PORK NG INA N’YO 2

22 08 2013

JUST IN: President Aquino has declared that it’s time to abolish the pork barrel
BREAKING: Napoles’, Corrupt politicians’ hearts

1
Official Statement of Senator ******* ********** on the Pork Barrel Scam

Ako ay labis na nababahala sa mga ulat tungkol sa pag-abuso diumano ng mga mambabatas sa Priority Development Assistance Fund o PDAF na mas kilala sa tawag na pork barrel.

Nababahala ako dahil magkakaroon daw ng pagsisiyasat. Patay!

Mananahimik sana ako dahil sa totoo lang, halos lahat naman kami ay guilty. Ayoko namang maglinis-linisan dahil nakinabang din naman ako sa pondong ‘yan.

Ngunit trending ngayon ang panawagan ng aking mga kasama sa Senado: imbestigahan ang pork barrel scam. May nagmungkahing ihinto na ang pamamahagi ng PDAF at may nagsabi namang unti-unti itong alisin.

Kanya-kanyang hirit, kanya-kanyang papogi, at kanya-kanyang labas ng pahayag na animo’y concerned na concerned. Matagal nang nangyayari ang nakawan, bakit ngayon lang kayo nag-iingay? Mga ipokrito!

Pero siyempre, hindi ko ito pwedeng sabihin nang harap-harapan sa kanila. Eh kung balikan nila ako, “Look who’s talking?!”

Ngunit ‘di ko rin naman papayagang ma-upstage nila ako. Ito ang tamang panahon upang magpakitang-tao – ako, kaming lahat.

May malawakang rally sa Luneta sa Lunes kaya’t tama lang na ngayon ako maglabas ng statement.

Sinusuportahan ko ang napipintong imbestigasyon ng Senado sa pork barrel scam!

Parusahan ang mga magnanakaw!

Iwaksi ang bulok na sistema!

Ihinto ang pag-abuso sa pera ng taumbayan!

Scrap PDAF! Now na!

[Note to News (Desk) Editor: Make sure na mailalabas ang statement na ito on or before the big rally on Monday. Alam mo na! At kung pwede, sana ma-headline ito o kaya ma-front page. Thank you.]

JV on PDAF
On Twitter, neophyte senator JV Ejercito said, “I think I can manage to perform my duties as a senator without the PDAF. After all, I was elected as a legislator.” And Jinggoy Estrada was like, “O, nagsisimula ka na naman ng away!”

Damage
Authorities say typhoon Maring’s and the monsoon rains’ damage to infrastructure and agriculture is almost 70 million pesos. Or as Janet Lim-Napoles would say, “isang congressman.”

Yes to Pork
Earlier this week, President Aquino rejected calls to scrap the graft-prone pork barrel. The President explained, “I think it’s difficult to generalize and say the whole system is wrong.” To which Janet Napoles said, “Luveeeeet!”

Flowers
According to a GMA News report, President Aquino was sidelined for days because he had an allergic reaction to flowers… not because of too much pork as rumored earlier.

President Aquino is reportedly allergic to flowers. And Pope Francis reacted, “Who am I to judge?”

Survivor
A fisherman from Batanes who was reported missing last Aug. 11 was found alive in a hospital in Okinawa, Japan. Reports say his boat’s engine malfunctioned and strong winds and current pushed the boat toward Japan. He was lucky he had bananas and watermelon to keep him nourished. And he’s even luckier his boat wasn’t pushed toward Taiwan.

Overseas
Jailed former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak had been ordered released by the courts. Mubarak, who was accused of corruption, felt vindicated. He now wants to seek the presidency – again. If he loses, he’ll just run for mayor.

image Wentworth It
Actor Wentworth Miller has publicly come out as a gay man. It was his boldest “prison” break yet.

Wentworth Miller came out just days after WWE wrestler Darren Young admitted that he’s gay. Pope Francis refuses to take credit.

After Wentworth Miller and Darren Young, the NBI is hoping Janet Napoles will come out next.
——————————————–
“If you see a bandwagon, you’ve missed it.”
~ James Goldsmith

Sound Bites
“They will attend as senators. They will not be questioned.”
~Blue Ribbon Committee Chair TG Guingona on the Senate’s PDAF scam probe

Sama-sama, kita-kita tayo sa Lunes sa Luneta, 9AM… kung naniniwala kang dapat nang mahinto ang PAGNANAKAW sa ating pera ng mga makakapal ang mukha sa gobyerno.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer/People]





SAAABEH? (MODERN SAYINGS 2)

3 08 2013

Modernong mga Kasabihan 2013
[At ang mga naging inspirasyon ng mga ito]

Lawmakers and Pork Barrel
Magpakahaba-haba man ang prusisyon
sa ghost NGOs pa rin ang tuloy

Honesty is the best… theoretically.

Janet Napoles, Jinggoy Estrada, Bong Revilla, Gringo Honasan Lito Lapid, and other lawmakers linked to the pork barrel scam
Nasa tao ang gawa
Nasa mga ‘yan ang biyaya

Tell me who your friends are
… and I will tell you to go to hell.

Keep your friends close…
they know your secrets.

Birds of a feather
party together.

