KRISSY/MANNY

18 05 2011

“HELLO THERE! I’m baaaaack! Gosh ‘di na ‘ko sanay! More than one year din kasi akong natengga ‘di ba? Remember, I left ‘The Buzz’ before the 2010 elections. Feeling ko tuloy, talunang Liberal Party candidate ako. Oooops, how mean of me to say that! Ayaw ni Ate Koring ng ganyan! Aha-ha-ha! Anyway, na-miss ko ‘to! Shobra! Kasi naman, ‘yong ‘The Price Is Right,’ parang wala lang ‘di ba? Hindi pa nag-rate. Aha-ha-ha. At least, honest ako! Promise, hindi talaga siya nag-rate!

Anyway, babalik na po ang Today With Kris soon! It will be called “KrisTV.” In fairness to me huh, ‘yong mga morning talk shows sa kabila, nawala nang lahat pero ako pabalik pa lang. Winner ‘di ba? Aha-ha-ha!

Before I introduce my special guest sa mock episode na ito ng ‘Today With Kris,’ gusto ko lang kumpirmahin sa mga followers ko sa Twitter… yup, my brother is dating again. And yes, I know the girl! Hay naku! The Inquirer kasi was so kulit so I was compelled to make kwento. The girl is Bunny Calica. Gosh, sorry Noy. Here I go again. ‘Di bale, promise last na daldal ko na ‘to. Basta, they’re dating and my sons Bimby and Josh have met her na in Malacañang when I made iwan the kids to Noy. She’s so pretty in fairness. I love her na – as of press time! Aha-ha-ha. But you know what? Magaling siya. Magaling siyang yaya. Aha-ha-ha I’m just kidding.  Love, love, love! Baka mamisinterpret na naman ako. Alam mo na! ‘Yon lang muna. Okay? Enough na! Magagalit na naman sa akin si Noy. Move on na tayo mga Kapamilya!

Just like everyone else, super excited po ako sa una nating guest! Naloloka ako sa dami ng issues sa kanya! Did you hear what he said the other day? “Go to the world and multiply!” Aha-ha-ha! Hindi ko siya kinaya! Go to the world talaga??? Where in the world? Aha-ha-ha! I’m sure excited na kayong lahat na makita siya! Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome… the 2-timing, 8-time world champion, Sarangani Representative Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao!”


Manny Pacquiao (MP): Maraming salamat Kris! Salamat po sa inyong lahat. Maraming maraming salamat. Think you. Think you.
Kris Aquino: Grabehhh, opening line mo pa lang, napaisip talaga ako! Think ako nang think! Aha-ha-ha! Kaloka ka! Anyway, mabuti naman at pinayagan ka ng kabila na mag-guest dito sa ABS-CBN Congressman.
MP: Uki lang. ‘Di naman nila alam. Kaya pag napanood nila itu, tiyak kasu ang aabutin mu! Hihihi Juks lang.
Kris: In fairness, hindi ka amusing.
MP: Uki lang! ‘Di ko naman alam kung ano ‘yong amusing. Hihihi Juks lang!

Kris: Hay naku Congressman, puro ka biro. Let’s go straight na nga lang sa mga issues! RH Bill. Bakit ayaw mo sa RH Bill?
MP: Siyimpri.
Kris: What?
MP: Ayaw ni Miyor Atienza eh. So ayaw ku rin.

Kris: Nabanggit mo sa TV interviews na labag sa kautusan ng Diyos ang RH Bill??? Is that so?
MP: Oo, is that so.
Kris: May sinabi bang gano’n si Lord?
MP: Uu naman. Kasi, sabi ng Mahal na Panginuun sa Bible, “Go to the world and multiply.” Bakit? Sinabi ba ng Panginuun na “Go to the world and RH Bill?” Wala naman ‘di ba?
Kris: May point ka! Aha-ha-ha
MP: Is that so? Hihihi

Kris: Sa isang interview noon kay Jinkee, inamin niyang gumamit siya ng pills para ‘di mabuntis. Si Jinkee ba, pro- o anti-RH Bill?
MP: Anti-RH si Jinkee.
Kris: Ano ba ‘yong RH? Rhanillo? Rhufamae? Rhamina? Aha-ha-ha! Joke lang!
MP: You’re not a muse sing! ‘Di ba nakatatlong lalaki ka rin naman?
Kris: Excuuuuuuuse me! Isa lang ang pinakasalan ko.
MP: Eh panu, kasal pa sina Feelip at Joey noong maging boylits mu. Hihihi

Kris: You know what? Nakakainis ka! Balik na nga lang tayo sa isyu. Have you ever used a condom?
MP: Ay hindi. Ayuku ng cundum. Walang fillings.
Kris: Are you sure? Never ka pang gumamit ng condom kahit sa ibang babae?
MP: Sekkkkrit, walang clue. Hihihi

Kris: What do you think of sex education?
MP: No. I don’t think of six education.
Kris: Ohhhh-kay.

Kris: Nag-threaten ang ilang anti-RH Bill groups na ‘di sila magbabayad ng tax once the RH Bill is approved. Susuportahan mo ba ang panawagan nila?
MP: Hindi! Madaya naman ‘yon. Ang laki-laki ng tax na ibinibigay ko ‘tapos sila hindi magbabayad? Wala sa Bible ‘yon!

Kris: Sabi ni Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, stick to boxing and do not meddle with the RH Bill issue. Any reaction?
MP: Niririspito natin ang mahal na sinadura piro sana, maintindihan n’ya na wala naman ako sa meddle. Nasa tabi nga lang ako at nakikinig. Mali man siya.
Kris: Hinahamon ka rin niya ng suntukan.
MP: Uki lang. ‘Wag lang Inglisan. Baka ma-knock out tayo dun. Hihihi

Kris: Iwan na natin ang RH Bill dahil medyo mabigat na usapin ‘yan. Let’s talk about Jinkee. Ibang-iba na raw ang hitsura niya? Ano bang secret beauty regimen niya?
MP: Ano ba ‘yong regimen? Puwidi, mag-Tagalog na lang tayo Kris kasi nasa Pilipinas naman tayo?
Kris: Aray ko! Kasi naman ‘yung mga writers ng show, English ang nasa cue card! Na-lektyuran tuloy ako! Aha-ha-ha Ganito na lang: ano ang sikreto ng kagandahan ni Jinkee?
MP: Siyimpre babai.
Kris: Babae? What do you mean?
MP: Ganitu kasi ‘yan Kris. Kapag may tsismis na may babai aku, wala ‘yang ginawa kundi mag-Bilo. Bilo siya nang Bilo. Hanggang nabago na ang mukha niya at kamukha na nga siya ni Kristine Hirmusa. Kaya ‘yun tinigil ku na ang pambababai ku. Mautak din ang asawa ku ‘di ba?


Kris: Alam ng lahat Manny na noong nakaraang eleksyon, magkaiba tayo ng sinuportahan sa pagka-presidente. Inaway pa nga kita sa Twitter ‘di ba? Gosh, nagba-blush ka!
MP: Eh kasi, passed is passed. ‘Wag na nating ungkatin ‘yon.
Kris: Hindeee kasi gusto ko lang itanong sa ‘yo: nagsisisi ka ba sa pagsuporta mo sa talunang kandidato?
MP: Alam mo Kris, wala man akung pinagsisihan sa mga ginawa ku. Piro kung tatanungin mu aku kung tama ba ang nanalung kandidatu… taumbayan na lang ang huhusga. Piro sa akin, ang importante magkaisa tayu, magtulungan tayo para mawala ang kahirapan.
Kris: May tama ka! If you would allow me please Congressman, I’d like to take this opportunity para magpahatid ng mensahe sa mga naninira kay Noy dahil mababa daw ang ratings niya. Well… inggit lang kayo dahil never n’yong naabot ang 80 plus percent na approval and trust rating ng kapatid ko. ‘Yon lang! And pleaaaaaaaase! Alisin ang inggit sa katawan, okay?

Kris: Before we end, we’ll have a game. Siyempre, isa lang naman ang paboritong laro ng bayan ‘di ba? I’m sorry Tita Cory Vidanes pero I must say this. Hangga’t may ‘Pinoy Henyo’ ang ‘Eat Bulaga,’ hindi ito matatalo ng ‘Happy Yipee Yahoo…’ or something like that. Sorry talaga! Mariel, Pokey, friends ko kayo pero tanggapin natin, ‘Eat Bulaga’ is ‘Eat Bulaga!’
MP: And Anna Dezon is Anna Dezon!
Kris: Nakakaloka ka Congressman! Aha-ha-ha Kilala mo rin si Anna Dizon?
MP: Hindi. Piro lagi kung naririnig ‘yang linyang ‘yan. Tika, anu bang game?
Kris: Ayyyyy! Not listening. We’ll do Pinoy Henyo nga. Huhulaan mo ang isang word or phrase by asking Yes, No, or Puwede questions. Audience and everyone at home, the Henyo Word is (word appears on television screen): “Condom.” Kayo lang ang nakakaalam. Si Pacman, hindi. So Manny… we have 2 minutes. Go!

Manny: Tao ba ‘to?
Kris: Hindi!

Manny: Bagay?
Kris: Oo!

Manny: Makulay?
Kris: Oo!

Manny: Rainbow?
Kris: Hindeeee!

Manny: Kinakain?
Kris: Ahmmm… ‘di ko pa na-try. Gosh! Gusto kong mag-blush!

Manny: Anu ba talaga? Ang gulu mu! Kinakain ba?
Kris: Hindi!

Manny: Isinusuot?
Kris: Kurek!

Manny: Sa taas?
Kris: Hindi!

Manny: Sa gitna?
Kris: Oo!

Manny: Brief!???
Kris: Puwede!

Manny: Puwiding brief? Ahm.. boxer?
Kris: Hindi!

Manny: Boxers?
Kris: Sabi nang hindi!

Manny: Suot ko ngayon?
Kris: Hindi ko alam! Aha-ha-ha

Manny: Malaki ba ‘to?
Kris: Depende!

Manny: Kung isusuot ko ba, kakasya ang large sa akin?
Kris: Gosh! Naloloka na ako! Hindi ko sure! Aha-ha-ha!

Manny: Matigas?
Kris: I swear, hindi ko kinakaya ‘to! Naalala kong bigla si James. Aha-ha-ha

Manny: Isinusuot mo ba ‘to kay James?
Kris: Touch lang. Pero suot? Noooooo!

Manny: Masarap ba ‘yon?
Kris: Sometimes.

Manny: Sometimes when you touch? Hihihi Nako, ang hirap naman.
Kris: Sige na! Guess ka pa! 10 seconds to go.

Manny: Ayoko na! Pastilan!
Kris: Ay.. kainizzz. Siret ka na?
Manny: Ano bang sagot? Baka Inglis ‘yan huh.
Kris: You almost got it eh! Sayang. It’s a condom. Sorry. You won nothing. Awwhhhhh.
Manny: Ngik! Kaya pala ‘di ku alam eh. Cundum pala. Wala naman sa Bible ‘yan. Sus!

