MINUTES TO WIN IT

3 04 2013

CITING “credible sources within the administration,” Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz says Kris Aquino is running for vice president in 2016. If that happens, isang iyak n’ya lang, sira ang kalaban.

I don’t know which was more shocking: Kris Aquino running for vice president or Archbishop Cruz cozying up with administration people.

1krisarch
Citing “sources within the administration,” Archbishop Oscar Cruz, controversial TV host Kris Aquino is running for vice president in 2016. Pilipinas Got Problem.

But the outspoken Archbishop sees “nothing wrong” with Kris Aquino seeking public office saying “it takes so little to qualify for public office.” To which Nancy Binay said, “I know!”

Last Tuesday, April 2, Archbishop Oscar Cruz reported hearing rumors that Kris Aquino’s running for vice president in 2016. If that’s an April Fools’ Day joke Archbishop, you’re a day late.

Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz says he’s heard rumors that Kris Aquino is running for vice president in 2016. And in case you haven’t heard, Archbishop Cruz is the newest member of “The Buzz.”

jvjingg
JV vs. Jinggoy, Again
JV Ejercito declined Jinggoy Estrada’s offer to produce a TV advertisement endorsing his senatorial bid. Hurt by the rejection, Jinggoy declared that he’s entering a “state of war” with JV.

Political Ads
The Commmission on Elections revealed that from February 12 to March 22, UNA’s JV Ejercito was the top TV advertiser among senatorial candidates. Ejercito has consumed 26 minutes of airtime and 70 percent of Jinggoy’s patience.

Since the campaign period started, 17 senatorial aspirants with UNA’s JV Ejercito on top have consumed at least a minute of TV airtime. Surprisingly, Cynthia Villar was nowhere on the list. She has consumed all of 2012.

In local politics, Alfredo Lim and Joseph Estrada have both consumed 20 hours of mindless mudslinging.

As of March 22, Team PNoy’s Grace Poe and Alan Peter Cayetano have each consumed 60 minutes of MMK.

GMA Network had a total of 163.5 minutes of campaign ads – but that’s nothing compared to ‘Gandang Gabi Vice’ which had more than 10 episodes of political promos.

Pulse Asia
The latest Pulse Asia survey conducted from March 16 to 20 is out! Chiz Escudero has bounced back to No. 2. Sorry Ramon Tulfo! Sorry Mr. and Mrs. Ongpauco!

Pulse Asia conducted its survey at the height of the Heart-Chiz controversy. Pulse Asia to UNA: “Sorry talaga but we tried our best.”

The survey’s biggest loser was JV Ejercito who lost 5.2 percentage points. Jinggoy Estrada’s closest friends chorused: “Pa-burger ka naman! Burger! Burger!”

Satisfied
According to a Social Weather Stations survey, 4 out of 5 Filipinos are satisfied with their life.The survey was conducted in Congress.

In a recent SWS survey, 81 percent of Filipinos said they were satisfied with their life. The rest were honest.

Noynoy Vetoes Bill
President Aquino refused to sign into law a proposed measure that would have allowed short people to join the police force. This is all your fault GMA!

Absenteeism
Some senatorial candidates say a stiff fine must be imposed on lawmakers who are always absent in sessions. And Jules Ledesma was like, “Keri lang!”

KJUOverseas…
North Korea has declared war against South Korea. That’s really bad. The only thing worse is Kim Jong Un’s haircut.

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un threatens to “dissolve” the United States. Shouldn’t he dissolve his excess fat first?

Born to a former leader, Kim Jong Un is a spoiled, bratty, attention-seeking person who’s reportedly fond of basketball players. Are we sure he’s not an Aquino?
————————————————————-
“Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them.”
~Dick Francis, To the Hilt

1ERQuote of the Weak
“Hindi naman ako ordinaryong governor. Artista rin ako. At ‘di ako basta-bastang artista. Ako si Asiong Salonga at ako si El Presidente!”
~Re-electionist Laguna Governor ER Ejercito (Via TVPatrol/Kampanyaserye)

“Some people, when they grow old, they become elder statesmen. Some people when they grow old, they become rumormongers.”
~Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda on Archbishop Oscar Cruz

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer/MPQ3/Mirror-UK/Yahoo-OMGPH]





9-3

27 02 2013

THE LATEST Social Weather Stations survey is out. Of the 12 senatorial slots that were up for grabs, Team PNOY got 9, UNA got nervous.

sur
ABS-CBN News reported that when Vice President Jejomar Binay saw the SWS study, he was in disbelief – exactly the same reaction of many people when his daughter Nancy placed fourth in another survey.

