HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Christmas Tidbits
Malacañang’s Christmas party last week was supposed to be exclusive to Cabinet officials. Confusion ensued however when Executive Secretary Paquito Ochoa’s guest list inadvertently included some Communists and Sen. Gringo Honasan.

President Aquino was a no-show at the Presidential Communications Group-sponsored party. Secretary Ricky Carandang said the President was sent an invitation that apparently didn’t reach him. But Secretary Herminio Coloma believed the group actually forgot to send him one. Palace spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda explained, “At the end of the day, whether an invitation was sent or not, it’s still the thought that counts.”

Even without President Aquino, the Presidential Communications Group’s Christmas party pushed through. In fact, Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang had a blast during the event. Nagpa-raffle kasi ng pogi.

The Department of Interior and Local Government also sponsored a Christmas party. But there was this brief tense moment when a Christmas light bulb exploded and injured a guest from Hong Kong. Local Government Sec. Jesse Robredo couldn’t really explain how it happened saying it was Interior Undersecretary Rico E. Puno who was in-charge of the Christmas decors.

Undersecretary Rico E. Puno had the most number of guests during the DILG party. Asked who his visitors were a day later, he couldn’t remember anyone of them.

The Christmas party of the Commission on Human Rights started late, by at least an hour to be specific. CHR Commissioner Coco Quisumbing refused to start the program unless CHR employees followed her preferred seating arrangement.

The justices of the Supreme Court had so much fun during their own Christmas party. Divided into two groups, the justices performed two production numbers… which, as discovered by UP professors later, were copied from ‘ASAP’ and ‘Party Pilipinas.’

The Department of Tourism’s Christmas party was the most colorful of them all. Rumors say the DOT spent 5 million pesos! And that’s for the backdrop of the stage alone.

Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson spent his Christmas in Hong Kong because the judge hearing his drug case did not allow him to spend it here in the Philippines. Despite his sad fate, Singson remained in “high” spirits.

In Times Street, the Aquinos tried but failed to reenact the Nativity Scene… when Kris Aquino, who played the role of Mary, tried to divorce the man who played Joseph for psychological incapacity.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
—————————–
“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”
~Erma Bombeck

PERSONAL:Christmas Collision
Sino ang hindi dapat kasama sa larawang ito?

Siyempre, dapat wala d’yan ‘yong iyaking self-proclaimed king ng Heat!
Let’s go Lakers! #beattheheat
December 26, 8AM

Enjoy the rest of your vacation!

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[Photo template courtesy of Office Max' Elf Yourself]

A Conversation with the President: Exclusive!

On Thursday, September 9, 2010, President Noynoy Aquino answered questions from a panel of news anchors representing the country’s three biggest networks: Mel Tiangco for GMA 7, Ted Failon for ABS-CBN, and Paolo Bediones for TV5.

After the no holds barred interview, The Professional Heckler requested for an exclusive, more honest, one-on-one “follow up” conversation with the Chief Executive. Here are some unedited excerpts:

The Professional Heckler (TPH): Mahal na Pangulo, magandang hapon po.
President Noynoy Aquino (PNA): Magandang hapon naman. Sino ka nga ulit? Pasensya na, hindi kasi sure ‘yong aide ko kung sino ka at para saan ang panayam na ito.
TPH: Gano’n po ba? Talagang consistent ang aide na ‘yan ah.
PNA: May sinasabi ka?
TPH: Wala po. Ang sabi ko po, isa akong blogger at pinayagan ako ng head ng Communications Group n’yo na makausap kayo nang one-on-one.
PNA: Talaga? Sino sa kanila? Tatlo ‘yon eh.
TPH: ‘Yon pong taga-Balay Group.
PNA: Ah si Attorney Lacierda!
TPH: Hindi po. ‘Yong dating broadcaster na nakaka-tweet ko bago siya nabigyan ng puwesto sa gobyerno.
PNA: Ahhhhhhhh, okay. Bakit? Hindi na ba siya nagtu-tweet ngayon?
TPH: ‘Pansin ko lang po, hindi na masyado. Pero minsan, nagdi-direct message na lang sa Twitter. Parang careful na po yata.
PNA: I see. Sige, basta bilisan na lang natin huh. You have 10 minutes. May pupuntahan pa ko eh.