Manny: Puwidi na lang bumati?
Kris: Sure!
Manny: Unang-una sa lahat maraming salamat sa Panginuun, ‘tapos sa mga fans at sa mga kababayan nating walang sawang sumupurta sa akin. Kung wala kayo, wala si Manny Pacquiao kaya think you. Salamat din sa supurta nina Atty. Felipe Gozon, Mr. Jimmy Duavit…
Kris: Oh my God! I think we need to pause for a break…
Manny: Kunti na lang. ‘Wag n’yu pung kalimutan Shumi Damani tuwing Linggo pagkatapos ng…
Kris: I’m so dead. Enough na talaga!
Manny: Pagkatapos ng Kap’s Amazing Stories! ‘Tapos nasa ‘Party Pilipinas’ ako sa Linggo. Maraming salamat! Maraming maraming salamat.
Kris: I’m sorry Ma’am Charo! Mga Kapamilya… ganyan po talaga kapag live show. You’ll never know kung anong mangyayari! Despite that, any final message Congressman?


Manny: Katulad nga pu ng sabi sa Bible, “Go to the world and multiply.” Huwag po nating suwayin ang utus ng Panginoon. Hindi po sinabi ng Diyos na ikuntrul ang anak sa dalawa. Wala po ‘yun sa Bible. Kaya Kris, sundan mo na sina Bimby at Jushua!
Kris: Idinamay pa talaga ako? Iba ka talaga Manny! Ayoko nang manganak ‘no! Expensive at masakit magpa-lipo!
Manny: Lipo? Naku masama talaga ‘yan.
Kris: Why? Naranasan mo nang magpa-lipo?
Manny: Hindi! Nasa Bible ba ‘yan!

-End of Interview-
—————————————————–
“Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.”
~Mark Twain, Notebooks, 1935

You Have Spoken
Ano ang stand mo sa nakabinbing RH Bill sa Kongreso?
Ipasa! 81.26%
– Ibasura! 10.3%
– Pag-aaralan ko muna. 8.43%

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: PNoy’s new date?

Philippine Daily Inquirer: MVP in the NBA

The New York Times: In Philippine Newsrooms, the Women Rule

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Enjoy the rest of the week! Stay away from trouble. Be safe!





UNANIMOUS

8 05 2011


I WAS LIVE TWEETING during the Pacquiao-Mosley fight. Sharing you some of my tweets here:

If Sugar Shane Mosley were poverty, the Philippines would be a First World country by now!

All three judges scored the fight for Manny Pacquiao. It was a unanimous boredom.

You knew the bout would be lackluster… when Manny Pacquiao declared three days ago that he wanted to fight poverty instead.

Online reports say Jinkee Pacquiao was wearing a pair of 7-million peso dangling earrings during Manny’s fight. That only proved one thing. Like Manny, Jinkee hates poverty!

Sugar Shane Mosley and Manny Pacquiao had only nice words for each other after the fight. Mosley said Pacquiao was “fearless.” Pacquiao said Mosley was “friendly.”

To give you an idea of how lame Sugar Shane Mosley was, Manny Pacquiao‘s wife Jinkee was a hot trending topic on Twitter worldwide, Mosley was not.

By Round 5 the MGM Grand Garden Arena spectators started booing. The fight was mosley Manny.

By Round 6, it was all over… but the concert.

By Round 11, Mosley’s face was hardly recognizable; Pacquiao’s face was hardly affected. And Jinkee’s face hardly moved.


Manny Pacquiao won via unanimous decision against American Sugar Shane Mosley. And his critics ask: If he failed in knocking out Mosley, how do we expect him to knock out poverty?

Ten minutes after the fight, GMA7’s telecast started… giving Sugar Shane Mosley another crack at Manny. He still lost the fight. Sayang!

Interviewed on dzBB, Presidential Communications Secretary Herminio Coloma said, “Ang panawagan ni Manny ay magkaisa tayo. Dapat nating sundin ang panawagang ito.” You first.

Manny Pacquiao wore yellow gloves and blue trunks. The Samar Group hated it.

During the 12-round bout, it wasn’t Sugar Shane Mosley who posed a threat to Manny. It was that careless referee.

Manny Pacquiao’s next assignment? Probably, Juan Manuel Marquez. Sugar Shane Mosley’s next assignment? Probably a San Miguel Beer commercial.

After Pacquiao’s win over Sugar Shane Mosley, people started to ask, “Who will be next for Manny?” Well, that’s easy. Who’s aging?

“Dear Sugar Shane Mosley,
What the hell was that?
You hardly fought.
Who do you think you are, the Lakers?”
————————————————————————
“Boxing is the toughest and loneliest sport in the world.”
~Frank Bruno

Heavy Downpour
As I write this, it’s raining hard here in Makati City. Just last week, temperatures reached record highs. Now there’s a storm. I hate you MAY WEATHER! #pacmanforever


In Memoriam
BREAKING NEWS: At 6AM today, May 9 (Manila time), the 2010-2011 season of the L.A. Lakers expired. The coaching staff tried to revive it to no avail. The team succumbed to complications associated with old age and “trust issues.” The bereaved family of owner Dr. Jerry Buss would like to thank the Lakers community for their unwavering support. In lieu of brooms, ridicule, and mockery, the team is asking for prayers.

Thank you Lakers for the 2010-2011 memories. I’ll always be your No. 1 fan. “For good times & bad times, I’ll be on your side forever more… ”

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Enjoy the week ahead. Stay safe!
Let’s go Lakers!





SINGLE

24 04 2011

Aquino & Cruz
President Aquino still refuses to comment on Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz’ advice for him to stay single. When it comes to romance, the President listens to Mother Mary – the only virgin he trusts.

Easter Message
In his Easter Sunday message, CBCP president and Tandag Bishop Nereo Odchimar called on the public to “not be selfish as to deprive others of their right to live.” And then, in his personal Easter text message to Archbishop Cruz, he asked him to “not be selfish as to deprive Noynoy of his right to love.”


Maundy Thursday
President Aquino and his Cabinet staged a modern version of the Last Supper last Thursday. DSWD Secretary Dinky Soliman fed the apostles. Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa drank all the wine.

Easter Sunday
The Philippine National Police and the NBI played Easter egg hunt on Sunday. As expected, they failed to locate the eggs.

Visita Iglesia
With more than 130,000 page views, the CBCP’s Visita Iglesia website was a huge hit. That’s not surprising though since it’s the only place where Catholics could mute or stop a bishop during a sermon.

According to the CBCP, more than 130,000 joined Visita Iglesia online. Catholics actually liked the experience. They had the chance to reflect between tweets.

Pacquiao’s Single
Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao is training hard to punish Sugar Shane Mosley on May 7. But before that, he is set to punish us all with the global release of  “Sometimes When We Touch” on April 28.

Singer/songwriter Dan Hill says Many Pacquiao’s recording of “Sometimes When We Touch” “was like wow!” To put that in perspective, Hill was paid millions of dollars  in royalty.

Congressman Manny Pacquiao is releasing the single “Sometimes When We Touch” globally on April 28. Your days are numbered… Rebecca Black!

Bieber Blunder
During a concert in Malaysia last April 21, international teen pop star Justin Bieber greeted the crowd, “Hello Manila!” To be fair to Justin, he thought he was in Sabah.
————————————-
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
~Emo Philips

April 24th
On this day in…

1982: Kelly Clarkson was born. The attending physician said Kelly was in her element. And her first cry… was perhaps the best cry of the night in that hospital. She really made it her own.

1942: Barbra Streisand was born. Baby Barbra weighed 5 lbs… and that was her nose alone!

1998: ABC confirmed that it was canceling the TV series “Ellen.” Ellen DeGeneres then met with GMA 7’s Felipe Gozon for a possible transfer but TV5’s Manny Pangilinan had a better offer.

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was inaugurated as the 265th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. After the inauguration, he went straight to a street party and performed on stage with his college friends.

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was inaugurated as the 265th Pope. Everyone was invited to the inaugural… except for Chief Justice Renato Corona.

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was inaugurated as the 265th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. The event started a bit early so the Vatican had to ask Noel Cabangon to sing a couple more songs.


You Have Spoken
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa rekomendasyon ng Ombudsman na kasuhan sina Bolante, Lorenzo, atbp kaugnay ng fertilizer fund scam?
Puwede na rin ‘yon. At least, kakasuhan. 25.27%
Bakit ngayon lang? Huli na! Gimmick lang ‘yan. 69.35%
Wala akong pakialam. 5.38%

Bonus!
Narito ang pampasuwerteng hula para sa inyo ngayong Easter Sunday! Right click here.

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Have a wonderful and safe week ahead!





JEOPARDY!

19 02 2011


ARE YOU FAMILIAR with Jeopardy? It’s the American quiz show with a “unique answer-and-question format.” Players are given clues in the form of answers, and they must phrase their responses in question form.

Here’s an example:
EMPLOYERS for $1200
Answer: It offers a salary of only P30,000 per month but after five years, you get to earn a total of 740 million pesos!
“What is… the AFP?” | #maytamaka! #ligot

The following were lifted from a recent episode of “Jeopardy! Riddles Edition!” where thousands of dollars were given away to a set of Filipino contestants. [Opo, merong gano'n. 'Wag n'yo nang itanong kung saan.] Enjoy!

FARM VILLE for $1400
Answer: Mukhang tao, tunog veggie, may padulas from AFP!
“Who is… Pichay?” | #kureeeeek! #AFPslushfund

WOMEN IN GOVERNMENT for $1000
Answer: Hanap ay pruweba, gusto ay ebidensya; opposite ni Heidi Mendoza, kakampi ni Carlos F. Garcia!
“Who is… the Ombudsman?”
Please be specific.
‘Who is… Merceditas Gutierrez?” | #mismo!

“PAN”THOM for $400
Answer: Pa’no makikita itong taong ito, kung ang paghahanap ay isang Moro-moro!
“Who is… PANfilo Lacson?” | #siyananga!

RICH KIDS for $600
Answer: Hindi hari, hindi pari, luxury cars ay sari-sari.
“Who is… the President?” | #taaamah!

“J” WALKING for $800
Answer: Kuwarenta’y kuwatro lang nang maluklok sa Makati, inabot na ng setenta, kanya pa rin ang torre.
“Who is… Jejomar Binay?” | #ofcourse

THE CABINET for $1600
Answer: Tatlong ulo isang katawan, palihim na nagkakagatan.
“What is… the Presidential Communications Group?” | #aminin!

PAPA “P” for $200
Answer: Ginaya si Bruce Lee, naging Justin Bieber, Lito Camo-clone forever.
“Who is… Pacquiao?” | #unasalahatsalamatsapanginuunsasupurta #akoNaNga!

KATA-QUOTE for $400
Answer: “Sa ikauunlad ng bayan, malaking populasyon ang kailangan!”
“What is… the CBCP?” | #amen!

PBA for $1600
Answer: Hindi liga, hindi basketball, sa Ombudsman dala’y trouble.
“What is… plea bargain agreement.” | #yunNa!

BAD WORDS for $500
Answer: Nang magalit si Mar sa ChaCha, umalingawngaw ito sa Ayala.
“What is… ‘Puuuut*ng-i*a! Ano ba ‘to!” | #patayTAYOjan

“G” SPOT for $800
Answer: Nang mawala ang immunity bilang pangulo, ginamit na pananggalang mga ka-distrito!
“Who… is Gloria?” | #whoelse?!

