HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERAP!

Top 10 Text Messages Received by Former President Joseph Estrada on His 74th Birthday

No. 10: “Pare, ‘musta? ‘Tagal na nating ‘di nagkikita ah. Painom ka naman! Walang beer dito eh! Please reply. – FPJ”

No. 9: “Take care Daddy! The kids and I are so proud of you. And I’m thankful na ikaw ang ama ng aking mga anak. Aminin mo, sila lang ang mukhang artistahin among your children. Siyempre naman, mana yata sa ina. Joooke! Love you Dad. See you later.  – Mmmwah, Laarni”

No. 8: “Ang kapal ng mukha n’ya! Burahin mo ang previous message! Burahin mo ‘yan kung ayaw mong mag-away na naman tayo! Hanggang ngayon ba naman nakikipagkita ka pa rin sa babaeng ‘yan? ‘Wag mo ‘kong galitin. –- Mad na, Doctora Loi”

No. 7: “Ayyy! Bakit may insecure na nag-txt? Bitterness? Hay naku Papa, mabuti na lang naka-move on na ako. Hindi katulad ni texter No. 8. Ang mahalaga, we’re friends at ang unico ijo natin ang paborito mong anak na lalaki. On behalf of JV, stay healthy Joseph. Thanks for everything. Happy birthday! –- Gumigiya pa rin after all these years, Guia.”

No. 6: “Mahal na Pangulo, binabati kita sa iyong kaarawan. Maraming salamat sa suporta mo. Five years na lang, akin na ang palasyo. Bahagi ka ng nakatakdang tagumpay na ‘to. Sure na! –- Kitakits sa 2016, Jojo Binay”

No. 5: “(Forwarded message) Hi babe. Pupuntahan kita sa condo mamaya. Maligo ka huh. At ‘yong Viagra, paki-ready. Hinihintay ko lang na makaalis ng bahay ‘tong matanda kong asawa para makatakas ako. I love you Cheesecake! –> AH GANUN!? MATANDA PALA HUH! NA-WRONG SEND KA G*GO! SINO SI CHEESECAKE? SINOOO!?!! TXT BACK!” –- Doctora Loi”

No. 4: “Mr. President, puwede ba akong dumaan sa inyo mamaya? Ipinagluto kasi kita ng chicken-pork adobo, embotido, afritada at Pinoy spaghetti. At dahil Holy Week naman ngayon, baka puwedeng kalimutan na natin ang nakaraan. Sa totoo lang, na-miss ko kayo. Txt me na lang kung wala d’yan si Jinggoy para walang problema. –- Ping”

No. 3.1: “’Buti ka pa 74 na; samantalang ako, inabot lang ng 67. ‘Tapos lately, minamalas pa yata sa gobyernong ‘to. Ingat na lang p’re. See you soon! –- Naghihintay ng hustisya, Bubby Dacer”

No. 3: “last txt ko na 2 ser. ala na kong panload eh. bka lang kc sabihin nyo nkalimut n q. d pa po. sana klala nyo p q. hapi bday na lang ser. –- Hindi matahimik, Emmanuel Corbito “

No. 2: “Hello there!!! Gosh, it’s your birthday pala Mr. Former President! Kung ‘di pa sinabi sa akin ni Mareng Precy, I won’t remember, promise! Unang-una, gushto kong magpasalamat sa ‘yo for running in the 2010 elections. Kung ‘di ka siguro tumakbo, baka orange ang kulay ngayon ng gobyerno, hindi yellow. Aha-ha-ha-ha. Pangalawa, ahmmm… Ay! Wala na palang pangalawa. Nakakalokah! Wala akong maisip. Aha-ha-ha! Happy happy berrrrthhhhday na lang! May you have many many more mistresses to cum. Ay, ano ba ‘yong nasabi ko?!? Quiet na nga lang ako. I’m sure, papagalitan na naman ako ni Noy! Aha-ha-ha! –- Peace, Krissy! (Aha-ha-ha-ha)”

And the No. 1 text message received by former President Joseph Estrada on his 74th birthday…

“Tigilan mo na ang pagbatikosh sha akin! Shumushobra ka na! Wala kang utang na loob! Baka nakakalimutan mo… kung hindi dahil sha akin, baka sha kulungan ka pa rin nagbi-birthday hanggang ngayon! So pleashe lang! Stop it! –- Justice for Merci, Justice for Mikey! Justice for me, Glori!”