TPH: Unang isyu po mahal na Pangulo: kanina, tinanong kayo kung may paksyon-paksyon sa gabinete. Ang sabi n’yo wala. Ang tanong ko po: sino ang nag-advise sa inyo na ganyan ang isagot n’yo: ang Balay Group o ang Samar Group?
PNA: Actually pareho, este, I mean… wala. Wala ngang paksyon ‘di ba? So walang nag-advise sa akin.
TPH: Pero iba po ang nakikita namin. Halimbawa, dalawa ang head ng inyong Communications Group. Coloma sa kanan, Carandang sa kaliwa. May Lacierda pa sa gitna. ‘Tapos, minsan magkakaiba ang kanilang sinasabi. Ang DILG naman, tila hinati sa DI at sa LG… may Robredo sa taas, may Puno sa baba. Hindi po ba magulo?!
PNA: Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan dahil hindi ikaw ang nasa puwesto! ‘Di ba nga may kasabihan tayo, “Many hands make light work.”
TPH: Pero mahal na Pangulo, “Too many cooks spoil the broth.”
PNA: Hindi rin eh. Kasi nga, “Two heads are better than one.”
TPH: Ok, fine! So, whose heads will roll?
PNA: Ba’t naman napunta do’n ang usapan?
TPH: Kasi ‘yon po ang ugat ng isyu eh – ang kapalpakan sa hostage crisis. So sinong sisibakin n’yo?
PNA: Masyado ka namang atat. Siguro ‘Edcel’ ang pangalan mo!? O baka naman ‘Lagman’ ang iyong apelyido!? Hintayin muna natin ang final report ni Secretary De Lima.

TPH: Kanina po sa panel interview, you categorically stated na hindi n’yo na iniintindi kung mataas o mababa man ang trust rating o tiwala sa inyo ng publiko. Ang tanong: ‘Di nga?!?
PNA: Huh?
TPH: Ire-rephrase ko po ang tanong: noong panahon ng kampanya, halos ibandera n’yo ang resulta ng bawat survey partikular ang mataas n’yong trust rating. Pero ngayon, sabi n’yo hindi n’yo na gaanong iniintindi ang mga surveys. Sino po ang nagturo sa inyo na maging ipokrito?
PNA: Ilang minuto nga ang interview na ito?
TPH: Sige po. ‘Wag n’yo na lang sagutin.

TPH: Pangatlong isyu po. Sabi n’yo, wala ni isa man sa miyembro ng inyong gabinete ang na-appoint bilang pagtanaw ng utang na loob sa kanilang naging ambag sa inyong kandidatura. Ang tanong: Owws?
PNA: Off the record puwede?
TPH: Sige po.
PNA: Do you really expect me to admit on live television na nagbabayad-utang ako sa ilang cabinet appointees? Konting common sense naman ‘tol. Kahit naman yata sinong presidente ang tanungin mo, hindi aamin! Pero, siyempre factor ‘yon. In all fairness though to my cabinet appointees, highly qualified silang lahat.

TPH: How will you describe Secretary Jesse Robredo in one word?
PNA: Puwedeng four?
TPH: Three!
PNA: Sige. Ramon Magsaysay Awardee.
TPH: Sobrang safe naman ng answer n’yo. In hindsight po ba, would you have appointed Vice President Binay as DILG chief instead of him?
PNA: Off the record ulit puwede?
TPH: Sure!
PNA: Matagal na panahon kong pinag-isipan ang bagay na ‘yan. Naipit ako sa dalawang nag-uumpugang bato eh. ‘Yung sinasabi mong Balay group, mapilit para kay Robredo. Siyempre, popular, awardee. Pero ‘yong kabilang kampo, nangungulit rin. So para everybody happy, nag-suggest ako: ang local government, kay Robredo; ang kapulisan, kay Puno.
TPH: Eh biglang nagka-hostage crisis…
PNA: Eh biglang nagka-hostage crisis… off the record please! Ayun! Na-obvious tuloy ang hatian ng puwesto! ‘Pag mamalasin ka nga naman, oo! Hayyy!

