FIGHTING CHANCE

21 06 2012

THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES formed a five-member committee to investigate whether congressmen were truthful or not with the information stated in their SALNs. The committee members were identified as “Wehhh?” “Di nga?” “Really now!?” “Yeah right!” and “Maniwala kami!”

Party Listing
For next year’s party-list polls, instead of listing the qualified organizations alphabetically, the Commission on Elections will randomly list their names on the ballot. The poll body’s decision is being opposed by two party-list groups: 1-Care For You and AAAAAsahang Maglilingkod Forever.

The CJ Search
The Judicial & Bar Council (JBC) will allow the media to cover live the screening and selection of the next Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. The new set of criteria will soon include 10 percent – audience impact.

Reports say there are now 47 candidates for the post vacated by former Chief Justice Renato Corona. The number will be trimmed down to five in the Hollywood Round.

Former Defense Secretary and presidential aspirant Gilbert Teodoro is among those 47. Danding Cojuangco’s wife Gretchen says she’s cool with the other 46.

AT PRESS TIME, Comedy King Dolphy is still under observation at the ICU of Makati Medical Center. Eric Quizon says his father’s condition is better today than it was 12 hours ago. In fact, I have reason to believe that Mang Dolphy is in better shape now than the economy of Greece.

Abu Sayyaf
It’s been years since they started terrorizing us. Everyone is saying we should control the Abu Sayyaf Group. Funny. We can’t even control a Jordanian journalist!

Starfruits Beware
Sen. Edgardo Angara has filed the so-called ‘Anti-Balimbing Act’ that seeks to penalize political butterflies. Sen. Franklin Drilon is offended.

Satisfied
President Aquino is reportedly satisfied with the performance of Executive Secretary Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa as the government’s anti-crime czar. Really??? Ochoa’s the anti-crime czar?!? #hindihalata

K to 12
According to a recent Social Weather Stations survey, 65 percent of Filipinos support the K to 12 program of the Department of Education… while 100 percent of Filipinos were wondering what on earth was K to 12.

Part-Time
According to the Department of Labor and Employment, more Filipinos are now working “part-time.” Then President Aquino said, “Don’t you give me that look!”

Security Lapse
An Army colonel’s car was stolen in front of his quarters inside Camp Aguinaldo last Saturday. Since the start of the year, there have been 15 reported cases of burglaries at the AFP headquarters. And we’re talking about protecting Panatag Shoal from the Chinese??? Please.

Vice Governor Salvador?
Reports say actor Phillip Salvador will run for vice governor of Bulacan. Observers were shocked at his decision to run and were even more shocked to learn that he was from Bulacan.

Asked why he wanted to run, Salvador answered, “Siguro ito ‘yung kalabit ng Diyos sa akin. Siguro ito ‘yung gusto niya.” To which, God said, “Nananahimik ako. ‘Wag kang mandamay!”

Highest-Paid
According to Forbes, Floyd Mayweather Jr is now the world’s highest-paid athlete. In second place is Floyd’s adversary, Manny Pacquiao – who felt insulted for losing the number 1 position to an inmate.

The 5-member review panel formed by the World Boxing Organization said Manny Pacquiao indeed won against Timothy Bradley Jr. And Mar Roxas was like, “There’s still hope.”

Overseas
Hollywood actor Johnny Depp and his partner of 14 years, Vanessa Paradis announced their split. The third party was identified as Tim Burton.


In Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, the dictator who ruled the country for three decades is clinically dead. Mubarak was once clinging to power. Now, he’s clinging to life.
—————————————
“Just because you’re not sick doesn’t mean you’re healthy.”
~Author Unknown

Quotes Quiz. Who tweeted:
“Now I am torn! I like both OKC and Miami, don’t know who I will root for.”
A: Cong. Sonny Angara
B: Cong. Jules Ledesma
C: Cong. JV Ejercito
D: Cong. Teddy Casiño

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Answer to Quiz: C





V DAY

13 02 2011


Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Just so you know, President Aquino is a certified member of SMV: $amahan ng Mamahalin ang Vehicle$.

