PARIS

15 08 2011

Paris and the President
Rumors say socialite, hotel heiress and one-time sex video star Paris Hilton will meet with President Aquino in Malacañang. The rumor has prompted Standard & Poor’s, Moody’s, and Fitch to downgrade the Philippines’ IQ.

Internet reports say Paris Hilton will meet with President Aquino. The heiress and the hairless.

Unconfirmed reports say socialite and hotel heiress Paris Hilton will meet with President Aquino. Paris is planning to advise the President to try the Simple Life.

Malacañang has denied rumors that President Aquino will meet with the famous socialite. He’d rather spend time with his Marlboro lights.

Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda clarified that contrary to initial reports, the President will not meet with Paris Hilton… much to the delight of model Georgina Wilson.

GMA’s Condition
Lawyer Raul Lambino was quoted to have said that doctors have advised former President Arroyo to seek medical treatment abroad. Or as critics would call it, asylum.

Substate
The Moro Islamic Liberation Front has proposed the creation of a Muslim “substate” within the republic. Some analysts believe it is actually feasible. If a “substate” worked for Makati City, it could also work for Mindanao.

Migz and Quiboloy
Davao-based Pastor Apollo Quiboloy of the Kingdom of Jesus Christ the Name Above Every Name has endorsed the appointment of former senator Juan Miguel Zubiri as Tourism secretary. There! He just doomed Zubiri’s chances.

Pastor Apollo Quiboloy praised Migz Zubiri for his “vision” and “charisma” making him a potential successor… to Quiboloy himself.

Remember what Audrey Tan-Zubiri told the media after Migz’ resignation? Audrey said, “We are going to make baby No. 3.” Well, guess what! The other night, the couple tried. Unfortunately, Zubiri did not finish; he quit.
——————————————————————————–
“Wal-Mart… do they like make walls there?”
~Paris Hilton


Quote of the Weak
“I had more panties than shoes. It’s true. I wore black panties. They displayed it and it was good all my panties were black. I had thousands of it.”
– Former First Lady Imelda Marcos

Extra! Extra!
Here’s your bi-monthly horoscope.

Elsewhere
Biz Buzz: ‘Twisting the truth’

PDI: Imeldific at 82

PDI: I found a tooth in my ice cream

You Have Spoken
Kung tatakbong senador sa 2013 si Migz Zubiri, iboboto mo ba siya?
-Pag-iisipan ko muna. Matagal pa naman. 33.88%
-Definitely not! 33.47%
-OO naman! In fairness, marami siyang nagawa! 32.64%

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Have a great week ahead!





VICTORS

3 07 2011

New DOTC Chief
Defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas took his oath as DOTC secretary before President Aquino today, July 4. Of course, Korina Sanchez was also present in Malacañang. She was beside her husband and in front of her ex-future husband.

Top 5 Inadvertently Inserted But Omitted Portions of Mar Roxas’ Oath As Administered by President Aquino

No. 5: “I, Manuel Araneta Roxas II / do solemnly swear / that I shall remain loyal / to your ex-girlfriend now, my wife… ”

No. 4: “I, Manuel Araneta Roxas II / do solemnly swear / that I shall wait for my turn / to be appointed within the year / as Executive Secretary… ”

No. 3: “I, Manuel Araneta Roxas II / do solemnly swear / and I mean, i really can do swear/ It’s on YouTube!

No. 2: “Ako si Manuel Araneta Roxas II / pinuno ng grupong Balay sa gabinete / ay sumusumpang isusulong at pu-protektahan ang interes ng aking grupo laban sa interes ng mga taong Samar. So help me friendship.”

And the no. 1 inadvertently inserted but omitted portions of Mar Roxas’ oath of office as administered by President Aquino…

“I, Manuel Araneta Roxas II / do solemnly swear / that I will faithfully and conscientiously fulfill my duties / as DOTC secretary slash acting President of the Philippines…”

Today & Tomorrow?
DOTC First Lady Korina Sanchez and the woman being linked to DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas, Palace social secretary Susan Reyes
Ano ang sinasabi ng mga tao sa larawan?
A: “Tara, kiss tayo para mawala ang tsismis!”
B: “Ahihihi! Ayoko nga! Eh kung hambalusin mo ako ng iyong braso? Ang lapad pa naman!”
C: “Ganito humalik si Mar sa ‘kin! Mamatay ka sa inggit!”
D: “Ay! Iba ang style niya sa akin! Ahihihi Basta! Iba!”

Inday Sara
The good news is Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte is taking a leave of absence while the DILG investigates Friday’s punching incident. The scary news is her father, Vice Mayor Rodrigo Duterte is taking over.

Integrated Bar of the Philippines national president Roan Libarios has encouraged court sheriff Abe Andres to file a disciplinary complaint against Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte. Andres thanked Libarios for his support but the sheriff insisted that he’s a devout Catholic who’s strongly against suicide.

Asked if she regretted what happened last Friday, Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte explained she got incensed when violence erupted at the demolition. Ohhh, so she hated violence. What do you call then those three solid punches? Diplomacy?

Controversial Mayor Inday Sara Duterte has apologized for her outburst last Friday. Despite the apology however, a mass resignation has been announced by the Hyatt 10.

Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte says it’s okay if she gets disbarred for punching a court sheriff. What worries her more is the rumor that the Nevada State Athletic Commission is suspending her license to fight in Las Vegas.

