MAR OH MAR!

13 05 2010


NOYNOY AQUINO and Jejomar Binay topped ABS-CBN and Pulse Asia’s exit polls. Mar Roxas is now thinking of a ‘gracepoll’ exit.

But another report says, until the last vote is counted, Mar Roxas will not concede the vice presidency… and Korina Sanchez will not concede to Dr. Ellen B.

Happy Birthday!
Sen. Mar Roxas is celebrating his 53rd birthday today, May 13. This morning, he got the surprise of his life when Korina Sanchez blew his candle.

Rumors say Mar Roxas wants to invite everyone, including his political enemies to a Tom and Jerry-themed party. Roxas wants to play Tom, Binay will be the Jerry.

But his wife Korina insists on having a cowboy-themed celebration. She can’t wait to shoot Chiz Escudero.

Korina has also rejected another suggestion to have a Batibot-inspired party. She really hates Kiko Matsing.

Doňa Judy Araneta-Roxas has another idea though. She wants her son to invite Nanay Curing Villar for a Barney and Friends Birthday Party. You know, dinosaurs.

Why, even the newest Liberal, Joey Salceda has a suggestion – an X-Men themed event!

Several Iglesia ni Cristo members have confirmed attendance to Mar Roxas’ party. But the INC members will bring just one common gift for him.

Loren Legarda will also attend the party. But before accepting the invitation, she made sure that ABS-CBN is not covering it live and no Wireless Audience Response System will be used during the event.

Unconfirmed reports say Inquirer’s Conrado De Quiros has been invited to speak at the birthday party. So expect the columnist to endorse Roxas in the next elections.

You know who else is celebrating his birthday today? Robert Pattinson. Yeah, sharing the same birthday today are Robert Pattinson and Mar Roxas – one whose career was launched via ‘Twilight’ and another who’s in the twilight of his career.

Top 10 Birthday Messages Left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ Answering Machine

No. 10: “Hi Senator, this is TJ Manotoc. I have good news on your birthday. Got two complimentary tix here for the repeat concert of Tears for Fears. Would you like to watch the show with Korina?”

No. 9: “Mar, si Loren ‘to. Ayaw ko nang makipagplastikan. Prangkahan na. Kung malungkot ka sa iyong birthday dahil nakakalamang si Binay, ako hindi. Masayang-masaya ako for Mayor Binay. At ito ang tandaan mo: kung kay Noli De Castro, never akong nag-concede, lalong hindi sa ‘yo!”

No. 8: “Isang mainit na pagbati sa iyong kaarawan Senador Roxas! Si Chiz Escudero ito. Ilang tulog na lang, 2016 na. Handa ka na ba?”

No. 7: “Hello Manuel! This is your Tita Gloria Angara. Your Tito Edong is sending his warm birthday greetings to you! Pero maiba ako iho. Sino ‘yung nag-iwan ng message No. 9 sa ‘taas? Ang bitter naman ng babaeng ‘yun. Hindi maka-move on!”

No. 6: “Mar, kumusta? Si Erap ‘to. ‘Wag kang malungkot. Birthday na birthday mo pa naman. Alam mo ba ang regalo ko sa ‘yo? Sssssssh, ‘wag kang maingay. Atin-atin lang ‘to. ‘Yung bise presidente ko… walang B! Walang “boto” mula sa ‘kin! Ayos ba?”

No. 5: “eOw poh sEnAdOR! kMi p0Wh ANG mgA jejeMOn Ng eaSt RemBo, Mkti cItY P0wh.~ ky BiNay,~ gGNDA aNG buHay L0lZ! mAligYng Bati na Rin~ pow! JEjej3!

No. 4: “Birthday greetings Senator Roxas! Thank you so much for the support! Kung ‘di po dahil sa inyo noon, wala sana ako ngayon. Nagmamahal, EVAT Law.”

No. 3: “Mar, partner, si Noy ‘to. Happy birthday ‘tol! ‘Wag kang mag-alala. Magtutulungan pa rin tayo para sa bayan dude. Kung matalo ka man, nandito pa rin ako pare. Remember, I’m still single. Since wala naman akong First Lady, baka interesado kang maging First Gentleman o kaya First Best Friend. Basta walang malisya bro.”

