YELLOW

7 05 2011

IT’S ANOTHER HECTIC day for me. But I love Saturdays. It reminds me that I still have a job. Take that Merci Gutierrez!

I will be wearing yellow today. I want to end poverty.

I am tempted to place a bet on lotto this afternoon. The jackpot prize in the Grand Lotto (6/55) draw has reached 130 million pesos… or as Manny Pacquiao would say, “Barya lang.”

I know you’ll agree when I say that Manny Pacquiao is one heck of a lucky guy. He used to sell pan de sal, fell in love with boxing and now, he’s a billionaire. Pacman reminds me of another Manny. Villar used to sell fish, fell in love with the former Cynthia Aguilar, and now he’s a millionaire.

Congressman Manny Pacquiao will be wearing yellow gloves on fight night… formalizing his switch from Nacionalista to Liberal Party.

I saw former Manila Mayor Lito Atienza on television. He’s with Manny Pacquiao in Las Vegas. That’s actually good news. If Pacquiao loses, Atienza will be there to file a protest.

A member of Team Pacquiao suggested that Manny wears blue gloves but the fighting solon rejected it saying he’s not ready to lose.

Is President Aquino watching the Pacquiao-Mosley fight? I don’t think so. He’s currently in Indonesia for the 10th Asean summit. In other words, he’ll be working. Are you satisfied now Ramon Tulfo and Ernie Maceda?

In his Philippine Star column last May 5, former senator Ernesto Maceda advised President Aquino to “unwind in private houses away from the public view.” It worked for him, it could probably work for the President.

In case you missed Tulfo’s piece also last May 5, the Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist wrote that President Aquino “dates different women almost every night.” Huwaaaat? Have you become desperate? What’s wrong with you women?

As expected, President Aquino spoke to defend himself saying he’s no Juan Tamad. I feel bad for him. Where were you Conrado De Quiros and William Esposo when he needed you most?

By the way, al-Qaeda has confirmed the death of its leader Osama bin Laden. The question now is: when will the Abu Sayyaf Group confirm the death of Abu Sabaya?

Thanks for reading! I’ve got to go now! I have to finish my Maggi beef noodles before it gets cold. I wonder why my stomach seems to be acting up.

Have a safe weekend!
————————————————————————-
“There aren’t enough days in the weekend.”
~Rod Schmidt

You Have Spoken
Naniniwala ba kayong patay na si Osama bin Laden?
OO naman! 45.97%
HINDI! Pruweba muna. 33.74%
MAYBE. 20.29%

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Still, Lakers.





HIGHS AND LOWS

5 05 2011

Big Leap
President Barack Obama’s approval rating soared the day after Americans learned that Osama bin Laden had been killed by U.S. forces. In fact, the 9-point ratings surge was enough to surpass the approval rating of Kate Middleton’s wedding gown.

Big Drop
According to the Social Weather Stations, the Aquino government’s net satisfaction rating plummeted to 46 percent in March from a record high 64 percent in the previous quarter. The President has ordered the AFP to start looking for a notorious terrorist to kill.

Osama, 54: A Postscript
President Obama has decided not to release gruesome photos of slain al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. But because of pressure from skeptics, he has ordered Vice President Jejomar Binay to do a survey on the issue.


This photo shows top US government officials inside the White House Situation Room during the strike on Osama bin Laden’s compound. This is how a Situation Room looks like; not the one we saw last August 2010 at Emerald Garden Restaurant.

Unconfirmed reports say militant group Greenpeace is not at all happy with Osama bin Laden’s burial. The group cited a law against dumping human waste at sea.

US authorities have reason to believe that a defeated presidential candidate from the Philippines was present during Osama bin Laden’s burial. This, after US soldiers spotted a volunteer distributing bracelets.

Q: Via text, what did Osama bin Laden tell Abu Sayyaf Group spokesman Abu Sabaya?
A: Sea you there.


From Baker to Billionaire 
Official records show Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao is now the richest member of the House of Representatives. Another loss for the Villars.

