AYON SA MGA BITUIN, TOO

The Stars and the
Vice Presidential Candidates

NAGAGALAK ang mga bituin sa matagumpay na first installment ng kanyang mga hula sa siyam na kandidato sa pagkapangulo.

Patunay ng tagumpay ang pagkalat ng artikulong “AYON SA MGA BITUIN” sa iba’t ibang blogs, Internet forums, social networking sites katulad ng Facebook, sa isang political TV talk show, at lalung-lalo na sa e-mail. Maging si Professional Heckler ay tumanggap ng naturang email mula sa isa niyang kamag-anak sa ibang bansa na may ganitong Subject: “Basahin mo ‘to ‘insan, nakakatawa!” Sumagot si Professional Heckler: “’Insan, are u insane? Mas patawa ka! Sa aking blog nanggaling ‘yan! Tanga!”

Sa kabila ng pagkalat at pag-ikot ng artikulong ‘yan sas cyberspace (na kadalasa’y wala man lang attribution sa orihinal na author), malaki pa rin ang pasasalamat ng mga bituin sa inyong walang sawang pagtangkilik.

Dahil diyan, nabuo ang “AYON SA MGA BITUIN, TOO” – matapang na mga hula para sa mga kandidato sa pagka-pangalawang pangulo.

Ngunit bunsod ng patuloy na pag-init ng panahon, mainit din ang ulo ng mga bituin. Prangka sila ngayon. Unahin na natin si…

Jejomar “Jojo” Binay
Puwersa ng Masang Pilipino
Born: November 11, 1941
Sign: Scorpio
Isa ka sa pinakamapalad na pulitiko sa Pilipinas ngayon. Mula 1986 ay nasa kapangyarihan ka na at ang iyong pamilya. Sinong mag-aakalang nine years old pa lamang ang unico ijo mong si Junjun nang una kang maluklok sa Republika ng Makati? Intact pa ang balat sa “junjun” ni Junjun nang magsimula ang iyong paghahari. Fast-forward to 2010, biyudo na si Junjun ngunit nasa puwesto ka pa rin. Lupet! Siguro Energizer ka, “It keeps going and going and going.” O baka naman Banco Filipino, “Subok na Matibay. Subok na Matatag.” Pero dahil ikaw ay pulitiko, malamang na-inspire ka ng Sprite, “Obey your thirst.”

Dalawampu’t apat na taon ka nang sinusuwerte. Hindi ka nakakaranas ng pagkatalo. Ngunit sabi nga ng mga kaibigan kong planeta, “There is always a first time.” At mararanasan mo ‘yan ngayong darating na Mayo.

Jose “Jay” Sonza
Kilusang Bagong Lipunan
Born: September 20, 1955
Sign: Virgo
Kung sinumang nag-udyok na ika’y tumakbo sa pagka-bise presidente ay may lihim na galit sa ‘yo. Huwag itong palampasin. Hanapin siya at papanagutin.

Mabibigo ka sa darating na eleksyon ngunit muling aangat ang iyong career sa telebisyon. Maging ang kapartido mong si Imelda Papin ay hindi rin papalarin sa pagka-senador. Bago matapos ang taon, magsasama kayo sa isang talk show, ang “Mel and Jay.”

Paalala lamang ng mga bituin: huwag na huwag huhubarin ang suot na salamin upang ‘di paghinalaang ikaw at si Binay ay iisa.

Dominador Chipeco
Ang Kapatiran Party
Born: Feb 14, 1943
Sign: Aquarius
Nahihirapang basahin ng mga bituin ang iyong kapalaran. Hindi pa sila pamilyar sa iyong personalidad. Maging ang galaw ng mga planeta ay hindi sapat upang mabigyan ka ng payo o babala kaugnay ng nalalapit na halalan. Gayunpaman, may nais iparating na mensahe sa ‘yo ang mga bituin at planeta: Belated Happy Birthday! ‘Yun lang.

Perfecto “Jun” Yasay
Bangon Pilipinas Movement
Born: Jan 27, 1947
Sign:Aquarius
Napag-alaman ng mga bituin na hindi ka raw naniniwala sa horoscope katulad ng standard-bearer mong si Bro. Eddie Villanueva na isa ring Born-Again Christian. Really?

Naku, huwag kang magsinungaling. Baka tamaan ka ng kidlat!

