NEWS QUIZ

12 05 2011

HAVE YOU BEEN READING or watching the news lately? Find out how much you know about recent and current events by taking this quiz. No Googling please! Don’t cheat. Lawmakers and generals hate competition.

1: Naging paksa ng mga usapan ang halagang 13 pesos and 35 centavos (P13.35) kamakailan. Ano nga ba ito?
A: Presyo ng isang latang sardinas
B: Ang offer na daily wage hike ng mga employers
C: Ang dagdag sa tinatanggap na Emergency Cost of Living Allowance (E-Cola) ng minimum wage earners
D: Limos para sa mga laborers na walang choice

2: To cushion the impact of rising fuel costs, namigay ng Smart cards ang pamahalaan sa mga jeepney at tricycle drivers. Bahagi ito ng Pantawid Pasada program ng gobyerno. Magkano ang laman ng bawat card na tinanggap ng mga jeepney drivers (good for one month)?
A: P1,100
B: ‘Wag nang magreklamo. Ang importante, meron.
C: P1,500
D: Anong sabi n’yo? Maliit? Eh ‘di magreklamo ka sa presidente mong panot!

3: Sino ang babaeng nasa larawan?

A: Ang sinibak na executive ng LTO na si Virginia Torres, shooting buddy ng pangulo
B: Si Marie Peña Ruiz, ang beteranang reporter na ayon sa tsismis ay siya raw bagong apple of the eye ni Pangulong Aquino
C: Si Mary Ruth M. Ferrer, spokesperson ng Sandiganbayan na nagsabing legal ang plea bargain agreement sa pagitan ng Ombudsman at ni retired Major General Carlos F. Garcia
D: Malay ko! Hindi siya sikat!

4: Kung si Antonio Trillanes IV ang poorest senator, sino naman ang second poorest?
A: Tao ba ito? Hiwalay ba sa asawa?
B: Member ba siya ng Noy-Bi team?
C: Galit ba sa kanya si Korina Sanchez?
D: Senator Francis “Chiz” Escudero

5: Sinong public interest lawyer ang abogado rin ng nagsarang Banco Filipino at mortal na kaaway ngayon ng Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas?
A: Atty. Leonard De Vera
B: Atty. Salvador Panelo
C: Atty. Ely Pamatong
D: Atty. Harry Roque

6: Tumaas nang mahigit apat na milyong piso ang yaman ni Pangulong Aquino ayon sa kanyang Statement of Assets and Liabilities and Net Worth. Ano ang paliwanag ng palasyo?
A: “Walang ilegal sa amount na ‘yon. Bahagi ‘yan ng ‘di nagastos na campaign contribution ng kanyang kapatid na si Ms. Kris Aquino.”
B: “The President has always been transparent with his wealth. Wala siyang itinatago.”
C: “Nagbenta ng lote sa Antipolo City ang ating Presidente.”
D: “Apat na milyong piso ang halaga ng Porsche. Public knowledge ‘yan”

7: Isang hapon…
Official No.1: Kaya nga ipatawag natin ang tatlong lider para ma-settle natin kung ano ang deadline.
Official No. 2: Who will set the deadline?
Official No. 1: No, no, no! Of course, we consult them before we set the deadline.
Official No. 2: Nooo! Nooo! Nooo!
Official No. 1: Kaya nagkakagulo eh, ini-insist lang natin ang gusto natin.
Official No. 2 walks out.
Sino ang magkausap?
A: Cong. Mikey Arroyo at BIR Commissioner Kim Henares sa isyu ng deadline sa pagbabayad ng buwis
B: Mga immature na pulitiko at taong-gobyerno
C: Basta! Isa sa kanila Samar; ‘yong isa, Balay! Sure na. Final answer!
D: Makati Mayor Junjun Binay and DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo sa Laperal Compound

8: Kamakailan ay naaresto sa Taguig City si Arabani Jakiran, a suspected member of the Abu Sayyaf terrorist group. Security guard siya sa Pacific Towers Plaza. In defense of Jakiran, isang kilalang tao sa lipunan ang nagsabing more than six years na raw naglilingkod ang suspek bilang guwardiya sa sosyal na condominium. Sino itong personalidad na ito na gusto yatang maging lawyer ni Jakiran?
A: Manny V. Pangilinan
B: Tessa Prieto-Valdez
C: Jaime Augusto Zobel De Ayala
D: Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco

9: Napag-uusapan na rin lang ang pag-aresto… dinakip ng NAIA security si Enrico Del Rosario Aldaba kahapon, May 11 for alleged possession of prohibited drugs. Patungong Palawan umano ang suspek at nang malapit na ito sa airport security screening area, nilulon daw nito ang isang sachet ng shabu. Matapos dalhin sa himpilan ng pulisya, isang Cabinet secretary ang nagtungo roon. Pinsan pala ng kalihim ang suspek. Sino si Cabinet Secretary?
A: Foreign Affairs Secretary Albert F. Del Rosario
B: Tourism Secretary Alberto Lim
C: Executive Secretary Paquito Ochoa
D: Hindi ako interested kay Secretary. Pero ito lang ang masasabi ko sa suspek: kung nagugutom ka, mag-rice ka! Tanga!

10: May bagong advocacy si Cong. Manny Pacquiao. Anong organisasyon ang napili niyang maging partner?
A: CBCP! Siyempre, anti-RH Bill si Manny!
B: Bantay Bata
C: Gawad Kalinga
D: GMA Kapuso Foundation! Obvious naman ‘di ba? (‘Nood kayo lagi ng Shumi Damani!)

Bonus Questions
No. 1: Ano ang bagong pamagat ng programa ni Willie Revillame sa TV5?
A: “Wil Time, Big Time”
B: “Cashiyahan Para sa Bayan”
C: “Willing Wilyonaryo”
D: “Malay Ko, Pakialam Ko!”

No. 2: Ano ang nangyari sa reporter na ito ng ABS-CBN na si Niko Baua?

A: ‘Yan ang bagong uniform ng ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs kapag demolisyon ang iku-cover. Astig!
B: Tinamaan ng bato na inihagis ng mga squatters na pinapalayas sa Laperal Compound
C: Nakipagsapakan sa reporter ng GMA7 na si Ivan Mayrina dahil sa agawan ng puwesto sa kinu-cover na demolition ng squatters. Itinago ng dalawang networks ang balita. Now you know!
D: Wala lang. Trip lang n’yang ibalot sa malamig na tela ang kanyang ulo. Kasi naman, sobrang init talaga ng panahon ngayon.

No. 3: Sino ang babaeng ito?

A: Ang dating yaya ni Prince William na si Lillie Piccio
B: Ang alleged illegal recruiter na si Tita Cacayan
C: Si Rosel Jakosalem Peñas, ang hina-hunting na bilas ni Pilar Pilapil
D: Dating showbiz scribe na si Portia Ilagan na tauhan na ngayon ni Sen. Bong Revilla

No. 4: Para “Oras-oras, alam mo…”
A: Magbasa ng Libre, ang free newspaper ng Philippine Daily Inquirer
B: Tumutok sa GMA News TV
C: Makinig sa Tambalang Failon at Webb sa dzMM
D: Mag-enrol sa Gapuz Review Center

No. 5: “Nagdaan na naman ang isang araw ng pagbabalita. Isang araw na bahagi ng kasaysayan. Sa ngalan ng bayan sa ilalim ng nag-iisa nating… “
A: Saksi
B: Watawat
C: Aksyon
D: Bandila

Modernong Talasalitaan
Makabagong kahulugan ng mga salita, parirala o pangungusap batay sa mga kaganapan sa ating kapaligiran. Ang kahulugan ay maaaring madagdagan, mabawasan, o maiba depende sa mga susunod na pangyayari.