Ooops, may pahabol na text!
“Dear Mr. President, Pasensya na po! Ngayon ko lang naalalang birthday mo nga pala. Napakagulo kasi ng isip ko ngayon. Inom na lang tayo. Kailangan kong makalimot. – Senator Chiz.”
—————————————————–
“Binabalaan ko sila. Walang kaibigan, walang kumpare, walang kamag-anak o anak na maaaring magsamantala sa ngayon. At ngayon pa lamang sinasabi ko sa inyo, nag-aaksaya lamang kayo ng panahon. Huwag n’yo ‘kong subukan.”
~Joseph Ejercito Estrada, 13th President of the Philippines
1998 Inaugural

Today is April 19th
On this day in…

607: Comet 1P/607 H1 (Halley) approaches Earth… sees unrest in the Middle East, earthquakes in Asia, poverty in Africa, and Charlie Sheen in America, and decides to reverse direction.

1882: Charles Darwin died. Apparently, he was not the fittest.

1882: Charles Darwin died. He stopped evolving.

1937: Doña Mary Ejercito delivered a joke… and named it “Joseph.”

1951: General Douglas MacArthur retires from the military. He never returned.

1993: A fire killed 40 people in a psychiatric institute in South Korea. That was insane!

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was elected Pope. However, his running mate, the candidate for the vice papacy, Cardinal Mar lost to Cardinal Jejomar.

Thanks to Wikipedia, History On-This-Day, and Today in Science History.

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Have a safe and fun vacation! Let’s go Lakers!

TAKE TWO

IT’S CONFIRMED. Deposed president Joseph Estrada is running for president in 2010 with Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay as running mate.

The confirmation came from Erap’s son himself, Sen. Jinggoy Estrada, and Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile. Asked who could be Estrada’s closest rival, Enrile said, “everybody is a close rival of Erap.”

Nonetheless, Estrada is confident of overtaking Noynoy in the next survey. Why? Unverified reports reveal he is spending millions of pesos to commission the next presidential survey. Not only that! He drafted the questions himself! However, unknown to Erap, the research firms made some last-minute revisions in the final questionnaire. Yet again, the Professional Heckler obtained a copy.

So, here it is. Indulge!

For the Exclusive Use of Sssh W. Ssssh and Fools Asia
Target Sample: 1,238
Coverage:
1: San Juan City
2: Baseco Compound (Tondo)
3: Erap City (Resettlement Site in Rodriguez, Rizal)
4: Makati City (South Cembo, Comembo, East Rembo, West Rembo, Pembo, Brgy. Singkamas, Brgy. Rizal, Brgy. Bangkal & Brgy. Pitogo)

Magandang araw po. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay nagsanib puwersa ang Sssh W. Ssssh at Fools Asia upang isagawa ang pag-aaral na ito kaugnay ng susunod na halalan. Gaano n’yo nga ba kakilala sina Joseph Estrada at Jejomar Binay? Gaano kalaki ang inyong paniniwala sa kanilang kakayahan? Susuportahan n’yo ba ang kanilang kandidatura?

In the service of the Filipino people, tinitiyak po naming walang kinikilingan, walang pinuprotektahan at walang kasinungalingan ang survey na ito.

Personal na Impormasyon
Pangalan: ____________________________ Edad: ______________________

Email Address: _______________ Cellphone No.: ______________

Paboritong ‘Erap Movie:’ ______________________________________

Bakit ka lumahok sa survey na ito?
[ ] Idol ko si Erap
[ ] Idol ko si Binay
[ ] Para sa bayan
[ ] Sayang ang P250

Panuto: Ikulong sa kulungan ang titik na kumakatawan sa inyong napiling sagot. Ito ang halimbawa ng tamang pagmamarka ng sagot.

Tandaan: Nakasalalay sa iyong mga sagot kung may matatanggap kang regalo o wala. Kaya’t maging matalino at praktikal sa pagpili ng letra.

Ikaw ay may labinlimang minuto para sagutan ang mga tanong. Simulan.

