CLIQUES

Noynoy and the Press
President Aquino hosted a dinner with members of the Malacañang Press Corps Tuesday night. As he walked with reporters toward the dining table, he promised them a friendlier, and more sociable administration… and then, he ordered Atty. Edwin Lacierda to just eat outside.

Noynoy and the Press II
Reports say President Aquino wants to work with a “friendly media” during his term as president… something that’s achievable considering that he worked with an even “friendlier media” during his presidential campaign.

Communications Team
RG Cruz of ABS-CBN News reported that there are two warring factions in the newly-formed communications team of President Noynoy Aquino. One group is identified with the pro-Binay camp, while the other is allied with the pro-Mar group… or, as Conrado De Quiros would probably say, good vs. evil.

Imelda and Noynoy
Ilocos Norte Representative and former First Lady Imelda Romualdez-Marcos reportedly kissed President Noynoy Aquino on the cheek during the birthday party of Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay Tuesday night. Shocked by Imelda’s gesture, Noynoy exclaimed, “Sa mga nang-api sa sambayanan, wala akong karapatan na limutin ang inyong mga kasalanan!”

During the 33rd birthday party of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay, former First Lady Imelda Marcos approached President Aquino and kissed him on the cheek. Close aides of both Mrs. Marcos and President Aquino were surprised by the awkward moment… which became more awkward when guests started shouting, “More! More!”

Top 5 Things Overheard At the Birthday Party of Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay

No. 5: “Sinabi nang oo eh!!! Ba’t ba ayaw mong maniwala? Anak niya ‘yong batang lalaki! Buti na lang ‘ka mo at nagmana sa namayapang nanay. Kung hindi, kawawang bata. Tutuksuhin sa iskul ‘yan.”

No. 4: “Hello? Hello Ate Ballsy? Choppy ka. Ate!! Hello! O ayan, malinaw na. Eh anong magagawa ko? Bigla na lang lumapit at hinalikan ako sa pisngi. Alangan namang iiwas ko ang mukha ko? Don’t worry, ‘di naman yata nakunan ng media eh.”

No. 3: “Salamat sa pagdating n’yo sa kaarawan ng aking anak! I look forward to seeing you all back here next year, and the succeeding 23 years. Thank you!”

No. 2: “‘Noy, ‘di na ba talaga magagawan ng paraan ‘yong DILG? Baka naman puwedeng term-sharing? Kay Jesse ang first three years, sa akin ang last three?”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the birthday party of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay…

“Hindi!!!! Hindi maaari! Hayaan mo siyang maghintay sa kotse! Malinaw ang nasa imbitasyon mahal na pangulo. Ikaw lang ang imbitado, hindi ang iyong alter ego!

Trust Rating
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 88 percent of adult Filipinos trust President Noynoy Aquino. The other 12 percent are his ex-girlfriends.

Trust Rating II
According to the latest SWS survey, Vice President Jejomar Binay obtained a “very good” trust rating of 77 percent. The survey was conducted a week before Binay’s convoy beat the red light along Araneta Avenue.

Ruffa’s New Love?
Smartmatic president Cesar Flores and Ruffa Gutierrez are now an item! Unconfirmed reports say Flores gave Ruffa a PCOS machine on their first date. To prove that the gift was for real, Flores tried feeding a ballot into Ruffa’s PCOS machine. But Annabelle Rama arrived unannounced, and his ballot was rejected.

Ruffa’s New Love? II
Rumors say Smartmatic president Cesar Flores is reminded of Ruffa Gutierrez whenever he sees a PCOS machine. Asked why, he said, “madaling mag-init.”
——————————–
“Every clique is a refuge for incompetence. It fosters corruption and disloyalty, it begets cowardice, and consequently is a burden upon and a drawback to the progress of the country.”
~ Madame Chiang Kai-Shek

Survey Says
Maging patas kaya ang Malacañang sa paglalabas ng impormasyon sa media ngayong nasa gov’t media group na ang former ABSCBN reporter na si Ricky Carandang?
OO naman! Fair pa rin ‘yan. 25%
HINDI. Ang swerte ng ABS-CBN! 47%
Let’s see. 28%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: Drinking spree in Malacañang

Personal
Before I started blogging, I ‘heckled’ political figures and celebrities by sending letters to broadsheet editors just like what the ‘legend’ in that field, Mr. Paul Mortel of Marikina City did. I won’t forget Mr. Mortel because he would almost always react to my own ‘letters to the editor’ by sending me personal mails. The letters were sent to our old office in Guadalupe, Makati City. Thus, it’s shocking and sad to hear about the guy’s untimely demise. May you rest in peace Mr Paul.

Adders
Pagtalakay sa mga usaping panlipunan at pulitika. Ito ang tatalo sa mga kasabay na telenovela. Dito, ang pananaw mo ang bida. SRO with Alvin Elchico and Lynda Jumilla nightly after TV Patrol on dzMM.

Another show I try to catch whenever I’m home on Thursday night is Susan Enriquez’ SUS NAMAN! on QTV. Try n’yo rin!

Enjoy the rest of the week!

REPAIRS

UNDENIABLY, the most talked about subject of conversations during the past week was the new president, Benigno Simeon ‘Noynoy’ Aquino III. In close second was the ‘wang-wang.’

The schedule of Benigno Simeon ‘Noynoy’ Aquino III on his first three days as president was really hectic. He swore into office 200 local executives, convened his cabinet for their first meeting, hosted a reception for foreign dignitaries, got stuck in heavy metro traffic, and performed two numbers in a variety show.

Arguably, the third most popular subject of the past week was the James Yap-Kris Aquino separation. Last Thursday, the basketball star released a statement saying he’ll do everything to fix his marriage, or as palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda would call it, “fine tuning.”

Presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda couldn’t say whether President Noynoy Aquino took a rest or not on his first weekend in office. Lacierda said he didn’t know Aquino’s weekend schedule. He doesn’t seem to know anything at this moment. In fact, Lacierda’s not even sure if he’s still Aquino’s spokesman.

Memo Circular No. 1
This is embarrassing. Released on President Aquino’s first day in office, Memorandum Circular No. 1 declaring all positions of non-career executive service officials (Non-Ceso) vacant was withdrawn and reissued. I just hope they’d be successful this time because that’s exactly the same thing the Liberal Party did to Mar Roxas’ candidacy.

Mar’s Protest
Former senator Mar Roxas announced he would file an electoral protest against Vice President Jejomar Binay. Roxas loyalists believe the electoral protest will prove that he won the vice presidency and that he’s got lots and lots of spare money.

The Senate Presidency
Liberal Party’s Francis Pangilinan is confident of winning the senate presidency. He claims he has the support of Franklin Drilon, Ralph Recto, Francis Joseph Escudero, Vicente Sotto III, Teofisto Guingona III, Sergio Osmeña III, Antonio Trillanes III, Jinggoy Estrada, Juan Ponce Enrile, and Kris Aquino.

Sen. Francis Pangilinan and Sen. Manny Villar are on a collision course over the Senate presidency. Despite the backing of at least nine senators though, Pangilinan is not taking Villar lightly. As a matter of fact, Pangilinan regards Villar as the fiercest fighter he’d seen… after Sharon Cuneta.

Villar’s Bid
Reports say Sen. Manny Villar is determined to reclaim the presidency of the Senate. Aimed at helping Villar realize his dream, a rabid supporter is planning to release Sen. Francis Pangilinan’s alleged psychological and psychiatric evaluation reports next week.

Sen. Manny Villar is keen on winning the Senate presidency. In fact, Nanay Curing has been advised to prepare for a press conference.

Kris & James: A Postscript
James Yap has spoken. Addressing his wife Kris, the basketball star said, “Sa tulong ng Diyos, alam kong malalampasan natin ang pagsubok na ito!” to which God said, “Nandamay na naman!”
———————————-
“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”
~Napoleon Bonaparte

The Who?
Gold and Silver have called it quits. And Gold has been having sleepless nights these days. A source said, “Natatakot siyang mawalan ng trabaho. Magkasama kasi sila ni Silver sa isang programa.” History shows that everyone who got involved with Silver were either compelled to resign or terminated. The list includes Krypton, Cobalt, Calcium, and Copper. Unfortunately, the relationship is beyond repair.

Personal
Again, I hate it! PNoy, P-Noy, P’Noy or P.Noy, whatever! Tigilan na ang mga pautot na ‘yan. He’s got a name. Use it.

Survey Says
Your take on the soon-to-be officially established ‘Truth Commission:’
BILIB ako diyan. Sige, habulin si Gloria! 46%
I DOUBT kung may magagawa ‘yan. 43%
No comment. 11%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere…
Newsbreak: Lani Mercado’s pet bill

Newsbreak: Justices, dinner, and the Palawan cases

Have a productive week ahead!

