KICKBACKS, ROGUE COPS AND OTHER STORIES

13 09 2014

1BC
AT LEAST 10 police officers were allegedly behind the EDSA-Mandaluyong robbery-abduction case last week. They have all been identified. Once arrested, they will be presented to the media, and then locked in a room with a drunk Billy Crawford.

Two of the cops who were involved in the EDSA robbery-abduction case were “repeat offenders.” The National Police Commission said SPO1 Ramil Hachero and PO2 Jonathan Rodriguez were slapped with the same charges in 2011. Apparently, they never learned. Hachero and Rodriguez are the Jinggoy Estrada of the police force.

1NMKickbacks
Former Makati vice mayor Nestor Mercado revealed that then city mayor Jejomar Binay received millions of pesos in kickbacks from several infrastructure projects. Which begs the question: how many bidders experienced being trapped in a Makati City elevator?

The Vice President is getting negative publicity of late. His spokesperson, Jonvic Remulla a.k.a. Mr. Cavite governor is blaming Binay’s enemies: Nestor Mercado, Alan Peter Cayetano, and the truth.

According to Nestor Mercado, former Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay got  a “13 percent kickback” per project. Or in the words of Janet Lim-Napoles, “Cheap!”

Vice President Binay has a scheduled address next week. Jonvic Remulla says his boss will answer the allegations “punto por punto.” But he denies rumors the Vice President will end his speech with a music video.

EXCLUSIVE! Here’s the draft of Vice President Binay’s speech.
1BA

FIBA 2019
Bidding will start soon for the 2019 FIBA World Cup. Some countries have earlier expressed interest to make a bid. But they decided to back out this week after learning that they’ll be up against Hilmarc’s Construction Corp.

Warning
Citing security threats, the Chinese government advised its citizens “not to travel to the Philippines.” To which, Chinese nationals said, “Tanga! We’re already here.”

In a travel warning released the other day, China said, “the safety situation in the Philippines is deteriorating.” Of course, it would have been much safer here without those Chinese drug lords, Chinese traffickers, and defective Chinese products.

1GMA
16-Digit Plate
A consumer welfare group and netizens blasted the Land Transportation Office for allowing hundreds of new taxi units [with pending franchise applications] to ply the streets of the metro using 16-digit plate numbers. When sought for reaction, the LTO gave 16 excuses.

The LTO allowed hundreds of new taxi units in Metro Manila to use 16-digit plate numbers. Or as abusive cab drivers would call it, “Awesome!”

Taxi units with 16-digit plates are now roaming the streets of Metro Manila. Thanks to the brilliant minds of LTO. When asked why sixteen numbers were used, the LTO replied, “26 letters are a bit long.”

1BNo Cerebellum
Doctors in China were startled when they discovered that a 24-year-old woman had been living without a portion of her brain. In the Philippines, we call that “LTO.”
———————————————————————–
“Politicians: Pinocchios with nose jobs.”
~Bauvard, The Darkness of Nature

Sound Bites
“’Wag naman nating lahatin na kasama sa criminal gangs at criminal activities. Ninety nine percent, the overwhelming majority of the police forces, ay ginagawa ang trabaho nila sa mabuting paraan.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

“Sabi niya ‘Ma’am, natanggap ko na ‘yong cake, ang sarap ng cake.’ Parang hindi ko tuloy alam, idi-deny ko ba eh parang tuwang-tuwa s’ya sa cake. Pag deniny ko, baka hindi na matuwa sa akin dahil hindi pala ako ang nag-bake no’n.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

Enjoy your weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, GMA News, Reuters]





M-VP

8 09 2014

1MVB
VICE PRESIDENT Binay is reportedly considering businessman Manny V. Pangilinan as a potential VP bet in 2016. Well-loved in the community, MVP is a good choice for running mate and an even better sanitizer.

Vice President Binay wants businessman Manny V. Pangilinan to be his running mate in 2016. That’s a smart idea.

MVP is being considered by Vice President Binay as a possible running mate in 2016. You know what that means? Unli- funds.

Vice President Binay is considering businessman Manny V. Pangilinan as a potential running mate in 2016. MVP and Binay will be a formidable team. One is a hardworking, revenue-oriented multimillionaire. And the other one is Manny V. Pangilinan.

Maturity
Sen. Nancy Binay says, “It’s just sad that the level of campaigning has not matured.” In response, the “level of campaigning” said, “Look who’s talking.”

God’s Will
According to Sen. Nancy Binay, the presidency is “all about destiny, God’s will.” In a statement, God replied, “Leave me out of your politics.”

Traffic
President Aquino apologized to commuters for the monstrous traffic jams. The apology was late because of traffic.

1BCRelic
A sacred relic called ‘The Holy Face of Jesus from Manoppello’ from Rome will be brought to the country this month. The piece of cloth allegedly with an imprint of Jesus’s face is 500-years-old. To give you an idea of how old the relic is, Senator Enrile was still in grade school when it was discovered.

Royal Baby 2
William and Kate have announced that they’re having another baby – which is not really surprising. That’s what happens when couples are unemployed.

Resigned?
Paolo Bediones has reportedly resigned as news anchor of TV5’s late-night newscast. It was a bold decision.

1BCBilly
TV host Billy Crawford went berserk in a police station in Taguig City on Sunday. Police said Billy was obviously drunk when he went wild. Or in showbiz parlance, “Anne Curtis.”

Billy Crawford underwent inquest proceedings at Taguig RTC Monday morning. He was charged with malicious mischief and disobedience to a person in authority. If worse comes to worst, Billy plans to just enter a plea of “Not sober.”

“It’s Showtime” host Billy Crawford was arrested Sunday when he went berserk inside a police station in Taguig City. Mga Kapamilya, ang term na ‘berserk’ ay unang nag-appear noong 1844. Ito ay namula sa salitang ‘berserker’ na ang ibig sabihin ay ‘Norse warrior.’ Madlang pipol… para kay Billy, iskor mo, show mo!
———————————————————————————–
“The political tradition of ancient thought, filtered in Italy by Machiavelli, says one thing clearly: every prince needs allies, and the bigger the responsibility, the more allies he needs.”
~Silvio Berlusconi

Sound Bites
“S’yempre, I’m honored, but also I’m relieved that I wasn’t made ninong, ‘di ba?”
~President Aquino on being Chiz Escudero’s best man

I can’t contain myself if I’m under the influence of alcohol.”
~Billy Crawford

Drink moderately!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Star (MVP), PhilNews.PH (Binay), Philippine Daily Inquirer (Billy Crawford)]





“SAY SOMETHING I’VE GIVEN UP ON YOU”

5 09 2014

1HACKED
THE SANDIGANBAYAN granted Gigi Reyes’s petition to undergo a brain scan at the PGH. The controversial lawyer, who is facing plunder charges reportedly banged her head against the wall last August 5. Aww, that’s unfortunate. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the wall.

Reports say Gigi Reyes wants to have her own laptop computer, a portable printer and a pocket Wi-fi in jail. She should really have her head checked.

Jailed for plunder charges, lawyer Gigi Reyes wants to have her own laptop computer, a portable printer and a pocket Wi-Fi in jail. Can we bang her head against the wall one more time?

Twogether
Suspended senator Juan Ponce Enrile and his ex-chief of staff Gigi Reyes had a reunion of sorts at the Sandiganbayan Friday morning. When he was arraigned, Senator Enrile entered a plea of not guilty and said, “I have not committed any crime.” When she was arraigned, Gigi Reyes did not enter any plea and said, “Gago ‘to ah. Fault kong lahat?!?”

Ano kaya ang pinag-uusapan ng dalawang tao sa larawan?

1EEChoice 1
G: Ba’t ‘di ka nag-text kagabi? Naghintay ako hanggang alas-dose ah!
E: Na-check-operator services ako eh.
G: Ang luma ng excuse huh! Naka-3210 ka pa rin?!?

Choice 2
G: Parang iba na yata ang gamit mong perfume. Sinong nagbigay n’yan?!? Si Mildred? Si Redge? Si Darling? SINOOOO!?!
E: Tanga! Asawa ko. Dumalaw last week.
G: Fine.

Choice 3
G: Sssh. ‘Wag kang magpapahalata. Bukas ang zipper mo. Ano ka ba!?
E: Sabi kasi ng clerk of court, “All rise.” Ayan, nag-rise!
G: Ulol!

Choice 4
G: Kawawa naman ang mga Binay. Nagkakabukingan na sa Makati.
E: Anong kawawa do’n? Eh tayo nga, nakakulong eh.
G: ‘k.

Choice 5
G: In case makalaya tayo ngayon, IN CASE lang naman, anong gusto mong panooring movie?
E: If I Stay.
G: “Say something I’ve given up on you.” Joke lang. Of course, I have not. Never.

Choice 6
E: Sa tingin mo, malalampasan natin ito?
G: Ako, oo… ewan ko lang ikaw.
E: Tarantado! “Say something I’ve given up on you.”