Some people are comparing Mayor Sara Duterte to action king FPJ. Now that’s what you call South Poe.

Azkals Win
The Philippine Azkals clobbered the Sri Lanka Brave Reds in the FIFA World Cup qualifiers at Rizal Stadium Sunday. Watched by thousands of Filipinos, it was indeed a big win for… Studio 23!

President Aquino congratulated the Philippine Azkals for its 4-0 win against the Sri Lanka Brave Reds. The President believes the Azkals could have scored more goals if not for the heavy rains and the Arroyo administration.

null Filipino-German right winger Stephan Markus Cabizares Schröck was given a yellow card after almost trading blows with a Sri Lankan footballer. Schröck was pacified by teammates who reminded him that he had no right to punch an opponent. He was advised to run for city mayor first.

Thousands of Filipinos watched the PH-Sri Lanka game at Rizal Stadium. Among the attendees were ABS-CBN big boss Gabby Lopez, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim, and Philippine Azkals First Lady Angel Locsin.

Top 5 Most Surprising Birthday Text Messages Received By Imelda Marcos on Her 82nd Birthday

No. 5: “Madam First Lady, remind lang kita huh! Ipinaglaban ko ang full military honors para sa asawa n’yo. Walang iwanan sa 2016, okay? Naragsak a kasangay! – Jojo B”

No. 4: “Uy, 82 years old ka na pala! Ang tatag mo rin huh! ‘Wag kang mag-alala. Bibigyan pa kita ng 50 more years! Wala kang choice. – Lord”

No. 3: “Dear Imelda, You’re the epitome of beauty, grace, wit, and charm. You’re compassionate and have nothing but love for the less-fortunate. Idolo talaga kita. Happy birthday! Nagmamahal, Imelda”

No. 2: “Ano ba ‘yan, nagpa-party ka na naman! Maawa naman kayo! Pagod na pagod na ako. Ang init-init na nga sa kinaroroonan ko, ayaw n’yo pa akong patahimikin. – Ferdie”

And the No. 1 most surprising birthday text messages received by Imelda Marcos on her 82nd birthday…

“gud am po ma’am! happy b’day po muna. naiwan n’yo nga po pala dito sa bahay ang formalin. kailangan pong mag-inject kayo 2day sabi ni doc. dadalhin ko po ba d’yan?”
————————————————————
“Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary.”
~Gandhi

Photo of the Weak
From the Facebook account of an entertainment talk show, this photo was posted by a viewer. We know the politician but who’s the girl?

Quotes of the Weak
“Ok lang na ma-disbar ako, sukad wala man ko nag-work as lawyer. Sayang lang ako 5 years nag-eskwela nga gihaguan nako. (It’s okay that I get disbarred. I never got to work as a lawyer anyway. I just wasted 5 years studying law.)
~Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte

“I had complete deprivation of my worldly and country assets. [After EDSA] we didn’t even know where to get our next meal.”
~Ilocos Norte Rep. Imelda Marcos who turned 82 last Saturday

Have a great week ahead!

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EXECUTIONS

20 03 2011


Mum on Execution
President Aquino refuses to comment on China’s decision to proceed with the execution of three Filipino drug convicts. The President is dismayed but he opts to keep quiet so as not to offend Beijing, its people, and Jejomar Binay.

China has decided to proceed with the execution of three convicted Filipino drug mules. President Aquino now considers sending Mar Roxas to Beijing.

OMG Impeachment
House justice committee chairman Niel Tupas says the Iglesia ni Cristo is supporting Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez (OMG). Alarmed, President Aquino is sending Ballsy, Pinky, Viel and Kris to the INC headquarters.

Liberal Party secretary-general and Cavite Rep. Joseph Emilio Abaya has allegedly sent a text message warning fellow solons of “zero pork” if they wouldn’t vote for the impeachment of Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. Confused congressmen have less than 48 hours to decide between Iglesia and delihensya.


Overseas…
Libya is in chaos. People are angry, depressed, and losing hope. Wait a minute. That’s not in Libya. That’s outside Banco Filipino branches!

Jobless
Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. says the government should brace itself for the rise in the number of unemployed Filipinos. In issuing the warning, Villar cited the developments in Japan, the Middle East, and Banco Filipino.


Radiation
Reports say Japan has detected abnormal levels of radiation in spinach near a stricken nuclear plant. The news has prompted Popeye to declare a truce with Bluto.

Hubert vs. Jessica
Hubert Webb has filed a civil suit against Jessica Alfaro for “giving false testimony.” He’s also filing a suit against Dante Jimenez for “giving Lauro Vizconde false hopes.”


Manila’s Finest?
Five members of the Manila Police District have been detained for allegedly pocketing 12 million pesos in ransom money intended for the release of a kidnapped Malaysian trader. The victim is still in shock. It was his first time to get kidnapped by two separate groups in 24 hours.

Before the accused cops surrendered, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim issued a shoot-to-kill order against them. Lest you forget, Lim has jurisdiction over the Wild, Wild Western Police District.


March 20th…
On this day in:

1868: The Jesse James Gang robs a bank in Russelville, Kentucky. They left with absolutely nothing because the bank they robbed was a branch of Banco Filipino.

1916: Albert Einstein publishes his general theory of relativity. Oprah refuses to endorse it on her ‘Oprah Book Club’ because she couldn’t understand anything.

