HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Christmas Tidbits
Malacañang’s Christmas party last week was supposed to be exclusive to Cabinet officials. Confusion ensued however when Executive Secretary Paquito Ochoa’s guest list inadvertently included some Communists and Sen. Gringo Honasan.

President Aquino was a no-show at the Presidential Communications Group-sponsored party. Secretary Ricky Carandang said the President was sent an invitation that apparently didn’t reach him. But Secretary Herminio Coloma believed the group actually forgot to send him one. Palace spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda explained, “At the end of the day, whether an invitation was sent or not, it’s still the thought that counts.”

Even without President Aquino, the Presidential Communications Group’s Christmas party pushed through. In fact, Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang had a blast during the event. Nagpa-raffle kasi ng pogi.

The Department of Interior and Local Government also sponsored a Christmas party. But there was this brief tense moment when a Christmas light bulb exploded and injured a guest from Hong Kong. Local Government Sec. Jesse Robredo couldn’t really explain how it happened saying it was Interior Undersecretary Rico E. Puno who was in-charge of the Christmas decors.

Undersecretary Rico E. Puno had the most number of guests during the DILG party. Asked who his visitors were a day later, he couldn’t remember anyone of them.

The Christmas party of the Commission on Human Rights started late, by at least an hour to be specific. CHR Commissioner Coco Quisumbing refused to start the program unless CHR employees followed her preferred seating arrangement.

The justices of the Supreme Court had so much fun during their own Christmas party. Divided into two groups, the justices performed two production numbers… which, as discovered by UP professors later, were copied from ‘ASAP’ and ‘Party Pilipinas.’

The Department of Tourism’s Christmas party was the most colorful of them all. Rumors say the DOT spent 5 million pesos! And that’s for the backdrop of the stage alone.

Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson spent his Christmas in Hong Kong because the judge hearing his drug case did not allow him to spend it here in the Philippines. Despite his sad fate, Singson remained in “high” spirits.

In Times Street, the Aquinos tried but failed to reenact the Nativity Scene… when Kris Aquino, who played the role of Mary, tried to divorce the man who played Joseph for psychological incapacity.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
—————————–
“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”
~Erma Bombeck

PERSONAL:Christmas Collision
Sino ang hindi dapat kasama sa larawang ito?

Siyempre, dapat wala d’yan ‘yong iyaking self-proclaimed king ng Heat!
Let’s go Lakers! #beattheheat
December 26, 8AM

Enjoy the rest of your vacation!

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YOUR WITNESS

JDV: The Witness

The Senate is reportedly planning to call former Speaker Jose de Venecia Jr. as a witness in its probe on the ZTE-NBN deal. (No need for a punch line. That’s funny enough.)

JDV: The Witness II

Malacañang is unfazed about the Senate’s reported plan to call former Speaker Jose de Venecia Jr. as a witness in its probe on the NBN-ZTE deal – especially now that photos of JDV enjoying his part-time job as GMA’s caddie in Shenzen, China have circulated.

JDV: The Witness III

Senator Panfilo Lacson believes former Speaker Jose De Venecia is the “next big witness” who will testify at the Senate NBN-ZTE investigation – unless the Philippine Daily Inquirer comes out with a banner headline identifying a “bigger witness.”

JDV: The Witness IV

Senator Panfilo Lacson’s sources say former Speaker De Venecia is ready to expose not only the ZTE-NBN deal but other anomalies in government as well and everything will be backed by documentary and other evidence. Exhibit A: Himself.

Suplico’s Witness

Iloilo Vice Gov. Rolex Suplico says his new witness in the NBN-ZTE deal might back out of the Senate inquiry, fearful that Malacañang had learned about his identity. The guy doesn’t want to suffer the fate of Romulo Neri whose “identity” was known to Malacañang.

Suplico’s Witness II

Iloilo Vice Gov. Rolex Suplico says the life of “Alex,” – his new witness to the ZTE-NBN deal is in great danger. Of course, Alex would have been safer and at peace today if Suplico didn’t “use” him in the first place.

