BINGO!

THE COMMISSION ON ELECTIONS is investigating Liberal Party’s Jamby Madrigal for conducting a game on Twitter and Facebook with an iPad as prize. Well, that is totally wrong! She should be giving away at least 100!

Liberal Party’s Jamby Madrigal is giving away an iPad on Twitter. Not to be outdone, UNA is giving away Loren, Mary Grace and Chiz.

Manila Battle
Have you been following the word war between Manila politicians over a Bingo game? Mayor Lim said it was illegal gambling. Isko Moreno insisted it was political harassment. I believe it’s publicity.

Guide for Voters
The Parish Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting released “The 10 Commandments for Responsible Voting,” a guide for voters. The PPCRV said we should not vote for candidates who use “guns, goons, gold, and glitter;” “tainted with graft and corruption,” and “living an immoral life.” The group also advised the public not to vote “because of utang na loob, popularity, good looks, or pakikisama.” In short, leave the ballots blank.

Ces vs. Borneo
Journalist Ces Drilon was offended by the tweets of a member of the staff of senatorial aspirant Teddy Casiño. Reports say Teddy’s legislative officer Vince Borneo called Ces a “teleprompter reader.” Borneo also tweeted, “You have to hit at bitches to keep them in check.” When Ces Drilon read the tweets, she saw red.

Approved
The Court of Appeals ruled that actor Aga Muhlach and his wife Charlene Gonzales are registered voters of San Jose, Camarines Sur. The inexperienced Muhlach is seeking a seat as a member of the Philippine legislature. I have no idea why Bicol is being punished.

Virus
The Health Department warns the public about the “new coronavirus.” A person infected with the new coronavirus just walks out of a meeting and then returns on a wheelchair.

Murdered
In Russia… a politician was found dead inside a barrel filled with cement. Nah. I don’t think it would be fair to use the names of Sen. Panfilo Lacson and former president Joseph Estrada as punchlines. I’ll never do that.

A Russian lawmaker was found dead inside a barrel filled with cement. Authorities have identified a suspect. They’re just gathering concrete evidence.

Hacked
In the US… Burger King’s Twitter account was hacked and replaced with the logo and photos of its rival, McDonald’s. When will hacktivists replace Burger King’s and McDonald’s’ current menus with real food?

In a statement, Burger King’s rival McDonald’s said, “Rest assured, we had nothing to do with the hacking.” And then ended the statement with a smiley.

Psy’s Concert
Contrary to what I predicted, the South Korean pop sensation sang ‘Gangnam Style’ not 30 times but twice, just twice in his sold-out concert last Saturday. What a Psy of relief!
—————————————-
“A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the next generation.”
~James Freeman Clarke, Sermon

Sound Bites
““Nagulat na lang ako na biglang sa media na dinadaan ang mga reklamo, hindi ng ninong [Erap] ko, kundi ng ibang mga kandidato sa kanilang hanay. Wala pong kondisyon na dapat sumama kayo sa sortie namin. Walang kondisyon na ganoon. Ang sinabi lang ni Senator Jinggoy, ‘Sana sa bandang huli makasama ka sa aming miting de avance.’ Sabi ko, bilang Pilipino naman, syempre gusto ko namang magpasalamat lalong lalo na kung tinulungan ninyo ako.”
~Senatorial candidate Mary Grace Poe

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: ABS-CBNNews.Com, Philippine Daily Inquirer]

MODERNONG MGA KASABIHAN

Modern Sayings and Proverbs

Charity begins at the Senate.

Too many crooks spoil the pork.

If at first you don’t succeed…
form a party-list group.

Nasa Diyos ang awa
Nasa tao ang gawa
Nasa Kongreso ang biyaya.

President Aquino
To err is human
To forgive is…
… not his cup of tea!

Cong. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Necessity is the mother of reelection.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago
Nasa Diyos ang awa
Na kay Miriam ang ngawa.

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Ang sundalong nasusugatan
‘Pinagtatanggol ang kasarian.

The Estradas, the Binays, the Enriles, the Villafuertes, the Singsons, at maraming iba pa
The family that preys prays together…
Alam na.

Birds of a feather
are a dynasty.

Chiz Escudero, Loren Legarda and Grace Poe
Two parties are better than one.

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim
If you can’t beat them,
Arrest them!

Suspended Cebu Governor Gwen Garcia
Magpakahaba-haba man ang prusisyon
Tuloy pa rin ang suspensyon

Aga Muhlach
The grass is greener… in politics.

Annabelle Rama
Hindi lahat na kumikinang ay ginto.
Minsan tao.

Atimonan Checkpoint Police
Kung ’di madaan sa santong dasalan
Rubout na lang.

Sen. Franklin Drilon
Habang maikli pa ang kumot, matutong…
Mag-diet.

Rodolfo ‘Jun’ Lozada Jr.
Ang taong nagigipit
Sa mga madre kumakapit

Charice
Ang ‘di marunong magmahal sa sariling wika
May accent na kakatwa

Horse meat Scandal
Aanhin pa ang damo
Kung hamburger na ang kabayo
———————————————————————
“It is a pleasure to be able to quote lines to fit any occasion.”
~Abraham Lincoln

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

NOPE BENEDICT

WARNING: This post may offend religious feelings.

POPE BENEDICT XVI is stepping down as spiritual leader of 1.2 billion Roman Catholics. He has decided instead to run for Senate President.

The Pope has announced his resignation. The last straw was the RH Law.

Pope Benedict XVI has resigned. There’s no news yet on whether or not God has accepted his resignation.

After only eight years as spiritual leader of Roman Catholics, Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down because he can no longer fulfill his duties. Now we realize the importance of having a first runner-up.

Pope Benedict XVI is quitting “because of advanced age.” It got worse when the Vatican created those 9 Twitter accounts for him.

Of course, his resignation would have happened much earlier had he signed up for Facebook.

There’s no truth to rumors though that the Pope decided to quit because of Internet bullying.

Pope Benedict XVI, who turns 86 this April is quitting his job “because of advanced age.” I can’t believe nobody has informed him yet about stem cell therapy.

Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down, and it appears his resignation is irrevocable. The Pope has also denied rumors he had an affair with Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile.

The bad news: Pope Benedict XVI has resigned, and will be in office only until the end of the month. More bad news: He’s not entitled to separation pay.

Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down because of AGE – the only thing in the Roman Catholic Church that ‘advances.’

The College of Cardinals will elect a new Pope in a papal conclave in March. Some possible replacements have been identified in the news including Filipino Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle. Filipinos are hoping that the next conclave will have a “text vote” component.

Some of the mentioned frontrunners for the papacy were the cardinals from Nigeria, Ghana, Milan, Vienna, Canada, Honduras, and yes, the Philippines. This early, some people are calling the conclave, ‘Thrilla in the Basilica.’

The last time a pope resigned was in 1415 when Joseph Ratzinger was still in grade school.

The last time a Pope resigned was in 1415, also the last time the Lakers’ win-loss record was above the .500 mark.

The Pope has resigned! Bob Arum wants Manny Pacquiao to replace him.

You know something sinister is happening in the Philippines when Pope Benedict XVI announces his resignation on the eve of the start of the official campaign period.

In a statement, Vice President Jejomar Binay expressed sadness on the news that Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down, and called on Filipinos to pray for the 85-year-old Catholic leader. Sought for reaction on Binay’s “concern,” the Pope said, “Hashtag Alam Na!”

