9-3

27 02 2013

THE LATEST Social Weather Stations survey is out. Of the 12 senatorial slots that were up for grabs, Team PNOY got 9, UNA got nervous.

sur
ABS-CBN News reported that when Vice President Jejomar Binay saw the SWS study, he was in disbelief – exactly the same reaction of many people when his daughter Nancy placed fourth in another survey.

Team PNOY’s Jamby Madrigal, Jun Magsaysay, and Rissa Hontiveros failed to enter the Magic 12. If they still miss the cut in the next two surveys, they’ll change their last names to ‘Binay.’

UNA’s Jackie Enrile who promises “murang pagkain, maraming pagkain” to Filipinos is out of the Magic 12. People are on a diet.

Team PNOY’s Grace Poe had the biggest jump – from 10th in January to 5th in the February survey. Her MMK episode was shown February 2. Wala lang.

The SWS survey results are in. Former Senate President Ernesto Maceda is out.

Ansabeh/Ang Totoo
Ansabeh: “Kahit hindi kami magkasama sa partido, naniniwala akong magkaibigan pa rin kami.”
Ang Totoo: “Pero kung may matatalo sa botohan, sana siya na lang.”

Ansabeh: “Sus! ‘Yang survey na ‘yan kinukundisyon ang utak ng mga tao na natatalo kami.”
Ang Totoo: “Pero kung kami ang lumalamang, ‘the people have spoken.’”

Ansabeh: “’Walang basehan ang kaso laban sa akin. Pinupulitika lang ako.”
Ang Totoo: “Bakit kasi ngayon lang natuklasan ‘tong kagaguhang ginawa ‘ko? Sana pagkatapos na lang ng eleksyon.”

Ansabeh: “Her best asset? She’s my daughter.
Ang Totoo: “’Yon na ‘yon.”

Ansabeh: “Huwag po n’yo sanang isiping nakalimot na kami sa mga tulad n’yong maliliit.”
Ang Totoo: “Hinding-hindi po… lalo na kapag eleksyon.”

Ansabeh: “Naniniwala po akong mas malaki ang magagawa ko kung ako ay nasa Senado kaysa city hall o kapitolyo.”
Ang Totoo: “Mas malaki rin ang kikitain ko.”

Ansabeh: “‘Di n’yo po naitatanong, ‘yong lolo ko po ay dito ipinanganak sa lalawigan n’yo.”
Ang Totoo: “Ngayon ko rin lang nalaman ‘yan. Nagulat din ako.”

pope2In Other News
The race is on for the next pope who shall replace resigned Pope Benedict XVI. Informal surveys identified some frontrunners including cardinals from Ghana, Italy, Canada, and Honduras. Also doing well in the survey is Nancy Binay.

Some 115 cardinals are expected to gather in Rome for the conclave to vote on the next pope. Some of the frontrunners have been identified. The bad news is only one could win. The good news is if they don’t win the post, they can always form a party-list group.

Lost and Found
A long-lost continent has been found under the Indian Ocean. China is asking where they can claim it.
——————————————————
“You can’t depend on polls.”
~ Michael Bloomberg

Sound Bites
“Hindi nga ako makapaniwala. Paano ako makakapag comment sa hindi ako makapaniwala?
~Vice President Jejomar Binay on the latest SWS survey

“When UNA was dominating the results of recent surveys, they praise to high heavens and they were celebrating. Now that Team PNoy overtook them, they are protesting and making unfounded innuendos.”
~Team PNOY spokesman Ben Evardone

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





MISS U

13 09 2011


CONGRATULATIONS Shamcey Gurrea Supsup for winning 3rd runner-up in the 2011 Miss Universe pageant! We are extremely proud of you!

Let me also take this opportunity to congratulate the interpreters of the four other candidates who made it to the Top 5! Great job guys!

BREAKING NEWS: A resolution has been filed in the Senate seeking to investigate why the Philippines, after 38 successive years, has yet to win another Miss Universe title. Schedule of hearing to be announced soon.


On Twitter, the US Embassy in Manila congratulated Shamcey Supsup for placing 3rd runner-up in the Miss Universe pageant. Moments later though, Wikileaks intercepted classified direct Twitter messages from the US Embassy to Washington saying, “The Philippines’ representative to the Miss Universe pageant is not as strong as Miss USA or Miss Ukraine. Her signature tsunami walk is awful. Go Angola!”

Asked if Shamcey Supsup has a boyfriend, the spokesman of the Bb. Pilipinas Charities answered, “That’s like Wikileaks. We don’t comment on Shamcey’s social life.”

Fan votes (which had no bearing on the judging) were shown on TV screens during the live telecast. Miss Philippines placed second in the long gown competition. In last place was Moammar Gaddafi.

Special awards were handed out during the Miss Universe preliminaries. The Miss Photogenic trophy went to Miss Sweden. Named Miss Congeniality was Dyan Castillejo.


