PORK NG INA N’YO 2

22 08 2013

JUST IN: President Aquino has declared that it’s time to abolish the pork barrel
BREAKING: Napoles’, Corrupt politicians’ hearts

1
Official Statement of Senator ******* ********** on the Pork Barrel Scam

Ako ay labis na nababahala sa mga ulat tungkol sa pag-abuso diumano ng mga mambabatas sa Priority Development Assistance Fund o PDAF na mas kilala sa tawag na pork barrel.

Nababahala ako dahil magkakaroon daw ng pagsisiyasat. Patay!

Mananahimik sana ako dahil sa totoo lang, halos lahat naman kami ay guilty. Ayoko namang maglinis-linisan dahil nakinabang din naman ako sa pondong ‘yan.

Ngunit trending ngayon ang panawagan ng aking mga kasama sa Senado: imbestigahan ang pork barrel scam. May nagmungkahing ihinto na ang pamamahagi ng PDAF at may nagsabi namang unti-unti itong alisin.

Kanya-kanyang hirit, kanya-kanyang papogi, at kanya-kanyang labas ng pahayag na animo’y concerned na concerned. Matagal nang nangyayari ang nakawan, bakit ngayon lang kayo nag-iingay? Mga ipokrito!

Pero siyempre, hindi ko ito pwedeng sabihin nang harap-harapan sa kanila. Eh kung balikan nila ako, “Look who’s talking?!”

Ngunit ‘di ko rin naman papayagang ma-upstage nila ako. Ito ang tamang panahon upang magpakitang-tao – ako, kaming lahat.

May malawakang rally sa Luneta sa Lunes kaya’t tama lang na ngayon ako maglabas ng statement.

Sinusuportahan ko ang napipintong imbestigasyon ng Senado sa pork barrel scam!

Parusahan ang mga magnanakaw!

Iwaksi ang bulok na sistema!

Ihinto ang pag-abuso sa pera ng taumbayan!

Scrap PDAF! Now na!

[Note to News (Desk) Editor: Make sure na mailalabas ang statement na ito on or before the big rally on Monday. Alam mo na! At kung pwede, sana ma-headline ito o kaya ma-front page. Thank you.]

JV on PDAF
On Twitter, neophyte senator JV Ejercito said, “I think I can manage to perform my duties as a senator without the PDAF. After all, I was elected as a legislator.” And Jinggoy Estrada was like, “O, nagsisimula ka na naman ng away!”

Damage
Authorities say typhoon Maring’s and the monsoon rains’ damage to infrastructure and agriculture is almost 70 million pesos. Or as Janet Lim-Napoles would say, “isang congressman.”

Yes to Pork
Earlier this week, President Aquino rejected calls to scrap the graft-prone pork barrel. The President explained, “I think it’s difficult to generalize and say the whole system is wrong.” To which Janet Napoles said, “Luveeeeet!”

Flowers
According to a GMA News report, President Aquino was sidelined for days because he had an allergic reaction to flowers… not because of too much pork as rumored earlier.

President Aquino is reportedly allergic to flowers. And Pope Francis reacted, “Who am I to judge?”

Survivor
A fisherman from Batanes who was reported missing last Aug. 11 was found alive in a hospital in Okinawa, Japan. Reports say his boat’s engine malfunctioned and strong winds and current pushed the boat toward Japan. He was lucky he had bananas and watermelon to keep him nourished. And he’s even luckier his boat wasn’t pushed toward Taiwan.

Overseas
Jailed former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak had been ordered released by the courts. Mubarak, who was accused of corruption, felt vindicated. He now wants to seek the presidency – again. If he loses, he’ll just run for mayor.

image Wentworth It
Actor Wentworth Miller has publicly come out as a gay man. It was his boldest “prison” break yet.

Wentworth Miller came out just days after WWE wrestler Darren Young admitted that he’s gay. Pope Francis refuses to take credit.

After Wentworth Miller and Darren Young, the NBI is hoping Janet Napoles will come out next.
——————————————–
“If you see a bandwagon, you’ve missed it.”
~ James Goldsmith

Sound Bites
“They will attend as senators. They will not be questioned.”
~Blue Ribbon Committee Chair TG Guingona on the Senate’s PDAF scam probe

Sama-sama, kita-kita tayo sa Lunes sa Luneta, 9AM… kung naniniwala kang dapat nang mahinto ang PAGNANAKAW sa ating pera ng mga makakapal ang mukha sa gobyerno.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer/People]








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