1JBRigged?
According to a former Makati City procurement official, the bidding contracts for the controversial P2.3-billion Makati parking building and other projects were rigged. Mario Hechanova says, in Makati City, this has always been “the practice.” No wonder they seem to be good at it. They keep ‘practicing.’

Vice President Binay’s camp said his accusers, including his compadre and former vice mayor Nestor Mercado, who appeared before the Senate recently, were “a triumvirate of corruption.” Hello Kettle. I’m pot. You’re so black.

According to Vice President Binay, the Senate hearing on the allegedly overpriced Makati City parking building has become a “kangaroo court.” And with how government contracts are allegedly rigged to favor a preferred contractor, we’re hopless.

Vice President Binay insists corruption allegations against him and his family are politically-motivated because he continues to top presidential surveys. Detractors should also be wary of the fact that mudslinging the Binays is a waste of mud.

Probe
Senator Lito Lapid wants the Senate to conduct a probe into the problems of PNR trains. DOTC officials were shocked to learn about the reported derailment of some trains, and even more shocked to learn that Lito Lapid was still a senator.

Bomber?
Authorities arrested lawyer Ely ‘Spike Man’ Pamatong for a year-old case of inciting to sedition. Pamatong has also been tagged recently as the “brains” behind the alleged plot to sow chaos at the NAIA… totally surprising critics who doubted he had a brain.

1HACKEDUPset. Almost.
The UP Fighting Maroons almost scored an upset win against the Ateneo Blue Eagles last Wednesday. With only 0.8 second remaining and Ateneo ahead by just a point, 70-69, Maroon guard Mikee Reyes missed two free throws that could have sealed the victory for the State U. For not beating Ateneo, Reyes has apologized to his teammates, to the people of UP, and to the La Sallian community.
——————————————————
“Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.”
~ Lysander Spooner

Sound Bites
“Siguro that’s their opinion, ‘di ba? ‘Di ba, parang beauty din ‘yan eh. It’s in the eyes of the beholder. Siguro ganoon din yun sa building, ‘di ba? Para sa kanila, hindi ganoon kagandahan pero sa amin maganda na yan.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

Poll Results
1Eo

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Philippine Star, Philippine Daily Inquirer, PBA-Online.Net]





EXCLUSIVE: CONVERSATION WITH A CAKE

28 08 2014

IT’S BEEN in the news for two weeks now. Detractors accuse the Binays of profiting not just from an alleged overpriced car park building but from thousands of cakes being given to the city’s geriatric citizens who are celebrating their birthdays and golden wedding anniversaries. Reports say the city hall spends almost P20 million pesos on cakes alone.

In the interest of fair reporting, we tried our best to get the side of Makati City Hall. Luckily, one cake agreed to be interviewed on condition that the celebrator won’t be identified. Here’s the transcript of our conversation.

1ck
Good morning Ms. Cake!

Ms Cake?!? May gender na pala ang food ngayon? Hindi ako na-inform.

Ok, Cake na lang. Sorry naman. Kumusta ka na?

Heto, sweet pa rin.

Hindi na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Diretsahan na. Since taga-Makati City ka, totoo bang si Nancy Binay ang nagbi-bake ng cake na ipinamimigay sa mga matatanda ng lungsod?

That’s preposterous!

Wow, anong ibig sabihin no’n?

Sige, iba na lang. That’s unfair! Paninira lang po ‘yan kay Ma’am Nancy. Ang totoo po n’yan, sinubukan niya talagang mag-OJT sa gawaan ng cake ng Makati. Kaya lang, hindi talaga niya forte ang pagluluto. Laging sunog ang finished product.

Wait lang. Konting ingat sa paggamit ng mga salita. Baka maakusahan ka ng pangungutya sa panlabas na anyo. So, wala ring katotohanan ang tsismis na siya ang in-charge sa pamamahagi ng cakes?

Not that I know of. Kung totoo man, wala akong ebidensya. Ang alam ko lang, malakas daw siyang kumain ng cake.

Talaga? Anong flavor ang paborito niya?

Black Forest.

‘Yan ka na naman! Tigilan mo na sabi ‘yang patama sa kulay niya. Eh si Mayor Junjun, mahilig ba sa cake?

Nope. Iba ang trip no’n. Brownies.

Nabanggit ba ng mga Binay kung bakit kayo ang ipinamimigay sa mga senior citizens? Pwede namang basket of fresh fruits ‘di ba?

Para ka namang tanga. Birthday no’ng matanda, tapos prutas ang ibibigay mo? Cake dapat! Ang prutas, pwede nilang bilhin sa tabi ng kalye; nagkalat lang. Pero ang cake, mahal. Alin sa tingin mo ang mas maa-appreciate ng mga residente ng Makati? Siyempre cake! ‘Tsaka kung prutas ang ibibigay mo, hindi ka pa sure kung maasim o matamis ito. Eh kung cake ‘yan, iba ang dating. Sweet si Mayor. Plus 50 Pogi points!

Pero ‘di ba unhealthy ang cakes sa mga matatanda?

I know. But at their age, why worry?

Ang mean mo naman.

On the contrary, marami akong napapaligayang matatanda. Kung may reklamo ka sa pagiging unhealthy namin, sabihin mo kay Mayor. ‘Wag mo akong pinupulitika.

Wow! Mr. Vice President ikaw ba ‘yan? Anyway, usung-uso ang Ice Bucket Challenge ngayon. Si VP, ni-reject na ang challenge. Sa tingin mo ba, papayag sina Junjun at Nancy?

I don’t think so. Ang dinig ko mas gusto nilang gawin ang Icing Bucket Challenge.

Icing? Ang gastos naman no’n.

Ok lang! World class icing naman ang gagamitin. ‘Tsaka hindi lang naman isang buhos ang gagawin. May Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3 hanggang Phase 5.

Sosyal! So, magkano raw ang idu-donate nila?

P2.7 billion.

Yamaaan! Iba talaga kapag Makati. Sana matuloy! Sanga pala, may ipapakita akong ilang pictures ng mga taong nag-Ice Bucket Challenge. Ano kayang masasabi mo? Unahin na natin ang matinding kalaban ng mga Binay – si Sec. Mar Roxas.

1MR
Hmmm… wala naman akong masabi sa pagiging consistent niya. Pati gamit na timba, blue!

Heto naman ang kaibigan ni Secretary Mar na si Finance Secretary Cesar Purisima.

1CP
La Salle?! ‘k.

Oo nga pala. UP graduate ang mga Binay. Lastly, anong masasabi mo kay Secretary Leila De Lima?

1ldl
Unfair talaga ‘yang si De Lima. Dala-dalawa ang timba n’ya! Makatarungan ba ‘yan? At ang lakas ng loob niya huh! Other officials pail in comparison.

Bago tayo magtapos, kailangang maglaro muna tayo. Noong makausap ko ang payong ng iyong mayor last year, naglaro siya ng ganito kaya’t obligado ka ring gawin ito ngayon. Mga readers lang natin ang makakaalam ng ating mystery word. Ikaw ang huhula. Your timer starts now. [MYSTERY WORD: “Junjun”]

Bagay?

Hindi.

Lugar?

Hindi!

Animal?

Pwede.

Tao?

Oo!

Hayop na… tao pa?!? Ano ‘yon, Hello Kitty?!

Hindi!

Tao?

Oo nga!

Malaki?

Sakto lang.

Makati City Hall Car Park??

Sabi ko tao; hindi gusali!

Maliit?

Parang.

Maputi?

Ha-ha Hindi!

Maitim?

Pwede.

Brownish?

Oo!

‘Di kalakihan tapos brownish?

Oo.

Choco roll?

TAO NGA EH!!!! Ang kulit.

Kilala ko?

Oo!

Close sa akin?

Of course!

Panadero?

Hindi!

Pulitiko?

Oo!

Brownish na pulitiko??

Oo!

Joey Salceda!

Hindi!

Lalaki ba?

Oo.

Ay, sorry. Lalaki nga pala. Maliit?

Paulit-ulit????? Oo!

Pulitikong maliit?? Alam ko na! Herbert Bautista!!!!

Hindi! Sayang, time’s up na. Hindi mo nahulaan. Anyway, ano na lang ang message mo sa mga Binay?

Kay Mayor Junjun… maraming salamat po sa pagbibigay n’yo sa amin ng chance na magpasaya ng matatanda sa Makati. Huwag po kayong susuko. Alam naming pinupulitika lamang kayo. Inggit lang ‘yang mga taga-Taguig dahil wala silang milyones na budget para sa cake.

Kay Vice President Binay naman… Kapag nanalo ba kayong presidente sa 2016, bibigyan n’yo rin ng birthday cake ang lahat ng senior citizens sa Pilipinas? Grabe! Ang dami po no’n. Tiba-tiba! Jooooke!