The representative from China placed fifth. The candidate from the Philippines placed fourth. Take that Hu Jintao!

Shamcey Supsup is the fourth most beautiful woman in the universe today. I wouldn’t be surprised if our bachelor president would use her as a punchline soon.

Filipinos glued on their TV screens rejoiced when the “beauty and brains” from General Santos City was announced 3rd runner-up! But something awkward happened after the announcement – Ilocos Sur Governor Chavit Singson climbed on stage!


University of the Philippines alumna Shamcey Supsup placed fourth in the Miss Universe pageant in Brazil. That’s a final four finish for Shamcey. Take that La Salle Green Archers!

Organizers didn’t say how much were Miss Angola’s winnings. But experts believe it was definitely less than what ABS-CBN earned from the pageant’s delayed telecast.


Via her Twitter account, Miss Universe judge Lea Salonga revealed that she did not compose the question she asked eventual winner Leila Lopes of Angola. The Tony Award-winning actress said the questions for the five finalists were pre-written. And Mike Arroyo was like, “Don’t look at me!”

A black candidate has won the Miss Universe title. Rumors say Mar Roxas is protesting the results!


Is it just coincidence? A black woman won the Miss Universe title on the same day Jejomar Binay announced his plan to run for president in 2016!

In Other News
Vice President Jejomar Binay has announced his intention to seek the presidency in 2016. Asked why he’s running for president, Binay replied, “When I run, I run with God and He’s always with me. He never leaves me and He will shine the light on me.” Good answer!

This just in: Next year’s Miss Universe pageant will definitely be more competitive. Planets Mars, Venus, and Jupiter are reportedly sending candidates.
—————————————————————————————-
“It is easy to be beautiful; it is difficult to appear so.”
~ Frank O’Hara

Quote of the Week
“I’m going to file a protest if possible, if there’s any legal remedy because all the fan ratings rated Miss Philippines very, very high. I thought it will be at least a contest between her and Ms. Ukraine but it turns out neither one made the top two positions which shows that I’m better as a senator than as a beauty consultant.”
~A half-joking Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago expressing her disappointment at Shamcey Supsup’s fourth place finish

Overheard
“Kaya nanalo si Miss Angola kasi sa ABS-CBN ipinalabas ang Miss Universe. Lopes siya eh.” Toingkz!

Elsewhere
Entertainment Weekly: “The 2011 Miss Universe Pageant: 10 Awkward Utterances During Swimsuit Competition”

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Mabuhay tayong lahat! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!





“KADIRI”

29 06 2011

The Vizconde Massacre Case
The NBI announced they found at least six new witnesses in the Vizconde massacre case. If the NBI was this eager in locating Panfilo Lacson last year, they would have found him six times.

According to the new witnesses, Hubert Webb was in the country when the Vizconde massacre took place. And in another breakthrough, the NBI claims the new witnesses are willing to testify that Hubert Webb was also in the country when Ninoy Aquino was assassinated.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima says the new witnesses have no reason or motive to fabricate their respective statements. For security reasons, she identified them as alias Pitong, alias George, alias Rey, alias Mario, alias Jerry and alias Jack… collectively known as alias NBI.

The NBI’s new batch of witnesses includes an electrician, a haircutter, a security guard, a shabu dealer, and two guys who played basketball with Hubert. Welcome to the new season of Survivor!

The National Bureau of Investigation said an alias Black Maria, and not state witness Jessica Alfaro might have been present when the Vizconde massacre took place. I wouldn’t be surprised if the NBI declares the massacre a hoax.

Word of the Day
Dry humor – noun: See “President Aquino”
Example: “… pagbaba ko po sa puwesto sa 2016, sana po’y nakapag-asawa na, babangon naman kayo sa isang Pilipinas na mas maunlad.

Humor
Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda admits, “the President’s humor is dry.” Among other things.

Rumor
Reports say President Aquino was smitten with Filipino-Korean TV/radio host Grace Lee. The President believes Lee is his Seoul mate.

Bi-Noy
Vice President Jejomar Binay was quoted to have said that he didn’t want to compare himself with President Aquino saying, “we’re not comparing apple to apple.” Sige, let’s say apple to duhat. Puwede na ba ‘yon?

“Kadiri”
Novaliches Bishop Emeritus Teodoro Bacani says same sex union is “kadiri.” Bacani believes marriage is sacred and should only be between a man and a woman. If she refuses, harass her!

Korina and Mar
Interviewed by entertainment editor Ricky Lo, broadcast journalist Korina Sanchez has denied persistent rumors that her marriage with incoming DOTC Secretary Mar Roxas is on the rocks. Let’s be fair people. Let’s get the side of Mar.

Davao Flooding
As of 3pm, Wednesday, 15 people have been reported dead while 10 others are still missing after flashfloods hit Davao City. Residents are blaming the heavy rains and the flooding for those deaths; which is rather uncommon. Usually, they blame the Davao Death Squad.

