DEAR CHARO

30 07 2012

MAALAALA MO KAYA
Episode No. 1048 (First Draft)
Airing Date: 11 August 2012

(Before you read the post, click video for background music.)

CHARO SANTOS:
May mga pagkakataong sinusubok tayo ng ating emosyon. Hindi natin mapigilan ang silakbo ng ating damdamin. Sa paniwalang tayo lagi ang tama, hindi natin napapansing nakakasakit na pala tayo ng ibang tao. At sa huli, ang pagpapaliwanag, ang pagtatanggol sa ating ginawa, at sa ating naging asal.

Ngayong gabi, ibabahagi namin ang kwento ni Noynoy, isang naghihimutok na lider mula sa Lungsod ng Maynila.

Ito ang istorya ng isang piging na nauwi sa harapang batikusan at ang mga sumunod na palitan ng pananaw na hindi nasaksihan ng publiko.

Bahay Pangarap, Palasyo ng Malakanyang. Gabi.
Makikitang nag-uusap sa hardin ang Pangulo at ang mga tauhan nito. Naninigarilyo ang Pangulo.

NOYNOY:
Ipinatawag ko kayong tatlo dahil may natanggap akong imbitasyon para sa 25th anniversary ng TV Patrol. Igawa n’yo nga ako ng speech.
COMM GROUP:
Anong gusto n’yong sabihin sa talumpati boss?
NOYNOY:
Bahala na kayo. Basta, gusto kong iparating sa kanila na sawang-sawa na ako sa negatibong mga balita. Sana ihighlight naman nila ang accomplishments natin.
COMM GROUP:
Eh boss, titirahin ba natin ‘yong biased na anchor nila?
NOYNOY:
Si Korina? Hindi! Wala namang sinasabi ‘yon.
COMM GROUP:
No, not Ate Koring! ‘Yong lalaki.
NOYNOY:
Si Ted?
COMM GROUP:
Pangisi-ngisi lang naman sa banter nila si Ted eh. Si Kabayan boss!
NOYNOY:
Ah, ang dating bise-presidente na wala nang nakitang maganda sa ating mga ginawa. Go!
COMM GROUP:
Isasama ba namin ang isyu kay Delfin Lee at sa Pag-IBIG scam para wala nang kawala.
NOYNOY:
Huwaaaag! Eh kung balikan tayo? “Bakit ‘di n’yo pa nahuhuli?” Patay tayo d’yan.
COMM GROUP:
Areglado boss!

DEAR CHARO,
Matagal ko nang ipinamu-monitor ang TV Patrol sa aking Communications Group. Gabi-gabi ay naka-record ang bawat edisyon ng palabas. Dito ko napansin ang walang basehan at may kinikilingang mga hirit ni Noli De Castro. Noong Biyernes sa anibersaryo ng programa, nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon upang ilabas ang aking nararamdaman.

NOYNOY (TV Patrol 25th Anniversary Speech):
“Napapaisip nga po ako: ‘yong nagkumento nito, anim na taon ang ipinagkaloob sa kanya para tumulong sa pagsasaayos ng mismong inireklamo niya. Pero ngayon, tayo na nga ang may bitbit na problema, tayo na nga ang tutugon dito, pero masakit nga ho, may gana pang hiritan ng nagpamana?

Sana po, sa tuwing sasabihin nating ‘Magandang gabi, bayan,’ ay totoong hinahangad nating maging maganda ang gabi ng bayan.”


Matapos ang aking talumpati Charo, kinamayan ako ng big bosses ng network. At bago ako tuluyang umuwi ay nagpa-picture pa ang mga bisitang naroon kabilang na ang mga past and present journalists ng ABS-CBN. Lahat ay nakangiti.

Ngunit paggising ko kinabukasan (mga alas-nuwebe y medya na yata ‘yon. Hindi ko na nga naabutan ang opening ng London Olympics eh. Sobrang aga kasi, bwisit!), sunud-sunod na text messages at tawag ang aking natanggap. May ilan palang Kapamilya at ex-Kapamilya ang tila na-offend sa aking prangka, totoo, at may basehang talumpati.