For those who missed: HOLY TWEETS – Top 10 Tweets You Won’t Read on Pope Benedict XVI’s Timeline
—————————————-
“Religious institutions perpetuate a mortal master-servant relationship,” Leto said. “They create an arena which attracts prideful human power-seekers with all of their nearsighted prejudices!”
~Frank Herbert, God Emperor of Dune

In Other News
The official campaign period for national candidates kicked off Tuesday, Feb. 12. UNA and Team PNOY held proclamation rallies in Cebu City and Manila, respectively. Both events were fun and festive – just what everyone expected in a circus.

Sound Bites
“Nakakahiyang aminin, wala talaga.”
~Sen. Loren Legarda on her sex life

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

ANG ALAMAT NG PREMATURE CAMPAIGNING

ISANG ARAW SA ISANG napakalapit na siyudad, nagsama-sama ang labindalawang pulitiko upang bumuo ng isang koalisyong maglilingkod sa taumbayan.

Matapos aprubahan ang kanilang kandidatura, nagpasya ang koalisyon na simulan ang pagpaparamdam sa mga botante. Daig nga naman ng maagap ang masipag kaya’t isa-isa silang naglabas ng patalastas.

“Gusto ko may pagkain kayo sa mesa,” sabi ng isa.

“Nais kong makapag-aral ang inyong mga anak,” sabi ng pangalawa.

“Sasagipin ko ang mga bata sa lansangan.”

“Ipaglalaban ko ang karapatan ng mga kababaihan.”

“Aalagaan ko ang kalikasan.”

“Bibigyan ko kayo ng trabaho.”

“Ipagpapatayo ko kayo ng tulay.”

“Pagkakalooban ko kayo ng pabahay.”

“Pauunlarin ko ang ekonomiya.”

Et cetera.

May pumuna.
May nag-alma.
May nag-akusa ng maagang pangangampanya – isang malinaw na paglabag sa itinatadhana ng batas.

“Pebrero a-dose pa ang simula ng official campaign period,” giit nila.

Ngunit hindi natinag ang koalisyon.

“Anong pangangampanya ang sinasabi n’yo?”

“Sinabi ba naming iboto n’yo kami? Hindi!”

“Sinabi ba naming suportahan n’yo kami? Hindi!”

Ang patalastas daw ay isa lamang pagpapakilala.
Ang pag-iikot sa mga lalawigan ay hindi campaign sortie kundi pagbisita.

“Wala kaming nilalabag na batas,” paglilinaw nila.

Umayon ang Comelec. “Tama nga naman sila.”

Ginagawa ng Pangulo.
Ginagawa ng taga-Senado.
Ginagawa ng taga-Kongreso.
Ginagawa ng lahat ng pulitiko.
Ginagawa ng nasa kanan.
Ginagawa ng nasa gitna.
Ginagawa ng nasa kaliwa.

“Kami ang nasa kapangyarihan.
Kami ang tama.”

At ‘yan ang alamat ng premature campaigning.

(Bumawi na lang kayo sa eleksyon.)
——————————————————-
“It shall be unlawful for any person, whether or not a voter or candidate, or for any party, or association of persons, to engage in an election campaign or partisan political activity except during the campaign period.”
~ Article X, Sec. 80: Omnibus Election Code

Note: Section 15 of RA 8436, as amended by Section 13 of RA 9369, provides that “[a]ny person who files his certificate of candidacy within [the period for filing] shall only be considered as a candidate at the start of the campaign period for which he filed his certificate of candidacy.

We know better.

Immoral?
A Pasay City priest said this ad campaign of motel chain Victoria Court invites people to “commit something bad or immoral.” Bad or immoral?!?!? Speak for yourself Father!

Epalitician of the Day
Sabik sa atensyon, anumang okasyon!

Photo: Courtesy of Epal Watch

Sound Bites
“Sa totoo lang, there was a time, sinasabi bakla raw ako. Hindi totoo ‘yun, of course.”
~Former Senate President Ernesto Maceda (via GMA News)

Elsewhere
-Philippine Daily Inquirer: Editorial: Dynastic Hubris
-Rappler.Com: Can Jack Enrile bury the past?

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

FEELINGS

TOUR GUIDE, theater artist, painter and activist Carlos Celdran was sentenced to a minimum of two months and maximum of one year in prison for “offending religious feelings.” The guilty verdict was handed down by Manila Metropolitan Trial Court Branch 4 Judge Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini.

Tour guide Carlos Celdran was sentenced to a prison term after he was found guilty of “offending religious feelings” – which, makes me wonder why Bishop Teodoro Bacani is still out there, and free.

A Manila MTC judge sentenced activist Carlos Celdran to a prison term for “offending religious feelings.” Hey judge, the 1800s called. Mag-move on ka na raw!

Burglary
Last Saturday, a 22-year-old jobless man identified as Hilbert Moncano broke into the office of MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino in Guadalupe Nuevo, Makati City. According to the police, no money was taken. Feeling sorry for himself, Moncano said he should have just broke into a senator’s office.

Reports say the 22-year-old suspect was trapped inside MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino’s office for almost 36 hours and even took a shower before he was found. In totally unrelated news, Tolentino and his wife just had a fight.

Mega Robbery
Talking about Saturday’s robbery at SM Megamall, the spokesperson of Mandaluyong City police told GMA News, “Base sa aming imbestigasyon, maaaring beforehand, nag-conduct na sila ng surveillance, inalam nila kung saan sila pwede pumasok at saan sila pwede lumabas.” Baka nga.

And you still wonder why those robbers escaped?!Silence Please
Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago has filed a bill that seeks to penalize the use of electronic devices like cell phones inside cinemas, concert halls, and other performance venues. The feisty senator wants those gadgets in “silent” mode. To which, moviegoers said, “You first!”

Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago has a pending bill called “Silent Mode Act,” or in Senate parlance, Lito Lapid.

Awan Future
Aman Futures founder Emmanuel Amalilio, the alleged ringleader of the 12 billion-peso Ponzi scheme is reportedly sick. He is now confined at St. Luke’s Malaysia.

Iran’s Space Program
Iran is claiming to have successfully launched a monkey into space and brought it back alive. American astronauts were like, “That was so ‘50s!”

Iran claims it has successfully launched a monkey into space and brought it back alive. Did you see the poor animal? It looks frightened as if it’s being hostaged. I heard Ben Affleck’s doing a movie about it.

Reports say Iranians have successfully sent a monkey into space. That’s impressive but maybe not as impressive as Filipinos who have sent hundreds of crocodiles to Congress.

Penis captivus
In Mandaue City, Cebu… a woman allegedly died when her partner’s penis got stuck in her vagina during an intercourse. The “inseparable” couple was brought to the hospital but the woman was pronounced dead on arrival. She died of prolonged embarrassment.
————————————————-
“It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.”
~ Noël Coward, Blithe Spirit

Sound Bites
“If our priests and members of religious orders follow the example of the Holy Pope, I think Christian generosity and charity will prevail and maybe the Church could forgive Mr. Celdran so that we can move on.”
~President Aquino via Rappler.Com

Enjoy the rest of the week!

Personal
A shout out to Dr. Dulcinea Laforteza and her expository writing class at the University of the Philippines in Los Baños! Hello!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

ROBBERS

“I DO NOT LOOK old at all. From my waist up, I am still very well, but from my waist down, well, I do not know about that. Once in a blue moon, if ever.”
~Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile

The Chief of Staff
Quoting a Chicago Tribune report 15 years ago, the Philippine Daily Inquirer said Cristina Ponce Enrile “walked out on Juan Ponce Enrile after charging adultery.” The report identified the “other woman” as Gigi Reyes, Enrile’s current chief of staff. Last week, Enrile denied the rumored illicit affair saying, “I’m too old for that. My God!” And God was like, “Whateverrrr!”

Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile’s chief of staff, , Jessica Lucila “Gigi” Gonzales-Reyes has apologized to Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano for calling him a “hypocrite” on radio. The report didn’t say if Gigi has apologized to Enrile’s wife, Cristina.

Lawyer Gigi Reyes has irrevocably resigned as chief of staff of Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. But the Senate president told the media, “I have to convince her to come back.” To which, God said, “Told yah!”

Because of her perceived “power” and “influence,” Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile‘s chief of staff, Gigi Reyes has been dubbed as the “24th senator.” Again, that’s 24th senator, not ‘2nd wife.’

In a lengthy statement, Gigi Reyes admitted that she wanted Senate President Enrile to quit. But her boss misunderstood it, and awkwardly replied, “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

Enrile, who is almost 89 has denied that Gigi Reyes, 50 is his girlfriend. I’ll trust Enrile on this one… unless paleontologists could prove otherwise.

Mega Shocker
Suspected robbers reportedly tried to pull off a heist at a jewelry store in SM Megamall around 7:45 PM, Saturday. Apparently, the robbers were able to sneak past mall security because they didn’t look like robbers. According to witnesses, they looked like senators.

According to police, there were four to five robbers. There was no truth to rumors that a certain Gigi was the 6th robber.

At 8:45PM (Saturday) police said everything was under control… except for the robbers.

Police say none of the robbers wore masks. Really? That’s just bold. Who do you think you are… congressmen?

Anticrime Czar
Despite the controversial Atimonan checkpoint incident, concurrent Executive Secretary and Presidential Anti-Organized Crime Commission chairman Paquito Ochoa still has the trust of President Aquino. By the way, are you aware that Ochoa’s the anticrime czar? Me neither.

Loveless
President Aquino admits that on Valentine’s Day he’ll possibly be dateless. “’Noy, hindi ka nag-iisa!”

Earlier this month, a psychic predicted that President Aquino would soon meet a very beautiful and intelligent woman. But the President said he wouldn’t want to rely on fortune-tellers saying, “God has something good in store for me.” To which God replied, “’Wag pakasiguradoooo!”

Attractive
According to a study, men in red shirts are more attractive and sexually desirable to women. Somebody should tell President Aquino.

Nokor Threat
North Korea threatens to carry out high-level nuclear tests aimed at the United States. Hey Kim Jong Un… just so you know, Justin Bieber is from Canada. You might want to change your target.

Kwarta o Kahon
The great veteran game show host Pepe Pimentel has died at the age of 83. He chose ‘kahon.’
—————————————————-
“Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.”
~Scott Dikkers

Sound Bites
“They cannot destroy me as Senate President.”
~Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile on his critics

“‘Pag ‘di s’ya happy sa ‘yo, pwede ka n’yang api-apihin?”
~Sen. Pia Cayetano on Enrile

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

ENRILE

IN A PRIVILEGE SPEECH Monday, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile declared the Senate presidency vacant. But majority of the senators rejected his offer to quit. He retained his post after a vote of 1.6M to 3.

Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile said his critics have “succeeded in placing the Senate under a dark cloud of doubt and suspicion as a house of thieves.” To be fair to the Senate, many people neither doubt, nor suspect it as such.. They’re convinced.

One of Enrile’s staunch critics, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV says the ouster plot versus Enrile is very much alive. If all else fails, Trillanes plans to walk out of the Senate and hole up at the Manila Peninsula.

According to Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile, there are people who accuse his colleagues in the Senate of pocketing taxpayers’ money. Those people are called correct.

Political analysts say Senate President Enrile’s privilege speech was a “publicity stunt” for his son, Jack, who’s running for senator. To which, Jack Enrile said, “That’s a lie. I am prepared to disprove that any day, any time, on TV, radio, anywhere! Come on, call me! I’m waiting. Call me!”

Miriam High
Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s recent blood tests revealed her cholesterol, calcium, uric acid, triglycerides, LDL, and blood urea were all “high.” The only test where she got something “low” was the bar.

Campaign Period
For national candidates, it’s Feb. 12 and for local candidates it’s March 30. I’m talking about the official start of the campaign period – or as UNA and LP senatoriables would say, “What’s that?”

Comelec Chairman Sixto Brillantes says politicians should REMOVE EXCESSIVE ‘epal’ paraphernalia/propaganda materials before the official campaign period. Oh no! Caloocan, Parañaque and Quezon City will be in ruins!

According to Comelec, logos and names of candidates on government vehicles are prohibited. I hope you get that Taguig City Mayor Lani Cayetano.

Sulu Sea Destruction
A United States Navy war ship ran aground and remains stuck on Tubbataha Reef, a protected marine sanctuary. Coral rape.

Obama Inauguration
In 2008, US President Obama promised change. In yesterday’s inauguration, did you notice First Lady Michelle Obama’s new hairdo? Promise fulfilled.

Sasha Obama, the younger daughter of the US President was caught yawning during her father’s inauguration speech. To be fair to Sasha, most Americans have been yawning for four years.

Armstrong Biopic
A movie based on the life of Lance Armstrong is reportedly in the works. Unfortunately, the title “Liar, Liar” had already been used.

Seduction
Promoting in a showbiz-oriented talk show, stars of the sexy flick ‘Seduction’ said Richard Gutierrez exposed his butt for the very first time in a movie. Interestingly, film reviewers observed that the butt proved to be a better actor than Richard.
———————————————–
“Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”
~Mark Twain

Sound Bites
“Hindi namimigay si Senator Enrile, kinakantsawan siya ng mga kasamahan niya, ‘May pamasko ba?’ Lagi siyang nangungunang mangantsaw, si Alan [Cayetano]. This year, ang nangantsaw, may dalawang senador, hindi na namin binanggit.”
~Atty. Gigi Reyes, Senator Enrile’s Chief of Staff

“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what your Senate President can give you.”
~Not John F. Kennedy

Have a safe and productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

WORD WAR

IN A HUGE gathering in Cebu City the other day, President Aquino openly campaigned for the Liberal Party coalition’s senatorial candidates – much to the delight of the candidates who attended this year’s first ever miting de avance.

Have you seen the TV advertisement of the United Nationalist Alliance? According to UNA spokesperson and Navotas Rep. Toby Tiangco, that is “not premature campaigning.” Like their rivals in the LP coalition, Tiangco is NOT insulting the public’s intelligence. He’s assuming we don’t have any.

President Aquino says UNA was first to launch its TV ad and campaign sorties because the party has more to prove. UNA retaliated by saying LP candidates were lagging in pre-election surveys despite the airing of their TV ads as early as August 2012. The public is now confused. Who’s pot, who’s kettle?

Chilly
Did you notice the weather? PAGASA says we will experience cooler mornings until March. Hopefully, this cools off Senator Miriam and Senator Enrile.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago said Senate President Enrile was being “malicious” when he mentioned during an interview her low grade in the bar exam. Just so you know, Santiago did not top the bar after scoring only 78 percent. To be fair, that rating is still impressive… on Rotten Tomatoes.

Karen Davila’s interview with Senator Santiago the other day was so intense her blood pressure shot up… to twice her bar exam rating.

