“HE’S BACK!”

24 11 2013

napoles
CONGRATULATIONS Manny Pacquiao! You were impressive in that sparring session.

Boxing analysts lauded Manny Pacquiao for his speed. Some typhoon victims wished he was the government.

Did you guys watch the fight? Manny Pacquiao is back! Unfortunately, so is Chavit Singson.

If you looked closely at Manny Pacquiao’s blue trunks, you would‘ve noticed some prominent labels such as No Fear, LBC, Café Puro, Motolite, Ricoa, and Office of the Vice President.

Brandon Rios was simply outboxed. Of the 502 punches thrown, Rios landed 138. But President Aquino told Christiane Amanpour the figure was “too much.”

According to CompuBox, Brandon Rios landed 138 punches. He’s one lucky guy. In the Philippines, people could only dream of punching a lawmaker.

Compubox statistics showed Manny Pacquiao landed 281 punches. But Rios only landed 138 – prompting Korina Sanchez to quip, “hindi mo alam ang ginagawa mo.”

An irritated Rios replied, “You should have visited Macau and watched the fight yourself. I’m sure your husband has the means to arrange a flight.”

Reports say Manny Pacquiao is guaranteed to receive 18 million to 30 million dollars. That’s almost 1.3 billion pesos. Or as Janet Napoles would say, “Maliit!”

Untitled
Mommy Dionisia was at ring side during the Pacquiao-Rios fight in Macau. It was a double victory for Pacman and Pacmom. Aling Dionisia was awarded Best in National Costume.

Jinkee Pacquiao is three months pregnant. According to Manny Pacquiao, God told him (via a dream) he’s going to have a baby boy. Sought for reaction, God said, “Wala akong alam d’yan!”

With Pacquiao’s latest victory, observers predict Mommy Dionisia will probably get a new bag, and Jinkee Pacquiao will probably get a new face.
———————————————————-
“The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That’s real glory. Thats the essence of it.”
~ Vince Lombardi

Sound Bites
“This isn’t about my comeback. My victory is a symbol of my people’s comeback from a natural disaster, a national tragedy. It’s really important to bring honor to my country with this win.”
~ Manny Pacquiao

Have a safe week ahead! Welcome back Pacquiao!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

(Photos: Getty Images, Michael Josh Villanueva)





JUANCE AND FOR ALL

9 12 2012

BREAKING: Filipinos’ hearts.

IT WAS A tough night for boxing legend Manny Pacquiao. He was knocked out in the sixth round by Juan Manuel Marquez and got 25 million dollars! Yeah, tough night.

pacmanManny Pacquiao was knocked out by Juan Manuel Marquez in the sixth round of their fourth (non-title) bout. It was only the second knock down for Pacquiao – since he was knocked out by Darlene Antonino-Custodio in 2007.

Juan Manuel Marquez knocked out Manny Pacquiao in Round 6. The Filipino boxer lay motionless on the canvas for several minutes… prompting Floyd Mayweather Jr to demand that he be tested for sedatives.

Defeated US presidential candidate Mitt Romney met and shook hands with Manny Pacquiao before the fight. That handshake sealed the fate of Manny.

Reports say Mitt Romney initiated the brief conversation with Pacquiao saying, “Hello Manny, I ran for president. I lost.” And Pacquiao was like, “O, sinong nagpapasok dito?”

Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao says Pacquiao’s change of religion was to blame for his recent losses. To which, God said, “Manisi ba?”

JinkeePacquiao’s defeat stunned his wife, Jinkee. Either that, or she just looks stunned.

Just like the rest of her countrymen, Jinkee Pacquiao was shocked. You can tell ‘coz you can see it in her face eyes.

ESPN Stats showed Manny Pacquiao landed more jabs and more power punches. Pacman made 94 while Marquez had 51. In fact, Marquez’ 51 was less impressive than Claudine Barretto’s 68.

Manny Pacquiao got knocked down. I wish he was another congressman (or party-list representative).

c
While Bob Arum was talking about the possibility of a fifth fight, Juan Manuel Marquez was telling the media that he’s not too keen about it. He looks forward to fighting Chris Brown instead.

Almost 30 Filipino congressmen were present at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas during the Pacquiao-Marquez bout. And there was this awkward moment when ring announcer Michael Buffer dared the congressmen to put the RH Bill to a vote.

In the metro, authorities anticipated zero crime rate. Until Round 6.

Manny Pacquiao admitted that he got over confident during the fight. But he’s not giving any excuses. What’s important is he showed his talent and proved that he still got the skills. Despite the fall, he’s safe now. And this just in: He has a new sponsor: Salem bed.

On the eve of the Pacquiao-Marquez fight, Malacañang predicted a Pacquiao victory. Pageant aficionados are calling on Malacañang to NOT predict a win for Miss Universe candidate Janine Tugonon.

BREAKING NEWS: The local government of Mexico City has just announced that Friday is a non-working day in the city. The mayor, in floral shirt, together with one of his sons, and son-in-law will lead the Marquez motorcade.
—————————————–
“When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.”
~Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

cQuotes of the Day
“Ginawa nating ang lahat, at talaga naman na kailangang tanggapin natin. ‘Yan ang trabaho natin, hindi lahat ng panahon ay panalo.”
~Manny Pacquiao (via ABS-CBN)

“Sabihin ko kay Bob Arum, stop na. Hindi hayop ang anak ko; tao siya. Ayoko na. Ang trabaho niya focus na lang sa pulitika. Iwanan na lang niya ang pag-boxing.”
~Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao (via GMA News)

juanma
No to Corruption
Lest you forget, President Aquino recently declared December 9 as National Anti-Corruption Day! Or as many Customs officials and personnel would call it, “Unfair!”

Have a peaceful and safe week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Jinkee Photo via @cesdrilon/ Meme via @charlestiu]





INTERVIEW WITH THE DEVIL IV

11 10 2012

IT’S BEEN THREE months since the devil last spoke on issues and events here in the Philippines. Fresh from its two-month vacation in Venezuela where it influenced the recently concluded presidential elections, the devil agreed to be interviewed – again. Here’s the unedited transcript of the exclusive conversation.

Uy, ‘musta ka na? Ang tagal mong nawala ah!

Ganun? Concerned? Close tayo?

Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago. Demonyo ka pa rin!

OMD! Thank you!

OMD?

Oh my Devil! Tanga!

Wow, kung maka-tanga ka ah. Since ngayon ka lang nagparamdam ulit, gusto sana muna kitang tanungin tungkol sa ‘di pa rin mamatay-matay na isyung kinasasangkutan ni Senador Tito Sotto.

Alin do’n? Ang dami no’n huh! I’m impressed.


Ahm, unahin na natin ang plagiarism.

O, anong isyu do’n? Pinalaki n’yo lang ‘yun eh. Kung tutuusin, simpleng bagay lang naman talaga ‘yon. Nag-research ang staff niya, kinopya, ‘tapos walang attribution, binasa. Anong problema? The act was laudable!

Pati ‘yong aroganteng defense niya? Pati ‘yong ‘di niya pagso-sorry sa ginawa n’ya? Laudable?

Of course!

Despicable!

Thank you!

So inaamin mong kagagawan mo ang napaulat na pag-plagiarize niya at ‘yong naging asal niya?

Ikaw ang nagsabi n’yan! Hindi ako!

O, bakit parang umiiwas ka?

Naman! Cybercrime Law. Libel. Alam mo na!

‘Yong devil takot sa libel??!

Bakit? Ikaw ba hindi?

Takot.

Boom! Ha-ha

Fuck you!

Thank you!


Wait, paano nakalusot ang Cybercrime Law kung depektibo ang ilang probisyon nito?

‘Yon na nga ang ikinaiinis ko eh.

‘Yong defective ang law?

Hindi! ‘Yong TRO! Perfect na sana eh. Lulusot na sana, bigla ba namang nakialam ang Korte Suprema. Booooo! KJ kayong matatanda d’yan sa Padre Faura! May araw din kayo. Buwisit!

Pa’no ‘yan, maraming senador ang kumikilos para maayos ang batas.

Isa pa ‘yang mga ‘yan! Ang kakapal ng mukha! I was there eh! I was guiding them when they passed that freaking law! ‘Tapos ngayon kanya-kanyang distansya, kanya-kanyang palusot, kanya-kanyang pautot at pag-amin na nagkamali sila! I’m disappointed!

How about the President?

OMD! I have never been this proud of Noynoy. Nag-overachieve siya sa usaping ito. I’m giving him 4 out of 5 stars! Nai-imagine ko na ang nararamdamang inis nina Cory at Ninoy do’n sa kabila. Awesome!