Sky Flakes
I love Sky Flakes. I can also act. Hey Rafael Santos, can I star in your next film?

Asked why he hired theater actors for his movies, short film director Rafael Santos said, “You can feed them Sky Flakes three meals a day, and I pay them in cat food basically.” Santos directed the 2011 Cinemalaya entry, ‘Samarito.’ He’s now working on his next project called ‘Ingrato.’

Short film director Rafael Santos says he prefers theater actors over mainstream artists because, “You can feed them Sky Flakes three meals a day, and I pay them in cat food basically.” If only for his brand of humor, I’d say Santos has a huge chance of becoming president someday.

Engaged
Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho are reportedly engaged. In fact, Kho just gave Vicki a ring. Take that LeBron James!

Reports say Hayden Kho proposed to Vicki Belo last year. There was this awkwardly tense moment though when Hayden popped the question. Vicki Belo got so excited, her cheeks moved.

And how did Hayden Kho propose? He waxed poetic!
—————————————————
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”
~Martin Luther King Jr.

Quotes of the Weak
“Kaya pag inimbita ho ako sa Cebu, hindi ho talaga mahirap maimbita rito. Pati ang bisita nating si Miss Grace Lee, akala ko tuloy Pinay e. Hindi nga pala, Korean. Pero pati yung mga Korean na dumarating talagang gwapa lahat. Kailangan yatang buhayin ang Malacanang [sa] Sugbu. Baka dito na rin tayo magkatuluyan.”
~President Aquino during the KEPCO-SPC coal power plant inauguration in Cebu hosted by Grace Lee

“Sorry na lang, napapangitan ako talaga. Para sa akin kadiri! Lalaki sa lalaki, babae sa babae, mag-aasawa.”
~ Bishop Teodoro Bacani

“Excuse me, sweet kami ha. And the weirdest rumors pa, fight daw kami nang fight, nag-alsa balutan daw ako, may third party daw. None of the above. Wishful thinking lang ‘yan ng mga inggitera at kalaban ni Mar sa pulitika.”
~Broadcaster Korina Sanchez

“Personally, I find that theater actors are better to work with because they don’t complain. You can feed them Sky Flakes three meals a day, and I pay them in cat food basically. And they’re never late, and they cry when you want them to cry. Other actors kasi you have to hit them first.”
~ Short film director Rafael Santos on why he hires theater actors

[Theater actor Joel Trinidad reacts.]

Briefly Noted
Reporters, news anchors, government officials, and even lawyers must be told: “(Double) JEOPARDY” is not pronounced as ‘jaw-par-dee.’ It’s ‘je-pәr-dē’ or ‘je-pә(r)-dē’ (Merriam-Webster).

You Have Spoken
Ayon sa dating pangulong Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, ‘leaderless’ daw ang gobyerno. Your take:
-Agree! 49.57%
-Shut up! 44.87%
-Wala akong pakialam. 5.56%

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Stay healthy! Live. Learn. Love. Laugh.





QUITTERS, INC.

3 06 2011

FORMER LOS ANGELES Lakers slotman Shaquille O’Neal has called it quits. Shaq was quick to clarify though that he quit for “personal reasons” and not because of a power struggle between rival factions in his team.

Sources say Shaquille O’Neal wants to go back to being a private citizen. He also dismissed rumors that he quit because of the impending return of Assistant Secretary Virginia Torres to the LTO.

Next DoTC Chief?
According to Newsbreak, defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas has been offered the DoTC post to be vacated soon by Jose ‘Ping’ De Jesus. Without naming names though, President Aquino said the intended substitute asked for more time to think about the offer. Let’s all hope that by Monday, Korina Sanchez has made a decision.

First, it was the post of executive secretary, then presidential chief of staff. Now, it’s the DoTC. The President has so much trust in Mar Roxas, it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s offered the presidency.

Disputed Territory
Chinese Embassy spokesperson Michelle Zhao has denied allegations of illegal military incursions into Philippine territorial waters in the South China Sea. Out of force of habit, the Philippine government believed her.


Fish Pens
Local officials in Talisay, Batangas admit Chinese businessmen own and operate several fish cages in the area. We worry so much about South China Sea and yet, we can’t even protect Taal Lake.


Marcos Burial
Reports say Vice President Jejomar Binay has recommended full military honors for the burial of ousted dictator Ferdinand Marcos… not at the Libingan ng mga Bayani though but in Ilocos Norte. It was also recommended that the refrigerated body be carried to the cemetery by a specially designed funeral vehicle – a thaw truck.

Vice President Jejomar Binay has recommended full military honors for the burial of ousted dictator Ferdinand Marcos. A 21-gun salute will be fired by a group of seven soldiers including Carlos F. Garcia, Jacinto Ligot, George Rabusa, Roy Cimatu, and Diomedio Villanueva.

