ROAD RAGE

14 08 2012

ROBERT BLAIR CARABUENA, an HR manager at Philip Morris International was caught by a TV5 crew manhandling an MMDA traffic enforcer Tuesday. A check on Carabuena’s Facebook account revealed he’s an Ateneo alumnus whose role models include Claudine Barretto, Chris Brown, and Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte.


Robert Blair Carabuena who mauled a hapless traffic enforcer graduated from Ateneo De Manila University. The MMDA is filing charges against him. Now that’s One Big Fight!

According to his LinkedIn profile, Robert Blair Carabuena graduated at ADMU with a degree in psychology. Based on that video, he puts the psycho in psychology.

Heard about that guy Robert Blair Carabuena? He was caught throwing his overweight around!

When the video of him mauling a traffic enforcer went viral, Robert Blair Carabuena, who’s also on Twitter decided to protect his tweets by making changes in the settings. No word yet on whether or not there will be changes in his behavior.

JUST IN:
The motorist who manhandled an MMDA traffic enforcer has deleted/deactivated his Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn accounts. Karma is digital.

Robert Blair Carabuena has taken down his accounts in social networking sites. He bullies traffic enforcers but he’s no match for computers.

Perks
Employees of the Metropolitan Waterworks and Sewerage System reveal MWSS consultants earn P8,500 per meeting which translates roughly to P34,000 a day or about P136,000 a month! Wow, where and how do I send my resumé?

No Perks
Employees of PAGASA held a protest action to denounce the failure of the government to implement a law that entitles them to a hazard pay of no more than P6,000 per month. Today, the take home pay of a weather forecaster like Jori Loiz is P12,000 – or as MWSS consultants would say, “Pang-gas.”

In Other News…
The Judicial and Bar Council has released the short list of eight candidates for the post of Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. President Aquino has until August 27 to entertain lobbyists announce his choice.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima was disqualified by the JBC. In totally unrelated news, Sen. Panfilo Lacson is throwing a party.

The JBC has announced the shortlisted candidates for Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. President Aquino plans to bring the candidates to flooded areas in the metro to distribute relief goods.

Sotto’s Speech
I have yet to read/watch Sen. Tito Sotto’s eulogy last Monday so I cannot comment on that yet.

But I heard poledancer Ciara Sotto was quoted to have said that of all places, she didn’t expect she’d shed tears at the Senate. Kami rin.

The London Olympics
It’s another medal-less campaign in the Summer Olympics for Team Philippines. One sports official who was with the PH delegation in London said we should reform and overhaul the country’s sports program. And I was like, “You first.”

Bolt
The fastest man in the world is still Usain Bolt of Jamaica.
Dear Usain Bolt,
Be our justice system, please.
Thank you.

Miss Universe 2012
Reports say the Miss Universe pageant scheduled this December is in danger of getting canceled. Apparently, the other planets still refuse to send representatives.

In Hollywood…
Jennifer Aniston is getting married. The 43-year-old actress is engaged to her future ex-husband.
—————————————————-
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
~Mark Twain

Quote of the Week
“Obvious naman, the Supreme Court, the IBP, the JBC, nagkasundo sila lahat trying to pin me down and bonding together as if nagkaroon sila ngayon ng common objective: anybody but De Lima. That’s my feeling. Hindi ko talaga ‘yun naintindihan and why was I singled out for disqualification?”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

Stay safe! Typhoon Helen’s still here.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

(Photo: Screen cap from TV5’s video.)





HOW TWEET IT IS

27 04 2011

Modernong Talasalitaan
Makabagong kahulugan ng mga salita, parirala o pangungusap batay sa mga kaganapan sa ating kapaligiran. Ang kahulugan ay maaaring madagdagan, mabawasan, o maiba depende sa mga susunod na pangyayari.

1: Pantawid Pasada
– Temporaryong solusyon sa malalang problema
– Pumili ka: meron o wala?
Halimbawa:
Driver: Mahal na Pangulo, hirap na hirap na kaming mga drivers. Sa taas ng gas, wala na kaming kinikita.
Pangulo: ’Wag kayong mag-alala. Dahil kayo ang boss ko, heto ang Pantawid Pasada – isang card na may lamang P1,050 good for one month. That’s 1,050 pesos divided by 30 days= 35 pesos. Kalahating kilong asukal ‘din ‘yan! How sweet ‘di ba!

