FACE OFF

30 05 2009

AMERICANS ARE TALKING ABOUT President Barack Obama’s first female Hispanic Supreme Court nominee. Middle Easterners are discussing the opening of France’ first military base in the Gulf. Iranis are preparing to elect a new president. Pyongyang is threatening to launch more nuclear missiles. Seoul is still mourning the demise of a former president. And the Indian community in Sydney is accusing Australians of racism following a spate of attacks against an Indian student. In the Philippines, lawmakers and high profile lawyers are debating on a celebrity doctor’s explicit sex videos! Welcome to RP, the entertainment capital of Asia.

KAT_HAYD
Postscript to a Sex Scandal
For the first time following the spread of their sex video, actress Katrina Halili and Dr. Hayden Kho faced each other at a Senate hearing last Thursday. It was the week’s most intense Senate moment – since the heated exchange between Juan Ponce Enrile and Aquilino Pimentel.

hay_wet
Before the hearing started, a fuming ex-cop and former Pagsanjan, Laguna mayor-turned tabloid columnist Abner Afuang poured bottled water on Dr. Hayden Kho. Senate committee on youth, women and family relations chair Jamby Madrigal was shocked. In her entire adult life, it marked the first time she saw a man get wet.

When former Pagsanjan, Laguna mayor Abner Afuang poured water over Hayden Kho’s head, Sen. Jamby Madrigal shouted, “Please arrest that man. Arrest that man!” Madrigal then wished she could repeat the same exact words soon – as the Senate puts into trial Sen. Manuel Villar Jr.

afuang Members of the senate were surprised by the dousing incident last Thursday. Sen. Panfilo Lacson asked if there was enough security. Sen. Francis Escudero asked if they could hold an executive session. Sen. Lito Lapid asked about the brand of the bottled water.

Cosmetic expert Vicki Belo, who was in Europe, denied spreading Hayden Kho’s sex videos. During the hearing, Belo’s statement was read by her lawyer, Ateneo law graduate, Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila president, former opposition spokesman, and senatorial aspirant Adel Tamano – who was hoping to get ample exposure and media attention at the Senate hearing… until a former cop stole the whole show.

TAMANO Lawyer Adel Tamano insisted that Dr. Hayden Kho made 40 sex videos but with four women only. Hindi pa man senador, sinungaling na.

THIS JUST IN. The Philippine Movie Press Club has just released the nominees for Star Awards for TV. Along with Startalk and The Buzz, the Philippine Senate received a nomination for Best Showbiz-Oriented Talk Show. Congratulations!

HAYWHTE Before and after the Senate hearing, Dr. Hayden Kho – clad in Tide-white polo – granted several one-on-one interviews with various networks and newspaper reporters. Reli German has officially started his job.

german In those interviews, Hayden Kho said his behavior might have been triggered by a bad experience with a former girlfriend who slept with four other men including a cousin of his while they were together. He also blamed another ex-girlfriend who allegedly recorded their sexual trysts without his consent. Amazing! I wonder how much money has Vicki Belo poured into Reli German’s PR arsenal to cook up such tales.

During the Senate hearing, Katrina Halili said she thought Hayden Kho was a doctor. She eventually realized he was a director. But after watching those post-Senate hearing interviews, Hayden Kho has exposed his talent in fiction. Brillante Mendoza’s got competition!

Elsewhere: Startalk’s editorial on the Hayden Kho sex video scandal aired last May 23, 2009.

In Other News…
Lim and Afuang
Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim visited former cop-turned tabloid columnist Abner Afuang at the Pasay City jail where he was detained following the dousing incident at the Senate. Lim said, “I want to sympathize and show my support for Abner.” Asked how he felt about Lim’s statement, Afuang said, “I feel like an oil depot.”

Influenza A
Health officials say there are now 14 confirmed cases of Influenza A (H1N1) in the country. But senators are not worried. That’s just 14. What’s fourteen compared to 40 sex videos?

