HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. PRESIDENT!

7 02 2013

JUST LIKE LAST YEAR, the Aquino family organized a surprise birthday party for President Noy at the Aquino residence on Times Street, Quezon City. The event was hosted by the president’s youngest sister, Krissy.

A video of the event was anonymously sent to the Professional Heckler. Here’s the full transcript.

(Noy enters the house; turns the lights on)

1nALL: SURPRISE!!!

Hi Noy! Naloka ka ‘noh? We’re all here again! Aha-ha-ha!

(Coughs) Grabe naman kayong manggulat! (Coughs) Kung inatake ako rito, (Coughs) kayo ang sisisihin ko. Ano bang meron? (Coughs)

Hellooooo! It’s your 53rd birthday, remember!? Hay nakuuu, tumatanda ka na talaga. But in fairness, ‘di halata. Para ka lang 52! Aha-ha-ha

Ballsy: Guys, kids, all together now: “Haaaaaappy birthdaaaay to youuuuu!!!”

Thank you, (Coughs) thank you. Pwede bang magpahinga muna ako?

Noooo! ‘Di pwede ‘no! May surprise pa kami sa ‘yo. Kasi before ka dumating, pinakialaman na naman ni Ate Pinky ang answering machine mo.

PINKY: Krissy!! Anong pinakialaman?! I did not do anything…

BALLSY: Sige na nga, ako na. Ako na ang nakialam.

‘Yun na! To the rescue ang eldest! Winnnnnner! Bongga ka talaga Ate.

(Coughs) O ‘asan na ang surprise? (Coughs) Antok na talaga ako.

Ay, agad-agad? Helllllo! Appreciate naman our effort. Puro ka kasi trabaho. Sa Christmas trabaho, sa Holy Week trabaho, pati ba naman sa birthday mo, trabaho pa rin?!

Of course! ‘Kita mo naman ang economy Krissy… 6.6 percent growth! We surpassed our target for 2012!

‘Yun na! How can I argue with success nga naman? Note to self: ‘Krissy, shut up ka na lang, ok? Maganda ang takbo ng economy!’ Kaya Noy, ikaw na!

No Krissy… ikaw na! Hi-hi

Ayyyy, Bumu-Boy Abunda! Luvvvvvvet! Aha-ha-ha Wait! Everyone… may I have your attention please? Pakikinggan na natin ang messages sa answering machine ni Kuya Noy. First message… Ate Pinky, press mo naaaa!

Tooooot!
“Mr President, sa UNA headquarters ‘to. Curious lang kami sa TV ad ng LP. Sabi mo do’n, ‘Sa daang matuwid, maraming gustong sumali. Pero meron ding nagpapanggap lamang.’ Mr. President, kami ba ang pinapatamaan mo?”

Ayyyyy, defensive! Obvious naman Noy ‘di ba? May iba pa ba?

Kristina, ako ang tinanong ‘di ba? So ako ang dapat sumagot!

Sabi ko nga! Hay naku Krissy, quiet ka na lang kasi. Continue Noy…

Wala akong partikular na pinapatamaan sa TV commercial na ‘yon. Now, kung makaramdam kayo ng guilt, baka may ginawa kayong masama.

True!!! Guilty siguro!

Kristina!

Sorry! Ate Ballsy… next message please. Press mo na! Now na!

Tooooot!
“Hello?? Noy-bi?! Ooopssh, I am shorry. Anyway, I need not introduce myshelf kashi shure ako, alam mo na kung shino. Firsht, happy birthday sha ‘yo ‘no? Parang kailan lang, eshtudyante pa lang kita sha Ateneo. Not sho bright then but not sho bobo either. Look at you now… my lucky successhor. Lucky kashi mataas ang GDP when I sshtep down. I jusht wanna shay congratssh dahil medyo stable na ang economy natin. Ang challenge sha ‘yo ngayon: mapantayan mo ang 7.9 percent growth sa first half of 2010. Wish ko lang din, maging fair ka sha mga kalaban mo sha pulitika ‘no? It should be an anti-corruption drive, not anti-Arroyo family drive, ‘no? Happy birthday again at shana ay matagpuan mo na ang babae para sha ‘yo para gabi-gabi… plenty. Ang shaya, shaya ‘no? Bye!”

Noy, can I react?