Janet and Jeane Napoles
Ang maling ginagawa ng matatanda
Ini-enjoy ng mga bata

Ang taong nagigipit
Kay Lorna Kapunan kumakapit

Plus:
President Aquino and Comm. Ruffy Biazon
Ang pagsasabi ng tapat
Pagbibitiw ay ‘di tinatanggap

Corrupt Customs Employees
Ang sundalong nasusugatan
Nag-iibayo ang kakapalan

Customs, Enrile, Belmonte and other alleged padrinos
A phone call a day keeps the revamp away.

Vice President Binay
The early bird…
gets the campaign contributions.

Ex-future lawmaker Annabelle Rama
If at first you don’t succeed…
Nice!

BIR Fixers
Kapag may isinuksok
Alam na.

Cebu Pacific
Kung gaano kataas ang lipad…
sa runway sumasadsad

Metro Traffic
Ang tumatakbo ng matulin…
sinungaling! (Traffic ‘no!)

Informal Settlers
Man does not live by P18,000 alone.

BB Gandanghari
The penis mightier than the sward.

Pope Francis’ Acceptance of Gay Priests
Huli man at magaling…
Awaaard!

Health
Early to bed and early to rice,
makes a man fat.

The best things in life…
are fried.
——————————————————-
“Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.”
~Doug Larson

EXPLOSIVE!
The revelations in the comments section of this blog about Janet Napoles and the pork barrel scam are riveting, revealing, eye-opening, and infuriating. We are doomed! T*ng-i*a nilang lahat!

In Other News
The National Capital Region has identified the five crime-prone areas in the metro: Monumento, Baclaran, Kalentong, University Belt, and the corner of Edsa and E. Rodriguez Avenue/Aurora Blvd in Cubao. Surprisingly, the list didn’t include Batasan Complex or the Bureau of Customs.

Have a fun weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





THE POPE, GAYS, AND PORK BARREL

30 07 2013

FOR THE FIRST time, Pope Francis spoke out in defense of homosexual priests in the Catholic Church. The Pope says gay priests who seek the Lord are fine with him – as long as they don’t use contraceptives.

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In a bold statement, Pope Francis says gay persons are okay with him. Related: He just visited Copacabana beach in Rio De Janeiro.

Asked about the sensitive issue of homosexuality in the Catholic Church, Pope Francis says, “Who am I to judge a gay person of goodwill who seeks the Lord?” Sought for comment, gay priests chorused, “Fabulous!”

Pope Francis says he won’t judge gay priests. Overheard: Is there a Miss Gay Priest pageant?

Analysts described Pope Francis’ use of the word “gay” as revolutionary. Filipino priests and bishops are now asking if they could use “havey” and “waley” freely.

Pope Francis was quoted to have said, “Who am I to judge a gay person?” Did you hear that Miriam Quiambao?

Pope Francis says he won’t judge gay people. But I’m hoping he’s open to judging people like Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles.

1Labis-Lavish
Alleged pork barrel scam mastermind Janet Napoles told TV Patrol that her gazillions came from her businesses. She also insisted, “walang nanggaling sa gobyerno ni piso.” Bong and Jinggoy were like, “Pwede bang mag-‘No comment ka na lang?!”

A video of the lavish birthday party in California of Janet Lim-Napoles’ daughter sent netizens abuzz on Monday. It was a feast. Curiously though, the caterer served only pork and barrels of wine.

Did you see the video of the lavish birthday bash of Janet Lim-Napoles’ daughter in California? It was quite a feast. Even Imelda Marcos felt uncomfortable while watching it.

The fabulous birthday bash happened when Janet Napoles’ daughter Jean turned 21. The lavish event was titled, “Legalized.” I wonder which part of it was.

As of this morning however, the video has been password protected. Sorry ordinary Filipinos, it’s a private event. You’re not invited!

Sotto’s Pork
Tito Sotto is being linked to misused pork barrel funds. Or as Bong Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada would say, “Gaya-gaya!”

Huli Ka!
Through his staff, Sen. Lito Lapid denied knowing businesswoman Ma. Victoria Sevilla Tolentino whose company is also being implicated in questionable pork barrel-funded projects. But a photo published by the Philippine Daily Inquirer from anonymous Facebook accounts revealed otherwise. The senator obviously knows her. Lapid vows to address the issue as soon as his, and Victoria Tolentino’s common friends have deactivated their social media accounts.

CBCP on Pols’ Money
The local Catholic Church told the public to stop accepting donations from politicians. To which the ‘public’ replied, “Kayo muna!”

Pacman’s Plans
According to Agence France Presse, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao is interested in running for president. But some people say we just concluded an election so it’s too early for Pacquiao to talk about 2016. Unless his last name is Binay.

1Raymart vs. Claudine
Claudine Barretto filed a temporary protection order against her estranged husband Raymart Santiago. Claudine wants the court to prevent Raymart from getting within 300 meters of her. The actor exclaimed, “Thank you Lord!”

Claudine Barretto is in a fighting mood. But her husband Raymart says he’s not afraid of Claudine, and is ready to face her anywhere, “‘Wag lang sa airport.”
—————————————————–
“To be wealthy in an unjust society is a disgrace.”
~Confucius, The Analects

Sound Bites
“May karapatan din ho naman kaming mag-shopping!”
~Janet Lim-Napoles [On Instagram, her daughter boasted that they once purchased ALL items on display at a posh boutique]

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.








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