Lakas-Kampi Merger
Administration-allied parties Lakas-CMD and Kampi have merged. But rumors say… this early, the newly-wed parties are already showing cracks… to which staunch opposition senator Jamby Madrigal said, “Awesome! I love cracks.”

Erap’s Comeback Film
Former president Joseph Estrada says he will gauge his 2010 presidential bid on the box-office results of his comeback movie, “Ang Tanging Ama N’yong Lahat.” Pwes! By all means, let us support a mass boycott of that film!

DOON, DITO
Doon… sa South Korea, ang dating pangulong iniimbestigahan dahil sa katiwalian… tumatalon sa building. Patay!
Dito… sa Pilipinas, ang dating pangulong napatunayan ang katiwalian… tumatakbo sa halalan. Patay… tayo d’yan!

Doon… sa Amerika, ang addict sa liposuction, inooperahan ng mga cosmetic surgeon.
Dito… sa Pilipinas, ang addict na cosmetic surgeon, hinahayaang mag-liposuction.

Doon… sa Afghanistan, binabato hanggang mamatay ang babaeng nagtataksil sa asawa.
Dito… sa Pilipinas, ang babaeng nagtaksil sa asawa, binoboto hanggang maging senadora.

Enjoy your weekend!

_______
“Obscenity is the sign of a weak mind trying to express itself.”
~Anonymous

Survey Says…
If Erap would run again for president, do you seriously believe he’ll win?
Not this time: 81%
Definitely, yes!: 19%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

finals2Congratulations to my Los Angeles Lakers: 2009 NBA Western Conference champions! See you in the finals!





HIGH NA KHO!

26 05 2009

JAMBOY Jamby’s Inside Info
Virtually absolving Erik Chua of any liability, Sen. Jamby Madrigal told the press that she knew the identity of the high profile and famous person responsible for the spread of Hayden Kho’s sex videos. Shortly after Madrigal’s statement to the media, Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. issued a denial.

Sen. Jamby Madrigal says she knows the identity of the person responsible for the spread of the Hayden Kho sex videos. She promised to reveal the identity of that person… as soon as she had finished watching Maricar-Hayden Part 2: Now available for download online!

HAY_BRIZ Senate Hearing
Reports say the Senate will start its probe on the Hayden Kho sex video scandal on Thursday. THIS JUST IN! Senators consider postponing the hearing after former Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye surfaced and claimed that the videos being sold in Quiapo were fake and that he’s keeping the original copy.

hay_mom Mommy Kho Breaks Silence
Hayden Kho’s mother, Mrs. Irene Kho appeared on television Monday night and took the cudgels for her controversial son whom she described as “matino, mabait, and disente.” This statement left viewers wondrin’ whether it was Hayden or his mother who’s hooked on drugs.

Mrs. Irene Kho appeared on TV Monday night and blamed actress Katrina Halili, talent manager Lolit Solis, Sen. Bong Revilla, militant women’s rights group Gabriela, and other organizations for her son’s woes. She said, “Ang anak ko pinaglalaruan. Ang anak ko tinatapakan.” Apparently, Mrs. Kho has not seen her son’s lewd videos. Otherwise, she would have said, “Ang anak ko dinadaganan. Ang anak ko kinakain. Ang anak ko inuupuan. Ang anak ko pinapatungan.”

In defending Hayden Kho, a combative Mrs. Irene Kho lambasted Katrina Halili’s “acting,” blamed Lolit Solis and Bong Revilla for the sex scandal, and insisted that her beloved son is “matino, disente, at mabait.” Considering her devotion to Hayden, I wouldn’t be surprised if a video of mother and son starts surfacing soon.

hay_mom2
BREAKING NEWS! Mrs. Irene Kho has flatly denied rumors she is somehow related to renowned theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking.

Reacting to Mrs. Irene Kho’s tirades, talent manager Lolit Solis denounced Hayden Kho and called him “coward”, “hypocrite,” “traitor,” and “spoiled brat who went on a tantrum.” Oops, sorry, that wasn’t Lolit Solis. That’s Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile attacking Sen. Aquilino Pimentel Monday.