No. 2: “Hon, alam ko birthday mo. Pero, bakit?!? Bakiiiiiiiiiiit?!? Ano ang kasalanan ko sa Itaas at pinaparusahan ako ng ganito katindi? I took a leave from my freakin’ job. Sinagot kita! Ipinagtanggol kita! Pinakasalan kita! Sinipingan pa nga kita kahit medyo… eww! Pero bakit? Kulang pa ba ang mga sakripisyo kong ito?”

And the No.1 birthday message left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ answering machine…

“Hi Marrrrrrrrrr! This is Krissy! Gosh! It’s your birthday pala today! I almost forgot. Mabuti na lang, Tito Jojo Binay reminded me about it over dinner last night! Gosh, this is so embarrassing! Forgetful na talaga ang lola mo, pasensya na! Anyway, happy, happy birthday and I sincerely wish na ma-enjoy mo ang ‘yong pagiging ordinary citizen. Pakisabi kay Tita Koring, I miss her. Well, slight. Gosh! She won’t be Second Lady nga pala noh? How saaaaad! Bye, bye for now! I need to go. Oh my! Baby James, ano ba! ‘Wag mong dilaan ‘yang Villar bracelet. That’s dirty! Gosh this kid!”

In Other News…
Former Lakas stalwart-turned-Noynoy Aquino supporter Joey “She’s a lucky bitch” Salceda was re-elected governor of Albay. Sought for comment on his victory, Salceda blurted out, “Ay! Winner! Nilampaso ko nang bonggang-bongga ang candidate No. 2! As in!”

JC: ‘Not yet Noynoy’
Ang Kapatiran Party standard-bearer JC De Los Reyes has withdrawn his concession to Noynoy Aquino. It takes a lot of guts to do something like that especially if you’re someone who couldn’t even win an election against Vetellano Acosta.

Lani in the House!
Actress Lani Mercado is now a lawmaker. Can you believe it? Well, I can’t. Sampalin n’yo ko! Sampalin n’yo ko!

Lani Mercado has been elected congresswoman in Cavite. She will represent the province’ district 2 – the country’s congressional district with the second highest number of masochists next only to Saranggani.

Critics Proven Wrong
Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist and Noynoy Aquino endorser Conrado De Quiros, and activist lawyer Harry Roque – two of the most prominent poll automation naysayers (who doubted the capabilities of both the Comelec and Smartmatic) admitted that they have been proven wrong as the May 10 elections turned out to be a credible and successful exercise. Tinangka ni Professional Heckler na hingan ng pahayag ang dalawa ngunit kapwa sila tumanggi dahil kumakain pa raw sila… ng kanilang mga salita.
—————————–
“You’ve got to learn to survive a defeat. That’s when you develop character.”
~Richard Nixon

Survey Says…
Ano ang masasabi mo sa pangkalahatang proseso ng katatapos na halalan?
Astig! Ang bilis! Sulit ang ipinila ko! 19%
Puwede na. Pero puwede pang ma-improve! 79%
Ibalik sa dati. Manual na lang tayo. 2%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
If you still doubt Iglesia ni Cristo’s ability to vote solidly as a bloc, check out these figures from Rodriguez, Rizal, a known INC stronghold: Here. And here. Another. And one more.

Sheila Coronel for CNN: In the Philippines, clans and guns still rule

Philippine Daily Inquirer: How did the Binay blitzkrieg come about?

Personal
Huli man at magaling, kailangan pa ring sabihin. Huge thanks to broadcast networks for the comprehensive coverage of the elections! Mabuhay kayo mga Kapamilya, Kapatid, Kapuso, at kung sinu-sino pang mga ka-K diyan!

Enjoy the rest of the week!





