EXCLUSIVE: KRISSY RETURNS!

10 11 2012

10:30 AM Friday
November 9, 2012
Somewhere in Tomas Morato Ave., Quezon City


OH, HELLO THERE! You look at me when I say hello there! There! Na-miss n’yo ‘ko ‘no? Aminin! Well, I’m baaaack. I’m here for an interview. I don’t know nga kung bakit wala pa si Heckler. Grabe, siya na ang nakiusap, siya pa ang late. Kaloka! Anyway, while waiting for him, let’s chat muna. This December, my film fest entry will… oh, he’s here. Gosh, you’re sooo late!

Sorry po, traffic.

It’s Friday! What do you expect? Hay naku! Darla, retouch muna nga. Be thankful kay Darla at sa KrisTV staff, naghintay sila. As in, they’re here for like 35 minutes na, promise.

Guys, thank you. Again, sorry Ms Kris. Shall we start?

So minamadali mo naman ako? Iba ka!

Nooo! No… take your time. Sorry po. How’s Bimby?

Close tayo? Helloooo.

Ok.

Aha-ha-ha. Namumula ka! I was just kidding. Baka itsismis mo inaapi kita. Gosh, I’m not like that. Alam ‘yan ng staff and crew ng show ko. ‘Di ba Darla?

(‘Di narinig ni Darla; No reaction)

Hoooooy sumagot ka! Aha-ha-ha! Support me naman! Anyway, let’s start na nga. Bilisan mo dahil may shooting pa ako. Go!

How’s your sex life?

NAKAKALOKA KA! ‘Yon talaga ang unang tanong? Helllooo. FYI, baka lang ‘di mo pa alam, baka lang naman, I am single right now! Sex is the least of my concerns. Unless…

Unless what…

Ayokong sabihin. Aha-ha-ha Magagalit na naman sina Ate Ballsy at Ate Pinky. My gad. I’m sure ‘pag nabasa nila ‘to tatawagan nila ako, “Kris, you and your big mouth again!” So quiet na lang ako. Basta, I am single and happy. Let’s leave it at that.

Nami-miss mo ba si James… ‘pag gabi?

From sex to James?!? Gano’n talaga ang segue? Hindi kita kinakaya. Aha-ha-ha We’re friends. Not friends na super friends but we’re ok. Pwede bang change topic na? Nag-move on na ako. Move on na rin kayo.

Two months mong co-host si Chiz sa KrisTV. Hindi ka ba niya niligawan?

Ano ka ba?!? May girlfriend na ‘yong tao! Nakakahiya kay Mrs. Ongpauco at sa chain of Barrio Fiesta restaurants!

Rephrase na lang, hindi ka ba nanghihinayang na napunta siya kay Heart?

Hellooooo! Look at me. LOOK AT ME! Ito ba? Ito ba ang mukhang nanghihinayang?

Bakit parang nandidiri ka?

Noooo! You’re making me pahamak! Gosh. Nakakahiya. If you’re reading this Chiz, that’s not what I meant. And thank you again for guesting. I learned a lot.

So hindi mo lang talaga siya type?

Let’s put it this way. Alvin Patrimono, Philip Salvador, Joey Marquez, James Yap. Venti! Venti! Venti! Venti! And then biglang Chiz… hmmm, tall. Masisira ang pattern aha-ha-ha.

Are you saying na maliit ang…

I’m saying na you shut up. You’re putting words into my mouth! Grabehhh!

Ok, sorry. Punta naman tayo sa brother mo. Wala ka bang balita sa lovelife niya?

Hay naku! Pagdating sa lovelife, ayoko nang makialam. Lovelife ko nga, ‘di ko maasikaso! I did my part na. Nag-recommend ako ng stylist para tulungan siyang imake over. May wardrobe consultant pa. Kung wala pa ring epek, ipagpapasa-Diyos ko na lang.

Hopeless case na ba?!

You’re so bad. Wala akong sinabing ‘hopeless.’ Noy, you know I love you. But you’re 52. Keri mo na ‘yan. Hanap lang nang hanap! Hellllo! Hugh Hefner got married again at 85.

Si Hugh Hefner talaga ang peg?

Gosh, stop using that term please! I hear that everyday sa studio. Irritating! Darla, sino ba ‘yong guest natin na nagsabing peg niya raw ako? Nakakairita! After talaga ng taping, sinabihan ko ang writers. Bawal gamitin ang “peg” kapag kaharap ako kung ayaw n’yong masira ang mood ko! Ayun, natahimik ang mga beki. Natakot ‘ata sa akin. Aha-ha-ha

Nasabit ang name mo sa away ng mga party-list groups. Kasi raw, ‘yong Akbayan na kinukuwestyon ang pagiging kinatawan ng marginalized sector, tumanggap pala ng 10 million pesos mula sa ‘yo noong 2010 elections. Anong masasabi mo?

You know what, that issue was blown out of proportion. Please lang, ‘wag n’yo kong idamay sa away-pulitika n’yo. Nananahimik ako. Kung may naiinggit sa Akbayan, hindi ko na fault ‘yon. Besides, that’s just 10 million pesos! What’s 10 million?! Helllllooo!


Speaking of Akbayan, may lumabas na item sa ABS-CBNNews.Com tungkol sa pagkaka-link ng brother mo kay Akbayan senatorial candidate Risa Hontiveros. May alam ka ba ‘don?

Heto na naman tayo. Hay naku. Risa is just Noy’s friend. Nang mabasa ko nga ang item, it felt weird. Parang, helllooo, they’re parang magkapatid lang. ‘Yong mga unverified reports, ‘di dapat nilalabas ‘yan eh. Alam mo naman ang News. Ayoko na lang magsalita. We’ve had an issue before at ayoko nang maungkat pa. Basta. Sana lang, kung news… news talaga. Ayoko na lang magsalita. Dapat kasi may malinaw at credible sources hindi ‘yong basta-basta naglalabas ng balita. Ayoko na lang magsalita. Kung hindi confirmed ang report, ‘wag munang iupload, ‘di ba? Ayoko na lang talagang magsalita. Ayusin naman sana ang trabaho kasi presidente ang involved rito. Basta! Ayoko na lang magsalita.

Puwede ako naman ang magsalita?

NAKAKALOKA! And’yan ka pa pala. Gosh, sorry! Akala ko umalis ka na. Feel na feel ko pa naman ang monologue ko! Ano ka ba naman Darla, hindi mo sinabi!

Moving on… last 2010 very vocal ang pamilya ni Ms Annabelle Rama na hindi nila iboboto si Noynoy. Remember Ruffa’s walkout sa “The Buzz?”

Ruffa who?!

Gano’n?

Of course I’m kidding! Hellloooo! Hi Ruffi! Miss you na! Wala ka raw trabaho d’yan sa kabila? Aha-ha-ha Ano nga ulit ang question?

Next year kasi tatakbo for a Congressional seat si Ms Annabelle Rama. Hypothetical lang, iboboto mo ba siya kung nakatira ka sa distrito niya?

I’m glad I’m not. Aha-ha-ha

So that’s a ‘no?’

Darla, what time ulit ang call time ko? We’re running late right? Ay, sorry Heckler, may tanong ka pa?

Mainit na isyu ngayon ang political dynasty. Ipinagbabawal daw ito ng Constitution pero bakit tuloy pa rin ang pagtakbo ng magkakapamilya. What’s your take on political dynasties?

Alam mo, I will be biased kasi our family has been ruling Tarlac for like seven or eight decades or maybe, longer. Pero one thing I can assure you, my mom was not corrupt, my brother is not corrupt, and my cousin Bam Aquino is not corrupt.

How about your uncle Peping Cojuangco?

Darla, are we late na for the shoot? Do we need to leave na?

Sandali lang po, two questions na lang. Very active ka sa Twitter and I’m sure nababasa mo rin ang controversial tweets ni Ms Sharon Cuneta.

I don’t follow her.

Oh, you don’t?

Ayokong ma-stress aha-ha-ha But I follow KC.


As a social media personality, ano ang maipapayo mo kay Ms Shawie na laging napapaaway on Twitter?

Ignore and move on.

Move on?

Yes! Kasi naman 2012 na! Magwa-one year na ang break up ng anak niya at ni PJ. Nag-move on na ang lahat ng Pilipino, siya na lang ang hindi pa. Wait, pwede bang off the record ‘to? Ayokong magalit si Sharon eh. Ang haba pa naman niyang mag-tweet. Nobela talaga ang peg. Eeew why did I use that term. Kainis! Aha-ha-ha

Are you endorsing anyone this coming elections?

I’m not sure. Baka! BAKA lang.

Mamimigay ka ulit ng ₱10 million?

Nakuuu! Hindi na ‘noh! Ayaw ng Bayan Muna at Anakbayan ng ganyan. Aha-ha-ha

If elections were held today, sinu-sino ang iboboto mo for senator. Top 3 lang muna.

If elections were held today, I’m sure ‘di pa ready ang Comelec. Kaloka ka! Aha-ha-ha

November 11 is the birthday of Vice President Binay. Alam kong close ang Aquino family sa pamilya niya. Any message for him?

Hi Tito Jojo! Grabe! I still remember those days na pumupunta ka sa bahay to meet with my mom and dad. I was was just 5 or 6 then at naloloka ka kapag sinasabihan kita ng, “Negro! Negro!’ Aha-ha-ha Who would have thought na mararating mo ang kinatatayuan mo ngayon? We’re happy and proud of you. Ignore mo na lang si Ate Koring. Isa pa ‘yon, ‘di pa nakaka-move on. Anyway, happy happy birthday and may the good Lord continue to shower you with blessings. Happy birthday!

Kumusta na nga pala kayo ni Mayor Junjun Binay?

We’re okay! I think he’s also very busy, and last I heard may girlfriend na raw yata. I’m not sure.

Hindi ka nagseselos?

Hellllooooo! LOOK AT ME again. Ito ba ang nagseselos?! Ito ba?!? ‘Tsaka why would I?!

Hindi mo siya type ‘no?

Ano ka ba?!! Walang gano’ng isyu between us. Imposibleng maging kami! Unless…

Unless VENTI s’ya?

Nakakaloka ka! Darla tara na! Aha-ha-ha!
———————————————————-
“I don’t like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone.”
~Delta Burke

Quote of the Day
“Sa mga nanunulsol, tigilan n’yo na kung may malasakit talaga kayo sa aming pamilya. Hindi nakakatulong ang mga nanggagatong.”
-Cong. JV Ejercito on his reported rift with half-brother Sen. Jinggoy Estrada (Via Radio dzRH)

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





LET THERE BE LIGHT (2011)

27 06 2011

ANOTHER DOSE of Light Bulb Jokes. Enjoy!