THE INAUGURAL

Highlights
Benigno Simeon ‘Noynoy’ Aquino III is now the 15th president of the Republic of the Philippines. God saved the Philippines from Joseph Estrada!

During his inaugural address, President Noynoy Aquino asked “Kayo ba ay minsan ring nalimutan ng pamahalaang inyong iniluklok sa puwesto? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay nagtiis na sa trapiko para lamang masingitan ng isang naghahari-hariang de-wangwang sa kalsada? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay sawang-sawa na sa pamahalaang sa halip na magsilbi sa taumbayan ay kailangan pa nila itong pagpasensiyahan at tiisin? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay nakaligo na sa dagat ng basura? Kayo ba ay namatayan na ng kapatid dahil walang pampagamot? Ay, teka lang. Sensya na, mali ho yatang speech ang nabasa ko.”

In his inaugural speech, President Aquino said, “To those who are talking about reconciliation… we have this to say: there can be no reconciliation without justice.” Suddenly, his newly-separated sister Kris Aquino rose from her seat and shouted, “Kerrrrek!”

President Noynoy Aquino in his speech promised to eradicate ‘kotong’ – totally surprising the 3,000 cops that were deployed to secure his inauguration who thought he was their ally.

Speaking before half a million Filipinos, President Benigno Simeon Aquino III said, “Walang lamangan, walang padrino at walang pagnanakaw.” In straightforward terms, Ramos, Estrada, and Arroyo.

During his inaugural address, President Aquino said, “Sa paglimot ng pagkakasala, sinisigurado mong mauulit muli ang mga pagkakasalang ito.” And then Kris Aquino stood yet again and yelled, “May tama ka!”

The new president added, “Kayo ang boss ko, kaya’t hindi maaaring hindi ako makinig sa mga utos ninyo,” to which Vice President Jejomar Binay said, “Promise?”

Jejomar Cabauatan Binay also took his oath as the country’s vice president Wednesday. Analysts noted though that President-elect Noynoy Aquino and outgoing President Arroyo arrived at the Quirino Grandstand ahead of him calling it a “breach of protocol.” But for Binay loyalists, it’s a “come from behind.”

President Noynoy Aquino also said, “Sa mga nang-api sa akin, kaya ko kayong patawarin, at pinapatawad ko na kayo.” Finally, a sigh of relief for the black propaganda team of the Nacionalista Party.

President Aquino opened his speech by acknowledging East Timor President Jose Ramos Horta, former president Fidel Ramos, the Senate President and the House Speaker… prompting actress Susan Roces to note that “Chief Justice Renato Corona was snubbed… not once but twice!”

President Aquino’s 23-minute inaugural speech was praised for being clear, straight to the point, sincere, pragmatic and most importantly, for not borrowing a single line from the speeches of Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Conan O’Brien and JK Rowling.

Light Bites
Obama: “Yes, we can!”
Noynoy: “No, wang-wang!”

Sidelights
From Times Street, incoming President Noynoy Aquino picked up outgoing President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at Malacañang Palace. Noynoy felt really awkward… mainly because he’s not used to picking up women in broad daylight.

When Noynoy Aquino finally met Mrs. Arroyo face to face at the palace, he was tongue-tied and didn’t know what to say. After a brief moment of awkward silence, Noynoy finally blurted out, “Who are you wearing?”

Police say the crowd at the Quirino Grandstand peaked at 600,000 during the actual oath taking of President Noynoy Aquino at noon Wednesday. In fact, Noynoy was so overwhelmed by the huge crowd, he ended his speech by shouting, “Amen! Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!”

During the inaugural, Noynoy Aquino was the top trending topic on Twitter. Not to be outdone, Jejomar Binay was the No. 1 topic… in the Roxas household.

Former senator and defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas was a no-show at Noynoy Aquino’s inauguration. It was understandable though because Roxas had to attend the burial… of his presidential ambitions.

In the evening, President Aquino went to the street party at the Quezon Memorial Circle where he sang Freddie Aguilar’s ‘90s hit Estudyante Blues. The first line of the song goes, “Si Ramos ang nakikita, Si Erap ang nasisisi, si Gloria ang laging may kasalanan!”

International singing sensation Charice Pempengco sang the Philippine National Anthem at President Aquino’s inauguration. Before the hosts called on Charice to sing, people at the Quirino Grandstand were visibly nervous… because Christian Bautista was also there.

Praises were heaped on Charice Pempengco for singing the national anthem correctly… to the chagrin of National Historical Institute** officials who were hoping to be interviewed on camera again had Charice bungled it.
**NHI was recently renamed National Historical Commission of the Philippines.

Regine Velasquez sang the melodramatic campaign song “Hindi Ka Nag-iisa,” the song used in Noynoy Aquino’s first music video that featured an all-star cast. Everyone in that video was present at the inaugural… except for James Yap.

The University of the Philippines-based Philippine Madrigal Singers and DLSU’s Kundirana also performed at the inaugural… eliciting a howl from the Ateneo community who accused the organizers of bias for not inviting the Ateneo Glee Club.

Did you see Jim Paredes’ co-host during the inauguration? FYI: That’s the very talented Mae Paner a.k.a. Juana Change, not Sharon Cuneta. ‘Sinlaki pero ‘di ‘sing mahal.

Reports say Sharon Cuneta wore a ‘recycled’ Fanny Serrano gown because there wasn’t enough time to finish a new gown. These days, a Sharon Cuneta gown requires at least three months to finish.

Another performer, Gary Valenciano was ecstatic. He quipped that “all sorts of Ks are here today: Kapamilya, Kapuso, Kapatid, Kabayan, Kaibigan and Kundirana.” And then from afar, he saw Mrs. Arroyo, a kawatan.

In Other News…
Immediately after turning over the presidency to Noynoy Aquino, Mrs. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo hurriedly left for Pampanga. She had to rush to Lubao to personally pick the winning numbers in the special Inauguration Day jueteng draw.

Noli De Castro’s term is over. Kabayan said he has served his country well and added that he’s not afraid to face the Truth Commission (if requested) since he had nothing to hide and he didn’t hide anything – except for one thing – he didn’t tell us that he was the country’s vice president for six years.

Photo of the Weak

GMA: “Shobra ka naman Preshident-elect. ‘Di pa nga ‘ko nakakaalish ng palashyo, may Truth Commisshion ka na agad. Can we discussh it firssht over dinner? Pleassshe?”
Noynoy: “Manong driver, may lighter ho kayo. Nakaka-tense dito. Yosi muna ako.”
———————————
“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Survey Says
Gusto n’yo bang magkabalikan sina First Sister Kris Aquino at First Brother-in-Law James Yap?
YES! For the sake of their kid. 12.4%
No! Bakit pa? 25.4%
Hmpf! Pakialam ko! 62.2%

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Personal
Mabuhay ang bagong pangulo at bagong pangalawang pangulo ng bansa!
Padayon!

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!

ITO ANG SIMULA

President Noynoy Aquino’s Inaugural Speech:
Top 15 Rejected Opening Lines

No. 15: “I’d like to acknowledge the presence of my brother-in-law, James Yap. ‘Tol, kaya mo ‘yan!”

No. 14: “Now, for the most awaited part of my speech… drum roll please. And the DILG portfolio goes to…”

No. 13: “To all the girls I’ve loved before, ‘kala n’yo huh! Eat your hearts out!”

No. 12: “(Pssst! James! James! ‘Yun o! Third row, second from left. ‘Yung naka-sleeveless na yellow at white mini-skirt. Sexy! Kunin mo naman ‘yung number.)”

No. 11: “Gusto n’yo bang kumanta ako tonight sa street party? Gusto n’yo ba?! Wala akong marinig! Gusto n’yo bang kumanta ako tonight sa street party?!”

No. 10: “Hindi po totoong break na kami ni Shalani. Sa katunayan, nandito po siya ngayon. Ayun o! I love you Cupcake!”

No. 9: “Katulad po ng aking naipangako noong kampanya, pag-iisahin ko ang ating bayan. At bilang simula sa pagtupad sa pangakong ‘yan…. please welcome on stage, Sen. Manny Villar to draw the names of five lucky guests who shall win a house and lot each!”

No. 8: “I’d like to take this opportunity to clarify some things about the status of my lovelife. But first, thank you Kuya Noy for allowing me to speak here. You’re so bait talaga, promise.”

No. 7: “Opo, handang-handa na akong palaguin ang kita ng ating pamahalaan. Kayo po? Handa na ba kayo sa 15 percent na E-VAT?”

No. 6: “I’d like to thank Paul Cabral for my outfit and Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make up.”

No. 5: “Kasi naman eh! Bakit ‘di n’yo agad sinabing ‘No Smoking’ area ‘to?!?”

No. 4: “Everyone, your attention please! See that person beside Mar? Let me say this again. I did NOThave sexual relations with that woman!”

