UNANIMOUS

I WAS LIVE TWEETING during the Pacquiao-Mosley fight. Sharing you some of my tweets here:

If Sugar Shane Mosley were poverty, the Philippines would be a First World country by now!

All three judges scored the fight for Manny Pacquiao. It was a unanimous boredom.

You knew the bout would be lackluster… when Manny Pacquiao declared three days ago that he wanted to fight poverty instead.

Online reports say Jinkee Pacquiao was wearing a pair of 7-million peso dangling earrings during Manny’s fight. That only proved one thing. Like Manny, Jinkee hates poverty!

Sugar Shane Mosley and Manny Pacquiao had only nice words for each other after the fight. Mosley said Pacquiao was “fearless.” Pacquiao said Mosley was “friendly.”

To give you an idea of how lame Sugar Shane Mosley was, Manny Pacquiao‘s wife Jinkee was a hot trending topic on Twitter worldwide, Mosley was not.

By Round 5 the MGM Grand Garden Arena spectators started booing. The fight was mosley Manny.

By Round 6, it was all over… but the concert.

By Round 11, Mosley’s face was hardly recognizable; Pacquiao’s face was hardly affected. And Jinkee’s face hardly moved.

Manny Pacquiao won via unanimous decision against American Sugar Shane Mosley. And his critics ask: If he failed in knocking out Mosley, how do we expect him to knock out poverty?

Ten minutes after the fight, GMA7’s telecast started… giving Sugar Shane Mosley another crack at Manny. He still lost the fight. Sayang!

Interviewed on dzBB, Presidential Communications Secretary Herminio Coloma said, “Ang panawagan ni Manny ay magkaisa tayo. Dapat nating sundin ang panawagang ito.” You first.

Manny Pacquiao wore yellow gloves and blue trunks. The Samar Group hated it.

During the 12-round bout, it wasn’t Sugar Shane Mosley who posed a threat to Manny. It was that careless referee.

Manny Pacquiao’s next assignment? Probably, Juan Manuel Marquez. Sugar Shane Mosley’s next assignment? Probably a San Miguel Beer commercial.

After Pacquiao’s win over Sugar Shane Mosley, people started to ask, “Who will be next for Manny?” Well, that’s easy. Who’s aging?

“Dear Sugar Shane Mosley,
What the hell was that?
You hardly fought.
Who do you think you are, the Lakers?”
————————————————————————
“Boxing is the toughest and loneliest sport in the world.”
~Frank Bruno

Heavy Downpour
As I write this, it’s raining hard here in Makati City. Just last week, temperatures reached record highs. Now there’s a storm. I hate you MAY WEATHER! #pacmanforever

In Memoriam
BREAKING NEWS: At 6AM today, May 9 (Manila time), the 2010-2011 season of the L.A. Lakers expired. The coaching staff tried to revive it to no avail. The team succumbed to complications associated with old age and “trust issues.” The bereaved family of owner Dr. Jerry Buss would like to thank the Lakers community for their unwavering support. In lieu of brooms, ridicule, and mockery, the team is asking for prayers.

Thank you Lakers for the 2010-2011 memories. I’ll always be your No. 1 fan. “For good times & bad times, I’ll be on your side forever more… ”

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Enjoy the week ahead. Stay safe!
Let’s go Lakers!

COMPROMISE

CPP Turns 42
The Communist Party of the Philippines marks its 42nd year today, December 26. To celebrate its anniversary, CPP founding chair Jose Maria Sison will blow 42 candles while the CPP’s armed wing, the New People’s Army will blow up 42 cell sites.

Batch ‘71
The more prominent members of the Philippine Military Academy Batch ’71 reportedly enjoyed their Christmas shopping last week. Sen. Gringo Honasan bought jewelry for his wife; Senator Panfilo Lacson bought toys for his grandson, and ex-General Carlos Garcia bought temporary liberty for himself.

