5M

27 10 2011

IT’S ALMOST NOVEMBER! It’s the season of bonuses! Have you received yours? The MILF just got theirs!

In case you missed my tweet this morning: The mystery behind Claudine Barretto’s missing bank deposit (P5M) has been solved. It was allegedly withdrawn by government peace panel chair Marvic Leonen and donated to the Moro Islamic Liberation Front!

Malacañang said the P5M given to the MILF was intended for the Bangsamoro Leadership and Management Institute (BLMI). The BLMI is where the MILF will train future Moro leaders who will fight the future government for a future substate.

Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says the government will ask the MILF to account for the amount it gave the rebel group last August. I’m sure it will be easy for the MILF to liquidate 5 milion pesos. It only took them minutes to liquidate 19 soldiers.

MILF vice chair for political affairs Ghadzali Jaafar insists the 5 million pesos “donated” by the government to the MILF is still intact. ‘k.

Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi and President Aquino now have something in common. They donated funds to the MILF rebels.

Gaddafi
Less than a week after his body was stored in a freezer, Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi was buried. Take that Ferdinand Marcos!

Colonel Moammar Gadhafi has been buried. But die-hard supporters couldn’t find his grave. Filipinos have a term for that: “Undas.”

Watch List
The Department of Justice has issued another watchlist order against former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and former First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo. The couple will not be allowed to leave the country sans the approval of the DOJ. Sources say the Arroyos are getting frustrated. They want some respect, consideration, and tolerance from the government. Hence, their plan to join the MILF.

State Visit
Vietnamese President Truong Tan Sang had a bilateral meeting with President Aquino in Malacañang Wednesday afternoon. Tan Sang is in the country for a three-day state visit. Now that explains why palace-based presidential speechwriter Mai Mislang is on a three-day leave of absence.

The President of Vietnam is in the country. Last night, he tweeted that the wine served by President Aquino didn’t suck and that “marami palang pogi dito.”

Clinton in Manila
US Secretary of State Hilary Rodham-Clinton will meet with President Aquino in Manila on November 15. This early, the President is being warned. Hillary hates cigars.

Pop Talk
The Philippines is the 12th most populous country in the world. Therefore, we are the 12th horniest people on earth. Congratulations!

According to the UN Population Fund, China has the biggest population at 1.3 billion, followed by India at 1.24 billion. In third place is Ramon Revilla Sr’s household.

Alcohol Poisoning
A British coroner ruled that Amy Winehouse drank herself to death. And Executive Secretary Paquito Ochoa was like, “Don’t worry. I know my limits.”

Anti- ‘Anti-Smoking Ban”
A Mandaluyong RTC judge has issued an injunction against the MMDA’s anti-smoking campaign. Critics say it was a victory for tobacco companies. Or as the judge would call it, “bonus!”

Sentenced
For illegally disbursing 21 million pesos in government funds, former ARMM Governor Zacaria Candao has been sentenced to 153 years in prison. If it’s any consolation, Candao will be locked up in a prison cell with a convict identified as Michael Scofield.

—————————————————————————————————
“A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit.”
~John C. Maxwell

Quotes of the Week
“I think ‘all-out justice’ are just words. The President is trying not the use ‘all-out war’ because it will definitely cause some furor among different sectors. But what does all-out justice really mean?”
~Sen. Francis Joseph Escudero

“The watchlist order which has the effect of a hold departure order is illegal. To me, the watchlist order that encroaches on the right of a person to travel is contrary to the Constitution.”
~Sen. Franklin Drilon on the watchlist order issued by the DOJ vs. CGMA et al.

Elsewhere
GMA News: MMDA sets up smoking areas on EDSA, Commonwealth

How big was the world when you were born? Find out here. This is fun and informative.

Phil. Daily Inquirer: Fast Facts: The World Population

You Have Spoken
The President has spoken. Ikaw, anong stand mo sa problema natin sa MILF?
-All-out war! All out justice! 64.47%
-Peace talks! All-out justice! 25%
-Thinking… 10.53%

Happy Holidays! Stay safe. Spread the love.

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AYON SA MGA BITUIN (Reload)

7 12 2010

BAGO IBAHAGI ng mga bituin ang kanilang mga hula, nais munang magpasalamat ni Professional Heckler sa kanyang natanggap na nominasyon sa 2010 Philippine Blog Awards. He is not expecting a win but he’s hoping that the jury would give him the award. Parang awa n’yo na po. Pasko naman. [At nagmakaawa daw talaga. How pathetic!]

