HOT SEAT

State Visits
Reports say leaders of at least six nations invited President Aquino for a state visit soon. Hoping to persuade Aquino, the six leaders vowed to serve better tasting wine.

The Mai Mislang Case: A Postscript
Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office Assistant Secretary Carmen “Mai” Mislang pleaded guilty to posting insensitive tweets while in Vietnam. Less than 24 hours later, President Aquino granted her amnesty.

Senator Francis Pangilinan says embattled Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang made a mistake, has apologized, and was reprimanded. That, for him was enough. Mistake. Apology. Reprimand. End of story. It obviously worked for him and Shawie. Hopefully, it works for everybody.

Saying Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s apology was enough, Senator Francis Pangilinan said the public should focus on the serious problems of the country. Okay, sure. Let’s start with the Presidential Communications Group.

Top 5 Rejected Suggestions for Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s New Email Address (to Sign Up for a New Twitter Account)
[Note: Mislang has reportedly deactivated (or probably deleted) her Twitter account.]

No. 5: ihavelearnedmylesson@hanoi.biz

No. 4: pogi_hunting@foreigntrips.net

No. 3: statevisittovietnam@neveragain.com

No. 2: thewinestillsucked@honestlangtalagaako.ph

And the No. 1 rejected suggestion for Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang’s new email address…

sobrangmissko_na_angtwitter@taklesaunderfire.org

Bar Blast Update
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima says two more members of the Alpha Phi Omega fraternity are being hunted for their suspected involvement in the bar exams blast last September. Rumors say the two APO members will surrender… as soon as Vice President Jejomar Binay becomes available.

Most Wanted Man
The country’s most wanted man, kidnap suspect Rolando Fajardo was arrested after 10 years in hiding. With Fajardo’s arrest, the No. 1 position is now occupied by Senator Panfilo Lacson.
One of the country’s most wanted men, Rolando Fajardo believes he will get a fair and just trial under the new administration of President Aquino. If lucky, he could even get an amnesty.

SWS Survey
The good news is: 7 out of 10 are satisfied with Vice President Jojo Binay. The bad news is: Mrs. Binay is not of one of them.

Lacson’s Driver
Fugitive senator Panfilo Lacson’s former bodyguard and driver, retired Senior Police Officer 4 Reynaldo Oximoso was arrested in Bagac, Bataan Monday. Oximoso is facing charges for allegedly killing a cop, as well as identity theft… after he tried to pose as Morgan Freeman.

From RP to PH
The Department of Foreign Affairs announced recently that the government has shifted from using RP as official acronym of the Philippines to PH (or PHL). But DFA officials categorically denied rumors that the country’s official motto will likewise be changed from the original “Maka-Diyos, Maka-Tao, Makakalikasan at Makabansa” to simply… “PH Cares.”

Kris’ Dream
President Aquino’s youngest sister, Kris revealed Tuesday, “I dreamt of mom. It was as if she was moving in my house. Parang nagpaparamdam si mom na parang everything is at peace na.” Yeah, it was. Until that dream.

“Imagine” Manny & Will
Manny Pacquiao guested again on the late-night talk show show Jimmy Kimmel Live where he performed a duet with comedian Will Ferrell. Pacman and Will sang the John Lennon classic “Imagine.” Watching the show online in Malacanang, an unidentified official murmured, “the duet sucks.”

TV Patrol
Former vice president Noli De Castro, former congressman Ted Failon, and former senator Mar Roxas’ wife Korina Sanchez will anchor ABS-CBN’s TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. Nope, there’s no truth to rumors that the newscast will change its name to “Strictly Politics.” [Ayaw ni Pia Hontiveros ng ganyan! ]

A former vice president, a former congressman, and a former senator’s wife will anchor TV Patrol starting next week. This early, Forbes Magazine is keen on naming TV Patrol Asia’s most powerful and influential news program.

Former vice president Noli De Castro will return to TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. Rumors say Globe Asiatique is interested in placing ads in the program.