2: Rollback
– Lantarang panggogoyo
– Bulok, luma at kumitang istilo ng mga kompanya ng langis upang matiyak na kalmado ang gobyerno at ang publiko
Halimbawa:
Reporter: Sir, magkano ba ang iro-rollback n’yo sa presyo ng langis?
Oil firm spokesman: Depende ‘yan. Kung ang presyo ay tumaas ng 60 centavos per liter, ‘tapos biglang nag-ingay ang mga militante, 40 centavos kada litro ang rollback. Two weeks from now, magtataas ulit kami ng 50 centavos per liter. Kapag umalma ang Department of Energy, siyempre, kailangang mag-rollback ng 30 centavos. The amount to be rolled back is directly proportional to the scale of protests.

“I tweet therefore I am.”
The Professional Heckler intercepted the following posts on Twitter. Enjoy reading while he verifies the authenticity of each tweet.

Eraption
Maluwag ang pakiramdam kapag nagpapatawad. Kahit ganun ang ginawa ni @Chef_Ping sa akin, i have forgiven him!

CongGMA
@elena_horn pls draft a statement. ayaw talaga akong tantanan ng mga ‘yan. plunder naman ngayon. call @FrankDuque. ihanda n’ya ‘ka mo ang mga dokumento.

Chef_Ping
i just read the statement of the former president in today’s paper. forgiven? why? did i seek his forgiveness? tigilan ako.

FrankDuque
@CongGMA ako ang bahala ma’am. relax lang kayo. malalampasan natin ito. okiduque?

MerciFull
@CongGMA hi ma’am. the plunder case they filed against you is laughable, baseless, ridiculous, absurd, desperate, and preposterous. be strong ma’am. regards to @attymike.

Eraption
@Chef_Ping matigas ka pa rin. kaya ka kinakarma eh. di ka marunong tumanaw ng utang na loob.

CongGMA
@MerciFull uy! nagbago ka na ng Twitter account? wala na ‘yong @MerciGutsy? samahan mo ulit ako sa gym later. see yah!

Chef_Ping
i rather cook adobo than dignify the diatribe of a has-been politician. tama ba ako @angtunaynamichaelrayaquino? hahaha musta ka na friend? can’t wait for your extradition.

angtunaynamichaelrayaquino
@Chef_Ping ‘tang-ina. hahaha malas talaga. hindi pinansin ng korte ang appeal ko. kitakits bro!

Eraption
o, bakit nakakalaya pa ‘yang si gloria? bakit ako noon, dinakip kaagad matapos kasuhan ng plunder? hindi man lang ako nakaligo no’n. unfair naman yata ‘yan.

CongGMA
@Eraption bitter ka pa rin. mag-move on ka na. paulit-ulit lang ang sinasabi mo.

TheRealNoynoy
kakatapos lang ipaayos ang kotse. sumadsad eh. ang kulit kasi ni @SayChiz. ang bilis magpatakbo!

SayChiz
@TheRealNoynoy o, bakit ako na naman? nang bumaligtad ‘yan noong march, hindi naman ako ang kasama mo ah.

TheRealNoynoy
pssst! idelete mo ‘yang tweet na ‘yan! baka kumalat. RT @SayChiz o, bakit ako na naman? nang bumaligtad ‘yan noong march, hindi naman ako ang kasama mo ah.

TheRealNoynoy
@MrPalengke excited ka na? malapit nang matapos ang 1-year ban sa mga losers, este, non-winners. joke lang. ano bang gusto mong puwesto?

MrPalengke
@TheRealNoynoy teka lang. I have to consult @Rated_K. hon, ano bang gusto mo?

Rated_K
@MrPalengke any post will do hon. as long as we’re in power. btw, hon did you hear the chismis about @SayChiz? five months na raw hiwalay? karma.