This just in! Oh, I got a second nomination. My post: EXCLUSIVE: GMA Breaks Her Silence is one of the finalists in the category: Top Three Posts for 2010. To borrow Maria Venus Raj’s oft-used phrase, “Sobra-sobrang amazing ng feeling.” Thank you Philippine Blog Awards!


MATAGAL RING NAMAHINGA ANG MGA BITUIN.
Kaya naman inspirado silang magbigay ng mga babala, hula, at saloobin. Maging ang galaw ng mga planeta ay madali ring basahin.

Ngunit katulad ng laging paalala ni Ms. Zenaida ‘Syzygy’ Seva:
“Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.”

Ngayon, subukan mong isaulo o memoryahin ang linyang ‘yan at bigkasin nang malakas, a la-Zeny Seva. Ready? 1, 2, 3…

“Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.”

Perfect!

Ngayon, narito na ang kapalaran ng ilang kilalang tao sa bansa… Ayon sa mga Bituin:
President Noynoy Aquino
Birth: February 8, 1960
Sign: Aquarius
Simulan natin ang pagbasa sa iyong kapalaran with your lucky color – walang iba kundi phlegm green. [Tigilan na kasi ang paninigarilyo!] Ang iyong lucky number ay 6/55. Sa aspeto ng pag-ibig, magpapatuloy ang paglabas mo kasama ang iba’t ibang babae. [Ang pogi mo kasi! Kainis!] Para kang kalendaryo, maraming date. [Syet, ang korni!] Pero wala sa kanila ang babaeng mamahalin mo nang tuluyan. Ang payo ng mga bituin: huwag madaliin ang pag-ibig at ‘wag pilitin ang puso. Kung ‘di ukol, hindi bubukol. Kapag ‘di bumukol, well… huwag nang magtaka: malapit ka nang mag-51!

Former President Joseph Estrada
Birth: April 19, 1937
Sign: Aries
Hindi ito ang tamang panahon upang ibenta ang iyong mansion sa No. 1 Polk Street, Greenhills, San Juan City. Kung nalalakihan ka rito, pagsama-samahin ang iyong mga pamilya upang ma-maximize ang espasyo. ‘Di ba, ikaw na rin ang nagsabi? The more, the manyer. Tigilan ang pautot na naghihirap ka na. Hindi ka convincing na aktor. Besides, wala na ring credibility ang FAMAS. Huwag ka nang umasa ng nomination. Lucky number: Kung ilan ang babaeng naanakan mo Lucky color: Chartreuse [Ay teka, baka ‘di mo ma-spell. Red na lang.]

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim
Birth: Dec. 21, 1929
Sign: Sagitarrius
Gawing doble ang pag-iingat. Anumang araw mula ngayon, habang naglalakad sa Maynila, isang rumaragasang ‘kuliglig’ ang sasalubong sa ‘yo. Ngunit isang pulis-Maynila ang haharang sa kuliglig upang iligtas ka sa tiyak na kapamahakan. Magpapatawag ka ng press con, at sa ikalawang pagkakataon, bibigkasin mo ang mga linyang ito: “Pulis lang! Pulis lang ang magpapakamatay! [sabay suntok sa mesa] Remember that, pulis lang!” After ng press con, bigla na lang mawawala ang driver ng kuliglig. Siya ay huling makikita sa may bahaging Tondo.

Asst. Sec. Carmen ‘Mai’ Mislang
Birth: Malihim siya.
Sign: Hindi kami close.
Hindi mabasa ng mga bituin ang iyong kapalaran. Masyado kang tahimik these days. Pero may good news ang mga planetang gumagabay sa araw-araw mong galaw: napatawad ka na ng sambayanan. Puwede ka na ulit maging active sa Twitter. #solitudesucks #maramingpogidun #itanongmopakay @rickycarandang

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Birth: June 1, 1948
Sign: Gemini
Palitan ang wig na isinusuot kapag lumalabas ng hideout. Masyado nang makapal ang alikabok nito. Magsagawa ng loyalty check sa mga katiwala sa pinagtataguang bahay. Isa sa kanila ang posibleng mag-chuchu sa kinaroroonan mo. Ikaka-imbyerna mo ito. Isang text message ang mare-receive mo anytime this week. Ito ang nilalaman ng mensahe: “Dear Mr. Senator, I sympathize and agree with you. The justice system in this country is insane. By the way, I can offer you temporary sanctuary. Bakante naman ang basement ko ngayon. – Love, Marlene Aguilar

Claire De La Fuente
President, Integrated Metro Bus Operators Association
Birth: December 28, 1958
Sign: Capricorn
Sayang! Sabay-sabay na ‘di nagpakita ang mga bituin ngayon. Wala kang horoscope! Promise, hindi nila sinadya ‘yon.

