!? Sumagot ka Charo! Do I deserve this loathing? Charo, I just would like to reiterate, hindi EPAL si Noy. Hindi insensitive ang kapatid ko. Ang kapatid ko ay tao, hindi isang demonyo! Some bashers even complained, wala raw compassion si Noy sa mga namatayan. Akala n’yo lang wala! Pero meron! Meron! This will be the last time I am going to talk about this issue Charo. Ako na ang magpapaubaya. Oo, ako na! Ako na ang mag-isa! Ako na ang mag-isang nagtatanggol kay Noy! At the end of the day, kapatid ko pa rin siya. At sino pa bang magdadamayan kundi ang magkakapamilya? I’m sure you’ll agree Charo. Sure na!

DARLAH, matanong nga kita. Be honest. You think, Noy should have been present at Villamor Airbase last Thursday?

Alam mo Krissy, importante rin ‘yong inauguration ng planta sa Laguna. Tama lang na nag-attend siya do’n. Pero mas ok sana kung inuna niya ang pagsalubong sa SAF 44. Mali naman talaga ‘yong excuse na wala sa sked. Hello! Bawal baguhin ang sked? Lilindol kapag binago?! Tama ang sabi ng ilang netizens eh: Pwede bang i-sked ang pagkamatay ng mga pulis? In short, yes, dapat sumalubong si Presidente sa Villamor.

Ano ngang Instagram account mo Darlah?

@DarlahSauler. Why Krissy?

UNFOLLOW! Bye!

(Press mo ulit ang music para mas ramdam ang ending)

CHARO:
Palagi nating ipinapaalala, walang perpektong tao sa mundo. Lahat tayo ay nagkakamali. Ngunit mababawasan ang hapding dulot ng pagkakamaling iyon kung matututo tayong umako ng responsibilidad.

Isang kahungkagan kung ituturing mong kaaway ang lahat nang taong ‘di sumasang-ayon sa iyong pananaw. Sa halip, pakinggan mo ang kanilang mga sinasabi upang matukoy mo rin ang iyong mga kahinaan. Sa pamamagitan nito, magkakaroon ka ng panahong punan ang iyong mga pagkukulang, at pagkakataong ituwid ang mga baluktot na asal.

Ewan ko. Hindi ko alam.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang naging seryoso ang aking closing.

Inuulit ko, mula sa susunod na Sabado ay hindi na po ako tatanggap ng liham na nasa sobre. Mag-email na lang kayo please. Tigilan na natin ang kadramahan ng liham-liham na ‘yan.

Bago ako magpaalam, nawa’y mahulaan n’yo ang episode title natin ngayong gabi. Nasa baba ang sagot. Sayang din ang 1000-peso load. Good luck!

Ito po si Charo Santos, maraming salamat at magandang gabi, Kapamilya.
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“Sometimes you just have to know when the battle you’re fighting is one best walked away from, than fought to the cold, bitter end.”
~A.J. Darkholme, Rise of the Morningstar

Sound Bites
“With freedom of speech comes freedom of choice. As I said, just by continuing to read #justsaying posts condemning my brother, I will also end up having my #justsaying piece, hahaba lang. Walang magandang pupuntahan.”
~Kris Aquino /via Instagram

Have a peaceful week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino&Abunda Tonight, Kris Aquino’s Instagram]





NO JOKE

30 01 2015

1z
MALAYSIAN TERRORIST Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan was reportedly killed by the PNP-Special Action Force in Mamasapano, Maguindanao. The PNP-SAF cornered him inside a hut. Marwan was so surprised to see the commandos. Do you know what was the last thing going through Marwan’s head that fateful morning? A bullet.

According to MILF leaders, they’re not aware of Marwan’s presence in their territory. I have no joke. That IS the joke.

Malaysian terrorist Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan is reportedly dead. This must be a hard time for his wife and his four other wives.

Reports say Malaysian terrorist Marwan’s wife Joromee Dongon was the one who told his relatives about his death. According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Joromee used to be the wife of Abu Sayyaf terror group leader Khadaffy Janjalani who was also killed in 2006. Terrorist suitors are now starting to avoid her.

