BINAY’S FAVORITE THINGS

21 11 2014

VICE PRESIDENT Binay sings ‘My Favorite Things’ from ‘The Sound of Music.’

Sing along with the veep by clicking this:

Condos and mansions
A horse ranch and chickens
Pig farm with aircon
A huge orchid garden

A car park dubbed as
a world-class building
These are a few of my favorite things

1BKaraoke
Ebeng Baloloy
and Gerry Limlingan
Know all my secrets
But wait, where are they now?!

Toby and Jonvic,
hosannas they sing
These are a few of my favorite things

1BS
Boy scouts, Tiu, APO
Enrile and Erap
Noynoy’s four sisters
And LPs who’ll lipat

Palace and power in 2016
These are a few of my favorite things

1BS

When the news bites
When the probe stings
When I’m feeling mad
I just count my money:
That’s my favorite thing
And then I don’t feel… so bad.

[Repeat from the top]

Pic of the Week
When Bong Revilla and former Makati City Mayor Elenita Binay, both charged with graft, bumped into each other at the Sandiganbayan, ano kaya ang sinabi nila sa isa’t isa?

1BI:
BONG: Ma’am, proud po ako dahil kayo ang kahanay ko. I am in good company.
MRS. BINAY: Ulol! Ikaw lang ‘yan.

II:
BONG: Ma’am, alam n’yo bang naniniwala ako sa kasabihang, “Birds of a feather, flock together?”

MRS. BINAY:

BONG: Jooooooke! Kayo naman ‘di na mabiro!

III:
BONG: Ma’am, may chance pa kaya akong maging runningmate ni Vice?

MRS. BINAY: Bakit? May chance ka bang lumaya bago mag-2016?

BONG:

MRS. BINAY: Jooooke! Akala mo ikaw lang. Hihihi

IV.
BONG: Ma’am, totoo bang sa inyo ang hacienda sa Batangas?

MRS. BINAY: Totoo bang kumita ka kay Napoles?

BONG:

MRS BINAY:

BONG AND MRS. BINAY: Joooooke!!!
—————————————————————————————————
“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”
~Socrates

Sound Bites
“Ipinapaalala ni Pangulong Aquino ang kahalagahan ng paggawad ng katarungan para sa marami pang nakabinbing [isyu] bunsod ng diktadurya, kabilang na ang human rights violations at alleged ill-gotten wealth.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma reacting to Bongbong Marcos’s call for an end to the “feud” between the Marcos and the Aquino families

Enjoy your weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: JMBlicious via Rappler: Binay Karaoke; Trish Roque: Bong and Binay]





WALKERS

18 11 2014

1ebola
AFTER BEING criticized over Ukraine, Russian President Vladimir Putin walked out of the G20 summit, a gathering of the world’s largest economies in Australia. “He has been prejudged by the other leaders,” according to his spokesman Jonvicov Remullev.

After being grilled on the issue of Ukraine occupation, Russian President Vladimir Putin walked out of the G20 summit. Putin was offended when one of the leaders showed a photo of his daughter beside a swimming pool with the caption, “Our place in Kiev, Ukraine.”

Home
According to a recent study, a clean house can lead to ethical behavior. Apparently, both houses of Congress are dirty.

1ebolaHome, Too
The Philippine College of Physicians criticized acting Health Sec. Janette Garin and top AFP officials for visiting without any protective gear and interacting with quarantined Filipino peacekeepers who have just arrived from Ebola-hit Liberia. The peacekeepers couldn’t wait to come home. Garin couldn’t wait to become secretary.

Top health and military officials without any protective gear visited and interacted with more than a hundred quarantined Filipino peacekeepers who have just arrived from Ebola-hit Liberia. The good news is there’s cure for Ebola. The bad news is there’s still no cure for stupidity.

Check-Up
Detained senator Bong Revilla stayed overnight at the St. Luke’s Medical Center in Taguig City for a check-up. Bong underwent a Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) and a Magnetic Resonance Angiography (MRA) of the brain. The doctors found nothing.

Word War
The heated exchange between Tacloban City Mayor Afred Romualdez and rehabilitation czar Panfilo Lacson continues. On Monday, Romualdez renewed his call for Lacson to resign saying, “He keeps complaining.” Oh, hello there pot. I am kettle. Why so black?

1pllComet Landing
For the first time in history, scientists at the European Space Agency successfully landed a washing machine-sized spacecraft on a moving comet. Great. We can land a space probe on a moving comet yet we can’t even make Binay face a probe or a debate.

Scientists successfully landed a spacecraft on a moving comet. Nice! We can make a space craft visit a comet but we can’t even make our own President visit Tacloban.

Last week, humans successfully landed a spacecraft on a comet. Initially, the spacecraft was refused entry because the guards insisted they had to seek permission first from Antonio Tiu.

Scientists at the European Space Agency successfully landed a spacecraft on a moving comet. We would like to send our condolences to Santa Claus who lost one of his reindeer.

Chocolates
Chocolate makers say there’s a looming shortage of chocolates in the world. And the Binay family was like, “O, baka naman pati d’yan, gamitin kaming punchline!”

1womanAlive!
A 91-year-old Polish woman who was pronounced dead by a doctor woke up in a morgue 11 hours later. That was one creepy rehearsal!

Janina Kolkiewicz, a 91-year-old woman who was declared dead by a doctor woke up in a morgue several hours later.  He was discovered by a funeral home employee who asked her, “How are you feeling?” And Janina replied, “I don’t feel any pressure right now. My family is the most important persons in my life.”
———————————————————————–
“Sickness is the vengeance of nature for the violation of her laws.”
~Charles Simmons

Sound Bites
“Hindi nakakahawa ang Ebola ‘pag wala pang sintomas ang pasyente pero kailangan ang maigting na pagbabantay.”
~Acting Health Sec. Janette Garin

“Siguro meron silang mahusay na intention sa pagpunta doon, kaya lang siguro ay nag-ingat sana sila nang kaunti by wearing protective gear para magpakita sila ng ehemplo sa iba?”
~Former health chief Esperanza Cabral reacting to the visit of DOH and AFP officials to Caballo Island

Poll Results
1pll
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: AlJazeera - Putin; AFP – Garin; BeforeItsNews.Com - Comet; WPXI.com – Polish Woman]





PICK-UP LINES AND POLITICS

15 11 2014

Modern Pick-up Lines for Filipinos
Untitled

Sana si Antonio Tiu ka na lang?
Bakit?
I want you to own me.

Elevator ka ba sa Makati City Hall?
Bakit?
Bidder kasi ako. Gusto kong ma-trap inside you.

Untitled
Makati City Hall Parking Building ka ba?
Bakit?
Sobra-sobra ka kasing magmahal!

Si Nancy Binay ka ba?
Bakit?
Kasi… lumalabas ang buwan at mga bituin kapag kasama kita.

Miss, alam mo bang para akong si Senator Trillanes?
Bakit?
Kasi… lagi akong ‘galit.’

Untitled
Si Lito Lapid ka ba?
Bakit?
Kasi… you say it best when you say nothing at all.

Sana si BIR Commissioner Kim Henares ka na lang.
Bakit?
Para lagi kang nakabantay… ‘tapos hahabulin mo ako.

Sana sa MRT na lang tayo nakatira.
Bakit?
Para lagi tayong super close at halos ‘di na mapaghiwalay.

TT(Rated SPG)
Sana si Manny Pacquiao ka na lang.
Bakit?
Para patutumbahin mo ako, tapos magdi-dribble ka at magshu-shoot!

Sana EDSA ka na lang.
Bakit?
Para lagi kang masikip.
Boom!

And finally…
Usufruct

Sana si Vice President Binay ka na lang.
Bakit?
Ay, ‘wag na lang pala. Ayoko na.

Untitled
DESPITE RECENT tensions between China and the Philippines over disputed territories, President Aquino attended the APEC Summit in Beijing. The President says there’s no reason for him to skip the summit in the Chinese capital… unless it changes its name to ‘Tacloban.’

In Beijing, Russian president Vladimir Putin reportedly flirted with Chinese First Lady Peng Liyuan who was seated beside her husband. Putin just gave China a dose of its own medicine: disrespecting boundaries and occupying territories.

1APEC
Russian president Vladimir Putin reportedly flirted with Chinese First Lady Peng Liyuan by grabbing a coat and wrapping it around the First Lady’s shoulders. Before Putin did that, he whispered to President Aquino, “Watch and learn.”