No. 3: “Mga kababayan… gusto n’yo bang magkabalikan sina Kris at James?”

No. 2: “Let’s have a roll call first. Hyatt 10? (Present!) The Firm? (Here!) Kamag-anak Incorporated? (Nandito! Kumpleto ulit!)”

And the No. 1 rejected opening line of Noynoy Aquino’s inaugural speech…

“Hello mic test, mic test?! Para sa ikakapanatag ng loob nating lahat: Team Roxas, please occupy the left side of the field. Team Binay, go to the right side. Thank you!”
———————————–
“Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.”
~Alfred E. Neuman

Light Bites
Have you seen the Noynoy Aquino inauguration souvenir miniature dolls? I just heard the wife of a losing VP candidate has bought a dozen… plus a set of needles.

Survey Says…
If you were Chief Justice Renato Corona, would you attend Noynoy’s inauguration?
SURE, why not? 42%
NO, thanks. 47%
Let me think about it. 11%

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Personal
Catch Usapang De Campanilla with Alvin Elchico and Lynda Jumilla on dzMM, nightly@8.

NO, THANKS!

VICE PRESIDENT-ELECT Jejomar Binay visited President–elect Noynoy Aquino on Times Street on Wednesday and talked for about two hours. Inquirer sources say the two “reminisced on their long history together,” and “discussed their common passion – gun collection.” The meeting was warm and cordial… except for that brief tense moment when Binay pointed his gun on Aquino, and said, “Ibibigay mo ba sa akin ang DILG post o hindi?” And then followed it up with the line, “Joke lang.”

Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay has reportedly declined to accept any Cabinet position in the Aquino administration. The decision was made after a two-hour meeting on Times Street described by the Binay camp as “social and cordial” – or as the Roxas camp would describe it, “mission failed.”

Top 10 Things Overheard During President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s Meeting with Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay

No. 10: “Nanay Bebang… paki-on nga ho ng ilaw sa sala. Bigla yatang dumilim eh.”

No. 9: “Ipinapatanong nga pala ng Tita Ellen Binay mo. Totoo raw bang may kinalolokohan na namang chiching si James kaya nag-aalboroto uli si Kris?”

No. 8: “Pwede ho bang sandali lang ang meeting natin? Magdo-Dota pa kasi ako after nito.”

No. 7: “Ssssh. Atin-atin lang ‘to. May bagong bukas na, hmmm… alam mo na, sa Burgos Street sa amin ‘don sa Makati. Sariwa ang mga babes tsong! Rawwwr! Text mo lang ako ‘pag gusto mong pumasyal.”

No. 6: “Sorry ho. Late notice kasi ang pagbisita n’yo eh. Pasensya na kayo sa inihandang prutas ni Nanay Bebang. Tara, simulan na natin habang nagyeyelo pa… ang duhat.”

No. 5: “Try mo kasi ang Svenson. Effective ‘yon!”

No. 4: “Wala na akong magagawa Manong. Transition team ang nag-decide eh. DOTC ho ang sa inyo, take it or leave it.”

No. 3: “Pakisabi nga pala sa iyong Tiyo Peping, Tiya Tingting pati na rin kina Mikee, China at Mai-mai, maraming, maraming salamat sa suporta nila noong panahon ng kampanya.”

No. 2: “So ayaw ho n’yo?!? Tinatanggihan n’yo ako?!? Pwes… bukas ho ang pinto, makakaalis na kayo.”

And the No. 1 thing overheard during President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s meeting with Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay…

“Hayyyy naku Mar! Alam kong nasa kusina ka lang at nakikinig sa pag-uusap namin ni Noynoy. Lumabas ka nga d’yan!”
———————————

“I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.”
~Sylvester Stallone

Feast of St. John
June 24 marks the Feast of St. John the Baptist. Reportedly spotted in San Juan were Senators Jamby Madrigal, Loren Legarda, and Pia Cayetano… who had to attend the annual celebration if only to experience getting wet again.

Survey Says
On the latest spat between Kris Aquino and James Yap, your take:
Sana maayos para happy na ulit ang lahat. 10%
Para wala nang gulo, maghiwalay na lang. 16%
Pakialam ko! Nakakasawa na ang kadramahan nila! 74%

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Have a safe weekend ahead!

POLITICS AND BASKETBALL

Boston’s Loss
The Los Angeles Lakers won the 2010 NBA Finals in a come-from-behind fashion. The Boston Celtics are blaming Peping Cojuangco, Chiz Escudero, Conrado De Quiros, William Esposo, and the Council on Philippine Affairs for the loss.

Leading 3 games to 2 entering Game 6, the Boston Celtics failed to sustain its momentum and lost the NBA Championship to the Los Angeles Lakers. Despite Boston’s loss though, Noynoy Aquino assures his unwavering support for the team and promised to cheer on them again after one year.

The Boston Celtics lost to the Los Angeles Lakers in a thrilling fight to the finish. Despite Boston’s heartbreaking loss, Noynoy Aquino reiterated his support for the team and even said that Kevin Garnett was his alter ego.

The Boston Celtics lost to the Los Angeles Lakers who zoomed to the top during the last stages of the finals. Citing the lack of support from the Celtics’ second unit, Boston believer Korina Sanchez felt betrayed.

LA’s Victory
The Los Angeles Lakers outhustled the Boston Celtics en route to a thrilling, well-deserved victory. While Joseph Estrada accepted Boston’s loss and conceded that LA was the rightful winner, he criticized the officiating of the referees.

The Boston Celtics lost to the Los Angeles Lakers. Boston supporter Gilbert Teodoro conceded to the Lakers, and hinted that he would soon quit watching basketball.

The Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA championship against the Boston Celtics in seven games. With still two minutes remaining in the game, Manny Villar became the first Celtics supporter to concede to LA’s victory.

The LA Lakers came from behind to repulse the Boston Celtics in a thrilling finalé. Despite LA’s clear win, Jamby Madrigal, Nicanor Perlas and JC De Los Reyes refused to concede.

The Los Angeles Lakers beat the Boston Celtics in this year’s NBA finals. A majority of Philippine Daily Inquirer columnists reportedly supported the Lakers… except for Belinda Olivares-Cunanan.

GMA’s Books
On Tuesday, June 22, outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will launch two books, “Beat the Odds” and “Beating the Odds” in a formal ceremony at Malacañang Palace. The books contain a rundown of her accomplishments as president, as well as the challenges that she hurdled during her presidency. Even before the books are officially launched, both titles have reportedly zoomed to the No.1 and No. 2 places in Powerbooks’ list of fastest-selling work of fiction.

Outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will launch two books, “Beat the Odds” and “Beating the Odds” in a formal ceremony at Malacañang Palace on Tuesday. Mrs. Arroyo has already dismissed rumors the similarly titled books are about her breasts.

FG’s Surgery
First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo underwent a delicate surgery on his backbone. His attending physician said Mr. Arroyo had spinal stenosis, a narrowing of the spinal canal. This medical condition of the spinal column is not rare but the surgery becomes complicated when the patient is reptilian.

The Inaugural
Manolo Quezon, President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s spokesman for inauguration-related matters says Noynoy will write 85 percent of his inaugural speech. A pool of writers will finish the remaining 15 percent while Noynoy takes a smoking break.

According to the grapevine, two Ateneo students initially volunteered to write the inaugural speech for President-elect Noynoy Aquino. But Noynoy declined and said, “Gusto n’yong mag-apologize at mag-resign agad ako?!?”

Three heads of state, Thai Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva, Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak and East Timor President Jose Ramos-Horta have reportedly confirmed attendance at the Noynoy Aquino inaugural. As a gesture of goodwill, President Hugo Chaves is sending the current Miss Venezuela.

Daring Journalist
Joshua Garcia, a reporter for local cable news network GNN was trapped near the crater of Taal Volcano after he defied warnings of residents not to descend into the crater while reporting on the condition of the volcano. Garcia could not climb back because his location was too steep. After five long hours, the coastguard was able to rescue Garcia who suffered exhaustion, dehydration, and embarrassment.

Unable to climb back due to the steep terrain, Joshua Garcia of local cable news network GNN was trapped for five long hours near the crater of Taal Volcano last week before authorities rescued him. People who heard the story were stunned and were prompted to ask, “GNN?!? Mehhh gano’n?”

Smokin’ Baby
Chances are you have seen the video of Ardi Rizal, the chain smoking, two-year-old Indonesian baby. When I first saw that clip on YouTube, I said, “This kid’s gonna be president someday!”

Survey Says
Isang self-serving question (Don’t worry, walang dagdag-bawas dito). Sino sa palagay n’yo ang magkakampeon sa 2010 NBA Finals?
BOSTON Celtics 38%
LOS ANGELES Lakers 44%
Bahala na. Kahit sino. Kahit wala. 18%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a safe and productive week ahead!

