ROBBERS

27 01 2013

“I DO NOT LOOK old at all. From my waist up, I am still very well, but from my waist down, well, I do not know about that. Once in a blue moon, if ever.”
~Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile

Jan 27 - Gigi Reyes-InquirerThe Chief of Staff
Quoting a Chicago Tribune report 15 years ago, the Philippine Daily Inquirer said Cristina Ponce Enrile “walked out on Juan Ponce Enrile after charging adultery.” The report identified the “other woman” as Gigi Reyes, Enrile’s current chief of staff. Last week, Enrile denied the rumored illicit affair saying, “I’m too old for that. My God!” And God was like, “Whateverrrr!”

Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile’s chief of staff, , Jessica Lucila “Gigi” Gonzales-Reyes has apologized to Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano for calling him a “hypocrite” on radio. The report didn’t say if Gigi has apologized to Enrile’s wife, Cristina.

Lawyer Gigi Reyes has irrevocably resigned as chief of staff of Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. But the Senate president told the media, “I have to convince her to come back.” To which, God said, “Told yah!”

Because of her perceived “power” and “influence,” Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile‘s chief of staff, Gigi Reyes has been dubbed as the “24th senator.” Again, that’s 24th senator, not ‘2nd wife.’

In a lengthy statement, Gigi Reyes admitted that she wanted Senate President Enrile to quit. But her boss misunderstood it, and awkwardly replied, “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

Enrile, who is almost 89 has denied that Gigi Reyes, 50 is his girlfriend. I’ll trust Enrile on this one… unless paleontologists could prove otherwise.

megaMega Shocker
Suspected robbers reportedly tried to pull off a heist at a jewelry store in SM Megamall around 7:45 PM, Saturday. Apparently, the robbers were able to sneak past mall security because they didn’t look like robbers. According to witnesses, they looked like senators.

According to police, there were four to five robbers. There was no truth to rumors that a certain Gigi was the 6th robber.

At 8:45PM (Saturday) police said everything was under control… except for the robbers.

Police say none of the robbers wore masks. Really? That’s just bold. Who do you think you are… congressmen?

Anticrime Czar
Despite the controversial Atimonan checkpoint incident, concurrent Executive Secretary and Presidential Anti-Organized Crime Commission chairman Paquito Ochoa still has the trust of President Aquino. By the way, are you aware that Ochoa’s the anticrime czar? Me neither.

Loveless
President Aquino admits that on Valentine’s Day he’ll possibly be dateless. “’Noy, hindi ka nag-iisa!”

Earlier this month, a psychic predicted that President Aquino would soon meet a very beautiful and intelligent woman. But the President said he wouldn’t want to rely on fortune-tellers saying, “God has something good in store for me.” To which God replied, “’Wag pakasiguradoooo!”

Attractive
According to a study, men in red shirts are more attractive and sexually desirable to women. Somebody should tell President Aquino.

Nokor Threat
North Korea threatens to carry out high-level nuclear tests aimed at the United States. Hey Kim Jong Un… just so you know, Justin Bieber is from Canada. You might want to change your target.

pmKwarta o Kahon
The great veteran game show host Pepe Pimentel has died at the age of 83. He chose ‘kahon.’
—————————————————-
“Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.”
~Scott Dikkers

Sound Bites
“They cannot destroy me as Senate President.”
~Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile on his critics

“‘Pag ‘di s’ya happy sa ‘yo, pwede ka n’yang api-apihin?”
~Sen. Pia Cayetano on Enrile

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.








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