1AH
No-Show
President Aquino was a no-show at the arrival honors Thursday morning for the policemen killed in Maguindanao. Instead, he attended the inauguration of a car plant in Sta. Rosa City, Laguna. But Malacañang refuses to use the term “skipped” or “snubbed” to describe the President’s absence. Yeah, it’s “priorities.”

The hashtag #NasaanAngPangulo became the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter worldwide last Thursday. Netizens were outraged by President Aquino’s absence at Villamor Airbase. But palace spokesman Herminio Coloma said based on their online monitoring, that was not the sentiment of the majority. Apparently, Coloma’s social media team did their monitoring on Friendster, MySpace, and Multiply.

1LN
On Twitter, Black and White Movement’s Leah Navarro, a staunch Noynoy supporter asked, “So how many of those people who dissed the President’s absence from Villamor were actually there to condole?” Netizens replied, “How many of us were actually Presidents?”

Medalya ng Katapangan
On Friday, President Aquino attended the necrological services for the policemen who were killed in Maguindanao. Family members were each given a medal of valor. The medals were presented for their gallant effort to defend the country. Malacañang has denied rumors that a medal will also be given to Leah Navarro for her gallant effort to defend the President.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that a female relative of one of the slain SAF members seemed to have ignored the President at the necrological services. In his defense, he’s gotten used to being ignored by women.

1bin
Massacre
MILF forces are being blamed for the “massacre” of the 44 elite members of the PNP-Special Action Force in Maguindanao. No matter what their leaders say, MILF rebels have really become unpopular right now. To be fair though, President Aquino is more unpopular.

The nation is in mourning. Forty-four members of the PNP Special Action Force are dead – just like Allan Purisima’s chance at redemption.

Speak Out
Vice President Binay said suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima must speak out about the ‘misencounter’ in Maguindanao. The Vice President added, “Mahirap kung lagi kang itinuturo. Baka kaya ayaw mong sumagot kasi totoo ang sinasabi nila.” The Vice President’s statement offended Purisima, Purisima’s wife, and Junjun Binay.

1bin
Arrested
Hundreds of Makati City residents gathered in front of Makati City Hall Thursday morning to show their support for embattled mayor, Junjun Binay who was arrested after being cited for contempt by the Senate. A Binay supporter was overheard saying half of Makati residents were there. The other half were doing something else more productive.

1bin
Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay was reportedly brought to the session hall against his will. The younger Binay’s allies said his human rights were violated. In a presscon, Junjun complained that he suffered bruises. When the #SAF44 heard this, they died… again. Twice.

CPP
The Communist Party of the Philippines whose armed wing, the New People’s Army has been waging war against the government for over four decades has extended its sympathies to the families of the 44 Special Action Force members who were killed in Maguindanao. Oh, the irony.

Headline of the Weak
gasgas
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“Every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first, it is ridiculed, in the second it is opposed, in the third it is regarded as self-evident.”
~Arthur Schopenhauer

Sound Bites
“All I ask right now is justice, not only for my husband, who was brutally killed but for everyone who fought and fell.”
~Erica Pabalinas, widow of a slain SAF member

“Is it worth it? One international terrorist, equivalent to 44 SAF troopers? I am sure, if you will ask them, it is worth it. Dahil mas maraming buhay and maisasalba at maililigtas nang nawala si Marwan.”
~Chief Supt. Noli Taliño, OIC, PNP-SAF

#TruthFortheFallen44

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: FBI.gov :Marwan; Dennis Sabangan/EPA: Arrival Honors; Leah Navarro’s IG, Philippine Star: Binay Headline: GMA News]





MISENCOUNTER, MISSED UNIVERSE TITLE, AND OTHER STORIES

27 01 2015

THE SENATE Blue Ribbon Committee has issued an arrest order for Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin ‘Junjun’ Binay and five other people for their refusal to appear at its subcommittee hearings. Mayor Junjun Binay told his supporters that he’s so ready to be detained. If that happens, he’ll be placed in a small area with some people, and stay there ‘til someone gives the go signal to let him go. Or as some Makati project bidders call it, “our elevator experience.”