Kristina, ‘wag mo nang patulan.

No Noy! Sorry… but I have to say something. Kasi po, for a long time, you have been critical of my brother. Tamad raw, bobo, walang alam, mahina, stupid. I’m not saying he’s not any of these but… wala ho kayong narinig na salita sa amin ever bilang paggalang na rin sa maysakit. Ngayon, nag-iba na ang hangin. Pakiramdam ko po bilang kapatid ng pangulo… vindicated s’ya, vindicated kami. Kaya next time, bago kayo bumatikos, sana mag-isip muna kayo. Sino ho bang nakakulong? Sino ho bang may kaso? Sino ho bang ‘di pinagtitiwalaan ng publiko? ‘Di ba kayo?

BALLSY: Krissy, ano ka ba!? Answering machine ‘yang kinakausap mo!

Gosh, oo nga, I forgot. Hay naku! Ito naman kasing si Viel hindi nagsasalita. ‘Yan tuloy, mega-emote ako sa telepono. Para akong tanga, nakakaloka! Jiggy, next message please! Press mo na!

1TTooooot!
“Hi Noy! This is your Tita Tingting. On behalf of your Tito Peping, i’d like to greet you a very happy birthday. We really miss you na. Sana makapag-dinner naman tayo sa bahay with China, Mikee, and Maimai. Malapit na ang Mayo. I hope maging one big happy Cojuangco clan tayo. Alam mo na!”

Noy, are you voting for her in May?

Kris… next message please!

‘Yun na! Ayoko nang dagdagan. Mahirap na. Aha-ha-ha. Josh… next message! Press mo na!

Tooooot!
“Bianca, umamin ka na! Bianca wouldn’t believe me but it’s true. With Pantene, wala kang worry about hairfall. Pero ang hirrwap naman kasing maniwala. Evewytime I bwrrush my hairrr, may haiwrfall…”

Stop! Who did this? Bimby, did you leave this message sa answering machine ng Tito Noy mo?

What’s answering machine mama?

Fine! Prank caller siguro. Sorry Noy. Wait… Bimbyyyyy, stop making papak that can of Nido! Jonty… next message please. Press mo na!

Tooooot!
“Pare, ba’t naman gano’n? May atraso ba ako sa ‘yo? Ginago ba ng pamilya namin ang pamilya n’yo? Bakit sabi mo sa speech mo kanina sa Cavite, ‘Huwag po tayong umasa sa tsamba o sa agimat o anting-anting.’ Wala namang bastusan p’re. Puro ka satsat eh. Kung gusto mo suntukan na lang tayo o kaya, paramihan ng chicks. Ano? ‘Di kesyo birthday mo, palalampasin ko ‘to! Laban ka? ”

Kris, gusto mong mag-react?

Hay naku Noy! Ewan ko sa ‘yo at sa speechwriters mo! Alam mo namang kumpare ko si Bong at kumare ko si Lani ‘di ba? Idinamay mo pa ang agimat nila! Para kang bata! Eh obvious namang mga Revilla ang pinaparinggan mo ’noh!? Nakakaloka ka!

Hindi mo ‘ko ipagtatanggol?

Ayaw kong madamay sa gulong ‘yan ‘noh. Nananahimik ako! In other words… care bears! Hello na lang sa pamilya Maliksi. Anyway, Bimby, next message please. Press mo na!


Tooooot!
“Ginoong Aquino, si Bishop Calinislinisan ito. Sa iyong kaarawan, nawa’y pagpalain ka ng Panginoon… ‘yan eh kung napatawad ka na Niya sa pagpirma mo sa RH Law. Kababuyan ang batas na ‘yan.”

Aray ko! Ako na ang sasagot Noy.

This time Kristina, sige. Go!

Keri ko ‘to. With all due respect Bishop Naglilinislinisan, I mean, Calinislinisan, ano pong kababuyan ang sinasabi n’yo? My brother is not a pig! My brother is not a pig! Ang kapatid ko ay pangulo, at maayos niyang ginagawa ang kanyang trabaho! Promise!

Sabihin mo, 6.6% ang GDP growth.

Wait, ba’t ‘di ikaw ang magsabi Noy? Afraid ka sa mga obispo no? Kasi eleksyon na. Baka iba ang UNAhin nilang ikampanya. Aha-ha-ha

Kristina!