And Leila De Lima?

Wow. Unexpected turnaround. Kung noon ay isinusumpa ko siya bilang human rights advocate, ngayon, love na love ko na siya. I am giving her 4 out of 5 shawls! Magaling!


Napag-uusapan na rin lang natin ang batas, narinig mo na ba ang Freedom of Information Bill?

Alin? ‘Yong ipinangako ng presidente n’yo noong kampanya ‘tapos nilalangaw ngayon sa Kongreso? Dapat palitan na lang ang pangalan ng bill. Mas ok ang Freedom of Impormasyong Inaamag. Har-har-har

Ikaw ba ang may pakana ng delay?

May iba pa ba? Bakit ko naman papayagang pumasa ang FOI… eh ‘di mabuking ang kawalanghiyaan ng mga walanghiya sa gobyerno? Utot n’yo! Hangga’t wala ang FOI Law, tuloy ang ligaya ng mga diablo!

I dare you! Name names! Sinu-sino ba ‘yang mga diablo?

Ayaw ko. Eight years ang libel ‘no!

Duwag na demonyo!

Thank you!


Isyung pulitika naman tayo. Nagbati na sina Jamby Madrigal at ang kampo ni Manny Villar ‘tsaka sina Jamby at Alan Peter Cayetano. ‘Di ba… halos magpatayan ang mga ‘yan noong 2010 elections?

So? Anong masama sa patayan? Cool nga ‘yon eh! Actually, I still admire them now. Nuknukan ng kaplast… ooops Cybercrime Law, nuknukan ng forgiving. Lahat ay gagawin para sa 2013 elections! Yehey!

Nabalitaan mo na ba? ‘Yong mag-lolong Villafuerte, magkalaban daw sa 2013 sa Bicol!

Lolong? Buwaya ‘ba ‘yon?

Ikaw ang nagsabi n’yan! Hindi ako!

Gago ka ba? Pahamak ka ah! Nililinaw ko lang. Sabi mo ‘Lolong.’ Eh ‘di ba buwaya ‘yon?

Sabi ko mag-lolong Villafuerte! Grandfather vs grandson ang maglalaban!!!!!!

Galit ka? Kailangan talaga anim na exclamation points?

Hindi. Nililinaw ko rin lang.

Ahhhh sila ba ‘yong pamilyang may-ari yata ng Camarines Sur? Tama lang ‘yan! Hayaan mo silang mag-away-away. Mas exciting ‘yon. Matagal ko nang minamanmanan ang mga Villafuerte. Before World War II, nasa puwesto na ang mga ‘yan. Inabutan na sila ng Twitter, YouTube, stem cell therapy at One Direction, nasa puwesto pa rin. Sino ba namang ‘di mawiwili? Political dynasty is the best policy!

Ano namang masasabi mo sa pagtakbo ni Jinkee Pacquiao for vice governor of Sarangani?

Sino ‘yon?

Wow. Grabe ka huh. Hindi mo kilala ang first lady ng boxing?

Siyempre kilala ko. Kaya lang, hindi ko na siya makilala.

Susuportahan mo ba siya?

Matagal ko nang itinakwil ang mag-asawang ‘yan. Hindi na sila ma-reach. Hindi ako makalapit! Araw-araw, basa nang basa ng Bible. Eeew.


Btw, may kopya ka na ba ng libro ni Senator Enrile? ‘Yong kanyang memoir?

Of course! At nando’n ako sa book launch ‘noh! I was hobnobbing with the elite and the powerful!

Close kayo ni Senator?

Kinda.

Alam n’ya?

Feeling ko.

Feeling ka huh!

Let’s put it this way. On and off ang friendship namin. May time na masunurin siya sa akin at may pagkakataon namang, papogi sa publiko ang pucha.

So anong masasabi mo sa statement ni Senator Enrile na, “… I fear only the ultimate judgment of God and history.”

God? Whateverrr. Wait for the day that I judge you!

Nagbabanta ka? Ehem… may Cybercrime Law.

Ehem… may TRO.

Whatever!!! Maiba ako, nabasa mo ba ang editorial ng The Varsitarian ng UST? Anong masasabi mo sa banat ng Varsi na “intellectual pretenders at interlopers” daw ang mga propesor ng Ateneo at La Salle?

I was stunned. I was dumbfounded. I was shocked. I was lovin’ it! Go USTe! For a moment, nakaramdam ako ng pride. Whoever wrote that scathing editorial’s got a lot of promise; a potential protégé! ‘Yan tuloy, maraming nang-aalaska sa UST nang talunin ng Ateneo sa finals. Lemons n’yo raw ang mukha n’yo! Ang saya! Keep it up Varsitarian!


Before I let you go, ano palang masasabi mo sa buhok ni Charice sa X Factor Philippines?

Demonyo ako, hindi stylist!

Sus! Nagpapalusot?

You wish!

Eh ano, takot sa Cybecrime Law?

Tanga! Takot ako sa fans ni Charice! Ikaw ba hindi?

Takot.

Ok, next question please.

Naniniwala ka ba sa maligno?

Sa totoong maligno o sa pangalawang pangulo?

Hooooooy! Hindi maligno si Vice President Binay!

Bakit? May sinabi ba akong Binay? Kapag pangalawang pangulo ba, Binay agad? Hindi ba pwedeng pangalawang pangulo ng PTA muna o Fejodap o PasigTODA?

Hay naku. Palusot na naman. Iwan na nga natin ang isyung ‘to.

I’m sure takot ka lang sa Cybercrime Law!

Fuck you.

Thank you!
————————————————————
“The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.”
~Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day
“This Senate committee version of the Sin Tax Bill is so watered down, it should be called “the death star bill. I am gobsmacked at the committee report. It is an abject surrender to the very rich & very powerful tobacco & alcohol lobby. I don’t buy the argument that cigarettes & alcohol are the entertainment of the poor. The purpose of entertainment is relaxation, not death.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

UAAP 75
Congratulations to the Ateneo Blue Eagles! The #DriveForFive is complete! To the UST Growling Tigers, cheer up. You had a great season.

Next year: UP Maroons naman ang #SureNaSuresaFinal4

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[For EPAL PHOTOS (your own), you may email them here: epaliticians@yahoo.com]





AND STILL… (FOR US)

10 06 2012

THE PEOPLE’S CHAMP, Manny Pacquiao lost his fight against Timothy Bradley Jr. And God was like, “Don’t look at me!”


The judges’ split decision was a real shocker. One judge scored the fight 115-113 for Pacquiao; another judge scored it 115-113 for Bradley. But the third judge scored it 115-113 for Claudine.

Even the final punch stats (Compubox) showed that Manny Pacquiao landed more solid punches than Bradley. In fact, Bradley landed fewer punches than Raymart Santiago did.


Jinkee Pacquiao was reportedly stunned when she heard the decision. She was so shocked her face almost moved.

Equally shocked was Manny Pacquiao’s trainer – Pastor Jeric Soriano Freddie Roach.

Filipino congressmen who watched the fight in Las Vegas were upset. The lawmakers thought the bout was a walk in the pork for Pacman.

The Philippine National Police reported a single crime during the fight – a robbery. The victim was identified as Manny Pacquiao.

Reports say Manny Pacquiao’s colleagues in Congress described his loss as a “highway robbery.” I tend to believe their description because when it comes to the subject of robbery, they’re the authority.

Two judges scored the fight for Timothy Bradley Jr. As expected, Mar Roxas demanded a recount.


Timothy Bradley attended the post-fight news conference in a wheelchair. He arrived with his loyal wife, Cristina Basa-Bradley.

Despite the huge upset, Malacañang hailed Pacquiao for showing “the endurance and strength of Filipinos to the world.” And then went on to blame the previous administration for the loss.

Sen. Koko Pimentel was disappointed at the result of the bout. He refused to accept a Bradley win so he wrote a letter to his Ninong Erap to express his frustration.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago isn’t surprised at all that, this early, both camps are talking about a rematch. Santiago says boxing is a quasi-entertainment, quasi-business sport.

A Brief Interview With the Devil
on the Pacquiao-Bradley Match

(Via Skype)

Uy! ‘Tagal mong ‘di nagparamdam ah. Kumusta na?

‘To naman, may maitanong lang. Siyempre, demonyo pa rin.

Napanood mo ba sa TV ang laban kanina?

Anong TV? Ano ako, cheap? Two days ang delay sa TV. Sa tingin mo magtsa-t’yaga akong manood ng tambak na commercials? Nandun ako sa MGM Grand Garden Arena!

Sa Las Vegas?

