THE EPAL QUIZ 8

1 12 2012

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! To usher in the gift-giving season, here’s a fresh serving of ‘queso de mambobola,’ the people we love to loathe: the epaliticians.

Panuto: Piliin ang pinaka-angkop na sagot sa mga tanong. May 15 minutes ka upang ito ay sagutan. Have fun!

8-CONGRESSWOMANNNNN
1: Sa Lungsod ng Quezon, dahil last term na ni mister, nagpaparamdam na si misis. Titigan ang larawan. Kapag nakasalubong mo ang mag-asawa, ano ang sasabihin mo?
A: Sa inyong palagay, alin ang mas malaki: ang inyong tarpaulin o ang buong Quezon City?
B: Congratulations! Ayon po sa NASA, ang streamer n’yong mag-asawa ang pinakabagong man-made structure na visible from outer space.
C: Hiyang-hiya naman ho sa inyo ang barangay hall. Baka po gusto n’yong takpan na lang ang buong gusali. Go lang.

8-Korona
2: Sa Muntinlupa, may namatay. At dahil may namatay, may pulitikong nakiramay: ang barangay captain at ang misis niyang tatakbo sa pagka-vice mayor: sina Mr. and Mrs. Rene and Gigi So. Bakit hugis S at O padala nilang korona?
A: Hindi ko gets eh. Ang hirap naman. Sobrang cryptic. Can I use a lifeline?
B: ‘Yan ang favorite letters ng pumanaw. Wish niya ‘yan. ‘Wag n’yong bigyan ng kulay.
C: S stands for Super and O stands for Over. Ganun katindi ang pakikisimpatya ng mag-asawa.

8_CeraficaLamay
3: Usapang patay pa rin. Punta naman tayo sa distrito ng Taguig-Pateros. Anong lesson ang mapupulot natin sa larawang ito?
A: Ang pagpapapogi ay walang pinipiling sandali.
B: Ang pakikiramay ay hindi dapat itinatago o ikinakahiya. Dapat itong ipangalandakan sa madla.
C: Wala. Nakiramay lang, lesson agad? ‘Di ba pwedeng sincere muna? (Biglang kumulog ‘tapos kumidlat)

8-Fumigate
4: Sa Brgy. Laging Handa, District 4 of QC, may pilit isinabit sa alambre ng kuryente. Ang proyekto ni Konsehal: fumigation! May gusto kang itanong sa kanya?
A: Bakit naman ho sa tarp, may larawan pa ng lamok na kasama? Ay, sorry! Tao pala.
B: Pwede ho bang unahin kayong ifumigate?
C: Kumusta naman ho ang inyong lipstick?

8-Waiting Shhed
5: “Give me a Y!” Y! “Give me an N!” N! “Give me an A!” A! “Give me an R!” R! “Give me an E!” E! “Give me an S!” S! What did you spell?
A: Ypal!
B: Para-paraan!
C: Nuknukan!

8-Santa ROsa
6: Meanwhile in the City of Santa Rosa, Laguna, may bagong brand yata ng bags for kids! Kung ikaw ang magulang ng batang ito, ano ang nais mong iparating na mensahe kay mayora?
A: Ano ho ba ang relevance ng mukha at pangalan n’yo sa pag-aaral ng anak ko?
B: Kung mukha kaya namin ang ilagay sa luxury bag n’yo, papayag kayo?
C: Magkano na ho ba ang pabanat ngayon? In fairness to you, umeepekto!

8-Libre
7: Uy! Libreng hiram daw ng upuan, lamesa, tent, at sound system.
A: Eh ‘yong Boyoyong clown sa picture, libre rin kaya?
B: Councilor na, events organizer pa! Tim Yap, ikaw ba ’yan?
C: Take note: may larawan ng star after his first name. Feeling mo naman member ka ng Beatles!

8-Aerobics
8: Meet Tina Diaz, running for vice mayor sa San Mateo, Rizal. Ang mister niyang si Paeng, seeking re-election naman for mayor at ang kanilang anak na si Denzel, re-electionist councilor.
A: ‘Tapos ang kaya lang ioffer free aerobics?! Syet.
B: Ano ba ‘yang konseho ng San Mateo, family business?
C: Hoy! Tumawag si Enrile, ‘wag ka raw manggaya ng slogan.

8-Sipsip
9: Libreng sipsip ng kanal, estero, at pozo negro… hangad ni Mayor Nilo!
A: Hangad rin po naming ang sumipsip ay kayo!
B: Oo nga naman, kayo na lang! Sige na please. Christmas gift n’yo na sa amin.
C: Ang Lalaki sa Septic Tank! Why not!?

8-Reform10: Sa Bagong Silang, Caloocan City… may “reform” project daw ang mag-amang Recom at RJ Echiverri. Kung ikaw ang pader at ang kalye, ano iyong masasabi?
A: “Reform n’yong mukha n’yo!”
B: “Pader kami, hindi freedom wall. ‘Tang-i*a naman, ‘wag n’yo kaming babuyin!”
C: “Maraming salamat po sa bagong pintura. Huwag kayong mag-alala, sa susunod na eleksyon ay makakaasa kayo ng suporta! Joooke! Utot n’yo!”

MARAMING salamat sa Epal Watch sa mga larawang ginamit sa post na ito. Sa mga nagpadala ng epal photos sa aking email, isasama ang mga ‘yan sa susunod na Epal Quiz. Maraming salamat. For contributions: epaliticians@yahoo.com. Please indicate kung gusto n’yong maging anonymous.
————————————————–
“There are so many attention whores out there, prostituting for people’s acknowledgment.”
~Jason Myers, The Mission

Quote of the Day
“Unang-una, pinatutunayan ni Bonifacio na ang Maynila ay lungsod ng mga bayani, na itinuturing na unang bayaning nagbuwis ng buhay para sa bayan. Totoong ang Maynila ay mayroon ding mga hoodlum, gangster at kaaway ng batas na gaya ni Asiong Salonga.”
~Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim, Bonifacio Day speech

Happy Holidays!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





EXCLUSIVE: ANNABELLE IN THE HOUSE

20 08 2012

“I am very very very serious to run for Congress. Wala na makakapigil sa akin.”
~Talent manager Annabelle Rama via Twitter

Isang gabi sa panulukan ng GMA Network Drive at Timog Avenue, Diliman, Quezon City…


Good evening po Ms Annabelle!

Hello fans.

Hindi po ako fan Ms Annabelle. Magi-interview lang po.

Anong interview? May appointment ka ba dong?

Wala po.

Walang inte-interview. Busy ako dong.

Ambush interview po ito.

Hay naku dong, huwag kang makulit. Mag-sit ka muna ng appointment.

Tatakbo raw po kayong Congresswoman sa Cebu. Sure na ba?

Dong, gusto mong hambalusin kita ng baston?!? Sabi ko hindi pwidi ang ambosh interview.

Meron po akong 2,000 pesos dito.

Huwag mo ‘kong insoltohin dong. Hindi ako mukhang pira. Gawin mong beinte mil, cash, kaliwaan.

Deal.

Remind ko lang dong, 2,000 per minute ang rate ko. Bilisan mo, may meeting pa ako kay Attorney Gozon.

Bakit n’yo naisipang tumakbo for Congress?

Alam mo dong, isang gabi, tinanong ko ang Mahal na Sto. Niño. Sabi ko, ‘Mahal na Sto. Niño, ano pa bang pwidi kong gawin sa buhay? Naghubad na ako sa pelikula, nag-asawa na ako ng supir-guwapo…” Hi Eduardo, kung nanonood ka, I love you sweetheart.

Sa blog po ito lalabas, hindi sa TV.

Wala akong pakialam dong. Basta Eduardo, I love you. Ituloy ko na ang kwento ko. So sabi ko, succissful naman ako as talent manager. Lahat ng alaga ko naipasok ko sa TV5 at GMA. Sa ABS-CBN, wala pa. Takot yata sa akin. Anyway, so sabi sa akin ng Mahal na Sto. Niño, “Bakit ‘di ka maglingkod? Pasukin mo ang pulitika.”

Sinabi ng Sto. Niño ‘yon?!? Weh?

Naku dong, huwag mong pagdudahan ang Mahal na Sto. Niño. Baka makarma ka dong.

Fine. So after kang bigyan ng advice ng Mahal na Sto. Niño, pumayag ka agad?

Hindi pa dong. Sabi ko, “Mahal na Sto. Niño, give me a sign! Please give me a sign!” Naku dong, kinabukasan dong, pagbukas ko ng TV, may Showbiz Central pa noon dong, nakita ko ang sign: ang payaaaaaat payat na ni Raymond dong. So sabi ko, “Mahal na Sto. Niño, alam kong ito ang sign. Maraming salamat po!” So heto, tatakbo na ako for Congress.

So fault pala ni Raymond?

May sinasabi ka dong?

Wala po. Sa tingin n’yo ba mananalo kayo?

Hoy dong, mahigit 300 thousand na ang followers ko sa Twitters. ‘Yong kalaban ko, walang Twitters! ‘Pag ako natalo, sure ako dong… dinaya ako! Dinaya ako!

Napakadumi po ng pulitika. Alin po ang mas madumi, pulitika o ‘yang bunganga n’yo?

Yawa! Binabastos mo ako dong. Umayos ka! Baka mag-walk out ako dong.