1b
According to Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay he is so “ready to be detained.” But a teary-eyed Nancy Binay couldn’t control her emotions saying Junjun’s children no longer have a mother – and now, they’re losing their father. Secretary Dinky Soliman was so moved she offered to take the children to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas.

Reacting to the Senate’s arrest order for her brother Junjun, Nancy Binay lamented, “’Yon ang pinakamasakit. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman ‘yong mawalan ng magulang.” To which, taxpayers said, “Kami naman, nawalan ng pera.”

“Misencounter”
Almost 70 members of the PNP Special Action Force were killed in an encounter with MILF and Bangsamoro Islamic Freedom Fighters in Mamasapano, Maguindanao Sunday morning. Reports say some of the bodies were mutilated by the rebels. MILF peace panel chair Mohagher Iqbal said his men acted on “self-defense.” In the MILF dictionary, Self-defense, noun. See massacre.

1NYDNMiss Universe
The new Miss Universe is Paulina Vega of Colombia. Mary Jean Lastimosa was in the Top 10. Binibining Pilipinas director Stella Marquez de Araneta was very proud of what her candidate has achieved. She was quiet about Miss Philippines though.

The final question for the five finalists was, “What is the greatest contribution of your country to the entire world?” Miss Jamaica answered, Usain Bolt and Bob Marley. Miss Netherlands said, “art and history” while Miss USA mentioned something about “helping” other countries. When asked the same question after the show, Miss China answered, “Everything.”

1
Manny Pacquiao was one of the judges in this year’s Miss Universe pageant. For the swimsuit, evening gown and Q&A rounds, his scores were 119-108, 118-111 and 120-109 all for Miss Colombia.

When Manny Pacquiao’s name was picked by Miss USA from the bowl, he asked her, “If you were given 30 seconds to deliver a message to global terrorists, what would you say?” Miss USA answered, “a message of hope, love, and peace.” Terrorists who were watching the pageant were further enraged by that cliché of an answer.

1JAM
An unconfirmed report said Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell has Filipino roots. As soon as they heard this, the Philippine Azkals offered her a slot in the team.

Miss Jamaica has issued a statement saying she’s a full-blooded Jamaican. She’s not Filipino. Unlike Keith Martin and David Pomeranz.

Death
Australian researchers have developed a “death test” that could predict a person’s chances of dying within the next 30 days. In Metro Manila, we call that “an MRT ride.”

1igDown
On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook and Instagram were both down for almost 45 minutes. In that short span of time, companies noted an increase in productivity.

Instagram and Facebook were down for 45 minutes on Tuesday afternoon. Instagram users waited 45 long minutes before they started eating the food on their plate.

For 45 minutes, both Instagram and Facebook were down. Filipino netizens blamed Stella Marquez-Araneta.
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“Nature didn’t need an operation to be beautiful. It just was.”
~Scott Westerfeld, The Uglies Trilogy

Sound Bites
“Hindi pwedeng mag-baby do’n. Self-defense ang nangyari.”
~Mohaqer Iqbal, Chairman, MILF Peace Panel

“Naiyak bigla ako. ‘Yon ang pinakamasakit kasi ngayong gabi matutulog ‘yong pamangkin kong hindi kasama ‘yong ama nila. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman yung mawalan ng magulang.”
~Nancy Binay

“All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

[Photos: Danny Pata/GMA: Binay; Benjie Castro/GMA: Guingona; New York Daily News: Miss Colombia; Getty Images: Pacquiao and Miss Jamaica]





OF RABBITS, ROYALS AND THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT

24 01 2015

1pope
POPE FRANCIS was quoted to have said that Roman Catholics should not breed “like rabbits.” The unprecedented statement shocked pro-life advocates and offended Ramon Revilla Sr.

Tito Sotto, a staunch opponent of the Reproductive Health Law refused to believe that Pope Francis uttered those words. Sotto said the Pope could have been “taken out of context” or the statement was just “an invention.” But that’s just Sotto. The only thing we’re sure of right now is that the statement wasn’t plagiarized.

