ANG ALAMAT NG PREMATURE CAMPAIGNING

2 02 2013

ISANG ARAW SA ISANG napakalapit na siyudad, nagsama-sama ang labindalawang pulitiko upang bumuo ng isang koalisyong maglilingkod sa taumbayan.

Matapos aprubahan ang kanilang kandidatura, nagpasya ang koalisyon na simulan ang pagpaparamdam sa mga botante. Daig nga naman ng maagap ang masipag kaya’t isa-isa silang naglabas ng patalastas.

u
“Gusto ko may pagkain kayo sa mesa,” sabi ng isa.

“Nais kong makapag-aral ang inyong mga anak,” sabi ng pangalawa.

“Sasagipin ko ang mga bata sa lansangan.”

“Ipaglalaban ko ang karapatan ng mga kababaihan.”

“Aalagaan ko ang kalikasan.”

“Bibigyan ko kayo ng trabaho.”

“Ipagpapatayo ko kayo ng tulay.”

“Pagkakalooban ko kayo ng pabahay.”

“Pauunlarin ko ang ekonomiya.”

Et cetera.

eree
May pumuna.
May nag-alma.
May nag-akusa ng maagang pangangampanya – isang malinaw na paglabag sa itinatadhana ng batas.

“Pebrero a-dose pa ang simula ng official campaign period,” giit nila.

Ngunit hindi natinag ang koalisyon.

“Anong pangangampanya ang sinasabi n’yo?”

“Sinabi ba naming iboto n’yo kami? Hindi!”

“Sinabi ba naming suportahan n’yo kami? Hindi!”

Ang patalastas daw ay isa lamang pagpapakilala.
Ang pag-iikot sa mga lalawigan ay hindi campaign sortie kundi pagbisita.

“Wala kaming nilalabag na batas,” paglilinaw nila.

Umayon ang Comelec. “Tama nga naman sila.”

Ginagawa ng Pangulo.
Ginagawa ng taga-Senado.
Ginagawa ng taga-Kongreso.
Ginagawa ng lahat ng pulitiko.
Ginagawa ng nasa kanan.
Ginagawa ng nasa gitna.
Ginagawa ng nasa kaliwa.

“Kami ang nasa kapangyarihan.
Kami ang tama.”

At ‘yan ang alamat ng premature campaigning.

(Bumawi na lang kayo sa eleksyon.)
——————————————————-
“It shall be unlawful for any person, whether or not a voter or candidate, or for any party, or association of persons, to engage in an election campaign or partisan political activity except during the campaign period.”
~ Article X, Sec. 80: Omnibus Election Code

Note: Section 15 of RA 8436, as amended by Section 13 of RA 9369, provides that “[a]ny person who files his certificate of candidacy within [the period for filing] shall only be considered as a candidate at the start of the campaign period for which he filed his certificate of candidacy.

We know better.

vc2Immoral?
A Pasay City priest said this ad campaign of motel chain Victoria Court invites people to “commit something bad or immoral.” Bad or immoral?!?!? Speak for yourself Father!

Epalitician of the Day
Sabik sa atensyon, anumang okasyon!

Feb 2 - QC EpalPhoto: Courtesy of Epal Watch

Sound Bites
“Sa totoo lang, there was a time, sinasabi bakla raw ako. Hindi totoo ‘yun, of course.”
~Former Senate President Ernesto Maceda (via GMA News)

Elsewhere
-Philippine Daily Inquirer: Editorial: Dynastic Hubris
-Rappler.Com: Can Jack Enrile bury the past?

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





PUBLICITY

28 01 2010

FYI: the official campaign period for national elective posts won’t kick-off until February 9. Yes, according to the law, official campaigning starts on that day… meaning, those ads you see on TV right now? They’re unofficial. They’re not serious. Don’t believe them.


The race for president heats up as the campaign period approaches. Have you seen the candidates’ latest stunts? Noynoy Aquino tried to rap, Gilbert Teodoro flew a plane, and Manny Villar performed another vanishing act at the Senate.

Noynoy Aquino tried to rap and Gilbert Teodoro attempted to fly a plane. Not to be outdone, Bro. Eddie Villanueva will try to walk on water.

Have you seen Gilbert Teodoro’s latest TV ad where he tried to fly a plane? Here’s an update on that: the owner of the plane has threatened to sue Gibô for using the aircraft without permission.

This just in! While ABS-CBN is backing the candidacy of Noynoy Aquino, its child welfare arm, Bantay Bata 163 has decided to throw its support behind “abused child” Jamby Madrigal.

Villar vs. Enrile
Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile accused Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. of trying to buy his loyalty last August 29, 2009. It took five months for Enrile to expose the alleged bribe try because he had to study the offer carefully.

Villar vs. Enrile II
Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. denied offering a bribe to Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile. While Villar admitted that he met briefly with Enrile, he clarified that he never attempted to bribe him although he remembered telling the Senate president, “I could give you a new house and lot if you’d appear as a contestant on Wowowee.”

Pimentel’s Joke
Senate Minority Leader Aquilino Pimentel Jr. has apologized for a sex joke during Monday’s heated Senate debate on the C-5 road extension project controversy. Pimentel admitted that it was wrong to crack a joke on Korina’s crack.