Executive Sec. Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa
Birth: November 11, 1960
Sign: Scorpio
A-ha! Kaya naman pala eh. Scorpio ka kasi. ‘Yun lang!

Note: The stars are submitting a fine-tuned reading for Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa. Apologies for the premature release of the horoscope.

Executive Sec. Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa
Birth: November 11, 1960
Sign: Scorpio
May mga parating na pagbabago sa iyong trabaho. Malapit na. Ramdam mo na ba? Sakali’t ‘di magustuhan, huwag idaan sa paglalasing. Hindi solusyon ang alkohol sa malalasap na kabiguan. Magpakatatag. Malay natin, hindi matuloy. Sa aspeto naman ng pag-ibig, ipagpatuloy ang pagiging tahimik at misteryoso – asset ‘yan sa mga chicks! By the way, kahapon nang umaga sa dzMM, naintriga ang mga planeta sa rebelasyong binitiwan ni Ted Failon. Sabi ni Ted sa co-anchor na si Pinky Webb: “Ang alam ko… crush ka ni Jojo Ochoa!” #patayTAYOjan! [After the Vina Morales and Pops Fernandez incident, hindi ka pa rin ba nadala?] Concerned lang ang mga bituin.

Grand Lotto Winner
Birth: Confidential
Sign: Confidential
Upang matiyak ang iyong kaligtasan, iwasan mo ang sumusunod na mga lugar: palengke (maraming taon do’n); Twitter (maraming pahamak do’n), at simbahan (self-explanatory).

AND FINALLY…
Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz
Birth: November 17, 1934
Sign: Scorpio
Hindi na magpapaliguy-ligoy pa ang mga bituin. Ayaw mo sa RH bill! Ayaw mo sa condom! Ayaw mo sa jueteng! Ayaw mo sa STL! Ayaw mo sa lotto! Ayaw mong manalo ang mga taong tumataya sa lotto! Gusto mong umalis ng bansa ang mga taong nananalo sa lotto, etc. etc. Dahil d’yan malakas ang kutob ng mga bituin na ikaw ay magiging successful publisher soon! Ang dami mo kasing isyu!

IN THE NEWS NOW…

Finding Lacson
The National Bureau of Investigation has failed to locate fugitive senator Panfilo Lacson after two unsuccessful operations in Quezon City last Friday and Tanauan City in Batangas last Saturday. After QC and Batangas, the NBI has yet to announce – the next venue for the Moro-moro.

Ruined?
Reports say President Aquino is blaming the media for ruining his love life. It marked the first time since assuming office that the President has put the blame on someone other than Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

Bishop vs. Santa
Newly-retired Bishop Teodoro Bacani accuses Santa Claus of stealing the true spirit of Christmas. Santa dismissed the allegation as unfair and accused Bacani of “getting even” after the latter’s name made it again on Santa’s annual “naughty” list.

Wikileaks
Controversial Wikileaks founder Julian Assange is being hunted by authorities for rape and sexual harassment. But a defiant Assange said in a statement he’d rather die than surrender.

Julian Assange is wanted on suspicion of “sex crimes.” Reports say while having consensual sex with a woman in Sweden, his condom broke and did not disclose it to his partner. Now we know why it’s called WikiLeaks.

Sole Survivor
GMA 7’s “Survivor Philippines: Celebrity Showdown” held its finalé last Friday. In case you’re not familiar with the successful reality show, ‘Survivor Philippines’ was produced by Filipinos; shot entirely in Thailand, and was ultimately won by a Brazilian citizen with Japanese descent.

In Sports

The Philippine football team shocked defending champion Vietnam, 2 goals to nil in the ongoing ASEAN Football Federation (AFF) Suzuki Cup tournament. After the loss, Vietnamese national football coach Henrique Calisto criticized the Philippines’ defensive tactics calling it “poor.” He also refused to shake our coach’s hand after the match. Where was Mai Mislang when we needed her most!?

Vietnamese national football coach Henrique Calisto refused to shake hands with Philippine XI coach Simon McMenemy after Vietnam lost to our football team in the ongoing Suzuki Cup in Hanoi. Oo na! Pogi ka na! #calistosucks
—————————————
“The celestial bodies are the cause of all that takes place in the sublunar world.”
~Thomas Aquinas

Elsewhere…
Thank you to the [Philippine Daily] Inquirer Super! Ehem.
25 Blogs you should be reading

Also, loyal LA Lakers fan, journalist TJ Manotoc and 24 others are on the list of the 25 Pinoys you should follow on Twitter.