Facebook Ban
City hall employees in Makati, Parañaque, Manila, and Quezon City are no longer allowed to access their Facebook accounts and play computer games during office hours. You know what that means? Half-day na lang ang pasok! Yehey!

Local government employees in Makati, Parañaque, Manila, and Quezon City are no longer allowed to access their Facebook accounts. Disgruntled employees immediately changed their status to “It’s Complicated.”


Double Dead
Double-dead milkfish or botchang bangus that were confiscated in wet markets were brought to crocodile parks in Quezon City and Pasay. But park supervisors said they could only accommodate so much. The remaining botchang bangus are now being delivered to Congress.

Lotto Winner
The lone winner of the 356-million peso Grand Lotto jackpot is a 60-year-old slum-dwelling barangay tanod and part-time carpenter from Las Piñas City who was a recipient of the agency’s medical assistance last month, has six children, and whose siblings reside in Bicol. These vital pieces information came from PCSO General Manager Jose Ferdinand Rojas II a.k.a. Tim Yap.

Overseas…
Dr. Jacob “Jack” Kevorkian has died. He was 83. It wasn’t clear though if he helped himself die.

When Osama Bin Laden bumped into Dr. Kevorkian in hell, the Al Qaeda leader asked, “Want a job? My suicide bombers need help.”
—————————————————————–
“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”
~Lance Armstrong

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang magkaroon ng divorce sa Pilipinas?
– Panahon na! 61.34%
– Hindi na kailangan! 32.91%
– Hindi ko alam. 5.75%

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HOLY SMOKE!

29 05 2011

No to Smoking
May 31 is World No Tobacco Day. To draw attention to the negative effects of smoking, the Department of Health will hold public forums on lung cancer, respiratory diseases, aging, and President Aquino’s lovelife.

No to Smoking II
Starting Monday, the MMDA will strictly implement Republic Act 9211, which prohibits smoking in public places. Violators will be fined 500 pesos on first offense. Public places include hospitals, government offices, schools, bus & jeepney terminals, loading and unloading bays, public playgrounds, plazas, and churches. Apparently, if you’re a heavy smoker, the only safe place for you is Malacañang.

Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring President Aquino and his Cigarettes

No. 5: Bakit Ngayon Ka Lung Cancer?

No. 4: The Joy Halak Club

No. 3: Dude, Where’s my Tar?

No. 2: All the President’s Phlegm

And the No. 1 movie remake starring President Aquino and his cigarettes…

The Good, the Bald, and the Smelly


Marcos’ Burial
Vice President Jejomar Binay has finished conducting a survey on the issue of whether former president Ferdinand Marcos’ refrigerated body should be buried or not at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus zero degrees Centigrade.

Erap in Manila
A tabloid report says former president Joseph Estrada is running for mayor of Manila in 2013. But critics say that’s not possible since Erap is a resident of San Juan. Estrada has clarified the report though saying he’s not running in Manila but in the ARMM!


ARMM Polls
Socialite and former Tarlac governor Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco said her nephew, President Aquino could not stop her from seeking the vice gubernatorial post in the ARMM. Just so you know, Tingting Cojuangco’s a feisty woman. Not even her husband Peping could stop her from getting those Botox injections.

New Rep
Ryan Luis Singson has been elected representative of Ilocos Sur’s first district replacing his jailed brother, Ronald. Unlike his Kuya, Ryan is said to be younger, gentler, and a lot more careful when in Hong Kong.

Grand Lotto
Nobody has won the 320 million-peso jackpot in the 6/55 Grand Lotto. The PCSO says bettors have a bigger chance of winning this time mainly because Inquirer reporter Miko Morelos has stopped placing bets.

Noon, Ngayon
Noon: Ang bilanggo, dinadalaw.
Ngayon: Ang bilanggo, dumadalaw.

Noon: Kapag nakinig ka sa homily ng obispo, naliliwanagan.
Ngayon: Kapag nakinig ka sa homily ng obispo, nagwu-walkout.

Noon: Ang mahigpit na magkatunggali: administrasyon at oposisyon.
Ngayon: Ang mahigpit na magkatunggali: Balay at Samar sa posisyon.

Noon: Kapag bagsak ang rating ng presidente, “Kagagawan ng oppositionists!”
Ngayon: Kapag bagsak ang rating ng presidente, “Kagagawan ng columnists!”

Noon: Ang ‘lovelife’ ng presidente, mababasa sa diyaryo.
Ngayon: Ang ‘lovelife’ ng presidente, mababasa sa kanyang speech.
—————————————————————————————-
“The best way to stop smoking is to just stop – no ifs, ands or butts.”
~Edith Zittler

Old Joke
Use Philip, Marlboro, Hope, and Champion in a sentence.
Answer: Philip kitang hinahanap, nasa Marlboro country ka lang pala; Hope!!! ‘Wag kang tatakas! Champion ka talaga!