Team PNOY’s Jamby Madrigal, Jun Magsaysay, and Rissa Hontiveros failed to enter the Magic 12. If they still miss the cut in the next two surveys, they’ll change their last names to ‘Binay.’

UNA’s Jackie Enrile who promises “murang pagkain, maraming pagkain” to Filipinos is out of the Magic 12. People are on a diet.

Team PNOY’s Grace Poe had the biggest jump – from 10th in January to 5th in the February survey. Her MMK episode was shown February 2. Wala lang.

The SWS survey results are in. Former Senate President Ernesto Maceda is out.

Ansabeh/Ang Totoo
Ansabeh: “Kahit hindi kami magkasama sa partido, naniniwala akong magkaibigan pa rin kami.”
Ang Totoo: “Pero kung may matatalo sa botohan, sana siya na lang.”

Ansabeh: “Sus! ‘Yang survey na ‘yan kinukundisyon ang utak ng mga tao na natatalo kami.”
Ang Totoo: “Pero kung kami ang lumalamang, ‘the people have spoken.’”

Ansabeh: “’Walang basehan ang kaso laban sa akin. Pinupulitika lang ako.”
Ang Totoo: “Bakit kasi ngayon lang natuklasan ‘tong kagaguhang ginawa ‘ko? Sana pagkatapos na lang ng eleksyon.”

Ansabeh: “Her best asset? She’s my daughter.
Ang Totoo: “’Yon na ‘yon.”

Ansabeh: “Huwag po n’yo sanang isiping nakalimot na kami sa mga tulad n’yong maliliit.”
Ang Totoo: “Hinding-hindi po… lalo na kapag eleksyon.”

Ansabeh: “Naniniwala po akong mas malaki ang magagawa ko kung ako ay nasa Senado kaysa city hall o kapitolyo.”
Ang Totoo: “Mas malaki rin ang kikitain ko.”

Ansabeh: “‘Di n’yo po naitatanong, ‘yong lolo ko po ay dito ipinanganak sa lalawigan n’yo.”
Ang Totoo: “Ngayon ko rin lang nalaman ‘yan. Nagulat din ako.”

pope2In Other News
The race is on for the next pope who shall replace resigned Pope Benedict XVI. Informal surveys identified some frontrunners including cardinals from Ghana, Italy, Canada, and Honduras. Also doing well in the survey is Nancy Binay.

Some 115 cardinals are expected to gather in Rome for the conclave to vote on the next pope. Some of the frontrunners have been identified. The bad news is only one could win. The good news is if they don’t win the post, they can always form a party-list group.

Lost and Found
A long-lost continent has been found under the Indian Ocean. China is asking where they can claim it.
——————————————————
“You can’t depend on polls.”
~ Michael Bloomberg

Sound Bites
“Hindi nga ako makapaniwala. Paano ako makakapag comment sa hindi ako makapaniwala?
~Vice President Jejomar Binay on the latest SWS survey

“When UNA was dominating the results of recent surveys, they praise to high heavens and they were celebrating. Now that Team PNoy overtook them, they are protesting and making unfounded innuendos.”
~Team PNOY spokesman Ben Evardone

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





EVEN NOW

4 02 2010

THE RACE FOR PRESIDENT is indeed heating up. Three surveys conducted nationwide last month showed that Richard Gordon, Jamby Madrigal, Vetallano Acosta, JC De Los Reyes, Nicanor Perlas, and Bro. Eddie Villanueva were statistically tied for last place!


Pulse Asia Survey
According to Pulse Asia, Senators Noynoy Aquino and Manny Villar are now statistically “tied” for first place. Either Villar’s ads were that good or the Senate majority’s ‘job’ on Villar was that bad.

Liberal Party spokesman Quezon Rep. Lorenzo “Erin” Tañada III admits that they are concerned about the results of the latest Pulse Asia survey. Noynoy was reportedly so bothered, he even requested his advisers to verify rumors that “nabili lang sa Divisoria ang naturang survey.”

Liberal Party spokesman Erin Tañada admits that Noynoy Aquino’s ads (which were handled and conceptualized by Kris Aquino and Boy Abunda) haven’t had a strong impact. In fact, after the release of Noynoy’s latest “rap ad,” Baby James got a higher rating than him.