Hindi! Sa Divisoria. Katabi ng Tutuban Mall. ‘Andun ang MGM Grand Garden Arena ‘di ba?

Leche naman, kupal ka talaga!

Thank you.

Seriously, ano sa palagay mo’ng nangyari kanina?

Palagay? What do you mean ‘palagay’ eh ako ang arkitekto ng lahat ng kaganapan dun.

Ikaw ang nagpatalo kay Pacquiao?

Tanga! Hindi siya natalo! Binulungan ko lang ang tatlong judges na taasan ang score ni Bradley para mawindang ang lahat.

Eh bakit split decision? Kung talagang powerful ka, sana unanimous decision for Bradley.

Anong magagawa ko eh linis-linisan ‘yong isang judge? Dati palang preacher ang pucha.

So masaya ka na?

Naman! Fulfilled na fulfilled! Imaginin mo ‘yon, may ‘pray over,’ ‘pray over’ pang nalalaman ang idolo n’yo. Bawat buka ng kanyang bibig, special mention ang kanyang Lord at kung anu-anong Biblical quotes. O, ano ngayon? Loko! Eh ‘di nagwakas rin ang paghahari-harian mo!

You sound soooo insecure.

Thank you.

Malamang takot ka kay Pacman. Close na siya kay God eh.

Ako? Takot? Har har har Kung takot ako, eh bakit nakaakyat pa ‘ko ng ring kanina? Heto ang pruweba. Right click here at hanapin mo na lang ako sa picture. Clue: I love red.

Ikaw ba ‘yon? Governor ‘yon ah.

Ikaw ang nagsabi n’yan, hindi ako!

Tarantado!

Thank you!


Maraming tao ang galit sa resulta ng laban. Sa katunayan, sabi ni Bob Arum, “I have never been so ashamed to be associated with the sport of boxing as I am tonight.” Any reaction?

Sabihin mo sa kanya… ULOL! ‘Wag nga siyang magmalinis. Kasabwat ko siya ‘noh. In fact, mamaya kapag nagkita kami, paplanuhin na namin ang mas malaking rematch sa November. Kaching! Kaching!

Teka, saan ka pala nakaupo kanina. Nadaanan ka ba ng camera?

I’m not sure. Pero nandun ako sa row ng mga congressman mula sa Pilipinas. Feeling ko nga nasa impiyerno ako kanina at may magaganap na session. Muntik nang magka-quorum ang mga punyeta.

Galit ka sa kanila?

Noooo! On the contrary, I’m sooo proud of those politicians. Sa kabila ng patuloy na pagdami ng nagugutom na Pinoy, hayun naman sila, naglalakwatsa gamit ang pera ng taumbayan. Tell me, how could you not love them? Keep it up guys!

Kunwari showbiz tayo… may mensahe ka ba sa sa mga judges?

Thank you! Thank you for not failing me. Basta kagaguhan, maaasahan talaga kayo. Ipagpatuloy n’yo ‘yan!

Kay Bradley, anong masasabi mo?

Kapal ng mukha mo tsong. Feeling mo naman nanalo ka. Gago! Puro ka yakap kay Pacquiao kanina eh alam mo namang homophobic ‘yon! Pasalamat ka’t nagawan ko ng paraan sa scores! You owe me one! Good luck sa rematch.

Finally, ano ang message mo sa changed man na si Pacquiao?

To Manny, who abandoned me…  I have three words for you: Har! Har! Har!

Ang sama mo!

Thank you!
————————————————-
“I respect the decision but 100 percent, I believe I won the fight.”
~ Manny Pacquiao

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





ATAT

5 01 2012

I CAN’T WAIT FOR January 16, the start of Chief Justice Renato Corona’s impeachment trial. I admit, I am really ‘atat.’ The only other person more atat is Congressman Niel Tupas.

The impeachment trial of Chief Justice Renato Corona begins January 16. But the House prosecution panel started presenting its evidence last January 3.

The House prosecution panel showed to the media a deed of sale and two condominium certificates of title to prove that Corona owns a condo unit at The Fort. Cong. Niel Tupas is expecting a guilty verdict from the media soon.

Congressmen are convinced that Corona’s ownership of a posh condo unit is ill-gotten. They should know. It’s ‘familiar territory.’

Getting Worse
According to the Department of Health, New Year’s Day-related injuries are up by 2.2 percent this year. The DOH is now considering suggestions to ban firecrackers and to bar Dr. Eric Tayag from dancing again.

When asked about firecracker-related injuries, the Health Department noted more cases this year, perhaps second only to Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

The Department of Health reported that this year’s New Year’s Day celebration was “the deadliest.” To which Mayans said, “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Palparan
The reward for the capture of retired Major General Jovito Palparan Jr. has been doubled… prompting his landlady to double the rent, or else.

Christmas Still
The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines reminds the faithful that the Christmas Season is until January 8. Kids have three more days to hunt down their missing ninong and ninang.

‘Bourne’ in Manila
Online reports say the Hollywood flick ‘Bourne Legacy’ will shoot some scenes in the Philippines including a car chase along Edsa. Good luck to that.

MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino says part of the ‘Bourne Legacy’ script is a car chase featuring Academy Award winner Rachel Weisz. Also being considered for that particular car chase scene is Richard Gutierrez.

Cover
Everybody’s talking about Jinkee Pacquiao’s photo on the cover of MEGA magazine. The half-human, half-science was half-recognizable.
————————————————————————————–
“If you want an audience, start a fight.”
~Irish Proverb

Quote of the Day
“Wow! Maganda naman ang asawa ko at lalong gumaganda kasi wala na siyang inaalala.”
~Cong. Manny Pacquiao reacting to the latest magazine cover of his wife, Jinkee

Public Service Announcements
- Taxikick: Report abusive taxi drivers in the Philippines.
- You may also directly file a complaint using this LTFRB form.
- January 23 is a special (non-working) day. Find out why here.

@HecklerForever Says (My recent tweets, in case you missed)
- To say that Kris Aquino is the horror queen is an insult to Lilia Cuntapay
- If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, set them on fire.
- Prevention is better than abortion.
- United we stand divided by 5 is undefined.
- The best things in life are online.
- Patience is a virtue. Or a mushy Guns N’ Roses song if you’re a child of the ’90s.
- You only live once. Or in the case of Rustom Padilla, twice.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





TRAVEL TIME

15 11 2011


UPDATED (As of 7AM, Wednesday) Despite the High Court’s decision allowing her to leave the country, former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was prevented by Immigration authorities to board her flight Tuesday night. Immigration officials said they were just following orders from Chief Justice Leila De Lima.

Quote of the Week
“’Ipapatanggal ko ang itlog ko kapag ‘di bumalik ang mga Arroyo.”
~Lawyer Ferdinand Topacio

Interviewed on ANC, lawyer Ferdinand Topacio said “’Ipapatanggal ko ang itlog ko kapag ‘di bumalik ang mga Arroyo.” This just in: Topacio’s balls have filed a petition for temporary protection order.


THE SUPREME COURT has voted to allow former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to leave the country and seek medical treatment abroad. The decision was met with loud boos from Malacañang people who thought their lawyers did enough to win.

Malacañang lost despite the fact that it dictated the tempo early on and was obviously the more aggressive fighter throughout the legal battle.

Arroyo won against Malacañang, 8 justices to 5. Sought for reaction, Mrs. Arroyo said, “I think I clearly won the fight.”

When Mario Lopez learned about the Hight Court’s decision, he opined, “Gloria Arroyo is Noynoy Aquino’s Joe Frazier.”

The Supreme Court has allowed former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to leave the country. When she heard the good news, Mrs. Arroyo instructed her aide to prepare her red scarf.

The Dominican Republic has issued a statement denying Justice Sec. Leila De Lima’s unverified report that former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo had sought asylum in the Carribean nation. De Lima has apologized to the Arroyos. But that, too is unverified.

Pacquiao for Prexy?
Interviewed on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight, Top Rank CEO and boxing promoter Bob Arum said he’d help Manny Pacquiao win the Philippine presidency when Pacman turns 40. Asked how, Arum replied he’d recommend to the Comelec the use of CompuBox to tally the votes.

On the eve of his fight with Juan Manuel Marquez, Manny Pacquiao and wife, Jinkee reportedly had a very nasty argument. Loyal fans refused to believe the report because it came from Secretary Leila De Lima.


Some people are saying Manny Pacquiao appeared distracted during his fight with Juan Manuel Marquez. And they’re blaming Jinkee’s hairstyle.