Rabbits?
The DSWD confirmed reports that almost 500 street dwellers were rounded up and brought to Chateau Royale resort in Nasugbu, Batangas last January 14 and brought back to Manila when Pope Francis had already left. Secretary Dinky Soliman said the homeless were brought there for a training. It was a rewarding experience for the street dwellers who learned so much about housing, socializing, and concealing evidence of abject poverty.

sd
In what critics described was an effort to “whitewash poverty,” some 500 street dwellers in Manila were rounded up on the eve of the papal visit and brought to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas until Pope Francis had left the country. Or in the words of the DSWD, “coincidence.”

Street dwellers who were interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer said they had nothing to complain about their stay in a Batangas resort during the papal visit. In fact, they appreciated the DSWD’s efforts. They were billeted in spacious rooms, served meals five times a day, attended insightful lectures, and received an ecobagful of goodies. Who are we to judge?

The homeless families are now back in the streets of Manila. They can’t wait for the next papal visit.

Hungry
According to the latest SWS survey, fewer Filipino families experienced hunger. Thanks to the DSWD’s “training” in Batangas.

More Kickbacks?
Former Binay ally and close friend and ex-senior vice president of the Boy Scouts of the Philippines (BSP) Nestor Mercado bared that Vice President Binay, BSP president for 20 years now, got some P200-million in kickbacks in 2010 from the sale of a piece of land owned by the BSP. Mercado said the kickbacks were for Binay’s future presidential campaign. To be fair to Binay, he’s just being a boy scout: Laging handa.

1PacjManny and Harry
Accompanied by his wife Jinkee, 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao finally met with England’s Prince Harry the other day. Over dinner, he said, “Your mom’s very popular. Sad to hear that her marriage to your father did not end well. I’m sorry she’s gone now.” And then Manny replied, “No, she’s still alive!”

Postponed
The Senate Committee on Local Government has approved the proposed postponement of the Sangguniang Kabataan (SK) elections from its original schedule of February 21 to October 2016. When they heard the news, Filipinos were shocked. Meron pa palang SK?!?

Traffic
According to the 2015 Traffic Index, the Philippines is 9th in cities worldwide with the worst traffic condition. That’s just unfair. We should have ranked higher.

Silent Killer
According to a new study, sedentary behavior or sitting will kill us prematurely even if we exercise. So don’t exercise, just sit back and relax. At least, you’ll die doing what you love most.

A study showed that even if we exercise, sitting will kill us prematurely. Congratulations salesladies!

miss uMiss Universe 2015
The 63rd edition of the Miss Universe pageant concludes Monday morning (Manila time) in Florida. Pre-pageant activities were held last week. In the talent portion, Miss China built an illegal structure on the stage.

The Philippines is being represented by pageant veteran Mary Jean Lastimosa. Friends told MJ to remain positive but not too confident despite being a frontrunner. They advised her to think of Mar Roxas.

Untitled
Miss Canada’s national costume depicted the nation’s love for ice hockey. The costume even includes a hockey scoreboard. Next year, Miss Philippines will top that by wearing a pair of boxing gloves and draping herself in a basketball court.

This year, reports say, there will only be one question for the five finalists. I heard it will be a tough one. Something like, “Why does God allow children to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction?”
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“A crowded society is a restrictive society; an overcrowded society becomes an authoritarian, repressive and murderous society.”
~Edward Abbey, Postcards from Ed: Dispatches and Salvos from an American Iconoclast

Sound Bites
“Some think, excuse me if I use the word, that in order to be good Catholics, we have to be like rabbits – but no.”
~Pope Francis

Good luck Miss Philippines!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: OCanada.Com: Pope Francis; ANC: Street Dwellers; Manny Pacquiao’s Instagram; Miss Universe Canada, and Miss Universe.Com]





THE PAPAL VISIT: A POSTSCRIPT (WHO AM I TO JUDGE?)

20 01 2015

POPE FRANCIS has left the Philippines. Many Filipinos can now go back to doing what they love most: hating one another.

4ust
Last Sunday morning, Pope Francis visited The Pontifical and Royal University of Santo Tomas, The Catholic University of the Philippines for the “Encounter with the Youth” event. One of the speakers was a former street kid who asked the Pope why God allows children to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction. The Pope said there was no answer to that question. But President Aquino disagreed and said it wasn’t God who’s at fault but the previous administration.