The head of Noynoy Aquino’s advertising campaign, Yolanda Ong of ad agency Campaigns and Grey says because of the decline in Noynoy’s ratings, there will be major changes in his campaign strategy. It will start with the exclusion of Kris and Boy in brainstorming sessions.

[Here's a rejoinder from Ms. Yolly Ong.]

Liberal Party spokesman Erin Tañada admits that the so-called “Cory Magic” that catapulted Aquino as the favorite to win the presidential race may already be wearing off. Unfortunately for Noynoy, Cory’s “babang-luksa” or first death anniversary is still six months away.

Top 10 Messages Left on Senator Noynoy Aquino’s Answering Machine After the Release of the Latest Pulse Asia Survey

No. 10: “Hi Noy. Korina here. Have you heard the news? Mar has been pulling away in the vice presidential surveys. I’m so very happy for my husband. Are you?”

No. 9: “Senator, this is Mayen Austria. Alam ko pong may problema kayo ngayon sa survey ratings n’yo, pero wala na po talaga akong mapagsabihan ng problema ko sa aking boyfriend eh. Nagpalit na kasi ng number si James.”

No. 8: “Noynoy, si Jamby ‘to. I’ve done every possible thing against that corrupt and evil candidate of the Nacionalista Party. Tell me, saan ako nagkulang?”

No. 7: “Mr. Senator, this is the SWS. Quiapo pala huh. Ayan ang napala mo!”

No. 6: “Hi Noy. Si Korina ulit ‘to. Nasabi ko na ba sa ‘yo na ang taas-taas ng rating ngayon ni Mar? Boom-boom pow! Boom-boom pow!”

No. 5: “Noy, this is Mar! Pagpasensyahan mo na si misis. Mukhang may sapi na naman eh. Intindihin mo na lang. At huwag kang mag-alala, hindi kita pababayaan. Magsasama tayo. Lalaban tayo.”

No. 4: “Hi Noy, sa campaign headquarters ‘to ni Senator Villar. Guys, sabay-sabay… “Si Villar ang tunay na mahirap. Si Villar ang tunay na may malasakit. Si Villar ang may kakayahan at gumawa ng sariling pangalan…”

No. 3: “Hello Noy, this is Conrado De Quiros of the Inquirer. Your candidacy will deliver us back to the beginning of things, or thrust us back to the time where myth and history meet or the place where life and legend intersect. The time or place of the great fight between Good and Evil: Between Cory and Marcos, between Obama and Bush, between the Fellowship of the Ring and the Eye of Mordor, between Luke Skywalker and the Evil Empire. Use the Force, Noy.”

No. 2: “Senator Aquino, hindi na mahalaga kung sino man kami. Basta, sa palasyo ‘to at naka-tap ang phone mo. Pakisabi kay De Quiros, ang OA niya huh!

And the No. 1 message left on Senator Noynoy Aquino’s answering machine after the release of the latest Pulse Asia survey…

“’Noy, don’t worry ok? Next week, susugurin ko ulit si Mayen, pero sasampalin ko na siya para mas pag-usapan. ‘Tapos, makikipaghiwalay ulit ako kay James, hindi lang two days but five. Pero help me naman with Ate Ballsy para may malipatan ako pansamantala. Nahihiya na ‘kong makitira kay Ate Pinky eh. ‘Tsaka… wait lang huh, ‘tawag ako ulit. Gosh, Joshua, ano baaaa! Huwag mong sakyan si Baby James!”
___________________
“There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.” ~Rex Stout, Death of a Doxy

Survey Says
On the country’s first ever automated elections:
I’m optimistic. Kaya natin ‘yan! 53%
Kinakabahan ako. Baka pumalpak. 47%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Enjoy the rest of the week!





THE CLIMB

2 02 2010

THE LATEST Social Weather Stations survey conducted from Jan. 21 to 24, 2010 is out. On Page 1 of the SWS report is a disclaimer that states, “No portion of this study was obtained in or near Quiapo.”

According to the latest SWS survey commissioned by Business World, Sen. Manny Villar has narrowed the lead of Sen. Noynoy Aquino to seven percentage points. To avert a further decline in his rating, Noynoy will release a rap version of his “Hindi Ka Nag-iisa” video.

From 15 percent in December, pardoned plunderer Joseph Estrada’s rating is down to 13 percent in January. The SWS believes there’s a modest decline in the prevalence of idiocy in the country.