According to Sen. Panfilo Lacson, Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago is a “crusading crook” who “doesn’t have a single shred of integrity in her veins and moral ascendancy over any mortal on earth.” To which, Bubby Dacer’s ashes replied, “Sige! Ikaw na, ikaw na ang ubod nang linis! Perfect ka eh.”

Lance Armstrong
Appearing on ‘Oprah,’ disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong has come clean, and admitted he had told us lies. Can we ask ‘Oprah’ to invite as guest those cops involved in the Atimonan shooting?

Or maybe, she could invite Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile and talk about that fake ambush in 1972.

Lance Armstrong has apologized to his advertisers for concealing the truth. When will some advertisers apologize to the buying public for telling us lies?

Liquor Ban
The Metro Manila Department Authority has asked the Commission on Elections to extend the 2-day liquor ban to 45 days. Or as Baron Geisler would call it, “Harsh!”

Wikipedia
Launched in 2001, Wikipedia announced that it just turned 12 last January 15. If I were you though, I wouldn’t trust this piece of information. Try another source.
———————————————————
“You don’t win battles with hate. Anger and hate can make you brave, make you strong, but they also make you stupid. You end up tripping over your own two feet.” (Hadrian)”
― Michael J. Sullivan, Theft of Swords

Sound Bites
“Kung di ba malisyoso yung tao na ‘yon, pati ‘yon (bar exam issue) isasama niya sa debate? Ang debate tungkol sa P2 million na rinegalo niya sa mga senador. Bakit dadalhin niya kung saan saan? What about you? What if I say you have body odor? Wala nang katapusan ‘yan?”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago on Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile (via ANC’s Headstart)

“She’s crusading crook” who “doesn’t have a single shred of integrity in her veins and moral ascendancy over any mortal on earth.”
~Sen. Panfilo Lacson on Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

E IS FOR EPAL

FOR 2013, here’s the first set of photos featuring attention-seeking politicians. Pansinin n’yo naman sila. Thank you.

Sa San Pablo City, may ‘Let’s go Colago!’
Gusto pa yatang talunin ang ‘Let’s go sago!’
At may “I love you more!” pang isiningit.
Jusme, masyado namang pilit! This is it pansit!

Punta naman tayo sa Tarlac City…
Sabi sa graffiti: Bagong Simula…
Pero ang style mo… lumang-luma!
Epal!
[Tanong: Sa 'yo ba 'tong tulay? Pera mo ba ang ginamit sa construction?]

Sa Kalookan kung saan notorious ang kaepalan…
May nais bumalik bilang kinatawan
Titigan ang larawan:
FORmer o FOR Congressman?
Para-paraan!

Naninilaw ang kalye sa Cebu. Type O.
Parang mas bagay ang Type E dito.

Sa Laguna…
Matalino… check!
Mahusay… check!
Aktibo… check!
Progresibo… check!
Asensado… check!
Dave… Ikaw Na!
Ang epal? Check na check!

Sa Quezon City…
May pondo para sa mukha ni Jessica Castelo Daza
Wala namang pambayad sa maghahakot ng basura.

Epalizeum. #nuffsaid

Balik tayo sa QC…
Uy, libreng bakuna raw laban sa rabies.
Sana may libreng bakuna rin laban sa epal.

Sabi ni Mayor Jun Bernabe:
“Hataw Parañaque!”
Ikaw muna kaya ang hatawin namin?
Pwede?
[Try lang.]

Sa Talavera, Nueva Ecija…
Zero-Kalat ba ka n’yo?
Eh bakit nakakalat ang mukha mo?

Mula sa alkalde ng Rodriguez, Rizal: alarm clock!
Por Diyos, por santo… para saan ba ‘to?
Kung ang taong ‘yan ang katabi n’yo, makakatulog ba kayo?
——————————————
“It seems as if people like to be the center
of attention even after they’re dead.”
~ Hidekaz Himaruya

Many thanks to the following: Epal Watch, Bayani Thaddeus Barcenas, Lani Manahan, Alfel Go, KrazyOkay, and Luzvimin Mauricio. The rest were sent by concerned individuals who wanted to remain anonymous.

For submissions, email original photos here: epaliticians@yahoo.com.

HAPPY WEEKEND!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

SHARPSHOOTERS

The Philippine National Police denied there was foul play in the killing of at least 13 suspected members of a gun-for-hire syndicate in Atimonan, Quezon. A victim’s relative insisted it was a “rubout.” Police said it was a “shootout.” Carlo J. Caparas said it’s a potential box office hit.

With the highest aggregate score, President Aquino bested more than 100 generals and other police and military officers to win the executive category of “Games of the Generals 2013” – a shooting competition. In second place were cops from Atimonan, Quezon.

Following the spate of gun-related violence, Congressman Orlando Fua called on President Aquino to give up his gun. But there was little likelihood that the President would budge. Malacañang says the request is rather personal. It’s like asking Fua to give up his pork barrel.

One of those killed in Atimonan, Quezon was Supt. Alfredo Perez Consemino, chief of operations of Police Regional Office in Mimaropa. The PNP has denied rumors that an Akbayan member will be appointed as caretaker.

Kawit Stash
The Philippine National Police discovered that the gunman who killed 8 and wounded 12 in a shooting rampage in Kawit, Cavite had a stash of high-powered firearms. The PNP also discovered that the gunman’s role model was political adviser Ronald Llamas.

Promising
London-based luxury travel magazine Conde Nast Traveler named the Philippines as one of the “Destinations to Watch in 2013.” The magazine identified Palawan, Bicol and Siargao as places to visit – while Kawit, Kalookan and Atimonan were named places to avoid.

Total Ban
The Department of Health is pushing for a total ban on firecrackers. Meanwhile, firecracker manufacturers are calling for a total ban on Dr. Eric Tayag’s dance moves.

Hacked
Tito Sotto’s website has been defaced. The hackers told Sotto, “You cannot shut us up.” To which, Sotto replied, “Ako rin.”

Overseas
A 26-year-old social media activist was sentenced to two years in prison for reportedly “insulting” Kuwait’s emir. I don’t think that’ll happen in the Philippines. Here, we don’t insult leaders and politicians. We describe them.

In LA, Playboy boss Hugh Hefner, 86 married his girlfriend, Crystal Harris, 26. Harris was quick to deny she’s necrophiliac.

In Saudi Arabia, a 90-something-year-old man married a 15-year-old girl. And Hugh Hefner was like, “Hiyang-hiya naman ako sa ‘yo!”

In Washington DC, President Barack Obama nominates John Brennan as CIA Director – a position originally reserved for David Estes – until he was killed in a terrorist attack at CIA headquarters.

Phone Problem
My new phone autocorrects a number of words I type. This morning, it autocorrected ‘pork’ to ‘Congress.’ I have no idea why.

January 8
The 8th of January marks the end of the 2012 Metro Manila Film Festival. In other news, feng shui experts say 8 is a lucky number. I agree.

January 9: Feast of the Black Nazarene

“Violence is an evil thing, but when the guns are all in the hands of the men without respect for human rights, then men are really in trouble.”
~ Louis L’Amour, The Daybreakers

Sound Bites
“Ang alam ko sa ‘basura’ ay mabaho, iniiwasan, hindi pinupuntahan at nilalalangaw! Ganun ba ang ginawa ng tao sa pelikulang Sisterakas?”
~Wenn Deramas, Director, Sisterakas

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Toonpool.Com, Philippine Trivia.Com]

NOW SHOWING!