Suplico’s Witness III

Iloilo Vice Gov. Rolex Suplico said that “suspicious-looking men” have been seen around the neighborhood of “Alex,” his new witness to the ZTE-NBN deal. But Alex’s neighbors allayed Suplico’s fears saying those men just wanted to know how much Alex received from the vice gov and asked if he could share them some “balato.”

Deaths in Myanmar

The United Nations warned that thousands of people who survived Myanmar’s powerful cyclone may die of starvation because of the military junta’s refusal to accept foreign aid. At least now, the tyrannical regime is giving Burmese people a choice: die from gun shot wounds or hunger.

GETTING READY TO RUMBLE

GMA vs. The Lopezes

Malacañang’s allies in Congress, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago and Cong. Mikey Arroyo are out to draw first blood on the Lopez-owned Manila Electric Co. as they initiate a joint congressional probe on Meralco’s high power rates. The Lopezes are unfazed though. If GMA has Miriam and Mikey, Meralco has DZMM and ANC.

JDV III On Food Crisis

Businessman Jose “Joey” de Venecia III said the cause of the country’s rice crisis can be described in one word – corruption. I am offering an alternative description in three letters – JDV.

Threats Against JDV III

Months after testifying on the ZTE broadband scandal, losing bidder Joey De Venecia III told the media that threats on his life continue. He didn’t give a reason though why the public should give a damn.

Gays and Santacruzan

Manila Archbishop Gaudencio Cardinal Rosales discourages homosexuals from joining the Santacruzan… totally ignoring the fact that without gays , the Reyna Elenas, Reyna Emperatrizes and the sagalas would probably look like menopausal hermana mayores sans make up.

No Cams, Phones in ORs

The Commission on Higher Education has banned medical students from using video cameras, mobile phones with camera features and other similar equipment while attending clinical classes and conducting surgeries. But if medical students have attending physicians like those docs at the Vicente Memorial Medical Center in Cebu, why fear a CHEd memo?

Piolo and Sam to DOJ

Claiming that entertainment columnist Lolit Solis has been bragging that she’s “close” to some DOJ prosecutors, rumored sweethearts Piolo Pascual and Sam Milby went to Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales’s office and sought assurances that the libel case they had filed against Solis would be handled fairly. Secretary Gonzales assured Piolo and Sam that the DOJ is impartial and fair – especially to gay people.

On A Serious Note

Unimpeachable sources say showbiz celeb F is dying. Celeb F went abroad recently for a check up but Celeb F’s American doctors were honest to say that therapy or any other form of medication is useless at this point in time. Celeb F decided to return home. Close friends quoted Celeb F as saying, “Ayokong sa US pa ako abutan.”

Sigh.

Personal

The NBA’s best player for the past four years has finally won a well-deserved MVP trophy. Yehey! Next up for Kobe Bryant, another NBA title!

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Top 12 Filipino Translations of Hollywood Movie Titles (Inspired by the Current Political Turmoil)

12: The Santa Clause: Ang Mabait na si Mike Defensor, Namimigay ng Pera

11: No Country for Old Men: Okay Sana si Salonga, Kaya Lang Matanda Na

10: There Will Be Blood: Bababa Ka Ba sa Puwesto o Hindi?!?

9: To Catch A Thief: Paano Hulihin Ang Unang Ginoo

8: Million Dollar Baby: Ang Kontrata sa ZTE

7: Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Itinakas sa NAIA

6: House of Flying Daggers: Ang Mababang Kapulungan ng Kongreso

5: Close Encounters of the Third Kind: Isang Gabi sa Piling Ni Neri

4: The Fast and the Furious: Mabilis Man Ang PSG, Naisahan Pa Rin Ng Mga Galit Na Madre

3: Liar Liar: Ang Pangulo

2: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Si Lozada, si De Venecia, at si Salceda (Bitch!)

And the No. 1 Filipino Translation of a Hollywood movie title…

1: Deliver Us From Evil: Ilayo Mo Kami sa Malakanyang