In the latest SWS survey, Gilbert Teodoro got 4 percent; Sen. Richard Gordon and Bro. Eddie Villanueva, each got 2 percent, Kilusang Bagong Lipunan standard bearer Vetellano Acosta, 0.3 percent; Ang Kapatiran’s JC Delos Reyes, 0.2 percent; and environmentalist Nicanor Perlas; 0.1 percent. The SWS did not release the rating of Sen. Jamby Madrigal. She won’t believe the results anyway.

StratPOLLS Survey
In the latest survey conducted by StratPOLLS, Gilbert Teodoro jumped into double-digit figures for the first time. He got 11 percent. Partida pa ‘yan huh. Nakaw pa ang ginamit na ad jingle n’yan!

Jamby on Villar
Interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Sen. Jamby Madrigal described Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. as “an evil candidate.” Villar vowed to give a reaction tomorrow on radio station dzRH, 666 kHz.

Where is Lacson?
Sen. Panfilo Lacson admits fleeing the country last Jan. 5 or two days before the Department of Justice recommended the filing of murder raps against him for the murders of publicist Salvador “Bubby” Dacer and his driver on November 24, 2000. The majority senator who failed to attend the Senate plenary on the C-5 road extension controversy issued a statement saying he left the country out of his concern for his “own personal safety and security” to which Sen. Manny Villar said, “I agree. Mabuti pa nga d’yan ka na muna.”

Signal Jammer
The Commission on Elections says reports of people planning to use jammers to disrupt telecommunication signals and sabotage the automated elections on May 10 should be taken seriously… although poor telecom signal is neither new nor alarming if you’re a Sun Cellular subscriber.

Signal Jammer II
Even Liberal Party standard-bearer Noynoy Aquino has expressed alarm over reports that some people may use signal jammers to sabotage the elections. Noynoy adds, “Nabibili lang kasi ‘yan sa Raon District sa Quiapo.”

Senate’s Big Spender
According to the Commission on Audit, detained senator Antonio Trillanes IV is the third biggest spender among Senate members in 2008 incurring expenses of 17.224 million pesos. Under the category, “local travel expenses,” Trillanes spent 247,404 pesos! Bakit?!? Kasinlaki ba ng UP campus ang detention cell niya at kailangan niyang magsakay?

Senate’s Big Spender II
As per COA’s report for 2008, detained senator Antonio Trillanes IV spent 247,404 pesos for “local travel.” Does Philippine law now allow spending for astral travel?!

In Entertainment…
‘Comedy King’ Dolphy, a Manny Villar endorser, has left ABS-CBN and inked a deal with Manny Pangilinan’s TV 5. Maricel Soriano, another ABS-CBN talent, and Dolphy’s daughter in the defunct sitcom “John & Marsha” has also transferred to TV5. To prove that his newly-acquired station is dead serious in competing with GMA and ABS-CBN, Manny Pangilinan is initiating talks with Nida Blanca.

——————–
“Eeach candidate behaved well in the hope of being judged worthy of election. However, this system was disastrous when the city had become corrupt. For then it was not the most virtuous but the most powerful who stood for election, and the weak, even if virtuous, were too frightened to run for office.”
~Niccolo Machiavelli





SURVEYS

17 10 2009

NOYNOYsws
SWS Survey
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that a whopping 60 percent of Filipinos wanted Sen. Noynoy Aquino to succeed President Arroyo in 2010. Again, that’s 60 percent! In a related story, a global study has revealed that Filipinos are the most sympathetic people in the world.

SWS Survey II
According to the latest SWS survey, 60 percent of Filipinos wanted Sen. Noynoy Aquino to replace President Arroyo in Malacañang next year. An even higher 80 percent wanted Joshua Aquino to replace Mikey Arroyo in Malacañang next year.

SWS Survey III
Liberal Party’s Noynoy Aquino got an uber-impressive 60 percent rating in the latest SWS survey. Noynoy is so popular, he actually placed second to Obama in the Nobel Peace Prize balloting.

SWS Survey IV
Sen. Noynoy Aquino obtained a ginormous 60 percent rating in the latest SWS survey. Again, that’s a whopping 60 percent! To give you an idea how much 60 percent is, think of the Op-Ed section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer. Of that section’s five regular weekday columnists, only Belinda Olivares-Cunanan and Neal Cruz won’t vote for Noynoy. That’s what 60 percent is!