Ire-rephrase ko na lang ho. Napakadumi ho ng pulitika, baka ho ungkatin ang mga baho n’yo.

Wala akong ‘tinatago dong. Kahit tanungin mo pa ang Mahal na Sto. Niño, open book ang libro ng buhay ko dong.

Sabi ng mga kaaway n’yo sa showbiz, bugaw daw kayo noon.

Sino? Sinong nagsabi n’yan? ‘Yong matatandang balyenang naiinggit sa mga alahas ko? Hoy, ‘wag kayong maglinis-linisan mga bruha. Pare-pareho lang tayo! Mga ipokrito!

Pareho-parehong naging bugaw?

Ikaw ang nagsabi n’yan dong, hindi ako!

Naalala n’yo pa ba ang 1994 Manila Film Fest scam?

Gi-atay man ka oie! Kung wala kang additional 5,000 d’yan, tapusin na natin ang interview na ‘to dong!


Sorry. Sige po, focus na lang tayo sa mga bagong isyu. Ano ang stand n’yo sa RH Bill?

Alam mo dong, sabi sa akin ng Mahal na Sto. Niño, “As long as kaya mo naman, sige lang.” Isipin mo dong: kung nag-contraceptives ako dong, wala kayong Ruffa na magaling na aktris; walang Richard na napakahusay na aktor; walang sosyal at magaling na TV host na Raymond, walang guwapong Ritchie Paul, at walang Rocky.

So ano pong stand n’yo?

Tika dong, ano ba ‘yong R at H sa RH?

Next question ko po:

Pastilan!

Alam n’yo ba ang three branches of government?

Hay naku dong, inuuto mo na ako. Akala mo hindi ko alam? Siyempre, tatlo ‘yan.

Anu-ano nga po?

Mahaba na ang interview na ‘to dong. May additional 5,000 ka ba d’yan?

Ok, ibang tanong na lang po: ano pong pananaw n’yo sa same sex marriage?

Marami akong kaibigang bakla dong. ’Pag nasa showbiz ka, kahit saan ka magpunta, may makikita kang bakla. Maglakad ka sa studio, bakla. Makipag-meeting ka sa executives, bakla. Humarap ka sa presscon, bakla. Magpaganda ka sa parlor, bakla. Lahat ng lugar dong may bakla. Sa bahay lang yata wala.

Wehh?

Pisti! Ano ngang tanong mo?

Same sex marriage po.

Mahal ko ang mga bakla pero hindi na kailangan ng kasal dong. Magagalit ang Mahal na Sto. Niño.

May stand talaga sa same sex marriage ang Sto. Niño?

Leche ka dong. Kung anong isagot ko, ‘yon ang paniwalaan mo.

Ok, ok. Sakaling manalo kayo, ano ang unang ihahain n’yong bill?

Naku dong! Marami! ‘Yang si Nadia Montenegrong baboy dong ‘di pa fully-paid sa mga kinuhang furnitures.

Furniture.

‘Wag mo kong ikurek dong. Sampalin kita ng tsiki. Alam kong past tense dapat ‘yon! ‘Tsaka si Clarissa (code name muna dong, baka ma-libel ako), kumuha ‘yan ng maraming alahas sa kin last year, ‘di pa rin nakakabayad! ‘Yang dalawang ‘yan, ilang ulit ko nang pinadalhan ng bill… pero wala akong nasingil. Kaya ‘pag nasa Congress na ako, humanda kayo ‘day, uunahin kong ifile ang bills n’yo!

Kung mahahalal kayong congresswoman, tatanggap ba kayo ng pork barrel?

Dong, ibahin mo ako! Marami akong alaga sa showbiz. Lahat ng talents ko may show at kumikita. ‘Yong iba, may endorsements pa. Kumisyon ko pa lang kay Richard dong, quota na. Oo, tatanggapin ko.

Balita ko, 30 percent daw po ang commission sa showbiz. Hypothetical lang po, kung mangungumisyon kayo sa projects funded by your PDAF, magkano po ang hihingin n’yong porsiyento?

Ano ‘yong PDAF?

Priority Development Assistance Fund.

Magandang pakinggan ‘yan dong. “Priority” ‘tapos “Fund.” Nakaka-inspire maglingkod dong. Ano ngang tanong mo?

Kung sa showbiz 30 percent, magkanong kumisyon ang hihingin n’yo, IF AT ALL, sa pork barrel-funded projects?

Magkano ba ang kalakaran ngayon dong?

Wala po akong ideya.

Balikan mo ‘ko dong. Mag-research ka muna. Pero ‘wag mo munang isulat na ‘No Comment’ ako sa isyu ng BADAF.

PDAF po.

Ok, ok. Basta, ‘wag mo muna akong iquote. Baka sabihin ng mga kalaban ko, ‘di pa man ako nananalo, corrupt na agad. Ibahin nila ako dong. Siguro 35 percent, pwede na. Joke lang ‘yon dong. Mas ok kung 40 percent.

After po ng pagwawala n’yo sa lamay ni Mang Dolphy, maraming tao ang nagsabing wala kayong breeding.

Dong, tanga lang ang nagsasabi n’yan. Buhay na buhay pa ako. Heto o, humihinga ako nang maluwag! Mga bobo!

Bago ho tayo magtapos, may game ho tayo. Pinoy Henyo po ito. Huhulaan n’yo ang isang mystery word. Ready na po? Go!

Tao ba ito dong?

Opo!

Pulitiko?

Opo!

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez?

Hindi po. Bakit n’yo kilala si Chavez?

Basta! Pero lider ba ito?

Opo!

Nicolas Sarkozy ng France!

Hindi po! Wow, kilala n’yo si Sarkozy?

Tumahimik ka na lang dong. Asian ba ito?

Opo.

Hu Jintao of China?

Hindi po. In fairness to you, pati si Hu, kilala n’yo.

Southeast Asian?

Opo!

Hay naku dong. Sure na ako! Si Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono.

Wow, impressive. Pero hindi po!

Feeling ko dong si Prime Minister Yingluck Shinawatra ng Thailand!

Ay sorry Ms Annabelle. Time’s up na po. Ang tamang sagot: Noynoy Aquino.

Bilat! Ang hirap-hirap naman n’yan dong! Next time sana madali lang!

Sige po. Last question na lang: Kung iboboto kayo sa pagka-kongresista ng mga Cebuano next year, anong problema nila?

Dong, overtime ka na. May additional 5,000 ka ba d’yan?

Maraming salamat na lang po.

Thank you rin. Follow me sa Twitter, @annabellrama.com.

May dot com talaga?

Plus P2,000!! Meron ka ba dong?

(End of Interview)
————————————————
“Meanwhile, politics is about getting a candidate in front of the public as a star, politics as rock’n’roll, politics as a movie.”
~Joe Eszterhas

Personal:
– Congratulations to the UP Fighting Maroons for their first win in UAAP Season 75.

“Dear UST, Ateneo, FEU, NU, La Salle, Adamson and UE,
Now we know the feeling. See you soon.
Ingat!
UP”

-Director Joey Reyes: The Senator and a Blogger Named Pope

-Thank you Inquirer for the quote. ‘Iskul Bukol’ in the Senate

HAVE A PEACEFUL AND SAFE WEEK!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





SLAM BOOK

26 02 2012

TWO WEEKS AGO, Chief Justice Renato Corona dared President Aquino to make public his alleged psychological records. Malacañang has denied the existence of such document saying it’s just a rehash of.the ‘mental state’ issue that first surfaced during the 2010 presidential campaign. I did my own research but found nothing except for this recent slam book entry purportedly written by President Aquino himself. Enjoy!









—————————————————————-
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”
~Dale Carnegie

Have a great week ahead!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





FLIPTOP BATTLE: IMPEACHMENT TRIAL EDITION

15 02 2012

IN OBSERVANCE of Valentine’s Day and in deference to Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile who marked his 88th birthday, Day 17 of the Corona Impeachment Trial was adjourned early. The live telecast of the trial was stopped. Unknown to the public though, some of the impeachment players opted to kill time in the session hall while waiting for their respective Valentine’s Day dinner. Some talked about the case. Others debated. The heated exchange led to a fliptop war between the two camps which got too personal. What transpired after the trial was caught on CCTV!

Match No. 1: Retired Justice Serafin Cuevas vs. Cong. Niel Tupas

Justice Cuevas:
Hindi ka naman shirt,’di ka naman pantalon
pero bakit tuwing trial, lagi kang nasasabon?
lahat ay kabado ‘pag tumatayo na si Tupas
‘di ka ba naiinsulto, mas impressed sila kay Fariñas!
Boom!

Cong. Niel Tupas
Mawalang-galang na ‘tanda, ‘di mo ba napansin
tanong ng senadora’y, nasasagot ko rin
good friends kami ni Rudy, ‘wag ka ngang makiangkas
masyado kang intrigero, pwede ka sa ‘The Buzz!’
Suuu-su-nod!

Justice Cuevas:
Ha-ha-ha
Bistado na brod ang inyong pagiging showbiz
ultimo “small lady” ginagawan n’yo ng tsismis
wasak na wasak ang istorya ni Rey Umali
‘di pwedeng isapelikula, iri-reject ni Mother Lily!
Boom!

Cong. Niel Tupas:
Sus!
Hindi naman isyu ang babaeng maliit
ang dapat n’yong sagutin: ‘Did CJ Corona cheat?’
wasak na istorya?!? eh ‘yong kwento n’yo ‘bout bribery
kahit yata gawing indie, ‘di papatulan ni Brillante!