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to blame the Arroyo administration for the burnt bulb.

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, because there are at least three defective light bulbs that give him a headache.

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. He’ll ask the Vice President to change it.

Q: How many Jejomar Binays does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But first, he’ll do a public consultation to determine whether the light bulb should be changed or not.

Q: How many Leila De Limas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change it, and four others to compose a special task force that will investigate why the old light bulb burnt out.

Q: How many Abigail Valtes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to defend the accomplishment – in case Cong. Mitos Magsaysay questions it.

Q: How many Attorney Edwin Lacierdas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn’t matter. What’s important is, at the end of the day, the old bulb is replaced.

Q: How many Cotabato City mayors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But he won’t do it. Instead he’ll pass on the task to the national government.

Q: How many Filipino teachers and pupils does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One teacher to change it and 60 pupils to say, “Good work Miss De Los Reyes!”

Q: How many members of the defunct PAOCTF does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to give instructions, one to change it, one to shoot the old bulb, and one to destroy the evidence of the shooting.

Q: How many Merceditas Gutierrezes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: She won’t! There’s insufficient evidence that the light bulb needs to be changed.

Q: How many Ninoy and Cory loyalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and a million to chant, “Tama na! Pundido na! Palitan na!”

Q: How many Jose Rizals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. But his books about darkness will inspire a secret society to change it.

Q: How many Manny Pacquiaos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Bakit ku gawin ‘yan? Nasa Buy-bul ba ‘yan?”

Q: How many Gloria Macapagal-Arroyos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four, maybe. The ceiling is too high.

Q: How many Samar & Balay members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There’s no way you could force them to change a light bulb together.

Q: How many Jamby Madrigals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: She doesn’t know how. She doesn’t eat bulbs.

Q: How many Jejomar Binays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why would he? He’s not afraid of the dark.

Q: How many UP students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and one to blog about the experience.

Q: How many Ateneo students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “Yaya, can you make palit na the bumbilya sa sala?”

Q: How many La Salle students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What’s a light bulb?

Q: How many Sharon Cunetas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to hold the ladder. Careful.

Q: How many Annabelle Ramas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Magkano dung?

Q: How many oil companies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Oil companies prefer screwing the public.

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change, and another to tell the whole world about it.

And finally…
Q: How many Tulfos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Tarantado! Hindi namin trabaho ‘yan. Punyeta ka! Gago!”

In the News…
Of the five highest officials of the land, Vice President Jejomar Binay is the most trusted according to the latest Pulse Asia survey. Binay got an approval rating of 83 percent. The rest or 17 percent knew better.

GMA vs. Aquino
Administration allies slammed former president, and now Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo for saying that the government was “leaderless.” I think Filipinos would get used to it though. After all, we survived nine years of a government that was shameless.
—————————————————————————
“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”
~Ellen DeGeneres

Today is June 27th…
On this day in 2005, then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo admitted to calling a Comelec official (whom she did not identify) during the May 2004 presidential elections. She called it a “lapse in judgment” and apologized for it.

Separated At Birth?
Sen. Panfilo Lacson and his BFF, former police Senior Supt. Michael Ray Aquino.

Quote of the Weak
“Ito ay isang malinaw na insulto sa ating Civil Code at sa katuruan ng Simbahang Katolika! Kawawa naman ang mga taong ito! Wala nang kinikilalang Diyos! Wala na rin silang paggalang sa kanilang sarili! Dapat na matigil ang kahibangang ito! Ang mga nagpakasal at nagkasal ay mayroong mga problema sa pag-iisip.”
~Catholic Bishop Carlito Cenzon reacting to reports that pastors of the Metropolitan Community Church of Metro Baguio officiated the wedding of at least eight gay couples in Baguio City last June 25

You Have Spoken
Isang taon matapos maluklok sa puwesto, ano ang grado mo sa administrasyong Aquino?
-Great! Ipagpatuloy n’yo ‘yan! 2.95%
-Very good! 5.9%
-Puwede na! 31.94%
-Bagsak! 59.21%

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Have a great week!





REFLECTIONS

21 04 2011

NAGSIMULA NA ANG bakasyon ng mga bituin pero dahil mainit pa rin ang mga usapin, narito ang kanilang bonus na mga pangitain – Holy Week Edition!

Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez
Magpapako ka sa krus. Habang nakapako, magpa-press con at ihayag sa media: “Hinding-hindi ako bababa sa puwesto.” Maraming matutuwa sa ‘yo!

Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz
Dahil sinimulan mo na rin lang noong Lunes Santo, panindigan mo na ang pagiging “marriage counselor” mo. ‘Yan na lang kasi ang titindig sa ‘yo.

Pangulong Aquino
Kung binabantaan ka nila ng excommunication, bantaan mo sila ng taxcommunication. ‘Wag pasindak. Takutan lang ‘yan.

Vice President Jejomar Binay
Hindi mo na kailangang mag-Visita Iglesia. Proven na naman ‘di ba?. Nanalo ka pa rin kahit si Mar ang inendorso nila.

Ex-Senator Mar Roxas
Samantalahin ang nalalabing araw ng bakasyon. Less than a month na lang, puwede ka nang magtrabaho sa palasyo. Pag-isipan ang mga iniaalok na puwesto… ngunit tanggihan ang offer na maging First Lady ng Pangulo. It’s just awkward pare!

Cong. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Ito ang tamang panahon upang mag-isip, magmuni-muni, at magtanong: hanggang kailan ko susuportahan si Merci Gutierrez? Paano ko maibabalik ang tiwala ng tao? Dapat ko bang ishare ang aking beauty secrets? Bahala ka na.

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Samantalahin ang Senate recess. Aralin ang pagluluto ng ibang putahe. Nakakaumay na ang adobo mo kasi. Tse!

Marlene Aguilar a.k.a. Jason Ivler’s mother
Hindi kayang basahin ng mga bituin ang iyong kapalaran. May sarili ka kasing mundong ginagalawan. Heto na lang ang sampung piso, bili ka ng kausap mo!

Willie Revillame
Ilang araw na lang at matatapos na ang iyong bakasyon from television. Why not extend it? Say, for… ever?

And finally…
Cong. Mikey Arroyo
Matutuloy ang plano mong pagpapapako sa krus sa Pampanga. Pero huwag umasang mapapagitna ka. Either sa kanan o sa kaliwa ka ng bida. Alam mo na!

In the News:
According to Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz, it would be better for President Noynoy Aquino to remain single. Just in case you missed it, Cruz is the self-appointed presidential adviser on heart concerns.

Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz says people who get hitched at age 40 or above usually end up having unstable marriages. In totally unrelated news, Mar and Korina have canceled their plan to hear mass today.

TV Patrol Poll
A TV Patrol survey last Tuesday revealed that 62 percent of viewers wanted President Aquino to marry. The rest were bishops.

Christmas/Easter
According to a Social Weather Stations survey, 57 of Filipinos consider Christmas more important than Easter Sunday. The rest grew up without a ninong/ninang. #bitter

The Last Supper
A Cambridge University research suggests the Last Supper, traditionally marked by Christians on Maundy Thursday actually took place on a Wednesday. Another research reveals Good Friday was actually bad.

Based on the research conducted at Cambridge University, Jesus’ arrest, interrogation, and separate trials did not all take place on one night only. He was able to get a TRO for 24 hours day.

A new research reveals that the Last Supper actually took place on a Wednesday not on Maundy Thursday. You know what that means? Starting next year, Wednesday will be a holiday! Yehey!
——————————————————-
“There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.”
~George Bernard Shaw

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Have fun!





HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERAP!

19 04 2011


Top 10 Text Messages Received by Former President Joseph Estrada on His 74th Birthday

No. 10: “Pare, ‘musta? ‘Tagal na nating ‘di nagkikita ah. Painom ka naman! Walang beer dito eh! Please reply. FPJ”

No. 9: “Take care Daddy! The kids and I are so proud of you. And I’m thankful na ikaw ang ama ng aking mga anak. Aminin mo, sila lang ang mukhang artistahin among your children. Siyempre naman, mana yata sa ina. Joooke! Love you Dad. See you later.  Mmmwah, Laarni”

No. 8: “Ang kapal ng mukha n’ya! Burahin mo ang previous message! Burahin mo ‘yan kung ayaw mong mag-away na naman tayo! Hanggang ngayon ba naman nakikipagkita ka pa rin sa babaeng ‘yan? ‘Wag mo ‘kong galitin. –- Mad na, Doctora Loi”

No. 7: “Ayyy! Bakit may insecure na nag-txt? Bitterness? Hay naku Papa, mabuti na lang naka-move on na ako. Hindi katulad ni texter No. 8. Ang mahalaga, we’re friends at ang unico ijo natin ang paborito mong anak na lalaki. On behalf of JV, stay healthy Joseph. Thanks for everything. Happy birthday! –- Gumigiya pa rin after all these years, Guia.”