Ex-General Carlos Garcia who is facing plunder charges is out on bail! Rumors say the Sandiganbayan granted him liberty because they believed his alibi that he was in the United States when the crime took place and that he didn’t personally know Jessica Alfaro.

Cabinet Revamp
Last Friday, Presidential Communications Strategy Secretary Ricky Carandang confirmed that President Benigno Aquino would revamp his Cabinet next year. Quoting the President, Carandang said three cabinet officials would be affected by the reshuffle. He did not reveal their names although one thing’s for sure, those guys have no interest whatsoever in guns or target shooting. #sorrynalang

BIR’s Wrong List
Earlier this month, the Bureau of Internal Revenue released an erroneous list of the Top Individual Taxpayers for 2009. BIR Commissioner Kim Henares was quick to deny that the list was made by Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa.

Len Lopez
Last December 16 President Aquino reportedly brought along his latest date, stockbroker Maria Elena “Len” Lopez to a sit down dinner with Cabinet officials and their spouses. Two words: (click here).

Annoying
For the second straight year, “whatever” was voted the most annoying word or phrase by Americans according to The Marist Poll. Meanwhile, in the Philippines, for the third straight year, voted the most annoying was Kris Aquino.

Pacman On Top
CNN’s Sports Illustrated has chosen Manny Pacquiao and his 2010 bouts as the year’s biggest boxing story. In close second was the Balay vs. Samar fight.

Solon Loses Cool
Alliance of Volunteer Educators (AVE) party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay reportedly berated a PAL ground attendant when he and his sons could not be seated together in the business class section of a PAL flight to Los Angeles recently. When told that all seats were taken, Magsaysay allegedly told the attendant “Shut up you bitch! You menopausal bitch. Ipapasisante kita.” Apparently, this educator was a terror teacher.

An incensed AVE party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay reportedly told a ground attendant, “Shut up bitch! You menopausal bitch!” Dahil d’yaaan, may nagtxxxxxxt! “Dear Congressman, saan ka ba nagpunta? Hinahanap ka na ng iyong amo. Bumalik ka na raw sa iyong kural.”

Flight Attendants Win
Favoring the Flight Attendants’ and Stewards’ Association of the Philippines in their dispute against Philippine Airlines, the Department of Labor and Employment has increased the mandatory retirement age of all flight attendants to 60 years old. The decision was slammed by PAL… and AVE party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay.

Crotch Me if You Can
Airport authorities nabbed a 38-year-old passenger headed for Cotabato City Airport on Christmas day after a packet of suspected shabu, or methamphetamine hydrochloride, was found in his underwear. Airport cops were definite about the substance saying, “Kapag shabu kasi, ‘di ka makakatulog. ‘Yong kuwan niya gising na gising!”
———————————————-
“Once you consent to some concession, you can never cancel it and put things back the way they are.”
~ Howard Hughes

Survey Says
Sa isyu ng errors sa new Philippine peso bills, your take:
- Importanteng maitama ang mali. Maliit man ang error, error pa rin. 49.76%
- Sus! Masyadong pinapalaki ang isyu. Lahat na lang pinansin. 40.67%
- Wala akong pakialam. 9.57%

Elsewhere
Palace releases list of holidays for 2011

CNN Sports Illustrated: Top Boxing Stories: Pacquiao is No. 1

CNN Sports Illustrated: Azkals made it on the list of the Top 10 Football Stories

Personal
The Los Angeles Lakers lost to the Miami Heat in today’s Christmas battle. Sa mga fans ni LeBron at ng Miami Heat, heto ang sa inyo: [Click here.]

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THREE-PEAT

I don’t even know where to begin, how to start. Let me try…

IT HAS BEEN A FRUITFUL year for The Professional Heckler.

Last night, December 12, our blog – oo, kasama ka do’n; atin ‘to – won two awards in the 2010 Philippine Blog Awards (PBA): Best Humor Blog and a “Top 3 Posts of the Year” trophy for “Exclusive: GMA Breaks Her Silence.”