SENTIMENTS

26 09 2009

OFWsgma GMA Is Back
After a three-nation tour, President Arroyo arrived home Thursday with some 121 distressed overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) who were stranded in Saudi Arabia. Photos of the president with the repatriated OFWs saw print in several newspapers Friday… prompting presidential aspirant Manuel Villar to accuse Mrs. Arroyo of shamelessly copying his signature stunt.

Solons for Noynoy?
Cebu Rep Antonio Cuenco, a Lakas-Kampi stalwart claimed that based on an informal survey, half of the members of the Lower House preferred Sen. Noynoy Aquino. This just in! An informal survey among Lakas-Kampi members showed that half of them wanted to kick Cuenco out of the party.

Solons for Noynoy? II
Cebu Rep. Antonio Cuenco who conducted an informal survey that showed half of the members of the Lower House preferred Noynoy Aquino claimed that only pork barrel considerations were keeping other congressmen from openly supporting a non-administration candidate. A check on House records showed, Cuenco has received his allocation in full.

ebdane Ebdane for President, Too
Did you hear the news? Aside from cabinet members Bayani Fernando and Gilbert Teodoro, Public Works and Highways Secretary Hermogenes Ebdane Jr. has also declared his intention to run for president in 2010! In bigger news, an informal survey among Cabinet members showed that half of them actually wanted to run for president!

danton Ang Ladlad in the House
Ateneo professor Danton Remoto, chairman of Ang Ladlad, the gay advocacy organization seeking accreditation from the Comelec as a party-list group, says his group aims to provide lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders a legal representation in Congress. Rumors say Ang Ladlad wouldn’t be this too keen on making it to Congress if only Jules Ledesma were doing his job.

Ang Ladlad in the House II
Prof. Danton Remoto says Ang Ladlad has a nationwide gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender membership of 22,000. Of this figure, 21,999 are ordinary, marginalized people while 1 is a senator.

vilma-sarah Pichay on Ate Vi
Defeated 2007 senatorial candidate and Lakas CMD vice president Prospero Pichay says Batangas governor Vilma Santos is the Philippine version of former Alaska governor and Republican vice presidential bet Sarah Palin. They’re both beautiful, they’re both popular, and they’re both married to losers.

Pichay on Ate Vi II
Lakas CMD vice president Prospero Pichay says Batangas governor Vilma Santos is the Philippine version of Sarah Palin “but with substance.” Santos is reportedly flattered by the comparison but vehemently denies that she is into drugs.

lanib Congresswoman Lani
Sen. Bong Revilla’s wife, actress Lani Mercado, a defeated mayoral candidate in Bacoor, Cavite in 2004, will run for a seat in Congress next year. A number of Cavite residents have asked the Commission on Human Rights to investigate reports that torture has been legalized in the province.

Survey Says
If elections were held today, your choice for president will be. The final results with exact figures (10:49AM, Saturday):
Noynoy Aquino: 476 votes / 37.39%
Manny Villar: 473 votes / 37.15 %
Gilbert Teodoro: 121 votes / 9.50%
None of the Above: 106 votes / 8.32%
Chiz Escudero: 97 / 7.61%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
ThankS to the 2009 Philippine Blog Awards. As I have been telling my Facebook friends, I am not expecting to win but I’ll be very happy if my co-finalists in the Humor category would all lose. Here’s the complete list of finalists.





WE’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN

14 04 2009

erap_mug Erap’s Picks
Earlier this week, former president Joseph Estrada revealed the opposition’s 12 potential bets for senator in the 2010 national elections. Next week, he will reveal the names of 108 more – for the remaining nine factions of the opposition.

Ex-president Joseph Estrada has bared the opposition’s list of 12 potential bets for senator in the 2010 national elections. President Arroyo’s staunch ally – Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago was included in the list, to which the feisty senator said, “Nakakaloka!”

ted Former president Joseph Estrada has announced the opposition’s 12 possible bets for the 2010 senatorial polls. The list includes broadcast personality Teodoro Etong a.k.a. Ted Failon – something that didn’t really come as a surprise since Failon is affiliated with the only genuine opposition group in the country today – “ABS-CBN Party.”