Eight-division world champion Manny Pacquiao is the first billionaire member of Congress. And perhaps, the first and only multimillionaire solon who acquired his fortune through honest means.


Tearful Farewell
It was an emotional farewell for resigned Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. Teary-eyed employees, colleagues, friends and everyone who loved her lined up to give her a hug. It got awkward though when retired Major General Carlos F. Garcia appeared and queued up too.

Resigned Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez announced her plan of putting up a website where ordinary people could report anomalous government transactions. Gutierrez made it clear though she’ll accept information only from unimpeachable sources.

Top 5 Rejected Domain Names for Outgoing Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez’s Website

No. 5: http://www.crushnirudyfariñasnoongcollege.ph

No. 4: http://www.walanamankayongsapatnaebidensya.gov

No. 3: http://www.ehdimagreklamokayosalolomongpanot.net

No. 2: http://www.myloyaltyiswithattorneyFG.org

And the No. 1 rejected domain name for outgoing Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez’s website…

http://www.studyingnoynoysEnticingoffertoturnstatewitness.com

Last Day
Outgoing Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez will step down on Friday, May 6. Her critics say “Dapat lang! Inupuan n’ya kasi ang maraming kaso.” To which her disappointed husband said, “’Buti pa ‘yong mga kaso.”

Hot!
On Wednesday, May 4, PAGASA recorded the year’s highest temperature . It was  a really hot day in Metro Manila. The only wet place yesterday was the Office of the Ombudsman.

The recorded temperature of 36.5 degrees Celsius on May 4th was the year’s highest so far. The weather was so hot… when Vicki Belo stepped outside, she melted.

And Wednesday’s weather was extremely hot, Sharon Cuneta stayed outside to burn some fat.

Weak
According to the 2010 Global Integrity Report, the Philippines is “very weak” in governance. “Dear Global Integrity Report, do us a favor please. Tell us something we didn’t know. Thank you.”

Wage Hike
Reports say the Employers Confederation of the Philippines is willing to give a P13.35 daily wage hike. Understandably, workers are up in arms. The amount can’t even buy Cornetto ice cream.

Charged!
Rosel Jakosalem Peñas, the female companion of actress Pilar Pilapil when she was attacked, has been charged with special complex crime of kidnapping with frustrated murder. Authorities have yet to arrest Peñas but Antipolo police are doing their best to locate her. In fact, they have started surveillance in Abbottabad.
——————————————————
“A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.”
~Richard Nixon

Balls in Trouble
A popular college hoopster from an even more popular school is in hot water for an alleged sex-related offense. That probably explains his absence from an ongoing tournament. The issue has been a hot topic in online forums for a couple of months now. Different versions of the story have surfaced. Even officials and players from other universities are well aware of the “situation.” Terms such as “rape,” “sexual harassment,” and even, “consensual” have been used in the heated online discussions. Not so surprisingly, the school is mum on the matter. And even the country’s most outspoken and talkative sportscasters have chosen to zip their lips. May pinu-protektahan? May pinapanigan? Paging Gabriela!

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Learn. Lead. Live. Laugh. Love. Los Angeles Lakers.
Enjoy the rest of the week.





OSAMA IN THE DEEPEST

3 05 2011


MAY 1, 2011: AL QAEDA leader Osama bin Laden was killed in an operation in Abbottabad, Pakistan by US elite forces. Delighted by the successful operation, President Obama ordered the implementation of a salary increase for soldiers in June instead of July.

The whole world is talking about the death of terror leader Osama bin Laden. After last week’s Royal Wedding, Osama’s death is considered as another momentous global event… so huge that Merceditas Gutierrez thought of re-quitting her post yesterday.

In a statement following the death of Osama bin Laden, President Aquino called on the public “to remain vigilant and united in pursuing peace, pluralism, and collective efforts at security.” And then he blamed Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo for the growth of al-Qaeda.

Reports say US forces have buried slain al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden at sea… to the disappointment of his family and loyal supporters who were demanding that he be buried at the Libingan ng mga Bayani.

Within 24 hours after his death, Osama bin Laden was reportedly buried at sea. S-L-N. Sumalaot nawa.

