DANNY

24 04 2009

Daniel Smith is Free
The Court of Appeals (CA) has acquitted Lance Corporal Daniel Smith of raping “Nicole.” In reversing the lower court’s decision, the appeals court stated: “What we see was the unfolding of a spontaneous, unplanned romantic episode with both parties carried away by their passions and stirred up by the urgency of the moment.” Or as “kanto” boys would say, “libog lang ‘yan.”

daniel_smith Daniel Smith has been acquitted by the Court of Appeals. CA justices believe that Smith must be released right away because he’s innocent, he has to start a new life, and he needs to lose some pounds.

In its decision, the Court of Appeals described as “deceptive posturing” the portrayal of Nicole as “a demure provinciana lass.” If it’s any consolation, only Nicole’s lawyer believed her.

Acquitted of rape by the Court of Appeals, Lance Corporal Daniel Smith is reportedly on his way back to the US. When Suzette “Nicole” Nicolas heard this, she said, “Naku teka, kailangang magpa-parlor.”

mar Did you see Sen. Mar Roxas’ reaction on TV when he heard the news that Daniel Smith immediately left the country after being acquitted by the CA? Roxas said, “Mismong sa sariling bansa natin ay binabastos tayo.” Wait a minute. Did he really say that? Does he even know how we feel whenever his “padyak” political ad is shown tv? ‘Yon ang paulit-ulit na pambabastos!

failon3 ABS-CBN Slammed
Media critics slammed ABS-CBN News for its biased and “over the top” coverage of the Trinidad Etong-Ted Failon case. But ABS-CBN President Charo Santos-Concio immediately apologized, and vowed, “Sa Maala-ala Mo Kaya episode namin next week, gagawin naming homicidal summa cum laude graduate si Ted. At ‘yong mga pulis naman, good people na. Promise.”

________
“Justice is always violent to the party offending, for every man is innocent in his own eyes.”
~Daniel Defoe





HEINOUS CRIMES

21 03 2009

jalosjos1
Jalosjos Is Free
Romeo Jalosjos has been released from jail. From ex-congressman to ex-convict.

Convicted rapist and former Zamboanga Del Norte representative Romeo Jalosjos has been released from prison. In another news dismissed as totally irrelevant and unrelated by Jalosjos, ABS-CBN has activated another Bantay Bata hotline.

Freed child rapist Romeo Jalosjos says he will not apologize to his victim. The former solon adds he is no longer interested to meet her again… because at 24, he finds the girl too old.

jalos1 Former congressman and convicted child rapist Romeo Jalosjos spent 13 years in prison. Upon his release, he immediately checked out his neighbor’s daughter who was only a year old when he was imprisoned.

Did you hear the latest update? Released child rapist Romeo Jalosjos is seeking a retrial of his rape case. This time though, he demands a full reenactment.

In 1997, the court ordered Romeo Jalosjos to pay his victim 400,000 pesos in moral damages. Suzette Nicolas or “Nicole” received 50,000. See the difference between the two victims’ morality value?

The Department of Justice ordered the release of convicted child rapist and former congressman Romeo Jalosjos. Jalosjos’ release is part of the DOJ’s campaign to decongest the New Bilibid Prisons… in preparation for Panfilo Lacson and Joseph Estrada’s looming “arrival.”

dacer
The Dacer-Corbito Case
As we all know, former police Senior Supt. Cezar Mancao II, in a sworn affidavit, said that Panfilo Lacson had a hand in the murder of PR man Bubby Dacer and his driver Emmanuel Corbito. But Lacson insisted, “I have absolutely nothing to do with the Dacer-Corbito case.” And his former boss Joseph Estrada said, “I have no motive whatsoever.” O s’ya, s’ya, sige na. Suicide na kung suicide.

In several media interviews, former president Joseph Estrada denied he was the “Bigote” being referred to in the Mancao affidavit. And Jinggoy Estrada added, “Eh, ba’t nakatingin kayo sa akin?”

dumlao Remember former police Senior Supt. Glenn Dumlao? To fight his extradition, the penniless fugitive has posted a cash bond of 100 thousand dollars! When Loi Ejercito heard this, she told Erap, “Hay naku! Kanino ka na naman nangutang?”

Did you hear about the planned “senaculo” in San Juan? Both Erap and Lacson volunteered to play Pontius Pilate. They couldn’t wait to wash their hands.

lax Top 5 Questions You’ve Always Wanted to Ask Sen. Panfilo Lacson These Days But Couldn’t (Or the Top 5 Questions You Shouldn’t Ask Panfilo Lacson Today … Or Else, You’re Dead)

5: You must be losing sleep these days. Do you feel any pressure right now?

4: Who among the members of the local media have agreed to join your Damage Control Department? (‘Coz it’s gonna be one heck of a job)

3: Do you think Filipinos are this stupid to believe that you are innocent of the twin murders?

2: In your illustrious and notorious career both as a police officer and a politician, have you killed an adversary for political gains, or ordered a subordinate to kill a perceived enemy? If not, how could you lie?

And the No. 1 question you’ve always wanted to ask Sen. Panfilo Lacson these days but couldn’t…

1: Have you seen Karma lately? We heard she’s been looking for you.

Bonus Question:
Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist Ramon Tulfo has repeatedly implied in his previous columns that you were gay. Why not?

