“SAY SOMETHING I’VE GIVEN UP ON YOU”

5 09 2014

1HACKED
THE SANDIGANBAYAN granted Gigi Reyes’s petition to undergo a brain scan at the PGH. The controversial lawyer, who is facing plunder charges reportedly banged her head against the wall last August 5. Aww, that’s unfortunate. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the wall.

Reports say Gigi Reyes wants to have her own laptop computer, a portable printer and a pocket Wi-fi in jail. She should really have her head checked.

Jailed for plunder charges, lawyer Gigi Reyes wants to have her own laptop computer, a portable printer and a pocket Wi-Fi in jail. Can we bang her head against the wall one more time?

Twogether
Suspended senator Juan Ponce Enrile and his ex-chief of staff Gigi Reyes had a reunion of sorts at the Sandiganbayan Friday morning. When he was arraigned, Senator Enrile entered a plea of not guilty and said, “I have not committed any crime.” When she was arraigned, Gigi Reyes did not enter any plea and said, “Gago ‘to ah. Fault kong lahat?!?”

Ano kaya ang pinag-uusapan ng dalawang tao sa larawan?

1EEChoice 1
G: Ba’t ‘di ka nag-text kagabi? Naghintay ako hanggang alas-dose ah!
E: Na-check-operator services ako eh.
G: Ang luma ng excuse huh! Naka-3210 ka pa rin?!?

Choice 2
G: Parang iba na yata ang gamit mong perfume. Sinong nagbigay n’yan?!? Si Mildred? Si Redge? Si Darling? SINOOOO!?!
E: Tanga! Asawa ko. Dumalaw last week.
G: Fine.

Choice 3
G: Sssh. ‘Wag kang magpapahalata. Bukas ang zipper mo. Ano ka ba!?
E: Sabi kasi ng clerk of court, “All rise.” Ayan, nag-rise!
G: Ulol!

Choice 4
G: Kawawa naman ang mga Binay. Nagkakabukingan na sa Makati.
E: Anong kawawa do’n? Eh tayo nga, nakakulong eh.
G: ‘k.

Choice 5
G: In case makalaya tayo ngayon, IN CASE lang naman, anong gusto mong panooring movie?
E: If I Stay.
G: “Say something I’ve given up on you.” Joke lang. Of course, I have not. Never.

Choice 6
E: Sa tingin mo, malalampasan natin ito?
G: Ako, oo… ewan ko lang ikaw.
E: Tarantado! “Say something I’ve given up on you.”

1JBRigged?
According to a former Makati City procurement official, the bidding contracts for the controversial P2.3-billion Makati parking building and other projects were rigged. Mario Hechanova says, in Makati City, this has always been “the practice.” No wonder they seem to be good at it. They keep ‘practicing.’

Vice President Binay’s camp said his accusers, including his compadre and former vice mayor Nestor Mercado, who appeared before the Senate recently, were “a triumvirate of corruption.” Hello Kettle. I’m pot. You’re so black.

According to Vice President Binay, the Senate hearing on the allegedly overpriced Makati City parking building has become a “kangaroo court.” And with how government contracts are allegedly rigged to favor a preferred contractor, we’re hopless.

Vice President Binay insists corruption allegations against him and his family are politically-motivated because he continues to top presidential surveys. Detractors should also be wary of the fact that mudslinging the Binays is a waste of mud.

Probe
Senator Lito Lapid wants the Senate to conduct a probe into the problems of PNR trains. DOTC officials were shocked to learn about the reported derailment of some trains, and even more shocked to learn that Lito Lapid was still a senator.

Bomber?
Authorities arrested lawyer Ely ‘Spike Man’ Pamatong for a year-old case of inciting to sedition. Pamatong has also been tagged recently as the “brains” behind the alleged plot to sow chaos at the NAIA… totally surprising critics who doubted he had a brain.