“Open Sources”
Former Iloilo provincial administrator Manuel Mejorada who claimed that the P700-million Iloilo Convention Center was overpriced attended the Senate hearing last Thursday. When grilled by senators, Mejorada admitted that he had no evidence to back his allegation, and revealed that he got the information from “open sources” like Wikipedia, a free-access, free content, and free-to-edit online encyclopedia. Mejorada vowed to return to the Senate with proof. But first, he’ll do some research on BuzzFeed and 9gag.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago who described Manuel Mejorada as “a big dud” said he could be held in contempt “for wasting the time of the Senate.” And Lito Lapid was like, “Harsh!”

Valuable
When asked to name the most valuable book to humanity, 37 percent of respondents in a recent survey answered, “The Bible.” The remaining 63 percent answered, “What’s a book?”
———————————————-
“People almost invariably arrive at their beliefs not on the basis of proof but on the basis of what they find attractive.”
~Blaise Pascal, De l’art de persuader

Sound Bites
“In the 2016 presidential elections, when I am rid of my lung cancer, I intend to claim the presidency I won in 1992.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA News: Tiu; Joseph Vidal/Senate: Mejorada; SpinPh: Pacquiao; YahooPH: Lito Lapid; PDI: Binay]





BINAY VS. TRILLANES: THE FLIPTOP BATTLE (EXCLUSIVE!)

11 11 2014

“Ako ho ang naghamon, wala hong atrasan ito kung ako ho ang tatanungin ninyo. Basta’t magkakaharapan po tayo.”
~Vice President Binay, October 29, 2014

BREAKING: Binay’s promise

On Tuesday at the Marines headquarters, Vice President Binay announced that he has decided to back out of his debate with Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV. After his speech, the birthday celebrator had lunch with Marine officials. There was one tense moment when Binay was served… chicken!

Untitled
Last October 29, Vice President Binay said, “Walang atrasan!” However, on Tuesday at the Philippine Marines headquarters, Binay announced that he was backing out. After his keynote speech, he was served lunch. But Binay didn’t touch his food. He’s already full. He has just eaten his words.

On his 72nd birthday, Vice President Binay announced that he has decided to withdraw from a scheduled debate. And Nancy Binay was like, “I taught him well.”

Usufruct
According to the World Happiness Report, the Philippines is the 8th happiest country in the world. And then Vice President Binay backed out of the debate, and people couldn’t stop laughing. We’re now ranked third.

Unconfirmed reports say the KBP has no plans of cancelling the event… mainly because Antonio Tiu has volunteered to debate on behalf of Vice President Binay.

The Debate: Fliptop Version
What if the debate between Binay and Trillanes pushed through in the form of a fliptop rap battle? Let’s try.

Yo! Oras na para simulan ang asaran.
Binay vs. Trillanes… wala nang atrasan.
When I say, hee-… you say pon.
Ooops, mali! I thought I was Ramon.

Wala sanang mapipikon sa aking mga hirit
Hindi ko naman gustong kayo ay magalit
‘Meron tayong free will,’ sabi nga ni Ms. Zenaida Seva.
Kung ‘di mo trip ang post na ‘to, makaaalis ka na!
Break it down.

Let’s start!

Trillanes:
Madlang pipoooooool… kumusta na kayo?
Sonny Trillanes po… isang hamak na sundalo
Galit sa magnanakaw, kalaban ng maligno
Ang masaktan, guilty; ang pikon ay talo!
Yo!

Binay:
Yo mong mukha mo!

Entrada mo pa lang, nami-mersonal ka na
Pati mga maligno, idinamay mo pa
Ok lang sana kung orig ang ‘yong tira
Pero ‘yang punchline mo, nakaw lang kay Korina!
Boom!

Trillanes:
Basta’t usapang ‘nakaw’ pamilyar kang tunay
Obvious na obvious ka naman, sanay na sanay
Kasi nga, 28 years na ‘yang pamilya mo sa puwesto
Hindi pa tuli ‘yang si Junjun, kumikita na kayo!
Basag!

Binay:
May panyo ka ba d’yan? Papunas naman sa ‘yo
Sayang ang chance kong ‘to, kaharap ko’y santo

Heto ang salamin, tingnan mo ang ‘yong repleksyon
(Pauses, Trillanes looks at himself in the mirror)

Natatandaan mo pa ba ang milyones mong gastos noon?
Ang sabi’y travel expenses habang ika’y nakakulong
Maling-mali si Ate Guy, may himala pa pala ngayon
Paano ka nakapag-travel? Nag-astral projection?
Wasak!

Trillanes:
Teka lang, teka lang, ba’t lumalayo ka
Tuesday pa lang ngayon, tumu-throwback Thursday ka na
Na-explain ko nang lahat ‘yan, ‘wag mo nang ipilit
Pag-usapan na lang kaya natin ang iyong naging kabit?

Binay:
Gago ka ah!
Masyado nang personal ang ‘yong banat at atake
Palibhasa wala kang alam kundi coup d’état at mutiny
Ano bang nangyari no’ng makipag-debate ka kay Enrile
‘Di ba’t nag-walk out ka at umiyak na parang baby?
Uha! Uha!

Trillanes:
Ulol!
‘Wag mo nang ilayo ang usapan sa tunay na isyu
Ikaw ang owner ng hacienda; ‘di kung sinu-sinong chu-Tiu!
That Instagram post of your daughter kinda helped seal your fate
Kung hindi talaga kayo guilty, ba’t kailangang i-deactivate!?
Yari!

Binay:
Shut up!
Taumbayan na ang huhusga at hindi kayong mga taga-Senado
Dakdak kayo nang dakdak, ba’t di kayo magsampa ng kaso?
Ay, oo nga pala, bagsak ang ratings n’yo ni Cayetano
Mas mataas pa nga nang ‘di hamak ang rating ng aming aso
Awooo!

Trillanes:
OA naman no’ng aso! Ano ‘yan, imported Labrador
World-class ba ang dog house ‘tapos may elevator?
Oooops, sorry… did I just hit a nerve?
Wala akong pakialam. That tirade was so deserved!

Binay:
Pakyu!

Trillanes:
Ha-ha-ha
Turo ba ‘yan ni Tiangco?

Binay:
Tama na! That’s enough. Good luck na lang sa 2016
‘Pag ako ang nanalo, saan ka kaya pupulutin?

Trillanes:
Matagal pa ‘yon tanda, marami pang pwedeng maganap
Dito nga lang sa debate, urong agad ang ‘yong bayag!

Binay:
Sitenta’y dos na ako, natural lang na umurong ‘yon. Tanga!
At least ‘di ako tulad ng iba d’yan na asa na lang sa Viagra!

Trillanes:
O sha, sha… tama na. Manahimik ka na!
Magbabasa muna ako ng comments sa social media.

Binay:
Walang sinabi ‘yang social media mo sa mga aktwal na botante sa probinsya
Konting paawa, konting drama… sa akin ang simpatya.

Trillanes:
Asa ka pa!

Binay:
Lalo ka na!

Trillanes:
Nognog!

Binay:
Alam ko.
Gago!

Trillanes:
Magnanakaw!

Binay:
Tarantado.
Asan ang pruweba mo?

Trillanes:
Maghintay ka lamang d’yan.
Marami pang malalaman ang taumbayan.

Binay:
Push mo ‘yan!

Trillanes:
Whatever.
Vice Ganda ikaw ba ‘yan?

Binay:
[Inantok. Napagod. Birthday pa naman. Hindi na sumagot.]

-End-

UsufructHeadlines
Vice President Binay has decided to back out of his scheduled debate with Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV. Here’s that piece of news according to newspaper headlines and Twitter accounts:
Philippine Daily Inquirer: Binay chickens out of debate

Philippine Star: Binay on debate: Ayoko na!

Manila Standard Today: Trillanes bullies Binay after veep backs out of debate

The Daily Tribune: Binay won’t stoop down to Trillanes’s level

The Manila Times: Binay made the right decision – political analyst

The Manila Bulletin: Binay’s birthday wish: good health and better life for Filipinos

@Rapplerdotcom: Binay withdraws from debate, gets flak from netizens

@GMANews: Binay umurong sa debate, ayaw pag-usapan ang “use of rock”

@ABS-CBNNews: Here’s why “#KathNielonGGV” and “#BinayFriedChicken” trended on Twitter

UntitledThe Debate
Hours before Vice President Binay backed out of the highly anticipated face-off, the KBP announced the four topics for the canceled Nov. 27 debate. In case you missed it:

No. 1: If crime does not pay, why are politicians very rich?