SayChiz
@RatedK leave us alone! may alam din ako tungkol kay @MrPalengke! baka ma-shock ka kapag nalaman mo!

MrPalengke
@RatedK hon, stop it na! ‘wag na nating pakialaman ang buhay ni @SayChiz. enjoy your stay na lang in the vatican.

TheRealNoynoy
Congratulations @LDLima for getting the highest performance rating among cabinet members in the recent sws survey.

Chef_Ping
eh pa’no di magna-number 1 sa survey ‘yan, lahat na lang ng isyu, sinalihan. buwakaw sa publicity.

LDLima
@Chef_Ping don’t make this personal. let’s stick to the issue. baka nakakalimutan mo, hindi pa tapos ang usapin! @karinadacer and family deserve justice.

Gatdula_NBIChief
@LDLima sorry ma’am but i gotta say this. that’s not how you treat our future DILG secretary. the good senator deserves an apology.

Simply_Jesse_DILG
@Gatdula_NBIChief may alam ka bang hindi ko alam? am i on my way out? @TheRealNoynoy pakisagot please.

TheRealNoynoy
punye*a! humina ang signal ng broadband ko. brb. tweet you all later.

Official_Balay
SWS Performance Rating: Atty. Edwin Lacierda:43% and Sec. Ricky Carandang:36% vs. Sec. Herminio Coloma:31 percent. Therefore, Balay, 2: Samar, 0. ‘Nuff said.

Official_Samar
@Official_Balay 2-0?!? Patawa! Ipinagmamalaki n’yo ang 43 at 36 percent? How about this: Vice President Jejomar Binay (Samar Group): 83 percent! Pagsamahin n’yo man ang ratings n’yo, taob pa rin kayo! Hahahahaha!

Jojo_OchoOcho
thank you guys for the trust. nasa top 5 ako sa sws survey. sabi sa news, “biggest gainer.” yey!

RatedK
akalain mo ‘yon? wala na ngang ginagawa nasa top 5 pa?! ang lakas ng tsamba! i’m sure, magpapainom ‘yan!

MrPalengke
@RatedK hon, ‘di ba sabi ko, tama na? pati ba naman ‘yong lasenggong ‘yon pinapatulan mo pa? focus ka na lang sa coverage mo ng beatification ni pope john paul II. malay mo, mabawasan pa ang kasalanan mo. jooooke! miss you hon. mwah!

Free_Willie
malapit na akong bumalik. mas masayang show, mas maraming games, mas malaking papremyo. hindi tayo kayang ibagsak ng @abscbn. abangan ang pagbabalik ni janjan sa sarili niyang segment: Machonuring Bata Portion!

ABSCBNews
Today’s top story: Groups file child abuse raps vs. Willie Revillame, Willing Willie

Free_Willie
@ABSCBNews eh di magreklamo kayo sa lolo n’yong panot. hahaha

TeyVeeeeeeeee_Patrollll
Tanong ng TVP: Dapat bang bumalik sa telebisyon si Willie? A. Huwag na! B. No way! Tweet your vote now or txt TVP (space) A or B and send to 2666 for all networks except TV5.

CBCFee
if there are pro-RH bill inside the church, go out! it’s useless! terrorists! condoms kill the innocents. no to rh bill! no to condoms!

GymParedes
@CBCFee millions of my sperm cells die thrice a week (ok ok, twice a week lang). so i’m a terrorist now?

CBCFee
@GymParedes become a bishop first, then let’s talk.

INC_10%
RH Bill FTW! Wohoo!

CBCFee
@INC_10% whateverrrrrrrr!

CongressmanPacquiao
and huuuuuu em i to jads u on what u say or do? I’m onli jazz beginning… 2 c the reeel u. in sometime wen wii tats. tisting lang! hihihi hindi ako maka-concentrit sa rekurding eh. laging nakabuntut si dianne. feeling ko nga siya ang nanay ku! juk lang. hihihi

GMANews
Abangan sa 24 Oras: Ang schedule ng pag-utot at pagdumi ni Prince William, dalawang araw bago siya ikasal! Exclusive!

