ROYAL BABIES

25 07 2013

untitled
THE ROYAL BABY’s name has been made public. Can we now go back to discussing the pork barrel scam? Please.

It seems like senators have distanced themselves from the alleged mastermind of the reported P10 billion-peso pork barrel scam – Janet Lim-Napoles. Congressmen and government officials refuse to talk about her. Talk about Royal babying!

PDAF
Despite the reported P10-B pork barrel scam, the government’s proposed national budget for next year still includes some 27 billion pesos in pork barrel funds! Yes, that’s 27 billion pesos! Or as Janet Lim-Napoles would say, “Fabulous!”

Victim?!?
On the reported 10 billion-peso pork barrel scam, lawyer Lorna Kapunan insists that the whistleblower was the mastermind, and that her client, Janet Lim-Napoles is the real victim. And that unicorns are real; Elvis Presley is alive, and Jose Rizal is the father of Adolf Hitler.

1
Rappler Exclusive
Rappler.Com published a photo showing Janet Lim-Napoles in a party with lawmakers like Bong Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada. Sought for reaction, Gus Abelgas said, “Hindi nagsisinungaling ang ebidensya.”

CIDG vs De Lima
Officials of the Criminal Investigation and Detection Group (CIDG) are furious at DOJ Sec. Leila De Lima. This, after the DOJ chief presented two witnesses who testified that the CIDG stole P20M and 80 kilos of shabu from recaptured Chinese drug traffickers. According to the CIDG, the witnesses destroyed the cops’ “reputation.” To which De Lima retorted, “What’s there to destroy?”

Cedula
Sen. Francisco Escudero has filed a bill seeking the abolition of the community tax certificate or cedula. Breaking: Local government officials have drafted a resolution declaring Escudero ‘persona non grata.’

untitledNoynoy and Dionne
Last Tuesday, President Aquino watched the concert of Dionne Warwick at the Big Dome. There was this awkward moment when Warwick announced that she’s dedicating her last song – ‘That’s What’s Friends Are For’ to President Aquino and Customs Commissioner Ruffy Biazon.

Bureau of Corruption
Customs Deputy Commissioner Juan Lorenzo Tañada says it will take at least 12 long years to eradicate corruption in the agency. And he was being optimistic at that.

Deputy Commissioner Juan Lorenzo Tañada says it will take at least 12 years to eradicate corruption in the BOC. In other news, eradicating corruption in Congress will take at least 12 generations.

MMFF 2013
Bong Revilla has pulled out his entry from this year’s Metro Manila Film Festival. I’m stunned. That decision was just remarkable! Thank you Senator!

With Bong Revilla now out of the 2013 MMFF, Laguna Governor ER Ejercito is hoping that the MMDA will choose his film as a replacement. Dear Bong, please reconsider. Thanks.

untitledRoyal Baby
The name of the Royal baby has been announced! It’s George Alexander Louis. Fortune-tellers see a bright future for Prince George. One of them predicted that he’s going to slay a Lannister.

William and Kate have announced the name of their baby boy. It’s George Alexander Louis. Prince George is third in line to the throne. Like Kris Aquino. [Or Bimby maybe.]
———————————-
“Don’t let a thief into your house three times. The first time was enough. The second time was a chance. The third time means you’re stupid.”
~C. JoyBell C.

Elsewhere
Rappler: Administration solons linked to pork barrel scam

Sound Bites
“Hindi po natin magagamot sa loob ng tatlong taon. Honestly po kailangan po ng minimum dalawang termino ng administrasyon. Dalawang pangulo na parehas ang mindset kasi po ang totoo po n’yan matapos ang termino ni PNoy kung hindi katulad ng kay PNoy ay back-to-square one po ang mangyayari.”
~Customs Deputy Commissioner Juan Lorendo Tañada on getting rid of corruption in the BOC

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Philippine Daily Inquirer, People Magazine, Rappler]





FRESH!

25 07 2012


PRESIDENT AQUINO delivered his third State of the Nation Address last Monday, July 23. Getting mostly positive reviews, the President’s speech was reportedly applauded 119 times – or as Niel Tupas and Miro Quimbo would probably tell the media, 345 times.

The President’s speech lasted one and a half hours. It was interrupted 119 times by applause and two times by cough.

Vice President Binay gave President Aquino’s third SONA a rating of 8.5 to 9 out of a possible 10. Senator Lacson gave him an 8.5; Senator Jinggoy, a 9.9 , and both Senator Angara and former President Joseph Etsrada, a 7. With these figures, Malacañang expects a ‘Fresh’ rating from Rotten Tomatoes.