No. 2: Bakit walang senador, kongresista, governor o mayor ang umaangal o nagrereklamo kapag tinatawag silang buwaya?

No. 3: Have you stolen even a single centavo from Filipino taxpayers? If not, who are you kidding? Show proof.

No. 4: Kung ang kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan, ipaliwanag ang mga sumusunod na trending topics sa Twitter:
1Trends
————————————————————————————————
“He who cannot put his thoughts on ice should not enter into the heat of dispute.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human

Sound Bites
“Ang dahilan ko, mga kababayan, ay dahil marami na akong naririnig. Na siya ay ganito, ako ay mahusay, ako ay debater, ako ay abogado, eh sobra na ang mga salitang ganyan, na kumpirmadong sinabi niya. Eh ayoko naman pong ‘yong pagkakakila n’yo sa akin, mga kababayan, ay mapang-api, mapagsamantala. Na itong isang tao ito ay alam mo namang kawawa, tanga o whatever, pinagsamantalahan ko. So tama na yun. Ayoko na.”
~Vice President Binay

“”For the sake of the country, sana umatras na siya at itigil na ang panloloko sa taumbayan, at kung magtuloy-tuloy siya dahil alam niyang may kikitain siya sa pagka-presidente, sana makita ng mga kababayan natin ang tunay na pagkatao niya.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV

Poll Results
1BinaySurvey

Break it down. Yo!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Dennis Datu - Binay/Cake; Philippine Daily Inquirer]





OF DEBATES AND ANNIVERSARIES

7 11 2014

Untitled
NOVEMBER 7 marks the first anniversary of Super Typhoon Yolanda. President Aquino and his men visited the areas most severely damaged by the super typhoon. First stop, Malacañang.

It’s been a year since Super Typhoon Yolanda wreaked havoc on Eastern Visayas. Which means, it’s also been a year since Anderson Cooper wreaked havoc on Korina Sanchez’s ego.

UntitledBirthday
Vice President Binay is celebrating his 72nd birthday on November 11. His close friends have a problem: What do you give a man who has practically everything in his hacienda?

Vice President Binay and his wife, former Makati City Mayor Elenita Binay are both celebrating their birthdays this month: Dr. Elenita on November 9 and the veep on Nov. 11. It’s a very busy week for Nancy and her oven.

Binay vs. Trillanes
The highly-anticipated debate between Vice President Binay and Sen. Antonio Trillanes will finally happen on November 27. Everyone seems to be excited. In fact, the face-off is being promoted by the KBP, its member stations, and Bob Arum.

The KBP has yet to disclose the venue of the event. Vice President Binay says he won’t back out of the debate. Senator Trillanes promises to come on time… unless he gets trapped in an elevator.

Untitled
According to the KBP, the debate will focus on four topics. The topics have yet to be made public. There’s a possibility that the ownership of the so-called Hacienda Binay will be tackled. Senator Trillanes can’t wait to stand behind a podium. Vice President Binay will probably stand behind Antonio Tiu.

Senator Antonio Trillanes has been advised to keep his cool during the debate. But the KBP is ready in case Trillanes stage a walk out. I’m not sure about the Manila Peninsula though. They better be.

The KBP says the public is not allowed to ask questions during the televised debate. But they can participate by yelling invectives at the TV screen.

Crucifixion
In a speech before BSP delegates at the Boys Town complex in Marikina City last Wednesday, Vice President Binay said he was being crucified by his detractors. He didn’t say though if he was on the left side or on the right side of the middle cross.

Untitled
Instagram
The release of his youngest daughter’s Instagram photos has angered Vice President Binay. For him, what Alan Peter Cayetano did was too much. Joanna Marie Binay who captioned one of her photos, “Our place in Batangas.” has since deactivated her Instagram account. Antonio Tiu couldn’t help but pity the young Binay. He was so affected he came close to admitting that he owned the Instagram account.

Birds!
A recent study says some 400 million birds have vanished from Europe since 1980. And Abigail Binay was like, “Don’t look at me!”

Ouch!
In Palawan, a farmer was bitten by a 7-foot crocodile. Although he survived the attack, he is still keen on filing a complaint against the crocodile with the House ethics committee.

In Pangasinan, a fisherman cut the penis of his live-in partner’s lover after he caught them having sex in his house. The suspect insisted his act was justifiable. There was hard evidence.

UntitlediPhone & Iran
Apple is reportedly in talks with Iran to bring the iPhone to the country. As soon as they heard the good news, Iranians informed their friends and relatives by texting them using their Nokia 3210s.

Dating
Reports say Tom Cruise and Lindsay Lohan are currently dating. That’s the scariest thing to happen in America since Ebola.

Highest-Paid
According to Forbes, Beyonce is now the highest-paid woman in music — while Jonvic Remulla is the highest-paid spokesperson in politics.

Catchiest
After conducting a study, researchers have identified the “catchiest song ever.” It’s the 1996 Spice Girls hit “Wannabe.” For 2015, researchers predict that the catchiest song will be, “Kay Binay Gaganda ang Buhay.”
————————————————————————————————–
In all debates, let truth be thy aim, not victory, or an unjust interest.”
~William Penn

Sound Bites
“Ako ho ang naghamon, wala hong atrasan ‘to kung ako ho ang tatanungin ninyo. Basta’t magkakaharapan po tayo.”
~Vice President Binay

Enjoy your weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: World Time.com - Yolanda; SkedSearch.Com - Binay Birthday, PDI- Binay vs. Trillanes; MacObserver.Com]





HOROSCOPE & POLITICS (MGA HULA AT BABALA)

4 11 2014

WHAT FUTURE awaits our leaders? Narito ang ilang hula at babala batay sa galaw ng mga planeta.

UntitledPresident Noynoy Aquino
Birth: Feb. 8, 1960
Sign: Aquarius
Status: Coping
Ang iyong love life ay katulad ng pamumuhay ng maraming Pilipino: walang pagbabago. Single ka pa rin ngayong Pasko. What’s new? ‘Di bale, susuwertehin ka naman sa taong 2010. Ay, tapos na pala. Sorry. Mauulit ang suwerteng ‘yan after 76 years.

Vice President Jejomar Binay
Birth: November 11, 1942
Sign: Scorpio
Status: Panicky.
Huwag pansinin ang batikos ng mga kalaban sa pulitika. Inggit lang ang mga ‘yan dahil mas malawak ang lupain mo kaysa sa kanila. Huwag ikahiya ang mga ari-arian.

Antonio Tiu
Birth: Unavailable
Sign: Unavailable
Status: In Big Trouble
Patuloy ang dating sa ‘yo ng magandang kapalaran. Matutuklasan mong ikaw rin pala ang may-ari ng Spratly Islands. Magpa-notaryo.

UntitledDILG Sec. Mar Roxas
Birth: May 13, 1957
Sign: Taurus
Status: Hoping.
Good news! Ayon sa mga planeta, for the second time ay magiging ama ka. Bad News: Hindi si Korina ang ina! Kabahan.

Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile
Birth: February 14, 1924
Sign: Aquarius
Status: Nagsusumixteen
Huwag pansinin ang mga puna at kritisismo sa mga choices mo sa iyong buhay. Buhay mo ‘yan! Sundin ang itinitibok ng puso. Sa edad mong ‘yan, what’s to fear? Stay in love.

UntitledMayor Junjun Binay
Birth: July 12, 1977
Sign: Cancer
Status: Dating
Magiging isyu sa mga susunod na araw ang iyong kalusugan. Kailangan mong mag-ehersisyo. Sa halip na mag-elevator sa loob ng bahay, maghagdan na lang.

Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Birth: April 5, 1947
Sign: Aries
Status: Plenty no more
Wala kang maaasahang house arrest sa ilalim ng administrasyong ito. Or in this lifetime. ‘Wag umasa.

Cong. Manny Pacquiao
Birth: December 17, 1978
Sign: Sagittarius
Status: Eveywhere
Tanggapin ang katotohanang hindi para sa ‘yo ang professional basketball at TV hosting. Nagsisinungaling ang mga taong nagsasabing mag-i-excel ka sa dalawang fields na ‘yan. Binobola ka lang nila. Gumising!

