OF YAO MING, BINAY AND SEX APPEAL

8 05 2013

FORMER NBA star Yao Ming and his Shanghai Sharks team paid a courtesy call on Vice President Jejomar Binay last Monday, May 6. The Vice President easily developed fondness for the Chinese cager. After all, their names have something in common: dynasty.

2
Vice President Binay told Yao Ming, “Politics is also a popular sport here in the Philippines.” In fact, if politics were basketball, the Binay family could form a team.

Yao Ming presented Vice President Binay with a Sharks jersey and an autographed basketball. The jersey was a bit wrinkled so he asked Nancy to have it ironed.

According to the Vice President, he’d seen someone who’s eight feet tall but the former Houston Rockets center is “different.” Binay described Yao as “truly terrifying.” To which, Yao Ming said, “Look who’s talking!”

Kris vs. Priest
According to Father Melvin Castro of the CBCP, for the sake of delicadeza, Kris Aquino should stay away from politics. The TV host replied, “You first.”

Crack
Despite the reported infighting in the administration coalition, deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte insists there’s no rift in Team PNoy. In other news, there’s no traffic on Edsa.

1ANGSex Appeal
Aside from the fact that Sonny Angara is “young and idealistic,” Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago says she’s voting for the Team PNoy candidate because he’s “full of sex appeal.” Related fact: Senator Santiago didn’t vote for President Aquino in 2010.

Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago is voting for a candidate with these qualities: young, idealistic, full of sex appeal. Manong Ernie Maceda was like, “Tse!”

The Fugitive
He’s all over the news granting interviews to major networks. Do you know where Cezar Mancao is right now? The NBI neither.

The National Bureau of Investigation admits it is having a hard time tracking down fugitive ex-police officer Cezar Mancao. Ping Lacson taught him well.

1ANGPhreatic Explosion
On Tuesday, Mayon Volcano spewed rocks, smoke, and ashes killing at least five mountain climbers. President Aquino advised residents and tourists to stay away from the restive mountain. He also advised Albay Governor Joey Salceda to stay away from UNA candidates.

At press time, a large cloud of ash and smoke is still visible near the crater of Mayon Volcano. President Aquino is hoping that the volcano would stop smoking soon. Mayon Volcano is hoping the same for the president.

Rated XPG
A day after issuing a denial, former Caloocan City councilor Marjorie Barretto admitted that she was the nude woman in scandalous photos that came out in tabloids and the Internet. There were four pics. One word: embarrassing.
——————————————-
“In our age there is no such thing as ‘keeping out of politics.’ All issues are political issues, and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred and schizophrenia.”
~George Orwell

Sound Bites
“Hoy sobra ka naman! Blacker, blacker. At this point, hindi na brown eh. Black na, kaya blacker.”
~Nancy Binay’s reply when the press jokingly told her she’s the brown version of TV host Kris Aquino

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos:PEP/PDI/Interaksyon/AP]





OF WATER LILIES & CROCODILES

23 06 2011

THE CITY OF COTABATO is still submerged in floodwaters. Apparently, clearing Rio Grande De Mindanao of up to 20 hectares of water lily growth wasn’t enough to control the flooding. People are now wondering: how can we rid the Spratlys of the Chinese when we couldn’t even rid our rivers of water lilies?

President Aquino visited Cotabato City Wednesday. He personally witnessed the threats posed by hectares and hectares of water hyacinth growth in Rio Grande De Mindanao. If the threat persists, the President will reportedly deploy  BRP Rajah Humabon to the mighty river.

LTO chief Virginia Torres has an unsolicited advice to solve the problem in Cotabato City: “take over the Rio Grande De Mindanao!”

But Albay Governor Joey Salceda has a more radical suggestion: “boycott all products from the river!”

Maguindanao Trial
The good news is NBN Channel 4 will air the live and non-stop coverage of the Maguindanao massacre trial. Even better news is… meron pa palang Channel 4!

Approval Rating
According to a study conducted by Pulse Asia, 7 out of 10 Filipinos approve of President Aquino’s performance. The other three were identified as Len, Liz, and Shalani.

Odd!
In Tanauan City, a poultry worker discovered  a newly-hatched chick with four feet. In another odd story, residents of Batasan Hills in Quezon City reported frequent sightings of crocodiles with two feet.

Meanwhile, the hunt is on for a crocodile that reportedly attacked and killed a 36-year-old man in Bataraza, Palawan Tuesday. Authorities are trying to determine the crocodile’s size, age, and district.

Speaking of crocodiles, former Pagcor chief… (sa ibang araw na nga lang.)

Philippines’ Wealthiest
In the annual Forbes list of richest Filipinos, GMA 7 executive Gilberto Duavit ranked 26th while Atty. Felipe Gozon was at No. 30. ABS-CBN’s Gabby Lopez was ranked 39th but he is confident of overtaking his GMA rivals in a separate survey to be conducted by Kantar (TNS) Media.