Hindi pa man pala ako nakakaalis sa okasyon, nagwala na sa Twitter ang anak ni Kabayan na si Kat De Castro. Nauunawaan ko ang kanyang damdamin bilang anak ngunit unawain din sana niya ang kirot na dulot ng mga batikos ng kanyang tatay. Maging fair sana siya.

@KatDeCastro
Fair saan? Sorry rin ha. But to HIT my Dad when he arrived halfway sa speech? Ungentleman lang talaga.

Maging ang John Regala- slash John Lloyd Cruz- slash Raymond Gutierrez-lookalike ng ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs na si Jeff Canoy ay nagpasaring pa.

@jeffcanoy:
There are only 153 presidents in the world. Last night, one of them annoyed the hell out of me. Guess who.

Charo, hindi ba dapat ay suportahan na lang ako ni Jeff dahil kapwa kami Atenista? Dahil sa katapusan ng UAAP 75 season, pareho naman kami ng isisigaw ‘di ba? Drive for Five! One Big Fight! Hindi ko rin matatanggap ang sumunod niyang paliwanag matapos na may mag-react sa una niyang patutsada.

@jeffcanoy:
Hey guys, I’m talking about Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. #wait #what #labo

Labo? Anong malabo do’n, Charo? Bolahin n’yang presidente n’yang panot! Isa pa ‘yang si Chiara Zambrano. Cute pa naman siya. (O, baka bigyang-kulay na naman ninyo huh! I’m done with lady journalists!)

@chiarazambrano:
At dahil sa nangyari kagabi, may extrang galit akong babaunin mamaya sa Ateneo-LaSalle game. Humanda kayo.

Charo, lagi naman akong handa ah. Kaya nga may Project Noah. Pero bakit naman ganoon? Hindi ba nauunawaan ng mga batang ito na kung ‘di dahil sa aking ina ay hindi maibabalik sa pamilya Lopez ang ABS-CBN? Nasaan ang pagtanaw ng utang na loob? Maging sa radyo ay tinitira ako! ‘Yang Dennis Datu na ‘yan na may anggulong Steve Dailisan, nagparinig pa sa akin kinabukasan.

@dennis_datu:
May pinatay dito sa QC ng riding in tandem, alam ko magagalit na naman si Pnoy dahil bad news ito pero kailangan ibalita eh.pasensya na po!

Masakit Charo. Lalo pa’t sama-sama kaming lumaban nina Ka Geny Lopez noong Martial Law. Kung noong Biyernes ay napuruhan si Kabayan, he had it coming. Siya lang ba ang may karapatang magbato ng kritisismo?

@lyndajumilla:
It’s not the criticism, it’s the lack of manners

Charo, sabihan mo naman ‘yang si Lynda! Araw-araw na lang may pitik sa Twitter eh. Hindi kesyo recipient siya ng prestigious Marshall McLuhan fellowship for 2012 ay uurungan ko na siya.

@lyndajumilla:
Ay, pati sa twitter may “pala.” Taga-palakpak sa ‘di kagandahang asal. Weh

‘Weh mo ang mukha mo Lynda. Charo, presidente ako eh. I deserve respect! Ang masakit pa, maging ang dati n’yong mga empleyado, nakikisakay sa isyu.

@GilbertCRemulla:
Tinitira pa niya si Noli De Castro. Not sure if he should stoop down to that level.

Hindi ba nasabihan ang Gilbert Remulla na ‘yan na kaalyado na ng kanyang Nacionalista Party ang Partido Liberal? Baka pagsisihan n’ya ang mga batikos niya sa akin.

@TeddyLocsin:
Noli de Castro had nothing to do with the old administration, Okay you guys in the Palace, you hit the wrong guy.

Charo, ikaw na ang magsabi. Wrong guy ba si Noli? Anim na taon siyang nanahimik. May ginawa ba siya laban sa maanomalyang deal na NBN-ZTE, sa Hello Garci, sa agriculture fund scam, sa PCSO scam, sa Wowowee scam? Wala. Kaya hindi ko maunawaan kung bakit abut-abot ang pangungutya sa aking naging talumpati. Mabuti pa si Ryan Chua, malawak ang pag-iisip kahit maliit ang mga mata.