Osama bin Laden has been buried. Unfortunately, only one Filipino was able to attend the funeral. She was bin Laden’s yaya for 14 years.

Osama bin Laden is dead. In a statement, Joseph Estrada said he has forgiven bin Laden.


Osama bin Laden is dead. Terrorists all over the world are now collecting relics of the slain terrorist leader in preparation for his beatification next year.

Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was killed inside a fortified compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. Elite American forces reportedly found a laptop inside the terror leader’s room. They confirmed it was owned by bin Laden because the computer history revealed he had been searching Google for tips on how to cook camel afritada, goat menudo, and sheep embotido.

Unconfirmed reports say days before he got killed, Osama bid Laden was asked by the Saudi government to go back home. Had he returned, he would have been offered a post in government – DILG secretary.

Osama bin Laden’s death has been confirmed. And Cesar Purisima was like, “Buti pa ‘yon.”

Donald Trump was overjoyed when he heard that the United States of America have killed terror leader Osama bin Laden. He noted that what George W. Bush failed to do as an American was accomplished by his successor, a Kenyan.

British Prime Minister David Cameron said Osama bin Laden’s demise would “bring great relief to people across the world”. For more than a decade, bin Laden has terrified many Britons. With his death, Brits would only have to deal with the terrifying hats of Princess Beatrice.

Osama bin Laden, the world’s Most Wanted Man is officially dead. That’s bad news for the world’s Second Most Wanted Man.

When news of Osama bin Laden’s death first came out, nobody believed it… except for Philippine Star columnist Carmen Pedrosa.

Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Ladenn was finally located after a 10-year manhunt. There’s still hope for our local police. Roselle Jakosalem Peñas has only been missing for 20 days.

Briefly Noted
The month of May started with the news of Osama bin Laden’s death. It will end with the news of Friendster’s demise. Sad news for their followers.
————————————————
“We love death. The US loves life. That is the difference between us two.”
~Osama bin Laden

Photo of the Weak

Elsewhere
‘Rot in Hell’: The Best bin Laden Front Pages

You Have Spoken
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa pagbibitiw ni Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez?
Dapat lang! Sana nga noon pa! 31.1%
Sayang. Sana umabot sa impeachment. 25.8%
Ang ganda ng gown ni Kate Middleton. In all fairness. 43.11%

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Live. Love. Laugh. Lakers. Peace everyone! 





JEOPARDY!

19 02 2011


ARE YOU FAMILIAR with Jeopardy? It’s the American quiz show with a “unique answer-and-question format.” Players are given clues in the form of answers, and they must phrase their responses in question form.

Here’s an example:
EMPLOYERS for $1200
Answer: It offers a salary of only P30,000 per month but after five years, you get to earn a total of 740 million pesos!
“What is… the AFP?” | #maytamaka! #ligot

The following were lifted from a recent episode of “Jeopardy! Riddles Edition!” where thousands of dollars were given away to a set of Filipino contestants. [Opo, merong gano'n. 'Wag n'yo nang itanong kung saan.] Enjoy!

FARM VILLE for $1400
Answer: Mukhang tao, tunog veggie, may padulas from AFP!
“Who is… Pichay?” | #kureeeeek! #AFPslushfund

WOMEN IN GOVERNMENT for $1000
Answer: Hanap ay pruweba, gusto ay ebidensya; opposite ni Heidi Mendoza, kakampi ni Carlos F. Garcia!
“Who is… the Ombudsman?”
Please be specific.
‘Who is… Merceditas Gutierrez?” | #mismo!

“PAN”THOM for $400
Answer: Pa’no makikita itong taong ito, kung ang paghahanap ay isang Moro-moro!
“Who is… PANfilo Lacson?” | #siyananga!

RICH KIDS for $600
Answer: Hindi hari, hindi pari, luxury cars ay sari-sari.
“Who is… the President?” | #taaamah!