Distractions
In his homily, Pope Francis mentioned about faith and distractions. He said, “We forget to remain, at heart, children of God because of the promise of ephemeral pleasures and superficial pastimes, such as ‘tinkering with gadgets.’ The crowd missed that part of the homily because they were editing some cellphone photos.

2pope
Responding to Pope Francis’s message to Filipinos, Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle said, “Every Filipino wants to go with you.” And then there was a boisterous applause. Tagle continued, “Every Filipino wants to go with you, not to Rome, but to the peripheries.” And then there was silence. Everyone was like, “Ano raw?! Spell!”

In one of his homilies, the Pope said, “The devil is the father of lies.” He didn’t say though if it’s a congressman, a governor, a senator, a mayor, or a vice president. Basta, mag-ama.

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Imelda
Former First Lady Imelda Marcos made an appearance at the mass officiated by Pope Francis in Tacloban City. Moments later, Pope Francis’s visit to the city was cut short, a papal volunteer died in a freak accident, and a private plane skidded off the runway. Go figure.

The infamous Imelda Marcos told reporters that she, in fact, witnessed the collapse of the scaffolding that killed the papal volunteer. Fortunately, the victim’s body was immediately retrieved – unlike the bodies of construction workers at the Manila Film Center.

When sought for comment, Imelda Marcos said, “The message of the Holy Father is about the poor, and I love the poor.” Why wouldn’t she? She helped create them.

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Controversial Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa and other government officials were in the private plane that skidded off the runway in Tacloban City last Saturday. The accident prompted some people to ask Pope Francis, “Holy Father, can you consider that an answered prayer?”

Red Alert
Cellphone signal was a problem in many areas during the five-day papal visit. Signal jamming was apparently part of security. Telcos received several complaints from cellphone users. Smart described the situation as “horrible.” Globe described it as “an ordinary day.”

Now it can be told. Security was very tight during the papal visit because, radio DZRH learned, there was indeed a threat to disrupt the event. Thankfully, authorities were able to neutralize… Carlos Celdran.

1Crowd
Hundreds of thousands of people lined the streets of Manila to get a glimpse of Pope Francis. The people were very emotional – although they were less emotional than TV reporters covering the event.

According to MMDA Chair Francis Tolentino, an estimated 6 million people attended the Pope’s final mass in Manila. But another official pegged the figure at 7 million. President Aquino told CNN’s Christiane Amanpour “it was lower than that.”

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Learnings
Filipinos learned a lot from the five-day pastoral visit of Pope Francis. They learned to be more disciplined, patient and forgiving. They also learned how to pronounce “nunciature.”

Every pastoral visit is a huge event in the Philippines, the largest and predominantly Catholic nation in Asia. Religious gatherings like this revive our hope, our faith, and Jamie Rivera’s singing career.

Free Speech
While en route to the Philippines last Thursday, Pope Francis said, “You cannot make fun of the faith of others.” The Pope said there’s a limit to free speech – especially if you’re an altar boy who wanted to speak out against the Catholic priest who abused you.

1bimby
In Other News…
A day after meeting the Pope in Malacañang, a furious Kris Aquino had an exchange with a follower on Instagram. Apparently, the follower opined that Bimby was probably gay. The presidential sister took offense and accused the follower of bullying her son. We don’t know for sure if Bimby’s gay or not but as Pope Francis said, who are we to judge?

Gamer
A 32-year-old Taiwanese man died in an Internet cafe in Kaohsiung after playing computer games for three days. So guys, now you know the limit: two days.

After a three-day gaming binge, a 32-year-old man in Taiwan died in an Internet café. Game Over.
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“All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.”
~Cathy Ladman

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Sound Bites
“Today, with so many means of communication we are overloaded with information. Is that bad? No. It is good and can help. But there is a real danger of living in a way that we accumulate information.”
~Pope Francis, UST, 1.18.2014

Have a holy week! [Whatever that means!] Peace y’all!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: AFP: Pope Francis; AP/Aaron Favila: Tagle/Pope; NBC News: Imelda; Ernie Peñaredondo/Philstar: Private Plane; Official Gazette: Luneta Crowd; Reuters/Eric De Castro; Kris Aquino Instagram]





THE POPE, NOYNOY, BINAY, AND MORE

16 01 2015

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POPE FRANCIS is in the Philippines for a 5-day pastoral and state visit. Or as many Filipino Catholics call it, “Good Behavior Observance Week.”