Caught on Tape:
Designer Berating Lowly Employee?

Who is Boyet Fajardo? Is he the male version of the infamous lifestyle columnist slash OFW-basher Malu Fernandez? You be the judge. Watch this.

Survey Says
Was “Nicole” raped?
Results:
No: 42%
Who cares?: 40%
Yes:6%
Maybe: 6%
Others: 6%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.
_______________
“You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.”
~J. Donald Walters

Have a great weekend!





NICOLE

18 03 2009

nicole2 The day’s biggest news? Suzette Nicolas or “Nicole” is now saying she may have not been raped by Lance Corporal Daniel Smith. She has recunted.

In her sworn statement, Suzette Nicolas a.k.a. Nicole stated that she wasn’t sure if she was indeed raped by the American Marine. (Kami rin.)

Suzette Nicolas a.k.a. Nicole has recanted her testimony. And Mike Defensor has just appeared on TV saying, “Don’t look at me!”

I have yet to verify this but I just got word that Suzette Nicolas’ middle name is “Mahusay.” Pinsan daw niya si Udong.

dansmith So it all boils down to this. Suzette Nicolas a.k.a. Nicole has recanted her testimony against American marine Lance Corporal Daniel Smith. Smith has reportedly paid 50,000 pesos in exemplary damages and another 50,000 in moral damages. After the recantation though, the court might just reduce the amount paid for moral damages to 50 pesos.

In her sworn statement, Suzette Nicolas or Nicole recanted her testimony against American marine Lance Corporal Daniel Smith. But isn’t that what US President Barack Obama had promised? Change!

Sought for a comment, Nicole told the Professional Heckler, “Change? Yes, I can!”

Susan Nicolas, Nicole’s mother told the press that they have “suffered for so long,” they have “gotten so tired,” and despite joining a number of anti-US rallies, they still don’t know what the letters V, F, and A stand for.

dansmith2 In her sworn statement, Nicole stated that “I may have in fact been so friendly and intimate with Daniel Smith,” and that “we simply just got carried away.” In other words, before Smith went on top of her, they had a “visiting force agreement.”

As you all know, Suzette Nicolas a.k.a. Nicole has recanted her testimony against Lance Corporal Daniel Smith. Her mom says she has left for the US to be with her American boyfriend, a Marine soldier she met in Zamboanga City. Tomorrow, Mrs. Nicolas will release another statement expressing their support for the VFA.

nicole Have you read Nicole’s sworn statement? Before some people accuse me of picking on their school, it’s stated there guys. She’s Atenean!

Nope, there’s no truth to the rumor that the story of “Nicole” will be featured in “Maalaala Mo Kaya’s” special episode called… “Ang Birhen.”

ursua And finally, the economy is so bad… Attorney Evalyn Ursua has just lost her job!

Top 6 Messages Left on Suzette Nicolas’ a.k.a. Nicole’s Voice Mailbox

6: “Hello Suzette! Nanay mo ‘to! Ano ngang number ni Daniel? Nagtatanong ang ate mo!”

5: “Si Attorney ‘to! Naknamput… alam mo ba kung anong kahihiyan ang ginawa mo?”

4: “Danny here. I know you’ve missed me. Wanna visit me tonight?”

3: “Nanay mo ulit ito. May matanda bang kapatid ‘yang boyfriend mo d’yan? Pengeng number!”

2: “Hi Nicole. Sa Inquirer ‘to. Did you see your front page photo today? In fairness, kami lang ang naglakas-loob na iladlad ang pagmumukha mo. Kainis ka na kasi!”

And the No. 1 message left on Nicole’s voice mailbox…

1: “Hello? Shi Shuzette Nicolash ba ito? O iha, pashalamat ka kay Preshedente Obama ‘noh? At leassht, nasha Yu-Esh ka na. Ang shaya-shaya ‘di ba?”

This Just In!
Sketchy reports say former Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye is calling for a press con to present the real Nicole. Apparently, there were two.

jalos In Other News…
Last Sunday, convicted murderer Rolito Go was allowed to leave the maximum security complex of the New Bilibid Prisons. That was less than a month after the release of Ninoy Aquino’s 10 killers. Today, reports say, convicted rapist and former Zamboanga del Norte congressman Romeo Jalosjos was ordered released from the National Bilibid Prisons by Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez. When they read the news, North Koreans, Burmese, Cubans, and Uzbeks became green with envy. The Philippines is a “free” country indeed!

pacquiao Serious Stuff: Money on Manny’s Mind
A reliable source told The Professional Heckler that Solar Sports will file a suit against Manny Pacquiao for breach of contract. This, after Pacquiao reportedly signed a deal with ABS-CBN despite his existing contract with Solar Sports. My source said, “Inilaglag ni Manny ang Solar at GMA 7.” A sports columnist has written earlier that Pacquiao chose the network because it offered him full media support to ensure victory in the next year’s congressional elections.” Sigh.

Survey Says…
What is the most “jologs” FM station?
Results:
Barangay LS: 50%
101.9 For Life: 30%
Love Radio: 9%
YES FM: 3%
Energy: 3%
Mellow Touch: 2%
Others: 3%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

___________
“A single lie destroys a whole reputation for integrity.”
~ Baltasar Gracia








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