Pimentel vs. Enrile
After verbally attacking Sen. Aquilino Pimentel, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile resigned Monday as chair of the Senate committee of the whole, which is hearing the ethics complaint against Sen. Manny Villar. On Tuesday however, reports say Enrile will remain as chair. Simply put, Enrile faked his resignation.

Light Bites
Q: What’s the difference between Mrs. Irene Kho and Dr. Vicki Belo?
A: One session of botox

Q: What happens when Vicki Belo gives Juan Ponce Enrile a botox injection without his consent?
A: Ambush makeover

Q: What’s the favorite pastime of Mrs. Irene Kho’s children?
A: “Hayden Sick”

Q: What’s grosser than gross?
A: A sex video of two impoverished teenage kids doing it inside a pedicab
Q: What’s grosser than that?
A: Mar Roxas telling one of the kids, “Anak, itabi mo. Ako naman.”

Q: What’s grosser than gross?
A: Manny Villar doing “it” with his wife in a car parked along C5 Road
Q: What’s grosser than that?
A: Manny Villar doing “it” with an “itik.”
Q: What’s grosser than that?
A: Manny Villar recorded it on video
Q: What’s even grosser than that?
A: Jamby Madrigal telling everyone she has her own copy of the evidence
Q: What’s even grosser than that?
A: Alan Peter Cayetano defending Manny Villar saying it was consensual.

Q: What’s grosser than gross?
A: Senators enjoying the Hayden Kho videos during an executive session
Q: What’s grosser than that?
A: Senators Loren and Angara excusing themselves even before the session is over
Q: What’s grosser than that?
A: Biazon and Enrile get a boner.
Q: What’s even grosser than that?
A: Miriam “gets wet.”
Q: What’s even grosser than that?
A: Jamby staring at Miriam’s crotch.
___________
“Addiction is a symptom of not growing up. I know people think it’s a disease… If you have a brain tumor, if you have cancer, that’s a disease. To say that an addiction is a disease is not fair to the real diseases of the world.”
~C. C. DeVille





ALARMING

25 05 2009

duque
Influenza A
The second case of Influenza A (H1N1) in the country has been confirmed… prompting a Malacañang official to quip, “Buti pa ‘yong virus confirmed na. Sina Secretary Lito Atienza at Angelo Reyes, hindi pa.”

In the wake of the Influenza A threat, President Arroyo will visit an elementary school in Manila to spearhead a campaign for hygiene and sanitation in schools in time for the opening of classes on June 1. To demonstrate the fastest and surest way of cleaning up rooms… the president has personally invited Ted Failon and his maids.

Several Catholic Churches in the country have taken steps to prevent the possible spread of Influenza A (H1N1) – such as discouraging the holding of hands during Mass; distributing communion by hand, and advising priests to be less chummy with altar boys.

Catholic churches in the country will discourage the holding of hands during Mass. When Dr. Hayden Kho heard this, he said, “Ayoko nang magsimba!”

H1N1 Scare
With the second case of H1N1 in the country now confirmed, many Filipinos are now observing social-distancing. In fact, Jude Estrada was so alarmed by the news, he now refuses to touch his wife.

The H1N1 threat has become so alarming, Manny Villar refuses to socialize with his fellow senators.

The H1N1 threat has become so alarming, brothers Oscar and Manolo Lopez have stopped talking to each other.

hay_katblurred The Hayden Files: A Postscript

In case you haven’t heard, let me tell you that Dr. Hayden Kho has apologized for his actions. He said that recording his sexual trysts was “a lapse in judgment.” Here’s a portion of his “I Am Sorry” speech:

“Mga minamahal kong tagahanga,

For the last several weeks, the issue of the sex videos has spun out of control. Tonight, I want to set the record straight. You deserve an explanation from me, because you are the people who adore me.