-Naknampoodle, saksakan nang corny!

You Have Spoken
On Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s “Pay to Stay” proposal for rich prisoners:
– Sure! Para naman kumita ang gobyerno. 20.46%
- Tutol ako d’yan. Ano sila sinusuwerte? 74.59%
– Pag-aaralan ko muna. 4.95%

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Have a safe and fun week ahead!





HOLY STORMS!

26 05 2011


Narito ang updated na talaan ng mga bagyong pumasok, papasok o kasalukuyang nasa loob ng Pilipinas:

Bagyong Mar Roxas
Inaasahang papasok sa Philippine area of responsibility sa darating na Hunyo. Nangangamba ang marami sa posibleng pagsasalubong nila ng Bagyong Jojo Ochoa. Maaari daw itong magdulot ng dobleng peligro sa bansa.

Bagyong Jojo Ochoa
Tahimik lamang ang bagyong ito ngunit malalaman mong paparating na siya dahil pasuray-suray ang pagtahak niya sa kanyang dinadaanan.

Bagyong Edwin Lacierda
Matapos manalanta, sinisi niya ang forecast ng PAGASA. Mali-mali daw ang facts at figures na inilalabas ng weather bureau.

Bagyong Leila De Lima
Napakatapang na bagyo. Matatalim na kidlat at kulog ang dala ngunit walang gaanong ulan kaya’t minimal ang pinsala. May isang obserbasyon nga lang ang mga kritiko ng Bagyong Leila: kung saan-saang lugar daw siya pumapasok.

Bagyong Panfilo Lacson
Kahit moderno na ang instrumento ng pamahalaan, nahirapan pa rin silang ma-detect ang galaw ng bagyong ito. Hanggang ngayon, palaisipan pa rin kung sang bahagi ng mundo siya nagmula.

Bagyong Manny Pacquiao
“Jeremiah 23:19 Narito, ang bagyo ng Panginoon, ang kaniyang kapusukan, ay lumabas, oo, ipu-ipong bagyo: babagsak sa ulo ng masama.” You know.

Bagyong Mommy Dionisia
Pinapayuhang mag-ingat ‘yong malaswa, ‘yong mga taong malaswaaaaa!

Bagyong Juan Ponce Enrile
Pinakamatagal sa puwesto; hindi gumagalaw. Dumaan na ang iba pang sama ng panahon, nananalasa pa rin siya.

Bagyong Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Siyam na taong nanalanta sa Pilipinas. Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa tuluyang nakakabangon ang bansa sa pinsalang kanyang idinulot.

Bagyong Tingting Cojuangco
Nabigla ang mga weather forecasters sa ikinilos kamakailan ng sosyal na bagyong ito. Matapos manalanta sa Central Luzon noong early 1990s, nagpaparamdam ito ngayon sa dakong Mindanao bilang isang weather disturbance. Gayunman, wala pang katiyakan kung siya ay magiging ganap na bagyo.

Bagyong Imelda Marcos
Dekada sesenta pa nang ito ay unang manalasa sa bansa. Libu-libo ang nasawi, nasugatan, at hanggang ngayon ay nawawala dahil sa kanyang bagsik. Inalis na ang kanyang pangalan sa opisyal na talaan ng mga bagyo ngunit sa ‘di maipaliwanag na pangyayari, matagumpay siyang nakabalik at patuloy pa rin sa pananalasa.

Bagyong Ernesto Diokno
Matapos magdulot ng pinsala, tumanggi siyang akuin ang responsibilidad at ipinasa ito sa mas mahihinang bagyo. Sinisi rin niya ang mga nagdaang sama ng panahon. Bagamat bahagyang humina, nananatili pa rin ito sa puwesto dahil malakas daw ang kapit kay Lord.

Bagyong Antonio Leviste
Ang inisyal na forecast ay stationary lamang ito ngunit marami ang nagulat nang ma-detect siya ng ABS-CBN News Weather Bueau sa dakong Makati at Maynila. Iniimbestigahan na ang mga awtoridad sa kabiguan nilang ma-monitor ang galaw ni Bagyong Leviste.

Bagyong Manny V. Pangilinan
Mayaman sa ulan at hangin. Tuwing kumukulog at kumikidlat, nawawalan ng signal ang Globe!

Bagyong CBCP
Matagal-tagal na rin ang ginagawa nitong pananalanta sa Pilipinas. Sa tuwing magrereklamo ang mga tao sa dala niyang pinsala, nagbabanta ito ng walang tigil na pag-ulan at pagbaha upang lipulin ang “masasama.”

Bagyong Jejomar Binay
Napanatili nito ang maximum strength na sinimulang ipunin noong 1986. Lalo pang tumindi ang kanyang gustiness after 2010. Bagamat matindi ang dulot na pinsala, hindi ito gaanong napapansin dahil marami din namang natulungan ang dala niyang ulan. Matapos tumama sa Kamaynilaan, nakatutok naman ang mata ng Bagyong Binay sa mas malawak at mas matinding pananalanta sa iba’t ibang panig ng bansa sa 2016.