POWERFUL for $300
Answer: Nakalusot sa NAIA dala niyang droga. How did that happen? Nagtaka ka pa!
“Who is… Cong. Ronald Singson?” | #true!

TOURISTS for $1400
Answer: Travel expenses ay lumolobo, nasa selda man ang sundalo.
“Who is… Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV in detention?” | #taaama!

AND FINALLY…
PLASTICS for $100
Answer: Naglaho ang reaksyon sa mukha ni Asuncion dahil kay Vicki Belo at sa kanyang injection.
“Who are… Gretchen Barretto, and other celebrities na nasobrahan sa Botox?” | #ouch!

ODD TALENTS for $1600
Answer: Horror man o drama, comedy o aksyon, consistent ang pagganap, iisa’ng emosyon!
‘Who is… Kris Aquino?” | #Pilipinas,maytamaka!
———————————-
“There are no foolish questions, and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.”
~Charles Proteus Steinmetz

Reposting my tweet from last night…
“Dear Mr. Chinese President: Kung gusto po ninyo, ‘yong tatlong Pinoy na nasa death row, papalitan namin ng tatlong heneral plus eight houses in the US. Deal?”

At nagreply daw ang Chinese President: “Kayo gusto palit tatlo Pinoys with tatlo generals plus 8 houses? Aglee ako d’yan pero sa isa kondisyon: puwede ba sama Mrs Ligot? S’ya fascinating! S’ya husay real estate.”


Survey Says
Sang-ayon ka bang dapat ihimlay sa Libingan ng mga Bayani ang bangkay ni dating pangulong Ferdinand Marcos?
Oo, panahon na! 28.76%
Hindi! Hindi siya bayani! 58.19%
Pag-iisipan ko pa. 13.05%

Elsewhere
Asian Wall Street Journal: Single Asian President Seeks Soul Mate for Very Public Romance

Personal
From my Palanca Award-winning friend Layeta Bucoy (ikaw na!):
Nicolas Pichay’s “3-N-1/ 10-10-10:Writing-on-Site Workshop for Stage, TV, and Film
This workshop has limited available slots. Interested parties are encouraged to immediately submit a letter of intent to marcelohdelpilar@yahoo.com (Re: 3-N-1/ 10-10-10). Only for purposes of diagnostics, each participant is encouraged to submit with the letter a soft copy of a previously written stage, tv or film script (not necessarily produced). For inquiries: 7824454.

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Have a great weekend! Go West! #NBA All Stars





CELEBRATIONS

16 02 2011


Pac and Barack
Cong. Manny Pacquiao met with US President Barack Obama during a White House visit Wednesday morning (Manila time). Obama promised to help Pacquiao knock out poverty in Sarangani Province; Pacquiao promised to help Obama knock out illegal Mexican immigrants in the US.

US President Barack Obama and Filipino lawmaker Manny Pacquiao met for the first time at the White House. Apparently awed by each other’s presence, Pacquiao’s first words were, “As an African-American, do you also like boxing?” And then Obama said, “As a Filipino leader, do you also like hotdogs?

Accompanied by his wife Jinkee, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao met with US President Barack Obama at the White House. The two leaders exchanged gifts during lunch. Obama gave Pacman a watch with the presidential logo on it. Pacquiao gave Obama a pair of boxing trunks with his sponsors’ logos on it.


Reports say US Vice President Joe Biden was also present during the Obama-Pacquiao meeting. In fact, when Biden saw Jinkee Pacquiao, he said, “You remind me of my daughter.” And then Jinkee replied, “You remind me of our Senate president.”

Manny Pacquiao also met with Senator Harry Reid. Just so you know, Pacman endorsed Reid during the US midterm elections last year. So far, Reid is the only candidate, Filipino or American, that won after being endorsed by Pacman.

The People’s Champ and 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao invited US President Barack Obama to watch his next fight against Sugar Shane Mosley… to which Obama said in Filipino, “Sino ‘yon?”


People Power Anniversary
Former presidents Fidel V. Ramos and Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo as well as Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile will be invited to participate in the activities commemorating the 25th anniversary of the 1986 People Power Revolution. Even former president Joseph Estrada will be asked to join the celebration. It seems that Malacañang has invited everyone who was present during President Aquino’s inauguration last year… except for Juana Change.

SC: Impeach Mercy
The Supreme Court has voted to allow the House of Representatives to proceed with the impeachment proceedings against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. Seven magistrates said “Yes!” for the continuation of the impeachment proceedings while five said “No.” Oddly, the three remaining justices said, “ugly but rich.”

Trillanes Fires Back
Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV said the Philippine Daily Inquirer got it all wrong when the paper quoted him as saying that former Defense Secretary Angelo Reyes was “not the powerful man” behind former military comptroller Carlos F. Garcia. I’m not sure if that will be Trillanes’ final statement on the issue so I’ll reserve my punchline for next week. Mabuti na’ng sigurado.

Famous Solon
Rumors say Dinagat Rep. Ruben Ecleo Jr., who was recently convicted of graft, wants to star in his own movie. Ecleo is confident his film will make a killing at the tills because of his cult following.

Cong. Ruben Ecleo Jr. failed to get a TRO on the arrest warrant issued by the Sandiganbayan in connection with his graft conviction. Ecleo’s not losing hope though. He’ll seek the help of his god by offering a goat, two cows, and three cult members.

Shooting Phil
Phil Younghusband of the Philippine football team reveals he is into target shooting… to which President Noynoy Aquino said, “You want to work in my government?”

Enrile, Valentine’s Day, etc.
Senator Enrile turned a year older on February 14. Wanna know how old is he now? Here’s a clue: when he was born, there was no Valentine’s Day yet.

On Valentine’s Day, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile celebrated his 87th birthday. To mark this special day, Enrile staged a fake birthday party for himself.

Session at the Senate was briefly interrupted when Senator Enrile opened the gifts from his fellow senators. He thanked all of his colleagues for their birthday presents… except for an unidentified lawmaker who gave him a Fossil watch.

Senator Enrile got the surprise of his life when ABS-CBN President Charo Santos phoned him on his 87th birthday. The Kapamilya executive offered Enrile a cameo in the fantasy series, ‘Imortal.’

Turning 35 and 87 on Valentine’s Day, respectively were TV host Marc Nelson and Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile… or as Sen. Loren Legarda would describe them, “A very active guy who is boyfriend material, and Marc Nelson.”

Not everyone was happy on the day of hearts. Rumors have it Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV got pissed when he opened his wife’s Valentine’s Day gift – flip-flops!

Overheard
“Dear Mr. President,
Noong kasagsagan ng kampanya, nag-promise kang ibubuhos mo ang iyong atensyon sa akin kapag nanalo ka. Pero anong nangyari? Kung kailan Araw ng mga Puso, saka ka nawalan ng kibo? How could you?
Nagtatampo,
Freedom of Information Bill”

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang sinasabi ng mga tao sa larawan?
A: “Ako si Bernardo Carpio! Naiipit sa dalawang nag-uumpugang balo, este bato.”
B: “Pia, naaamoy mo ba ang naaamoy ko?” “Ano ‘yon Senator Loren?” “Parang amoy formaline?!”
C: “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.”
D: “Teka! Teka! Hinay-hinay lang girls. Sumisikip ang pantalon ko!”
————————————
“They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.”
~Author Unknown

Survey Says
Ikaw, anong pipiliin mong maging partner?
– Pangit pero super rich 25.19%
– Maganda/Guwapo pero poor 19.26%
– Wala na lang. Choosy ako. 55.56%

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COMPROMISE

26 12 2010


CPP Turns 42
The Communist Party of the Philippines marks its 42nd year today, December 26. To celebrate its anniversary, CPP founding chair Jose Maria Sison will blow 42 candles while the CPP’s armed wing, the New People’s Army will blow up 42 cell sites.

Batch ‘71
The more prominent members of the Philippine Military Academy Batch ’71 reportedly enjoyed their Christmas shopping last week. Sen. Gringo Honasan bought jewelry for his wife; Senator Panfilo Lacson bought toys for his grandson, and ex-General Carlos Garcia bought temporary liberty for himself.

Ex-General Carlos Garcia who is facing plunder charges is out on bail! Rumors say the Sandiganbayan granted him liberty because they believed his alibi that he was in the United States when the crime took place and that he didn’t personally know Jessica Alfaro.


Cabinet Revamp
Last Friday, Presidential Communications Strategy Secretary Ricky Carandang confirmed that President Benigno Aquino would revamp his Cabinet next year. Quoting the President, Carandang said three cabinet officials would be affected by the reshuffle. He did not reveal their names although one thing’s for sure, those guys have no interest whatsoever in guns or target shooting. #sorrynalang

BIR’s Wrong List
Earlier this month, the Bureau of Internal Revenue released an erroneous list of the Top Individual Taxpayers for 2009. BIR Commissioner Kim Henares was quick to deny that the list was made by Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa.

Len Lopez
Last December 16 President Aquino reportedly brought along his latest date, stockbroker Maria Elena “Len” Lopez to a sit down dinner with Cabinet officials and their spouses. Two words: (click here).

Annoying
For the second straight year, “whatever” was voted the most annoying word or phrase by Americans according to The Marist Poll. Meanwhile, in the Philippines, for the third straight year, voted the most annoying was Kris Aquino.


Pacman On Top
CNN’s Sports Illustrated has chosen Manny Pacquiao and his 2010 bouts as the year’s biggest boxing story. In close second was the Balay vs. Samar fight.

Solon Loses Cool
Alliance of Volunteer Educators (AVE) party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay reportedly berated a PAL ground attendant when he and his sons could not be seated together in the business class section of a PAL flight to Los Angeles recently. When told that all seats were taken, Magsaysay allegedly told the attendant “Shut up you bitch! You menopausal bitch. Ipapasisante kita.” Apparently, this educator was a terror teacher.

An incensed AVE party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay reportedly told a ground attendant, “Shut up bitch! You menopausal bitch!” Dahil d’yaaan, may nagtxxxxxxt! “Dear Congressman, saan ka ba nagpunta? Hinahanap ka na ng iyong amo. Bumalik ka na raw sa iyong kural.”

Flight Attendants Win
Favoring the Flight Attendants’ and Stewards’ Association of the Philippines in their dispute against Philippine Airlines, the Department of Labor and Employment has increased the mandatory retirement age of all flight attendants to 60 years old. The decision was slammed by PAL… and AVE party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay.

Crotch Me if You Can
Airport authorities nabbed a 38-year-old passenger headed for Cotabato City Airport on Christmas day after a packet of suspected shabu, or methamphetamine hydrochloride, was found in his underwear. Airport cops were definite about the substance saying, “Kapag shabu kasi, ‘di ka makakatulog. ‘Yong kuwan niya gising na gising!”
———————————————-
“Once you consent to some concession, you can never cancel it and put things back the way they are.”
~ Howard Hughes

Survey Says
Sa isyu ng errors sa new Philippine peso bills, your take:
– Importanteng maitama ang mali. Maliit man ang error, error pa rin. 49.76%
– Sus! Masyadong pinapalaki ang isyu. Lahat na lang pinansin. 40.67%
– Wala akong pakialam. 9.57%

Elsewhere
Palace releases list of holidays for 2011

CNN Sports Illustrated: Top Boxing Stories: Pacquiao is No. 1

CNN Sports Illustrated: Azkals made it on the list of the Top 10 Football Stories

Personal
The Los Angeles Lakers lost to the Miami Heat in today’s Christmas battle. Sa mga fans ni LeBron at ng Miami Heat, heto ang sa inyo: [Click here.]

