FILTHY, RICH

The Ampatuans
Military authorities say the Ampatuan family whose members are working in government as governors, vice governors, mayors, vice mayors, etc. probably owns as many as 23 houses in Maguindanao, Davao City and Metro Manila, including several mansions. Now we know why they call it “internal” revenue allotment.

Reports say Andal Ampatuan Sr. and his children probably own as many as 23 houses in Maguindanao, Davao City, and Metro Manila. The only other Filipino who’s got more is Manny Villar.

The Ampatuans II
According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, in one Ampatuan compound alone, soldiers found a Hummer, a Toyota Land Cruiser, a Chevrolet Suburban, a GMC truck, two Toyota Hi-Lux pick-ups, a Ford F150, an Isuzu D-Max pick-up, a Toyota Hi-Ace van and two military trucks. A separate raid on Andal Ampatuan Jr.’s compound yielded nine funeral cars.

In one Ampatuan compound alone, soldiers discovered a Hummer, a Toyota Land Cruiser, a Chevrolet Suburban, a GMC truck, two Toyota Hi-Lux pick-ups, a Ford F150, an Isuzu D-Max pick-up, a Toyota Hi-Ace van and two military trucks… fueling speculations that a member of the influential family actually works at the Bureau of Customs.

Most Searched
According to Yahoo! Philippines, Manny Pacquiao is the most searched Filipino online in 2009 followed by former president Corazon Aquino. Offline, the most searched were the Ampatuans of Maguindanao.

According to Yahoo! Philippines, Manny Pacquiao is the most searched Filipino online in 2009. Unfortunately for Noynoy Aquino, despite the death of his mother, he didn’t make the Top 5 this time.

Routine Checkup
President Arroyo checked into St. Luke’s Medical Center Friday night for a routine checkup. The president’s medical bulletin is expected to be released Sunday unless of course PhilStar’s Jarius Bondoc writes about it in advance.

CNN Hero Robbed?
A 52-year-old woman was nabbed after snatching from CNN Hero Efren Peñaflorida a pouch containing his “kikay kit” as he was about to board a car in front of NAIA Terminal 2 last Friday. The suspect denied that she tried to steal Efren’s hygiene kit but admitted that she’s been dying to have his “Ako Mismo” dog tag.

Bro. Eddie and Corruption
If elected president, Jesus Is Lord leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva vows to do one thing in the first six months to one year of his term – eradicate corruption in government… or in Biblical parlance, to perform a miracle.

The Nobel Peace Prize
The good news is US President Barack Obama has accepted the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, Norway the other day. The bad news is, he lost the award two days later after the Commission on Elections declared a new winner.
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“I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there, it’s so petty.”
~Imelda Marcos

ISANG LINGGONG PAGHIBIK

The Commission on Elections’ recent ruling against Isabela Governor Grace Padaca and “Ang Ladlad” inspired this parody of an Imelda Papin hit.

Before start singing, click here for musical accompaniment.

Lunes…
”Ang Ladlad” ay ibinasura.

Martes…
Natanggal si Jonjon Mendoza.

Miyerkules…
Na-unseat si Grace Padaca.

Huwebes…
Among Ed? Next na ba siya?

Biyernes
Ay puno ng pakiramdaman
Si Jesse Robredo ay sadyang nahintakutan

Sabado
’Tinuloy kanilang pagbibilang
At pagsapit ng Linggo sino kayang mapupuruhan?

Refrain:
O kay lupit naman ng Comelec
Ruling nito ay sadyang kay bagsik
Natulog kaming pwesto ang kapiling
Ngunit wala na nang kami’y gumising

O kay lupit, Nicodemo Ferrer
Kung umasta para kang si Hitler
Ang ruling mo’y sadya ngang kay saklap
Sa isang iglap lang, tanggal na ang lahat!

Have a great week ahead!

Survey Says
On the martial law that was imposed in Maguindanao, your take:
DAPAT LANG! 67%
MALING-MALI! 23%
I DON’T KNOW. I’M STILL THINKING. 10%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

MOTIVES

Mar & Noy
In a radio interview Saturday (August 29), presidential aspirant Mar Roxas said he is now willing to slide down to the VP race if his best friend, Noynoy Aquino decides to seek the presidency. In making that statement, Roxas hopes to solidify their friendship, cement party unity, and boost his ranking in the next presidential survey.