1942: In Australia, General Douglas MacArthur makes his famous speech in which he says: “I came out of Bataan and I shall return” – to the delight of Filipinos, and his two mistresses in the Philippines.

1956: Tunisia gains independence from France. Fifty-five years later, it would gain independence from its own president.

1990: Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator Ferdinand Marcos, goes on trial for bribery, embezzlement, and racketeering – a publicity stunt for her forthcoming return to the Philippines.

1996: The United Kingdom announces that humans can catch “mad cow disease” – otherwise known as pre-menstrual syndrome.

March 21st…
On this day in:

1843: Baptist preacher William Miller of Massachusetts predicts the world will end today. Tanga! Next year pa!

1970: The first Earth Day proclamation is issued. It didn’t help.

1980: On the season finale of the soap opera Dallas, the infamous character J.R. Ewing is shot by an unseen assailant, leading to the catchphrase “Who shot J.R.?” Ferdinand Marcos insists, “Rolando Galman.”

1985: Larry Flynt offers to sell his pornography empire for $26 million. Vicki Belo attempts but fails to buy it for Hayden Kho Jr.

1997: Inside a coffee shop at Tel Aviv, Israel, a suicide bomber kills 3 and injures 49. The barista survives and is now the manager of Starbucks Jerusalem.
——————————–
“I hate banks. They do nothing positive for anybody except take care of themselves. They’re first in with their fees and first out when there’s trouble.”
~Earl Warren

So True!
“Here, there’s no laws—only red light and green light. The jeepneys don’t respect anything.”
~American cager Marcus Douthit who was recently declared a “naturalized Filipino”

Survey Says
Sa pahayag ng Phivolcs na ripe sa paggalaw ang Marikina Valley Fault Line, ang una mong reaksyon:
-Deadma! Handa ako. 11.83%
-Nakakatakot naman. ‘Wag nga kayong ganyan. 26.33%
-Pray na lang tayo. 61.83%

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THE NATION ACCORDING TO NOYNOY

27 07 2010


PRESIDENT BENIGNO SIMEON ‘Noynoy’ Aquino III’s first State of the Nation Address is over. Now, can anyone please tell me how to get a job at the MWSS?

Aquino’s SONA
President Aquino delivered his first State of the Nation Address Monday. It was direct to the point. Like a missile, the SONA hit its target – located somewhere in Hong Kong.

President Aquino’s first ever State of the Nation Address was short and direct. No frills, no gimmicks, no fanfare, no land reform, no economic goals, no foreign policy.

Addressing the CPP-NPA-NDF, Aquino asked: “Handa na ba kayong maglaan ng kongkretong mungkahi, sa halip na pawang batikos lamang?” – to which extreme Leftist lawmakers replied, “Kapag ganun ang nangyari, eh hindi na kami ‘yon.”

The President also said, “Habang nagpapatuloy ang barilan, patuloy din ang pagkakagapos natin sa kahirapan.” And then he vowed to quit target shooting on weekends and promised to work instead.

There was one awkward moment TV cameras failed to catch during the SONA. When President Aquino said, “Creating jobs is foremost on our agenda,” the four Abads in government chorused, “Taaama!”

The President also vowed to “strengthen the Witness Protection Program” – by establishing partnership with the La Salle Brothers.

On Monday, President Aquino let loose some bombshells. Not sure if it shocked many Filipinos but when TV cameras focused on former First Ladies Imelda Marcos and Luisa Ejercito, their faces barely moved.

President Aquino’s 35-minute State of the Nation Address was interrupted 29 times by applause… and at least 3 times by Aquino waiting for the applause.


Speaking before members of both Houses of Congress, President Aquino vowed, “Sa administrasyon po natin, walang quota-quota, walang tongpats; ang pera ng taumbayan ay gagastusin para sa taumbayan lamang.” The congresspersons broke into applause… with the heaviest of hearts.

A day before Aquino’s State of the Nation Address, former president and now, Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo left for Hong Kong. As they say, flight is an indication of guilt.

Asked by the press if he was glad that his mother, former President Arroyo did not attend the SONA, Camarines Sur Rep. Dato Arroyo replied, “Okay lang. Kebs!” – to the delight of Prof. Danton Remoto who’s been looking for an ally in Congress.

Asked by the press if he was glad that his mother was not there to listen to President Aquino’s SONA, Camarines Sur Rep. Dato Arroyo curtly replied, “Okay lang. Kebs!” Last night, his wife Kakai Manotok-Arroyo wasn’t able to sleep well.

In other news…
Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile was re-elected president of the Senate. He got a total of 17 votes while his rival for the post, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano got only 3 votes. Cayetano’s votes came from Joker Arroyo, Pia Cayetano, and Sharon Cuneta.

Belmonte By A Landslide
Voted by at least 227 congressmen, Quezon City Rep. Feliciano “Sonny” Belmonte scored a landslide victory against Albay Rep. Edcel Lagman for the Speakership of the House of Representatives. Belmonte’s win was “a walk in the pork.”

A total of 258 congressmen were present when the session opened at 10 am. In the race for House Speaker, Quezon City Rep. Sonny Belmonte got 227 votes while Albay Rep. Edcel Lagman got 29 votes. Surprisingly, Vetellano Acosta managed to get 2 votes.