“J” WALKING for $800
Answer: Kuwarenta’y kuwatro lang nang maluklok sa Makati, inabot na ng setenta, kanya pa rin ang torre.
“Who is… Jejomar Binay?” | #ofcourse

THE CABINET for $1600
Answer: Tatlong ulo isang katawan, palihim na nagkakagatan.
“What is… the Presidential Communications Group?” | #aminin!

PAPA “P” for $200
Answer: Ginaya si Bruce Lee, naging Justin Bieber, Lito Camo-clone forever.
“Who is… Pacquiao?” | #unasalahatsalamatsapanginuunsasupurta #akoNaNga!

KATA-QUOTE for $400
Answer: “Sa ikauunlad ng bayan, malaking populasyon ang kailangan!”
“What is… the CBCP?” | #amen!

PBA for $1600
Answer: Hindi liga, hindi basketball, sa Ombudsman dala’y trouble.
“What is… plea bargain agreement.” | #yunNa!

BAD WORDS for $500
Answer: Nang magalit si Mar sa ChaCha, umalingawngaw ito sa Ayala.
“What is… ‘Puuuut*ng-i*a! Ano ba ‘to!” | #patayTAYOjan

“G” SPOT for $800
Answer: Nang mawala ang immunity bilang pangulo, ginamit na pananggalang mga ka-distrito!
“Who… is Gloria?” | #whoelse?!

POWERFUL for $300
Answer: Nakalusot sa NAIA dala niyang droga. How did that happen? Nagtaka ka pa!
“Who is… Cong. Ronald Singson?” | #true!

TOURISTS for $1400
Answer: Travel expenses ay lumolobo, nasa selda man ang sundalo.
“Who is… Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV in detention?” | #taaama!

AND FINALLY…
PLASTICS for $100
Answer: Naglaho ang reaksyon sa mukha ni Asuncion dahil kay Vicki Belo at sa kanyang injection.
“Who are… Gretchen Barretto, and other celebrities na nasobrahan sa Botox?” | #ouch!

ODD TALENTS for $1600
Answer: Horror man o drama, comedy o aksyon, consistent ang pagganap, iisa’ng emosyon!
‘Who is… Kris Aquino?” | #Pilipinas,maytamaka!
———————————-
“There are no foolish questions, and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.”
~Charles Proteus Steinmetz

Reposting my tweet from last night…
“Dear Mr. Chinese President: Kung gusto po ninyo, ‘yong tatlong Pinoy na nasa death row, papalitan namin ng tatlong heneral plus eight houses in the US. Deal?”

At nagreply daw ang Chinese President: “Kayo gusto palit tatlo Pinoys with tatlo generals plus 8 houses? Aglee ako d’yan pero sa isa kondisyon: puwede ba sama Mrs Ligot? S’ya fascinating! S’ya husay real estate.”


Survey Says
Sang-ayon ka bang dapat ihimlay sa Libingan ng mga Bayani ang bangkay ni dating pangulong Ferdinand Marcos?
Oo, panahon na! 28.76%
Hindi! Hindi siya bayani! 58.19%
Pag-iisipan ko pa. 13.05%

Elsewhere
Asian Wall Street Journal: Single Asian President Seeks Soul Mate for Very Public Romance

Personal
From my Palanca Award-winning friend Layeta Bucoy (ikaw na!):
Nicolas Pichay’s “3-N-1/ 10-10-10:Writing-on-Site Workshop for Stage, TV, and Film
This workshop has limited available slots. Interested parties are encouraged to immediately submit a letter of intent to marcelohdelpilar@yahoo.com (Re: 3-N-1/ 10-10-10). Only for purposes of diagnostics, each participant is encouraged to submit with the letter a soft copy of a previously written stage, tv or film script (not necessarily produced). For inquiries: 7824454.

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Have a great weekend! Go West! #NBA All Stars





BIRTHDAY BOY

5 02 2011


Happy Birthday!
On February 8, President Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III is turning a year older… or as his government would call it “age hike.”

This coming week, President Aquino will celebrate his 51st birthday. Rumor has it that Malacañang is preparing a carnival-themed birthday bash for him. In fact, he can’t wait to test-drive a bumper car.