Korina Sanchez will be back on TV Patrol starting Monday, November 8. While politicians cannot return to government service within a period of one year, ABS-CBN bosses are reinstating Korina because the constitution allows the return of the wives of defeated candidates after a brief period of… embarrassment.
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“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”
- Sam Levenson

Survey Says
Aling trio ang gusto mong mapanood sa TV Patrol?
- Karen Davila, Julius Babao, Ted Failon 27.84%
- Noli De Castro, Ted Failon, Korina Sanchez 16.04%
- Who cares?! 56.12%

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MAR OH MAR!

NOYNOY AQUINO and Jejomar Binay topped ABS-CBN and Pulse Asia’s exit polls. Mar Roxas is now thinking of a ‘gracepoll’ exit.

But another report says, until the last vote is counted, Mar Roxas will not concede the vice presidency… and Korina Sanchez will not concede to Dr. Ellen B.

Happy Birthday!
Sen. Mar Roxas is celebrating his 53rd birthday today, May 13. This morning, he got the surprise of his life when Korina Sanchez blew his candle.

Rumors say Mar Roxas wants to invite everyone, including his political enemies to a Tom and Jerry-themed party. Roxas wants to play Tom, Binay will be the Jerry.

But his wife Korina insists on having a cowboy-themed celebration. She can’t wait to shoot Chiz Escudero.

Korina has also rejected another suggestion to have a Batibot-inspired party. She really hates Kiko Matsing.

Doňa Judy Araneta-Roxas has another idea though. She wants her son to invite Nanay Curing Villar for a Barney and Friends Birthday Party. You know, dinosaurs.

Why, even the newest Liberal, Joey Salceda has a suggestion – an X-Men themed event!

Several Iglesia ni Cristo members have confirmed attendance to Mar Roxas’ party. But the INC members will bring just one common gift for him.

Loren Legarda will also attend the party. But before accepting the invitation, she made sure that ABS-CBN is not covering it live and no Wireless Audience Response System will be used during the event.

Unconfirmed reports say Inquirer’s Conrado De Quiros has been invited to speak at the birthday party. So expect the columnist to endorse Roxas in the next elections.

You know who else is celebrating his birthday today? Robert Pattinson. Yeah, sharing the same birthday today are Robert Pattinson and Mar Roxas – one whose career was launched via ‘Twilight’ and another who’s in the twilight of his career.

Top 10 Birthday Messages Left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ Answering Machine

No. 10: “Hi Senator, this is TJ Manotoc. I have good news on your birthday. Got two complimentary tix here for the repeat concert of Tears for Fears. Would you like to watch the show with Korina?”

No. 9: “Mar, si Loren ‘to. Ayaw ko nang makipagplastikan. Prangkahan na. Kung malungkot ka sa iyong birthday dahil nakakalamang si Binay, ako hindi. Masayang-masaya ako for Mayor Binay. At ito ang tandaan mo: kung kay Noli De Castro, never akong nag-concede, lalong hindi sa ‘yo!”

No. 8: “Isang mainit na pagbati sa iyong kaarawan Senador Roxas! Si Chiz Escudero ito. Ilang tulog na lang, 2016 na. Handa ka na ba?”

No. 7: “Hello Manuel! This is your Tita Gloria Angara. Your Tito Edong is sending his warm birthday greetings to you! Pero maiba ako iho. Sino ‘yung nag-iwan ng message No. 9 sa ‘taas? Ang bitter naman ng babaeng ‘yun. Hindi maka-move on!”

No. 6: “Mar, kumusta? Si Erap ‘to. ‘Wag kang malungkot. Birthday na birthday mo pa naman. Alam mo ba ang regalo ko sa ‘yo? Sssssssh, ‘wag kang maingay. Atin-atin lang ‘to. ‘Yung bise presidente ko… walang B! Walang “boto” mula sa ‘kin! Ayos ba?”

No. 5: “eOw poh sEnAdOR! kMi p0Wh ANG mgA jejeMOn Ng eaSt RemBo, Mkti cItY P0wh.~ ky BiNay,~ gGNDA aNG buHay L0lZ! mAligYng Bati na Rin~ pow! JEjej3!