Aside from Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo who was in Hong Kong, and Cagayan Representative Florencio Vargas who passed away over the weekend, two other congressmen were absent when session opened at the Lower House: Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson, and Negros Occidental Rep. Julio ‘Jules’ Ledesma IV. One is a rich, alleged drug user who almost always gets away with it, and the other is Chavit’s son.
———————-
“Dapat din po nating mabatid: ito ay panahon ng sakripisyo. At ang sakripisyong ito ay magiging puhunan para sa ating kinabukasan.
~President Benigno Simeon “Noynoy” Aquino III (SONA 2010)

Survey Says
Kung ikaw si dating Pangulong Arroyo, dadalo ka ba sa SONA ni Pangulong Aquino?
-Why not? Karapatan ko ‘yon. 26%
-Never! Not even in my wildest wet dreams! 61%
-Pag-iisipan ko. 13%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
President Aquino’s first State of the Nation Address

Meet the members of the MWSS Board of Trustees

Note: The photos of the members of the Board of Trustees suddenly disappeared on Tuesday. Hoy! Akala n’yo ba kapag inalis ang mga larawan n’yo, mababago no’n ang realidad na ang kakapal ng mga mukha n’yo?!? Mga punyeta kayo! Pa-cheeseburger naman kayo! Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger!





CLIQUES

13 07 2010


Noynoy and the Press
President Aquino hosted a dinner with members of the Malacañang Press Corps Tuesday night. As he walked with reporters toward the dining table, he promised them a friendlier, and more sociable administration… and then, he ordered Atty. Edwin Lacierda to just eat outside.

Noynoy and the Press II
Reports say President Aquino wants to work with a “friendly media” during his term as president… something that’s achievable considering that he worked with an even “friendlier media” during his presidential campaign.

Communications Team
RG Cruz of ABS-CBN News reported that there are two warring factions in the newly-formed communications team of President Noynoy Aquino. One group is identified with the pro-Binay camp, while the other is allied with the pro-Mar group… or, as Conrado De Quiros would probably say, good vs. evil.

Imelda and Noynoy
Ilocos Norte Representative and former First Lady Imelda Romualdez-Marcos reportedly kissed President Noynoy Aquino on the cheek during the birthday party of Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay Tuesday night. Shocked by Imelda’s gesture, Noynoy exclaimed, “Sa mga nang-api sa sambayanan, wala akong karapatan na limutin ang inyong mga kasalanan!”

During the 33rd birthday party of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay, former First Lady Imelda Marcos approached President Aquino and kissed him on the cheek. Close aides of both Mrs. Marcos and President Aquino were surprised by the awkward moment… which became more awkward when guests started shouting, “More! More!”

Top 5 Things Overheard At the Birthday Party of Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay

No. 5: “Sinabi nang oo eh!!! Ba’t ba ayaw mong maniwala? Anak niya ‘yong batang lalaki! Buti na lang ‘ka mo at nagmana sa namayapang nanay. Kung hindi, kawawang bata. Tutuksuhin sa iskul ‘yan.”

No. 4: “Hello? Hello Ate Ballsy? Choppy ka. Ate!! Hello! O ayan, malinaw na. Eh anong magagawa ko? Bigla na lang lumapit at hinalikan ako sa pisngi. Alangan namang iiwas ko ang mukha ko? Don’t worry, ‘di naman yata nakunan ng media eh.”

No. 3: “Salamat sa pagdating n’yo sa kaarawan ng aking anak! I look forward to seeing you all back here next year, and the succeeding 23 years. Thank you!”

No. 2: “‘Noy, ‘di na ba talaga magagawan ng paraan ‘yong DILG? Baka naman puwedeng term-sharing? Kay Jesse ang first three years, sa akin ang last three?”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the birthday party of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay…

“Hindi!!!! Hindi maaari! Hayaan mo siyang maghintay sa kotse! Malinaw ang nasa imbitasyon mahal na pangulo. Ikaw lang ang imbitado, hindi ang iyong alter ego!

Trust Rating
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 88 percent of adult Filipinos trust President Noynoy Aquino. The other 12 percent are his ex-girlfriends.

Trust Rating II
According to the latest SWS survey, Vice President Jejomar Binay obtained a “very good” trust rating of 77 percent. The survey was conducted a week before Binay’s convoy beat the red light along Araneta Avenue.


Ruffa’s New Love?
Smartmatic president Cesar Flores and Ruffa Gutierrez are now an item! Unconfirmed reports say Flores gave Ruffa a PCOS machine on their first date. To prove that the gift was for real, Flores tried feeding a ballot into Ruffa’s PCOS machine. But Annabelle Rama arrived unannounced, and his ballot was rejected.

Ruffa’s New Love? II
Rumors say Smartmatic president Cesar Flores is reminded of Ruffa Gutierrez whenever he sees a PCOS machine. Asked why, he said, “madaling mag-init.”
——————————–
“Every clique is a refuge for incompetence. It fosters corruption and disloyalty, it begets cowardice, and consequently is a burden upon and a drawback to the progress of the country.”
~ Madame Chiang Kai-Shek

Survey Says
Maging patas kaya ang Malacañang sa paglalabas ng impormasyon sa media ngayong nasa gov’t media group na ang former ABSCBN reporter na si Ricky Carandang?
OO naman! Fair pa rin ‘yan. 25%
HINDI. Ang swerte ng ABS-CBN! 47%
Let’s see. 28%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: Drinking spree in Malacañang

Personal
Before I started blogging, I ‘heckled’ political figures and celebrities by sending letters to broadsheet editors just like what the ‘legend’ in that field, Mr. Paul Mortel of Marikina City did. I won’t forget Mr. Mortel because he would almost always react to my own ‘letters to the editor’ by sending me personal mails. The letters were sent to our old office in Guadalupe, Makati City. Thus, it’s shocking and sad to hear about the guy’s untimely demise. May you rest in peace Mr Paul.

