EXCLUSIVE: NANCY AND VICE

16 04 2013

VICE PRESIDENT Binay likened his daughter and senatorial candidate Nancy Binay to the late former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. The Iron Lady and the Flat Iron Lady.

Don’t get me wrong. The previous punchline may have sounded condescending but it was not my intention to be mean or biased. So let me categorically state that I have nothing, absolute nothing personal against… flat irons.

1nv
IN THE INTEREST of fairness, we invited Nancy Binay to answer some of the questions sent by the readers. But since she’s very busy, she agreed to answer only 3 questions. For this short interview, we’ll have Vice Ganda as host.

Magandang hapon po Madam Nancy.

Alam mo favorite kita.

Unang buka pa lang ng bibig, nambobola na agad? ‘Di ba pwedeng mag-greet muna?

Totoo ‘yon! Favorite talaga kita. You remind me of my dad.

Ohhhh my gaaad. Gano’n ba ako kaitim?

Hindiiii! Kasi… pareho kayong Vice.

In fairness, puma-punchline. Diretso na nga tayo sa mga isyu. Sabi ng dad mo the other day, you remind him daw of Margaret Thatcher. Bakit? Wala bang track record si Thatcher nang maging Prime Minister ng Britain?

Grabe ka naman Vice kung makapanlait.

OA ka huh! Nagtanong lang, laitero na? ‘Di ba pwedeng inquisitive lang muna?

Dapat kasi binasa n’yo nang buo ang news item bago kayo nanghusga.

Ah ganun? Hindi lang binasa nang buo ang balita, judgmental na? ‘Di ba pwedeng busy lang talaga?

Sabi kasi ng dad ko, may anak daw na kambal si Thatcher. Eh ako kasi Vice, meron ding kambal. So ‘yon ang konteksto ng statement niya. Huwag sanang bigyan ng malisya.

Ang layo naman ng narating mo ‘teh. May mention ka na agad ng malisya?! Ano ka sex symbol?

Patawa ka talaga Vice.

Hindi! Paiyak ako. Comedy show nga ito eh so paiyak ako. Heto ang next question: bakit raw umiiwas ka sa mga televised debates. Takot ka raw ba?

Alam mo Vice…

Oo! Alam ko na. Kaya nga ako nagtatanong ‘di ba? Kasi alam ko na ang sasabihin mo. Huwag mo na lang kayang sagutin.

Ikaw kasi! Pinutol mo agad ako. Ito na nga! Hihihi Alam mo Vice…

Paulit-ulit? Walang ibang transitional devices?

Hindi naman sa umiiwas ako sa debate. Kaya lang, busy ako sa kampanya eh. Priority ko ang taumbayan…

So ‘yong ibang candidates na uma-attend sa debate, hindi nila priority ang taumbayan?

Hindi naman sa gano’n.

Kasasabi mo lang eh. So ako na naman ang mali?!? Bingi ako? Gano’n?

Ang sabi ko Vice, priority ko ang taumbayan. PERO NEVER KONG SINABING HINDI SILA PRIORITY NG IBANG MGA KANDIDATO!!!

So galit ka? Kailangang all caps talaga? At may tatlong exclamation points pa?!? Pwes, MAGSIGAWAN NA LANG TAYO! HETO ANG SUSUNOD NA TANONG KO. MAKINIG KA MARGARET THATCHER!

Vice naman. ‘Wag ka namang magalit. Pumayag na nga akong mag-guest dito para magpaliwanag eh. ‘Tsaka exclusive mo ‘to. Konting kalma.

Ayoko ng konti. Gusto ko maraming kalma. Kalma! Kalma! Kalma! Kalma! Kalma! Heto pa ang isang kalma! At ito naman ang next question ko. Sabi sa ‘yong patalastas, gusto mong maging Nanay De Pamilya sa Senado. Ang tanong ng isang reader natin: ano raw ang gagawin mo sa plenary, magpapa-dede?

Alam mo Vice… kung hindi ikaw ang nagtanong n’yan ma-o-offend ako.

Sige… gusto kong ma-offend ka! Imaginin mo na lang na ako si Korina Sanchez. Tingnan ko lang kung ‘di ka ma-offend! Handa ka na ba? Uulitin ko: “Bilang Nanay De Pamilya sa Senado, anong gagawin mo sa plenary: magpapa-dede?”

Oo! ‘Yun ang gagawin ko! Bakit? Inggit ka? Palibhasa, wala kang…

Ano?!? Wala akong ano?! Wala akong anak?!? Sumagot ka!

Vice naman. Ayokong mapaaway.

Hindi ako si Vice. Ako si Korina! Akala mo uurungan kita? Hindi ako natatakot kahit maligno ang tatay mo! Sumagot ka!

Vice… ayoko na talaga. Magwa-walk out na ako. Bye!

Teka lang! Ito naman! Ini-internalize ko pa ang pagiging Ate Koring ko… bigla naman akong nilayasan. Sige na nga, last question: Bakit dapat naming iboto ang isang Nancy Binay ngayong eleksyon?

Alam mo Vice…

Very good! Very nice answer! Thank you very much. Good night!

Wait, hindi pa ako sumasagot! Ang daya naman. Biased ka!

Hindi lang pinatapos biased agad? ‘Di ba pwedeng OT lang talaga?

Bahala ka. Salamat na rin sa time. Goodbye… Korina!

Hooooy! Anong Korina? Ewan ko sa ‘yo… Margaret Thatcher ka!

-End of Interview-

Tax Day
April 15 is that day of the year when everyone hopes to beat the deadline – while Kim Henares prays to beat the target.

I passed by the Batasang Pambansang Complex yesterday and noticed a huge sign that read, “This is where your taxes go.”

For many taxpayers, filling out BIR forms has always been a challenge. You know, fiction writing is not that easy.

Multimedia personality Kris Aquino is the country’s top individual taxpayer. In 2011, she paid the government an income tax of almost 50 million pesos. That huge amount is equivalent to one ex-husband.

“How do I tax thee? Let me count the ways.” – Bureau of Internal Revenue

1vwWhite Vote Movement
Apparently, El Shaddai leader Mike Velarde and his ‘White Vote Movement’ have endorsed senatorial candidates for the coming elections. And even God was like, “O, wala akong kinalaman d’yan huh!”

Some people believe in the so-called ‘Catholic vote.’ I don’t. But I think there exists an ‘utu-uto’ vote.

It’s already 2013. I’m appalled that millions still believe Mike Velarde.

Bro. Mike Velarde’s taste in suits is reason enough for me not to be influenced by his political endorsements.

1arBb. Pilipinas 2013
A University of the Philippines-Los Baños graduate won the Miss Universe-Philippines crown in the recently concluded Bb. Pilipinas pageant. The results stunned Ariella Arida, a chemistry major. You should have seen her reaction!
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“No man undertakes a trade he has not learned, even the meanest; yet every one thinks himself sufficiently qualified for the hardest of all trades- that of government.”
~Socrates

Sound Bites
“Hindi mo pwedeng paghiwalayin ang simbahan at ang pamahalaan sapagkat ako po ay ipinanganak na Katoliko.”
~Mitos Magsaysay on being endorsed by Mike Velarde

Be vigilant. Be safe.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.








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