A_N_C
First look! Kate Middleton releases photos of her first ever sanitary napkin! Exclusive!

TV5_AksyonTV
Abangan! Ang isusuot na boxer briefs ni Prince William sa kanilang honeymoon! Exclusive!

Pearly_Shell
@Chevron magkano bang itataas natin next week? 40 o 50 centavos? decide na kasi tayo. can we discuss this over dinner with @Petron?

Petron
@Pearly_Shell @Chevron itodo na natin! madali namang magrollback if ever. game?

Chevron
@Petron @Pearly_Shell why not? merry christmas guys! tiba-tiba na naman! see you later!

Piston
@Petron @Pearly_Shell @Chevron tang-i*a n’yo! mga buwaya kayo!

HighEnergyDepartment
@Piston mag-apologize ka! ‘wag mong binabastos sina @Petron @Pearly_Shell & @Chevron! malaki ang tulong nila sa ekonomiya!

iAm_MarleneAguilar
@JudgeVargas how could u cite me 4 contempt when i just told the truth? wala kang bayag! ‘yang sex organ mo wala ring helmet! come on! fight me! you made life for Jsin miserable. i won’t stop until i see u rot in Hades. come on! fight me!

Aiko_M
i swear i didn’t start the rumor na bakla si bulacan, bulacan mayor patrick meneses! stop dragging me into this ka-cheapan. break na kami but no, i won’t speak ill of her, i mean him.

PatMeneses_Bulacan
@Aiko_M sa korte ka na magpaliwanag bruha ka! kung anu-ano ang ikinakalat mong tsismis about me! i will sue you! bitch!

CongressmanPacquiao
i wanna hold u tell i die. tell we boat brick down en cry. i wanna hold u tell the fair in me subsiiiiiiide… salamat sa supurta! || pwidi ba, tigilan mu muna ang pagsunud sa akin @diannecastilliju? maliligu na aku! gave me a break!
—————————————————
“We have, I fear, confused power with greatness.”
~Stewart Udall


In Memoriam: Friendster
“On May 31, Friendster will move to wipe out all photos, blogs, comments and groups uploaded or created by its users.”

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Enjoy the rest of the week. Ingat!





HOT SEAT

2 11 2010


State Visits
Reports say leaders of at least six nations invited President Aquino for a state visit soon. Hoping to persuade Aquino, the six leaders vowed to serve better tasting wine.

http://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/mislang.jpg?w=158&h=165 The Mai Mislang Case: A Postscript
Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office Assistant Secretary Carmen “Mai” Mislang pleaded guilty to posting insensitive tweets while in Vietnam. Less than 24 hours later, President Aquino granted her amnesty.

Senator Francis Pangilinan says embattled Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang made a mistake, has apologized, and was reprimanded. That, for him was enough. Mistake. Apology. Reprimand. End of story. It obviously worked for him and Shawie. Hopefully, it works for everybody.

Saying Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s apology was enough, Senator Francis Pangilinan said the public should focus on the serious problems of the country. Okay, sure. Let’s start with the Presidential Communications Group.

Top 5 Rejected Suggestions for Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s New Email Address (to Sign Up for a New Twitter Account)
[Note: Mislang has reportedly deactivated (or probably deleted) her Twitter account.]

No. 5: ihavelearnedmylesson@hanoi.biz

No. 4: pogi_hunting@foreigntrips.net

No. 3: statevisittovietnam@neveragain.com

No. 2: thewinestillsucked@honestlangtalagaako.ph

And the No. 1 rejected suggestion for Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s new email address…

sobrangmissko_na_angtwitter@taklesaunderfire.org

Bar Blast Update
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima says two more members of the Alpha Phi Omega fraternity are being hunted for their suspected involvement in the bar exams blast last September. Rumors say the two APO members will surrender… as soon as Vice President Jejomar Binay becomes available.

Most Wanted Man
The country’s most wanted man, kidnap suspect Rolando Fajardo was arrested after 10 years in hiding. With Fajardo’s arrest, the No. 1 position is now occupied by Senator Panfilo Lacson.
One of the country’s most wanted men, Rolando Fajardo believes he will get a fair and just trial under the new administration of President Aquino. If lucky, he could even get an amnesty.