Adders
Pagtalakay sa mga usaping panlipunan at pulitika. Ito ang tatalo sa mga kasabay na telenovela. Dito, ang pananaw mo ang bida. SRO with Alvin Elchico and Lynda Jumilla nightly after TV Patrol on dzMM.

Another show I try to catch whenever I’m home on Thursday night is Susan Enriquez’ SUS NAMAN! on QTV. Try n’yo rin!

Enjoy the rest of the week!





FATE

16 05 2010

IT’S BEEN A WEEK since the country held its first ever automated elections. At press time, Noynoy Aquino and Jejomar Binay are leading the PPCRV and the Comelec tally. This is understandable though since both candidates were supported by the INC. Aquino, by the Iglesia ni Cristo, and Binay, by the Iglesia ng Cojuangco.

With both Jejomar Binay and Mar Roxas claiming victory, the race for vice president is far from over. Analysts believe we wouldn’t be in this situation if the Liberal Party didn’t field two VP candidates.

Noynoy’s candidacy according to Inquirer columnist Conrado de Quiros is destiny. He is fated to win. The same is true for Jejomar Binay and Mar Roxas. Binay is destined to be this nation’s vice president; Roxas is destined to be Korina’s husband.

While many people would agree that Noynoy Aquino has secured the presidency, the battle for vice president remains tight. The only thing tighter is Korina Sanchez’ face.

Noynoy’s Oath Taking
Insisting that he’ll never recognize a Chief Justice appointed by President Arroyo, Noynoy Aquino says he’d rather take his oath before a barangay captain. Malacañang says it respects Aquino’s decision and adds that he can swear before anyone, anywhere. In fact, Mar Roxas has successfully done that. He swore before rallyists in Ayala.


Joint Press Con
Did you hear the news? Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas held a joint press conference during a wake at a funeral parlor in Tarlac City last Friday. The Liberal Party was quick to clarify though that the wake was for a slain LP supporter, and not for Roxas’ political career.

Top 5 Things Overheard at the Liberal Party Headquarters

No. 5: “Sabi ko na sa inyo eh. Hindi dapat pagtiwalaan ang hilatsa ng pagmumukha ng Peping Cojuangco na ‘yan.”

No. 4: “Hindi ka kasi nakinig! ‘Di mo dapat isinama si Korina sa concert ng Tears for Fears.”

No. 3: “Wala ka nang choice. ‘Tapos na eh. So Plan “B” ka na lang. “B”untisin mo na lang ‘yung misis mong broadcaster.”

No. 2: “Akala ko ba, atin ang ABS-CBN? Bakit sa exit polls nila, lamang si Binay?”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at Liberal Party headquarters…

“Usapang lalaki ‘Noy. Magsabi ka lang ng totoo, hindi sasama ang loob ko. Si Binay ba talaga ang ibinoto ni Kris?”

Jamby MADrigal
Sen. Jamby Madrigal is furious. She couldn’t understand why she got fewer votes than disqualified presidential candidate Vetellano Acosta. Sought for comment though, Acosta was even more furious. He couldn’t understand why a lot of people now call him ‘Teacher Neric.’

Goodbye Kris?
Remember Kris Aquino’s promise that she would leave the country with her kids if Noynoy would win and she would cause stress for him? Well, after Noynoy posted a huge lead in the election tally, a Facebook group called “Kris Aquino’s Despedida” emerged, and has since been asking Kris to live up to her promise. Guess who was its first member? James Yap.

“Kris Aquino’s Despedida,” a Facebook group whose members are asking Kris to fulfill her promise of leaving the country if Noynoy won as president has become immensely popular. To give you an idea how popular it has become… according to the latest count, it now has more supporters than Nicanor Perlas, JC De Los Reyes and Jamby Madrigal.

Imelda on Marcos
Congresswoman-elect Imelda Marcos says she is abandoning plans to bury her husband at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. The former First Lady realized the usefulness of her husband’s body when Ilocos Norte experienced rotating brownouts last month. You know, candles.

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs441.ash1/24326_107426049294043_107392702630711_64332_7398297_s.jpg Priest Defeated
Among Ed Panlilio lost his re-election bid for the gubernatorial post in Pampanga. He has since returned to priesthood. In fact, he celebrated his first mass today, May 16. His homily was about the parable of the prodigal son.

Congressman Pacman
Boxing champion Manny Pacquiao is now a member of the House of Representatives. An athlete, an action star, and a politician who cannot speak straight English: Sarangani is the new California.

——————–
“It makes no difference who you vote for – the two parties are really one party representing four percent of the people.”
~ Gore Vidal

Briefly Noted
The election victory of both Manny Pacquiao and Imelda Marcos was mentioned on CNN. One who became famous for his footwork, and another who became infamous for her footwear.