Eastern Samar Representative Ben Evardone described President Aquino’s speech as “a very comprehensive achievement report.” That’s the same description he gave Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s nine SONAs.


The State of the Nation Address also marked the annual gathering of the country’s multimillionaires. That explains the huge sign outside the Batasan Complex last Monday: “Sorry for the inconvenience. Your taxes working for you.”

President Aquino expressed support for the Sin Tax Bill hoping this would help curb vices like alcohol and smoking. Ahm, awkward.

Talking about the justice system, President Aquino said, “If you are guilty, you will be made to pay for your sins, no matter who you are.” And I was like, ‘Ehem, Ronald Llamas.’

The President added, “It is possible for the scales to be set right, and for even the rich and powerful to be held accountable.” Unless your name is Delfin Lee, Ruben Ecleo, or Joel Reyes.


The President also heaped praises on some members of his cabinet. Caught by TV cameras, TESDA Director General Joel Villanueva was all smiles when the President publicly endorsed thanked him.

Reports say the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of Philippines is disappointed at President Aquino for endorsing Responsible Parenthood in his SONA. The CBCP says there is no connection between the problems in education and Responsible Parenthood. Either that, or the CBCP had lost connection with reality.

In his third SONA, President Aquino said, “Nothing is impossible.” That was an interesting quote from someone who actually once made a living as a Nike supervisor.

President Aquino also discussed peace in his SONA. He talked about a terrorist who was neutralized, and the MILF’s renewed “trust” on the government. Unfortunately, there was no mention of any concrete plans to forge peace between Annabelle Rama and Amalia Fuentes.

The title of the President’s speech was “Report Kay Boss.” After citing gains, statistics, and making more promises, he ended it with, “Hindi ko ito SONA. Kayo ang gumawa nito.” If all else fails, he’s off the hook.

In Other News
China has established Sansha City, a new municipality in the South China Sea aimed at strengthening its control over disputed islands. The Department of Foreign Affairs says the Philippine government does not recognize the establishment of Sansha City. To which China said, “O, tapos?”

China’s Sansha City in the South China Sea elected its first mayor on Tuesday, July 24. Xiao Jie won the mayoral race against a starfish, a barracuda, and a seahorse.

Sansha City was established on Yongxing Island some 220 miles away from China’s tropical Hainan Island. A number of Americans are reportedly furious at China for doing that. And Beijing was like, “Helllllo, Hawaii!”
———————————-
“The President is the last person in the world to know what the people really want and think.”
~James A. Garfield

Enjoy the rest of the week! Good luck to the UP Fighting Maroons who are up against the NU Bulldogs tomorrow, July 26.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Personal: A shout-out to Joy and Mr. Tony Redoble of Talisay City in Cebu. Maayong adlaw diha!





REVISIONS

16 07 2012

ACCORDING TO Malacañang, July 23, which is SONA day is a working day. Office workers and students won’t be able to watch President Aquino’s accomplishment report to the nation – which means they’ll probably miss… nothing much.

The CBCP is calling for a “truthful” SONA. These bishops sure know their oxymoron.


Reports say President Aquino’s speech for his third State of the Nation Address has been revised five times. The Ombudsman just filed a plunder case against GMA. So make that six.

The fourth draft of the President’s speech reportedly reached more than 30 pages. And that’s just for GMA and Renato Corona.

Rate Hike
After Meralco’s announcement of a power rate hike, the MWSS said there will be a water rate increase soon. Malacañang is hoping it won’t happen until after the SONA.

Super Slate
Cong. JV Ejercito proposed an alliance between President Aquino’s Liberal Party and Vice President Binay’s United Nationalist Alliance to field a “super senatorial slate” next year. Mar Roxas is not super sold to the idea.

A “super senatorial slate” is being proposed for next year’s senatorial elections. The slate will have supernatural powers. For example, they can turn money into votes.

Lacierda’s Nephew
Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda’s nephew, Ryan Lacierda Uy is seeking a seat in Congress via the party-list elections next year. I didn’t know the Lacierdas were marginalized.

Birthday Boss
Businessman Manny V. Pangilinan turned 66 last Saturday, July 14. A post-birthday bash will be held tomorrow night. Everybody’s excited for the raffle. MVP is giving away iPads, iPhones, and TV5.

In Mexico…
The ruling party which lost in the recently concluded presidential elections refused to accept its defeat and accused the winner of cheating. The winner dismissed the losing party’s allegation as childish, baseless, and very Filipino.

In Hollywood…
Steven Tyler has quit American Idol. But Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe says they’ve already found a replacement judge: Melanie Marquez.