TPH: Pag-usapan naman natin ang inyong Little President. Ang tanong ko po mahal na Pangulo: meron ba?
PNA: What do you mean? Siyempre, meron! Andiyan lang siya. To be fair, I’ve known Jojo Ochoa since our Ateneo days. Tahimik na tao talaga ‘yan! Maingay lang ‘yan kapag nakakainom.
TPH: ‘Yon po sana ang gusto kong itanong. Dalawang beses na kasing lumalabas sa Newsbreak ang isyu ng pagiging lasenggo ng Executive Secretary n’yo. Ang latest, nakita raw siya sa lobby ng isang hotel na nakasalampak dahil sa kalasingan.
PNA: Nakasalampak?!? That’s absolutely baseless! To be fair, I’ve known Jojo Ochoa since our Ateneo days. Kahit lasing na lasing ‘yan, maayos na umuupo ‘yan! Kaya ‘yong balitang nakasalampak siya? I seriously doubt it!
TPH: Pero inaamin n’yo pong umiinom siya?
PNA: To be fair, I’ve known Jojo Ochoa since our Ateneo days. Kung umiinom man siya, occasionally. Nagkataon lang na sunud-sunod ang okasyon lately. Kaya ‘yon, sunud-sunod rin siguro ang inom.

TPH: Sa inyong panel interview kanina, tinanong kayo about former PAGASA Chief Prisco Nilo at napansin kong tila malaki ang galit n’yo sa kanya. In fact, sinabi n’yong may “propaganda arm” si Dr. Nilo. Apparently, nasa kanya ang simpatya ng media at publiko ngayon. Ang tanong ko po: kung nananalo ang “propaganda arm” ni Prisco Nilo laban sa “propaganda arm” ng mga taong nagsulsol sa inyo upang sibakin siya, why not?
PNA: Gusto ko lang linawin okay, wala akong galit sa puny3+@*%ang$3* Prisco Nilo na yan%#%12^@@% okay? And to be fair, I’ve known Jojo Ochoa since our Ateneo days. Kahit bayaw niya ang DOST secretary, hindi siya ang nagsulsol upang palitan si Prisco Nilo! Palpak lang talaga ang forecast niya! Ni hindi nga niya na-forecast na masisibak siya sa puwesto ‘no! Basta, palpak siya! At inuulit ko: wala akong galit %#@$0)^ sa kanya%#@^9)!

TPH: Ang puso n’yo! Easy lang po mahal na Pangulo, okay? Heto na lang ang mas light na question. Kayo po ba ni Councilor Shalani Soledad ay nag-date na sa Emerald Garden Restaurant?
PNA: You make me blush.
TPH: Hahaha! Seryosong tanong po ‘yan.
PNA: Hmmm, siguro four to five times na. In fact, some of the most memorable moments namin together, nangyari sa Emerald.
TPH: But after the August 23 hostage crisis, sa tingin n’yo babalik pa kayo roon?
PNA: Oo naman!
TPH: You mean, magdi-date pa rin kayo ni Shalani sa Emerald kahit may masamang memories ng naganap na hostage?
PNA: Yeah! Because, I’m a hostage of love.
TPH: Awwwr!

TPH: Alam po ng lahat na mahusay kayo sa paghawak ng baril. Puwede ho bang malaman kung kailan kayo huling nagpaputok?
PNA: You make me blush again.
TPH: Seryoso po ‘yong tanong ko.
PNA: Hmmm, last Saturday lang.
TPH: Gaano ba kayo kadalas magpaputok?
PNA: Kada Sabado.
TPH: Enjoy ba kayo?
PNA: ‘Yon nga lang ang libangan natin eh. Siyempre, kahit papa’ano, nakakalimutan ko ang aking mga problema.

PNA: Puwede bang two to three questions na lang? Mali-late na ‘ko eh.
TPH: Sige po! Ayon sa ilang palace insiders na nakausap ni Sandra Aguinaldo ng GMA News, divided raw ang members ng Cabinet n’yo sa desisyong humarap kayo sa isang media panel. Bakit n’yo nga ba naisipan ang nasabing no holds barred interview?
PNA: Off the record… just imagine kung ang haharap sa panel ay ang tatlong spokesman ng palasyo. Sa tingin mo ba magtatagal ang aking gobyerno kapag silang tatlo ang pinagsalita ko? Six years ang termino ko, six years! Hindi 100 days!