Bayani “BF” Fernando
Bagumbayan Party
Born: July 25, 1946
Sign: Leo
Magtatalo kayo ng kapartido mong si Richard Gordon sa mga susunod na araw. Hindi kasi siya sang-ayon sa mungkahi mong mag-install ng pink urinals sa kahabaan ng Maharlika Highway o Pan-Philippine Highway.

Magkakaroon din ng iringan ang inyong respective wives. Pagtatalunan nina Mayor Kate Gordon at Mayor Marides Fernando kung sino ang karapat-dapat gumanap bilang Megan Fox sa out-of-town campaign ng Transformers.

Eduardo “Edu” Manzano
Lakas-Kampi-CMD
Born: September 14, 1955
Sign: Virgo
Kung suwerte ang pagbabatayan, pumapangalawa ka sa kaaway mong si Jejomar Binay. Imagine, magkukunwari ka lang vice presidential candidate pero anim na beses na mas malaki ang iyong TF kumpara kay Dolphy! Saludo ang mga bituin sa ‘yong mautak at praktikal na desisyon.

May isang payo lang sa ‘yo ang mga bituin: Ingatan ang madalas na out-of-town sorties kasama si Gilbert Teodoro. Alam ng mga bituin ang iyong weakness: madali kang mag-fall. Baka ma-tsismis kayo. Ayaw ni Pinky Webb ng ganyan.

Lorna Regina “Loren” Legarda
Nationalist People’s Coalition/Nacionalista Party
Born: January 28, 1960
Sign: Aquarius
Career-wise, malabong makamit ang ambisyong maging bise-presidente sa darating na Mayo o kahit sa taong 2016 o 2022. Balewalain ang sulsol ng isang matandang senador na minsan na ring nagbitiw sa ‘yo ng linyang, “Don’t give up, love.” Unang-una, hindi birong matalo sa dalawang sunod na eleksyon. At pangalawa, may asawang tao na ang senador na ‘yun. Anong love, love ang pinagsasasabi niya d’yan! Tumigil s’ya!

Dahil sa bigong kandidatura sa ilalim ng NPC/NP alliance, mapapaluhod, mapapapikit, at mapapausal ka ng ganitong panalangin: “Lord, promise, last na talaga ito. Huwag sana kayong magalit. Gusto ko namang itry ang Partido Liberal.”

Manuel “Mar” Roxas II
Liberal Party
Born: May 13, 1957
Sign: Taurus
Maraming vibrations ang mga stars tungkol sa pagsasama n’yo ni Madam Korina. Ngunit baka hindi mo magustuhan ang mga ito at masabihan mo pa ang mga bituin, “I demand that that be removed from the horoscope section! That is an affront to my wife.“

Delikado. Baka mag-demand na naman ng apology si Korina.

So ito na lang: Mag-ingat ka sa pro-Binay faction sa Liberal Party. Tumitira sila nang patalikod. Unless, trip mo ‘yun.
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At sa inyong lahat, laging tandaan ang paalala ni Zenaida “Syzygy” Seva:
“Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.”

Ulitin natin. Pero mas malakas. “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating…”

Aba, aba, aba at talagang uulitin mo nga. Masunurin ka talaga.

Tama na.

Have a safe and productive week!

Photos were taken from the Facebook accounts of the candidates.
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Survey Says
Ilang kandidato sa pagka-senador ang iyong iboboto sa May 10?
12, para sulit ang boto! 36%
Hmm, less than 6. 27%
Wala! Punyeta silang lahat! 36%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Maraming salamat sa lahat ng kumentong iniiwan n’yo sa blog na ito. Positibo man o negatibo, go lang nang go! I rarely reply to your comments but that doesn’t mean na balewala sa akin ang inyong reaksyon. I appreciate you more than I appreciate our bishops. (Ano raw?) Go Secretary Cabral!

A SHOW OF FORCE

THANK CALENDARS IT’S FRIDAY! Manny Pacquiao arrived this morning from Los Angeles. And today marks the start of the filing of certificates of candidacy for the 2010 elections. But you know what the week’s biggest news was? The emergence of a new dominant political party: “Ang Partido Oportunista ng Pilipinas.”

Earlier this week, the Oxford University Press picked “unfriend” as the Word of the Year. To unfriend someone is to delete him or her from your social life – just like what Vilma Santos, Ralph Recto, Recom Echeverri, Mayor Sonny Belmonte, and Herbert Bautista did to Lakas-Kampi-CMD.