Mar & Noy II
Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, who previously insisted that he wouldn’t slide down to the VP race has just announced on radio that he would give way to Noynoy Aquino if the latter decides to run for president. Mar’s latest pronouncement was hailed by everyone in the Roxas household… except for Korina Sanchez.

In the News: Mar Roxas at Noynoy Aquino, mag-uusap na!
Bad News: Live! Sa The Buzz!

In the News: Para sa kaibigang si Noynoy, Mar Roxas handang magparaya!
Bad News: Sa isang kondisyon: siya ang First Lady!

Party Wants Noynoy
The Aksyon Demokratiko party of former presidential candidate Raul Roco+ has formally endorsed Noynoy Aquino as its standard-bearer for the 2010 elections. Noynoy is reportedly enthralled by the support of Aksyon Demokratiko… mainly because her Mommy Cory and the said party have something in common – they’re dead.

In the News: Mga miyembro ng Aksyon Demokratiko, suportado si Noynoy Aquino
Bad News: Aksyon Demokratiko, iisa ang miyembro

GMA & Noli
Short of anointing Vice President Noli De Castro, President Arroyo, in a statement released Friday said she regards Kabayan “as a leader imbued with decency, capability, dedication to public service and genuine sensitivity for the Filipino masses that will make him a good President.” The Inquirer said the message was sent to the vice president through text message. And if rumors were to be believed, De Castro had a very prompt, very short, and very honest reply: “Madam President… what’s ‘imbued’?”

GMA’s Trips
Malacañang is now mum on President Arroyo’s upcoming foreign trips but the Department of Foreign Affairs says she may be in Libya as early as tomorrow, August 31. To avert another potential scandal, an advance party has been sent to Tripoli to scout for a carinderia.

In the News: Pangulong Arroyo, patungong New York at Libya
Bad News: Palasyo, naghahanap ng manlilibreng kongresista

RP’s Richest
Forbes Magazine reported that presidential aspirant Manuel Villar is the ninth richest Filipino today. He would have ranked a notch higher if the Comelec imposed a ban on premature political advertisements.

Elsewhere…
Albay Governor Joey “She’ a lucky bitch” Salceda strikes again. Check out this column.

An Inquirer letter-sender shares his views on Mar Roxas’ political advertisements. Read the letter here.

Briefly Noted
Have you heard the radio (political) ad of Joey “Back Off” De Venecia? It goes:

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Natigil natin ang anomalya ng ZTE. Napigil ang kurakot.”

Pero ang bwelta ng pamahalaan kay Joey napakalupit.

“Ang buhay ko, laging may banta. Hanapbuhay, inipit. Kanegosyo, tinakot. Pero lahat ‘to kaya kong tiisin makasama ko lang kayo sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Palabra de honor. Delicadeza. De Venecia.

Oh, come on Joey! All of sudden you wanted to be “with” us?! That’s a lot of bull! You’re just as rotten as those guys who were involved in the scandalous ZTE-NBN deal so drop that shitty impression that you’re some sort of a hero because you’re not. And please, stop using the people for your own selfish ends. Who do you think we are… Jarius Bondoc?!?

A more believable JDV III radio ad…

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Nawalan ako ng kontrata. Natigil ang pasok sa akin ng pera.”

Napagtanto ni Joey, mahirap pala kapag ‘di na House Speaker ang kanyang Daddy.

“Kompanya ko, sa bidding… natatalo. Hanapbuhay ko, apektado. Umaatras na rin ang ilang kasosyo. Pero lahat nang ‘to kaya kong lampasan dahil may papasukin na akong bagong negosyo – kayo! Tatakbo ako sa senado upang makasama ko ang mga tao sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Pork Barrel. Droga. De Venecia.
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“The public may be willing to forgive us for mistakes in judgment but it will not forgive us for mistakes in motive.”
~Robert W. Haack

Survey Says…
Who has a better chance of winning the presidency?
Noynoy Aquino: 42%
Mar Roxas: 7%
Neither. Iba na lang.: 51%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

DIVINE DIVO

Bro. Mike Velarde
Last Thursday in Parañaque City, President Arroyo inaugurated the sprawling one billion-peso El Shaddai International House of Prayer… Or as Bro. Mike Velarde would call it, “My future Malacañang.”