TPH: Reaksyon lang po sa impeachment complaint against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez na ayon sa House committee on justice ay “sufficient in form and substance.”
PNA: Iginagalang ko ang separation ng kapangyarihan ng ehekutibo at lehislatibo. Trabaho nila ‘yon; may sinusunod silang proseso, hayaan natin sila. Bilang Pangulo, hindi ako dapat nakikialam. Sanga pala, kung nababasa ito ngayon ng mga miyembro ng House justice committee, I have two words for you: ‘Keep it up!’

TPH: Dumako naman po tayo sa isang maliit na bagay na posibleng ilan lamang ang nakapansin. Bago po naganap ang hostage crisis, ito po ang default pic sa inyong Facebook account…

TPH: Nang magalit ang mga Hong Kong nationals… ito naman ang inyong ginamit na default pic:

TPH: Pero nang bumisita ako kanina, ito na ulit ang aking nakita:

TPH: Pati po ba sa Facebook, may paksyon din?
PNA: Nang-aasar ka?!?
TPH: Ang ibig ko pong sabihin: ang default Facebook photo po ba ninyo ay nakabatay sa inyong mood for the week?
PNA: Alam mo, ayaw ko nang palakihin pa ang isang trivial na bagay. Besides, off the record huh… ni hindi ko nga alam ang password sa Facebook account ko, paano ko mapapalitan ang default pic? Common sense ulit ‘tol!

TPH: Maiba naman po ako, kumusta na po si Kris? Ano pong advice ang ibinibigay n’yo ngayong may pinagdaraanan sila ni James Yap?
PNA: Wala. Sa palagay ko naman, nasa tamang edad na siya para magpasya.
TPH: Pero nasa tamang pag-iisip naman po ba?
PNA: ‘Yan ang magandang tanong! Pero hayaan na natin ang aking kapatid. Ang problema niya… isang lalaki. Ang problema ko… isang bansa! Sa tingin mo, alin ang dapat kong unahin?
TPH: Kereeeek! May tama ka!

TPH: Bago po ako tuluyang magpaalam, may ‘pinapatanong lang po ang isa kong Twitter follower: Bakit daw po sina Mel Tiangco, Ted Failon, at Paolo Bediones ang nagtanong sa inyo? Bakit hindi raw po sina Maria Ressa, Jessica Soho, at Luchi Cruz-Valdez?
PNA: Pati ba naman ‘yan, gagawan n’yo pa ng intriga? That, for me is a non-issue. Kahit sino pa man ang nagtanong, que sina RG Cruz, Mark Salazar o Jove Francisco pa ‘yan, ang mahalaga, malinaw ang aking mga naging sagot at well-represented ang tatlong henerasyon ng mga mamamahayag sa panel.
TPH: Dahil d’yan, Mr. President… may nagteeeeexxxt! “I totally resent that observation! Yours truly, Tita Mel”
PNA: Hahaha! No comment na lang.

TPH: Pahabol pong tanong: malapit na po ang finals ng UAAP. Fearless forecast: Ateneo o La Salle?
PNA: ‘Tinatanong pa ba ‘yan? Siyempre, UP!
TPH: Nang-aasar po kayo?!
PNA: Huh? Bakit? ‘Di ba UAAP cheerdance ang itinatanong mo?
TPH: Basketball po.
PNA: Ahhhh, wala. Bilang Pangulo, dapat nasa gitna ako. Dapat wala akong kinikilingan at wala akong pinapanigan. Sa aking pamahalaan, bawal ang paksyon! Walang paksyon! At hinding-hindi magkakaroon ng paksyon!

(The President’s phone rings…)
PNA: Hello?
Male Voice: Sir, remind ko lang po ‘yong party sa Balay mamaya. Invited daw po kayo.
PNA: Gano’n ba? Pakisabi, mali-late ako. May salu-salo din kasi sa Samar. Naunang nag-invite ‘yon eh. Bye.

TPH: One final question, Mr. President.
PNA: Go ahead!
TPH: Boxers or briefs?
PNA: You make me blush.

