OSAMA IN THE DEEPEST

3 05 2011


MAY 1, 2011: AL QAEDA leader Osama bin Laden was killed in an operation in Abbottabad, Pakistan by US elite forces. Delighted by the successful operation, President Obama ordered the implementation of a salary increase for soldiers in June instead of July.

The whole world is talking about the death of terror leader Osama bin Laden. After last week’s Royal Wedding, Osama’s death is considered as another momentous global event… so huge that Merceditas Gutierrez thought of re-quitting her post yesterday.

In a statement following the death of Osama bin Laden, President Aquino called on the public “to remain vigilant and united in pursuing peace, pluralism, and collective efforts at security.” And then he blamed Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo for the growth of al-Qaeda.

Reports say US forces have buried slain al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden at sea… to the disappointment of his family and loyal supporters who were demanding that he be buried at the Libingan ng mga Bayani.

Within 24 hours after his death, Osama bin Laden was reportedly buried at sea. S-L-N. Sumalaot nawa.

Osama bin Laden has been buried. Unfortunately, only one Filipino was able to attend the funeral. She was bin Laden’s yaya for 14 years.

Osama bin Laden is dead. In a statement, Joseph Estrada said he has forgiven bin Laden.


Osama bin Laden is dead. Terrorists all over the world are now collecting relics of the slain terrorist leader in preparation for his beatification next year.

Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was killed inside a fortified compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. Elite American forces reportedly found a laptop inside the terror leader’s room. They confirmed it was owned by bin Laden because the computer history revealed he had been searching Google for tips on how to cook camel afritada, goat menudo, and sheep embotido.

Unconfirmed reports say days before he got killed, Osama bid Laden was asked by the Saudi government to go back home. Had he returned, he would have been offered a post in government – DILG secretary.

Osama bin Laden’s death has been confirmed. And Cesar Purisima was like, “Buti pa ‘yon.”

Donald Trump was overjoyed when he heard that the United States of America have killed terror leader Osama bin Laden. He noted that what George W. Bush failed to do as an American was accomplished by his successor, a Kenyan.

British Prime Minister David Cameron said Osama bin Laden’s demise would “bring great relief to people across the world”. For more than a decade, bin Laden has terrified many Britons. With his death, Brits would only have to deal with the terrifying hats of Princess Beatrice.

Osama bin Laden, the world’s Most Wanted Man is officially dead. That’s bad news for the world’s Second Most Wanted Man.

When news of Osama bin Laden’s death first came out, nobody believed it… except for Philippine Star columnist Carmen Pedrosa.

Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Ladenn was finally located after a 10-year manhunt. There’s still hope for our local police. Roselle Jakosalem Peñas has only been missing for 20 days.

Briefly Noted
The month of May started with the news of Osama bin Laden’s death. It will end with the news of Friendster’s demise. Sad news for their followers.
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“We love death. The US loves life. That is the difference between us two.”
~Osama bin Laden

Photo of the Weak

Elsewhere
‘Rot in Hell’: The Best bin Laden Front Pages

You Have Spoken
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa pagbibitiw ni Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez?
Dapat lang! Sana nga noon pa! 31.1%
Sayang. Sana umabot sa impeachment. 25.8%
Ang ganda ng gown ni Kate Middleton. In all fairness. 43.11%

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Live. Love. Laugh. Lakers. Peace everyone! 





ANAK NG WEDDING!

30 04 2011


The Royal Wedding
Prince William and Kate Middleton wed at Westminster Abbey in London Friday. The wedding ceremony was calm, peaceful, and orderly. However, the mass was briefly interrupted when the Archbishop of Canterbury ordered RH bill supporters to leave the Church because “it’s useless”.

Britain’s Prince William and his wife Kate, Duchess of Cambridge ride in a landau to Buckingham Palace after the Royal Wedding in London Friday. The newlyweds were supposed to ride a Porsche but William feared that doing so would pull down his approval and trust ratings.

Friday’s event in London was dubbed as a fairytale wedding. You have a future king, a future queen, and of course, a wicked witch. I’m not saying who. By the way, did you notice Camilla Parker Bowles’ hat?

Observers say the William and Kate romance is a Cinderella story. In fact, if you were watching closely, you would have noticed the pumpkin during the wedding. Here’s the photo.


Why Her?
Prince William and Kate Middleton got married Friday in London. A few weeks earlier, William proposed to Kate live on Wowowee.

Asked why she chose Kate, Prince William – to the surprise of the international media answered in Filipino, “Siya yung nagpatigil sa pagka-binata ko.”

By the way, to those who are asking: there’s no truth to rumors that William is running in the next elections.

Exchange of Vows
Prince William and Kate Middleton exchanged vows at Westminster Abbey Friday morning. Everyone who was invited showed up. Observers noticed though that William forgot to invite some of his… hair.

