#LoveWins #MobRules

1 07 2015

1Bin
ON WEDNESDAY, July 1, suspended Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay temporarily left the city hall. Before leaving, he acknowledged those who showed unwavering support in the last three days: his family, his supporters, and the monobloc chairs.

Temporarily, Vice Mayor Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña will take over for Junjun Binay. Peña has got some big lips to fill.

1JJDefiant
Refusing to acknowledge the Ombudsman’s suspension order on Tuesday, a defiant Junjun Binay insisted that making him leave was illegal. Like yeah, you can’t just kick out a resident who’s been staying there for almost 30 years.

Confrontation
Vice President Binay confronted the policemen who were deployed to maintain peace and order at the city hall grounds. Senior Superintendent Elmer Jamias, deputy chief for administration for the Southern Police District said the Vice President threatened them. The reports were sketchy but Jamias allegedly heard something like, “Ipapahanap ko ang mga magulang n’yo! Kapag ‘di ko nakita, foundling din kayo! Hindi kayo Pilipino!”

1BinaytoCOP
Ano ang sinasabi ng lalaking may red cap?
A: Sino ba’ng ipinagmamalaki mo? Si Mar Roxas? Pwes… sabihin mo sa amo mo, hindi siya magiging pangulo!

B: Bakit? Ano’ng masama sa sombrero ko? Wala kang pakialam kung ‘di swak ang red sa kulay ng balat ko! Gago!

C: Tandaan mo ‘to! Oras na makabawi ako sa survey, babalikan kita! Babalikan kita!

D: Oo, duhat lang kami. Pero maghanap ka ng prutas sa buong Pilipinas, duhat lang ang maitim! Duhat lang ang maitim! #waley #pilitnapilit #PrayForThisJoke

1HHALoyalists
Binay loyalists trooped to the city hall to show their love for Makati’s First Family. The presence of thousands in the rally was a delight for the mayor, the VP, and Jollibee.

Supporters tried to prevent DILG representatives from serving the suspension order Tuesday morning. TV reports described the rallyists as “kapit-kamay” as they expressed their full support for the “kapit-tuko.”

It’s back to (almost) normal in Makati City. Hundreds of Binay supporters who were asked to barricade the city hall can now go back to doing nothing.

OIC
Vice Mayor Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña is now the city’s officer-in-charge. He was sworn in on Tuesday, June 30. It’s the most controversial swearing-in to happen in Makati City since Mar Roxas’s own swearing on Ayala Avenue.

The Problem
Here’s the problem with Makati City: The guys at the top are rich; the people below them are poor. It’s like a pyramid scheme.

House Speaker?
During a recent visit to Navotas City, Vice President Binay announced that UNA interim president and Navotas Rep. Toby Tiangco would likely be the House Speaker under his administration. The announcement shocked critics and some political observers. They couldn’t believe that Tiangco is now a candidate for the Speakership when they thought he was just a candidate for rehab.

index#LoveWins
The US Supreme Court has ruled that the U.S. Constitution provides same-sex couples the right to marry. Gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states. In the Philippines, the CBCP reiterated its stance against same sex union – totally spoiling the celebration of dozens of Catholic priests.

Stalker Mode
According to a recent study, 88 percent of Facebook users have admitted to spending some time looking at their ex’s profile. The rest have no idea what it feels like to even have an ex.
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“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”
~Socrates

Sound Bites
“It will never succumb to any perceived pressure or be blinded or deafened by political grandstanding. It will not tolerate open defiance of constitutional processes or calls for mob rule. This is about the right of the Filipino people to hold their public servants to the highest bar of accountability and to bring them before the bar of justice if they are accused of betraying the public trust.”
~Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales

“It’s easier to shout on the streets and burn effigies than to sit down in talks to find long-lasting solutions to end hunger, ignorance and climate change.”
~DepEd Sec. Armin Luistro addressing UP Diliman graduates

Have a fun July!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Monoblock: ANC; Junjun Binay: GMA News; Binay: ABSCBN News]





TAMA NA, SOBRA NA AT IBA PANG DRAMA

25 06 2015

Statement of Vice President Jejomar C. Binay
Coconut Palace, 24 June 2015

Untitled
What the Vice President told us
(What he really wanted to say)

Mga kababayan:
Ngayon ang bagong simula ng laban sa kahirapan.
(Ganito dapat ang opening: i-mention mo agad ang “kahirapan” para maraming maka-relate.)

Nagbitiw po ako sa Gabinete dahil hindi ako makapapayag na ipawalang-saysay at siraan ang aking mga programang pangmasa na nagtagumpay sa Makati at nais kong mapalawak sa buong bansa.
(Original idea ko ‘yang Pantawid Pamilya Program! Ako ang nagpauso niyan sa Makati. In fact, hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin sila makatawid-tawid! Bakit? Dahil naniniwala ako sa kasabihang, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you will lose votes on election day.”)

Hindi ako papayag na magpatuloy ang kawalan ng katarungan sa bansa.
(Ikulong ang mga Binay! Ikulong! Joke lang! Gago!)

Hindi ako papayag na iilan lang ang magtatamasa ng benepisyong nararapat sa karamihan.
(Bigyan ng cake!)

Dapat magkaroon ng pamahalaang nakikinig at tunay na nagmamalasakit, lalo na sa mahihirap.
(Oo, kayo nga. Mga mahihirap! Ito ang tinatawag na “obligatory mention.” Hindi pa ba kayo sanay?)

Isang pamahalaang puspusang nagsisikap upang lumikha ng higit pang trabaho upang bigyan ng ginhawa ang matagal nang nagigipit na taumbayan.
(Tama ang narinig n’yo! Trabaho! Kaya sa halip na tumambay lang kayo sa inyong mga bahay, maki-rally kayo sa harap ng Makati City Hall. Libre na ang meals, kikita pa kayo!)

Isang pamahalaang magbibigay ng pagkakataong guminhawa at umangat ang buhay ng mga mahihirap.
(‘Yong libu-libong mahihirap sa Makati, hindi talaga sila mahihirap. Nagkukunwari lang ang mga ‘yon. Promise.)

Ito rin ang hangarin ng ating mga kababayan: isang pamahalaang kabaliktaran ng manhid at palpak na pamahalaan ngayon.
(Na hindi ko naman mapapansin kung ‘di ako naungusan ni Grace Poe sa surveys. Pero wala na kayong pakialam do’n, mga hindot kayo!)

Ang nakikinabang sa ipinagyayabang na pag-unlad ay iilan lamang, kasama ang mga piling kaibigan at kapartido ng mga nasa puwesto.
(Of course, kabilang na rin ako at ang aking pamilya pero hindi ko siyempre sasabihin ‘yon dahil mawawalan ng impact ang speech na ‘to.)

Marami na akong pinagdaanang pagsubok.
(Hindi po biro ang maupo sa city hall for 29 consecutive years. Marami talagang pagdadaanan.)

Ilang beses akong ikinulong noong panahon ng Martial Law dahil sa paglaban ko para sa kalayaan at demokrasya.
(Pero ang makulong dahil sa alegasyong pagnanakaw ang ‘di ko talaga kaya. Nakakahiya. ‘T*ng-ina.)

Ngayon, sa ilalim ng kasalukuyang administrasyon, ako ay pinagkakaisahang siraan, hamakin, gipitin, tanggalin bilang pangalawang pangulo at ipapakulong pa.
(Aping-api ako, grabe. Hiyang-hiya naman sa akin ang mga bata sa Navotas na walang pamasahe papuntang school kaya’t dumadaan na lamang sa makipot na kanal. Heto ang link, basahin n’yo!)