End of Interview.
——————-
“A basic tenet of a healthy democracy is open dialogue and transparency.”
~Peter Fenn

Survey Says
Hindi siya kasama sa listahan ng mga opisyales na ipakukumpirma ng palasyo sa Commission on Appointments. Kung ikaw si Sec. Jesse Robredo, ano ang gagawin mo?
- Wala lang! Tuloy ang trabaho. 33.87%
- Bastusan na! I will resign. 59.91%
- Wala akong pakialam! 6.22%

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Personal
UP will probably close its UAAP season with a 0-14 win-loss card on Saturday, September 10. Allow me to share the recent Facebook status of Fighting Maroon Martin Reyes:
“The game on saturday will be played with nothing but heart. It will be for God, my family, friends, teammates, coaches, classmates and most especially for the University of the Philippines. It has been one helluva ride and i would not trade MAROON for any other color…. salamat UP”

Good luck to the UP Pep Squad on Sunday! UP Fight!
2010 UAAP-Samsung Cheerdance Competition (Sunday, September 12): Order of Performance: UE, UST, DLSU, ADMU, FEU, UP, AdU and NU

Enjoy your weekend!

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CHICKEN CROSSING (2010 Edition)

Why did the chicken cross the road? Here’s why according to some prominent people in politics, government, and entertainment:

President Noynoy Aquino: “Nahaharap ang manok sa isang sangandaan. Sa isang banda ay ang tuwid na daan. Sa kabilang banda ay ang baluktot na daan. Sa halip na lakarin ang isa sa mga daan, ang manok ay tumawid na lamang.”

Palace Spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda: “Whether the chicken crossed Times Street or Samar Street, or went straight to the Balay complex in Cubao is irrelevant. What’s important is the chicken has been doing its best for the chicks. This ‘crossing thing’ has been totally blown out of proportion by the media.”

DILG Secretary Jesse Robredo: “That’s a [traffic] police matter. My job is to focus on providing coop for the chicken.”

Communications Group Sec. Herminio Coloma: “Did the chicken cross the road? I seriously doubt it! Otherwise, the traffic enforcer would have noticed!”

Communications Group Sec. Ricky Carandang: “I confirm that the chicken crossed the road. But the traffic enforcer was not informed about it.”

Chief Supt. Rodolfo Magtibay: “Mayor Lim ordered it to cross!”

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim: “Hindi pa kasi nanananghalian. Ayun, tumawid at naghanap ng pagkain. But no, I did not order the chicken to cross the road.”

Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno: “Hindi ko po alam. Nagulat nga rin ako kasi bigla na lang umesquierda!”

ABS-CBN News Head Maria Ressa: “The traffic policeman was not in control. Traffic police should lead. Chicken will follow.”

RMN’s Erwin Tulfo: “Put*ng-i*a kasi! Matigas ang ulo ng tarant*dong manok na ‘yan eh. ‘Buti ‘ka n’yo at ‘di nasagaan ang hay*p na ‘yan!”

GMA 7’s Mel Tiangco: “Mike, nakikita mo ba ang manok d’yan sa kinaroroonan mo? [Chicken appears then crosses the road] Buhay!!! Buhay Mike ang manok! Naku! Mukhang tatawid sa kalsada Mike! Pambihira! Tumawid na nga Mike!”

Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa: “Sayang nga eh! ‘Di ko naabutan. Naghahanap pa naman kami ng pulutan!”

Human Rights Commissioner Coco Quisumbing: “What’s your question again? I can’t hear you! Ano?!? I said I can’t hear you. Hay naku! Tanungin mo na lang ako later sa CR. Tara, ‘don tayo. Kailangan ko pang mag-make up!”

Vice President Jejomar Binay: “Pasensya na. Nagmamadali kasi dahil may meeting pa ng araw na ‘yon.”

Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: “The chicken did what is right, what is best, and so God took care of the rest (of its journey).”

Ilocos Sur Governor Chavit Singson: “Hindi naman talaga dapat tatawid ‘yan eh. So ang duda namin, na-set up lang.”

Former Agriculture Secretary Luis “Cito” Lorenzo: “To testify.”

Nacionalista Party: “According to its psychiatric evaluation report, the chicken was depressed.”