Interviewed by ABS-CBN News’ Dyan Castillejo, Manny Pacquiao apologized to the fans for not meeting their expectations. The report didn’t say if he had apologized to Jinkee for committing transgressions.

Filipinos are divided on the result of the Pacquiao-Marquez fight. They seem to agree on one thing though – Dyan Castillejo is the female Jake Joson.

Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao was not in her usual self last Sunday. It was revealed she was suffering from arteritis.

After watching Manny Pacquiao’s fight, former boxing champion Rolando Navarette, said “Wala siya sa kondisyon.” To which Manny said, “Look who’s talking!”

State Visit
On November 20, South Korean President Lee Myung-bak is visiting the Philippines. He’s excited to see half of his country’s population.

Ramona Update
Quoting Turkish authorities, the National Bureau of Investigation says Ramona Bautista is no longer in Turkey. So where is she now? In hell?

Deadly
Dr. Willy Ong, a Department of Health consultant said prolonged exposure to air pollution can shorten your life. In other news, experts say if you go swimming you’ll get wet.

“It’s over! Pls. reply.”
An online survey showed 40 percent of social media users were likely to break up with their significant other through Facebook, text message, or email. Others, like Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago do it through a bank teller.

Praybeyt Benjamin
ABS-CBN News reported that the comedy flick ‘Praybeyt Benjamin’ is now the highest-grossing local movie of all time.  I don’t know about you, or the others but I’ve seen the film and I am demanding a refund. Boo!

“Kumita lang nang malaki, maganda na? ‘Di ba pwedeng overhyped muna?”
—————————————————————————————————————
“The more laws and order are made prominent; the more thieves and robbers there will be.”
~Lao Tzu

Quote of the Day
“That’s the problem when you deal with media too much. I hope she learns her lessons. She should be more prudent this time. Kailangan may ammunition bago ka bumaril.”
~Sen. Panfilo Lacson on Justice Sec. Leila De Lima’s unverified asylum report

You Have Spoken
Para sa ‘yo, sino ang dapat nanalo?
- MANNY PACQUIAO 33.21%
- JUAN MANUEL MARQUEZ 35.38%
- DRAW 31.41%

Happy New Year!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





AND STILL…

13 11 2011

THIS JUST IN: Mexicans believe that the Philippines missed its zero crime rate target today, November 13. They insist that Juan Manuel Marquez was robbed.


Manny Pacquiao scored a majority decision victory against Mexico’s Juan Manuel Marquez. The three judges scored the fight 114-114, 116-112, and 115-113. As expected, Mar Roxas demanded a recount.

The People’s Champ won against Juan Manuel Marquez in their battle for the WBO Welterweight title in Las Vegas. Pacman’s next assignment is much tougher – Jinkee Pacquiao.

Juan Manuel Marquez sustained minor bruises and cuts and is now being treated at a nearby hospital. President Aquino has offered to foot the bill.

Some experts find the results too controversial saying Juan Manuel Marquez should have been declared winner. Susan Roces accused the judges of stealing victory from Marquez’ not just once but twice.

President Aquino congratulated Manny Pacquiao for yet another victory. Rumors say the President himself saw the fight, and he thought Pacman won by a hairline.


Because of the controversial outcome of this epic trilogy, Sen. Lito Lapid is hoping to see a fourplogy.

Mexicans are furious. They insist that Marquez won the fight. To which Pacquiao said, “Eh ‘di magsumbong kayo sa lolo n’yong panot!”

By beating Marquez, the People’s Champ sustained his amazing winning streak. He’s been scoring wins for like, forever. In Makati, they have a term for that: Binay.

Manny Pacquiao edged Juan Manuel Marquez on a very tight decision. The only thing tighter was Jinkee’s face.

Even Vicki Belo who watched the fight at the MGM Grand Garden Arena appeared shocked by the decision. Either that, or it’s her natural look.


After his controversial win, Pacquiao will have to convince the fans that he deserved it even as he needs to convince Jinkee that he didn’t do “it.”

Everyone is now talking about the fight between Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manuel Marquez. Take that Genelyn Magsaysay and Bong Revilla!

A day before the controversial bout, Manny Pacquiao and wife Jinkee allegedly figured in a nasty fight inside their suite at the Mandalay Bay Resort Hotel and Casino. All three judges scored the fight 116-112 in favor of Jinkee.


YouTube discovery Maria Aragon sang the Philippine National Anthem while fellow Filipina, American Idol alumna Thia Megia performed “The Star Spangled Banner.” There was this brief commotion though when Anne Curtis suddenly appeared and insisted on singing another song.

After the singing of the national anthems of the Philippines, Mexico and the United States, the introduction of both fighters followed. I’m not really sure but I think I heard Michael Buffer said, “In the blue corner, from the nation with the world’s largest crocodile, the fifth most hated airport, and 1 of the 7 wonders of nature, Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao!”

In a pre-fight poll conducted by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, 74.3 percent predicted that Manny Pacquiao would win. The rest are still in shock.

Manny Pacquiao earned $22M from the fight. Juan Manuel Marquez earned our respect.

Breaking News: Lintang Bedol has reportedly sent feelers to the World Boxing Organization saying he wanted to testify against the three judges.
——————————————————————————–
“Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.”
~Wilma Rudolph

Quotes of the Week
“It’s very clear I won the fight.”
~Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao

“Marquez is your Joe Frazier.”
~Host Mario Lopez to Manny Pacquiao after the controversial fight

You Have Spoken
Sang-ayon ba kayo sa alok ni Pangulong Aquino na gobyerno ang gumastos sa biyahe ng foreign doctor na dadalhin sa bansa upang tumingin kay GMA?
-Oo naman. Humane na, sure pang ‘di matatakasan ang kaso. 8.68%
-Huh? Bakit?!? Sakit niya, gastos niya! 31.4%
-Kung gusto ng Pangulo, pera niya ang gastusin ‘wag pera ng bayan. 59.92%

Have a great week ahead! Congratulations Manny Pacquiao!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





HERE LIES

23 10 2011


IN OBSERVANCE of All Saints Day and All Souls Day 2011, here’s the updated version of my original post titled “Predicted Epitaphs of Political and Entertainment Figures in the Philippines.”

President Aquino: “Ibalato n’yo na lang sa akin ang katiting na privacy kong ito!”

Vice President Jejomar Binay: “Nasa tahimik na lugar. Sana ganito rin sa inyo.”

DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas: “Ramdam ko kayo!”

Cong. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: “Kagagawan ito ng administrasyong Aquino.”

Atty. Mike Arroyo: “Watch list? What watch list? Goodbye!”

Joseph Estrada: “That’s all Polk!”

Cong. Manny Pacquiao: “He had gone to the world and multiplied. Mission accomplished. You know.”

Jinkee Pacquiao: “Ako, Legal Wife.”

Batangas Gov. Vilma Santos: “MALIGAYANG PAGDATING SA AKING PUNTOD: VILMAWOOD!”

Chief Justice Renato Corona: “Petition to extend life has been denied with finality. So ordered.”

Kris Aquino: “And then there was silence.”

Sen. Tito Sotto: “Give me liberty or give me death… certificate.”

Manny V. Pangilinan: “He just lost… one big fight.”

Boy Abunda: “And this is the bottomline!”

Sharon Cuneta: “Looking forward to losing weight.”

Charo Santos: “Maalaala Mo Sana”

Shalani Soledad: “No comment po.”

German Moreno: “Sa wakas, nakatulog rin.”

Cong. Winnie Castelo: “RIP: Winnie Castelo Proponent of the Anti-Death Bill in Congress”

Christopher Lao: “Here lies Chris Lao. For your information.”

Political Adviser Ronald Llamas: “Gun too soon.”
—————————————————————————————————-
“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?”
~George Carlin

Donaire Wins
Congratulations to Nonito Donaire! He outclassed Argentine pug Omar Narvaez in a 12-round bout. I mean, sparring session. Boo!

Fans and boxing analysts described the Donaire-Narvaez fight as boring. It would have been a lot more exciting if Donaire fought against Annabelle Rama.

Quote of the Week
“Suwerte ko I’m the original, not the other woman. I love my husband very much. I trust him, because he promised he will not get involved with anyone anymore, after Krista. I will deal with him after the fight.”
~Jinkee Pacquiao (as quoted by Philboxing.com) reacting to rumors that Cong. Manny Pacquiao fathered a child with a culinary student

Have a great week ahead!