At habang ako ay ginigipit at inuusig, hinahayaan naman nila ang malawakang anomalya ng kanilang mga kasama at kapartido: ang Disbursement Acceleration Program (DAP), ang Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) ng kanilang mga kakampi, kapartido, at kaibigan.
(In fairness to me, I’m sure sang-ayon kayo sa isang ‘to.)

Ito ang baluktot na hustisya at pamamahala ngayon. Ang umiiral ay selective justice.
(Sinabi na rin ito nina Jinggoy at E.R. Ejercito noon. Inuulit ko lang para mas intense.)

Iba ang hustisya at mga benepisyo ng mga kaibigan at kaalyado ng partidong nasa kapangyarihan. Ngunit, walang hustisya at walang maaasahang benepisyo para sa nakararami lalo na sa mga mahihirap.
(Obligatory mention of the word “mahihirap” No.3. Additional tip: foment class war. Gatungan n’yo pa ang masa para kaawaan nila ang mga sarili nila hanggang sa ituring kang bayani dahil you care for them.)

Mga kababayan,
(Sa gitna ng speech, kailangang i-mention ko uli kayo para makuha ko ang inyong simpatya.)

May hangganan ang pagtitiis ng isang tao.
(Maniwala naman kayo please. Aping-api na ako. As in. Hindi pa ba kayo convinced?)

Tama na! Sobra na!
(#ThrowbackThursday #TitaCoryDays #ilovethe80s #malinispakaminoon #anongnangyari)

Alam nila na marami sa kanilang kandidato ang hindi mananalo sa isang malinis at patas na halalan.
(Ubo! Ubo! Mar! Ubo! Ubo! Mar!)

Nagpapasalamat ako sa ating mga kababayang nagpahayag sa mga survey na sa kabila ng mga paninira, malaki pa rin ang tiwala nila sa akin.
(From 41 percent in June 2014 to just 22 percent in June 2015?!?? Mga walanghiya! Mga balimbing!)

Sa ating mga mahihirap na kababayan, huwag po ninyo akong alalahanin.
(I know you don’t pero kailangang sabihin ko ito to sustain the drama.)

Kakayanin ko ang lahat ng ginagawa at gagawin pa nilang pagpapahirap sa akin.
(Multimillionaire ako, remember? May pambayad ako sa mga abogado. Tse!)

Ngunit hindi ko kayang tiisin na magpatuloy ang kahirapang hinaharap ninyo sa bawat araw.
(‘Pag ‘di pa kayo naantig sa statement na ito, manhid na talaga kayo!)

Sa mga kalaban ko sa pulitika, sinasabi ko sa inyo ngayon: kung ang layunin ninyo ay paatrasin ako sa pagtakbo bilang pangulo sa 2016, nagkakamali kayo. Hindi ako umaatras sa laban.
(Ngayon pa ba ako aatras eh ang laki na ng naipon kong pondo para sa kampanya? Hashtag Ebeng Baloloy! Hashtag Gerry Limlingan!)

At lalong hindi ko iiwanan ang ating mga mahihirap na kababayan.
(Obligatory mention of the word “mahihirap” No. 5. Check!)

Ako po ang inyong pangalawang pangulo, si Jojo Binay, na laging nagsasabi at taas-noong ipinagmamalaki ang pagiging tunay na Pilipino sa puso at gawa.
(I repeat: Tunay na Pilipino. Ewan ko lang ‘yong iba d’yan. Ubo! Ubo! Grace Poe! Ubo! Ubo! Grace Poe!)

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas! Mabuhay ang sambayanang Pilipino!
(Inuulit ko: sambayanang Pilipino. Kaya ‘yong isa d’yan, ‘di kasama sa mga binati ko. Ubo! Ubo! Grace Poe! Ubo! Ubo! Grace Poe!)
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“Without an informed electorate, politicians will continue to use the bottom billion merely for photo opportunities, rather than promoting real transformation.”
~Paul Collier, The Bottom Billion: Why the Poorest Countries Are Failing and What Can Be Done About It

Sound Bites
“Siguro ganyan talaga ang pulitika sa ating bansa. Baka naman napaisip siya na hindi siya mai-endorso natin kaya kailangang ipakita niyang hindi niya kailangan ng endorsement.”
~President Aquino on Binay’s speech

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Danny Pata/GMA News]





THE RESIGNATION LETTER

24 06 2015

VICE PRESIDENT BINAY has quit the Cabinet. Binay’s one-sentence letter to President Aquino was [probably] the shortest resignation letter ever written by a high-ranking Filipino government official. Evidently, Binay couldn’t stand to be part of the Aquino cabinet even for another sentence.

1Binayletter

The Vice President has submitted his irrevocable resignation effective immediately. According to Mood Meter, this news report made the rest of the Cabinet “jubilant.”

The President has reportedly accepted the Vice President’s resignation. Earlier today, at least five drafts of the President’s reply to Binay reached my Inbox. I’m posting all of them here. Exclusive!

No. 5:
15Noy

No. 4:
14Noy

No. 3:
13Noy

No. 2:
12NoyLetter

And No. 1:
1NoyLetter
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“The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.”
~Shannon L. Alder

UP NEXT: Vice President Binay’s #Hugot Speech





SAY GRACE

21 06 2015

1GPTT
SENATOR GRACE POE has zoomed past Vice President Binay as the top choice for president according to the recent Pulse Asia and Social Weather Stations surveys. Analysts described Poe’s surge as Toby Tiangco’s biggest accomplishment yet.

From 29 percent in March, Vice President Binay got 22 percent in the latest Pulse Asia survey. Binay lost seven percentage points while Toby Tiangco lost his job.

Vice President Binay has a new spokesman: former Cainta, Rizal mayor and former ABS-CBN reporter, Mon Ilagan. As a reporter, Ilagan was trained to tell only the truth and the facts. I wonder how he’ll adjust to his new job.

According to the Vice President, the results of the recent surveys were a “wakeup call.” To reclaim the top spot, he vows to visit more towns, help more OFWs, and prevent Toby Tiangco from opening his mouth again.

sarmiento-m
Liberal Party secretary-general Mel Senen Sarmiento says DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is “still the man to beat” in 2016 despite placing fourth with only 10 percent in the latest Pulse Asia survey. Sarmiento is the representative of Western Samar in Congress. In high school, he was twice voted as “Most Likely to Rely on Miracles.”

What they actually told the media
(What they really wanted to say)

Sen. Grace Poe
Ako ay nagpapakumbabang nagpapasalamat sa tiwalang ipinagkakaloob ng ating mga kababayan.
(Foundling pala huh. O, loko!)

Sec. Mar Roxas
Personally, I was touched and deeply thankful to the people for the 150 percent rise in their trust in me.
(Tumaas na ng 150 percent pero pang-apat pa rin?? Bwakanangina, ano ba ‘toooo?!)

Mayor Rodrigo Duterte
I am not running. It would be against the wishes of my family.
(‘Pag ‘di kayo tumigil sa paulit-ulit na tanong, ipatutumba ko kayo. Yawa!)

Vice President Binay
Mas determinado akong ipagpatuloy ang aking laban para sa taumbayan.
(Hello. Hello, Toby? Toby, choppy ka. Toby, si VP ‘to. Hayup ka! Tingnan mo ‘tong ginawa mo! Gago!)

1Cainta
Last week in Cainta, Rizal…
Question: Ano sinasabi ng mga tao sa picture?
A: Ang hindi lalapit, hindi bibigyan ng bag na may name ni Vice President.
B: Mga bata, smile kayo. Sige na. May mga reporters. Kunwari, masaya kayo’t nakita n’yo kami.
C: O, lapit kayo mga totoy, lapit. ‘Wag kayong matakot. Tao rin kami.