THE FUTURE EX-FIRST FAMILY

THE ARROYOS have reportedly left Malacañang. In fact, according to reports, the First Family has been cleaning out their closets in the palace for more than two months now. And they’d probably need another month or two to finish… considering the huge number of skeletons they keep in there.

The Arroyo family has reportedly left Malacañang last Sunday. First Gentleman Mike Arroyo said, “We are happy to leave Malacañang,” to which Malacañang replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

Top 12 Messages Left on the Arroyos’ Answering Machine in Malacañang

No. 12: “Hello ma’am? Si Garci po ito ma’am. Hihiram po sana ako ng konting halaga bago kayo bumaba sa puwesto. Matumal ang kita noong eleksyon eh. Alam n’yo na, automated.”

No. 11: “Eow powhzzzz! PAn6UL0n6 ÅrrÕyØ. mÃrÅm1nG $ÅLÅmÅ+ ph0w Å+ g1nÅwÅ n1ny0nG h0L1DÅy Ång jUnE 3Ø. mÅk~k~+ambÅy nà ÑÅmÅn kÅmi $a MaLL! +HÅnk U’ pfoWh üL3+. Lolz!”

No. 10: “Sir, Ma’am… si Udong Mahusay po ito. ‘Paalala ko lang po ang lifetime allowance na ‘pinangako n’yo sa kin ni Sir Mike Defensor noong 2003. Bigla po niyang inihinto after ng eleksyon eh.”

No. 9: “Dad, Mom… Luli here. Whatever happens, always remember that you’re the best parents in the world. Lalo na ikaw Dad. I love you mom, love you dad. Wait lang, hold on… ‘Mang Gusting, ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa inyo na ayaw na ayaw kong nali-late ang driver!? Usted está despedido! Humanap na lang kayo ng ibang amo! Ora mismo!’”

No. 8: “Hellowww… mga maids? ‘Musta na kayo mga friendship? Todo na ‘to! As in todo na to the highest level! Wala ba jan si Sir Mikey n’yo? Grabe huh! ‘Di na naman niya ako sinipot sa Lubao kagabi. Ang linaw-linaw ng usapan! Heller! Nag-cancel nga ako ng taping para sa kanya ‘tapos mang-iindyan lang pala??? Okay lang siya?? Pakisabi mag-return call siya, okay? Kailangan ko ng pang-shopping! Pasensya na! Go go go!”

No. 7: “Ni hao! Mike, alam ko d’yan ka pa palasyo. Si Mrs. Toh. ‘Wag ka bobo! Hindi ako Gloria. Si Mrs. Toh! Ikaw ‘wag na tago sa akyen. Matagal na kita hanap. Wala pa closure atyen breakup. Ikaw tawag akyen agad. Wo xiangnian ni.”

No. 6: “Hi ma’am. This is your favorite student in Ateneo, Joey Salceda. My unsolicited advice is for you to accept the harsh reality: Life’s a bitch. And so are you. Charing! Just kidding. Babush!”

No. 5: “Hi ma’am. This is Chiz Escudero, inaanak n’yo sa kasal. Sa inyong paglisan, nais ko lang ipaalala, at sana’y inyong tatandaan: ang masamang hangarin, kailanman ay hindi magtatagumpay. Ang pag-unlad ng bansa ay hindi nasusukat sa dami ng naipagawang tulay o naipatayong gusali kundi sa kaledad ng buhay ng bawat Pilipinong malinaw na binigo ng inyong administrasyon. Marami pa rin ang kumakalam ang sikmura. Marami pa rin ang walang hanapbuhay. Marami pa rin ang nakatira sa ilalim ng mga tulay at mababahong estero. Marami pa rin ang tila sabik sa pagbabagong dapat sana ay… (Beep!) [You cannot complete this call. Please reload and then dial again. You cannot complete this call. Please reload and then dial again. You cannot complete this call. Please reload and then dial again.]“

No. 4: “Hello! Si Mar ulit ‘to. This is my fourth call and you still refuse to answer! C’mon hon, let’s be sport, okay? Whether you like it or not, we will attend Noynoy’s inauguration together. Hon? Talk to me. Are you ther… Put*ng-i*aaaaaaaaaaaaaa, mali ang nai-dial ko!”

No. 3: “Hilluw? Is this the palas pown? Sa palasyu ba ‘tung numirung itu? Ah basta, itu lang ang miseyds ku. Unang-una, pasalamat aku sa Panginuun sa mga blissings sa kin. Pangalawa, pasalamat aku sa ating prisidinti sa walang-sawang pag-supurta sa mga laban ku. Kahit papanu, mami-miss ko kayu mahal na pangulu at Pirst Jintilman Husi Migil Arruyu. Hanggang ditu na lamang pu ang aking minsahi at aaminin ku pu sa inyu… ‘di pa rin pu aku makapaniwala na aku at ikaw, mahal na pangulu ay magka-livil na ngayun sa Kungrisu! You know…”

No. 2: “Hello Mrs. President. Paalis ka pa lang, pabalik na kami! C’est la vie! Kami nga pala ang mga miyembro ng Hyatt 10 at The Firm. Ang saya-saya ulit, noh?”

And the No.1 message left on the Arroyos’ answering machine in Malacañang…

“Hello… Inday? Shi ma’am mo ito. Pumashok ka nga sha dati kong kuwarto at paki-check kung do’n ko naiwan ang shilicone para sha aking kaliwang shuso. Thankxssh!”

FG’s Book
Last Tuesday, outgoing First Gentleman Mike Arroyo launched his book titled “The First,” which includes all his answers to criticisms against him and his family. Go get a copy now. When you enter Powerbooks, it’s located near the section with a big sign that says, “People who bought this book also bought Ann Coulter’s “High Crimes and Misdemeanors.”

Outgoing First Gentleman Mike Arroyo launched a coffee table book called “The First,” which includes all his answers to criticisms against him and his family. The book has 10 chapters. One chapter was devoted to Mr. Arroyo’s answers to allegations of graft and corruption; the rest were devoted to the allegations of graft and corruption.

Mike Arroyo launched a book called “The First,” which includes all his answers to criticisms against him and his family. But I heard it’s selling poorly. The publisher attributes the poor sales to the opening line of the book. It says, “Back off.”
—————————-
“We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.”
~Ian Percy

Survey Says
Pabor ka bang italagang kalihim ng Department of Interior and Local Government si Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay?
OO naman. Alam na niya ang trabaho d’yan! 25.6%
NOPE! Scary! Be afraid. Be very afraid. 66.8%
Hmmm, ewan. 7.5%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

The Who
TV show recently asked Aspen Oak: Are you ready to entertain suitors now? Aspen Oak’s answer was a categorical “No.” Unknown to the public though, Aspen Oak has been in a steady relationship with Sunflower Zinnia. The not-so-surprising twist? They’re both women – and moms. Aspen Oak used to be “friends” with has-been actress, Aster Anthurium. Sino sila? Itanong n’yo na lang sa halimaw sa banga!

Personal
Because we’re in it to win it.
Because we never doubted our team.
Because we, the loyal Los Angeles Lakers fans will always…
.

Go Lakers!

Elsewhere…
Did PDI columnist Belinda Olivarezs-Cunanan resign or was she fired?

GETTING READY

Back To School
Classes officially opened today, June 15. For newbies, it’s when they start to learn, experiment, meet new friends and enemies, get mocked and sometimes, bullied by more powerful people around them, and then evaluated with a pass or fail grade… exactly the same things that await our new president on June 30.

School and Pacman
Just a few hours after he arrived yesterday from Canada, Manny Pacquiao was present on Day 1 of his 10-day certificate course at the Development Academy of the Philippines. Rumors say though Pacquiao went home disappointed when he learned that sex education wouldn’t be part of the curriculum.

Something odd happened on Day 1 of Manny Pacquiao’s 10-day certificate course at the Development Academy of the Philippines in Pasig City. Pacquiao refused to leave the classroom… and waited for the final bell.

Lecturers at the Development Academy of the Philippines plan to orient Jinkee Pacquiao on the role of a Congressional spouse. Jinkee, who joined Pacman at the DAP yesterday, was reportedly shocked when lecturers informed her that wives of congressmen have other things to do aside from shopping.

Manny Pacquiao is returning to school after winning the congressional race in Sarangani Province. Meanwhile, his opponent, Roy Chiongbian is starting a career in boxing.

Net Worth
Based on his 2009 Statement of Assets and Liabilities, Sen. Manny Villar is still the richest senator with a net worth of 947.88 million pesos. That figure could have been higher if Villar didn’t try to buy the entire country during the campaign.

Noynoy’s Media Men
President-elect Noynoy Aquino has chosen ANC host and Inquirer columnist Manuel Quezon III as his spokesperson for inauguration-related news while award-winning journalist and ANC anchor Ramon ‘Ricky” Carandang will reportedly be part of Noynoy’s media group. There’s no truth to rumors though that ANC has replaced NBN4 as the official government station.