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QUOTE IN THE ACT

23 11 2010


Kung nanonood, nakikinig o nagbabasa ka ng balita, tiyak na maaalala mo kung sino ang nagbitiw ng mga linyang ito, kung sino ang pinatutungkulan nila, at kung bakit nila ito nasabi.

Panuto: Piliin ang titik ng tamang sagot na tumutugon sa bawat tanong. Bawal magsaliksik sa Google. You have 10 minutes. Ang may pinakamaraming tamang sagot sa pinakamaikling oras ay tatanggap ng round trip ticket for two to Poland sakay ng RoRo! Good luck!

1: Matapos umani ng batikos, sinong opisyal ng gobyerno ang nagsabi nito: “If I offended anybody, please know that was never the intention. I feel extremely blessed to be in a beautiful country blessed with warm hospitable people.”
A: Pangulong Aquino matapos mahalak habang nagtatalumpati sa APEC Summit
B: Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang dahil sa kanyang tweets tungkol sa Vietnam
C: Tourism Secretary Alberto Lim dahil sa halos kinopyang tourism logo ng Poland
D: Ewan. Hindi ko sure kung sino pero in fairness sa kanyang statement, parang namamlastik lang.

2: Kaninong linya naman ito: “Makikita mo naman iyong tao kung nagsisinungaling, hindi makakatingin ng diretso. So, morally convinced ako na nagsasabi siya ng totoo.”
A: Si Vice President Jejomar Binay patungkol sa bar exams blast suspect na si Anthony Nepomuceno
B: Ang outgoing ABS-CBN News chief na si Maria Ressa nang tanungin kung totoong masaya ba si Karen Davila sa pagtanggap ng newscasting job sa “Bandila” matapos patalsikin sa TV Patrol
C: Si Liz Uy nang hingan ng kumento sa rebelasyon ni Pangulong Aquino na nagdi-date nga sila
D: Ewan. Hindi ko sure pero parang nangangamoy “whitewash.”

3: Ayon kay Sarangani Representative Manny Pacquiao, “makasalanan ang paggamit ng condom.” Tutol din aniya siya sa kontrobersyal na RH Bill dahil:
A: Hindi niya alam ang ibig sabihin ng R at H sa RH Bill.
B: Hindi siya makatanggi kapag babae na mismo ang nangangalabit.
C: Hindi naman kasi sinabi sa Bibliya na limitahan ang pamilya.
D: Una sa lahat, pasalamat muna aku sa mahal na Panginoon. Kung wala siya, wala aku. Tapos salamat sa inyung walang sawang pagsupurta. Lagi pu kayong manood ng Pinuy Rikurds at Shoo Me Da Mani. Pakiulit ng tanong. Nalitu aku. You know.

4: Inilarawan siya ng Malacañang as “secure, untappable, and uninterrupted.” Ano o sino ang tinutukoy ng palasyo?
A: Ang Presidential Situation Room
B: Ang official Facebook account ni Pangulong Aquino matapos ipasara ang isang similar Facebook Fan Page
C: Ang Twitter account ni Assec. Mai Mislang matapos itong ideactivate ng Communications Group
D: Uninterrupted? Si Kris Aquino ‘yon.

5: Sino ang nagbitiw ng linyang ito: “Sa inyo pong lahat: Kami ay taos-pusong humihingi ng inyong pang-unawa, pagpapatawad at pagpapaumanhin sa aming naging mga pagkukulang.”
A: Si Ms. Charo Santos matapos mabigo ang ABS-CBN na makakuha ng TRO upang pigilan ang pag-ere ng ‘Willing Willie’ sa TV5
B: Ang Presidential Communications Group matapos ang Mai Mislang incident
C: Ang First Philippine Industrial Corporation sa mga residente ng West Tower Condominium
C: Ang Intergrated Metro Bus Operators president na si Claire De La Fuente matapos ma-lowbatt nang sabay-sabay ang cellphones ng mga bus drivers na nagresulta sa hindi nila pagbiyahe noong November 15.

6: Sa isang panayam sa ANC, sinabi ni Gretchen Barretto na hinding-hindi siya magsusuot ng mumurahing panty dahil:
A: “Been there, done that. Ayoko nang balikan ang dati kong buhay.”
B: “Because I’m always ready.”
C: “In the Cojuangco household, everything is expensive.”
D: “Cheap na nga ako, tapos cheap pa ang panty ko. Gosh, unfair na ‘yon noh?”

7: Kaninong pahayag ito at sino ang kanyang pinapatamaan: “Eh ako gusto pa akong patayin, eh ngayon patayin ko na nga lang sila. Hindi na sila makaganti.”
A: Si Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago patungkol sa ilang cabinet officials na kinaiinisan niya
B: Si Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago bilang sagot sa mga pagbabanta sa kanya ng mga jueteng lords
C: Si Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago sa mga organizers ng isang forum sa Turkey na pinagsususpetsahan niyang nanabotahe sa kanyang daraanan kaya nahulog siya sa stage
D: Si Senator Si Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago at ang mga kaaway niya sa kanyang imahinasyon

8: Sa live na panayam sa TV Patrol kagabi, November 23, ano ang naging paliwanag ng nagbitiw na undersecretary ng Department of Tourism na si Vicente Romano sa isyu ng umano’y pangongopya ng DOT sa tourism logo ng Poland?
A: “Matagal na naming nagawa ang logo ng ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda.’ Mas una lang nag-launch ang Poland.”
B: “Ang plagiarism po pagdating sa art ay isang accepted practice.”
C: “Ano pa bang gusto n’yong gawin ko? Kaya nga nagresign na ako ‘di ba?”
D: “Kahit gaano po katuwid ang isang daan, kapag nasobrahan ang gamit, nagkakaroon din ng lubak. Konting pang-unawa po ang aking hiling.”

9: “We had a conversation and I discovered how a beautiful person she was, one can have intelligent conversation with her.” Kaninong linya ito at sino ang kanyang tinutukoy?
A: President Aquino on Liz Uy
B: James Yap on Attorney Lorna Kapunan
C: Former ABS-CBN News chief Maria Ressa on Korina Sanchez
D: Jessica Soho on the artist formerly known as Jimboy

10: “Pope Benedict XVI was taken out of context and the quotations were not according to the whole.” Ito ang reaksyon nino sa umano’y pagpayag ni Pope Benedict XVI sa paggamit ng condom ng mga lalaking prostitute upang mapigilan ang pagkalat ng sakit?
A: Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz
B: Isang lider simbahang sarado ang pag-iisip
C: Isang arsobispong “in denial” sa bagong development sa Vatican
D: Ewan ko ba sa matandang ‘yon. Ang hirap paliwanagan.
—————————————–
“States are not moral agents, people are, and can impose moral standards on powerful institutions.”
– Noam Chomsky

IN THE NEWS…
The architect of the scrapped “Pilipinas Kay Ganda” project, Tourism undersecretary Vicente Romano has resigned. Palace sources believe Romano was still “inspired” by Poland’s tourism logo when he quit his post… because the last line in his resignation letter reads, “That’s all Polsk!”

Contrary to Secretary Alberto Lim’s earlier claim that not a single centavo was spent for the scrapped re-branding of the government’s tourism campaign, DOT insiders revealed that almost 5M pesos was spent for it. Pilipinas Kay Mahal!

Tourism Undersecretary Vicente “Enteng” Romano, the brains behind the botched ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda’ brand said sorry for what he has done in a press briefing. There was one awkward moment though when Sec. Dinky Soliman suddenly appeared and started singing ‘If We Hold On (Together.)’

Tourism Undersecretary Vicente “Enteng” Romano, the proponent of the controversial ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda’ brand has resigned. He has since applied for a job in the Supreme Court.

Tourism undersecretary Vicente ‘Enteng’ Romano – the proponent of the controversial ‘Pilipinas Kay Ganda’ branding has resigned. Ateneo President Fr. Bienvenido Nebres refused to accept his resignation.

Survey Says
Kung hindi lalaban si Floyd Mayweather Jr. kay Manny Pacquiao, should the People’s Champ retire?
– OO. Tama na. 61.5%
– SIGURO isa pa. 11%
– Bahala siya. 27.5%

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DETOUR

21 11 2010

Welcome to the Philippines!
Where Tourism officials draw inspiration from the Poles
Mabuhay!


Pilipinas Kay Ganda:
A Postscript

Just five days after its grand launch, the Department of Tourism’s controversial logo, which bears a strong resemblance to Poland’s tourism logo – was ordered scrapped by President Aquino. DOT officials are now doing research on the tourism logos of Peru and Panama.

In a news conference Saturday, President Aquino ordered the Department of Tourism to drop its controversial new logo. DOT officials replied, “Copy.”

President Aquino admitted Saturday that the image of a tarsier in the “Pilipinas kay Ganda” logo as well as the smiling face were his idea. He just wanted to add a ‘personal’ touch to the brand.

Advertising agency Campaigns & Grey revealed that the Department of Tourism “directed” them to use the Polska logo “for inspiration.” But they got so inspired they eventually fell in love with it.


Pacman in Malacañang
Eight-division world champion Manny Pacquiao paid a courtesy call on President Aquino in Malacañang last Saturday. Pacquiao was also welcomed by some cabinet members. It was like the meeting of a welterweight and the lightweights.

Malacañang didn’t bestow any award to Manny Pacquiao last Saturday but President Aquino gave him a bottle of wine. It was no ordinary wine though. It was pre-tasted by Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang.

Manny Pacquiao paid a courtesy call in Malacañang Saturday. After exchanging gifts with the President, Pacquiao and his supporters left the palace… but promised to return – in 2028.


From the Ninoy Aquino International Airport, pound-for-pound king Manny Pacquiao with his family, assistants, and close supporters proceeded to the New World Hotel in Makati City. There were 15 rooms booked for the Pacquiao entourage – 4 rooms for Manny and family, and 11 rooms for Jinkee’s Louis Vuitton and Hermes bags.

Reports say Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile is not sold to the idea of Manny Pacquiao running for president of the Philippines, perhaps in 2022 or 2028. Pacquiao’s supporters were unfazed by the senator’s stance on their idol’s possible presidential bid mainly because they’re sure Enrile would no longer be around when it happens.
—————————
“It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.”
~Herman Melville

Elsewhere
Create your own slogan using the “Pilipinas, Kay Ganda” template

Briefly Noted
Several (if not all) branches of Wendy’s Hamburgers have been consistently violating the Consumer Act of the Philippines. Its price tags are exclusive of the 12% VAT. The law states “it shall be unlawful to offer any consumer product for retail sale to the public without an appropriate price tag, label or marking publicly displayed to indicate the price of each article and said product shall not be sold at a price higher than that stated therein and without discrimination to all buyers.