National Convention
The ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party held its national convention yesterday at the PICC. Thousands of party members representing each of the country’s geographical regions attended the convention. The atmosphere was relaxed and lively, and attendees were in high spirits. Apparently, everyone was prepared to lose.

In her farewell speech as party chair, President Arroyo claimed that Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party members comprise 72 percent of national and local officials. The farewell speech was written when Cory Aquino was still alive.

In an apparent effort to show that his political party values substance over popularity, Atty. Gilbert Teodoro talked at length about his platform of government. To give you an idea how long Gibô’s speech was, Noynoy Aquino has consumed three packs of cigarettes before he was through.

There have been conflicting reports as to the exact number of attendees in yesterday’s Lakas-Kampi-CMD national convention. The Philippine Daily Inquirer says 3,000. ABS-CBN and GMA 7 say 2,894. Pulse Asia says 2 percent.

In yesterday’s national convention of Lakas-Kampi-CMD, 2,894 people were reportedly present at the PICC: 894 were members of the party; the rest were members of the media.

After Atty. Gilbert Teodoro was proclaimed Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party’s official candidate for president, his wife Nikki Prieto-Teodoro joined him on stage. For a brief moment, Sen. Jamby Madrigal who was watching the live event on TV considered defecting to Lakas.

Lakas-Kampi-CMD members had a show of force in yesterday’s national convention. And despite the recent defections of some prominent members, those who stayed all looked energized. In fact, before the convention started, they eagerly talked about their plans, platforms, and Pinky Webb.

Edu and Pinky
The ruling party’s vice presidential bet Edu Manzano and tv presenter Pinky Webb have called it quits. Rumors say Webb was compelled to break up with Edu when she learned that ABS-CBN was arranging the couple’s live guesting on Wowowee. [Read: Webb did not want to cheapen the romance. Ouch! May tinamaan. Sino kaya?]

Titigan ang larawan. Ano sa palagay mo ang nasa isip ni Edu Manzano nang sandaling iyon?
A) “Sige! Ipamukha n’yo pang single ako. Sige lang!”
B) “Ikaw ngayon, Nikki. Ako, mamayang gabi.”
C) “Hay naku Pinky. Wrong timing ka talaga!”
D) “OA naman ‘to kung makahalik. Parang ‘di 2 percent ang rating!”

Osmeña No Longer a Liberal
Fed up with the “infighting” and “Mafia” in the Liberal Party, former senator Sergio Osmeña III has decided to quit the party. He has also rejected the offer of Erap’s party, and Villar’s Nacionalista Party saying, “My loyalty is to the Filipino people,” to which NPC’s Danding Cojuangco said, “Narinig ko na ‘yan eh.”

Osmeña No Longer a Liberal II
Former senator Sergio Osmeña III has quit the Liberal Party. Noynoy Aquino was unfazed by Osmeña’s decision though, and despite the intrigues, Noynoy said he would never quit the Liberal Party; he would never quit the opposition, and he would never quit smoking.

Ebdane’s VP
Presidential aspirant and former DPWH secretary Hermogenes Ebdane Jr. has vowed to reveal his running mate and senatorial bets on November 29. But first, he needs to inform them that they are his running mate and senatorial bets.

Marcoses Support Villar
Ilocos Norte Rep. Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. says the Marcoses have decided to support Nacionalista Party’s Manuel Villar Jr. in next year’s elections. Bongbong’s elder sister Imee, herself a former member of the Lower House has opted not to seek any elective post and will pursue instead a career in ventriloquism.

Early Bird
Marcos loyalist and controversial lawyer Oliver Lozano today filed his certificate of candidacy for president. He did it ahead of other perceived presidential frontrunners. Lozano insists he ‘plans and thinks ahead of everyone.’ To give you an idea how ‘advance’ Lozano’s mindset was, after filing his COC for president… he filed an impeachment complaint against himself.