Bagyong Noynoy Aquino
Tuwid na direksyon ang tinatahak ng bagyong ito ngunit napakabagal at may katamaran. Tanghali na kung ito ay kumilos kaya’t inaabot nang madaling araw ang pananalanta. Walang gaanong ulan ngunit malakas ang hanging bumabayo kaya’t binansagan din itong ‘tuyot na bagyo.’
—————————————————
“Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.”
~Author Unknown

Today’s Forecast in Sports
“The Miami Heat will beat the Dallas Mavericks in June. They will be crowned 2010-2011 NBA champs and LeBron James will finally receive his first ever championship ring.” — American Christian radio broadcaster and preacher Harold Camping

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64

5 04 2011


SWS Survey
According to the latest Social Weather Stations survey Vice President Jejomar Binay’s satisfaction rating rose from +57 in November 2010 to +74 in March 2011. Thrilled by the survey results, Binay vowed that he wouldn’t fail his supporters; wouldn’t stop working hard, and wouldn’t buy a sports car.

Analysts say the sharp decline in President Aquino’s ratings is alarming. In fact, his approval rating is just a notch higher than Willie Revillame’s.

Noy and Ping
The Department of Foreign Affairs insists it did not issue any travel papers to Sen. Panfilo Lacson who was able to travel from country to country. That means, either he used fake travel documents or he was Pope for more than a year.


President Aquino met with Senator Panfilo Lacson in Malacañang on the same day three Filipinos were executed in China. No wonder, the President was nowhere to be found.

Reports say President Aquino and Senator Lacson talked for more than one hour. Rumors have it Aquino was too eager and overly excited to see his friend again. He was asking Lacson so many questions, the senator had to Google for answers.

Top 6 Things Overheard During the Aquino/Lacson Meeting

No. 6: “Astig ng tsikot natin ah. Puwedeng pa-try?”

No. 5: “Bakit nga ba natagalan ang paglabas mo? Wala ka yatang tiwala sa akin eh!”

No. 4: “Ayaw magkwento ni Shalani eh. Ano ba talagang nangyari sa inyong dalawa?”

No. 3: “Sabi mo natuto kang magluto sa Google. Ano ba ‘yong Google? Cooking show?”

No. 2: “Bahala ka na kay De Lima.”

No. 1: “Bahala ka na kay Mercedita.”


GMA Turns 64
Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo turns 64 today. I heard she’s not celebrating her birthday this year. You know, it’s not really a good sign when your age is higher than the number of your allies in Congress.

At dahil kaarawan ng dating pangulo, narito ang basa ng mga bituin sa kanyang kapalaran sa linggong ito at sa mga darating na araw. Mrs. Arroyo, makinig kayo:

Sa trabaho: Ituloy ang nasimulang kasipagan. ‘Yan na nga lang ang nag-iisang positive trait mo, huwag mo nang pakawalan.

Sa kalusugan: Ang palagiang pagtakbo palabas ng session hall kapag may nagtatalumpati laban sa ‘yo ay isang form of exercise. Just keep it up – kahit nagmumukha ka nang tanga.

Sa pag-ibig: Wala ka nang choice. S’ya na ‘yan! Magtiis ka na lang. Tutal, nagtititiis rin naman siya sa ‘yo. Patas lang.

Sa pakikitungo: Malalagay sa pagsubok ang pagkakaibigan n’yo ng isang babaeng may initials na OMG. Kumuha ng abogado bago mag-Mayo. Mabuti nang sure. Sabi nga ni Erap, “Been there, been that. You can never can tell.”

Sa pag-ibig: Nasabi ko na sa ‘taas. Hindi na magbabago ‘yon. Asa ka pa!

Ang iyong lucky color ay fuchsia. Inuulit ko lang – ang lucky ay ‘yong color, hindi ikaw.
Ang iyong lucky numbers ay idu-draw pa lang mamaya sa Pampanga. Maghintay!

At ‘yan ang espesyal na pangitain ng mga bituin sa kaarawan ng dating pangulo. Tandaan mo lamang Madam Gloria Macapagal-Aroyo, “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang iyong kapalaran, hawak ito ng Ombudsman!”

Modern Catholics
The other day, the CBCP announced that Catholics could do Visita Iglesia online! The 14 Stations of the Cross won’t be available in cyberspace this year but if you want to experience it yourself, just take the MRT/LRT during rush hour.