>Indirect Bribery: Ang pagnanakaw ng mahigit tatlong daang milyong piso mula sa kaban ng bayan. See “plunder.”

>Plunder: Wala nang gano’n. Hindi na uso ‘yan. Kapag nagnakaw ka ng limampung milyong piso o higit pa mula sa kaban ng bayan, ibalik mo lang ang kalahati at ayos na ang butu-buto. See “indirect bribery.”
——————————————————————
“Never awake me when you have good news to announce, because with good news nothing presses; but when you have bad news, arouse me immediately, for then there is not an instant to be lost.”
~Napoleon Bonaparte

You Have Spoken
Ano ang masasabi n’yo sa napipintong pagpasok ni former Senator Mar Roxas sa pamahalaan?
- Great! Kailangan ng gobyerno ang kanyang husay at talino. 15.65%
- Lalong titindi ang tensyon sa pagitan ng Samar at Balay groups. 53.06%
- Let’s see. 31.29%

Enjoy your weekend! Ingat!
Los Angeles Lakers for life!

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REFLECTIONS

21 04 2011

NAGSIMULA NA ANG bakasyon ng mga bituin pero dahil mainit pa rin ang mga usapin, narito ang kanilang bonus na mga pangitain – Holy Week Edition!

Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez
Magpapako ka sa krus. Habang nakapako, magpa-press con at ihayag sa media: “Hinding-hindi ako bababa sa puwesto.” Maraming matutuwa sa ‘yo!

Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz
Dahil sinimulan mo na rin lang noong Lunes Santo, panindigan mo na ang pagiging “marriage counselor” mo. ‘Yan na lang kasi ang titindig sa ‘yo.

Pangulong Aquino
Kung binabantaan ka nila ng excommunication, bantaan mo sila ng taxcommunication. ‘Wag pasindak. Takutan lang ‘yan.

Vice President Jejomar Binay
Hindi mo na kailangang mag-Visita Iglesia. Proven na naman ‘di ba?. Nanalo ka pa rin kahit si Mar ang inendorso nila.

Ex-Senator Mar Roxas
Samantalahin ang nalalabing araw ng bakasyon. Less than a month na lang, puwede ka nang magtrabaho sa palasyo. Pag-isipan ang mga iniaalok na puwesto… ngunit tanggihan ang offer na maging First Lady ng Pangulo. It’s just awkward pare!

Cong. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Ito ang tamang panahon upang mag-isip, magmuni-muni, at magtanong: hanggang kailan ko susuportahan si Merci Gutierrez? Paano ko maibabalik ang tiwala ng tao? Dapat ko bang ishare ang aking beauty secrets? Bahala ka na.

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Samantalahin ang Senate recess. Aralin ang pagluluto ng ibang putahe. Nakakaumay na ang adobo mo kasi. Tse!

Marlene Aguilar a.k.a. Jason Ivler’s mother
Hindi kayang basahin ng mga bituin ang iyong kapalaran. May sarili ka kasing mundong ginagalawan. Heto na lang ang sampung piso, bili ka ng kausap mo!

Willie Revillame
Ilang araw na lang at matatapos na ang iyong bakasyon from television. Why not extend it? Say, for… ever?

And finally…
Cong. Mikey Arroyo
Matutuloy ang plano mong pagpapapako sa krus sa Pampanga. Pero huwag umasang mapapagitna ka. Either sa kanan o sa kaliwa ka ng bida. Alam mo na!

In the News:
According to Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz, it would be better for President Noynoy Aquino to remain single. Just in case you missed it, Cruz is the self-appointed presidential adviser on heart concerns.

Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz says people who get hitched at age 40 or above usually end up having unstable marriages. In totally unrelated news, Mar and Korina have canceled their plan to hear mass today.

TV Patrol Poll
A TV Patrol survey last Tuesday revealed that 62 percent of viewers wanted President Aquino to marry. The rest were bishops.

Christmas/Easter
According to a Social Weather Stations survey, 57 of Filipinos consider Christmas more important than Easter Sunday. The rest grew up without a ninong/ninang. #bitter

The Last Supper
A Cambridge University research suggests the Last Supper, traditionally marked by Christians on Maundy Thursday actually took place on a Wednesday. Another research reveals Good Friday was actually bad.

Based on the research conducted at Cambridge University, Jesus’ arrest, interrogation, and separate trials did not all take place on one night only. He was able to get a TRO for 24 hours day.

A new research reveals that the Last Supper actually took place on a Wednesday not on Maundy Thursday. You know what that means? Starting next year, Wednesday will be a holiday! Yehey!
——————————————————-
“There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.”
~George Bernard Shaw

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IKAW NA NGA!

10 04 2011

“NITONG MGA NAKARAANG ARAW, marami pong tumitira sa akin lalo na sa Twitter. Nanahimik lang ako. Pero hindi ko na talaga kaya ang ginagawa nila sa akin. Sina Aiza Seguerra, Lea Salonga, Jim Paredes, Agot Isidro, Bianca Gonzales, K Brosas, Tuesday Vargas, Mylene Dizon, Thia Megia, Maria Aragon at ang buong Talent Center ng ABS-CBN… lahat sila nakikisawsaw po sa isyu! Bakit? Ano ba ang nagawa n’yo para sa sambayanang Pilipino? Ano ba ang naitulong n’yo sa ating mga kababayan?

Subukan n’yong lumabas sa gate at mamigay ng pera sa mahihirap, sa special children, sa matatanda, at sa mga nangangailangan! ‘Yan ang dapat n’yong gawin, hindi ‘yong tira kayo nang tira, at Twitter kayo nang Twitter, mga walang career!

Ikaw Jim Paredes, matagal mo na akong tinitira. Sa Friendster pa lang tinitira mo na ako. Get elected first as barangay captain, then let’s talk. Ikaw naman Lea Salonga, Ingles ka nang Ingles! Akala mo ba ‘di ko naiintindihan ang mga tweets mo!? Nagkakamali ka! Dalawa ang dictionary ko sa bahay! At ikaw Tuesday Vargas! Kapatid mo ‘ko, huwag mo akong tirahin. For your information, sa aking show galing ang ipinapasuweldo sa ‘yo! And you, Aiza Seguerra! Hindi ka magkakaanak, tandaan mo ‘yan! Pagdating ng panahon, mauunawaan mo ako! And finally, ikaw Maria Aragon, ‘di ba exploitation ang ginagawa sa ‘yo? Kumakanta kang kasama si Lady Gaga na nakapanty at nakabra lang! Sino ngayon ang nang-aabuso?

‘Yang DSWD at Commission on Human Rights, hinusgahan agad nila ako! Napakaraming dapat asikasuhin pero ako ang tanging nakita nila. Ikaw Secretary Soliman, maraming street children sa streets! Unahin mo sila! At ‘yang highlights mo, ‘di na uso ‘yan!

Sa Human Rights commissioner, maraming OFWs po ang nakakulong! Asikasuhin n’yo muna ang mga kababayan nating tulad ni Ronald Singson bago n’yo ‘ko tirahin!

Pinag-iinitan n’yo ba ako dahil si Vetellano Acosta ang sinuportahan ko noong eleksyon? I will stick with him dahil amusing siya!