2013 Film Festival: The Official Entries

ILL PRESIDENTE
Synopsis: Isang post apocalyptic thriller tungkol sa isang dating lider na na-addict sa Botox. Nagkalat ang poster, tarps, at streamer ng dating lider sa kanilang lalawigan. Sa pagnanais na maging kaaya-aya ang kanyang hitsura sa kanyang nasasakupan, naging sugapa sa Botox ang dating lider. Ngunit lahat ng sobra ay masama. Hindi nakontrol ng dating lider ang kanyang addiction at nauwi ito sa kagimbal-gimbal na pangyayaring babago sa kanyang buhay. Ito na ba ang kanyang katapusan? Why not?

SISTERAKET
Synopsis: Nakaligtas ang magkakapatid na Felimon, Magda at Josefina sa kahindik-hindik na paglilinis ng Comelec sa listahan ng mga party-list groups. Sa desisyong ‘di inasahan ng magkakapatid, na-accredit sila for the 2013 midterm elections. Marami ang nadismaya sa pangyayaring ito lalo pa’t alam ng publiko na mulitimillionaire ang kanilang pamilya. Ang ama nila ay mataas ang katungkulan sa hudikatura at incumbent congressman ang dalawa nilang pinsang-buo. Hindi rin malinaw kung anong marginalized group ang kanilang kinakatawan. Magtagumpay kaya ang magkakapatid sa kanilang raket ngayong Mayo? Bakit sila pinayagang tumakbo ng Comelec? Kailan magigising ang mga botante sa lantarang panlolokong ito?

THE STRANGER
Synopsis: Palaaway ang imahe ni Felicidad Escovedo sa entertainment industry. Kada linggo ay marami itong tinatalakan sa iba’t ibang platform. Multimedia war freak ang bansag sa kanya. Dahil napagod at nabagot na yata sa kakaaway, nagpasya itong pasukin ang pulitika. Walang karanasan sa paggawa ng batas si Felicidad. Sabi nga niya sa isang panayam, “It feels strange.” Ngunit kumpiyansa itong magtatagumpay dahil sa suporta ng mga kaalyadong artista. Kung ikaw ay kababayan ni Felicidad, iboboto mo ba siya ngayong Mayo? Kung oo, anong problema mo?

ANG AGIMAT NI TATANG AT SI AKO
Synopsis: See last year’s + si AKO.

YOSI PROBLEMS
Synopsis: High school pa lang ay mahilig na sa babae ang anak-mayaman at ngayon ay mambabatas na si Juan Alfredo Miguel Antonio Niccolo Teodoro Enrique Montelibano o Jamante for short. Ngunit walang hilig sa kanya ang babae. Hindi tumatagal ang kanyang mga relasyon. Dahil sa sunud-sunod na kabiguan, nalulong si Jamante sa sigarilyo. Ang nikotina ang kanyang naging ‘buhay.’ Sa katunayan, kinakapos ito ng hininga at tila nanghihina kapag walang hinihitit na yosi. Isang araw, may nakilala siyang maganda at mas batang babae. Na-love at first sight siya. Grabe ang tama men! Ngunit may kondisyon ang babae bago nito ibigay ang matamis na oo kay Jamante: “tumigil ka sa paninigarilyo!” Now that’s a yosi problem! Alin ang pipiliin ni Jamante: bisyo o babae?

SHAKE, RATTLE, AND ROFL 14: THE BEAUTY QUEEN
Synopsis: Tinangkang bawian ng korona ang 2010-2013 Bb. Cebu-Galaxy na si Maria Perfidia Dimayacyac. Pinagbintangan itong nam-bully ng kanyang runner-up sa patimpalak. Ngunit nanindigan si Dimayacyac na ‘di niya ibibigay ang korona dahil malinis niya itong napanalunan. Sa kabila ng pakiusap ng organizers na umalis na ito sa stage dahil gagamitin ng iba ang venue, nagmatigas ang beauty queen. Ayaw talaga nitong bumaba. Lumakas pa ang kanyang loob matapos umani ng suporta mula sa Ginoong Makati-Galaxy; sa former Ginoong San Juan-World, at sa reigning Ginoong Cagayan-International. Inabutan na si Dimayacyac ng Pasko at Bagong Taon sa entablado at plano pa yatang doon mag-Valentine’s Day. Gayunman, nagbanta ang mga organizers ng pageant na puwersahan nilang palalayasin ang dalaga kung hindi ito boluntaryong aalis. Mauwi kaya sa karahasan ang timpalak pagandahan? Sino ang unang kukurap? Get shaken, get rattled and get rollin’ sa ika-labing-apat na edisyon ng paborito n’yong komedya: Shake, Rattle and ROFL.

JUAN MORE TRY
Synopsis: Matapos magpalit ng relihiyon, dalawang sunod na pagkatalo ang nalasap ng boksingerong si Juan Emmanuel De La Hoya. Nais ng kanyang pamilya na tuluyan na itong magretiro dahil malaki na rin naman ang kanyang naipon. Ngunit alinlangan si Juan Emmanuel na sundin ang hiling ng kanyang pamilya. Sayang raw ang kikitain sa susunod na dalawa o tatlong fight. Sa halip na mag-quit, nagpasya itong magpalit na lamang ulit ng relihiyon upang subukan kung ano ang pinaka-effective. Ano kayang sekta ang kanyang pipiliin this time? Magresulta kaya sa tagumpay ang hakbang na ito? Bakit galit na galit si Chino Trinidad sa report na may early signs na raw ng Parkinson’s Disease si Manny Pacquiao? Wala pa bang reaksyon si Dyan Castillejo? Bakit kung saan-saan na napunta ang synopsis na ito?

DIE WOMB
Synopsis: Promising star. Nabuntis. Ayaw mawalan ng career. Nagpa-abort. Ang twist: bumangon mula sa hukay ang ipinalaglag na fetus at gustong bumalik sa sinapupunan ng kanyang walang pusong ina. Ang tanong: makabalik kaya siya?

Advisory: The 2013 Film Festival officially begins today. Free admission.
——————————————————–
“A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.”
~Samuel Goldwyn

Sound Bites
“Simple reply, how sad for him because I’m here to stay [and] will try my best to bug him for many years more!”
~Kris Aquino reacting to a negative review of MMFF topgrosser ‘Sisterakas’

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

FENG SHUI

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! 2012 is over. It’s the first week of 2013. Time to ask yourselves, “What happened to my bonus (and cash gift)? Where did it go?”

But here’s a piece of good news! This year, there’s no scheduled Apocalypse.

Water Snake
Interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, a feng shui expert said Vice President Jojo Binay should not expect a favorable 2013. But the vice president is unfazed. He’s more concerned about 2016.

Experts say 2013 is not a good year for Vice President Binay. Apparently, the Water Snake is not compatible with the dark Horse.

The same expert says Pig people like former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo shall have the lowest energy this year. Like, hello, we can see that.

This year, Pig people like Pampanga Representative Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will have the lowest energy – while Dr. Eric Tayag will have the highest energy.

Yet another expert says President Aquino should look for a Monkey, a Dragon or an Ox to be romantically happy this year. Surprisingly, the expert didn’t mention humans.

The feng shui expert adds Ox people like former president Joseph Estrada will be lucky in politics this year. Sought for comment, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim said he’s not into feng shui.

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim is a Snake. And Joseph Estrada was like, “I know.”

JUST IN: Suspended Cebu Governor Gwendolyn Garcia belies reports she was born in the year of the Gecko.

Firecrackers
According to Health Secretary Enrique Ona, the number of firecracker injuries dropped this year. Of the total number of victims, 219 or 54 percent used illegal firecrackers. They are called idiots.