@ryan_chua:
Umaapaw ang mga gustong sabihin, pero di bale na lang. ‘Ika nga ni @MangPandoy, “journalistic restraint”

“It’s more fun in the Philippines.” ‘Yan ang ipinangangalandakan natin. Pero Charo, anong fun meron sa pagbabandera ng balita tungkol sa patayan, sa nakawan, sa holdapan, sa oil price hike, sa power rate hike, o sa usad-pagong na traffic sa Edsa? Wala. Kaya please lang Charo, panahon na upang baguhin ang nilalaman ng inyong mga balita. Hindi bukas, hindi sa makalawa. Now na!

Gumagalang (ng lagay na ‘yon),
Noynoy

P.S.
Manonood ako mamaya ng TV Patrol. Alam mo na.

Kung nais mong matanto
buksan ang aking puso
At tanging larawan mo
ang doo’y nakatago.

NOYNOY: (TV Patrol 25th Anniversary Speech)
“Ako po’y pagpasensyahan ninyo kung masyadong prangka nagsalita ngayong gabi. Maganda na ho siguro ‘yung totoo ang sabihin para magkaunawaan tayo nang maliwanag. Muli po, binabati ko ang TV Patrol sa inyong ika-25 kaarawan.”

‘Di ka kaya magbago
sa iyong pagmamahal
Tunay kaya giliw ko
hanggang sa libingan?

CHARO:
Legitimate concern, wrong venue. ‘Yan ang tila consensus sa isyu ng talumpati ni Noynoy sa anibersaryo ng TV Patrol na naging paksa ng kanyang liham.

Nais ko lang ibahagi ang sinulat ng journalist na si Ellen Tordesillas, “Reporters do not classify news as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Their responsibility is to make sure that their reports are accurate.”

Gayunman, kikilos ang network upang siyasatin ang reklamo ng Presidente kay Kabayan.

Sa mga Kapamilya at ex-Kapamilyang naglabas ng saloobin sa Twitter, bahagi ‘yon ng kalayaan nilang makapagpahayag.

Kay Noynoy, huwag mo sanang iequate ang batikos sa kawalan ng utang na loob. Ang ABS-CBN ay habambuhay na magsisilbing simbolo ng legacy ni Tita Cory – ang democracy. Hinding-hindi kami makakalimot. Lalo na sa panahon ng kampanya.

Hangad namin na kahit papa’no ay naibsan ang hinanakit at tampong iyong nararamdaman.

Ako po si Charo Santos, maraming salamat Kapamilya, at magandang gabi sa inyong lahat.

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Announcement: Ang nagwagi sa ating Guess the Episode Title contest ay si: Abigail Carandang Lacierda ng No. 1000 JP Laurel Street, San Miguel, Manila. You won a pair of tickets to ASAP plus a dinner date with Daniel Padilla or any Star Magic talent of your choice. Congratulations!
——————————
“Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules.”
~Douglas Adams

HEARD ABOUT what happened at the TV Patrol Anniversary party last Friday where President Aquino was the guest speaker? No? I’m sorry, I’m not going to share it with you. It’s bad news.

Stay safe everyone!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Note: Tweets used here are REAL. Hindi gawa-gawa lamang.]





EXCLUSIVE: GMA Breaks Silence

27 07 2012

LESS THAN 24 HOURS after Pasay City RTC Judge Jesus Mupas allowed her to post bail, former president and incumbent Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo granted this blogger an exclusive interview. The conversation took place at a wellness center in Tagaytay City where she’s seeking alternative treatment. Here’s the transcript of the short interview – unedited.


Madam President, magandang umaga po.

Shobra! Tama ang shinabi mo, ‘no? Napakaganda ng umagang ito.

Ano po ang reaksyon n’yo sa naging pasya ng korte na payagan kayong magpiyansa?