President Aquino is celebrating his 51st birthday on February 8. There will be singing, dancing, and exciting games. Members of Balay and Samar groups will play tug of war.

President Aquino will turn 51 on February 8. To mark his birthday, the President will smoke 51 candles.

The President’s birth date is February 8, 1960. He was born under the sign… “Smoking Area.”

Just so you know, on February 8, both Communist leader Jose Maria Sison and President Noynoy Aquino will celebrate their birthday. So Feb. 8 will be the birthday of two prominent Filipinos: an old man who has not accomplished anything significant for the country, and Jose Maria Sison.

What do CPP-NPA founder Jose Maria Sison and the late American actor James Dean have in common? Answer: They share the same birthday – February 8, and they’re both rebels without a cause.

President Aquino was born Feb. 8 while his sister Kris was born on Feb. 14. On Times Street, following tradition, the whole family will sing “Happy Birthday” to Noynoy first, and then, scream another “Happy Birthday” to Kris.


Chaos in Egypt
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said he would not seek reelection when his term expires, and vowed to step down in September. Egyptians, however refused to believe him mainly because he made the promise last Tuesday, the death anniversary of their national hero.

Despite the massive protests in Cairo’s Tahrir Square, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has refused to step down. Egyptians are getting frustrated. If only to force Mubarak to resign, they are willing hold protest rallies at Edsa.

Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak says he is not running again for president when his term expires in September. However, he is seeking a seat in Congress.

Mubarak’s Cabinet officially resigned last Saturday morning, but the embattled president himself continues to hold power. The resigned cabinet members then formed a group called Hyatt-Cairo 10.

As thousands of Egyptians rally for his ouster, President Hosni Mubarak decided to name a vice president, his possible replacement. But observers predict Mubarak will probably finish his term… because his chosen VP was a former newsreader.

Amid the massive street protests, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak continues to cling to power. Of course, he’d be out of office by now if his military chief were Angelo Reyes.

In Washington DC, US President Barack Obama said, “The future of Egypt will be determined by its people.” And then followed it with, “Joooooke!”

The Fugitive
The Court of Appeals has dismissed the murder charges filed against Sen. Panfilo Lacson over the twin killings of publicist Bubby Dacer and his driver in 2000. Lacson is reportedly ecstatic. He’s been waiting for this all his life. You know, an opportunity to ‘come out.’

The Court of Appeals has junked the murder charges filed against Sen. Panfilo Lacson. The appellate court said there was no probable cause to implicate Lacson in the twin murders, or as Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez would probably insist, “Mahina ang ebidensya.”

This just in: Senator Panfilo Lacson released a statement (through email) blasting the Department of Justice for saying that the CA’s dismissal of the case didn’t nullify the arrest warrant issued against him. But Justice Secretary Leila De Lima is questioning the veracity of the message because the email address used by the sender was wagkangmawawalasabirthdaypartykosafebruary8@malacañang.com.

Less Crime
Prof. Charlie Chao, a feng shui expert says there will be less incidence of crime in the country in the year of the metal rabbit… unless of course Raymond Dominguez is allowed to post bail for the 20th time.

Most Handsome
According to Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV is the most handsome senator today. That was made possible partly by the non-reelection of Senator Jamby Madrigal.

If ever he’ll do a movie, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV wants to be paired with actress Gretchen Barretto. When Gretchen heard this, she laughed so hard, Botox squirted out of her face.

New Show
ABS-CBN has a new program. Replacing “Pilipinas Win na Win” starting Feb. 12 is the noontime show called “Happy, Yipee, Yehey!” a.k.a. “Wowowee: Part 3.”
————————————–
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
~Jennifer Yane

You Have Spoken!
Ano ang dapat maging sanction ng Kamara kay Cong. Ronald Singson?
- Censure 1.16%
- Suspension 1.39%
- Expulsion 97.45%

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: The ‘Fashionista’ and his dad

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Have a great weekend! Take care ‘coz the care bears care. And I am corny. #teamlakers #beattheheat





LOVI AND OTHER DRUGS

1 02 2011


Guilty!
ILOCOS SUR Rep. Ronald Singson has pleaded guilty to a drug offense in Hong Kong. He also admitted to being addicted to cocaine. His father, Ilocos Sur Governor Chavit Singson was so upset he accused Ronald of setting his own self up.