[Just kidding. TJ is an adherent of the 'championship ring-less' LeBron James and the Miami Heat. #asapa! But, yeah, he's on the list.]

Survey Says
Sa umiinit na namang isyu ng Vizconde massacre, ano ang paniniwala mo:
– Guilty naman talaga ang mga na-convict. 40.25%
– Palayain si Hubert Webb! 17.97%
– Hintayin na lang ang desisyon ng Korte Suprema. 41.77%

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Have a great week! Ingat.





FIGURES

10 11 2010


Clinton in Manila
Former US President Bill Clinton paid a courtesy call on President Aquino in Malacañang. It was a very casual meeting between the two leaders. When Aquino asked, “Coffee, milk or tea?” Clinton replied, “Interns.”

President Aquino received a courtesy call from former US President Bill Clinton. It was a casual and private meeting between the two leaders. Aquino talked about alternative sources of funds; Clinton talked about alternative uses of cigars.


Clinton in Manila II
On Wednesday, the Alpha Phi Omega fraternity (Gamma Epsilon Chapter) came out with half-page ads in leading broadsheets to welcome their “brod,” former US President Bill Clinton. Rumors say, during Clinton’s brief stay here, APO members had so much fun with him. It was a blast!

TV War: A Postscript
According to AGB Nielsen’s Mega Manila ratings last Monday, November 8, TV5’s ‘Willing Willie’ with Shalani Soledad beat ABS-CBN’s ‘TV Patrol’ with Korina Sanchez, 11.6 to 10.7. Mar Roxas is reportedly filing a protest.

Reports say President Aquino did not watch Shalani Soledad’s hosting debut on television. Not that he avoided seeing her but… you have to understand, “Willing Willie” was on the same time slot as ‘The Tom and Jerry Show.’

According to Kantar TNS’ Mega Manila ratings, ‘TV Patrol’ with comeback queen Korina Sanchez won against TV5’s ‘Willing Willie,’ with its new co-host Shalani Soledad, 20.9 to 19.3. Meanwhile, GMA 7’s 24Oras got 23.4 percent prompting Ms. Jessica Soho to exclaim, “Thank God, Tita Mel wasn’t an ex-girlfriend!”

According to ABS-CBN’s survey firm Kantar TNS, ‘TV Patrol’ is tops nationwide, as well as in Metro Manila. ‘K.

On ‘Willing Willie’ last Monday, Councilor Shalani Soledad said, “This is not about Willie. This is not about me, but it’s more on kung ano ang magagawa para sa tao.” Is it 2013 yet?


Out Soon?
Unconfirmed reports say President Aquino will soon replace Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa. If that’s true, the President just gave Ochoa another reason to get drunk.

At around 2:47AM (Wednesday), news websites started posting reports that Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa was on the way out. The reports didn’t specify if he’s on the way out as Little President or on the way out of a bar.

Rumors say Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa, who received flak for committing blunder after blunder will be replaced by Energy Secretary Jose Rene Almendras. Almendras says he’s not aware of the issue and then cleared Ochoa of any wrongdoing as Little President.

Lotto Fever
The Grand Lotto 6/55 draw on Wednesday, November 10 has a jackpot prize of 375 million pesos. Ang liit naman! That’s equivalent to just one senator’s pork barrel for one and half years.

Senator Juan Miguel Zubiri admits he spends 2,000 pesos on lotto every month. Apparently, Zubiri believes in luck. That’s what made him senator anyway.

Senator Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr is also a lotto fan. His six numbers are a combination of the birth dates of his women.

APEC Summit
President Aquino is off to Yokohama tomorrow for the APEC Summit. As reported earlier, his speechwriter, Asst. Sec. Carmen ‘Mai’ Mislang will not be part of the official delegation, and that’s really unfortunate. Marami pa namang pogi sa Japan.