UntitledSen. Nancy Binay
Birth: May 12, 1973
Sign: Taurus
Status: Baking
Makipagbati sa mga taong nakasagutan o nakasamaan ng loob lately. Cake lang ang katapat n’yan!

Jim Paredes
Birth: August 31, 1951
Sign: Virgo
Status: Luffa
Deadmahin ang mga death threats sa Twitter. Mas malaki ang posibilidad na mamatay ka sa inis sa kababasa sa mga hirit ni Nancy Binay.

Cong. Edgar Erice
Birth: June 15, 1960
Sign: Gemini
Status: Politicking
Kulang pa ang iyong ingay at pogi points para isama ng LP sa senatorial slate nito sa 2016. Konting effort pa.

Untitled
Binay spokesman and Cavite Governor Jonvic Remulla
Birth: October 24, 1967
Sign: Scorpio
Status: Semi-governor
Sa 2016, muli kang tatakbo sa pagka-gobernador ng Cavite. Ikaw ang makakakuha ng pinakamalaking bilang ng boto… sa Makati. Sorry, invalid ang votes. Not counted.

Camarines Norte Gov. Edgar Tallado
Birth: Unavailable
Sign: Unavailable
Status: Do Not Disturb
Matatalo ka sa susunod na eleksyon. Ngunit ‘wag mag-alala. Maraming trabahong naghihintay sa ‘yo sa labas ng pulitika. Halimbawa: Acting. Magiging bold actor ka.

Jinggoy Estrada
Birth: February 17, 1963
Sign: Aquarius
Status: ChickBoy
-AND-
Bong Revilla
Birth: September 25, 1966
Sign: Libra
Status: It’s Really Complicated
Wala kayong horoscope. Wala ang mga planeta. Umalis! Tulog!

UntitledKris Aquino
Birth: February 14, 1970
Sign: Aquarius
Status: Looking.
Mapagbiro talaga ang tadhana. ‘Yong inaakalang mong pag-ibig na ‘di makita-kita, nasa tabi mo lang pala. Bago matapos ang taon ay aamin siya sa tunay niyang nadarama. Ang kanyang pangalan ay… Darla.
—————————————————————————————————–
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves; we are underlings.”
~William Shakespeare

Sound Bites
“Kung [sa] palagay niya [ay] may kulang, miyembro siya ng Gabinete, abisuhan niya kami. Kung [sa] palagay niya [ay] mali ang direksyon namin, malaya siyang ‘di sumama sa ating kilusan.”
~President Aquino reacting to Vice President Binay’s recent criticism of his administration

Untitled
“For people to argue against this choice for sick people really seems evil to me. They try to mix it up with suicide and that’s really unfair, because there’s not a single part of me that wants to die. But I am dying.”
~Brittany Maynard, 29 of Portland, Oregon, a terminally-ill woman who decided to end her life, under Oregon’s Death with Dignity Act – by taking a fatal dose of barbiturates, prescribed to her by a doctor

Poll Results
Ha;llo
Have a sweet November!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer.Net, Mar Roxas Blogspot.Com, GMA News.Com, News Flash.Org. Kris Aquino/Instagram]





SCANDAL

27 10 2014

EMBATTLED Camarines Norte governor Edgardo Tallado, whose scandalous photos with his alleged mistress circulated online, says he still wants to fix his marriage with his wife, Josefina. The governor is confident he can do it. He is inspired by the success stories of Erap, Binay, and Bong Revilla.

1Tallado
Scandalous photos – allegedly – of Camarines Norte governor Edgardo Tallado and his mistress, are circulating online. Tallado cannot deny that. It’s his photos. Unless Antonio Tiu comes forward and claims ownership.

Governor Edgardo Tallado has apologized to his family, and his constituents just days after scandalous photos of him with his alleged mistress circulated online. Tallado’s wife is still wondering though, “Why did he cheat on me?” While close friends of the girl were asking, “Pinatulan n’ya ‘yon?!?”

Mrs. Josefina Tallado said the naked woman kissing Gov. Edgardo Tallado in the photos was his 24-year-old mistress. An irate governor Tallado replied, “That’s a total lie! She’s 25!

2Tallado
Before a throng of supporters, a remorseful Governor Tallado said, “Ako po ay humaharap sa inyo ng eye-to-eye.” And then it got a bit awkward when somebody from the crowd shouted, “Lips to lips naman!”

Reports say Camarines Norte Governor Tallado has a sex video circulating online. Which begs the question, “Who in his right mind would want to watch Governor Tallado in a sex video?”

To his detractors and political foes, Governor Tallado appealed, “Tigilan na po ninyo ang pagkakakalat ng mga pino-post n’yo po sa Facebook dahil napakalaswa po n’yan.” See? Even Governor Tallado hates it.

3Tallado
Bad news for Camarines Norte Governor Tallado. His wife revealed that he’s got a sex video online. Another bad news, it did not even trend on Twitter.

Governor Tallado has also apologized to the woman captured in the picture kissing him. The woman has been described as young and pretty who believes in the saying, “Hindi mahalaga ang panlabas na anyo ng isang tao.”

IN OTHER NEWS…
1DD“Demonic”
Eleazardo Kasilag, president of the Federation of the Associations of Private Schools and Administrators (FAPSA) says students must be taught that celebrating Halloween is “partying with demons.” And even demons were like, “Ang tanda-tanda mo na, naniniwala ka pa sa demons.”

FAPSA president Eleazardo Kasilag reminded students that celebrating Halloween is “partying with demons.” The students replied, ‘Don’t worry, we’re not inviting politicians.”

FAPSA president Eleazardo Kasilag says, “If there should be costume party in schools at this time, the toddlers can be inspired by the beauty of the fairies.” To which, the toddlers reacted, “Confeeeeeermed!”

1DD
Nognog vs. Maligno
The Binay camp says there’s a so-called Oplan Nognog to derail the Vice President’s 2016 presidential bid. The Roxas camp believes there’s an Oplan Maligno aimed at discrediting the DILG secretary. FAPSA president Eleazardo Kasilag appealed to both camps to stop promoting Halloween.

Nognog vs. Maligno II
According to Vice President Binay, his critics are “rich,” “elitist,” and “anti-poor.” To which Joseph Estrada said, “Wow, bago. Pinag-isipan.”

Most Trusted
According to the latest Philippine Trust Index, the Church (75%) is the most trusted institution for Filipinos. It was followed by the Academe (53%); Media (33%); Business (13%), and NGOs (12%). In last place with 11 percent was the Government. Oh my goodness. That’s really shocking; totally unexpected! Nobody saw that coming.
————————————————————————————————————–
“Once you have money and fame, the next thing you should expect is scandal and shame.”
~Michael Bassey Johnson

Sound Bites
“Malinaw ang misyon ng grupong ito: guluhin ang imbestigasyon ng Senate Blue Ribbon Sub-Committee at ilayo ang pansin ng media sa mga isyu ng korupsyon laban sa pamilya Binay. They picked the name Oplan Maligno since they expect the disinformation campaign to gain traction before the Halloween.”
~LP stalwart and Caloocan City Rep. Edgar Erice

“Mr. Erice, stop looking at the mirror. I’m sure naisip n’ya ‘yon no’ng pagtingin n’ya sa salamin at nakita n’ya ang sarili n’ya.”
~UNA’s Toby Tiangco

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: ABS-CBNNews – Tallado Kissing Photos, ManilaStandardToday – Binay and Mistress, Jonathan Magisttrado - Tallado Speech, MacXDVD.com]





NOBODY, NOBODY BUT TIU AND OTHER LIGHTBULB JOKES

24 10 2014

IT’S BEEN A YEAR since we last posted some light bulb jokes and a lot of things have happened since. It’s time to screw in some more light bulbs.

Corruptuo
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and the other to change it again even if it’s still working.

Q: How many Vice President Binays does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to deny ownership of the light bulb.

Q: How many Antonio Tius does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one but we know he’s only doing it for someone else.

TT
Q: How many Sen. Antonio Trillaneses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to investigate reports that the old, burnt light bulb was overpriced.

Q: How many Nancy Binays does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to give cake to the old, retired light bulb.

Q: How many Makati City contractors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One but he’ll do it in five phases.