SWS Survey
The good news is: 7 out of 10 are satisfied with Vice President Jojo Binay. The bad news is: Mrs. Binay is not of one of them.

Lacson’s Driver
Fugitive senator Panfilo Lacson’s former bodyguard and driver, retired Senior Police Officer 4 Reynaldo Oximoso was arrested in Bagac, Bataan Monday. Oximoso is facing charges for allegedly killing a cop, as well as identity theft… after he tried to pose as Morgan Freeman.

From RP to PH
The Department of Foreign Affairs announced recently that the government has shifted from using RP as official acronym of the Philippines to PH (or PHL). But DFA officials categorically denied rumors that the country’s official motto will likewise be changed from the original “Maka-Diyos, Maka-Tao, Makakalikasan at Makabansa” to simply… “PH Cares.”


Kris’ Dream
President Aquino’s youngest sister, Kris revealed Tuesday, “I dreamt of mom. It was as if she was moving in my house. Parang nagpaparamdam si mom na parang everything is at peace na.” Yeah, it was. Until that dream.


“Imagine” Manny & Will
Manny Pacquiao guested again on the late-night talk show show Jimmy Kimmel Live where he performed a duet with comedian Will Ferrell. Pacman and Will sang the John Lennon classic “Imagine.” Watching the show online in Malacanang, an unidentified official murmured, “the duet sucks.”

TV Patrol
Former vice president Noli De Castro, former congressman Ted Failon, and former senator Mar Roxas’ wife Korina Sanchez will anchor ABS-CBN’s TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. Nope, there’s no truth to rumors that the newscast will change its name to “Strictly Politics.” [Ayaw ni Pia Hontiveros ng ganyan! :-) ]

A former vice president, a former congressman, and a former senator’s wife will anchor TV Patrol starting next week. This early, Forbes Magazine is keen on naming TV Patrol Asia’s most powerful and influential news program.

Former vice president Noli De Castro will return to TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. Rumors say Globe Asiatique is interested in placing ads in the program.

Korina Sanchez will be back on TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. While politicians cannot return to government service within a period of one year, ABS-CBN bosses are reinstating Korina because the constitution allows the return of the wives of defeated candidates after a brief period of… embarrassment.
———————————–
“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”
– Sam Levenson

Survey Says
Aling trio ang gusto mong mapanood sa TV Patrol?
– Karen Davila, Julius Babao, Ted Failon 27.84%
– Noli De Castro, Ted Failon, Korina Sanchez 16.04%
– Who cares?! 56.12%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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YOU’RE SO DEAD!

13 10 2010


MOMENTS BEFORE he died, famous French grammarian Dominique Bouhours uttered: “I am about to – or I am going to – die: either expression is correct.” On his deathbed, Voltaire was asked by a priest to renounce Satan. The philosopher replied: “This is no time for making enemies.” And convicted murderer James French shouted this to members of the press who were to witness his execution by electric chair: “Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? ‘French Fries’!”

In advance observance of All Saints Day, The Professional Heckler brings back ‘Famous Last Words’ – “predicted” deathbed statements of local political and entertainment figures. This is the 2010 edition of that ‘recurring’ blog article.

Their famous last words:

President Aquino: “Watch what happens… ”

President Aquino 2: ‘Walang wangwang. Walang counterflow. Walang tong. Walang… buhay.”

Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno: “Unless the President asks me to die, I won’t.”

Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa Jr.: “Hik!”

Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno: “Esquierda na ‘ko!”

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim: “Ayoko na! ‘Di ko na kaya ang karamdaman kong ito. Dalhin n’yo na ako sa Tondo!”

Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim 2: “Nagugutom ako.”

Atty. Edwin Lacierda: “I have no idea who leaked the information on my purported death but I assure you – the Communications Group had nothing to do with it. I promise to investigate the matter when I’ve fully recovered.”