No to Necrophilia
Senators Manny Villar and Jinggoy Estrada have filed separate bills seeking to criminalize necrophilia – specifically, having sex with a corpse. The proposed measure has reportedly scared off prospective suitors of Madam Auring!
—————————————————————————–
“Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.”
~Samuel Taylor Coleridge, ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner’

Quotes of the Weak
“Sa ngayon pag-iisipan natin, gusto ko lang makita personally, doon sa mga parating binabaha. Paalala ko lang, ise-celebrate pa lang namin ng first year ng aming administration.”
~President Aquino in a speech during his visit to Cotabato City Wednesday

“Dapat, whether 1 year or 6 months ka palang, iyung ganitong problema may immediate solution na.”
~Cotabato City Mayor Japal Guiani reacting to the president’s statement

Photo of the Weak
Ano ang sinasabi ng lalaki sa larawan?
A: “Kung ‘di siguro ako naging pangulo, baka nagta-target shooting ako sa oras na ito.”
B: “Napakalamig naman sa siyudad na ito. Kasing-lamig ng pakikitungo ng mayor nila sa akin.”
C: “Parang gusto kong kumanta. Hmm, teka… 1, 2, 3! Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng water lily? Nag-Pasko ka na ba sa gitna ng Rio Grande?”
D: “’Pag ‘di pa naman tumaas ang rating ko sa susunod na survey, ewan ko na lang.”

Elsewhere
Forbes Magazine: Henry Sy, 86 is richest Filipino

YouTube: Manny Pacquiao HP TouchPad with WebOS Commercial

Personal
From award-winning playwright, Layeta Bucoy:
Dramatic reading of ‘Hermano Puli’
July 9 (Sat) 6pm, CCP Conference Room
For inquiries, please call the CCP Dramatic Arts Division at 832-1125 locals 1606 to 1607, or visit the website at http://www.culturalcenter.gov.ph.

Have a safe weekend ahead!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





WEINERS, LOSERS

14 06 2011

CONGRATULATIONS to the Dallas Mavericks – the 2010-2011 NBA world champions. Did you see the live telecast of the game Monday morning? When the final buzzer sounded, the Mavericks erupted in wild jubilation. One awkward moment though, during the celebration – Chavit Singson appeared, and joined Team Dallas inside the court.

Congratulations also to Dirk Nowitzki, the Finals MVP. During the post-game party, Paris Hilton showed up, introduced herself to Dirk, exchanged cellphone numbers with his wife, Jinkee Nowitzki and promised to visit Germany in three months.

The Weiner Saga
Reports say New York Rep. Anthony Weiner is seriously considering resignation. In case he decides to quit, a possible replacement would be his younger brother, Ryan Singson Weiner.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney says President Obama finds Cong. Anthony Weiner “a distraction.” Of course, Obama would have been more supportive of Weiner if they were shooting buddies.

Military Training
From June 28 to July 8, Philippine Navy vessels and US marine warships will participate in naval training exercises in the waters east of Palawan. It’s a joint undertaking between a country that China enjoys to bully, and the Philippines.

Not Again!
Jerzon Senador, a teenager from Calamba, Laguna has drawn the ire of animal lovers and animal rights activists after hanging his pet dog on a clothesline using clippers, and posting a photo of the wet puppy on Facebook. Senador has since apologized. His parents has dismissed rumors their son was an incoming physics major in UP Diliman.

Actor Stabbed
Actor-director Ricky Rivero was stabbed by a 22-year-old guy he invited to his apartment unit Sunday night. Rivero reportedly met the former NCAA volleyball varsity on Facebook five months ago. Immediately after the stabbing incident, Rivero changed his Facebook status from “In A Relationship” to “It’s Complicated.”

Makabagong Kasabihan
Modern sayings & proverbs inspired by some famous people in politics and government

Land Transportation Chief Virginia Torres
Magpakahaba-haba man ang suspensyon
Sa LTO pa rin ang tuloy.

Cong. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Ang taong nagigipit
Nominado ang iniipit

Former Batangas Governor Tony Leviste
Habang bayad ang mga pusa
Naglalaro ang daga.

Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines
Nasa Diyos ang awa
Nasa obispo ang ngawa
Mahihirap ang kawawa.

Incoming DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas
Naghangad ng kagitna
Palasyo ang nawala.

Resigned DOTC Sec. Jose ‘Ping’ De Jesus
If you can’t stand the heat,
quit the Cabinet.

Atty. Edwin Lacierda
Ang pumatol sa sira-ulo…
(Basta.)

Albay Gov. Joey Salceda
If you can’t beat them,
boycott them!

Albay Gov. Joey Salceda
Matalino man ang matsing,
(Basta! Matalino siya.)
————————————————————-
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
~C.S. Lewis

Confirmed!
“Meron! ‘Yong dalawang anak ko.”
~Sen. Chiz Escudero to dzMM anchors Alvin Elchico and Lynda Jumilla when asked, “May nagpapatibok ba sa puso mo ngayon?” [SRO/ June 14, 2011]

You Have Spoken
Sang-ayon ba kayo sa panawagan ni Albay Gov. Joey Salceda na iboycott ang mga produktong gawa sa China?
- Oo! Hindi tayo dapat pa-bully sa mga Intsik na ‘yan! 52%
- Diplomasya, hindi boycott ang sagot sa problema natin with China. 46.67%
- Anong isyu ba? 1.33%

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Stay safe and happy!





