SCARE TACTICS

DOH Campaign
Health Secretary Francisco Duque III attributed the lower firecracker-injury statistics this year to the DOH’s “scare tactics.” In fact, a post-New Year celebration survey revealed that Filipinos were horrified to see those DOH posters showing wounded faces, severed fingers, mutilated hands… and Duque’s election-inspired poses.

For the past two months, Health Secretary Francisco Duque III has been very busy with the “Iwas Paputok” campaign. A year from now, he’ll be a lot busier with his Senate seat campaign.

Manny’s New Baby
Manny Pacquiao has a new baby. He named her Queen Elizabeth. His wife Jinkee was so thankful they had a girl… because if it happened to be a boy, Manny would have reportedly named it… King Kong.

Manny’s New Baby II
Manny Pacquiao has a new baby. That’s his second baby in two years. He’s got four kids now but plans to have more. That’s another reason why he’s called the “pound for pound king.”

Postscript to a Golf Course Clash
Saturday, January 3: A Philippine Daily Inquirer headline reads: “Pangandamans ask bloggers to stop attacks” NOW THEY know how their 14-year-old victim felt when they were attacking him.

Secretary Pangandaman appealed to bloggers to stop accusing them on the Web and warned them against karma. Pangandaman added, “I hope this doesn’t happen to you,” to which the Professional Heckler said, “Of course it won’t! I play bowling, not golf!”

Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman; Masiu, Lanao Del Sur Mayor Nasser Jr., and their Bodyguards

5: The Lord of the Greens

4: The Golffather

3: You’ve Got Mauled!

2: The Year of Golfing Dangerously

And the No. 1 movie remake starring Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman; Masiu, Lanao Del Sur Mayor Nasser Pangandaman Jr., and their bodyguards…

1. You Don’t Mess With the Pangandamans

Showbiz!
My ever-reliable sources say doctors Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho have kissed and made up. Hayden has reportedly realized that two moms are better than one, while Vicki… hmmm, let’s just say, she can afford him! Let’s leave it at that.
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Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.
~Author Unknown

UNLUCKY

Pangandamans React
Personally, I felt rage when I saw the kid on TV crying. A first year high school student mauled by a town mayor, son of a Cabinet official. Grrrr! The boy’s face was badly bruised. To give you an idea how bad it was, when I saw his face on TV, I sort of appreciated what Vicki Belo did to her own.

Have you heard the news? The Pangandamans are reportedly filing a libel case against the victims. Insane! You did something bad. You become the subject of negative news. And then you file a libel case? Who do you think you are… the First Gentleman?!

Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman Sr. apologized for the mauling incident at a golf course last Friday involving his son, Nasser Jr – mayor of Masiu, Lanao Del Sur. However, Pangandaman insisted “hindi kagustuhan ng bawat isa ito.” Wow. Are you telling us that while your son and his armed goons were attacking the boy, they were shouting, “Promise! Hindi namin ‘to gusto! Labag ito sa aming kalooban! Ayaw naming gawin ‘to!” Try again Mr. Secretary.

Didn’t you notice? Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman Sr. is all over the news – TV, radio, print, and the Internet – explaining, defending, and apologizing for his son’s despicable act. Here’s an appeal to our journalists: could someone please verify rumors that Nasser Jr was actually mute?

Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman Sr. told the press, “Humihingi ako ng paumanhin sa nangyari. Hindi ko rin gusto ang nangyari.” When Sen. Richard Gordon heard this, he said, “Parang narinig ko na ‘yan ah… sa book launching ni JDV?”

Hopeful Pinoys
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 9 of 10 Filipinos are entering the New Year with hope rather than fear… unless of course they’re in a golf course with the Pangandamans.

Hopeful Pinoys II
In the latest SWS survey, the respondents were asked, “Ang darating na taon ba ay inyong sasalubungin ng may pag-asa o pangamba?” Many respondents answered: “Depende. Sa bahay o sa golf course?”

Manny’s Next Opponent
Latest reports say Puerto Rican boxer Miguel Cotto may be next in line for Manny Pacquiao. When Nasser Pangandaman Jr heard this, he said, “I think Cotto is too big for Manny. Does Cotto have a brother in first year high school?”

In Other News…
President Arroyo, First Gentleman Mike Arroyo and the entire First Family with some congressmen-friends went spelunking in Sagada, Ifugao, Mountain Province. Reports say they all enjoyed the caves… which was not really surprising since they’re used to that kind of environment. You know… darkness.

Personal
IT HAS BEEN A great year for me and for this blog. “The Professional Heckler” got recognized by the Philippine Blog Awards and continues to get noticed by more and more people in cyberspace. Wikipilipinas has also named this blog as one of the year’s… hmmm, basahin n’yo nga lang.

Thank you so much for making all these possible. I appreciate it. I admit – I’ve written some mean and nasty posts that may have offended some people. But I won’t apologize yet. Not until I have become an ex-president.

Again, maraming, maraming salamat sa lahat (I hope Brian Gorrell understands this one)! Have a safe and lucky New Year!

Starting today, I’ll have an online poll. Cast your vote now. It’s on the right side of your screen.

Lastly, do you believe in astrology? Here’s what in store for you in 2009, the Year of the Ox.
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Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.
~Ray Kroc