BRAWLS

9 05 2012


FORMER PRESIDENT Joseph Estrada has transferred to his new home in Manila. An hour later, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim was spotted spray-painting the new house with the words, “Hindi taga-Maynila. Huwag tularan.”

Ex-president Joseph Estrada has left his residence in San Juan. Aboard his famous jeep, an emotional Erap was heard shouting, “That’s all Polk!”

Former president Joseph Estrada is preparing for his mayoral bid in Manila. Meanwhile, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim is preparing his concession speech to Estrada.

NAIA Brawl
Cebu Pacific released a statement saying it was saddened by the incident at NAIA Terminal 3 last Sunday. The airline has been releasing “saddened” statements for years, it’s officially in a state of depression.

Budget carrier Cebu Pacific explained that a piece of Claudine Barretto’s luggage was offloaded in an effort to shed as much excess weight for the plane to clear the runway. But the airline’s ground crew got a tongue lashing from Claudine when it was revealed later that the original plan was to offload the actress.


Raymart Santiago and Claudine Barretto filed a case against journalist Ramon Tulfo at the Pasay City Prosecutor’s Offfice. Curious court employees left their tables to catch a glimpse of the celebrity couple. Surprisingly, nobody dared to use a cellphone to take photos of them.

The good news is TV5 has suspended brothers Erwin, Raffy, and Ben Tulfo for their “uncalled for” behavior on live TV last Monday. The bad news: They now have plenty of time to hunt down Raymart Santiago and Claudine Barretto.

Outspoken Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz advised Ramon Tulfo, Raymart Santiago and Claudine Barretto to settle their conflict diplomatically. Tulfo, Santiago and Barreto advised the bishop to keep his opinion to himself.

Senatorial aspirant and incumbent Zambales Rep. Mitos Magsaysay released a statement saying the Tulfo/Santiago/Barretto NAIA brawl could discourage tourists from traveling to the country… while similar “papansin” statements from politicians could discourage Filipinos from electing them to the Senate.

This just in: Iraq has been named the most dangerous place in the world today. In second place was NAIA Terminal 3.

Freudian Slip?
A news anchor for China Central Television stated on live TV that the Philippines is “China’s inherent territory and the Philippines belongs to Chinese sovereignty.” Oh, I see! Now that explains why the sari-sari store owner gave me 25 yuan as change this morning.

He Jia, a news anchor for China Central Television accidentally stated on live TV that the Philippines was a Chinese territory. My gad! She just revealed Beijing’s sinister plan! Prepare for war!

Loren on Politics & Love
Sen. Loren Legarda says she’s no longer interested in running for higher office. To which, ‘higher office’ said, “Thank you.”

Asked by ABS-CBN News if she’d go out with younger men, Sen. Loren Legarda said, “I’m not a cougar.” Tell us something we don’t know.

Actor/Pol in Trouble
Actor and incumbent Quezon City Councilor Roderick Paulate is facing administrative and criminal charges for allegedly hiring “ghost employees.” Avid supporters of Paulate came to his defense though, and promised the actor, “We’ll never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down. Together, forever!

Suspended
Controversial radio host Mohan Gumatay aka Mo Twister was suspended by Magic 89.9 for starting the “objectionable” hashtag #charicepempengcosextape on Twitter. A repentant Gumatay is expected to upload an emotional apology to Charice on YouTube.

Mo Twister has been suspended for starting the offensive hashtag #charicepempengcosextape on Twitter. In totally unrelated news, Rhian Ramos is throwing a party. #walaLang #GustoLangNiya
———————————
“We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction.”
~Aesop

Quotes Quiz: Who said…
[1] “I was a virgin until I was 26 years old!”
A: Annabelle Rama
B: President Aquino
C: Amalia Fuentes
D: Cong. Jules Ledesma

[2] “Ipagdasal mo, hijo de p*ta ka! Huwag lang tayong magkita sa mall, ipagdasal mo iyan. Tumirik ka ng kandila mula ngayon, huwag mag-krus ang landas natin, p*tang-i*a ka!”
A: Ben Tulfo
B: Raffy Tulfo
C: Erwin Tulfo
D: P*tang-i*a! Eh hindi naman ako nanonood ng p*tang-in*ang show nila eh, paano ko malalaman hijo de p*ta ka!?!

You Have Spoken
Sa naganap na NAIA 3 brawl, sinong dapat sisihin?
-‘Yong mag-asawang Barretto-Santiago at si Tulfo. Dapat may kontrol sila. They’re public figures. 43.4%
– Cebu Pacific’s poor service. 29.43%
– Wala akong pakialam. Busy ako. 27.17%

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Quotes Quiz Answers:
[1] C
[2] B ang answer p*tang-i*a!





YELLOW

7 05 2011

IT’S ANOTHER HECTIC day for me. But I love Saturdays. It reminds me that I still have a job. Take that Merci Gutierrez!

I will be wearing yellow today. I want to end poverty.

I am tempted to place a bet on lotto this afternoon. The jackpot prize in the Grand Lotto (6/55) draw has reached 130 million pesos… or as Manny Pacquiao would say, “Barya lang.”

I know you’ll agree when I say that Manny Pacquiao is one heck of a lucky guy. He used to sell pan de sal, fell in love with boxing and now, he’s a billionaire. Pacman reminds me of another Manny. Villar used to sell fish, fell in love with the former Cynthia Aguilar, and now he’s a millionaire.

Congressman Manny Pacquiao will be wearing yellow gloves on fight night… formalizing his switch from Nacionalista to Liberal Party.

I saw former Manila Mayor Lito Atienza on television. He’s with Manny Pacquiao in Las Vegas. That’s actually good news. If Pacquiao loses, Atienza will be there to file a protest.

A member of Team Pacquiao suggested that Manny wears blue gloves but the fighting solon rejected it saying he’s not ready to lose.

Is President Aquino watching the Pacquiao-Mosley fight? I don’t think so. He’s currently in Indonesia for the 10th Asean summit. In other words, he’ll be working. Are you satisfied now Ramon Tulfo and Ernie Maceda?

In his Philippine Star column last May 5, former senator Ernesto Maceda advised President Aquino to “unwind in private houses away from the public view.” It worked for him, it could probably work for the President.

In case you missed Tulfo’s piece also last May 5, the Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist wrote that President Aquino “dates different women almost every night.” Huwaaaat? Have you become desperate? What’s wrong with you women?

As expected, President Aquino spoke to defend himself saying he’s no Juan Tamad. I feel bad for him. Where were you Conrado De Quiros and William Esposo when he needed you most?

By the way, al-Qaeda has confirmed the death of its leader Osama bin Laden. The question now is: when will the Abu Sayyaf Group confirm the death of Abu Sabaya?

Thanks for reading! I’ve got to go now! I have to finish my Maggi beef noodles before it gets cold. I wonder why my stomach seems to be acting up.

Have a safe weekend!
————————————————————————-
“There aren’t enough days in the weekend.”
~Rod Schmidt

You Have Spoken
Naniniwala ba kayong patay na si Osama bin Laden?
OO naman! 45.97%
HINDI! Pruweba muna. 33.74%
MAYBE. 20.29%

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Still, Lakers.








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