DEAD!

1 11 2012

MILLIONS OF FILIPINOS trooped to cemeteries to remember and visit the dead. Today, Ang Galing Pinoy party-list Representative Mikey Arroyo was up early. He paid a visit to his political career.


For security reasons, bladed weapons are strictly prohibited in cemeteries. Sketchy reports say Congressional candidate Annabelle Rama was not allowed entry until she agreed to leave her tongue outside the memorial park.

And because it’s All Saints’ Day week, both local and cable TV channels feature horror stories and scary characters. Last night, on her show ‘Bawal Ang Pasaway,’ Mareng Winnie Monsod talked about poverty in Bicol and interviewed Camarines Sur Representative Luis Villafuerte.

Comelec Chairman Sixto Brillantes Jr. called on politicians to refrain from premature campaigning in cemeteries on All Saints’ Day. An upset Brillantes appealed for “delicadeza.” To which, politicians replied, “Ano ‘yon?”

No Extension
Voter registration for the next elections ended Wednesday, October 31. On-ground campaign began in cemeteries November 1.

Singer and TV host Regine Velasquez was one of those late registrants at the Comelec office. She made it before the 3pm deadline though. Congratulations to the only allowed Filipino flying voter, Songbird!

Asked by reporters why “the last-minute registration,” Regine Velasquez replied, “Eh kasi, I’m preparing for a concert.” I didn’t know it takes two years to prepare for one.

Disqualified
After dropping 28 party-list groups from its list, the Commission on Elections disqualified incumbent Congressman Mikey Arroyo’s Ang Galing Pinoy party-list group as well as ALAM or Alab ng Mamamahayag which claims to represent “marginalized” journalists. The disqualification of Ang Galing Pinoy and ALAM brings the total number of underrepresented sectors to… zero.

Sandy
Reports say New York City has never experienced a natural disaster as devastating as Hurricane Sandy. And Al-Qaeda leaders were like, “Natural? That’s what you think.”

Ugly?
In China, a man sued his wife for deceiving him into believing that her good looks were all natural. It turned out that she had plastic surgery to look beautiful. The Chinese woman was identified as Lah Ni Misa Lu Tsa.

In China, women go under the knife to look beautiful. In the Philippines, women go under the knife to look ugly.
—————————————
“With more opportunity comes more opportunists.”
~Amy Gardner

Quote of the Week
“Sinasabi ko lang, kaunting delicadeza. Huwag naman nilang samantalahin ‘yung holiness ng occasion. Huwag namang punuin ang sementeryo ng mga poster at tarpaulin.”
~Comelec Chairman Sixto Brillantes Jr. to epalicitians on All Saints’ Day

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





LINTANG

19 07 2011

“Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat?”
– The (only) words uttered by former Maguindanao elections supervisor Lintang Bedol in the press conference held Tuesday morning at the Commission on Elections

AFTER HIDING from law for more than four years, former Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol – Comelec officials claim, “surrendered voluntarily.” Or as one game show contestant would say, “Deal!”

Local Government Secretary Jesse Robredo admitted that he “facilitated” the surrender of Lintang Bedol. Take that Zaldy Ampatuan!

Ex-Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol finally surfaced Tuesday. Wearing a bulletproof vest, he attended the Comelec-sponsored “Batian Portion.”

“Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat!” Bedol greeted the media. And I was like, “Ano ka, si David Archuleta?”

Former election official Lintang Bedol has surfaced! He refused to talk to the press but his lawyer confirmed Bedol has learned to cook adobo, afritada, sinigang, embotido, and empanada with the help of Google while in hiding

Lawyer Lintang Bedol was a fugitive who ran away from the law. He’ll probably write a book in which he’d reveal, “kung saan ako nagtago.”

On Friday, Lintang Bedol will appear on ‘Umagang Kay Ganda’ to demonstrate his cooking skills with Anthony Taberna.

Now detained in Camp Crame, former Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol has begun serving his six-month prison sentence… or as Hubert Webb would say, “One week.”

Posthumous Declaration?
Sen. Francis Escudero said Fernando Poe Jr. could be posthumously declared winner of the 2004 presidential elections if it is proven that Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo rigged the results of the polls. But Escudero won’t say if Susan Roces could use the title, “former First Lady.”

Comelec Chairman Sixto Brillantes Jr. says the poll body can no longer undo the proclamation of President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo even if it is proven she manipulated the election results. Mike Arroyo can now heave a sigh of relief. He’s still the former First Gentleman!

Sara’s At Fault
A fact-finding committee formed by the DILG has found Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte guilty of “conduct unbecoming of a public official” for attacking a court sheriff last July 1. Meanwhile, a separate committee has also found Vice Mayor Rudy Duterte’s middle finger guilty of “gesture unbecoming of a body part” for offending people’s sensitivities.

The fact-finding committee formed by Interior and Local Government Secretary Jesse Robredo has found Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte guilty of “conduct unbecoming of a public official.” The committee recommends the filing of administrative charges against the mayor. It also recommends that Robredo avoid visiting Davao City ever.

Gecko News
The illegal trade of tukô or gecko in the Philippines via the Internet has been exposed, and authorities have warned against the sale of the reptile without government permit. In totally unrelated news, the Ombudsman has suspended Kalookan City Mayor Recom Echeverri for his failure to remit over P37 million in city employees’ contributions to the GSIS. At press time though, he continues to cling to his post.

Amanda Coling
Interviewed on live TV, controversial model Amanda Coling referred to herself as the “alleged victim.” See? Even she is doubting herself!

Initial reports say Amanda Coling is an applied physics graduate from UP. But the University of the Philippines quickly denied the report. It turned out that Coling was a graduate of another UP: University of Papansin.

Amanda Coling was interviewed on GMA 7’s ‘Showbiz Central’ last Sunday. Almost everyone agreed: it was a BAD decision. The only thing WORSE was Pia Guanio’s skills as interviewer.

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“It’s not the voting that’s democracy; it’s the counting.”
~Tom Stoppard, Jumpers

Elsewhere
GMA News: Boracay is 4th best island in the world

I’m hooked on “The Walking Dead.” Here’s a first look at Season 2.

GMA News: Amanda Coling’s official statement re: “Rape rumors”

Briefly Noted
From the people who brought us City Lite 88.3 and Joey@92.3 comes Mega Manila’s newest music hub: Radio High 105.9FM. Not for everyone.

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Have fun!








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