Prince William and Kate Middleton were declared man and wife at London’s Westminster Abbey Friday morning. Donald Trump – who failed to catch the ceremony on TV refused to believe that the wedding actually happened and demanded that the couple produce a marriage certificate.


This just in: London has reported a 40 percent increase in the sales of hats on wedding day alone.

The World Watched
Fascinated by Friday’s historic London event, Sen. Loren Legarda is reportedly looking forward to having her own Royal Wedding. After all, she’s a monarch… butterfly.

According to the international media, what took place on Friday morning at Westminster Abbey was the “Wedding of the Century.” Just wait ‘til our very own Piolo Pascual and KC Concepcion walk down the aisle! It will be the “Wedding of the Century… tuna.”

In Miami, LeBron James was up early to watch the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. But the Heat star reportedly got pissed and turned off the TV during the exchange of vows. He got jealous of Kate’s ring.

Aquino on William & Kate
Through his spokesman Edwin Lacierda, President Aquino said Prince William and Kate Middleton “must make adjustments so that their marriage foundation can be established.” To which, William and Kate replied:“Thank you Archbishop Oscar Cruz!” .

April 29, 2011 was a historic day indeed. In London, Prince William and Kate Middleton got married. In Manila, Merceditas Gutierrez and the Office of the Ombudsman got divorced.

OMG Resigns
On Friday, April 29, 2011, embattled Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez resigned. She read a prepared statement at a press conference held around 2pm. Unfortunately, she refused to answer questions from journalists, and immediately left… to attend a Royal Wedding viewing party.


Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez’s resignation drew mixed reactions from former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s allies. House Minority Leader Edcel Lagman said, “One who retreats from a good fight does not deserve to be defended or supported.” Quezon Representative Danilo Suarez stated, “Her family could not endure the pressure and I agreed that resignation was her only choice.” Senator Miguel Zubiri said, “Hmpf! I wanted to wear pa naman that magenta toga. Kainezz!”

Professor Harry Roque, one of the first to call for the impeachment of Gutierrez is hoping that her replacement “will embrace the challenge for the Ombudsman to deal with human rights violations.” He then enumerated the human rights violations committed by the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas against his client, Banco Filipino.

News of Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez’ resignation reached Westminster Abbey. Did you know what the wedding guests said? “Hats off!”

Birth Certificate
President Barack Obama has released his birth certificate to prove that he was born in the United States. Critics weren’t satisfied though. They want him to release an alleged psychiatric report from college to prove that he’s fit to govern.


In Washington DC, the White House has released a document that proves that President Obama was born in the United States. Meanwhile, in Manila, Malacañang will release a document that will prove that Jejomar Binay is not the president of the Philippines.

Good News
Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says Malacañang has “good news” on Labor Day but he won’t reveal it yet. Be patient. It would leak.


Top 5 Pieces of “Good News” to be Announced by Malacañang on Labor Day

No. 5: More court cases against former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

No. 4: President Aquino is going out with a new girl… but unlike the ladies he dated recently, this one’s into him.

No. 3: To complement the Pantawid Pasada cards for drivers, the government will distribute Pantawid Kusina cards for housewives, Pantawid Dagat for fisherfolks, Pantawid Kalsada for street children, and Pantawid Aliw for prostitutes.

No. 2: Prince William and Kate Middleton have chosen the Philippines as their honeymoon destination.

And the No. 1 piece of “good news” to be announced by Malacañang on Labor Day…

President Aquino is the son of Ninoy and he’s releasing a copy of his birth certificate to prove it.


Laperal Compound
The demolition of informal settlers at the Laperal compound in Makati City turned violent Thursday. In the morning, stubborn residents clashed with the police. In the afternoon, stubborn mayor Junjun Binay clashed with DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo.

Melendez vs. Meneses
Bulacan, Bulacan Mayor Patrick Meneses has filed a libel suit against his ex-girlfriend, actress and former Quezon City councilor Aiko Melendez for allegedly spreading rumors he’s gay. Meneses then excused himself from the press saying he needs to go home to catch the latest episode of Glee.

In support of their “maligned” colleague, local executives in Bulacan have signed a resolution declaring former Quezon City Councilor Aiko Melendez persona non grata in the whole province. Sought for comment, Melendez says she has yet to consult a lawyer and a dictionary.
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“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
~Zsa Zsa Gabor

You Have Spoken
Ano ang pinaka-tinututukan mong local all-news channel?
-AksyonTV (TV5) 4.03%
-ANC (ABS-CBN) 33.21%
-GMA News TV (GMA 7) 34.74%
-Depende sa palabas. I switch channels. 28.02%

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Have a safe weekend! Let’s go Lakers!








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