Fine. Sige, next message na nga lang. Press ko na!

Tooooot!
“Awoooooo, bakit mo ako pinabayaan? Ang pangako mo noong nakaraang halalan, ako ay iyong susuportahan. Awoooooo! Pero bakit nangyari ‘to? Pinatay ako ng iyong mga kaalyado. Awooooooo! Nagdadalamhati… FOI Bill”

Kristina… can you answer that?

Huh? Bakit ako?! Hellllllllo! Ako ba ang nag-promise during the 2010 campaign? Kasi naman… kapag kampanya, ‘wag mag-promise nang ‘di naman tutuparin. Ayokong sagutin ‘yan. Sorry Noy…. kahit love love love kita… isyu mo ‘yang FOI Bill… hindi ko isyu ‘yan.

Sige, ignore na lang natin ang message na ‘yan.

You’re so baaaaad. Hate na kita. Anong ignore? I’ll give you 5 minutes to think of an answer. Listen ka muna sa sunod na message. Josh… press it!

1mnTooooot!
“Hi President Noy. Si Mitos Magsaysay ‘to. Gusto ko lang ipaalam sa ‘yo na kasama mo ako sa pagtahak sa tuwid na daan. Kung binabatikos man kita, constructive criticism lang ‘yon. Happy birthday and may you have many more birthdays to come.”

Eeeeew. Kadiri ka Noy! Bakit alam n’ya ang number mo dito sa bahay?

Aba, malay ko!

Would you like to reply? Kasama mo rin daw siya sa ‘tuwid na daan!’

Eeeeew.

Aha-ha-ha! You’re so mean! I luvvvvvettt! May two messages pa yatang naiwan. Noy… ikaw na ang magpress. Now na!

Tooooot!
“Hi Kuya Noy, happy birthday po! Kahit wala na kami ng kapatid mo, malaki pa rin ang pasasalamat ko sa ‘yo. Salamat sa pag-aalaga mo kay Baby James. Alam kong may mga…”

Waitttttt! Pause mo muna! Tama ba ang naririnig ko????!!! Boses ba ‘yan ng lalaking ‘yon?!!

Kristina, patapusin mo muna!

Tooooot!
“… marami kaming pinagdaanan ni Kris pero hindi nawawala ang respeto ko sa ‘yo. Kahit magka-crush pa sa ibang lalaki si Kris…”

Sandali! Bakit kailangang topic ako? Hellllloooo! He’s just leaving a birthday message right? Bakit nadamay na naman ako?

Krissssy, let him finish!

Tooooot!
“… hindi naman ako magseselos eh. Ang importante maayos niyang naaalagaan si Baby James.”

‘Buti alam mo! And pleaseeeee…. It’s Bimby not Baby something. Eeeew! Pwede ba Noy, magpalit ka na ng number dito sa bahay. Kung sinu-sinong kaluluwa ang tumatawag! Kaloka lang huh! Last message na!

Tooooot!
“Mr. Prisidint, si Pacman po ‘to. Sabi ng mga taga-Ruma sa Chaptir 13, Virs 8: “Ang nagmamahal sa kapwa ay tumutupad sa Kautusan.” Maligayang kaarawan Mistir Prisidint. Make lab not war. To air is human, and it is divine. Think you, think you at maraming salamat sa pagsupurta sa new show ko sa GMA, ‘Para Sa ‘Yo, Ang Laban Na ‘To.’”

Nakakaloka! Pati ba naman sa answering machine, mag-promote??!! Hindi ko siya kinakaya!

Hayaan mo na siya Kris.

Sabi pa niya, ‘to air is human.’ Gross! Promise. That’s so gross!

Kristina!!!


Fine! Everyone, wala munang aalis kasi piktyur-piktyur muna with the birthday boy. Bimby, Josh, come. Dapat sa tabi kayo ni Tito Noy.

Sandali. Pwede bang kumain na lang muna kayo? Gusto ko munang magpahinga. Later na lang.

Ganoooo’n? Suplado much na?

6.6% GDP growth!

Fine! Ikaw na talaga Noy, ikaw na!

No, Krissy. Ikaw na!