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KRISSY/MANNY

18 05 2011

“HELLO THERE! I’m baaaaack! Gosh ‘di na ‘ko sanay! More than one year din kasi akong natengga ‘di ba? Remember, I left ‘The Buzz’ before the 2010 elections. Feeling ko tuloy, talunang Liberal Party candidate ako. Oooops, how mean of me to say that! Ayaw ni Ate Koring ng ganyan! Aha-ha-ha! Anyway, na-miss ko ‘to! Shobra! Kasi naman, ‘yong ‘The Price Is Right,’ parang wala lang ‘di ba? Hindi pa nag-rate. Aha-ha-ha. At least, honest ako! Promise, hindi talaga siya nag-rate!

Anyway, babalik na po ang Today With Kris soon! It will be called “KrisTV.” In fairness to me huh, ‘yong mga morning talk shows sa kabila, nawala nang lahat pero ako pabalik pa lang. Winner ‘di ba? Aha-ha-ha!

Before I introduce my special guest sa mock episode na ito ng ‘Today With Kris,’ gusto ko lang kumpirmahin sa mga followers ko sa Twitter… yup, my brother is dating again. And yes, I know the girl! Hay naku! The Inquirer kasi was so kulit so I was compelled to make kwento. The girl is Bunny Calica. Gosh, sorry Noy. Here I go again. ‘Di bale, promise last na daldal ko na ‘to. Basta, they’re dating and my sons Bimby and Josh have met her na in Malacañang when I made iwan the kids to Noy. She’s so pretty in fairness. I love her na – as of press time! Aha-ha-ha. But you know what? Magaling siya. Magaling siyang yaya. Aha-ha-ha I’m just kidding.  Love, love, love! Baka mamisinterpret na naman ako. Alam mo na! ‘Yon lang muna. Okay? Enough na! Magagalit na naman sa akin si Noy. Move on na tayo mga Kapamilya!

Just like everyone else, super excited po ako sa una nating guest! Naloloka ako sa dami ng issues sa kanya! Did you hear what he said the other day? “Go to the world and multiply!” Aha-ha-ha! Hindi ko siya kinaya! Go to the world talaga??? Where in the world? Aha-ha-ha! I’m sure excited na kayong lahat na makita siya! Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome… the 2-timing, 8-time world champion, Sarangani Representative Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao!”


Manny Pacquiao (MP): Maraming salamat Kris! Salamat po sa inyong lahat. Maraming maraming salamat. Think you. Think you.
Kris Aquino: Grabehhh, opening line mo pa lang, napaisip talaga ako! Think ako nang think! Aha-ha-ha! Kaloka ka! Anyway, mabuti naman at pinayagan ka ng kabila na mag-guest dito sa ABS-CBN Congressman.
MP: Uki lang. ‘Di naman nila alam. Kaya pag napanood nila itu, tiyak kasu ang aabutin mu! Hihihi Juks lang.
Kris: In fairness, hindi ka amusing.
MP: Uki lang! ‘Di ko naman alam kung ano ‘yong amusing. Hihihi Juks lang!

Kris: Hay naku Congressman, puro ka biro. Let’s go straight na nga lang sa mga issues! RH Bill. Bakit ayaw mo sa RH Bill?
MP: Siyimpri.
Kris: What?
MP: Ayaw ni Miyor Atienza eh. So ayaw ku rin.

Kris: Nabanggit mo sa TV interviews na labag sa kautusan ng Diyos ang RH Bill??? Is that so?
MP: Oo, is that so.
Kris: May sinabi bang gano’n si Lord?
MP: Uu naman. Kasi, sabi ng Mahal na Panginuun sa Bible, “Go to the world and multiply.” Bakit? Sinabi ba ng Panginuun na “Go to the world and RH Bill?” Wala naman ‘di ba?
Kris: May point ka! Aha-ha-ha
MP: Is that so? Hihihi

Kris: Sa isang interview noon kay Jinkee, inamin niyang gumamit siya ng pills para ‘di mabuntis. Si Jinkee ba, pro- o anti-RH Bill?
MP: Anti-RH si Jinkee.
Kris: Ano ba ‘yong RH? Rhanillo? Rhufamae? Rhamina? Aha-ha-ha! Joke lang!
MP: You’re not a muse sing! ‘Di ba nakatatlong lalaki ka rin naman?
Kris: Excuuuuuuuse me! Isa lang ang pinakasalan ko.
MP: Eh panu, kasal pa sina Feelip at Joey noong maging boylits mu. Hihihi

Kris: You know what? Nakakainis ka! Balik na nga lang tayo sa isyu. Have you ever used a condom?
MP: Ay hindi. Ayuku ng cundum. Walang fillings.
Kris: Are you sure? Never ka pang gumamit ng condom kahit sa ibang babae?
MP: Sekkkkrit, walang clue. Hihihi

Kris: What do you think of sex education?
MP: No. I don’t think of six education.
Kris: Ohhhh-kay.

Kris: Nag-threaten ang ilang anti-RH Bill groups na ‘di sila magbabayad ng tax once the RH Bill is approved. Susuportahan mo ba ang panawagan nila?
MP: Hindi! Madaya naman ‘yon. Ang laki-laki ng tax na ibinibigay ko ‘tapos sila hindi magbabayad? Wala sa Bible ‘yon!

Kris: Sabi ni Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, stick to boxing and do not meddle with the RH Bill issue. Any reaction?
MP: Niririspito natin ang mahal na sinadura piro sana, maintindihan n’ya na wala naman ako sa meddle. Nasa tabi nga lang ako at nakikinig. Mali man siya.
Kris: Hinahamon ka rin niya ng suntukan.
MP: Uki lang. ‘Wag lang Inglisan. Baka ma-knock out tayo dun. Hihihi

Kris: Iwan na natin ang RH Bill dahil medyo mabigat na usapin ‘yan. Let’s talk about Jinkee. Ibang-iba na raw ang hitsura niya? Ano bang secret beauty regimen niya?
MP: Ano ba ‘yong regimen? Puwidi, mag-Tagalog na lang tayo Kris kasi nasa Pilipinas naman tayo?
Kris: Aray ko! Kasi naman ‘yung mga writers ng show, English ang nasa cue card! Na-lektyuran tuloy ako! Aha-ha-ha Ganito na lang: ano ang sikreto ng kagandahan ni Jinkee?
MP: Siyimpre babai.
Kris: Babae? What do you mean?
MP: Ganitu kasi ‘yan Kris. Kapag may tsismis na may babai aku, wala ‘yang ginawa kundi mag-Bilo. Bilo siya nang Bilo. Hanggang nabago na ang mukha niya at kamukha na nga siya ni Kristine Hirmusa. Kaya ‘yun tinigil ku na ang pambababai ku. Mautak din ang asawa ku ‘di ba?


Kris: Alam ng lahat Manny na noong nakaraang eleksyon, magkaiba tayo ng sinuportahan sa pagka-presidente. Inaway pa nga kita sa Twitter ‘di ba? Gosh, nagba-blush ka!
MP: Eh kasi, passed is passed. ‘Wag na nating ungkatin ‘yon.
Kris: Hindeee kasi gusto ko lang itanong sa ‘yo: nagsisisi ka ba sa pagsuporta mo sa talunang kandidato?
MP: Alam mo Kris, wala man akung pinagsisihan sa mga ginawa ku. Piro kung tatanungin mu aku kung tama ba ang nanalung kandidatu… taumbayan na lang ang huhusga. Piro sa akin, ang importante magkaisa tayu, magtulungan tayo para mawala ang kahirapan.
Kris: May tama ka! If you would allow me please Congressman, I’d like to take this opportunity para magpahatid ng mensahe sa mga naninira kay Noy dahil mababa daw ang ratings niya. Well… inggit lang kayo dahil never n’yong naabot ang 80 plus percent na approval and trust rating ng kapatid ko. ‘Yon lang! And pleaaaaaaaase! Alisin ang inggit sa katawan, okay?

Kris: Before we end, we’ll have a game. Siyempre, isa lang naman ang paboritong laro ng bayan ‘di ba? I’m sorry Tita Cory Vidanes pero I must say this. Hangga’t may ‘Pinoy Henyo’ ang ‘Eat Bulaga,’ hindi ito matatalo ng ‘Happy Yipee Yahoo…’ or something like that. Sorry talaga! Mariel, Pokey, friends ko kayo pero tanggapin natin, ‘Eat Bulaga’ is ‘Eat Bulaga!’
MP: And Anna Dezon is Anna Dezon!
Kris: Nakakaloka ka Congressman! Aha-ha-ha Kilala mo rin si Anna Dizon?
MP: Hindi. Piro lagi kung naririnig ‘yang linyang ‘yan. Tika, anu bang game?
Kris: Ayyyyy! Not listening. We’ll do Pinoy Henyo nga. Huhulaan mo ang isang word or phrase by asking Yes, No, or Puwede questions. Audience and everyone at home, the Henyo Word is (word appears on television screen): “Condom.” Kayo lang ang nakakaalam. Si Pacman, hindi. So Manny… we have 2 minutes. Go!