MAR OH MAR!

13 05 2010


NOYNOY AQUINO and Jejomar Binay topped ABS-CBN and Pulse Asia’s exit polls. Mar Roxas is now thinking of a ‘gracepoll’ exit.

But another report says, until the last vote is counted, Mar Roxas will not concede the vice presidency… and Korina Sanchez will not concede to Dr. Ellen B.

Happy Birthday!
Sen. Mar Roxas is celebrating his 53rd birthday today, May 13. This morning, he got the surprise of his life when Korina Sanchez blew his candle.

Rumors say Mar Roxas wants to invite everyone, including his political enemies to a Tom and Jerry-themed party. Roxas wants to play Tom, Binay will be the Jerry.

But his wife Korina insists on having a cowboy-themed celebration. She can’t wait to shoot Chiz Escudero.

Korina has also rejected another suggestion to have a Batibot-inspired party. She really hates Kiko Matsing.

Doňa Judy Araneta-Roxas has another idea though. She wants her son to invite Nanay Curing Villar for a Barney and Friends Birthday Party. You know, dinosaurs.

Why, even the newest Liberal, Joey Salceda has a suggestion – an X-Men themed event!

Several Iglesia ni Cristo members have confirmed attendance to Mar Roxas’ party. But the INC members will bring just one common gift for him.

Loren Legarda will also attend the party. But before accepting the invitation, she made sure that ABS-CBN is not covering it live and no Wireless Audience Response System will be used during the event.

Unconfirmed reports say Inquirer’s Conrado De Quiros has been invited to speak at the birthday party. So expect the columnist to endorse Roxas in the next elections.

You know who else is celebrating his birthday today? Robert Pattinson. Yeah, sharing the same birthday today are Robert Pattinson and Mar Roxas – one whose career was launched via ‘Twilight’ and another who’s in the twilight of his career.

Top 10 Birthday Messages Left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ Answering Machine

No. 10: “Hi Senator, this is TJ Manotoc. I have good news on your birthday. Got two complimentary tix here for the repeat concert of Tears for Fears. Would you like to watch the show with Korina?”

No. 9: “Mar, si Loren ‘to. Ayaw ko nang makipagplastikan. Prangkahan na. Kung malungkot ka sa iyong birthday dahil nakakalamang si Binay, ako hindi. Masayang-masaya ako for Mayor Binay. At ito ang tandaan mo: kung kay Noli De Castro, never akong nag-concede, lalong hindi sa ‘yo!”

No. 8: “Isang mainit na pagbati sa iyong kaarawan Senador Roxas! Si Chiz Escudero ito. Ilang tulog na lang, 2016 na. Handa ka na ba?”

No. 7: “Hello Manuel! This is your Tita Gloria Angara. Your Tito Edong is sending his warm birthday greetings to you! Pero maiba ako iho. Sino ‘yung nag-iwan ng message No. 9 sa ‘taas? Ang bitter naman ng babaeng ‘yun. Hindi maka-move on!”

No. 6: “Mar, kumusta? Si Erap ‘to. ‘Wag kang malungkot. Birthday na birthday mo pa naman. Alam mo ba ang regalo ko sa ‘yo? Sssssssh, ‘wag kang maingay. Atin-atin lang ‘to. ‘Yung bise presidente ko… walang B! Walang “boto” mula sa ‘kin! Ayos ba?”

No. 5: “eOw poh sEnAdOR! kMi p0Wh ANG mgA jejeMOn Ng eaSt RemBo, Mkti cItY P0wh.~ ky BiNay,~ gGNDA aNG buHay L0lZ! mAligYng Bati na Rin~ pow! JEjej3!

No. 4: “Birthday greetings Senator Roxas! Thank you so much for the support! Kung ‘di po dahil sa inyo noon, wala sana ako ngayon. Nagmamahal, EVAT Law.”

No. 3: “Mar, partner, si Noy ‘to. Happy birthday ‘tol! ‘Wag kang mag-alala. Magtutulungan pa rin tayo para sa bayan dude. Kung matalo ka man, nandito pa rin ako pare. Remember, I’m still single. Since wala naman akong First Lady, baka interesado kang maging First Gentleman o kaya First Best Friend. Basta walang malisya bro.”

No. 2: “Hon, alam ko birthday mo. Pero, bakit?!? Bakiiiiiiiiiiit?!? Ano ang kasalanan ko sa Itaas at pinaparusahan ako ng ganito katindi? I took a leave from my freakin’ job. Sinagot kita! Ipinagtanggol kita! Pinakasalan kita! Sinipingan pa nga kita kahit medyo… eww! Pero bakit? Kulang pa ba ang mga sakripisyo kong ito?”