Daddy’s Day
On Sunday, June 21, the world celebrated Father’s Day. Or as Kendall and Kylie Jenner would say, “Ano ‘yon?”

PBB 737
The teen favorite Pinoy Big Brother is on TV again. #PrayForOurYouth

1_12
Frat War
Frat violence erupted again in UP Diliman. Reports say members of the Upsilon Sigma Phi Fraternity attacked four members of the Alpha Sigma Fraternity then fled using a getaway car. Five suspects have been arrested, charged and forced to understand that “It’s already 2015 so stop behaving like you’re in the ‘90s idiots!”
————————————————————————————————————————————–
“Elections belong to the people. It’s their decision. If they decide to turn their back on the fire and burn their behinds, then they will just have to sit on their blisters.”
~Abraham Lincoln

Sound Bites
“Kung mabibigyan pa ako ng ating mga kababayan ng mas higit pang pagtitiwala at pagkakataon, nais ko sanang makapaglingkod bilang pinakamataas na pinuno ng ating Inang Bayan.”
~Former senator Panfilo Lacson

“UP Diliman will act firmly, initiating immediate preventive suspension on students involved in the assault and promptly conduct hearings. We will impose the full penalty for those found guilty, and this is expulsion. There is no place for cowards in UP,”
~UP Diliman Chancellor Dr. Michael Tan

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Grace Poe: Rappler; Tiangco: Inquirer.net; Sarmiento: Congress.Gov; Binay/Cainta: @Team_Inquirer; Frat Men: Katrina Son/GMA News]





GAME OF THRONES

18 06 2015

1JonSnow
FANS OF THE HIT HBO series ‘Game of Thrones’ are still talking about the show’s shocking season ender. One of the most likeable GOT characters, Jon Snow got killed. Aside from Jon Snow, five other characters were murdered in the brutal finalé – described by Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte as “the feel good episode” of the year.

Rumors say Vice President Binay is a fan of ‘Game of Thrones’ and even auditioned once for the role of a White Walker. However, Binay decided to back out when he was cast instead as Tyrion Lannister’s shadow.

1PBR
Yet another unverified report revealed Sen. Grace Poe tried to audition for the role of Sansa Stark. She did not get the role – prompting Binay spokesman Toby Tiangco to say “‘Coz she was more of a ‘wildling.’”

Happy birthday to Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, another GOT fan, I heard! The feisty lawmaker will be perfect for the role of Daenerys Targaryen. You know, the mother of dragons.

The Mayor and the Thief
The mayor of Tanauan City in Batangas ordered a suspected cable thief to walk through the city streets holding a placard with the words, “Ako ay magnanakaw, salot sa lipunan. Huwag akong tularan.” When a small-time suspected criminal is ordered to walk through the streets, it’s called “shaming.” But when it’s a high-profile thief, it’s called “campaign period.”

1Cogeo
Marketing
On Wednesday morning, Vice President Binay visited Cogeo Public Market in Rizal, and distributed wheelchairs to the disabled. Critics say it appears Binay has just started campaigning – which is entirely false ‘coz he started campaigning in 2010.

Full Support
Former Quezon Rep. Danilo Suarez, a staunch GMA ally said the ailing ex-president ordered members of Partido Lakas to support Vice President Binay’s bid for the presidency. A surprised Binay asked, “May Partido Lakas pa pala?”

1DolezalBlack or White
Rachel Dolezal has quit as leader of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People or NAACP-Spokane, Washington chapter after news came out that she misrepresented herself as black. Everyone believed she was a black person until her biological parents came out and revealed that Dolezal was in fact, born white. In an interview following her resignation, Dolezal said, “I identify myself as black.” This case reminds me of our politicians. During elections, they identify themselves as “public servants.”

MRT’s 99 Problems
MRT operations were limited Wednesday morning after a broken track was discovered between Shaw and Boni stations. Just last Monday, passengers were forced to disembark from the train and walk on Guadalupe Bridge when the train stopped at around 6:30PM. For the nth time, the MRT management described it as a “system failure.” Passengers called it a “lifestyle.”

1MRT

And for the 3,694th time, Malacañang said sorry for the glitches at the MRT. Palace spokesman Edwin Lacieda said, “We certainly apologize for the inconvenience to the riding public but we are making sure that all these concerns are being addressed right now.” Also, starting today, a recording of Lacierda’s apology can be accessed online. The next time the MRT bogs down, commuters are encouraged to just listen to it.

NBA Champs
The Golden State Warriors are NBA champs again. The Warriors’ last championship was won 40 years ago. UP last won a UAAP men’s basketball title just 29 years ago. So, heads up, Maroons. Heads up! There’s still hope.

Untitled
Finally, the Golden State Warriors have ended a 40-year title drought. And speaking of drought, President Aquino now holds the record at 55 years.
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“I’m not an old, experienced hand at politics. But I am now seasoned enough to have learned that the hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning.”
~Adlai E. Stevenson

Sound Bites
“I’d rather not even make the playoffs than lose in The Finals.”
~LeBron James after his Cleveland Cavaliers lost to the Golden State Warriors

Congratulations Warriors!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GOT: The Huffington Post; Binay/Poe/Roxas: Inquirer.net; Binay/Cogeo: CNN: Rachel Dolezal: CNN; @JoyCeiLas; MRT: Rich Pangan; Golden State Warriors]





ICYMI: 2015, THE FIRST HALF

14 06 2015

IT’S TIME for the midyear recap again. Ang bilis ng taon! Here are some of my favorite posts from the previous [almost] six months. In case you missed it…


Jinggoy’s Son
Detained senator Jinggoy Estrada was allowed to attend the high school graduation rites of his son at OB Montessori. An ecstatic Jinggoy said, “I’m so proud of him finishing school.” Filipino taxpayers added, “It was all worth it naman pala.”

Taxes
The BIR has a TV ad that shows where your taxes go: infrastructure, education, and social services. Politicians were offended by the apparent snub.

Bullying
Vice President Binay said there should be a law against “bullying public officials.” It will be called “An Act To Prevent Ordinary People From Bullying Those Who Most Certainly Deserve It.”

2016
Political analysts say a presidential candidate needs a campaign war chest of about 10 to 15 billion pesos. That’s the amount you need to apply for “the job.” And of course, you have to answer questions like, “Where do you see yourself depositing your loot in six years?”

President Aquino advised Filipino voters to reject shady politicians in 2016. This has prompted Nancy and Junjun Binay to call the President “racist.”

Several local government officials sponsored a public viewing of the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight last Sunday. It was live and it was free. So thank you Governor, thank you Mayor, thank you Kagawad, and most of all, thank you 2016!

Untitled
In an apparent dig at senator Grace Poe, Vice President Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.” Which begs the question, “Why did you let Nancy run?

Papal Visit
Pope Francis is in the Philippines for a 5-day pastoral and state visit. Or as many Filipino Catholics call it, “Good Behavior Observance Week.”

Responding to Pope Francis’s message to Filipinos, Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle said, “Every Filipino wants to go with you.” And then there was a boisterous applause. Tagle continued, “Every Filipino wants to go with you, not to Rome, but to the peripheries.” And then there was silence. Everyone was like, “Ano raw?! Spell!”

In one of his homilies, the Pope said, “The devil is the father of lies.” He didn’t say though if it’s a congressman, a governor, a senator, a mayor, or a vice president. Basta, mag-ama.

1Bnay
Now it can be told. Security was very tight during the papal visit because there was indeed a threat to disrupt the event. Thankfully, authorities were able to neutralize… Carlos Celdran.

Filipinos learned a lot from the five-day pastoral visit of Pope Francis. They learned to be more disciplined, patient and forgiving. They also learned how to pronounce “nunciature.”