Manny: Tao ba ‘to?
Kris: Hindi!

Manny: Bagay?
Kris: Oo!

Manny: Makulay?
Kris: Oo!

Manny: Rainbow?
Kris: Hindeeee!

Manny: Kinakain?
Kris: Ahmmm… ‘di ko pa na-try. Gosh! Gusto kong mag-blush!

Manny: Anu ba talaga? Ang gulu mu! Kinakain ba?
Kris: Hindi!

Manny: Isinusuot?
Kris: Kurek!

Manny: Sa taas?
Kris: Hindi!

Manny: Sa gitna?
Kris: Oo!

Manny: Brief!???
Kris: Puwede!

Manny: Puwiding brief? Ahm.. boxer?
Kris: Hindi!

Manny: Boxers?
Kris: Sabi nang hindi!

Manny: Suot ko ngayon?
Kris: Hindi ko alam! Aha-ha-ha

Manny: Malaki ba ‘to?
Kris: Depende!

Manny: Kung isusuot ko ba, kakasya ang large sa akin?
Kris: Gosh! Naloloka na ako! Hindi ko sure! Aha-ha-ha!

Manny: Matigas?
Kris: I swear, hindi ko kinakaya ‘to! Naalala kong bigla si James. Aha-ha-ha

Manny: Isinusuot mo ba ‘to kay James?
Kris: Touch lang. Pero suot? Noooooo!

Manny: Masarap ba ‘yon?
Kris: Sometimes.

Manny: Sometimes when you touch? Hihihi Nako, ang hirap naman.
Kris: Sige na! Guess ka pa! 10 seconds to go.

Manny: Ayoko na! Pastilan!
Kris: Ay.. kainizzz. Siret ka na?
Manny: Ano bang sagot? Baka Inglis ‘yan huh.
Kris: You almost got it eh! Sayang. It’s a condom. Sorry. You won nothing. Awwhhhhh.
Manny: Ngik! Kaya pala ‘di ku alam eh. Cundum pala. Wala naman sa Bible ‘yan. Sus!

Manny: Puwidi na lang bumati?
Kris: Sure!
Manny: Unang-una sa lahat maraming salamat sa Panginuun, ‘tapos sa mga fans at sa mga kababayan nating walang sawang sumupurta sa akin. Kung wala kayo, wala si Manny Pacquiao kaya think you. Salamat din sa supurta nina Atty. Felipe Gozon, Mr. Jimmy Duavit…
Kris: Oh my God! I think we need to pause for a break…
Manny: Kunti na lang. ‘Wag n’yu pung kalimutan Shumi Damani tuwing Linggo pagkatapos ng…
Kris: I’m so dead. Enough na talaga!
Manny: Pagkatapos ng Kap’s Amazing Stories! ‘Tapos nasa ‘Party Pilipinas’ ako sa Linggo. Maraming salamat! Maraming maraming salamat.
Kris: I’m sorry Ma’am Charo! Mga Kapamilya… ganyan po talaga kapag live show. You’ll never know kung anong mangyayari! Despite that, any final message Congressman?


Manny: Katulad nga pu ng sabi sa Bible, “Go to the world and multiply.” Huwag po nating suwayin ang utus ng Panginoon. Hindi po sinabi ng Diyos na ikuntrul ang anak sa dalawa. Wala po ‘yun sa Bible. Kaya Kris, sundan mo na sina Bimby at Jushua!
Kris: Idinamay pa talaga ako? Iba ka talaga Manny! Ayoko nang manganak ‘no! Expensive at masakit magpa-lipo!
Manny: Lipo? Naku masama talaga ‘yan.
Kris: Why? Naranasan mo nang magpa-lipo?
Manny: Hindi! Nasa Bible ba ‘yan!

-End of Interview-
—————————————————–
“Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.”
~Mark Twain, Notebooks, 1935

You Have Spoken
Ano ang stand mo sa nakabinbing RH Bill sa Kongreso?
- Ipasa! 81.26%
- Ibasura! 10.3%
- Pag-aaralan ko muna. 8.43%

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: PNoy’s new date?

Philippine Daily Inquirer: MVP in the NBA

The New York Times: In Philippine Newsrooms, the Women Rule

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Enjoy the rest of the week! Stay away from trouble. Be safe!





UNANIMOUS

8 05 2011


I WAS LIVE TWEETING during the Pacquiao-Mosley fight. Sharing you some of my tweets here:

If Sugar Shane Mosley were poverty, the Philippines would be a First World country by now!

All three judges scored the fight for Manny Pacquiao. It was a unanimous boredom.

You knew the bout would be lackluster… when Manny Pacquiao declared three days ago that he wanted to fight poverty instead.

Online reports say Jinkee Pacquiao was wearing a pair of 7-million peso dangling earrings during Manny’s fight. That only proved one thing. Like Manny, Jinkee hates poverty!

Sugar Shane Mosley and Manny Pacquiao had only nice words for each other after the fight. Mosley said Pacquiao was “fearless.” Pacquiao said Mosley was “friendly.”

To give you an idea of how lame Sugar Shane Mosley was, Manny Pacquiao‘s wife Jinkee was a hot trending topic on Twitter worldwide, Mosley was not.

By Round 5 the MGM Grand Garden Arena spectators started booing. The fight was mosley Manny.

By Round 6, it was all over… but the concert.

By Round 11, Mosley’s face was hardly recognizable; Pacquiao’s face was hardly affected. And Jinkee’s face hardly moved.


Manny Pacquiao won via unanimous decision against American Sugar Shane Mosley. And his critics ask: If he failed in knocking out Mosley, how do we expect him to knock out poverty?

Ten minutes after the fight, GMA7’s telecast started… giving Sugar Shane Mosley another crack at Manny. He still lost the fight. Sayang!

Interviewed on dzBB, Presidential Communications Secretary Herminio Coloma said, “Ang panawagan ni Manny ay magkaisa tayo. Dapat nating sundin ang panawagang ito.” You first.

Manny Pacquiao wore yellow gloves and blue trunks. The Samar Group hated it.

During the 12-round bout, it wasn’t Sugar Shane Mosley who posed a threat to Manny. It was that careless referee.

Manny Pacquiao’s next assignment? Probably, Juan Manuel Marquez. Sugar Shane Mosley’s next assignment? Probably a San Miguel Beer commercial.

After Pacquiao’s win over Sugar Shane Mosley, people started to ask, “Who will be next for Manny?” Well, that’s easy. Who’s aging?

“Dear Sugar Shane Mosley,
What the hell was that?
You hardly fought.
Who do you think you are, the Lakers?”
————————————————————————
“Boxing is the toughest and loneliest sport in the world.”
~Frank Bruno

Heavy Downpour
As I write this, it’s raining hard here in Makati City. Just last week, temperatures reached record highs. Now there’s a storm. I hate you MAY WEATHER! #pacmanforever


In Memoriam
BREAKING NEWS: At 6AM today, May 9 (Manila time), the 2010-2011 season of the L.A. Lakers expired. The coaching staff tried to revive it to no avail. The team succumbed to complications associated with old age and “trust issues.” The bereaved family of owner Dr. Jerry Buss would like to thank the Lakers community for their unwavering support. In lieu of brooms, ridicule, and mockery, the team is asking for prayers.

Thank you Lakers for the 2010-2011 memories. I’ll always be your No. 1 fan. “For good times & bad times, I’ll be on your side forever more… ”

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Enjoy the week ahead. Stay safe!
Let’s go Lakers!





SIMPLY GR8!

14 11 2010


MANNY “PACMAN” PACQUIAO has defeated his much bigger opponent, Antonio “Tijuana Tornado” Margarito of Mexico. He has now won big fights against Margarito, Oscar De La Hoya, and Miguel Cotto. His next target? Either the Senate or the vice presidency.

Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao has beaten Antonio Margarito of Mexico. Margarito, who was 17-pound heavier, was Pacquiao’s second toughest opponent to date… next only to Darlene Antonino-Custodio.

Beaten black and blue by Manny Pacquiao, Antonio Margarito is now known as “The Tijuana Tostado.”

Before the fight, official stats revealed Antonio Margarito was 4.5 inches bigger than Manny Pacquiao… to which, Jinkee Pacquiao said, “Didma! Belieb me, nasa performance ‘yan.”