Erap has bared the names of the opposition’s 12 potential bets in the 2010 senatorial elections. Liberal Party’s Mar Roxas II has also revealed his party’s three possible senatorial candidates. Asked why he picked only three, he said, “Bakit? Kasya ba ang labindalawa sa pedicab!?”

And did you hear the latest? Born Again Christian leader and presidential aspirant Eddie Villanueva has likewise picked his 12 bets for 2010. He declined to name all but he nonetheless identified four: John, Matthew, Simon, and James.

bonglani1 Bong Revilla’s Plans
Bong Revilla has decided not to seek the vice presidency in 2010. Revilla said he was happy and satisfied being an actor, a TV host… and a part-time senator.

Bong Revilla said he would no longer run for vice president in 2010. Making that decision was by far, his biggest accomplishment yet as a senator.

Bong Revilla has also confirmed that his actress wife, Lani Mercado will run for a Congressional seat in Cavite next year. Caviteños are now wondrin’ if they’ve done something bad against the Revillas to deservr such a harsh punishment.

obamapup1 The First Canine
The White House has a new pet! America’s First Family, the Obamas just bought a six-month-old Portuguese water dog. That was big news in the US! But here? That’s nothing. Malacañang has its own lucky bitch since 2001.

The First Canine II
People at the White House got so excited when they heard about the arrival of the Obamas’ new pet dog. That’s the exact sentiment felt by Malacañang staff when Jinggoy first arrived at the palace in ’98.

The First Canine III
There’s a new pet dog at the White House! But that’s nothing compared to Malacañang’s three rabbits.

gma ChaCha Survey
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 66 percent of Filipinos are opposed to a proposal to amend the Charter that would allow President Arroyo to extend her term. If it’s any consolation, a whopping 88 percent are in favor of seeing her inaugurate new road projects in Ifugao every week.

GMA’s Wish
Of course, you’re aware that President Arroyo celebrated her 62nd birthday last April 5. But guess what, she’s now accepting gifts and surprises for her 63rd birthday next year. Do you know what’s on top of her wish list? An “advance party.”

jdv De Venecia on Party Merger
Former House Speaker and Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia Jr. warned that the proposed merger of Lakas-CMD and Kabalikat ng Malayang Pilipino (Kampi) could lead to a disaster. Come to think of it, JDV has a point… because the last time Lakas and Kampi solons merged, his Speakership bid had disastrous results.

Senate of the Philippines vs. Villar
Remember the controversial C-5 road extension project in Paranaque City, which received double allocation in the 2008 national budget? The Senate ethics committee headed by Panfilo Lacson has found the case against former Senate President Manny Villar over this road project “sufficient in form and substance.” For the interest of those who do not understand those terms, when you say “sufficient in form and substance,” it means… brace yourself guys: the election season has officially begun!

Wanted: Priests
According to the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, the country is facing a serious shortage of priests. Hoping to entice young Filipino men to enter the priesthood, the CBCP says the Church is giving seminarians an opportunity to free education, an opportunity to serve the Lord, and an opportunity to become a governor someday.

Despite the serious shortage of Catholic priests, the CBCP has reportedly rejected the idea of accepting gay applicants in the seminary. Senior members of the clergy do not want younger competition.

The CBCP says it is discouraging gays from entering the priesthood. Asked why, a CBCP official said, “Heller! Gusto mong ma-imbyerna ang Papa?!”

chard In Entertainment…
Actor Richard Gutierrez filed a 25 million peso-libel case against entertainment website Philippine Entertainment Portal for the site’s inadvertent uploading of an unverified news report that Gutierrez got involved in a brawl with a fellow actor. Rumors say, if the actor wins the case, he’ll use the money to buy something special and essential for his mom – breeding.

BREAKING NEWS (April 17, 2009):
Lawyers of Annabelle Rama have issued a cease-and-desist order to prevent the Philippine Entertainment Portal from printing anything and everything on or about Richard Gutierrez because of the barrage of negative comments they generate against the Gutierrezes. Because of this development, the latest illustrated edition of Merriam-Webster will carry the photo of Annabelle Rama and family… beside the word “insecure.”