Sa totoo lang, nagulat kaming lahat dito sa oshpital. Sabi nga ng eldesht kong apo, “Unang appeal pa lang, piyansa agad-agad for Lola?!? ‘Di ba pwedeng house arresht muna?” Ang mga bata talaga ngayon kung anu-anong natututunan sa telebishyon.

May mensahe ho ba kayo kay Judge Jesus Mupas?

He ish my savior! He’s really living up to his first name. Shana ay tuluy-tuloy na ‘to. Alam mo na! Not guilty, ‘no?!

Walong buwan po kayong nakakulong. Napakaraming…

Exshcuse me, hindi ako nakakulong. I wash confined. Ang inmate… sha kulungan. Ang pashyente sa pagamutan. Pashyente ako, hindi preso, ‘no?! Please take note of that.

Sige ma’am. Ibang isyu na po tayo. Napanood n’yo ba ang SONA ni Pangulong Aquino last Monday?

Oh, was that hish SONA? Akala ko naman novena. Nakatulog ako sha sobrang haba eh.

Sabi po ni Presidente sa speech niya, hindi niya matatanggap ang forgive and forget. Ano pong masasabi n’yo?

Wala akong masashabi d’yan. Unang-una, he’s not probably referring to me but to hish failed relationships. Frushtrated lang ‘yan dahil hindi niya maisishi sa akin ang kawalan niya ng love life. Besides, who ish asking for his forgivenessh ba? Not me.

Kainitan ho ngayon ng usapin tungkol sa agawan ng isla sa West Philippine Sea. Kung kayo ho ang nasa pwesto ng Presidente, ano ang posibleng gawin n’yo?

‘Yan ang sinashabi ko sa pangulo n’yo. Puro target shooting at videoke ang inaatupag. Mag-aral ‘ka mo sha ng golf. During my time, kapag may isyu with the Chinese, pupunta lamang kami ni Mike sa China, makikipaglaro ng one round of golf, at voila, sealed ang deal. It’s that shimple. One more tip: Kung maglalaro siya ng golf sa China, huwag na huwag isasama ang mag-asawang De Venecia at bawal magdala ng camera. Alam mo na!.

Tatakbo ho ba kayo sa susunod na eleksyon?

Mas gusto kong tumakbo palabash ng bansa. Ay! Ano ba ‘yong sinabi ko? Off the record please.


You’ve had three surgeries na po. Why seek alternative treatment now?

Alam mo, ang karamdaman ko ay hindi ordinaryo. Para rin itong pulitiko. Kumbaga, naka-tatlong termino na ako, ‘di na uli pwedeng kumandidato. Pero, may alternatives. Pwedeng mag-governor naman or kung malakash sa survey, mag-senator. Kung ‘di pa rin umubra, I’ll leave everything up to God. Shabi nga ng aking amang si Ka Dadong, “Do what ish right, do what ish best, and God will take care of the rest.”

In peace?

Shobra ka naman. Malakash pa ako.

Ano po ang sunod na gagawin n’yo after ng pagpapagamot dito sa Tagaytay?

God willing, gushto kong manood ng pelikula ni Ate Vi, ‘yong ‘The Healing.’ At kung may orash pa, mukhang maganda rin ‘yong ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ dahil favorite ko si Christian Bail.

Joke po ‘yon?

Hihihi. Na-getsh mo? Pasensha na sa humor ko. Noynoy Aquino lang ang peg: dry. Hihihi

Maiba ako ma’am. Recently ay pinag-debatehan na naman ang National Artist Award dahil kay Mang Dolphy.

Oo nga eh. Nakakalungkot. Hindi ko man lang inabutan ang kanyang burol. Gusto ko pa naman sana siyang makita.

Ngayon ma’am, gusto n’yo s’yang makita?

‘Wag muna naman ngayon. Ikaw talaga! May Noynoy mindset ka. Parang gusto mo na rin akong mawala sa mundo, ‘no?!

Ay hindi ma’am. Nililinaw ko lang po. By the way, may ilang questions po rito sent via Twitter. Pakisagot na lang po kung pwede.”