Statement Shirts
Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Roman Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw” shirt during the Visita Iglesia this coming Holy Week. Or to be more specific, wear a ‘Huwag Kang Mayor,’ ‘Huwag Kang Senador’ or ‘Huwag Kang Congressman’ shirt.

Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw’ shirt this Holy Week. Some politicians took offense and vowed to wear a ‘Huwag Kayong Tumanggap ng Donasyon Mula Sa Amin’ shirt.

Fake Priest
The CBCP is warning Catholics about the activities of a fake priest who scammed parishioners in Luzon and Metro Manila. The fake priest officiates masses and solicits money. As opposed to real priests who officiate masses and solicit money.

Ratings
President Aquino’s approval and trust ratings dropped to their lowest levels since he assumed office in 2010. His numbers have fallen. Worse, ER Ejercito is making a movie about it.

Uncle Peping
Former congressman Jose ‘Peping’ Cojuangco wants President Aquino to step down. He said, “I believe God’s hand is now moving in favor of major reforms this country needs.” When sought for comment on Cojuangco’s statement, God said, “Sino ‘yon?”

miss uMiss Universe
The 63rd edition of the Miss Universe pageant concludes Monday morning (Manila time) in Florida. Pre-pageant activities were held last week. In the talent portion, Miss China built an illegal structure on the stage.

Pia and Noy
Reports say President Aquino is dating newly-crowned Bb. Pilipinas Universe, Pia Wurtzbach. Why not? Pia is well-bred, the President is well-bred. Pia is single, the President is single. Pia is gorgeous, the President is single. Let’s give them a chance.

Slow
In terms of Internet speed, the Philippines ranks 21st out of 22 countries in Asia. Our Internet connection is so slow, the punchline of this joke is still loading.
——————————————————————————————————————————————
“I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.”
~Craig Ferguson

1GPTTSound Bites
“… a foundling found in the Philippines is presumed, in the absence of contrary proof, to have Filipino biological parents. Since Grace Poe was found near a church in Jaro, Iloilo, when she was only a few days old, her parents are presumed to be Filipinos. Therefore, she is a natural-born citizen.”
~Former Supreme Court Chief Justice Artemio Panganiban

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Jinggoy, Grace Poe, Toby Tiangco/Inquirer.Net; Pope Francis: Rappler]





THE UNFORGIVEN

11 06 2015

Untitled
THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT of Makati led the celebration of the city’s 345th founding anniversary on Thursday. Yup, 345 – which is also the number of years the Binays have been in power in Makati.

Hardworking
In a press con held Wednesday, Vice President Binay again claimed, “Ampon din po ako.” He said he used to collect kaning-baboy for his uncle’s piggery. This motivated him to work harder. And it paid off. Today, Binay is a multimillionaire who owns an airconditioned piggery.

No, Thanks
Reports say Jinggoy Estrada refused to accept the apology of Eric Dalagan, one of two burglars who broke into his Quezon City home last Saturday. The detained senator narrated, “Pumunta sa kuwarto namin, sa office ng misis ko, and that was when he took some valuables and cash.” Jinggoy wouldn’t comment on reports that he was Dalagan’s role model.

1Jing
Jinggoy Estrada will not forgive the burglars who broke into his home over the weekend. The suspects entered his mansion and took some valuables and cash. In a statement, the detained lawmaker said, “Hindi ko alam kung gawain ito ng matinong tao.” To which, the suspect said, “’Yan din po ang sentimyento ko sa inyo.”

When he was told about the burglary, detained senator Jinggoy Estrada said, “Hindi ko ma-explain ang reaksyon ko; I was really shouting; humihingi ako ng saklolo. I was also helpless.” We can relate.

The suspects who burglarized Jinggoy Estrada’s home defecated in the balcony of the mansion. Giving another meaning to the term “masasama’ng loob.”

Narrating the incident, Jinggoy Estrada said, “Hindi ko ma-express ang reaksyon ko noong Saturday night when my eldest daughter told me na may magnanakaw sa bahay.” He denied rumors though that when his daughter saw a shadow in the kitchen, she yelled, “Dad, have you been released?”

1RLSprint King & Queen
Sprinters Eric Cray and Kayla Richardson ruled the men’s and women’s 100-meter dash at the 28th Southeast Asian Games. Amid the celebration, netizens noticed that the Philippine flag on their uniforms were inverted signifying that the country was in a state of war. This has prompted Beijing to release a very short statement: “Bring it on!”

Filipino-Americans Eric Cray and Kayla Richardson who both grew up in the US, won the gold in the century dash at the 28th Southeast Asian Games in Singapore. Everyone is happy for both of them – except for Toby Tiangco and JV Bautista.

Some sectors have been criticizing sports officials for recruiting Cray and Richardson who both grew up in the US. But Cray said, “If you cherish the traditions of the Philippines, you know it’s a great honor to be able to represent it.” David Pomeranz agreed.

Kidlat
Nancy Binay insisted her father had nothing to do with the recent attacks on Grace Poe. She added, “Wala talaga siyang alam; tamaan na ako ng kidlat ngayon.” When sought for reaction, the ‘lightning’ said, “I don’t want to waste my energy.”

imagesFreedom of Speech
In a recent Social Weather Stations survey, only 54 percent of Filipinos said they have freedom of speech under the current administration. The rest have not discovered Twitter.

New Feature
Apple’s new iPhone feature will track a user’s sexual activity. The feature is called “Browsing history.”

UntitledKrissy Leaving?
Outspoken TV host Kris Aquino said she wants Bimby to experience life in the States so she’s planning to leave for the US in 2016 and stay there for a year. Remember when Kris said that she’s quitting showbiz for Bimby? Me neither.
————————————————————————————————————————————
“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can’t get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don’t care who you are. What goes around comes around. That’s how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.”
~Jessica Brody, The Karma Club

Sound Bites
“Nando’n pa rin ang aking paniniwalang pagdating ng oras ay dadating ako sa yugtong kokonsiderahin niya ako. Konsiderasyon lang naman.”
~Vice President Binay on the possibility of being endorsed by President Aquino in 2016

Happy 345th founding anniversary Makati!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Burglar: Bernadette Reyes/GMA News; Jinggoy Estrada: ABSCBNNews; SeaGames: Ricky Lerma/Inquirer; Kris/Bimby: Push]





THIEVES

7 06 2015

REPORTS SAY thieves broke into the Quezon City home of Jinggoy Estrada before dawn Saturday. When arrested, one of the thieves said they were just “taking back what’s rightfully ours.”

1jINGGOY
Two men broke into detained senator Jinggoy Estrada’s home in Corinthian Hills, Quezon City. The detained senator was shocked and angered by the incident. And Filipino taxpayers were like, “Now you know the feeling.”

Before dawn Saturday, security personnel discovered thieves inside the Estrada home. Authorities believe it’s not the first time.

Eric Dalagan, a Surigao Del Norte native who was arrested for burglary has apologized to Jinggoy Estrada. The suspected thief then added, “Your turn, sir.”

Adopted, Too
When Binay spokesmen Toby Tiangco and JV Bautista raised the “foundling” and residency issues against Grace Poe, the attacks backfired big time. This prompted Vice President Binay to state that he would never mock the neophyte senator because he, too was adopted as a child. In fact, he said, he had a more difficult childhood than Grace. As a 9-year-old, Jojo Binay was tasked to collect ‘kaning-baboy’ for his uncle’s piggery. It also marked the first time the words “Binay” and “collect” were used together in a sentence.

1GPTT
The Binay camp earlier labeled Sen. Grace Poe as a “foundling.” To be fair, Grace has been keeping her cool and has consistently declined to comment on rumors that Toby Tiangco is a Targaryen.