Kayong lahat na tumira sa akin, hahanapin ko ang mga tweets n’yo! Kahit wala akong Twitter, hahanapin ko pa rin! Idi-demanda ko kayo! Humanda kayo! Idi-demanda ko kayo!

Aaminin ko, ilang advertisers na rin ang nag-pull out ng kanilang commercials. Masakit po ang ginawa nila. ‘Yang Mang Inasal na ‘yan, napakasama ng asal! Nang-iiwan sa ere. ‘Yong Procter & Gamble, sobrang personal ng sulat n’yo. Pati hair and make up ko, pinapakialaman n’yo. Wala naman akong hinangad kundi ang magpasaya ah. Hindi po ako nang-abuso o nang-molestya. Nasa edad na ‘yong mga seksing dancers! Pumayag sila! At ‘yong mahigit pitumpung namatay sa Ultra, hindi ko kasalanan ‘yon! Kasalanan ng ABS-CBN ‘yon! Gusto nila ng ratings, ayun, tumaas ang ratings ng newscast nila.

Sa ABS-CBN, alam n’yong totoo ang sinasabi ko! Hindi ako natatakot sa inyong demanda. Marami akong lalabas na witness. Kay Mr. M, Johnny Manahan, salamat sa ‘di mo pagtalikod sa akin. Lipat ka na kasi rito! Tara na!

Kay MVP, you’re the best! Maraming salamat sa iyong suporta. Akala ko noong una, iiwan mo rin ako dahil sa pressure ng Inquirer, ng mga columnists, civil society, at ng mayayamang tao sa Twitter at Facebook. Pero mali ang aking akala. Surprisingly, suportado mo pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. Apir!

Magpapahinga po muna ako sa susunod na dalawang linggo. Dadalhin ko muna ang yate ko sa Boracay. Pag-iisipan ko pa kung babalik ako sa industriyang ito.

Ipagdasal po ninyo na sana ay makabalik ako at ang ating programa dahil kung hindi… sinong mamimigay sa inyo ng pera? Sinong mamumudmod sa inyo ng papremyo? Sinong tutulong sa mahihirap? Sinong magpapasaya sa mga nalulungkot? Sinong magpapakain sa mga nagugutom? Sinong magtatanggol sa mga walang laban? Sino ang pag-asa ng sambayanan?

Ako lang.

Maraming salamat po sa inyong suporta!”


ACCORDING TO PAGASA, summer will officially start this week. No wonder, Mikey Arroyo and Willie Revillame have been feeling the heat.

Willing Willie
Willie Revillame delivered a 25-minute speech Friday night. He blasted his critics and blamed the previous network for his woes and other unfavorable developments. And President Aquino was like, “Sus! Gaya-gaya ka naman eh.”

While some of his sick and poor fanatics shed tears, Willie Revillame announced on television that he’d go on a two-week break. Rosa Rosal can’t wait to get her job back.


TV host Willie Revillame is taking a two-week break from television. TV5 can now remove the “Parental Guidance” sign on the TV screen.

Willie Revillame said if advertisers would continue to abandon his show, he’d seek the help of network president Ray Espinosa and network boss Manny V. Pangilinan, “even if we lose profit.” To which MVP said, “Bawiin mo ‘yan!”

Willie Revillame delivered a 25-minute speech last Friday evening. The opposition described the speech as lacking in substance as it failed to tackle land reform, economic goals, and foreign policy.


Embattled Ombudsmen
The good news: In the wake of complaints and criticisms hurled against him, Deputy Ombudsman Mark Jalandoni has reportedly quit his post. The bad news: He told his supporters that he’s just taking a two-week break “upang pag-isipan kung babalik pa ako sa industriyang ito.”

Two weeks ago, President Aquino fired Deputy Ombudsman Emilio Gonzalez III. Last week, Deputy Ombudsman Mark Jalandoni resigned. These developments have prompted Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez to stay saying, “The captain must not abandon a sinking ship.”

Aquino’s Lovelife
According to a Newsbreak report, President Aquino and stockbroker Len Lopez have stopped dating. Sought for comment, Kris Aquino said, “No reaction.” Palace spokespersons said, “No comment.” Shalani Soledad said, “No surprise!”


MY UNIMPEACHABLE SOURCE IN SINGAPORE has identified Sabrina Chua of Channel News Asia as the new apple of the eye of President Noynoy Aquino. Is this true Mr. President? Good luck then.


Hungry Filipinos
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 51 percent of Filipinos considered themselves poor. The rest were in denial.

Modernong Talasalitaan
Makabagong kahulugan ng mga salita, parirala o pangungusap batay sa mga kaganapan sa ating kapaligiran. Ang kahulugan ay maaaring madagdagan, mabawasan, o maiba depende sa mga susunod na pangyayari.

1. Political harassment: Kapag ‘di ka nakabayad ng tamang buwis sa pamahalaan
Halimbawa: “Uy Congressman! Totoo bang kinasuhan ka ng tax evasion?”
“Nooo! Hindi tax evasion ‘yon! Political harassment ‘yon!”

2. “I invoke my right against self incrimination.”
: Guilty as hell. Nagsisinungaling. Nagpapalusot.
Halimbawa: “General, ikaw ba ang last na gumamit ng CR na hindi nag-flush?” “Your honor, I would like to invoke my right against self incrimination.”

3. Reseta: Nauusong instrumento upang makontrol ang pagbebenta at pamamahagi ng kahit ano na lang. Wala lang. Trip lang.
Halimbawa: “Ale, pabili nga ng load.” “Load? Kuha ka muna ng reseta.”
—————————————
“Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.”
~Colin Powell

You Have Spoken
Sa pagsasampa ng BIR ng kasong tax evasion sa mag-asawang Mikey at Angela Arroyo, your take:
- Dapat lang! 66.79%
- Gumaganti lang! 23.1%
- Aalamin ko muna ang detalye. 10.11%

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TOUGH LUCK

7 04 2011


SUMMER NA! Bakasyon na ang mga estudyante. Malapit na rin ang Holy Week. Dahil d’yan, maging ang mga bituing gumagabay sa mga pulitiko at taong-gobyerno ay nasa vacation mode na rin. Pero bago sila mag-break, narito muna ang kanilang payo at babala sa ilang personalidad sa lipunan.

President Noynoy Aquino
Birth: February 8, 1960
Sign: Aquarius

Sa pag-ibig: Huwag ituring na setback ang latest heartbreak. Sanayan lang ‘yan. May ibang babae para sa ‘yo. Ang problema nga lang: baka hindi ikaw ang lalaki para sa kanila. Bahala na.

Sa kalusugan: Ayaw ka naming takutin pero ayon sa pag-aaral, ang average smoker ay umaabot lamang sa edad na 69. Hindi pa huli ang lahat. Tigilan mo na ‘yan.

Sa trabaho: Paramdam ka pa nang konti. Lagi na lang si Binay eh.

Lucky Tip of the Day: Huwag hayaang makawala ang suwerte. Isara ang bibig kapag ‘di naman nagsasalita.

Vice President Jejomar Binay
Birth: November 11, 1942
Sign: Scorpio

Sa pamilya: So far, so good. Lahat ng sinimulan mo sa Makati City, ipinagpapatuloy ng iyong unico ijo. And when we say lahat, we mean lahat! Tuloy ang maliligayang araw.

Sa trabaho: Umanin ka! You are so enjoying this. Ikaw na ang maging bida sa balita araw-araw! Nangangamoy 2016 na!

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Birth: June 1, 1948
Sign: Gemini

Sa kalusugan: Tataas ang blood pressure mo. Hinay-hinay lang sa pagkain ng adobo’t embotido.