1Cabinet1
On Friday, Pope Francis paid a courtesy call on President Aquino in Malacañang. The Cabinet was in full force including Vice President Binay. Out of gratitude to his gracious hosts, Pope Francis skipped his original plan of performing group exorcism.

During a general audience with Pope Francis, President Aquino, in a speech in Malacañang, mentioned something about injustice. He asked, “If it is a sin to steal, who is the greater sinner: the desperate man in an impossible situation forced to steal to feed his starving family, or the politician with an insatiable greed who, despite not having real material needs, stole from the public coffers?” Among those present in Malacañang were Vice President Binay and former President Joseph Estrada. I have no punchline. I am just saying that they’re both there.

Conversations With the Pope
1PNoy
“O Noy, last na ‘yang RH Law huh! Baka naman pati ‘yong Divorce Bill, ikampanya mo pa. Sikmuraan na kita. Baka nakakalimutan mo, bouncer ako noong araw.”

1Bnay1
“Miss, dito ba talaga dadaan si Pope? Bakit sina Mar wala rito? ‘Nililigaw mo ‘ko no? Anti-Binay ka ba?”

“Naku Vice, grabe naman kayong manghusga. Atat? ‘Wag ho kayong mag-alala. Kayo ang unang magmamano sa kanya. Ingat. Jooooke!”

1Bnay
“Santo Papa, humihingi po ako ng tawad sa mga nagawa kong pagkakasala (although biktima lang naman talaga ako ng pulitika). Malapit na po ang 2016. Kakailanganin ko ang inyong awa at habag. Promise, susubukan ko pong iwaksing lahat ang mga nakasanayan kong gawain. Operative word: susubukan. Hindi ko sinasabing kakayanin pero at least may effort. Amen.”

1MarPope
“Santo Papa, huwag po kayong maniwala sa taong naunang humalik sa inyong kamay. Hindi po siya pinupulitika. Shady character lang talaga ‘yon. Pero tama po siya: malapit na ang 2016. Kung mayroon kayong dapat kaawaan, ako po ‘yon dahil ang baba ko pa rin sa survey. ‘Tang-i… Ooops, sorry po! Parang awa n’yo na, konting dasal pa. Amen.”

1PalacePope
“Dear Filipinos, kahit ilang beses pa ako bumalik dito, kung ‘di rin magbabago ang pag-uugali n’yo, wala ring mangyayari. Simulan n’yo ang pagbabago sa inyong mga sarili. Ikaw rin Noy, tama na ang paninisi sa nagdaang administrasyon. One year na lang ang term mo, fault pa rin ni Arroyo? Move on. KthxBye.”

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“Papa Francis, hindi kita kinakaya. Bongga ka talaga! Ang dami mong followers. Pray for me huh! I know I’ve been a good mom and I’m sure happy ka na do’n. Pero you know naman my past ‘di ba? Aha-ha-ha ‘Tsaka remind lang kita, wala pa akong love life. So please, please, please! Pray for me naman para makahanap na ako ng matinong guy. Aha-ha-ha! Kaloka!”

“Mirakulo ang hinihiling mo hija. But I’ll try. Love. Love. Love.”