No. 6: “Mahal na Pangulo, binabati kita sa iyong kaarawan. Maraming salamat sa suporta mo. Five years na lang, akin na ang palasyo. Bahagi ka ng nakatakdang tagumpay na ‘to. Sure na! –- Kitakits sa 2016, Jojo Binay”

No. 5: “(Forwarded message) Hi babe. Pupuntahan kita sa condo mamaya. Maligo ka huh. At ‘yong Viagra, paki-ready. Hinihintay ko lang na makaalis ng bahay ‘tong matanda kong asawa para makatakas ako. I love you Cheesecake! –> AH GANUN!? MATANDA PALA HUH! NA-WRONG SEND KA G*GO! SINO SI CHEESECAKE? SINOOO!?!! TXT BACK!” –- Doctora Loi”

No. 4: “Mr. President, puwede ba akong dumaan sa inyo mamaya? Ipinagluto kasi kita ng chicken-pork adobo, embotido, afritada at Pinoy spaghetti. At dahil Holy Week naman ngayon, baka puwedeng kalimutan na natin ang nakaraan. Sa totoo lang, na-miss ko kayo. Txt me na lang kung wala d’yan si Jinggoy para walang problema. –- Ping”

No. 3.1: “’Buti ka pa 74 na; samantalang ako, inabot lang ng 67. ‘Tapos lately, minamalas pa yata sa gobyernong ‘to. Ingat na lang p’re. See you soon! –- Naghihintay ng hustisya, Bubby Dacer”

No. 3: “last txt ko na 2 ser. ala na kong panload eh. bka lang kc sabihin nyo nkalimut n q. d pa po. sana klala nyo p q. hapi bday na lang ser. –- Hindi matahimik, Emmanuel Corbito “

No. 2: “Hello there!!! Gosh, it’s your birthday pala Mr. Former President! Kung ‘di pa sinabi sa akin ni Mareng Precy, I won’t remember, promise! Unang-una, gushto kong magpasalamat sa ‘yo for running in the 2010 elections. Kung ‘di ka siguro tumakbo, baka orange ang kulay ngayon ng gobyerno, hindi yellow. Aha-ha-ha-ha. Pangalawa, ahmmm… Ay! Wala na palang pangalawa. Nakakalokah! Wala akong maisip. Aha-ha-ha! Happy happy berrrrthhhhday na lang! May you have many many more mistresses to cum. Ay, ano ba ‘yong nasabi ko?!? Quiet na nga lang ako. I’m sure, papagalitan na naman ako ni Noy! Aha-ha-ha! –- Peace, Krissy! (Aha-ha-ha-ha)”

And the No. 1 text message received by former President Joseph Estrada on his 74th birthday…

“Tigilan mo na ang pagbatikosh sha akin! Shumushobra ka na! Wala kang utang na loob! Baka nakakalimutan mo… kung hindi dahil sha akin, baka sha kulungan ka pa rin nagbi-birthday hanggang ngayon! So pleashe lang! Stop it! –- Justice for Merci, Justice for Mikey! Justice for me, Glori!”

Ooops, may pahabol na text!
“Dear Mr. President, Pasensya na po! Ngayon ko lang naalalang birthday mo nga pala. Napakagulo kasi ng isip ko ngayon. Inom na lang tayo. Kailangan kong makalimot. Senator Chiz.”
—————————————————–
“Binabalaan ko sila. Walang kaibigan, walang kumpare, walang kamag-anak o anak na maaaring magsamantala sa ngayon. At ngayon pa lamang sinasabi ko sa inyo, nag-aaksaya lamang kayo ng panahon. Huwag n’yo ‘kong subukan.”
~Joseph Ejercito Estrada, 13th President of the Philippines
1998 Inaugural

Today is April 19th
On this day in…

607: Comet 1P/607 H1 (Halley) approaches Earth… sees unrest in the Middle East, earthquakes in Asia, poverty in Africa, and Charlie Sheen in America, and decides to reverse direction.

1882: Charles Darwin died. Apparently, he was not the fittest.

1882: Charles Darwin died. He stopped evolving.

1937: Doña Mary Ejercito delivered a joke… and named it “Joseph.”

1951: General Douglas MacArthur retires from the military. He never returned.

1993: A fire killed 40 people in a psychiatric institute in South Korea. That was insane!

2005: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was elected Pope. However, his running mate, the candidate for the vice papacy, Cardinal Mar lost to Cardinal Jejomar.

Thanks to Wikipedia, History On-This-Day, and Today in Science History.

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Have a safe and fun vacation! Let’s go Lakers!





HOLY WEAK 2011

17 04 2011


Modernong Talasalitaan:
Holy Week Edition

Makabagong kahulugan ng mga salita, parirala o pangungusap batay sa mga kaganapan sa ating kapaligiran. Ang kahulugan ay maaaring madagdagan, mabawasan, o maiba depende sa mga susunod na pangyayari.

1. Mahal na Araw
Ang karaniwang tawag sa huling pitong araw ng Kuwaresma o Lent.
Tumutukoy rin sa sitwasyong kinasasadlakan ngayon ng maraming Pilipino.
Halimbawa:
Lalaki 1: Pareng Cesar, pahiram naman ng 500, pambili lang ng gatas ni Junior.
Lalaki 2: Pasensya na pareng Andoy. Kulang pang pambili ng bigas at asukal ang pera ko eh. Mahal na Araw kasi. Nagtaasan nang lahat.

2. Penitensya
Isang tradisyong ginagawa ng mga Katoliko tuwing Semana Santa.
Tumutukoy rin sa pang-araw-araw na karanasan ng mga ordinaryong Pilipino dahil sa kabiguan ng kasalukuyang pamahalaang pigilan ang pagtaas ng presyo ng gasolina at bilihin, toll rate, pamasahe sa taxi, tren, jeep, at tricycle, gayundin ang bayarin sa tubig at kuryente,
Halimbawa:
Reporter: Mang Mario, magpi-penitensya ho ba kayo ngayong Biyernes Santo?
Lalaki: Bakit? Hindi pa ba sapat ang araw-araw na penitensya ko? Give me a break, would you? (Sa sobrang inis, nag-Ingles tuloy si Mang Mario)

3. Kalbaryo
Ang lugar kung saan namatay si Jesus ayon sa Bibliya.
Tumutukoy rin sa lugar na kinaroroonan ngayon ng malaking populasyon ng mga Pilipino.
Halimbawa:
Teacher: Kulasa De La Cruz! Where do you live?
Pupil: Good morning ma’am! Sabi po ng nanay at tatay ko, nasa kalbaryo daw po kami.
Teacher: Very good! Pareho tayo! O s’ya, bili ka na ng tocino ko.

4. Visita Iglesia
Isang tradisyong ginagawa ng mga Katoliko tuwing Mahal na Araw.
Tumutukoy rin sa tradisyong ginagawa ng mga trapo tuwing panahon ng eleksyon.
Halimbawa:
Reporter: Congressman, sa’n ang lakad n’yo? Bihis na bihis kayo ah.
Congressman: Ahhh d’yan lang. Magbi-Visita Iglesia ako. Alam mo naman kung gaano kahalaga ang bloc voting ‘di ba?


Semana Santa
It’s that annual Roman Catholic tradition again. As in the previous years, some political figures and government officials are participating in various Holy Week activities.

Former AFP chiefs of staff Efren Abu, Roy Cimatu, and Diomedio Villanueva are organizing a senakulo. They want former military budget officer George Rabusa to play Judas.

The Ligot couple has been reportedly dropped from a senakulo production in their community. They keep forgetting their lines.

There’s a brewing competition between the AFP and Congress in this year’s passion play. Only two are required to play the role of thieves but so many are qualified for the part.

In Makati City, the senakulo will feature Vice President Jejomar Binay… in a special role in which he will attempt to stop the crucifixion of Jesus. In the end though, he’s going to fail.

Retired Major General Carlos F. Garcia is playing Barabbas. He looks forward to striking a deal with Pontius Pilate for a lesser offense.

Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile auditioned for several roles but was rejected repeatedly. Organizers say he is best suited to play Methuselah but that’s not one of the characters in the play.

President Aquino has declined an invitation to participate in a modern senakulo in Tarlac. In one of the scenes, he is required to decide where to bury Hestas, one of the thieves. So as not to disappoint the organizers, he asked Vice President Binay to decide for him instead.

In the news

Vice President Jejomar Binay visited actress Pilar Pilapil in the hospital last Saturday. Binay told her, “’Wag kang mag-alala, iso-solve ito ng pulis.” To which, Pilapil said, “Salamat po Mr. DILG secretary!”

Vice President Jejomar Binay visited alleged carjacking, and stabbing victim Pilar Pilapil in the hospital last Saturday. In totally unrelated news, Mar Roxas is planning to visit the wake of teen actor AJ Perez soon.

Probers say the stabbing of actress Pilar Pilapil could possibly be a case of carjacking, kidnapping or plain robbery. In short, “we’re not sure.”


Marcos Burial
As instructed by President Aquino, Vice President Binay is now studying the issue of whether or not former President Ferdinand Marcos should be buried at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. Binay is conducting a survey via email or text message. Ang tanong: Saan ninyo gustong itirik ang dating pangulo?

Just Now
The Ombudsman has recommended the filing of charges against former Agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante, former Agriculture chief Cito Lorenzo and several others for the alleged misuse of the government’s fertilizer funds. In totally unrelated news, the Vatican is filing charges against those responsible for the death of Jesus Christ.

Black Saturday
President Aquino is studying whether to declare April 23, Black Saturday a holiday. If by Tuesday, he couldn’t still come up with a decision, he’ll just ask Vice President Jejomar Binay to decide.

Briefly Noted
Did she change her birth name? According to the Philippine Star’s tabloid, Pilipino Star Ngayon, Pilar Pilapil’s real name is Crispina Martinez-Belen. Ano raw? The only Crispina Martinez-Belen I know is the entertainment editor of the Manila Bulletin. To the reporter and editor of Pilipino Star Ngayon, naimbento na po ang Google. Libre po ito. Gamitin n’yo.


—————————————————–
“All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.”
~Cathy Ladman

In Memoriam
Antonello Joseph “AJ” Perez
February 17, 1993 – April 17, 2011
The ABS-CBN teen star was killed in a vehicular accident in Tarlac before dawn Sunday, April 17, 2011. His last post on Twitter reads, “On the way home already from Dagupan. Long drive ahead.”

Long drive ahead indeed. RIP AJ.

You Have Spoken
Gusto mo bang bumalik sa telebisyon si Willie Revillame?
- Oo naman. Pagbigyan natin. Promise, last na ‘to. 12.16%
- Isang malaking NOOOO! ‘Di siya kawalan sa TV. 73.56%
- Wala akong pakialam. 14.29%

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Have a safe and less-naughty week ahead!





THE MOST

25 03 2011

FIRST, some strange news from all over the globe:
In Venezuela, socialist President Hugo Chavez said capitalism may be to blame for the lack of life on planet Mars.
In the US, a condom machine was stolen from a Washington state sports bar.
And in the Philippines, Jejomar Binay is now the most trusted national government official.

Ulat sa Bayan
From 78 percent in October, Vice President Jejomar Binay’s approval rating climbed to 83 percent in February. Thrilled, Binay thanked his supporters, his family, and the convicted Filipino drug mules in China.

According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, Vice President Jejomar Binay is the most trusted government official. He got an impressive trust rating of 81 percent! In fact, that figure was even higher than the trust rating he got from his own wife.

In the latest Pulse Asia survey, Vice President Jejomar Binay obtained a disapproval rating of only 3 percent. You know who the 3 percent are? Mar Roxas, the Liberal Party, and Korina Sanchez.

Pulse Asia’s “Ulat sa Bayan” revealed that Vice President Jejomar Binay has overtaken President Aquino in performance and trust ratings. If it’s any consolation, Binay has yet to overtake the President in a car race.