Sa trabaho: Tama ang desisyon mong tanggihan ang alok ng isang giant network na mag-host ng isang cooking show. Hindi kasi ito magri-rate.

Sa pamilya: Isang teen actor ang magki-claim na ikaw ang tatay niya. Huwag maniwala sa kanya. Hindi mo siya anak. Ewan ko lang ‘yong kapatid niya.

Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez
Birth: Unknown
Sign: Delikado!

Sa pag-ibig: Itigil ang ilusyong crush ka pa rin ni Rudy Fariñas hanggang ngayon. Hindi bagay sa ‘yo ang mag-blush. Ang sagwa eh.

Sa trabaho: Ay, meron ba? May ginagawa ka? In fairness, hindi halata.

Sa kalusugan: Habang papalapit ang iyong impeachment trial, magkakaroon ka ng insomnia. Ganyan talaga kapag ayaw patulugin ng konsensya.

Lt. General Jacinto Ligot
Birth: Won’t tell
Sign: Won’t tell

Sa kalusugan: Kakapitan ka ng isang rare disease. Ito ang tinatawag na “Kris Aquino Syndrome.” Kapag ipinatawag ka ng Senado, lahat ng pangyayari sa buhay mo, mabaho man o mabango ay isisiwalat mo sa publiko. Panalo!

Sa trabaho: Hindi na kailangan. Sa laki ng nakamal mong salapi, mag-relax ka na lang. Kapal ng mukha lang ang kailangan.

Sa pag-ibig: Bantayan ang galaw ng iyong misis. Kilalanin ang kanyang dance instructor. Magsaliksik at alamin rin ang kahulugan ng terminong “cougar.”

Willie Revillame
Birth: January 27, 1961
Sign: Aquarius

Sa trabaho: Wala ka talagang kadala-dala. Bitbit mo pa rin sa Singko ang mga natutunan mo sa kabila. Magbago ka na!

Sa pag-ibig: Huwag nang umasa sa babaeng pinopormahan mo ngayon. Kahit langit at buwan pa ang iregalo mo d’yan, hindi ka niya magugustuhan. Manhid ka ba? Hindi ka niya type!

Manuel V. Pangilinan
PLDT Chairman

Birth: July 14, 1946
Sign: Cancer

Sa trabaho: Patuloy na mag-iingay ang ilang kongresista at kukuwestyunin ang acquisition ng PLDT Group sa Digitel/Sun Cellular. Well, dating gawi. Simulan mo na ang pagkukuwenta. Magkano ba sila?

Sa pag-ibig: Kung saan ka masaya, suportahan ta ka. Huwag intindihin ang mga tsimoso’t tsismosa. Hindi mo kasalanan kung “can afford” ka. Inggit lang sila.

Marlene Aguilar-Pollard
Birth: No records available
Sign: 1/4 Ophiucus , 3/4  Unidentifiable

Sa pagsasalita: Engaging ka. In fact, your histrionics unite people. Kapag napapanood ka nila, sama-sama at sabay-sabay silang nagmumura!

Sa pagiging ina: You’re incomparable.

Sa takbo ng pag-iisip: You’re irreparable.

AT SUMAINYO ang isa na namang edisyon ng mga hula at babala ng mga bituin. Kung nais n’yong malaman ang inyong sariling kapalaran, right click here.

German or Jewish?
The Department of Health says 90 percent of Filipino men are circumcised. The rest have partners who pretend to be happy.

Tax Evaders?
The Bureau of Internal Revenue has filed charges against Ang Galing Party-list Rep. Mikey Arroyo and wife, Angela Montenegro for their alleged failure to remit 73.85 million pesos in taxes to the government. But Mikey’s lawyer, Ruy Rondain explains the BIR should have given his client ample time to reply. After all, it’s not that easy to produce fake receipts.
————————————–
“The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government.”
~Barry Goldwater

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang sinasabi ng babaeng nakadilaw sa larawan?
A: “Ayaaaan, ssshwak na sshwak ang bago mong pustisho! Ang saya-saya… ‘no?!”
B: “O, ‘wag kalimutan sha 2013 huh! “Arroyo sha balota… ire-elect sha Pampanga!”
C: “Hello there! You smile at me when you say hello there!”

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: It’s over for PNoy & Len

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TABLOIDS

15 03 2011


Pilipino Star Ngayon: PUP nagsuspinde ng klase dahil sa nuclear radiation scare!
|> Bakit? Nasaan ba ang PUP? Sa Fukushima?

Pilipino Star Ngayon: PUP nagsuspinde ng klase dahil sa nuclear radiation scare!
|> Ang maniwala sa sabi-sabi…

Bandera: Radiation, kumalat sa text!
|> Patay ang texter??

Bandera: Willie Revillame, senador o mayor?
|> Patay ang voter!


Abante Tonite: Mar balik-Taiwan!
|> Baka nagustuhan ang bottomless iced tea

Abante Tonite: Isandaang kandila para sa impeach Merci
|> Alin ang sisindihan? ‘Yong kandila o ‘yong Ombudsman?

Abante Tonite: Pangulong Noynoy, iwas-karne tuwing Biyernes
|> Karne, iwas-Noynoy tuwing Sabado hanggang Huwebes. (Quits lang.)

People’s Tonight: Ban sa mga plastik, ipinanawagan ng dalawang kongresista
|> Mga artista, umalma!

Abante Tonite: Rosanna Roces, mukha na talagang laos
|> Sino nga ‘yon?

Report: Porn actress Maria Ozawa says Japan will overcome hardships. |> Inspiring words from someone who has overcome hard-ons.

Report: Facebook Tokyo asks Tokyo people to stop overstocking
|> Facebook Philippines ask PUP people to stop overacting
——————————-
Peter Griffinn: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance: The five stages of buying gas.

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NEWS/CASH

8 11 2010


STARTING MONDAY, November 8, a former vice president, a former congressman, and a former senator’s wife will anchor ‘TV Patrol.’ Apparently, there was ‘politics’ in the drastic change.

TV5 is unfazed by the changes on ‘TV Patrol.’ On ‘Willing Willie,’ it will field an ex-future First Lady.

Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad said she was persuaded to accept the co-hosting offer of TV5 because she’ll be doing “public service.” When NBN4 executives heard this, they said, “Sayang! Had we known, inoffer sana namin sa kanya ang ‘Damayan!’”

Shalani Soledad has joined TV5 as co-host of Willie Revillame’s game show. This confirms her break up with the president.

In an interview, Willie Revillame said Shalani Soledad reminded him of the late Princess Diana. Shalani returned the compliment by telling Willie he reminded her of Princess Punzalan.

Radical changes are being implemented by ‘TV Patrol’ and ‘Willing Willie.’ Meanwhile, GMA 7 is monitoring both stations, beinte-kwatro oras.

‘TV Patrol’ has two new anchors; ‘Willing Willie’ has a new co-host… and ’24Oras’ has a new plug.

Meanwhile…
Sources say Karen Davila has yet to decide on her next move after being annihilated from ‘TV Patrol.’ Karen dismissed rumors she’s joining ‘Pilipinas, Win na Win.’

To give way to Julius Babao, Henry Omaga Diaz was removed from the late-night newscast ‘Bandila.’ He has since been given a ‘morning’ assignment.

Ces Drilon, the significant other of a Presidential Communications Group secretary will remain on ‘Bandila.’ This info was leaked to the press even before an official announcement was made.