SAMANTALA…
Sa aking mahal na lalawigang Batangas kung saan ni anino  ni Pope Francis ay ‘di naman dadaan, isang pamilya ng mga pulitiko ang ‘di nakapagpigil na gamitin ang Santo Papa upang ibalandra ang kanilang mga mukha sa kalsada. WALANG PAGBABAGO. #EpalVisit

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“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.”
~Jarod Kintz

Sound Bites
“The courage and daring displayed by the clergy solidified my belief: Especially during the Martial Law years, the Church of the poor and oppressed shone vividly. Hence, there was a true test of faith when many members of the Church, once advocates for the poor, the marginalized, and the helpless, suddenly became silent in the face of the previous administration’s abuses, which we are still trying to rectify to this very day.”
~President Aquino, Malacañang, January 16, 2015

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Malacañang from Rappler; Leviste Photos from Cyberspace; Kris Aquino’s Instagram]





THE AFFAIR, PORN, EPALS, AND OTHER STORIES

13 01 2015

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THE 2015 Golden Globe Awards were held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California the other night. The trophy for best TV drama was awarded to a new series called ‘The Affair.’ [I’m a huge fan of this program.] “The Affair” has a very familiar narrative. It tells the story of a much older, married man who fell in love with a younger, married woman. They’re both in jail now for plunder.

Papal Visit
Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas says Leyte will be the “centerpiece” of Pope Francis’s 5-day visit to the Philippines. Of course, many people are excited to go to Palo or Tacloban City this weekend. Except for President Aquino.

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In preparation for his Philippine visit, Pope Francis is reportedly learning to speak Tagalog. And he’s making significant progress. In fact, he now speaks better Filipino than some members of the Philippine Azkals.

A bit of trivia about Pope Francis. When he was a teenager, one of his lungs was removed following an infection. Yes, the Pope has only one lung and is still very much alive. But that’s nothing compared to many government officials who are still in office even if they’ve got no brain.

Here’s another fascinating fact. Do you know why Pope Francis easily gets along well with so many people – both Catholic and non-Catholic? ‘Coz he’s got a master’s degree in chemistry!

Epal Visit
Tweeted by GMA 7 News reporter Chino Gaston on Monday, this photo of a huge billboard welcoming Pope Francis in Leyte has the names of Cong. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez and his wife, Yedda. Defending her boss from critics, Rachel Santiago, a member of Congressman Romualdez’s staff said the tarp was approved by the archdiocese of Palo. To be fair, the billboard looks good, feels sincere, and smells 2016.

1ChinoGaston
According to Rachel Santiago, a member of Romualdez’s staff, the tarpaulin with the names of Congressman Romualdez and his wife Yedda, is their way “of welcoming Pope Francis” and “of informing the public of his activities.” In response, Pope Francis said, “So ano’ng kunek ng dalawang names sa visit ko?”

Record Low
Vice President Binay’s net satisfaction rating hits a new record low. When sought for reaction, Binay’s new spokesman, lawyer Rico Paolo Quicho answered, “The Vice President remains focused and committed to fulfill his objective to promote the welfare of the poor and further address the growing needs of the Filipino people.” Quicho received a perfect 10 from the judges and easily advanced to the evening gown competition.

The Sign
The Anti-Money Laundering Council says Jinggoy Estrada “controlled” three bank accounts under the name “Juan Ng.” This, after the AMLC observed that Estrada’s and Ng’s penmanship on issued checks were “very similar.” Jinggoy was furious at the allegation but Erap was more furious at his son’s lack of originality.

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According to Pornhub Insight’s 2014 Year in Review report, Filipinos are among the world’s Top 20 visitors of the popular porn site. But don’t worry Filipinos! Pope Francis will not judge you.

Fined
For cancelled and behind the schedule flights during the Christmas rush last year, local airline Cebu Pacific was fined P52 million by the government. At press time, Cebu Pacific has yet to react on the penalty. Its official statement is delayed.

Nap
According to a recent study, taking a nap at work is good for your body. That probably explains why Sen. Lito Lapid is always healthy.

UntitledBitten
Kris Aquino’s son Bimby was bitten by their pet dog Prada. Luckily, Bimby is now ok but Prada has become super arte; like, grabe.
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“There are so many attention whores out there, prostituting for people’s acknowledgment.”
~Jason Myers, The Mission

Epal Visit
Silang ‘di mapigilang ibalandra ang mga pagmumukha sa bawat oportunidad na makita. Despicable.