Q: How many US Marine Private First Class Joseph Scott Pembertons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to crush the used light bulb.

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. He doesn’t enter rooms with dead light bulbs. He finds it uncomfortable.

Q: How many PNP chief Allan Purisimas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. He can do it alone. It’s just an ordinary light bulb anyway.

Q: How many Lito Lapids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to read and explain the instruction manual.

Q: How many Mayor Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to shoot the burnt bulb.

Q: How many CBCP-member bishops does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They rather not. They wanna be stuck in the Dark Ages.

TT
Q: How many Camarines Norte Governor Egay Tallado does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and the other to take a video.

Q: How many Health Asst. Secretary Eric Tayags does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least three. One to change it, and two to hold the ladder.

Q: How many Gilas Pilipinas players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 12. One to change it, one to assist, and 10 to cheer: “#Puso!”

Q: How many members of the NU Bulldogs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team. It’s always a team effort.

Q: How many Tamaraws does it take to change a light bulb?
A: just a feu.

Q: How many UP coaches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I’m not sure. UP coaches don’t last as long as light bulbs.

TT
Q: How many Manny Pacquiaos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to praise God for the gift of light.

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it, one to announce the accomplishment to the whole world, and one to cry on TV in case the new light bulb fails to work.

Q: How many Herbert Bautistas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three and a half. The ceiling is a bit high.

1FD
Q: How many Frank Drilons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.

Q: How many taxi drivers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: ‘Wag masyadong umasa. Malamang tanggihan ka lang.

Q: How many taxi drivers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and the other to overcharge you for the bulb.

Q: How many Customs officials and personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Magkano muna?
————————————————————————————————————
“There is no compromise when it comes to corruption. You have to fight it.”
~A. K. Antony

TTSound Bites
From whatever angle one views it, Makati City is a bundle of contradictions. It is home to the ultrarich as well as to the extremely poor. Gleaming skyscrapers tower above the dilapidated hovels of slum dwellers. Modern firms operate within a territory controlled by a political family that has wielded power continuously for 28 years.
~Prof. Randy David, ‘Makati’s Contradictions’

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: RailElectrica.com; Philippine Daily Inquirer, SkyscraperCity.Com]





THE SECRET MEETING AND THE SURVEY

18 10 2014

REPORTS SAY President Aquino and Vice President Binay had a private meeting in Malacañang last Tuesday evening. It was a three-hour meeting between the country’s most powerful haciendero, and President Aquino.

1
The President’s meeting with Vice President Binay lasted more than three hours: from 9PM to 12:30AM. Binay spent the first hour persuading Aquino to stop the DOJ and Senate investigations. The President spent the next two hours saying, “No.”

Probe
The National Bureau of Investigation has reportedly started its probe into the alleged misdeeds of Vice President Binay. And there are many. To ensure an orderly probe, the NBI will begin in the first floor.

Winnable
In an exclusive story, Rappler.com reported that Vice President Binay would demolish President Aquino in a two-way battle for president in 2016. That’s according to a survey by Laylo Research Strategies commissioned by supporters of the Vice President. The survey is based on a sample of 1,200… Makati residents.

The Vice President will demolish President Aquino in a two-way battle for president in 2016. That’s according to a survey by Laylo Research Strategies commissioned by loyal Binay supporters. Laylo’s clients include media outfits, private companies, businessmen, and insecure politicians pretending to be ‘loyal supporters.’

1EXCLUSIVE: Here’s a copy of the survey form
—xxx—-
RESPONDENT NO. __________
DATE: ______________

Magandang araw po! Ito ay isang pag-aaral hinggil sa halalan sa ating bansa.

May limang tanong sa survey na ito na kumakatawan sa limang isyu sa ating lipunan. Ang bawat tanong ay may dalawang pagpipilian: Vice President Binay at President Aquino. Lagyan ng check ang napili mong sagot.

Mangyari lamang pong pag-aralang mabuti ang mga tanong bago sumagot. Ikaw ay may labinlimang minuto upang ito ay tapusin. Simulan mo na ngayon!

Traffic
1: Grabe talaga ang traffic. Wala bang ginagawa ang gobyernong Aquino? Si Abaya ng DOTC, ano bang nagawa n’ya na? Wala naman yata eh! Kaibigan pa naman siya ng presidente. By the way, sinong iboboto mong pangulo sakaling ganapin ngayon ang eleksyon?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

Law and Order
2: Narinig mo ba ang balita tungkol sa batang pandesal vendor na hinoldap sa Caloocan? Kumulo talaga ang dugo ko nang mapanood ko ‘yon. Pati bata ‘di nakaligtas sa mga kriminal. Wala talagang silbi ang pulisya! Hay naku! Kasalanan ‘yan ni Mar Roxas! ‘Di ba under ng DILG ang PNP? Anong nangyari? Mga inutil! Sanga pala, if ever na ganapin ang eleksyon ngayon, sinong iboboto mo?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

Disaster Preparedness
3: ‘Buti na lang, hindi direktang tumama sa Pilipinas ang super-typhoon Ompong. Kung nagkataon, lubog na naman sa baha ang maraming bayan at siyudad sa bansa. Marami na namang mawawalan ng tirahan. Thank God laging nauuna sa pamamahagi ng relief goods si Vice President Binay. ‘Yan ang totoong action man. Hypothetical lang, sakaling dalawa na lang ang maglalaban sa pagka-presidente ngayong 2016, sinong iboboto mo?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

Employment
4: Uy, malapit na naman ang Pasko. Ang sabi sa balita, magmamahal na naman ang mga pagkaing pang-Noche Buena. ‘Yan eh kung may pera kang pambili. Bakit, may trabaho ka ba? Mabuti pa ang mga taga-Makati. Every year, may loot bags na puno ng grocery items. Hayyy, inggit much. Maiba ako, kung gaganapin kaya ngayon ang eleksyon, sinong iboboto mo sa pagka-pangulo?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

And finally… Graft and Corruption
5: Aba! Nasa puwesto pa pala si PNP Chief Allan “Ordinary” Purisima. Ang tindi! Palibhasa, close siya kay Presidente Aquino kaya kapit-tuko sa puwesto. Nakakadismaya. ‘Yan ba ang tuwid na daan? Tse!! Anyway, kung ngayon isasagawa ang halalan, sinong kandidato ang iyong susuportahan?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

MARAMING SALAMAT po sa paglahok sa survey na ito. Makaaasa kayong magiging confidential ang inyong mga sagot. Dahil hangad namin ang patas, tapat at malinis na resulta, dadaan po ito sa masusing pag-aanalisa bago isapubliko.

Mabuhay po kayo!
—–xxx——-
-END-

1In Other News…
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un went missing recently. People didn’t know where he had been. Nobody had heard from him for a very long time. Political analysts have a term for that: Lito Lapid.

To be fair to Kim Jong Un, he resurfaced after 40 days. While Lito Lapid is still missing.

Worst Airport
Pakistan’s Benazir Bhutto International Airport has dislodged our very own Ninoy Aquino International Airport as the world’s worst airport. Geez! What’s happening to our country? We’re no longer No. 1 at anything.

1Wanted: Volunteers
The Philippine Red Cross is looking for volunteers for Ebola duty in West Africa. Voluntary? Why not mandatory? Let’s send some senators and congressmen!

Attacked
In China, a mistress was violently attacked by the wife of the man she was allegedly sleeping with. The mistress was stripped naked, punched and kicked by the scorned wife. And Mrs. Cristina Enrile was like, “Pwede pala ‘yon?”
—————————————————————————————————–
“I wonder why people work so hard to become politicians just in order to do something wrong.”
~Masuji Ibuse

Sound Bites
“This will come to pass soon, and you will see me in the bigger political arena, fighting Goliaths in an effort to become a part of a better future.”
~Vice President Binay

1
“My soul is male, but I’m not going to go through that stage where I’m going to change everything.”
~Charice as interviewed by Oprah

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer.Net, NBC News, CNN.Com]





OF RATINGS AND ROBBERS

14 10 2014

1pan
AN UNIDENTIFIED man robbed a hapless 11-year-old, pandesal vendor in Caloocan City last week. The suspect took advantage of someone powerless and stole his hard-earned money. He has a very bright future in politics.

Some politicians have reportedly visited the victim and extended support. The politicians praised him for being a hard worker, and then lashed out at the robber for his lack of originality.