Sen. Grace Poe is reportedly willing to undergo a DNA test. On condition that Toby Tiangco undergo a drug test.

Rejected Again
Vice President Binay reportedly asked Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada to run as his vice president in 2016. Combining their last names, Binay even came up with the portmanteau, BEst (Binay-ESTrada) to describe their tandem. But like Poe and Duterte, Erap said he’s not interested to be Binay’s running mate. Rumors say Jojo Binay is now courting Francis Escudero. In fact, he has come up with an even “sweeter” portmanteau: JoFran.

Dying
Researchers from a Swedish institute have created an online tool that calculates a person’s risk of dying in the next five years. Among those who were predicted to die in 5 years were people who answered “Yes” to the question, “Are you a small-time street criminal from Davao City?”

1LoiBirthday Mom
Former first lady Loi Ejercito celebrated her birthday last week. Some of the guests couldn’t believe she’s already 85. They thought she’s only in her 60s. To prove her real age, Doktora Loi agreed to submit to carbon dating.

It was a star-studded birthday bash for the 85-year-old former senator. The party’s theme was “the Pleistocene.”

Among the guests were Doktora Loi’s two childhood friends who brought with them their favorite pets: a pair of mastodons.

Former Makati City mayor Elenita Binay who attended the party was introduced by Erap as “the country’s next first lady.” It was just one of a dozen Erap jokes that night.
————————————————————————————————————————————-
“We hang the petty thieves and elect the great ones to public office.”
~Aesop

Briefly Noted: The Early Birds
Politicians with advertisements or political ads that have recently aired on TV and radio. Kung may na-miss ako, please leave their name/s in the comment section. Thank you!

Vice President Binay
Sen. Bongbong Marcos
Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano
Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte
Valenzuela Rep. Sherwin Gatchalian
Former senator Ping Lacson
Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno
Sen. Serge Osmeña III
Leyte Rep. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez
Oriental Mindoro Rep. Reynaldo Umali
PAGIBIG Fund President and CEO Darlene Berberabe
Energy Sec. Jericho Petilla
DILG Sec. Mar Roxas
MMDA Chair Francis Tolentino
TESDA Dir. Gen. Joel Villanueva

A 30-second primetime TV ad costs no less than half a million pesos! You do the math.

Hello 2016!

Sound Bites
“Ang problema nito, I am old. Second, I don’t have the energy anymore. I do not have the money and I don’t want to ask.”
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte on why he’s not running for president

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Burglar: Erika Sauler/Inquirer.net; Grace Poe: Rappler; Toby Tiangco: Inquirer.Net; Loi Ejercito/GMA News]





exPOEsed!

4 06 2015

CITING RESIDENCY ISSUES, Binay spokesperson Toby Tiangco claims Sen. Grace Poe is not qualified to run for higher office. He showed a document that would allegedly prove this. The title of the document was ‘Panic Button.’

1GPTT
Of late, Vice President Binay’s spokespersons, Toby Tiangco and JV Bautista have been attacking Sen. Grace Poe. Observers lament, “Pati ba naman sa pag-atake, may dummy pa rin?”

On Wednesday, Vice President Binay denied having anything to do with Toby Tiangco’s exposé on Sen. Grace Poe. Defending UNA, Nancy Binay said Tiangco acted on his own. The Binays’ statements prompted the World Health Organization to declare June 2 as the new Global Handwashing Day.

Top 5 Issues To Be Raised About or Against Grace Poe By UNA Interim President Toby Tiangco Soon

No.5: Grace Poe and Chiz Escudero are secret lovers.

No. 4: Grace Poe has tiyanak roots.

No. 3: Grace Poe is a Lannister.

No. 2: Grace Poe and Nancy Binay are sisters; fraternal twins to be exact.

And the No. 1 issue to be raised about or against Grace Poe by UNA’s Toby Tiangco soon…
Grace Poe was born male. Her real name was Bruce Jenner Poe.

1OscarOidaMRT Woes
These days, thousands of MRT passengers have to wait longer in kilometric lines before they could get inside the train since only 7 MRT trains are operational. Originally, there were 60 trains. Last year, the number dropped to 20 then 14, and 9, and now, 7. Apparently, the target was to have zero operational trains. The government is on the right track. Congratulations!

Quitting
Amid allegations of corruption, Sepp Blatter announced that he would resign as president of FIFA, football’s governing body. He made the surprising decision to step down after having a serious talk with his children Nancy, Junjun, and Abigail Blatter.

1VPCaitlyn Jenner
Olympic champion Bruce Jenner has completed his transition from man to woman. Here are some of the reactions to this hot item:
President Aquino: Buhay pa naman siya, ‘di ba? Hindi naman siya namatay.

E.R. Ejercito: Abangan po ninyo ang ang gagawin kong pelikula tungkol sa kanyang katapangan.

Grace Poe: ‘Yan naman ang mahalaga: ang pagiging tapat. ‘Tsaka, qualified naman siya.

Toby Tiangco: Kulang pa ng taon ang pagiging lalaki niya. Hindi siya dapat pinayagang maging babae.

JV Bautista: Dapat tapusin niya muna ang pagiging lalaki niya bago siya mag-ambisyong maging babae.

Vice President Binay: Wala akong kinalaman d’yan.

Tito Sotto: Ibalik sa closet!

Kris Aquino: Nakakaloka!

Biennial Sports Meet
The 28th edition of the Southeast Asian Games is being held in Singapore. In 2009, the country ranked 5th in the medal tally. In 2011, we finished 6th while in 2013, we placed 7th. In case you didn’t know, the goal of our government’s sports program is to put the country at the bottom of the medal standings. So far, so good.

1VPSan Andreas
The disaster film “San Andreas” is still showing in the Philippines. It tells the story of a public servant who abandoned his duty – after a magnitude 9.6 earthquake struck – to save his daughter and estranged wife using government resources.

A similar movie is in the works in the Philippines. In the project, a strong quake will also hit the country but public servants will not abandon their duty. They will choose to stay and continue misusing government resources.
—————————————————————————————————————————–
“Desperation can make a person do surprising things.”
~Veronica Roth, Allegiant

Sound Bites
“Marami nga at may ilang kongresista diyan ang tinitirhan nilang bahay ay iba sa tinatakbuhan o kinakatawan nilang lugar. So sana maghunos-dili ‘ika nga at manalamin ang ilan sa mga nagsasalita.”
~Sen. Chiz Escudero to Binay spokesman Toby Tiangco who’s claiming that Grace Poe cannot run for a higher post due to residency issues

“Hindi ko po kinakailangang magtago sa likod ng isang tagapagsalita.”
~Sen. Grace Poe answering Toby Tiangco’s ‘exposé’

“We are running against ourselves.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay reacting to reports that UNA is afraid of Grace Poe

Have a great day!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Grace Poe: Rappler; Toby Tiangco: Inquirer.Net; MRT: Oscar Oida/GMA News]





DISASTER DRILL

31 05 2015

ON JULY 30, the MMDA will conduct a metro-wide earthquake drill. For five hours (that’s from 3PM to 8PM), there will be no electricity in Metro Manila. Or as Mindanaoans would call it, “ordinary day.”

1C
During the earthquake drill, traffic lights won’t function which may result in traffic jams. Motorists have a term for that – “everyday.”

Mobile phone services will also be shut down. No Instagram. No Twitter. No Facebook. It will be a productive day at the office.

A metro-wide earthquake drill will be conducted on July 30 from 3PM to 8PM. That’s five hours. During the first three hours, there will be search and rescue drills. In the next two hours, there will be free viewing of the film “San Andreas.”