Contemptible Ligots
Lieutenant General Jacinto Ligot is now under Senate custody. He is detained inside a small cell measuring three-by-four-square meters. The cell has a bed, an air conditioning system, and a comfort room. Unfazed, General Ligot described the place as cozy. Mrs. Ligot wants to buy the unit.

Snubbing Thursday’s Senate probe, Mrs. Erlinda Yambao-Ligot claimed she had gastroenteritis. In layman’s term, that’s shit.

Dissatisfied
In the latest Social Weather Stations study, Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez obtained a net satisfaction rating of negative 9 percent. In the hope of getting a higher score in the next survey, Gutierrez is planning to go to China and appeal the conviction of Filipino drug mules.

Congratulations!
It’s March! For students in the senior year, it’s the time of the year when hard work is rewarded. We call it graduation! Or as businessman Manny V. Pangilinan would say, “Don’t remind me!”


Ateneo and Aquino
President Aquino was the keynote speaker at Ateneo De Manila University’s 152nd commencement exercises Friday. He began his speech with a disclaimer, “No portion of this commencement address was borrowed from J.K. Rowling, Oprah, Conan O’Brien, and Barack Obama.”

President Aquino devoted the first half of his speech acknowledging his former Ateneo professors out of gratitude… and the other half criticizing the former administration out of force of habit.


March 25th
On this day in…

1857: Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a solar eclipse. A day later, he appeared on TV Patrol and cried because PTV Channel 4 accused him of faking the eclipse photo.

1882: Pancake making is first demonstrated… by Nora Daza.

1951: Edward Mills Purcell and H.I. Ewen at the Harvard physics lab detected 21-cm radiation in outer space. When the news came out, the president of the Polytechnic University of the Philippines barred PUP students from going to outer space.

1991: Madonna and Michael Jackson arrived together at the Annual Academy Awards. It marked the first time that the sexy, soft-spoken, white, American pop icon was escorted to the Oscars by Madonna.

1992: Cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returns to Earth after a 10-month stay aboard the Mir space station. It was supposed to be a 12-month stay but he got really bored when his broadband kit ran out of load and he couldn’t access Facebook and Twitter.

1994: United States troops completed their withdrawal from Somalia. They hurriedly left to look for another country to invade.
————————–
“The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, “How is the president?””
~Will Rogers

Elsewhere
From the Philippine Daily Inquirer (March 22, 2011):
Hush-hush mishap
Here’s news that failed to make it to TV. Top Politician purportedly went on a joy ride with Fellow Politico, who moonlights as a media personality. TP wanted to show off his new toy, a sleek imported car.
While cruising on a deserted road, the vehicle turned turtle. TP and FP emerged from the mishap unscathed, except for bruised egos. Thus, the news blackout.

- Hmmm, parang kilala ko sila. Kayo? Kilala n’yo?

You Have Spoken
Naniniwala ba kayong “pork barrel” ang dahilan ng pagboto ng ilang kongresista pabor sa pag-impeach kay Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez?
- Oo naman! Pera-pera ang iba sa mga ‘yan! 60.55%
- Hindi rin. Nasa katwiran naman eh. 31.65%
- Ewan 7.8%

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THE GOOD WIVES (?)

6 03 2011


Mrs. Ligot
A very emotional Erlinda Yambao-Ligot showed up at the Senate hearing Thursday. Apparently, nobody told her she was there for a hearing, not for a shooting.

The wife of embattled Lt. Gen. Jacinto Ligot, Erlinda Yambao-Ligot, and her brother, Edgardo Yambao showed up at the Senate Blue Ribbon Committee hearing last Thursday. Mr. Yambao opened with a prepared statement while Mrs. Ligot opened with a prepared blood pressure.

Senators failed to grill Mrs. Erlinda Yambao-Ligot when she showed up Thursday at the Senate. The wife of former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot broke into tears even before senators could throw questions at her. According to the Senate physician, Mrs. Ligot registered at least 10 BP levels during her brief appearance, and her husband wasn’t aware of it.

Congressmen were supposed to invite the wife of former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot to a separate hearing next week. But the solons had an apparent change of mind when Mrs. Ligot threatened to buy the House of Representatives.


Korina vs. Binay
The camp of Vice President Jejomar Binay has filed a complaint before the KBP against news anchor Korina Sanchez for allegedly “omitting” his name at least thrice in her spiels on TV Patrol. Sought for comment on Binay’s complaint, Korina said, “Sino ‘yon?”

This just in: An anonymous source has intercepted private messages purportedly sent to each other by the newscaster and the vice president. [We’re still verifying the authenticity of the Twitter accounts). Here are excerpts from the heated and revealing exchange.

@BinayForever: sumusobra ka na iha.
@May_K: excuse me, do i know you?

@BinayForever: huwag kang magkunwaring ‘di mo ako kakilala!
@May_K: huwag kang magkunwaring friends tayo.
@BinayForever: were we not?
@May_K: never.
@BinayForever: owws? four letters: E-R-A-P.
@May_K: you lost me there. anong kinalaman ni erap sa identity mo? hindi nga kita kilala eh.

@BinayForever: huwag na tayong magpaka-plastic. we both supported the deposed president noong kasagsagan ng mga rally against him.
@May_K: that is absurd, preposterous, and ridiculous!
@BinayForever: just like you?
@May_K: anong problema mo, maliban sa kulay mo?
@BinayForever: namemersonal ka na naman eh.
@May_K: everything is personal. ‘yong makati city hall, inangkin mo na. ‘di ba mas namemersonal ka?
@BinayForever: i was elected by the people.
@May_K: you bought them. they had no choice.
@BinayForever: huwag mong idamay ang constituents ko sa pagiging bitter mo.
@May_K: bitter? ha-ha-ha! sinong bitter? ako? ha-ha-ha!
@BinayForever: oo, ikaw! halakhak mo pa lang, amoy ampalaya na. ilang Charantia ba ang nilunok mo kagabi?
@May_K: hindi ako pumapatol sa corrupt! t#2%$7^-i*@ mo!
@BinayForever: o, nagmumura ka na. relax!

@May_K: i can’t believe you won!
@BinayForever: ako rin. ha-ha-ha

@May_K: ano ba talagang gusto mo? gulo?
@BinayForever: anong palagay mo sa akin, ikaw?

@May_K: bakit? sino bang nagreklamo sa kbp? pati programa ko, idinadamay mo pa!
@BinayForever: aling programa? ‘yong “inalis” kay karen davila?
@May_K: hindi ko gusto ang tono ng pananalita mo.
@BinayForever: hindi ko gusto ang pag-aastang-reyna mo!

@May_K: ‘wag kang makialam sa pamamalakad ng bagong news and current affairs management!
@BinayForever: you first! este, sure!

@May_K: wala ka na sa lugar. kung gusto mong maglabasan ng baho, hindi kita uurungan. wala akong itinatago.
@BinayForever: ah, ganun!!!? puwes! ako meron! maghanap ka na lang ng ibang kaaway.
@May_K: ha-ha-ha duwag, walang bayag!
@BinayForever: ha-ha-ha! bakit? ‘yong asawa mo ba meron?
@May_K: huwag mong idamay si mar. tahimik na tao ‘yon.
@BinayForever: kahit naman siguro ako ang asawa mo, tatahimik din ako!

@May_K: kung makapagsalita ka, parang ang linis-linis mo ah! parang ‘di ka nagkaroon ng kabit!
@BinayForever: wow. nagsalita ang madrasta! just so you know, alam ni dr. elenita binay ang pangangaliwa ko!
@May_K: eh ang pandarambong na ikinaso sa ‘yo, alam din niya?
@BinayForever: tanga! pareho kaming kinasuhan ng plunder! ayusin mo nga ‘yang research mo!

@May_K: ‘wag mo ‘kong diktahan kung ayaw mong masaktan!
@BinayForever: hindi ako katulong, ‘wong mo kong bantaan!
@May_K: ang kapal ng mukha mo! dismissed na ‘yong kasong ‘yan!
@BinayForever: wala akong sinabing kaso… nagi-guilty ka na naman!

@May_K: by the way, ilang taon na nga ba ang pamilya n’yo sa city hall ng makati?
@BinayForever: beinte singko, bakit?
@May_K: ay, may tawag jan!
@BinayForever: lingkod-bayan?
@May_K: reptilian!
@BinayForever: ano ‘yon?
@May_K: tukô! gecko! bobo!
@BinayForever: kung maka-bobo ka naman, baka nakakalimutan mo, i am the vice president of the land.

@May_K: humahaba na ang usapang ‘to. paano natin ito wawakasan!?
@BinayForever: galit ka ba sa ‘kin?
@May_K: ako? galit? Hindi ah! love na love nga kita eh. dahil nga sa ‘yo hindi ako naging second lady di ba? dahil rin sa ‘yo, natengga nang isang taon si mar, right? at dahil sa ‘yo, katakut-takot na panlalait at kahihiyan ang tiniis ko nang matalo ang mister ko, alam mo ba ‘yon? ako? galit?? %#24^6* mo!
@BinayForever: hahaha may funny bone ka rin pala. ‘yong bone ba ni mar, funny din?

@May_K: hindi ka nakakatawa! tapusin na natin ‘to!
@BinayForever: paano nga?
@May_K: madali lang! bawiin mo ang complaint na isinampa mo laban sa akin sa KBP!
@BinayForever: oo ba! pero sa isang kondisyon…
@May_K: what?
@BinayForever: sumumpa kang magpapakabait ka na mula ngayon.
@May_K: ganun? sige, ituloy mo na lang ang complaint mo.

-End of conversation.-
——————————–
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

Survey Says
Sa balitaktakan ng mga anak ng dalawang dating pangulo ng bansa, kanino ka kampi?
- Team Bongbong Marcos 24.32%
- Team Noynoy Aquino 29.15%
– Wala! 46.54%

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: VP Binay’s rumor mill

Kamukha mo ba siya? The most typical face is on earth is… CLICK HERE.

Personal
“What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I suppose to say
When I’m all choked up and you’re okay”

That’s from the hit song ‘Breakeven’ (a personal favorite) by the Irish band “The Script.” The trio will be performing live at the Araneta Coliseum on April 16. Tickets are now available at all Ticketnet outlets. For ticket information and reservations, please log on to http://www.ticketnet.com.ph or call Ticketnet at 911-5555. For sponsorship and preferred seating inquiries, please call 0916.688.8324 and 0921.207.2121.

