NOYNOY vs. BONGBONG

1 03 2011


President Noynoy Aquino and Sen. Bongbong Marcos exchanged potshots last week.

According to Sen. Bongbong Marcos, the Philippines could have been a rich state like Singapore if his father had not been ousted 25 years ago. In another news, a drug test among senators has been proposed.

This just in: There had been an intense and personal exchange of text messages between President Aquino and Senator Bongbong Marcos over the weekend. A reliable source who requested anonymity intercepted the following messages.

BONGBONG: can we tok?
NOYNOY: hu u?
BONGBONG: kapal mo! u deleted my number na?
NOYNOY: kupal ka pala eh. sino k b?
BONGBONG: gago! senator bongbong here.
NOYNOY: tae ka! y wud i have your #?

BONGBONG: di ka ba talaga pwedeng makausap nang matino?
NOYNOY: di tayo close, you know that!
BONGBONG: ulol! we have a lot of things in common, tandaan mo ‘yan.
NOYNOY: magkaiba tayo.

BONGBONG: ‘di ah! pangalan pa lang natin, pareho na! bong-bong! noy-noy!
NOYNOY: tanga! anong pareho dun!? magkaiba ‘yon. ferdinand ka, benigno ako.
BONGBONG: see? kapangalan pa natin ang ating mga ama.
NOYNOY: bobo! junior ka, the third ako. malaki ang difference no’n.

BONGBONG: pati sa mga kapatid natin, may similarity tayo. ‘yong panganay naming si ate IMEE: saksakan nang ‘tigas ng ulo noong dalaga. kapag nagustuhan ang lalaki, nagre-rebelde.
NOYNOY: sira! hindi ganun ang panganay naming si ate ballsy.
BONGBONG: ha-ha-ha! sinong may sabing si ballsy ang tinutukoy ko?
NOYNOY: huwag mong idamay si viel, tahimik ‘yon.
BONGBONG: sige na nga. regards na lang kay kris. joooke!
NOYNOY: namemersonal ka na!
BONGBONG: ikaw ang nagsimula!

NOYNOY: fault ko pa? sino bang sumisira sa diwa ng edsa? singapore your face! I’ve got two words for you: “martial law!”
BONGBONG: ah gano’n? babalikan na naman natin ang nakaraan? do not provoke me!
NOYNOY: really? here’s another: “marcos cronies!”
BONGBONG: pakyu ka! “kamag-anak incorporated!”

NOYNOY: “plaza miranda bombing!”
BONGBONG: “mendiola massacre!” hoy! wala kang alam sa history! si joma sison ang nambomba sa plaza miranda! ‘yon ang nasa libro ni ka jovy salonga!
NOYNOY: ah basta!
BONGBONG: ha-ha-ha naubusan ka na ng bala!

NOYNOY: noong panahon ng tatay mo, walang freedom of the press!
BONGBONG: noong panahon ng nanay mo, walang kuryente!

NOYNOY: marcos billions sa europa!
BONGBONG: whatever! hacienda luisita!
NOYNOY: engot! in five years, ipapamahagi na namin ‘yon!
BONGBONG: i don’t believe you! gawin mo muna!

NOYNOY: wala ka na sa Bagong Lipunan. wake up!
BONGBONG: wala ka na sa poder ng nanay mo, grow up!

NOYNOY: teka nga! bakit ka ba text nang text?
BONGBONG: eh bakit reply ka nang reply?
NOYNOY: ano ba talagang gusto mo?
BONGBONG: simple lang, state funeral and an honorable burial para sa aking tatay sa Libingan ng mga Bayani.

NOYNOY: that’s not for me to decide.
BONGBONG: i’m not surprised.
NOYNOY: what do you mean?
BONGBONG: wushuuu! aminin mo, hindi naman talaga ikaw ang nagde-decide sa government kundi ang mga taong nakapaligid sa ‘yo eh!

NOYNOY: that’s democracy.
BONGBONG: that’s weakness.

NOYNOY: hindi ako diktador!
BONGBONG: oops, i’m sorry mr. symbolic president.
NOYNOY: sumusobra ka na! ang pagiging sobra ang dahilan kung bakit kayo pinalayas ng people power sa edsa. you’re way out of line!

BONGBONG: out of line??? no! we’re so back! isa sa senado, isa sa kamara at isang gobernadora.
NOYNOY: WALANG STATE BURIAL!
BONGBONG: ha-ha-ha, now you’re talking! fine!

NOYNOY: tapusin na natin ‘tong usapang ‘to. stop txting me!
BONGBONG: agad? i’m just warming up.
NOYNOY: maghanap ka ng kausap mo.
BONGBONG: may ipapakilala akong chick. 25 lang. maputi, mahilig sa jazz music.
NOYNOY: huwag mo akong daanin sa babae. sa dami ng problema ng bansa these days, women are the least of my concerns.
BONGBONG: talaga? ok. fine. bye!
NOYNOY: sandali lang!!! chinita ba?
Silence.
(Note: Bongbong Marcos didn’t reply. An aide said, “Na-check operator services po si Sir.”)


The Oscars
The telecast of the 83rd Academy Awards took more than three long hours to finish. Observers say the presentation was slow, or as OFWs in Libya would call it, DFA.

Singson Quits
Reports say jailed lawmaker Ronald Singson has resigned his post as Ilocos Sur representative. Quitting his post was the second most difficult decision he has made in years… next only to quitting drugs.


Killed by the Press
Last Sunday, the Philippine Star’s sister tabloid, Pilipino Star Ngayon headlined the “death” of veteran actor Paquito Diaz. But the actor’s family was quick to clarify that he was still very much alive. Embarrassed and shocked by its own blunder, the tabloid edited the story’s online edition, and wrote: “Paquito Diaz, pumanaw na! (Joooke!)”

Pilipino Star Ngayon or PSN has yet to identify the person who wrote the erroneous story on Paquito Diaz. And journalist Arlyn De La Cruz was like, “Don’t look at me!”
—————-
“The person who really wants to do something finds a way; the other person finds an excuse.”
~Author Unknown

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang sinasabi ng mga tao, hayop o bagay na nasa larawan?
A: “Tweet! Tweet! Dadapo na ako sa pugad ko! Ayun o! Tweet! Tweet! Meron akong malaking itlog sa pugad!”
B: “Teka lang! Huwag mo akong pahiyain, may nakatutok na mga camera! Hindi ako ang istatwa! Ayun si Cardinal Sin, do’n ka!”
C: “Hahaha! Eh kasi naman anak, hindi ako kamukha ni Cardinal Sin! Mas kamukha ko si Cardinal Gaudencio Rosales! Siguro nagkamali ng kinopyahang picture ang iskultor! Aminin!”

Survey Says
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa sentensyang 18 months na imprisonment kay Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson?
- Puwede na ‘yon. Matututo rin ng leksyon ‘yan! 12.35%
- Sus! Ano ‘yon bakasyon? Dapat d’yan mas mabigat na parusa! 79.22%
- Wala akong pakialam! Piolo and KC Forever! 8.44%

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