Survey Says
Alin ang mas okay na slogan ng Department of Tourism?
– WOW Philippines 77.54%
– Pilipinas Kay Ganda 4.22%
– Whatever. I don’t care. 18.23%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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SIMPLY GR8!

14 11 2010


MANNY “PACMAN” PACQUIAO has defeated his much bigger opponent, Antonio “Tijuana Tornado” Margarito of Mexico. He has now won big fights against Margarito, Oscar De La Hoya, and Miguel Cotto. His next target? Either the Senate or the vice presidency.

Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao has beaten Antonio Margarito of Mexico. Margarito, who was 17-pound heavier, was Pacquiao’s second toughest opponent to date… next only to Darlene Antonino-Custodio.

Beaten black and blue by Manny Pacquiao, Antonio Margarito is now known as “The Tijuana Tostado.”

Before the fight, official stats revealed Antonio Margarito was 4.5 inches bigger than Manny Pacquiao… to which, Jinkee Pacquiao said, “Didma! Belieb me, nasa performance ‘yan.”

Manny Pacquiao demolished Antonio Margarito to win the WBC super welterweight championship. He is now the 8-time, 2-timing fighting congressman from the Philippines.

According to rumors, Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang was using a secret Twitter account while watching the bout. Observers had reason to believe it was Mislang who owned the account because of the “nature” of the tweets. One tweet said, “margarito sucks @rickycarandang” And yet another said, “crossing pacquiao’s path is the easiest way to die.” And finally, one tweet read, “sorry pacman pero mas pogi si margarito.”

Manny Pacquiao won every round on one scorecard, 120-108, and was ahead 119-109 and 118-110 on the other two. The Associated Press scored it 120-108, a shutout for Manny. As expected, Kantar-TNS scored it 118-110… for ABS-CBN.


Ringside punch stats showed Pacquiao landed 474 punches while Margarito had 229. Vetellano Acosta landed 12. [Na naman?!?]

The People’s Champ dominated Antonio Margarito, and his heavier opponents with his speed. Pacman’s speed has become legend… although sometimes, as Jinkee confessed, “Nakakainis din kapag sobra siyang bilis.”

This just in: The World Boxing Council is checking reports Antonio Margarito has renounced his Mexican citizenship after his loss. Rumors have it Margarito has turned Japanese. Right click here for the supposed “evidence.”

Despite their compatriot’s defeat, a contingent of Mexicans still managed to party in Texas after the fight. However, tension ensued between a bar manager and a group of Mexicans when waiters reportedly served them bloody margarita.

Manny Pacquiao exuded confidence when he entered the stadium for the title fight. He was accompanied by the usual suspects – trainer Freddie Roach, conditioning coach Alex Ariza, and Dyan Castillejo.

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang sinasabi ng lalaking nakapula sa gawing kaliwa?
A: “O, bakit galit na naman kayo? Puwede ba, ‘wag mainggit? Close kami eh. Anong pakialam n’yo?
B: “Ronald, anak… kung nanonood ka d’yan sa Hong Kong… para sa ‘yo, ang laban na ‘to!”
C: “Teka, teka. Hindi ko alam na may photographer eh. Na-set up ako! Na-set up ako!”

Free TV Telecast
Watching the fight on free TV, Filipinos realized three things: no boxer could match Pacquiao’s speed; Manny’s still the best fighter pound-for-pound, and GMA 7 yet again, was in another time zone.

Thrilled
Hundreds if not thousands of Filipinos including expats witnessed the 12-round bout between Manny Pacquiao and Antonio Margarito in malls, restaurants, and hotels. Asked to describe the fight, a Briton said, “Awesome!” A lawyer said, “Tough!” And an APO member said, “Explosive!”

National Anthem
Recording artist Zyrene Parsad sang the Philippine national anthem before the Pacquiao-Margarito fight. Those who caught her rendition of ‘Lupang Hinirang’ were inclined to believe she’s a graduate of the ‘Erwin Tulfo Accent-Accentan Academy.’

Ate Guy
Nora Aunor’s alleged tweet while watching the Pacquiao-Margarito fight:
“delia MAGA na ang mukha ni margarito. mamaya, babagsak na ‘yan sa FLOR contemplacion. go manny! #iDIDnotKILLanybody #changgiPRISON”

————————————-
“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them – a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.”
~ Muhammad Ali

Survey Says
Sa bakbakang Pacquiao-Margarito, ano ang prediksyon mo?
Pacquiao by knock out 53.44%
Pacquiao by decision 28.44%
Margarito na ‘yan! 18.13%

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WARNINGS

6 11 2010


Makati Gas Leak
Independent experts from UP discovered that the petroleum pipeline operated by the Lopez-owned First Philippine Industrial Corp. (FPIC) was the REAL source of the gas leak at the West Tower Condominium in Brgy. Bangkal, Makati City. When the leak was first discovered, Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay was quick to absolve FPIC of any wrongdoing. The reports didn’t say though if FPIC officials were Binay’s fraternity brothers.

Briefly Noted
Three months ago, this was the headline:

To Energy Secretary Jose Rene Almendras:
“Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.”

Hostage Incident
A hostage incident took place in Brgy. Bangkal, Makati City Thursday afternoon. The crisis was swiftly resolved mainly because the police were able to control the media.


Travel Warnings & Security
Six countries have advised their nationals against traveling to the Philippines… specifically to Brgy. Bangkal, Makati City.

First the United States. Then, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and Great Britain. And now, France. What have we done to you? Did we say that your wine sucked? Did we say that men in your country didn’t look good? Did we say that crossing your streets was the easiest way to die? How dare you!? How could you treat us like this when you’re not even Vietnam?!?

On Thursday, an irked President Aquino said reports of imminent terror threats in the Philippines have “no adequate basis” and “were blown out of proportion.” A day later, he confirmed “the assassination plots on several of our security officials and two ambassadors.” Ano ba talaga?

Amid reports of terror threats in Metro Manila, the Light Rail Transit is now on Alert Level 3. Meanwhile, President Aquino is on Red Alert Level 10.

Due to stricter baggage inspection, there have been long queues at LRT and MRT stations. But queues outside lotto outlets are still longer.

Mall owners are reportedly concerned over reports of imminent terror threats in the metro. To give you an idea of how concerned they have been, this morning, the Gokongweis evacuated the “snake” out of Robinsons Galleria.

Following reports of terror threats, security has been beefed up around the metro. And people from all walks of life are taking it seriously. For instance, in Makati Avenue, prostitutes are now asking for at least two IDs from customers.

Intelligence reports say Islamic terrorists are targeting San Juan City. According to San Juan Rep. JV Ejercito “extra-precautions are now being implemented” in the area. The police have been supplied high-powered rifles, the residents have been told to be vigilant, and his mom, former actress Guia Gomez, now city mayor has been advised to act like one.

This just in: Malacanang has issued a travel advisory ahead of next week’s APEC Summit in Japan. The advisory bars Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang from taking the trip with the President.

Robredo Out Soon?
Earlier reports say President Aquino is removing Secretary Jesse Robredo from the Department of Interior and Local Government and appointing him as head of an agency tasked to oversee informal settlers – something that was so appropriate since Robredo has always been treated by the president as an informal settler at the DILG.

Less than 24 hours after being quoted as such, President Aquino denied that Secretary Robredo was on the way out… apparently because his “relocation site” has yet to be established.

Lozada Out of Nuns’ Care
NBN-ZTE deal whistleblower Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr. is reportedly leaving the care of a group of nuns. Soon, Lozada will no longer be an informal settler.


Pacquiao’s Endorsement
US Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid whom Manny Pacquiao endorsed emerged victorious in the recently concluded US midterm elections. Observers say Pacquiao’s endorsement was a huge factor in Reid’s win although it also helped that the senator didn’t attempt to discredit his opponent by releasing manufactured psychiatric reports.

La Greta’s Undies
Interviewed on ANC, actress Gretchen Barretto explained that she would never ever wear cheap panties because she was “always ready.” She didn’t say though if she’s ready to explain why her lips are the only part of her face that move.
———————————————-
“I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian. They said, “Say something funny then.” I told them I had just graduated from flying school.”
~Ahmed Ahmed

Barranda Out, Fullido In
From a very reliable source: Model Phoemela Barranda who hosts the showbiz segment ‘Star Patrol’ on TV Patrol will be replaced by Gretchen Fullido starting Monday, November 8. Ouch!

Survey Says
Alin ang mas patok para sa ‘yo:
– Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho 50.61%
– Rated K 12.7%
– Wala sa dalawa! 36.68%

Personal
Kobe, Coach Phil, and the Los Angeles Lakers are on a 5-game winning streak. Is it June 2011 yet?

Naki-“paki” ang isang kaibigan mula sa UP. Dapat daw araw-araw, Araw ng mga Ina.

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Enjoy your weekend!





SECURITY

12 08 2010

Warning
Heard the latest rumor? The United States and Canada have both issued a travel advisory for its citizens in the Philippines. Americans and Canadians were advised not to travel to Zamboanga, Basilan, and the ABS-CBN basement parking.

Authorities are alarmed by the alleged kidnap try on the father of pop star Sarah Geronimo. If suspected criminals could get through ABS-CBN’s security, Malacanang is no longer safe.

But the incident involving Sarah Geronimo’s father wasn’t the first time someone was held against his will in the ABS-CBN compound. Somebody named Willie Revillame is still waiting to be released.

Quimbo and Facebook
Marikina City 2nd District Rep. Romero Federico Quimbo, has filed a resolution seeking to regulate the use of Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites in government offices. Exempted from the proposed measure are public information bureau personnel who need to disseminate information online, and Department of Agriculture employees who are addicted to Farmville.

A Houseful of Errors
Perhaps you’ve heard about this. For almost three weeks (or until last Tuesday), the Lower House’ official website posted the wrong information on Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao. The website indicated that Pacquiao’s ‘Age’ was 68 and his ‘Spouse’ was a certain “Elizabeth B. Salvacion.” Pacquiao was inclined to just ignore the two errors… but got pissed when he saw the posted info beside the word ‘Sex’ – “Sikrit! Pero last year pa. Sa Las Vigas.”

Credible Polls
The latest Pulse Asia survey showed that 7 of 10 Filipinos believed the May 10 elections were credible. The other three were Jamby Madrigal, JC De Los Reyes, and Nicanor Perlas.

Phone Addicts
According to a recent survey conducted by global research agency Synovate, 25 percent of Filipino youths in Metro Manila cannot live without a cellphone. The remaining 75 percent promised to attend the burial.


Special Report
Excerpts from the transcript of a telephone conversation between The Professional Heckler and Sen. Panfilo ‘Ping’ Lacson:

(Phone Rings)
The Professional Heckler (TPH): Hello…?
Sen. Ping Lacson (PING): Hello? Is this the Professional Heckler?
TPH: Yes… who’s this please?
PING: Si Senat Kzzst… kzzst… kzzst..tor Lac.kzzst…son ‘to!
TPH: Naku! Galaw po kayo ng konti. Chubby ka! Chubby.
PING: Oo nga eh. Medyo tumaba tayo. Ano, malinaw na?
TPH: Ayan, okay na po. Si Senator Lacson po ba talaga kayo?
PING: Oo nga! Ba’t ba ayaw mong maniwala?
TPH: Eh kasi parang ang lapit n’yo lang eh.
PING: Malapit naman talaga ako eh. Nandito lang ako sa Pilipinas.
TPH: Where exactly Senator?
PING: Gago ka ba? Eh ‘di mahuli ako.