In Manila, a man is facing frustrated murder charges for throwing a lit firecracker at his mother-in-law. The suspect explained he was just trying to fight fire with fire.

In Hollywood…
Kim Kardashian is pregnant. At least, we know the baby’s going to have Kardashian blood. Take that Khloe!

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are having a baby! Kris Jenner couldn’t wait to sell the video of the birth.

Kanye and Kim are going to be first time parents soon. Kanye wants to name their baby, ‘Wild Wild.’

MADAM KALACHUCHI returns with more predictions for the year:

Magiging mailap pa rin kay Pangulong Aquino ang romansa. If it’s any consolation, napaghandaan niya.

Muling gaganda ang imahe ni Tito Sotto. Sa susunod na lifetime.

Hindi matutuloy ang Pacquiao-Marquez 5. Mas posible pang matuloy ang Tulfo-Barretto 2.

Kung hindi mag-iingat, dadapuan ng sakit si Secretary Mar Roxas. Sasabihin ng doktor, “Na-stress.” Sasabihin ni Korina, “Namaligno.”

Matatalo sa pagka-kongresista ng Cebu si Annabelle Rama. Walang magugulat.

In Showbiz…
Patuloy ang pagdami ng ‘affair’ movies. Maiinspire ang mga Pinoy. Dadami ang kabit.

May nagbabantang tumalo sa kasikatan ni Charice. Ang kanyang buhok.

Hindi iiwan ni Sharon Cuneta ang Twitter. Siya ang iiwan nito.
———————————————-
“Masses are always breeding grounds of psychic epidemics.”
~Carl Jung

Elsewhere
Proclamation No. 459: Declaring the Regular Holidays, Special (Non-Working) Days, And Special Holiday (For All Schools) For the Year 2013

HAVE A GREAT YEAR!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

PINOY FIRECRACKERS: A GUIDE

Christmas is for kids.
New Year’s Eve is for adults.

NARITO ANG INYONG gabay sa pagpili ng mga paputok na sisindihan sa pagsalubong sa taong 2013:

Enrile Firecracker:
Ang pinakaunang firecracker na ibinenta sa Pilipinas. Ilang beses na rin itong ipinagbawal ng pamahalaan pero tuwing magpapalit ng administrasyon, nagpapalit rin ng packaging.

Noynoy Firecracker:
Fifty-two years na sa market; medyo hirap nang pumutok.

GMA Firecracker:
Hindi na uso. Wala nang bumibili. Ayun, nabubulok sa stock room.

Erap Firecracker:
Ilang dekada na rin itong ibinebenta. Malakas pa rin ang hatak sa publiko kahit minsan na rin siyang ipinagbawal. May newer versions ang Erap firecracker: dalawa – parehong mataba ang hitsura pero magkaiba ang manufacturer.

Miriam Firecracker:
Medyo kumplikado ang pagkakagawa rito. Pati instructions kung paano dapat paputukin, kumplikado rin. Bawal sa bobo!

Sereno Firecracker:
Mahaba ang buhay. Kahit abutin ng 18 years… puputok pa.

Gwendolyn Garcia Firecracker:
Kahugis ng kwitis. Kaya lang, matapos sindihan, nananatili pa rin sa puwesto. Hindi umaalis.

Binay Firecracker:
Masyadong excited na paputok. Ang intensyon ng manufacturer ay ibenta sa 2016. Pero 2011 pa lang, nagparamdam na sa mercado. May tatlong mas bagong bersyon ang Binay firecracker, at ayon sa inisyal na report ng market analysts, mukhang bebenta silang lahat ngayong 2013.

Eric Tayag Firecracker:
Sumasayaw na firecracker. Masipag pumutok pero ligtas naman. Bongga!

Party-List Firecracker:
Mag-ingat sa pagbili ng paputok na ito. Nagkalat ang peke!

Kris Aquino Firecracker:
Isa sa pinakamaingay na paputok. Pero kahit gaano pa kaingay o ka-iritable ang tunog nito, hindi ka magsasawang panoorin dahil sobrang colorful.

Viel Firecracker:
Ang kabaligtaran ng Kris Aquino firecracker. Hindi gaanong kalakasan ang putok. Cute lang.

Sharon Firecracker:
Bago sindihan, mag-pray ka muna o mag-utter ng Biblical passages. Otherwise, baka matilamsikan ka ng firecracker na ito. Medyo may kamahalan din ito. Kung bibili ka, iwasang makipagtawaran. Mapapaaway ka lang.

Sotto Firecracker:
Tip: Ilayo sa mga gamit sa bahay. Mabilis itong mag-init. Unfortunately, gaya-gaya lang sa ibang paputok ang sound nito; walang originality. Hindi masyadong nakakaaliw.

Rico E. Puno Firecracker:
Dahil sa alleged injuries na dulot nito, it was banned for like three months by authorities. Ngunit malakas ang balitang ibabalik na ito sa market.

Pacquiao Firecracker:
Matinding sumabog. Ngunit kailangan itong ingatan sa lalagyan dahil konting hamog… tulog! Hindi na puputok.

Jinkee Fireworks:
Pagkasindi mo, sasabog ito at magbabago ng colors – iba’t ibang kulay; sa sobrang ganda, hindi mo iisiping fireworks, halos ‘di mo na ma-recognize.

Cebu Pacific Firecracker:
Kadalasan daw ay delayed ang putok.

Claudine Firecracker:
Hindi mo aakalaing malakas ang putok nito. Matapos sindihan, lumayo kaagad dahil mala-sipa ang dagundong nito.

Petron, Shell, Chevron, atbp Fireworks:
All-year round ibinibenta ito. Kahit malayo pa ang New Year, grabe nang magtaas. Ang laging rason: mahal ang pulbura sa world market. Ang kapal!

Janine Tugonon Firecracker:
Hindi gaanong kalakas ang putok pero oks lang as long as it influences and inspires people.

Charice Firecracker:
Kakaiba ang tunog nito. May accent.

Amalayer Firecracker:
Warning: Bumabalik ‘yan kapag inihagis – kasi nga, “Ate, ginanun mo ko! I’m jez rethurning the feybor!”

And finally…
CBCP Firecracker:
Kahalintulad ng watusi, paborito ng mga unsuspecting na batang lalaki. Ingat!
————————————————————
“Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.”
~Oprah Winfrey

Have a safe weekend! Happy New Year!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

PAGE 2012: A Year-Ender

WE TAKE A LOOK BACK at the year’s biggest news and events: the most memorable moments, and the most fascinating/infuriating people in the Philippines. We also recognize the heroes, the villains, the tragedies and the triumphs that mattered most in 2012.

This is Page 2012: A Year-End Report

(Note: The votes were tabulated by the accounting firm of Ernst & Young. The decision of the board of judges is final and unappealable. If, for any reason, the winner declines the award, the 1-million dollar cash prize automatically goes to charity.

We begin our year-end special with the individual awards…

“Sintigas ng Bato, Sintatag ng Isang Blokeng Semento”
Winner: TITO SOTTO
“Bakit ko naman iku-quote ang blogger? Blogger lang ‘yon.”
“Walang krimen ng plagiarism sa Pilipinas.”
“Copying, imitation, is the highest form of flattery.”
“How will I apologize for plagiarism when I never plagiarised?”