In my acceptance speech, I said, “Hindi ko in-expect ‘to. Inasam ko ‘to.”

To the thousands of readers, visitors, critics, friends and fans (mehhhh ganun?) of this blog sa Pilipinas at sa iba’t ibang panig ng mundo, isang taos-pusong pasasalamat sa inyong walang sawa at walang pagod na pagbabasa, pagpuna, at pagsuporta. Allow me to borrow a line from Melanie Marquez’ speech when she won best actress in the 1987 Metro Manila Film Festival, “Ito na po yata ang pinakamaligaya kong Pasko at manigong bagong taon sa inyong lahat!”

To the judges, and to the men & women of the Philippine Blog Awards, maraming salamat sa pagtitiwala.

Sa lahat ng pulitiko, tao ng gobyerno, aktor, aktres, journalists, organisasyon o grupong naging paksa sa munting espasyong ito sa cyberspace, maraming salamat sa inyong pang-unawa.

Nais kong ibahagi ang parangal na ito sa mga mamamahayag na Pilipino – sa kanilang sipag, tiyaga, at pagpupunyaging maihatid ang mga balita sa publiko. Kung minsan, buhay ang kapalit ng pagtupad ninyo sa inyong mga tungkulin at trabaho. Saludo ako sa inyo. Kung wala kayo, wala ang blog na ito. Thank you guys! Kitakits sa Twitter!

To my family, para po sa inyo ‘to.

Kris Aquino, I love you!
Kapag ikaw ang topic ko, bentang-benta ang blog ko. Pero ang gulo pa rin ng buhay mo. Leche flan ka!

Hangga’t may gobyerno, magsusulat ako.

The Event
I had second thoughts about showing up at the awards night. On my way to the Carlos P. Romulo Auditorium (RCBC Plaza) in Makati City, a friend announced a spoiler of sorts on Twitter. She said: “Guess what guys! The Philippine Blog Awards has named the lone winner for Best Humor Blog, and the name of the winner is Miko Morelos!” Of course my friend was just making papansin so I ignored her.

Running late, I almost beat the red light on Buendia Avenue. A traffic enforcer approached me and asked, “Anong akala mo sa sarili mo si Schumacher?” I replied, “Hindi manong. Akala ko ako ang bise-presidente.”

I arrived at the venue shortly before 7PM. Rumors have it that President Aquino was sending a representative to the awarding ceremonies. It turned out that he decided to cancel it at the last minute due to pressure from China.

This year’s Philippine Blog Awards (PBA) adopted the slogan: ‘Beyond blogging.’ The PBA organizing committee denied rumors it spent 5 million pesos when it was launched.

Following the announcement of the first set of winners, I approached a member of the PBA organizing committee to verify if the list of winners was accurate. This, after I heard a blogger said he obtained a copy of the same list and he saw the names of Senator Gringo Honasan and some Communists.

After my name was announced as the winner, I received a text message from Executive Sec. Jojo Ochoa. It said, “Inumaaaan na!”

A second message came in while I was delivering my acceptance speech. “Puwede ka ba naming iphone-patch ngayon nang live, nationwide – Michael Rogas, RMN.” I refused.

Before the night was over, a raffle draw was conducted. The biggest winner was a 60-year-old balikbayan blogger from New York whose name organizers refused to reveal for security reasons.

Outside the venue, shortly after the awarding ceremony, fellow bloggers asked if they could have their photos taken with me. Others even inquired about my love life. So I told them, “Ibalato n’yo na lang ang konting privacy na natitira sa akin.”