The popular children’s show ‘Batibot’ is also making a TV comeback via TV5. Remember Big Bird on ‘Sesame Street?’ Rumors say ‘Batibot’ will have a similar female character. To give you an idea of how she would look like, right click here.

Light Bites
Elizabeth Barrett Browning:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

President Aquino to Mar Roxas:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the null votes.”

President Aquino to Interior Undersecretary Rico E. Puno:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the guns.”

Vice President Jejomar Binay to “brod:”
“How do I love thee? Let me count the defense lawyers.”

Supreme Court to UP Law:
“How do I love thee? Let me copy some ways.”

Mai Mislang to Vietnam:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the pogi.”

Gabby Lopez to Noli De Castro:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the cash.”

Congressman Kapalmuks to pork barrel:
“How do I loot thee? Let me count the ways.”

CBCP to LBTG Rights advocates:
“How do I loathe thee? Let me count the gays.”

Exec. Secretary Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa to Vina Morales:
“How do I love thee? Let me drink to that!”

ABS-CBN to Willie Revillame:
“How do I loathe thee? Let me count the suits.”

First Philippine Industrial Corp. (FPIC) to West Tower Condominium residents:
“How do I ‘leak’ thee? Let me count the pipes.”

Karen Davila to ABS-CBN:
“How do I leave thee? Let me count the offers.”

Hayden Kho to Vicki Belo:
“How do I love thee? Let me count the surgeries.”

Councilor Shalani Soledad to President Aquino:
“How do I spite thee? Let me count on Willie.”
——————————————
“When television is good, nothing is better. When it’s bad, nothing is worse.”
~Newton N. Minow

Survey Says
Sinibak ka sa TV Patrol, ano ang gagawin mo kung ikaw si Karen Davila?
- Wala lang. Deadma. Tanggapin ang Bandila. 22.65%
- Masakit. Baka sundan ko ang aking mister sa TV5. 51.22%
- Mag-iisip muna ako. Relax lang. 26.13%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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WANTED: RUNNING MATE

7 10 2009

Sen. Noynoy Aquino has Sen. Mar Roxas. Deposed president Joseph Estrada has Mayor Jejomar Binay. Sen. Chiz Escudero and Sen. Loren Legarda have each other, and Sec. Gilbert Teodoro has a tree.

villar-pic Less than two months before the filing of certificates of candidacy, Sen. Manuel Villar has yet to name a running mate. Desperate to find one before the next major survey, rumor has it Mr. Sipag at Tiyaga has begun screening interested applicants for the VP slot. In fact, a portion of the written test for potential candidates was leaked to the Professional Heckler by a rejected applicant. But the camp of the good senator was quick to deny that such test existed and dismissed the document as “black propaganda.” Nonetheless, I am re-printing a sample of the questionnaire here.

Partido Nacionalista
Paghahanda Para sa Halalang Pampanguluhan sa Taong 2010
Aplikante sa Pagka-Pangalawang Pangulo Bilang: 4

Buong Pangalan: ________________________
Gamit na Alyas sa Bank Account sa Switzerland: _________________

Kaaarawan at Eksaktong Gulang: ___________________ Are you sure? __________

Kasarian: [ ]Lalaki [ ]Babae [ ]It’s Complicated [ ]Walang kasarian ang paglilingkod!

Estadong Sibil: [ ]Walang Asawa [ ]Kasal [ ]May Kinakasama/Hindi Kasal [ ]Hiwalay
[ ]Kabit [ ]Nagpaplanong Iwan Ang Asawa] [ ]Maraming kinakasama at okay lamang sa kanila ang ganoong set up

Paniniwalang Panrelihiyon: [ ]Romano Katoliko [ ]Iglesia ni Kristo [ ]Born-Again Christian [ ]Protestante [ ]Born-Again pero present lagi sa celebration ng birthday ni Bro. Mike Velarde sa Luneta [ ]Katoliko pero present lagi sa birthday celebration ni Bro. Eddie sa Ultra [ ]Sumasamba sa Pera [ ]Satanista [ ]Walang pinapaniwalaan

Dating Partidong Kinaaaniban: _____________________
Dahilan ng Pagkalas: [ ]Wala silang pera [ ]Wala silang tsansa [ ]Variety is the spice of life

Layunin ng Pagsusulit: Gaano mo kakilala si Senador Manuel Villar Jr? Gaano kalaki ang tiwala mo sa kanya at sa partidong kanyang pinamumunuan? Maaasahan ba namin ang iyong katapatan sa Lapiang Nacionalista?

Panuto: Ikulong sa hugis-bahay na larawan ang titik na kumakatawan sa iyong napiling kasagutan. Kapag hindi hugis-bahay ang ginamit sa pagmamarka ng titik, wala kang makukuhang puntos kahit tama pa ang napiling sagot. Doble ang mababawas sa kabuuang iskor kapag ang titik ay ikinulong sa larawang hugis salamin, hugis puno, hugis padyak, o hugis jeep.

villar_lettersa Ito ang halimbawa ng katanggap-tanggap na paraan ng pagmamarka ng sagot.

Ito naman ang mga halimbawa ng maling paraan ng pagmamarka sa napiling sagot:
villar_letters
Ikaw ay binibigyan ng labinlimang minuto upang tapusin ang bahaging ito ng pagsusulit. Simulan.

1: Bakit mo nais maging running mate ni Sen. Manuel Villar Jr?
A: Naniniwala ako sa kanyang katapatan at kakayahang maglingkod sa bayan
B: Baka sakaling ma-impeach siya, eh ‘di ako ang magiging presidente!
C: Marami siyang pera. Matalo man ako, may extra-kita pa!

2: Kumpletuhin ang linyang ito mula sa isang patalastas ni Senador Villar: ‘Akala mo petiks, ‘yun pala mali. Akala mo conyo, ‘yun pala laking-Tondo. Akala mo trapo, ‘yun pala ________________.”
A: Trapo talaga!
B: Ka-tropa Mo!
C: Trapong Discreet!

3: Ano ang masasabi mo sa alegasyong dinoble ni Senador Villar ang pondo para sa kontrobersyal na South Luzon Expressway to Sucat leg ng C-5 road extension project?
A: Nang marinig ko ang isyu, lumuwa ang buwa ko
B: Maraming mambabatas ang gumagawa n’yan, hindi lamang siya
C: Malicious! Libelous! Paninirang-puri sa kagalang-galang na senador!

4: Ano ang ibig sabihin ng mga titik na S at T sa S&T advocacy campaign ni Senador Villar?
A: Sipag at Tiyaga
B: Sardinas at Tilapya
C: Subdivision at Tirahan

5: Naniniwala ka ba sa mga lumabas na survey kamakailan kung saan nangunguna si Sen. Noynoy Aquino sa hanay ng mga nais maging pangulo?
A: Kinda.
B: Hindi popularidad ang kailangan sa palasyo. Mas mahalaga ang abilidad!
C: Wish ko lang ma-sustain niya until May.

6: Sinu-sino ang nasa larawan?
villar_boys
A: Magigiting at batam-batang senatorial bets ng Nacionalista Party ngayong 2010
B: Pampabango, pampapogi, pampakilig, panghatak sa crowd
C: Mga overage na kalalakihang nagtangkang mag-audition last week sa Starstruck 5

7: Ilang ‘house and lot’ ang ipinamigay ni Senador Villar sa isang guesting niya sa programang Wowowee?
A: Anim! Sure na! Kapuri-puri ang kanyang ginawang pagtulong sa mga kababayan nating OFWs. Mabuhay ka Senador!
B: Oh presidency na makapangyarihan/ Kapag pumasok ka sa puso ninuman/ Gagawin ang lahat masungkit ka lamang!
C: Hindi ako nanonood ng Wowowee!