Priests Confess
Some 5,500 Roman Catholic priests participated in a mass confession Wednesday, January 27. The event marked one of the largest gatherings of hypocrites ever.

Some 5,500 Roman Catholic priests participated in a mass confession Wednesday, January 27. A check on official records showed that the most common terms uttered during the confession were “boys” and “women.”
_____________
“There’s a very fine line between what is considered legal and ethical and legitimate, and [what constitutes] bribery.”
~Randall Eliason

Survey Says
Marlene Aguilar-Pollard is…
Mabuting ina 2%
Kunsintidora! 15%
Nuts! 83%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.





MAN ON TOP

26 08 2009

surveyfirsm Surveys
Sen. Manuel Villar has topped both the latest surveys conducted by the Social Weather Stations and Pulse Asia. When Sen. Jamby Madrigal and her lawyer Ernesto Francisco Jr heard the report, they asked each other, “Haven’t we done enough?!?”

Surveys II
Sen. Manuel Villar has zoomed to the top of two surveys on presidential aspirants. Eh mamudmod ka ba naman ng mga bahay at lupa sa Wowowee, paanong ‘di ka magta-top n’yan!

Surveys III
In the latest Pulse Asia survey, Jesus is Lord founder Bro. Eddie Villanueva got only 1 percent while Father Ed Panlilio got 0.4 percent. Pulse Asia said these figures have once proven that God was trying its best to stay neutral.

ramdam
Surveys IV
Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas placed 5th and 6th in the latest Pulse Asia, and SWS surveys, respectively. Alarmed by the results of the surveys, Roxas is urging Korina Sanchez to marry him this weekend.

Top 5 Unsolicited Pieces of Advice to Mar Roxas For Him to Fare Better in the Next Survey

No. 5: Do a Doy. Give way to Noynoy.

No. 4: Prove to us that you’re not part of a big show: reschedule your October 2009 wedding after the elections.

No. 3: You and Korina must stop professing your undying love for each other on TV, radio and print. She’s 45; you’re 52. Hindi kayo sina Kim at Gerald.

No. 2: Stop acting. Those kids in your political ads deliver their lines a lot better than you do. So drop the crap that “ramdam ko kayo” because we know and you know that you don’t! Bitch!

And the No. 1 unsolicited advice to Mar Roxas for him to fare better in the next survey…

Totally stop the airing of your TV ads. Anyway, they don’t say much about your accomplishments or your concrete plans for the Filipino people. And if the members of your own staff are afraid to articulate the truth, heto… makinig ka Mar: Nakakasuka ang mga TV commercials mo!

Erap Again
Deposed president Joseph Estrada will definitely run again for president in 2010. He promises to reveal in October: his picks for the Senate, his bet for VP, and his choice for First Lady.

Carlo J for Senator?
Controversial director Carlo J. Caparas is reportedly running for senator next year. Asked about his number 1 qualification, he replied, “Mas marami akong alam na English words kaysa kay Lito Lapid.”

Bizarre Behavior
An 18-year-old boy in Leon, Iloilo was arrested after he was caught in the act of having sex with a goat… to which the wife of the House Speaker said, “What’s the big deal?!? I’ve had sex with a crocodile!”

Bizarre Behavior II
An 18-year-old boy in Iloilo was nabbed after he was caught in the act of having sex with a goat. But that was nothing compared to President Arroyo who shares her bed with a vulture.

__________
“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.”
~Dan Quayle





THE WEDDING

18 08 2009

marko wedding Mar & Korina’s Wedding
According to Sen. Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez, every detail of their October 23 wedding will be documented and shown in a two-hour special on ABS-CBN. The couple is asking for an extra 30 seconds from the network… to document their honeymoon.

Mar & Korina’s Wedding II
Mar Roxas’ cousin Margarita Fores has reportedly drawn up the menu for the wedding dinner. Just to make sure that high-end guests will appreciate the food, Fores consulted Congressmen Danilo Suarez and Ferdinand Martin Romualdez.

marko_2 Mar & Korina’s Wedding III
Reports say Mar and Korina want to hold their wedding at the Sto. Domingo Church in Quezon City. But they also consider holding it at the air-conditioned Manila Cathedral. If there’s no decision yet by October 1, they’ll just divide the whole ceremony into two: the first half happens at the Sto. Domingo Church, and then, with ABS-CBN cameras documenting the event, hold a procession towards Intramuros via Edsa and Ayala ‘til they reach the Manila Cathedral for the second half of the wedding rites. [A shower of confetti along Ayala is optional.]

Mar & Korina’s Wedding IV
Every detail of Mar and Korina’s wedding will be documented and shown on ABS-CBN 2. Three months after the wedding, Star Cinema will start shooting its latest Judy Ann Santos flick inspired by the couple’s story. The movie’s working title: “Kasal, Kampanya, Kandidato.”