Prepared
According to Phivolcs, Makati is the most earthquake-ready city in Metro Manila. It has four ambulances, a fire truck, a rescue emergency van and an amphibious vehicle. The city has also procured two chainsaws, spreader, cutter, ramp, two circular saws, palm nailers, chipping hammers, demolition hammers and protective gear. Not sure if these are for disasters or for Sonny Trillanes.

1CBack to School
The Department of Education is ready for the opening of School Year 2015-2016. In fact, everything is in place: poor facilities, teacher shortage, and cramped classrooms.

K+12
President Aquino continues to push for the full implementation of the controversial K+12 program. DepEd’s basic education program covers Kindergarten and 12 years – not just 10 – of basic education. K+12 aims “to provide sufficient time for mastery of concepts and skills.” In fact, 12 years may not still be enough. President Aquino was a lawmaker for 12 years before he became president.

Liable
Vice President Binay is hurting. This, after Sen. Grace Poe signed the Senate Blue Ribbon subcommittee report recommending the filing of plunder charges against him. Poe believes that the Binays are liable for the overpricing of the construction of the Makati City Building II. In her defense, who doesn’t?

1C
No Smoking
According to the World Health Organization, tobacco kills six million people every year. In 1988, WHO passed a resolution marking May 31 as World No Tobacco Day – to raise awareness on the health-related risks of smoking. In observance of World No Tobacco Day and to help eliminate tobacco from the face of the earth, President Aquino will light up and smoke an entire pack of cigarettes.

The Department of Health says 240 Filipinos die daily from smoking-related diseases. Tito Sotto refused to believe the figure and demanded to see the death certificates.

Crime Prevention
To combat crime, 32 CCTV cameras were installed at the corner of Edsa and Taft Avenue in Pasay City. The DILG says theft and robbery are rampant in the area. Next week, CCTV cameras will be installed in the Senate, Batasang Pambansa, and city halls.

1CBad Advice
‘Eat Bulaga’ host Tito Sotto got flak from the LGBT community for telling, albeit jokingly, a homosexual father, “Ibalik sa closet!” Critics scored Sotto’s brand of humor and advised him, “Ibalik sa ‘80s!”

Beware!
Reports say there’s a single text message that has the ability to crash an iPhone when opened. The text message goes something like, “Reply YES to receive the latest KathNiel and JaDine updates.”

1CUnlimited
Google has unveiled a free online photo service that will provide unlimited storage of photos. Apparently, Google assumed that thousands of selfies and food pics on Instagram were not annoying enough.
———————————————————————————————————————————-
“Preparation doesn’t assure victory, it assures confidence.”
~Amit Kalantri

“Marami pa ring kababayan natin at sector na hindi sineseryoso [ang earthquake drills]. Unang una, nanonood lang tapos minsan nagtatawanan pa.”
~MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino

“Minsan ho talaga ang mga kritiko natin, sila lang talaga ang anak ng Diyos; sila lang ang magaling. Kaya bahala na ang Diyos sa kanila.”
~President Aquino on the K+12 critics

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Fault: Tremors Instigators.Io; Classroom: Asti Flores/GMA News; Tobaco: Holidays Images; Sotto: Indolent Indio; Napoles Party: Rappler]





WANTED: RUNNING MATE

27 05 2015

1PBR
OPPOSITION COALITION UNA has reportedly begun screening potential candidates for vice president. This, after Sen. Grace Poe and Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte rejected a possible team up with Vice President Binay in 2016.

A written test for interested applicants was leaked online. Here’s a copy of the sample questionnaire.

UNA sa balota!
UNA sa paglilingkod sa masa!

Applicant No. _____

Buong Pangalan: ________________________
Edad: _______
Sex:
[ ] Twice a week [ ] Male [ ] Female
[ ] It’s Complicated [ ] Walang kasarian ang paglilingkod!

May secret bank account sa (markahan lahat na posibleng sagot):
[ ] Switzerland [ ] Cayman Islands [ ] British Virgin Islands
[ ] Others _________________ [ ] Ulol! Wala ako n’yan!

Dating Partidong Kinaaaniban: _____________________
Dahilan ng Pagkalas:
[ ] Wala silang pera
[ ] Wala silang tsansang manalo
[ ] Balimbing lang talaga
[ ] Prinsipyo! (Jooooke!)

Vice-President-Jejomar-Binay
Layunin ng Pagsusulit:
Gaano mo kakilala si Vice President Binay? Karapat-dapat ka bang maging running mate niya? Gaano kalaki ang tiwala mo sa kanya at sa partidong kanyang pinamumunuan? Maaasahan ba namin ang iyong katapatan sa UNA?

Ikaw ay may sampung minuto upang tapusin ang pagsusulit na ito. Start!

1: Bakit gusto mong tumakbo bilang running mate ni Vice President Binay?
A: Naniniwala ako sa kakayahan niyang pamunuan ang bansa.
B: Wala akong masyadong pondo para sa kampanya. At least siya, meron na.
C: Kung mananalo kaming pareho ‘tapos mai-impeach siya in two or three years, #AlamNa.

1B
2: Noong 2010 elections, sumikat ang linyang, “Ang kandidato ko, may B. Ang kandidato mo ba, meron din?” Ano ang ibig sabihin ng B?
A: Baloloy
B: Billions
C: Binay

3: Ano ang masasabi mo sa alegasyong nagpayaman si Vice President Binay noong mayor pa siya ng Makati?
A: Sorry, the number you have dialled is either unattended or out of coverage area. Please try your call later.
B: Pinupulitika lamang siya ng mga kalaban.
C: Can I use a lifeline?

1ct
4: Kung totoong tagahanga ka ni Vice President Binay, dapat nasusubaybayan mo ang kanyang buhay. Tanong: ilang taon nang nakaupo sa city hall ang kanyang pamilya?
A: 29 years
B: 1000 years
C: (Hashtag) #MayForever

5: Alin ang mas mahalaga: kandidatong may karanasan o kandidatong tapat?
A: Thank you so much sir for that wonderful question. Good evening ladies and gentlemen, good evening Makati! You know what sir, in my 50 years of existence, I can say that there is nothing major, major, I mean issue against experienced leaders. Because I’m very confident of VP Binay and the love that he gives me and the people of Makati. So thank God that Binay is here. Thank you. Thank you so much.
B: Alam ko kung ano ang pinupuntirya ng tanong mo: Binay or Poe. May choice ba ako?
C: Karanasan saan? Please elaborate.

1PDIpoor
6: Kumpletuhin ang very catchy jingle ng ating mahal na bise presidente: “Kay Binay gaganda ang _______.”
A: buhay
B: building
C: bigay

7: Vice President Binay, former Makati City Mayor Elenita Binay, Sen. Nancy Binay, Cong. Abigail Binay, and Mayor Junjun Binay. Ano ang stand mo sa isyu ng political dynasty?
A: Walang political dynasty! Ang political dynasty ay nasa puso ng tao, nasa puso nating lahat. Walang political dynasty!
B: Ano bang masama sa sama-samang paglilingkod sa taumbayan? Fault ba nila kung suportado sila ng mga taga-Makati? Kasalanan ba nila kung tuwing eleksyon ay sila lamang ang nananalo? Masisisi ba natin ang pamilyang ‘yan kung suportado sila ng mga maralitang taga-lunsod? Oust Noynoy!
C: Ayaw ko munang sagutin ang tanong na ‘yan. Baka ‘di ako mapiling running mate eh, mahirap na. Next question please.