SWS Survey V
Asked by the SWS to name leaders who should replace President Arroyo in 2010, 5 percent of the respondents picked Sen. Loren Legarda while 4 percent chose Defense Sec. Gilbert Teodoro. Six percent actually answered, “I don’t know.” To at least outrank Legarda, Teodoro is now locating that “6 percent” so he could introduce himself.

Top 3 Questions Asked In the Latest SWS Survey Topped By Sen. Noynoy Aquino

No. 1: Anak siya ng isang dating pangulo at ng isang bayani. Sino ang iboboto mo sa pagkapangulo sa 2010?
A: Manny Villar
B. Joseph Estrada
C. Gilbert Teodoro
D: Wala sa A, B, and C. Malamang nasa E.
E. Oo nga. Nandito nga! Noynoy Aquino! Now na!

No. 2: Ayaw ng Pilipino sa mandarambong. Ayaw ng Pilipino sa nandodoble ng budget sa road project. Ayaw ng Pilipino sa bata ni Gloria. At ayaw ng Pilipino sa batang trapo. Sino ang nag-iisang kapatid na lalaki ng TV host na si Kris Aquino?
A: Boy Abunda
B: Bambi Fuentes
C: Tsokoleit
D. Jobert Sucaldito
E. Noynoy Aquino

No. 3: Gusto mo bang maging First Lady ang nasa larawan? Kung oo, sino ang dapat mong iboto sa 2010?
shalaninoy
A: Feeling ko si Congresswoman Cynthia Aquilar-Villar ang nasa larawan. Siyempre, si Mr. Sipag at Tiyaga ang choice ko.
B: Ito ang larawan ni former Sen. Loi Estrada bago ang botched cosmetic procedure. Kaya ang iboboto ko ay si Erap.
C: Kilala ko siya! ‘Yan ang former Nikki Prieto na ngayon ay kongresista at maybahay ng iboboto kong pangulo sa 2010, si Secretary Gibo Teodoro.
D: Hoy, A, B, at C: ang dami n’yong daldal! Ang tatanga naman ng sagot n’yo! Si Cristine Flores ‘yan na wife ng ating magiging presidente sa 2010… si Chiz Escudero!
E. Siya si Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad – ang babaeng makakakuha ng pwestong dating inasam at pinangarap ng isang lady broadcaster. Noynoy Aquino for president!

IN OTHER NEWS…
gmaHOTT GMA is Hot!
A foreign blog listed the 172 “hottest heads of state” and our very own president, Madam Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo placed 9th. President Arroyo is so hot… her 20-year-old breast implants melted!

GMA is Hot! II
According to a foreign blog, President Arroyo is the 9th hottest among 172 heads of state! The president is so hot, militants are blaming her for climate change.

GMA is Hot! III
Of the 172 “hottest heads of state” listed in a foreign blog, President Arroyo impressively ranked 9th! The president is so hot, even the First Gentleman refuses to touch her.

GMA is Hot! IV
According to a blog, President Arroyo is the 9th “hottest head of state.” The president is so hot… when she visited hell recently, she thought it was winter season there.

GMA is Hot! V
A foreign blog listed the 172 “hottest heads of state” and our very own president, Madam Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was in 9th place. But the ranking is expected to change… as soon as Noynoy Aquino officially declares his bid for the title.

mar_k Mar & Korina’s Wedding
It’s a go for the wedding of Sen. Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez on October 27. As I have mentioned before, since Mar has given way to Noynoy, the wedding coordinator will no longer set up a ‘presidential’ table. The lavish event has also been scaled down in deference to the nation’s recent catastrophic typhoons. The only unchanged plan is the traditional “something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.” In fact, the bride didn’t even have to exert effort to complete all four. Everything’s in her face.

SPIDER Rare Find
Biologists have found the world’s first known vegetarian spider in Central America. Amazing! But that’s nothing compared to the world’s first “bitch” that made the list of the 10 “hottest heads of state.”

Newspaper Survey
According to the latest Nielsen Media Index study for the first half of 2009, the Philippine Daily Inquirer was the choice of 48 percent of Filipinos in National Urban Philippines. But the study is being questioned by the Philippine Star because the remaining 52 percent chose Noynoy Aquino.
________
“Popularity is the easiest thing in the world to gain and it is the hardest thing to hold.”
~Will Rogers

Survey Says…
I am just curious, and please don’t lie: how young are you?
12 – 18 years old: 4%
19 – 30 years old: 47%
31 – 45 years old: 31%
45 – Above: 19%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.