Noynoy’s Plea
President-elect Noynoy Aquino is trying to reconcile his allies who disagree because of politics. The other day, he called on Mar Roxas and Chiz Escudero to settle their differences. If Noynoy succeeds in uniting Mar and Chiz, he’ll then try to reconcile Korina and Kris.

Reports say President-elect Noynoy Aquino wants Mar Roxas and Chiz Escudero to make up. Joey Salceda volunteers to help.

Noynoy’s Inauguration
On June 30, President-elect Noynoy Aquino will take his oath before Associate Justice Conchita Carpio-Morales. The swearing in will take place at the Quirino Grandstand. On the same night, Korina Sanchez is expected to swear before Mar Roxas at the Araneta Center in Cubao.

The June 30 inauguration of the new president will include Noynoy Aquino’s traditional ride with outgoing president Gloria Arroyo. This early, Noynoy has been practicing, trying to perfect a jump from a speeding vehicle before it hits the grandstand’s concrete fence.

Noynoy’s Designers
According to ABS-CBN News, five designers – JC Buendia, Ivarluski Aseron, Randy Ortiz, Paul Cabral, and Joey Samson will dress up President-elect Noynoy Aquino during his 6-year term. The five fashion experts described the opportunity to enchance Noynoy’s looks… as their toughest job yet.

Noynoy’s Cabinet
President-elect Noynoy Aquino says the composition of his cabinet will be known this week. So far, nine have already said yes to his invitation to join his administration. They are Dinky Soliman (DSWD), Ding Deles (peace process), Jojo Ochoa (executive secretary), Edwin Lacierda (spokesman) and the five designers.

Jejomar or Jesse?
President-elect Noynoy Aquino is reportedly choosing between Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay and Naga City mayor Jesse Robredo for the DILG post. Binay has been vocal about his desire to take on the DILG portfolio but members of the civil society want Robredo. Since it’s a hell of a dilemma, Noynoy plans to consult Madam Auring.

Miss U 2008 in RP
The 2008 Miss Universe from Venezuela, Dayana Mendoza, and now Smartmatic’s Ambassador for Transparency is in the country to personally congratulate Filipinos for the peaceful conduct of elections. Meanwhile, in totally unrelated news, outgoing senator Jamby Madrigal and outgoing Quezon City Rep Annie Susano have both retracted their accusations against Smartmatic and congratulated the IT group for a job well done.
————————
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
~ Derek Curtis Bok

Briefly Noted
FM for Marcos. FVR for Ramos. PGMA for Gloria. And now PNoy for Aquino? WTF! Puwede ba, tigilan na ang pagpapauso ng kung anu-anong pagpapapogi. The campaign is over. He is the president now! Use PNA for President Noynoy Aquino. Besides, (and no offense) we don’t want Visayans to call him Penoy, do we? Sounds like infertile egg to me.

Survey Says
Pabor ba kayo sa pagkakaroon ng revolving First Ladies (Ballsy, Pinky, Viel and Kris)?
Why not? Try natin! 30%
‘Wag na lang. Parang magulo. 27%
Ayaw ko na ‘yang problem

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
UP Professor Solita Monsod (BusinessWorld): How to solve a problem like Jejomar Binay

Newsbreak: For most nat’l candidates, bailiwicks didn’t deliver

Personal
Still, Lakers! Believe.
‘Nuff said.

The Who
It happened during an out-of-town show. After the program, the cast and crew went swimming. Everyone had fun except for promising new actor who felt so uncomfortable because closet TV host (CTV) kept hitting on him. “Binakuran” – as one witness described it. Was CTV ‘successful?’ Sources say, na-ah. Bokya!

If you want to know the identity of the CTV, just ask Susan Sarandon and Helena Bonham Carter and they’ll surely respond in the affirmative. As for the promising actor, his name reminds us of one of the best presidents we never had.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

AND THEN THERE WERE TWO

The Proclamation: A Postscript
In today’s proclamation ceremony at the House of Representatives, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile requested the families of both President-elect Noynoy Aquino and Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay to join the two winning candidates in front. People in the gallery knew that Noynoy’s sisters would be joining him, but others were guessing ‘which’ Binay family would come forward.

Even before the proclamation, Loren Legarda has conceded defeat to Jejomar Binay. But Legarda clarifies, she isn’t conceding yet to Noli De Castro.

Outgoing senator Mar Roxas, as we all know, is not about to concede the vice presidency to Jojo Binay. Unless Korina says so.

Sketchy reports say Jamby Madrigal, Nicanor Perlas and JC De Los Reyes might concede to Noynoy Aquino within the week. But the three losing presidential candidates swear they will never ever concede to Vetellano Acosta.

Ang Tweet Naman!
Noynoy Aquino and Jojo Binay were both proclaimed today. Would you like to know the thoughts of other political figures and celebrities about (and during) today’s event? Let’s hack into their Twitter accounts to find out! These were ‘allegedly’ posted between 2PM and 4PM.

Say_ChizEscudero Still here in the holding room. Okay na okay dito kasi may smoking area.
16 minutes ago via Twitterrific

James_YapMVP Sana pala tinapos ko muna ang game ng Boston at Lakers. Sabi kasi ni Babez, mabilis lang ang proclaimashon. Pero bakit ganito? Ang daming speech. Boring na boring na ‘ko.
16 minutes ago via UberTwitter

simplyNoynoy i forgot my Marlboro sa kotse. Pareng @Say_ChizEscudero, paiskor naman ng isang stick diyan.
14 minutes ago via Twitterrific

i_am_KrisAquino @James_YapMVP Babe, behave. Nag-usap na tayo ‘di ba? Andito sina Ate Viel at Kuya Dodo. Tsaka si Ate Pinky at Kuya Eldon. Nakakahiya kung aalis ka. ‘Di pa napu-proclaim si Kuya.
9 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone

JoseSixtoDantesIII Preparing for Senator Noy’s proclamation. Nope, Marian won’t be with me. Masama ang gising eh. Murahin ba naman ako kanina ng “put*ng-i*a!” Iniwan ko nga!
About two hours ago

Sen_Mar_Roxas This is not right. This is not just right. Ako ang dapat na nasa Batasan ngayon. Ako ang dapat na ipu-proklama!
5 minutes ago via TweetDeck

DinkySoliman I’m baaaack! Lolz!
About an hour ago

Rated_K B*llsh*t%ll#^s*h^465*&T@!! Buwisit! ^8$#%#u6#*!#0 Buwisit! Hon, nasaan ka ba? Sabi mo uuwi ka before two o’clock!
About 30 minutes ago via web

TheFirm @DinkySoliman Akala mo ikaw lang?! We’re back too! Happy days are here again! Lolz! LMAO!

BoyAbunda Can’t concentrate on the speeches. It’s so hot in here. But Dingdong Dantes is so much hotter. Kagwapong bata.
15 minutes ago via web

Sen_Mar_Roxas @Rated_K Hon, what did I tell you? Turn off the freakin’ television! I’ll be there in a while.
11 minutes ago via TweetDeck

Ogie_Songwriter @SongBird Here na ko sa Batasan. I’m flanked by Shalani and Ma’am Dinky Soliman. Will meet you at GMA Annex Bldg after the proclamation. Kailangang mag-rehearse. Talo na naman tayo ng ASAP last Sunday. Hugs!
4 minutes ago via web

NogralesINTHEHOUSE @maloumangahas_PCIJ pagkatapos nitong proclamation, mag-usap tayo. kailangang mag-usap tayo. or else…
8 minutes ago via twitterfeed

Mr_Sipag@Tiyaga Having late lunch with Nanay. Instructed my sisters not to turn the TV or radio on while the proclamation is ongoing. Masasaktan lang ang matanda.
25 minutes ago via Tumblr

Rated_K @Sen_Mar_Roxas Nakakairita! Ang ingay ng mga naka-dilaw sa gallery. I’m sure, mga bayarang squatters ‘yan na hinakot sa Makati. Mga walang class!
6 minutes ago via web

TheRealLorenLegarda *Sigh* Al Gore has flown back to the US. ‘Di man lang kami nakapag-usap. @Mr_Sipag@Tiyaga Hi to Nanay Curing. Did she like the orange duster I sent her last Monday?
18 minutes ago via Ping.fm

ka_joma_sison @KaSatur, @KaPaengMariano, @KaLizaMaza ikasa n’yo na ang pambansang kilos-protesta sa inauguration ng naghaharing uring noynoy na ‘yan! walang dapat sayanging sandali! ibagsak ang oligarkiya!
3 seconds ago via UberTwitter