“One Day You’re In and the Next Day You’re Out!”
(a.k.a. Project RunAway)
Winner: RENATO CORONA
“Now the Chief Justice of the Republic of the Philippines wished to be excused.”
Be careful what you wish for…

“Single Bells, Single Bells… Single All the Way”
Winner: PRESIDENT AQUINO
Just when we thought he had found his Seoul mate…

“The Chosen One”
Winner: MARIA LOURDES SERENO
The first female Philippine Chief Justice of the Supreme Court
Her term will expire in 2030.
Wala nang Supreme Court… #CJPaSiSereno

Special Citation:
Sen. Pia Cayetano
Cong. Edcel Lagman
President Aquino and both Houses of Congress
Plus the countless groups and individuals who continue
to push for the passage of the RH Bill

Breakthrough Performance – Comedy:
Cong. Niel Tupas (Impeachment Trial)

Breakthrough Performance – Mystery & Adventure:
Congressman Rey “Small Lady” Umali (Impeachment Trial)

Breakthrough Performance – Drama:
Juan Ponce Enrile
(For the indie film: Heto na ulit ang gift mo; hindi tayo bati. Tse!)

Breakthrough Performance – Action:
Claudine Barretto (NAIA)

Breakthrough Performance – Silent Film (Round 6)
Manny Pacquiao

The Top 5 of 2012

War of the Words
- President Aquino vs. Renato Corona
- Pro-RH Bill vs. Anti-RH Bill Advocates
- ‘Anti-Cybercrime’ Law vs. netizens, journalists, academe, lawyers, lawmakers, celebrities (with the exception of Ciara Sotto) and many others
- Vice President Binay vs. Korina Sanchez
- Tito Sotto vs. almost everyone
Special Mention
- President Aquino vs. Noli De Castro (TV Patrol Anniversary)
- Jinggoy Estrada vs. JV Ejercito
- Arnold Clavio vs. Azkals/Azkaleros
- Cong. Toby Tiangco vs. the entire Lower House on the impeachment of Renato Corona
- Sharon Cuneta vs. Piolo Pascual’s fans

WTF was that?!?
- Political adviser Ronald Llamas caught on cam purchasing pirated DVDs in Quezon City (Ang cheap… ng DVD!)
- Pampanga Representative Aurelio Gonzales’ House resolution asking the local TV and movie industry to “minimize, prevent, or stop” depicting congressmen as “villains or crooks” in movies and telenovelas
- Atty. Vitaliano Aguirre covering his ears at the Corona impeachment trial
- Tito Sotto’s chief of staff Hector Villacorta’s reply to blogger Sarah Pope on the plagiarism complaint
- Annabelle Rama officially files bid for a Congressional seat in Cebu
Special Mention
- Charice Pempengco’s hairstyle(s) on ABS-CBN’s The X-Factor

Tweet and Sour
- Atty. @Ferdie_Topacio: “Manuel Quezon III is a faggot of the worst kind.”
- Beauty queen @MiriamQ(uiambao): “Homosexuality is not a sin but a lie from the devil.”
- Actress @Sharon_Cuneta12 on Kris Aquino: “‘Yaan na natin. Di ko rin naman sya fina-follow ever. Sasakit ang ulo ko.”
- PBA player Don Allado @alotofDON: “I’m the guy that says what others can’t. #PBA games are fixed. They control who is in & who is out. It’s a disgrace to be in this league.”
- Actress @Sharon_Cuneta12: “Bumaligtad man ang mundo di na nila mararanasan kahit 1% ng na-achieve ko! Ang taba nawawala pero kababuyan ng ugali mahirap na baguhin grabe! May sanib na devil tuwang-tuwa si satanas sa kanila! Hahaha!”
This tweet almost made the cut:
- Congressman @julesled(esma): sana bukas, bukas sana. O-bukas sana,bukas. Oh bukas? Sana Bukas na. Saan?saan?! Bukas nga. Sana na nga. Saan-Bukas? Ngayunj”

“Sinabi N’ya Yon?!? ‘Di nga?”

“Our President intends to kill 20 million children with a fountain pen…
to sign the RH bill into law.”
~Batangas Archbishop Ramon Arguelles

“You’re engaging, gentlemen, in a public discourse on the merits of your case. You’re not supposed to say that all. Ang yayabang ng mga nagsasalita ng ganyan, gago naman!
Kabobohan is a ground for contempt of court.”
~Senator-Judge Miriam Defensor-Santiago lecturing the prosecution panel

“Hindi ho ba kaya, noong wala pang DILG secretary ay maraming mga maiitim at maliliit na mga maligno ang siya pong naka-ano dyan, umaabang-abang para makuha po ang pwestong ‘yan?”
~Journalist Korina Sanchez (DZMM)

“Aminado naman po kami na maliit at maitim ang daddy ko
pero hindi naman po ata tama na tawagin ni Korina na maligno s’ya.”
~Nancy Binay, daughter of VP Binay via a tweet to this blogger

“Napapaisip nga po ako: ‘yong nagkumento nito, anim na taon ang ipinagkaloob sa kanya para tumulong sa pagsasaayos ng mismong inireklamo niya. Pero ngayon, tayo na nga ang may bitbit na problema, tayo na nga ang tutugon dito, pero masakit nga ho, may gana pang hiritan ng nagpamana?Sana po, sa tuwing sasabihin nating ‘Magandang gabi, bayan,’ ay totoong hinahangad nating maging maganda ang gabi ng bayan.”
~President Aquino during the TV Patrol Anniversary
in an apparent swipe at former VP and TV Patrol anchor Noli De Castro
(Awkward!)

“Magpa-file ako ng bill o resolution na alisin na ang libel para kami
puwede na ring magmura, kayo puwede na ring magmura.”
~Tito Soto
(Ewan ko sa ‘yo!)

Special Mention
“UST and her physicians surely know whereof they speak. They’re scientists and experts,
unlike the Ateneo and La Salle professors who are intellectual pretenders and interlopers!”
~The Varsitarian, UST’s Official Student Publication on
ADMU and DLSU professors’ support for the RH Bill

Love in the Time of Pulitika, atbp.
- Officially on: Sen. Chiz Escudero and Heart Evangelista
- Just married: Councilor Shalani Soledad and Cong. Roman Romulo
- Just married, too: Daiana Menezes and CDO Rep. Benjo Benaldo
- Just whatever: Jamby Madrigal and the Villars kiss and make up
- Manny Pangilinan and the Ateneo community’s renewal of vows

Panalo!
- Filipinos, all of us, for surviving calamities; humanity for surviving what turned out to be a not-so-doomsday prophecy (Dec. 21)
- San Pedro Calungsod, the second Filipino saint
- The government and the MILF’s framework agreement toward a lasting peace in Bangsa Moro
- The Deparment of Tourism’s “It’s More Fun in the Philippines” campaign
- The Sin Tax Law and Anti-Enforced or Involuntary Disappearance Act of 2012
Special Mention
- The Anti-Epal campaign of groups like Epal Watch, TaoPo.Org, and other vigilant netizens
- Nonito Donaire, the Ateneo Blue Eagles, the UP Pep Squad, San Beda Red Lions
- International Children’s Peace Prize Awardee Cris “Kesz” Valdez, 13; American Idol runner-up Jessica Sanchez; Miss Universe 1st runner-up Janine Tugonon
- Eddie Garcia, Eugene Domingo, Brillante Mendoza harvest international awards
- ‘Eat Bulaga Indonesia’ – a historic first for a Philippine TV show
- Child wonder Ryzza Mae Dizon

Massive Meltdowns
- Sharon Cuneta: Waging wars vs. faceless, anonymous netizens
- Annabelle Rama: Disrupting Dolphy’s wake
- Paula Jamie “Amalayer” Salvosa “I’m juzz reterning d feivor!”
- Robert Blair Carabuena: An HR officer who berated an MMDA traffic enforcer
- John Paul Encinas: The customer who attacked a restaurant cashier in Manila

Lahat na Lang! (Tayo na talaga!)
- Philippines among the world’s 10 “fastest growing” global economies
- Philippines among the 10 happiest nations in the world
- Philippines most emotional society in the world
- Philippines improves ranking in corruption perception index
- Bureau of Internal Revenue breaches P1-trillion collection mark – a first!
Special Mention
Tito Sotto: “I am ready to be your new national punching bag.”