Shure. Pakibilishan lang dahil kailangan ko nang magpahinga. Shumasakit na naman ang likod ko.

From @Ernee_Maseda: “Kumusta na ang sex life ni madam? Plenty pa rin ba?”

Mashyadong tsismosho naman ang nagtanong na ‘yan. Well, hindi na kami bumabata ni Mike kaya medyo malaki na ang nabawash, ‘noh. Pero katulad ng lunas sa sakit, may alternatives naman. Shecret na ‘yon.

Thank you for that honest answer ma’am. Ang sunod na tanong ay mula kay @Annabail_Ramma: “May plunder case ka pa ‘day. Paanu mo haharapin ang mga kasu mo ‘day? Unavailable offense ‘yon ‘day.”

Shimple lang. Dapat maliwanag ang iyong pag-iisip. Mahalaga ang peace of mind. Hindi pwedeng padalush-dalosh. Bawat gagawin at sasabihin, pag-ishipan muna. By the way, it’s ‘unbailable’ not ‘unavailable.’

May quick reply po si @Annabail_Ramma. Sabi niya, “Hay naku ‘day! ‘Wag mu kung liktyuran sa spilling ‘day. Baka hambalusin kita ng tungkod ‘day! Siguru kakampi ka ni Mahalia Fuintis ‘day! Magsama kayo sa impyirnu ‘day!”

Hindi ko na sha papatulan. Pero let me take this opportunity to say hi to Chito Alcid. Wala lang.

Thank you ma’am. Our last question was tweeted by a certain @AThorneyEdwin_Lamyerda. He said, “Napakarami mong kaaway. Nakakatulog ka pa ba sa gabi? Pakisagot!”

You first.


Maraming salamat Mrs. President. Any final message para sa ‘yong constituents sa Pampanga?

Sa aking mga Kabalen, mayap a bengi. Dacal a salamat kaluguran. Manyampukaki ing lugud mi kekayu.

Dacal a salamat Mrs. President.

At sa mga shupporters ko sa buong bansa, maraming shalamat sa inyong mga dasal. Lagi nating tandaan, if there’s a will, there’s a chair. Thank you.
—————-
“The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.”
~ David Foster Wallace

Have a peaceful and safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





18 03 2011


Today is March 18.
On this day in…

1928: Former Philippine president Fidel Ramos is born… making him 83 years old today, or as Senator Loren Legarda would say, “awesome.”

1930: Pluto, the ninth planet in the solar system is discovered by American astronomer Clyde Tombaugh. Seventy-six years later (2006), the International Astronomical Union would declare that Pluto wasn’t a planet, and that Tombaugh wasn’t an astronomer.

1965: Cosmonaut Aleksei Leonov becomes the first person to walk in space… with Congressmen Ronald Singson and Jules Ledesma, coming in at second and third place, respectively

1989: A 4,400-year-old mummy is discovered at the Pyramid of Cheops in Egypt. The mummy was Fidel Ramos’ classmate in grade school.

1998: Dressed as an Arab woman, Michael Jackson goes shopping at a toy store in Munich, Germany. Onlookers described Jackson’s cross-dressing as “effortless.”

Enjoy your Friday! Ingat!





DOWN

14 03 2011


The Climb
After the elevator he took going down stalled underground, President Aquino, on Ash Wednesday had to climb the equivalent of 24 floors to reach the surface of a water facility plant in Singapore. When he reached the third floor, he fell on his knees but was able to recover, and continued walking. But members of his official party, and Singaporean officials got the shock of their lives when, upon reaching the sixth floor, he fell for the second time and then “Veronica” appeared and wiped his face.

During a visit to a water facility plant in Singapore, President Aquino and his party were trapped underground and had to climb 24 floors to the surface after the elevator broke down. The president of Singapore has instructed his defeated vice presidential running mate to visit the Philippines and apologize for what happened.

The elevator servicing a water facility plant in Singapore broke down forcing President Aquino to climb 24 stories… or as Filipino consumers would call it, “floor hike.”