TPH: O, napatawag kayo?
PING: Wala lang. Walang masyadong ginagawa eh. ‘Tsaka may isa ka yatang reader na nagrequest na ma-interview ako. Kaya heto… ako na ang tumawag sa ‘yo para ‘di ka na mahirapan.
TPH: Saan ba talaga kayo nagpunta?
PING: Sa tabi-tabi lang. ‘Di naman talaga ako umalis ng bansa eh. Bobo at tanga lang talaga ang mga pulis at ang NBI.
TPH: Ang hirap naman ho yata na tumatakbo kayo sa batas?
PING: Sinong may sabing tumatakbo ako? Palakad-lakad nga lang tayo eh.
TPH: Pero mahirap ‘din ho yan…
PING: Ang mahirap lang, magsuot ng damit na pambabae.
TPH: So nagdadamit-babae kayo?
PING: Kapag lumilipat ng lugar. Mahirap na. Baka may makakilala. Tiklo tayo ‘pag minalas!
TPH: Kapag nakadamit-babae, nagmi-makeup din kayo?
PING: Minsan! Pero sanayan lang. ‘Buti ‘ka mo at hiyang ako sa Lancôme. Nagka-rashes kasi ako sa Neutrogena eh. Pati ‘yong Maybelline, nangati ang mukha ko. Itinigil ko na.

TPH: Teka, hindi ho ba delikado ‘tong pag-uusap natin? Baka ma-wiretap tayo?
PING: Ano ka ba naman?! Sanay na ‘ko d’yan! Gawain ko rin ‘yan noon. Pero ngayon pa ba ako matatakot eh si Noynoy na ang presidente!
TPH: Since February pa nga pala kayo nagtatago…
PING: Tarantado! Hindi ako nagtatago. I’m just on extended vacation.
TPH: So anong reaksyon n’yo nang si Noynoy ang manalong pangulo?
PING: Siyempre, hopeful. Imagine kung ‘di s’ya tumakbo? Eh ‘di si Erap ulit ang ang presidente natin. Dead man hiding na sana ako ngayon!

TPH: Congratulations nga pala sa inyong bagong committee!
PING: Ah oo! I’d like to take this opportunity nga pala para magpasalamat kay Manong Johnny Enrile at sa mga kasamahan ko sa majority ng Senado. Kahit wala ako diyan, ipinagkatiwala nila sa ‘kin ang chairmanship ng committee on accounts.
TPH: Pero senator, pa’no nga pala n’yo magagampanan ang inyong tungkulin as committee chairman kung wala kayo sa mga sesyon?
PING: Sus! Problema ba ‘yan?! Eh bakit si Sonny Trillanes… may travel expenses na P247,404 last year kahit nakakulong? Fourth biggest spender pa! Wala nang imposible ngayon!

TPH: ‘Sabagay. Mukhang si Presidente, maamo sa inyo ah. Pati ‘yong double murder case n’yo pinakialaman na rin. Pinapa-review sa DOJ.
PING: Narinig ko nga. But I think unfair namang sabihing he’s “meddling” in my case. I think, the appropriate term is “concerned.” After all, Shalani used to be a member of my Senate staff. Pero sa tingin ko, hindi pakikialam ‘yon.

TPH: ‘Balik ho tayo sa kaso n’yo. Kung inosente talaga kayo sa pagpatay kina Dacer at Corbito, eh sino?
PING: Mahirap nang magsalita sa telepono. Sa korte ko na lang ibubunyag ‘yan.
TPH: Pa’no n’yong ibubunyag eh nagtatago nga kayo?
PING: Problema na ng korte ‘yan! Basta, isa lang ang masasabi ko, God Save the Philippines from the mastermind of that gruesome crime!

(Another phone rings)
TPH: Hello? Sino ‘to?
Man’s Voice: Puwede bang mag-react? Tinitira na naman ‘yata ni Panfilo Morena Lacson ang daddy ko eh?
TPH: Naku! Next time na lang po. Sige, bye!

PING: Teka, mukhang malo-lobat na ako ah. Mahaba pa ba?
TPH: Mabilis na lang ‘to Senator. Ano nga palang ang masasabi n’yo sa dating pangulo? Kongresista na siya ngayon.
PING: Hahaha! We have something in common. Kung ako, tumatakbo palabas ng bansa; si Mrs. Arroyo, tumatakbo palabas ng session hall! Kawawa naman ‘yong ale. Habambuhay na hinahabol ng karma…
TPH: Yeah, another thing you have in common.
PING: Anong sabi mo?!?!
TPH: Ah… senator, ‘di kita marinig. Chubby ka. Chubby. Galaw ka ng konti.

TPH: Maiba ho ako, gusto n’yo bang maging ninong sa kasal nina Pangulong Noynoy at Shalani Soledad?
PING: Depende. Kung papayag…
TPH: You mean, depende kung kukunin kayo?
PING: Hindi! Depende kung papayag si Kris na matuloy ang kasal!

TPH: Message n’yo na lang ho sa bagong kasal, este sa mga Pilipino…
PING: Alam na nila ‘yon. ‘Tsaka, ‘di ako sanay sa message-message na ‘yan. Wala naman tayo sa Startalk o sa The Buzz para mag-message-message. Masyadong showbiz! Nakakasuka! Basta, hello na lang sa manugang kong si Jodi Sta. Maria. ‘Wag mong kalimutan iha, Pampi loves you so much. Miss ko na ang aking apo. Pangako, dadalaw ako. Malapit na. At Jodi, I hope na dumami pa ang movie at TV projects mo. Good luck sa iyong career.
TPH: Oo nga Senator, mukhang ‘di kayo showbiz. Sa ating bagong Pangulo, baka meron ho kayong gustong iparating…
PING: Kay Noynoy… ipagpatuloy mo lang ang iyong mga nasimulan. Kaisa mo ako sa matuwid na pamamahala. Tama ang desisyon mong ipagbawal ang ‘wangwang.’ Tama ang desisyong mong ipagbawal ang tong. Tama ang desisyon mong ipagbawal ang counterflow. Tama ang desisyon mong ipa-review ang kaso ko! Mabuhay ka!

TPH: Maraming salamat sa pagtawag mo Senator Panfilo Lacson. Malaking karangalan ho na makausap ko kayo kahit sa telepono.
PING: Maraming salamat din sa pagkakataong ibinigay mo sa akin. Matagal ko nang hindi ginagawa ‘to. Bored lang talaga ako. Puwedeng magtanong?
TPH: Sige po. Ano ‘yon?
PING: What are you wearing?

Toot.. toot.. toot. Naputol ang kuneksyon.
End of Interview.
——————–
“Security is an illusion. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.”
~Helen Keller

Survey Says…
On the sacking of PAGASA chief administrator Prisco Nilo:
– DAPAT NOON PA! Besides, it’s the president’s prerogative. Hayaan na natin. 37.5%
– SO UNFAIR. He’s a dedicated public servant. 54.2%
– Not familiar with the issue. 8.3%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Briefly Noted
From a news item at ABS-CBN News Online (screen cap). Can you please read the encircled figure for me? I’m not good with numbers.

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COMMUNICATORS

29 07 2010


Communications Group
President Aquino’s much-ballyhooed Communications Group will have two leaders – broadcast journalist Ricky Carandang and columnist Herminio Coloma. In appointing two heads, the President hopes to clearly relay his message to the public; draw feedback from them, and silence the warring factions in his government.

SONA Leak
Some palace reporters believe somebody in Malacañang gave ABS-CBN an advance copy of President Aquino’s speech last Monday. According to the Inquirer, ABS-CBN’s Facebook account posted a copy of the President’s speech even before he could finish his SONA. In another news dismissed by ABS-CBN as totally irrelevant, Ricky Carandang and Ces Drilon have been voted as News & Public Affairs’ most beautiful couple.

SONA Leak II
Reports say a copy of President Aquino’s SONA was leaked to ABS-CBN last Monday… something that’s not surprising since ABS-CBN is a government station.

Three Spokesmen
The President will soon have three spokespersons: Herminio Coloma, Edwin Lacierda, and Ricky Carandang. One to create the message; another to fine-tune it, and a third to leak it.

THIS JUST IN! Unverified reports say the Communications Group will soon produce a TV show for President Noynoy Aquino. The program will be similar to Mrs. Arroyo’s “The Working President.” It will be called, “The Shooting President.”


NFA & Rice
Angelito Banayo, the new administrator of the National Food Authority said the agency’s recent inventory showed there are no rotten rice stocks in its warehouses. But another inventory showed there still are rotten officials left in NFA offices.

NFA & Rice II
Assuring that the country has sufficient rice stocks up to the end of the year, NFA administrator Lito Banayo said, “Naliligo po kami sa bigas” – to which MWSS executives said, “Wala kayo sa amin. Naliligo kami sa bonuses.”


Pacquiao’s Speech
In his first privilege speech as a member of Congress, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao quoted a line from the Hollywood film “Spiderman,” ring announcer Michael Buffer, and American poet Robert Frost. And everyone agreed – his speech was more shocking than the president’s.

Pacquiao’s Speech II
In flawless English, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao delivered Tuesday his first ever privilege speech. Pacquiao was interrupted at least five times by applause, and thrice to look up a word in the dictionary.

Accurate Polls
According to random manual audit conducted by the National Statistics Office, results of the May 10 automated elections were 99.6 percent accurate, or as former senator Mar Roxas would insist, “It’s 0.4 percent wrong!”

Announcement
Are you a drug user who plans to travel abroad? Do you carry 26.1 grams of cocaine and two tablets of diazepam? Worry no more! NAIA security will never detect you!

Rumors say some friends of Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson who is still languishing in a Hong Kong correctional facility want him to get treatment when he is released. Nope, not the type offered by NAIA; not special treatment.

Top 5 Sayings for Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson

No. 5: Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay foil.

No. 4: Aanhin pa ang damo kung cocaine na ang uso

No. 3: Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ay addict!

No. 2: Ang lumalakad nang matulin, may ‘tinatagong cocaine

And the No 1. saying for Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson…

To err is human, to sniff is divine.

Makati Condo Problem
Do you still remember the gas leak at the West Tower condominium in Barangay Bangkal, Makati City? At press time, investigators have yet to identify the source of the leak… although Ricky Carandang is now a suspect.
————–
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
~Epictetus

Survey Says…
Were you shocked by President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address?
– Oo naman! Shocking talaga! 31%
– Sus! Anong shocking do’n? 57%
– I didn’t hear it. Walang TV sa office. Hmpf! 12%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a safe weekend everyone!

DO NOT follow me on Twitter. You’ve been warned!





THE FUTURE EX-FIRST FAMILY

17 06 2010


THE ARROYOS have reportedly left Malacañang. In fact, according to reports, the First Family has been cleaning out their closets in the palace for more than two months now. And they’d probably need another month or two to finish… considering the huge number of skeletons they keep in there.

The Arroyo family has reportedly left Malacañang last Sunday. First Gentleman Mike Arroyo said, “We are happy to leave Malacañang,” to which Malacañang replied, “The feeling is mutual.”