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “Delikado ang daan, dapat lumipad na lang siya. Anyway, sa kaso naman ng manok, flight is not an indication of guilt eh.”

Comelec Commissioner Gregorio Larrazabal: “We’re happy to announce that the chicken crossed the road in an honest, peaceful, and orderly manner.”

Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao: “You know.”

Willie Revillame: “Mamili kayo: ako o ‘yong manok?!?”

Kris Aquino: “To file a motion for the declaration of nullity of its marriage to the cock.”

James Yap: “Lahat ng iyan ay ginagawa ng manok para sa kanyang sisiw.”

Boy Abunda: “Kung ikaw ang naturang manok at bibigyan ka ng pagkakataong magsama ng isang hayop sa pagtawid, anong hayop ang isasama mo at bakit?”

Miss Universe 4th Runner Up Maria Venus Raj: “Thank you sir for that wonderful question. You know what sir, in the chicken’s 22 weeks of existence, I can say that it has got nothing major, major, I mean, crossing-related problem because it is confident. That’s why the chicken made it to the other side. So thank you, thank you so much!”

MWSS Executives: “Is that a bonus question?”
—————————–
“Don’t count your chickens before they cross the road.”
~Anonymous

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Ano ang masasabi n’yo sa umano’y dalawang factions sa pamahalaang Aquino?
- Gawa-gawa lang ng media ‘yan! Hindi totoo ‘yan! 5%
- Walang problema basta’t magtutulungan para sa bayan! 18%
- Nakakasama sa pamamahala! Masamang senyales ‘yan! 77%

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MISCOMMUNICATION

Postscript to a Hostage Crisis
Presidential Communications and Operations Office Secretary Herminio Coloma on Thursday expressed doubt that Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang telephoned President Aquino at the height of the hostage crisis last Monday. But Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office Secretary Ricky Carandang confirmed that Chang did call the President. It turned out though that President Aquino’s aide did not inform him about the call because when he answered the phone and said, “Hello? How may I help you?,” Tsang’s aide replied, “May we talk to President Isko Moreno?”

Secretary Herminio Coloma expressed doubt that Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang called up President Aquino last Monday. But fellow Communications Group Secretary Ricky Carandang said Tsang did call the President. Malacañang has since vowed to fix the communication problem between Hong Kong and Manila… as soon as it has fixed the communication problem between Carandang and Coloma.

Secretary Herminio Coloma said former President Arroyo was also to blame for Monday’s bloody hostage crisis at Quirino Grandstand in Manila. But we’re not sure yet if that’s the official stand of Malacañang until we’ve heard from Secretary Ricky Carandang.

Reports say former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo wrote two letters to the Chinese Prime Minister, and to the Hong Kong chief executive. One was to extend her condolences over the death of Hong Kong nationals in a hostage drama, and the other to defend herself from Herminio Coloma.

In Thursday’s Senate hearing, Manila Police District director on leave Chief Supt. Rodolfo Magtibay revealed that it was Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim who ordered the arrest of SPO2 Gregorio Mendoza, the hostage-taker’s brother. But Lim was quick to deny Magtibay’s claim. Malacañang believes though it was GMA who ordered it.

This just in! A recent survey showed that President Noynoy Aquino is now the most unpopular Philippine president ever… in Hong Kong.

Following Monday’s bungled rescue of hostages, President Aquino has been at the receiving end of slanderous and defamatory Facebook posts, comments, insults, and swear words. The President says it feels like the campaign season once again.

President Aquino has been repeatedly bashed, insulted, lambasted, mocked, and berated by Hong Kong Chinese nationals and fellow Filipinos as well on his Facebook Like Page. The President admits he has never experienced such “below the belt attacks” – since Manny Villar conceded the presidential race.

Last Wednesday, President Aquino started to ban slanderous and defamatory posts, comments, insults, and swear words from his Facebook Like Page – the same thing that his sister Kris has been doing 24/7 since she joined the site.