Survey Says
Should Associate Justice Renato Corona decline his appointment as Chief Justice?
YES, Kung may delicadeza siya. 68.5%
NO. Tama ang proseso. 24.6%
Hindi ko alam ang isyu 6.9%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Philippine Star’s Chair Wrecker wrote ‘Mar was a victim’

Newsbreak: Peping camp campaign for ‘Noy-Bi’

Another from Newsbreak: GMA abandons Gibo in Pampanga

Have a great week ahead!





YEAH, SURE!

18 04 2010

AFTER THE DEFECTION of Mandaluyong’s Neptali Gonzales III, and Albay’s Joey Salceda, Noynoy Aquino has a new endorser: Asia’s Time magazine!

Noynoy Aquino landed on the cover of the Asian edition of Time magazine. But being on the cover of a widely-read material is not new to Aquino. Since he declared his bid, the Philippine Daily Inquirer has been doing that.

Noynoy Aquino landed on the cover of Time magazine. Not to be outdone, Manny Villar will soon be on the cover of El Shaddai Weekly.

Noynoy Aquino made it on the cover of Time. Not to be outdone, Joseph Estrada will be on the cover of Pastime.

Mar Roxas’ Statement
Interviewed on radio station dzMM, Sen. Mar Roxas said, “’Pag natalo si Noynoy, nadaya siya.” Roxas is so sure of Noynoy’s victory, he has already reserved the family-owned Araneta Coliseum for Aquino’s oath taking.

In a radio interview, Sen. Mar Roxas said, “’Pag natalo si Noynoy, nadaya siya.” Roxas is so sure of Noynoy’s victory, he’s no longer thinking of the May 10 elections. He’s thinking of Aquino’s first 100 days.

Erap’s Birthday
Former president Joseph Estrada turns 73 years old on Monday, April 19. When Erap’s running mate Jejomar Binay was informed about his birthday, Binay reportedly realized how powerful he has become. You see, Erap was only 49 when Binay first became mayor!

Joseph Estrada turns 73 on Monday, April 19. Despite his age, Erap still feels like 18, and if rumors are true, he is planning to have a cotillion. The deposed president is reportedly excited about the 18 candles, 18 treasures, and 18 wives.

MVP & Plagiarism: A Postscript
Business tycoon Manuel V. Pangilinan has resigned “irrevocably” as chairman of the Board of Trustees of the Ateneo de Manila University. Ateneo will issue an official statement as soon as it has verified that no portion of Pangilinan’s letter of resignation was plagiarized.

Photos of the Weak

Ano ang sinasabi ng babae sa larawan?
A: “Nakakapagod talaga ang kampanya! Pati butas ng aking ilong, lumalaki na yata!”
B: “Wala akong pakialam kung si Mar ang inendorso ni Kabayan. Mas maganda pa rin ako sa kanya!”
C: “Kapag ‘di pa naman ako napansin ng mga boys, ewan ko na lang!”


Ano ang sinasabi ng babae sa larawan?
A: “’Yun ang sabi ko sa asawa mong si Cynthia kanina. Never dress down for the poor. They won’t respect you for it. They want their First Lady to look like a million dollars.”
B: “Anong nakakatawa? All I am asking is a state funeral for Ferdie sa iyong first 100 days. Otherwise, I’m going to cast my lot with Erap. Do I make myself clear?”
C: “C’mon! You expect me to adopt your pitch about the basura and the dagat and the kalsada? How filthy! You know me. Garbage is neither my cup of coffee nor my bottle of iced tea. I can only campaign on a platform of beauty.”

Iceland’s Volcano
Several thousands of passengers were stranded in Asia as air traffic across Northern Europe was halted following the eruption of Iceland’s Eyjafjallajokull Volcano that sent tons of ash and particles into the sky. Authorities couldn’t release a new advisory on air travel yet because they’re still busy learning how to correctly pronounce ‘Eyjafjallajokull.’
—————–
“Arrogance diminishes wisdom.”
~Arabian Proverb

Survey Says
On Albay Governor Joey Salceda’s decision to bolt Lakas:
Kawalan siya sa partido! 25%
Parang wala namang epekto. 44%
Hindi ko siya kilala! 31%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Newsbreak:
Lakas-Kampi defections: Villaroyo or Gloriaquino?

Who did Hilario Davide really resign for?





20 03 2010

March 20th
On this date in…

1784: Governor Jose Basco issues a decree that prohibits the seizure of farmers’ lands, carabaos, and farm implements by creditors while planting or harvesting their crops. Basco also reveals plans to distribute parcels of lands to more farmers in five years. However, one of Basco’s cousins categorically denies that such plan exists in a New York Times interview.

1942: General Douglas MacArthur makes his famous speech regarding the fall of the Philippines, in which he says: “I shall return.” Three years later, he fulfilled his promise… to the delight of Filipinos except for Jose P. Laurel.

1969: In Gibraltar, John Lennon marries Yoko Ono… officially making her the fifth Beatle.

1977: Parisians elect former Prime Minister Jacques Chirac as 1st mayor in a century. Chirac celebrates victory by detonating a nuclear device at Mururoa Atoll.

1990: Imelda Marcos goes on trial for bribery, embezzlement, and racketeering. Her subsequent acquittal would then “inspire” presidents, vice presidents, senators, congressmen, and other people in government.

Thanks to the National Historical Institute, Wikipedia, Just Some Photos, and Any Day in History.

Have a safe weekend!