No. 4: “Birthday greetings Senator Roxas! Thank you so much for the support! Kung ‘di po dahil sa inyo noon, wala sana ako ngayon. Nagmamahal, EVAT Law.”

No. 3: “Mar, partner, si Noy ‘to. Happy birthday ‘tol! ‘Wag kang mag-alala. Magtutulungan pa rin tayo para sa bayan dude. Kung matalo ka man, nandito pa rin ako pare. Remember, I’m still single. Since wala naman akong First Lady, baka interesado kang maging First Gentleman o kaya First Best Friend. Basta walang malisya bro.”

No. 2: “Hon, alam ko birthday mo. Pero, bakit?!? Bakiiiiiiiiiiit?!? Ano ang kasalanan ko sa Itaas at pinaparusahan ako ng ganito katindi? I took a leave from my freakin’ job. Sinagot kita! Ipinagtanggol kita! Pinakasalan kita! Sinipingan pa nga kita kahit medyo… eww! Pero bakit? Kulang pa ba ang mga sakripisyo kong ito?”

And the No.1 birthday message left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ answering machine…

“Hi Marrrrrrrrrr! This is Krissy! Gosh! It’s your birthday pala today! I almost forgot. Mabuti na lang, Tito Jojo Binay reminded me about it over dinner last night! Gosh, this is so embarrassing! Forgetful na talaga ang lola mo, pasensya na! Anyway, happy, happy birthday and I sincerely wish na ma-enjoy mo ang ‘yong pagiging ordinary citizen. Pakisabi kay Tita Koring, I miss her. Well, slight. Gosh! She won’t be Second Lady nga pala noh? How saaaaad! Bye, bye for now! I need to go. Oh my! Baby James, ano ba! ‘Wag mong dilaan ‘yang Villar bracelet. That’s dirty! Gosh this kid!”

In Other News…
Former Lakas stalwart-turned-Noynoy Aquino supporter Joey “She’s a lucky bitch” Salceda was re-elected governor of Albay. Sought for comment on his victory, Salceda blurted out, “Ay! Winner! Nilampaso ko nang bonggang-bongga ang candidate No. 2! As in!”

JC: ‘Not yet Noynoy’
Ang Kapatiran Party standard-bearer JC De Los Reyes has withdrawn his concession to Noynoy Aquino. It takes a lot of guts to do something like that especially if you’re someone who couldn’t even win an election against Vetellano Acosta.

Lani in the House!
Actress Lani Mercado is now a lawmaker. Can you believe it? Well, I can’t. Sampalin n’yo ko! Sampalin n’yo ko!

Lani Mercado has been elected congresswoman in Cavite. She will represent the province’ district 2 – the country’s congressional district with the second highest number of masochists next only to Saranggani.

Critics Proven Wrong
Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist and Noynoy Aquino endorser Conrado De Quiros, and activist lawyer Harry Roque – two of the most prominent poll automation naysayers (who doubted the capabilities of both the Comelec and Smartmatic) admitted that they have been proven wrong as the May 10 elections turned out to be a credible and successful exercise. Tinangka ni Professional Heckler na hingan ng pahayag ang dalawa ngunit kapwa sila tumanggi dahil kumakain pa raw sila… ng kanilang mga salita.
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“You’ve got to learn to survive a defeat. That’s when you develop character.”
~Richard Nixon

Survey Says…
Ano ang masasabi mo sa pangkalahatang proseso ng katatapos na halalan?
Astig! Ang bilis! Sulit ang ipinila ko! 19%
Puwede na. Pero puwede pang ma-improve! 79%
Ibalik sa dati. Manual na lang tayo. 2%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
If you still doubt Iglesia ni Cristo’s ability to vote solidly as a bloc, check out these figures from Rodriguez, Rizal, a known INC stronghold: Here. And here. Another. And one more.

Sheila Coronel for CNN: In the Philippines, clans and guns still rule

Philippine Daily Inquirer: How did the Binay blitzkrieg come about?

Personal
Huli man at magaling, kailangan pa ring sabihin. Huge thanks to broadcast networks for the comprehensive coverage of the elections! Mabuhay kayo mga Kapamilya, Kapatid, Kapuso, at kung sinu-sino pang mga ka-K diyan!