Top 12 Messages Left on the Arroyos’ Answering Machine in Malacañang

No. 12: “Hello ma’am? Si Garci po ito ma’am. Hihiram po sana ako ng konting halaga bago kayo bumaba sa puwesto. Matumal ang kita noong eleksyon eh. Alam n’yo na, automated.”

No. 11: “Eow powhzzzz! PAn6UL0n6 ÅrrÕyØ. mÃrÅm1nG $ÅLÅmÅ+ ph0w Å+ g1nÅwÅ n1ny0nG h0L1DÅy Ång jUnE 3Ø. mÅk~k~+ambÅy nà ÑÅmÅn kÅmi $a MaLL! +HÅnk U’ pfoWh üL3+. Lolz!”

No. 10: “Sir, Ma’am… si Udong Mahusay po ito. ‘Paalala ko lang po ang lifetime allowance na ‘pinangako n’yo sa kin ni Sir Mike Defensor noong 2003. Bigla po niyang inihinto after ng eleksyon eh.”

No. 9: “Dad, Mom… Luli here. Whatever happens, always remember that you’re the best parents in the world. Lalo na ikaw Dad. I love you mom, love you dad. Wait lang, hold on… ‘Mang Gusting, ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa inyo na ayaw na ayaw kong nali-late ang driver!? Usted está despedido! Humanap na lang kayo ng ibang amo! Ora mismo!’”

No. 8: “Hellowww… mga maids? ‘Musta na kayo mga friendship? Todo na ‘to! As in todo na to the highest level! Wala ba jan si Sir Mikey n’yo? Grabe huh! ‘Di na naman niya ako sinipot sa Lubao kagabi. Ang linaw-linaw ng usapan! Heller! Nag-cancel nga ako ng taping para sa kanya ‘tapos mang-iindyan lang pala??? Okay lang siya?? Pakisabi mag-return call siya, okay? Kailangan ko ng pang-shopping! Pasensya na! Go go go!”

No. 7: “Ni hao! Mike, alam ko d’yan ka pa palasyo. Si Mrs. Toh. ‘Wag ka bobo! Hindi ako Gloria. Si Mrs. Toh! Ikaw ‘wag na tago sa akyen. Matagal na kita hanap. Wala pa closure atyen breakup. Ikaw tawag akyen agad. Wo xiangnian ni.”

No. 6: “Hi ma’am. This is your favorite student in Ateneo, Joey Salceda. My unsolicited advice is for you to accept the harsh reality: Life’s a bitch. And so are you. Charing! Just kidding. Babush!”

No. 5: “Hi ma’am. This is Chiz Escudero, inaanak n’yo sa kasal. Sa inyong paglisan, nais ko lang ipaalala, at sana’y inyong tatandaan: ang masamang hangarin, kailanman ay hindi magtatagumpay. Ang pag-unlad ng bansa ay hindi nasusukat sa dami ng naipagawang tulay o naipatayong gusali kundi sa kaledad ng buhay ng bawat Pilipinong malinaw na binigo ng inyong administrasyon. Marami pa rin ang kumakalam ang sikmura. Marami pa rin ang walang hanapbuhay. Marami pa rin ang nakatira sa ilalim ng mga tulay at mababahong estero. Marami pa rin ang tila sabik sa pagbabagong dapat sana ay… (Beep!) [You cannot complete this call. Please reload and then dial again. You cannot complete this call. Please reload and then dial again. You cannot complete this call. Please reload and then dial again.]

No. 4: “Hello! Si Mar ulit ‘to. This is my fourth call and you still refuse to answer! C’mon hon, let’s be sport, okay? Whether you like it or not, we will attend Noynoy’s inauguration together. Hon? Talk to me. Are you ther… Put*ng-i*aaaaaaaaaaaaaa, mali ang nai-dial ko!”

No. 3: “Hilluw? Is this the palas pown? Sa palasyu ba ‘tung numirung itu? Ah basta, itu lang ang miseyds ku. Unang-una, pasalamat aku sa Panginuun sa mga blissings sa kin. Pangalawa, pasalamat aku sa ating prisidinti sa walang-sawang pag-supurta sa mga laban ku. Kahit papanu, mami-miss ko kayu mahal na pangulu at Pirst Jintilman Husi Migil Arruyu. Hanggang ditu na lamang pu ang aking minsahi at aaminin ku pu sa inyu… ‘di pa rin pu aku makapaniwala na aku at ikaw, mahal na pangulu ay magka-livil na ngayun sa Kungrisu! You know…”

No. 2: “Hello Mrs. President. Paalis ka pa lang, pabalik na kami! C’est la vie! Kami nga pala ang mga miyembro ng Hyatt 10 at The Firm. Ang saya-saya ulit, noh?”

And the No.1 message left on the Arroyos’ answering machine in Malacañang…

“Hello… Inday? Shi ma’am mo ito. Pumashok ka nga sha dati kong kuwarto at paki-check kung do’n ko naiwan ang shilicone para sha aking kaliwang shuso. Thankxssh!”

FG’s Book
Last Tuesday, outgoing First Gentleman Mike Arroyo launched his book titled “The First,” which includes all his answers to criticisms against him and his family. Go get a copy now. When you enter Powerbooks, it’s located near the section with a big sign that says, “People who bought this book also bought Ann Coulter’s “High Crimes and Misdemeanors.”

Outgoing First Gentleman Mike Arroyo launched a coffee table book called “The First,” which includes all his answers to criticisms against him and his family. The book has 10 chapters. One chapter was devoted to Mr. Arroyo’s answers to allegations of graft and corruption; the rest were devoted to the allegations of graft and corruption.

Mike Arroyo launched a book called “The First,” which includes all his answers to criticisms against him and his family. But I heard it’s selling poorly. The publisher attributes the poor sales to the opening line of the book. It says, “Back off.”
—————————-
“We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.”
~Ian Percy

Survey Says
Pabor ka bang italagang kalihim ng Department of Interior and Local Government si Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay?
OO naman. Alam na niya ang trabaho d’yan! 25.6%
NOPE! Scary! Be afraid. Be very afraid. 66.8%
Hmmm, ewan. 7.5%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

The Who
TV show recently asked Aspen Oak: Are you ready to entertain suitors now? Aspen Oak’s answer was a categorical “No.” Unknown to the public though, Aspen Oak has been in a steady relationship with Sunflower Zinnia. The not-so-surprising twist? They’re both women – and moms. Aspen Oak used to be “friends” with has-been actress, Aster Anthurium. Sino sila? Itanong n’yo na lang sa halimaw sa banga!

Personal
Because we’re in it to win it.
Because we never doubted our team.
Because we, the loyal Los Angeles Lakers fans will always…
.

Go Lakers!

Elsewhere…
Did PDI columnist Belinda Olivarezs-Cunanan resign or was she fired?





GETTING READY

15 06 2010


Back To School
Classes officially opened today, June 15. For newbies, it’s when they start to learn, experiment, meet new friends and enemies, get mocked and sometimes, bullied by more powerful people around them, and then evaluated with a pass or fail grade… exactly the same things that await our new president on June 30.

School and Pacman
Just a few hours after he arrived yesterday from Canada, Manny Pacquiao was present on Day 1 of his 10-day certificate course at the Development Academy of the Philippines. Rumors say though Pacquiao went home disappointed when he learned that sex education wouldn’t be part of the curriculum.

Something odd happened on Day 1 of Manny Pacquiao’s 10-day certificate course at the Development Academy of the Philippines in Pasig City. Pacquiao refused to leave the classroom… and waited for the final bell.

Lecturers at the Development Academy of the Philippines plan to orient Jinkee Pacquiao on the role of a Congressional spouse. Jinkee, who joined Pacman at the DAP yesterday, was reportedly shocked when lecturers informed her that wives of congressmen have other things to do aside from shopping.

Manny Pacquiao is returning to school after winning the congressional race in Sarangani Province. Meanwhile, his opponent, Roy Chiongbian is starting a career in boxing.

Net Worth
Based on his 2009 Statement of Assets and Liabilities, Sen. Manny Villar is still the richest senator with a net worth of 947.88 million pesos. That figure could have been higher if Villar didn’t try to buy the entire country during the campaign.

Noynoy’s Media Men
President-elect Noynoy Aquino has chosen ANC host and Inquirer columnist Manuel Quezon III as his spokesperson for inauguration-related news while award-winning journalist and ANC anchor Ramon ‘Ricky” Carandang will reportedly be part of Noynoy’s media group. There’s no truth to rumors though that ANC has replaced NBN4 as the official government station.

Noynoy’s Plea
President-elect Noynoy Aquino is trying to reconcile his allies who disagree because of politics. The other day, he called on Mar Roxas and Chiz Escudero to settle their differences. If Noynoy succeeds in uniting Mar and Chiz, he’ll then try to reconcile Korina and Kris.

Reports say President-elect Noynoy Aquino wants Mar Roxas and Chiz Escudero to make up. Joey Salceda volunteers to help.

Noynoy’s Inauguration
On June 30, President-elect Noynoy Aquino will take his oath before Associate Justice Conchita Carpio-Morales. The swearing in will take place at the Quirino Grandstand. On the same night, Korina Sanchez is expected to swear before Mar Roxas at the Araneta Center in Cubao.

The June 30 inauguration of the new president will include Noynoy Aquino’s traditional ride with outgoing president Gloria Arroyo. This early, Noynoy has been practicing, trying to perfect a jump from a speeding vehicle before it hits the grandstand’s concrete fence.

Noynoy’s Designers
According to ABS-CBN News, five designers – JC Buendia, Ivarluski Aseron, Randy Ortiz, Paul Cabral, and Joey Samson will dress up President-elect Noynoy Aquino during his 6-year term. The five fashion experts described the opportunity to enchance Noynoy’s looks… as their toughest job yet.

Noynoy’s Cabinet
President-elect Noynoy Aquino says the composition of his cabinet will be known this week. So far, nine have already said yes to his invitation to join his administration. They are Dinky Soliman (DSWD), Ding Deles (peace process), Jojo Ochoa (executive secretary), Edwin Lacierda (spokesman) and the five designers.

Jejomar or Jesse?
President-elect Noynoy Aquino is reportedly choosing between Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay and Naga City mayor Jesse Robredo for the DILG post. Binay has been vocal about his desire to take on the DILG portfolio but members of the civil society want Robredo. Since it’s a hell of a dilemma, Noynoy plans to consult Madam Auring.

Miss U 2008 in RP
The 2008 Miss Universe from Venezuela, Dayana Mendoza, and now Smartmatic’s Ambassador for Transparency is in the country to personally congratulate Filipinos for the peaceful conduct of elections. Meanwhile, in totally unrelated news, outgoing senator Jamby Madrigal and outgoing Quezon City Rep Annie Susano have both retracted their accusations against Smartmatic and congratulated the IT group for a job well done.
————————
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
~ Derek Curtis Bok

Briefly Noted
FM for Marcos. FVR for Ramos. PGMA for Gloria. And now PNoy for Aquino? WTF! Puwede ba, tigilan na ang pagpapauso ng kung anu-anong pagpapapogi. The campaign is over. He is the president now! Use PNA for President Noynoy Aquino. Besides, (and no offense) we don’t want Visayans to call him Penoy, do we? Sounds like infertile egg to me.