Guidelines
President Aquino has reportedly approved the draft of guidelines for government employees in using social media networks like Twitter and Facebook. Rule No. 1: Drinking wine (that sucks) while tweeting is not allowed… especially if you are in Vietnam. Rule No. 2: Don’t cross the street while you tweet. That’s suicide. And finally, Rule No. 3: In reality, ang pogi ay para lang sa maganda. Kung wala kang makita, baka hindi sila ang may problema. Baka ikaw.
—————————————
“A competitive world offers two possibilities. You can lose. Or, if you want to win, you can change.”
~Anonymous

Elsewhere…
Manila Standard Today: The Return of the K-Team

Philippine Daily Inquirer: Insatiable starlet meets match

Briefly Noted
In PDI’s Biz Buzz column Wednesday, November 8, reporter Dax Lucas re-released some figures from ABS-CBN (Kantar TNS) showing TV Patrol winning against TV5’s ‘Willing Willie,’ and GMA7’s ’24Oras’ last Monday night.

I wonder why Lucas didn’t cite the figures from Nielsen Media which revealed that ‘24Oras’ and ‘Willing Willie’ actually clobbered the comebacking duo of Korina and Kabayan last Monday in Mega Manila. What’s PDI’s slogan again? Balanced News, Fearless Views?

Survey Says
Pabor ka ba sa desisyon ni Councilor Shalani Soledad na maging co-host ni Willie Revillame?
– OO. Why not? 21.44%
– HINDI. 44.37%
– Wala akong pakialam! 34.18%

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HOT SEAT

2 11 2010


State Visits
Reports say leaders of at least six nations invited President Aquino for a state visit soon. Hoping to persuade Aquino, the six leaders vowed to serve better tasting wine.

http://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/mislang.jpg?w=158&h=165 The Mai Mislang Case: A Postscript
Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office Assistant Secretary Carmen “Mai” Mislang pleaded guilty to posting insensitive tweets while in Vietnam. Less than 24 hours later, President Aquino granted her amnesty.

Senator Francis Pangilinan says embattled Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang made a mistake, has apologized, and was reprimanded. That, for him was enough. Mistake. Apology. Reprimand. End of story. It obviously worked for him and Shawie. Hopefully, it works for everybody.

Saying Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s apology was enough, Senator Francis Pangilinan said the public should focus on the serious problems of the country. Okay, sure. Let’s start with the Presidential Communications Group.

Top 5 Rejected Suggestions for Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s New Email Address (to Sign Up for a New Twitter Account)
[Note: Mislang has reportedly deactivated (or probably deleted) her Twitter account.]

No. 5: ihavelearnedmylesson@hanoi.biz

No. 4: pogi_hunting@foreigntrips.net

No. 3: statevisittovietnam@neveragain.com

No. 2: thewinestillsucked@honestlangtalagaako.ph

And the No. 1 rejected suggestion for Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s new email address…

sobrangmissko_na_angtwitter@taklesaunderfire.org

Bar Blast Update
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima says two more members of the Alpha Phi Omega fraternity are being hunted for their suspected involvement in the bar exams blast last September. Rumors say the two APO members will surrender… as soon as Vice President Jejomar Binay becomes available.

Most Wanted Man
The country’s most wanted man, kidnap suspect Rolando Fajardo was arrested after 10 years in hiding. With Fajardo’s arrest, the No. 1 position is now occupied by Senator Panfilo Lacson.
One of the country’s most wanted men, Rolando Fajardo believes he will get a fair and just trial under the new administration of President Aquino. If lucky, he could even get an amnesty.

SWS Survey
The good news is: 7 out of 10 are satisfied with Vice President Jojo Binay. The bad news is: Mrs. Binay is not of one of them.

Lacson’s Driver
Fugitive senator Panfilo Lacson’s former bodyguard and driver, retired Senior Police Officer 4 Reynaldo Oximoso was arrested in Bagac, Bataan Monday. Oximoso is facing charges for allegedly killing a cop, as well as identity theft… after he tried to pose as Morgan Freeman.

From RP to PH
The Department of Foreign Affairs announced recently that the government has shifted from using RP as official acronym of the Philippines to PH (or PHL). But DFA officials categorically denied rumors that the country’s official motto will likewise be changed from the original “Maka-Diyos, Maka-Tao, Makakalikasan at Makabansa” to simply… “PH Cares.”


Kris’ Dream
President Aquino’s youngest sister, Kris revealed Tuesday, “I dreamt of mom. It was as if she was moving in my house. Parang nagpaparamdam si mom na parang everything is at peace na.” Yeah, it was. Until that dream.


“Imagine” Manny & Will
Manny Pacquiao guested again on the late-night talk show show Jimmy Kimmel Live where he performed a duet with comedian Will Ferrell. Pacman and Will sang the John Lennon classic “Imagine.” Watching the show online in Malacanang, an unidentified official murmured, “the duet sucks.”