Kata-Quote!
‘‘I’m running for vice mayor but I don’t know yet under which party.’’
~ Actress and Councilor Aiko Melendez on her plan to seek the second highest political seat in Quezon City

Elsewhere…
Manila Standard Today columnist Antonio Abaya wrote:
“… for the protest movement to gain the participation of the crucial middle class, trapos (like Erap) and Communists should be excluded from its leadership. I am glad that some people are finally realizing the validity of that limitation.” Read the complete article here.

_____________
“Never vote for the best candidate. Vote for the one who will do the least harm.”
~Frank Dane





DOING A JOLIE

28 09 2008

Loren’s Offer to the MILF
Reacting to the Moro Islamic Liberation Front’s appeal to Hollywood actress and UN goodwill ambassadress Angelina Jolie to help negotiate a peace pact with the government, Sen. Loren Legarda said she is willing to fill in for Jolie and help achieve a long-sought peace in the south… an offer rejected by some MILF leaders who said, “How can she help achieve peace in Mindanao when she can’t even help achieve peace at the Senate?”

Loren’s Offer to the MILF II
Sen. Loren Legarda said she’s willing to fill in for UN goodwill ambassadress Angelina Jolie to help achieve peace in Mindanao… an offer rejected by some MILF leaders who said, “How can she talk peace with the government when she couldn’t even talk peace with her husband?”

Loren’s Offer to the MILF III
Sen. Loren Legarda said she is willing to become this country’s Angelina Jolie to help achieve peace in Mindanao. To prove that she’s indeed serious with her offer, she’ll have her lips injected with collagen soon.

Loren’s Offer to the MILF IV
Sen. Loren Legarda said, “I will agree to be like Angelina Jolie but there will be no Brad Pitt,” to which Sen. Edgardo Angara said, “But I told you, I can try!”

MILF Survey Says…
An online survey conducted by the Moro Islamic Liberation Front revealed that North Cotabato Vice Governor Emmanuel Piñol, is the most hated government official by Muslims in the country today. A vocal critic of the canceled MOA on Ancestral Domain, Piñol is also the most hated government official… by the Arroyo government.

MILF Survey Says… II
President Arroyo is the second most hated government official by Muslims according to the online survey conducted by the MILF. Malacañang described the poll results as “unusual” mainly because “hate” lists are usually topped by the president.

GMA is Back null
President Arroyo is back from her five-day visit to the United States but reports say without the “promised investments.” That’s because instead of “selling” the Philippine economy, she sold Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

Vilma Santos and Lani Mercado null
Newsbreak magazine reported that Batangas governor Vilma Santos was being marketed as RP’s Sarah Palin, the Alaska governor and US vice presidential candidate. Now hear this: in last Wednesday’s birthday party of Sen. Bong Revilla, Lani Mercado invited Bong’s “other women” – Rufa Mae Quinto, Ruffa Gutierrez, and Gretchen Barretto. First we have our Sarah Palin, now we have our Hillary Clinton.

BFAD Ban null
The Bureau of Food and Drugs has banned at least 54 milk and milk-based products from mainland China, which the agency said, would be subject to testing for possible melamine contamination. The partial list includes Nestle ice cream, ice cream cones, chocolates, and even noodles. Sharon Cuneta described the ban as “unfairly cruel.”

UAAP Finals: A Postscript
The Ateneo Blue Eagles trounced the De La Salle Green Archers to win the UAAP men’s basketball title. After the heartbreaking loss, La Salle coach Franz Pumaren described Game 2 of the UAAP Finals as the “worst officiated” game ever. In another news dismissed by Pumaren as totally irrelevant, his kids have admitted that their dad loves to read them his favorite bedtime story of late: the Aesop fable “The Fox and the Grapes.”

null Metro Tremors null
Two “moderately strong” earthquakes rocked Metro Manila before noon yesterday. Phivolcs has refused to put the blame on actress Nadia Montenegro and Rose Flaminiano who reportedly squared off the exact time the tremors were felt.








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