And lastly, kay Ma’am Nancy, miss ka na po namin. Mula kasi nang manalo kayong senador, bihira na kayong dumaan sa bakery. Good luck po sa inyong bagong trabaho d’yan sa Senado. Just dough it!

Ikaw lang ang Cake na madaldal. Ang haba naman ng messages mo. Ano ito, awards night?

Mas mahaba pa rin ang interview na ‘to! ‘Di pa ba tayo tapos?

Ang bilis mo namang mapagod!

Eh kasi nga mataas ang sugar ko.

Sweet!
———————————————————————————————–
“I’d choose truth over cake but I’d try to find a way to get both to be honest.”
~Craig Benzine

Sound Bites
“Sanay akong humarap sa mga kaso na pawang isinampa ng mga tinalo namin sa halalan. At nais kong ulitin na hanggang ngayon, wala akong kaso sa Sandiganbayan.”
~Vice President Binay

Have a fun and safe weekend!

[Photos: UnsealingTheManilaEnvelopeBlog, ANC ]

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





PAC OF ALL TRADES

25 08 2014

1M
EIGHT-TIME WORLD champion and incumbent Sarangani representative Manny Pacquiao has been drafted in the PBA by the team that earlier named him as coach. The world class boxer-turned actor-turned politician-turned TV host-turned motivational speaker-turned cager will suit up as KIA’s playing coach. That explains why TV5’s latest programming puts the PBA under the category ‘Sitcom.’

Manny Pacquiao was drafted by the PBA in the first round. Or as some PBA fans would call it, “Foul!”

Incumbent Sarangani representative Manny Pacquiao is now officially a PBA player. PBA viewers should expect more fun, laughter, and Chavit Singson.

At the PBA Rookie Draft on Sunday, KIA also picked Manny’s cousin, the unheralded Rene Pacquiao. Observers believe he was chosen only because of Manny’s influence and popularity. Rene Pacquiao is the Nancy Binay of the PBA.

Congressman Manny Pacquiao has been officially drafted by the PBA. Vice Governor Jinkee Pacquiao was so ecstatic her face almost moved.

1PINo to Pork
A protest action pushing for a People’s Initiative against all forms of pork barrel was held at the Quirino Grandstand on National Heroes Day. Police say some 5,000 people joined the rally but Bayan Muna’s Renato Reyes insists nearly 20,000 showed up. Bayan Muna challenged President Aquino to sign the People’s Initiative. But Aquino refused so he was compelled to make a donation of 100 dollars for ALS research.

MRT-3
After suspending services last Saturday, MRT-3 has resumed its “normal” operations. Again, MRT-3 is back to normal. So expect delays, glitches and more service interruptions.

MRT-3 suspended its operations last Saturday after its “communications system” bogged down. Malacañang’s spokespersons accused MRT-3 of having no originality.

Overtaxed
According to the Tax Management Association of the Philippines, Filipinos pay the highest taxes in Southeast Asia. The same study also revealed that Filipino politicians were the happiest in the region.

Teacher vs. Student
A teacher in Talisay City, Negros Occidental allegedly slapped an unruly student five times. Parents of the unidentified student are seeking the support of her classmates while the unidentified teacher is expecting the support of Rodrigo Duterte.

1CEHeart and Chiz
Sen. Chiz Escudero, 44 and Heart Evangelista, 29 are now engaged. And President Aquino was like, “‘Ka-pressure!”

#IceBucketChallenge
On Monday, newscaster Korina Sanchez accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge. When a pail of ice water was poured over her head, Korina suddenly realized there’s something colder than her husband Mar.

Last Sunday, TV host Kris Aquino took the Ice Bucket Challenge LIVE on The Buzz. It was a double success. The ALS Association got their donation and Kris Aquino got the people’s attention.
—————————————————————————————
“But that’s the thing about basketball: you don’t play games on paper.”
~Bill Simmons

1JCSound Bites
“Me, in Binay’s pocket? I will have my head chopped off before a live audience by anyone who can prove that! Life is too short to waste on sucking up to a dynasty that I’m bent on crushing. No to Binay in 2016! Quote me, please!”
~Activist Mae Paner a.k.a. Juana Change

“Ang focus namin ay reporma, at ang term extension ay hindi reporma. Usaping pulitika ‘yan. Mas mahalaga sa amin ang repormang nakaaapekto sa mga mamamayan.”
~Karina Constantino-David on the launch of Koalisyon ng Mamamayan Para sa Reporma (KOMPRe)

Poll Results
1SS

Have a safe and productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: @PBAonTV5, Philippine Star, GMA 7, Rappler, @Peachybrets,]





OF JOBS, JOKES AND SHRIMPS

19 08 2014

1jr
NEARLY 26 PERCENT of Filipino adults were without jobs in June according to a survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations. Those Filipinos have done nothing and haven’t accomplished anything in recent months. In fact, they have a nickname for themselves: congressmen.

Almost 26 percent of Filipino adults are without jobs at present and are looking for work. To be fair, these Filipinos wanted to actually work and are eager to accomplish things. Unlike those people in charge of the MRT.

I have a couple more jokes about unemployed Filipinos. But I was afraid they wouldn’t work.

1PAFocus
In an event Monday, President Aquino took a swipe at those who were already campaigning ahead of the 2016 elections. The President said Filipinos should focus their attention instead on some of the nation’s biggest problems. When the audience heard this, they stared at the President.

Dare
In a press statement, Isabela Representative Rodito Albano dared President Aquino to take the MRT to “experience the suffering” of his bosses. Albano drafted the statement while aboard his multimillion-peso luxury vehicle.

Malacañang rejected Albano’s challenge for President Aquino to ride the congested MRT… not because of security issues but because the MRT doesn’t allow smoking.

1LUCLucy
Have you seen the film Lucy? The action-packed Scarlett Johansson-starrer has received mixed reviews from critics. Personally though, I find the silliness entertaining. It also perpetuates the age-old myth that humans use only 10 percent of their brain. Yeah, it’s only a myth unless of course we’re talking about government officials, then it’s probably true.

The Pope
Talking to reporters aboard the papal plane to the Vatican from South Korea, Pope Francis said he’d probably be gone in two or three years. Mar Roxas and the Liberal Party are pushing for a term extension.

Saying he has done his part, Pope Francis (Jorge Bergoglio) believes he’ll probably be gone in two or three years. His youngest sister Krissy Bergoglio became emotional and was caught on cam crying.

1RMShrimps
While hosting an event in Davao City, comedian Ramon Bautista joked that there were many “babaeng hipon” in the city. The bad news: the feisty Dutertes were offended by the joke. The good news: Ramon made it out of Davao alive.

While hosting an event in Davao City, comedian Ramon Bautista joked that there were many ‘babaeng hipon” in the city. The joke offended Vice Mayor Paolo Duterte who was present in the event. Duterte reprimanded the comedian. Ramon was compelled to apologize for insulting describing those women.

Pinoy Pride
Filipino filmmaker Lav Diaz’s five-hour movie, “Mula sa Kung Ano ang Noon” bagged the top prize at the prestigious Locarno Film Festival in Switzerland. While the festival ended last weekend, the jurors are still watching the film until this morning.

1ass
FHM Sex Survey
According to the FHM 2014 National Sex I.Q. Survey in the Philippines, 33 percent of respondents have been criticized by a woman in bed. When sought to elaborate, one respondent declined and said, “Filipinos should focus their attention instead on some of  the nation’s biggest problems.”

The same FHM survey revealed some 65 percent of Filipinos would seriously consider making their own sex tape in the future. The remaining 35 percent can’t wait to download it.
—————————————————————————————————————–
“What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.”
~Angela Davis

City Ordinance of the Year
Congratulations Mandaluyong City for this “super brilliant” idea! You deserve an award. Kayo lang ang nakaisip n’yan! Bravo! [Paid item]
1MC

Sound Bites
“Kapag nagbabasa tayo ng diyaryo araw-araw, tila marami nang nangangampanya. Parang nakalimutan nilang may problema tayo ngayon. Kaya naman ang problema sa 2016 na eleksyon, sa 2016 na iyon. Ngayon, tugunan muna natin ang problemang bumabalot po sa ating sambayanan.”
~President Aquino, August 18, 2014

Have a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: BlogsFT.Com, Gov.Ph, Ramon Bautista, FHM Philippines, Wil Cervantes]





#MakeUpTransformation (Pinoy Politics)

16 08 2014

CRITICS OF THE administration say Noynoy Aquino has failed as president. To which, allies of the President said, “Then, allow him to repeat.”


Liberal Party members who are pushing for the lifting of the president’s single, six-year term limit say President Aquino is still their best candidate for 2016 and Mar Roxas is only their second best. The LP just conceded 2016 to Binay.

In a TV interview, President Aquino reportedly said he’s open to lifting the president’s term limit, amending the Constitution and clipping the powers of the Supreme Court. Every time Noynoy says something about the Constitution these days, Ninoy slaps an angel in heaven.