RACE ROUNDUP

4 12 2009

IN DECLARING her bid for a Congressional seat in Pampanga, President Arroyo said, “Public service is emblazoned on my DNA.” Geneticists who were monitoring the announcement on TV almost believed Mrs. Arroyo’s claim about the quality of her DNA… until they saw Mikey Arroyo.

Contrary to initial reports, President Arroyo is running against three opponents in next year’s elections. They were identified as… Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao.

A day after Joseph Estrada filed his certificate of candidacy, former congressman Mark Jimenez filed his own CoC. Two ex-convicts are now running for president. Welcome to the Philippines!

Sen. Richard Gordon has joined his nephew, Olongapo City Councilor John Carlos “JC” Gordon De Los Reyes in the presidential derby. With neither uncle nor nephew expected to give way, observers predict a very tight race… for fifth place.

Former MMDA chairman Bayani Fernando, who has been very vocal about his presidential ambitions has decided to run for vice president instead. He is now seeking the endorsement of the Pink Sisters.

Joseph Estrada reportedly got pissed when Nacionalista Party’s Manuel Villar Jr. used his trademark “orange” as official campaign color. This prompted Estrada’s advisers to adopt ‘tangerine’ instead as their new color – a move that further incensed the former president who found it hard to spell ‘tangerine.’

Reelectionist senator Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr. of Lakas-Kampi-CMD is a guest candidate of at least four other political parties: Partido ng Masang Pilipino, Nationalist People’s Coalition, Nacionalista Party, and Laban ng Demokratikong Pilipino. But that was nothing compared to Sen. Mar Roxas who used to be a guest on at least five: Wowowee, A.S.A.P., The Buzz, SNN, and Rated K.

While other presidentiables filed their certificates of candidacy with throngs of supporters, nobody (not even her husband) accompanied Sen. Jamby Madrigal when she filed her CoC. Jamby was a ‘one-man team.’

Former senator and Dangerous Drugs Board chairman Vicente “Tito” Sotto III will run for senator under the banner of the Nationalist People’s Coalition. He is also a guest candidate… on Eat Bulaga – daily.

The ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party announced Tuesday that lawyer Raul Lambino would be one of its senatorial candidates in the 2010 polls. Two days later though, he was dropped from the slate after he tried to change the party’s charter.

The Commission on Elections has announced that it has discovered a simple but sure way of determining the precise number of morons in the country through next year’s elections. Thanks to the re-election bid of Sen. Lito Lapid.

Ateneo De Manila University professor Danton Remoto will run for senator as an independent candidate. He is open to alliances though but as to which party, he doesn’t know yet. He’s confused.

Television reporter Alex Tinsay is running for senator under Bro. Eddie Villanueva’s ticket. Tinsay, a veteran reporter on GMA 7 has opted to quit his career in broadcast journalism… after getting tired of pretending he’s got one.

According to Comelec, 75 percent of those who filed for national posts were not serious. To illustrate: say, you have Jamby, Erap, Ely Pamatong, and Mark Jimenez… remove the 75 percent and you’re left with Ely Pamatong.

THIS JUST IN!
The latest Pulse Asia survey showed that 43 percent of respondents would “surely not vote for” a presidential candidate endorsed by President Arroyo. Asked if he’d still seek GMA’s endorsement, Gilbert Teodoro said, “Sino ‘yon?”

In Local Politics…
Incumbent Batangas governor, Vilma Santos is seeking re-election. Her husband, former senator Ralph Recto is seeking redemption.

Former First Lady Imelda Marcos is making a political comeback. She just filed her certificate of candidacy for representative of Ilocos Norte’s second district. Her campaign slogan? “The shoe must go on.”

President Arroyo’s staunch ally, Mrs. Lilia Pineda will try her luck again in Pampanga’s gubernatorial race against re-electionist priest-on-leave Among Ed Panlilio. Asked about her chances of winning, a very confident Pineda answered, “Katorse/sais! Tumbok ng otsenta/sahod ng beinte.”

Former Presidential Chief of Staff Mike Defensor is running for mayor of Quezon City against outgoing vice mayor Herbert Bautista. Herbert is keeping the location of his headquarters a secret for fear that Defensor will conduct a raid to “rescue” the actor’s supporters.

Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay Jr., son of outgoing Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay is running for mayor in 2010 – a move that surprised Makati voters who thought that the Binay family [rulers of the city for 23 years now] would endorse their very loyal vice mayor Nestor Mercado for the post. Asked why he refused to give way to Mercado, Junjun Binay said, “because public service is emblazoned on my DNA, too.”

For the first time in the history of Makati City and perhaps, the country’s local politics, the two frontrunners in the mayoral race are both black.

Still in Makati, Cong. Teddyboy Locsin and former congressman Butz Aquino have severed ties with Mayor Jejomar Binay. The Binay family’s control of Makati is now down to 98 percent.

The People’s Champ, Manny Pacquiao made true his promise (or threat) to file his CoC for representative of the lone district of Sarangani Province. To articulate his vision for the province, Pacman has named an official spokesperson: Michael Buffer. [Altogether now: Leeet’s get ready to rumble!]