To celebrate my victory, I plan to take someone out for dinner later – either in Rockwell or Greenbelt. But I’m having a hard time choosing a date. I think I need to consult my sisters. My biological sisters, not the Pink ones.
———————————
“When it comes to winning, you need the skill and the will.”
~Frank Tyger

Elsewhere
The Philippine Blog Awards 2010 Honor Roll

Usec. Manolo Quezon’s keynote address: 2010 Philippine Blog Awards

Postscript
- To my LA Lakers family, Kobe, coach Phil, Pau, Derek, Lamar, Ron-ron, Sasha, Andrew, and the rest of the guys, salamat sa suporta. Punyeta! Umayos kayo.
Breaking News: The Lakers won against the Nets before dawn today. Kobe scored 32.
- To my BFF, BFFin mong mukha mo. Wehehe Can’t w8 to see u in purple and gold! #beattheheat #paskonaba?
- To Mel de Rossi and Glo DeGeneres, you’re the best!

Finally, in lieu of compliments, praises, and congratulations, I shall accept cash. Maiba naman. #ofcourseiwasjoking #puwedengseryosohin.

Survey Says
Dahil sa umano’y sunud-sunod na kapalpakan, dapat na nga bang palitan o mag-resign si Executive Sec. Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa?
- ALIS d’yan! 83.24%
- STAY ka lang! 3.69%
- Wala akong pakialam. 13.07%

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Have a great week!
Mahal ko kayong lahat!. #kesongputi #chizcurls #quesodebola #chizescudero

POLITICS AND BASKETBALL

Boston’s Loss
The Los Angeles Lakers won the 2010 NBA Finals in a come-from-behind fashion. The Boston Celtics are blaming Peping Cojuangco, Chiz Escudero, Conrado De Quiros, William Esposo, and the Council on Philippine Affairs for the loss.

Leading 3 games to 2 entering Game 6, the Boston Celtics failed to sustain its momentum and lost the NBA Championship to the Los Angeles Lakers. Despite Boston’s loss though, Noynoy Aquino assures his unwavering support for the team and promised to cheer on them again after one year.

The Boston Celtics lost to the Los Angeles Lakers in a thrilling fight to the finish. Despite Boston’s heartbreaking loss, Noynoy Aquino reiterated his support for the team and even said that Kevin Garnett was his alter ego.

The Boston Celtics lost to the Los Angeles Lakers who zoomed to the top during the last stages of the finals. Citing the lack of support from the Celtics’ second unit, Boston believer Korina Sanchez felt betrayed.

LA’s Victory
The Los Angeles Lakers outhustled the Boston Celtics en route to a thrilling, well-deserved victory. While Joseph Estrada accepted Boston’s loss and conceded that LA was the rightful winner, he criticized the officiating of the referees.

The Boston Celtics lost to the Los Angeles Lakers. Boston supporter Gilbert Teodoro conceded to the Lakers, and hinted that he would soon quit watching basketball.

The Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA championship against the Boston Celtics in seven games. With still two minutes remaining in the game, Manny Villar became the first Celtics supporter to concede to LA’s victory.

The LA Lakers came from behind to repulse the Boston Celtics in a thrilling finalé. Despite LA’s clear win, Jamby Madrigal, Nicanor Perlas and JC De Los Reyes refused to concede.

The Los Angeles Lakers beat the Boston Celtics in this year’s NBA finals. A majority of Philippine Daily Inquirer columnists reportedly supported the Lakers… except for Belinda Olivares-Cunanan.

GMA’s Books
On Tuesday, June 22, outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will launch two books, “Beat the Odds” and “Beating the Odds” in a formal ceremony at Malacañang Palace. The books contain a rundown of her accomplishments as president, as well as the challenges that she hurdled during her presidency. Even before the books are officially launched, both titles have reportedly zoomed to the No.1 and No. 2 places in Powerbooks’ list of fastest-selling work of fiction.

Outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will launch two books, “Beat the Odds” and “Beating the Odds” in a formal ceremony at Malacañang Palace on Tuesday. Mrs. Arroyo has already dismissed rumors the similarly titled books are about her breasts.

FG’s Surgery
First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo underwent a delicate surgery on his backbone. His attending physician said Mr. Arroyo had spinal stenosis, a narrowing of the spinal canal. This medical condition of the spinal column is not rare but the surgery becomes complicated when the patient is reptilian.