8: Kung mananalong pangulo si Senador Villar at ikaw naman ay mahahalal na bise presidente, saang ahensya ng pamahalaan mo gustong maitalaga bilang concurrent chief?
A: Sa Customs na lang para mabilis mabawi ang nagastos sa eleksyon
B: Sa DPWH para mapangasiwaan ko ang C5 road extension project
C: Anywhere! Ang mahalaga, kapit-bisig kaming maglilingkod sa sambayanan

9: Sino ang nasa larawan?
villar_cynthia villar
A: Ang Pinakamayamang Babae sa Balat ng Lupa
B: Siya ang susunod nating First Lady! Si Madam Cynthia Aguilar-Villar, kinatawan ng lone district of Las Piñas Ziteee!
C: Hindi masyadong clear eh. Photoshopped ba ‘yan?

10: Naniniwala ka ba, nang buong puso’t kaluluwa na mananalo si Senador Villar sa pagka-pangulo sa darating na halalan?
A: Oo naman – kung hindi umatras si Mar at ‘di namatay si Tita Cory
B: Magkano?
C: Walang duda! Siya ang susunod na presidente!

Bonus Questions
1: Described by Wikipedia as numerically halfway between red and yellow in a gamma-compressed RGB color space, ito ang paboritong kulay ni Senador Villar:
A: Itik brown
B: Orange: Ang kulay ng pagbabago
C: Like I care!

2: Kakaiba ang closeness niya kay Senador Villar. May lumabas pa ngang balita na plano niyang tumakbo sa pagka-alkalde ng Quezon City sa ilalim ng Partido Nacionalista. Sino ang nasa larawang ito?
villar-willier
A: Joey De Leon
B: Lolit Solis
C: Willie Revillame

Ang iyong pagsusulit ay nagtatapos dito. Hintayin ang tawag ng partido kung ikaw ay uusad sa ikalawang bahagi ng screening: ang Panel Interview. Isa lamang ang pipiliin bilang opisyal na kandidato ng Partido Nacionalista sa pagkapangalawang pangulo para sa susunod na halalan! Kung hindi ka man mapili, huwag mawalan ng pag-asa. May tsansa ka pa kay Brother Eddie. Ipagpatuloy mo lang ang iyong sipag at tiyaga.

Good luck at mabuhay ang masang Pilipino!

villar_tg Notice to the Public
This is to inform everyone that Bukidnon Rep. Teofisto ‘TG’ Guingona III whose picture appears herein has ceased to be connected in anyway with the Nacionalista Party effective October 7, 2009. Any transaction – political, sexual, or personal entered into by him for or on behalf of the party is deemed illegal and self-serving, and shall not be honored by NP.
________
“The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, “How is the president?””
~ Will Rogers

Survey Says
Among these party-list representatives, who would you likely vote for senator?
Akbayan’s Rissa Hontiveros-Baraquel: 31%
Bayan Muna’s Teodoro Casiño: 9%
Gabriela’s Liza Maza: 3%
None of the above 57%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
If you want this blog to win the Reader’s Choice Award in the 2009 Philippine Blog Awards, just key in CHIKKARC L17 and send to 2929. Voting is extended until October 8. It’s okay though if I don’t get to walk away home with a trophy on Friday. The more important thing is… I have you. [Cheeeeeessy!]





LOYALTY

23 09 2009

enrile Enrile on Estrada
Before Senator Lacson delivered Part 2 of his privilege speech on former president Joseph Estrada, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile took the floor to defend his good friend Erap, and extolled the ousted president’s sincerity, honesty, loyalty, and kindness. As Enrile was heaping praise after praise on Erap, people started wondering: Was he delivering a privilege speech or a eulogy?

Villar and Willie
Nacionalista Party spokesmen Gilbert Remulla and Atty. Adel Tamano flatly denied that Sen. Manny Villar has asked TV host Willie Revillame to be his running mate. The spokesmen described the issue as a “baseless rumor.” Observers described the denial as “damage control.”

Kris on Willie
Kris Aquino advised Willie Revillame to consider running first for mayor of Quezon City where he is registered before aspiring for a Senate seat… to which QC residents said, “Eh gusto ‘nung tao na mag-Senado eh, ba’t mo itutulak sa ‘min?”

boya Boy Picks Noy
Kris Aquino has confirmed that Boy Abunda, a known supporter of presidential aspirant Manny Villar, has shifted his allegiance to Noynoy Aquino. Just seconds after Kris made the confirmation on national TV, Senator Villar received this text message: “I know how you feel. I can relate. – Dr. Vicki Belo”

Boy Picks Noy II
A long time supporter of Sen. Manny Villar, talent manager Boy Abunda has reportedly shifted his allegiance to Sen. Noynoy Aquino. The multi-awarded TV host declined to elaborate on his decision but issued this brief statement to the press: “If you want a First Lady who looks like Cynthia Villar, you go vote for Manny. But if you want a First Lady who looks like Shalani Soledad, you go vote for Noynoy.”

noykrisss Kris & Noynoy
Kris Aquino says one-third of the revenues from her pending endorsements will go to Josh, one-third will go to Baby James, and one-third will go to Noynoy’s campaign kitty. Sought for comment on his wife’s statement, cager James Yap said, “Hindi ko nga po alam kung bakit ako, wala. ‘Tapos may one-third ang kay Kuya ‘Noy na pusa.”

argee Belo Sues Lawyer
Cosmetic expert Vicki Belo has sued lawyer Argee Guevarra for libel after he allegedly called her unflattering names like “Reyna ng Kaplastikan” and “Reyna ng Kapalpakan” on the social networking site Facebook. Belo is currently in a hospital though… because when she heard about the progressive lawyer’s Facebook attacks, she got so incensed, her nose started to combust.

________
“Loyalty is a fine quality, but in excess it fills political graveyards.”
~ Neil Kinnock





VILLAR’S BET

15 08 2009

VILLAR-WILLIE
Willie for Senator?
Did you hear the news? Senator Manuel Villar announced that he would reserve a slot for Willie Revillame in his party’s senatorial ticket if the latter decides to run for a Senate seat. Rumors say some party members do not approve of the idea. But just to show how fond he has become of the controversial tv host… if other party members reject Revillame’s inclusion in the party’s senate slate, Villar vows to insert his name.

Presidential aspirant Manuel Villar says his Nacionalista Party will reserve a slot for Willie Revillame if he decides to seek a Senate seat. But some party members are reportedly not sold to such idea. When Revillame heard this, he told Villar, “Paano naman ako magsasaya kung ganyan? Mamili ka: ako o sila?”

With regard to Willie Revillame’s possible inclusion in the Nacionalista Party’s official senate slate, presidential aspirant Manuel Villar said, “Very qualified naman si Willie. Wala naman akong nakikitang problema kay Willie.” Shut up Johnny Manahan!

This just in! In anticipation of Revillame’s joining Villar’s NP, the group has decided to adopt a new slogan: “This party will self destruct in 2010 seconds.”

Sen. Manuel Villar’s Nacionalista Party will reserve a slot for Willie Revillame if he decides to run for senator in 2010. When Sen. Mar Roxas heard this, he told his staff, “Set me a meeting with Wally and Jose. Now na!”