Since 2004
Embattled Ilocos Sur Representative Ronald Singson revealed he’s been using cocaine since 2004, and consumed three to five grams of the drug per day. At one point, he got so hooked to coke he almost changed his name to Ronald Singhot.

Nabbed!
When customs police in Hong Kong arrested Cong. Ronald Singson on July 11, 2010, cocaine was found in his underpants. The ‘Coke’ was an inch away from the ‘straw.’

Girlfriend
Ilocos Sur representative, and concert promoter Ronald Singson blamed his break up last year with girlfriend Lovi Poe for his drug use. The actress broke up with him when she found out that half of Ronald’s purported ‘bulge’ was just cocaine.

Resign!
Members of the House of Representatives have called on Cong. Ronald Singson to resign. But the beleaguered Ilocos Sur representative was unfazed. Ousted or not from Congress, he’ll never run out of sessions. #ikawna!

Shocked
Cong. Ronald Singson pleaded guilty to drug trafficking. The 42-year-old solon and concert promoter also confessed to being addicted to cocaine… shocking his father, Governor Chavit Singson who, at the time, had yet to recover from the shock of hearing Piolo Pascual admitting on TV that he and KC Concepcion were in a relationship.

Rabusa & Karma
Have you been following the news on retired Lieutenant Colonel George Rabusa? Interviewed by Radyo Inquirer, Rabusa said he could be suffering from “bad karma” for pocketing millions of pesos from military funds. According to Rabusa, he recently had a stroke, his wife’s got cancer, he lost his mayoral bid in the Visayas, and he’s nearing bankruptcy. One time, Rabusa confessed, he got so depressed he almost produced a concert, and snorted cocaine.

Fare Hike
After approving the fare rate hike in the MRT, LRT, and taxicabs two weeks ago, the government has approved this week the provisional fare hike in jeepney ride. Next week, the government is expected to rule in favor of a petition seeking higher ride rates at Enchanted Kingdom and Star City. #sige!itaasn’yonanglahat!

I Crush You!
In Tuesday’s Lower House hearing on the alleged corruption in the Armed Forces, Ilocos Norte Rep. Rodolfo Fariñas revealed he had a crush on Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez way back in college. Stunned but otherwise amused by the revelation, Gutierrez quipped, “Si ikaw talaga! Masyado mong ‘pinapahiya si ako!”

Modernong Kahulugan ng Ilang Salita o Parirala

-Pasalubong: Bonus sa trabahong hindi pa nagagawa
Halimbawang pangungusap: “Uy, General, mainit na pagbati sa inyong appointment! Bago po kayo magsimula sa inyong trabaho, heto po ang sampung milyong pisong pasalubong. Enjoy!”

-Pabaon: Bonus sa trabahong walang katiyakan kung nagawa
Halimbawang pangungusap: “Uy, General, maraming salamat po sa inyong paglilingkod sa bayan. Heto po ang limampung milyong pisong pabaon. Pa-burger ka naman! Burger! Burger!”

-Set up: Kapag ‘di mo matanggap na adik ang iyong anak
Halimbawang pangungusap: “’Tang-i*a kasi ‘yong kasama niya eh. ‘Nilaglag ang anak ko. ‘Ayun, na-set up kaya inaresto. Ukininam!”

-Plea bargain agreement: Ibang katawagan sa “Why not coconut?! Malay mo makalusot!”
Halimbawang pangungusap: “Ombudsman, baka naman magawan natin ng paraan ‘tong kaso ko. Ibabalik ko ang one-third ng ninakaw ko pero dapat malinaw ang plea bargain agreement natin. Kailangang abswelto ang aking asawa’t mga anak na kasing-kakapal ko ang mukha.”