Wer Na U?
- Murder suspects Joel Reyes (former Palawan gov) and brother, Coron town Mayor Mario Reyes Jr.
- Murder convict and former Dinagat Rep. Ruben Ecleo
- Syndicated estafa suspect and Globe Asiatique developer Delfin Lee
- Former military official Jovito Palparan
- Manuel Amalilio of Aman Futures (billion peso pyramiding scam)
Special Mention:
- Regine Velasquez’ voice
- The Charice Pempengco that we used to ‘easily’ like

Anyareh? (Sorry, Try Again!)
- The efforts of the Catholic Church to influence the voting on the RH Bill
- The attempt of bogus self-proclaimed party-list groups to get accreditation from the Comelec
- Doomsayers (Just in: Mayan descendants too embarrassed; refuse to leave home)
- Moralists and “Christians” who tried to stop the concert of Lady Gaga
- Bayo’s controversial “What’s Your Mix?” Ad Campaign

Disasters
- Typhoon Pablo: 1046 dead; 841 still missing, 300 thousand homeless
- Habagat: Eight days of incessant rains (August) – 95 people dead
- Mining landslide in Compostela Valley (January): 30 dead
- Typhoon Ofel (October): 23 dead
- Tito Sotto. Period.
Broken Marriage
- Annulled: Kris Aquino and James Yap
- Annulled: Chiz Escudero and Cristine Flores
- Koko Pimentel and Jewel May Lobaton call it quits
- Koko Pimentel severs ties with United Nationalist Alliance over Migz Zubiri
- Manny Pacquiao and Roman Catholicism (Kasi naman…)

Campaign Period Mode (Atat Much?)
The earliest birds:
- Former congresswoman Cynthia Villar
- Alan Peter Cayetano
- Migz Zubiri
- Sonny Angara
- Jack Enrile
Special Mention
- Ernesto Maceda
- Rissa Hontiveros
- JV Ejercito
- Bam Aquino
- Grace Poe-Llamanzares
- Teddy Casiño
(Did I forget anyone?)
Note: They did not violate any law. ‘Wag raw tayong judgmental.

Going… Going… Gone!
- The negotiation between Manny Pangilinan and GMA 7
- Atty. Midas Marquez
- TV Patrol Poll
- Planking
- Lolong, the crocodile
Special Mention
- UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe (UAAP Cheerdance)
- Nokia phones

BuzzWords and Phrases
- Sinotto, Sottocopy, Sottofied
- From the impeachment trial: “Wah!” (Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago); “Picha pie” (Sen. Lito Lapid) and “Palusot!” (Cong. Rodolfo Fariñas)
- “Hiyang-hiya naman ako sa ‘yo!”
- Wagas!
- Catholic Vote
Special Mention
- CCTV
- Linsanity

Uuuuuuutang na loob, tama na!
- Gangnam Style
- Call Me Maybe
- Payphone
- Anything from One Direction and Justin Bieber
- Pusong Bato (geez!)

In Memoriam
- Jesse Robredo
- Comedy King Dolphy
- Cong. Ignacio “Iggy” Arroyo
- Filmmakers Mariou Diaz-Abaya, Mario O’Hara and Celso Ad Castillo; actor Luis Gonzales, Musicians Karl Roy, Bodjie Dasig, Eddie Munji III, Ronnie Dizon, and Grin Department lead vocalist Geneviere “Bong” Pascasio; sports anchor Butch Maniego
- Whatever’s left of Sotto’s logic
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“If you don’t know history, then you don’t know anything. You are a leaf that doesn’t know it is part of a tree.”
~Michael Crichton

Happy Holidays everyone!
Enjoy your vacation!
Have fun and stay safe.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

MISSED UNIVERSE

MISS USA Olivia Culpo was crowned Miss Universe 2012. Janine Tugonon of the Philippines was first runner-up. If, for any reason, the new Miss Universe fails to fulfill her duties or does not survive the Apocalypse, Miss Philippines will take over.

Miss USA is Miss Universe 2012. If, for any reason, she fails to fulfill her duties, then she must be the president of America.

When Miss USA, Olivia Culpo was declared winner, she was ecstatic. Apparently, she wasn’t informed that her reign ends at 11:59PM on December 20.

Miss Philippines-Universe lost the Miss Universe 2012 title to Miss USA. Tito Sotto is proposing at least 30 amendments to the Miss Universe criteria.

A panel of judges voted for Miss USA. The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines accused the White House of pressuring them.

Miss Philippines-Universe Janine Tugonon was outvoted by Miss USA. Catholic bishops threaten to bring the issue to the Supreme Court.

To be fair to the 2-hour Miss Universe telecast from Las Vegas, Catholic priests totally enjoyed it!

Filipino lawmakers also cheered for Janine Tugonon during the live telecast. All of them believed in her – although Congressman Crispin ‘Boying’ Remulla would have still abstained if he was a judge.

Miss Philippines Janine Tugonon didn’t win the Miss Universe title. The judges picked Miss USA. But Compubox scores showed the Filipina landed more punches than the American.

Janine Tugonon lost the Miss Universe title to Miss USA, Olivia Culpo. Janine dismissed rumors that she recently changed her religion.

Janine Tugonon lost. Can somebody confirm reports that Mitt Romney met with her before the pageant to say good luck?

Miss Venezuela was stunning! When asked, ‘If you could make a new law, what would it be and explain why,” she answered, “Kghtramljuate juatmdofh weksurg ftxiryd surfer. Pjhrygftgrt ertsg dnhuakrta law. Thank you Vegas!” She lost.

Miss China failed to make the cut but Beijing was still proud. The semifinalists wore swimsuits made by Chinese kids in Guangdong.

This year, Donald Trump and the Miss Universe Organization asked the public to tweet a question for the finalists. The top question that wasn’t read on the show was, “If the world’s going to end on Dec. 21, what the hell are you doing here in Las Vegas? Aren’t you supposed to be with your family?”

Donald Trump opened the Miss Universe pageant in a Santa costume. For a moment, I thought the Mayan prophecy has begun.

Miss Philippines lost to Miss USA. And this just in: Bob Arum wants a rematch!
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“Nature didn’t need an operation to be beautiful. It just was.”
~Scott Westerfeld, The Uglies Trilogy

TIME magazine picked US President Barack Obama as Person of the Year. I guess the killing of Abu Nazir nailed it for him.

Sound Bites
“For me, being Miss Universe is not about knowing how to speak a specific language. It’s about being able to influence and inspire other people. So whatever language you have, as long as your heart is to serve and you have a strong mind to show to people, then you can be Miss Universe.”
~Miss Universe-Philippines Janine Tugonon when asked by pageant judge Nigel Barker if English should be a prerequisite to becoming Miss Universe

Have a safe weekend! Happy Holidays!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Reuters]