Have a safe week ahead!

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CLIQUES

13 07 2010


Noynoy and the Press
President Aquino hosted a dinner with members of the Malacañang Press Corps Tuesday night. As he walked with reporters toward the dining table, he promised them a friendlier, and more sociable administration… and then, he ordered Atty. Edwin Lacierda to just eat outside.

Noynoy and the Press II
Reports say President Aquino wants to work with a “friendly media” during his term as president… something that’s achievable considering that he worked with an even “friendlier media” during his presidential campaign.

Communications Team
RG Cruz of ABS-CBN News reported that there are two warring factions in the newly-formed communications team of President Noynoy Aquino. One group is identified with the pro-Binay camp, while the other is allied with the pro-Mar group… or, as Conrado De Quiros would probably say, good vs. evil.

Imelda and Noynoy
Ilocos Norte Representative and former First Lady Imelda Romualdez-Marcos reportedly kissed President Noynoy Aquino on the cheek during the birthday party of Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay Tuesday night. Shocked by Imelda’s gesture, Noynoy exclaimed, “Sa mga nang-api sa sambayanan, wala akong karapatan na limutin ang inyong mga kasalanan!”

During the 33rd birthday party of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay, former First Lady Imelda Marcos approached President Aquino and kissed him on the cheek. Close aides of both Mrs. Marcos and President Aquino were surprised by the awkward moment… which became more awkward when guests started shouting, “More! More!”

Top 5 Things Overheard At the Birthday Party of Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay

No. 5: “Sinabi nang oo eh!!! Ba’t ba ayaw mong maniwala? Anak niya ‘yong batang lalaki! Buti na lang ‘ka mo at nagmana sa namayapang nanay. Kung hindi, kawawang bata. Tutuksuhin sa iskul ‘yan.”

No. 4: “Hello? Hello Ate Ballsy? Choppy ka. Ate!! Hello! O ayan, malinaw na. Eh anong magagawa ko? Bigla na lang lumapit at hinalikan ako sa pisngi. Alangan namang iiwas ko ang mukha ko? Don’t worry, ‘di naman yata nakunan ng media eh.”

No. 3: “Salamat sa pagdating n’yo sa kaarawan ng aking anak! I look forward to seeing you all back here next year, and the succeeding 23 years. Thank you!”

No. 2: “‘Noy, ‘di na ba talaga magagawan ng paraan ‘yong DILG? Baka naman puwedeng term-sharing? Kay Jesse ang first three years, sa akin ang last three?”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the birthday party of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay…

“Hindi!!!! Hindi maaari! Hayaan mo siyang maghintay sa kotse! Malinaw ang nasa imbitasyon mahal na pangulo. Ikaw lang ang imbitado, hindi ang iyong alter ego!

Trust Rating
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 88 percent of adult Filipinos trust President Noynoy Aquino. The other 12 percent are his ex-girlfriends.

Trust Rating II
According to the latest SWS survey, Vice President Jejomar Binay obtained a “very good” trust rating of 77 percent. The survey was conducted a week before Binay’s convoy beat the red light along Araneta Avenue.


Ruffa’s New Love?
Smartmatic president Cesar Flores and Ruffa Gutierrez are now an item! Unconfirmed reports say Flores gave Ruffa a PCOS machine on their first date. To prove that the gift was for real, Flores tried feeding a ballot into Ruffa’s PCOS machine. But Annabelle Rama arrived unannounced, and his ballot was rejected.

Ruffa’s New Love? II
Rumors say Smartmatic president Cesar Flores is reminded of Ruffa Gutierrez whenever he sees a PCOS machine. Asked why, he said, “madaling mag-init.”
——————————–
“Every clique is a refuge for incompetence. It fosters corruption and disloyalty, it begets cowardice, and consequently is a burden upon and a drawback to the progress of the country.”
~ Madame Chiang Kai-Shek

Survey Says
Maging patas kaya ang Malacañang sa paglalabas ng impormasyon sa media ngayong nasa gov’t media group na ang former ABSCBN reporter na si Ricky Carandang?
OO naman! Fair pa rin ‘yan. 25%
HINDI. Ang swerte ng ABS-CBN! 47%
Let’s see. 28%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: Drinking spree in Malacañang

Personal
Before I started blogging, I ‘heckled’ political figures and celebrities by sending letters to broadsheet editors just like what the ‘legend’ in that field, Mr. Paul Mortel of Marikina City did. I won’t forget Mr. Mortel because he would almost always react to my own ‘letters to the editor’ by sending me personal mails. The letters were sent to our old office in Guadalupe, Makati City. Thus, it’s shocking and sad to hear about the guy’s untimely demise. May you rest in peace Mr Paul.

Adders
Pagtalakay sa mga usaping panlipunan at pulitika. Ito ang tatalo sa mga kasabay na telenovela. Dito, ang pananaw mo ang bida. SRO with Alvin Elchico and Lynda Jumilla nightly after TV Patrol on dzMM.

Another show I try to catch whenever I’m home on Thursday night is Susan Enriquez’ SUS NAMAN! on QTV. Try n’yo rin!

Enjoy the rest of the week!





LAWBREAKERS

8 07 2010


YOU HEARD President Noynoy Aquino’s inaugural speech, right? He wanted the new government to lead by example; precisely the reason why he encouraged people in power to shun the wangwang. He wanted them to strictly follow traffic rules and regulations: No one should offer and accept tong or ‘lagay.’ No one should counterflow. And to prevent accidents, no one should beat the red light. Unless of course, you’re the vice president.


Caught on Tape
Last Monday, Vice President Jejomar Binay’s convoy was caught by a GMA 7 television crew beating the red light and ignoring a “no left turn” sign at about 11:30 a.m. along Araneta Avenue in Quezon City. Binay has reportedly reprimanded the “concerned personnel” – for their failure to monitor the presence of the TV crew.

As GMA News reported, Vice President Jejomar Binay’s convoy didn’t just beat the red light but actually ignored a “no left turn” sign along Araneta Avenue last Monday. According to Binay, he was in a hurry for a meeting that day, he totally forgot that he was not in Makati.

Binay’s Request
Vice President Jejomar Binay wants to have his own official office and residence like the president. Asked why, Binay said, “Alangan namang mag-uwian ako sa bahay namin for the next 24 years. Heller!?!”

Cito’s Back
Former Agriculture Secretary Luis ‘Cito’ Lorenzo Jr. is back! He told ABS-CBN’s Lynda Jumilla he’s now willing to testify in the P728-million fertilizer scam probe. In fact, President Noynoy Aquino himself said that Lorenzo could serve as a state witness. Why not? He knows a lot about the issue; he seems to be the least guilty, and his brother donated P20 million to Noynoy’s presidential campaign.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:Q_FC5DuANQwOmM:http://blogs.bet.com/entertainment/spotlight/bet-blog/assets/2009/12/tiger-woods.jpg In Sports…
At a news conference held after the recently concluded J.P. McManus Invitational Pro-Am in Ireland, Tiger Woods turned curt and dismissive, and declined to answer questions about his private life. Woods also expressed his thoughts on what he described was a ‘double standard.’ Baffled members of the media asked, what do you mean ‘double standard?’ Woods answered, “In the US, you cheat on your wife, you get crucified. In the Philippines, you cheat on the golf course, you get the Bureau of Customs.”

Alvarez Is In
The new commissioner of the Bureau of Customs – Air21 president and former SGV senior auditor Angelito ‘Lito’ Alvarez is in the news these days. According to Inquirer and dzRH sources, the posh Alabang Golf and Country Club imposed a six-month suspension on Alvarez for cheating during a golf tournament in February. But Malacañang’s search committee believes Alvarez is the best guy to take on the bad eggs at the Bureau of Customs. You know, galit ang mandaraya sa kapwa mandaraya.


The Late Mrs. Arroyo
Congresswoman Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo arrived three hours late in today’s orientation of neophyte congressmen at the House of Representatives. Mrs. Arroyo got up late because she wasn’t able to sleep well last night: she had a terrible headache, had an upset stomach, and saw Cito Lorenzo in the news.

Belmonte and Pork Barrel
Liberal Party’s bet for House Speaker, Quezon City Rep. Feliciano Belmonte is against the proposal of some of his party mates to slash pork barrel allocations to P40 million from P70 million per congressmen. Incoming House Minority Leader Edcel Lagman described the proposed cut as “flawed, cosmetic, and counterproductive” while Quezon Rep. Danilo Suarez said it’s “discriminatory.” In short, “anti-congressman.” Punyeta kayong lahat!


Red Mass
President Noynoy Aquino arrived late in yesterday’s Red Mass at the Manila Cathedral. In contrast, Vice President Jejomar Binay arrived so much ahead of everyone… which was not surprising considering how good his driver was in beating the red light.
———————————-
“An honest confession is good for the soul, but bad for the reputation.”
~Thomas Dewar

The Who
In the NBA, there’s John Amaechi. In the PBA, well, there’s the already-retired Apricot Banana Watermelon who was outed by his ex-wife. Both were professional cagers. Now, what if the head coach is homosexual? Would it be a big deal? Definitely not for the players of this collegiate team that is being mentored by a gay coach. As one team member asserted, “As long as he does not spend time with us in the locker room, walang problema.” Who’s the gay coach? Think John Donne and Ma. Isabel Lopez. Marami rin n’yan sa Pangasinan! And the college team? ‘Wag na. Basta ‘pag nahulaan mo, ituturing kitang isang bayani at tatanggap ka pa ng maagang Christmas gift!

Survey Says
Your take on Mae “Juana Change” Paner’s recent rants:
Nasa katwiran siya! Kaisa mo kami! 37%
Sus! Tama si Lacierda, inggit lang siya! 16%
Wala akong alam sa isyu! 47%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Manila Standard Today: The country’s richest

Overseas: CNN fires news anchor because of a Twitter post





FIGHTS

6 07 2010


PRESIDENT NOYNOY AQUINO says his Cabinet will undergo a seminar on how to properly deal with the media. The seminar is not mandatory for all Cabinet members… except for Edwin Lacierda and Bro. Armin Luistro.

Reports say members of the Aquino cabinet will attend a seminar on how to properly deal with the members of the press. You know, how to charm them, get their attention, sustain their interest, and make them believe all the things you say. The seminar will be conducted by Kris Aquino.

President Aquino announced that members of his Cabinet would undergo a seminar on media relations. Again, fine-tuning.