1: Si dating pangulong Joseph Estrada ay napatunayang guilty sa kasong plunder. Maging si Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay ay nakasuhan na rin ng plunder. Ngayon, mag-partner na sila. Ano ang masasabi mo sa isyung ito?
A: Pulitika ‘yan! Pinupulitika lamang sila!
B: Maawa naman kayo! Bakit n’yo ba sila inaapi?
C: Pinatutunayan lamang nito na mali ang kasabihang, “Ang magnanakaw ay galit sa kapwa magnanakaw.”

2: Kumpletuhin ang bahaging ito ng inaugural speech ni dating pangulong Joseph Estrada noong 1998: “Walang kai-kaibigan. Walang kumpa-kumpare. Walang kama-kamag-anak… Huwag n’yo ‘kong __________!”
A: Subukan
B: Tawanan
C: Patalsikin

3: Mula 1986 ay nasa pamamahala na ni Mayor Jejomar Binay (1986-1998; 2001-2010) at ng maybahay nitong si Dr. Elenita Binay (1998-2001) ang lungsod ng Makati. Kabuuang dalawampu’t tatlong taon na sila sa puwesto. Ano ang masasabi mo rito?
A: 23 years?!? You mean, two decades and three years?!? Tama ba ang narinig ko? Or am I just dreaming? Sampalin mo ‘ko! Sampalin mo ‘ko!
B: Tama na! Sobra na! Palitan na!
C: Bakit?!? Naiinggit kayo? Ganito kami sa Makati. Sana walang pakialaman!

4: May mga nagsasabing hindi raw pinapayagan ng Saligang Batas na muling tumakbo pa sa pagka-pangulo si dating Pangulong Estrada. Ano ang masasabi mo rito?
A: Pwes… magkita-kita na lang tayo sa Edsa 4!
B: ‘Wag na kasing makulit. Sinabi nang ‘di pwede eh.
C: Ano ‘yung Saligang Bigas? Relief goods ba ‘yun?

5: Ano ang nasa larawan?

A: Isa sa dalawang opisyal na simbolo ng Makati City na ang ibig sabihin ay “Paglingkuran ang Bayan”
B: Ultrasound ‘yan noong fetus pa lamang si Mayor Binay
C: ‘Wag n’yo kaming gawing tanga! “B” stands for Binay! Alangan namang ‘Belmonte’ ‘yan eh taga-QC ‘yung matandang ‘yun!?!

6: Kumpletuhin ang 1998 campaign slogan ni dating pangulong Joseph Estrada: “Erap para sa ___________.”
A: Gambling lord at corrupt
B: Kabit na masarap
C: Mahirap

7: Sino ang nasa larawan?

A. Ang magiting na bise-alkalde ng Makati City, si Kgg. Nestor Mercado
B: Masyadong madilim eh. Hindi ko makilala.
C: Siya lang naman ang patatakbuhin ni Mayor Binay next year para alkalde, ‘tapos after one term, si Councilor Jejomar Erwin Binay naman. Tuloy ang ligaya!

8: Sa kaibuturan ng iyong puso, sa palagay mo ba ay mananalong muli bilang pangulo si Joseph Estrada?
A: Sure na!
B: Kung hindi babawasan ni Kris Aquino ang kadaldalan, kaartehan, at kataklesahan niya mula ngayon hanggang eleksyon, may tsansa si Erap
C: “God Save the Philippines from Joseph Ejercito Estrada!”

9: Sa iyong palagay, mananalo ba bilang pangalawang pangulo si Jejomar Binay?
A: Sigurado ako, landslide ‘yan! Sa Makati!
B: Sana.
C: Ayoko nga! Eh kung 23 years siyang maging vice president? No way, highway!

10: Ipikit mo ang iyong mga mata. Isipin mo ang ating mga kababayang naghihirap. Imadyinin mo ang mga Pilipinong walang makain dahil sinalanta sila ng bagyo. Pagkatapos, tingnan mo ang hinaharap. Imadyinin mo ang kinabukasan. Ngayon, sagutin mo ang tanong na ito: Kung hindi sina Erap at Binay, sino?
A: Oo nga. Wala nang iba!
B: Hmm, sina Kris Aquino at Boy Abunda? Now na!
C: Wait lang. Imumulat ko na ba ang mga mata ko bago ko ibigay ang sagot? Nakapikit pa kasi ako eh.

Bonus Question
Isa siya sa mga babaeng “malapit” kay Erap. Sino ang nasa larawan?