Match No. 2: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago vs. Cong. Niel Tupas

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago:
May duda akong ika’y lechon, mukha kang chicharon,
everytime I see you kasi, tumataas ang aking presyon
sumasabak kayo sa guerra, wala naman palang bala
pati fishing expedition sa Senado iniaasa!

Cong. Niel Tupas:
Laging ako, ako na lang, ang iyong nakikita
senator-judge ho ba kayo o kasapi ng depensa?
wala namang personalan, wala tayo sa Iloilo
masyado na ho kayong obvious, naloloka ako sa ‘yo!

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago:
‘Wag ka ngang istupido! Hindi ako namemersonal
galit lang ako sa tanga, hindi ka pa ba sanay?
Maiba ako…
‘musta naman ang mansion mo do’n sa Xavierville?
sa’n nga pala galing ‘yon? Katas ng pork barrel?
Joooke!

Cong. Niel Tupas:
Not funny!
Below the belt na po kayo Madam Senadora
tutukan na lang natin ang kaso ni Corona
and please, tigilan na ang pick-up lines n’yong corny
setenta’y sais na po kayo, ‘di na bagay maging horny!
Boom!

Match No. 3: Atty. Miro Quimbo vs. Atty. Tranquil Salvador

Atty. Miro Quimbo:
Kung walang ‘tinatago, ba’t panay ang objection?
niloloko n’yo ang tao, ginagalit buong nation
ang latest: may suhol daw si PNoy sa Senado?
naubusan na kayo ng bala, halatang desperado!
Boom!

Atty. Tranquil Salvador:
Ehem ehem ehem at sinong desperado?
Day 1 pa lang ng trial: evidence n’yo ay zero!
Ansabe ng prosekusyon? Sure sa conviction?
Bakit? Lahat ba ng senador ang last name ay ‘Drilon?’
Boom!

Atty. Miro Quimbo:
Ahh, shut the eff up. Ubod ka nang daldal bro!
pagsalitain mo naman si Karen Jimeno
manang-mana ka kasi sa papansin mong kliyente
may paiyak-iyak pa sa may balkonahe!

Atty. Tranquil Salvador:
Oo na! Ikaw na ang pogi at matinik
No wonder, love ka raw ng Globe Asiatique
Ooops! Sorry, did you find that offensive?
Btw, hello raw from the members of Pag-IBIG!
Boom!

Final Match: Prosecutor/Congressman Rey Umali vs. “Small Lady”

Cong. Rey Umali:
Sino bang lumapit? Bakit ako nasabit?
sa ‘kin hinahanap ang suspek na midget
‘di naman nagpakilala, kay bilis ng pangyayari
hindi ko siya masisi kung wala sa CCTV!

“Small Lady:”
Ulol!
Ako na nga ang ginamit, ako pa ngayon ang sinungaling?
bilib na ako sa ‘yong… “Maang-maangan School of Acting”
ang husay mo naman palang humabi ng istorya
bakit ‘di ka mag-submit ng entry sa Palanca?
Boom!

Cong. Rey Umali:
Tumahimik ka!
Ako ang may likha sa ‘yo
matuto kang gumalang
walang dapat makaalam,
na ika’y gawa-gawa lamang!

“Small Lady:”
Gawa-gawa na nga lang, minamaliit mo pa!
duda tuloy nila ako raw si Gloria
sana man lang, “pretty woman” o kaya “girl in magenta.”
palibhasa, sanay ka nang matawag na buwaya.

Cong. Rey Umali:
Ayoko na ng diskusyon
isa ka lang ilusyon!

“Small Lady:”
Ah gano’n?!
Pwes, maglabasan na tayo ng baho ngayon…
Mr. Presiding Officer… I have a manifestation.

Boom!
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.”
~John Buchan

Quote of the Day
“You are gathering evidence by requesting a subpoena from this honorable court. And I warn you that this is going to be fatal error on your part.”
~Presiding Officer Juan Ponce Enrile to the prosecution panel
Day 16, Corona Impeachment Trial

Enjoy the rest of the week.
A shout out to everyone at the UP Fair (Diliman & Manila) and the UPLB Feb Fair! Have fun!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. PRESIDENT!

8 02 2012

ON FEBRUARY 7, 2012, Kris Aquino surprised her brother, President Noynoy Aquino with a birthday bash on Times Street. The event was recorded on video; a portion of which was transcribed by the President’s staff. Last night, a mysterious “small lady” handed me a copy of the transcript. Indulge!


AQUINO siblings, their children and close friends, yayas, household help, members of the Presidential Security Group: SURPRISE!!!
KRIS AQUINO: Good evening everyone! Hello Noy! Naloka ka ‘noh? Andito kaming lahat! Aha-ha-ha
PRESIDENT NOY: (Coughs) Ginulat n’yo naman ako. Teka… si Viel ba ‘yong nasa may corner table?
KRIS AQUINO: Nakakainis ka! Que aga-aga, nagpapatawa ka! Of course! ‘Kita mo nang napaka-quiet ng table so malamang si Viel ang andun. Hellooooo! Common sense.
PRESIDENT NOY: Ok, okay. Ano bang meron?

KRIS: Kasi Noy, before you arrived, pinakialaman nina Ate Ballsy at Ate Pinky ang answering machine sa sala. Then,
PINKY: Wait lang, Kris… anong pinaki…
KRIS: Ayyy, denying… sige ka, magagalit si Mom sa ‘yo. Aha-ha-ha!
BALLSY: Para matigil na kayong dalawa, sige, ako na ang nakialam.
KRIS: ‘Yun na! To the rescue ang eldest! Winnnner! Aha-ha-ha
NOY: Puro kayo kalokohan eh. Inaantok na ‘ko. Pagod ako!
KRIS: Wait lang! Listen ka muna. Hellloooo. Pagod ka??? As if! Anyway, we will let you listen to 5 or 7 birthday messages left on your answering machine. Wala lang, Maiba lang. K na?
NOY: Si Josh ba and’yan? Kumain na ba ang mga bata?
KRIS: Ay, ang kulit! Iniiba pa ang usapan. Sinabi nang listen muna eh. Answering machine now, PSP later.
VIEL: Noy, pagbigyan mo na kasi.
KRIS: Ohhhhhh my Gaaaaaaahd! As in oh my God! Nagsalita si Viel! Minsan lang magsalita ‘yan. Sign ‘yan! Kaya pagbigyan mo na ako, Noy! Bilis na! Ready??
NOY: Sige na nga!
KRIS: Yey! I love youuu! Here’s the first message! Ate Pinky… press mo naaaaah!

Toooooooot!
“Pards, si Ronald Llamas ‘to. May tanong lang ako sa ’yo: Si Jesus Christ ka ba? Kasi, you keep saving me. Salamat pards! On your birthday, isa lang ang masasabi ko: Relax… see a movie.”

KRIS: O, bongga ‘di ba? May pick-up line pa ang lolo mo! Sipsip much? Why wasn’t he fired nga pala Noy?
NOY: Kris, ‘di ba sabi ko kapag trabaho ko na ang pinag-uuusapan, ‘wag ka nang makikialam?
KRIS: Aray ko. I hate youuu! Why? Fault ko bang nag-DVD shopping siya. Care bears! Cheap n’ya huh! Next message Ate Ballsy!

Toooooooot!
“Mr. President, Niel Tupas here. Wishing you good health and a sound mind. May you have many more birthdays to come. Happy birthday. You’re the best!”

KRIS: In fairnesssssss, hindi halatang nasabon mo siya last weeeeeek. Aha-ha-ha
NOY: Kristina!!!
KRIS: Uki, quiet na lang ako. Fine! Ate Pinky, next message! Press mo naaa!

Toooooooot!
“Hi Babe Roman, sunduin mo na ako sa TV5. Finished na ang Will Time Big Time. ‘Tapos, kain tayo sa… Oh my, mali, ang na-dial kong number! Kanino ba ‘to? Bakit walang name. Sorry.”

KRIS: Nakakalokah! You gave Shalani pala your new number? I’m sure, sinend mo ‘yon via business card. Akala ko pa naman nag-move on ka na!
NOY: Hindi ako ang nagbigay ng number sa kanya! Hindi na kami nagti-text!
KRIS: Eh bakit nagba-blush ka? Aha-ha-ha Bahala ka sa buhay mo! Ipaliwanag mo ‘yan kina Roman at Mons. Basta ako, care bears! Ate Ballsy, next message!

Toooooooot!
“Hello, Noyshi? This ish GMA, your predecesshor and former economicsh professhor. I have noted with sadnessh the increashing vacuum of leadership, vishion, energy and execution in managing our economic affairsh. There’s economic ssshtagnation, government lethargy, and nobody-home leadership while presumptuously encouraging gosship about one’s love life in which no one can posshibly be intereshted. In short, it’s the economy, ishtudent.”