No TRO
A Quezon City court has junked the request for a TRO filed by a CBCP consultant against the pilot testing of DepEd’s sex education program… to which Bro. Armin Luistro allegedly said, “’Kita n’yo na? Walang naitutulong ang media!”

Shooting President
On his fifth day as president, Noynoy Aquino took time off and did some target practice at Langkaya, Antipolo with Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay. The younger Binay said he actually sent the invitation to Aquino two weeks ago… but it was only last Sunday that Mar Roxas was persuaded to let Noynoy go.

President Aquino went target shooting Sunday. Members of the PSG said he was unusually sharp that day. In fact, he only missed 1 of the 10 James Yap photos used as targets.

Photo of the Weak

“Anak, inililipat ko na sa ‘yo ang pamamahala sa minamahal nating lungsod ng Makati. Para sa ‘yo talaga ‘to dahil nasa grade school ka pa lang, isinumpa ko na sa aking sarili na hinding-hindi ko bibitiwan ang puwestong ito hangga’t ‘di ka sumasapit sa tamang edad ng pamumuno. Bata pa ang iyong anak na lalaki. Matagal-tagal pa ang iyong bubunuin. Konting tiyaga. Nakaya ko ang 24 years, makakaya mo ang 25. Mabuhay ka!”

Just So You Know…
There’s a reported Facebook war between Noynoy Aquino volunteer Mae Paner a.k.a. “Juana Change” and presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda. Interviewed on ANC, Paner revealed that Lacierda described her as “naiinggit” for criticizing the appointment of the Abads (whom she labeled as “recycled”) in government. The palace spokesman insists he’s just protecting Butch Abad and his family who are his close friends. The situation just got worse when Paner called up Lacierda to settle their differences. Instead of saying “Hello?” the palace spokesman said, “Oink?”

Tight Race
Reports say Senators Francis Pangilinan and Manny Villar are in a fierce battle for the presidency of the Senate. The only fiercer battle is between Juana Change and Edwin Lacierda.

Boat Capsizes
A motorboat carrying six members of the religious sect ‘Ang Dating Daan’ capsized Sunday enroute to Aroroy port after leaving Barangay Talib in Aroroy, Masbate. Probers are checking on reports that the boatman was a member of the Iglesia ni Cristo.

Overseas
US Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has criticized Russia for occupying parts of Georgia… which is really ironic coming from a high-ranking official of a country that occupies the rest of the world.
——————————-
“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
~Sun Tzu

The Who!
Another couple heads for splitsville! Mauritius Australia knew her affair with local politico Jordan Vanuatu Japan Ethiopia was doomed from the start. “There was a lot of fighting,” a source said. And whether she admits it or not, Mauritius Australia’s a battered “kabit.” She almost called it quits a couple of years back if not for her pregnancy. This time though, she’s determined to leave local politico. The straw that broke the camel’s back? Mauritius Australia learned that Jordan Vanuatu Japan Ethiopia has another woman, Greece Jamaica, a former flame of diminutive Mr. Romania. People wonder: why can’t Jordan Vanuatu Japan Ethiopia’s more famous father or brother discipline him? One of his constituents put it, “Isang himala kapag napagbago ng asal ‘yang si Jordan Vanuatu Japan Ethiopia. Pero kung magagawa ‘yan ng kanyang ama at kapatid, ako ang unang-unang sisigaw ng Hallelujah!”
(Updated July 9: Jordan Vanuatu Japan Ethiopia has granted ‘freedom” to Mauritius Australia. Nakahinga na ng maluwag ang kinawawang babae. Good for her.)

The Who, Too
If looks could kill, Yemen would be dead by now. And Germany would confess to the murder. Germany is so mad at Yemen for being a blabbermouth. It was Yemen who, without consulting Germany first, announced to the world that Germany’s romance with Malaysia was over. Germany didn’t want the public to know about it, and was actually successful in keeping the separation a secret from the tabloid press, until Yemen, yes, the rumormonger, made it public. Tsismosa!

The Who III
Will ex-politico, Kangaroo say “yes” to network bigwig, Parrot who offered him to anchor the network’s early evening newscast for a whopping P10M/month plus other perks? A very reliable source says Kangaroo still has a week left to decide. But will owners of his former network allow that? Everyone in his ‘original home’ with the exception perhaps of high-ranking Rabbit, is reportedly excited to see him back. Ano ang kanyang pipiliin? Abangan!

Survey Says
Who should be the Senate president?
Sen. Francis Pangilinan 40%
Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. 15%
Wala sa kanila. 45%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Wohoo!
Congratulations to Francisco Bustamante of the Philippines for winning the 2010 World 9-Ball Pool Championships in Doha, Qatar earlier today (Manila time)! Great job Django!

Enjoy the rest of the week y’all!





THE INAUGURAL

1 07 2010


Highlights
Benigno Simeon ‘Noynoy’ Aquino III is now the 15th president of the Republic of the Philippines. God saved the Philippines from Joseph Estrada!

During his inaugural address, President Noynoy Aquino asked “Kayo ba ay minsan ring nalimutan ng pamahalaang inyong iniluklok sa puwesto? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay nagtiis na sa trapiko para lamang masingitan ng isang naghahari-hariang de-wangwang sa kalsada? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay sawang-sawa na sa pamahalaang sa halip na magsilbi sa taumbayan ay kailangan pa nila itong pagpasensiyahan at tiisin? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay nakaligo na sa dagat ng basura? Kayo ba ay namatayan na ng kapatid dahil walang pampagamot? Ay, teka lang. Sensya na, mali ho yatang speech ang nabasa ko.”

In his inaugural speech, President Aquino said, “To those who are talking about reconciliation… we have this to say: there can be no reconciliation without justice.” Suddenly, his newly-separated sister Kris Aquino rose from her seat and shouted, “Kerrrrek!”

President Noynoy Aquino in his speech promised to eradicate ‘kotong’ – totally surprising the 3,000 cops that were deployed to secure his inauguration who thought he was their ally.


Speaking before half a million Filipinos, President Benigno Simeon Aquino III said, “Walang lamangan, walang padrino at walang pagnanakaw.” In straightforward terms, Ramos, Estrada, and Arroyo.

During his inaugural address, President Aquino said, “Sa paglimot ng pagkakasala, sinisigurado mong mauulit muli ang mga pagkakasalang ito.” And then Kris Aquino stood yet again and yelled, “May tama ka!”

The new president added, “Kayo ang boss ko, kaya’t hindi maaaring hindi ako makinig sa mga utos ninyo,” to which Vice President Jejomar Binay said, “Promise?”


Jejomar Cabauatan Binay also took his oath as the country’s vice president Wednesday. Analysts noted though that President-elect Noynoy Aquino and outgoing President Arroyo arrived at the Quirino Grandstand ahead of him calling it a “breach of protocol.” But for Binay loyalists, it’s a “come from behind.”

President Noynoy Aquino also said, “Sa mga nang-api sa akin, kaya ko kayong patawarin, at pinapatawad ko na kayo.” Finally, a sigh of relief for the black propaganda team of the Nacionalista Party.

President Aquino opened his speech by acknowledging East Timor President Jose Ramos Horta, former president Fidel Ramos, the Senate President and the House Speaker… prompting actress Susan Roces to note that “Chief Justice Renato Corona was snubbed… not once but twice!”

President Aquino’s 23-minute inaugural speech was praised for being clear, straight to the point, sincere, pragmatic and most importantly, for not borrowing a single line from the speeches of Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Conan O’Brien and JK Rowling.

Light Bites
Obama: “Yes, we can!”
Noynoy: “No, wang-wang!”


Sidelights
From Times Street, incoming President Noynoy Aquino picked up outgoing President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at Malacañang Palace. Noynoy felt really awkward… mainly because he’s not used to picking up women in broad daylight.

When Noynoy Aquino finally met Mrs. Arroyo face to face at the palace, he was tongue-tied and didn’t know what to say. After a brief moment of awkward silence, Noynoy finally blurted out, “Who are you wearing?”

Police say the crowd at the Quirino Grandstand peaked at 600,000 during the actual oath taking of President Noynoy Aquino at noon Wednesday. In fact, Noynoy was so overwhelmed by the huge crowd, he ended his speech by shouting, “Amen! Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!”

During the inaugural, Noynoy Aquino was the top trending topic on Twitter. Not to be outdone, Jejomar Binay was the No. 1 topic… in the Roxas household.

Former senator and defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas was a no-show at Noynoy Aquino’s inauguration. It was understandable though because Roxas had to attend the burial… of his presidential ambitions.

In the evening, President Aquino went to the street party at the Quezon Memorial Circle where he sang Freddie Aguilar’s ‘90s hit Estudyante Blues. The first line of the song goes, “Si Ramos ang nakikita, Si Erap ang nasisisi, si Gloria ang laging may kasalanan!”


International singing sensation Charice Pempengco sang the Philippine National Anthem at President Aquino’s inauguration. Before the hosts called on Charice to sing, people at the Quirino Grandstand were visibly nervous… because Christian Bautista was also there.

Praises were heaped on Charice Pempengco for singing the national anthem correctly… to the chagrin of National Historical Institute** officials who were hoping to be interviewed on camera again had Charice bungled it.
**NHI was recently renamed National Historical Commission of the Philippines.

Regine Velasquez sang the melodramatic campaign song “Hindi Ka Nag-iisa,” the song used in Noynoy Aquino’s first music video that featured an all-star cast. Everyone in that video was present at the inaugural… except for James Yap.

The University of the Philippines-based Philippine Madrigal Singers and DLSU’s Kundirana also performed at the inaugural… eliciting a howl from the Ateneo community who accused the organizers of bias for not inviting the Ateneo Glee Club.

Did you see Jim Paredes’ co-host during the inauguration? FYI: That’s the very talented Mae Paner a.k.a. Juana Change, not Sharon Cuneta. ‘Sinlaki pero ‘di ‘sing mahal.

Reports say Sharon Cuneta wore a ‘recycled’ Fanny Serrano gown because there wasn’t enough time to finish a new gown. These days, a Sharon Cuneta gown requires at least three months to finish.

Another performer, Gary Valenciano was ecstatic. He quipped that “all sorts of Ks are here today: Kapamilya, Kapuso, Kapatid, Kabayan, Kaibigan and Kundirana.” And then from afar, he saw Mrs. Arroyo, a kawatan.

In Other News…
Immediately after turning over the presidency to Noynoy Aquino, Mrs. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo hurriedly left for Pampanga. She had to rush to Lubao to personally pick the winning numbers in the special Inauguration Day jueteng draw.