The Inaugural
Manolo Quezon, President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s spokesman for inauguration-related matters says Noynoy will write 85 percent of his inaugural speech. A pool of writers will finish the remaining 15 percent while Noynoy takes a smoking break.

According to the grapevine, two Ateneo students initially volunteered to write the inaugural speech for President-elect Noynoy Aquino. But Noynoy declined and said, “Gusto n’yong mag-apologize at mag-resign agad ako?!?”

Three heads of state, Thai Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva, Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak and East Timor President Jose Ramos-Horta have reportedly confirmed attendance at the Noynoy Aquino inaugural. As a gesture of goodwill, President Hugo Chaves is sending the current Miss Venezuela.

Daring Journalist
Joshua Garcia, a reporter for local cable news network GNN was trapped near the crater of Taal Volcano after he defied warnings of residents not to descend into the crater while reporting on the condition of the volcano. Garcia could not climb back because his location was too steep. After five long hours, the coastguard was able to rescue Garcia who suffered exhaustion, dehydration, and embarrassment.

Unable to climb back due to the steep terrain, Joshua Garcia of local cable news network GNN was trapped for five long hours near the crater of Taal Volcano last week before authorities rescued him. People who heard the story were stunned and were prompted to ask, “GNN?!? Mehhh gano’n?”

Smokin’ Baby
Chances are you have seen the video of Ardi Rizal, the chain smoking, two-year-old Indonesian baby. When I first saw that clip on YouTube, I said, “This kid’s gonna be president someday!”

Survey Says
Isang self-serving question (Don’t worry, walang dagdag-bawas dito). Sino sa palagay n’yo ang magkakampeon sa 2010 NBA Finals?
BOSTON Celtics 38%
LOS ANGELES Lakers 44%
Bahala na. Kahit sino. Kahit wala. 18%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a safe and productive week ahead!

Mabuhay, Los Angeles Lakers!

Congratulations to the 2009-2010 NBA Champions, the Los Angeles Lakers!
Kobe Bryant: Finals MVP! Wohoo!

Fellow LA fans, we so deserve this. Thank you Lakers for a great series!
Isa pang wohoo!

THE FUTURE EX-FIRST FAMILY

THE ARROYOS have reportedly left Malacañang. In fact, according to reports, the First Family has been cleaning out their closets in the palace for more than two months now. And they’d probably need another month or two to finish… considering the huge number of skeletons they keep in there.

The Arroyo family has reportedly left Malacañang last Sunday. First Gentleman Mike Arroyo said, “We are happy to leave Malacañang,” to which Malacañang replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

Top 12 Messages Left on the Arroyos’ Answering Machine in Malacañang

No. 12: “Hello ma’am? Si Garci po ito ma’am. Hihiram po sana ako ng konting halaga bago kayo bumaba sa puwesto. Matumal ang kita noong eleksyon eh. Alam n’yo na, automated.”

No. 11: “Eow powhzzzz! PAn6UL0n6 ÅrrÕyØ. mÃrÅm1nG $ÅLÅmÅ+ ph0w Å+ g1nÅwÅ n1ny0nG h0L1DÅy Ång jUnE 3Ø. mÅk~k~+ambÅy nà ÑÅmÅn kÅmi $a MaLL! +HÅnk U’ pfoWh üL3+. Lolz!”

No. 10: “Sir, Ma’am… si Udong Mahusay po ito. ‘Paalala ko lang po ang lifetime allowance na ‘pinangako n’yo sa kin ni Sir Mike Defensor noong 2003. Bigla po niyang inihinto after ng eleksyon eh.”

No. 9: “Dad, Mom… Luli here. Whatever happens, always remember that you’re the best parents in the world. Lalo na ikaw Dad. I love you mom, love you dad. Wait lang, hold on… ‘Mang Gusting, ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa inyo na ayaw na ayaw kong nali-late ang driver!? Usted está despedido! Humanap na lang kayo ng ibang amo! Ora mismo!’”