0WIL Top Five Anti-Willie Revillame Political Bumper Stickers

No. 5: A Vote for Willie is A Vote for Obscenity

No. 4: Kung si Villar Bilib Sa ‘Yo, Kami Hindi!

No. 3: Libing ni Cory o Game Show ni Willie: The Choice is Yours

No. 2: Willie for Senator: Ano bang kasalanan namin at ginaganito n’yo kami?

And the No. 1 Anti-Willie Revillame bumper sticker…

Senator Willie sa 2010: Dahil matatapos na ang termino ni Lito Lapid
________
“Desperate maladies require desperate remedies.”
~French Proverb

Light Bites
Modern sayings & proverbs inspired by some famous political & entertainment figures

President Arroyo
Magpakahaba-haba man ang prusisyon,
sa Kamara rin ang tuloy.

Sen. Jamby Madrigal
Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga;
Kapag may demanda, may mana

Sen. Manuel Villar Jr.
Kapag may isinuksok
May madudukot
Kapag doble ang isinuksok
May Senate probe

Joseph Estrada
Necessity is the mother of reelection.

Sen. Mar Roxas
Nasa tao ang gawa,
Na kay Mar ang ngawa
(Ramdam ko kayo, promise!)

Reps. Danilo Suarez and Martin Romualdez
There’s no such thing as a free lunch
Free dinner, meron.

Press Sec. Cerge Remonde
Nahuhuli sa bibig ang isda;
Lalo na kung puntong Bisaya

Atty. Romy Macalintal
Ang taong nagigipit
Media ang iniipit

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Ang sundalong nasusugatan
Umaatras sa laban

Former Police Sr. Supt. Cezar Mancao II
Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan
Witnes Protection Program ang pinagtataguan
(Ayaw ni Lacson ng ganyan!)

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr.
Ang taong nagigipit
Sa La Sallista kumakapit.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago
Matalino man ang matsing…
Basta. Matalino s’ya.

First Gentleman Mike Arroyo
Aanhin mo ang palasyo, kung ang nakatira ay kuwago
Mabuti pa ang bungalow, ang nakatira ay si Rufa Mae Quinto

Philippine Basketball Association (PBA)
Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika
Fil-Am.

Manny Pacquiao
Ang sakit ng kalingkingan
Tanggal sa Alaxan

Embassy Bar’s Tim Yap
Aanhin pa ang damo
kung Ecstasy na ang uso

Have a great weekend!

Survey Says…
Should Carlo J. Caparas and Cecile Guidote-Alvarez return their National Artist awards?
YES, Out of delicadeza: 75%
NO, They deserve it: 14%
I don’t really care: 11%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.





FUROR

10 08 2009

natlartist The National Artist Award
Despite the uproar over President Arroyo’s selection of additional four new National Artists, Malacañang says it will push through with the conferment rites within the month. After the awarding, a hefty meal will be served to the awardees, their families, friends, and supporters. Leyte Congressman Ferdinand Martin Romualdez will foot the bill.

The National Artist Award II
Unconfirmed reports say ABS-CBN is keen on airing live the conferment rites for the seven new National Artists in Malacañang. Network executives will officially announce the planned live coverage… as soon as Willie Revillame gives them the go signal.

Willie Revillame I
Amid calls from various organizations and bloggers to sanction him over his alleged arrogance and disrespect for former President Aquino’s cortege, Wowowee host Willie Revillame “has been asked to go on leave.” As a result, Sen. Mar Roxas was forced to cancel his scheduled stag party in the noontime show.

willy Willie Revillame II
ABS-CBN corporate communications head Bong Osorio said starting Monday, August 10, Willie Revillame would go on indefinite leave… Or as scantily-clad dancers on Wowowee would call it “Sexual Harassment Free Week.”

Lapid in New York
Reports say Sen. Lito Lapid didn’t enjoy the dinner he had with President Arroyo at a popular French restaurant in New York last week. He hated the service, he never liked the food, and he couldn’t spell the name of the place.

FIBA Asia Men’s Championship
The RP Men’s basketball team posted its third win in the ongoing FIBA Asia Men’s Championship in China. In case you didn’t know, our cagers (Taulava, Thoss, Helterbrand, Pennisi, Miller, Dillinger, Norwood etc.) were initially barred from participating in the tournament… because organizers thought they were suiting up for FIBA North America.

Photo of the Weak
(Thanks to a friend for the photo. Caption mine.)
prayerful
Sa inyong palagay, alin ang mas papakinggan ng Itaas:
Ang panalangin ng madasalin at cute na hayup, o ang panalangin ng aso?

Da Who?!
She has been open about it recently. But she refuses to name names. Sexy Celebrity has new a multimillion peso-house in the US. According to her, it was a gift from a politician. According to her, they’ve talked about wedding. What’s wrong with the picture? One, he’s not a politician although he’s an influential figure in politics. Second, how could they possibly talk about a wedding when he’s very much married? Does his common-law-wife know about the illicit relationship? If someone would leak the info to her, she would be clued-up on the affair! And there goes your clue!

Da Who 2
Deepak Chopra calls it synchronicity. We often referred to it as coincidence. The Professional Heckler happened to be at the right place at the right time with the right persons who proved his suspicion that a government official has been using his post and probably, taxpayers’ money to advance his political interest.

Here’s what happened during a recent meeting. People from the creative and media agencies handling the PR campaign of a government official were “buying portions” in several television programs. Their client has been rumored to be seeking a very high elective post in 2010. Advertising guy 1 said and roughly, I quote, “We want the portion to highlight all the achievements of ______.” Advertising guy 2 was more blunt and I thank him for exposing the real motive of his client. He explained, “We have to air the portions ASAP because there’s an scheduled political survey and we want _________ to figure prominently in that survey.”

Da Who is the famous client? Hint: “Initially,” we’re all here!

karen THIS JUST IN!
Did Karen Davila and her show commit plagiarism? After reading an email from freelance writer and book author Angela Stuart Santiago, I am inclined to believe they did. Tsk… tsk… tsk… A brewing controversy involving another ABS-CBN talent. And they all loathe Gloria Arroyo for dishonesty? Please click this link for the complete story.
__________
“Everything in excess is opposed to nature.”
~ Hippocrates





CONTINGENCY FUND

20 10 2008

null PNP’s “Contingency Fund” Mess
Former PNP comptroller Eliseo dela Paz (who attended the 77th Interpol Assembly in St. Petersburg) has been cleared by Russian custom officials after he and his wife were questioned for two hours in Moscow for carrying 105,000 thousand euros or 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash. De La Paz was allowed to leave despite the fact that he was able to answer only one of two questions poised by Russian officials: One, “Why are you carrying that huge amount of money? And two, “What the f*ck is your wife doing at the Interpol conference?”

PNP’s “Contingency Fund” Mess II null
Former PNP comptroller Eliseo de la Paz who was attending an Interpol conference in Moscow was questioned along with his wife, by Russian customs officials for carrying 105,000 thousand euros 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash. De La Paz said a portion of the money was from a friend who asked him to buy watches. PNP spokesman Chief Supt. Nicanor Bartolome claimed it was “travel contingency fund” that came from the PNP. President Arroyo announced the money came from the World Bank.

PNP’s “Contingency Fund” Mess III
According to reports, former PNP comptroller Eliseo de la Paz, who was questioned for two hours in Russia for carrying 105,000 thousand euros or 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash, will reportedly return to Manila on Tuesday, October 21. But De La Paz was quick to deny the report saying it was impossible for him to return on Tuesday… because his wife is not done shopping yet.