And finally, Aiko Melendez, Roderick Paulate, Ara Mina, Alfred Vargas, Arnell Ignacio, Isko Moreno, Daisy Reyes, Lani Mercado, Rico J. Puno, Jestoni Alarcon, Cesar Montano, Richard Gomez, Anjo Yllana, Joey Marquez, Alma Moreno, Gian Sotto, Dan Fernandez, Marjorie Barretto, and Jigo Garcia all filed their CoCs for various posts in next year’s elections. The number of celebrities who came out last Tuesday was so huge, Comelec officials thought Noynoy Aquino was shooting another TV ad.
_________
“An election cannot give a country a firm sense of direction if it has two or more national parties which merely have different names but are as alike in their principles and aims as two peas in the same pod.”
~Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Postcript: Sa gitna ng piyesta at karnabal na nagaganap ngayon sa bansa dahil sa eleksyon, ang tanong ng bayan: meron pa ba tayong bise-presidente? Please lang po. Sakaling may impormasyon kayo hinggil sa taong nasa larawan, ipagbigay-alam lamang sa pinakamalapit na presinto. Marami pong salamat.

Survey Says
Your take on President Arroyo’s decision to seek a Congressional seat in Pampanga:
It’s her right. Hayaan na natin. :15%
Immunity from suit ang habol niya! 67%
Who cares, Care Bears? 18%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

I’ve Got Mail!
From Philippine Star columnist Billy Esposo:
US Ambassador Kristie Kenney: “After several years, our people recovered from 9/11.
I pray that the Filipino people will soon recover from the 4’11.”

Have a great weekend!





DIVINE DIVO

23 08 2009

el_shaddai Bro. Mike Velarde
Last Thursday in Parañaque City, President Arroyo inaugurated the sprawling one billion-peso El Shaddai International House of Prayer… Or as Bro. Mike Velarde would call it, “My future Malacañang.”

Bro. Eddie Villanueva
Jesus is Lord leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva has officially declared his bid for the presidency. In case he wins, he vows to construct an even bigger and costlier house of prayer.

omg Presidential Hopefuls
Evangelist Mike Velarde wants to be president. Pastor Eddie Villanueva is running for president. And Catholic priest Eddie Panlilio hopes to become president. Has God become this power hungry?

Mar’s Plans
Insisting that he will not slide to the VP race, Sen. Mar Roxas says there is no turning back for him… unless Noynoy Aquino reimburses the millions he spent for those torturous and cringe-inducing political ads.

Mar’s Plans II
Sen. Mar Roxas says he wants Sen. Noynoy Aquino to be his running mate in 2010. If both candidates win, Korina Sanchez will become the country’s First Lady and ex-Second Lady at the same time.

Cory’s Monument
Sen. Noynoy Aquino rejected President Arroyo’s offer to construct a monument in honor of former president Cory Aquino at Luneta Park. Hurt by the rejection, Mrs. Arroyo has offered to build a monument at Luneta Park in honor of Carlo J. Caparas instead.

carloj Carlo J’s New Film
Controversial National Artist awardee Carlo J. Caparas is reportedly planning to produce a movie about Edsa People Power 1. But several sectors are opposed to the idea because Carlo J’s story includes the massacre of half of the Edsa crowd.

edsa1 Top 5 Predicted Titles of Carlo J. Caparas’ Planned Movie on Edsa People Power I

No. 5: People Power 1: Tanks, Cannons, and Guns… God, Why Me?

No. 4: The Untold Story of Edsa: Lord… I Told You!

No. 3: EDSA ONE: Hayan na ang mga Tangke ni Marcos Kaya Lord, Deliver Us from Evil, Please Lang… Save Us, Help Us, ‘Til Death Do Us Part, Txt txt na lang mga Friendship (Part 1)

No. 2: Ang Edsa At Si Cory Aquino: I Want Nobody, Nobody But You! I Want Nobody, Nobody But You!

And the No. 1 predicted title for Carlo J. Caparas’ planned movie about Edsa People Power I…

Rebolusyon sa Edsa: Ang Pakikipagsapalaran nina Totoy Bato, Gagambino, Joaquin Bordado, Bakekang, at Tasya Fantasya sa Ngalan ng Demokrasya

marcs Marcos’ Burial
Reports say Imelda Marcos has reiterated her long-time desire to have a state funeral for her husband, Ferdinand Marcos. For the benefit of the readers of this blog who are too young to understand and remember, Ferdinand Marcos is a former president of this country who currently holds the distinction of being the world’s largest scented candle.

pitcherplant Rat-Eating Plant
This item has been all over the news for two weeks now. An international team of botanists recently discovered the world’s second largest species of rat-eating pitcher plants at the summit of Mount Victoria in Palawan. Meanwhile, a team of international zoologists are on their way to Quezon City to verify reports of a building that houses law-making crocodiles in the area.

rp Miss Universe 2009
A Venezuelan lass won this year’s Miss Universe title making it two years in a row for President Hugo Chavez’s beauty pageant-obsessed, petroleum-rich country. RP’s bet, Pamela Bianca Manalo failed to make the cut. Tomorrow’s tabloid headline: “Manalo, natalo!”
__________
“Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions.”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Elsewhere…
Philippine Star columnist William Esposo on the decision of the Liberal Party to field Mar Roxas for president

Philippine Daily Inquirer‘s Conrad De Quiros is for Noynoy too!

Survey Says
Sen. Manny Villar is open to the idea of Willie Revillame running for senator. Your reaction:
What the f*ck was Villar thinking?!?: 91%
Why not!? He has a huge following.: 6%
Wala akong pakialam sa pulitika: 3%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.








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