No. 8: “Hellowww… mga maids? ‘Musta na kayo mga friendship? Todo na ‘to! As in todo na to the highest level! Wala ba jan si Sir Mikey n’yo? Grabe huh! ‘Di na naman niya ako sinipot sa Lubao kagabi. Ang linaw-linaw ng usapan! Heller! Nag-cancel nga ako ng taping para sa kanya ‘tapos mang-iindyan lang pala??? Okay lang siya?? Pakisabi mag-return call siya, okay? Kailangan ko ng pang-shopping! Pasensya na! Go go go!”

No. 7: “Ni hao! Mike, alam ko d’yan ka pa palasyo. Si Mrs. Toh. ‘Wag ka bobo! Hindi ako Gloria. Si Mrs. Toh! Ikaw ‘wag na tago sa akyen. Matagal na kita hanap. Wala pa closure atyen breakup. Ikaw tawag akyen agad. Wo xiangnian ni.”

No. 6: “Hi ma’am. This is your favorite student in Ateneo, Joey Salceda. My unsolicited advice is for you to accept the harsh reality: Life’s a bitch. And so are you. Charing! Just kidding. Babush!”

No. 5: “Hi ma’am. This is Chiz Escudero, inaanak n’yo sa kasal. Sa inyong paglisan, nais ko lang ipaalala, at sana’y inyong tatandaan: ang masamang hangarin, kailanman ay hindi magtatagumpay. Ang pag-unlad ng bansa ay hindi nasusukat sa dami ng naipagawang tulay o naipatayong gusali kundi sa kaledad ng buhay ng bawat Pilipinong malinaw na binigo ng inyong administrasyon. Marami pa rin ang kumakalam ang sikmura. Marami pa rin ang walang hanapbuhay. Marami pa rin ang nakatira sa ilalim ng mga tulay at mababahong estero. Marami pa rin ang tila sabik sa pagbabagong dapat sana ay… (Beep!) [You cannot complete this call. Please reload and then dial again. You cannot complete this call. Please reload and then dial again. You cannot complete this call. Please reload and then dial again.]“

No. 4: “Hello! Si Mar ulit ‘to. This is my fourth call and you still refuse to answer! C’mon hon, let’s be sport, okay? Whether you like it or not, we will attend Noynoy’s inauguration together. Hon? Talk to me. Are you ther… Put*ng-i*aaaaaaaaaaaaaa, mali ang nai-dial ko!”

No. 3: “Hilluw? Is this the palas pown? Sa palasyu ba ‘tung numirung itu? Ah basta, itu lang ang miseyds ku. Unang-una, pasalamat aku sa Panginuun sa mga blissings sa kin. Pangalawa, pasalamat aku sa ating prisidinti sa walang-sawang pag-supurta sa mga laban ku. Kahit papanu, mami-miss ko kayu mahal na pangulu at Pirst Jintilman Husi Migil Arruyu. Hanggang ditu na lamang pu ang aking minsahi at aaminin ku pu sa inyu… ‘di pa rin pu aku makapaniwala na aku at ikaw, mahal na pangulu ay magka-livil na ngayun sa Kungrisu! You know…”

No. 2: “Hello Mrs. President. Paalis ka pa lang, pabalik na kami! C’est la vie! Kami nga pala ang mga miyembro ng Hyatt 10 at The Firm. Ang saya-saya ulit, noh?”

And the No.1 message left on the Arroyos’ answering machine in Malacañang…

“Hello… Inday? Shi ma’am mo ito. Pumashok ka nga sha dati kong kuwarto at paki-check kung do’n ko naiwan ang shilicone para sha aking kaliwang shuso. Thankxssh!”

FG’s Book
Last Tuesday, outgoing First Gentleman Mike Arroyo launched his book titled “The First,” which includes all his answers to criticisms against him and his family. Go get a copy now. When you enter Powerbooks, it’s located near the section with a big sign that says, “People who bought this book also bought Ann Coulter’s “High Crimes and Misdemeanors.”