MAN ON TOP

26 08 2009

surveyfirsm Surveys
Sen. Manuel Villar has topped both the latest surveys conducted by the Social Weather Stations and Pulse Asia. When Sen. Jamby Madrigal and her lawyer Ernesto Francisco Jr heard the report, they asked each other, “Haven’t we done enough?!?”

Surveys II
Sen. Manuel Villar has zoomed to the top of two surveys on presidential aspirants. Eh mamudmod ka ba naman ng mga bahay at lupa sa Wowowee, paanong ‘di ka magta-top n’yan!

Surveys III
In the latest Pulse Asia survey, Jesus is Lord founder Bro. Eddie Villanueva got only 1 percent while Father Ed Panlilio got 0.4 percent. Pulse Asia said these figures have once proven that God was trying its best to stay neutral.

ramdam
Surveys IV
Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas placed 5th and 6th in the latest Pulse Asia, and SWS surveys, respectively. Alarmed by the results of the surveys, Roxas is urging Korina Sanchez to marry him this weekend.

Top 5 Unsolicited Pieces of Advice to Mar Roxas For Him to Fare Better in the Next Survey

No. 5: Do a Doy. Give way to Noynoy.

No. 4: Prove to us that you’re not part of a big show: reschedule your October 2009 wedding after the elections.

No. 3: You and Korina must stop professing your undying love for each other on TV, radio and print. She’s 45; you’re 52. Hindi kayo sina Kim at Gerald.

No. 2: Stop acting. Those kids in your political ads deliver their lines a lot better than you do. So drop the crap that “ramdam ko kayo” because we know and you know that you don’t! Bitch!

And the No. 1 unsolicited advice to Mar Roxas for him to fare better in the next survey…

Totally stop the airing of your TV ads. Anyway, they don’t say much about your accomplishments or your concrete plans for the Filipino people. And if the members of your own staff are afraid to articulate the truth, heto… makinig ka Mar: Nakakasuka ang mga TV commercials mo!

Erap Again
Deposed president Joseph Estrada will definitely run again for president in 2010. He promises to reveal in October: his picks for the Senate, his bet for VP, and his choice for First Lady.

Carlo J for Senator?
Controversial director Carlo J. Caparas is reportedly running for senator next year. Asked about his number 1 qualification, he replied, “Mas marami akong alam na English words kaysa kay Lito Lapid.”

Bizarre Behavior
An 18-year-old boy in Leon, Iloilo was arrested after he was caught in the act of having sex with a goat… to which the wife of the House Speaker said, “What’s the big deal?!? I’ve had sex with a crocodile!”

Bizarre Behavior II
An 18-year-old boy in Iloilo was nabbed after he was caught in the act of having sex with a goat. But that was nothing compared to President Arroyo who shares her bed with a vulture.

__________
“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.”
~Dan Quayle





WE’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN

14 04 2009

erap_mug Erap’s Picks
Earlier this week, former president Joseph Estrada revealed the opposition’s 12 potential bets for senator in the 2010 national elections. Next week, he will reveal the names of 108 more – for the remaining nine factions of the opposition.

Ex-president Joseph Estrada has bared the opposition’s list of 12 potential bets for senator in the 2010 national elections. President Arroyo’s staunch ally – Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago was included in the list, to which the feisty senator said, “Nakakaloka!”

ted Former president Joseph Estrada has announced the opposition’s 12 possible bets for the 2010 senatorial polls. The list includes broadcast personality Teodoro Etong a.k.a. Ted Failon – something that didn’t really come as a surprise since Failon is affiliated with the only genuine opposition group in the country today – “ABS-CBN Party.”

Erap has bared the names of the opposition’s 12 potential bets in the 2010 senatorial elections. Liberal Party’s Mar Roxas II has also revealed his party’s three possible senatorial candidates. Asked why he picked only three, he said, “Bakit? Kasya ba ang labindalawa sa pedicab!?”

And did you hear the latest? Born Again Christian leader and presidential aspirant Eddie Villanueva has likewise picked his 12 bets for 2010. He declined to name all but he nonetheless identified four: John, Matthew, Simon, and James.

bonglani1 Bong Revilla’s Plans
Bong Revilla has decided not to seek the vice presidency in 2010. Revilla said he was happy and satisfied being an actor, a TV host… and a part-time senator.

Bong Revilla said he would no longer run for vice president in 2010. Making that decision was by far, his biggest accomplishment yet as a senator.