Rumors say President Aquino wants a palm plant on Valentine’s Day. Wanna know why? ‘Coz that’s the only sure way he could get a date.

This just in! The President has decided to change his relationship status on Facebook: from “Single,” to “So what?!”

On Valentine’s Day, the president’s youngest sister Kris is celebrating her 40th birthday. Kaya sa ating lahat… ingat!

Singlehood
101 Answers to the Question: Why are you still single? Right click to read it here.


Mubarak Resigns
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has stepped down as leader of Egypt. He left the presidential palace together with his weeping wife and children on a boat via the Nile River.

Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak resigned as president and handed control to the Armed Forces. Following the transfer of power, Egypt’s military generals were each given 50,000 Egyptian pounds as ‘pasalubong.’

Hosni Mubarak is no longer president of Egypt. His critics are now demanding the creation of a Truth Commission.


People power has forced Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak out of Cairo. In six years, expect former First Lady Suzanne Mubarak to seek the presidency of Egypt.

Hosni Mubarak stepped down as president of Egypt, and left Cairo around 12:15 AM on Saturday, Manila time. Minutes later, the Marcoses were on Twitter playing “Senti Sabado.”

Egyptians partied all night as they hailed the resignation of President Hosni Mubarak. Halfway through the celebration, the Black Eyed Peas performed.

Hosni Mubarak has resigned as leader of Egypt after 30 years in power. Asked how he felt for Mubarak, Vice President Jejomar Binay said “I don’t know. We’ve only been in power for 24 years!”

Less than a day after telling Egyptians he was not stepping down, Hosni Mubarak changed his mind and left the presidential Abdeen Palace in Old Cairo. He is now living an ordinary life at No. 1 Polk Street, Sharm el-Sheikh City, Egypt.

Trillanes Flip-flops
Last February 1, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV categorically stated in front of journalists that former Defense Sec. Angelo Reyes was the “powerful man” behind former military comptroller Carlos F. Garcia. Nine days later, he had an apparent change of mind and claimed it wasn’t Reyes after all. Geez, who do you think are? Hosni Mubarak?

Nine days after telling the whole world that former Defense Sec. Angelo Reyes was the “powerful man” behind retired Major. General Carlos F. Garcia, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV flip-flopped and stated it wasn’t Reyes but someone else. Nine days from now, Trillanes is expected to reverse himself and say that Reyes has, in fact a reputation to protect.

Rich and Ugly
To marry a non-handsome but rich guy: this was the response of 57 percent of Filipino women surveyed by the Social Weather Stations. Liz Uy wasn’t one of them.

According to a Social Weather Stations survey, 51 percent of Filipinos prefer someone who is rich though ugly. They were described as ‘practical.’ The remaining 49 percent was ‘choosy.’
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“It’s better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong ones!” – Author Unknown

“Did he really say that?” Moment
“Maganda pero boba! Alam mo kung bakit? Magha-hire ako ng tutor. Ipasok mo sa eskwela. Pag-aralin mo. Natututunan naman ‘yan eh. Kesa naman pangit, araw-araw pag gising mo sa umaga ‘yung mukhang pangit [ang makikita mo]. Iiwan mo rin ‘yun balang araw.”
~ABS-CBN news anchor Julius Babao

Survey Says
Interesado ka na ba ngayon sa football? Manonood ka na ba ng larong ito?
- OO naman. Matagal na. 41.25%
- Hindi pa rin. Wala akong kainte-interes d’yan. 25.31%
- If only for the Azkals, why not? 33.44%

Elsewhere
ABS-CBN News: Robles: Malacañang knew it wasn’t Reyes but did nothing

Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism: The final words of Angelo Reyes

William Esposo (Philippine Star): Haunted by the ghost of Angie Reyes

Newsbreak: The troubled times of Angie Reyes

Manila Standard Today: Tañada vs. Tañada


More Personal
Monday.
Undercard: Heat vs. Boston. #beattheheat
Main Event: Lakers vs. Magic #beattheheat pa rin!
Let’s go Lakers!