An 11-year-old boy who was selling pandesal was robbed of his earnings by an unidentified man in Caloocan City. Reports say the victim has been saving so he could buy a bicycle. Neighbors of the robber say he has been stealing so he could own an air-conditioned piggery.

1.1 oBAMARecord Low
In the latest Social Weather Stations survey, Vice President Binay obtained his lowest net satisfaction rating in four years. The Vice President’s rating dropped by 15°C.

From +67 in the second quarter of the year, Vice President Binay’s net satisfaction rating plunged to +52 in September. To be fair, the Vice President has maintained the highest satisfaction rating among top government officials (Aquino, Drilon, Sereno, and Belmonte trail him). In fact, Binay leads Belmonte by a wide margin, 39 hectares to be exact.

Black Propaganda?
UNA interim secretary general JV Bautista believes DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is behind Oplan Stop Nognog 2016 – allegedly, a plot to derail Vice President Binay’s presidential bid. The Binay camp is certain that Oplan Stop Nognog is targeting Binay because the operation has Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4 and Phase 5.

Liberal Party allies of Mar Roxas categorically denied the allegation made by JV Bautista that the DILG chief was behind Oplan Stop Nognog 2016. Besides, if Mar was behind that plot, he would have probably called it Oplan Stop Malignong Maliit at Maitim 2016.

Satisfied
In the latest SWS survey, 45 percent of respondents expressed satisfaction with the performance of Congress. While the other 55 percent said, “What performance?!?”

1NOYTuwid Na Daan
According to a Pulse Asia survey, only 29 percent of Filipinos believed that President Aquino fulfilled his promise of ‘Tuwid na Daan.’ The remaining 71 percent admitted experiencing ‘Masikip na Daan.’

Malacañang couldn’t believe the results of the Pulse Asia study. Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda even questioned its timing. The ‘Tuwid na Daan’ survey was conducted from Sept. 8 to 5 and had a margin of error of plus-or-minus Allan Purisima.

1jinggoySame Fate?
A news report says Jinggoy Estrada is suffering from the same illness as Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: arthritis of the neck. The report has been dismissed as baseless and preposterous mostly because Jinggoy doesn’t have a neck.

According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Jinggoy Estrada and former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo have the same ailment. The condition is called cervical spondylosis. It is commonly known as karma.

Liar?
The Anti-Money Laundering Council has discovered that Bong Revilla lied in his SALN. Among other things.

1zumMass Zumba
Because of heavy rains, Quezon City failed to break the Guinness world record for the largest Zumba class last Sunday. Mayor Herbert Bautista and council must not be sad though because the city has set a world record for most number of tarps, tents, posts, walls, waiting sheds, and billboards with names and images of politicians. Congratulations!

Cellphone Ban
To prevent crime, Bulacan Rep. Gavini Pancho wants to ban the use of cell phones inside banks. Pancho’s suggestion was praised for being brilliant and novel… 12 years ago.

Metro Crime
On the average, 660 criminal acts are committed per week in Metro Manila according to the NCR Police Office. Most crimes are committed on the streets. The rest are in session halls.
———————————————————————————————-
“Men kill for many reasons, they steal but for one – greed.”
~Sharon Kay Penman, Falls the Shadow

Sound Bites
“Isipin mo, si vice mayor Mercado nakaupa ng helicopter. In spite of the fact na nasa Witness Protection Program siya, nakuha niya pang magrenta ng helicopter at siya mismo sumakay sa helicopter. So, I wonder, kung may government funds bang nagastos para doon sa aerial survey na ginawa?”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“Like many other politicians, Vice President Jejomar Binay trumpets his rise from poverty to wealth. It is a trope that ethically-challenged, and therefore also creatively-challenged, public relations people use with knee-jerk consistency.”
~Prof. Sylvia Estrada-Claudio

Poll Results
Untitled

Enjoy your week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos:
PDI/Jinggoy/Aquino
PDI/Zumba
@VPJojoBinay/Binay&Roxas
ABSCBNNews/PandesalVendor]





PIGS

9 10 2014

FORMER MAKATI CITY Vice Mayor Nestor Mercado dropped another bombshell in the Senate last Wednesday. Mercado alleged that the Binays own a 350-hectare estate in Rosario, Batangas. The media dubbed it ‘Hacienda Binay.’ That’s how much Tita Cory had influenced the Vice President.

11BINAY ESTATE
According to Nestor Mercado, the estate has two mansions, a 40-car garage, a cock breeding farm, an orchid farm, a “maze garden” patterned after the Kew Gardens in London, a horse ranch, an air-conditioned piggery, and a man-made lagoon. Or as PNP Chief Allan Purisima would say, “ordinary.”

The sprawling property, Mercado claimed, is equivalent to “six Luneta Parks, 10 Araneta Centers or even half the city of San Juan.” To give you an idea of how huge the property is, Binay tried to survey the estate from end to end on foot while he was still a city mayor. He only finished the survey when he was already the country’s vice president.

The alleged Binay estate in Rosario, Batangas has an air-conditioned piggery – the second of its kind to be built in the Philippines… after Batasang Pambansa.

Nestor Mercado bared that it was the idea of former Makati City Mayor Elenita Binay to install air-conditioning units in the piggery. Even Imelda Marcos was like, “That’s too much.”

11BINAY ESTATE2
The Binays’ air-conditioned pig farm was put up in 1994. In fact, the farm recently marked its 20th anniversary. To celebrate the momentous event, the pigs were given cakes.

Despite the series of shocking exposés, the Vice President will not attend the Senate inquiry. You know, he’s focused on his work. He’s got a tough job as vice president. The only thing tougher is the job of his PR team and damage control group.

Lawyer JV Bautista, interim secretary-general of UNA and a staunch Binay defender called for a lifestyle check on Nestor Mercado. According to Bautista, the former Makati City vice mayor is a gambler who frequents casinos and has lost millions in cockfights. To which, Mercado replied, “That’s not true. Pustahan pa tayo.”

11BINAY ESTATE
The camp of Vice President Binay has since denied Mercado’s allegations and insisted businessman Antonio Tiu is the real owner of the Batangas estate. To clarify the issue, Tiu has expressed willingness to face anyone: Trillanes, Cayetano, Pimentel… anyone! “Challenge accepted.” – Kim Henares

People have different views on the Binay controversy. Some say as public officials, the Binays must be open to scrutiny. They have a point. Others believe the allegations must be substantiated and backed up with evidence. They also have a point. In fact, everyone who has a piece to say about the issue has a point – except perhaps for Mar Roxas who will probably gain six more points.

When asked to comment on the ill-gotten wealth allegations against the Binays, presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda said, “We are not involved in any way. We are just observers.” Then, he high-fives Abi Valte.

When asked to comment on the controversies hounding the Binays, presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda said, “We are just observers.” With popcorn, soda, and laughter.
11BINAY ESTATE3Huge Drop
The recent probe on the alleged overpriced Makati City Hall Building 2 has definitely affected public perception of Vice President Binay. His approval and trust ratings in the latest Pulse Asia survey dropped by 15 percentage points. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus 3 floors.

Of the government’s four highest-ranking officials, Vice President Binay got the highest trust and approval rating. It was so high… Junjun Binay had to take the elevator.

Progress
A report says China has overtaken the U.S. as the world’s largest economy. In third place is the Binay economy.

Q-10Unexplained Wealth
The Anti-Money Laundering Council (AMLC) says Bong Revilla has an unexplained wealth of almost 88 million pesos. Apparently, when Bong was made to explain in writing, he told AMLC he’s better at multiple choice questions.

Reports say Bong Revilla has an unexplained wealth of almost 88 million pesos. He’s in big trouble. He’s not used to explaining about money. The few times he was made to explain by Lani – it was about women.

Cheaters, Inc.
A recent study revealed men who cheat on their wives were more likely to die of a heart attack. In totally unrelated news, doctors at the PGH say Senator Enrile has atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease. #walalang #promise #walatalaga
—————————————————————————————
“Honest people don’t hide their deeds.”
~Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

Sound Bites
“Nakakatawa po iyon. Matagal nang isyu iyon. Dumami na nga nang dumami. Dati nga 150 hectares, tapos naging 200 hectares, ngayon naging 300 na.”
~Vice President Binay on his alleged estate in Rosario, Batangas

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Office of the Vice President]





SECOND TERM, THE BAR, KRISTEK AND OTHER STORIES

5 10 2014

OCTOBER 5 marked the start of the annual bar exams. Good luck to the future liars. I mean, lawyers. Sorry!