Noli De Castro’s term is over. Kabayan said he has served his country well and added that he’s not afraid to face the Truth Commission (if requested) since he had nothing to hide and he didn’t hide anything – except for one thing – he didn’t tell us that he was the country’s vice president for six years.

Photo of the Weak

GMA: “Shobra ka naman Preshident-elect. ‘Di pa nga ‘ko nakakaalish ng palashyo, may Truth Commisshion ka na agad. Can we discussh it firssht over dinner? Pleassshe?”
Noynoy: “Manong driver, may lighter ho kayo. Nakaka-tense dito. Yosi muna ako.”
———————————
“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Survey Says
Gusto n’yo bang magkabalikan sina First Sister Kris Aquino at First Brother-in-Law James Yap?
YES! For the sake of their kid. 12.4%
No! Bakit pa? 25.4%
Hmpf! Pakialam ko! 62.2%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Mabuhay ang bagong pangulo at bagong pangalawang pangulo ng bansa!
Padayon!

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!





NO, THANKS!

24 06 2010


VICE PRESIDENT-ELECT Jejomar Binay
visited President–elect Noynoy Aquino on Times Street on Wednesday and talked for about two hours. Inquirer sources say the two “reminisced on their long history together,” and “discussed their common passion – gun collection.” The meeting was warm and cordial… except for that brief tense moment when Binay pointed his gun on Aquino, and said, “Ibibigay mo ba sa akin ang DILG post o hindi?” And then followed it up with the line, “Joke lang.”

Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay has reportedly declined to accept any Cabinet position in the Aquino administration. The decision was made after a two-hour meeting on Times Street described by the Binay camp as “social and cordial” – or as the Roxas camp would describe it, “mission failed.”

Top 10 Things Overheard During President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s Meeting with Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay

No. 10: “Nanay Bebang… paki-on nga ho ng ilaw sa sala. Bigla yatang dumilim eh.”

No. 9: “Ipinapatanong nga pala ng Tita Ellen Binay mo. Totoo raw bang may kinalolokohan na namang chiching si James kaya nag-aalboroto uli si Kris?”

No. 8: “Pwede ho bang sandali lang ang meeting natin? Magdo-Dota pa kasi ako after nito.”

No. 7: “Ssssh. Atin-atin lang ‘to. May bagong bukas na, hmmm… alam mo na, sa Burgos Street sa amin ‘don sa Makati. Sariwa ang mga babes tsong! Rawwwr! Text mo lang ako ‘pag gusto mong pumasyal.”

No. 6: “Sorry ho. Late notice kasi ang pagbisita n’yo eh. Pasensya na kayo sa inihandang prutas ni Nanay Bebang. Tara, simulan na natin habang nagyeyelo pa… ang duhat.”

No. 5: “Try mo kasi ang Svenson. Effective ‘yon!”

No. 4: “Wala na akong magagawa Manong. Transition team ang nag-decide eh. DOTC ho ang sa inyo, take it or leave it.”

No. 3: “Pakisabi nga pala sa iyong Tiyo Peping, Tiya Tingting pati na rin kina Mikee, China at Mai-mai, maraming, maraming salamat sa suporta nila noong panahon ng kampanya.”

No. 2: “So ayaw ho n’yo?!? Tinatanggihan n’yo ako?!? Pwes… bukas ho ang pinto, makakaalis na kayo.”

And the No. 1 thing overheard during President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s meeting with Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay…

“Hayyyy naku Mar! Alam kong nasa kusina ka lang at nakikinig sa pag-uusap namin ni Noynoy. Lumabas ka nga d’yan!”
———————————

“I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.”
~Sylvester Stallone


Feast of St. John
June 24 marks the Feast of St. John the Baptist. Reportedly spotted in San Juan were Senators Jamby Madrigal, Loren Legarda, and Pia Cayetano… who had to attend the annual celebration if only to experience getting wet again.

Survey Says
On the latest spat between Kris Aquino and James Yap, your take:
Sana maayos para happy na ulit ang lahat. 10%
Para wala nang gulo, maghiwalay na lang. 16%
Pakialam ko! Nakakasawa na ang kadramahan nila! 74%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a safe weekend ahead!





CONVERSATIONS

13 06 2010


US President Barack Obama phoned President-elect Noynoy Aquino on Wednesday night to congratulate him. The telephone call lasted 20 minutes. It was a pleasant conversation between the two leaders who both vowed to strengthen bilateral ties. Obama excitedly inquired about Manila; Aquino enthusiastically asked about Virginia… tobacco.

During their 20-minute conversation, President-elect Noynoy Aquino and US President Barack Obama talked about their common habit: cigarette smoking. Obama vows to offer Noynoy advice on quitting smoking if Noynoy promises to give him tips on computer gaming.

World leaders continue to convey their congratulatory messages to President-elect Noynoy Aquino. Also on Wednesday night, Aquino got a call from Chinese President Hu Jintao… who informed him that China has just successfully tapped his conversation with Obama.

President-elect Noynoy Aquino received a call from South Korean President Lee Myung-bak too. President Lee thanked Aquino in advance for allowing half of the South Korean population to stay in the Philippines.

On Wednesday, President-elect Noynoy Aquino got a congratulatory call from US President Obama. Not to be outdone, Mar Roxas received a call that same night… from Sarah Palin.


GMA Calls Noynoy
Outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo congratulated President-elect Noynoy Aquino over the phone last Wednesday. Noynoy himself revealed that the call lasted only three minutes. Of course, that phone conversation could have been longer… if President Arroyo was a smoker.

President-elect Noynoy Aquino said he also got a call from outgoing President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo Wednesday night. A staunch critic of the administration, Noynoy admitted that he kinda felt “awkward” during the conversation… especially when Mrs. Arroyo started asking, “What are you wearing?”

Jose Maria Sison’s Allegation
From the Netherlands, CPP-NPA founder Jose Maria Sison accused Pinky Aquino-Abellada, sister of President-elect Noynoy Aquino, of conspiring with outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and the US Central Intelligence Agency to “preprogram” the May 10 automated election system in favor of Noynoy. In another news dismissed as totally unrelated by local Communist leaders, the University of the Philippines Department of Psychology will release Jose Maria Sison’s psychiatric evaluation report.

Noynoy & Shalani
Apparently irked by questions on his girlfriend and their wedding plans, President-elect Noynoy Aquino told the press that he would have to consult Madam Auring on the matter. Shocked by Noynoy’s statement, Shalani Soledad blurted out, “Madam Auring na ngayon ang name ni Kris Aquino?!?”

Stars In Government
Unconfirmed reports say President-elect Noynoy Aquino plans to appoint film producer Lily Monteverde as Optical Media Board chair; young actor Dingdong Dantes as head of the National Youth Commission, and Mary Grace Poe-Llamanzares as MTRCB chairman. Earlier this week, Aquino has announced the appointment of Madam Auring as presidential adviser on marital affairs.


Revolving First Ladies?
If President-elect Noynoy Aquino requests it, Ballsy Aquino-Cruz says she and sisters Viel, Pinky, and Kris will take turns in playing the role of First Lady. Meanwhile, Dr. Elenita Binay has reportedly rejected Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay’s request to have revolving Second Ladies.
——————–
“Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest things in the nicest way.”
~Isaac Goldberg

Survey Says
Should Mar Roxas file an electoral protest?
Oo naman. Malay natin, mabaligtad ang resulta. 26%
‘Wag na. Si Binay naman talaga ang nanalo. 53%
Wala akong pakialam. 21%

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: Lack of ‘meddling’ First Lady a plus for Noynoy —analysts

Manila Standard Today: Inquirer drops Cunanan

Enjoy your long weekend!





AND THEN THERE WERE TWO

9 06 2010


The Proclamation: A Postscript
In today’s proclamation ceremony at the House of Representatives, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile requested the families of both President-elect Noynoy Aquino and Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay to join the two winning candidates in front. People in the gallery knew that Noynoy’s sisters would be joining him, but others were guessing ‘which’ Binay family would come forward.

Even before the proclamation, Loren Legarda has conceded defeat to Jejomar Binay. But Legarda clarifies, she isn’t conceding yet to Noli De Castro.


Outgoing senator Mar Roxas, as we all know, is not about to concede the vice presidency to Jojo Binay. Unless Korina says so.

Sketchy reports say Jamby Madrigal, Nicanor Perlas and JC De Los Reyes might concede to Noynoy Aquino within the week. But the three losing presidential candidates swear they will never ever concede to Vetellano Acosta.

Ang Tweet Naman!
Noynoy Aquino and Jojo Binay were both proclaimed today. Would you like to know the thoughts of other political figures and celebrities about (and during) today’s event? Let’s hack into their Twitter accounts to find out! These were ‘allegedly’ posted between 2PM and 4PM.

Say_ChizEscudero Still here in the holding room. Okay na okay dito kasi may smoking area.
16 minutes ago via Twitterrific

James_YapMVP Sana pala tinapos ko muna ang game ng Boston at Lakers. Sabi kasi ni Babez, mabilis lang ang proclaimashon. Pero bakit ganito? Ang daming speech. Boring na boring na ‘ko.
16 minutes ago via UberTwitter

simplyNoynoy i forgot my Marlboro sa kotse. Pareng @Say_ChizEscudero, paiskor naman ng isang stick diyan.
14 minutes ago via Twitterrific

i_am_KrisAquino @James_YapMVP Babe, behave. Nag-usap na tayo ‘di ba? Andito sina Ate Viel at Kuya Dodo. Tsaka si Ate Pinky at Kuya Eldon. Nakakahiya kung aalis ka. ‘Di pa napu-proclaim si Kuya.
9 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone

JoseSixtoDantesIII Preparing for Senator Noy’s proclamation. Nope, Marian won’t be with me. Masama ang gising eh. Murahin ba naman ako kanina ng “put*ng-i*a!” Iniwan ko nga!
About two hours ago

Sen_Mar_Roxas This is not right. This is not just right. Ako ang dapat na nasa Batasan ngayon. Ako ang dapat na ipu-proklama!
5 minutes ago via TweetDeck

DinkySoliman I’m baaaack! Lolz!
About an hour ago

Rated_K B*llsh*t%ll#^s*h^465*&T@!! Buwisit! ^8$#%#u6#*!#0 Buwisit! Hon, nasaan ka ba? Sabi mo uuwi ka before two o’clock!
About 30 minutes ago via web

TheFirm @DinkySoliman Akala mo ikaw lang?! We’re back too! Happy days are here again! Lolz! LMAO!