Bro. Eddie Villanueva
Jesus is Lord leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva has officially declared his bid for the presidency. In case he wins, he vows to construct an even bigger and costlier house of prayer.

Presidential Hopefuls
Evangelist Mike Velarde wants to be president. Pastor Eddie Villanueva is running for president. And Catholic priest Eddie Panlilio hopes to become president. Has God become this power hungry?

Mar’s Plans
Insisting that he will not slide to the VP race, Sen. Mar Roxas says there is no turning back for him… unless Noynoy Aquino reimburses the millions he spent for those torturous and cringe-inducing political ads.

Mar’s Plans II
Sen. Mar Roxas says he wants Sen. Noynoy Aquino to be his running mate in 2010. If both candidates win, Korina Sanchez will become the country’s First Lady and ex-Second Lady at the same time.

Cory’s Monument
Sen. Noynoy Aquino rejected President Arroyo’s offer to construct a monument in honor of former president Cory Aquino at Luneta Park. Hurt by the rejection, Mrs. Arroyo has offered to build a monument at Luneta Park in honor of Carlo J. Caparas instead.

Carlo J’s New Film
Controversial National Artist awardee Carlo J. Caparas is reportedly planning to produce a movie about Edsa People Power 1. But several sectors are opposed to the idea because Carlo J’s story includes the massacre of half of the Edsa crowd.

Top 5 Predicted Titles of Carlo J. Caparas’ Planned Movie on Edsa People Power I

No. 5: People Power 1: Tanks, Cannons, and Guns… God, Why Me?

No. 4: The Untold Story of Edsa: Lord… I Told You!

No. 3: EDSA ONE: Hayan na ang mga Tangke ni Marcos Kaya Lord, Deliver Us from Evil, Please Lang… Save Us, Help Us, ‘Til Death Do Us Part, Txt txt na lang mga Friendship (Part 1)

No. 2: Ang Edsa At Si Cory Aquino: I Want Nobody, Nobody But You! I Want Nobody, Nobody But You!

And the No. 1 predicted title for Carlo J. Caparas’ planned movie about Edsa People Power I…

Rebolusyon sa Edsa: Ang Pakikipagsapalaran nina Totoy Bato, Gagambino, Joaquin Bordado, Bakekang, at Tasya Fantasya sa Ngalan ng Demokrasya

Marcos’ Burial
Reports say Imelda Marcos has reiterated her long-time desire to have a state funeral for her husband, Ferdinand Marcos. For the benefit of the readers of this blog who are too young to understand and remember, Ferdinand Marcos is a former president of this country who currently holds the distinction of being the world’s largest scented candle.

Rat-Eating Plant
This item has been all over the news for two weeks now. An international team of botanists recently discovered the world’s second largest species of rat-eating pitcher plants at the summit of Mount Victoria in Palawan. Meanwhile, a team of international zoologists are on their way to Quezon City to verify reports of a building that houses law-making crocodiles in the area.

Miss Universe 2009
A Venezuelan lass won this year’s Miss Universe title making it two years in a row for President Hugo Chavez’s beauty pageant-obsessed, petroleum-rich country. RP’s bet, Pamela Bianca Manalo failed to make the cut. Tomorrow’s tabloid headline: “Manalo, natalo!”
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“Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions.”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Elsewhere…
Philippine Star columnist William Esposo on the decision of the Liberal Party to field Mar Roxas for president

Philippine Daily Inquirer‘s Conrad De Quiros is for Noynoy too!

Survey Says
Sen. Manny Villar is open to the idea of Willie Revillame running for senator. Your reaction:
What the f*ck was Villar thinking?!?: 91%
Why not!? He has a huge following.: 6%
Wala akong pakialam sa pulitika: 3%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.