1Bar
An 88-year-old man from Bulacan is taking the bar exams for the third time. Because of his advanced age, the Bar Exams Committee approved his request that his test questions be written in hieroglyphics.

Bienvenido Hilario, an 88-year-old man from Bulacan is probably the oldest examinee in this year’s bar exams. He has taken the bar three times. He was still very young when he first took the bar. He was like 85.

Reporters covering the bar exams in UST were surprised to see Bienvenido Hilario, an 88-year-old examinee. And in an even more surprising twist, Hilario’s mother was there to support him.

The Manila City government prohibited the sale and distribution of liquor around University of Santo Tomas where the annual bar exam is being held for four Sundays. In related news, the Manila city government reported an increase in liquor sales in and around De La Salle University after its painful loss to FEU in the UAAP.

Second Term
According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, 6 in 10 Filipinos do not want a second term for President Aquino. The six were identified as Jojo, Junjun, Nancy, Abby, Anne, and Elenita.

Anti-Noy
A multi-sectoral group led by several Catholic bishops is calling for the resignation of President Aquino. The bishops scored the President for failing to uphold the Constitution, failing to curb corruption, and failing to give them Mitsubishi Pajeros.

1SASAPro-Noy
A group wants President Aquino to seek a second term saying he’s “the best and only successor.” The group calls itself “MORE2COME.” Personally though, President Aquino finds “MORE2COME” a bit of a challenge. At his age.

Growing Old
According to a global study, Norway is the best place in the world to grow old. And Makati City is the best place in the world to be a member of the bids and awards committee.

War-torn Afghanistan ranked last in the Global AgeWatch Index. It’s the worst place to grow old – if at all.

Bribery
In China, several journalists who accepted bribes “from financially vulnerable companies in exchange for flattering coverage” were arrested, charged, and detained. On Twitter, award-winning journalist Marites Vitug asked, “Will we see this happen in the Philippines?” And if I may add, “Do we have enough detention cells?”

1SASANothing Wrong
Actor Richard Gomez said people (like Sen. Pia Cayetano and other women’s rights advocates) who spoke against an offensive act in the recent underwear show were only making noise because of the upcoming elections. Which is funny because if there’s someone who needs to make noise to win an election, it’s Richard Gomez.

‘Herbert-zoned’
In a TV interview, Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista revealed that he and Kris Aquino were never officially on. He said there never was a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Kris is keeping mum on the issue but close friends say she won’t stoop down to Herbert’s level mainly because it’s too low.

Model/Cop
The police official whose business card was allegedly used by model Alyzza Agustin to dodge a traffic infraction mulls filing charges against the model. Police Chief Supt. Alexander Ignacio dismissed rumors he’s a womanizer and denied reports that Agustin was his girlfriend. This morning, Agustin got a call from Kris Aquino who said, “I can relate.”

1MA Dud
Congressman Manny Pacquiao had a lackluster professional basketball debut. He scored just a single point and got a single rebound in a tune-up game Saturday. If it’s any consolation, that’s way way better than his performance as a congressman.

Manny Pacquiao scored 1 point and got 1 rebound in KIA Sorento’s loss to Blackwater in a pre-season game Saturday. After the game, Manny Pacquiao promised, “Lalaro ako sa opening para ma-inspire ang team ko.” That’s good news for his team, and even better news for the other team.

Living In
Confirmed! Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao, 65 and her 39-year-old boyfriend Michael Yamson are living together. Last Saturday on Startalk, Mommy D talked about artificial insemination – boldly declaring, “Gusto kong i-inject ang semilya niya sa kuwan ko.” In the interest of fairness and balanced reporting, we’ll try to get the side of the ‘semilya.’
—————————————————————————————-
“Any society that produces twice as many lawyers as it does poets and preachers is doomed.”
~John Fogarty

Sound Bites
“Maraming nakikisawsaw, hindi lang Gabriela. Alam naman nating malapit na ang election, sila ‘yong maiingay na naghahanap lang ng issue. Ganoon lang kasimple iyon.”
~Richard Gomez

“Kasi gusto n’ya sikat agad siya, ‘yan ang nasa utak niya. Sarili lang niya ang iniisip niya eh.”
~Former PBA star Ramon ‘El Presidente’ Fernandez blasting Gilas Pilipinas head coach Chot Reyes

Poll Results
1SASA

Have a productive week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Dexter Ganibe/Bienvenido Hilario; PhilStar.Com/More2Come; KickerDaily/Coco Martin; @PBAonTV5/Pacquiao]





RATINGS

1 10 2014

VICE PRESIDENT Binay’s rating in Pulse Asia’s September 2014 survey on Filipinos’ presidential preferences dropped to 31 percent from 41 percent in June. Rumors say Binay is depressed because he lost 10 percent – something that’s unusual for him. He’s so used to gaining 13 percent.

1KB
Despite losing 10 points, the Vice President is still ahead of the pack. He leads Roxas by 18 floors.

In the latest survey, Vice President Binay led his rivals by a wide margin. Pulse Asia has denied rumors that some anti-Binay respondents were not able to participate in the survey because they were trapped in an elevator.

He just lost 10 points in the latest survey but Vice President Binay is really serious about his 2016 presidential bid. If he loses another 10 points, his bid could be in peril. Plan B: Change his name to “Hilmarc’s Construction Corp.” to ensure a win.

For the first time, Mar Roxas got a double-digit rating in a recent presidential survey. Voter-preference for the DILG chief rose to 13 percent from a mere 7 percent. If his rating further improves in the next survey, the Liberal Party will celebrate with a bonfire.

The latest Pulse Asia survey showed a 10 percent drop in the rating of presidential hopeful Jojo Binay. For Toby Tiangco, it’s a bad hair day.

Vice President Binay lost 10 points in the latest survey. Toby Tiangco is blaming politics, black propaganda, and Marcus Douthit.

Top Ranked
Tito Sotto topped Pulse Asia’s latest senatorial survey followed by Kiko Pangilinan. How’s that possible? Sharon Cuneta is no longer that popular today. So for Kiko, it’s not Sharon. But for Sotto, Eat’s Bulaga.

In the latest Pulse Asia survey, actor Dingdong Dantes was in the 28th to 35th position. He needs five more televised marriage proposals to boost his chances.

Donors
In the Senate hearing Tuesday, PNP Chief Allan Purisima said the construction of the controversial ‘White House’ in Camp Crame was made possible by friends in the construction industry who “donated P11 million.” And Kim Henares was like, “Thanks for the tip.”

When asked by Sen. Grace Poe to rate himself based on “performance,” embattled PNP Chief Allan Purisima answered, “I would rate myself a nine.” To which, his wife said, “Hindi rin.”

1KBOccupy Central
Massive demonstrations continue in Hong Kong as pro-democracy protesters demand genuine reforms from Beijing. Riot police have been using tear gas and pepper spray to disperse rallyists who protected themselves using umbrellas. The protests have since been dubbed the “Umbrella Revolution.” That’s how you put the umbrella to good use. Take note Mayor Junjun Binay.

Traffic Solution?
On TV Patrol, Korina Sanchez jokingly suggested that instead of implementing the number coding scheme on vehicles, authorities must try the color-coding scheme on people. The suggestion offended the Binays.

Apologies
“For offending the sensitivities of some persons,” Bench founder Ben Chan apologized for the controversial act involving Coco Martin and a female model on a leash during its recent underwear show. Ben Chan has yet to apologize though to those people whose sensitivities were massively offended by Jake Cuenca.

1PoliceModel/Police
Sexy model Alyzza Agustin recently bragged on Facebook that she avoided getting ticketed by traffic cops after showing them a high-ranking PNP official’s signed business card with a note that said, “Pls assist my EA Alyzza Agustin.” The official was identified as PNP Directorate for Plans chief Alexander Ignacio. Ignacio has a lot of explaining to do to his superiors and a lot more explaining to do to his wife.