Aha-ha-ha!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. PRESIDENT!
—————————————————————————————–
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
~Jennifer Yane

Sound Bites
“Paalala lamang po: Asahan na po ninyong may mga nagpapanggap, at may mga nakikisakay diumano sa ating krusada; may mga nakikisuot ng kulay dilaw, pero hindi tiyak kung anong kulay ang nasa loobin. Huwag po tayong umasa sa tsamba, o sa agimat o anting-anting [laughter].”
~President Aquino’s Speech, Imus Cavite/February 7, 2013

Have a fun-filled weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Aquino's Official Facebook Page/ Tingting C: Philstar.Com]





MR. RO-ROxas

7 06 2011


Secretary Mar
Defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas has been appointed DoTC secretary. Roxas was reportedly the unanimous choice – of the members of the Samar Group.

Former senator Mar Roxas has finally accepted the top post in the DoTC. Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa is throwing a victory party.

Mar Roxas will no longer be appointed presidential chief of staff. Jojo Binay’s winning streak continues.

Before he was named DoTC secretary, Mar Roxas was supposed to be appointed presidential chief of staff. It was a choice between a vacant post and an imaginary one.

Following his appointment, incoming DoTC secretary Mar Roxas said he’s picked a theme song, “Trains and Boats and Planes” by Dionne Warwick. Meanwhile, his subordinate in the LTO – Virginia Torres has also chosen her theme song, “Babalik Ka Rin.”

Reports say President Aquino and Mar Roxas had a heart-to-heart talk lasting three long hours Monday night. The meeting would have not lasted that long if it was a mind-to-heart talk.

Reports say President Aquino had a heart-to-heart talk with Mar Roxas Monday night. After three long hours, he accepted his offer – the first time in more than a year that someone actually said “yes” to the President.

The following tweets were intercepted minutes after President Aquino announced the appointment of former senator Mar Roxas:

MrPalengke
Mula Presidente to VP to Chief of Staff to DoTC? Hanggang kailan ako magpaparaya?
11 minutes ago

RatedK
@MrPalengke Ewan ko sa ‘yo! Maghanap ka ng katabi mo tonight!
7 minutes ago

TheRealNoynoy
@MrPalengke What’s with the tweet? We’ve talked about this right?
7 minutes ago

SayChiz
Binabati ko ang bagong kalihim. Ipinapangako ko pong bibilisan namin sa Commission on Appointments ang pagkumpirma sa kanya. (Baka magbago pa ang isip n’ya, mahirap na!)
6 minutes ago

DeQuiros_Inq
A very bad choice. For several reasons. (Watch out for my column on this subject tomorrow.)
5 minutes ago

Official_Samar
Congratulations team! To 2016 and beyond!
3 minutes ago

Jojo_Ocho_Ocho
Inuman naaaaa!
2 minutes ago

Rambotito_B
@Official_Samar @Jojo_Ocho_Ocho Uy! Hintayin n’yo muna akong makauwi. Sama ako d’yan!
2 minutes ago

Official_Balay
May araw din kayo!
1 minute ago

OnTheVerge_Torres_LTO
@MrPalengke eow powz! paramdam lang. zee you zoon zir!
30 seconds ago

MommyD
@ Jojo_Ocho_Ocho Malaswaaaaa!
20 seconds ago


Breaking News!
There’s an emerging player in the real estate industry. The Bureau of Corrections!

ARMM Elections
Voting 13-7, the Senate has approved a bill postponing this year’s ARMM elections to 2013. Incumbent officials will be replaced though by officers-in-charge to be appointed by Malacañang. President Aquino is expected to hold a jobs fair in August for qualified Liberal Party members only.

The Senate & the Lower House have voted to postpone the ARMM elections. Disappointed with the outcome of the voting, socialite Tingting Cojuangco has left for Tunisia where elections are expected to happen soon.

Overseas…
New York Representative Anthony Weiner finally admitted that he sent a lewd photo of his underwear-clad crotch to a young woman over Twitter. But Weiner says he will not resign… although he is close to accepting an offer to become the next IMF chief.

Despite admitting that he lied about sending lewd pictures to women, New York Rep. Anthony Weiner refuses to resign. The embattled solon is prepared to face all the charges that may be leveled against him. That’s according to his spokesperson, Elena Bautista-Horn.
————————————————————
“Power, like a desolating pestilence,
Pollutes whate’er it touches.”

