HERE’S A COMPILATION of some of my favorite items from January to June this year.
January 2012
Feng shui master Joseph Chau declares President Aquino will be lucky in love in the coming Year of the Water Dragon. In other news, another feng shui master predicts Mr. Chau will lose his credibility this year.
According to feng shui master Joseph Chau, President Aquino will be lucky in love this year adding that, “The First Lady is coming out.” To which, Secretary Mar Roxas said, “Don’t look at me.”
A feng shui expert says, in the coming Year of the Water Dragon, President Aquino will be a lucky man ‘romantically’. I wonder at whose expense.
Pacquiao
In an exclusive interview aired on ANC, Manny Pacquiao revealed that he’s a changed man. He didn’t say though if that’s to complement his wife’s changed appearance.
Enrile, Cuevas and Facebook
Senator Enrile is now using Facebook Timeline. You may now view his personal photos taken during the Renaissance.
Facebook Timeline will now be mandatory. Justice Serafin Cuevas is excited to display his posts from as far back as the 18th Century.
February 2012
Liberal Party stalwart and senator-judge Franklin Drilon believes Chief Justice Renato Corona has unexplained wealth. An offended Corona retaliated and accused Drilon of having ‘unexplained health.’
Unfair
Pampanga 3rd District Rep. Aurelio “Dong” Gonzales Jr. has filed House Resolution No. 2140 to appeal to the local TV and movie industry to “minimize, prevent, or stop” depicting congressmen as “villains or crooks” in movies and telenovelas. Simply put, Gonzales is teling movie and TV producers to lie.
Cong. Aurelio “Dong” Gonzales Jr. is appealing to the local TV and movie industry to stop depicting congressmen as crooks. In a related news, a congregation of crocodiles is appealing to the local TV and movie industry to stop depicting them as congressmen.
Singles
According to a study, there are 13 million single females and 16 million single males in the Philippines today. They are further categorized into two: ‘by choice,’ and ‘no choice.’
The Other Woman
Two women are now fighting over Cong. Iggy Arroyo’s remains: Aleli Arroyo, the legal wife, and Grace Ibuna, the live-in partner. Guess who’s going to win it big. Lorna Kapunan.
Grace Lee
President Aquino admits he and Korean Grace Lee are seeing each other. The President believes that Grace is his Seoul mate.
Confirmed! TV and radio host Grace Lee, 29 is officially dating President Noynoy Aquino, 52. Again, dating. Not carbon dating.
Grace Lee was quoted to have said that President Aquino was “brilliant, if not the most intelligent man I’ve met in my life.” Apparently, she had met only a few.
James and Kris
Kris Aquino’s lawyers say the ex-couple’s marital problems were rooted in “personality disorders.” James doesn’t have personality; Kris has disorders.
March 2012
In the Philippines, March is Fire Prevention Month – that time of the year when most fires are not prevented.
Deadly
In Manila, a man was stabbed following a dispute over a popular computer game. And my friend was like, “Holy sh*t, is the President safe?”
“The Hunger Games” tells the story of the rich and the powerful manipulating the poor and the helpless. It’s a huge hit among Filipinos. It’s OUR story.
In Indonesia, an eight-year-old boy smokes more than a pack of cigarettes per day. Observers believe the boy has a good chance of becoming president someday.
The Rich
A GMANewsTV special report found that 98 percent of incumbent congressmen were millionaires. The remaining 2 percent are slowly catching up.
April 2012
Time magazine has named Mount Pinatubo as one of the top 10 fiery volcanoes in recorded human history. At No. 11 was Annabelle Rama.
Hotter Earth
According to the British High Commission’s Southeast Asia Climate Change Network, the earth’s temperature would likely rise by 4 degrees Celsius by the end of the century. To which Senator Enrile and retired Justice Serafin Cuevas said, “That’s the least of our concerns.”
Traffic
CNNGo.Com named Manila as the world’s third worst city for driving. That is totally unfair. Manila should have at least placed second.
May 2012
Sen.Koko Pimentel and wife Jewel May Lobaton have split up. That explains the change in Pimentel’s Facebook status: from “Married” to “Freeedom!”
No to Politics
Reports say former Makati vice mayor and vice presidential candidate Edu Manzano is “strongly against” son Luis’ rumored foray into politics. Kami rin.
Evil
THE PASAY CITY government is monitoring the concert of pop star Lady Gaga amid fears of some groups that she’ll perform “evil” acts. I wonder who is monitoring the day-to-day activities of the Pasay City government.
Former Manila Mayor Lito Atienza says Lady Gaga is known for her offensive racy getups. Somebody must tell Atienza that his forever floral shirts are equally offensive.
The MMDA warned motorists to avoid all roads near the venue of Lady Gaga’s concert. Traffic’s going to be HELL.
Mrs. Villar
Everyone’s talking about the TV ad of Villar Foundation, Inc. The premature campaigning advertisement features former Congresswoman Cynthia Aguilar-Villar, wife of Sen. Manny Villar. The title of the ad is “Walang kadala-dala.”
June 2012
Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda admits, “the President’s humor is dry.” Among other things.
Bi-Noy
Vice President Jejomar Binay was quoted to have said that he didn’t want to compare himself with President Aquino saying, “we’re not comparing apple to apple.” Sige, let’s say apple to duhat. Puwede na ba ‘yon?
Chasing Diapers
Multi-Grammy British pop artist Adele is pregnant with her first child. She is re-writing one of her songs and calling it ‘Rolling in the Crib.’
