A MARSUPIAL IN THE HOUSE

IT WAS A RATHER unusual day at the House of Representatives last Wednesday. A ‘koala’ stole the show from the crocodiles.

The House of Representatives was jampacked last Wednesday when the 30-minute video clip of “koala boy” was shown… making it the biggest single-day gathering of losers ever.

Identified only as ‘Robin,’ a ‘whistleblower’ that resembles a koala because of his mask, surfaced earlier this week and exposed the alleged massive election fraud during the May 10 automated elections. Analyzing his statements though, this ‘Robin’ is starting to sound more like the Joker.

A video of poll fraud whistleblower identified only as ‘Robin’ was shown at the House of Representatives last Wednesday. But Comelec officials began to raise doubts on Robin’s credibility when he claimed that cheating operations shaved off several million votes from presidential candidates Gilberto Teodoro, former President Joseph Estrada and evangelist Bro. Eddie Villanueva… in Gotham City.

Some people have suspected that “koala boy” who exposed the alleged poll fraud in the May 10 automated polls could be the infamous whistleblower Ador Mawanay. But suspicions slowly fizzled out when they realized that only a horse-shaped mask would fit on him.

Comelec officials started to doubt the credibility of the masked whistleblower when they tried to extract some personal information from him. Asked about his residence, the whistleblower replied, “eucalyptus tree.”

Locsin Blows Top
Outgoing Makati City Rep. Teodoro Locsin lost his cool during Thursday’s hearing when Smartmatic-TIM representatives couldn’t clearly explain why poll results transmitted by voting machines had different time stamps that did not reflect the actual opening and closing times of the polls. Locsin shouted, “You sons of bitches!” to Smartmatic representatives… who hastily called a press conference after the hearing to categorically deny that Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was their mother.

2010 Census
Just so you know, the National Statistics Office has been conducting a national census of population and housing since last week. The projected population for 2010 is 94.01 million. But Sen. Mar Roxas refuses to accept the figure and insists that it’s too close to call.

For 2010, the NSO reveals that Philippine population could reach 94.01 million. But the House of Representatives is inclined to conduct a probe after “Koala Boy” surfaced and alleged that some 5 to 6 million was deducted from the 2007 census.

The NSO has been conducting a national census of population and housing since last week. For 2010, the projected population is 94.01 million. The Catholic Church is holding a victory party.

The 2010 national census of population and housing is ongoing. People are being asked about the number of persons in each household… to which Joseph Estrada asked, “Which household?”

Somebody from the National Statistics Office came to our house yesterday. The NSO guy asked for my name, my birthdate, and my educational attainment, and then, to my surprise, inquired if I was on Facebook.

An NSO representative came to our house yesterday. The NSO guy asked for my name, my age, and my educational attainment. And then to my surprise, he offered me grocery items if I would turn my TV on and tune in to GMA 7.
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Briefly Noted
President-apparent Noynoy Aquino is no longer taking his oath before a barangay captain. The Philippine Daily Inquirer’s headline today, Friday: “Aquino to take oath before lone SC dissenter” Of course, that wouldn’t be the headline if the Inquirer wasn’t a Noynoy diehard. Knowing the Inquirer, the story could have been titled: “Noynoy Aquino flip-flops, to take oath before lone SC dissenter.” But then again, it’s Noynoy. And it’s the Inquirer. Balanced News, Fearless Views, anyone?

Survey Says
Ngayong nakapanumpa na si Chief Justice Renato Corona, dapat na bang kilalanin ni Sen. Noynoy Aquino ang posisyon nito?
DAPAT naman. Peace na! 56%
HINDI pa rin! Never! 29%
Wala akong pakialam sa kanilang dalawa! 15%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Enjoy your weekend!

HEALING MASS

Prayers from the Palace
For the speedy recover of former president Corazon Aquino, Malacañang sponsored a healing mass. Hours later, President Arroyo sponsored another… to heal her mass.

Relatives of former President Aquino attended the healing mass in Malacañang. After the mass, Lupita Aquino-Kashiwahara and the president talked about her upcoming SONA. Tessie Aquino-Oreta and the president talked about education. And Tingting Cojuangco & the president talked about cosmetic surgery.

Cory Aquino
Reports say ailing former president Corazon Aquino is now taking small portions of food. She would have actually eaten more than that… if her “bantay,” Joshua Aquino (Salvador) would just stop eating less.

SWS Survey
A Social Weather Stations survey showed that the trust rating of the cancer-stricken Corazon Aquino rose to 60 percent. Cong. Mikey Arroyo does not expect her mom to achieve such a high trust rating mainly because her tumors were found to be benign.