Wala Lang
“Oo, inaamin ko, saging lang kami. Pero maghanap ka ng puno sa buong Pilipinas, saging lang ang may puso! Saging lang ang may puso!” – Mark Lapid, “Apoy sa Dibdib ng Samar”

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BIRTHDAY BOY

5 02 2011


Happy Birthday!
On February 8, President Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III is turning a year older… or as his government would call it “age hike.”

This coming week, President Aquino will celebrate his 51st birthday. Rumor has it that Malacañang is preparing a carnival-themed birthday bash for him. In fact, he can’t wait to test-drive a bumper car.

President Aquino is celebrating his 51st birthday on February 8. There will be singing, dancing, and exciting games. Members of Balay and Samar groups will play tug of war.

President Aquino will turn 51 on February 8. To mark his birthday, the President will smoke 51 candles.

The President’s birth date is February 8, 1960. He was born under the sign… “Smoking Area.”

Just so you know, on February 8, both Communist leader Jose Maria Sison and President Noynoy Aquino will celebrate their birthday. So Feb. 8 will be the birthday of two prominent Filipinos: an old man who has not accomplished anything significant for the country, and Jose Maria Sison.

What do CPP-NPA founder Jose Maria Sison and the late American actor James Dean have in common? Answer: They share the same birthday – February 8, and they’re both rebels without a cause.

President Aquino was born Feb. 8 while his sister Kris was born on Feb. 14. On Times Street, following tradition, the whole family will sing “Happy Birthday” to Noynoy first, and then, scream another “Happy Birthday” to Kris.


Chaos in Egypt
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said he would not seek reelection when his term expires, and vowed to step down in September. Egyptians, however refused to believe him mainly because he made the promise last Tuesday, the death anniversary of their national hero.

Despite the massive protests in Cairo’s Tahrir Square, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has refused to step down. Egyptians are getting frustrated. If only to force Mubarak to resign, they are willing hold protest rallies at Edsa.

Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak says he is not running again for president when his term expires in September. However, he is seeking a seat in Congress.

Mubarak’s Cabinet officially resigned last Saturday morning, but the embattled president himself continues to hold power. The resigned cabinet members then formed a group called Hyatt-Cairo 10.

As thousands of Egyptians rally for his ouster, President Hosni Mubarak decided to name a vice president, his possible replacement. But observers predict Mubarak will probably finish his term… because his chosen VP was a former newsreader.

Amid the massive street protests, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak continues to cling to power. Of course, he’d be out of office by now if his military chief were Angelo Reyes.

In Washington DC, US President Barack Obama said, “The future of Egypt will be determined by its people.” And then followed it with, “Joooooke!”

The Fugitive
The Court of Appeals has dismissed the murder charges filed against Sen. Panfilo Lacson over the twin killings of publicist Bubby Dacer and his driver in 2000. Lacson is reportedly ecstatic. He’s been waiting for this all his life. You know, an opportunity to ‘come out.’

The Court of Appeals has junked the murder charges filed against Sen. Panfilo Lacson. The appellate court said there was no probable cause to implicate Lacson in the twin murders, or as Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez would probably insist, “Mahina ang ebidensya.”

This just in: Senator Panfilo Lacson released a statement (through email) blasting the Department of Justice for saying that the CA’s dismissal of the case didn’t nullify the arrest warrant issued against him. But Justice Secretary Leila De Lima is questioning the veracity of the message because the email address used by the sender was wagkangmawawalasabirthdaypartykosafebruary8@malacañang.com.

Less Crime
Prof. Charlie Chao, a feng shui expert says there will be less incidence of crime in the country in the year of the metal rabbit… unless of course Raymond Dominguez is allowed to post bail for the 20th time.

Most Handsome
According to Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV is the most handsome senator today. That was made possible partly by the non-reelection of Senator Jamby Madrigal.

If ever he’ll do a movie, Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV wants to be paired with actress Gretchen Barretto. When Gretchen heard this, she laughed so hard, Botox squirted out of her face.