1HACKEDUPset. Almost.
The UP Fighting Maroons almost scored an upset win against the Ateneo Blue Eagles last Wednesday. With only 0.8 second remaining and Ateneo ahead by just a point, 70-69, Maroon guard Mikee Reyes missed two free throws that could have sealed the victory for the State U. For not beating Ateneo, Reyes has apologized to his teammates, to the people of UP, and to the La Sallian community.
——————————————————
“Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.”
~ Lysander Spooner

Sound Bites
“Siguro that’s their opinion, ‘di ba? ‘Di ba, parang beauty din ‘yan eh. It’s in the eyes of the beholder. Siguro ganoon din yun sa building, ‘di ba? Para sa kanila, hindi ganoon kagandahan pero sa amin maganda na yan.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

Poll Results
1Eo

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Philippine Star, Philippine Daily Inquirer, PBA-Online.Net]





T@NG-I*@, HAPPY!

21 04 2014

1gg
JESSICA LUCILA ‘GIGI’ REYES is back in the country. Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile’s former chief of staff and rumored paramour who was recently indicted for plunder in connection with the pork barrel scam arrived before dawn Saturday. In a brief statement released this morning, Senator Enrile said, “Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth.”

Gigi Reyes told GMA News she’s “ready to face” the plunder charges. Right now, she has two options: state witness or stay in love.

Only GMA News was at the NAIA when Gigi Reyes arrived. The news crew was asking too many questions. But Reyes kept her cool and answered the questions juan at a time.

1GR
On Saturday morning, Gigi Reyes returned, unannounced. No escorts, no drama, no fanfare, and surprisingly, no wheelchair.

A month after the PDAF scandal broke out, Gigi Reyes left the country. That was almost eight months ago. No one knows where she’s been. She could have been to the US or Canada. Or maybe in the Cayman Islands, the Bahamas, the British Virgin Islands or Zurich. We don’t know.

Lawyer Gigi Reyes arrived on Black Saturday. Senator Enrile was overheard saying, “She puts the ‘gloria’ in Sabado de Gloria.”

e
Gigi Reyes returned to Manila before dawn Saturday. Her brother Patrick says Senator Enrile was not told of her arrival. To which, ABS-CBN News and TV5 said, “Kami rin!”

Legal
New Hampshire lawmakers recently voted to make adultery legal in the state. In totally unrelated news, Senator Enrile denied reports he’s spending his retirement years in New Hampshire.

Jinggoy’s Prayers
During the Holy Week break, Jinggoy Estrada reportedly prayed to God that his detractors be enlightened. In response, God ordered Jinggoy to enlighten Him first on what happened to the 230 million-peso pork barrel fund released to his office.

marOh Mar!
Last week, the Philippine Star reported that DILG Sec. Mar Roxas blew his top and shouted at the staff of the Wack Wack Golf and Country Club who insisted that he pay some fees. Roxas was quoted to have said, “’Tang-i*@! Kailan pa nagkaroon ng ganyang rules!?! ’Tang-i*@! Walang bawal-bawal sa akin!” To be fair, Roxas has apologized. Apparently, the incident taught him some valuable lessons. It taught him how to be patient, how to be understanding, and how to ruin his chances of winning the presidency in 2016.

Sec. Mar Roxas clarified that his strong words were not directed at anyone. He has since apologized for what happened and called it an “unfortunate incident.” Or as ‘Ayala Avenue’ would say, “a #throwbackmoment.”

DILG Sec. Mar Roxas reportedly lost his cool when he was told to pay some fees at the Wack Wack Golf and Country Club last April 6. For Roxas, it was an “unfortunate incident.” For Vice President Binay, it was an early Christmas gift.

When the staff of the Wack Wack Golf and Country Club insisted that he pay some fees, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas reportedly uttered, “’Tang-i*@! Kailan pa nagkaroon ng ganyang rules!?! ’Tang-i*@! Walang bawal-bawal sa akin!” Shocked, the Wack Wack staff allegedly replied, “’Tang-i*@! Nag-ju-juice diet ka rin ba?!”

Easter Message
In his Easter Sunday message, Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Tagle prayed for true peace. He asked God for peace in communities ravaged by earthquakes, typhoons and armed conflicts. He also prayed for peace in our hearts, homes, institutions, and golf courses.