And the No.1 birthday message left on Sen. Mar Roxas’ answering machine…

“Hi Marrrrrrrrrr! This is Krissy! Gosh! It’s your birthday pala today! I almost forgot. Mabuti na lang, Tito Jojo Binay reminded me about it over dinner last night! Gosh, this is so embarrassing! Forgetful na talaga ang lola mo, pasensya na! Anyway, happy, happy birthday and I sincerely wish na ma-enjoy mo ang ‘yong pagiging ordinary citizen. Pakisabi kay Tita Koring, I miss her. Well, slight. Gosh! She won’t be Second Lady nga pala noh? How saaaaad! Bye, bye for now! I need to go. Oh my! Baby James, ano ba! ‘Wag mong dilaan ‘yang Villar bracelet. That’s dirty! Gosh this kid!”

In Other News…
Former Lakas stalwart-turned-Noynoy Aquino supporter Joey “She’s a lucky bitch” Salceda was re-elected governor of Albay. Sought for comment on his victory, Salceda blurted out, “Ay! Winner! Nilampaso ko nang bonggang-bongga ang candidate No. 2! As in!”

JC: ‘Not yet Noynoy’
Ang Kapatiran Party standard-bearer JC De Los Reyes has withdrawn his concession to Noynoy Aquino. It takes a lot of guts to do something like that especially if you’re someone who couldn’t even win an election against Vetellano Acosta.

Lani in the House!
Actress Lani Mercado is now a lawmaker. Can you believe it? Well, I can’t. Sampalin n’yo ko! Sampalin n’yo ko!

Lani Mercado has been elected congresswoman in Cavite. She will represent the province’ district 2 – the country’s congressional district with the second highest number of masochists next only to Saranggani.

Critics Proven Wrong
Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist and Noynoy Aquino endorser Conrado De Quiros, and activist lawyer Harry Roque – two of the most prominent poll automation naysayers (who doubted the capabilities of both the Comelec and Smartmatic) admitted that they have been proven wrong as the May 10 elections turned out to be a credible and successful exercise. Tinangka ni Professional Heckler na hingan ng pahayag ang dalawa ngunit kapwa sila tumanggi dahil kumakain pa raw sila… ng kanilang mga salita.
—————————–
“You’ve got to learn to survive a defeat. That’s when you develop character.”
~Richard Nixon

Survey Says…
Ano ang masasabi mo sa pangkalahatang proseso ng katatapos na halalan?
Astig! Ang bilis! Sulit ang ipinila ko! 19%
Puwede na. Pero puwede pang ma-improve! 79%
Ibalik sa dati. Manual na lang tayo. 2%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
If you still doubt Iglesia ni Cristo’s ability to vote solidly as a bloc, check out these figures from Rodriguez, Rizal, a known INC stronghold: Here. And here. Another. And one more.

Sheila Coronel for CNN: In the Philippines, clans and guns still rule

Philippine Daily Inquirer: How did the Binay blitzkrieg come about?

Personal
Huli man at magaling, kailangan pa ring sabihin. Huge thanks to broadcast networks for the comprehensive coverage of the elections! Mabuhay kayo mga Kapamilya, Kapatid, Kapuso, at kung sinu-sino pang mga ka-K diyan!

Enjoy the rest of the week!





STAR(FRUIT) FOR ALL SEASONS

15 04 2010

IT’S THE DAY’s BIGGEST NEWS.
Albay Governor Joey Salceda who called an emergency caucus of Lakas governors at Discovery Suites in Pasig City last April 6 to conduct a loyalty check on Lakas members has bolted the ruling coalition! Apparently, Salceda got so busy checking out his party mates’ loyalty; he totally forgot to check out his.

Just so you know, Noynoy Aquino and Joey Salceda were classmates at the Ateneo de Manila University from the late ‘70s to the early ‘80s… or as their flirty female classmates would say, “unlucky years.”

Joey Salceda revealed that he and Noynoy Aquino were seatmates in the English class in Ateneo. They were not that close then although one time they plagiarized some compositions together.

According to Albay Governor Joey Salceda, Noynoy Aquino was his seatmate in the English class in Ateneo some 30 years back. Salceda will never ever forget the young Noynoy… mainly because he was the only one who owned a lighter then.

Albay Governor Joey Salceda who called an emergency caucus of Lakas governors at Discovery Suites in Pasig City last April 6 to conduct a loyalty check on Lakas members has bolted the ruling coalition! It was like Dinky Soliman leading the Arroyo cabinet in singing “If We Hold On (Together),” and then calling for her president’s ouster the succeeding week.

After calling on his party mates to rally behind Gilbert Teodoro, Albay Governor Joey Salceda has bolted the party and announced his support for Noynoy Aquino. Lakas stalwarts were reportedly shocked by Salceda’s announcement because they expected him to support Danton Remoto’s “Ang Ladlad” instead.

Bugtong:
Higit sa isa ang mukha
May payat at may mataba
Berde kung hilaw
kapag hinog ay dilaw.
Ano ito?
Sagot: Balimbing (or Starfruit; Averrhoa carambola)

At ilan sa mga kilalang berde na pilit nahinog nitong mga nakaraang buwan ay ang mga balimbing sa larawan. Nasa inyo na ang pagpapasya kung sila ay inyong pipitasin sa darating na halalan.