~Percy Bysshe Shelley

You Have Spoken
Full military honors para sa dating pangulo at diktador na si Ferdinand Marcos. Your take:
- Puwede na ‘yon. 30.08%
- Insulto pa rin sa mga biktima ng Martial Law. 61.65%
- Wala akong pakialam. 8.27%

Elsewhere
Manila Times: Why Ping de Jesus was sacked, the inside story

Newsbreak: Our Beijing envoy

What the Fox! Fox News uses Tina Fey picture for Sarah Palin story

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





HOLY SMOKE!

29 05 2011

No to Smoking
May 31 is World No Tobacco Day. To draw attention to the negative effects of smoking, the Department of Health will hold public forums on lung cancer, respiratory diseases, aging, and President Aquino’s lovelife.

No to Smoking II
Starting Monday, the MMDA will strictly implement Republic Act 9211, which prohibits smoking in public places. Violators will be fined 500 pesos on first offense. Public places include hospitals, government offices, schools, bus & jeepney terminals, loading and unloading bays, public playgrounds, plazas, and churches. Apparently, if you’re a heavy smoker, the only safe place for you is Malacañang.

Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring President Aquino and his Cigarettes

No. 5: Bakit Ngayon Ka Lung Cancer?

No. 4: The Joy Halak Club

No. 3: Dude, Where’s my Tar?

No. 2: All the President’s Phlegm

And the No. 1 movie remake starring President Aquino and his cigarettes…

The Good, the Bald, and the Smelly


Marcos’ Burial
Vice President Jejomar Binay has finished conducting a survey on the issue of whether former president Ferdinand Marcos’ refrigerated body should be buried or not at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus zero degrees Centigrade.

Erap in Manila
A tabloid report says former president Joseph Estrada is running for mayor of Manila in 2013. But critics say that’s not possible since Erap is a resident of San Juan. Estrada has clarified the report though saying he’s not running in Manila but in the ARMM!


ARMM Polls
Socialite and former Tarlac governor Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco said her nephew, President Aquino could not stop her from seeking the vice gubernatorial post in the ARMM. Just so you know, Tingting Cojuangco’s a feisty woman. Not even her husband Peping could stop her from getting those Botox injections.

New Rep
Ryan Luis Singson has been elected representative of Ilocos Sur’s first district replacing his jailed brother, Ronald. Unlike his Kuya, Ryan is said to be younger, gentler, and a lot more careful when in Hong Kong.

Grand Lotto
Nobody has won the 320 million-peso jackpot in the 6/55 Grand Lotto. The PCSO says bettors have a bigger chance of winning this time mainly because Inquirer reporter Miko Morelos has stopped placing bets.

Noon, Ngayon
Noon: Ang bilanggo, dinadalaw.
Ngayon: Ang bilanggo, dumadalaw.

Noon: Kapag nakinig ka sa homily ng obispo, naliliwanagan.
Ngayon: Kapag nakinig ka sa homily ng obispo, nagwu-walkout.

Noon: Ang mahigpit na magkatunggali: administrasyon at oposisyon.
Ngayon: Ang mahigpit na magkatunggali: Balay at Samar sa posisyon.

Noon: Kapag bagsak ang rating ng presidente, “Kagagawan ng oppositionists!”
Ngayon: Kapag bagsak ang rating ng presidente, “Kagagawan ng columnists!”

Noon: Ang ‘lovelife’ ng presidente, mababasa sa diyaryo.
Ngayon: Ang ‘lovelife’ ng presidente, mababasa sa kanyang speech.
—————————————————————————————-
“The best way to stop smoking is to just stop – no ifs, ands or butts.”
~Edith Zittler

Old Joke
Use Philip, Marlboro, Hope, and Champion in a sentence.
Answer: Philip kitang hinahanap, nasa Marlboro country ka lang pala; Hope!!! ‘Wag kang tatakas! Champion ka talaga!

-Naknampoodle, saksakan nang corny!

You Have Spoken
On Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s “Pay to Stay” proposal for rich prisoners:
- Sure! Para naman kumita ang gobyerno. 20.46%
- Tutol ako d’yan. Ano sila sinusuwerte? 74.59%
- Pag-aaralan ko muna. 4.95%

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Have a safe and fun week ahead!





