QUESTIONS FOR JDV

26 05 2008

null Top 10 Pointless Questions to Ask Jose De Venecia Jr. When He Testifies Before the Senate

10: If you were a Star Wars character, who would you be and why?

9: Please complete the sentence: “A man with big ears has a long…”

8: Does it bother you when, walking with your wife Gina, you hear people say, “Ang sweet naman ng mag-ama!”

7: What do these people have in common aside from their name: Jose Marcelo Ejercito, Jose De Venecia, Jose Miguel Arroyo?

6: Where were you when Joey De Venecia III was smoking marijuana?

5: What advice can you give a man with a wife who refuses to shut up because of bitterness?

4: What is the origin of the idiom “sour grapes?”

3: Considering your vast knowledge on the subject, can you please define “corruption” in five words or less?

2: You are considered to be the father of the “pork barrel.” Your daughter died in a fire in 2004. Your son lost out the bidding to ZTE for the NBN project in 2007. You were ousted as House Speaker in 2008. And the ghost of the 500-million dollar NorthRail project continues to hound you up to this day. Mr. Congressman, do you believe in karma?

And the no. 1 pointless question to ask Cong. Jose De Venecia Jr. when he testifies before the Senate…

1: When will you fix the roof of your house?





YOUR WITNESS

18 05 2008

JDV: The Witness

The Senate is reportedly planning to call former Speaker Jose de Venecia Jr. as a witness in its probe on the ZTE-NBN deal. (No need for a punch line. That’s funny enough.)

JDV: The Witness II

Malacañang is unfazed about the Senate’s reported plan to call former Speaker Jose de Venecia Jr. as a witness in its probe on the NBN-ZTE deal – especially now that photos of JDV enjoying his part-time job as GMA’s caddie in Shenzen, China have circulated.

JDV: The Witness III

Senator Panfilo Lacson believes former Speaker Jose De Venecia is the “next big witness” who will testify at the Senate NBN-ZTE investigation – unless the Philippine Daily Inquirer comes out with a banner headline identifying a “bigger witness.”

JDV: The Witness IV

Senator Panfilo Lacson’s sources say former Speaker De Venecia is ready to expose not only the ZTE-NBN deal but other anomalies in government as well and everything will be backed by documentary and other evidence. Exhibit A: Himself.

null Suplico’s Witness

Iloilo Vice Gov. Rolex Suplico says his new witness in the NBN-ZTE deal might back out of the Senate inquiry, fearful that Malacañang had learned about his identity. The guy doesn’t want to suffer the fate of Romulo Neri whose “identity” was known to Malacañang.

Suplico’s Witness II

Iloilo Vice Gov. Rolex Suplico says the life of “Alex,” – his new witness to the ZTE-NBN deal is in great danger. Of course, Alex would have been safer and at peace today if Suplico didn’t “use” him in the first place.

Suplico’s Witness III

Iloilo Vice Gov. Rolex Suplico said that “suspicious-looking men” have been seen around the neighborhood of “Alex,” his new witness to the ZTE-NBN deal. But Alex’s neighbors allayed Suplico’s fears saying those men just wanted to know how much Alex received from the vice gov and asked if he could share them some “balato.”

Deaths in Myanmar null

The United Nations warned that thousands of people who survived Myanmar’s powerful cyclone may die of starvation because of the military junta’s refusal to accept foreign aid. At least now, the tyrannical regime is giving Burmese people a choice: die from gun shot wounds or hunger.





CORY’S BIG C

25 03 2008

BEFORE YOU COULD even accuse me of insouciance, let me tell you that I belong to a family with a history of cancer. Two aunts died of throat cancer, an uncle succumbed to liver cancer, another uncle of bone cancer, a first cousin of breast cancer, and two years ago, my father lost his battle against three forms of the disease: lymphoma, left lung carcinoma and brain cancer. Ergo, the statistical probability of me dying from cancer is pretty high, even higher than… say, Kris Aquino winning an acting award in the next 10 years. That being said, let’s talk about the day’s biggest news: Frank Drilon’s tears! Just kidding.

null Cory’s Cancer

The icon of democracy, former president Corazon Aquino has colon cancer. Her children said that weight loss was one of the more noticeable symptoms of the disease. Fortunately, it wasn’t liver cancer; otherwise, they would have a hard time noticing the symptom – paninilaw.

Cory’s Cancer II

Sen. Noynoy Aquino and sister Kris announced that their mom, former president Cory Aquino has colon cancer. Viewers find it ironic though that while it’s Cory who’s cancer-stricken, Noynoy’s the one who’s losing hair.

Cory’s Cancer III

Upon learning that his friend Cory has colon cancer, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim shed tears in front of a tv camera. Actually, Mayor Lim really wanted to cry on tv after his son’s arrest for drug dealing. But he just couldn’t. Yesterday, he took advantage of the opportunity to let it all out.

Cory’s Cancer IV

Holding back her tears, Cory’s controversial daughter Kris told Korina Sanchez, “Kung puwede nga lang sana, ako na lang ang magkasakit, ‘wag na siya.” (Oo nga Kris, kung puwede lang sana.)

Breaking News!

Seven week-pregnant Kris Aquino suffered a miscarriage today, March 25. O ‘yan Kris… wish granted!

IN OTHER NEWS…

SC Favors Neri

Voting 9 to 6, the Supreme Court granted CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri’s petition seeking to prevent the Senate from forcing him to answer questions on the anomalous NBN ZTE deal covered by executive privilege. Neri’s secrets will be safe for now.

Ban Boxing

Cong. Edno Joson wants Congress to ban boxing since many young boys are lured to it because of the thought that entering the ring is the easiest way to get rich. Following the same argument, then we might as well ban Congress.

Noli Is No. 1

What’s News: Vice President Noli de Castro topped the latest survey on presidentiables conducted by Pulse Asia.
Good News: Buti na lang, hindi ngayon ang eleksyon!








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