Bawat isa sa kanila ay may ibinigay na dahilan kung bakit nila iniwan ang kanilang partido. Natatandaan mo pa ba kung ano ang kanilang “excuse?” Alamin sa pamamagitan ng pagsagot sa pagsusulit na ito.

Panuto: Isilid sa isang hinog na balimbing o ponkan (depende sa partidong nilipatan) ang titik ng tamang sagot. Tandaan: gumamit ng hinog na balimbing o ponkan lamang: bawal ang hilaw at bawal ang manibalang. Narito ang halimbawa ng tamang pagmamarka sa napiling sagot:

May sampung minuto ka upang sagutin ang tanong: Bakit nga ba sila lumipat?

1: Dating NEDA Director General Ralph Recto:
A: “Natalo na ‘ko noong 2007, ayokong matalo uli ngayon. Masakit sa bulsa. ‘Di pa nga ako nakakabawi eh!”
B: “I think you have a good team in the LP under the leadership of Senator Noynoy and Senator Mar.”
C: “’Package deal’ kasi. Nang alukin ng Liberal si Vi, siyempre damay na ko. What is marriage for?”
D: “Hindi ko kailangang mag-explain sa ‘yo. Ano ka, si Serge Osmeña? Kung ‘di mo ako kayang tanggapin, umalis ka!”

2: Former Ilocos Sur Governor Luis ‘Chavit’ Singson:
A: “Si Erap nga na parang kapatid ko na, tinraydor ko pa. Si Gilbert Teodoro pa kaya na ‘di ko man lang nakainuman o nakasama sa casino?”
B: “Kung kanino si Manny Pacquiao, doon ako.”
C: “Mas matagal na kasi sa politics si Villar. Mas marami siyang kilala. ‘Tsaka siya ang gusto ng mga kababayan ko. Sino ba ko para sumalungat sa kanila?”
D: “God knows Hudas not stay!”

3: Mandaluyong City Rep. Neptali Gonzales III
A: “Dating back to the ‘60s, our relationship with the Aquinos and the Roxases is something na hindi ko puwedeng talikuran.”
B: “Ang tagal ng pondo. Nainip na ‘ko.”
C: “Hinintay ko lang ang latest survey at tiniyak kong lamang pa rin si Noynoy para sure.”
D: “Bakit ba kayo nakikialam? Taga-Mandaluyong ba kayo?!?”


4: Albay Governor Joey Salceda
A: “Deep in my heart, hindi ko kayang ikampanya ang isang La Sallista. Bali-baligtarin man ang mundo, kahit ano pang mangyari, halata man o hindi, Atenista pa rin ako.”
B: “Titigan n’yo ang picture sa ‘taas. Kuha ‘yan nang samahan ako ni Gibô sa pagpa-file ng aking certificate of candidacy. Napilitan lang akong mag-smile d’yan!”
C: “I accepted the challenge of my Ateneo classmate Noynoy to become the Bicol regional chairman of the Liberal Party. My task is to make him win in Bicol on May 10.”
D: “Matagal na akong nagtitiis bilang berdeng caterpillar. Panahon na upang iwagayway ang aking mga dilaw na pakpak bilang paru-paro! To paraphrase Ricky Martin, ‘I am a fortunate butterfly!’ Promise!”

5: Quezon City Mayor Feliciano Belmonte
A: “Kung mananatili ako sa Lakas, hindi ako magiging House Speaker. Career move ‘to.”
B: “Enlightened, dependable, trustworthy and morally upright: All of these qualities of Cory, I see in our new champion, Sen. Noynoy Aquino.”
C: “Naunang lumipat ang anak kong si Joy eh. Tatay lang ako. Kung saan siya masaya, suportahan ko siya.”
D: “Noynoy and I have a lot of things in common. Single ako, single siya. Umuulan ng celebrities sa aking siyudad; bumabaha ng celebrities sa kanyang ad.”

6: Surigao Del Norte Governor Robert Ace Barbers
A: “Wala lang. Trip ko lang.”
B: “Ang Nacionalista kasi ang susunod na pinakamalaking political party after the 2010 elections.”
C: “Pati ba naman taong nananahimik dito sa Surigao, napansin pa ng punyetang Professional Heckler na ‘yan? Baka gusto niyang matulad siya kay Mike Enriquez?!? ”
D: “Puwede bang kantahin ko na lang? 1-2-3! Si Villar ang tunay na mahirap/ Si Villar ang tunay na may malasakit!”