Outgoing First Gentleman Mike Arroyo launched a coffee table book called “The First,” which includes all his answers to criticisms against him and his family. The book has 10 chapters. One chapter was devoted to Mr. Arroyo’s answers to allegations of graft and corruption; the rest were devoted to the allegations of graft and corruption.

Mike Arroyo launched a book called “The First,” which includes all his answers to criticisms against him and his family. But I heard it’s selling poorly. The publisher attributes the poor sales to the opening line of the book. It says, “Back off.”
—————————-
“We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.”
~Ian Percy

Survey Says
Pabor ka bang italagang kalihim ng Department of Interior and Local Government si Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay?
OO naman. Alam na niya ang trabaho d’yan! 25.6%
NOPE! Scary! Be afraid. Be very afraid. 66.8%
Hmmm, ewan. 7.5%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

The Who
TV show recently asked Aspen Oak: Are you ready to entertain suitors now? Aspen Oak’s answer was a categorical “No.” Unknown to the public though, Aspen Oak has been in a steady relationship with Sunflower Zinnia. The not-so-surprising twist? They’re both women – and moms. Aspen Oak used to be “friends” with has-been actress, Aster Anthurium. Sino sila? Itanong n’yo na lang sa halimaw sa banga!

Personal
Because we’re in it to win it.
Because we never doubted our team.
Because we, the loyal Los Angeles Lakers fans will always…
.

Go Lakers!

Elsewhere…
Did PDI columnist Belinda Olivarezs-Cunanan resign or was she fired?

June 5th
On this date in…

1888: Valerio Weyler assumes office as governor-general. He issues a decree prohibiting the use of any language or dialect, other than Spanish, in all education institutions in the country. Nonetheless, clever Filipinos managed to secretly plot against the Spaniards… by communicating in Jejenese. AnG TÄliN0H TaLâGA NG pInOy~ LOlz!

1898: Emilio Aguinaldo is visited by a promising and talented pianist and composer Julian Felipe, who is asked to play on the piano the ‘Himno de Balintawak,’ a musical composition that Aguinaldo has brought from Hong Kong. One of Aguinaldo’s men uploaded on YouTube the video of the youthful Felipe playing the piano. Two weeks later, he received an invitation to guest on Oprah.

1899: Bodyguards of General Emilio Aguinaldo assassinate General Antonio Luna in Cabanatuan, Nueva Ecija. A special investigating body would later absolve Aguinaldo and his men of the crime, and blame the assassination on a communist hit man.

1977: The first personal computer, the Apple II, goes on sale in the United States. Two days later, China markets a similar product for half its original price.

1982: Filipino actor Baron Geisler is born. Seconds after his birth, his mother slapped him twice… because he tried to grab the midwife’s boobs.

1990: South African troops tried to plunder Nelson Mandela’s dwelling… but found it empty. Scribbled on the wall were these words: Winnie Madikizela-Mandela was here first. Mga ulol!

Thanks to the National Historical Institute, Any Day in History, and Brainy History.
————–

The Who
Candidate Venezuela Albania was surprised when fellow candidate Armenia Morocco visited. They were not partymates but Armenia Morocco offered to help Venezuela Albania in the campaign. The reason: Armenia Morocco wanted Venezuela Albania and partymates to muster votes enough to prevent another candidate, Maldives Algeria from entering the winning circle. Kaya naman pala. Armenia Morocco still feels bitter towards Maldives Algeria. If you would recall, Maldives Algeria was blamed for causing the split between Armenia Morocco and Yemen Jordan.

Ang ending: both Maldives Algeria and Armenia Morocco lost.
Karma.

Enjoy your weekend!

Personal

Game 2. Monday. 8AM.
Staples Center.
Lakers forever.
Wohoo!