RIP Lola Sela Bungangera
Radio drama guru Eloisa Cruz Canlas a.k.a. Lola Sela Bungangera of DZRH died Sunday morning, July 15. Lola Sela’s wake is open to everyone except for Annabelle Rama.

Breaking: Lola Sela Bungangera is dead. And my friends were like, “Patay na si Annabelle Rama?!!!?”

Rage at the Heritage
Annabelle Rama’s family couldn’t be reached for comment regarding her recent outburst. It turns out that Eddie Gutierrez and his children are all sick. They’re suffering from a rare disease called ‘prolonged embarrassment.’
—————————
“Promises are like babies: easy to make, hard to deliver.”
~Author Unknown

Quotes Quiz. Who tweeted:
“I have resigned as core member of KAYA NATIN! Now, i can be their no.1 fan and critic!”
A: Leah Navarro
B: Harvey Keh
C: Juana Change
D: Grace Padaca

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Answer to Quotes Quiz: C





QUIZTION!

5 08 2011

Quarterly Quiz
Test your knowledge of current events. No Googling please! Don’t cheat. Politicians hate competition. Good luck!

1: “If it’s a fight he wants, a fight he will get.” Sino ang nagbitiw ng linyang ito earlier this week?
A: Sen. Tito Sotto to Sen. Kiko Pangilinan kaugnay ng 2004 election fraud
B: Albay Gov. Joey Salceda to DOST Sec. Graciano Yumul matapos panindigan ng PAGASA na tama ang weather forecast nila sa Albay
C: Twitter War II: Patutsada ni Zambales Rep. Mitos Magsaysay, a staunch-Arroyo ally kay Sec. Ricky Carandang
D: Former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo to Sen. Panfilo Lacson matapos ibunyag ng senador ang umano’y maanomalyang bentahan ng helicopter sa PNP

2: Malacañang defended President Aquino’s recent appointment of Lt. Gen. Gaudencio Pangilinan as new director of the Bureau of Corrections. Si Pangilinan ay nahaharap sa kasong pandarambong o plunder. Ano ang depensa ni palace spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda?
A: “It’s the president’s prerogative to appoint people that he trusts.”
B: “Kung inyong mapapansin, mga miyembro lang naman ng oposisyon ang nag-iingay laban sa appointment ni General Pangilinan.”
C: “He is presumed innocent until proven guilty.”
D: “Eh ‘di magsumbong kayo sa lolo n’yong panot.”

3: Sino ang pinakamataas ng pinuno ng Commission on Higher Education o CHEd?
A: Weh? May CHEd pa pala?!? ‘Di nga?!?
B: Atty. Julito Vitriolo
C: Seryosong tanong ba ‘yan? May CHEd pa ba talaga?
D: Dr. Patricia Licuanan

4: “Kasi tingnan mo o, who will tell me? Who will tell me? Really! Did you guys even tell me? Wala eh. Nobody even stopped. Nobody informed. It’s like people were waiting for somebody to just do that. Bakit ako? ‘Di ba? Dapat i-inform, i-inform! I should have been informed, ‘yun lang ‘yun!” Sino ang nagsabi nito?
A: Malay ko! We don’t have people like that in our school. Go Ateneo! One Big Fight!
B: Ayokong sagutin! Eh kung maakusahan ako ng bullying?
C: I don’t know! Nobody informed me who that is.
D: Isa lang ang masasabi ko. Mananalo ang UP against UST on Sunday! Let’s go UP!

5: Sa kanyang State of the Nation Address, nabanggit ni Pangulong Aquino ang pangalang “Ginang Escasa.” Sino siya?
A: Dating OFW na umuwi, nagnegosyo, at nagtagumpay
B: Dati niyang teacher
C: Dating Pagcor employee turned whistleblower (P1-B coffee)
D: Dati niyang crush na nag-asawa na

6: Kung hahanapin mo ang babaeng nasa larawan, saan mo siya posibleng matagpuan?
A: St. Luke’s Medical Center
B: Office of the Communications Group
C: PCSO Office
D: ABS-CBN Newsroom

7: Kumpletuhin ang tweet ni palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda kamakailan: “_____________ is a liar then, he is a liar now.”
A: Garci
B: Genuino
C: FG
D: Bedol

8: Kababalik lamang ni Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez sa kaniyang bansa matapos itong sumailalim sa chemoteraphy. Where?
A: North Korea
B: Japan
C: Cuba
D: Brazil

9: Sa balitang napamahal ang bili niya sa kanyang bagong property sa Forbes Park, Makati City, ano ang reaksyon ni Cong. Manny Pacquiao?
A. “Ipapagpasa-Diyos ko na lang.”
B: “Kung nalamangan ako, eh di kasalanan ko na nagpalamang ako!”
C: “Intriga lang ‘yan. Hindi totoo ‘yan.”
D: “Pera lang naman ‘yan. Kikitain ko pa rin naman.”