K to 12
According to a recent Social Weather Stations survey, 65 percent of Filipinos support the K to 12 program of the Department of Education… while 100 percent of Filipinos were wondering what on earth was “K to 12.”
Part-Time
According to the Department of Labor and Employment, more Filipinos are now working “part-time.” Then President Aquino said, “Don’t you give me that look!”
Longevity
According to a new study, children sired by older dads are going to live longer. President Aquino’s future kids are a lucky bunch.
Noy’s Lovelife
President Aquino was reportedly spotted on a dinner with a new girl at Bonifacio High Street in Taguig City recently. Sketchy reports say the new date is either a college student or a banker who is pretty and fair-skinned with suspected Electra complex.
Vice Governor Salvador?
Reports say actor Phillip Salvador will run for vice governor of Bulacan. Observers were shocked at his decision to run and were even more shocked to learn that he was from Bulacan.
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“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.”
~Edward Gibbon
Flashback
The year was 2009. Then Senator Mar Roxas spoke against the “kaaswangan’ that was the proposed measure to amend the charter through Constituent Assembly. I wonder if his wife also keeps a stash of garlic to ward off those “maliliit and maiitim na maligno.”
Enjoy the rest of the week!
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
OIL, FIRE AND GOD
19 03 2012IT’S LENT. It’s that season of penitence and suffering again. Thank you oil companies for reminding us.
President Aquino on Sunday admitted that the government cannot do anything with the soaring oil prices saying it’s beyond his control. Right now, the only thing that he can control is Congress.
A study conducted by the National Statistical Coordination Board showed that men were generally “happier” than women. The same study found that oil companies were the happiest.
March 19: Day 31
For the first time since the Corona impeachment trial started, lead Defense counsel Serafin Cuevas called in sick. Or as the prosecution panel would say, “total relief.”
A GMANewsTV special report found that 98 percent of incumbent congressmen were millionaires. The remaining 2 percent are slowly catching up.
In his 2009 SALN, Quezon 3rd District Representative Danilo Suarez declared at least 11 cars. He’s got more cars than laws passed.
On Sunday, President Aquino called on the graduates of the Philippine Military Academy to join the fight against corruption. Heeding the president’s call, this morning, the new graduates surrounded the Batasang Pambansa complex.
Wanted: Presidential Car
President Aquino revealed Malacañang is scouting for one or two new vehicles to replace the old presidential car. In fact, at this very moment, palace representatives are checking out the cars on display at Congressman Danilo Suarez’s show room.
Smokers
The National Youth Commission reported that 2 out of 5 teenagers tried smoking in 2011. Another study showed 2 out of 5 teenagers identified the President as their role model.
According to 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao, he had been told by God in a dream to retire soon. In the interest of fairness, we will try to get the side of God.
This just in: God confirms conversation with Pacquiao; denies rift with Pastor Apollo Quiboloy
In the Philippines, March is Fire Prevention Month – that time of the year when most fires are not prevented.
Did you hear about the fire that gutted Ever Gotesco Grand Central Mall in Kalookan City? That was one for the books. It lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.
Reports are now saying that the city fire marshal was drunk at the height of the Gotesco Grand Central Mall fire. Fire him!
Floyd Mayweather Jr. is reportedly standing by his racist comments about Asian-American NBA star Jeremy Lin. In totally unrelated news, Mayweather has been offered a hosting job on GMA 7’s ‘Unang Hirit.’
Longevity
According to the World Factbook, Monaco tops the list of places where people live the longest followed by Macau. In third place? The Corona impeachment court.
Quoting lead Defense counsel Serafin Cuevas, President Aquino brushed off a reporter’s question about his lovelife saying it was “immaterial, irrelevant and impertinent.” Initially, the President wanted to quote lead prosecutor Niel Tupas but realized he’d sound stupid if he’d answer, “I submit.”
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“When you let money speak for you, it drowns out anything else you meant to say.”
~Mignon McLaughlin
Quotes of the Day
“Hindi kailangang pansinin. Papaano mo ipapakita sa ayaw tumingin? Paano mo iparirinig sa ayaw makinig? Kung masaya silang ginagawa nila ‘yon, nasa kanila ‘yon. ‘Pag sinasabing wala akong ginagawa, at pangit ang nangyayari, eh ‘di anong conclusion doon? Tinitingnan ba nila, nakikinig ba sila? Eh ‘di kung ganoon, ayaw nila, anong magagawa ko? Basta gagawin ko ang palagay ko ay tama at palagay ko may resulta na nangyayari.”
~President Aquino on the militants’ new form of protest called ‘Noynoying’
“I will not stay long in boxing because He said: ‘You have done enough. You have made yourself famous but this is harmful.”
~Cong. Manny Pacquiao
You Have Spoken
Ano ang masasabi n’yo sa mga naging pahayag ni Arnold Clavio hinggil sa ilang members ng Philippine Azkals?
Totoo naman ang sinabi n’ya eh. 45.56%
Racist! Sexist! Discriminatory! 21.89%
Opinyon niya ‘yon. Igalang natin ang pananaw n’ya. 32.54%
Personal
Happy birthday to one of the regular readers of this blog, Singapore-based Mr. Jimmy Lorenzo. Good health on your birthday sir!
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Tags: arnold clavio racist comments, corona impeachment trial, ever gotesco grand central fire, fire prevention month, manny pacquiao and God, oil price hike, political humor, president aquino and grace lee, SALN cong. danilo suarez
Categories : Hodgepodge