KRIS: Noy, may I react?
NOY: ‘Wag mo nang patulan Kristina.
KRIS: Nooo! I will say what I wanted to say. Not to be disrespectful Mrs. Arroyo, but I think my brother has been doing his best for this country. I’m sure my dad – a national hero, and my mom, an icon of democracy are proud of him. Bakit Mrs Arroyo, sino po ba ang nakakulong ngayon? Sino po ba ang patung-patong ang kaso? Sino po ba…
NOY: Kristina, tama na.
KRIS: Wait lang! Sino po ba ang nasa hospital at nagsa-suffer? Sino po ba ang hindi maka-travel? Si Noy po ba? O kayo?
BALLSY: Krissy, answering machine ang kausap mo. Mukha kang tanga!
KRIS: Gosh, oo nga, I forgot. Hay naku! Ito naman kasing si Viel hindi nagsasalita. ‘Yan tuloy, mega-emote ako sa answering machine. Ate Pinky, next message please!

Toooooooot!
“Mr. President, this is CJ Corona. Diktador ka! Isinusumpa ko, hindi maibabalik sa ‘yong pamilya ang Hacienda Luisita. Tandaan mo ‘yan! Sandali, birthday mo daw? Pakialam ko!”


KRIS: I hate him! I really hate him. Sana ma-convict ka! Hate you much!
NOY: High blood ka na naman.
KRIS: And have you seen his wife Noy? I swear, she looks like a matandang Kiray.
NOY: I know.
KRIS: In fairness, nag-agree ka! You hate him talaga ‘no? Aha-ha-ha Next message please.

Toooooooot!
“Hi Sir! Grace Lee here. Thanks for keeping me company last night. I totally enjoyed it. By the way, it’s your birthday. Saengil chukha hamnida! What do you want pala on your birthday? I might just give it.”


KRIS: Oh my God. Keri mo ‘yon Ate Pinky? Palay na ang lumalapit ngayon sa manok! Noy, grab it! Tuka lang nang tuka! Aha-ha-ha!
BALLSY: Krissy, your language.
KRIS: I’m sorry. Do you like her Noy?
NOY: Pwede bang next message na!?
KRIS: Ay, madaya! Nooo. Sagutin mo muna. Are you attracted to her?
NOY: Basta.
KRIS: Anong basta? Helllooo! Ano ka 17? Fifty-two ka na. Either you’re into her or not.
NOY: Pag-iisipan ko pa.
KRIS: Aww, that’s a bit gay. Promise.
NOY: Kristina!! Nasa pamamahay kita!
KRIS: Uki… quiet na lang ako. Fine. Again. Next message…

Toooooooot!
“Hi Sir, si Grace Lee ulit ‘to. ‘Di ba ‘you suggested that I see Kris? You think magugustuhan n’ya ako? Alam mo naman ‘yong kapatid mo, kapag ayaw sa tao, ayaw talaga niya! She’s such a character!”

KRIS: Helllllloooo! Intrigahin ba ako!?! Hay naku Noy, gusto ko na siyang mameet in person. I can’t wait.
PINKY: Krissy, ‘yan ka na naman. The girl seems to be nice.
KRIS: Helllooo. ‘Yan din ang sabi n’yo kay Shalani. O, nasa’n na siya ngayon? Tama ang kutob ko!
NOY: Kristina! Kapag ‘di ka tumahimik d’yan, hindi na ko magya-yaya kina Josh at Bimby sa Bahay Pangarap this weekend!
KRIS: Ayyyy, threatening much! Uki… quiet na lang ako. Fine! Next message Ate Ballsy.

Toooooooot!
“Mr. President, at your service, Senator Frank Drilon here. I’m wishing you a happy birthday. ‘Yong gift ko… panoorin mo na lang ang impeachment trial. You’ll notice naman eh. Happy birthday.”


KRIS: I love you Tito Frank! He’s sooo cute Noy, do you agree? Para siyang lalaking Juana Change. Aha-ha-ha
NOY: Don’t ever mention the name of that woman again.
KRIS: Ooops, sorry naman. Edwin Lacierda ang peg? Hate mo pa rin si Juana Change?
NOY: Sabi ko, huwag mo nang babanggitin ang pangalang ‘yan!
KRIS: Ay! Mad ang lolo n’yo! Uki… quiet na lang ako. Anyway, kay Tito Frank… you’re doing a great job. Sobrang fair mo sa trial as in! ‘Noy, ‘di ba may dinner kayo ni Tito Frank at ng prosecution team tomorrow night?
NOY: Kristina! That’s supposed to be confidential!
KRIS: Gano’n?!? Uki… quiet na lang ako. Sorry. Last message… Ate Ballsy, press mo naaaa!

Toooooooot!
“Mr. Prisidint, si Manny Pacquiao po ‘to. Sabi ng mga taga-Ruma sa Chaptir 13, Virs 8: Huwag kayong magkakaroon ng utang kaninuman, maliban sa saguting magmahalan sa isa’t isa, sapagkat ang nagmamahal sa kapwa ay tumutupad sa Kautusan.” Maligayang kaarawan Mistir Prisidint. Make lab not war. To air is human, and it is divine. Think you, think you at maraming salamat sa pagsupurta sa Mani Mini Prizes.”

KRIS: Nakakaloka! Pati ba naman sa answering machine, mag-promote??!! Hindi ko siya kinakaya!
NOY: Hayaan mo na Kris.
KRIS: ‘Tsaka, ‘to air is human.’ Gross! Promise. That’s so gross! And what did he say before that? Make lab??? Anong tingin n’ya sa ‘yo Noy? Scientist! Aha-ha-ha ‘Sabagay, mukha ka namang nerd.
NOY: Kristina!!!
KRIS: Uki, quiet na lang ako. Fine.

BALLSY: Before we have dinner Noy, I just wanted to say na this has been a good week for us. Not just for the family but for the prosecution panel in the impeachmen trial. Pero higit sa lahat…
KRIS: Ako na Ate Ballsy! Moment ko ‘to! Guys, I am single again! Yeyyyyy! Happiness!
(Applause)
KRIS: Promise ko sa inyo Noy, Ate Ballsy, Ate Pinky, Ate Quiet Viel, never ko na kayong bibigyan ng sakit ng ulo when it comes to men. Natuto na talaga ako promise!
BALLSY: Sure na ba ‘yan?
KRIS: Sure na!  Pero aminin n’yo, ang cute talaga ni Coco Martin. Aha-ha-ha ‘Di ba Noy?
NOY: Sort of. Joooke!
KRIS: Sort of? Meh ganun? Kaloka. Teka, last na lang… gusto ko siyempreng pasalamatan ang mga lawyers ko, at si James na rin for being cooperative. At higit sa lahat, thank you, thank you talaga, love na love ko na siya dahil super bilis siyang nakapag-decide sa annulment case na ito: Makati City RTC Judge Cristina Sulit! To Judge Sulit, I love you naaa. (Noy raises hand) Yes, Noy…
NOY: Sulit? What’s Sulit mama?!
KRIS: Ayyy, hindi mo keri! Mukha kang tanga. Aha-ha-aha
NOY: Uki… quiet na lang ako. Fine.

Happy 52nd birthday Mr. President!
——————————————————————————————————-
“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.”
~Jennifer Yane

Quote of the Day
“I hope he makes a good choice if he is choosing at his age. He should be choosing for a potential mate unless he is resigned to be a bachelor forever then I will advise him that it is a life of complete misery. Everyone needs a partner in life, a life partner. Let’s wish him good luck in his search.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago on President Aquino’s love life

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EXCLUSIVE! A LETTER FROM LLAMAS

31 01 2012

A WEEK AFTER HE was photographed buying pirated DVDs, presidential adviser on political affairs Ronald Llamas has reportedly sent an explanation letter to President Aquino. Here is the copy of that letter. Exclusive!


His Excellency Benigno Simeon C. Aquino III
President
Malacañan Palace
1610 JP Laurel St.
San Miguel, Manila

Pare Ko,

I guess you have been informed About Last Night. You know, Rumor Has It I purchased 2,000 pesos worth of pirated videos. Liar! Liar! Those reports were exaggerated. I only bought no more than 300. Ganito ang nangyari.

Monday, Se7en o’clock. It was Rush Hour. Grabe talaga ang Traffic. I was on The Road. Ayaw ko namang masayang ang oras sa kalye so I asked a Taxi Driver where I could kill time. Itinuro niya ang Circle C Mall sa Congressional Avenue in Quezon City. It was Closer than SM North Edsa kasi.

Pagdating sa Dulo, sinalubong ako ng mga vendors. Puro Segunda Mano pala ang tinda do’n. I really Wanted to buy some for the Little Children but something else caught my attention – DVDs! Sabi ko, Himala, hindi yata niri-raid ng Optical Media Board ang mall na ‘to.

Hindi mo naitatanong, movie buff ako. It was this Crazy, Stupid, Love for films that put me in Big Trouble! An editor/reporter from Bandera-Inquirer Saw me pala. Worse, nakunan niya ako habang bumibili! That was Proof! Can you Imagine That!? The next day, my photo was splashed all over The Paper. After the AK-47 controversy, ito naman!?? Ang Jologs ko! God… Why Me?

But then again, I realized, A Series of Unfortunate Events will not break me. Suportado ako ng Akbayan! Besides, Malacañang cannot say no to The Help that I offer.

Kay Dona Policar, ang editor ng Bandera, hmmpf, Look Who’s Talking?! Siguro, namimirata ka rin kaya andun ka sa mall na ’yon. Huwag na huwag lang magku-krus ang landas natin. I swear There Will Be Blood!

Kay Ronnie Rickets, Step Up your operation against piracy! Pati ako natutuksong bumili.

Sa aking mga kritiko, mauunawaan din n’yo ako Pagdating ng Panahon.