10: Ayon sa 2011 Forbes Billionaires list, sino ang pinakamayamang Pilipino?
A: Lucio Tan
B: John Gokongwei Jr.
C: Jaime Zobel De Ayala
D: Henry Sy

11: Sino sa mga sumusunod ang may misis na former Bb. Pilipinas-Universe?
A: Atty. Koko Pimentel
B: Sen. Migz Zubiri
C: Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV
D: Atty. Edwin Lacierda

12: Kung gusto mong makausap ang lalaki sa larawan, sino ang dapat mong tawagan?
A: Amanda Coling
B: Nora Aunor
C: Charo Santos
D: Vice Ganda
————————————————————————-
“Yes, there are times when something is legitimately not our fault. Blaming others, however, keeps us in a stuck state and is ultimately rough on our own self-esteem.”
- Eric Allenbaugh

Enjoy your weekend!


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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

To the UP Fighting Maroons, good luck on your game against UST on Sunday! UP Fight!





DEAR PROFESSIONAL HECKLER II

28 07 2011

THE LETTERS just keep pouring in. After last week’s post titled “Dear Professional Heckler,” my inbox has been inundated with mails from politicians, government officials, showbiz personalities, civilians, and even inanimate objects. I’m making public my answers to some of the most interesting letters. Enjoy!

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit… pero parang ang luwag-luwag ko. May halaga pa ba ako sa kanya?
Nagtataka,
Neck Brace

Dear Neck Brace,
Batay sa larawan sa taas, mukhang maluwag ka nga. Well, ayoko kitang sulsulan pero feeling ko walang tiwala sa ‘yo ang dating pangulo. Eh kung sakalin mo nga naman siya? ‘Wag ka na lang magreklamo. Ang mahalaga, bayad ka!
Heckler

Dear PAGASA,
Mali na naman ang forecast n’yo for Albay! Buwisit talaga kayo!
Kebs,
Gov. Joey Salceda

Dear Governor,
Wrong send ka!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Oist Joey, huwag mo naman akong ipahiya. Pinuri ko pa naman ang PAGASA sa aking SONA. Puwede naman nating pag-usapan ‘to ah.
Noy

Dear Noy,
Huwag mo ‘kong ma-Joey Joey dahil hindi ako gobernador! Wrong send ka rin. Hmpf!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Everytime na lang na bumabagyo, lagi na lang kaming nababatikos! Kesyo walang ginagawa, tamad, at mabagal kumilos. Wala na ba kaming ginawang tama?
Naiirita,
Commission on Higher Education (CHEd)

Dear CHEd,
Ang problema sa ‘yo… Commission on Hesitant Educators ka! Lubog na ang UST, naghihintay ka pa rin ng Signal No. 3! Umayos ka!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Bakit ba pinalitan pa ang name ng NDCC? Ang hirap kasing ipronounce ng NDRRMC. Sino bang may pakana nito?
Bulol na,
Lito

Dear Lito,
At bakit mo naman pinu-problema ang pronunciation ng N-D-R-R-M-C? Reporter ka ba? Kung may reklamo ka, heto ang Twitter account ng author ng batas @ruffybiazon. Good luck!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Totoo po bang ang bagong director ng Bureau of Corrections na inappoint ng Pangulo ay may kinakaharap na kasong plunder?
Nag-aalala,
Pototoy Bato

Dear Pototoy Bato,
‘Yan ang tuwid na daan. Get used to it!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Pati ba naman kape, iniintriga? Bakit ba ako na lang ang kanilang nakikita? Why?!?
Bad trip,
Mr. Genuino

Dear Mr. Genuino,
Why not?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Pati ba naman kape, iniintriga? Bakit ba ako na lang ang kanilang nakikita? Why?!?
Bad trip,
Mr. Genuino

Dear Mr. Genuino,
Tanga ka ba? Sinagot na kita! ‘Wag kang makulit kung ayaw mong sampahan kita ng kasong plunder!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
As you all know, I will undergo a risky surgery Friday morning. Puwede ba akong humingi ng konting panalangin mula sa iyong readers?
Nagsusumamo,
Madam Gloria