Bong Revilla has also confirmed that his actress wife, Lani Mercado will run for a Congressional seat in Cavite next year. Caviteños are now wondrin’ if they’ve done something bad against the Revillas to deservr such a harsh punishment.

obamapup1 The First Canine
The White House has a new pet! America’s First Family, the Obamas just bought a six-month-old Portuguese water dog. That was big news in the US! But here? That’s nothing. Malacañang has its own lucky bitch since 2001.

The First Canine II
People at the White House got so excited when they heard about the arrival of the Obamas’ new pet dog. That’s the exact sentiment felt by Malacañang staff when Jinggoy first arrived at the palace in ’98.

The First Canine III
There’s a new pet dog at the White House! But that’s nothing compared to Malacañang’s three rabbits.

gma ChaCha Survey
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 66 percent of Filipinos are opposed to a proposal to amend the Charter that would allow President Arroyo to extend her term. If it’s any consolation, a whopping 88 percent are in favor of seeing her inaugurate new road projects in Ifugao every week.

GMA’s Wish
Of course, you’re aware that President Arroyo celebrated her 62nd birthday last April 5. But guess what, she’s now accepting gifts and surprises for her 63rd birthday next year. Do you know what’s on top of her wish list? An “advance party.”

jdv De Venecia on Party Merger
Former House Speaker and Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia Jr. warned that the proposed merger of Lakas-CMD and Kabalikat ng Malayang Pilipino (Kampi) could lead to a disaster. Come to think of it, JDV has a point… because the last time Lakas and Kampi solons merged, his Speakership bid had disastrous results.

Senate of the Philippines vs. Villar
Remember the controversial C-5 road extension project in Paranaque City, which received double allocation in the 2008 national budget? The Senate ethics committee headed by Panfilo Lacson has found the case against former Senate President Manny Villar over this road project “sufficient in form and substance.” For the interest of those who do not understand those terms, when you say “sufficient in form and substance,” it means… brace yourself guys: the election season has officially begun!

Wanted: Priests
According to the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, the country is facing a serious shortage of priests. Hoping to entice young Filipino men to enter the priesthood, the CBCP says the Church is giving seminarians an opportunity to free education, an opportunity to serve the Lord, and an opportunity to become a governor someday.

Despite the serious shortage of Catholic priests, the CBCP has reportedly rejected the idea of accepting gay applicants in the seminary. Senior members of the clergy do not want younger competition.

The CBCP says it is discouraging gays from entering the priesthood. Asked why, a CBCP official said, “Heller! Gusto mong ma-imbyerna ang Papa?!”

chard In Entertainment…
Actor Richard Gutierrez filed a 25 million peso-libel case against entertainment website Philippine Entertainment Portal for the site’s inadvertent uploading of an unverified news report that Gutierrez got involved in a brawl with a fellow actor. Rumors say, if the actor wins the case, he’ll use the money to buy something special and essential for his mom – breeding.

BREAKING NEWS (April 17, 2009):
Lawyers of Annabelle Rama have issued a cease-and-desist order to prevent the Philippine Entertainment Portal from printing anything and everything on or about Richard Gutierrez because of the barrage of negative comments they generate against the Gutierrezes. Because of this development, the latest illustrated edition of Merriam-Webster will carry the photo of Annabelle Rama and family… beside the word “insecure.”

Kata-Quote!
‘‘I’m running for vice mayor but I don’t know yet under which party.’’
~ Actress and Councilor Aiko Melendez on her plan to seek the second highest political seat in Quezon City

Elsewhere…
Manila Standard Today columnist Antonio Abaya wrote:
“… for the protest movement to gain the participation of the crucial middle class, trapos (like Erap) and Communists should be excluded from its leadership. I am glad that some people are finally realizing the validity of that limitation.” Read the complete article here.

_____________
“Never vote for the best candidate. Vote for the one who will do the least harm.”
~Frank Dane





ANG CHIP MO!

30 03 2009

The Professional Heckler believes that blasting China or its people just because one Chinese columnist bullied his Filipina helper and lambasted the Philippines is not the right thing to do since it won’t resolve any issue. Doing so would make us no less different from him. Huwag maging Chip! But yes, I join millions of Filipinos worldwide in condemning the bigotry of this Mr. Tsao.

The latest: Asia City Publishing Group, publisher of the HK Magazine’s print and online editions, where Chip Tsao’s article “The War at Home” was printed has apologized.