A: Guia Gomez, future mayor of San Juan
B. Joy Melendrez, basta, siya ‘yun!
C: Laarni Enriquez, favorite mistress

That’s all Polk! Hanggang dito na lamang. Wala nang kasunod.

Hintayin ang aming tawag kung kailan puwedeng i-claim ang apat na kilong bigas, tatlong latang sardinas, dalawang Good Morning towels, at isang “Erap-Binay for 2010” t-shirt. Magdala ng dalawang valid IDs at isang 1×1 picture, (whole body) kapag nag-claim.

Maraming salamat at mabuhay ang Pilipinas!
_______________________________
“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
~Anonymous

Elsewhere…
President Arroyo is hot? Check this out. Funny.

Manila Standard’s Antonio Abaya on the Nobel Peace Prize

Philippine Star’s William Esposo on the recent ANC Face to Face Forum featuring Senators Manny Villar, Noynoy Aquino and Chiz Escudero, and Defense Sec. Gilbert Teodoro

Makati City Trivia:
THE names of Barangay Cembo, Comembo, East Rembo, Pembo, South Cembo and West Rembo in Makati are acronyms. These stand for Central Enlisted Men’s Barrio (Cembo), Combat Enlisted Men’s Barrio (Comembo), Riverside Enlisted Men’s Barrio (Rembo) and Panthers’ Enlisted Men’s Barrio (Pembo). The barrios were established in the late 1940s and 1950s when soldiers from different parts of the Philippines arrived at Fort McKinley (now Fort Bonifacio) and were directed to occupy nearby areas. [PDI/6.02.09]

REUNITED

Reconciliation
It’s true. Former buddies turned enemies Chavit Singson and Joseph Estrada did kiss and make up at the wake of Doña Mary Ejercito. It took a person’s death to reconcile the two of them. When President Arroyo heard this, she told the First Gentleman, I want to reconcile with my countrymen… can you make a sacrifice?

Aside from Chavit Singson, Erap’s former pal turned enemy retired Gen. Reynaldo Berroya also dropped by the wake. They, too buried the hatchet. Likewise, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim, who was expelled by Erap himself from his political party last year, paid his last respects to the dead. Even Malacañang, through Exec. Sec. Eduardo Ermita condoled with the Estrada family. Because of Doña Mary’s demise, everyone appeared to have reconciled last week… with the exception perhaps of JV and Jinggoy.

According to reports, Erap’s other woman Laarni Enriquez and their children went to Doña Mary’s wake. When people saw the gorgeous kids, they said, “Imposible! Anak ba ni Erap ‘yan? Bakit may leeg?”

Rumors say when Loi Ejercito bumped into Laarni Enriquez at the wake, the former senator told her, “Ako, legal wife,” to which Laarni replied, “Ako, maganda. Period.”

Erap’s another woman, Guia Gomez was also there. The mother of San Juan City mayor JV Ejercito told the press, “I lost a very loving person, a loving mother but most of all a loving friend.” In short, “kunsintidora.”

Almost 200 wreaths were sent to the wake of Doña Mary. Erap even appealed to sympathizers to just donate to his mom’s favorite charity instead of sending flowers, to which a surprised Jude Estrada remarked, “Ganun? Sayang naman! Bongga pa naman ang arrangements.”

No to Bro
For yesterday’s episode of our entertainment program, I was assigned to write the story about the death of an old woman. I included in the script interviews with a grandson – the old woman’s fave son’s offspring by another woman, and a separate interview with the grandson’s mom (the other woman). When I arrived at the studio, I was told that the interviews with the other woman & her son were deleted from the final script because the old woman’s other grandson (a high ranking government official) wanted them “out of the picture.” And I thought the feud between the “brothers” was over. I was wrong.

Exploited?
A former vice presidential candidate is reportedly enraged at a tv host/newscaster and at a comedienne for “exploiting” her in their respective shows. “They made fun of me,” she said, “for ratings.”

Briefly Noted
I was surprised to see a “new broadsheet” when I arrived at the office this morning (Monday, Jan. 19). I also thought it was a supplement of either the Inquirer or the Star. But no, it’s actually Malaya – the daily that President Arroyo wouldn’t read is now a business paper. Check it out.

_________
“Reconciliation with our enemies is but a desire to better our condition, a weariness of war, the fear of some unlucky accident.”
~ François de la Rochefoucauld