Top 7 Movies Starring Former PNP Comptroller Eliseo de la Paz and his Wife

7: You Don’t Mess with the Russian

6: Invasion of the Money Snatchers

5: The Lord of Laundering: The Two Robbers

4: Harry Potter and Wallet on Fire

3: The Year of Shopping Dangerously

2: Mamma Millions!

And the No. 1 movie starring former PNP comptroller Eliseo de la Paz and his wife…

1: BELAT: Cultural Learnings of Russia for Make Benefit Notorious Police Officers of Pilipina

null In Other News…
Loren and Angara
Asked by showbiz reporters if there’s truth to persistent rumors linking her to Sen. Edgardo Angara, Sen Loren Legarda replied, “Diyos ko naman! Galing na nga ako sa matanda. Pupunta pa ba ako sa mas matanda?” When Senator Angara heard this, he said, “Hoy! Mas bata naman ako nang makuha kita ‘no!”

Davao Millionaire
The lone winner in last week’s super lotto draw has reportedly claimed the jackpot prize. That makes him the Filipino with the biggest amount of money in his hands right now. Coming in at second is former PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz.

Joey-Willie Bury Hatchet null
Fierce rivals Willie Revillame and Joey De Leon, whose fiery and nasty exchange made headlines recently have reportedly “kissed and made up” during an event held at Tim Yap’s Embassy Super Club. Skeptics however have doubted the sincerity of the two hosts… because if it happened at Embassy, there’s a huge chance they were just drugged.

Elsewhere…
Check out this hilarious video. Garden wedding, anyone?

Are you familiar with Patani, the overexposed Survivor Philippines castaway/outcast? Check out her unedited Friendster profile.

__________
Money: There’s nothing in the world so demoralizing as money.
- Sophocles





KARMA

16 10 2008

null ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host
ABS-CBN suspended the talent contract of libel convict and TV/radio host Cristy Fermin following her explosive tirade against actress Nadia Montenegro which the network said violated the highest standards of professionalism and journalistic integrity. In another report dismissed as “unrelated” by Fermin herself, Kris Aquino has reportedly issued a statement saying, “God is really good and God knows how much I have missed The Buzz.”

ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host II
Libel convict Cristy Fermin has been suspended by ABS-CBN “for violating the highest standards of professionalism and journalistic integrity.” She’ll neither appear on “The Buzz” nor host her radio program on DZMM. Likewise, she’ll automatically be barred from entering the province of Rizal… unless the governor lifts the ban on the entry of Metro Manila garbage.

ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host III
Less than a week after ABS-CBN News boss Maria Ressa fired Cristy Fermin’s protégé – showbiz columnist Ogie Diaz for violating the network’s code of ethics, ABS-CBN Entertainment suspended Fermin for violating the highest standards of professionalism and journalistic integrity. Last month, the network also suspended news executive Luchi Cruz-Valdez and Ces Drilon was also suspended for disobeying her superiors. With these recent developments, ABS-CBN insiders are left with one question: “Bakit sobrang lakas ng kapit ni Willie Revillame?”

null ABS-CBN Suspends TV Host IV
After dismissing tabloid columnist Ogie Diaz, ABS-CBN suspended Cristy Fermin. Network executives were quick to deny allegations… of “ethnic cleansing.”

Dangerous Places
The International Federation of Journalists says Iraq is still the most dangerous place in the world for journalists followed by the African nation of Somalia. In close third was ABS-CBN.


Madonna-Guy Ritchie Divorce
British newspapers say Madonna and Guy Ritchie are splitting up. The rumor intensified when Madonna was spotted in Hong Kong with her make-up artist.

Madonna-Guy Ritchie Divorce II
British newspapers say Madonna and Guy Ritchie are splitting up. Local newspapers are not buying it though… unless Fanny Serrano issues a confirmation.

null Top RP Universities
Overtaking the University of the Philippines System, Ateneo De Manila University topped the 2008 survey of Philippine universities conducted by The Times Higher Education-Quacquarelli Symonds (THE-QS). Perennnial frontrunner UP System doubted the survey saying it did not participate this year after THE-QS asked for an advertising fee of $49,000 or P2M pesos. Distant third placer De La Salle University also issued a statement on Ateneo’s feat. It blamed the referees.

__________
People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.
- Edith Wharton





PHENOMENAL PACQUIAO

29 06 2008

Manny Pacquiao Wins

Manny Pacquiao snatched the WBC lightweight title from David Diaz. Diaz reportedly earned 800 thousand dollars from the fight, his biggest paycheck ever. But that’s still nothing compared what GMA 7 & Solar Sports earned.

Mexican-American David Diaz gave no excuses after losing his WBC lightweight title. If Diaz were a Pinoy politician, Pacquiao would now be facing poll fraud allegations.

Filipino boxing hero Manny Pacquiao won his fourth world title yesterday. Pacquiao’s impressive victory has silenced David Diaz, Diaz’ American supporters, the Mexican community, – and Recah Trinidad.

null Postscript to a Sea Tragedy

A day after MV Princess of the Stars sank, Sulpicio Lines blamed the Philippine Coast Guard for the mishap. The next day, the management said it was an “act of God.” Then last Friday, the company was blaming the local weather bureau, PAG-ASA. Surviving relatives of the ill-fated ship’s passengers must prepare: they’re next.

Sulpicio Lines is suing PAG-ASA for gross negligence. If the court dismisses the case, Sulpicio Lines is suing typhoon “Frank.”

Sulpicio Lines has blamed nature, the Philippine Coast Guard, and the weather bureau for the maritime mishap that struck its vessel Princess of the Stars. The company’s so confused it’s blaming everybody. Now that would be much easier if Sulpicio Lines’ owners were leftists. They’ve only got GMA to blame.

Gloria and Obama null

Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama sent President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo a letter of apology for being unable to meet with her because of his busy schedule. Simply put, she’s not a priority.

Sen. Barack Obama apologized to President Arroyo for being unable to meet with her. The letter of apology was dated June 24, two days before their expected meeting. Simply put, pinaghandaan talaga ni Obama – ang ‘di nila pagkikita.

null Gloria and McCain

President Arroyo met today with Republican presidential candidate John McCain in Washington DC. The meeting lasted for only about 15 minutes mainly because the 72-year-old McCain has so many other things to do in life with only a few years left here on Earth.

Who’s Your Daddy?!? null

Last week, ABS-CBN chair Eugenio “Gabby” Lopez III said reporter Ces Drilon would still have to face administrative sanction for venturing into forbidden territory in violation of her bosses’ orders. Asked what could be the possible penalty, Lopez answered, “it might just be spanking.” “In that case, I will do it myself.” And we thought Ces has suffered enough at the hands of her captors.

null ABS-CBN chair Gabby Lopez said Ces Drilon would be sanctioned for violating her bosses at the news department. Asked what could be the possible penalty, Lopez answered, “it might just be spanking; I will do it myself.” In another story dismissed by Lopez as totally unrelated, study showed more female employees of ABS-CBN are sanctioned for various offenses than males, 10 to 1.

ABS-CBN Chair Gabby Lopez said Ces Drilon would have to be sanctioned for “endangering the lives of others” in Sulu. See the double standard there? Ces Drilon “endangered” the lives of others and she’ll be punished. Willie Revillame and Wowowee “took” the lives of others and he was rewarded.

Mike Arroyo’s Birthday null

First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo celebrated his 62nd birthday in New York on Saturday, June 28 with only his son Mikey and wife, President Arroyo beside him. But he still had so much fun… primarily because he felt he was with a clone and a clown.








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