Manny Pacquiao demolished Antonio Margarito to win the WBC super welterweight championship. He is now the 8-time, 2-timing fighting congressman from the Philippines.

According to rumors, Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang was using a secret Twitter account while watching the bout. Observers had reason to believe it was Mislang who owned the account because of the “nature” of the tweets. One tweet said, “margarito sucks @rickycarandang” And yet another said, “crossing pacquiao’s path is the easiest way to die.” And finally, one tweet read, “sorry pacman pero mas pogi si margarito.”

Manny Pacquiao won every round on one scorecard, 120-108, and was ahead 119-109 and 118-110 on the other two. The Associated Press scored it 120-108, a shutout for Manny. As expected, Kantar-TNS scored it 118-110… for ABS-CBN.


Ringside punch stats showed Pacquiao landed 474 punches while Margarito had 229. Vetellano Acosta landed 12. [Na naman?!?]

The People’s Champ dominated Antonio Margarito, and his heavier opponents with his speed. Pacman’s speed has become legend… although sometimes, as Jinkee confessed, “Nakakainis din kapag sobra siyang bilis.”

This just in: The World Boxing Council is checking reports Antonio Margarito has renounced his Mexican citizenship after his loss. Rumors have it Margarito has turned Japanese. Right click here for the supposed “evidence.”

Despite their compatriot’s defeat, a contingent of Mexicans still managed to party in Texas after the fight. However, tension ensued between a bar manager and a group of Mexicans when waiters reportedly served them bloody margarita.

Manny Pacquiao exuded confidence when he entered the stadium for the title fight. He was accompanied by the usual suspects – trainer Freddie Roach, conditioning coach Alex Ariza, and Dyan Castillejo.

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang sinasabi ng lalaking nakapula sa gawing kaliwa?
A: “O, bakit galit na naman kayo? Puwede ba, ‘wag mainggit? Close kami eh. Anong pakialam n’yo?
B: “Ronald, anak… kung nanonood ka d’yan sa Hong Kong… para sa ‘yo, ang laban na ‘to!”
C: “Teka, teka. Hindi ko alam na may photographer eh. Na-set up ako! Na-set up ako!”

Free TV Telecast
Watching the fight on free TV, Filipinos realized three things: no boxer could match Pacquiao’s speed; Manny’s still the best fighter pound-for-pound, and GMA 7 yet again, was in another time zone.

Thrilled
Hundreds if not thousands of Filipinos including expats witnessed the 12-round bout between Manny Pacquiao and Antonio Margarito in malls, restaurants, and hotels. Asked to describe the fight, a Briton said, “Awesome!” A lawyer said, “Tough!” And an APO member said, “Explosive!”

National Anthem
Recording artist Zyrene Parsad sang the Philippine national anthem before the Pacquiao-Margarito fight. Those who caught her rendition of ‘Lupang Hinirang’ were inclined to believe she’s a graduate of the ‘Erwin Tulfo Accent-Accentan Academy.’

Ate Guy
Nora Aunor’s alleged tweet while watching the Pacquiao-Margarito fight:
“delia MAGA na ang mukha ni margarito. mamaya, babagsak na ‘yan sa FLOR contemplacion. go manny! #iDIDnotKILLanybody #changgiPRISON”

————————————-
“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them – a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.”
~ Muhammad Ali

Survey Says
Sa bakbakang Pacquiao-Margarito, ano ang prediksyon mo?
Pacquiao by knock out 53.44%
Pacquiao by decision 28.44%
Margarito na ‘yan! 18.13%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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A SHOW OF FORCE

20 11 2009

THANK CALENDARS IT’S FRIDAY! Manny Pacquiao arrived this morning from Los Angeles. And today marks the start of the filing of certificates of candidacy for the 2010 elections. But you know what the week’s biggest news was? The emergence of a new dominant political party: “Ang Partido Oportunista ng Pilipinas.”

Earlier this week, the Oxford University Press picked “unfriend” as the Word of the Year. To unfriend someone is to delete him or her from your social life – just like what Vilma Santos, Ralph Recto, Recom Echeverri, Mayor Sonny Belmonte, and Herbert Bautista did to Lakas-Kampi-CMD.


National Convention
The ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party held its national convention yesterday at the PICC. Thousands of party members representing each of the country’s geographical regions attended the convention. The atmosphere was relaxed and lively, and attendees were in high spirits. Apparently, everyone was prepared to lose.

In her farewell speech as party chair, President Arroyo claimed that Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party members comprise 72 percent of national and local officials. The farewell speech was written when Cory Aquino was still alive.

In an apparent effort to show that his political party values substance over popularity, Atty. Gilbert Teodoro talked at length about his platform of government. To give you an idea how long Gibô’s speech was, Noynoy Aquino has consumed three packs of cigarettes before he was through.

There have been conflicting reports as to the exact number of attendees in yesterday’s Lakas-Kampi-CMD national convention. The Philippine Daily Inquirer says 3,000. ABS-CBN and GMA 7 say 2,894. Pulse Asia says 2 percent.

In yesterday’s national convention of Lakas-Kampi-CMD, 2,894 people were reportedly present at the PICC: 894 were members of the party; the rest were members of the media.

After Atty. Gilbert Teodoro was proclaimed Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party’s official candidate for president, his wife Nikki Prieto-Teodoro joined him on stage. For a brief moment, Sen. Jamby Madrigal who was watching the live event on TV considered defecting to Lakas.

Lakas-Kampi-CMD members had a show of force in yesterday’s national convention. And despite the recent defections of some prominent members, those who stayed all looked energized. In fact, before the convention started, they eagerly talked about their plans, platforms, and Pinky Webb.

Edu and Pinky
The ruling party’s vice presidential bet Edu Manzano and tv presenter Pinky Webb have called it quits. Rumors say Webb was compelled to break up with Edu when she learned that ABS-CBN was arranging the couple’s live guesting on Wowowee. [Read: Webb did not want to cheapen the romance. Ouch! May tinamaan. Sino kaya?]


Titigan ang larawan. Ano sa palagay mo ang nasa isip ni Edu Manzano nang sandaling iyon?
A) “Sige! Ipamukha n’yo pang single ako. Sige lang!”
B) “Ikaw ngayon, Nikki. Ako, mamayang gabi.”
C) “Hay naku Pinky. Wrong timing ka talaga!”
D) “OA naman ‘to kung makahalik. Parang ‘di 2 percent ang rating!”

Osmeña No Longer a Liberal
Fed up with the “infighting” and “Mafia” in the Liberal Party, former senator Sergio Osmeña III has decided to quit the party. He has also rejected the offer of Erap’s party, and Villar’s Nacionalista Party saying, “My loyalty is to the Filipino people,” to which NPC’s Danding Cojuangco said, “Narinig ko na ‘yan eh.”

Osmeña No Longer a Liberal II
Former senator Sergio Osmeña III has quit the Liberal Party. Noynoy Aquino was unfazed by Osmeña’s decision though, and despite the intrigues, Noynoy said he would never quit the Liberal Party; he would never quit the opposition, and he would never quit smoking.

Ebdane’s VP
Presidential aspirant and former DPWH secretary Hermogenes Ebdane Jr. has vowed to reveal his running mate and senatorial bets on November 29. But first, he needs to inform them that they are his running mate and senatorial bets.

Marcoses Support Villar
Ilocos Norte Rep. Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. says the Marcoses have decided to support Nacionalista Party’s Manuel Villar Jr. in next year’s elections. Bongbong’s elder sister Imee, herself a former member of the Lower House has opted not to seek any elective post and will pursue instead a career in ventriloquism.

Early Bird
Marcos loyalist and controversial lawyer Oliver Lozano today filed his certificate of candidacy for president. He did it ahead of other perceived presidential frontrunners. Lozano insists he ‘plans and thinks ahead of everyone.’ To give you an idea how ‘advance’ Lozano’s mindset was, after filing his COC for president… he filed an impeachment complaint against himself.

Manny Is Back
The People’s Champ Manny Pacquiao arrived in the country today with wife, Jinkee. As if to quell rumors that their marriage is on the rocks, the couple gamely kissed during a television interview. Some described the kiss as “sweet.” Some described it as “awesome.” Others described it as ‘damage control.’
__________
“An organization that is strong and stable and is ready to commit time, money, and patience will be more apt to reap rewards than the quick-hitting opportunist.”
~Richard Miller

Light Bites: From Somewhere
Manny Pacquiao: Pacman
Mommy Dionisia: Pacmom
Krista Ranillo: Pacbet (Pambansang Ka__)

Survey Says
Are gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders marginalized, and therefore, must have representation in Congress?
ABSOLUTELY! :33%
NOPE, They are not! :27%
THEY ARE but no need to be represented in Congress :40%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Enjoy your weekend!