Other people are saying President Aquino’s recent pronouncements lean toward dictatorship… prompting an angry Ferdinand Marcos to tell his son Bongbong, “C’mon! ‘Di ka ba nai-insecure?”

NETIZENS are having a blast creating and posting #MakeUpTransformation photos. On Friday night, I tweeted two “transformation” pics. I am reposting them here – plus more! Here are my contributions to the latest online craze.

The worst transformation
122

Because the lady is now a…
#1mu

Perhaps the most beautiful transformation of ‘em all
1LL

Dynasty
1BIN

So Sexy
1Sexy

From hero to preso
1BR

An accident waiting to happen
1V

#Sinotto
1Sinotto

The One?
1bsbb

Be afraid. Be very afraid.
1BSMR

Overseas…
Pope Francis is in South Korea for a five-day visit. On Saturday, he beatified 124 Korean martyrs and blessed their seouls.
——————————————————–
“Power changes everything till it is difficult to say who are the heroes and who the villains.”
~Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing

Sound Bites
“We need systemic change. That’s more than the capability of one person even if he’s a Superman. And Aquino is not a Superman.”
~Constitutional Commission member Christian Monsod reacting to reports President Aquino is open to a second term

Have a safe week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler, ABS-CBN News, GMA News, Philippine Star, Interaksyon]





DERAILED

14 08 2014

1JP
DID YOU hear the news about the Aquino administration’s net satisfaction rating and retired Major General Jovito Palparan? Both have fallen.

Public satisfaction with the administration hits a new all-time low: from +45 in March to +29 in June. A worried President Aquino called Budget Sec. Butch Abad and asked if he could consider resigning again.

Jovito Palparan, the retired major general who was labeled as “The Butcher” by leftists has been arrested in Manila. The lone informant will receive a bounty of 2 million pesos. The NBI has submitted his name to the President, the DOJ and the BIR.

Reports say the intelligence operation to capture retired Major General Jovito Palparan was codenamed Project Runway. When arresting agents came face to face with Palparan though, they changed the operation code to Ambush Makeover.

The military operation to capture retired Major General Jovito Palparan was codenamed Project Runway. When he was finally nabbed in Manila, arresting officers told him, “‘Auf Wiedersehen!’

1Derailed
An MRT train overshot the railway and slammed right into the metal barrier. Reports say at least 36 passengers got injured. President Aquino told CNN it’s fewer than that.

Here’s what happened: Train 1 couldn’t advance to its destination. It was defective. Train 2 stepped in and tried to help push Train 1. The journey started smoothly. However, something wrong happened along the way resulting in Train 1’s crash. Just to be clear, this is a description of the MRT accident last Wednesday not the Noy-Mar tandem in 2010.

For months, analysts have been saying that the MRT has serious problems and that certain officials are at fault. Now that an accident has happened, expect them to cover their tracks.

1
After the near-disaster at the MRT that injured dozens of people, the official Twitter account of DOTC tweeted about a “technical problem” and apologized for the “inconvenience.” The tweet was even more disastrous.

A wayward MRT train overshot the railway and crashed into the metal barrier. What a loco-motive!

The driver of the derailed MRT train is now being investigated. Apparently, he’s still in shock. While being interviewed, he lost his train of thought.

Binay and MVP
Reports say tycoon Manny Pangilinan is being considered by Vice President Binay as a potential running mate in 2016. Interesting. One is an intelligent, hardworking guy who has made billions from his empire and the other one is Manny Pangilinan.

Dream On
On Wednesday, suspected plunderer Jinggoy Estrada reiterated he wanted to become the running mate of Vice President Binay in 2016. Binay almost replied, “What part of ‘No!’ don’t you understand?”

1NBINAY
Binay vs. Trillanes
Sen. Antonio Trillanes wants Vice President Binay to face a Senate inquiry on the alleged overpriced car park building in Makati City. An upset Sen. Nancy Binay said, “Hindi n’ya ho ka-level si Senator Trillanes. My father will not stoop down to his level.” When sought for reaction, Trillanes refused to stoop down to Nancy’s level.

Fat
The 8th National Nutrition Survey of the Food and Nutrition Research Institute showed 3 out of 10 Filipinos were overweight and obese. To those three, don’t be sad and don’t feel bad. Double chin up!

According to the same study, there are more fat Filipino women than men – which is understandable since they spend more time in the kitchen. #sexistjoke #sorry

Cheaters
A new study has revealed men over 5’10” are twice as likely to cheat on their partners. And Kris Aquino was like, “True!”
———————————————————
“Every disaster gives a warning before it comes; little or big, there is always a warning!”
~ Mehmet Murat ildan

Sound Bites
1Kristek
~Kris Aquino on ex-boyfriend Herbert Bautista

Ingat!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler, Zhander Cayabyab/DZMM, DOTC, Aquino and Abunda Tonight]





UNO!

10 08 2014

THE UP Fighting Maroons put an end to a 27-game losing streak in the UAAP on Saturday and the UP community erupted in cheers like it captured a title. Woohoo!

Won a game and there was a bonfire. Paano pa kaya kung championship na ang mapanalunan? Here are the…

Top 10 Things That Would Probably Happen Should UP Win the UAAP Championship

1UPP
10: May semester-long celebration na siguradong magpapataob sa month-long birthday celebration ni Kuya Germs sa ‘Walang Tulugan.’ May libreng reunion concert ang Eraserheads at may “group selfie” ang bawat dadalo with Ely, Raymund, Buddy and Marcus.

9: Taun-taon, special non-working day sa UP System ang araw kung kailan nakamit ang kampeonato. Kung tumapat sa araw ng Linggo, walang pasok ang kasunod na Friday para long weekend.

1BB
8: Lahat ng gradong singko sa semester kung kailan nagwagi ang UP, ibabalik sa kuwatro at bibigyang muli ng pagkakataong mag-take ng removal exam ang estudyante.

7: Ang alumni ng UP na kaanib ng Iglesia ni Cristo… magdo-donate ng bagong gym at training equipment. Pwede nang 1/4 of Philippine Arena ang size ng gym.

1IS
6: Libre for one semester ang fishball, isaw, kikiam, tokneneng, at iba pang street food sa lahat ng UP campuses. Just show your official school ID.

5: Wala nang fraternity hazing. Promise. This time, mawawala na talaga, manalo lang.

4: Suspendido ang tuition sa susunod na semester gayundin ang miscellaneous fees, laboratory fees, student fees, at kung anu-ano pang bayarin. Bilang bonus, libre ang sakay sa UP Ikot at sa mga jeep sa loob ng UP Los Baños for one sem.

3: Magkakaroon ng raffle kung saan sampung estudyante o alumni ang mapalad na magwawagi. Ang mananalo ay bibigyan ng pagkakataong sampalin nang sampung beses ang corrupt politician of his choice. May live coverage ang pagsampal.

1up
2: Ang mga corrupt na alumni ng UP sa gobyerno, ibabalik ang mga ninakaw at aamin sa ginawang kasalanan.

1: Kung hindi aamin, lahat ng corrupt na pulitikong alumni, susunugin sa bonfire sa Sunken Garden. Ang order ng pagsunog ay batay sa Student Number. Mauuna ang pinakamatanda.

Congratulations again UP Fighting Maroons! Naka-UNO na kayo!

1BJIn other news…
Reports have quoted Vice President Binay as saying a Binay-Roxas tandem “is one of the things being considered [for 2016].. You develop unity among political parties.” Their common friends say it’s a good idea; Binay’s critics say it’s a good sound bite.

Slapped
An irate Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista slapped a suspected Chinese drug dealer who was apprehended the other day. But the suspect still managed to smile after realizing he’s so lucky he was nabbed in QC, not in Davao City.

1KPrayerful
Janet Lim-Napoles’s lawyer Stephen David says the suspected pork barrel queen prays 2,000 Hail Marys everyday. Out of habit, 40 to 50 percent of her prayers go out to her lawmaker-friends.

Lawyer Stephen David says his client Janet Lim-Napoles prays 2,000 Hail Marys everyday. Again, 2,000 according to the lawyer! Even Mother Mary was like, “Echosera kang abogado ka!”
————————————————————————–
“First, accept sadness. Realize that without losing, winning isn’t so great.”
~Alyssa Milano

1ESound Bites
“The possible consequences of further international spread are particularly serious in view of the virulence of the virus, the intensive community and health facility transmission patterns, and the weak health systems in the currently affected and most at-risk countries. A coordinated international response is deemed essential to stop and reverse the international spread of Ebola.”
~World Health Organization

UP Fight!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Rappler, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Joel Leporada, Geoffrey Ledesma, GMA News, Kenyon.Edu]





WANNABES

8 08 2014

FOR THE 2016 presidential elections, Liberal Party stalwarts say DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is still their man – ‘coz he’s got a better chance of winning compared to LP’s alternative candidate: no one.