New Show
ABS-CBN has a new program. Replacing “Pilipinas Win na Win” starting Feb. 12 is the noontime show called “Happy, Yipee, Yehey!” a.k.a. “Wowowee: Part 3.”
————————————–
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
~Jennifer Yane

You Have Spoken!
Ano ang dapat maging sanction ng Kamara kay Cong. Ronald Singson?
- Censure 1.16%
- Suspension 1.39%
- Expulsion 97.45%

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: The ‘Fashionista’ and his dad

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Personal: Don’t forget our game tonight on Twitter. It’s between 9:30 and 11. But first, follow me here.

Have a great weekend! Take care ‘coz the care bears care. And I am corny. #teamlakers #beattheheat





PERSONS OF INTEREST

30 01 2011

THE FILIPINO-CHINESE community will be celebrating Chinese New Year this week. Aside from the usual fireworks display, there will be dancing, drinking, singing, and the most anticipated part of the Armed Forces of the Philippines – “gift giving.”

Rabusa’s Exposé
During a Senate hearing last week, retired Lt. Col. George Rabusa, erstwhile military budget officer revealed that former Armed Forces chiefs allegedly received millions of pesos in “gifts” drawn from military funds. It turned out however that there was really nothing new in Rabusa’s revelation because this tradition in the Philippine military antedates Santa Claus himself.

Former AFP chief Angelo Reyes allegedly amassed more than P100 million during his 20-month tenure plus no less than P50 million “pabaon” when he retired in 2001. In a Senate hearing, an emotional Reyes confronted retired Lt. Col. George Rabusa and asked, “Ikaw na ang magsabi, ako ba’y naging ganid o suwapang?” No sir, that’s not ganid; that’s not swapang. That’s plunder.

Are you familiar with Lt. Col. George Rabusa?? As a former military budget officer, he was used by his superiors to amass millions of pesos from military funds. Today, he is being used by the Estradas to get back at Angelo Reyes. Apparently, he’s getting used to it.


Chaos in Cairo
In the Northern African nation of Egypt, thousands of protesters are camping out against the regime of President Hosni Mubarak. Just so you know, Mubarak has been in power for 29 long years… or as the Binays of Makati City would say, “Bago pa lang.”

Thousands of Egyptians are camping out in Egypt demanding the ouster of President Hosni Mubarak. Demonstrators wanted him out of their country. In case he flees, Mubarak is not sure where to go yet although the 84-year-old leader has received “exile offers” from Israel, France, and Senator Loren Legarda.

Interesting
As authorities continue to hunt down the perpetrators of the bombing of a bus in Makati City last week, the Philippine National Police released Friday computer generated images (CGI) of two men whom they described as “persons of interest” – or as the PNP would say but couldn’t, “Sana ay sila na nga.”

In connection with the recent bombing of a bus in Makati City, the PNP released the CGI of two men whom they referred to as “persons of interest” – otherwise known as “the CHR is watching so let’s just call them as such.”

Authorities have released the CGI of two “persons of interest” in connection with the bombing of a passenger bus in Makati City last week. In an interesting turn of events, starlet Katrina Paula told the media that one of the men was her boyfriend.

Bruno Mars
Filipino-American R&B artist Bruno Mars is facing a court case for cocaine use. If his career takes a major hit because of drugs, he plans to just settle in the Philippines and run for Congress.

Cars
According to a study, a woman’s least favorite spot for sex is the car. Yes Mr. President, that includes Porsche.
————————————-
“Who lies for you will lie against you.”
~Bosnian Proverb

This just in!
Carjacking near Ayala. Flooding in Jeddah. Nonstop rains in South Africa. And now, KC and Piolo na? Strange times indeed. Strange times. Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with you…

Survey Says
Naniniwala ba kayong bahagi ng destabilization plot ang isyu ng carjacking at ang naganap na pambobomba sa bus sa Makati?
- No! Kalokohan. 27.56%
- ‘Yong bombing ng bus, posible. ‘Yong, carjacking, hindi. 47.44%
- YES to both! May mga grupong sinusubukan ang kakayahan ng gobyerno. 25%

PERSONAL

Last Saturday, we had so much fun playing another game on Twitter. Tweeps were asked: Ano ang isasagot mo kapag sinabihan ka ni Pangulong Aquino: “Will you marry me?” Check out the list of the funniest entries here.

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Have a safe Monday and enjoy another great week!








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