Survey Says
Pabor ba kayo sa pagkakaroon ng revolving First Ladies (Ballsy, Pinky, Viel and Kris)?
Why not? Try natin! 30%
‘Wag na lang. Parang magulo. 27%
Ayaw ko na ‘yang problem

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
UP Professor Solita Monsod (BusinessWorld): How to solve a problem like Jejomar Binay

Newsbreak: For most nat’l candidates, bailiwicks didn’t deliver


Personal
Still, Lakers! Believe.
‘Nuff said.

The Who
It happened during an out-of-town show. After the program, the cast and crew went swimming. Everyone had fun except for promising new actor who felt so uncomfortable because closet TV host (CTV) kept hitting on him. “Binakuran” – as one witness described it. Was CTV ‘successful?’ Sources say, na-ah. Bokya!

If you want to know the identity of the CTV, just ask Susan Sarandon and Helena Bonham Carter and they’ll surely respond in the affirmative. As for the promising actor, his name reminds us of one of the best presidents we never had.

Enjoy the rest of the week!





AND THEN THERE WERE TWO

9 06 2010


The Proclamation: A Postscript
In today’s proclamation ceremony at the House of Representatives, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile requested the families of both President-elect Noynoy Aquino and Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay to join the two winning candidates in front. People in the gallery knew that Noynoy’s sisters would be joining him, but others were guessing ‘which’ Binay family would come forward.

Even before the proclamation, Loren Legarda has conceded defeat to Jejomar Binay. But Legarda clarifies, she isn’t conceding yet to Noli De Castro.


Outgoing senator Mar Roxas, as we all know, is not about to concede the vice presidency to Jojo Binay. Unless Korina says so.

Sketchy reports say Jamby Madrigal, Nicanor Perlas and JC De Los Reyes might concede to Noynoy Aquino within the week. But the three losing presidential candidates swear they will never ever concede to Vetellano Acosta.

Ang Tweet Naman!
Noynoy Aquino and Jojo Binay were both proclaimed today. Would you like to know the thoughts of other political figures and celebrities about (and during) today’s event? Let’s hack into their Twitter accounts to find out! These were ‘allegedly’ posted between 2PM and 4PM.

Say_ChizEscudero Still here in the holding room. Okay na okay dito kasi may smoking area.
16 minutes ago via Twitterrific

James_YapMVP Sana pala tinapos ko muna ang game ng Boston at Lakers. Sabi kasi ni Babez, mabilis lang ang proclaimashon. Pero bakit ganito? Ang daming speech. Boring na boring na ‘ko.
16 minutes ago via UberTwitter

simplyNoynoy i forgot my Marlboro sa kotse. Pareng @Say_ChizEscudero, paiskor naman ng isang stick diyan.
14 minutes ago via Twitterrific

i_am_KrisAquino @James_YapMVP Babe, behave. Nag-usap na tayo ‘di ba? Andito sina Ate Viel at Kuya Dodo. Tsaka si Ate Pinky at Kuya Eldon. Nakakahiya kung aalis ka. ‘Di pa napu-proclaim si Kuya.
9 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone

JoseSixtoDantesIII Preparing for Senator Noy’s proclamation. Nope, Marian won’t be with me. Masama ang gising eh. Murahin ba naman ako kanina ng “put*ng-i*a!” Iniwan ko nga!
About two hours ago

Sen_Mar_Roxas This is not right. This is not just right. Ako ang dapat na nasa Batasan ngayon. Ako ang dapat na ipu-proklama!
5 minutes ago via TweetDeck

DinkySoliman I’m baaaack! Lolz!
About an hour ago

Rated_K B*llsh*t%ll#^s*h^465*&T@!! Buwisit! ^8$#%#u6#*!#0 Buwisit! Hon, nasaan ka ba? Sabi mo uuwi ka before two o’clock!
About 30 minutes ago via web

TheFirm @DinkySoliman Akala mo ikaw lang?! We’re back too! Happy days are here again! Lolz! LMAO!

BoyAbunda Can’t concentrate on the speeches. It’s so hot in here. But Dingdong Dantes is so much hotter. Kagwapong bata.
15 minutes ago via web

Sen_Mar_Roxas @Rated_K Hon, what did I tell you? Turn off the freakin’ television! I’ll be there in a while.
11 minutes ago via TweetDeck

Ogie_Songwriter @SongBird Here na ko sa Batasan. I’m flanked by Shalani and Ma’am Dinky Soliman. Will meet you at GMA Annex Bldg after the proclamation. Kailangang mag-rehearse. Talo na naman tayo ng ASAP last Sunday. Hugs!
4 minutes ago via web

NogralesINTHEHOUSE @maloumangahas_PCIJ pagkatapos nitong proclamation, mag-usap tayo. kailangang mag-usap tayo. or else…
8 minutes ago via twitterfeed

Mr_Sipag@Tiyaga Having late lunch with Nanay. Instructed my sisters not to turn the TV or radio on while the proclamation is ongoing. Masasaktan lang ang matanda.
25 minutes ago via Tumblr

Rated_K @Sen_Mar_Roxas Nakakairita! Ang ingay ng mga naka-dilaw sa gallery. I’m sure, mga bayarang squatters ‘yan na hinakot sa Makati. Mga walang class!
6 minutes ago via web

TheRealLorenLegarda *Sigh* Al Gore has flown back to the US. ‘Di man lang kami nakapag-usap. @Mr_Sipag@Tiyaga Hi to Nanay Curing. Did she like the orange duster I sent her last Monday?
18 minutes ago via Ping.fm

ka_joma_sison @KaSatur, @KaPaengMariano, @KaLizaMaza ikasa n’yo na ang pambansang kilos-protesta sa inauguration ng naghaharing uring noynoy na ‘yan! walang dapat sayanging sandali! ibagsak ang oligarkiya!
3 seconds ago via UberTwitter

JustJamby Is that Shalani Soledad beside Ogie Alcasid? Woot! Woot! Lakas ng dating niya pare! @ka_joma_sison ‘musta na po kayo? baka dumalaw ako diyan soon. regards to ka luis jalandoni
18 minutes ago via UberTwitter

comm_larrazabal seated near the aquinos and commissioner melo. naiilang ako. nakatitig lagi sa kin ‘yung friend ni kris na si paul cabral. aarrgh!
about 1 hour ago via HootSuite

Rated_K Those traitors in yellow are now chanting Noy-Bi! Noy-Bi! Eh ‘di inamin n’yo rin. Nanlaglag nga kayo noong eleksyon!
8 minutes ago via web

Say_ChizEscudero Mahirap nang patulan ang mga inggit at talunan. They have nothing to lose anyway.
25 minutes ago via txt

Rated_K @Say_ChizEscudero Ay, bakit may nagre-react? Wala naman akong binabanggit na pangalan ah.
18 minutes ago via twitterfeed

Sen_Mar_Roxas Hon, sabi nang cool ka lang eh. We’re filing an election protest soon! @ButchAbad Aabot ba ng 800 thousand ang null votes ko? Kung hindi, baka magsasayang lang tayo ng oras?
12 minutes ago via TweetDeck

GMA_RP @GaryOlivar please update me sha proclamashion gary. Shobrang lamig pala dito sa Shanghai. Feeling ko magkaka-shakit ako. Diretsho na muna ko sha Lubao pag-uwi. Bahala na kayo sa palashyo huh.
15 minutes ago via web

Rated_K Yuckkkk. Mula anak hanggang apo, maitim. Ang lakas ng loob na idisplay sa Batasan ang buong pamilya! ‘Di naman kagandahan ang lahi! Hmpf! Makapag-pa-facial na nga lang! Sayang ang oras ko sa mga traydor!
13 minutes ago via web

Rgcruz_ABSCBN @tjmanotoc and @KIKOpangilinan are you guys on Twitter now? I heard my babaeng nagwawala. Mad na mad raw habang nanonood ng proclamation. True ba?
About 1hour ago via Tumblr

tjmanotoc @Rgcruz_ABSCBN No comment. I really don’t want to get into trouble again. Ask mo na lang si @ConradDQuiros_PDI
About 30 minutes ago via web

GMA_RP Ganung kabilish? Eh bakit ‘yung proklamashyon ko, inabot ng alas-dose ng hatinggabi? @GaryOlivar Ma’am, tapos na po ang proclamation. Kaninang 4o’clock pa na-proklama ang dalawa.
18 minutes ago via twitterfeed

ConradDQuiros_PDI @tjmanotoc and @Rgcruz_ABSCBN Even here in Twitter, there’s an ongoing clash between good and evil. ‘Nuff said. @simplyNoynoy Congratulations! May the force be with you until 2016!
7 minutes ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

GuidoDelgado_lovesNP just received a copy of a psychiatric report. this is revealing. will send copies to the media after the proclamation.

James_YapMVP @i_am_KrisAquino Babez, mauna na ‘ko. Hinahanap na raw ako ni Josh. MagDo-DotA pa kami. Love you babez.
16 minutes ago via UberTwitter

QuiboloyOnline Congratulations to our new president. Sasabihin ko na ang totoo. Ikaw talaga ang lumabas sa vision ko before the elections. Kaya lang, ‘di kita type.
half a minute ago via API

MannyVPangilinan Here’s my unsolicited advice to our new president. Noy, it is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.
About 30 minutes ago via web

ANC_RickyCarandang @MannyVPangilinan sir, i think the advice u gave noynoy wasn’t original. That’s a quote from Nelson Mandela. You must apologize!
2 minutes ago via UberTwitter

mannypacmanpacquiao Watch up? ‘Muzta kau jan sa ating bansa? Ditu kami ni Jinkee sa Mixicu with Bob Arum. Rigards sa inyung lahat jan sa Batasan. Kay Paring Nuynuy, kungratz! Basta, pasalamat ka lang lagi kay Lord. ‘Tsaka, kaya mo ‘yan. Gudlak. At lagi kayong manood ni Shalani ng Pinuy Rikurds! Hehehe Juk lang!
1 minute ago via web

joeySalceda_of_albay Bonggang-bongga ang proclamation ni Noy! Winner! At nang dumating si Dingdong, naloka ang mga utaw! As in! I’m sure, bobongga rin ang ating ekonomiya! @dantonremoto naku naman professor, baka maunahan ka pa ni noynoy dito, nakakahiya. so fly ka na here sa resto! lafanggerzz ever! now na!
12 minutes ago via TweetDeck

GMA_RP thanks for the updates @GaryOlivar! i am starting to love shanghai, china. ooops, gtg. naghihintay na shi mike. mag-go-golf muna kami. and don’t worry gary, hindi namin kashama ang mag-ashawang jose at gina de venecia. nandiyan shila sha batashan. so it’s safe. ‘noh?
——————————–
“The President is the last person in the world to know what the people really want and think.”
~James Garfield

The Final Tally

(Note: Vetellano Acosta got 181,985 votes/Courtesy of ABS-CBN News)

Survey Says
Should ‘sex education’ be taught in grade school?
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Hmmm, i’ll think about it. 12%

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Personal
And just like that, the Los Angeles Lakers have regained homecourt advantage. We’re wrapping up the series in 6! Wohoo!

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