1BJ
President Aquino’s sisters Ballsy and Kris have publicly expressed their support for Vice President Jejomar Binay who is running for president in 2016. But DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is not giving up… until Pinky and Viel have announced their choice.

Reports say Vice President Binay has received “raw” information that the ruling Liberal Party might adopt him as its presidential bet in 2016. Reporters are trying to call the source of the raw information… but Binay won’t answer.

Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada says he will run for president in 2016 if Vice President Binay is adopted by the Liberal Party. In short, the next elections will probably be a choice between Estrada and Binay. One is a womanizing, graft-tainted, long-serving politician and the other one is Erap.

1TrainCNNStuck
In Perth, Australia, a passenger slipped and got stuck between a train and the platform. Other commuters helped by tilting the train to free the man. Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma said this unfortunate incident could have been avoided if the man took a bus instead.

Contra-SONA
Sen. JV Ejercito is set to deliver a contra-SONA next week. But Jinggoy Estrada insists JV’s counter-SONA doesn’t have the blessings of the Senate’s minority bloc. Ejercito is not surprised by Jinggoy’s reaction since the detained senator has always been contra-kapatid.

Happiness
Pope Francis has released his ‘10 Tips for Happiness.’ The list includes: Tip No. 2 – Be generous; Tip No. 8 – Stop being negative, and Tip No. 10 – Avoid EDSA during rush hour.

The Pope has made public his ‘10 Tips for Happiness.’ Unfortunately, he failed to give a tip on how to handle ‘seen-zoned’ situations on Facebook.

Pinoy Online
According to a recent study, Filipinos spend an average of 6.2 hours online. And that’s just the time spent waiting for the page to load.

1BDMagic
Magician David Blaine is performing live at the Araneta Coliseum soon. In one of his tricks, Blaine will attempt to make a pile of cash (genuine 1,000-peso bills totaling one million) disappear without a trace. And Filipino politicians were like, “We can do better and more than that.”

27!
Reports say the UP Fighting Maroons who recently lost their 27th consecutive game (dating back to 2012) have “low morale” because their coach was suspended. Wait. They have a coach?

New Words
Here’s some good news: Scrabble has added 5,000 new words to its official dictionary. There’s selfie, chillax, frenemy and bromance. And in even better news, there’s no KathNiel.
———————————————————————————————–
“I would rather be a little nobody, than to be an evil somebody.”
~Abraham Lincoln

Sound Bites
“Parang may value naman ang opinion ko diyan, pero kung totoo, eh di bongga!”
~Kris Aquino on rumors that the LP might adopt Binay as standard bearer

“All I can say is that the spin masters are having their day. There is no such thing. I am a member of the executive committee of the Liberal Party, and there has been no discussion on that.”
~LP leader/Senate President Frank Drilon

Poll Results
Kung tatakbong pangulo si Sen. Grace Poe sa 2016, iboboto mo ba siya?

-Hindi. Kulang pa siya sa karanasan. 46.6%
-Oo. Matino at may integridad na tao siya. 34.63%
-Pag-iisipan ko muna. 18.77%

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Philippines Daily Online, CNN]





#QUIZtion: Current Events

5 08 2014

THINK YOU’RE UPDATED?

Find out by taking this current events quiz. No Googling please. Do not cheat. Lawmakers hate competition.

1
1: Bago nanalo ang UP Fighting Maroons men’s basketball team against Adamson Soaring Falcons last Saturday, Aug. 9, they have lost 27 consecutive games in the UAAP. Grabe lang. Prior to Saturday’s win, their last victory was in Season 75; two years ago pa. #saklap Anong team ang kanilang tinalo then?
A: Adamson Soaring Falcons
B: UE Red Warriors
C: De La Salle Green Archers

2: Kris Aquino admitted ‘rewarding’ President Aquino’s supporters by “replying” to their comments on her Instagram account. Ano naman ang ginagawa ni Kris sa mga taong “nega” ang comments?
A: Block!
B: Deadma na lang.
C: Pinaprangka. [At least honest!]

1
3: “Too beautiful to play the game” ang description sa volleyball player na si Sabina Altynbekova. The 17-year-old stunner plays for the youth squad of which country?
A: Ukraine
B: Russia
C: Kazakhstan

4: What militant Islamist group was responsible for the kidnapping of school children, and other violent activities in Nigeria recently?
A: Bakr al-Shalam
B: Abu Jihad
C: Boko Haram

5: Ang pamilya ng mga Pinoy na sakay sa pinabagsak na MH17 sa Ukraine ay tubong:
A: Pagbilao, Quezon
B: Maragondon, Cavite
C: Marilao, Bulacan

6: Ayon mismo kay Paolo Bediones, ilang taon na ang kanyang sex video na kumalat recently?
A: 7
B: 5
C: 2

7: Kung may “Ma’am Janet (Napoles)” sa executive at legislative branches, sino naman ang sinasabing counterpart niyang sangkot sa panunuhol sa mga judges?
A: Ma’am Charo
B: Ma’am Wilma
C: Ma’am Arlene

1
8: Of the following, sino ang hindi pinayagan ng kanyang NBA team na maglaro for his country sa darating na FIBA World Cup?
A: Tony Parker (Spurs) – France
B: Leandro Barbosa (Suns) – Brazil
C: Manu Ginobili (Spurs) – Argentina

9: Recently, Marvel announced that the new Thor will be female. Hindi naman nagpahuli si Captain America. Ayon sa Marvel, ang susunod na Captain America ay:
A: Bisexual
B: Black
C: Married with children

10: Project NOAH is the DOST’s “responsive program for disaster prevention and mitigation.” What does the acronym NOAH stand for?
A: Nationwide Operational Assessment of Hazards
B: National Organized Alert Helpline
C: Nakaantabay na Operasyon Alerto’t Handa

11: Slamming some anti-Aquino protesters, local musician Ria Bautista said, “Kung puro protesta pero wala namang inihahaing solusyon eh ‘di wala ring kwenta. It’s just a bunch of people whining.” This outspoken artist is a member of what band?
A: Up Dharma Down
B: Cambio
C: Paramita

1
12: Where is the 41st Chess Olympiad being held from August 1 to 14?
A: Reykjavík, Iceland
B: Tromsø, Norway
C: Budapest, Hungary

13: What is the name of the 140-hectare tourism enterprise zone in Bulacan where the Philippine Arena is located?
A: Ciudad Fernandina
B: Ciudad de Victoria
C: Ciudad del Carmen

14: Sa kabila ng nagaganap ngayong outbreak, hindi Ebola kundi ang disease na ito ang No. 1 killer sa West Africa.
A: Malaria
B: Diarrhea
C: HIV/AIDS

1SONA
15: One of the best dressed at last week’s SONA Red Carpet event, this woman is the wife of:
A: Cong. Miro Quimbo
B: Cong. Alfred Vargas
C: Sen. Sonny Angara

Bonus Question:
What does the E in E-Cigarette mean?
A: Express
B: Electronic
C: External

[Answers below]
—————————————————————————–
“People care about what newspapers tell them to care about.”
~ Delia Parr, Love’s First Bloom

Sound Bites
“Saan ka nakakitang pwedeng tumakbo ang truck at bus na walang prangkisa?! Saang klase ng mundo tayo ngayon? Nasa Mars ba tayo? I mean, stupidity!”
~Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno on LTFRB’s memorandum circular that temporarily suspended the enforcement operations against colorum vehicles in the metro

Answers:
1: B.
2: A.
3: C.

4: C.
5: A.
6: B.

7: C.
8: C.
9: B.

10: A.
11: C.
12. B.

13: B.
14: A.
15: C.

Bonus: B.

What your score means:
14-16 pts: Ikaw na ang updated! Marami kang alam. Hindi ka masyadong busy. Siguro, marami kang bakanteng oras.

11-13 pts: Pwede na. Love life na lang ang kulang.

8-10 pts: Ang lakas ng tsamba!

7 pts: Where have you been?

Below 6: Ang baba na nga ng score mo, double chin ka pa. Hayyy.

Gave a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: UAAP Sports, Reuters, FIBA, GMA News, Philippine Star]





EMOTIONAL

2 08 2014

IT’S BEEN raining all week. Some people say it’s heaven ‘crying.’ Maybe God is delivering his State of Heaven Address.

1NOY
In his fifth State of the Nation Address, President Aquino became emotional. He said he’s done his part, and the people must continue what he has started. To be fair, Aquino’s integrity is beyond reproach. He’s a tough act to follow. His successor will have some big eyes to fill.

The President’s fifth SONA was long – one hour and 42 minutes to be exact according to reports. And he was emotional. But while the President was fighting tears, attendees were fighting sleep.

1AD
The Philippine Star published photos of unidentified guests who were obviously taking a nap while President Aquino was delivering his SONA last Monday. Rumors say those guests took it literally when the President said, “Hindi po masamang mangarap.”