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Sound Bites
“‘Yong ibang mga naghahangad na maging prominente rin ang pagkakakilala sa kanila, mas mainam sigurong pumili na lang sila ng ibang okasyon.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma on epaliticians taking advantage of the Papal Visit

Congratulations to everyone who passed the UP College Admission Test (UPCAT)!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: The Affair: Showtime; Papal Visit: Daily Mail; Epal Visit: @ChinoGaston; Bimby: Kris Aquino’s IG]





LOST IN TRASLACION

10 01 2015

JANUARY is a very busy month for many Filipinos. After the annual Traslacion of the Black Nazarene on January 9, the five-day Papal Visit is next followed by the Sinulog, Ati-atihan, and Dinagyang Festivals all held in honor of the Sto. Niño. This has been the ‘most Catholic’ January we’ve had in years.

1Noli
Former vice president Noli De Castro, a known devotee of the Black Nazarene joined this year’s ‘Traslacion.’ Kabayan prayed for good health, long life, and the ability to control his emotions when talking to reporters on TV Patrol.

As in previous years, it took the Black Nazarene’s andas or carriage several hours to reach its destination. The procession was very slow-moving. Or as one devotee described it, “EDSA.”

The Traslacion of the Black Nazarene started Friday morning and ended early Saturday morning. The duration of the procession was even longer than the time it took Augustinian missionaries to bring the statue from Mexico to the Philippines in 1607.

1pOPE Rally
According to authorities, two devotees died during the annual procession. If it’s any consolation, they died doing what they loved.

Reports say the fatalities joined the procession to pray for “a better life.” To be fair to the Black Nazarene, they’re in a better place now.

This year’s Black Nazarene procession lasted 19 hours. Or as one MMDA constable put it, “Three diapers.”

Papal Visit
Some lawmakers have reportedly decided to skip the activities in next week’s Papal Visit for fear of being labeled “epal.” While others won’t attend for fear of spontaneous human combustion.

The MMDA has been preparing for the Papal Visit for months. Traffic enforcers are really excited to see the Pope whom they described as “inspiring.” In fact, the Pope and our MMDA personnel have some things in common: they live a simple life; they serve the people, and they’ll be wearing adult diapers this coming week.

1pOPE Rally
Saying the Pope may not be safe in the country, Valenzuela City First District Representative Sherwin Gatchalian has called on the PNP and the AFP to tighten security for this week’s Papal Visit. In response, the PNP and the AFP assured Gatchalian of their preparedness. In fact, they’re as always ready as Gatchalian’s press releases.

Shady
On Friday, President Aquino advised Filipino voters to reject shady politicians in 2016. This has prompted Nancy and Junjun Binay to call the President “racist.”

1pOPE Rally#JesuIsCharlie
The two main suspects in the massacre of 10 journalists and 2 cops in Paris have been killed by French police. Latest reports say Al-Qaeda’s branch in Yemen directed the attack against the Charlie Hebdo publication to “avenge the honor of the Prophet Muhammad.” Even Muhammad was like, “Sige! Namedrop pa!”

Pacman
Reports say Manny Pacquiao will fly to London this month to meet Prince Harry. It will be the first meeting between the two popular personalities. One is a rich, party animal who loves the company of gorgeous women, and the other one is Prince Harry.

The Miss Universe Organization has announced that Manny Pacquiao will be one of the judges in the 63rd Miss Universe pageant in Doral, Florida on January 25. Usually, Miss Universe judges vote for the contestant with experience, poise, intelligence and preparedness for the job. Exactly the opposite of how Sarangani voters elected their congressman.
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“Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”
~Voltaire

Sound Bites
“Yong mga vendor, mga isang kahig isang tuka ‘yan eh. Pabayaan na n’yang makasingit ‘yong mga mahihirap na tao para ‘di sila magnakaw. Medyo hinahanapan kami ng butas eh. Hanapan n’ya kami ng malaking butas. Be an hermano mayor first. Let him try.”
~Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada to Noli De Castro

“The contest has a very noble purpose, you know. The pageant is just another way of paying tribute to God’s unequalled aesthetic ability. Man is God’s masterpiece. So, I’m really excited,”
~Manny Pacquiao on having been named as one of the Miss Universe judges

Have a fun and safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kabayan: Anthony Taberna via @PhilStarNews; Traslacion: AseanKorea.Org; Diapers: GMA News, @Banksy]








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