JustJamby Is that Shalani Soledad beside Ogie Alcasid? Woot! Woot! Lakas ng dating niya pare! @ka_joma_sison ‘musta na po kayo? baka dumalaw ako diyan soon. regards to ka luis jalandoni
18 minutes ago via UberTwitter

comm_larrazabal seated near the aquinos and commissioner melo. naiilang ako. nakatitig lagi sa kin ‘yung friend ni kris na si paul cabral. aarrgh!
about 1 hour ago via HootSuite

Rated_K Those traitors in yellow are now chanting Noy-Bi! Noy-Bi! Eh ‘di inamin n’yo rin. Nanlaglag nga kayo noong eleksyon!
8 minutes ago via web

Say_ChizEscudero Mahirap nang patulan ang mga inggit at talunan. They have nothing to lose anyway.
25 minutes ago via txt

Rated_K @Say_ChizEscudero Ay, bakit may nagre-react? Wala naman akong binabanggit na pangalan ah.
18 minutes ago via twitterfeed

Sen_Mar_Roxas Hon, sabi nang cool ka lang eh. We’re filing an election protest soon! @ButchAbad Aabot ba ng 800 thousand ang null votes ko? Kung hindi, baka magsasayang lang tayo ng oras?
12 minutes ago via TweetDeck

GMA_RP @GaryOlivar please update me sha proclamashion gary. Shobrang lamig pala dito sa Shanghai. Feeling ko magkaka-shakit ako. Diretsho na muna ko sha Lubao pag-uwi. Bahala na kayo sa palashyo huh.
15 minutes ago via web

Rated_K Yuckkkk. Mula anak hanggang apo, maitim. Ang lakas ng loob na idisplay sa Batasan ang buong pamilya! ‘Di naman kagandahan ang lahi! Hmpf! Makapag-pa-facial na nga lang! Sayang ang oras ko sa mga traydor!
13 minutes ago via web

Rgcruz_ABSCBN @tjmanotoc and @KIKOpangilinan are you guys on Twitter now? I heard my babaeng nagwawala. Mad na mad raw habang nanonood ng proclamation. True ba?
About 1hour ago via Tumblr

tjmanotoc @Rgcruz_ABSCBN No comment. I really don’t want to get into trouble again. Ask mo na lang si @ConradDQuiros_PDI
About 30 minutes ago via web

GMA_RP Ganung kabilish? Eh bakit ‘yung proklamashyon ko, inabot ng alas-dose ng hatinggabi? @GaryOlivar Ma’am, tapos na po ang proclamation. Kaninang 4o’clock pa na-proklama ang dalawa.
18 minutes ago via twitterfeed

ConradDQuiros_PDI @tjmanotoc and @Rgcruz_ABSCBN Even here in Twitter, there’s an ongoing clash between good and evil. ‘Nuff said. @simplyNoynoy Congratulations! May the force be with you until 2016!
7 minutes ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

GuidoDelgado_lovesNP just received a copy of a psychiatric report. this is revealing. will send copies to the media after the proclamation.

James_YapMVP @i_am_KrisAquino Babez, mauna na ‘ko. Hinahanap na raw ako ni Josh. MagDo-DotA pa kami. Love you babez.
16 minutes ago via UberTwitter

QuiboloyOnline Congratulations to our new president. Sasabihin ko na ang totoo. Ikaw talaga ang lumabas sa vision ko before the elections. Kaya lang, ‘di kita type.
half a minute ago via API

MannyVPangilinan Here’s my unsolicited advice to our new president. Noy, it is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.
About 30 minutes ago via web

ANC_RickyCarandang @MannyVPangilinan sir, i think the advice u gave noynoy wasn’t original. That’s a quote from Nelson Mandela. You must apologize!
2 minutes ago via UberTwitter

mannypacmanpacquiao Watch up? ‘Muzta kau jan sa ating bansa? Ditu kami ni Jinkee sa Mixicu with Bob Arum. Rigards sa inyung lahat jan sa Batasan. Kay Paring Nuynuy, kungratz! Basta, pasalamat ka lang lagi kay Lord. ‘Tsaka, kaya mo ‘yan. Gudlak. At lagi kayong manood ni Shalani ng Pinuy Rikurds! Hehehe Juk lang!
1 minute ago via web

joeySalceda_of_albay Bonggang-bongga ang proclamation ni Noy! Winner! At nang dumating si Dingdong, naloka ang mga utaw! As in! I’m sure, bobongga rin ang ating ekonomiya! @dantonremoto naku naman professor, baka maunahan ka pa ni noynoy dito, nakakahiya. so fly ka na here sa resto! lafanggerzz ever! now na!
12 minutes ago via TweetDeck

GMA_RP thanks for the updates @GaryOlivar! i am starting to love shanghai, china. ooops, gtg. naghihintay na shi mike. mag-go-golf muna kami. and don’t worry gary, hindi namin kashama ang mag-ashawang jose at gina de venecia. nandiyan shila sha batashan. so it’s safe. ‘noh?
——————————–
“The President is the last person in the world to know what the people really want and think.”
~James Garfield

The Final Tally

(Note: Vetellano Acosta got 181,985 votes/Courtesy of ABS-CBN News)

Survey Says
Should ‘sex education’ be taught in grade school?
Absolutely! 64%
No way! 24%
Hmmm, i’ll think about it. 12%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
And just like that, the Los Angeles Lakers have regained homecourt advantage. We’re wrapping up the series in 6! Wohoo!

For updates and more insane posts, follow me on Twitter.

MEMOIRS

Erap Quitting Politics?
Former president Joseph Estrada told ABS-CBN News he’s quitting politics soon. Estrada first entertained the thought of abandoning politics when Jejomar Binay abandoned him in the last elections.

Deposed president Joseph Estrada is leaving politics soon. Sought for comment, politics said the ‘parting’ was amicable.

Interviewed by ABS-CBN News, former president Joseph Estrada said he’s planning to write a book about his life starting from childhood… meaning, the book will start from the time he became president.

Former president Joseph Estrada told ABS-CBN News that he is planning to write a book about his life starting from childhood until his 2010 re-election bid. Erap reveals some 15 to 25 pages of his book will be blank. Asked why, he replied, “Siyempre, nakakulong ako ‘no! Paano ako makapagsusulat? Gago!”

Losing presidential reelectionist Joseph Estrada is reportedly writing a book about his life. This early, it is expected to top the list of best-selling Coloring Books.

ABS-CBN News says former president Joseph Estrada is planning to write a book about his life starting from childhood. The first line of the book will be, “Baa baa black sheep…”

Ex-president Joseph Estrada is reportedly planning to write a book about his life. He says the book will not be self-serving and will also highlight his political mistakes. At least now, we already know half of the book’s content!

Losing presidential reelectionist Joseph Estrada told ABS-CBN that he plans to write a book about his life and he’s going to call it “Memoirs: The Life and Loves of Erap.” The first page will be about his life; the rest, about his ‘loves.’

Former president Joseph Estrada plans to write a book about his life and he wants to call it “Memoirs: The Life and Loves of Erap.” Erap says the title is not yet final because he’s having a hard time pronouncing ‘memoirs.’

Joseph Estrada is reportedly writing a book about his life starting from childhood. Rumors say he is looking forward to ‘book signing’ sessions. In fact, this early, he’s been practicing how to sign ‘Jose Velarde’ again.

This just in! Unconfirmed reports say defeated presidential candidate Manny Villar is writing a book too. It will be about the recent May 10, 2010 elections, and will be titled, “Bad Memoirs.”

In Other News…
On Wednesday, June 9, both Noynoy Aquino and Jejomar Binay will be proclaimed president and vice president, respectively. If Mar Roxas concedes to Binay on or before Wednesday, he’ll be proclaimed a ‘martyr.’

GMA Off to China
On Tuesday, June 8, President Arroyo is going to China. Proponents of the Freedom of Information bill are encouraged to wait for President Arroyo’s entourage at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport because there might just be a quorum.
————-
“Memoirs are a well-known form of fiction.”
~Frank Harris

Survey Says
Should the VP votes that were allegedly “not counted” by some PCOS machines be counted manually by Congress as suggested by the Roxas camp?
DAPAT LANG para lumabas ang tunay na boses ng bayan! 40%
HINDI! Tapusin na ang canvassing ‘tsaka sila mag-protesta! 53%
Ano ‘yong issue? ‘Di ko na-follow ang news eh. 7%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere…
Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism:In 14 years, Speaker grows wealth from P6.5M to P88M

Philippine Star columnist Federico Pascual is furious: My being PNOC director: Another Lopez ‘kuryente’; ABS-CBN apologizes

Enjoy the rest of the week!

BREAK KUNG BREAK!

Congressional Canvass
Have you been following the news on the congressional canvass of the votes for president and vice president? Reports say PCOS machines failed to allegedly read some 2.6 million votes for vice president. Congress refers to these as “null” votes… or as Mar Roxas would call it, “my last hope.”