Manny Is Back
The People’s Champ Manny Pacquiao arrived in the country today with wife, Jinkee. As if to quell rumors that their marriage is on the rocks, the couple gamely kissed during a television interview. Some described the kiss as “sweet.” Some described it as “awesome.” Others described it as ‘damage control.’
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“An organization that is strong and stable and is ready to commit time, money, and patience will be more apt to reap rewards than the quick-hitting opportunist.”
~Richard Miller

Light Bites: From Somewhere
Manny Pacquiao: Pacman
Mommy Dionisia: Pacmom
Krista Ranillo: Pacbet (Pambansang Ka__)

Survey Says
Are gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders marginalized, and therefore, must have representation in Congress?
ABSOLUTELY! :33%
NOPE, They are not! :27%
THEY ARE but no need to be represented in Congress :40%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Enjoy your weekend!

THE SEARCH IS OVER

Gibô’s Running Mate
TV host/actor Edu Manzano will be the running mate of Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party presidential bet Gilbert Teodoro. In making the announcement, Teodoro lauded Manzano for his “experience,” “clean record in local government,” “advocacies for young Filipinos,” and “preparedness to lose big time.”

Gibô’s Running Mate II
Actor Edu Manzano has agreed to become the running mate of Lakas-Kampi-CMD standard bearer Gilbert Teodro. Manzano admits he’s got no plans of seeking a higher elective post… until he received a text message from Lakas-Kampi-CMD stalwart Ronaldo Puno that said: “Earn 50 million in 6 months! Absolutely no cash out. Hurry! Offer’s good until midnight of December 1 only.”

Gibô’s Running Mate III
Actor Edu Manzano has agreed to become the running mate of Gilbert Teodro. Manzano believes that by running for vice president, he would finally have a chance to serve the poor, inspire the youth, and beat Jejomar Binay.

Gibô’s Running Mate IV
Former Game KNB? host, Edu Manzano admitted that he was hesitant to accept the ruling party’s offer to become its vice presidential bet. But when he saw Gibô for the first time in person last Wednesday, “all my qualms went out of the window.” It was love at first sight. (Awrrr!)

Gibô’s Running Mate V
Edu Manzano’s decision to run as vice president of Gilbert Teodoro surprised the Liberal Party. In fact, Noynoy Aquino was so shocked his mouth voluntarily closed for the first time.

Gibô’s Running Mate VI
Edu Manzano’s decision to run as vice president of Gilbert Teodoro surprised the Puwersa ng Masang Pilipino. In fact, Joseph Estrada was so shocked, he uttered his initial reaction in flawless English.

Briefly Noted
ABS-CBN talent Edu Manzano, boyfriend of ABS-CBN news presenter Pinky Webb is the running mate of the ruling party’s presidential bet Gilbert Teodoro. Sen. Loren Legarda, former ABS-CBN news presenter is set to declare her alliance with Nacionalista Party’s Manuel Villar Jr. whose No. 1 supporter is another ABS-CBN talent Willie Revillame. Of course, there’s the tandem of Liberal Party’s Noynoy Aquino, brother of prized ABS-CBN talent Kris Aquino, and Mar Roxas, husband of ABS-CBN chief correspondent Korina Sanchez. And don’t forget Joseph Estrada, father-in-law of a Lopez scion, Beaver. It’s ABS-CBN vs. ABS-CBN vs. ABS-CBN vs. ABS-CBN in 2010. This just in! The Commission on Elections has just declared the network an election hot spot.

Light Bites
Q: Why is Lakas-Kampi-CMD considered an environment-friendly party?
A: Because in choosing its vice presidential bet, it went from Puno to Papaya

In Other News… Clinton in Manila
Authorities went on high alert during the two-day Manila visit of US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Security was so tight police thought they were at the wedding of Mar and Korina.

Comelec vs. “Ang Ladlad”
Citing passages from the Bible and the Koran, the Commission on Elections’ Second Division dismissed the petition for accreditation in the party list elections of ‘Ang Ladlad’ – an organization promoting the rights and welfare of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgender, saying the group “tolerates immorality.” To know more about the decision, the Comelec’s pastoral letter will be read in tomorrow’s Sunday mass.

Losses
Pilipinas Shell claims it has lost 81 million pesos in six days because of the oil price freeze… something that pales in comparison to the experience of the government itself: on Day 1 of Angelo Reyes’ appointment, the government lost him to the oil companies.
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Survey Says
Lakas-Kampi-CMD allies are defecting to the Liberal Party and the Nacionalista Party. Your take:
-Bravo! Matatalino! ‘Yan ang tamang hakbang tungo sa pagbabago!: 6%
-Ang kakapal ng mukha! Mga balimbing! Mga oportunista! :75%
-Wala akong pakialam. :19%

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