President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address lasted 1 hour and 42 minutes. To the surprise of many Filipinos, there was no Arroyo-bashing, no tirades against the Supreme Court, and no FOI Bill.

Last Monday, all eyes were on President Aquino. Everyone was listening to him. He was the center of attention. That’s the reason why Kris Aquino cried. She realized that the world didn’t always revolve around her.

Gotcha
A 16 foot long crocodile was caught in Palawan last Monday, July 28. Locals were wondering what the crocodile was doing in Palawan when the second regular session of Congress just opened that day.

Graft
Former Pampanga governor and incumbent senator Lito Lapid has been charged with graft in connection with the purchase of overpriced liquid fertilizer. The actor has denied the allegation, saying he knows NOTHING about the scam. Among many other things.

1KRIS
Remembering Cory
On August 1, the Aquino family went to Manila Memorial Park and offered a mass for former President Cory Aquino. In case you forgot, it’s the fifth death anniversary of Tita Cory which coincides with the fifth death anniversary of Mar Roxas’s presidential dreams.

In A Relationship
Sixty-five-year-old Dionisia Pacquiao has a love life. Apparently, that’s the reason why President Aquino cried during his State of the Nation Address.

Manny Pacquiao has revealed that Mommy Dionisia, 65 is in a relationship. Thank you Mommy Dionisia for giving hope to loveless Filipinos.

Approve!
According to Pulse Asia’s June 2014 Ulat ng Bayan survey, President Aquino’s approval rating dropped by 14 percentage points, from 70 percent to 56 percent. The survey’s margin of error was plus or minus Butch Abad.

POPE
Effective Leader
A stunning 88 percent of American Catholics think Pope Francis is doing a good job. Experts say, the Pope has a very high approval rating because he “leads with humility” – prompting the Supreme Court to tell President Aquino, “Now you know!”

The latest Pulse Asia survey is out. The highest approval rating was obtained by Vice President Binay. The lowest approval rating was obtained by Nancy Binay’s balloon gown.

Hunger
The latest SWS survey found that from 17.8 percent, the hunger rate is now 16.3 percent. That’s a difference of 1.5 percent. Those people are called “in denial.”

Math Whiz
A video of two street children with extraordinary math skills has gone viral. In exchange for alms, the two kids would answer math questions from strangers. When asked about the square root of 4,624, they answered, “68.” When asked about the square root of 888, they said, “It’s not a perfect square.” When asked, 172 million + 224 million + 183 million, they answered, “pork kickbacks.” Amazing!

Video Scandal
TV host Paolo Bediones has filed a formal complaint against people who released and uploaded copies of his sex video. The PNP says the uploaded sex video is a vital piece of hard evidence that will definitely stand up in court.
——————————————————————————–
“One thing you can’t hide – is when you’re crippled inside.”
~John Lennon

Sound Bites
“I have a lot of social networking followers and everyone who says good things about him, they get a bonus because I reply to them. Siyempre iyong mga nega bina-block ko na lang. Pero konting-konti lang sila.”
~Kris Aquino on President Aquino’s supporters

Spam
Somebody sent me a message. I replied.

1NapTxt

Poll Results
Matapos marinig ang ikalimang SONA ni Pangulong Aquino…

-Susuportahan ko pa rin. 57.74%
-I was never a believer to begin with. 35.09%
-Nawalan na ako ng tiwala. 7%

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA News, Getty Images, ABS-CBN News]





SONA 2014: POLITICS AND FASHION

29 07 2014

WE’VE ALL HEARD President Aquino’s fifth State of the Nation Address. Everyone has an opinion about it. Even the pending Freedom of Information Bill has reacted.
1INC

But before President Aquino’s speech, there was the sideshow – the ‘SONA fashion’ and the Red Carpet – where the country’s wealthiest and most influential made a short stop and posed for news crews.

Here are some of the things overheard at this year’s SONA fashion event:

1CH
Heart Evangelista: Love, nabasa mo ba ‘yong isang tweet? Para raw tayong mag-tiyo!?
Sen. Chiz Escudero: Hayaan mo na. Baka mommy mo lang ‘yon!

1SA
Laguna Rep. Sol Aragones: Wala akong pakialam kung kakulay ko ang carpet! Wala naman kasing nag-remind sa akin na pula pala ang Red Carpet; akala ko black! Tse! Anyway, nag-red ako today upang ipakita ang kulektibong galit ng mga taga-Laguna sa administrasyong Aquino dahil pinatalsik nila sa puwesto ang aming gobernador! Kung nababasa mo ito Governor E.R., tuloy ang laban! At congrats nga pala for winning Best Actor sa FAMAS.

1pc
Sen. Pia Cayetano: I’ll just pretend na walang tao sa likod ko. Smile na lang ako dahil madaming reporters, nakakahiya kung sisimangot ako. By the way, ‘yong photobomber sa likod ko ay ang mayor ng Taguig at future First Lady ng Pilipinas. Hipag ko ‘yan, misis ni Alan. Chini-check niya yata ang tweets about Nancy’s terno. Alam mo naman ang Taguig, numero unong kaaway ng Makati.

1NB
Sen. Nancy Binay: I categorically deny that this gown costs 1.56 billion pesos. Hindi rin po overpriced ang kada-square meter ng damit na ito katulad ng ibinibintang ng aming mga kalaban sa pulitika. ‘Wag po n’yong palabasing masamang tao ako dahil ang totoo: ako ang victim dito. Fashion victim!

1NB2
Sen. Nancy Binay 2: Wala pong kinalaman sa negative comments sa Twitter ang pagpapalit ko ng attire. May pambili lang talaga ako ng dalawang gowns, bakit ba?! Eh kayong mga netizens na wala nang ginawa kundi mag-abang ng malalait, may pera at love life ba kayo?

1ka
Kris Aquino: Ganda ko ‘di ba? Aha-ha-ha! Hindi pa dito nagtatapos ang aking eksena. Mamaya, try kong mag-cry. Try lang! Aha-ha-ha Also, I was informed that Mayor Herbert would be here. Gusto ko lang makita niya kung ano ‘tong pinakawalan niya. ‘Tsaka pasalamat siya sa ‘kin dahil pasok siya sa Top 12 senatoriables sa survey ng Pulse Asia. If not for Krissy… tapusin n’yo na lang! Kayo na. Aha-ha-ha!

1MD
Mommy Dionisia: Saan ang kubita ‘day? ‘Di ko na kaya ‘day. Lalabas na ‘day! ‘Tsaka bakit ba ito ang pinili mong gown ‘day? Ang kati! Ang sikip-sikip! Pastilan! Sa sunod ‘day, gusto ko ‘yong gaya ng gown ni Nancy. Maluwang! Para diritso na ang ihi sa floor ‘day. Yawa!

1AB
Makati Rep. Abby Binay: Hello Ate, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. Kasi naman, ang tigas ng ulo mo. Prone ka na nga sa mga bashers, binigyan mo pa sila ng rason to bash you more! Wala bang salamin sa bahay n’yo?

1LM
Cong. Lani Mercado: Actually, ‘yon din po ang tanong ko sa girlfriend ni Jolo na si Jodi: kailan ba matatapos ang ‘Be Careful With My Heart?’ Dragging na ‘teh! Also, hindi po ako dadalo sa SONA. Sinabi ko na po ‘yan before. Paulit-ulit na lang kayo ng tanong. Salamat po.

1LL
Sen. Loren Legarda: Ito po ang tinatawag na traditional Mandaya outfit. Opo, Mandaya ang name ng indigenous group pero never po akong nandaya. Ako pa nga yata ang nadaya noong 2004. Hello nga pala kay Kabayan!

1IRM
Cong. Imelda Marcos: A million DAP here, a billion PDAF there. So petty! Konting barya, pinag-aawayan! These kids. Guard, dalhin mo kay Nancy Binay! I’ll lecture her on fashion.

1ADR
Assunta De Rossi: ‘Wag na po kayong magtaka kung bakit solo flight ako. Numero uno sa dami ng absences sa Kamara ang mister ko; pati sa red carpet, absent ang lola n’yo! Hindi naman po siguro masamang maging consistent ‘di ba? Pak!

1AV
Palace Deputy Spokesperson Abigail Valte: Mas safe na ang ganito kaysa sa gown; tipid pa! Ang importante, may yellow ribbon! Malimutan na ang fake eyebrow ‘wag lang ang dilaw na laso. Magagalit si boss! Alam mo na!

1CRR
Marinduque Gov. Carmencita Ongsiako-Reyes: I haven’t seen my amiga, Imelda today – which is great. Baka ma-insecure lang ‘yon sa ganda ng gown ko. If you have it, flaunt it – which is what I have been exactly doing. My fellow Marinduqueños must be so proud. Anong sinabi ni Big Bird?