House Speaker Prospero Nograles says presidential frontrunner Noynoy Aquino is expected to be officially proclaimed on Monday, June 7. Also on Monday, Congress will bestow Vetellano Acosta the “Overachiever Award.”

Noy Rests
Before his anticipated proclamation next week, Noynoy Aquino has taken a five-day break to prepare for his six-year term. Meanwhile, Mar Roxas has also taken a two-day break… to prepare for his three-year election protest.

Photo of the Weak:
Isang araw sa Batasang Pambansa

(L-R) Congressmen Eduardo Zzzialcita, Art Defensor and Rufus Rodriguez. Ano ang angkop na titulo o caption sa larawang ito?
A: Whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first make sleepy
B: “Lord, bigyan mo po ako ng lakas ng loob na tularan si Congressman Zialcita sa kanyang lantarang pagtulog habang may sesyon sa Kamara! Amen.”
C: “Mga baga mo ug nawong mao nga napildi mo adtong miaaging eleksyon. Gaba ra ninyo!”
D: “Mr. Speaker, distinguished colleagues, sabay-sabay nga tayo please… ‘Walaaaaaaang tulugan!”

Special Polls
The Liberal Party is confident that Noynoy Aquino shall win in Lanao Del Sur, Western Samar, Sarangani, and Basilan where special elections are being held today, June 3. Question: If Noynoy wins the special elections, would residents of those provinces refer to him as their ‘special president?’

CBCP & Cabral
The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines appealed to President-apparent Noynoy Aquino not to retain Esperanza Cabral as health secretary. The CBCP made the appeal after Secretary Cabral insisted that “healing masses” have “No Approved Therapeutic Claims.”

Overseas…
After four decades of blissful union, former US vice president Al Gore and wife Tipper have called it quits. Tipper lamented that for the past five or six years, the only thing that roused Al Gore’s interest was the ozone hole.

Some people say former US vice president Al Gore and Loren Legarda should go on a date. Why not? After all, Loren likes recycling.
————————–
“Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.”
~ Will Rogers

Survey Says
Saan dapat manirahan si Noynoy Aquino pagkatapos ng kanyang proklamasyon bilang presidente?
Sa Malacañang dahil ito ang opisyal na tirahan ng pangulo ng Pilipinas 40%
Sa Times Street: Kung saan ka masaya, suportahan ta ka! 9%
Wala akong pakialam! Pati ba naman ‘yan puproblemahin ko pa? 51%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Game 1. Friday. 9AM.
Staples Center.
Lakers forever.
Handa na ba kayo?

FENG SHUI

REPORTS SAY President-apparent Noynoy Aquino doesn’t want to live in Malacañang because it has ‘negative vibes’ on him. To prove his claim, Noynoy revealed that whenever he was at the palace during the presidency of his mom, “Lagi akong ‘game over’ sa Pacman.”

Noynoy Aquino was quoted to have said that he doesn’t want to stay in Malacañang because the palace has “negative vibes” on him. He is now choosing between his house on Times Street and the Manila Cathedral!

President-apparent Noynoy Aquino says he will not live at the Arlegui mansion inside Malacañang compound because “Living in it, by myself, will just emphasize being alone,” – to which Ninoy and Cory said, “Anak, hindi ka nag-iisa!” Awoo!

Eighty Percent
Do you still remember Noynoy Aquino’s pre-election promise that if elected president, he’d be sharing up to 80 percent of his job with his one and only partner Mar Roxas? Well, here’s the latest: Mar Roxas has just sent his ‘No, thanks!’ message.

The bad news is Noynoy Aquino won’t be able to share up to 80 percent of his presidential powers with Mar Roxas. The really bad news is Jejomar Binay is reportedly willing to take 100 percent.

Now it can be told! Remember when Noynoy Aquino promised to share up to 80 percent of his job with Mar Roxas? Rumors say Roxas told Noynoy, “You want me to do 80 percent of your job?!? Who the hell do you think you are, Korina?!?”

World No-Tobacco Day
The World Health Organization declared May 31 as World No-Tobacco Day, or as Noynoy Aquino would call it, “Whateverrr!”

Congress & Canvassing
Congress has started counting electronically-transmitted votes for president and vice president. Apart from computer glitches, authors of the elections automation law admit they did not foresee a much bigger problem that threatens to further delay the canvassing – Didagen Dilangalen.

Inquirer is No. 1
According to the latest survey conducted by The Nielsen Co., the Philippine Daily Inquirer is the No.1 newspaper in the country followed by the Manila Bulletin and the Philippine Star. The Manila Times is planning to sue Nielsen after the paper placed 6th.

The latest Nielsen survey showed that the Philippine Daily Inquirer is the No. 1 newspaper in the country today. To beat the Inquirer, the Philippine Star is reportedly getting Chiz Escudero as endorser.
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“Home is where you can scratch where it itches.”
~Anonymous

Surveys Says
Sa pangkalahatan, ano ang masasabi mo sa presidency ni Gng. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo?
Excellent job! 5%
Good work! 11%
Puwede na. 20%
Buwisit! 64%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere…
GMA News.TV: How did the presidential and vice-presidential candidates do in your province?

Newsbreak: Corona’s somersaults

DIPLOMACY

Noy and the US Envoy
US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr. paid a visit to president-apparent Noynoy Aquino on Times Street, Quezon City last Friday. After the visit, both the Liberal Party and the US Embassy denied rumors that Thomas made a pitch for Jejomar Binay.

The meeting between US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr. and president-apparent Noynoy Aquino last Friday reportedly lasted one and a half hours. A broad range of issues was discussed during the visit. Thomas talked about current state relations and terrorism for the first half hour, while Noynoy talked about video games for the next hour.

US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr. paid a courtesy call on president apparent-Noynoy Aquino last Friday on Times Street. Thomas promised three things during his visit: one, that the US would respect the outcome of the elections; two, that America would work closely with Aquino on priority issues, and three, that he, as US envoy would never appear on Wowowee as often as his predecessor did.

Sen. Mar Roxas was also present during US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr’s visit to Times Street. Roxas took advantage of the opportunity to meet Thomas before he takes a one-year break from government and politics.

GMA’s “Tuko”
Heard about President Arroyo’s speech at the Lions Club convention last Friday? In her talk, the president revealed, “In my son’s home, and in my home in Lubao, Pampanga, we don’t use chemical pest control for mosquitoes and cockroaches. We use a gecko.” Now that explains why Malacañang has been free from cockroaches and mosquitoes for nine years now.

With the likes of Dato, Mikey, Iggy, and Mike Arroyo around her, it’s no longer surprising why President Arroyo knows so much about pest management.

DOH and Smoking
The Department of Health will issue an administrative order requiring cigarette manufacturers to place graphic warnings in their products to discourage the public from smoking. Reacting to the order, cigar manufacturers have started reproducing cigar packages showing a photo of Noynoy Aquino.

Kris and TIME
Noynoy and the Aquino family are on the pages of TIME Asia again. His sister Kris was described as “The Filipina Oprah.” Sure. A black host and a black sheep.

Kris Files LOA
Kris Aquino has announced her decision to leave ABS-CBN’s two showbiz-oriented talk shows: ‘The Buzz’ and ‘SNN’ while her brother is in office. To sustain the two shows’ good ratings while she’s gone, Kris will be replaced by Robin Padilla.

A Passport, Finally!
Dethroned Bb. Pilipinas-Universe 2010 Maria Venus Raj finally gets a passport – a condition set by the Bb. Pilipinas Charities before she is completely reinstated. It took more than a month for Venus to get a passport because she was too busy with her TV guestings and appearances.

Overseas
On Saturday, May 22, 13-year-old Jordan Romero of California, USA became the youngest climber to reach the peak of Mount Everest. The lovable kid has become so popular on Twitter, fans of Justin Bieber have started sending him hate mails.
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“A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor’s throat without having his neighbor notice it.”
~Former UN Secretary-General Trygve Lie

Briefly Noted
For two consecutive days now, my favorite broadsheet has bannered ‘positive’ stories about its favorite president-elect.
Saturday: “Aquino receives US envoy”
Sunday: “China, Spain hail Aquino’s poll victory”
Is PDI the new Manila Bulletin?

Survey Says
Naniniwala ba kayo sa alegasyon ng dayaan na ibinunyag ni “Koala Boy?”
Oo! Imbestigahan ‘yan! 9%
Hindi! Pakawala siya ng mga talunan! 81%
Medyo. 10%

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Have a great week ahead. Go Lakers!

WHISPERING HOPE

LP Not Giving Up
In a press conference Monday, the Liberal Party claimed that based on 88 certificates of canvass (81 percent) obtained by the party, Mar Roxas led Jejomar Binay by 137,404 votes. LP stalwarts did not reveal though whose idea was it to publicly give Roxas… false hopes.