SCARE TACTICS

2 01 2009


DOH Campaign
Health Secretary Francisco Duque III attributed the lower firecracker-injury statistics this year to the DOH’s “scare tactics.” In fact, a post-New Year celebration survey revealed that Filipinos were horrified to see those DOH posters showing wounded faces, severed fingers, mutilated hands… and Duque’s election-inspired poses.

For the past two months, Health Secretary Francisco Duque III has been very busy with the “Iwas Paputok” campaign. A year from now, he’ll be a lot busier with his Senate seat campaign.

pac_baby
Manny’s New Baby
Manny Pacquiao has a new baby. He named her Queen Elizabeth. His wife Jinkee was so thankful they had a girl… because if it happened to be a boy, Manny would have reportedly named it… King Kong.

Manny’s New Baby II
Manny Pacquiao has a new baby. That’s his second baby in two years. He’s got four kids now but plans to have more. That’s another reason why he’s called the “pound for pound king.”

Postscript to a Golf Course Clash
Saturday, January 3: A Philippine Daily Inquirer headline reads: “Pangandamans ask bloggers to stop attacks” NOW THEY know how their 14-year-old victim felt when they were attacking him.

Secretary Pangandaman appealed to bloggers to stop accusing them on the Web and warned them against karma. Pangandaman added, “I hope this doesn’t happen to you,” to which the Professional Heckler said, “Of course it won’t! I play bowling, not golf!”

Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman; Masiu, Lanao Del Sur Mayor Nasser Jr., and their Bodyguards

5: The Lord of the Greens

4: The Golffather

3: You’ve Got Mauled!

2: The Year of Golfing Dangerously

And the No. 1 movie remake starring Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman; Masiu, Lanao Del Sur Mayor Nasser Pangandaman Jr., and their bodyguards…

1. You Don’t Mess With the Pangandamans

Showbiz!
My ever-reliable sources say doctors Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho have kissed and made up. Hayden has reportedly realized that two moms are better than one, while Vicki… hmmm, let’s just say, she can afford him! Let’s leave it at that.
__________
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.
~Author Unknown





WHAAAPAC!

8 12 2008

De La Hoya Pacquiao Boxing
The Dream Match
Manny Pacquiao was credited for landing 224 of 585 punches to just 83 of 402 for De La Hoya. Again, Pacquiao, 224 and De La Hoya, 83! Eighty-three! To give you an idea how lousy De La Hoya was… in a recent fight with Manny, Jinkee Pacquiao landed 85!

Odd makers predicted a De La Hoya victory yesterday. Some analysts say it was mismatch. But Manny Pacquiao defied the odds and proved them all wrong. Before the final bell sounded, the Golden Boy became the Swollen Boy.

De La Hoya Pacquiao Boxing Vice President Noli De Castro ran toward a euphoric Manny Pacquiao and hugged him as soon as the People’s Champ was officially declared the winner. Filipinos who were watching the delayed telecast were wonderin’ how in the world did Noli sneak past Chavit Singson to make it into the ring.

Post fight interviews – in English – revealed a more articulate Manny Pacquiao. In fact, he now speaks better English than the vice president.

Sports analysts say Manny Pacquiao continue to validate his status as the world’s top pound-for-pound fighter. When Vice President De Castro heard this, he said, “Teka, Pilipino siya, hindi British. Dapat peso-for-peso fighter!”

mpac_chavit2
After the bout, deputy national security adviser Luis “Chavit” Singson did not climb into the ring as he did during Manny’s previous fights. His conspicuous absence fueled rumors he actually placed a huge bet on Oscar De La Hoya.

Reports say two people suffered fatal heart attacks while watching the historic Pacquiao-De La Hoya bout. But sorry to disappoint you guys, both fatalities were neither named Jocelyn nor Jose Miguel.

Hours before yesterday’s fight, former Philippine Daily Inquirer sports editor Al S. Mendoza, now a jabloid columnist, spoke with certainty on radio that De La Hoya would demolish Pacquiao because the Golden Boy, he said was “bigger, stronger, and a better fighter.” The Professional Heckler tried to get his reaction after the fight around 1pm but I was told that Mr. Mendoza was still finishing his hefty meal. You know what he had for lunch? His words.

GMA 7’s actual telecast of the Pacquiao-De La Hoya bout ended shortly before 4 o’clock in the afternoon. So delayed was the telecast that before it could even finish, De La Hoya’s cuts and bruises have all healed.

mpac_dio Mrs. Dionisia Pacquiao vowed to keep praying from the opening bell until such time that Pacquiao was declared the winner. She started at 11:30 am and finished at around 4… because she mistakenly thought GMA7′s telecast was live.

Because of the huge crowd at the MGM Grand Arena in Las Vegas, Karylle Padilla Tatlonghari admitted feeling very nervous while singing the Philippine National Anthem. She felt even more nervous when she saw Wilma Galvante in the crowd exchanging dagger looks with Annabelle Rama.

Briefly Noted
DZMM’s morning commentators (yup, those high-profile hecklers) are taking potshots at Pacquiao’s historic win, even insinuating the fight was fixed. Guess who was interviewed by Korina and Ted to give credence to their suspicion? Al Mendoza! Well, birds of a feather…

__________
I never expect to lose. Even when I’m the underdog, I still prepare a victory speech.
~ H. Jackson Brown Jr.

marky4 In Memoriam
Condolences to the family of young actor Marky Cielo who reportedly died in his sleep Sunday morning. He’s such a nice kid, genuinely nice. Our show will miss you Marky. He was only 20. Sigh. What a waste. Saludo na talaga ako kay former senator Ramon Revilla Sr. Ang tatag! (Oops, sorry. You’ve just been heckled!)





LOWTATHIONE

16 07 2008

Anwar and GMA

Former Malaysian Deputy Premier Anwar Ibrahim was arrested for sodomizing a former aide. GMA is far more fortunate. She keeps screwing millions Filipinos and no one has filed a suit.

The Population Debate

President Arroyo is reportedly taking the side of the bishops on the raging issue of population management. So don’t be surprised if a reporter attempts again to ask GMA about her sex life, and she replies with, “Plenty.” She’s just being Catholic.

null Loren and Lucida

Sen. Loren Legarda ordered the dismantling of her Lucida-DS billboards after the Bureau of Food and Drugs recalled the whitening product from the market because its glutathione content was insufficient. Loren also asked the manufacturer of Lucida to explain why it mislabeled the product, why it deceived the public, and why was her talent fee as endorser much lower than Gabby Concepcion’s.

Loren and Lucida II

Following BFAD’s recall order on the controversial whitening product Lucida-DS, Sen. Loren Legarda ordered the dismantling of Lucida-DS billboards showing her as endorser. Loren reportedly believed BFAD’s findings that Lucida-DS contained insufficient amount of glutathione when she noticed no significant change in her dark armpits despite repeated intake of the product.

The Isnajis and the ARMM Elections

The Philippine National Police barred detained Indanan, Sulu Mayor Alvarez Isnaji and his son, Haider, from campaigning outside their detention cell for the Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao elections in August. Sought for a reaction, Mayor Isnaji said, “That’s unfair. Kung kelan may campaign funds kami saka naman pinagbawalang mangampanya!”

Pacquiao’s Two Belts

The World Boxing Council has ordered Manny Pacquiao to give up one of his two championship belts because no boxer is allowed to own two belts in two separate weight divisions. Although saddened by the order, Pacquiao chose the lightweight over the featherweight belt. That’s the second most difficult choice Pacquiao has made in recent months next only to his decision to dump Ara Mina in favor of his wife Jinkee.

The Fight Club

Embassy Super Club, the notorious bar at Bonifacio Global City co-owned by the equally, if not more infamous party-animal Tim Yap was allowed to re-open three weeks after it was ordered closed by Taguig City following the mauling and death of a customer. Nope, there’s no truth to rumors that the owners have decided to rename the bar and call it Ecstasy Super Club.

The Fight Club II

The City of Taguig allowed Embassy Super Club to re-operate on condition that customers who are known to be drug dealers and users would be barred from the establishment. Borgy Manotoc allegedly described the restriction as “totally unfair.”

Wow Mali!

The Manila Standard Today‘s story that came out Friday, July 18 titled,  “Campus gang rape ruled out,” written by reporter Florante S. Solmerin, started with this line:

“A FACT-FINDING COMMITTEE formed by the Philippine University of the Philippines debunked the claim of a 16-year-old coed of having been raped by several male students inside one of the classrooms.”








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