You’ve Got Jail
Indonesian pop star Nazril “Ariel” Irham was sentenced to three-and-a-half years in prison for videotaping his sexual activities with different women. In fairness to Irham, he had a good lawyer during the trial. What he lacked however was a filthy rich, plastic surgery-enhanced cougar financier.
—————————–
“I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police.”
~Keith Richards

Survey Says
Uy, malapit na ang Valentine’s Day. Kumusta naman?
- Happiness! 30%
- Kumusta mong mukha mo! 54.07%
- Getting there. I am not going to elaborate. Baka mausog. 15.93%

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Today is February 1, 2011… let’s spread  peace and love (not just legs)!
#teamlakers #beattheheat





CALAMITOUS

3 10 2009

satellite State of Calamity
As typhoon Pepeng pummels Northern Luzon, President Arroyo places the entire country under a state of calamity. Gilbert Teodoro’s campaign goes nationwide.

Price Control
With the declaration of a state of calamity, price control will also take effect… delighting Pampanga Rep. Mikey Arroyo who really enjoys shopping during stormy weather.

mikey_wine Mikey: “It wasn’t me!”
Calling the accusation malicious, Pampanga Rep. Mikey Arroyo has denied Facebook reports that he was photographed buying liquor at the height of tropical storm Ondoy last week. In another news dismissed by Arroyo as totally unrelated, the Office of the Ombudsman has issued a memorandum prohibiting the release of pictures of government officials without their consent.

Philippines Flooding Evacuation Centers
Did you see the hundreds, if not thousands of people who were pushing and yanking one another just to get food from TV stations? Where in the world were Congressmen Danilo Suarez and Martin Romualdez when we needed them most?

JIL Cancels Celebration
Presidential hopeful Bro. Eddie Villanueva announced that the 31st anniversary celebration of the Jesus is Lord Movement tomorrow has been called off in respect for the devastation brought by tropical storm “Ondoy” last week. Instead, the preacher and his disciples plan to feed the hungry victims of the storm – five million of them, to be exact.

croc Croc in Floodwaters?
Reports say a Pasig City resident named Michael Lambert photographed a crocodile as it swam in murky floodwaters during the onslaught of tropical storm Ondoy. In a statement issued immediately after the report came out, Pasig City Rep. Roman Romulo claimed he never left home during the storm.

Meralco and Blackouts
The Lopez-owned Manila Electric Company (Meralco) denied rumors it was shutting off power due to typhoon Pepeng. No, it won’t. Lest you forget, Meralco brownouts happen only whenever GMA 7 pilots a Marian Rivera telefantasya.

jomasison In Other News…
Communist leader Jose Maria Sison is rejoicing after his name was taken out of the terror list of the European Union. To celebrate his victory, Ka Joma’s NPA comrades are torching five Globe cell sites this month.

Lucky Ombudsman
The House Committee on Justice recently junked the impeachment complaint filed against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. As a gesture of gratitude to the congressmen, Gutierrez is issuing a memorandum circular categorizing SALNs of public officials as highly-classified government documents.
_______
“Prohibit the taking of omens, and do away with superstitious doubts. Then, until death itself comes, no calamity need be feared.”
~Sun Tzu

Survey Says
Who will win the UAAP men’s basketball championship?
Ateneo Blue Eagles: 40%
UE Red Warriors: 13%
I am not interested: 47%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
OCTOBER 6, 2009:
Mr. Lito Banayo has apologized for re-printing in his column a portion of my September 28 blog post. Apology accepted.

trapo_rin Briefly Noted
Even leftist solons have gone the trapo way! Bayan Muna’s Teddy Casiño, Gabriela’s Liza Largoza-Maza and the moderate Rissa Hontiveros-Baraquel of Akbayan have started airing their premature political ads on AM radio. What a shame!

Briefly Noted, Too
If ABS-CBN’s DZMM is perceived to be pro-Noynoy Aquino, MBC’s DZRH is obviously supporting Manny Villar. Listen to its primetime newscast and you will notice its shameless promotion of Mr. S&T.