During Liberal Party’s press con last Monday, May 17, PAGASA reported that temperature in Metro Manila sizzled at 37.3 degrees Celsius. Now you know why Binay’s lead over Roxas evaporated.

Based on official tally though, Mar Roxas is losing the vice presidential race to Jejomar Binay. Roxas and the Liberal Party are shocked. They couldn’t believe that Binay and even Erap would actually be this strong. In fact, the Binay-Erap tandem has become LP’s second strongest competition… next only to the tandem of Conrado De Quiros and William Esposo.

Questions and Answers
Q1: “Senator, hindi ba kayo naaawa kay Governor Salceda? Sunog na sunog na eh.”
A1: “Sus! ‘Di naman halata. Hayaan na natin. ‘Tsaka, nag-sunblock lotion ‘yan kanina.”

Q2: “Senator, bakit kayong lahat naka-yellow pero ‘yung mama sa likuran naka-blue?”
A2: “Naku! Hayaan mo na siya. Basta ang iboboto ng pamilya namin, ‘yung laging naka-dilaw!”

Q3: “Meron po bang ‘B?’”
A3: “Alam mo, taga-IBC 13 ka na nga lang, ikaw pa ang malakas mang-intriga! Next question pls!”

Q4: “Senator, kung mananalo po kayo at matatalo si Mar Roxas… why not?”
A4: “Lokohan na ‘to! Tama na! Aalis na kami.”

Vocal Local
In Quezon City: Actress and defeated vice mayoral candidate Aiko Melendez is reportedly filing a petition before the Comelec against what her camp alleged were “preprogrammed” PCOS machines. A shocked Melendez claimed she got zero votes in her bailiwicks… something that if proven true will finally disprove the popular notion that many Quezon City residents are idiots.

In Manila: After being trounced by incumbent mayor Alfredo Lim in the May 10 polls, mayoral candidate Lito Atienza filed an election protest claiming that some PCOS machines may have been “preprogrammed” to make Lim win even in some known Atienza bailiwicks. Asked if he took the cue from Quezon City’s Aiko Melendez, Atienza replied, “Definitely not! I can spell ‘bailiwick.’”

Accompanied by his loyal supporters, defeated mayoral candidate Lito Atienza went to the local Comelec office Monday and filed an electoral protest. But tension rose outside the office when Kuya Kim Atienza suddenly appeared, and told his dad’s supporters, “Maaaadlang pipol…. vote mo, show mo!”

In Quezon Province: Outgoing Governor Rafael Nantes was killed when his private chopper crashed in Lucena City Monday. Supporters of the defeated re-electionist were quick to deny rumors that the chopper crashed because of“shipment” overload.

Remember Rafael Nantes? The former congressman and outgoing Quezon governor who had been linked to the illegal drug trade was killed in a plane crash Monday. Probers are now checking on reports that Nantes’ private pilot was flying ‘high.’

And finally, in my home province of Batangas: Actress Vilma Santos was re-elected governor… making her the first gubernatorial candidate to win against a corpse.

Kris Stays
Amid calls for her to fulfill a promise, incoming presidential sister Kris Aquino announced Sunday that she’s not leaving the country… disappointing the 22,000plus members of the Facebook group, ‘Kris Aquino’s Despedida,‘ her brother’s critics, and James Yap.

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“Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.”
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Briefly Noted
Did you read Conrado De Quiros’ two-part column “about” and “against” the Hyatt 10, The Firm, and Mar Roxas diehards in the Liberal Party? Geez, these people must be debating among themselves now: who should draft the rejoinder? Will there be a Korina Sanchez vs. Conrado De Quiros Part 2? Abangan!

Survey Says
Sino ang dapat sisihin sakaling matalo si Sen. Mar Roxas?
Ang ‘Team Noy-Bi’ sa Liberal Party 27%
S’ya mismo at ang mga campaign strategists niya! 46%
Wala. It’s his fate to lose. 27%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
My sincerest apologies to Mark Tare of the Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism. His group requested for an interview prior to Election Day but due to a tight sked, I failed to grant their request. Anyway, here’s PCIJ’s online article on political humor: Joke the vote, pun the bets

More Personal
My LA Lakers massacred Los Suns in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. Kobe Bryant dropped 40. Wohoo!

FATE

IT’S BEEN A WEEK since the country held its first ever automated elections. At press time, Noynoy Aquino and Jejomar Binay are leading the PPCRV and the Comelec tally. This is understandable though since both candidates were supported by the INC. Aquino, by the Iglesia ni Cristo, and Binay, by the Iglesia ng Cojuangco.

With both Jejomar Binay and Mar Roxas claiming victory, the race for vice president is far from over. Analysts believe we wouldn’t be in this situation if the Liberal Party didn’t field two VP candidates.

Noynoy’s candidacy according to Inquirer columnist Conrado de Quiros is destiny. He is fated to win. The same is true for Jejomar Binay and Mar Roxas. Binay is destined to be this nation’s vice president; Roxas is destined to be Korina’s husband.

While many people would agree that Noynoy Aquino has secured the presidency, the battle for vice president remains tight. The only thing tighter is Korina Sanchez’ face.

Noynoy’s Oath Taking
Insisting that he’ll never recognize a Chief Justice appointed by President Arroyo, Noynoy Aquino says he’d rather take his oath before a barangay captain. Malacañang says it respects Aquino’s decision and adds that he can swear before anyone, anywhere. In fact, Mar Roxas has successfully done that. He swore before rallyists in Ayala.

Joint Press Con
Did you hear the news? Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas held a joint press conference during a wake at a funeral parlor in Tarlac City last Friday. The Liberal Party was quick to clarify though that the wake was for a slain LP supporter, and not for Roxas’ political career.

Top 5 Things Overheard at the Liberal Party Headquarters

No. 5: “Sabi ko na sa inyo eh. Hindi dapat pagtiwalaan ang hilatsa ng pagmumukha ng Peping Cojuangco na ‘yan.”

No. 4: “Hindi ka kasi nakinig! ‘Di mo dapat isinama si Korina sa concert ng Tears for Fears.”

No. 3: “Wala ka nang choice. ‘Tapos na eh. So Plan “B” ka na lang. “B”untisin mo na lang ‘yung misis mong broadcaster.”

No. 2: “Akala ko ba, atin ang ABS-CBN? Bakit sa exit polls nila, lamang si Binay?”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at Liberal Party headquarters…

“Usapang lalaki ‘Noy. Magsabi ka lang ng totoo, hindi sasama ang loob ko. Si Binay ba talaga ang ibinoto ni Kris?”

Jamby MADrigal
Sen. Jamby Madrigal is furious. She couldn’t understand why she got fewer votes than disqualified presidential candidate Vetellano Acosta. Sought for comment though, Acosta was even more furious. He couldn’t understand why a lot of people now call him ‘Teacher Neric.’

Goodbye Kris?
Remember Kris Aquino’s promise that she would leave the country with her kids if Noynoy would win and she would cause stress for him? Well, after Noynoy posted a huge lead in the election tally, a Facebook group called “Kris Aquino’s Despedida” emerged, and has since been asking Kris to live up to her promise. Guess who was its first member? James Yap.

“Kris Aquino’s Despedida,” a Facebook group whose members are asking Kris to fulfill her promise of leaving the country if Noynoy won as president has become immensely popular. To give you an idea how popular it has become… according to the latest count, it now has more supporters than Nicanor Perlas, JC De Los Reyes and Jamby Madrigal.

Imelda on Marcos
Congresswoman-elect Imelda Marcos says she is abandoning plans to bury her husband at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. The former First Lady realized the usefulness of her husband’s body when Ilocos Norte experienced rotating brownouts last month. You know, candles.

Priest Defeated
Among Ed Panlilio lost his re-election bid for the gubernatorial post in Pampanga. He has since returned to priesthood. In fact, he celebrated his first mass today, May 16. His homily was about the parable of the prodigal son.

Congressman Pacman
Boxing champion Manny Pacquiao is now a member of the House of Representatives. An athlete, an action star, and a politician who cannot speak straight English: Sarangani is the new California.

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“It makes no difference who you vote for – the two parties are really one party representing four percent of the people.”
~ Gore Vidal

Briefly Noted
The election victory of both Manny Pacquiao and Imelda Marcos was mentioned on CNN. One who became famous for his footwork, and another who became infamous for her footwear.

Survey Says
Should Associate Justice Renato Corona decline his appointment as Chief Justice?
YES, Kung may delicadeza siya. 68.5%
NO. Tama ang proseso. 24.6%
Hindi ko alam ang isyu 6.9%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Philippine Star’s Chair Wrecker wrote ‘Mar was a victim’

Newsbreak: Peping camp campaign for ‘Noy-Bi’

Another from Newsbreak: GMA abandons Gibo in Pampanga

Have a great week ahead!