OPENING THE SONA

PBA09p6390s8

Top 15 Rejected State of the Nation Address Opening Lines

No. 15: “Let us observe a minute of silence in memory of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.”

No. 14: “To officially open this momentous event, please welcome… the members of the Congressional Spouses Foundation interpreting the Academy Award-winning song Jai-Ho!”

No. 13: “And the ‘Pitoy Moreno Award’ for Best Sona Gown goes to…”

No. 12: “Walaaang tulugan!”

No. 11: “After my speech, you may proceed to the Iglesia Ni Cristo anniversary party for your free dinner.”

No. 10: “Is that you Jovy Palparan? Look at you now. I’m so proud of you!”

No. 9: “This will be very short. Why, do you really expect me to accomplish that much in such a short period of time? Hello!”

No. 8: “First, the good news! Identified na ang nag-leak ng info about my boob job!”

No. 7: (Starts singing) “I dreamed a dream in time gone by/When hope was high and life, worth living/I dreamed that love would never die/I dreamed that God would be forgiving

No. 6: “Kapag sinabi kong I am for peace, I mean all out peace for everyone. Kaya mga kababayan, kasama po natin sa gallery ngayong hapon ang unang batch ng mga nagbalik-loob na Abu Sayyaf terrorists. Pasalubungan po natin sila ng masigabong palakpakan at sabay-sabay nating isigaw: Amnestiya para sa Terorista!”

No. 5: “Thank you so much to our major sponsors this afternoon: Pfizer, GlaxoSmithKline, Johnson & Johnson, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Novartis, and Abbott Laboratories.”

No. 4: “Sama-sama tayo! Hindi ko kayo pababayaan. Lalaban tayo! Teka lang… mali! I am shorry. Dish ish the wrong speech. My goodnesh! The teleprompter! Ayushin ang teleprompter! Pronto!”

No. 3: “Ang hindi papalakpak… hindi ko isasama sa U.S. sa Huwebes!”

No. 2: “I would like to dedicate my last State of the Nation Address to the most caring and hardworking people I’ve ever met – my constituents at the 2nd congressional district of Pampanga! Mañampukaki ing lugud mi kekayu!

And the No. 1 rejected State of the Nation Address opening line…

“Ladies & gentlemen, good afternoon. This will be my last State of the Nation Address…
as of press time.”
__________
“Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.” ~Alfred E. Neuman

Elsewhere…
Entertainment editor Ricky Lo wrote in his column today:
“The TV newcaster-lovers are now living happily ever after in a posh condo unit they have recently moved into. He is separated from his wife and so is she (from her artist-husband). They are open with their relationship, so it’s safe to say that they, including their “exes,” are into a live-and-let-live kind of set-up. The female newscaster needs some TLC (Tender Loving Care) after the harrowing experience she has gone through. Yes, indeed, love is more comfortable the second time you fall.”
~ I am sure Tito Ricky was referring to Ces Drilon (her ex: painter Rock Drilon). But who’s Ces’ new flame? Okay, okay… here are some clues:
1: Think of a soda brand
2: “Reverse restroom”
3: Re-read my comment on this item. The identity’s “just there.”

Manila Standard Today columnist Victor Agustin wrote about the financial woes of a former member of the Estrada cabinet.

The National Security Adviser, the Chief Justice and a “transition government.” Here’s a juicy item courtesy of Newsbreak Online

Kobe and the Lakers as well as Phil Jackson won trophies at the ESPY (Excellence in Sports Performance Yearly) Awards given by sports network ESPN. Manny Pacquiao was also hailed the Best Fighter. See complete list of winners here.

In case you wanted to see Kobe in the flesh, check out the details of his upcoming Asia Tour. The Black Mamba will be here on Tuesday, July 21.

Us Weekly posted a never-before-released video of Michael Jackson’s horrifying Pepsi commercial shoot in 1984. The King of Pop was literally on fire. Watch the video here.

And finally, the 61st Emmy nominations have been announced! See who made the cut in the major categories.