And to you my dear President, you’ve Got 2 Believe, I didn’t mean to Shame you. In fact, Kamakalawa, I returned to the mall upang ibalik ang DVD. When the vendors Saw me though, they Ran. The stalls were Gone In Sixty Seconds.

Ipagpatawad Mo mahal na Pangulo. Pangako, From Here to Eternity, ‘di na ako magiging Superbad.

Miss Na Miss Kita. Alam kong miss mo na rin ako. After all, we’re Friends With Benefits. Joooooke!

Hanggang Dito na Lamang at Maraming Salamat,

P.S.
Isikreto mo na lang ‘tong sulat na ‘to. Kung pwede lang, Burn After Reading.

BREAKING NEWS: President Aquino has replied to the letter of Secretary Llamas:

Bro,

Relaks Ka Lang… Sagot Kita.

Walang Iwanan… Peks Man!
Isa lang ang pakiusap ko sa ‘yo, please don’t Drag Me To Hell.

I Love You Man,
Noy

——————————————————————————–
“When you realize you’ve made a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.”
~Dan Heist

Day 9: The Impeachment Trial
Senator-judge Serge Osmeña says the prosecution panel has been really lazy. Tell us something we don’t know.

Vote Now
Please vote for the Prosecution Panel as 1 of the 7 New Wonders of the World. When you watch them kasi you’ll wonder: what the hell is happening? To vote, just key in  PP and send to 23718456 for all networks. Be careful when typing the number. That’s the order of the presentation of evidence.

Quote of the Day
“It seems I’ll be making some people very happy by being absent at the impeachment today. But I hope to get better and attend the trial soon.”
~Senator-judge Miriam Defensor-Santiago

Trivia
To those who do not follow me on Twitter: Last Monday, I tweeted some interesting facts about private prosecutor Joseph Joemer Perez. He was an alumnus of the award-winning ‘90s quiz show Battle of the Brains. Representing UP Diliman, he emerged as champion in 1998. Three years earlier, Joemer and classmate Paulo David Javier, representing San Jose Academy of Navotas won in the high school division.

Joemer was the Valedictorian of UP Law Class 2004. He placed 8th in the bar exams.

Who’s That Girl?
She’s always there. Who’s she?
Tell me your name
you’re lovely
Please tell me your name

Enjoy the rest of the week. Stay safe!

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PICK-UP LINES OF FAMOUS FILIPINOS

24 12 2011

INSPIRED BY an article on College Humor’s website, here are the pick-up lines of famous Filipino men:

Apolinario Mabini: Except for my legs, lahat sa akin, tumatayo.

Gen. Gregorio Del Pilar: Sabi nila, mahusay raw akong mangabayo.

Andres Bonifacio: Hindi lang cedula ang kaya kong punitin.

Jose Rizal: Okay lang na ma-exile… basta sa puso mo.

Juan Luna: Kapag kasama kita, mas nagiging makulay ang mundo ko.

Amado V. Hernandez: Gusto mong makita ang aking ibong mandaragit?

Mar Roxas: Magaling akong pumadyak.

Ferdinand Marcos: Promise, hindi lang kamay na bakal ko ang matigas sa akin.

Fidel V. Ramos: Hmmm, maliban sa bibig ko, saan ko pa kaya pwedeng ipasok ang tabakong ‘to?

Manny Pacquiao: Tara, let’s go to the world and multiply.

Jose Ma. Sison: Blusa! Palda! Panty! Ibagsak!

Efren “Bata” Reyes: Puwede ko bang ikiskis ‘tong tako ko sa tisa mo?

Manny Villar: Basta ako, kaya ko ang double insertion!

Bro. Mike Velarde: Dila ko pa lang, matigas na.

Juan Ponce Enrile: Gusto mong maging happy?

Rene Mariano, psychic: May future tayong dalawa.

Noynoy Aquino: Alam mo, matagal-tagal ko na ring hindi napapaputok ‘tong baril ko.

Gomburza: Familiar ka sa phrase na “thrice the fun?”

Christmas Surveys
A Social Weather Stations Survey showed that 23 percent of Filipinos prefer to receive money as gift on Christmas. Those Filipinos were later identified as “congressmen.”

Another survey revealed that only 3 in 5 Filipinos would be happy this Christmas. To illustrate, think of the Aquino family. There’s Ballsy, Pinky, and Viel. That’s three. And then there’s, Noy and Kris.

Happy Holidays! Have a safe Christmas break everyone!

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72

3 11 2011

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQgVtx7AaGH5VdMOYiBeB00bUZW0mtu6HaMqfpkh4iJSXDfvJLH3QTHE ALL SAINTS DAY break is over. The Christmas Season is officially here. In fact, the Alex Boncayao Brigade is getting their cash gift soon!

But first, this: there’s absolutely no truth to rumors that former senator Ramon Revilla Sr. is the father of the 7 billionth baby born on October 31.

Seventy-Two
Portia Ilagan, the spokesman of the Revilla family said Ramon Revilla Sr. fathered at least 72 children. Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile believes it could have been more had Revilla not “aborted” sperm cells.

Ramon Revilla Sr. has fathered 72 children with 16 different women… officially making Mang Dolphy Quizon a saint.

Former senator Ramon Revilla Sr. was not able to attend Wednesday’s funeral of his murdered son Ram. He was still confined in the hospital although his BP has gone back to normal, 120 over 72 children.

After the funeral, Ram’s mother, “That’s Entertainment” alumna Genelyn Magsaysay told the media she didn’t raise her children to be violent people. And Princess Revilla was like, “Why are you looking at me?”

The Ligots
Former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot and wife, Erlinda have surfaced Wednesday and posted a bail of P160,000 for a string of tax evasion cases. The couple’s lawyer said the Ligots went on a vacation “somewhere in Luzon.” When asked to give more clues, the lawyer said, “Basta! Kung saan ‘di naghanap ang NBI, do’n yun!”

Overseas…
Herman Cain, a former pizza chain CEO and leading Republican presidential candidate is being accused of harassing two women in the mid-1990s. Cain dismissed the issue as a demolition job invented by the camp of Manny Villar.

Success!
Here’s a piece of good news. US surgeons successfully separated Filipino conjoined twins Angelica and Angelina Sabuco. The surgery lasted 9 hours, about half an hour shorter than the marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

Top 10 Things That Have Lasted Longer Than The Kardashian-Humphries Marriage

No. 10: The NCAA games in the Philippines

No. 9: The Ligot couple’s vacation

No. 8: Nora Aunor’s good behavior after her return to the Philippines (May himala!)

No. 7: The UP Fighting Maroons’ losing streak

No. 6: “Happy Yipee Yehey” (Akalain mo ‘yon!)

No. 5: Christopher Lao’s online popularity

No. 4: The Yuletide Season in the Philippines

No. 3: Manny and Jinkee Pacquiao’s latest cold war

No. 2: The time spent by Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo in the hospital after being elected congresswoman

And the No. 1 thing that has lasted longer than Kim and Kris’ marriage…

Noli De Castro’s “TeeeeeeeeeeeeVeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Patrol”

The marriage of reality star Kim Kardashian and NBA player Kris Humphries’ lasted 72 days. And James Yap was like, “Puwede pala ‘yon? Sus, kung alam ko lang… “
————————————————————————————-
“I don’t know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It’s not gay people who are ‘ruining the sanctity of marriage.’ It’s celebrities.”
~Craig Ferguson

Quote of Week
“Kung maaari lang po, tugisin niyo ang totoong killer. Huwag niyong gamitin ang pamilya ko. Huwag niyo kaming paikut-ikutin dahil alam mo kung sino ka. Kawawa ang mga anak ko. Kung kayo ay may galit sa akin, ako na lang. huwag niyo nang isama ang mga anak ko. Ang mga anak ko ay mahal na mahal ko.”
~Genelyn Magsaysay, Ram Revilla’s mother

Elsewhere
Blogger raises issue of possible plagiarism vs. the Department of Tourism

GMA News: DOT: ‘Plagiarized’ food article was just a test page

Enjoy the rest of the week! Merry Christmas!

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CONFIRMED!

9 10 2011

Satur Ocampo (In the Philippines): Sir, our comrade is dead! I repeat, our comrade is dead. Do you read me?
Jose Maria Sison (In Europe): Roger!


Gregorio ‘Ka Roger’ Rosal, spokesman of the Communist Party of the Philippines’ armed wing, the New People’s Army is dead. I heard Malacañang is now willing to talk peace with him.

The Communist Party of the Philippines has confirmed that its spokesman, Gregorio “Ka Roger” Rosal is dead. On the brighter side, the CPP-NPA is announcing a job opening soon!

Rumors have it when Ka Roger got sick, he stepped down as spokesman and was replaced by his No. 2 guy who’s gay.

Comrades hailed Ka Roger’s “contributions” to the “historic revolution” such as iAttack, iTorch, iRecruit, iAbduct, iAmbush, iCollect and iLiquidate.

Gregorio ‘Ka Roger’ Rosal, the spokesman of the CPP-NPA died last June 22. In honor of the deceased Communist rebel, the New People’s Army will torch three Globe cell sites and attack more mining firms.

Communist spokesman Ka Roger Rosal died last June 22. It took the CPP-NPA more than three months to confirm his death because of Globe’s poor signal in the Sierra Madre Mountains.

In lieu of flowers, the CPP-NPA is now accepting revolutionary donations.