1B
8: Ano ang ibig sabihin ng N sa acronym na UNA?
A: Nationalist
B: Nognog
C: Nakaw

9: Ang iginagalang nating pangalawang pangulo ay national president din ng isang grupo ng kapuri-puring mga kabataan na dedicated sa kanilang ginagawa. Anong grupo ito?
A: El Gamma Penumbra
B: Boy Scouts of the Philippines
C: Directioners

10: Kung hindi ka mapipiling running mate ng ating mahal na bise presidente sa 2016, sino sa tingin mo ang dapat maging VP candidate ng UNA?
A: Si Gerry Limlingan. Ilang buwan na niyang pinatutunayang never niyang ilalaglag si VP Binay. Super loyal siya.
B: Si Dr. Elenita Binay – para magtala siya ng record bilang kauna-unahang concurrent First Lady at bise presidente ng bansa. Binay-Binay! For the win sa 2016!
C: Si Noynoy Aquino. Opposites attract ‘di ba kaya perfect tandem sila: Inexperienced si Noynoy; experienced si VP; Bagong dugo si Noynoy, beterano si VP; hindi nagnanakaw si Noynoy, beterano si VP.

indexBonus Question
Sa pelikulang ‘Paano Ba Ang Mangarap’ nina Vilma Santos at Christopher De Leon, anong pangalan ang paulit-ulit na binanggit ng hysterical na si Ate Vi? Heto ang bahagi ng linya niya: “Wala akong pakialam! Ibalik mo sa akin si ________. Ibalik mo sa akin ang anak ko! Ibalik mo sa akin si ________. Ahhhhhhhh!” [Nahulog sa hagdan]
A: Jojo
B: Nancy
C: Junjun

Congratulations! Ang iyong pagsusulit ay nagtatapos dito. Hintayin ang tawag ng partido kung ikaw ay uusad sa ikalawang bahagi ng screening: ang panel interview. Again, don’t call us. We’ll call you.

Good luck at maraming salamat sa iyong pagtitiwala kay Vice President Binay at sa ating partido.
UNA sa balota!
UNA sa paglilingkod sa masa!
——————————————————————————————————————————-
“The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, “How is the president?”
~ Will Rogers

july-6_rodSound Bites
“’Pag ako ang presidente, I will warn you I do not covet the position. ‘Pag naging presidente ako, magtago na kayo. ‘Yung 1,000 na ‘yan it would reach 50,000. I will kill all you [expletive] breaking the life of the Filipino miserable. Papatayin ko talaga kayo. D’yan mo makita tataba ‘yung isda sa Manila Bay. D’yan ko kayo itatapon.””
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte

Stay safe. Always.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Binay 1: GMA News; Binay2: PhilStar.Com; Makati City Hall: Christian Bederico on Flickr; Makati poverty: Inquirer.net; Duterte: @mikevchua]





DISASTERS

23 05 2015

index
THE CHIEF OF POLICE of Carmona, Cavite was sacked after he was caught on video torturing a suspected thief. For a change, the suspected thief was tortured. Normally, we elect them.

Rejected
Just days after Abigail Binay described a Binay-Poe tandem in 2016 as “ideal,” Sen. Grace Poe said she doesn’t see herself teaming up with the Vice President because, “Sa istilo ng paninilbihan, marahil ay talagang magkaiba kami. Naniniwala ako sa katapatan at pagiging bukas para mabusisi ng ating mga taumbayan.” She uttered those words because saying “Ayaw ko sa corrupt!” would be rude and libelous.

imagesAlternative
A day after Grace Poe rejected a Binay-Poe tandem in 2016, Vice President Binay said he’s considering Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte as a potential running mate in next year’s elections. But Duterte says he’s not keen on running for vice president because he doesn’t have millions or billions to wage a nationwide campaign. And Vice President Binay was like, “Maliit na bagay.”

Rejected by Grace Poe, Vice President Binay is after Rodrigo Duterte. Tough-talking Duterte is after robbers and thieves. In the words of Grace Poe, “conflict of interest.”

Campaign Chest
Political analysts say a presidential candidate needs a campaign war chest of about 10 to 15 billion pesos. That’s the amount you need to apply for “the job.” And of course, you have to answer questions like, “Where do you see yourself depositing your loot in six years?”

Determined
Liberal Party stalwart and Caloocan City Rep. Edgar Erice says Mar Roxas will not slide down to be Grace Poe’s running mate in 2016. Or as Toby Tiangco put it, “the best news of the week.”

imagesLRT Accident
Two LRT trains collided early Sunday morning. Apparently, power fluctuation affected the signaling system and one of the drivers lost control. I was tempted to make a joke but it would be out of line.

Scrabble
New words like sexting, lolz, emoji, thankx and twerking made it to the latest edition of “Collins Official Scrabble Words.” But that’s kinda expected. You know what’s surprising? People still playing Scrabble these days.

Slow
In terms of Internet speed, the Philippines ranks 21st out of 22 countries in Asia. Our Internet connection is so slow, the punchline of this joke is still loading.

imagesThe Big One
When asked to rate the readiness of the MMDA in case of a strong earthquake, Chairman Francis Tolentino said, “50 percent.” To be fair, the MMDA is 100 percent ready for the this year’s MMFF.

Earthquake Movie
As the Philippines prepares for ‘The Big One,’ Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, in a recently uploaded promotional video – invited Filipinos to watch the disaster film ‘San Andreas.’ Well played, Warner Bros. Well played.

Loveless
Bb. Pilipinas-Universe Pia Wurtzbach told GMA News that she’s loveless right now and has no time for romance as she’s busy preparing for the Miss Universe pageant. In totally unrelated and unverified news, President Aquino has not eaten a meal for a day now and has refused to talk to anybody.

Just Friends
Kris Aquino recently clarified that she and Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista were “never lovers.” To which the public said, “We’re never interested.”

images
Pac-Man
Last May 22, Pac-Man turned 35 years old. And just like an ordinary 35-year-old who won’t stop eating, Pac-Man is probably overweight right now.

Born in 1980, Pac-Man just turned 35. And just like an ordinary 35-year-old, Pac-man still believes in ghosts.
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.”
~H. L. Mencken

Sound Bites
“I don’t have money and I don’t want to beg for money. This Vice President … I have to spend but I don’t have the money. I don’t like asking around for money, especially from other politicians because I don’t want to incur debt of gratitude.”
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte on reports that VP Binay considers him as a potential running mate

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Cartoon: ToonPool.com; Binay/Duterte: Rappler; LRT: Dennis Datu/DZMM]





SHOTS FIRED

19 05 2015

1PBR
IN AN APPARENT DIG at senator Grace Poe, Vice President Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.” Which begs the question, “Why did you let Nancy run?”

“Honest”
Reacting to Vice President Binay’s statement, neophyte senator Grace Poe says it is also important to have “honest leaders.” The Vice President and his UNA spokespersons have yet to respond. Rumors say they’re busy looking up the meaning of the word “honest” in the dictionary – which, some people believe is not in their vocabulary.

Poe-Roxas
Some members of the ruling Liberal Party are reportedly open to the possibility of Mar Roxas sliding down to run for vice president again. There’s no word yet from Korina Sanchez if she’s open to the possibility of becoming an ex-future first lady again.

1ERPoe-Escudero
While LP stalwarts are pushing for a Poe-Roxas tandem, other LP members wanted a Poe-Escudero ticket. Everybody wants to run with Poe. And the party is obviously divided. In contrast, there’s nothing but harmony within the Binay camp. There’s no first choice or second choice for a running mate. Nobody wants to run with the Vice President.

Rematch?
If Mar Roxas decides to run for president, it will be a rematch of sorts between him and Jojo Binay in 2016. If you would recall, Roxas lost to Binay in 2010. Even Compubox scores showed Binay winning. Roxas would later admit in a press con that he was in pain and was actually hurting when he fought Binay. During the campaign, he sustained an injury called ‘NoyBititis.’