1GP
Sen. Grace Poe: Nagpapasalamat po ako sa mga netizens na nagsabing “presidential” ang aura ko. ‘Yan din po ang laging sinasabi sa akin ni Mr. Conrado De Quiros. Tingnan natin… matagal pa naman ang 2016. Who knows? Ooops, nagbibiro lang poe.

1bm
Militant leaders with Juana Change:
‘Ayan, nakapasok na si Noynoy sa session hall. 1… 2… 3! Now na! Walkout!
Reception will follow at Cabalen Restaurant.

1CV
Sen. Cynthia Villar: Sabayan n’yo po ako: “Dan-dan-dan dalandan. Dan-dan-dan sarap ng real! Lasap na lasap, real na real, real na real. Dan-dan-dan, dalandan!” Hindi ko na po kailangang ipaliwanag ang suot ko. Kung anong sinimulan ni Manny, ipinagpapatuloy ko lamang. Isigaw po natin: Hanep na ang buhay dahil may hanapbuhay!

1RG
Leyte Rep. Lucy Torres: Babe, smile ka, dali! May TV crew. This SONA Red Carpet is the closest you can get to being a congressman. Ahi-hi-hi
Richard Gomez: I hope you’re just kidding babe. Kung hindi, susuklayan kita!

1JV
Sen. JV Ejercito: Sweetheart, ‘wag ka namang magmadali! Gusto kong mapanood ni Kuya Jinggoy ang paglalakad natin sa Red Carpet. Wala lang. Pang-azar lang. Lolz. #brothers #frenemies #TVKDarrenFortheWin #DarrenDontLeavethePhilippines

1SF
[Photos courtesy of ABS-CBN News, ANC, Philippine Star, Philippine Daily Inquirer, GMA News, Rappler, News5, Interaksyon, Kris Aquino, Ginger Conejero, Jenny Reyes, Ayee Macaraig, Chona Yu-Inquirer, StyleBible.Ph, Bandera Inquirer]
—————————————————————————————
“People don’t remember you for what you show them, people remember you for what you sow into them.”
~ Constance Chuks Friday

Sound Bites
“Sanay na ako sa bashing eh. Kahit anong gawin ko yata, I will always get bashed.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

Poll Results
Kung isa kang mambabatas, boboto ka ba upang ma-impeach si Pangulong Aquino?

-No. 57.66%
-Yes. 29.25%
-I’ll think about it. 13.09%

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





LEAKED: SONA 2014 [EXCLUSIVE!]

25 07 2014

A PURPORTED DRAFT of President Aquino’s fifth State of the Nation Address was sent to this blogger. Here are [unedited] excerpts of the speech.

1INC

State of the Nation Address
of
His Excellency Benigno S. Aquino III
President of the Philippines
To the Congress of the Philippines

[To be delivered at the Session Hall of the House of Representatives, Batasang Pambansa Complex, Quezon City, on July 28, 2014]

“Naniniwala po ako sa kasabihang, ‘Ang pagsasabi ng tapat ay pagsasama ng maluwat.’ Kaya’t bago po ako magsimula, magtapatan na po tayo. Lahat ng may yellow ribbon sa kanilang suot, pumuwesto po kayo sa gawing kanan. ‘Yon naman pong wala, sa gawing kaliwa. Maraming salamat po.”

“Malinaw pong SONA ang matutunghayan n’yo ngayong hapon. Wala kaming in-advertise na laro o exhibition. Kung hindi n’yo po magugustuhan ang inyong maririnig, huwag umasa ng refund. Batasan po ang inyong pinuntahan, hindi Araneta Coliseum.” [Applause]

“Ito po ang aking ikalimang SONA, isa na lamang ang natitira. Sa mga taong hindi makahintay sa pagtatapos ng aking termino, relax lang po kayo. Huwag masyadong atat na makapuwesto. Sana’y nanonood ka pareng Toby Tiangco.”

“Ramdam na ramdam na po natin ang paglago ng ating ekonomiya. Pampubliko o pribadong sektor man, kitang-kita ang kaunlaran. Sa Makati City nga po, parking building pa lang, 1.56 billion pesos na ang halaga. [Applause] At sinong hindi mapapanganga sa bagong Philippine Arena? Pang-Guinness talaga! [Applause]

“Hindi po kaila sa inyo na matibay ang aking paninindigan sa DAP at ipagtatanggol ko ito hanggang sa abot ng aking makakaya. Dahil d’yan, effective last Friday, ako na po ang concurrent Secretary of Defense.” [Applause]

“Uulitin ko po. Mabuti ang DAP at maraming natulungan ang programang ito. Sa katunayan, kahit ho ‘yong pinakamatitindi kong kritiko, nakinabang dito. Tanungin n’yo pa si Bayan Muna Representative Neri Colmenares.” [Applause]

00
“Nang ako po ay iluklok ng aking mga “boss” sa Malacañang, nangako po tayong lalabanan natin ang katiwalian sa pamahalaan. Tinupad po natin ang pangakong ‘yan. Sa sandaling ito, mangyari po lamang na ituon ang inyong atensyon sa LED wall sa gawing kanan. Sa unang pagkakataon sa kasaysayan ng SONA sa Pilipinas, magkakaroon po tayo ng live feed mula sa PNP Custodial Center, PNP General Hospital at Fort Sto. Domingo.” [Applause]

“Unahin natin ang PNP Custodial Center. Senador Bong at Senador Jinggoy, alam kong naririnig n’yo ako. Pumasok kayo sa confession room.”

BONG: Hello po Kuya. Mabuti naman po at napadalaw kayo.
JINGGOY: May ipapagawa ka bang challenge sa amin Kuya?

“Bong, Jinggoy… ikinalulungkot kong sabihing hindi n’yo nagawa ang pinaka-importanteng challenge bilang mga halal na opisyal: ang magpaka-honest. Dahil d’yan, awtomatiko kayong nominated for conviction sa susunod na trial. Sanga pala, hindi ako si Kuya. Ako si Noynoy at live kayong napapanood sa Kongreso ngayon.” [Canned laughter/Applause]

“Ngayon naman ay makikita n’yo ang live feed mula sa PNP General Hospital. Kung inyong mapapansin, parang natutulog lang si Senator Enrile. Huwag na nating gambalain ang matanda; respeto na lang. Ipasok naman natin ang live feed mula sa Fort Sto. Domingo. Hayan… makikita natin sa screen ang isang lalaki at isang babaeng magkapatong. TURN THAT OFF! ANONG KAHALAYAN ‘YAN?! [Collective gasp] Pasensya na po mga boss. Ngayon nga pala ang scheduled visit ni Mr. Jaime Napoles kay Mrs. Janet Lim-Napoles. Sorry po!”

1IM
“Moving on… may mga nagtatanong nga po lagi sa akin: Paano na sa 2016? Paano ‘pag wala ka na? Tapos na rin ba ang tuwid na daan? Babalik na ba ang KADILIMAN? Hindi ko po sasagutin ‘yan. Ayaw ko pong maakusahang racist ni Manong Jojo Binay.”

“Katulad ng aking sinabi sa inauguration ng Philippine Arena noong nakaraang linggo… pairalin natin ang pagmamahalan sa halip na pagsisiraan na nauuwi sa pagkakawatak-watak. Kung nais n’yo pong ‘mapalapit’ sa kapwa Pilipino, mag-MRT kayo.” [Applause]

“Napakahalaga po sa akin ng kalusugan ng mamamayang Pilipino. ‘Yan po ang dahilan kung bakit naglaan tayo ng 70 million pesos mula sa DAP para sa stem cell research program ng Lung Center of the Philippines. Priorities!” [Applause]

“Mataas po ang tingin ko sa mga empleyado ng pamahalaan. Malaki ang papel na ginagampanan nila sa paglago ng ating ekonomiya. Kung hindi ko man maibigay ang dagdag-suweldong hinihingi nila, babawi na lang ako sa pagbibigay sa kanila ng sapat na pahinga. Kaya ngayong 2015, halos dalawampu ang non-working holidays!” [Applause]

“Likas ang pagiging masipag ng mga Pilipino. Multi-tasker nga raw ang mga Pinoy. Isa sa mga buhay na patotoo ang kasamahan natin sa Kongreso: lawmaker, boxer, preacher, singer, actor, TV host, at ngayon ay basketball coach. Ikaw na talaga Cong. Manny Pacquiao!” [Applause]

“Sa mga pribadong tanggapan naman, hindi rin maikakaila ang sipag ng mga empleyado. Maging mga broadcasters, rumaraket na rin sa tanggapan ng gobyerno. Isumbong Mo Kay… joke lang. Ayaw kong ma-libelo!” [Canned laughter]

“Nitong nakaraang linggo, nilagdaan ko ang R.A. 10643 o “An Act to Effectively Instill Health Consciousness through Graphic Health Warnings on Tobacco Products.” Whatever!