HOLY STORMS!

26 05 2011


Narito ang updated na talaan ng mga bagyong pumasok, papasok o kasalukuyang nasa loob ng Pilipinas:

Bagyong Mar Roxas
Inaasahang papasok sa Philippine area of responsibility sa darating na Hunyo. Nangangamba ang marami sa posibleng pagsasalubong nila ng Bagyong Jojo Ochoa. Maaari daw itong magdulot ng dobleng peligro sa bansa.

Bagyong Jojo Ochoa
Tahimik lamang ang bagyong ito ngunit malalaman mong paparating na siya dahil pasuray-suray ang pagtahak niya sa kanyang dinadaanan.

Bagyong Edwin Lacierda
Matapos manalanta, sinisi niya ang forecast ng PAGASA. Mali-mali daw ang facts at figures na inilalabas ng weather bureau.

Bagyong Leila De Lima
Napakatapang na bagyo. Matatalim na kidlat at kulog ang dala ngunit walang gaanong ulan kaya’t minimal ang pinsala. May isang obserbasyon nga lang ang mga kritiko ng Bagyong Leila: kung saan-saang lugar daw siya pumapasok.

Bagyong Panfilo Lacson
Kahit moderno na ang instrumento ng pamahalaan, nahirapan pa rin silang ma-detect ang galaw ng bagyong ito. Hanggang ngayon, palaisipan pa rin kung sang bahagi ng mundo siya nagmula.

Bagyong Manny Pacquiao
“Jeremiah 23:19 Narito, ang bagyo ng Panginoon, ang kaniyang kapusukan, ay lumabas, oo, ipu-ipong bagyo: babagsak sa ulo ng masama.” You know.

Bagyong Mommy Dionisia
Pinapayuhang mag-ingat ‘yong malaswa, ‘yong mga taong malaswaaaaa!

Bagyong Juan Ponce Enrile
Pinakamatagal sa puwesto; hindi gumagalaw. Dumaan na ang iba pang sama ng panahon, nananalasa pa rin siya.

Bagyong Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Siyam na taong nanalanta sa Pilipinas. Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa tuluyang nakakabangon ang bansa sa pinsalang kanyang idinulot.

Bagyong Tingting Cojuangco
Nabigla ang mga weather forecasters sa ikinilos kamakailan ng sosyal na bagyong ito. Matapos manalanta sa Central Luzon noong early 1990s, nagpaparamdam ito ngayon sa dakong Mindanao bilang isang weather disturbance. Gayunman, wala pang katiyakan kung siya ay magiging ganap na bagyo.

Bagyong Imelda Marcos
Dekada sesenta pa nang ito ay unang manalasa sa bansa. Libu-libo ang nasawi, nasugatan, at hanggang ngayon ay nawawala dahil sa kanyang bagsik. Inalis na ang kanyang pangalan sa opisyal na talaan ng mga bagyo ngunit sa ‘di maipaliwanag na pangyayari, matagumpay siyang nakabalik at patuloy pa rin sa pananalasa.

Bagyong Ernesto Diokno
Matapos magdulot ng pinsala, tumanggi siyang akuin ang responsibilidad at ipinasa ito sa mas mahihinang bagyo. Sinisi rin niya ang mga nagdaang sama ng panahon. Bagamat bahagyang humina, nananatili pa rin ito sa puwesto dahil malakas daw ang kapit kay Lord.

Bagyong Antonio Leviste
Ang inisyal na forecast ay stationary lamang ito ngunit marami ang nagulat nang ma-detect siya ng ABS-CBN News Weather Bueau sa dakong Makati at Maynila. Iniimbestigahan na ang mga awtoridad sa kabiguan nilang ma-monitor ang galaw ni Bagyong Leviste.

Bagyong Manny V. Pangilinan
Mayaman sa ulan at hangin. Tuwing kumukulog at kumikidlat, nawawalan ng signal ang Globe!

Bagyong CBCP
Matagal-tagal na rin ang ginagawa nitong pananalanta sa Pilipinas. Sa tuwing magrereklamo ang mga tao sa dala niyang pinsala, nagbabanta ito ng walang tigil na pag-ulan at pagbaha upang lipulin ang “masasama.”