Poll Automation
Something historic happened this week. The P7.2B poll automation deal between the Commission on Elections and Smartmatic-TIM Corp. was signed. Even more historic, the president has signed an endorsement deal with Belo Medical Clinic.

Villanueva on Polls
Jesus Is Lord leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva stressed that only God can stop him from seeking the presidency in 2010. Villanueva is very confident that unlike in 2004, God will not switch alliances in 2010.

Villanueva on Polls II
Born Again preacher Bro. Eddie Villanueva revealed that his political party, the Bangon Pilipinas Movement has many possible senatorial candidates in 2010. To be exact… five million.

Villanueva on Polls III
Bro. Eddie Villanueva stressed that only God can stop him from seeking the presidency in 2010… to which God replied, “Whateverrr!”

Light Bites
Noon: Kapag nanalo sa malaking bidding, tuwang-tuwa… nagti-treat
Ngayon: Kapag nanalo sa malaking bidding, umaayaw… nagri-retreat

Noon: Kapag umuwi sa probinsya ang pangulo – nagbabakasyon, nagpapahinga
Ngayon: Kapag umuwi sa probinsya ang pangulo – nakikiramdam, nangangampanya

Noon: Kapag naospital ang presidente; dedicated sa trabaho: Good job!
Ngayon: Kapag naospital ang presidente; dedicated sa asawa: Boob job!
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“Before healing others, heal yourself.”
~Anonymous

Survey Says…
Your take on the president’s health, particularly her reported boob job:
:Leave her alone! 73%
:It’s a public concern: 27%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Enjoy your weekend!

‘NAKNAMPUTSCH

Zelaya and Arroyo
Leftist Honduran President Manuel Zelaya, who wanted to extend his term beyond January 2010, was recently ousted in a military coup. Asked if the news alarmed her, President Arroyo replied, “Bakit?!? Leftisht ba ‘ko?”

Did you hear the news about the Honduran president who wanted to extend his term beyond 2010 but was ousted in a military coup instead? Here’s a piece of trivia about him: he is not an adopted member of the Honduran Army chief’s military class.

World leaders denounced the military in Honduras for ousting President Zelaya in a coup. US President Barack Obama told the coup plotters, “Do that in America and you’ll be jailed!” Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez warned them, “Do that in Caracas and you’ll be dead!” Philippine President Arroyo told them, “Do that in Manila and you’ll be senator!”

Sen. Lito Lapid was in the US when he first heard the news about the military coup that ousted Honduran President Zelaya. A concerned Lapid immediately phoned President Arroyo and told her, “Madam President, ‘wag na po tayong mag-Con Ass. Baka matulad kayo kay Presidente Zelaya. Hayun, pinatalsik ng AFP ng Honduras.”

Poll Automation
Heard about the consortium that won the Commission on Election’s poll automation contract? Barbados-based Smartmatic and its Filipino partner Total Information Management Corp. vowed to do quick counting of votes in 2010. Fast, speedy, rapid, swift counting of votes. In 48 hours, it’ll be over. They’re that quick! And to further give you an idea how fast this group works, they have already dissolved the consortium even before the polls could take place!

Comelec Chief Jose Melo is confident Smartmatic and Total Information Management Corp. will set aside their “irreconcilable differences” and reunite for next year’s poll automation. Melo advised the two firms to try what he called “marriage of convenience.” You know, the same thing that will soon unite Mar and Korina.

Iran Polls
The unrest in Iran continues. Protesters want a re-election and not just a recount of votes amid cheating allegations. Yup, a re-election! You know who’s challenging the unpopular Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Randy David!

Michael Jackson’s Wealth
According to the Wall Street Journal, a 2002 will by Michael Jackson specifies that his estate will be divided among his mother, three children and one or more charities. This early though, the King of Pop’s family is bracing for a court battle… as Jamby Madrigal files a case contesting her being disinherited from the late singer’s estate.

Belo and Kho
According to lawyer Lorna Kapunan, “the old Hayden Kho is dead” and the new Hayden “is trying to be better.” In fact, Hayden swore he would never record his sexual trysts with different women again. He’ll just let a videographer do it for him!

Belo and Kho II
Almost two weeks after sexy actress Katrina Halili filed separate complaints seeking to revoke the professional and business licenses of Hayden Kho, and Vicki Belo’s clinic respectively, the grapevine is ripe with rumors that Hayden is still in a state of shock… while Belo is in a state of decomposition.

__________
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”
~Albert Camus

Elsewhere…

Newsbreak asks… will the administration go for Noli or for Gibo in 2010?

Manila Standard’s Vic Agustin: Katrina Legarda vs. Loren Legarda.

20th Jaime V. Ongpin Awards for Excellence in Journalism: The Finalists.