Enjoy the rest of the week!

THE EX-FUTURE FIRST LADY

Top 10 Messages Left on Korina Sanchez’ Answering Machine

No. 10: Hello ‘nak, si Nanay Cristy Fermin mo ‘to. Isaisip mo sa tuwina, ang Poong Maykapal ay hindi nagbibigay ng pagsubok na hindi kakayanin ng Kanyang nilalang. Malalampasan mo ‘yan ‘nak. Teka lang, ‘nak, ‘yong pangako mong sobre, ‘di ko pa natatanggap.

No. 9: Hi Korina, sa ABS-CBN newsroom ‘to. We’re all here! Guys, altogether now. One… two… three! Ang saya-saya!

No. 8: Hello Korina, Cynthia Villar here. I don’t expect you to believe me but… ramdam kita. Andun ka na eh! Todo-effort ka na eh! Nag-leave ka pa nga ‘di ba? ‘Tapos, biglang uurong?! Ang sakiiiiiiit! Ang sakit-sakit! Tisyu! Penge akong tisyu!

No. 7: Hi Ma’am, si Abby po ito, secretary ni Dr. Palayan. Gusto pong malaman ni Doc kung gagamitin n’yo pa ang luma n’yong pisngi. Naiwan n’yo raw kasi sa clinic last week.

No. 6: Korina, this is Mel. Yup, Mel Tiangco. Wala lang.

No. 5: Hi Korina, si Sharon ‘to. What you said about Kiko was hurtful. You were never his partner. You are not his wife! Kaya ‘di mo siya nirerespeto. Madrasta ka lang! Madrasta!

No. 4: Hi friendsheeeeeep, this is Kris. Alam mo, I heard your interview sa radio last week and in fairness to you huh, may potential ka sa drama. Promise! Sabi ko nga kay Ms Charo, i-guest ka sa MMK eh. O sige, need to go. Nangungulet na si Josh eh. Humihingi ba naman ng one gallon of ice cream. Gosh, he’s consumed two gallons already ‘noh. Ahah-ahah-ahah! Bye sis! And give my regards to Vice President Mar.

No. 3: Korina, it’s Conrad De Quiros of Inquirer. I just realized, I might have erred in saying that Mar was power hungry. He’s not. But you are!

No. 2: Hon, alam kong nandiyan ka. Alam kong nakikinig ka. Sagutin mo naman ang tawag ko oh. Bakit ba ayaw mo ‘kong kausapin? Ilang beses na ‘kong nag-sorry sa naging decision ko ‘di ba? ‘Tsaka sabi mo sa press, okay lang sa ‘yo ang nangyari. Hon, hello? Hon? Tang-ina hon, ‘pag ako napikon si Noynoy ang papakasalan ko.

And the No. 1 message left on Korina Sanchez’ answering machine…

Hello Korina! Apologies for what happened last week at Club Filipino. Nagmamadali kasi ako kaya nabundol kita. Siyanga pala, si Karma ‘to.

Light Bites: First Ladies
Imelda Marcos: Imeldific
Cynthia Villar : Cynthetic
Korina Sanchez: Cosmetic

Enjoy your long weekend!

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Kung gaano kataas ang lipad, ganoon din ang lagapak ‘pag bagsak.
~Kasabihang Pilipino

From the Inquirer’s Gossip Section: September 6, 2009
Hated News Diva

Former staffers of News Diva are reportedly rejoicing that her dream of social prominence has hit the skids.

A source says disgruntled former co-workers earlier prepared a white paper, with video support, detailing ND’s crimes and misdemeanors and portraying ND as the rudest, most hated personality in mass media.

Alas, since ND’s ambition was nipped in the bud, the hate video remains hidden until further notice.

Grabe! Ang hirap namang hulaan! Hahaha

Personal
Try to catch “Kimmy Dora” in a theater near you. Eugene Domingo is insanely funny in her latest project. A really entertaining film. Another comedy that I hope to see soon in theaters is “Last Supper No. 3,” the best picture in the 2009 Cinemalaya Film Festival. .