Bagyong Jejomar Binay
Napanatili nito ang maximum strength na sinimulang ipunin noong 1986. Lalo pang tumindi ang kanyang gustiness after 2010. Bagamat matindi ang dulot na pinsala, hindi ito gaanong napapansin dahil marami din namang natulungan ang dala niyang ulan. Matapos tumama sa Kamaynilaan, nakatutok naman ang mata ng Bagyong Binay sa mas malawak at mas matinding pananalanta sa iba’t ibang panig ng bansa sa 2016.

Bagyong Noynoy Aquino
Tuwid na direksyon ang tinatahak ng bagyong ito ngunit napakabagal at may katamaran. Tanghali na kung ito ay kumilos kaya’t inaabot nang madaling araw ang pananalanta. Walang gaanong ulan ngunit malakas ang hanging bumabayo kaya’t binansagan din itong ‘tuyot na bagyo.’
—————————————————
“Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.”
~Author Unknown

Today’s Forecast in Sports
“The Miami Heat will beat the Dallas Mavericks in June. They will be crowned 2010-2011 NBA champs and LeBron James will finally receive his first ever championship ring.” — American Christian radio broadcaster and preacher Harold Camping

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TOXIC

5 10 2008


Melamine and the Senate
After lab tests showed they were free of melamine, 28 dairy products were cleared by the Department of Health. Nope, there’s no truth to the rumor Senate President Manuel Villar was a dairy product… although he’s been cleared.

Toxic Cosmetics? null null
Three congressmen – Luis Villafuerte, Martin Romualdez, and Aurelio Gonzales have alerted the BFAD over the possibility that cosmetic products in the country — not just milk ingredients from China — might also contain toxic substances. The congressmen sounded the alarm upon seeing the photos of Vicki Belo, Tingting Cojuangco, and Imelda Cojuangco in the society pages of a newspaper.

History of HIV/AIDS null
A new study has revealed that the AIDS virus has been circulating among people for about 100 years, decades longer than scientists had thought. When they heard the news, the Chinese people chorused, “O, don’t look at us!”

Salvaged Chemicals
Reports say a total of 402 barrels of endosulfan have been salvaged from the capsized MV Princess of the Stars. When ex-president Joseph Estrada heard this, he said, “Malakas ang kutob ko, involved si Lacson d’yan!”

Cristy vs. Nadia null
Gossip columnist and libel convict Cristy Fermin dropped a bombshell on The Buzz today: She said retired actress Nadia Montenegro has another daughter, but her husband, former Kalookan City mayor Boy Asistio is not the father. Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal are reportedly filing a Senate resolution to investigate the matter.

Cristy Fermin vs. Nadia Montenegro II
Gossip columnist and libel convict Cristy Fermin has revealed that Nadia Montenegro gave birth not only to five children as she has claimed but to six kids. The Asistios called it a shame. Showbiz columnists described it as a shocker. The Catholic Church wants Nadia to be their spokesperson against the Reproductive Health Bill.

Cristy Fermin vs. Nadia Montenegro III
In an ongoing online survey, the Philippine Entertainment Portal asked, “Sino ang mas pinapaniwalaan mo, si Cristy o si Nadia?” As of 11:30PM Monday, 61% answered Nadia; 14% answered Cristy and the rest said, Lacson.

null Chris Tiu Hates Porn
Interviewed by entertainment editor Ricky Lo, Ateneo Blue Eagle hotshot and TV host Christ Tiu revealed that he has never seen a pornographic movie saying, “Nasusuka talaga ako sa mga gano’n.” He also told Ricky Lo that one time, when his friends watched porn, he just ran away. The title of the movie: “La Salle Scandal.”

Chris Tiu Hates Porn II
In an interview published October 5 in the Philippine Star, Ateneo Blue Eagle star and TV host Chris Tiu revealed that he has not seen porn and does not intend to see one. The college heartthrob explained, “Nasusuka ako sa mga ganoon,” to which priests from Ateneo said, “Talaga? Bakit naman kami hindi?”

null Chris Tiu Hates Porn III null
Asked by entertainment columnist Ricky Lo if he has seen a pornographic movie, Ateneo hotshot and TV host Chris Tiu said, “Never. Nasusuka ako sa gano’n.” Ricky Lo agreed.

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Hypocrisy is a fashionable vice, and all fashionable vices pass for virtue.
- Moliere








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