Dear Madam Gloria,
Hindi hawak ng aking mga readers ang iyong kapalaran. Observers lamang sila. Meron kang sariling faith, gamitin mo ito.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Balita ko po ay on maternity leave raw si Mrs. Elena Bautista-Horn. Sino po ba ang spokesperson ngayon ni dating Pangulong Arroyo?
Concerned Citizen,
Lilia

Dear Lilia,
Parang si Congresswoman Mitos Magsaysay. Not sure.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Naniniwala ka ba sa milagro?
We do,
Azkals

Dear Azkals,
Maniniwala lang ako kung mananalo kayo.
Heckler

Deal Plofessional Hecklel,
Akyen dinig SONA iyo plesidente. Sabi n’ya, kapag ikaw tapak Lecto Bank, ikaw tapak na lin Lecto Avenue. Ano ibig sabihin kanya statement?
Sagot ka agad,
Mr. Chinese Ambassador

Dear Mr. Chinese Ambassador,
Ikaw masyado demanding. Ako sagot lamang iyo sulat pag gusto ko sagot. Isa lang ibig sabihin ng amin pangulo. Kayo Intsik, ‘wak kupal! Huwak kayo maghali-halian sa amin isla. Pak kami galit, baka deploy namin BRP Rajah Humabon. Isa lang ‘yon, luma pa, pelo may kalga-kalga ‘yon malaking kanyon. Be aflaid. Be vely aflaid.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Single ka pa ba? Can we have lunch?
Ehem,
Manoling M

Dear Manoling M,
Malaswaaaa!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Seryoso na ‘to. May mali ba sa pag-endorso ko kay Gibô Teodoro sa programa kong Dial M? We are in a democracy. Anong mali do’n?
Imbyerna,
Manoling M

Dear Manoling M,
Hindi ko alam kung nagpapatawa ka o nagpapatawa ka. Kalimutan mo na ang ambisyon mong maging comedy actor. You’re not funny girl!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Walang ipu-ipo. Walang malakas na hangin. Walang sumpa! Mabilis lang ang takbo ng bus na ’yan kaya nahulog.
Maniwala kayo,
Skyway

Dear Skyway,
I know.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Lately ay natsi-tsismis na naman ang aking married life. Ikinakalat ng mga intrigero na hindi raw masaya sa aking piling ang misis kong si Assunta. Ano ang dapat kong gawin?
Confused,
Congressman Jules

Dear Congressman Jules,
Confused ka nga! Ano namang kinalaman ko d’yan eh buhay mo ‘yan! But since nagtanong ka na rin lang, ganito ang puwede mong gawin. Mamayang hatinggabi, humarap ka sa salamin. Hubarin mo ang iyong singsing na may bato, isubo mo ito at sumigaw… ‘Darna!’ Kapag walang nagbago, safe pa ang marriage mo! Congratulations!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Malaki-laki na rin ang nakakalap naming donasyon para sa SUVs ng mahal naming mga obispo. Puwede ka bang mag-donate kahit isang libo?
Pleeeease?
Mayor Atienza

Dear Mayor Atienza,
Get a life!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Totoo bang walang signal ang Globe phones sa loob ng SMART-Araneta Coliseum?!
Forever Globe,
Jaime Augusto and Fernando

Dear Jaime Augusto and Fernando,
Familiar ang names n’yo. Tunog mayaman. Anyway, totoo ‘yan. Ilang beses na akong nanood ng game ng UP sa UAAP. Either delayed ng 45 minutes ang message sa Globe phone or totally walang signal. Sanga pala, totoo ba ang tsismis na magkakaroon ng Globe-Cuneta Astrodome?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Kailan ba talaga ang uwi ni Nora Aunor? Pabagu-bago kasi ang balita.
Inip na,
Aling Milagring

Dear Aling Milagring,
Wala ho akong pakialam ke umuwi siya o hindi. Mas close ako kay Lotlot! Heto ang number ni Kuya Germs. Sa kanya kayo magtanong! 0927.3456.987.
Heckler
———————————————————————————————————–
“Body and soul cannot be separated for purposes of treatment, for they are one and indivisible. Sick minds must be healed as well as sick bodies.”
~C. Jeff Miller

Quote of the Weak
“I would just like to ask for your forgiveness for what I said in that comedy show. It was a comedy show, Dial M by the way.”
~Former PCSO chair Manoling Morato apologizing to Senators Chiz Escudero and TG Guingona whom he labeled as “nagpapa-cute” and “sinungaling” respectively on “Dial M”

You Have Spoken
Ano ang assessment mo sa SONA ni Pangulong Aquino?
Pasado naman. 40.71%
Walang direksyon. 28.57%
Anong bago? 30.71%

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: <Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Happy weekend! Ingat!








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