But the writer has not. So to you Mr. Chip Tsao a.k.a. To Kit: “Leche ka! Hindi mo kami nakikilala? Punyeta ka! Hindi kami si Boyet Fajardo! Kami ay mga Pilipino! A tapang na tao and we want you fired!”

Chip Tsao & Filipinos
Asia City Publishing Group, publisher of the HK Magazine has apologized following the publication of Chip Tsao’s article titled “The War at Home.” When President Arroyo heard this she said, “Apology axshepted. After all, the releasssh of the article could only be a lapssh in judgment… no?”

Chip Tsao & Filipinos II
Asia City Publishing Group, publisher of the HK Magazine has apologized following the publication of Chip Tsao’s article titled “The War at Home.” When ABS-CBN chairman Gabby Lopez heard this he said, “Suportahan at ipagdasal pa rin natin ang HK Magazine!”

Chip Tsao & Filipinos III
According to Chinese columnist Chip Tsao, the Philippines was “a nation of servants.” When society columnist Malu Fernandez heard this, she said, “True!”

In Other News
It’s official! The Philippines was the top participant among 88 countries that joined Saturday’s Earth Hour, to which Chinese columnist Chip Tsao said, “Hmmpf! A nation of records!”

SWS Survey
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that Vice President Noli De Castro is still the top choice of respondents to succeed President Arroyo. Senators Manuel Villar, Loren Legarda and Francis Escudero are still in the magic 4. And Jejomar Binay is still the dark horse.

brobro Father Robert vs. Bro. Eddie
Activist priest Robert Reyes said, “Ito ang panawagan ko kay Bro. Eddie – natalo ka na eh. Be realistic, natalo ka na.” Bro. Eddie replied, “Eh ba’t ikaw? Kahit walang eleksyon, takbo nang takbo!?!!”

Disturbing
A high-ranking politician is reportedly ill, and “it’s not looking good,” my source said. There were conflicting reports though as to the cause of his health problem. Some say it was liposuction gone bad, others say it’s brain-related. So let’s just wait for the official statement… if at all, he’s gonna issue one.
_______________
“Bigotry may be roughly defined as the anger of men who have no opinions.”
~G. K. Chesterton





SORRY!

27 12 2008

Late!
It felt like forever. Finally, after six long days I was able to update this blog. I would like to apologize for the late update. I was really busy the past few days. Again… I am very sorry. I know some people would be disappointed with the delayed apology. But come on guys. Mine took only six days, Cory waited for seven years!

Speaking of Cory and her apology to deposed president Joseph Estrada last week, her son, Sen. Noynoy Aquino said it was just a joke. In fact, it was the second funniest joke Cory has ever delivered – the first one being Kris.

Former president Cory Aquino has drawn flak from lawmakers and civil society groups for saying sorry to deposed president Joseph Estrada. Sen. Mar Roxas believed though Cory would have avoided the criticisms had she said, “Putang-ina mo Erap, pinapatawad na kita.”

SWS Survey
A pre-Christmas survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations showed that the four most anticipated food for ordinary Filipinos in the Yuletide feast were “lechon,” salad, spaghetti and ham. Among Filipino lawmakers though, the top answer was pork.


Communists@40
The Communist Party of the Philippines, who’s been trying to overthrow the government since 1968, marked its 40th anniversary on Friday, December 26. Wow! They’re like celebrating 40 consecutive years of failure! Amazing!

On its 40th anniversary last Friday, the Communist Party of the Philippines unveiled its 5-year insurgency plan. For 2009: Torch at least 20 Globe cell sites in the provinces. And for 2010: Elect five more party-list representatives to Congress.

On its 40th anniversary last Friday, the Communist Party of the Philippines unveiled its 5-year insurgency plan. Nope, contrary to rumors, the plan does not include getting a new party leader who’d be willing to face the enemy right here in the Philippines.

joma Joma’s Facebook
CPP-NPA founding chair Jose Maria Sison has opened an account in the social networking site Facebook. His Facebook status? “Joma is having a great time in Europe.”

This just in: Rumors say New People’s Army spokesperson Gregorio “Ka Roger” Rosal has also created a Facebook account. His status? “Ka Roger is kinda inggit at Ka Joma but fully understands the situation.”

DOH vs. Firecrackers belo
The Department of Health will use ‘scare’ ads to discourage the use of firecrackers during the New Year’s Eve revelry. One of the print ads will show a close-up of Vicki Belo’s face.

_________
Apologizing – a very desperate habit – one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-Table








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