Smokin’ President
Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda denied that President Aquino was allowed to smoke in his recent return flight from San Francisco to Manila as reported by a Manila Standard Today columnist. Lacierda is offering an Hermes bag as reward to anyone on that flight who could show proof that the President lit a cigar.

Lapid Debates
Last week, Sen. Manuel ‘Lito’ Lapid took the Senate floor to interpellate RH Bill sponsor Pia Cayetano. And everyone agreed – the action star’s first attempt at comedy was a huge success. Congratulations!

Envoy Apologizes
US Ambassador Harry Thomas Jr. apologized for saying that 40 percent of male tourists visit the Philippines for sex. The US envoy admitted he didn’t have the statistics to back up his claim. Only the experience.

But Sen. Loren Legarda still wants Ambassador Thomas to “provide the basis of the 40 percent” – prompting the envoy to panic and seek the help of 4 of his 10 closest American friends in Manila.

Nora Aunor
Nora Aunor has vowed to promote the Philippine Medical Association’s “Smoke-free Philippines” campaign. In totally unrelated news, Joseph Estrada has vowed to promote the Vatican’s “Be faithful to your wife” campaign.
——————————————————————————————————-
“Communism is like Prohibition, it’s a good idea but it won’t work.”
~Will Rogers

Quotes of the Weak
“Very clearly, the moves to persecute the Arroyos are Palace orchestration with Lacierda as the principal crooner singing whatever tunes Aquino would want to hear.”
~Arroyo lawyer Raul Lambino

“(Lambino) just sang out of tune. He wasn’t listening to the melody and lyrics of my statement. So get a music teacher.”
~Presidential Spokesperson Edwin Lacierda

Personal
Last Saturday’s edition of #QUIZtion: a general knowledge quiz on Twitter, which I moderate was one of the most competitive in recent weeks. One word: kinarir.

Join #QUIZtion every Saturday night between 8:43 and 11 o’clock. Good luck!

Have a safe, healthy, and productive week!

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FLIPTOP BATTLE EXTRA

29 09 2011

YOU ASKED FOR IT, you got it. Here is Part II of Fliptop and Politics, the fliptop rap battle between politicians, people in the news, and more!

A fliptopper isn’t supposed to be tamed. To humiliate opponents is his primary aim. Kaya walang mapipikon sa aking mga hirit. Hindi ko naman inasam na kayo ay magalit. ‘Meron tayong free will,’ sabi nga ni Ms. Zeny Seva. Kung ‘di mo trip ang post na ‘to, makakaalis ka na! Break it down.

Match No. 1: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago vs. Former President Fidel Ramos

President Ramos:
Hindi ako pumapatol lalo na sa babae
Ngunit may exception: kung mukha itong lalaki
Some things never change, ‘sintapang ka pa rin ng alamid
Nineteen years ka nang talunan, ‘di ka pa rin nagco-concede!?
Belat!

Utang na loob…
‘Wag mo ‘kong daanin sa pick up lines mong corny
Bumenta na’ng lahat ‘yan, panahon pa ni Cory
Sa halip na mag-joke, pa-check up ka ng kokote
Baka kailangan mong sumailalim sa lobotomy!

Senator Miriam:
You despicable prokaryote! ‘Wag ka ngang magmalinis!
Nanggigigil ako sa ‘yo, I’d like to crush you like an ipis
Centennial Expo, PEA Amari: scammer ka, ‘wag tumanggi
Sa husay mong magpaikot, nahuthutan si Gaddafi!

How dare you insult me, you paleolithic protozoa
You would’ve lost the elections kung ‘di lang minanipula
At kung mukha akong lalaki; ikaw naman mukhang hudas
Kaya wala kang nabola kundi si Baby Arenas!
Taksil!

Match No. 2: Bishop Teodoro Bacani and Cong. Edcel Lagman on RH Bill

Bishop Bacani:
Patawarin ka ng Diyos, kongresistang makasalanan
Pinaggagagawa mo’y sadyang ‘di mo nalalaman
Pildoras at condom, naku, tutol d’yan ang langit
Sa impyerno ang bagsak mo, kapag iyong ipinilit!

RH Bill, Divorce Bill, Same Sex Marriage bill ba ang kasunod?
Nawa’y muling magka-Great Flood upang kayo’y mangalunod
Kadiri! Nakakasuka! Dapat nga kayong iwasan!
Excommunication ang sagot, kampon ng kadiliman!

Congressman Lagman:
Ayaw kong mamersonal, pero ikaw ang nagsimula
Ikaw na nga ‘tong imoral, ‘sipag mo pang magngangawa
Rally vs. contraceptives, bakit saksakan kayo ng bilis,
Pero tikom naman ang bibig sa isyu ng pagbubuwis?

Ang linis mo, Bishop Ted, nakakahiya namang lumapit
Ang bango ng hininga mo; ang puti ng iyong singit
Pati yata Vaticano, nahihirapan kang i-handle
Kaya naman tolerated ang ‘yong hobby na mag-fondle!

Amen!

Match No. 3: Nora Aunor vs. Philippine Medical Association on Yes! Magazine Cover

Philippine Medical Association:
Masama kang ehemplo, hindi ka amusing
‘Sabagay even then adik ka na sa smoking!
Akala mo siguro cool na cool ang pagyoyosi
Panira ‘yan ng lovelife, ask mo pa si Presidente!

Lest you forget madam, hindi ka na beinte-uno
Almost 60 ka na lola at ‘sang dosena na ang apo!
Sigarilyo, alak at ang all-time favorite mong casino
No wonder, TV5 lamang ang sumusugal sa ‘yo!

Nora Aunor:
Hindi ko po intensyong makasakit ng damdamin
Lalo na sa mga grupong mahilig magpapansin
Pati ba naman yosi ko, pinag-iinitan
So anong susunod? ‘Yong aking katomboyan?!

“My brother is not a pig!”

And please lang, tigilan n’yo na ang pagiging ipokrito
Maraming doktor din ang addict sa sigarilyo
“Live and let live,” ang aking pakiusap
Peace PMA peeps! Tara, let’s drink to that!

“I did not kill anybody!”

Match No. 4: Congressional Spouse Jinkee Pacquiao vs. Intrigueros

Jinkee Pacquiao:
Kung wala kayong magawa sa buhay, tigilan n’yo na ang tsismis
Que loyal man o hindi si Manny sa ‘kin, it’s no longer your business!
In fact we’re going stronger, hinding-hindi mabubuwag
‘Pag ‘di n’yo ko tinantanan, sasampalin kita ng Hermes bag!

At sa malalanding babae d’yan, layuan n’yo ang asawa ko
Kung pera lang ang habol n’yo, tell me, right now, magkano?
Ito ang tandaan n’yo: nag-iisa lang akong reyna!
Kahawig ni Dyan Castillejo, Kristine Hermosa ang aura!
Mga bruha!

Intrigueros:
Fault ba namin kung mambabae ang Pambansang Kamao?
Kung ma-link sa mga Ara, mga Rufa Mae o Ranillo?
Excuse me, excuse us, siya ang gumagawa ng tsismis!
‘Di ba nga’t may new rumor, meron daw ngayong buntis?
Erase.
Erase.
Erase.

Oh, by the way, ‘pansin nga namin ang iyong bagong ganda
Tagumpay ang eksperimento! Halos ‘di ka na nga makilala
Dyan C? Kristine H? Just exactly what we thought
Ingat sa next surgery, baka magmukha kang Freddie Roach!

“Malaswaaaa! Pakialaman n’yo ang malaswa!”
—————————————————————————————————–
“We have two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not practice and another which we practice but seldom preach.”
~Bertrand Russell

Pogi Points
> Department of Photoshopped Works and Highways? (DPWH)
ABS-CBNNews.com reported Thursday that DPWH allegedly uploaded a Photoshopped image to its Facebook page making it appear that three  DPWH officials were talking, “with the damaged Manila Bay seawall in the background.” Patawa! Sino ‘yong naka-red jacket, si David Blaine?

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OUT

30 08 2011


TYPHOON MINA has slowly moved out of the country. I am not sure if there’s another storm coming but I heard Customs Commission Angelito Alvarez has started packing.

As it heads toward China, typhoon Mina has been downgraded to a tropical storm. And Standard & Poor’s executives were like, “Don’t look at us!”

Metro Manila wasn’t spared from the wrath of Typhoon Mina. For the record though, it was the third disaster to happen in the metro in recent weeks… next only to “The Adventures of Pureza: Queen of the Riles” and “Tween Academy: Class of 2012.”

Fired!
President Aquino confirmed that Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez is on his way out. According to the President he is not satisfied with the Customs chief’s performance. To which Alvarez allegedly said, “The feeling is mutual.”

The President has fired Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez. Of course, Alvarez would have retained his post if he knew how to fire a gun.

Off to China
For the first time since he assumed office, President Aquino is visiting the People’s Republic of China. As a precautionary measure, he was advised to avoid riding a bus in the Communist country.

Reports say trade tops President Aquino’s agenda on his trip to China. Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda will be part of the President’s entourage mainly because he’s good at trading… barbs.

Joining President Aquino in China are prominent Filipino businessmen – a number of them are of Chinese descent – led by taipans Lucio Tan, Henry Sy, John Gokongwei and PLDT big boss Em Vee Pee.

President Aquino’s trip to China is his first. Or second, if you’d count his visit to Divisoria.