Smart Gilas Wows
The Philippine basketball team, Smart Gilas has been making waves as an all-amateur guest team in the PBA right now. Fans just love them. And who wouldn’t? They play like pros, and their basketball skills are so naturalized, I mean, natural.
————————————–
“Compromise makes a good umbrella, but a poor roof; it is temporary expedient, often wise in party politics, almost sure to be unwise in statesmanship.”
~James Russell Lowell


April 5th.
On this day in…

1994: Kurt Cobain killed himself with a shotgun.  After three days, the police started to suspect that something bad happened to the Nirvana frontman because, from the outside, his house smelled like teen spirit.

You Have Spoken!
Ano sa palagay mo: Child abuse nga ba ang nangyari kay “Janjan” sa show ni Willie Revillame?
- OO naman! Exploited ang bata both by the parents and the show. 78.95%
– Mga OA kayo! Inggit lang kayo kay Papi! 15.16%
– Haven’t seen the video. 5.89%

Elsewhere
Time Magazine: More Catholic than the Pope? Manila Suburb Cracks Down on Condoms

Find Your Fun via Find Your Fun.Ph

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Enjoy every moment of your life. Ingat!





APPOINTMENTS

15 08 2010

The Ex-President
Former president Joseph Estrada was rushed to the hospital Sunday afternoon because of profuse nose bleeding. The nosebleed happened when he tried watching “Inception” on video.

The TV Host
Breaking News! Kris Aquino’s new game show ‘Pilipinas Win na Win’ is being clobbered in the nationwide ratings game by its rival, ‘Eat Bulaga.’ To reclaim viewership, Kris is suggesting a special segment similar to the classic “Pera o Bayong” and “Kuwarta o Kahon.” It will be called “Shares of Stock o Land Distribution.”

The Palace Spokesman
Last Friday, the Supreme Court stopped the Bureau of Internal Revenue from imposing a 12 percent value-added tax on toll rates. The Professional Heckler tried to get Malacañang’s side on the issue but spokesman Edwin Lacierda was reportedly busy… blaming the Arroyo government.

The DOST Chief
Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda insisted that no one lobbied for the appointment of DOST Secretary Mario Montejo. Lacierda said Montejo was “more than qualified” for the position; an expert inventor in the field of water filtration technology, and a brother-in-law of the executive secretary.

The Weatherman
PAGASA officer-in-charge Dr. Graciano Yumul rejected the claim of his predecessors that PAGASA’s weather satellites and other apparatus were outdated. In making that statement, Yumul hoped to clarify wrong notions about the agency; underscore the forecasting capability of the weather bureau, and justify yet again the sacking of Dr. Prisco Nilo.

The Eye Specialist
President Noynoy Aquino has recently appointed his optometrist to the Professional Regulation Commission-Board of Optometry. Last year, former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo drew flak for appointing her manicurist to the board of PAG-IBIG Fund. This tradition is widely-believed to have started when former president Fidel Ramos appointed his gardener… First Lady.

The Driver
According to reports, Kris Aquino’s driver violated the law by double parking outside the ABS-CBN compound in Quezon City last Friday. The unidentified driver who did not follow the traffic rule used to work for Vice President Jejomar Binay.
—————————–
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
~Confucius

Survey Says
Should ABS-CBN let go of Willie Revillame?
-YES. Hindi siya kawalan. 29%
-NO! Turuan ng leksyon. Buruhin ang career! 52%
-Wala akong pakialam! 19%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.


Briefly Noted
Did you catch 24 Oras’ exclusive interview with Willie Revillame last Friday, August 13? What’s happening Ms Jessica Soho? Has Revillame become that nationally significant for you to waste almost 10 minutes of airtime? Wow. Shall we brace ourselves for more shocking announcements soon? Holy Papi Batman!

Briefly Noted, Too
Lest you forget Mr. President…
[Screen cap of a news item on ABS-CBNNews.com]

Fast forward to August 2010. BIR Commissioner Kim Henares: “I will defend the 12 percent VAT on toll even in Plaza Miranda no matter what it takes.” Mga TAXil!

Have a productive week ahead!





STORMS

15 07 2010


HOURS AFTER a storm hit Metro Manila, President Noynoy Aquino stormed PAGASA.

President Aquino berated PAGASA officials Wednesday morning for their failure to accurately predict that typhoon “Basyang” would hit Metro Manila Tuesday night. Mr. Aquino was further incensed when one of the forecasters replied, “Sorry po Pangulong Arroyo.”

An upset President Aquino berated PAGASA officials early Wednesday morning. PAGASA administrator Prisco Nilo admitted, “’Yun ang ‘di namin na-predict!”


After getting dressed down by President Aquino, officials of the weather bureau promised to be more accurate in predicting the weather. PAGASA is now talking to the German government for the possible importation of 12 Doppler radars and Paul the Octopus.

Here’s a fact: The night typhoon “Basyang” inched toward Metro Manila, President Aquino was partying with the Malacañang Press Corps. The weather was actually fine when the dinner started… until Aquino sang two songs.