Comelec Commissioner Gregorio Larrazabal: “Honestly. Orderly. Peacefully.” [When asked by the press how he wanted to die]

Antonio “Tony Boy” Cojuangco (to the press): “Who told you I am dying? I am not. Walang concrete evidence ‘yang source n’yo. You! Yes, you the reporter in blue, tell me, kung wala bang matibay na ebidensya ang source ng balita mo, irereport mo?”

Sen. Lito Lapid: “Zzzzzzzz.”

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago: “Ayoko na! Punong-puno na ako! Ayoko naaa!”

Former PAGASA Chief Dr. Prisco Nilo: “Ang temperatura ko ay maglalaro sa pagitan ng 30 at 37 degree Centigrade anim hanggang pitong oras matapos ‘kong pumanaw. Uulan ng luha at babaha ng kalungkutan. May manaka-nakang papuri mula sa ilang mga pulitiko. Magiging banayad naman ang reaksyon ng Pangulo. Ang araw ay sisikat sa inyo ngunit hindi na sa akin.”

Ilocos Sur Gov. Luis ‘Chavit’ Singson: “Ayoko! Hindi maaari! Set up ‘to! Set up!”

Outgoing ABS-CBN News & Current Affairs Chief, and Esquire magazine’s Sexiest Filipina Alive Maria Ressa: “I will not be renewing my contract with ‘life.’ It’s time for me to move on.”

RMN’s Erwin Tulfo: “Powtang-eyna naman!^5$@& Ayaw kow pang mamatey!”

RMN’s Michael Rogas: “Ito po ang live at special exclusive coverage ng aking kamatayan. Naririnig po tayo ngayon sa mahigit isandaang himpilan ng RMN nationwide!”

GMA 7’s Mel Tiangco: “Nakow! Ganito pala kapag huling minuto na ng buhay ng isang tao ‘no ha? Nakakatakot pala Mike! Pambihira ‘no ha!”

Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad: “No comment.”

And finally…
Kris Aquino (via Twitter): “RT @iamkrisaquino: guys, thanks for all your prayers. joshua and bimby are beside me now. i told them to be strong. grabe! bimby cried when i told him na i’ll gonna visit him every nite. hahaha then josh said, ‘mamu, you’re creepy.’ gosh, ganito pala ang feeling. kaloka!” #AlmostDead #KeriLang #Now Na!

In the news now:

More than 300 officers and enlisted men who took part in three failed power grabs were granted amnesty by President Aquino. When he heard the news, Sen. Panfilo Lacson started plotting a mutiny against the Aquino government.

The RH Bill Debate
The good news is: Cebu Archbishop Ricardo Cardinal Vidal has reportedly asked President Aquino to create a panel that will discuss the pros and cons of the Reproductive Health Bill. The bad news is: the panel’s recommendations will have to be reviewed by Executive Secretary Paquito Ochoa.

GMA News.TV reported that the Church is eyeing Facebook as another platform against the Reproductive Health Bill. If that happens, that page will likely set the record for the most number of clicks to the “Unlike” button.

Confused Congressman
Interviewed on GMA 7’s Reporter’s Notebook, Negros Occidental Rep. Jules Ledesma was asked if he’s gay. Ledesma answered, “I don’t know. Maybe! Maybe not.” Watching her partner on TV, Assunta da Rossi was like, “My God, did you just make me a lesbian?”

Esquire Says…

Outgoing ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs chief Maria Ressa has been named by Esquire magazine as the Sexiest Woman Alive for Philippines. Rumors say Ressa’s enemies in ABS-CBN will file a complaint against Esquire for baseless and biased reporting.


Belo on Immigration Cards
Reports say the face of cosmetic expert Vicki Belo replaced the image of President Aquino on immigration cards. Apparently, it was an advertisement for the Belo medical clinic. But critics wanted the cards recalled saying tourists might confuse the Philippines for Madame Tussauds.

Just weeks after incurring the ire of President Aquino, the Bureau of Immigration stirred yet another controversy by printing millions of the modified arrival and departure cards, this time with the face of cosmetic expert Vicky Belo. Immigration officials defended their action saying they actually chose between two advertisers: Vicki Belo and Ellen Lising. Sige, mamili kayo!
————————–
“I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.”
~Bob Monkhouse

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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