7: House Speaker Prospero Nograles
A: “Even as a senior officer of the party, I hardly know what’s happening because they make decisions without the courtesy of even briefing us. I don’t even get any text saying hi or hello from our party standard-bearer.”
B: “Delikado kasi ‘yung mayoral bid ko sa Davao. ‘Yung Duterte Death Squad, este Duterte family, suportado ni Noynoy. Kailangan ko ng mas malakas na backer like Villar.”
C: “Lilinawin ko lang! Hindi totoong iiwan ko ang partido! Hindi totoong ako ay balimbing! At hindi totoong tumakbo ako nang nakahubad sa isang hotel! Damn it! Kailangan ko pa bang ulit-ulitin ‘yan?”
D: “Who says I’m leaving Lakas? Puwede ko namang ikampanya nang palihim si Villar kahit ‘di ako Nacionalista ah. Si Presidente nga kinakaya… ako pa?!”

8: Bukidnon Governor Jose Ma. Zubiri
A: “Nagpasya akong lumipat kay Villar dahil… hindi ko sure kung mag-o-offer si Noynoy.”
B: “Memoryado ng aking mga apo ang “dagat ng basura” ad ni Villar. Mahal ko ang aking mga apo. Mahal nila si Villar. Mahal ko na rin siya.”
C:I cannot stomach Lakas’ alliance with Kampi.”
D: “Napagkasunduan namin ‘yan ng aking mga anak. Sina Migs, mananatili sa Lakas; ako naman, sa Nacionalista. Mas maraming partido, mas maraming pondo.”

9. Batangas Governor Vilma Santos
A: “Akala n’yo ba walang matibay na dahilan ang aking paglipat? Akala n’yo lang, wala! Pero meron! Meron!”
B: “Katulad po ng sinabi ni Ralph sa question No. 1 sa taas… masakit matalo. Malaki-laki rin ang nawala sa amin sa kampanya noong 2007. Ayaw na naming maulit ‘yon.”
C: “I think Noynoy can give us that inspiration because of the inspiration instilled to us by his parents.”
D: “Bakit ako lumipat sa Liberal Party? Hmmm, alam n’yo po, matagal kong pinag-isipan ‘yang desisyon na ‘yan. I prayed hard for guidance. Hindi po madali sa akin ang iwan ang Lakas. Pero isa lang po ang tinitiyak ko sa aking mga kababayan sa Batangas: matagal kong pinag-isipan ang desisyon kong ito and I really prayed hard for guidance. Dahil sa totoo lang, hindi po madaling iwan ang Lakas. Thank you!”
—————————-
“Unless you can find some sort of loyalty, you cannot find unity and peace in your active living.”
~Josiah Royce

Survey Says
Ayon sa ABS-CBN: “Mula sa Nacionalista Party ang pekeng ‘psychiatric report’ ni Noynoy.” Ang sagot ng Nacionalista Party: “Sino sa amin? ‘Di totoo ‘yan!”
Ang tanong: dapat bang ibunyag ng ABS-CBN ang source nila sa NP?
Ang resulta ng survey:
DAPAT LANG! 70%
HINDI NA KAILANGAN! 25%
HINDI KO ALAM ANG ISYU. 4%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Trivia:The 1955 Academy Award-winning film Oklahoma! was shot entirely in Arizona because producers believed that Arizona looked more like Oklahoma than Oklahoma did!

Sa nangyayaring exodus ng Lakas members sa Liberal Party at Nacionalista Party, hindi na ako magtataka kung ang LP at NP ay mas mag-asal-Lakas kaysa sa orihinal na Lakas pagkatapos ng eleksyon. Good luck sa ating lahat!





HOLY WEAK, TOO

2 04 2010


The Professional Heckler continues to receive reports of Holy Week ‘sightings’ of political figures.

Reports say President Arroyo has never left the bedside of the First Gentleman. She cannot afford to miss Mike Arroyo’s seven last words. (If ever.)

Do you know the powerful Garcia clan of Cebu? The senakulo that they organized was one of the most controversial in recent years. A faction of the Garcia family wanted to betray Jesus but another faction stayed loyal and supported him.

In Lubao, Pampanga, Mikey Arroyo was so impressed with the performance of the guys who portrayed the role of Roman centurions that he vowed to represent them in the next Congress.

And did you hear about the reenactment of the Last Supper organized by Partido Lakas-CMD-Kampi? The 12 apostles got the shock of their lives when Gilbert Teodoro who played the role of Jesus suddenly resigned from the play.

Rumors have it the First Gentleman wanted someone else to replace Gilbert Teodoro in the senakulo. Worse, Mrs. Arroyo who personally picked Teodoro for the lead role knew about it.

But did you know what happened next when news came out that Manny Villar was the presidential bet of Mike Arroyo? Villar denied the First Gentleman three times before the cock crowed!

Sen. Loren Legarda declined an invitation to participate in a senakulo after getting word that it will be shown live in ANC and ABS-CBN.

This just in! Partido Lakas-CMD-Kampi has decided to cancel its scheduled Easter Egg Hunt Party. Instead, party leaders will be hunting for its missing members.

In a related development, Easter Egg Hunt activities in remote provinces were also canceled. This, after the CPP-NPA increased its ‘permit-to-hunt’ fees.

Albay Governor Joey Salceda volunteered to play Jesus in a senakulo in Bicol. Salceda’s favorite part of the play was when Roman soldiers placed a crown on his head.