TV Patrol
Former vice president Noli De Castro, former congressman Ted Failon, and former senator Mar Roxas’ wife Korina Sanchez will anchor ABS-CBN’s TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. Nope, there’s no truth to rumors that the newscast will change its name to “Strictly Politics.” [Ayaw ni Pia Hontiveros ng ganyan! :-) ]

A former vice president, a former congressman, and a former senator’s wife will anchor TV Patrol starting next week. This early, Forbes Magazine is keen on naming TV Patrol Asia’s most powerful and influential news program.

Former vice president Noli De Castro will return to TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. Rumors say Globe Asiatique is interested in placing ads in the program.

Korina Sanchez will be back on TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. While politicians cannot return to government service within a period of one year, ABS-CBN bosses are reinstating Korina because the constitution allows the return of the wives of defeated candidates after a brief period of… embarrassment.
———————————–
“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”
– Sam Levenson

Survey Says
Aling trio ang gusto mong mapanood sa TV Patrol?
– Karen Davila, Julius Babao, Ted Failon 27.84%
– Noli De Castro, Ted Failon, Korina Sanchez 16.04%
– Who cares?! 56.12%

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TACTLESS

31 10 2010


PRESIDENT AQUINO is back from Vietnam. In case you’re not familiar with Vietnam, it’s that Southeast Asian country where “wine sucks, men don’t look good, and busy streets kill people.”

Mai Gosh!
While President Aquino was being received by Vietnamese leader Nguyen Minh Triet, his speechwriter, Assistant Secretary Carmen “Mai” Mislang was tweeting “(the) wine sucks.” Apparently, Mislang knows more about wine than protocols.

Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang of the Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office received flak for tweeting, “sorry walang pogi dito #vietnam.” Malacañang obviously failed to inform Mislang that the purpose of the state visit was to establish economic – not romantic ties with the Vietnamese.

Defending the embattled assistant secretary, deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte says Mislang is one of the hardest working people in the Presidential Communications office – something that was evident during the state visit. Despite her busy schedule, she was able to hang around ogling Vietnamese boys! Sipag!

Assistant Secretary Mislang also tweeted, “crossing the speedy motorcyle-laden streets of Hanoi is one of the easiest ways to die” – to which a Vietnamese blogger reportedly replied, “posting insensitive tweets during a state visit is one of the easiest ways to damage diplomatic ties.”

Apology
Amid mounting criticisms, Assistant Sec. Mai Mislang wrote on her Facebook wall, “I apologize for my comments.” Rumors say Vietnamese nationals are willing to forgive Mislang… but only after she has tried crossing the streets of Hanoi.

On her Facebook account, Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang was more apologetic. She wrote, “I feel extremely blessed to be in a beautiful country blessed with warm hospitable people.” And the “Bait-baitan School of Acting Award” goes to…

Deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte assures Mislang’s tweets won’t affect the relationship between the Philippines and Vietnam. She didn’t say though if the tweets would affect the relationship between Filipinos and the Communications Group.

Communications Secretary Ricky Carandang told Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang to restrain herself next time. Carandang explained that Mislang may have just been excited because this was her first state visit. And probably her last.

This just in: Amid a storm of criticism over her controversial tweets, Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang has officially filed a leave of absence… from Twitter.

Light Bites
Veni. Vidi. Vietnam. – I came. I saw. I insulted.

Halloween & Politics
Sunday was Halloween. It’s that time of the year when some people wear masks and costumes to hide their true selves and then go out scaring other people hoping to win something big. Wait a minute, that’s not Halloween. That’s the national elections.

Reports say Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo came in as a witch in a pre-Halloween party for neophyte lawmakers last week. The former president was praised by her colleagues for being effortless.

Sources say Ilocos Norte Rep. Imelda Marcos also attended the said event. She wore her original face.
————————
“Tact is the unsaid part of what you think; its opposite, the unthought part of which you say.”
~Henry Van Dyke

From an unimpeachable source
Former vice president Noli De Castro, former congressman Ted Failon, and former senator Mar Roxas’ wife Korina Sanchez will anchor TV Patrol starting November 8. Karen Davila will banner Bandila. What will happen to Julius Babao and Ces Drilon? Abangan! Ganyan talaga sa telebisyon, parang pulitika lang. Minsan, mas matindi pa. Weather-weather lang.

Survey Says
Alas-sais y medya ng gabi. Ano ang pinapanood sa bahay n’yo?
– 24 Oras 41.69%
– TV Patrol 48.86%
– Willing Willie 9.45%

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