Alabang Boys
The drug case against two of the three so-called Alabang Boys has been dismissed. As the verdict allowing them to walk free, was being read, Richard Brodett and Jorge Joseph, son of radio host Johnny Midnight were in sheer ecstasy.

Overseas…
Faced with a declining approval rating, Japanese Prime Minister Naoto Kan has stepped down. Jobless, Kan has accepted several invitations to visit the Philippines and teach Filipino politicians the concept of ‘delicadeza.’

Nabbed
The sex maniac targeting dentists was arrested over the weekend. Relatives of the victims vow revenge. You know, a tooth for a tooth.

Species
According to a new estimate described by scientists as the most accurate ever, planet Earth is home to 8.7 million species. But more are expected to emerge…  with the help of people like Vicki Belo, Drs. Manny & Pie Calayan, and Ellen Lising.

Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs is very sick. Apparently, he did not eat an apple a day. That would have kept the doctor away.
——————————————————————————————–
“Getting fired is nature’s way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place.”
~Hal Lancaster

Quote of Week
“I cannot satisfy everybody. I did my best. If my best wasn’t enough, then I can’t do anything about that.”
~Outgoing Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez

Quote of the Weak
“I may be disconnected from my being Filipino, but with a tongue of privilege I will always have my connections.”
~Ateneo student James Soriano on Filipino, and English, his “mother tongue”

Bonus!
Your weekly horoscope: August 30 – September 5, 2011

August 30, 1989: Director Roman Polanski marries 23-yr-old actress Emmanuelle  Seigner… surprising everyone since the average age of Polanski’s ex-girlfriends was 14.

August 30, 1987: Ben Johnson of Canada runs the century dash in 9.83 seconds… or as Usain Bolt would call it, “Forever!”

August 30, 1885: 13,000 meteors were seen in one hour near Andromeda. The astronomer who witnessed the event was subsequently named “Best in Counting.”

August 30, 1682: William Penn left England to sail to New World. Had he not sailed, the US would have a state called “Sylvania.”

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang pumayag ang pamahalaan sa demand na “substate” ng MILF?
-Sure! Kung iyan ang susi sa pagwawakas ng kaguluhan sa Mindanao! 16.43%
-No! Wala sa saligang-batas ang konseptong ‘yan! Ano kayo hilo? 74.65%
-Pag-aaralan ko muna ang demand. 8.92%

Have a great week!

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WATCHLIST

11 08 2011

OVER THE PAST 11 months, the Professional Heckler has “outscooped” every major news organization in the country – snagging exclusive interviews with the most fascinating newsmakers: political figures, showbiz personalities, and even inanimate objects! For those who missed, here are six of my favorite conversations (intercepted or otherwise). Balik-tanaw.

May 2011: Krissy/Manny – Kris Aquino’s revealing interview with Cong. Manny Pacquiao on RH Bill, women, and other issues

March 2011: Noynoy vs. Bongbong – The controversial text war between the President and the senator

August 2010: Exclusive! Noynoy Interviews Kris (The most read interview)

August 2010: Exclusive! GMA Breaks Her Silence (The award-winning interview)

January 2011: When It Rains, It Porsche – An Exclusive Interview with President Aquino’s sportscar

August 2010: Introductions – Miss Universe fever hits Malacañang

IN THE NEWS…
Atty. Aquilino “Koko” Pimentel III has been proclaimed senator of the Republic of the Philippines. Next week in the Senate, Pimentel will reportedly make a grand entrance, two weeks after Zubiri’s graceful exit.

Koko Pimentel has been proclaimed senator a week after Miguel Zubiri’s resignation. Koko is hopeful that his father Nene would likewise be proclaimed senator as soon as Senator Enrile quits his post.

Operation
The second operation on former President Arroyo’s spine wasn’t as successful as the first one. Or as Migz Zubiri would say, “Parang 2004 at 2007 elections lang.”

Nail Them
The government is hell-bent on nailing the Arroyos. In fact, the Department of Justice now considers placing even Rufa Mae Quinto on the immigration watch list.

Downgrade
In America, Standard & Poor’s downgraded the US credit rating from AAA to Double A Plus. In the Philippines, devout Catholics downgraded Mideo Cruz’s artwork from “R” to “Triple X Minus.”

President Aquino has spoken against the “Kulo” exhibit at the CCP. The President is reportedly disappointed. He just ordered the DOJ to place Mideo Cruz on immigration watchlist too.

No Show
Former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo snubbed the Senate hearing Thursday. To be fair, he sent the senators a letter detailing his current health condition as drafted by his lawyers at the St. Luke Law Office.

Briefly Noted:
A Poe gave Mike Arroyo a headache in 2004.
A Po is giving him a headache today.
——————————————————————————————
“Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.”
~Christopher Reeve

Briefly Noted Too
“Spice Boys” and “Bright Boys” then, “Lousy Boys” today. The group is composed of Representatives Justin Chipeco, Sonny Angara, and Bem Noel and former congressmen Joel Villanueva, Gilbert Remulla, and Mujiv Hataman.

Lousy name.


Personal
The Professional Heckler a.k.a. Loi Reyes Landicho is a finalist in the first ever Globe #TattAwards – WordSlayer category. To vote for your favorite finalists in the 10 categories, just click here. And thank you to those who have voted. Maraming salamat sa suporta.

You Have Spoken
Makatarungan ba ang desisyong ilagay sa Immigration watchlist si former President Arroyo?
-Dapat lang! Eh kung tumakas? 70.72%
-No need! Sa lagay n’yang ‘yan, ‘di siya makakaalis ‘noh! 16.02%
-Wala akong pakialam. Busy ako. 13.26%

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Enjoy the rest of the week!





EX-SENAtor

3 08 2011

SENATOR JUAN MIGUEL ZUBIRI has resigned. Or as the Senate Electoral Tribunal would call it, “saving face.”

Sen. Migs Zubiri has decided to quit his post amid allegations of fraud in the 2007 elections. Again, election fraud. Not sex scandal. Take that America!

Senator Zubiri has resigned. Lintang Bedol,1 ; Zaldy Ampatuan,1 ; Mike Arroyo, 0.

In a privilege speech Wednesday, Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri enumerated his accomplishments as a legislator. The public got confused. Was he resigning his post or campaigning for 2013?

A week after President Aquino’s SONA, Senator Zubiri delivered the SOMA: State of Migs Address.

After Zubiri’s privilege speech, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile said, “never had I thought that I would witness today a show of moral courage.” So did we.

Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile added it was the first time a senator has resigned under such circumstances. Actually, you had the chance Manong Johnny in 1995. Hindi mo lang ginawa.

Senator Zubiri ended his speech by paraphrasing a quote from General Douglas Macarthur: “I am not actually retreating; I am merely advancing in another direction.” Like where? Bukidnon capitol?

Before Senator Zubiri ended his privilege speech, he thanked every member of the Senate – from both the majority and the minority blocs. And then he realized two things: one, he didn’t really have any enemy, and two, Lito Lapid was still a senator. (Akalain mo ‘yon!)

After Zubiri’s privilege speech, “Koko Pimentel” and “Enrile” became top trending topics worldwide. Surprisingly, “Migs Zubiri” did not trend despite Mike Arroyo’s instruction to Twitter “na zero tweets ang dapat makuha nina Koko at Enrile.”

In a privilege speech Wednesday, Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri announced his resignation from his post. It was an emotional speech that began with the line, “First, I was afraid I was petrified…”

Audrey Tan Zubiri, wife of Senator Migs was quoted to have said, “I’m very proud of my husband. Pinatunayan niyang isa siyang tunay na lalaki at kayang gawin ang tama, kahit gaano kahirap.” She wasn’t talking about his decision to marry her, was she?

Sen. Migs Zubiri has resigned. Rumors say he will focus on his hosting career. His show “The Explorer” will be revived. But it will now be called, “The Ex-Senator.”

The Speech
What Sen. Miguel Zubiri told us
(And what he really wanted to say)

“My rival took advantage of this political situation.”
(Masyado kang atat maupo Koko Pimentel!)

“Sa harap ng Diyos at sa harap ng tao ay nais kong pagtibayin na hindi ako nandaya. At wala akong kinausap upang mandaya para sa akin sa halalan.”
(Kasalanan mong lahat ito Mike Arroyo! Punyeta ka!)

“Ang lahat ng akusasyon laban sa akin ay pawang walang katotohanan.”
(Next time, kung ‘di ako humihingi ng pabor sa inyo Ginoong Arroyo at Ginoong Ebdane, ‘wag kayong mag-vo-volunteer! Mga hinayupak kayo!)

“In my family’s almost 30 years of public service in Bukidnon, not once has our name been dragged in any election controversy.”
(‘Pag may dynasty, walang kalaban, walang dayaan!)

“Isang paglilingkod na aking maipagmamalaki na walang bahid dungis.”
(Kitang-kita naman ang pruweba ‘di ba? Flawless!)

“Hindi ako umabuso o nagpayaman sa aking katungkulan.”
(Ipinanganak akong rich. Fault ko?)

“Hindi ako nagkaroon ng maraming bodyguard o “back up” o gumamit ng anumang ‘wang wang’ kahit noong ako ay Kongresista pa lamang.”
(Wala lang. Nakiki-uso. ‘Yan ang in eh. Bakit ba?!)