1INC
“Kitang-kita rin natin ang progreso sa larangan ng enerhiya. Kung sa termino ng aking namayapang ina ay walong oras ang brownout, ngayon ay tatlong oras na lamang. Palakpakan po natin si Secretary Ikot Petilla.” [Applause]

“Iwaksi po natin ang negatibo at mag-focus sa positibo. The glass is half-full not half-empty. Wala mang power supply, bababa naman ang bayad sa kuryente. Now na!” [Applause]

“Noong nakalipas na taon, pinuri tayo ng international community dahil sa nilagdaang kasunduan with the MILF na naglalayong makamit ang kapayapaan sa Mindanao. Sa mga susunod pong araw, kapayapaan pa rin ang aking tututukan: ang pakikipag-ayos sa Kataas-taasang Hukuman. I’ll try.” [Applause]

“Naging aktibo rin tayo sa kampanya laban sa pambu-bully ng Beijing sa mga teritoryong sakop ng Pilipinas. Pinatunayan natin sa China na hinding-hindi tayo susuko hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang segundo ng laban. Ang husay mo Paul Lee! Mabuhay ang Gilas Pilipinas! Puso!” [Applause]

“Ayon po sa survey ng SWS at Pulse Asia, mababa na raw ang aking mga grado. Hindi po ako nababahala. Mas mababa pa d’yan ang mga grado ko noon sa Ateneo.” [Applause]

“Sa ilalim din ng aking panunungkulan, idineklara ng Korte Suprema ang pork barrel o PDAF as illegal.” [Silence]

“Inuulit ko, idineklara ng Korte Suprema ang pork barrel as illegal. Ang hindi papalakpak, guilty.” [Applause]

1INC
“Kahapon, July 27, isinilang na ang pang-isandaang milyong Pilipino. Tama po ang narinig n’yo: umabot na sa 100 million ang mga Filipino. Sa mga pari at mga obispo, sana happy kayo!”

“Matagumpay po ang PNP sa paglaban nito sa kriminalidad at mga salot ng lipunan. Sa katunayan, kung dati ay naka-kotse ang mga kriminal, ngayon… naka-motorsiklo na lamang.” [Applause]

“Ipinagpatuloy din natin ang malawakang kampanya laban sa ipinagbabawal na droga. Sa mga kabataang nanonood ngayon, nais kong ipaalala sa inyo: walang buting maidudulot ang bawal na gamot! Itakwil n’yo ang droga kung gusto n’yong makatapos ng pag-aaral, makahanap ng trabaho, o maging National Artist in the future.” [Applause]

“Sa loob ng apat na taon kong panunungkulan, tunay ngang malaki na ang ipinagbago ng asal ng mga Pilipino. Iba na ang level of maturity nila ‘ika nga. Hindi na po ako lalayo. ‘Yong kapatid kong si Kris, kapag nakikipag-break dati sa lalaki, umiiyak ‘yan sa harap ng TV. Ngayon, wala nang luha, wala nang galit, wala nang pagbabanta. Mali si Ms Nora Aunor! May himala!” [Applause]

“Sa aking inaugural address, atin pong ipinangako: walang kurapsyon, walang manlalamang, walang wangwang. At dahil nakatutok ako sa paglilingkod sa inyo… walang love life! Maraming salamat po!” [Applause]
———————————————————————–
“Some things you don’t have to promise. You just do.”
~Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

Sound Bites
“Sa lahat ng mga gumising sa nagtutulug-tulugan, sa mga nagmulat sa mga nagbubulag-bulagan, sa mga kumalampag sa mga nagbibingi-bingihan: SONA po ninyo ito.”
~President Aquino, SONA 2013

Have a safe weekend everyone!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Rappler, Gov.Ph,Philippine Daily Inquirer, Sen. Bam Aquino, Sovereign Independent Co.UK]





OFFICIAL LIST OF TYPHOONS

22 07 2014

A POTENTIAL TYPHOON has been monitored by PAGASA. It is expected to enter the Philippine Area of Responsibility this week and will be named ‘Inday.’ Everyone should prepare because Inday has been described by weathermen as “masipag,” “mabilis” and “walang tigil sa katatrabaho.”

UNTVWeb
AS IN the previous years, we publish the names of tropical cyclones that continue to threaten the archipelago. This year, the following typhoons made our list.

Typhoon Enrile
Matagal-tagal na rin ang pananatili nito sa Philippine Area of Responsibility at mahaba-habang panahon na ring nananalasa. Mabuti na lang at sa huling monitoring ng PAGASA, humihina na ang bagyong ito. Gayunman, pinag-iingat ang publiko sa anak nitong bagyo.

Typhoon Kris
Napakaingay ng bagyong ito kaya’t ang atensyon ng lahat ng tao ay nakatutok sa kanya. Maraming galit kay Typhoon Kris pero patuloy pa rin nilang minu-monitor ang kanyang galaw.

Typhoon Imelda
Dekada sisenta pa nang ito ay unang manalasa sa bansa. Libu-libo ang nasawi, nasugatan, at hanggang ngayon ay nawawala dahil sa kanyang bagsik. Inalis na ang kanyang pangalan sa opisyal na talaan ng mga bagyo ngunit sa ‘di maipaliwanag na pangyayari, matagumpay siyang nakabalik.

Typhoon Napoles
Malawak ang dulot nitong pananalanta. Malaking halaga ng ari-arian ang nawala dahil sa kanya.

Typhoon Binay
Napanatili nito ang maximum strength na sinimulang ipunin noong 1986. Lalo pang tumindi ang kanyang gustiness after 2010. Hindi gaanong napapansin ang dala niyang pinsala dahil marami rin namang natulungan ang dala niyang ulan. Inaasahan ang mas malawak na sakop na kaulapan ng Typhoon Binay sa taong 2016.

Typhoon Noynoy
Ang bagyong choosy. Kung supporters niya ang mga residente sa isang lugar, ligtas sila. Kung hindi, babagyuhin niya.

Typhoon Bong
Matagal na palang nananalanta ang bagyong ito bago na-detect ng PAGASA. Nabawasan ang kanyang biktima nang maisapubliko ang kanyang bagsik.

Typhoon Pacquiao
“Jeremiah 23:19 Narito, ang bagyo ng Panginoon, ang kaniyang kapusukan ay lumabas, oo, ipu-ipong bagyo: babagsak sa ulo ng masama.” You know.

Typhoon Gigi
Malakas na ulan ang kanyang dala. Luha nang luha ang pucha. Ang drama! May kakabit na bagyo si Typhoon Gigi. Mas malakas sila kung magsasanib-puwersa.

Typhoon Mar
Habang tumatagal, pahina nang pahina ang bagyong ito. Nawawala na sa radar.

Typhoon Abad
Hindi kalakasan pero hindi rin gumagalaw sa puwesto; nananatili lamang siya sa gitna.

And finally…
Typhoon Jinggoy
Walang masyadong ulan pero ubod ng lakas ang hangin.

Dear Mother Nature,
Stop sending us destructive typhoons. We already have our politicians.
Love,
Filipinos

1IMImpeachment
On Monday, the Lower House accepted an impeachment complaint filed against President Aquino. Archbishop emeritus Oscar Cruz signed the complaint saying he cannot allow the misuse and abuse of taxes he didn’t pay.

Frontrunner
According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, if presidential elections were held today, 4 of 10 will definitely vote for Jejomar Binay. Those four were Bong, Jinggoy, Enrile and Erap.

Graphic
President Aquino has signed the Graphic Health Warnings Law. To raise awareness on the ill-effects of smoking, the legislative measure requires tobacco companies to put the President’s photo on cigarette packs.

1INC
INC Centennial
The influential religious sect Iglesia ni Cristo kicked off its centennial celebration on Monday, July 21. The event was held at the sprawling, newly-inaugurated tithely-packed Philippine Arena.

In his address at the INC centennial event, President Aquino said, it’s our duty to love one another instead of “propagating misunderstanding.” His speech was titled, “Note to Self.”

At the Iglesia ni Cristo gathering on Monday in Bulacan, several politicians were spotted. I’m not sure about the exact number but it’s close to 2016.
——————————————————————————————-
“LIFE isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass,it’s about learning to DANCE in the rain.”
~Vivian Greene

Sound Bites
“For the past 100 years, itinuturo po ng aming simbahan ang kusang pagkakaloob. Ito naman po ay walang pilitan. Kung anuman ang aming nakalap ay nagagamit lamang para sa mga pangangailangan ng simbahan.”
~Bro. Edwin Zabala, INC spokesperson

Poll Results
Matapos marinig ang paliwanag ni Pangulong Aquino ukol sa DAP, alin ang mas matimbang sa ‘yo?

-Desisyon ng Korte Suprema 69.44%
-Paliwanag ng Pangulo 21.03%
-Hindi ko alam ang isyu. Magbabasa muna ako. 9.52%

Stay safe!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: UNTv Web, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Malacañang]








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