The President & Tsang
Unauthenticated Tapped Telephone Conversations [Translated in Filipino]

[Phone ringing]
Baby, baby, baby, ooooh
Like baby, baby, baby noooo

Male 1: Hello?
Male 2: Puwede kausap boss ko, boss mo?
Male 1: Sino ka?
Male 2: Ako, aide Donald Tsang, Hong Kong chief executive.
Male 1: Busy ang boss ko.
Male 2: Totoo ba sabi mo? Hindi pwede abala kahit two minute? Sabi mo galit boss ko. Galit Donald Tsang.
Male 1: ‘Di nga puwede eh! May closed-door meeting. Tawag ka na lang ulit.
Male 2: Ikaw bahala. Kayo bahala. Basta ako tawag boss mo. Ikaw, ayaw bigay telepono.
Male 1: Ang kulit mo! Bye na nga!
[End of conversation]

[Phone ringing]
Too much love will kill you
If you can’t make up your mind
Torn between the lover

Male 1: Hello?
Male 2: Puwede kausap boss mo?
Male 1: Sino ‘to?
Male 2: Ako aide Donald Tsang, chief executive Hong Kong
Male 1: Weh?
Male 2: Ako sabi totoo. Donald Tsang akyen boss. Siya gusto kausap presidente Pilipinas.
Male 1: Ikaw ba ‘yong tumawag sa kasama ko kanina?
Male 2: Oo. Siya sama ugali. Ayaw bigay telepono presidente.
Male 1: Naku! Wala pang info ang aming presidente. Wala pa siyang masasabi sa boss mo.
Male 2: Basta bigay mo telepono iyo presidente. Galit na talaga Donald Tsang.
Male 1: Sus! ‘Di ka talaga makaintindi ‘no? Tatawag na lang si presidente sa boss mo. Nasa meeting pa nga kasi siya. Tell Mr. Tsang, relax. Okay?
Male 2: Kayo talaga tigas ulo. Bahala kayo buhay n’yo. Ako bigay na warning. Masama magalit si Tsang. Masama magalit tao Hong Kong! Bye!
[End of conversation]

[Phone ringing]
I want nobody, nobody but you
I want nobody, nobody but you
Nandaru a shiro
Niga animon shiro

Male 1: Ni3 hao3! ?
Male 2: Mr. Tsang, ‘musta na po kayo?
Male 1: Ikaw sino? Bago tenga ko dinig boses mo.
Male 2: Mr. Tsang, si President Noynoy Aquino po ng Pilipinas.
Male 1: Ako galit iyo! Hong Kong galit iyo. Ikaw hindi kausap akin. Ako dalawa beses tawag, ikaw wala sagot kahit isa!

Male 2: Mr. Tsang, humihingi po ako ng paumanhin sa inyo. Kasalanan ko po ang nangyari.
Male 1: Saka bakit iba iba sabi iyo spokesperson. Sabi Coloma, ako hindi tawag. Sabi Carandang ako tawag. Loko-loko tao mo. Loko-loko Coloma na yan. Gawin pa ko sinungaling.
Male 2: Kaya nga po personal na akong tumawag sa inyo para magpaliwanag. Nagkaroon lang po ng miscommunication sa aking Communications Group. Inaayos na namin para hindi na maulit ang ganitong problema.

Male 1: Di ko tanggap iyo rason. Basa ko diyaryo sabi ikaw hindi katok aide mo. Hintay ako telepono. Hintay ako hintay! Tapos na Miss Universe, ako hintay pa rin! Pero aide mo ayaw ikaw katok meeting mo! Ano klase ka Pangulo?
Male 2: ‘Yon nga po. Nagpapakumbaba po ako sa pangyayari. Rest assured, magiging bukas ang linya ng komunikasyon ng Maynila sa anumang concern ninyo diyan sa Hong Kong. Anumang maitutulong namin, iparating n’yo lang po sa inyong kinatawan dito sa Pilipinas!

Male 1: Melon pa ko hindi gusto iyo gawa. Ikaw ngiti. Ikaw smile press con. Ikaw tawa doon crime scene. Hindi gusto tao Hong Kong iyo facial expression.
Male 2: Katulad nga po ng nasabi ko, hindi ko po sinasadya sakaling mapangiti man po ako. Alam ko pong napakasakit ng mga pangyayari kaya pasensya na po sakaling iba ang interpretasyon n’yo sa aking mga ngiti. Wala po akong intensyong makasakit.