In Other News
Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez says she wants to personally speak to President Aquino to enumerate her accomplishments… to which Aquino said, “Nang-iinsulto ba siya?”

Binay’s New Post
After repeatedly saying he would no longer accept any government posts, Vice President Jejomar Binay has finally agreed to become the new “housing czar” – to which former Vice President Noli De Castro said, “Bakit ka magpapakipot pa, kung puwede namang magkapuwesto na?”


TYPHOONS
(To officially welcome the rainy season, I am reposting this article originally published in October 2009 two weeks after the onslaught of typhoon “Ondoy” and a month before the deadline for the filing of the COC for president. Enjoy!)

ATY_erap Typhoon Erap
Devastates the country for two hours and then leaves. Despite the entry of a new disturbance though, it threatens to re-enter the Philippine area of responsibility.

ATY_gma Typhoon Gloria
Continues to pummel the entire Philippines for nine hours now. Gustiness rivals that of Typhoon Marcos in the ‘70s. Initial damage to agriculture is estimated at P728 million. Damage to infrastructure is unknown but initial reports say reconstruction of Macapagal Boulevard alone has cost the government P536 million. It was also able to sustain its strength after interacting with Typhoon Erap. It is forecast to remain almost stationary.

TY_MAR Typhoon Mar
Threatened to enter Philippine territory but after seeing the vigilance of Filipinos, it was forced to back out and gave way to Typhoon Noynoy.

ATY_noy Typhoon Noynoy
Initially categorized as a tropical storm until weather specialists observed a sudden rise in its gustiness and wind speed. After being officially declared a typhoon, it now brings scattered rain showers in Luzon including Metro Manila. Moderate to strong winds are expected to blow toward the Visayas and Mindanao in the coming days. [By the way, beware of typhoon Noynoy's thunder - it wouldn't shut up!]

ATY_villar Typhoon Villar
Earlier forecast categorized it as a “super typhoon” maintaining strength in Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao. Roads and road extensions were damaged – twice (double devastation). But the entry of Typhoon Noynoy in Philippine territory has eclipsed its impact. The rest of the country will remain cloudy though.

ATY_bro Typhoon (Brother) Eddie:
A similarly-named typhoon entered the country in 2004 and threatened to pour 5 million centimeters of rainwater in the entire country. You know what happened. The typhoon was re-categorized as a drizzle.

ATY_bayani Typhoon Bayani
This weather disturbance was located at 14° 38′ 24″ North Northwest of Marikina City. Weather experts refused to categorize it as a typhoon because its impact is localized. It did, however attempt to pack maximum sustained winds similar to a tropical storm. But latest satellite data revealed no sign of activity.

ATY_vgibo Typhoon Gibo
It was nowhere near the Philippine area of responsibility until three hours before PAGASA made its latest forecast. In fact, typhoon Bayani’s moderate winds were already blowing east of the metro before Gibo made its presence felt and officially entered Philippine territory. The weather bureau forecasts similarities in the movements of typhoon Gibo and typhoon Gloria although both Gibo and typhoon Noynoy originated approximately 10 miles east of Central Luzon.

aty_binay Typhoon Jejomar
Described by weather specialists as “stubborn” and territorial,” this typhoon has recently threatened the whole country if not for some climatological developments. What’s alarming is that people to tend to ignore Typhoon Jejomar’s ability to destroy. It has remained stationary for 23 years (and counting).

Typhoon JDV
No heavy rains. No lightning. No flooding. It’s all thunder and wind.

ATY_chix Typhoon Loren & Typhoon Chiz
For the first time in local weather history, two typhoons entered the country at the same time making landfall on the same area. The impact is moderate though, without much damage, and both typhoons are expected to leave soon… unless either of them interact with typhoon Erap.

ATY_jamb Typhoon Jamby
The hardest to predict among the weather disturbances. Scattered raindrops will not completely wet an exposed surface regardless of duration. But the public is advised to remain cautious of lightning. Despite the rains, temperatures will remain high.

ATY_puno Typhoon Ronnie (Puno)
No satellite or surface data was made available because… “Tahimik lamang magtrabaho ang Typhoon Ronnie kaya maraming nagagawa (na damage).”
———————-
“I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning to sail my ship.”
~Aeschylus

Survey Says
On Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez:
– IMPEACH HER! Now na! 64%
– LEAVE her alone. Let her do her job. 25%
– Sorry… ‘di ko alam ang issue. 11%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere…
– Philippine Star’s William Esposo: Why the (Extreme) Left remains politically insignificant

- Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Conrado De Quiros endorses the legalization of ‘jueteng’

- Congratulations to Coach Phil Jackson of the Los Angeles Lakers who took home the Best Coach trophy, and Kobe Bryant who was named Best NBA Player in the 2010 ESPY Awards. Btw, Yahoo!Sports reported, “LeBron James was booed when a montage of male athlete nominees was shown.” Ouch!

Enjoy your weekend!








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