The Good Wife
Reports say former Makati City mayor Elenita Binay wants his husband, Vice President Binay to drop his bid for president. In other news, Mrs. Binay will appear as guest on “Celebrity Bluff.”

1ERHeat Index
The weather bureau cautions Metro Manila residents as they face another scorching week. It’s so hot these days, Makati City Hall employees had to gather beside filing cabinets where building contracts and other controversial deals were kept – just to be near something shady.

Heat Index II
The heat index is a measure of human comfort or discomfort due to the combined effects of heat and allegations of graft and corruption.

SALN
The net worth of each senator has been made public. It was based on the 2013 Statement of Assets and Liabilities. Otherwise known as Fiction Writing 101.

Richest
Sen. Cynthia Villar is the richest and only billionaire member of the Senate. She owns subdivisions, buildings, businesses, villages, and Manny Villar.

Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla who are both facing plunder charges are the fourth and fifth richest members of the Senate. According to their SALN, the two senators’ total net worth was 375 million pesos. To which, taxpayers said, “You’re welcome.”

1ERFeminist?
[Have you seen Mad Max: Fury Road? You should!] A popular “men’s rights activist” blog is calling for a boycott of Mad Max: Fury Road saying the high-octane, post-apocalyptic action flick promotes feminist agenda. Which explains the movie’s working title: America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 22.

Going Local
Citing criticisms hurled at MJ Lastimosa’s Colombian-made gown in the 2014 Miss Universe pageant, Parañaque City Representative Eric Olivarez filed a bill seeking to require Filipino beauty queens to wear gowns created by local designers when competing in international pageants. In his bill, the congressman also mentioned that MJ’s national costume could have cost her the Miss Universe crown. Olivarez’s proposed measure is called “The Can’t Move On Act of 2015.”

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When asked to comment on the “relevant” bill filed by Congressman Oivarez, his constituents replied, “Sino ‘yon?”

Fake Priest
The CBCP is warning Catholics about the activities of a fake priest who scammed parishioners in Luzon and Metro Manila. The fake priest officiates masses and solicits money. As opposed to real priests who officiate masses and solicit money.
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“To win the people, always cook them some savoury that pleases them.”
~Aristophanes, The Knights

Sound Bites
“I sincerely believe that the issue in this coming election—for the presidency particularly—is experience and competence.”
~Vice President Binay

“Tama naman s’ya. Kailangang may karanasan at kakayanan pero higit sa lahat, katapatan. Sa tingin ko naman hindi ang haba ng serbisyo ang kailangang batayan kung hindi kalidad ng serbisyo at katapatan.”
~Sen. Grace Poe

It’s Your Fault!
Is your residence near the earthquake fault? Here’s a list from Phivolcs /via GMA News. Be prepared!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Poe/Binay/Roxas: Inquirer.Net; Chiz/Roxas: Inquirer.Net; Cartoon: PixShark.com; MJ Lastimosa: Interaksyon]





FROZEN

15 05 2015

KRIS AQUINO announced Friday on Instagram that she’s doing a movie with former almost boyfriend, Herbert Bautista. It will be helmed by Antoinette Jadaone who wrote ‘English Only Please’ – and directed ‘That Thing Called Tadhana.’ The Bistek-Krissy movie has two working titles: ‘That Thing Called Kampanya’ and “Senate Only Please.”

1kris
Ano ang iniisip ng tatlong tao sa picture?
HB: May choice ba ako? Political career ko na ang nakataya rito. Sayang din ang publicity at boto. Bahala na.

AJ: Smile na lang ako. Basta. Ayaw kong mag-elaborate. NO. Hindi n’yo ako mapipilit magsalita. AYAW KO.

KA: Ang bait mo talaga Lord. Lahat nang hilingin ko, ibinibigay mo. Care bears na lang sa mga naiinggit d’yan. #excited #kilig #KathNielvibe #JaDineAngPeg #nagsusumixteen

AMLC vs. Binays
According to the Anti-Money Laundering Council, the Binays’ own firm was also the supplier of the birthday cakes given to senior citizens of Makati City. The AMLC probe only proves that the Binays can have their cake and supply it too.

1kris
The AMLC has noted that the Binays’ trusted aide and alleged dummy, Gerry Limlingan earns only 30,000 pesos a month and yet he maintains bank deposits of almost 2 billion pesos. I wonder what his job is aside from filling out deposit and withdrawal slips.

The Court of Appeals has ordered a freeze on some 200 bank accounts and other assets of Vice President Binay, his kin, alleged dummies, and even former allies turned critics. Vice President Binay says the AMLC report is part of a conspiracy to destroy him. To which, the AMLC said, “What’s there to destroy?”

Punishment
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un reportedly executed his defense chief in public for falling asleep in meetings. The punishment was described by his loyal followers as “fair,” and by Lito Lapid as “harsh.”

1krisTragic
At least 72 factory workers were killed in a fire that hit a footwear factory in Valenzuela City last Wednesday. Curious observers want to know: What caused the fire? Why the huge number of fatalities? Why them, and not those elected officials who stole our money?

Questions
In 2004, FPJ’s citizenship was questioned when he ran for president. Today, the same issue is being used against Sen. Grace Poe who’s performing well in surveys. Poe is upset to hear reports that some groups are planning to question her citizenship. Meanwhile, Vice President Binay is also upset to hear that some groups are planning to question his race.

Mayor Lapid?
In 2016, Sen. Lito Lapid will seek the mayoralty of Angeles City in Pampanga. Voters were shocked. Lito Lapid is still a senator?!?

Calling his previous wins ‘tsamba,’ two-term senator Lito Lapid admits he is not suited for his job as a lawmaker. He has learned his lesson. Hopefully, the voters too.

1krisLifetime Ban
A lifetime ban has been imposed on PBA D-League coach Alvin Pua for punching a referee during a recent game. Pua, who was suspended six games in the past for mauling referees in two separate matches, was also fined half a million pesos. The PBA will ask the Samahang Basketball ng Pilipinas to ban Pua as well. Now jobless as a coach, Pua can now concentrate on his other passion: boxing.

Royal Monkey?
The management of a zoo in Japan has apologized for naming a baby monkey, ‘Charlotte‘ in honor of the new royal baby. Angry Britons suggested another name for the monkey: Camilla.
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“Three groups spend other people’s money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision.”
~Dick Armey

Sound Bites
“Hindi naman ako bagay dito. Tsamba-tsamba lang sa Panginoon at sa tulong ng aking mga kababayan.”
~Lito Lapid admitting that lawmaking wasn’t suited for him

“Siguro ang isang partido ay nanginginig na kasi ang pambato nila ay mababa pagdating sa survey. So desperate, ‘di ba?”
~Nancy Binay on AMLC’s report

Have a fun weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino on Instagram; Binay: GMA News; Fire: Straits Times; Alvin Pua: GMA Network]





SLAM BOOK SERIES: BINAY FTW!

12 05 2015

SOMETHING I started in 2012 at the height of the Corona impeachment trial is making a return this week: this blog’s ‘Slam Book Series.’

And since the 2016 election is just a year away, we will feature the potential candidates for president and vice president. First up: the slam book entry of perceived frontrunner, Vice President Jejomar Binay. This is just for fun. Enjoy!

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“Ambition is a lust that is never quenched, but grows more inflamed and madder by enjoyment.”
~Thomas Otway

Sound Bites
“It is apparent that there is an unscrupulous group that is trying to condition the minds of the public that the Vice President is guilty of a wrongdoing by mere perception without the benefit of a fair and impartial appreciation of the parties’ respective positions.”
~Atty. Rico Quicho on the misreported indictment of VP Binay

Good luck!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Jojo Binay by Sarah Black]








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