And finally, two representatives from the Social Weather Stations and Pulse Asia were chosen to play the role of apostles in the reenactment of the Last Supper. However, they were sacked from the play when they insisted that Jesus Christ’s prediction of an apostle betraying him had a margin of error of plus or minus 2.

In the News
In San Pedro Cutud village in the City of San Fernando, Pampanga, 49-year-old sign painter Ruben Enaje, was crucified for the 24th consecutive year. Psychologists refer to that as the “Jejomar Binay Syndrome.”

In San Pedro Cutud village, sign painter Ruben Enaje, was crucified for the 24th consecutive year. If ever he’d retire, he wanted his son (or his wife) to continue what he started.
——————————
“Every country gets the circus it deserves. Spain gets bullfights. America gets Hollywood. Italy gets the Catholic Church.”
~Erika Jong

Survey Says
Are you going out of town this Holy Week break?
Definitely. Excited na nga eh. 15%
Nope. Sa bahay na lang. 76%
Not sure. Bahala na. 9%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Wohoo!
Congratulations to GMA7’s I-Witness (Ambulansyang De Paa) for winning in the prestigious 69th Annual Peabody Awards. Here’s the complete list of winners.





1 02 2010

FEBRUARY 1st

1650: Philosopher Rene Descartes who originated the statement, “Cogito ergo sum” dies. He stopped thinking.

1814: Mayon Volcano erupts killing 1,200 people. The figure could have been higher if not for the outstanding disaster management program implemented by the Albay governor who happened to be the great-great-great-great grandfather of Joey Salceda.

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ATlk8vZkEqWACM:http://thelionarib.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/peter-jennings1.jpg 1965: Peter Jennings, 26, becomes anchor of ABC’s nightly news. A month later, he receives a juicy offer from Manny Pangilinan to transfer to TV5.

1978: After pleading guilty to charges of having sex with a 13-year-old girl, director Roman Polanski skips bail and escapes. He fled to Zamboanga Del Norte where he befriended Romeo Jalosjos.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:z3OFRrpap21WAM:http://www.teachersparadise.com/ency/en/media/5/5e/khomeini.jpg 1979: Exiled religious leader Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, who was imprisoned by the Shah in 1963 for his opposition to reforms, has made a triumphant return to Iran after 14 years in exile. To celebrate the momentous event, a motorcade was held in the streets of Tehran. Kohmeini was joined on the float by Lito Atienza and son, Ali.

2003: Seven astronauts perish as Columbia breaks up on re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere leaving NASA and the world in a state of disbelief. One of those who saw the event live on TV was Vicki Belo whose face would never recover from the initial shock.

Thanks to BBC On This Day, Scope Systems, and Taga-Ilog News.





MOTIVES

30 08 2009

NOYNOY_MAR Mar & Noy
In a radio interview Saturday (August 29), presidential aspirant Mar Roxas said he is now willing to slide down to the VP race if his best friend, Noynoy Aquino decides to seek the presidency. In making that statement, Roxas hopes to solidify their friendship, cement party unity, and boost his ranking in the next presidential survey.

Mar & Noy II
Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, who previously insisted that he wouldn’t slide down to the VP race has just announced on radio that he would give way to Noynoy Aquino if the latter decides to run for president. Mar’s latest pronouncement was hailed by everyone in the Roxas household… except for Korina Sanchez.

In the News: Mar Roxas at Noynoy Aquino, mag-uusap na!
Bad News: Live! Sa The Buzz!

In the News: Para sa kaibigang si Noynoy, Mar Roxas handang magparaya!
Bad News: Sa isang kondisyon: siya ang First Lady!

Party Wants Noynoy
The Aksyon Demokratiko party of former presidential candidate Raul Roco+ has formally endorsed Noynoy Aquino as its standard-bearer for the 2010 elections. Noynoy is reportedly enthralled by the support of Aksyon Demokratiko… mainly because her Mommy Cory and the said party have something in common – they’re dead.

In the News: Mga miyembro ng Aksyon Demokratiko, suportado si Noynoy Aquino
Bad News: Aksyon Demokratiko, iisa ang miyembro

GMA & Noli
Short of anointing Vice President Noli De Castro, President Arroyo, in a statement released Friday said she regards Kabayan “as a leader imbued with decency, capability, dedication to public service and genuine sensitivity for the Filipino masses that will make him a good President.” The Inquirer said the message was sent to the vice president through text message. And if rumors were to be believed, De Castro had a very prompt, very short, and very honest reply: “Madam President… what’s ‘imbued’?”

GMA’s Trips
Malacañang is now mum on President Arroyo’s upcoming foreign trips but the Department of Foreign Affairs says she may be in Libya as early as tomorrow, August 31. To avert another potential scandal, an advance party has been sent to Tripoli to scout for a carinderia.

In the News: Pangulong Arroyo, patungong New York at Libya
Bad News: Palasyo, naghahanap ng manlilibreng kongresista

RP’s Richest
Forbes Magazine reported that presidential aspirant Manuel Villar is the ninth richest Filipino today. He would have ranked a notch higher if the Comelec imposed a ban on premature political advertisements.