“Hindi po ako napagod sa paglilingkod sa inyo.”
(Pero napagod ako sa kakasulat ng rejoinder sa columns ni John Nery ng Inquirer.)

“… without admitting any fault and with my vehement denial of the alleged electoral fraud hurled against me…”
(Malinis ang kunsensya ko.)

“I am submitting my resignation as a duly elected Senator of the Republic of the Philippines…”
(Masaya na kayo?)

“After all, I am a husband first before a Senator.”
(Ba’t ba ‘di n’yo matanggap na may asawa ako!?)

“And as I now pronounce my joining the civil society, it is my humble prayer that this Institution allows me to resign with honor and dignity.”
(After four years, delicadeza! Sa’n ka pa?)

Quote of the Weak
“I am submitting my RESIGNATION as a duly elected Senator of the Republic of the Philippines in the election for which I am FALSELY accused without mercy and compassion.”
~Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri

Helicopters
The former First Gentleman is being implicated in yet another anomaly. But his classmates and friends from high school are not worried. In their senior year, Mike Arroyo was voted, “most likely to get away with everything.”

Former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo has denied ownership of two helicopters that were sold to the PNP for $700,000. Let me guess. Iggy Arroyo’s?

Reports say the Senate will invite former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo to the next hearing… prompting the management of St. Luke’s Medical Center to prepare the hospital’s executive suite.
——————————————————————-
“Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.”
~William Safire

Who is Christopher Lao?
As i write this, he is one of the top trending topics on Twitter worldwide!
Meet Christopher Lao, summa cum Laude, UP, BA Philosophy, GWA 1.169. USC Vice Chair 2005-2006
Classic ka! Classic! Tinalo mo pa ang Nescafé!
I just hated how you reacted man!

This just in/Aug 4,2011: Christopher Lao has released a statement. Part of his statement reads:
“I have been silent the past few days as I want this to go away soon but not before saying sorry and thank you to people who matter. I would like to apologize for my behavior that was seen on nationwide television and now on the internet.”

That’s what we wanted to hear. Apology accepted. UP Fight!

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: History of Senate resignations

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Enjoy the rest of the week. Have fun. Ingat!





SUCCESS!

1 08 2011

FORMER PRESIDENT Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s surgery was successful. It was so successful,the First Gentleman was reminded of the 2005 Batasan break-in.

Pampanga Representative Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s cervical spine surgery was successful. St. Luke’s Medical Center was quick to deny though that former PNP director general and now Zambales Governor Hermogenes Ebdane was involved in the operation.

The surgery that lasted four grueling hours reportedly involved placing implants in Mrs. Arroyo’s cervical spine. Asked to describe that particular ordeal, Mrs. Arroyo said, “It was a breast-taking experience.”

Hello, Garci!
Zaldy Ampatuan has spoken. Lintang Bedol has surfaced. Senior Supt. Rafael Santiago has spilled the beans. It could have been the year’s biggest blockbuster. Unfortunately, the fourth avenger, Virgilio Garcillano backed out of the project. Sayang!

In a press conference at his residence in Baungon, Bukidnon province Saturday, Virgilio Garcillano insisted that the “Hello Garci” recording was spliced… prompting former palace spokesman Ignacio Bunye to deny that he coached the former election official.

Virgilio Garcillano denied that he was in hiding. He was just running away from Anthony Taberna.

DUE TO INSISTENT public demand, I am reprinting excerpts from the purported bugged conversation allegedly between then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and then, Comelec Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:43)
Female: Hello, Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: Shabi ko, hello Garshi! Hindi mo ba ako narinig!?
Garshi: Pizza Hut po ito ma’am.
Female: Ay shorry.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:46)
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Pastilan! Ano bang kailangan mo? Pera na naman?!?@!$

Female: Gushto mong mawalan ng trabaho? Baka nakakalimutan mong ako ang nag-appoint sha ‘yo sha Comelec!?
Garshi: Ay sorry ma’am, akala ko asawa ko. Bale, mas mataas ho ngayon si FPJ. Pero pagdating ng Lanao, maco-compensate naman ho.

Female: So, I will shtill lead by one million?
Garshi: Parang ganun na nga ma’am ang lalabas.
Female: It cannot be less than 1 million, you know that.
Garshi: Pipilitin natin ma’am. As of the other day 982 thousand.
Female: Kaya nga. If we can get more from Lanao…
Garshi: May darating pa raw pong seven municipalities.
Female: Ok… ok Magpapamashahe lang ako kasi sumashakit ang leeg ko then tawagan na lang kita ulit.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:43)
Female: Hello, Ben.
Ben: Hello, ma’am.

Female: Ano nang lagay natin? Mananalo ba?
Ben: Panalong-panalo ma’am! Pero kailangan nating pumunta ng Hainan para pirmahan ang contract with ZTE. Isang round of golf lang, aprubado na ‘to.
Female: Anong pinagshashabi mo d’yan! 2004 pa lang ngayon. Sa 2007 pa mangyayari ‘yan.
Ben: Ay sorry ma’am. Na-excite lang ako. Tatanong ko ho muna kay Bedol.
Female: Huwag mashyadong atat sa tongpats ok? Shige, will call you back.

(Conversation between a male and a female, June 10, 2004, 13:40)
Female: Hello, Garshi?
Male: Wala! Tulog! Umalis!

Female: Shino ‘to?
Male: Ikaw ang tumawag ‘tapos tatanungin mo kung sino ‘to? Helleeer?!!!
Female: I am shorry. Shiguro naman sha dami ng letter esh sa sentensh na ito, shuper giveaway na kung shino ako.
Male: Mrs. President??? Sus, ginoo! Pasensya na po! Hindi ko kayo nabosesan agad. Daaaaaaaddy, si Ma’am nasa telepono.

Garshi: Hello, ma’am? Sorry po, naglaro ng Snake ang asawa ko sa aking cellphone.
Female: Nag-usap na ba kayo ni Abalosh?
Garshi: Oo ma’am. Mamasyal daw muna ako sa Mindanao.
Female: May problema daw kasi sa South Upi. Iba raw ang pinroclaim.
Garshi: Hindi ho ako ang may hawak doon.
Female: Puntahan mo na. Kashi ang balita ko shi Fernando Poe gumagapang na naman doon.
Garshi: Napiktyuran ho ba habang gumagapang?
Female: Tanga! ‘Yong boto ang ibig kong sabihin. Masyado kang literal!
Garshi: Sige ma’am.
Female: Garshi…
Garshi: Ma’am?
Female: What are you wearing?
Garshi: Malaswaaa!
Female: Jussssh kidding! Tatawag ulit ako. Pumunta ka na sa Mindanao.

(Conversation between two females, June 14, 2004, 15:56)
Female 1: Hello Garshi?
Female 2: Sino Garci iyo tawag? Hindi ako Garci. Ikaw mali dial!

Female 1: Shorry, ahm, shino ‘to?
Female 2: Si Vicki ‘toh!
(Female 1 ibinato ang Nokia 7650. ‘Buti na lang sa sofa bumagsak)

(Conversation between a male and a female, June 16, 2004, 14:49)
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: ‘Yong kabila raw, they’re trying to get the Namfrel copies of the municipal COCs.
Garshi: Wala ‘yon ma’am. Ok naman ang Namfrel sa atin. They’re now sympathetic to us.
Female: Pero does Namfrel match our tally?
Garshi: Oho.
Female: Sure ka? Paano ‘yong dagdag? ‘Yong dagdag?
Garshi: Ahm, we will get an advance copy para ma-remedyo.
Female: Ok, oo. Sige. Kumain ka na ba? Nagpahinga ka na?
Garshi: Sige ho ma’am, baka kung saan na naman mapunta ‘yan.
Female: Ok, ok. Shige.

And finally…
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: Balita ko lalabash ka raw. Puwede ba nating pag-ushapan ‘yan?
Garshi: Nagbago na ho ang isip ko ma’am. Don’t worry.
Female: Ahhh, gano’n ba? Shige, pag successhful ang surgery ko bukas, may bonus ka sa akin.
Garshi: Sige ma’am. Get well soon po.
Female: Ok, ok.
(Conversation between a male and female recorded just last Thursday, July 28, 2011, 14:49)

Gecko Trade
The Senate committee on trade and commerce has begun its probe into the reported massive trading of tukô or geckos in the country. Among the invited resource persons were LTO Chief Virginia Torres and Kalookan City Mayor Recom Echeverri.

Tropical Storm
According to PAGASA, tropical storm Kabayan will exit the country on Wednesday. Asked if Kabayan could possibly return, PAGASA replied, “Depends on the offer of ABS-CBN.”

New Project
Nora Aunor is doing a drama series on TV5 and the network is reportedly looking for a leading man. Taking into consideration her “history,” TV5 is torn between Albie CASINO and Johnny Walker.
———————————————————————–
“A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future.”
~Author Unknown


Today in History
August 1, 2009: At the age of 76, former President Corazon Aquino died. And Noynoy Aquino’s political career lived.

Personal
To our Muslim brothers, Ramadan Kareem! Kul ‘am wa enta bi-khair!

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang ilipat from June to September ang opening ng classes upang makaiwas sa bagyo??
-OO. Dapat matagal nang ginawa ‘yan. 48.79%
-NO. Ok na ‘tong ganito. Puwede namang mag-suspend eh. 45.16%
-Pag-iisipan ko. 6.05%

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Have a great week ahead!








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