Briefly Noted III
ABS-CBN featured only the heroics of their talents during the onslaught of tropical storm Ondoy. GMA 7 highlighted only their own artists’ good Samaritan efforts. Even during a disaster, the network war is alive. Nakakasawa na!

Stay safe people and have a productive weekend!

Note: This particular post has been installed with an anti-plagiarism device. Reprint at your own risk.





OMG! (Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez)

4 03 2009

publicmarketbaguio1 It’s March!
Can you believe it? It’s already the third month of 2009! What does that mean? Graduation day, summer, beach, bodies, and of course, fire! March is Fire Prevention Month. And to usher in the strict observance of Fire Prevention Month, arsonists had to torch the Baguio City Public Market.

merci1 Under Fire
An impeachment complaint has been filed against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. I know what you’re thinking. What?! Atenean na naman?!

A day after an impeachment complaint was filed against her, Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez held a press conference. Yup, she faced the media. That was really unusual… because normally, Ateneans who are under fire run to St. Luke’s first.

baraquel_salonga As the Philippine Daily Inquirer described it, former senator Jovito Salonga of the Liberal Party, “came out of retirement” just to file the impeachment complaint against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. Judging from her reaction though, looks like even Ninoy Aquino’s resurrection will not make her quit.

Former senator Jovito Salonga of the Liberal Party “came out of retirement” to file an impeachment case against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez… to which the feisty Ombudsman said, “I’ll never quit my post… kahit si Mar Roxas pa ang mag-come out!”

Press Secretary Cerge Remonde insists Malacañang is keeping a hands off stance on the Gutierrez case. To prove it, they all went to Boracay and enjoyed the beach while Gutierrez faced her accusers.

Top 5 Things to Tell Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez That Could Possibly Make Her Quit

5: “If you resign now, we’ll let you go to Belo. But if you stay, we’ll forcibly bring you to Calayan. Now, who do you wanna look like?”

4: “St. Luke’s Medical Center has just released an advisory. Kapag may nangyari daw sa ‘yo during an impeachment trial, never ka nilang i-a-admit! So quit now!”

3: “Jose ‘Joseph’ Estrada, Jose De Venecia, Jose Miguel Arroyo, Jocelyn ‘Jocjoc’ Bolante, Celso De Los Angeles. Do you seriously want to be their muse?”

2: “Aalis ka ba sa puwesto o mumurahin ka ni Mar Roxas in public?”

And the No. 1 thing to tell Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez that could possibly make her quit…

1: “Maawa ka naman kay Senator Salonga. Mag-ootsenta’y nuwebe na ‘yong matanda. Isipin mo na lang tatay mo siya. Isipin mo na lang anak ka niya. Isipin mo na lang nakikiusap ang ama sa anak. Isipin mo na lang huling pakiusap na niya ito. Isipin mo na lang last chance mo na ito para mapaligaya siya. At isipin mo na lang isasadula ng “Maalala Mo Kaya” ang buhay mo. Kakaawaan ka ng publiko. Makikisimpatiya sila sa ‘yo. At muling babango ang pangalan mo. So ano? Magreresign ka ba o hindi?!? Punyeta!”

GMA in Boracay gma_bora
President Arroyo was in Boracay the other day. Or as Albay Governor Joey Salceda would say it, “bitch on a beach.”

Resado In the News Again
Embattled State Prosecutor John Resado insisted that the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency did not conduct a buy-bust operation on the group of suspected drug dealers known as the Alabang Boys. Relatives of the Alabang Boys described Resado’s latest testimony as, “honest,” “credible, “ and “worth 1.6 million.”

Have you heard the rumor? The Alabang Boys have fired their lawyers. You know why? Because the boys just realized State Prosecutor John Resado was doing a much better job compared to them.

Euro Generaldlp1
“Euro general” and former PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz has strongly denied rumors he had been implicated in the fertilizer fund scam. The rumor was apparently fueled by a tabloid headline that said: “Ex-comptroller De La Paz, nag-abono!”

_________
“Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?”
(Who will guard the guards themselves?)
~ From Satire VI of Roman Poet Juvenal








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