President Aquino climbed the equivalent of 24 stories during a visit to a water facility plant in Singapore. When he reached the top, he placed a Philippine flag and scribbled a note on the floor: ” Noynoy was here.”

Reports say President Aquino “coughed along the way” while taking the underground stairs to the surface of a water facility plant in Singapore last week. When he reached the top, Singaporeans applauded him and then, to his surprise, asked: “Dahon or The One?”


Orchid Noy
Last Friday, Singapore named an orchid after President Noynoy Aquino. The orchid has golden yellow petals, and flowering is accelerated by exposure to cigarette smoke.

Singapore’s National Parks Board named an orchid after President Aquino… surprising the Philippine leader who actually expected the board to name a variety of tobacco after him.


Japan Disaster
Nations around the world have been rushing to Japan’s aid after Friday’s devastating earthquake and tsunami. Britain is sending rescue units. China is sending search equipment. The Philippines is sending Joey Salceda.

The bad news: Japan is still trying to avert a meltdown at three earthquake-crippled nuclear reactors. The good news: it is easier to thwart than Charlie Sheen’s meltdown.

Japan is reeling from a disaster of historic proportions. In the Philippines, we have a term for that. Ombudsman.

“Battered”
Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez (OMG) claims she’s a “battered woman” being harassed by vindictive congressmen. If it’s any consolation, she’s the only ‘battered woman’ in this country who can call for a press conference anytime she wants.

Roxas and Taiwan
President Aquino’s troubleshooter, former senator Mar Roxas will reportedly meet again with Taiwanese officials in Taipei… or as Roxas himself would call it, “dieting.”


March 14…
On this day in…

1879: Albert Einstein is born. The bouncing baby boy weighs 6.5 lbs. And that’s just his brain.

1906: The island of Ustica is devastated by an earthquake. Nations around the globe tried but failed to send help… because they didn’t know where Ustica was located.

1923: Warren Harding becomes the first U.S. president to file an income tax report… a day after Commissioner Kim Henares ordered the strict implementation of the government’s Run After Tax Evaders campaign.

1932: George Eastman, founder of the Kodak Company and inventor of the Kodak camera commits suicide. He and his girlfriend didn’t “click” so he “shot” himself.

1939: The Republic of Czechoslovakia is dissolved… mainly because nobody could spell its name correctly.

1943: Franklin Delano Roosevelt becomes the first U.S. president to fly in an airplane while in office. The airplane crashes because the office is way too heavy.

1947: Moscow announces that 890,532 German POWs are held in the U.S.S.R. German POWs were the first batch of jejemons in the world.

1947: Ambassador Paul V. McNutt and President Manuel A. Roxas sign the Military Bases Agreement at Malacañang Palace. The agreement grants 22 military, naval, and air bases in the Philippines to the United States. In return, the Americans vowed to help develop the country’s red light districts.

1968: After only two seasons on television, ABC aired the finalé of “Batman.” The last episode showed Batman and Robin living happily ever after.

Thanks to the National Historical Institute, Wikipedia, Any-Day-In-History, and Today in Science History.

Almost Arson
Karaoke singer-turned-comedienne-turned-TV host-turned sex video star-turned reality show contestant Ethel Booba tried to burn down her rented condo unit in Quezon City when she discovered that her boyfriend was gay. The CBCP described Ethel’s meltdown as “understandable.”


Pampi and Jodi

Actress Jodi Sta.Maria and husband, Pampi Lacson (son of Sen. Panfilo Lacson) have reportedly called it quits. Their six-year-old son Thirdy laments, “I rarely see my dad.” To which, Pampi said, “So do I.”
————————————————–
“People are resilient. After all, every person born has recovered from nine months on life support.”
~Robert Brault,

Survey Says
Sa inyong palagay, ano ang magiging hatol ng Senado sakaling humantong sa paglilitis ang impeachment case laban kay Ombudsman Gutierrez?
– Acquitted! Marami siyang kaalyado eh! 22.98%
- Convicted! Period. 42.24%
– Puwede bang maghintay? Huwag nga kayong atat! 34.78%

Have a great week. Always bring a whistle with you. Ingat!

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