Satan
Last Monday, Pope Francis was quoted to have said that “Satan seduces us by disguising evil as good.” So don’t be tricked by Satan. Say no to large fries.
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“Too many leaders value their popularity, protecting it at all cost, degrading their credibility.”
~Noel De Jesus, 44 Days of Leadership

Sound Bites
“We expected a bigger decline. The latest survey results are a surprise for us.”
~UNA interim president Toby Tiangco

“I categorically DENY that I personally know Alyzza Agustin, who claimed that she used my business card to avoid getting a traffic citation. She is not my Executive Assistant and there is no such position in my office.”
~Police Chief Supt. Alexander Ignacio

Have a productive month of October!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: The Manila Bulletin/Roxas and Binay; Mashable/Occupy Central, ScreenCap/AlyzzaAgustin via @inquirerdotnet]





LOST

28 09 2014

ONE OF THE favorites to win the basketball gold in the 17th Asian Games, the Philippines has just been eliminated. Gilas Pilipinas put the ‘heart’ in ‘heartbreaking.’

112
Gilas Pilipinas would have advanced if it won by at least 11 points against Kazakhstan. But the Kazakhs cut Gilas’ lead from as high as 18 to only 2 in the dying seconds. Hoping to send the game into overtime where it could win, Gilas intentionally scored at the wrong basket. What a cheap chot! I mean, shot. Sorry.

Last Friday, Coach Chot Reyes blamed the loss of Gilas Pilipinas against Qatar on naturalized Filipino Marcus Douthit saying, “Our big guy just quit on our team.” He then benched Douthit in the succeeding game against South Korea. Gilas lost again. And Douthit was like, “Don’t look at me now.”

Bitter rivals Gilas Pilipinas and South Korea faced each other again last Saturday. It was #heart and Seoul. Touted as one of the favorites and with shrieking fans cheering on, a confident Gilas Pilipinas falls. It was their ‘James Reid’ moment.

Tired
The Vice President’s legal counsel, Princess Turgano fainted while explaining Binay’s financial statement last Wednesday. That was understandable though since the surge in Binay’s wealth, from P2.6M to P60M, was dizzying.

1123Men At Work
Instead of attending the Senate hearing to answer corruption allegations thrown against him, Vice President Binay visited poor residents of Tondo in Manila. So many people cheered, and queued up to see the Vice President up close and personal. The head count was close to 2016.

Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay has refused to attend the ongoing Senate hearing on the alleged overpricing of the P2.2 billion Makati City Hall Building II. Junjun says he’d rather work for the people of his city. Luckily, the Binays have an able spokesperson in the governor of Cavite who’d also rather work for the city of Makati.

Love Ko ‘To
Instead of eating at a fancy restaurant while in the US, President Aquino’s last meal was spent at McDonald’s in San Francisco. To which, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Martin Romualdez said, “Pwede pala ‘yon?”

11kl
According to online reports, President Aquino’s motorcade halted traffic on Haight St. in San Francisco, California when his entourage dropped by a McDonald’s restaurant to eat lunch. Some motorists got pissed and were heard saying, “Who the hell does he think he is? Binay?!?”

Rumors say after finishing his meal, President Aquino bought some McDonald’s toys for his allies in Congress. Each of his solon-friends will get a Hamburglar.

Work Week
The Civil Service Commission (CSC) has approved the proposed four-day work week scheme for government employees in Metro Manila. In the new schedule, a workday has been extended to 10 hours: from 8AM to 7PM. Employees will have more time to serve the public and even longer hours to use Facebook for free.

Free Internet
Smart, Talk N’ Text, and Sun Cellular are now offering free mobile Internet to prepaid subscribers. Again, it’s ‘free.’ They didn’t say it’s ‘fast.’

Smart is now offering free Internet to pre-prepaid subscribers. The catch: you’ll receive free KathNiel and JaDine updates every minute.

After making the big announcement last Friday, PLDT Chair Manny Pangilinan said, “That’s better than politics.” And the Binay family was like, “Of course not!”

11klCongested
According to the Bureau of Jail Management and Penology, the congestion rate of jails nationwide is now at 326 percent. In fact, some detention cells reportedly have congestion rates of more than 1,000 percent. However, not all facilities with criminals are congested. Exception: Batasang Pambansa.
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“Sometimes you must lose everything to gain it again, and the regaining is the sweeter for the pain of loss.”
~Cassandra Clare

Sound Bites
“Karapatan ko pong pansamantalang hindi dumalo sa pagdinig sa Senado. Bilang mayor ng Makati, marami pa akong tungkuling dapat kong gampanan. Magtatrabaho po ako dahil ‘yan ang inaasahan sa akin.”
~Junjun Binay

Have a safe and productive week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philstar (Gilas); NewsFlash.Org (Binays); @0andre0 (SanFo), and Hazel Thompson (Jail)]





REVENGE

24 09 2014

1a
IN CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts, President Aquino called on critics to file cases against his allies, whom they believe to be corrupt. The President says they can take his men to court, just don’t take them back to UP campus.

In Newton, Massachusetts, President Aquino admitted that he thought of exacting revenge on then sitting president Ferdinand Marcos when his father Ninoy was murdered in 1983. “An eye for an eye,” he said. Good thing cooler heads prevailed or he would have put a bigger eye at risk.

Dumped
A high-ranking, pro-Russian politician in Ukraine was mobbed by angry protesters and thrown into a huge garbage can. He’s lucky he wasn’t hurt. Bu you know who’s luckier? Butch Abad.

Birthday Bong
Bong Revilla is celebrating his 48th birthday on September 25. Rumors say Camp Crame will be renovating his detention cell as a birthday gift. Bathroom fixtures will be made of stainless steal.

Sacked
Sandiganbayan Associate Justice Gregory Ong, whose ties with pork barrel queen Janet Lim-Napoles were exposed last year was ordered sacked by the Supreme Court. The high court also ordered the forfeiture of all of Ong’s retirement benefits. Which was nothing compared to his Napoles benefits.

1SPINBasketbrawl
Monday’s game between NCAA cellar dwellers Mapua Cardinals and EAC Generals at the San Juan Arena turned into a free-for-all brawl with players throwing punches at one another. The basketbrawlers only stopped when they realized nobody’s really watching the game.

NCAA Mancom chair Paul Supan reminded the players that “hooliganism has no place in an established league like the NCAA.” If they couldn’t help it, he advised them to go to UP.

A heated game between the Mapua Cardinals and EAC Generals turned into an all-out brawl Monday. There was yelling, punching, shoving and even, threats. What a shame! Who the hell do you think you are kids, Billy Crawford?

1CLText Lane
A city in China has a special sidewalk for people who love to text while they’re walking. In the Philippines, it’s called ‘everywhere.’

World War III
During a private meeting with a congregation of Jewish leaders, Pope Francis said World War III had begun. And then an aide reminded him that it was just an NCAA game he was watching live from Manila.

Pope Francis was quoted to have said that World War III had begun. I knew it! That’s exactly the reason why I want Facebook to junk its ‘Seen’ feature.

During a visit to Italy’s largest war memorial, Pope Francis was quoted to have said that World War III had begun. To prevent the escalation of conflict, he advised Catholics not to say anything negative against other people or anything that will offend KathNiel and Marian Rivera fans.

1RAPE‘Rape Shirt’
SM Department Store is getting flak for selling shirts printed with the offensive line, “It’s Not Rape. It’s A Snuggle With A Struggle.” SM Supermalls has since apologized and pulled out the ‘rape shirt’ from the boys’ section of its stores. SM mall managers are trying hard to identify the supplier, and trying even harder to learn the meaning of the word ‘snuggle.’

Sperm Donor
A Chinese man reportedly died after donating sperm four times in 10 days. Guys, now you know the limit: 3x in 10 days.

Productive
A recent study showed that the most productive people work for 52 minutes at a time, then break for 17 minutes before getting back to it. But they’ll definitely be more productive if they’ll stop using Facebook for hours.

1Lovebirds
In England, archeologists unearthed the skeletons of a couple who appear to have been buried together holding hands. They’ve been in that romantic position for 700 years. Kilig to the bones!
————————————————————————————————
“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
~Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Sound Bites
“As the only son, I felt an overwhelming urge to exact an eye for an eye. Mr. Marcos and his ilk were like rabid dogs who had lost all reason. There was no longer any potential for dialogue; the only solution when confronted by a rabid dog is to put it down.”
~President Aquino [Newton, Massachusetts 9.23.2014]

Poll Results
1POLL

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA Network (Aquino), SPIN.Ph (NCAA), Reuters (Text Lane), Karen Kunawicz (SM), University of Leicester Archaeological Services, ]








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