Elsewhere…
Albay Governor Joey “She’ a lucky bitch” Salceda strikes again. Check out this column.

An Inquirer letter-sender shares his views on Mar Roxas’ political advertisements. Read the letter here.

jdv3 Briefly Noted
Have you heard the radio (political) ad of Joey “Back Off” De Venecia? It goes:

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Natigil natin ang anomalya ng ZTE. Napigil ang kurakot.”

Pero ang bwelta ng pamahalaan kay Joey napakalupit.

“Ang buhay ko, laging may banta. Hanapbuhay, inipit. Kanegosyo, tinakot. Pero lahat ‘to kaya kong tiisin makasama ko lang kayo sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Palabra de honor. Delicadeza. De Venecia.

Oh, come on Joey! All of sudden you wanted to be “with” us?! That’s a lot of bull! You’re just as rotten as those guys who were involved in the scandalous ZTE-NBN deal so drop that shitty impression that you’re some sort of a hero because you’re not. And please, stop using the people for your own selfish ends. Who do you think we are… Jarius Bondoc?!?

jdv33 A more believable JDV III radio ad…

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Nawalan ako ng kontrata. Natigil ang pasok sa akin ng pera.”

Napagtanto ni Joey, mahirap pala kapag ‘di na House Speaker ang kanyang Daddy.

“Kompanya ko, sa bidding… natatalo. Hanapbuhay ko, apektado. Umaatras na rin ang ilang kasosyo. Pero lahat nang ‘to kaya kong lampasan dahil may papasukin na akong bagong negosyo – kayo! Tatakbo ako sa senado upang makasama ko ang mga tao sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Pork Barrel. Droga. De Venecia.
_________
“The public may be willing to forgive us for mistakes in judgment but it will not forgive us for mistakes in motive.”
~Robert W. Haack

Survey Says…
Who has a better chance of winning the presidency?
Noynoy Aquino: 42%
Mar Roxas: 7%
Neither. Iba na lang.: 51%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.





LOST IN TRANSLATION

26 02 2008

Top 12 Filipino Translations of Hollywood Movie Titles (Inspired by the Current Political Turmoil)

12: The Santa Clause: Ang Mabait na si Mike Defensor, Namimigay ng Pera

11: No Country for Old Men: Okay Sana si Salonga, Kaya Lang Matanda Na

10: There Will Be Blood: Bababa Ka Ba sa Puwesto o Hindi?!?

9: To Catch A Thief: Paano Hulihin Ang Unang Ginoo

8: Million Dollar Baby: Ang Kontrata sa ZTE

7: Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Itinakas sa NAIA

6: House of Flying Daggers: Ang Mababang Kapulungan ng Kongreso

5: Close Encounters of the Third Kind: Isang Gabi sa Piling Ni Neri

4: The Fast and the Furious: Mabilis Man Ang PSG, Naisahan Pa Rin Ng Mga Galit Na Madre

3: Liar Liar: Ang Pangulo

2: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Si Lozada, si De Venecia, at si Salceda (Bitch!)

And the No. 1 Filipino Translation of a Hollywood movie title…

1: Deliver Us From Evil: Ilayo Mo Kami sa Malakanyang





ARF!

21 02 2008

null
JOEY SALCEDA’s off-tangent remark on President Arroyo was half-amusing, half-disturbing. If her own men wouldn’t respect her, who else will? Let me start this post by quoting a portion of a ’90s hit from singer/songwriter/guitarist Meredith Brooks. (I actually imagine GMA singing this tune.) The title of the song? BITCH.

“I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed.”

Eksakto ba?

Salceda and GMA

Economic adviser and Albay Governor Joey Salceda described President Arroyo as “the luckiest bitch.” ‘Yan po ang dahilan kung bakit lagi siyang napapaligiran – ng mga tuta.

Salceda and GMA II

Albay Governor Joey Salceda says President Arroyo is a “lucky bitch.” Sought for a reaction, the president didn’t say a word. She barked! (Arf!)

Salceda and GMA III

In a forum at the Ateneo De Manila campus in Makati City, Albay Gov. Joey Salceda remarked that President Arroyo’s “a bitch.” So what does that make then of Mikey, Dato, and Luli? ‘Naknamput*?!? (Mean!)

Salceda and GMA IV null

Albay Governor Joey Salceda said that he was “just joking” when he made his “bitch” remark on President Arroyo – something that was totally unnecessary because, with or without a joke, he already looked like a punch line.

IN OTHER NEWS…

KC vs. Hunger

The United Nations World Food Programme has named young star KC Concepcion as the Philippines’ ambassador against hunger… mainly because every time Filipinos stare at her mother Sharon – busog na sila.

Gina’s Rant

Of late, Gina De Venecia, wife of ousted House Speaker Jose De Venecia has been hurling allegations after allegations against Mrs. Arroyo and her administration. Because of this, she has been chosen as the newest endorser of a dietary supplement – Charantia Ampalaya… kahon pa lang bitter na!








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