Male 1: Tao dito Hong Kong galit iyo pulis, galit iyo rescue team. Sila wala silbi. Sila rescue gamit palakol. Kami duda na iyo pulis, sila tama baril sa amin turista. Ikaw imbestiga mabuti.
Male 2: Pati po ‘yan iniimbestigahan na namin. Kaya nga po merong kinatawan ang Hong Kong Police para masigurong magiging patas ang pagsisiyasat namin.

Male 1: Habang kayo siyasat hostage crisis, kami bawal travel Pilipinas. Ako utos Hong Kong citizens, bawal tourist to Manila. Delikado. Baka hostage ulit.
Male 2: Nauunawaan ko po kayo. Pero inuulit ko po, isolated incident lamang ito. Sanga pala, kailan puwedeng magtungo diyan ang high-level delegation ng aming bansa?
Male 1: Naku! Hindi ko alam sagot diyan. Kayo paalam muna Beijing, China. Kasi Beijing tampo iyo pulis.

Male 2: Ah, sige po. Maghihintay na lang kami. Makikiusap po sana ako sa inyo. Bahala na po kayo sa aming mga kababayan diyan sa Hong Kong.
Male 1: Wala naman sila problema. Meron iba amo Hong Kong, galit pero sila hindi saktan Pinay helper. Pinay helper husay linis. Sila the best. Wag ka alala, protektahan sila Hong Kong government.
Male 2: Maraming, maraming salamat Mr. Tsang. And again, on behalf of the Philippine government, kami ay humihingi ng paumanhin sa nangyaring insidente noong Lunes.
Male 1: Wala problema. Ngayon, bawas na akyen galit iyo.
Male 2: Thank you ho talaga.

Male 1: Isa pa isyu gusto ko tanong iyo. Bakit iyo kongreso adik?
Male 2: Huh?
Male 1: Sabi ko, bakit iyo kongreso dala droga dito amin Hong Kong? Ako refer Ronald Singson.
Male 2: Ahhh, hindi naman po lahat ng kongresista namin ganyan. Tinatalakay na rin po ng House ethics committee ang kaso ni Congressman Singson.
Male 1: Hindi iyan gusto ko sagot mo. Gusto ko sagot mo bakit siya lusot airport security? Talaga ba tanga iyo pulis?
Male 2: Under investigation na rin po ‘yan. Humihingi rin po ako ng paumanhin sa pagkakamali ng aming kinatawan.

Male 1: Bago ko baba telepono, ako may isa ako hiling iyo.
Male 2: Ano po ‘yon?
Male 1: Ako send iyo Facebook request. Ikaw puwede approve?
Male 2: Walang problema Mr. Tsang. Hahaha.
Male 1: O, bakit ikaw tawa na naman. Tao Hong Kong magagalit ulit iyo.
Male 2: Ooops sorry Mr. Tsang. Natuwa lang po ako sa pagiging diplomatic n’yo.
Male 1: Sige, ako dami pa asikaso trabaho. Sabi mo tao mo, sabi mo Coloma, siya isip muna bago salita. Huwag siya sinungaling. Saka sabi mo, usap sila Carandang para hindi iba iba statement. Ikaw sabi iyo pulis sila training. Wag sila tanga-tanga. Oki?
Male 2: Makakarating po Mr. Tsang.

Male 1: Ako meron isa pahabol. Puwede sabi mo thank you para akyen Congresswoman, dati iyo pangulo Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo? Siya send sulat akyen at isa sulat prime minister China. Siya mabait akyen.
Male 2: Ahmmm…
Male 1: Ikaw, wag na isip. Sige, ako galit ulit.
Male 2: Oki. Oki. Hayyyy.
Male 1: Xie xie. Zài jiàn!
[End of conversation]
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“Diplomacy in general does not resolve conflicts. Wars end not due to peace processes, but due to one side giving up.”
~Daniel Pipes

Survey Says
Ano ang assessment mo sa naging partisipasyon ng media sa Manila hostage crisis?
-TAMA LANG. Kailangang ma-inform ang publiko. 7.7%
-PARTLY to blame ang media. Baka nakatulong ang news blackout. 90.7%
-HINDI KO alam ang nangyari. Ano ba? 1.6%

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