Mar & Korina’s Wedding V
A two-hour special on Mar & Korina’s wedding will be shown on ABS-CBN in October. The network is reportedly looking for a host, and everyone in Channel 2 is being considered… except for Karen Davila.

jet Presidential Jet
President Arroyo has reportedly dropped plans to purchase a new presidential jet. When she learned that it would cost 1.2 billion pesos, she told her cabinet and allies in Congress, “That’s a lot of money. Ikain na lang natin!”

Anti-Torture Bill
The congressional bicameral conference committee has approved a reconciled bill criminalizing torture. When the bill is enacted into law, television networks will not be allowed to air Sen. Mar Roxas’ political advertisements.

franc Jamby’s Lawyer
Presidential aspirant Jamby Madrigal’s lawyer Ernesto Francisco Jr. couldn’t hide his excitement over a temporary restraining order issued by the Manila RTC against the advertisements of Health Sec. Francisco Duque. To celebrate his latest victory, Francisco is raffling off, among his staff… 1000 original Jamby bracelets.

Da Who?
Remember our item on a government official who’s been blatantly using his post to advance his political ambition in 2010? This government official approached another network for a guest appearance on a game show. Here’s his idea of that guesting: his “subordinates” will play against one another in one whole episode of the program. When a subordinate is called on the hot seat, Mr. Government Official will serve as his “savior” in case he didn’t know the answer to a particular question. Apparently, the suggested treatment for the game show did not materialize. Do I have to give a clue or do you want to use a lifeline?

Elsewhere…
Columnist Antonio Abaya answers two questions: Why and how did our elders fail?
__________
“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
~Anonymous





AKO MISMO!

6 05 2009

PBA096834n40

akomismo1 IF YOU WERE GLUED to the Pacquiao-Hatton fight last Sunday, you would have caught the one minute ad of AkoMismo.Org. According to the group’s website, Ako Mismo is about “YOU making a stand and taking real action for the causes you believe in. Causes that you yourself can truly pursue to make a real, positive difference to your fellow countryman, to your country.”

Also aired during the commercial gaps were the “infomercials” of some government officials, advertisements which are now the subject of debates.

akomismo2 Inspired by AkoMismo.Org’s tv ad, the Professional Heckler takes another dig at these premature political advertisements.

Sen. Mar Roxas: May mas lalala pa kaysa sa problema natin sa walang kuwentang panoorin sa telebisyon

Sen. Manny Villar: Sa walang saysay na balitaktakan sa radyo

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: Sa mga halos hubad na babaeng nagsasayaw sa pantanghaling mga programa

VP Noli De Castro: Sa mga paulit-ulit na drama sa hapon

Sen. Loren Legarda: Sa tabloidal na pagbabalita sa gabi

Mayor Jejomar Binay: Sa tsismisan at siraan ng mga artista

Sen. Richard Gordon: Sa milyun-milyong tagapanood ng telebisyon

Sen. Francis Escudero: Sa milyun-milyong tagapakinig ng radyo

Defense Sec. Gilbert Teodoro: Ang pinakamalalang nakikita ng mga Pilipino

MMDA Chair Bayani Fernando: Ang pinakagrabeng naririnig ng mga tao

Pagcor Chair Ephraim Genuino: Ay ang walang pakundangang pangangampanya ng mga pulitiko

Tesda Director Augusto Syjuco: Atenistang sumasakay sa padyak

Finance Sec. Gary Teves: Senador na sa camera ay umiiyak

Lacson: Opisyal na nakikipag-usap sa teroristang Abu Sayyaf

De Castro: Bilyonaryong humihimas ng itik

Roxas: Bise-presidenteng ginagamit ang Pag-IBIG

Villar: Dating pulis na murder ang posibleng kaharaping asunto

Teves: City mayor na may kasong pandarambong sa husgado

Escudero: Cabinet member na nakisakay sa kasikatan ng isang boksingero

Teodoro: Senadorang papalit-palit ng partido at mahilig sa mga mukhang lolo

Binay: Inhinyerong pilit ginagawang rosas ang nilalakaran mo

Gordon: May balbas-saradong nangangako ng trabaho

Fernando: At may nagbibigay pa ng tips sa parating na bagyo.

Syjuco: Para sa interes ko at ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin

Genuino: Lalabagin ang batas-panghalalan makamit lamang ang adhikain! Sinu-sino nga ba ang mga ito?

Mar Roxas: Ako Mismo!

Manny Villar: Ako Mismo!

Ping Lacson: Ako Mismo!

Noli De Castro: Ako Mismo!

Loren Legarda: Ako Mismo!

Jejomar Binay: Ako Mismo!

Richard Gordon: Ako Mismo!

Francis Escudero: Ako Mismo!

Gilbert Teodoro: Ako Mismo!

Bayani Fernando: Ako Mismo!

Augusto Syjuco: Ako Mismo!

Ephraim Genuino: Ako Mismo!

Gary Teves: Ako Mismo!

At sino ang dapat sisihin kung ang isang tulad ni Manny Pacquiao ay tumakbo at iboto ng mga taong sukang-suka na sa mga trapo at naghahanap ng pagbabago?

ALL: Kami mismo!
________
“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.”
~Winston Churchill

Survey Says…
Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez announced their engagement on “Wowowee.” Your initial reaction:
Eeew: 64%
So?:19%
Nice: 17%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.








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