BoyAbunda Can’t concentrate on the speeches. It’s so hot in here. But Dingdong Dantes is so much hotter. Kagwapong bata.
15 minutes ago via web

Sen_Mar_Roxas @Rated_K Hon, what did I tell you? Turn off the freakin’ television! I’ll be there in a while.
11 minutes ago via TweetDeck

Ogie_Songwriter @SongBird Here na ko sa Batasan. I’m flanked by Shalani and Ma’am Dinky Soliman. Will meet you at GMA Annex Bldg after the proclamation. Kailangang mag-rehearse. Talo na naman tayo ng ASAP last Sunday. Hugs!
4 minutes ago via web

NogralesINTHEHOUSE @maloumangahas_PCIJ pagkatapos nitong proclamation, mag-usap tayo. kailangang mag-usap tayo. or else…
8 minutes ago via twitterfeed

Mr_Sipag@Tiyaga Having late lunch with Nanay. Instructed my sisters not to turn the TV or radio on while the proclamation is ongoing. Masasaktan lang ang matanda.
25 minutes ago via Tumblr

Rated_K @Sen_Mar_Roxas Nakakairita! Ang ingay ng mga naka-dilaw sa gallery. I’m sure, mga bayarang squatters ‘yan na hinakot sa Makati. Mga walang class!
6 minutes ago via web

TheRealLorenLegarda *Sigh* Al Gore has flown back to the US. ‘Di man lang kami nakapag-usap. @Mr_Sipag@Tiyaga Hi to Nanay Curing. Did she like the orange duster I sent her last Monday?
18 minutes ago via Ping.fm

ka_joma_sison @KaSatur, @KaPaengMariano, @KaLizaMaza ikasa n’yo na ang pambansang kilos-protesta sa inauguration ng naghaharing uring noynoy na ‘yan! walang dapat sayanging sandali! ibagsak ang oligarkiya!
3 seconds ago via UberTwitter

JustJamby Is that Shalani Soledad beside Ogie Alcasid? Woot! Woot! Lakas ng dating niya pare! @ka_joma_sison ‘musta na po kayo? baka dumalaw ako diyan soon. regards to ka luis jalandoni
18 minutes ago via UberTwitter

comm_larrazabal seated near the aquinos and commissioner melo. naiilang ako. nakatitig lagi sa kin ‘yung friend ni kris na si paul cabral. aarrgh!
about 1 hour ago via HootSuite

Rated_K Those traitors in yellow are now chanting Noy-Bi! Noy-Bi! Eh ‘di inamin n’yo rin. Nanlaglag nga kayo noong eleksyon!
8 minutes ago via web

Say_ChizEscudero Mahirap nang patulan ang mga inggit at talunan. They have nothing to lose anyway.
25 minutes ago via txt

Rated_K @Say_ChizEscudero Ay, bakit may nagre-react? Wala naman akong binabanggit na pangalan ah.
18 minutes ago via twitterfeed

Sen_Mar_Roxas Hon, sabi nang cool ka lang eh. We’re filing an election protest soon! @ButchAbad Aabot ba ng 800 thousand ang null votes ko? Kung hindi, baka magsasayang lang tayo ng oras?
12 minutes ago via TweetDeck

GMA_RP @GaryOlivar please update me sha proclamashion gary. Shobrang lamig pala dito sa Shanghai. Feeling ko magkaka-shakit ako. Diretsho na muna ko sha Lubao pag-uwi. Bahala na kayo sa palashyo huh.
15 minutes ago via web

Rated_K Yuckkkk. Mula anak hanggang apo, maitim. Ang lakas ng loob na idisplay sa Batasan ang buong pamilya! ‘Di naman kagandahan ang lahi! Hmpf! Makapag-pa-facial na nga lang! Sayang ang oras ko sa mga traydor!
13 minutes ago via web

Rgcruz_ABSCBN @tjmanotoc and @KIKOpangilinan are you guys on Twitter now? I heard my babaeng nagwawala. Mad na mad raw habang nanonood ng proclamation. True ba?
About 1hour ago via Tumblr

tjmanotoc @Rgcruz_ABSCBN No comment. I really don’t want to get into trouble again. Ask mo na lang si @ConradDQuiros_PDI
About 30 minutes ago via web

GMA_RP Ganung kabilish? Eh bakit ‘yung proklamashyon ko, inabot ng alas-dose ng hatinggabi? @GaryOlivar Ma’am, tapos na po ang proclamation. Kaninang 4o’clock pa na-proklama ang dalawa.
18 minutes ago via twitterfeed

ConradDQuiros_PDI @tjmanotoc and @Rgcruz_ABSCBN Even here in Twitter, there’s an ongoing clash between good and evil. ‘Nuff said. @simplyNoynoy Congratulations! May the force be with you until 2016!
7 minutes ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

GuidoDelgado_lovesNP just received a copy of a psychiatric report. this is revealing. will send copies to the media after the proclamation.

James_YapMVP @i_am_KrisAquino Babez, mauna na ‘ko. Hinahanap na raw ako ni Josh. MagDo-DotA pa kami. Love you babez.
16 minutes ago via UberTwitter

QuiboloyOnline Congratulations to our new president. Sasabihin ko na ang totoo. Ikaw talaga ang lumabas sa vision ko before the elections. Kaya lang, ‘di kita type.
half a minute ago via API

MannyVPangilinan Here’s my unsolicited advice to our new president. Noy, it is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.
About 30 minutes ago via web

ANC_RickyCarandang @MannyVPangilinan sir, i think the advice u gave noynoy wasn’t original. That’s a quote from Nelson Mandela. You must apologize!
2 minutes ago via UberTwitter

mannypacmanpacquiao Watch up? ‘Muzta kau jan sa ating bansa? Ditu kami ni Jinkee sa Mixicu with Bob Arum. Rigards sa inyung lahat jan sa Batasan. Kay Paring Nuynuy, kungratz! Basta, pasalamat ka lang lagi kay Lord. ‘Tsaka, kaya mo ‘yan. Gudlak. At lagi kayong manood ni Shalani ng Pinuy Rikurds! Hehehe Juk lang!
1 minute ago via web

joeySalceda_of_albay Bonggang-bongga ang proclamation ni Noy! Winner! At nang dumating si Dingdong, naloka ang mga utaw! As in! I’m sure, bobongga rin ang ating ekonomiya! @dantonremoto naku naman professor, baka maunahan ka pa ni noynoy dito, nakakahiya. so fly ka na here sa resto! lafanggerzz ever! now na!
12 minutes ago via TweetDeck

GMA_RP thanks for the updates @GaryOlivar! i am starting to love shanghai, china. ooops, gtg. naghihintay na shi mike. mag-go-golf muna kami. and don’t worry gary, hindi namin kashama ang mag-ashawang jose at gina de venecia. nandiyan shila sha batashan. so it’s safe. ‘noh?
——————————–
“The President is the last person in the world to know what the people really want and think.”
~James Garfield

The Final Tally

(Note: Vetellano Acosta got 181,985 votes/Courtesy of ABS-CBN News)

Survey Says
Should ‘sex education’ be taught in grade school?
Absolutely! 64%
No way! 24%
Hmmm, i’ll think about it. 12%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
And just like that, the Los Angeles Lakers have regained homecourt advantage. We’re wrapping up the series in 6! Wohoo!

For updates and more insane posts, follow me on Twitter.





MEMOIRS

7 06 2010


Erap Quitting Politics?
Former president Joseph Estrada told ABS-CBN News he’s quitting politics soon. Estrada first entertained the thought of abandoning politics when Jejomar Binay abandoned him in the last elections.

Deposed president Joseph Estrada is leaving politics soon. Sought for comment, politics said the ‘parting’ was amicable.

Interviewed by ABS-CBN News, former president Joseph Estrada said he’s planning to write a book about his life starting from childhood… meaning, the book will start from the time he became president.

Former president Joseph Estrada told ABS-CBN News that he is planning to write a book about his life starting from childhood until his 2010 re-election bid. Erap reveals some 15 to 25 pages of his book will be blank. Asked why, he replied, “Siyempre, nakakulong ako ‘no! Paano ako makapagsusulat? Gago!”

Losing presidential reelectionist Joseph Estrada is reportedly writing a book about his life. This early, it is expected to top the list of best-selling Coloring Books.

ABS-CBN News says former president Joseph Estrada is planning to write a book about his life starting from childhood. The first line of the book will be, “Baa baa black sheep…”

Ex-president Joseph Estrada is reportedly planning to write a book about his life. He says the book will not be self-serving and will also highlight his political mistakes. At least now, we already know half of the book’s content!

Losing presidential reelectionist Joseph Estrada told ABS-CBN that he plans to write a book about his life and he’s going to call it “Memoirs: The Life and Loves of Erap.” The first page will be about his life; the rest, about his ‘loves.’

Former president Joseph Estrada plans to write a book about his life and he wants to call it “Memoirs: The Life and Loves of Erap.” Erap says the title is not yet final because he’s having a hard time pronouncing ‘memoirs.’

Joseph Estrada is reportedly writing a book about his life starting from childhood. Rumors say he is looking forward to ‘book signing’ sessions. In fact, this early, he’s been practicing how to sign ‘Jose Velarde’ again.

This just in! Unconfirmed reports say defeated presidential candidate Manny Villar is writing a book too. It will be about the recent May 10, 2010 elections, and will be titled, “Bad Memoirs.”

In Other News…
On Wednesday, June 9, both Noynoy Aquino and Jejomar Binay will be proclaimed president and vice president, respectively. If Mar Roxas concedes to Binay on or before Wednesday, he’ll be proclaimed a ‘martyr.’

GMA Off to China
On Tuesday, June 8, President Arroyo is going to China. Proponents of the Freedom of Information bill are encouraged to wait for President Arroyo’s entourage at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport because there might just be a quorum.
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“Memoirs are a well-known form of fiction.”
~Frank Harris

Survey Says
Should the VP votes that were allegedly “not counted” by some PCOS machines be counted manually by Congress as suggested by the Roxas camp?
DAPAT LANG para lumabas ang tunay na boses ng bayan! 40%
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Ano ‘yong issue? ‘Di ko na-follow ang news eh. 7%

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Elsewhere…
Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism:In 14 years, Speaker grows wealth from P6.5M to P88M

Philippine Star columnist Federico Pascual is furious: My being PNOC director: Another Lopez ‘kuryente’; ABS-CBN apologizes

Enjoy the rest of the week!








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