Meteor Shower
From the evening of Monday (April 21) to predawn of April 22, a meteor shower will light up Philippine skies. Astronomers say dozens of so-called ‘falling stars’ will be visible in the sky. So expect to see Jinggoy, Bong, and probably, Mar Roxas.
————————————————-
“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”
~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Sound Bites
“I’m facing the charges. I’ve always faced it.”
~Gigi Reyes

“If there is something wrong in what I did, I sincerely apologize for hurting someone. There was a misunderstanding on my part, for which I apologize. I direct my apology to the Wack Wack family.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

Poll Results
Sa Metro Manila, ano ang madalas mong sakyan?

Train (MRT/LRT) 24.89%
Sariling sasakyan 24.45%
Jeep 22.27%
Bus 19.65%
Taxi 8.73%

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA News, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler]





ROBBERS

27 01 2013

“I DO NOT LOOK old at all. From my waist up, I am still very well, but from my waist down, well, I do not know about that. Once in a blue moon, if ever.”
~Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile

Jan 27 - Gigi Reyes-InquirerThe Chief of Staff
Quoting a Chicago Tribune report 15 years ago, the Philippine Daily Inquirer said Cristina Ponce Enrile “walked out on Juan Ponce Enrile after charging adultery.” The report identified the “other woman” as Gigi Reyes, Enrile’s current chief of staff. Last week, Enrile denied the rumored illicit affair saying, “I’m too old for that. My God!” And God was like, “Whateverrrr!”

Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile’s chief of staff, , Jessica Lucila “Gigi” Gonzales-Reyes has apologized to Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano for calling him a “hypocrite” on radio. The report didn’t say if Gigi has apologized to Enrile’s wife, Cristina.

Lawyer Gigi Reyes has irrevocably resigned as chief of staff of Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. But the Senate president told the media, “I have to convince her to come back.” To which, God said, “Told yah!”

Because of her perceived “power” and “influence,” Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile‘s chief of staff, Gigi Reyes has been dubbed as the “24th senator.” Again, that’s 24th senator, not ‘2nd wife.’

In a lengthy statement, Gigi Reyes admitted that she wanted Senate President Enrile to quit. But her boss misunderstood it, and awkwardly replied, “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

Enrile, who is almost 89 has denied that Gigi Reyes, 50 is his girlfriend. I’ll trust Enrile on this one… unless paleontologists could prove otherwise.

megaMega Shocker
Suspected robbers reportedly tried to pull off a heist at a jewelry store in SM Megamall around 7:45 PM, Saturday. Apparently, the robbers were able to sneak past mall security because they didn’t look like robbers. According to witnesses, they looked like senators.

According to police, there were four to five robbers. There was no truth to rumors that a certain Gigi was the 6th robber.

At 8:45PM (Saturday) police said everything was under control… except for the robbers.

Police say none of the robbers wore masks. Really? That’s just bold. Who do you think you are… congressmen?

Anticrime Czar
Despite the controversial Atimonan checkpoint incident, concurrent Executive Secretary and Presidential Anti-Organized Crime Commission chairman Paquito Ochoa still has the trust of President Aquino. By the way, are you aware that Ochoa’s the anticrime czar? Me neither.

Loveless
President Aquino admits that on Valentine’s Day he’ll possibly be dateless. “’Noy, hindi ka nag-iisa!”

Earlier this month, a psychic predicted that President Aquino would soon meet a very beautiful and intelligent woman. But the President said he wouldn’t want to rely on fortune-tellers saying, “God has something good in store for me.” To which God replied, “’Wag pakasiguradoooo!”

Attractive
According to a study, men in red shirts are more attractive and sexually desirable to women. Somebody should tell President Aquino.

Nokor Threat
North Korea threatens to carry out high-level nuclear tests aimed at the United States. Hey Kim Jong Un… just so you know, Justin Bieber is from Canada. You might want to change your target.

pmKwarta o Kahon
The great veteran game show host Pepe Pimentel has died at the age of 83. He chose ‘kahon.’
—————————————————-
“Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.”
~Scott Dikkers

Sound Bites
“They cannot destroy me as Senate President.”
~Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile on his critics

“‘Pag ‘di s’ya happy sa ‘yo, pwede ka n’yang api-apihin?”
~Sen. Pia Cayetano on Enrile

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.








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