I was anxious to chronicle my life and during that time had sex with many women, including a sexy young actress, a commercial model, a beauty queen, two Brazilians, a comedienne (Todo na ‘to mga friends!), and an elderly woman. My intent was not to embarrass them, although it did. As I mentioned, the erection has already been videotaped and the condom inserted. And as you remember, the outcome had been predicted by every major DVD store owner, and adjudged sleazy, obscene and explicit by international observers, and our own OMB.

That said, let me tell you how I personally feel. I recognize that recording the sexual acts was a lapse in judgment. I am shorry. I also regret taking so long to speak before you on this matter. I want to assure you that I have redoubled my efforts to get psychiatric treatment and earn your trust.

Nagagambala ako. Maliwanag na may kakulangan sa wastong pagpapasya ang nangyaring pagrerecord ko ng aking pakikipagtalik. Pinagsisisihan ko ito nang lubos. Humihingi ako ng tawad sa inyo, sa lahat ng mga butihing mamamayan na nabawasan ng tiwala dahil sa mga pangyayaring ito. Ibig kong tiyakin sa inyo na lalo pa akong magsisikap upang malinis ang aking pangalan at matamo ang inyong tiwala.

I now want to close this chapter and move on with the business of entertaining. I ask each and everyone of you to join hands with me in a show of unity, to help forge one Philippine showbiz, where everyone is equal under the law, and everybody has the opportunity to use their God-given talents to make a better life.

Condemn the sin, not the sinner. God bless Philippine showbiz!”

adel Did you watch GMA 7’s Startalk last Saturday? If not, you have just missed the official launch of opposition lawyer Adel Tamano’s senatorial bid.

Dr. Vicki Belo’s legal counsel, Adel Tamano revealed that someone demanded P4 million from Belo in exchange for her video with Hayden Kho… a claim dismissed as “insane” by DVD vendors in Quiapo who said that their fake Vicki Belo-Hayden Kho sex videos wouldn’t even sell at P20.

Former opposition spokesman Adel Tamano revealed that someone demanded P4 million from Belo in exchange for her video with Hayden Kho. Seriously? Four million for Vicki Belo’s sex video?!? Come on. Who would want to see their grandma banging her driver?

hay_vik Dr. Vicki Belo’s lawyer Adel Tamano admits that a Vicki Belo-Hayden Kho sex video exists but insists that it was “tamer.” In other words, it wasn’t that hot and steamy; otherwise, Vicki Belo’s nose, jaw, cheeks, boobs, thighs, and tummy would have melted.

Lawyer Adel Tamano says Vicki Belo’s sex video with Hayden Kho was “tamer” – something that was believable since it’s kind of difficult to have sex with a wax figure.

Appearing live on GMA 7’s Startalk, former opposition spokesman Adel Tamano claimed that someone demanded P4 million from Belo in exchange for her video with Hayden Kho. Asked why such a huge amount for her client’s explicit video, Tamano said, “Off the record, 4 million pesos is a relatively small amount as compared to the value of the video’s main attraction: my client’s 5 million peso-rejuvenated twat.”

Light Bites
Q: What goes up when Joseph Estrada and Manny Pacquiao sit down for a talk?
A: Their combined IQ. It becomes 175.

Q: Why does Sen. Lito Lapid refuse to tutor his youngest daughter on Influenza A (H1N1)?
A: He hates algebra.

From a friend:
Q: Ano ang sasabihin mo kapag nag-hi sa ‘yo si Katrina Halili?
A: “Hayden.”
____________
“Hygiene is two thirds of health.”
– Lebanese Proverb


Elsewhere
Congratulations to Filipino director Brillante Mendoza who received the Best Director award for his film “Kinatay” at the recently concluded 62nd Cannes Film Festival. Awesome! He won against Academy Award winner Ang Lee, Academy Award nominees Pedro Almodovar and Jane Campion and acclaimed director Quentin Tarantino. Galing!

Survey Says…
Should the PRC revoke Dr. Hayden Kho’s medical license?
Yes: 67%
No: 26%
Not sure: 7%
We have a new survey. Please vote now.








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